#so extra fun fact im Incorporating that

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ccan you share any facts about the lights out au :3

i can try!

one thing i'm trying to incorporate that they get a Lot more puppety once the lights go out - their expressions can no longer change! Frank's frown is fixed! i've been holding off on this a bit since trying to imagine like... Barnaby getting mad but it's just this fuckin blank muppet face kills me but. hey what if they all had eyebrows that were built to move- also it's Important to the "Plot". and if i need expressions to show emotion, i'm failing as a writer

Wally gets a skin cardigan

as time goes on the Goop™️ kinda gets a mind of its own. it finds spare puppets - or puppet parts - to use as a shell. mix'n'match, horror style!

my original design for butterfly Howdy was made for this au. do with that what you will

over the years, Wally reads a lot of books - they teach him quite a few things that he would have never known about otherwise, even if he can't fully understand half of what he reads. how does one know what whisky is - beyond a drink - if they don't know about alcohol is?

Wally makes "friends" with some critters that start living in the studio. though he thinks there's one rat - he doesn't know to call it that - and like... one roach - he also doesn't know to call it that. so he thinks the same few strange creatures are around, when in reality it's a bunch. they keep getting consumed by the Goop

Poppy sets up the post office to be more liveable / pleasant. both for a sense of normalcy and it's just something to do! she makes it nice and homey <3 to the best of her ability <3 she can't really see what she's doing <3

[stillamassivedeal]

“spoiler alert: heaven is a really nice hotel in miami”

oh, my god, why am i on tumblr?

ooc/headcanons under the cut !!

ooc ♡

heyy !! im the mod for this rp account and will NOT be linking my main !! if you know you know !! i use she/they pronouns :3

this is based off of both versions of mean girls that reneé rapp has been in, and i use pictures of her, and the odd faceless blonde girl and random images from pinterest :)

i try to incorporate lines from the broadway production and musical movie into my posts and interactions !! fun fact: broadway is my favourite variation of mean girls, but i have seen the 2024 movie over 30 times :3

rules/extra info ♡

nsfw is okay but not preferred, im a minor !!

general dni, just don't be an asshole, im here to have fun, not report you for being a cunt ♡

im in gmt timezone and am busy with school and studying and all that fun stuff /s so i might not reply immediately !!

send as many asks/dms as you'd like, no limit :)

free to rp over asks or dms, whatever works !!

⚠️im okay with most triggering stuff, but please be wary that i may ignore your ask if it's a bit much for me in the moment !!!⚠️

tags ♡ (starting from 17/10/2024)

#regina speaks ♡ ← normal posting

#regina's inbox ♡ ← asks

all posts will be tagged #mean girls rp !! and when im speaking ooc in dms or tags or whatever ill use // at the beginning !!!

about her/headcanons ♡

her full name is regina olivia george

she's 17, her birthday is january 20

she/her

lesbian, but refuses to admit it, thinks something is wrong with liking girls. a few times, she's gotten so worked up about it that she's thrown up

she's definitely neurodivergent in some way, but she gets scared whenever she thinks about that/genuinely just doesn't acknowledge it. if anyone even brings up anything to do with that, from any aspect, she gets really defensive or ignores it

she suffers from chronic pain after the bus accident, and some days it's hard for her to even get out of bed. she frequently misses school because of this, and struggles with her classes (some of that might be to do with the last point though) also she struggles to go out on her own, she's scared of stuff that should be easy, like crossing the street, but usually she'll try and cover it up, but it just gets her in a flap and AAHHH so !! either she'll try and push through, get her friends to come over to hers or get her friends or someone to walk with her. also doesn't drive on her own, and always needs to have someone with her. on super bad days, she'll get someone to drive her and she'll sit in the backseat shaking out of pure fear

her parents are divorced, she lives with her mom and sister, kylie, and never sees her dad. she has a rocky relationship with her mom and gets on so well with her sister. she doesn't remember much about her dad

she still acts like she's so tough, but she's actually a massive softie. everything you say will be taken to heart and she will cry about it

she's learning to be a better person. she's scared of being vulnerable and opening up

she's a mega germaphobe (im projecting i fear)

she acts like she enjoys parties, but really she gets overly anxious about them, so she makes sure she gets super drunk to eliminate the feeling

she loves her friends. she really does. cherishes them so much, they stuck with her through everything !!!!

she's actually a huge theater kid, but has practically eliminated that from her personality, because whoever heard of a popular girl who likes theater? she used to want to be on broadway when she was younger, but her dad told her it was stupid so she dropped the idea

she has absolutely no idea how to regulate her feelings at all, that might be obvious tbh

she just doesn't really know how to treat people, she just says and does exactly what comes to mind without thought. it feels like she has no control, which scares her

she's 5'8, she will use her height to her advantage and bully you about how short you are ♡

she loves movies ?? idk she seems like a movie lover, she has letterboxd and it's filled with old romance movies and horror films (conflicting personalities :3)

she often craves physical touch, she just wants someone to love her for her

she wishes she had a dog !! but her mom doesn't like pets. she used to beg her parents for one when she was younger, but they always said no :((

JEALOUS JEALOUS GIRL !!!!! will see one of her friends with someone else and actually feel horrific about it

driest ass texter ever. gretchen and cady are constantly like “are you mad at me :((” and she's just like “no.”

USES . AT THE END OF EVERYTHING

⚠️tw ed mention⚠️ she really struggles with food and body image, especially after the kälteen bar incident. how she views herself has always been prominent in her mind since she was a kid, but it's slightly more noticeable now. she's never told her friends, but they clearly know, and they help her, whether that's eating with her or distracting her or whatever ♡

more will be added as we go !!

[pagodazz]

Youd be willing? YAY!!!!

Could we have some more hcs about vinny and habit, then? :3

YESYESYES OF COURSE!!!!!!!!

I absolutely ADORE DOING THESE AND THOSE GUYS ARE MY HEART AND SOUL SO!!! get ready for some,,

also, I've decided to just. incorporate playlists of the characters I write for:

I personally think their dynamic is one of most misunderstood when it comes to the slenderverse. And I understand that's probably an unpopular opinion amongst many but, TO ME. PEOPLE GET THEM ALL WRONG.

HABIT and Vinnie have basically a very domestic life from what it seems. I mean, You can see that they can move around each other with ease and HABIT has no issue being affectionate with Vinnie, (Vinnie most likely would never initiate it, he knows better. even tho he's immortal and would heal, he's not looking to get gutted.)

You can see that vinnie has no issue talking back to HABIT and being a smart ass. He KNOWS HABIT needs him around, so he's gonna treat HABIT how he wants while he's yk,,, literally being held hostage.

