#so glad my mom doesnt work there anymore

[sketchehm]

Mom still has friends working at united healthcare(nurses) and she was just told that they canceled the Christmas lunch the company provides because of the death and everyone is like....what the fuck why

"They need to save money"

My mom cackled and told them to get out of there stat

[hungee-boy]

pretty fucked up that i realized literally today that im the one that does the most while also being the only unmedicated person in the house

like damn rest of yall on pain management and antidepressants cant help me with the godamn dishes??????

[pumpkinsy0]

Since I was just in the ER (im good now LMAO) why not some hcs of Pony ending up in the ER somehow?

im sorry im replying to this late it was my moms bday yesterday, but omg???? im glad ur ok and ur having a good day or somethin😭😭

ANYWAYS fuck it, ill talk about pony w asthma bc thats a hc i actually love and IIIII have asthma so its like y not

•he dont take it seriously, like at all, he never did, he ki still smokes, still forgets to take his pump w him, hes asking for trouble

•and when hes wheezing, hes just ignores it, and thats exactly what landed him in the er, he was at track, didnt bring his pump to school that day, and had a pretty bad asthma attack n now hes here

•he quite honestly couldnt remember what happened between him being in the ground on the track field to waking up in the hospital bed, all he knows is darry and soda is right there

•pony wants to go HOME!!! hell he aint even wanna b there in the first place, he could b getting put in a coffin and he still will deny that hes sick

•that and he also worries about the money, yes darrys job has insurance which somewhat covers the bill, but still, hes a worried at heart, but darrys telling him to stop thinking about that, thats his job

•i just know darrys scolding pony, yea theres a time n place for it, but pony, my brotha, u coulda died over something so preventable, stop livin life like ur lungs aint fucked over

•soda didnt find out till later, they called darry first n then darry called soda, he told him ponys gonna b fine and that he could stay at work, but soda didnt care he wants to see him NOW☝🏽and he ended up goin hom early

•pony hates being fussed over, he doesnt want anyone in the gang knowing, but we all know thats bot happening for long, pony doesnt have to stay in the hospital for that long, like a couple hours, but when he gets home, here the rest of the gang go��🙄

•they aint takin it that seriously at first glance either, ponys getting teased for having that asthma attack, but they were genuinely worried for a bit

•i promise u pony has his pump all the time after that one, hes not taking anymore chances

[singing-melliot-headcanons]

muyawoooooo :3 meeowwww riauuuu :33

does anyone like taopp warriors ? :p genq !!! dont wanna spam hehehe -w-

but!!!

rowan and maya relationship!!!!!! everyone wants to hear warrior cats ! astor siblings relationship righr (crickets)

sooooo - rowan isnt SUPPERRRR angsty and angry when maya is born. maya is a lot lighter tabby. shes also noticeably smaller than rowan (but he’s a pretty BIGGGG guy :p) instead of being vry dark and almost a black cat like rowan - shes more brownish gray where rowan is black and brown. she has white paws and tail tip !! but the same bright amber eyes as rowan !

btw forgot to say this. rowan has a snaggletooth. :p

rowan didnr want to be involved with mayas life at ALL until OH MY GOD ROWAN IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE YOUNGER SIBLING its okay rhis is an au it works better like this. anywayz :p he doesnt get involved until maya goes up to him like “HAIII :3 UR A RLLY BIG CAT WANNA PLAY :DD ??” and it makes him do a double take like wat ?!! she’s nice,,, and realizes shes pretty cool and starts to regularly play w her !! and yhats how they get their sibling relationship :p (bonus points king astor does NOT want rowan talking to maya but cant do anything about it)

due to their close relationship rowan actually is assigned maya as his apprentice! much to the DISMAY of king astor >:( he cant do nuthin about it tho sooo :pp but this makes them closer and during this time is when rowan tells maya they’re actually half siblings :3 !

when rowan tells maya abt his mom she doesnt rlly believe him… she thinks highly of her dad!!!! she questions him and he frames it as if it was necessary yk :/ “rogue invading territory bad!!! she wouldnt leave and clan comes first >:((“

^^ this creates a strain on their relationship !!

fast forward >> to uhmmmm rowans first murder attempt and maya is vry hurt abt it - and rowan seems… glad hes exiled??? like he doesnt care hes leaving her or any of his friends!!! and the rest of the clan HATES him. plus befriending maddox and falling in love w them she realizes how much driving maddox out of clan territory has affected their life . it makes her start to dislike him more and more. but she does miss him a good amount :<

when he joins another clan shes a little baffled - he joined another clan and is acting SOO arrogant and WHO is this guy?! >:( he joined the clans again and doesn’t really even glance at her at gatherings !!! much less ask about maddox who he made everyone DRIVE OUT !! the first time they actually get to talk is when louis arranges it - and it’s about talking about taking down the king… maya doesn’t really recognize this rowan who’s so obsessed w killing the king!!!!

