#so gotta set up classes for that
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blessings roll call! add on in the tags if you so wish <3
#new (to me) car! huge answer to prayer!#was lowkey so stressed about car issues I was actively losing sleep over it.#having a reliable comfy and relatively cheap car now is such a blessing#dad very generously emptied his CDs out of the cool 30-yr-old compact holder I've been coveting for years and gave it to me#so now I get to party like it's 2007 driving around with my CDs expertly contained and catalogued#got accepted into the OTA program I was applying for all through the summer!#so gotta set up classes for that#more good school news is I've already done all the the co-reqs for next semester's OTA classes#meaning I only have 2 classes + choir which I'll do for fun and thus can work more hours and also have time for an actual life#looking forward to a more restful semester#time with family and friends has been so precious lately#even though it's been scarce it's been lovely and joyful when it happens#looking forward to the holidays actually for the first time in years!#usually they're dreaded because of family drama but I think I can manage to find joy anyway#and also choose to spend less time or no time in or around the drama#looking forward to break. three more weeks of classes and then freedom for five glorious weeks.#looking forward to Advent especially!#also made soup today and it's so good#thankful for a good job and for getting along with my coworkers#and immensely thankful for books especially audiobooks without which I would not have survived this year#and for the Gospel of John. it's holding me together rn. struggling through some faith questions and some anger towards God#the last few months#but as long as I can stay in scripture...it still seems worth it.#blessings
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Never gonna be over how unutterably pathetic and in dire need of ANY kind of companionship or friendship that doesn't revolve around their band the entirety of dethklok are. I love these horrible idiots who are so devoid of any real connections outside of themselves that they will latch onto anyone unfortunate enough to get too close to any one of them! And GOD help anyone they latch onto!!
#jay talkin#metalocalypse#im thinking about the doubles episode where they just seem genuinely happy to have 'friends'#who arent like. industry people. these men are so starved of any kind of connection#and it takes them four seasons a rock opera and a movie to realise they can find that in each other lmao#also thinking about how quickly any of them bond and become really intense abt anyone in their life#aka: NATHAN TOWARDS ABIGAIL. oh dear poor abigail oh dear#but also toki to damn near anyone and this goes for the entire band tbh as well they all do this at least once#and yeah its mainly cuz 10min eps mean u gotta progress stuff fast#but also holy shit. charles these boys want friends so bad u gotta set em up on playdates or smth#maybe it'd get some of their dumb stupid idiot energy out and they'd be better behaved. well. no they wldnt but... u can dream#i do think theres smth to be said that yeah all of dethklok are cool theyre metal superstars they r good at what they do#theyre also fucking prophesised saviours too and theyre also incredibly dangerous idiots and terrible ppl#but never forget that they are also. so so SO pathetic and isolated and dysfunctional#these men have not lived in the real world in decades and are disconnected and unsocial and spoilt and u can see that this does impact#the way they interact w the world! they need like. anything other than the band in their lives hah. they do need to pal around#im glad they find that in each other eventually!!#i dont want 2 sound like im babying them or infantilising them these r grown asshole idiot men but like. listen these shitheards r lonelyyy#everyone in their lives is like. assigned to be there and is set as beneath them in a class and workbased system#they dont rlly have ppl who r just there cuz they like em. outside of fans. and fans arent rlly a real connection yknow#their only connections come via work networking sex and violence and worship baby!!!! its fucked up!
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Me because I just finished the demon school anime
#time to read the manga#I gotta get caught up waaaaa#kadescorners I actually lied to you…. when I said Corey was in misfit first year class I meant where I was in the anime but#I know iruma is a second year in the manga but I forgot and just went with what you said 😭😭#Corey has 2 sets of lore now….#I had to confess guys I’m so sorry#welcome to demon school iruma kun#wtdsik
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#starting to feel Real Anxious about my final assignments im so fucking stupidjfkddi#naurr cuz i feel it it my stomach this is NOT looking good i dont know how im gonna make everything but i just know that i gotta find a way#djdkdkdj this is NOT LOOKING GOOD I REPEAT I THINK im gonna get into an anxious episode which means im gonna feel like im about to have a#heart attack during the entire time im awake and im not gonna be able to sleep bc of it#nxnxxjdj this is great!!! and tem what's funnier is that i set myself up cuz i HAD time i HAD TIME i just didn't have the will#whats tem omg but anyways i feeeel it i feel it im gonna start feeling so bad tomorrow#ughim so fuckiggndn stupid#need to write an 8 page internship report due Thursday#a two page final assignment for history class due Wednesday#a group thingie due friday... i dont know if im gonna have the brains to write all of this during three days cuz tomorrow i wont have time#i have classes during the afternoon and night and i need to make a presentation for this other final assignment due tomorrow night so the#morning is gonna be about doing that lmfao im so cooked cuz i dont really have an easy time writing i hate writing specially academically s#like i hope i die i hope i get ran over or something#jfkskd came back to jot down that i also have a portfolio to turn in on friday lmfaooo