NOW ENOUGH ABOUT THAT!! AND ONTO HCS!!

-----------------------

I think that HABIT is actually a really good artist, I think he probably has a Chicken scratch art style which I find to be really nice.

I think Vinnie is also a pretty good artist, especially after he was left alone for awhile, he definitely picked up some extra talents. probably just a bunch of little things that he could find to entertain himself.

I think that HABIT is a hot chocolate drinker, Vinnie is a tea one. But they both like having coffee in the morning. HABIT likes his with more cream than coffee and Vinnie likes to have a nice Even amount.

I've seen that many people think HABIT makes Vinnie clean up the blood of the victims or the house and stuff and I really don't think he would force him at all, if Vinnie WAS cleaning, it'd be out of his own free will. But I honestly feel like HABITS got his powers. he can do that shit himself methinks.

-----------------

They're both absolutely insufferable, I know that for a fact. But they seem to actually connect on things, they have common interests and they both want to take down slenderman.

HABIT isn't out killing everyday I don't think, I mean for example, what if the weather is just fucking horrible out?? you think HABIT is gonna go out? NO WAY.

I think days, or nights like that, they'll turn on a movie, (most likely a slasher/horror/gore movie) or play a video game, or maybe they'll just go off and do their own things but, obviously in their personal places.

I think this obviously built up over time too, after years of HABIT being the only person Vinnie interacts with, I think it's bound to get a little friendly.

I think it started off with HABIT forcing Vinnie out of his room and making him sit in the living room and he just basically calls him a big sad loser and he needs to unwind because it's making HABIT feel like a big sad loser. (he's lying of course, but he really does want Vinnie to stop moping. it's annoying.)

over time they got comfortable enough to sit on the same couch together. and even more time for HABIT to be able to put his legs over vinnies as he points out the flaws of the kills In each movie.

Habit is ALWAYS talking during movies, and what's worse, so is Vinnie. THEY'D BE HORRIBLE TO WATCH MOVIES WITH. they'd be making fun of the characters and the plot, or they would be talking about what they would be doing instead. Probably ending in them making fun of each other for being so predictable. (they have no other friends. they basically function the same.)

Vinnie actually finds that listening to HABIT ramble can be calming sometimes, mainly because it's a good sign that HABIT is in a good mood and he doesn't need to be walking on eggshells.

--------------------

I think HABIT has taken the time to learn vinnies favorite meals, so on days Vinnie is "really good" (There was no need for the canon use of "im a good boy" and "you've been a bad little boy.") he'll make Vinnie his favorite thing.

Vinnie is always so suspicious of course, and that always makes HABIT happy, He's always glad to know that Vinnie doesn't trust him, atleast not completely. HABIT likes that. He's found someone who he can respect and someone who respects him.

Vinnie knows his place and that might just be one of HABITS favorite things about him.

-----------------------

I think that they actually like to watch each other work, even though they actively complain about it.

Yes this even goes for Vinnie filming HABIT torturing. He doesn't really enjoy the whole torture part, but he likes watching HABIT work, and it gives him content, wether he can even post it. Hes sick in the head guys, his curiosity will ALWAYS get the better of him.

Although I think Vinnie much prefers to watch HABIT clean and sharpen his weapons. HABIT'S weapons are his pride and joy, he loves them more than anything. ANYTHING. and Vinnie can see that when HABIT takes care of them, He admires it a little.

He think it's kind of beautiful, the way a entity so awful like that could find love for something even if it's in some sort of twisted version of it, it's still love right?

And I think HABIT really likes to watch Vinnie work on his computer, or well, he likes to BOTHER Vinnie while he works. I see him basically as a cat who is desperate for any kind of attention.

I could see him basically throwing himself at Vinnie and touching all over his face and hair and messing with his laptop and asking several questions that he definitely knows the answer to, he just wants to watch Vinnie's face as he gets annoyed. He finds it fun.

Vinnie can never EVER stay angry for some reason, maybe it's because sometimes for a split a second, HABIT looks like Evan.

---------------

HOPE THESE WERE ALRIGHT... I didn't want to write WAY too much.

[soundsgayimin]

“we thank you for your service”

gay people are here so IM HERE!!!🔥🔥

ooc/headcanons under the cut !!

ooc ✰

heyy !! im the mod for this rp account and will NOT be linking my main !! if you know you know !! i use she/they pronouns :3

i try to incorporate lines from the show and comics !! fun fact: my favourite comic is the third one !!

made this account with my girlfriend and she's playing tara so <33

rules/extra info ✰

nsfw is okay but not preferred, im a minor !!

general dni, just don't be an asshole, im here to have fun, not report you for being a cunt

im in gmt timezone and am busy with school and studying and all that fun stuff /s so i might not reply immediately !!

send as many asks/dms as you'd like, no limit :)

free to rp over asks or dms, whatever works !!

tags ✰

#darcy yaps✰ ← normal posting

#darcy's inbox✰ ← asks

all posts will be tagged #heartstopper rp !! and when im speaking ooc in dms or tags or whatever ill use // at the beginning !!!

about them/headcanons ✰

non-binary, they/them

adhd

clingy af !!!!!

has a lot of graphic t-shirts

also a colourful sock collection !!!!

literally the proudest lesbian on the planet

maximalist room. like. chock-a-block with shit from over the years. all of their hyperfixatons.

avid discord user, bought nitro and runs multiple servers

ADMIN OF THE PARIS SQUAD DISCORD

overuses 🔥🗣️💯🦅 and ‼️

ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME (almost)

tara's family is practically their family atp

esfp

more will be added as we go !!