WOWOOWWWWW im sayin a lot!!! let me say rowans side and ill wrap this ramble off hehe -w-

rowan on the other hand was spiteful when maya took their fathers words over his when he talked about his mom to her >:/ she seems to listen to king astor more and more each day and he HATESSS it. by the time shes a warrior their relationship is a lot more strained bc of him… her dating jason? his dads doing !! she does a LOT bc of her dad and rowan starts seeing her as some1 jst following his every word again. he doesn’t seem to think of her when planning to kill his dad

when he comes back to the clans he sees that she hasnt rlly changed :/ so he doesn’t bother w her. he doesn’t feel that attached to maya anymore , why should he care if she dies?? he seems shockingly fine w killing her as a precaution - he barely recognizes maya either, shes lying too much to listen to their father (he starts to more when she tells him she loves maddox instead of jason and is willing to fake her death to be with them…)

dont worry anon I love taopp warriors

[tonberry-yoda]

OMG HIII its saya helicopter anon!

heres another request for crocdad i hope this will be fun for you to write

What if we have caiman as a teen

Who is now shy to express his love like other teens unlike before :')

AYO BRING IN THE SCENARIO

✨kabooms✨

Reader is sad and is experiencing burn out so croc silently tries to comfort her, he is facing the open door from their bedroom and y/n is facing the other side and they are just hugging in silence standing

Awkward teen caiman walks past and sees the whole thing and is concerned for his mom but doesnt know how to help and he was about to sneak away to give them moment, he accidentally held eye contact with his dad

They doing the eyebrow and eye communication yu kno

Croc asks him to stay and comfort his mother andden

Caiman says hell no i can't, ill help you later and was about to walk away when croc goes "CAIMAN?"

Bro dashed away to reply to appear like he wasnt there and was chilling in his room

"YEAH?!"

"GET ME A GLASS OF WATER"

And boom from there croc silently guides caiman to act like a gentleman silently and guides him to comfort y/n

Like get her flowers, hug her, cook her something or something

What a gentlemanman :')

Again, you can take 1% of this idea, maybe it sparked smth or not take this request at all

HAVE A NICE DAYYYY

Just know that Im proud of yu ✨ :)

-🚁

Croc as a Father - Part 8

notes - I AM SO HAPPY THAT I KEEP GETTING THESE! I really love this series and I am so glad that a lot of people really love it too! Helicopter anon, thank you for the amazing idea! I am really glad I am here to write it for you <3 Have a super day and stay hydrated! EDIT: I just finished the fic and this has to be my best one yet! I really need to keep writing this series it is too damn fun! word count - 774 tags - @bari-saxxy

Caiman grew up to be a handsome young man. Dark hair just like his father and eyes just like his mother. But growing up made him harsher too. His goal was to become a warlord, like his father had formally been, so he toughened up a bit. He was tall and skinny, unlike his father, but he dressed just about the same and even slicked back his hair. Rings covered his fingers and through teenage rebellion, he even started smoking cigarettes.

He was a bit more to himself - his only real friend being the bananagator you and your husband had given him for his birthday so many years ago - but he didn't mind because in the end, he was working now and he would always be working to get his goal, no matter what.

None of the changes of your sweet boy bothered you - though you wish he wouldn't smoke in the house so much. But he definitely was his father's son, that was for sure.

What was bothering you, however, was the burnout you had been experiencing lately. Work had really taken a turn for the worse as you and Croc got older and both of you could barely keep up, especially since you were wanted by the Marines. Running and running without a break, you could barely see how your son was doing anymore.

Finally, you had enough.

"Crocodile, I don't want to live like this anymore." you cried, hiccupping on your own tears. You sat on your bed with your face buried in your hands while Crocodile sat on a chair in front of you.

"Darling," he placed his hand on your back and rubbed in circles. "I know you don't. And I don't either, but right now, we don't have a choice."

Caiman was walking past the door to get some breakfast when he heard your sobs coming from the room. He stopped at the door and peeked in. He didn't know what to do. The old Caiman would've immediately ran to your side, but something in him couldn't do that anymore. So he just watched, trying to hide that he was slightly tearing up from hearing you cry. Now that he thought about it, he had never really seen you cry before.

While Crocodile was comforting you, he looked up and made direct eye contact with Caiman, who jumped back a bit. Croc signaled with his eyes for Caiman to come in, but he shook his head.

Before the boy could dash away, Crocodile shouted, "Hey Caiman?!" And smirked.

Caiman ran off and from the other room yelled back, "Yeah?!"

"Could you bring me a glass of cold water please?!"

Caiman groaned under his breath, but reluctantly called back, "Yeah!"

A few minutes later, Caiman came in with a nice glass of cold water and Crocodile pulled up a chair for him. He handed you the water and you thanked him, sniffling.

As you were taking a couple of sips, Crocodile leaned down to Caiman's ear and whispered, "I'm going to clean your mother's work-space so she doesn't feel overloaded. Comfort her, okay?"

"But I don't know how to do that!" he whispered back.

"Make her something to eat. Ask her how she is. You know exactly what to do, Caiman, but you're just too scared to do it. Nothing makes a warlord like a gentleman, okay?"

Caiman just nodded and watched his father walk out of the room. He took a deep breath and ran his hands down his face.

You looked over at your son and went to apologize for crying, but he stopped you.

"What's wrong, mom?" he asked, wrapping a blanket over your shoulders.

"Just a lot going on," you chuckled, wiping your own tears. "Being out on the seas isn't easy."

"Yeah, I know." he laughed.

"Are you sure you're prepared to live like this?" you asked.

"Of course I am. And I am more than willing to help, mom. I don't want you or dad to be stressed out. Just let me know if you need anything. I can't become a warlord without you guys. We're family. I need you."

You teared up. Your son had grown up to be so beautiful.

"Thank you, Caiman." you said, pulling him into your arms.

"Do you want something to eat?" he asked, standing up.

"That sounds wonderful, baby."

He pressed a kiss to your forehead and told you that he loved you all while his father watched with a proud smile through the crack of the door.

