#so frankly i have long since given up because going against an echo chamber is exhausting and generally futile.

[teh-nos]

okay fuck it, i can just delete posts when the wank starts, right?

the way doctor who fandom talks about steven moffat is genuinely unhinged. i don't mean in not liking his work, that'd be fine, i mean in the Assigned Evil In 2006 shit-tier discourse of it all. the worst possible interepretations are assumed to be the right ones (because he's evil!) including the commentator's own prejudiced takes (they can't be bad, they hate the bad man!), and then these are quickly repeated as well-documented established facts, and the whole thing has long since escalated to the point where actual journalists will ask the man why he hates women so much. and this is all assumed to be normal and reasonable criticism, and Everyone Knows it so it cannot possibly be exaggerated or entirely made up to justify fandom grudges.

i have seen posts from people in entirely unrelated fandoms about this man's evils. because it must be true, right? no fandom would ever just invent a hate-figure and assume the worst about them to this extent, right? why would they - for instance! - be mad about him saying it's polite to use the pronouns people give you unless there was definite proof that he eats children?

and it's about 20 years now. 20 fucking years i've mostly just tried to stay out of it, of avoiding posting anything that might potentially get an unhinged rant on a reblog (and then a series of reblogs, and then suddely there's 200,000 notes and 199,990 of them are angry about someone you didn't even mention in the OP). it poisoned fandom discussion beyond bearing in the 2010-2017 period and even now it's still shite. because you can't just like or dislike one of these episodes or characters, you have to back it up with a 3000 word essay on the imagined moral contamination of being fairly fond of Amy Pond.

i'm sure the guy's done some amount of shitty things, because everyone has, but you talk like he's literally hitler. we assign our own fucked up takes to authorial intent (yes I did notice that you hate all those female characters while putting the blame for your own madonna/whore complex on someone else!) and like... just what the fuck really. what the actual fuck?

[melissagt]

Find the Word Tag Game

I was tagged by @greencrusader13​ - thank you!

Rules: find the four words in your writing, and then pick four more that other people need to find in theirs. I’m going to do both of these here in this post.

I’m tagging: @tishinada​ and @cinlat​

Greencrusader13′s Words: beacon, light, child, and fortune

My Words: rich, articulate, pierce, regret

Beacon

(From “The Mystic’s Dream”) “I watched as the phoenix rose once again from the ashes of conflict,” he continued, almost in a chant, his voice rising along with the impact of his words. “I watched as it brought with it a promise of new life, and a new beginning…a shining beacon for all…even you, Sith.” Valen-Da narrowed his gaze at the much taller man, and despite the height difference, somehow managed to appear even taller, so much so that Raz felt Scourge hesitate beside her. “And finally, I watched as it was chased straight out of the void by the fires of that same dragon.”

Light (gl, this one is everywhere...even in my smut apparently...I’ll just pick a few significant ones)

(From “Not Afraid Anymore”) Nox had always had strong feelings regarding the topic of personal choices and beliefs. She carried them with her from her old life, having lived under the yoke of another's control for so long. During that more-than-dark part of her life, she'd been forced to say and do things that had left many scars, both mentally and physically. The idea that a weak-minded Sith would needlessly strike down an ally simply for having inclinations toward the Light side served to incite her rage. The entire concept of being Sith was to break chains, not forge new ones, and that meant interpreting the Code however one saw fit. Her eyes narrowed in barely-contained anger, and she laid her palms flat on the table for support. “I don't care if a Sith is as pure as new-fallen snow, so long as their intentions align with the advancement of the Empire.”

She saw a man clad in brilliant white and gold, the light reflecting off of his flawless armor almost searing into her vision. The majority of his face was covered in an expressionless mask, save for a single eye turned on her, a golden eye wreathed in flame that was so piercing it felt like he could see straight through to her very being. She held up a hand to shield herself from the blinding light, but she couldn't escape him.

And the one thing he should have hated himself for, questioning his loyalty, he found that he didn't really give a womp rat's ass about. He would keep on with his life, going through the motions because that was what he was supposed to do. He was born in the Republic, that was who he would fight for. But he couldn't forget what she'd shown him. It had been a wake-up call, of sorts. That the only thing separating them in this war was geography. It wasn't a battle between good and evil, Light and Dark. It was a war over power, money, and greed...on all sides. Maybe that was the one good thing he'd taken away from his heartache, that his eyes were now open. But what good was it, if he couldn't do anything about it? He'd have been branded a traitor if anybody were to find out. It was bad enough that people treated him like a freak for banging a Sith, those who knew about it. And by that point, word had gotten around.

The blunt and surprisingly honest answer was that no, he couldn't make himself hate him, now that he had a story to go with the scarred face. He did have to admit to himself, though, that perhaps he was just a bit envious, and it wasn't because he had Nox...well not entirely. He'd seen the man's military record. Complete-And-Total-Poster-Boy-For-The-Republic. They could have used his picture for recruitment ads, and even then they'd screwed him over. His father had given him the behind-the-scenes insight that was never supposed to have seen the light of day. A cover-up. Captain Thompson had lost his entire squadron to an attack in neutral space after the Treaty had been signed, and his own government, the one he'd given his life over to, had done nothing. It shouldn't have been a surprise that he had walked away.