[sillyandquiteawkward]

Idk if this is something you did intentionally, but the fact both Ignatius and Octavia wear dark colors while Bailey wears lighter has plagued my mind since I saw this one image https://www.tumblr.com/sillyandquiteawkward/720332520178237440/legacy?source=share

And now i mentally have this really. Stupid headcanon to be honest. But basically- Octavia wears dark colors both on the outer and inner layers of her clothes, so that shows she's not ashamed of her nature and proudly wears it on her sleeve (what nature you ask? Man idk im just delivering the messages god sends me) ; Meanwhile Bailey wears Light on the exterior and Dark on the interior, showing that although he may present himself as well meaning, he's still kind of a bitch about it. And Iggy does the opposite- Dark on the outside, Light on the inside. Sure he may look smug and even be a little bit of a bastard but its all a façade he puts up, something superficial that doesn't actually reflect on who he really is

Or maybe I smoked a liiiittle too much weed that day and seeing colors made my Artist Brain insane. Probably this

OUHG YOUR BRAIN. (reposting linked image for reference)

i do specifically remember as i was drawing this image being like yes. bayley is wearing a white jacket and its so Different than the others. i feel like i did also have the thought pass me of the same thing, bc i did make the deliberate choice to color oct's shirt in, rather than leave it "white" like iggys shirt. i also wanted bayley to be the only one really looking into the camera but thats another topic hehe.

i think i often find myself switching around the color of octs shirt, is it white, is it blue, is it purple, is it like a yellow. maybe we can also still extend this to oct, that she finds herself torn of what her inner colors really are, but that dark exterior shell of hers remains the same.

i think its funny, bayleys always been someone to me very concerned about his appeal to others, specifically why he most often sports his lab coat. screaming to other people look at me and trust me bc i am a doctor ! and iggy covers himself up as much as he physically can as if to disappear behind them. the man is wearing two extra layers, he wears his bangs in his face (tho we arent talking about hair here)

clothes are a very fun way to see into people and [shaking you] i think ill incorporate this all into my work more deliberately now.

[like-a-diamondinthesky]

fun fact i actually incorporate crochet into all of my bf textfics cos i LOVE to crochet!!!

here r some keychains that i made and im gna force ask my schoolmates to buy so i have extra pocket money LOL

the day i have a partner to crochet silly little gifts for is literally the day my life is complete

[rainbowgothdisaster]

For the artist asks, 2, 11 & 18 :3

2. 5 favourites of your own work?

in no particular order:

pokesona, the stars are falling (not posted, will be posted with this years redraw), jewel's house, sleeping jewel, jewel's bedroom (also an extra bcuz i really like it but couldn't find the compressed file to put here: be back soon screen)

i have a lot of fun drawing my pokesona, it was drawn completely using vector lines which was unbelievably enlightening

the stars are falling was first drawn back in 2020 and has become a way for me to compare how my art has developed over the years. 2020 only featured Jason (he/him), 2021 only had Zero (ey/em), and 2022 includes the former two plus Cleo (she/her, but shes bigender and also goes by Liam he/him), 2023 will include Jason and Ambe (she/her). its a way for me to basically do a benchmark test on my composition and anatomy and colours and shading. i always have a lot of fun drawing it and sometimes making whole new brushes. important note: this one was actually submitted to an art contest, sadly i lost but it was actually my first time since elementary putting my art out with the intent to be judged.

jewel's house was my first time drawing and designing a house and finding different places to incorporate hearts was literally so much fun.

sleeping jewel is just super cute and jewel's bunny hoodie is my favourite thing ever. i have it on my phone and could stare at it for hours.

jewel's bedroom is ALSO a redraw. i enjoyed trying to fit so many things in it, i enjoyed sketching, i enjoyed lining, i enjoyed colouring. though this is actually my least fav of the 5 bcuz i fully believe the idea that your art is only as good as its weakest point. that's not to say its bad or that everyone will approach it as critically as possible. not even to say that everything needs to be perfect. but when i was rendering it, i didn't want to shade. so i took a funky brush and just rushed thru shading. in fact you can see that when watching the speedpaint, i just kinda scribbled the shading. HOWEVER that doesnt take away from the fact i think the rest of it is really well done. i think i did well on the bed in particular and the fact that i stylized a real bed that we own and my actual childhood bed that i would die to get back (we owned two, mine was lost when mum and dad had to abandon my childhood home bcuz of shitty roommates and a shitty landlord) i enjoyed drawing my actual stuffed animals and my actual lolita dress. it like actually has sentimental value bcuz of all of that i just wish i did it better.

11. favourite comment you've ever received on your work?

uhhhh so like i dont usually recieve comments on my work aside from my family's "wow i could never do that" soooo well go with the comment you left on my bunny hoodie design bcuz as far as i can remember iirc it was the first time id gotten a nice comment about my fashion designs and i was really happy someone liked it bcuz im like super nervous about my silly fashion doodles :)

18. do you have any larger projects you'd like to pursue? like comics, shortfilm, a series, etc?

yes! id like House Of Misfits to be a cartoon, tho the show would probably be lighter than the short stories bcuz i don't imagine i could explore Amber's backstory on screen. im making a proof-of-concept website which is technically online and more than 70% unfinished.

i also have a coming-of-age novel i need to do research for called Saftey Blanket about a hijabi girl named Aminah in her senior year of highschool (if i made it a series wed get to see her twin siblings realize they're trans which would be fun but rn they are but lil babbies), id like to make a children's cartoon and a visual novel but i don't currently have any ideas for either.

btw despite the fact that i am an animator, i don't want to animate a show. i want to run a show. i don't actually enjoy animations longer than maybe 10 seconds.

i have a side project based around the album A Constant State Of Ohio by Lincoln that would be a very personal project around self image while having multiple personality disorders (and other problems), but i cannot for the life of me make an animatic. there's lots of ideas like this jostling in my brain, like a stop-motion animation of Through The Roof n Underground by Gogol Bordello, where i just simply cannot which i am fine with.

then theres the fact i do actually want to sew my fashion designs, at least that bunny hoodie if nothing else, and i cannot get my hands on any fabric despite owning a sewing machine

[calebwittebane]

glad u had a good day u definitely deserve them ! also it would be cool to hear about your mixed media techniques if you want to talk about them. from what youve posted here your paintings fuck hard so to speak

i didnt answer this ask yesterday, im sorry...

okay, so. when i paint with oils and acrylics, i often incorporate different materials as well to add extra texture to my paintings. i like to just... go to a hardware store and buy stuff there. ive tried many different materials, and through trial and error found those that are effective and cheap

main one for me is, acrylic caulk. it is paintable, and unlike many materials commonly used for putting rough+thick texture underneath paint, its elastic when dry, and thats very important when you paint on a canvas, because otherwise you just end up with stuff crackling and falling out. it's very durable. and it's very easy to mold into all kinds of shapes, and you can put down a very thick layer. with the nozzle you can get these stringy effects. i use it for stuff like this (details)

its main downsides i would say, are that because it's smooth, if you didnt thoroughly prime your canvas, the difference between it and the fabric is going to be very stark, seen through the paint; as well as the fact that if you put down a very thick layer of it, it can retain some stickyness when compressed, for example if you store your paintings in a way where theyre touching each other. for this reason and just because it makes everything look better, cover it with a layer of, preferably acrylic paint, in a neutral color that works with your project, before you start painting on it proper.