You both raised an amazing young man who was bound to do great things, you just knew it.

~~~~~

papa croc masterlist | pinned post

2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

im not gonna go into too much detail since its my business that doesnt need to aired out in the open

but this weekend was absolutely worst case scenario. i was no contact with my father for 3 years before he contacted us shortly after my mom's cancer surgery and because me and my sibling were both so vulnerable we decided to give it one last chance.

I made a mistaking thinking things would be different, he has his fair share of trauma and one of the first things he said to us on the phone a few months ago that no matter what he loves us and supports us with 'living our lives they way we want' and that was not the case at all

he brought his new wife and step daughter with him ( i realize now that he guilt tripped me into letting them come even when i said it should just be us) and i'm pretty sure they have NO idea about our baggage

he just acted like nothing had happened the past 3 years. we didnt have a conversation lasting more than a minute at a time. his new normal family didnt even talk to us or try to get to know us, i still dont even know what his wife's job is or his step daughter's college major is

they made me cry on the ferry to seattle yesterday, trying to convince me and brother to just get odd jobs or find work online rather than go through with disability benefits and at that point i just mentally clocked out. once we were out of the car in seattle i decided to stay at a near by cafe so they could go to tourist-y stuff (i do not do good in big crowds) and i just ended up ubering to the ferry terminal and went home on my own. And i have not talked to them since, he know i was upset and feeling sick and didn't even send me a text asking how he was doing. instead he dropped my sibling back home in the afternoon, didn't even take him out to eat, and then sent us pictures of the drinks he got at this local cider place that me and griffin were dying to try out. he was 20 minutes away and went out with his new family and took pictures to shows. i repeat. he was 20 minutes away from my house.

so i cut my losses and ended up writing a long ass letter last night. i wasnt mean, calling him a horrible person or calling him names. just how i felt so utterly unimportant to him and had no idea why he even reached out to us again, i told him i felt like he played a horrible cruel joke on me and brother

and thats that i guess. i was absolutely appalled by his step daughter and wife. I have never met such a group of entitled people before, the two of them are 1st gen ukrainian immigrants. They were absolutely disgusted that there were public needle disposal stations and pro-palestinian signage in the area. I cannot believe that they experienced the horror and pain of the current on-going conflict of their home on such a personal level yet roll their eyes at the current genocide happening in gaza. 'im glad the college protesting fad isn't popular on tiktok anymore' 'no one talks about ukraine anymore because of this' like. absolutely abhorrent.

so yippee i guess i have my final closure!!!!! theres no more second chances (this was like, the 10th chance at this point the past 20 years lol)

ok i realize i went into Too much detail but i feel better posting this thank god

[mazzystargirl]

ok living up to pinned post w some true confessions/dark secrets… so basically after i tried to kms in 2021 fall and went to the hospital i entered a really intense slut era and like started impulsively spending money and stuff too and i didnt have a job so i was like oh omg having a sugar daddy would work out really well for me and also i wanted to do things that would be like damaging or whatever idk why i did it rly. but anyway i engaged in some sugar baby behaviors. and then that winter break i went home from school and met up w some of my friends who ive known since i was a kid. now i have to give a little bit of context here cuz its important. so i have these 3 friends, one of whom ive known since i was 3 years old (N) and the other two since i was like 7 (S and J). and we all live in a very tight knit neighborhood/cultural community where mostly everyone knows everyone. and so my 3 friends parents know my parents. i guess you can see where this is going… but anyway i told them i had a sugar daddy or like it came up in conversation idk. and that was that. then literally the following AUGUSTTTT my mom comes to me and is like oh so some people in the neighborhood have been saying that you’ve been engaging in risky behaviors with older men and that youve been meeting them in hotels. so obviously i denied it very emphatically and tried to pry out who tf she heard that from and honestly i was like what like who could have even spread that and she said J’s mom told her and was lowkey rly cagey about it bc she didnt want to “break her daughter’s trust” and had asked other aunties about the situation like wtfff… and then i remembered i had mentioned to them over winter break so she must have fucking told her mommmm. i decided to assume best intent and chose to believe she was worried abt me and thats why she told her mom so i messaged her like hi did u tell ur mom abt this and i appreciate ur concern but i would have appreciated it if maybe u came to me directly and checked on me it would have been better and u lowkey hurt my feelings cuz now im stressed and anxious and don’t know whos saying what abt me etc etc. and then…

she fucking LIEDDDDD she said she didnt say anything to her mom AND that her mom didnt say anything to my mom!?? which i know is fucking bullshitttt 😭 like it makes 0 sense like if no one said anything is my mom just pulling shit out of the air and if she was how would she land straight on the money like that it just doesnt add up. so i was like um ok ?? uh have a good day. and decided to let it go and i lowkey don’t speak to her anymore and i told N and S that im not speaking to her but they can hang out w her if they want. and i forgot abt it.

but now i just moved back home after finishing school and its lowkey been eating away at me. it hurts me that she was my friend for 13 years and its all up in flames and i never got any closure or an apology or even her to admit or acknowledge the situation?? it hurts me to be at home worried abt what people are saying or thinking about me. i know i shouldnt care but what other people think of me bothers me. im not ashamed of myself and my choices but i don’t want other people to think less of me. i don’t want to reach out to her bc what if she doesn’t care at all about the situation ??? i don’t want to be like this has been eating at me forever and it really hurt me and her to be like what r u talking about i don’t think about you at all. she also just got into med school and im happy for her for real like glad shes doing well its just like. she hurt my feelings really bad :(