He watched the yellowish light of the hangar glint upon the blade as it spun and danced through the man’s large fingers. He was surprisingly quick with it, despite the ham hands. Andronikos supposed that he had to be. Blaster rifles couldn’t be carried everywhere, and that night was one of those occasions. A night out on the town meant no armor, and no open weapons. Well, at least not for them. Lightsabers were another thing entirely, and there was no way he wanted to be the bouncer who would dare try to part a Sith from her life-line.

“Ugh, ffffuck…” he groaned, blinking his eyes against the overly bright light shining through the shattered cockpit windows. A gust of icy air hit his face, making him shiver against the restraints of his flight harness, and each ragged puff of breath he managed to push out of his lungs could be seen for a brief moment before disappearing into the frigid atmosphere around him. Delicate flakes of snow had already begun to waft and drift into the cabin, giving every flat surface he could see a fine coating of sparkling white powder.

A light drizzle had begun to fall, fine mist-like droplets that clung to every surface like dew. It weighed down her hair, dampened their skin to a sticky sheen, and turned the world around them into a hazy, glowing symphony of color. Pinks…blues…greens…yellows…they all flashed and swum before them with a sense of choreography, almost dancing.

Nox couldn’t get out of there fast enough. As soon as it stopped, she was back on the duracrete, welcoming the steely touch of the cold, wet ground against the pads of her feet. She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering against the light breeze that had cropped up as she waited impatiently for Nik to climb out of the cab after her. And of course, that didn’t happen. Some muffled Huttese floated through the air, words she couldn’t be brought to care enough about to listen to, followed by the sharp sound of the two men sharing a laugh over something that was apparently the funniest thing ever.

(From “Thunderstruck”) The shroud wrapped around her head, leaving only her green eyes exposed. But they weren’t just green, he noticed, and not for the first time. As the light caught them, it was like looking into a pool in the ocean, one where the water was so clear you could see bits of the sun shining through it, almost dancing in the current. And when she turned away, the smile he knew she still wore reaching even those calculating emerald depths, he was left wanting more. So much more. Anything. Everything.

(From “The Mystic’s Dream”) The Mystic’s words echoed throughout the darkened chamber with a ring of finality that felt like a weight pulling at her ankles…one that tugged her forcibly away from the setting sun as it flickered above the surface of a shimmering pool of water. Away from the light, and away from the last shreds of hope she’d held close to her heart. She couldn’t breathe, and the bit of air still in her lungs escaped through a silent sigh of defeat.

“I would give anything to be able to taste you…if only once…wo’mielis ja’ti.” Hot breaths tickled at her neck, replaced with the light threat of teeth, tempting her in the worst of ways. She had no idea what that last bit meant, and frankly, she really didn't care. It sounded pretty, there was that, but her mind was quickly losing focus to something much more important. Lips. A pointed tongue. More teeth, all working together, blazing a path back up to her mouth. And despite any awkwardness, her body was starting to respond. It didn't care either.

(From “Petrichor”) She cast her gaze about for the long-forgotten robe she'd tossed somewhere when Scourge had thrown her onto the giant four-poster several hours earlier. There was just enough light left locate it, flung over a chair in a corner, as well as a pair of underwear that were thankfully still intact. She really had to teach that large red Sith of hers that they came off and didn't need to be ripped off. Once in a while was fine...hot even, but he'd shredded his way through at least five pair so far. And some pants. And some shirts. Then there was the broken settee in the far corner of the room. And the headboard that belonged to the elaborately carved wooden bed frame. If they'd been renting, they most certainly would not have gotten their deposit back. The Commander and Theron were going to be so pissed.

Child

(From “Not Afraid Anymore”) “I have…known the love a father feels for a daughter.” The sound of his synthesized voice startled her out of her reverie, and she paused for a moment before continuing with their leisurely stroll. With no expression to read, and any trickle of emotion through the Force kept tightly under wraps, Nox could only rely on the inflection of his voice. “And I feel the same pride a father feels when he sees that daughter exceed even his best expectations.” He stopped, turning towards her. “You have overcome much since I found you wandering the streets of Kaas City, a child starving and afraid. You have become all that a Sith should strive to be – powerful, determined, loyal…you refuse to involve yourself in the petty squabbles and posturing that only serve to hinder us all, and you are willing to do what needs to be done for the betterment of the Empire as a whole.”

He pulled her head away from his shoulder so that he could look at her face, which consequently, prompted her to try and get away in order to hide herself again. Like a frighted child. She was thoroughly embarrassed...ashamed of herself for losing her shite, and even angrier at herself for allowing these emotions to get the better of her. What kind of leader of the Empire could she ever hope to be, blubbering around like a spineless fool over...love?

Theron was not in the mood to deal with having to defend his actions - it seemed like that was all he'd been doing lately. He could picture it, he probably looked a lot like a pouting child right at that moment, sitting there with his shoulders hunched, his jaw set in defiance as he glared at the wall across from him.  A lot like a kid who'd gotten caught getting into fights at school. Hilarious.

(From “Petrichor”) “No...no thanks, Toovee.” Raz trotted down the stairs, one creak at a time, and when she reached the bottom, she leaned forward until she could see around the corner into the kitchen, half-expecting to find Scourge sitting at the counter, getting into Theron's cereal again. Really, who would have thought that the Big Bad Sith had a thing for kiddie cereal? It came as no surprise that her thirty-five year old man-child of a best friend did, but surely one so depraved and evil as the former Emperor's Wrath had to eat small puppies or something for breakfast, or an evening snack.