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i hate my uni sm lol i dont want to be heeeeere let me out let me out
#motherfucking dance classes. we have the exam in two weeks and the choreography's not ready.#we gotta meet up in our own free time without the professor and practise on our own and try out if something works or doesnt. on. our. own.#bitch like what are you getting paid for lol#i hate it here so much i didnt come here to dance#and i leave every rehearsal on the verge of a panic attack and with red welts down my arms from scratching myself to calm tf down lol#(ask me again why i became obsessed with the white haired beautiful princess with a disorder in record time lol I GET HIM)#its fucking mental torture to me lol#anyway now im getting passive aggressive comments in the groupchat because they suddenly decided that we need to meet#for another rehearsal. today in two hours. like bitch????? sorry that i have earlier plans??????#i gently suggested that we should try to set the rehearsal plans earlier#and i even put a sad emoji at the end to show that im not trying to be a bitch lol#and now a girl im like actually friends with goes all 'thank you for your input jagoda im waiting for you to suggest something better' like#girl?????????? lol#but like it's whatever. apologised immediately ofc like why bother#anyway BASTA
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putting kasane teto into my computer science homework because literally nobody will stop me<3
#THE HOMEWORK ITSELF IS LITERALLY A JOKE TO BEGIN WITH#like. my compsci class is 7 people and 5 of us(including the teacher)are yappers. we cant shut up ever#so as a joke our teacher was like “i need a button that when i press it an audio file plays saying tangent detected or something”#and after like. a lesson of thinking about it. we as a class came to the conclusion that it was actually a good and funny idea#so our teacher set it as homework to make it in c sharp since thats what we gotta learn for the course#we were kinda joking like “oh whos the cheapest minor celebrity i can get off cameo” but im dead set on teto so#synthv lite beloved i guess
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#so#school is starting back and im re-taking a math class i dropped some years ago#the instructors name i didnt quite recall but it seemed familiar. and there was an anxiety attatched to it#but sure enough its one of those Shit instructors that conducts their class in what i feel is an unfair manner#basically: all assignment are set up to where you must get a minimum score for it to even be considered complete#iirc you gotta get a 80 or a you'll get a zero#if you fail to get an 80 you have the do the entire assignment over again#i remember this being VERY destructive to my mental health 2 years ago and ive only just began repairing it now so im like hmmmm#and ofc its a required class 🙄 going to talk to my advisors and see what my options are#cuz as of now ya girl is kinda grumpy B(
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we have a guest speaker in math class to talk to us about coping w stress as if this class isn’t the reason i felt like shitting myself this morning😭😭
#chant 𖦹 d’oiseau#‘what r things that stress u?’ THIS FUCKING CLASS THIS CLASS BRUH LET ME OUT OF HERE#I WANNA CRY CZ I GOTTA DO A STUPID FUCKING ONE ON ONE TALK WITH MY MATH TEACHER AFTER THIS SHIT AND SHE’S GONNA TEST ME ON SHIT#on the fuxking spot too. it’s like girl is it not enough that i finished ur fucking stupid assignment that made no sense#there’s literally videos there of me doing each fucking question too and i explain it while doing it#teachers who are like ‘i don’t wanna stress u guys’ then continue to fucking stress u the fuck out should burn i hare them#i js wanna watch the brazil vs switerland match#football is unfortunately my current hf if that’s not obvious and within the past week i’ve memorized most leagues and the teams within them#most players in these leagues. at least the notable ones. and it’s encouraged me to get back into football because growing up i really had —#— a talent for it but then my mental health came in and ruined everything#i was too anxious to do shit anymore so that’s such an L tbh but this isn’t meant to be depressing vent or anything i js wanna say i love fb#ive watched the wc and fb like since the day i popped out of the womb and i rmb the first wc i could rmb#i cheered for argentina so hard but got so upset when they were knocked out by brazil. now i’m cheering for brazil (argentina on the side)#so i feel like a trader to my younger self😭 little me would surely NOT appreciate me cheering for brazil#sk vs ghana was crazy cz i didn’t expect sk to comeback like that in the second half but it’s sad they didn’t tie. good game nonetheless#i’m so mad at team canada ngl cz we had good players but our defense was invisible😭 it doesn’t matter how good our midfielders or strikers r#as long as our def is shitty our team is shitty😭 that’s like building a house on poor foundation#it won’t last long and it’ll cause problems😭 davies goal was such a W and we have so many players from great clubs but i feel like—#— wasted them. i could go on and on and on and on about football#different teams. leagues. who fucked up by doing what😭 speaking of which… mexico’s fuckinf coach set them up idc#i rlly wanted to see lainez play. he’s a fucking game changer but mexico’s coach was like ‘how do i set us up…’ 😭#mexico was robbed by their own coach.. canada was robbed in the canada vs belgium match jts crazy 😭😭😭