anyway if you read this far… what should i do 🥲 is the only path forward trying to let go�� tbh i think i just need someone to validate my feelings like am i right to be hurt or is it all my fault and should i beg for forgiveness 😭 like my friend N got coffee w her a couple weeks ago and brought it up to me twice what does that even meannnn

[nondienary]

i saw this post sharing designs of the infinights in GL2 and it inspired me to share my own! enjoy (i guess)

and obligatory spoilery rambling warning because character design makes me so happy

starting off strong with kyborg!

details i enjoy- his blue hairties and gold ear cuff are inspired by the ones he has in the picture on the home page of the stinky dragon wiki. im especially happy with the ear cuff because it turned out way better than i expected.

i also really like the arm (and yes i know he doesnt have the diagem in it anymore but it needed some pizazz! said pizazz made me temporarily hate myself because it used up his 4th face accessory slot but i don't even remember what other face accessory i wanted for him anymore :P)

also his boots. idk why but i like them

his hair!! i went through a bunch of styles and chose this one and i'm glad i did because this is a pretty accurate representation of how i imagine his hair, including the color! his mom was a redhead so ya boi is a strawberry blond (ish)

details i do NOT enjoy- the fact that gl2 doesnt have a hip quiver :( because i had to add the quiver to his back but that took up his second cape slot so he couldnt have his cloak of many fashions. and also even if i could give it to him w the back quiver i would still want a hip quiver because i imagine him with a hip quiver! because you can't do somersaults barrel rolls with a quiver on your back!

anyway

i probably should have made these separate posts but oh well you signed up for rambling and rambling is what you get!

next up: mudd!

loml

details i enjoy: his cloak, i spent ages on it because i was overthinking what to do with his cloak of billowing vs his cloak of the secret garden (?) but i'm very happy with what i settled on

the detail in the undercut drove me crazy because again, characters are limited to 4 cace accessory and i was using one for the runes in the undercut. which i obviously changed but that brought me so much pain and misery /lh

im so happy with how his face, especially his eyes turned out because again, i struggled with them for some time. but now his face is SO perfect. except the lack of sideburns.. maybe something with the side hairs? i keep forgetting that's an option in this game

the little daisy earring. spur of the moment addition, so glad i did it.

details i do NOT enjoy: his outfit :( for all the others i knew what i was going for but with mudd i had no clue other than the cloak. it's based off his puppet outfit because i legitimately couldn't think of what he'd wear. i like the shoes and choice of belt but between this and the sideburns mudd is definitely next in line for a redesign

ok someone who was just redesigned is gum gum!

details i enjoy: his face. that is such a gum gum face. wish i couldve added bigger tusks though. and the lil smudge of dirt on his cheek!!!

silly almost easter egg i added is that each of the colors of the rainbow is in his design at least once because dia's whole thing is rainbows and light and stuff. at first i just had it in the accessories and his whole outfit was blue pretty much but i looked at bart after completing all the accessories and i was like GODDAMMIT he has all the colors. and it's actually incorporated into the outfit AND it looks really good.

the fact that vee and i both designed his hat nearly exactly the same completely independently of each other is so epic.

i originally came up with the shoulder flower while working on mudd but i was like "oh wait gum gum's the flowers guy mudd's the animals guy." and gave it to him instead. and i'm very glad i did it fills in that space in the cloak very well.

speaking of the cloak, i very much enjoy it

things i do NOT enjoy:

honest, nothing comes to mind! maybe it's because he was the most recent to get revamped but its so wonderfully gum gum.

and last, and maybe least in stature but not in much else, bart!

things i enjoy about this design: the little thigh dagger. bart is totally the kind of man to strap a dagger to his thigh instead of just attaching the sheath to the belt like a normal person

i made him VERY visibly part dragonborn because it's honestly hilarious. because gum gum has known bart since he was a baby, he knows bart's just Like that. kyborg hadn't interacted with another person in like 30 years before he met them and mudd had probably never seen a halfling in his life, and even if he had, he wasn't just gonna have his first conversation with the guy be "i don't believe you when you say what race you are." tbh mudd's probably applies to kyborg as well. and bart assumed its just because of the different subraces of halfling. he's a stout halfling, alleve is a lightfoot halfling, no wonder she doesn't look like him!

also the hem of the pants is so fun and piratey and i love it and it's perfect.

i also gave him a crystal resembling his diagem, i haven't decided what's going on with that yet. i didn't give mudd one because no way in hell am i trying to make a ring WITH a diagem in it. how about no :3

things i do NOT enjoy: gl2 doesn't have enough curly hair options, specifically for rear hair. so bart's hair in this is not as accurate in this to my mind's eye as the others. its alright it does look good regardless

and that's all ive got in terms of commentary, please enjoy me talking about my silly little hyperfixation guys. byebye!

[selfundiagnosed]

Insane that my mom ran the most popular patrick stump archival blog on tumblr + was a full time lawyer + was raising two mentally ill kids + doing culinary arts school + having a cookie business. I think its her autism i wont lie. But now its all catching up to her and she has no energy which would be the ehlers danlos fault this time.. tried to convince her to steal her old url back but on cohost so she made an account but couldnt immediately make side blogs but boy oh boy. she would be giving the fall out boy fandom what they want and more. Shes like i cant do it again i have no idea how i did it before im like ma! its called having boundaries. Shes like i cant do that when i have a special interest its called autism. Im like right but queue posts for once a day and find 30 pictures from a photo set and boom one months worth of posting fall out boy and you can conserve your energy. But she doesnt know how to do her special interests in moderation. Im honestly just glad she went and accepted a bunch of access to her mega archive folder thingy. But shes so mad she doesnt have access to like her actual archive bc the website she used go archive everything changed their