Fortune

(From “Not Afraid Anymore”) “I do hope you plan on buying me something nice with your vast fortune of winnings, my darling,” she teased, pulling herself to her feet. She let her accent roll the last word off of her tongue, knowing just how much he loved to hate any sort of pet name she gave him. 

[vivika-ka]

I feel embarrassed but yo I am trying to write a fanfic, it’s not that good but do tell me what you think and if you have any constructive criticism it will be happily welcomed! This is the first chapter:

The pain he felt was indescribable. The constant pounding inside his head, almost as if there was someone hammering his temples over and over. Fragments of what took place in the last 3 days were coming back to him, bits and pieces. If he looked up, the ever-effervescent light of the Throne Room would infiltrate in his emerald green eyes, bringing even more pain. By the love of the Gods, make it stop. Frankly, his attention on the trial disappeared the moment he realized not a single soul in the room would believe any word he said -except his mother, of course. Loki wished he himself could understand what the hell his life had become, that he could make it up for the mistakes he committed against Asgard and his family.

"Any last words before your punishment?" Odin asked, his eyes carried deep disappointment and coldness, so much that made him flinch slightly. Oh, that's right. I don't belong here. Loki ignored the whispers and curses thrown at him, his older brother wasn't by his side and somehow that made him feel in excruciating danger around the people that were once his. The Jotun Prince then proceeded to look at his mother, Frigga refused to cry in front of her strict husband, but Loki knew the Queen better than anyone present, she was devastated. He licked his chapped lips and whispered to her.

"I am so sorry" His weak pleading voice was enough to make Frigga turn her eyes away from her youngest son, the tears threatening to spill. Odin frowned deeply, and with no further ado, banged his spear three times loudly.

"Then I, Odin, King of Asgard, declare that Loki Laufeyson shall have death penalty for committing crimes against the crown, the King, and the Asgardians. As well, for trying to take over the realm of Midgard. He is not to be touched, spoken to, and taken care of, until the day of his execution. Which will happen at dawn. I'll meet you all in 3 days" Loki sighed, trying to take the image of his mother as much as he could before his upcoming doom. I don't belong anywhere.

.-.-.

Thor sat in his room, caressing one of the few presents his little brother gave him during their peaceful times together. He was aware that Loki would be given death penalty for all the vicious actions he had committed against Asgard and Midgard. He was going to lose his little brother once again, and he couldn't help but to feel that it was his fault. There was a knock at his door, however the God of Thunder paid no mind. All he wanted at the moment was to go back to Midgard, hug his Lady Jane, and sleep. He knew slumber wouldn't come to him, though. Every time he closed his eyes he would hear Loki's screams; he would see the hopelessness in his brother's eyes when he let go of his hand; he would feel the smell of antique books, wet earth and flowers, and the raciness of his magic; he would feel the taste of their favorite dessert, the very one they would eat together after winning a big battle. Thor did not hold back his tears, he let them fall freely over the storybook they would read whenever one of them had nightmares.

"Thor? Are you there?" The voice of Lady Sif echoed in his chamber.

"I do not wish to speak to anyone. I ask of you, please, leave me at once" Thor managed to say without choking.

"Thor, I understand you're sad, but…Loki's actions have consequences, and this is fa-"

"If you dare to say it is fair to kill my little brother, I will never look at you, ever again"

"Will you quit it with this never-ending guilt?! It is nonsense! None of what is happening-" At this rate, Thor's chest felt as if it would explode any second now. With long steps, he opened the door, scaring the woman before him. He was livid.

"Everything that is happening with Loki is my fault! His betrayal, his fall, his breakdown, his invasion! All of this! Because I couldn't see what my father was doing to me! I did not stop my father from treating him differently! He was lost, and all I did was push him deep into the abyss!" The grieving god shouted.

"Loki is different! He is a Jotun! Not to mention a traitor!" Sif exclaimed viciously.

"Enough!" Thor shouted, a thunder could be heard through all Asgard. Sif jumped back, however never losing her frown and stance "You are not part of this family. Therefore, you can't possibly understand what happened to him. Much less what I am feeling in this moment. I will ask you nicely one more time: please, leave me alone" Thor said through his clenched teeth. Sif scoffed, turning to go back to the training chambers. The God of Thunder sighed, his shoulders still tensed.

"Damn it" He cursed, finally letting his body breakdown into sobs.

Guilt can eat you away. In his many years of life, he had underestimated the sickness of the mind. Guess I'm paying the price.

.-.-.

Loki was taken to his cell rather violently. The nagging feeling at the back of his head that something awful was about to happen with him couldn't seem to pass. He scratched the part that was afraid of his execution, since he long craved for his death the moment he let go of Thor's hand and fell into the void until now. This feeling was different, as if he had felt this unstoppable fear and hopelessness. The type of fear that you can't run away from. The type of hopelessness that no matter how many times you tell yourself it is over, it gets worse.

The loud sound of his wrists being attached to heavy chains pushed him from his thoughts. Looking over to his right side, the guard was eyeing him something awful. The amount of malfeasance in the guard's stance gave him such crippling dread, his heart was beating as loudly as his brother's thunder.