now.... sometimes its a good idea to just stick random stuff to your painting. now there are very lightweight/flat stuff you can attach: crumpled up paper towels (not toilet paper! paper towels dont fall apart with moisture), small pieces of string, dry leaves, scraps of fabric, and such. and how you do it is simply soak it up a little, then soak it in acrylic paint, and then put it on the canvas where you want it, and then smooth it in with a brush loaded with acrylic paint, basically locking it in place by painting over it. you see, it is easy and fun:

as for a llittle bigger objects: crumpled up fabric, stems and sticks, thicker string, various pieces of something, well you're going to glue them on. and i recommend a water-based assembly glue. make sure you pick the kind that doesn't reject paint, and is moisture-resistant when dry - check the label!

now. if youre using such materials, its likely that youre gonna want a very opaque layer on top of them. like, if youre using a piece of umbrella, and could only get a polka dots one, and dont want the polka dots to show through, you know what im getting at (although if you want the polka dots to show thats awesome too). for this, definitely use wall/ceiling paint. it's highly pigmentated and opaque. you likely dont wanna buy an entire can, so get those little sample thingies from the rack.

youre gonna need all kinds of tools for this, and i will say, tiny little precision palette knives for oil impasto are one thing, but buy brushes and scrapers and spatulas at the hardware store too. of course, again, if you need a high quality natural hair brush for watercolors or precise oil/acrylics application, well you gotta get those, but most of the time? dont get scammed. get your brushes, especially thick bristle brushes and especially wide brushes, at the hardware store. if you wanna work with big canvases and other surfaces, these bad boys are a must

(the bendy one is for radiators, if you need to ask an employee where to find one!)

this will simply save you a lot of time and money... i encourage you to try things for yourself and see what works best. to sum up, my final message.... go to the hardware store, many useful supplies for your art to be found there. turpentine will be a lot cheaper too and its literally the same stuff

and listen! this isnt just for abstract stuff, or still life subjects. you can incorporate such techniques very effectively in landscapes, portraits, scenes, genre paintings, cityscapes, seascapes, and so on! i find that its rly good for depicting foliage, rocks, all kinds of natural textures that sometimes simply need that additional Chaotic Element, that maybe cant always be conveyed through paint alone. try it!

[nitonitonito]

@caemthe​​         said ; important question: how many medjeds can nito summon? and how many medjeds are too many medjeds?  /  from:  𝐔𝐍𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐃  !

         / This question is pretty interesting and will be a lot of fun to answer, so first of all; I thank u Liri for sending it in !! now to answer this, I will be merging my personal headcanons since this has never been adressed canonically in f.go (or at least, as far as im aware of!) + a bit of egyptian mythology as well; TO START WITH ! as a context to my answer, Nitocris is canonically reffered in game as the incarnation of the god Horus / avatar of the sky (Horus mostly known as the god of kingship and the sky), however this is not a trait unique to Nitocris but rather, a trait all pharaoh’s in life shared, as when a pharaoh came to the throne, they were instantly associated/became the manifestation of Horus because of all that Horus symbolized, in the same note, in death, the pharaoh became/was associated with Osiris.

Now how does all of this brings medjeds into the question? well, little is known about the origins and nature of medjeds besides the fact that they were mentioned in the book of the dead and that they can shoot beams with their eyes; besides that, the other bit we know about them is that the god medjed belongs to the house of Osiris, (Amongst the many roles Osiris had, he is mostly known as the judge and lord of the dead and the underworld) with this we can sort of conclude that medjed follows Osiris amongst many other 'obscure’ gods. With all of this as context, I’ll answer the first question as i include my own headcanons; how many medjeds can nito summon? as many as she wants!! considering her case is rather extraordinary as she is technically ‘alive’ but also ‘dead’, she harbors the powers and is the manifestation of both osiris and horus ; because of this side of Osiris that she possesses, she would be able to command the beings of the underworld and summon them whenever and wherever she needed their aid.

Extra: this is now a lil bit of an extra in regards to this question and it includes her lovecraftian lore that fate decided to incorporate to her through the magical mirror she possesses (this is separate to the actual little historical information we have of her as the mirror was never mentioned anywhere in any of the few historical mentions we have) that comes from a story by Br.ian L.umley. Basically this mirror can unleash creatures at midnight, and can show the reflection of other places and dimensions that can be random unless the user knows exactly what they wanna see (a point that brings me to add to my nito the power of clairvoyance but that’s for another day coughs) the point of this all is that even if you followed this side of her character in fate and put to the side the explanation i wrote, she would still be able to summon as many as she wanted (?) or technically one, since the description of the mirror mentioned only one (1) creature, however we’ve seen her with more than one medjed. This all would apply so long she had that mirror with her. In my portrayal, she can summon beings from the underworld without the need of a mirror because of her manifestation as Osiris

NOW FINALLY.... -drum rolls- the final question !! how many medjeds are too many medjeds?? There is no such a thing as too many medjeds!! not to her!! althought they do quite take a lot of space if she summons too many, and despite her wishes to be seen as mighty and imposing, she is mindful of other servants and tries to be respectful; in the sense that the corridor might get too crowded if she were to invite too many of her curious friends in-

[ghoulciifer]

submission:

@sanemisthiccbih: “HI BABYYYY, ILYSMMM!! Congratulations on 100!!!🍾 I would like a matchup please for BNHA please! Ok soooo, I’m 5’2, kinda chubby (thicc thigh gang) , tanned, have glasses and a very round face! Also bangs and brown hair .3. Unfortunately, i have a mom/soft girl aesthetic even though i want to have e-girl aesthetic low-key. I like to draw, play t-bone, pamper my dog and bake. I blame my chunkyness on the fact that I LOVE to try new/exotic foods (even though I CANNOT cook). I LOVE trying new/weird foods. I also like being adventurous like going on hikes, checking out whats in my forest, and roller coasters (or any thrill rides, I will live at a theme park or fair tbh). Honestly let me live at the fair and I’d be happy. Um... im always told im too kind to everyone I meet. I just want someone kind (towards me at least) tbh (for this matchup a guy please!). I want that come up from behind and hug you then do that awkward big man waddle love ya know?”

notes: ali, the light of my life, i really appreciate you and your never ending support 🥺 it means the world to me, and i hope you like your matchup! i was nervous af writing this but i really think you and tama would suit each other! thank you for entering, sweet cheeks ❥ drabble under the cut because it is NSFW!

why i matched you:

» you’re sweetheart personality and your caring nature are really what attracts tamaki to you the most, aside from the fact that you’re as cute as a button. as shy and timid as he is, tamaki amajiki is naturally drawn toward those who present themselves with a bubbly, loveable aura and that’s you! he can tell there’s not an ounce of fake energy coming from you, so when he determines that you are genuinely kind and interested in building a relationship with him? you’ve got him melting in the palm of your hand.