subscription plans and she has so many photos it would be like a zillion dollars she doesnt have 😭 like bogus i remember photo storing websites were so free. Take me back to 2010 for real :T Anyway she used to get so mortified when i told my friends as a teen about her blog i actually told her coworker once and her coworker somehow RETAINED the url and went home and looked at her blog and she was so upset at me 😭😭 but now like she kinda doesnt give a fuck anymore bc fall out boy was her special interest for an entire decade and she’s over it. Obviously still a big big fan but not in bandom anymore. Her new special interest is a band i introduced her to when i was 13 and its kinda cringe so i dont talk about it but she also ran an archival blog for THIS band and i told my friend at a sleepover who liked this band about her blog and they fucking FOLLOWED HER and shit bricks and my mom was MORTIFIED. But anyway yeah she doesnt gaf now if i tell people she was this blog and i even posted a tiktok about it once and people started doing detective work that would make her autistic self so proud…. Bc thats what she was good at! sleuthing stalking detective work on the band. Pete wentz privately answered several of her asks on tumblr i’ll see if she can send me the asks and their responses. But yeah she doesnt care anymore. her original url was scrubbed by tumblr and shes very angry about it bc it was an original bandom url for patrick stump so shes like wtf ever i dont wanna touch this im so mad. Which SAAAAME. ive done that so many times. She started permitting access to people who requested it for one of her photo archive website thingies she left in her last post. But yeaaaahhh… she was patrick stump for halloween in like 2008 and she won the costume contest bc she had rhe coolest sideburns and looked so much like him. My first ever concert was a fall out boy concert in spring 2007 i was 6 turning 7 within the next few months lemme just say the music video for carpel tunnel of love played on the screen as they played the song and my brother and i was so traumatized. But then immediately they played this aint a scene after that and we were like HELL YEAAAAAAAAA. And my brother (5 at the time) and i knew every single song and sang along and my mom went look at everyone else no one else knows these songs. You guys are so cool. And we looked around and yeah no one was singing the songs and were sooo excited! Oh and theres that one time she recorded us singing keep it simple by cobra starship and THEY PUT IT ON THEIR MYSPACE PAGE AT THE TOP WE FLIPPED SHIT. i wish THAT video was still up. Shes also met fall out boy so many times and walked away from patrick stump while he was talking to her bc she didnt want to take up his time at a meet and greet. Omg. so many memories. I was literally raised in online bandom thats so insane. Maybe thats why im a homosexual

[lofileatherface]

Fuck it; a bulleted list of complaints I have about 15 years of therapy

● I only just learned that I score very high for alexithymia, which really throws the years and years of arguments with dbt and cbt therapists into a different light. "What's constitutes a thought?" Is cbt's kyrptonite and "I don't know what I'm feeling." Is dbt's

● no, I KNOW that's irrational. I've been telling myself that for years now. The feeling is still there. Yeah I am also doing the healthier behavior. So it doesn't matter that I feel bad? Just as my parents always said thanks for clarifying my feelings are truly meaningless.

● ACT bitches meet me in the pit. Meditate while I beat your ass. Spits on you.

● If you don't have chronic pain and feel like you have something to say to a chronic pain paitient, you don't. Shut the fuck up.

● I'm glad I guess that so many other chronically ill autistic ppl like ACT but personally I am already an expert in keeping on trucking no matter what right into the fucking hospital thanks

● "defuse your thoughts and feelings" again, I'm super good at ignoring those and doing the "right thing". No I don't have values. The values I do have change constantly. I will be getting on and off your stupid bus for different busses constantly. I could, in theory, stick to one, but that would not be in line with those values. Go sniff your own farts somewhere else.

● dbt is just a toolkit of emotional regulation tools there's not much to hate in and of itself but wow being constantly accused of being emotionally explosive but you're not you just self harm and the therapist who diagnosed you just threw up their hands and slapped a bpd sticker on your head in order to pass you off to someone else? Well. I certainly didn't learn to stand up for myself.

● if I want to know how I'm thinking wrong about something I'll literally just call my mom she'll call me dumb for free

● almost everytime I've tried a grounding or mindfulness excercise I've become overstimulated and had a meltdown or fully dissociated

● people keep telling me dissociation is the opposite of mindfulness but then they will describe mindfulness to me and I'm like yeah dawg that's what it's like when I dissociate.

● so either I'm doing dissociation wrong?? Or yall are doing mindfulness wrong. I don't even know anymore.

● I understand behavorial activation. Makes perfect sense. However. If I could just do the things I would do them not pay you to tell me to do them. So. Do you have executive functioning tips? Or?

● right so I'm gonna blow your mind, all those executive functioning tips like make a list, do something consistently, form a habit? TAKES MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING. EITHER UP MY ADDERALL OR FUCK OFF!! FUCK OFF!!!

● social skills groups do not teach social skills. They teach manners. The worst of them actively teach the population most vulnerable to social exploitation to ignore the underlying nuances of hierarchies and social capital. This results in polite doormats, not friends or effective interpersonal communicators.

● "if you *do a body language posture* it will trick your brain into actually feeling that thing 😀" NO IT DOESNT THAT WAS A SHAM STUDY FROM THE 80S ITS BEEN DISPROVEN IF ITS EVER WORKED FOR YOU YOURE DUMB AS HELL AND THE PLACEBO EFFECT WRECKED YOUR ASS

In conclusion I needed adderall, testosterone, and transcranial magnetic stimulation

[actualbird]

Why bother w/ grad school? Tbh I think ur doing pretty well as it is. Idk u irl but ur blog makes me happy and ur fics are 🔥🔥🔥

Maybe ur already a good boy. Pat pat.

me reading this ask:

thank you for the kind words, anon :((((( im glad this blog can bring some joy into ur day and that u like my fics, im in a weird fragile mood today so this is genuinely making me emotional like wAAHH?? THINGS I MAKE, GOOD? GOOD???? //figurative tail wagging