"What do we have here? God of Mischief, Loki" The man sneered, Loki gulped "You don't seem so mischievous now, do you, boy?" The voice and malice brought him more fragments, not the good kind. It reminded him of the voice that belonged to a mad being "No brother to save you, no mother to protect you. It seems I've won the biggest award of all" The guard proceeded to hit him strongly on the face with his golden baton, Loki could only see starts after such heavy blow, but it was enough to bring him one suffering memory.

He was falling. That was all he could gather. He was falling in a void, without destination, he would fall forever in the darkness. When Loki lost the count of how many days, weeks, months that he had been inside this well of despair, he started hallucinating. Loki dreamed of many outcomes of death, saw his brother dying in many awful ways, his mother being killed viciously, sometimes by his own hand. Most of the times, his hallucinations would show him a light, whenever he finally reached the warm and inviting path of closure, it would end with him looking at his own face. However, he would be without the spell of shapeshifter, he would be in his true roots. A Jotun.

Loki cried every day hysterically, all he wanted was the pain to end, he just wanted to die in peace, was that too much to ask? One day, the doomed day he thought he would be saved, Loki heard the voice of a mad being.

"Come, Loki Laufeyson. I can help you leave this endless pit. However, give me something I will need something in return-"

"Please, help me!"

"I won't hesitate to take that as a yes" The voice laughed sinisterly, Loki regretted immediately. An enormous purple hand grabbed him by his collar, pushing him into a pebbly ground, the Prince felt one sharp rock cutting his cheek. He hissed, but had no time to protest over the wound. Loki's collar once again was in the hands of the mad titan.

"You are Loki, of Asgard. And you are burdened with glorious purpose. You will do as I say" Thanos grinned mercilessly "Understand?"

"…I don't want-" The titan threw him inside a cage, Chitauris were cheering over the new chew toy "Wait! Why are you-!"

"You don't get to question me, boy. Simply follow my orders, and you won't get hurt" Thanos sat in his throne, watching the group of aliens hold the God of Mischief tightly, the beasts were ripping his garments off. Loki looked at Thanos desperately.

"What are they doing?" The mad titan said nothing, giving the Prince a dark smirk "WHAT ARE THEY DOING?" Loki's scream echoed loudly, making the beasts cheer even more over his despair and fear.

"They will teach you not to disobey me" Thanos crossed his legs, watching as the beasts ravished the Prince endlessly. All that could be heard for the whole year were Loki's pleads for mercy, for someone to save him. For the light to come and finally take him. For his mother. For his brother. Hell, even for his father. Thanos would laugh with gusto at the suffering creature before him. How he was being deemed as nothing more than a piece of meat, a pawn that would have no choice but to follow the titan to no end. Loki seceded, he had no other choice.

"Forgive me" He whispered brokenly, as he felt the power of Tesseract consume his already shattered mind.

The God of Mischief was screaming as if his life depended on it. His magic was strong enough to reach out to anyone, anything that could help him. Loki was sure that he could not go through being ravished again, not without dying of fear first. The guard was about to hit the Prince again, he was not done taking Loki's clothes off, luckily. Then, suddenly an abnormal tremor took place in the Palace. The rapist fell on his back, cursing loudly. Loki couldn't breathe, his body was under the spell of a very powerful panic attack. Every little detailed pain he felt during his imprisonment with Thanos manifested in his body along with the memories. The Prince felt the last bit of air he had left leave his mouth, as he choked with his own demons.

.-.-.

Not too far from the cell Loki was being kept, a very powerful being appeared. As she finished to materialize, Frigga and Thor had arrived as well, both looking at the shining woman with wonder and suspicion. Her skin was even more pale than Loki's, her dress was long and loose fitting, her long hair was almost as white as her dress, and her eyes were the most crimson red the mother and the son ever saw in their lifetime. She was ethereal. She was light. She was-

"Eve?" Frigga questioned, her voice exhilarated hope. The ethereal being gave the gentlest smile Thor ever seen, her aura screamed tranquility and lightness.

"Is she real?" He asked skeptically. Eve's chuckle brought even more clarity to the room.

"Yes, I am" Eve turned and motioned for the family to follow her "I suppose you heard him" It wasn't a question, the tranquil air and lightness left the room. As quick as lightning, the darkness and heaviness took over the atmosphere once again.

"We heard. My poor son" Frigga sobbed as she ran beside Eve and Thor.

"Loki's magic reached me! He must be in great great danger!" Thor exclaimed desperately, fearing for his little brother's safety (and sanity).

"And right you are, my friend" Eve answered sadly "We must leave at once, Odin knows I'm here, as well as his most trusted warriors" They opened the door that led to the cell, but immediately halted as they took in the scene before them. The guard was back at stripping the God of Mischief, who seemed to be dead. Frigga shot a powerful spell before Eve and Thor even moved a muscle. The rapist shouted in pain -and kept shouting- as he fell on the ground, his eyes were red.

"Mother?" Thor questioned, impressed.

"He is simply experiencing what he had planned for my son" She answered coldly.

"Very well done, Frigga" Eve complimented, already kneeling in front of the beaten and unconscious man who had stolen her heart many years back "Oh, Loki. What happened to you?" She whispered huskily and sadly as she caressed his cheek tenderly. She heard Thor smashing the heavy chains, which made the God of Mischief fall down towards her lap. With the help of Frigga, Eve managed to carry Loki. Thor was biting his lips nervously.

"What do we do? Where can we take him?!" He asked frantically. Eve closed her eyes tightly, a portal appeared in front of them, the sound of birds singing could be heard.