» due to his quirk, tamaki is constantly experimenting with different recipes to incorporate his most important food groups into his meals. and who better to share those exotic dishes than with you! your love of trying new things and breaking new recipes down really help ease his nerves when it comes to cooking, because let’s be honest, cooking isn’t as easy as those youtube channels make it out to be. you’re a great seus chef and he’s always having fun chopping, baking, or grilling his love into every meal he makes with you. plus, food fights? that’s the only fight he wants to have with you!

» tamaki loves how creative and adventurous you are, you’re exactly the kind of influence he needs in his life to push him out of his comfort zone every once in a while. sometimes all he needs is that extra little push to make him do something he usually ends up enjoying. however, he respects your ability to determine when he’s at his limit with new experiences, and showers you with hugs n’ kisses when you assure him he’s doing a-okay and you’re proud of him. the affection isn’t one sided, though! he loves praises you through blushing babbles of how strong and beautiful you are, and only wants you to feel the way you make him feel at all times. and boy, is he doing a great job.

» consequentially, tamaki never fails to be at your side when you’re feeling at your lowest. he hates seeing someone so worthy of happiness feel like they deserve anything but, so what does he do? he ignores his naturally timid defenses and comforting you quickly becomes second nature to him. he’ll cup your lil’ cheeks and kiss your tears away, taking all the insecurities seeping from your soul with every sweet word that comes from his lips. he knows times like these sometimes call for a night in, cuddled together under a huge pile of blankets and stuffed animals he’s gotten you over the years, a gentle reminder of how beautiful he thinks you are whispered between kisses. what a sweetheart!

» tamaki’s friends are incredibly surprised with how calm and collected he is around you, sometimes. sure, it’s easy to make him flustered sometimes, but you really ground him and remind him there’s no need to be anxious 24/7! baby boy just needs validation, and that’s constantly reciprocated between the two of you, so there’s never a doubt in his mind that he can’t be himself around you.

» of course, tamaki’s going to be a flushed mess when it comes to affection, but nothing makes him feel more loved than when your arms are wrapped around him from behind and you waddle your way to wherever it is you’re taking him. his favorite things to do are intertwining his fingers with yours, a thumb rubbing your knuckles softly, resting his head on your shoulder and peppery little butterfly kisses here and there, or even pulling a page from your book and wrapping his arms around you from behind with his chin buried in your hair. almost always leads to the both of you blushing furiously but, it’s worth it.

drabble:

Lavender. Salt. Sex. These scents are what permeate the thin air of your shared bedroom with Tamaki, each one as intoxicating as the last as they invade your every sense. Slick sweat mixed with one another’s spending, short, panting breaths, your glistening chest rising and falling with each gasp and moan that slips past your parted lips; Tamaki loves watching this scene unfold from his position between your legs. Your boyfriend’s face is currently buried in your gushing cunt with a gentle yet firm grasp on your hips to keep you still, relishing in the way your hips buck into his mouth with every swipe of his tongue over your abused clit. 

You would think that as soft and gentle Tamaki is outside of the bedroom, he would be equally as fragile with you in between the sheets… but oh, what a misconception that was. If anything he was almost too generous. 

“Tama-... baby, p-please, I can’t…” you whine through labored breaths, head thrown back into the mattress as your hands tangle themselves within his messy indigo locks. You felt so incredibly overstimulated, and your poor shaking legs would surely threaten to crush his head if it weren't for the way his large hands kept them pinned in the perfect position for him to devour you whole. Your soft pleas were barely above a whisper but you could tell they reached his pointed ears with the way his lips shifted into a smile against your glistening folds.

“Y/N, please, just let me give you one more? I want to make you feel good, bunny, you deserve it.” He presses a chaste kiss to the innermost part of your thigh, tongue slipping out to lap up what wetness was left there from his previous ministrations, “You’re so beautiful like this… I love you so much.” He says this with the most awestruck look in his azure irises, his smile looking almost too innocent had it not been for your cum making his chin shine beneath the lowlight of your bedroom, his cheek pressed into your leg as he pleads to you with looks alone. 

Your own eyes instantly soften and you feel that familiar tug of your heartstrings, getting so lost in how sweet he looked in moments like this. How could you ever resist him when he adores you oh, so much? 

You reach forward to brush your thumb against his cheekbone, trailing the digit downward to tug at his bottom lip. You then give him a silent “I love you, too” before laying back down against the sheets. His smile instantly grows. 

And of course, it isn’t long before he’s got you writhing in pleasure, seeing stars, and chanting his name like it’s the only word you know.

deadline for matchups is (08/29/20)! be sure to submit your entry before this date and check the tag #tumplaysmatchmaker to stay updated!

[roxilalonde]

fun facts about stephenie meyers siblings ft. my escalating levels of distress and concern:

all of her siblings’ names (seth, emily, jacob, paul, and heidi) end up in the twilight saga in one way or another

not all incorporations are made equal

i.e. heidi is a glorified extra who shows up for 2 chapters at the end of the second book whereas jacob is literally the secondary love interest for the entire series

on a scale from jacob to heidi how bad is your relationship with your sister

seth and paul are both werewolves

seth is a sweet, harmless baby brother type in the books and also the name of one of meyer’s sons so im gonna take a leap and say he was steph’s favorite

except for jacob, who got to be the third billing character in the series while everyone else got to be a tertiary character at best

emily gets horribly maimed. so uh. thats fun

on a scale from seth to emily how bad is your relationship with your sister

i cant stop thinking about heidi though like. all of the others have moderate to important roles in the series meanwhile heidi is just some italian chick who eats people and says MAYBE 3 words? she’s like the volturi’s receptionist or something. a fucking receptionist

all of this is just varying degrees of batshit obviously. i cannot imagine my sister writing me as a character in her pulpy vampire romance novel and us ever being on speaking terms again

how do you react to that? how do you have a relationship. how do you roll up to thanksgiving and sit across the table from someone who makes $50 million a year off a YA series where YOU are a speaking character

actually never mind. yeah if my sister made $50 million a year i wouldnt say shit to her about it either

still though

somewhere out there is a man named “jacob meyer” who has never known peace 

[jzixuans]

hi hi so i know it was a few days ago that you asked for stuff to cheer you up but i figure hey there’s never a bad time for brotherly/platonic prinxiety, right? right.