as to why i bother thinking about grad school, i actually....for a long time, that was my dream actually. i come from a family of academics. my mother has a phd and is a professor, my older brother got his master's degree this year and is working towards his doctorate already. i guess for the longest time, ive seen grad school as the Marker Of Having Your Shit Together, since my mom and my brother are the most Have Their Shit Together people i know. but i do love learning. i miss it. but i also know that learning doesnt just only happen in grad school. idk, im just at a weird portion in my life where im, career-wise, stable enough to start making goals for myself. and my goal before was always getting a master's degree (and then possibly teaching) but now im not so sure about it anymore. it's weird being in a part of your life where you realize you can want things now, but not knowing what you want or even how to want in the first place.

it's. weird. being an adult is weird. im over here on tumblr dot com talking about blorbo but also having mild existential crises over where my life is going.

im 24, man. i need to go somewhere with my life. somewhere good, ideally. somewhere where i can take solace in the fact that im doing good, and enjoying it.

//sniffles

ANYHOO, thank you for the ask, and for the headpats ;-; maybe i am a good boy. maybe. hopefully

[bbarican]

⟡⋆˚☆˖°~ ♡ life updates ♡ ~⟡⋆˚☆˖°

hi, tumblr! its been a minute since i last sat down and talked about everything i feel like i need to talk about para, again, i can process these thigns and know how to move forward; on that note, here's some life updates for yall:

family:

we're okay naman, my cousin from iloilo is staying here until the end of the month kasi she's reviewing for the nclex so its nice to have an additional member to our family

i love my dogs so much, im just sad na si hiro (our baby boy) is the type na ayaw ng cuddles as in kakagatin niya kami if we even attempt to carry him so hindi ko siya ma-hug talaga

my kuya is finally coming home, and this time mas matagal siyang mag stay na talaga kasi he's going to look for work na here which i hope turns out to be successful

we're travelling ulit sa susunod na long weekend and im super stoked kasi we all havent been to this country before so its going to be super exciting

work:

september is going to be super busy pero i know for a fact na kakayanin ko naman

my two college bestrfriends turned officemates are now officially leaving the company; im torn kasi syempre a part of me is super sad na theyre leaving since it was really fun to be working in one company with them, pero at the same time im okay din with them going kasi atleast this (this company, the work i do, the people ill get to work with) will be my own ulit, do you get me? parang i was okay before they became my officemates and im sure im going to be okay once they leave too

im glad to have a few small design projects again kasi this time around feel ko mas kaya ko na to juggle both my roles as designer and as a manager (which is still such a funny thing to me; me being a "manager" pero when you look at everything i do, pang-manager nga siya)

im excited for the 15th kasi thankfully there's a big blessing coming our way which i will never get tired of thanking our company for

friends:

im worried na my college barkada is slowly drifting away pero again i just need to remind myself na we're all just busy and just because we're busy doesnt mean we're not friends anymore

im glad na we'll be doing our own things na; im excited to support all of my friends in whatever they do

shoutout to jed and chie, i dont know if you guys will ever see this but i miss you guys so much na ulit i hope we get to hang out na ulit soon

to keith as well! im glad na we're talking again and im glad youre back on tumblr

personal:

im glad na i actually get to open up to my mom na din; kanina over dinner, we talked about my (very non-existent) love life, and work problems, and how i feel sad about my friends being busy nga

and as much as at first it really is uncomfortable, i make sure to push through that feeling especially if kasama namin baby brother ko kasi gusto kong marealize and makita ng brother ko na its okay to talk about anything with me and my mom

i think i posted about this na nga pero ayun hindi na talaga nag message ulit yung guy na kausap ko before; nakakainis lang talaga kasi he asked me out on a date and i wish he never did nalang

my room is clean and my stuff is organized and im ready to stay in bed and play my silly little game on my phone

if youve made it this far into my life updates, thank you for reading

i hope you guys have a lovely saturday evening and i hope the rest of the weekend is kind to all of us ♡

[qumiiiquinnquin]

my view on love is so skewed.

what is love?

i know what it is. only partially though. i only know it from an outside perspective.

people feel deeply for each other , to the point of dating , sometimes to the point of marriage , sometimes to the point of having a kid or multiple children. sometimes , to the point of growing old together , and sometimes resting peacefully with your graves side by side in the cemetery.

sometimes love just doesnt work out though. feelings for each other erode away over time and the gears of love for each other just stop turning , cheating or infidelity may happen , or just a complete breakup or divorce.

im a child of a divorced couple who ended up splitting because my mom cheated on my dad. before my dad had found out what my mom had done , their relationship was dwindling because all i can gather is they weren't feeling very close anymore. my dad says it got to the point that they’d be texting each other from opposite ends of the same couch instead of talking. my mom is remarried since 2015 , and my dad has been struggling to find and keep a relationship. he came very close to proposing again , but they ended up splitting.

i dont know what it feels like when love just doesn't work out. ive seen it though ; both times my dad had to split with someone , it caused him major depression , especially when he had to part from my mom. he had disappeared for a while and my uncle watched us , i can only assume he had left because what the divorce had done to him. he drank more ((not to the point of alcoholism but almost)) and smoked more , and my mom smoked more too. she seems to regret her actions , and stopped smoking about a year prior to getting remarried.

but to be honest , i dont even know what it feels like when love does work out. ive explained times that ive had crushes on people to friends last year , only having crushes exactly three times. my friends said that these were more “squishes” instead of crushes , as i was not comfortable with the idea of ever marrying or dating those who i had crushes on. it wasn't feelings of romance , even if it felt like it. i just liked someone a lot.

ive only confessed once , and it was to my closest friend. it felt like genuine feelings of romance. i wanted to spend the rest of my days with him , and if i may be honest , the idea of him ever finding and dating someone hurts my soul a little.