"To my temple. Odin's not allowed there"

"My husband is stubborn and powerful. He will go after you!" Frigga exclaimed desperately.

"Well, he knows better, my Queen. I am also powerful, as powerful as the old man. Besides, my defenses are strong enough to put him to sleep for the next 80 years" The Queen's eyes widened, but her shock was quickly gone as she looked at her sons. Frigga smiled determined.

"I will take care of my husband. However, all I care at this moment is for the safety of my son" Frigga said, caressing Loki's hair, her eyes lifted to make eye contact with her first born "Both of my sons" Thor smiled sadly.

"Then I promise with my life that I will keep them safe from Odin's wrath" Eve assured the Queen softly "I will see you again, Frigga. Fret not. Odin won't be able to lay a hand on you" The ethereal being said, as she casted a spell that engulfed Frigga in a warm light.

"Thank you, darling" Thor took Frigga's place as Loki's support "Be safe. All of you. I love you very much"

"We love you too" They said in unison, and just as fast as Eve made the portal appear, they were gone from Asgard. Right they were in time, since Odin came barging furiously inside the cell, taking the scene that consisted of his wife glaring at him with sharp blue eyes and one of his most trusted guards screaming and pleading on the ground.

"Frigga, what is the meaning of this?" The King asked sternly.

"It's called being just, husband" The Queen answered just as stern and cold.

.-.-.

As they left the portal, Thor felt the smell of fresh air. Taking his surroundings, he gathered the information that they were in a forest. The grass felt fluffy and soft under his feet. Wait, where are my normal garments? The God of Thunder directed his blue eyes to the woman helping him carry his little brother, his face contorted with a deep frown, he was greatly confused. Mother knows her, she seems to know my brother (very well, by her interaction with him in the cell). She is really powerful, I never felt such strong aura. Who is she? Eve sighed softly, not wanting to explain to the brother of the man she is deeply worried about how they got involved. However, the pale woman understands why Thor is skeptical and sending her questioning looks every 4 seconds.

"I promise I will explain everything detailed later. After we make sure your brother is safe and taken care of" Eve informed him, her voice left no room for discussion. Thor nodded, and thanked her, to which she simply smiled.

They must've walked for about 30 minutes when he finally located her Temple. At least, what he assumed it was her Temple.

"Why...A cave?" Thor asked, to which she laughed. Birds sang happily when she did.

"Just the entrance. I am not about to have constant annoying visitors. I only attend to those whom I deem as deserving of my services"

As they entered furthermore inside the cave, the dark rocks turned into pale silver walls that had stories encrypted in every corner. The floor was even more fluffier than the grass outside, when he looked up, he met the sight of amazing -almost hypnotic- sharp crystals. Thor heard a huff, only to see an area with 3 peaceful Pegasus. He thought they were only allowed to Valkyries, the sight of the rare animals amazed him. There was furniture made of what it looked like mud, wood, and rocks.

"And my brother is?" Thor did not ask challengingly. He was honestly curious about how much his brother means to this woman. She captured the innocence behind the question, holding her tongue not to curse at the God of Thunder, Eve could tell he cares deeply for his little brother and is simply worried.

"Yes. Loki is probably the most deserving of them all" Eve answered, laying the God of Mischief down on what it looked like a bed of soft feathers "I will examine him now. However, this magic is too...bright for the eyes of any other species" Eve explained slowly, knowing Thor did not want to leave Loki alone for a second. He seemed to consider what she said for what it felt like an eternity, then finally nodded, leaving the room. Eve started to gather the ingredients necessary for the spell when she called loudly "There is a waterfall not far from here, go West. About 8 minutes. Bathe, and come back by nightfall" Eve commanded, once more, no room for discussion. Thor sighed and left the Temple in search of the waterfall.

As Eve mixed the mystical cure, her eyes captured the scars in Loki's chest. They weren't faint, in fact, it looked as if it did not had the time to heal properly. Her hands trembled, her eyes shined brightly with vengeance.

"I promise that I will destroy whoever touched you, my love" Eve promised.

And she is a woman of her words. Anyone who met the powerful being knew better than to upset her.

So already warning, in my AU Thor actually cares for Loki, even I came to the conclusion he doesn’t in the same manner as Loki but I decided in this story he should... Also, there’s my OC, hopefully the OC isn’t bad. It’s mostly Hurt/Angst and Comfort, as well as Romance. I don’t know if I will attempt to post in Archive of Our Own, but I am considering. I am currently writing chapter 8, but I’m feeling like no one cares for the story anymore lol and figured why not share here. the fanfic

[blasphoeme]

No Longer Alone

Summary: Dany’s first night at Winterfell leads to talks of dream lovers and loneliness. Two lonely people coming together, fall in love and are lonely no more. 

Rating: General Audience 

Word Count: 3548 words

Can be read on Ao3 as well :)

Hello! This is my first ever Jonerys fic. Hope you guys like it! XD

The mother of Dragons was cold, so very cold and she was never cold. Having spent her whole life in the South, across the narrow sea where the weather was hot and the days were long, the North and its snow was the polar opposite. The cold desert nights could not even compare to the rigid, snowy blizzards of the North. Even the fire and blood of the dragons coursing through her veins seemed to be momentarily doused out by the chill of winter. She shivered atop her horse as it trotted along the Kingsroad towards Winterfell.