ANYWAY

this is once again inspired by my friend and i (because im love her) so without further ado, i give you: virgil and roman and their summer passion project –✨ (warnings for murder and cult mentions (both done in good fun because virgil is just Like That sometimes), a bit of swearing, and the fact that i didn’t proofread this At All and played fast and loose with tenses because time is fake)

- roman is the one who comes up with the idea. of course he is, he’s the creative one! he has only the best of ideas, and virgil agrees. - this time, his idea is for them to write and direct a short film - (fun fact: it came about solely because roman wanted to try his hand at directing. he’s been in the spotlight so often that he wanted to see what it was like behind the scenes.) - at first, virgil is curious as to why roman wanted him to be a part of this project. roman can write and direct, and virgil certainly isn’t going to act, nor does he know any other actors - as it turns out though, roman wanted them both to be directors! - roman would take care of the more performance-based aspects while virgil would deal with technical ones. - (virgil has tried his hand at set/costume/make up design when he’d taken up technical theatre as an elective the previous year, and roman had been in awe of his work. they’re best friends, yes, but that’s certainly not the only reason roman wanted virgil’s help :D) - roman had approached virgil with this idea around mid-march of their junior year, figuring that they could write the script before summer rolled around, begin filming then, and finish up whenever they had time their senior year - he wanted it to be a sort of last hurrah for them, a wonderfully dramatic way to go out with a bang - virgil was not one for dramatics, but he had to admit that the allure of the potential cinematography he would be able to work with was hard to ignore - (he and roman are best friends, yes, and he would have agreed to helping him anyway, but by no means was he upset about it. ignore any grumbling he may have done, he doesn’t mean it. he’s just Like That, and roman both knows and appreciates this fact.) - ANYWAY - that’s enough snappiness for now i got very sidetracked there - when it comes to ideas about the plot for their little short film, the two were Stumped at first. - “what is there to write about that hasn’t already been done to death?” roman had asked - “why are you looking at me?” virgil had replied. “i’m in a constant state of no thoughts, head empty.” - (roman wasn’t going to argue with that. he was far too busy laughing.) - then, a few hours into their brainstorming session (which, naturally, had been taken over by a fair bit of bitching about classmates, teachers, and homework with a healthy dose of existential crises thrown in for good measure), roman made the brilliant mistake of asking, “what’s the most ludicrous thing we could make a short film about?” - “murder,” virgil replied almost immediately - (this was not the most ludicrous thing they could make a short film about, but as virgil had stated previously, he was very no thoughts, head empty. murder was one of the few things that managed to fill the void that was his brain.) - (roman knew that too, of course, but he replied “let’s do it” anyway) - and so their short film was going to be about murder - (this would become a rather common occurrence too—virgil coming up with the most batshit insane ideas that blinked out at him from the depths of his void-brain and roman bending over backwards to find a way to include them in the story.) - (a notable example was virgil’s request for him to incorporate cults and the fountain of youth. roman had surprisingly little trouble with that one, actually. cults can be very, very strange things.) - this is getting Far Too Long By Far, and while i do have a few more ideas, i’m going to. stop here for now and wrap this up fhdkskdk (but let me know if you want more of Them sometime 👀) - so. roman may be a Bit adhd (because i Said So) and ended up procrastinating before hyperfocusing and writing a vast majority of the script in the final week or two of school, but it was done by the time summer finally rolled around. - they’d found actors (aka roman’s ✨Extra✨ theatre friends) during the school year and virgil had done a lot of design work before roman had finished the script, so their summer was entirely spent on completely ignoring their responsibilities and filming a murder cult short film :D

blink: i’m sorry i took so long to read this i wanted to have enough Spoons to savour this and it didn’t disappoint!!

i love the idea of roman and virgil working on a film together i think that’s a real neat way to combine their interests

[mcleaha]

hello lovelies ! i’m bøffy , i’m 20 years old , prefer she/her pronouns , and currently reside in the pst timezone ! uhh . . . i am posting this intro at nearly 5 AM my time , and i would be almost willing to bet it’s littered with errors and it’s . . . probably a bit all – over – the – place since this is very much a new muse ! however , with that being said , if you give this a like , i will definitely contact you via tumblr ims or d!scord ( 𝓲𝓷𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓪 / 𝓮𝔁𝓱𝓪𝓵𝓪#1384 ) to plot !

[  jasmine brown  . 21  .  cis female .  she/her  ] just saw MALEAH AMICK dragging their suitcase up the steps to CABIN 1B  .  good luck living with HER  ,  i hear that that they’re INDECISIVE  ,  FORGETFUL ,  SOCIABLE  & CREATIVE  .  Apparently they’re the ATTACKING MIDFIELDER .  let’s hope the upcoming season doesn’t affect their JUNIOR year of ART EDUCATION .

STATS:

name: maleah amick .

nickname(s): leah .

age: twenty one .

gender identity: cis female .

pronouns: she/her .

sexual orientation: bisexual / biromantic .

birthday: 26 february 1999 .

zodiac sign: pisces .

myer-briggs: esfj .

pinterest: coming soon !

HISTORY:

               born on the 26th of february 1999 in orlando , florida , maleah was the youngest of the three amick siblings . her mother worked as a prestigious board – certified pediatric surgeon at a local children’s hospital , and her father worked as a high school mathematics teacher and volunteered as the school’s unpaid soccer coach , a move that saved the program from ending due to budget cuts ( he claims he was roped into the position as a first – year teacher with no seniority , but while he’s reluctant to admit it , he eventually grew a passion for the sport he had previously known little about ) .

               with her mother’s long shifts and emergency work – related calls , she ultimately became closer to her father and two older brothers while growing up . most knew her father as a man who towered over them at 6’7” , ordering his team to run laps or practice drills ; however , maleah knew him as the man who would crawl around the living room floor playing barbies with her or would prepare fruit and herbal teas as she twirled around dressed as a princess , declaring it time for a royal tea party . just as easily , she could be found exploring the great outdoors or playing whatever sport was currently in season alongside her brothers .

               she practically followed in her brothers’ footsteps . as they approached high school , each brother chose one sport to specialize in , hoping to secure a position on a college team and eventually on a professional team . maleah did not have professional athletic goals , but although she had immaculate grades with limited effort put towards academics , she knew extra – curricular activities were important for college applications . thus , when it was maleah’s turn to choose which sport to pursue , rather than having to weigh the pros and cons and make her own decision ( or perhaps , fearing that she would make the wrong decision ) , she simply chose the sport that her brothers had previously chosen : soccer .