when i confessed , he said no. i remember i was hurt by that for a bit , and sometimes i feel sad when i recall that our relationship is strictly platonic friends. we say i love you to each other , but with the platonic tone indicator. sometimes , i wish i could say it without the tone indicator and be able to call each other sweet names.

but at the same time , im glad he said no. i dont know how love works. the very idea of dating , marriage , and always being with the same person for the rest of your life makes me uncomfortable , as well as anxious and confused. i do not understand how dating works , at what point marriage is considered , how deeply in love you have to be to want to marry , how you dont get tired of your partner when living with them for the rest of both of your lives , etc. etc. etc.

even lately , when ive been feeling very alone and wishing i had a partner , i dont think id be happy if i did have one because i dont understand or really...feel love.

what is dating?

is it cuddling or other types of physical affection? but what if im not comfortable with being touched? what then?

is it going out? but what qualifies as going out? is it the fancy dinner shown in shows and movies , or is it just basic outings like to a fun store or a walk downtown or the movies?

is it just hanging out next to each other at home or somewhere? but certain things have to qualify as a date right?

what is marriage?

when do you decide you love each other so much to the point of wanting to marry?

what is it like to live the rest of your life with someone else? do you not get tired of their company? do you simply get used to it? do you do anything to have small breaks away from each other? but if you are spending time away from your spouse , does anyone then think the relationship is unhealthy and going downhill?

when do you decide you love each other so much to have a child?

there's so much to love that i dont understand.

not to mention , besides my lack of understanding much about love , the idea of cheating , divorce , or something happening to my partner has partially frightened me out of trying to find someone. additionally , you never know who you will meet. ending up in an abusive or controlling relationship has also kept me at bay from seeking somebody. i already have enough trauma to bear on my shoulders , if im being perfectly honest...i dont want anything added to that...

i feel silly as i type this , because as i said earlier , i have been desiring a partner lately , and confessed to my closest friend a couple years ago and sometimes wish we could be something. three times , ive had people confess to me , only for me to turn them down because i am not comfortable with being in a relationship. i keep going back and forth with myself if i would truly be happy in a relationship , and its even led to me questioning my own identity - i identify as aroace.

the asexual part has held true and will continue to hold true for the rest of my life. but...with my thoughts and feelings on love , especially lately where they seem like they're changing , im not certain i can still identify as aromantic...

it seems to wane. sometimes , i desperately want a partner and feel quite lonely and jealous whenever i see a couple. other times - and most times - i feel happy by myself , and do not feel comfortable ever being in a relationship with someone. i feel quite annoyed whenever my family tells me ill change my mind or i will eventually find somebody.

i want someone to love me , but i never want to be in a relationship with them. does that make sense? i wouldnt mind being loved and loving someone else , but i would want the relationship to remain platonic or simply just friends.

none of this may make sense. i wish i could explain it all better , but i dont exactly know how to describe my feelings on love too well.

it's just my very skewed view on love.

[jungkookstatts]

I bawled after reading wslm 😭 it was so beautifully written, my heart broke along with jk's 💔 if u dont mind, how does jk live out his life now that hes begun to heal? Id like to think that hes so devoted and in love with oc that he doesn't marry anymore or even if he's healed. Idk, they seemed so in love, i feel like they considered the other as their soulmate. In my mind, jk doesnt feel the need to look for a new partner bc the love they shared was enough to last this lifetime and beyond. I imagine him establishing and dedicating a foundation in her name, maybe adopt a kid too whos mom died of the same illness? Probably something that makes him feel connected to oc in some way

I'm so glad you liked ㅜㅡㅜ it was a tough one to read fs.

I wrote a little about JK and the after, like what he would do on each other's birthdays and anniversaries after y/n passed here.

But the healing process for JK is most definitely a long and excruciating one. He defo could not marry anyone else. It's not that he does not want to feel the love of another person again, or that y/n wouldn't want anything but for JK to feel the love of someone else. It's just that he still does feel y/n's love despite her passing. Thinking about or pursuing another relationship when he still feels her love and still loves her wouldn't sit right with him. Y/n was and still is his soulmate. Hence, he would rather wait how ever long it took for his soul to meet hers again in another life. He goes on each day with the memory of her and her love holding him with each breath he takes. And that is enough for him.

As for foundations and kids, it's really hard to say. JK is a CEO, which means he's hella busy all the time. He makes bank, though. So realistically speaking, I'm not sure if he would necessarily have the time for a foundation. But you can bet he's donating whatever he can for research and funds for those who have the same condition as her. Maybe later on in life, like when he's an old geezer and retired, he may join a foundation and participate in it like he always wished he had the time to when he was working.

I feel like maybe. Maybe he would adopt a kid. Just one. It would be bittersweet. JK and Y/n had always dreamed of starting a family. But after her sickness, all they focused on was doing what they could with the time they had, which was just getting married. However, later down the line, he starts your wish of having kids. The baby would fill him with so much love. You can bet your ass he would love that little kid like no other. He would call Y/n mom when referring to her, and he would tell the child stories and show pictures of her whenever they asked. It was a good way for him to heal, too. Talking about Y/n often hurt, but when he was talking about her to his child, he felt reconciled.

Ah. That hurt.

This fic will never not make me shed a tear or two.

-Froot 🌱

[fluffyseal322]

Mon Oct 28