“You must be excited to be returning home.”

“I am. I can’t believe I’m going to see Arya and Bran again. They must have grown so much.” Jon smiled at her. His eyes were twinkling with elation. Dany felt her heart beat stutter. He looked so happy, almost beautiful even. Smiles looked good on him, she decided.

“I’m very happy for you.” Dany felt the urge to let go of the reigns and reach out her hand to clutch his, to share his excitement through touch.

“I can’t wait for them to meet you as well. They’ll like you, especially Arya. As a child, she loved to read about Targaryen dragon riders and their heroic battles.”

“Hmm… I suppose we’ll find out soon.”

Ahead of them, the castle doors of Winterfell loomed. The king of the North was home. Upon their arrival, he dismounted his horse as fast as he could to embrace his awaiting family, hugging a petite brunette to him so tightly that she was lifted off her feet. A red haired girl and a boy in a chair watched on. Dany saw the beaming grin stretching across Jon’s usually brooding, stoic features. The smiles they’ve shared thus far were sweet but never this unbidden and free. It made her heart soar, almost as if she could feel his joy, making her crave to see more smiles like that, especially ones coaxed to the surface by her.

“Your grace, welcome to Winterfell. I am Jon’s sister, Sansa Stark and this is our brother Bran.” The red haired girl greeted Dany with a curt nod.

“Thank you for your hospitality, Lady Sansa. Pleasure to meet you both.” Dany nodded at the two of them with a courteous smile. As their eyes met, she noticed Bran staring at her with a contemplative look on his face, like he had something to reveal. From Sansa, she could sense the distrust radiating from the girl. It was evident that the Starks still held resentment towards what her father did to their family but she hoped that they would not judge her for her father’s actions and in time, come to accept her for her own capabilities, for who she was, just like Jon did.

“So, you’re our new queen? Do you really ride dragons?”

“Arya! Do show some respect!” Jon chastised his little sister.

“It’s alright. Yes, I am and I do. The dragons are my children. It’s a pleasure to meet you Lady Arya.” This young girl with a cheeky glint in her green eyes was just as straightforward and blunt as Jon. Unlike her sister, she seemed genuinely pleased to meet her new queen.

“That’s incredible! However, I am not a lady. It’s a pleasure to meet you, your grace.” Arya stated with a slight bow and a grin. Dany had a feeling she would be quite comfortable around this girl and maybe even come to like her.

After a few more introductions and reunions of handshakes and warm hugs, it was time to meet the representatives of the houses in the North. The great hall was filled with Jon’s banner men. Some of them eyed her with awe and wonder, the only remaining Targaryen alive in their midst; others eyed her warily and even hatefully as she sat with her fingers clasped together on her lap beside their king, not trusting a foreign queen to truly be here to assist them. Murmurs of discontent could be heard whispered about the room, increasing in volume, only to be silenced by the scraping of a chair against the hard wood floor as the king of the North stood up.

“Look, I know it’s hard to accept a Southern ruler, but we need all the help we can get if we want to survive.” Jon paused to regard his people. “We don’t have time for disagreements! The Night King and his army are approaching the Wall as we speak. Queen Daenerys is here to offer her help and we will accept it gratefully. Did I make myself clear?” His accented voice echoed throughout the room.

It was at this moment that Dany realized that this solemn man of few words was truly a great leader. His sincere, severe tone of speech and firm words implored a sense of authority that made people want to agree with him. However, would they riot against their king now for bending his knee to her? Dany gazed at the faces of the people in front of her with bated breath, watching the cogs churning in their heads. Eventually, to her relief, resounding ‘Ayes!’ echoed throughout the room. Dany’s presence was accepted, albeit begrudgingly but it was a start at least. She hoped that after the war was over, she’d gain the full support of these people by proving herself worthy of their allegiance.

Regally rising from her seat, the mother of dragons glanced up at the king of the North, giving him a nod as thanks before addressing the room. “I am thankful for your cooperation, my lords and ladies. I promise you I will do my best to aid you. We will survive this Long Night. Now, shall we begin the tactical discussion?” Over the next few hours, strategies were shared and debated and planned for the upcoming battle of the living versus the dead.

As the hours went by, the sun went down, the sky grew dark and the flames in the hearth had burnt down to glowing embers. Weary faces could be seen around the room. Jon noticed Dany suppressing a yawn beside him also. The long day of travel was getting to her. She needed to rest and so did he and everyone else. “Alright, it’s getting late. We’ll pick this up tomorrow.” Jon dismissed his people to their rooms for supper and rest for the night. The people began trickling out of the room without much hesitation.

“Shall we head to your chambers, your grace?” Missandei approached her queen.

“No, I wish to take a walk and have a look around the castle. You may take your leave. Go get some rest. I’m sure you and Grey Worm have many things to talk about.” Dany jerked her head towards the Unsullied soldier lingering by the door and watched in amusement as a blush spread across her dear friend’s cheeks.

“Very well, I’m sure the king in the North will take good care of you. Have a good night, your grace.” Missandei teased back with a knowing smirk at Dany and a quick nod to Jon who was trying unsuccessfully to appear disinterested in their conversation, before striding towards the door and ushering Grey Worm out. Finally, it was just the king and queen left.