               her high school coach knew the perfect position for maleah . years of informal practice with her brothers in the backyard had enhanced her skills . she had learned how to evade skilled high school defenses by pretending as if she was heading in one direction before bolting in the other .  soccer was one of the few areas in life in which she possessed enough knowledge to make quick and effective decisions ; she could read the field and immediately determine the best course of action : dribble , pass , or shoot . ultimately , she possessed the vision and the creativity necessary to secure playmaking and goal-scoring opportunities for her team .

               with a line of college scholarships , both academic and athletic , waiting for the attacking midfielder’s choice ( unfortunately , none from either of the schools her brothers played for ) , the time came for maleah to make a decision . as deadlines for summer practices , class registration , and tuition payments crept closer , she finally determined a means of deciding . she numbered her offer letters , 1 through 13 , and allowed a random number generator to make the decision for her . thus , mere chance ( or perhaps fate ) led maleah to hollis university .

               her first semester at hollis was . . . rough , to put it lightly . while most freshman shed a few tears as they watched their parents’ car drive off into the distance , homesickness lingered in maleah’s life . coasting through high school with limited effort had done her zero favors ; with no effective study skills , her grades dropped dramatically . between soccer and trying to salvage her grade point average , a social life was virtually out of question . ultimately , she found herself on academic probation , unable to play soccer , for her second semester of freshman year at hollis .

               luckily , she was able to develop effective study habits , and even discovered along the way that maybe pre – med was not the best major for her . when asked what she wanted to do , maleah gave an entire list of generic answers – “i want to help people” and “i want to make a difference” came up quite often , but nothing specific enough to point her in the right direction . thus , she changed her major almost every semester , desperately seeking for the right fit . in the meantime , though it took several letters petitioning her temporary removal from the team , she was able to resume playing soccer during her sophomore year .

               as junior year approached , maleah was almost certain that she was back in her coach’s good graces – no longer viewed with a sense of skepticism . she had proven herself capable , finding her name on the dean’s list nearly every semester and assisting her team in numerous wins throughout the soccer season . however , with hollis’ soccer teams’ restructuring , maleah can’t help but question if her coach views her as a valued athlete or a liability .

PERSONALITY:

               two words : social butterfly . almost to a fault . even if someone has expressed quite literally zero interest in talking to her / getting to know her , she will still make an attempt . kind of a . . . people – pleaser , in a sense , she just wants to be well – liked ?

               avoids ! conflict ! at ! all ! costs ! generally just . . . tries to avoid people or situations that upset her . not very prone to like . . . yelling or crying , but those close to her can definitely sense a change in her demeanor when she’s upset ? just . . . a lot more tense , probably lots of eye – rolling and just . . . subtle , quiet signs that she is over whatever the problem is .

               kinda . . . chill , mellow , easygoing ? she very much lives in the moment , and tries not to stress too much about the future . always down for a drink , a party , whatever – genuinely just around for some fun and some friends !!!

               the kind of person who genuinely gets excited over like those fun facts and jokes that are on popsicle sticks and whatnot – absolutely must share the information with everyone within earshot . honestly , those jokes are very . . . on point with her own personal sense of humor jflakdsj .

HEADCANONS:

               she suffers from a terrible case of youngest child syndrome . ultimately , without guidance , she’s terribly irresponsible . she’s always having to run extra laps because she sets her alarm too late to make it to morning practices on time . she’s always receiving overdraft fees for spending more money than is available in her checking account . forgets everything – from homework assignments to names to grabbing her keys before locking the door on her way out . just . . . imagine a child asking for an adult’s help and her looking around until she comes to the realization that “ oh , shit , i am an adult ” .

               she’s practically always doodling – in the corners of notebooks , on napkins while eating lunch , on her clothing , on her own skin . she loves making art , particularly drawing or painting portraits or nature . ( ultimately , she only decided to incorporate this into her choice of major after hollis threatened to not allow any further changes to her major ) .

               she has a . . . unique sense of style . she has a passion for thrifting and upcycling . practically lives in hoodies and t – shirts that she has purchased from secondhand stores and cropped herself . always adding cool iron-on patches to her clothing . she should be listed as your emergency contact if you’re prone to ripping your clothing because she can definitely fix it .

               she probably thinks she’s good at trash-talking on the field , but she actually sounds like a second grader ( and that’s being kind ) . if you looked at her browser history , there’s probably at least one record of her actually googling “ best soccer trash talk ” .

CONNECTIONS:

friends !! friends she’s met through courses throughout her adventures of attempting every major possible , mayhaps soccer friendships that continue off the field , mayhaps that complicated emerging new friendship state for some who are new to hollis ! unlikely friends ! best friends !!! quite literally those unbreakable ride – or – die friendships !

muses !! i feel like every artist needs that little dose of inspiration , even if it’s simply the inspiration of a work – in – progress portrait throughout the duration of camp ! complaints of “ stop moving ! ” and her stopping every ten minutes to ask what they think and probably at some point , her flinging a brush dripping of paint in their direction (if things didn’t end in an all – out paint fight djlfakds ) .

enemies !! honestly i’m sure there is ?? so much ?? potential for this , bt . . . mayhaps someone’s just . . . fed up w her irresponsibility ? thinks she doesn’t take her soccer position seriously ? maybe someone doesn’t think she takes anything seriously ( they wouldn’t be . . . wrong tbh ) . maybe someone from cali takes that “ california vs florida ” feud a little too seriously jflskdja . idk there’s always bound to be personality clashes !

exes !! relationships that ended badly , so she actively tries to avoid them and who even knows what happens when she’s forced to acknowledge their existence at some point at this camp !!! maybe relationships that ended on mutual terms so they’re still p chill with each other ?? maybe ended relationships that never quite got closure so there’s still unresolved feelings !!

hook-ups !! they are . . . college students . they are . . . college students stuck at a camp all summer . idk i feel like this one is pretty self – explanatory jflakds .

honestly i am tired & want to sleep , bt genuinely i am up for & open to anything ! good influences , bad influences , unrequited crushes , requited crushes , idk the world is y(our) oyster !! these are . . . rlly just some ideas to get the whole process started bc i am actually terrible at . . . thinking of plot ideas on the spot . always open to jst . . . doing a thread and seeing how things naturally flow too !

[florenceisfalling]

its one am and im feeling feral so here’s my commentary on that one story i always refuse to talk about

“WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!” 