Im going to talk as if its still sunday but it is actually currently Monday at 6:02am. My mental reset day. Actually, no... anytime i wake up to prepare for the next day, it is considered the next day. So I will be speaking as if it is Monday and this would be like in the middle of the day for me because I sleep in about 5 hours from now! Yesterday, I had a better day at work. Life let me have an easier day as my last day so I am very appreciative of that. I stayed a little longer that day when i REALLY didnt want to but my manager made a compromise with me which caused me to not mind at all! After I got home, I spoke with my dad... it took a lot of bravery and courage to start this but it truly was something that was weighing on my mind! We came to an agreement and as much as I wanted to just give up at the end, he wouldnt let me. I almost shut down and ran away in fear but I knew better not to do so, out of respect of course. And as soon as I couldnt escape, I couldnt hold my tears in any more, i bursed out crying and I kept saying sorry for not being able to have a conversation anymore. I had like, ptsd thinking he would get mad at me and i was ready for him to show that he felt nothing for my tears, i still cant read him. He shows no emotion, thats a really good talent in my opinion. At the end of it, he gave me a hug... and he said "Daddy is here for you." Ive never heard him say that, but it was something that I needed. It was also kind of weird everytime I think of it because its something that I expect from my significant other now, due to not having a father figure in my younger years. So now all is well between me and both of my parents. As difficult it was, im glad its something I no longer have to worry about of fear anymore. Afterwards, I woke my mom up :3 she is so silly LOL but i asked her if she wanted to go to church and she woke up immediately :D The sermon was mainly about, how beyond powerful and strong grace is. No matter who you are and what you do, you will always deserve forgiveness. Our god is truly kind and he truly wants the best for us. People say we should be seeking god, which is true but god is trying to seek us first. he wants to help us, he wants to give things to us, we are worthy of everything he brings onto life and he wants us to know that. Even if you think you dont deserve anything good, he still thinks you are deserving. I love that the sermon said, if you dont think you dont deserve god's grace, ask yourself "Who do you think you are?" I literally have never read the bible but if I did, I'd truly have an eye opener on gods relationship to his people. Jesus came from a family of incest. Showing that even the heaviest sin can still be forgiven. It doesnt matter what the world thinks of you, it only matter's what god thinks of me. Thats pretty much the topic of the service. To sum up the service "The blood of jesus christ cleanses a person of their sins. God doesnt deem anyone hopeless or beyond repair. The power of god's grace will prepare for paradise." So in my next writing i will be explaining what I want to do with my life and how i want to do it....

P.S. it would be good to come back and read my writing every once in awhile.... idk why it's so hard for me to do so.

[kusundei]

i have a headache . haircut is fine i suppose like. i can live w this. honestly it just looks like? ajaxs? so i suppose we r matching. kinda looks like how i draw his hair??? definitely doesnt fit me though but hair always grows back^_^ will probably look normal and how i wanted it to before i leave for japan anyway. i just. am still. bothered from earlier. being here is making me. ill. a bit. i forgot about the smell. because she smells like him and jesus christ i felt my heart drop like bad. seeing her also made me the same amount of anxious i expected. was bad bcuz she kept talking to me and i wasnt thinking or registering anythint because i was so nervous??? oh and. the picture of him. on the mirror. but aside from that im okay^_^ just tried to ignore and not look st it im glad they moved locations and the other one got shut down because i think i can be okay like this

god forbid my mom is getting her hair done too though and jesus christ am i. im still. upset. because why did you start lashing me as soon as i got into the car??? complained and called me selfish?? dumb??? but i suppose it was expected. just like what the fuck??? like i can handle you pestering me about work and school and everything but everytime. its always. ajax. you bring him up every single time because you know thats how you’ll get a reaction out of me because i cant act unbothered when you do because what the fuck??? keep his name out of your mouth he wasnt even related to the fucking conversation??? pestering me because i wont tell you things but im not fucking lying to you im telling you the truth??? god forbid i dont ask him those things because why do i need to know that? and let alone why would I TELL YOU. why do you care why is there always a problem??? and youre so upset for what??? i didnt even do anything why am i always the one who has to deal with your moods?? youre always so angry anyway its jsut i didnt even do anything its so fucking frustrating im sorry and you lash me while youre driving??? like keep your hands on the wheel what the fuck is wrong with you??? and then you complain “ohhh so you dint wanna talk to me anymore?” like fucking obviously??? talking to you is like talking to a brick wall you do not listen. regardless of what im talking about regardless of if im telling you the truth or lying and its repeated REPEATEDLY its the same thing yoyre always so upset that we have to have the same conversation everytime but youre the one who starts it??? im sorry you always have a problem with me im trying. i truly am i just wish you could learn to realize that not everything youre thinking has to be verbalized. i do not need to be subjected to every thought you have you complain that i am quiet and dont talk but thats because if i do you would kill me for even saying anything. again i am fighting a losing battle with you every single time whats the point? so you have an actual reason to hit me??? like im not giving you that

but irs okay. it is. okay. i am fine. i am filled with love. we are leaving soon and i do not need to tweak or let it consume me. she will not be upset again when we get into the car and we will either continue to drive in silence or she will speak to me like a normal human being because she is calm and reasonable now. she is giggling w tina surely she will be okay in the car and amused. she will leave me alone and not pester me. my head hurts so bad though i feel sick and ill and im hoping thats just from. being tired and not eating and nothing else. but im okay. i will not tweak. i am normal. i am okay today can still be a good day because it was up until this point^_^ wasnt even this upset being told to walk home and then getting lashed after it truly was just. the insulting. the mentioning ajax and then hitting me. but its okay.! im okay ^_^