Now that it was just the two of them alone, the palpable tension was rising rapidly, the atmosphere around them growing gradually amorous. They haven’t had the time to relish in each other’s company since docking at White Harbour. Every night since their first passionate tryst aboard her ship, they’ve spent them together, in each other’s arms, making love or some nights just talking. They traded stories about their lives, talked about anything and everything or nothing at all, content with lying together listening to the waves splashing against the ship. The last time they laid together seemed like a lifetime ago. Frankly, they both missed those quiet moments together. Moments that allowed them the just be Jon and Dany.

Dany let her eyes drift up to meet Jon’s. They were coal black windows to his soul staring deeply into her own with utter adoration and tender longing, the very same looks he’s given her since the day they met and every other time he thought she wasn’t paying attention to him. Doreah told her, long ago, love comes in at the eyes. In his eyes, Dany could see it so clearly it made her breath catch. Without breaking eye contact, she twined her fingers with his, his warm hand engulfing her smaller one. The contact alone chased away any trace of cold in her body and replaced it with a warmth spreading from her chest and out to her limbs. It bubbled up, traveling to her face, bringing a silly grin and a giddy giggle with it to her lips. Jon wore a matching grin on his face as he leant forward, resting his forehead against hers. They relished in their closeness, feeling that ever-present connection between them strengthening once more.

“Did I hear you mention something about a walk, my queen? Or was that just an excuse to spend time with me?” Jon teased.

“You heard correctly. And maybe that as well.” Dany replied slipping her other hand into his.

“Well I’m glad because I want you to meet a friend of mine.” Jon gave her hands a little tug and began pulling her towards the door. “Come on. I haven’t seen him since we arrived. Let’s go find him, my queen.”

“Who is this person? And to meet this late in the evening?” Dany asked as they exited the great hall, heading towards the now empty courtyard.

“I didn’t say he was a person. There he is! Come here boy!” Jon let go of her hand and crouched down with his arms outstretched. Dany watched in amazement as a huge, white dire wolf with glowing blood red eyes bounded over to them.

“I’ve missed you so much, boy! Have you been good?” Jon laughed, embracing his furry friend who was bestowing him with slobbery kisses. Dany sniggered at the sight. Seeing Jon this happy made him look so much younger and carefree. She loved it.

“Ghost, I have someone very important I want you to meet. She is our queen. Don’t go pouncing on her, you hear me?” Ghost let out a whine as if declaring his disappointment. Jon looked back at his queen and reached out for her hand to pull her closer to him. “Your grace, this is Ghost, my dire wolf. He’s been a loyal friend and companion since I was a boy.”

“Hello, Ghost. It’s so great to meet you.” Dany ran her fingers through his thick white fur. It looked almost luminescent under the moonlight and so very soft. Ghost panted and wagged his tail at her touch. He reminded her of her dragons when they were little, leaning into her touch and purring as she stroked their heads.

“They used to call him the runt of the litter because of his snow white coat and red eyes.” Jon scratched the patch of skin between Ghost’s ears. “He may be different but he’s beautiful, Jon.” Dany exclaimed. Jon nodded. “Aye, that he is.” Ghost barked, seemingly agreeing with their compliments towards his appearance.

After playing with Ghost for a while more, Jon stood up and turned to face Dany. “Shall I escort you back to your chambers? You must be famished.” As soon as the word escaped his lips, her stomach let out an unladylike grumble. Jon laughed as the edge of his thumb caressed the apple of her cheek. “You dare laugh at your queen? I could send you to Drogon as his next meal.” Dany said with a huff, compelling herself not to give in, not to melt at his touch.

No man had ever made her feel this way, almost like a young woman her age should. Happy and in love with a suitor. The cruel reality of life made her build a wall around her heart, forcing her to grow up too fast, too soon. Dany learnt the hard way, being vulnerable would only get you hurt. Never trust anyone other than yourself. If she wanted to claim the iron throne, she couldn’t afford any vulnerability. With Jon however, she knew it was okay to let her guard down for a while because he understood what she went through, how far she’s come and how much further she wanted to reach. Even without her permission, this White Wolf with his honourable ways and warm eyes, tore down her walls and crept into her heart, making a home in there alongside the dragon within.

“You wouldn’t. You care for me too deeply, Dany.”

Dany.

A nickname her brother Viserys gave her all those years ago when they were children. He was her big brother whom she trusted, who she thought cared about her wellbeing. Even after so long, it still hurt. He was her only remaining family and he abused her and sold her like a broodmare when her body was no longer a child’s, in the pretence of wanting to get them home. In hindsight, looking back now, she supposed she had to be thankful for what Viserys did, for all that happened to her. It got her to where she was now. When Jon called her by that nickname that though, it only brought about feelings of affection, sweetness, erasing the emotions they used to invoke, emotions associated with the pain of betrayal.

“Don’t be so sure of yourself, Jon Snow. Women are unpredictable creatures.” She ran a finger along his scruffy cheek. Jon took hold of her hand and placed a kiss to her palm. “You couldn’t be more right. Come, let’s get some food in you.” Together, they walked hand in hand in the dark of night to her chambers with Ghost trailing along behind them.

A supper of lamb and potatoes with gravy was devoured and washed down with glasses of blackberry wine. Wanting to spend more time together but not wanting to call upon the castle help and risk the whole Northern kingdom knowing about their newly blossoming relationship, they had to stop by the kitchens to “acquire” Jon’s supper and sneak it to Dany’s chamber. The lovers reclined against the headboard of the bed, bellies full, huddled under fur blankets to keep the chill at bay. In the hearth a roaring fire blazed, providing pleasant warmth to the room. Ghost dozed in front of it, snoring quietly.