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#sometimes u just gotta have a cringe fail weekend. is what i tell myself bc i let the fact that i forgot to check my new#email completely obliterate me. also i haven't been sleeping enough. also just the normal thoughts in my head#by which i mean the part of my brain that demands consequences for inattention by means of suffering. devine punishment.#which is irrational and annoying but knowing that doesnt seem to help. so ive just been laying here in the hopes i come unspooled and start#to disintegrate. which is annoying bc ive got stuff to do#specifically bc i am supposed to b a TA this semester. which is what i figured but also feared#so. thats gonna b a lot. tho not as much as my old school bc they dont make TAs do literally everything here apparently#but. itll b a lot. and also i have to finish signing up for classes. bc i didnt do that back in April by my brain was melting. also i have#to keep doing my job and dealing with my data. ugh. well. being a TA isnt so bad. i do like to help ppl learn even if im not very good at it#like. i struggle with thr talking to ppl part. like the transition of ny thoughts to something thst makes sense#oh well. hope i end up teaching something im not too unqualified for. i could do soils. Ecology. uhhh. maybe intro bio but i never even took#university level biology. i just skipped upper level courses. that's probably it. anything else would b a lotta faking it#ugh. im tired. i should go to sleep at 9pm. thr sun hasbt even set and i should sleep#tomorrow i have to get my shit together. but also i wanna email my new professor like hey bro like what do u want me to do???#like how do i start in this lab? when do we start talking. like just not to b pushy but whats thr procedure?#i like Structure but also its like weeks until the semester starts so we got time. im just a lil nuts#jesus. its gonna b an interesting semester. hopefully fun but uh it is sorta like taking a boat out when u can see big ominous clouds#like im sure ill b fine but also i might get dumped over into a watery grave. i just. i have a lot of papers to write#and its gonna b hard to b a student on top of that. partly bc what im gonna b doing now is almost completely unrelated#which is probably y ppl stick to the same track they stsrt on. that awkward moment when ppl ask u if ur gonna keep working with bi0crust#and ur like uhhhh no fuck that actually the work ive done in the past 4 years makes me hate myself✌️#so we r back at square 1. well not 1 bc its sorta related but its a pretty big reset#itll b fine once things start. its just thr anticipation that kills me#unrelated
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socializing can be fun sometimes but it has never stopped being stressful JEHKSBSJSJS
#rox rumblings#me things#i'm okay dw!!! also smoochins you're fine i'm enjoying myself#like i've said before i get drained really quickly so prolonged conversation is hard-#but it's something i HAVE to get used to#i do be feeling like someone knocked the wind outta my sales tho#in unrelated news: i took the tests required to get an age waiver for the ged and passed#you need a 245 in reading and a 234 in math; i got a 263 (the max) in reading and 245 in math#so! should be taking my ged tests soon once that is processed...#and then i have to learn how to drive so i gotta set that stuff up#i have a bigass manual to read and take notes on plus i need 15-30 hours in class time i think#< it's hard to tell bc of the fact that i'm a teen still and i'm not sure if i'd need a graduated liscense first or what#applied to a few affordable housing places too#waiting on some calls back for that one.. i have more places to apply to still#a lot is happening at once but. yeah.#doing my best
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some quick facts about pat in the runaway verse because it’s one of my faves:
she moves in with her brother matteo initially, taking advantage of the fact that it’s not common knowledge that they’re siblings so no one comes looking for her there. in her canon that’s new york, but that can obviously be changed for plot convenience. she has enough money to go much farther and it crosses her mind to do so, but she needed some familial support.
cuts her hair short, hates it with a passion for the first couple of months before she gets used to it.
is overall having a big existential crisis, which is to be expected after losing her job, her family, her friends, her home, and all her purpose in life basically.
has a ragdoll cat named patrick.
does a few gigs as a pianist at fancy bars and restaurants, not because she needs the money, but because she needed a distraction and performing makes her happy.
eventually she misses the life of crime and gets in touch with a former associate in new york, who’s happy to have her as arm candy at parties and events. this helps her meet new criminals and slowly build herself a new network.
the prize on her head in mexico is ten million dollars ( too little in her opinion ), so she’s careful about her identity and lives under a fake name: sofia brancato.