“Will you be staying the night?” This would be Dany’s first night at Winterfell and she did not want to spend it alone. She’s missed not sharing a bed with Jon; she desired his warm body beside hers. His presence made her feel safe. He made her feel less…. alone.

“Do you want me to, my queen?”

“I would like it very much if you did.” Dany turned on her side to face him.

Jon smiled as he lifted his right arm to welcome her into his embrace. “Then I will stay the night with you.” Dany cuddled into his arms enthusiastically, laying a palm atop his chest and tucking her face into the crook of his neck.

“Good.” And preferably every night as well, she thought to herself.

It was too soon in their relationship to be talking about things like marriage, even though Tyrion would definitely encourage it. A military alliance between a king and a queen would be beneficial in her quest to secure the seven kingdoms. But, for now, she would just enjoy as much time with him as she could because who knew what the outcome of the impending war would be.

He smelled of leather, snow, pine and sweat, but most of all he smelled of home, a place she could belong. Her whole life was spent moving constantly from place to place, it would be nice to settle somewhere for a change. Finding home in a person was definitely not something she foresaw happening in her future anymore after the loss of Drogo. Until, she met the King in the North. Someone who frustrated her to no end but intrigued her so much at the same time, who quickly evolved into someone she could not imagine losing, someone whom she treasured dearly.

“What are you thinking about, Dany?”

“I’m thinking about you.”

“And may I ask what about me?”

Dany pushed herself up to look into his eyes. “Did you know, in the past, sometimes at night, I would dream about a faceless lover?”

“And this is related to me how?” Jon narrowed his eyes at his queen, not sure where she was going with this conversation.

“If you would let me finish please!” Dany rolled her eyes at the very attractive but oh so vexing man lying by her side.

“My apologies. Do continue.”

“Some nights, a dream lover would appear. He was always shrouded in shadow. I could never see his face, but I knew he was handsome and close to my age.” Dany lay back down against Jon’s side, wrapping an arm around his neck.

“You see, there were times that even with a lover to warm my bed and followers and advisors accompanying me, I’m not too sure why, but I’ve always felt alone in this world. Something told me the person that I truly needed was out there, somewhere and no one but that person out there could complete me. All the people around me was not this special person whom I’ve yet to meet.” Jon twirled a lock of her hair round his finger as he listened.

“What I remember distinctly from those dreams was a feeling of completion, deep in my heart. When he lay with me, the feeling of loneliness left for a while. That is until I woke. Despite being a very short respite, it still felt good. Even if he was just an image conjured up by my unconscious mind. ” She smiled wistfully as she recounted the dreams of her mystery lover.

Dany shifted even closer to Jon so that they were chest-to-chest and the tips of their noses brushing against one another. “This relates to you, because I experience the same sensation every time when I’m with you. That feeling of completion my dream lover brought me. Could my mystery lover have been you all along, Jon Snow?”

Jon shuddered, feeling the wisps of her warm breathe against his lips as she spoke. Looking into her mesmerizing lilac eyes, he whispered: “I’m not sure, Dany. I can’t peer into that stunning mind of yours to identify him.” Jon tapped the tip of his index finger against her forehead. “But, I am extremely glad that I could chase away some of your loneliness. I understand how that feels, to be surrounded by so many people and still feel lonesome.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely, my queen. I’ve always been somewhat of an outsider. As you know, being a bastard your whole life does that to you. Having my siblings, my brothers of the Night Watch around me didn’t do much to fill this… empty hole in my heart. Something was always missing, like my heart was reserving the space for someone.” As he spoke, his fingertips began tracing nonsensical patterns on Dany’s back.

“That’s how it’s always been, until I met you, my queen. This space, in here?” He lifted her hand and placed it on his scarred chest, directly above where his heart beat strong. “Seems to have been filled.”

“Do you think we were destined to meet, Jon?” All the suffering would have been worth it, if it meant meeting someone who was your equal in every way, who respected you, who shared your ideals, who wasn’t afraid to point out your mistakes and loved you for you, inside and out completely.

A soulmate.

“I’m not much for prophecies or fate.” Jon threaded his fingers through her silver locks, stroking through the curls. Without her tight braids, the silver strands cascaded like a luscious, silky, wavy, moon kissed waterfall, down her back and around them both like a curtain. “All I know is, meeting you was the best thing to happen in my life, in a very long time. Thanks to you, I don’t feel alone anymore. So, thank you, Dany.”

His heartfelt confession struck a chord in her heart bringing forth tears to her eyes. Dany let out a wet chuckle as her heart swelled with love. She couldn’t resist closing the distance between their lips, kissing him deeply, prying his lips apart and delving her tongue into his mouth to intertwine with his. Their tongues danced and battled hungrily, never getting enough of the remnant taste of sweet blackberry wine and a distinct flavour uniquely their own. When air became essential, the lovers broke apart reluctantly, panting, faces flushed, with breathless laughter and smiles of mirth quirking at their kiss-swollen lips.

“I am so very happy that you walked into my life, Jon Snow.” Dany nudged his nose gently with hers. “Let’s vow to enjoy the happy moments that come by, however fleeting they might be.”

“Aye. I promise. We’ll do it together.”

“Yes. Together.”