#𝐡𝐜 . ❛ el estudio del carácter. ❜#𝐯. 𝟎𝟒 . ❛ la fugitiva. ❜#i reallyyy gotta get my verses page set up#but classes are starting soon and i'll be busy so idk when that'll happen
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i literally just want to get into graduate schooolllllllll
#AHHHHHHH#i hate neuro as much as i love it like#*shakes fist at the sky*#NEUROBIOLOGY WHY MUST YOU BE SO HARD#there are people who have 3.4s in this major and im like here with a 3.1 sobbing and crying over my inferiority 😭#granted this guy who has a 3.4 also got fired from his research lab for his shit personality and also like#lost data sets and tried to fabricate it which is literally illegal so#he was fired for good reason#but damn. he's a bastard but his GPA is higher than mine#gonna go to my neuro prof like homie how do i get in like who's arse do i gotta suck up tooo#there are profs who went to schools like emory and unc and im like 😭🔫#how to be that smart holy shit#I WANT TO BE IN#okay that's all anyway#gonna try to shoot for some As next semester since i just got Bs#i want As in a 4000 level statistics class and my other neuro lab so#wish me luck <33#OH AND SPANISH OF COURSE bc i alr speak it so
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my students who are struggling in my math class are also the ones struggling with not just media literacy but literacy in general
considering the material you were given, what questions are being asked about the material, and how you might approach the material to justify reaching a particular conclusion are all steps in solving math problems AND in being critical of media
maybe, as adults, we could finally stop pitting school subjects against each other, and instead recognize that the devaluation of any one subject ultimately serves as justification for underfunding or eliminating public education as a whole?
Having media literacy is more important than being good at math prove me wrong
#teaching#school#hating math or science or language arts is CHILDISH#in school we're asking our different subject colleagues for advice on how to integrate their material into our lessons so that#we see physics and chemistry and close reading and evidence based writing and art in our geometry class!!!#...when we have the time. which we often don't bc even admin INSISTS on siloing our subjects so we often have very little idea of what#is going on in other classrooms#10th grade LA is doing 'the american dream' and talking about Ellis Island and Childish Gambino's 'This is America' and Walt Whitman#this could be backed up by talking about immigration statistics!! and having a numeric understanding of just how many people#immigrated via Ellis Island and in other ways other time and even changing local demographics; an understanding of economics#would also be beneficial for those students bc their unit project is to craft a work expressing their 'american dream'#and we're in a school fighting just to hit an 80% graduation rate!!#but the only reason I know what is happening in that class is from 'gossiping' with that teacher in the copy room#these are kids who consider gambling on dice to be a legitimate source of income. like a long term career plan. gambling.#the media literacy IS equally important bc these kids are falling for every lie their favorite influencers tell them!#'this guy is rich he got three lambos I just gotta do what he do and I'm set' but has he ever posted a pic of all three together? '...no'#BC THEY'RE RENTED. I keep pointing out the lies to these kids but they still think an arm length spread of 20s is big money#when that spread is less than a weeks worth of groceries or a monthly power bill#idt
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octavia butler GOOD
#havent read anything of hers since college but i just read patternmaster in 1 sitting and goddamn. that was so much fun#very good very fun#love the worldbuilding as ever#love how quick the stakes are set up#love how we're given just the barest explanation for ages and it SUFFICES and i figured it was all we'd get#and was satisfied with it. and then surprise! little tidbit more as a treat <3#hoping that in the others in this series there will be more lore... as i understand it they're all set before this one so like#i expect so?#ALSO like. as ever she's doing fun things with relationships & sexuality & gender#the only bit of reproductive stuff (at least that i noticed on first read) was the incest and that was surprisingly sparse#like. turns up in the first few pages and then literally never comes up again except in passing references#also REALLY interested in the mutes#delighted by amber. would need to reread and focus more strongly on her#i want to study this book.........#pretty sure we did not read this one in my class at college#we read like. bloodchild and speech sounds#and parable of the sower & parable of the talents#and kindred! and fledgling!#and . what was the one where they were on like a spaceship...#[googles] liliths brood!!!#i dont remember terribly much of liliths brood.. its mostly impressions#i'm actually not sure we read further than dawn...? i Think we did but im not positive#i do know i did more skimming than i wouldve liked and did not re-read any of them#there was a lot to get through in just 1 quarter yknow#and this was all uhh. [checks notes] like 8 years ago#might do some rereading but i gotta read the other pattern books first
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hey i saw your tags!! they make clear vertical holders to showcase both sides of an image!! this ones on amazon listed as a "Azar 152726 4-Inch by 6-Inch Vertical Double-Sided Stand Up Sign Holder, 10 Count" which is SUCH a long name but lajfadfa i immediately thought of these and got excited about your dp keychains note lmao <3
Oh my god, thank you! I didn’t even consider this before! I’ll look into getting one then!
#I’m currently on crunch time with classes so I might not order one immediately but I really gotta get one when I can#I think if/when I get it I’ll share a picture of the set up I end up making with it
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This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.
I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.
(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)
Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.
And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.
I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.
And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.
But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.
But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.
And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.
So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.
And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.
But what if I hadn't known how to do that?
What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?
What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?
My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.
And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?
How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?
I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.
I think I'm gonna frame it.*
(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)
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