“sitting”

oh no, my original design for anti. i mean it’s not terrible it was just Extra in a way that was not aesthetically pleasing

“oops” “yoink” - anti

the aggressive pencil scribbles i wrote this with

from now on, “i was perturbed, to say the least” is the only acceptable response to violent death threats

more stupidity below

OH HECK OH HECK THERE’S THE ACTUAL COOL THING I CAME UP WITH FOR LORE

damn, i need to start writing in first person perspective again, this is a masterpiece in the worst way possible

why was i less disturbed by the concept of death than i was the concept of warm beer

RAT MENTION

why did i project all of my adhd struggles onto anti

“so. do you have a habit of chasing after teenage girls?” “dOn’T mAkE iT sOuNd WeIrD i JuSt WaNtEd To MuRdEr YoU”

“for funsies”

my old schneep lore was actually cool

ANTI SAID “DOUCHE CANOE”

me and anti kin each other in this story

this is the opposite of what i write now but god i love it anyway

i was suffering from intense paranoia at the time of writing this and it’s painfully obvious

the sad thing is here that logically i would not be able to show off that specific cool scar without stripping and that isn’t happening

ANTI SAID “MAN-THOT”

if the conversation had continued we probably would’ve talked about emo bands

so apparently everyone in LA is garbage according to me previously

am i a fish?

“it’s the sound you hear four hours before a man calls his insurance company” dear god that is the best line i’ve written ever

“it knocked a few dollars and a squirmle (worm on a string) out of my pocket, but steven wasn’t important right now [context: i am about to die]” nevermind, that is the best line i’ve written in my entire life

ah, my fear of parking lots

“it’s not like i was flirting” is a recurring theme in this story and i personally find it hilarious in contrast to the plot, which is just a death, death and death sandwich

“remove her eyes, i presume?” do it, coward

“haha gay”

ok imagine you are staring down darkiplier and your only argument against him involves pirates of the caribbean, the screwtape letters, and the fact that he is Not British

and then you SHAME HIM for not being well-versed in either

i really ranked my sister before heaven huh

“she’s a teenager, it’s in her nature to disobey and make stupid decisions” ok first of all im gonna beat you with a baseball bat

i made fun of their names like 8 times in under an hour

“leaving me to wonder whether my sarcasm was enough to warrant murder”

do not run towards the drippy noise or you will find a replica of your own corpse

can’t believe i incorporated my favorite shirt as a foreshadowing piece

ig i stole coraline’s branding

“i stumbled back. what was i thinking?! i’d never drink tea or get my hair fancily braided!” i wish this wasn’t still a mood

i should rewrite this but better

this page marks the first time i ever compared bruises to watercolor! yeehaw, i do it every other story now

the best part about this story is that i actually like. established really cool setting and atmosphere instead of just letting it unfold in a vague void like i do now lmao

oh, the depravity of a sam’s club at 5 am,,,

oh the inside joke approaches

here it comes

“can’t topple dark on an empty stomach!” *SLAM*

there it is

replacing “kind of a dick move” with “kind of a Dark move” was accidental yet perfect

*tries to come up with a fake name for anti* *panics* “cLAUDE-”

wow ok

i just repetitively beat the fourth wall with a stick

did anti just quote kyoko sakura or was that coincidentally close

“you took his eyes”  “and he’s never thanked me :(”

hypothetically: *gets stupid tattoo* *cuts arm off*

ok thats all for now i got things to do

[dearburningorenji]

Ren crushing on you HCs

Considering the agency doesn’t allow romance, I always found it fun to think about if Ren seriously fell head over heels for someone enough to break the rules for them. This is the just the initial crush phase for now because it got looong

- first of all theres no denying the boys take their idol careers 2000% seriously and know that love is forbidden no matter how strongly they might feel for someone but

- we also know how capable they are of feelings that strong and just imAGINE Ren catching those feelings and the more he spends time with you the more he realises ‘oh’ hes falling for you BAD 

- i mean we all know that he’s always harping on about love and has something sweet to say to just about anyone he fancies

- but i have shining live and what i’ve read about the games to back me up on this when i say that, if Ren seriously fell in love with someone like he’s always wanted to deep down, boy is done for

- you pique his interest in a way that you only can, whether you’re total opposites or have a lot in common

- your humour and the way you react to his teasing or flirtatious (but friendly) comments, whether it catches you off guard or you fire right back with a response of your choosing, it’s an interaction that leaves an impression on him

- he gives you a nickname oh my god

- his fondness only grows every time he sees you, he’s falling and at first he hardly notices

- but at the slight chance that he might get to see you again, he just feels...butterflies??? when was the last time he felt this nervous/excited about seeing someone?

- but everything about you just makes his heart soAR like the way your eyes light up when you talk about that thing you’re obsessed with?? your smile??? your LAUGH??? whether a giggle slips out or a full blown, red-faced, teary eyed, no-sound-coming-out-because-you’re-laughing-so-hard moment his heart just SIngs

- bonus points if he makes you smile or laugh he thinks he’s actually going to die what have you don e to him

- like he wouldnt know what to do he’d act all cool and collected around you but the whole time hes screaming internally

- if you notice something about him or offer a compliment he would think about it all day like you could compliment his socks and he’s still replaying that moment over and over in his head and masato calls him out several times during practice for spacing out or making a silly mistake more often than normal

- speaking of which jinguji aint slick just about everyone in starish can tell somethings up even if he thinks he does a good job at hiding it

- at this point he just brushes it off like no big deal right? he’ll get over it

- THINK AGAIN

- he takes his idol career super seriously as they all do, so the fact that you’re occupying his thoughts so much says a lot

- he normally doesn’t like to wear his heart on his sleeve but when it comes to you, there’s no hiding the way his eyes soften despite his usual smirk when he spots you across the room, lingering on you too long so that you catch him right as he looks away

- it may or may not be to hide the pinkness that is definitely not forming on his cheeks o h 

- smooth, jinguji

- his ears prick up at the sound of your voice, you could be in a group of people or in the crowd at one of his concerts you’re the only person in the room as far as hes concerned

- speaking of concerts iF HE SPOTTED YOU IN THE CROWD AT A CONCERT oH LORDY

- he’s already singing and dancing his heart out the boys are always energetic and having the time of their lives on stage, but anyone paying particularly close attention can see the extra brightness of Ren’s smile, the way his eyes seem to just LIGHT UP, how he exerts himself that much more and puts everything he has into every movement

- he fills the auditorium to the brim with those blessed vocal chords like this is the last performance of his life

- the fact that you came all this way just to see him (or all of starish, but he likes the first option better) he feels like his heart will EXPLODE what have you done to him?!

- because if there’s anything that Ren could love more than expressing his passionate and authentic self on stage and his gratitude to the fans who love him, it’s all of that + the person of his dreams watching him in his element and showing them who he really is UGGDGDG

- hes normally oozing confidence and producing roses tuxedo mask style but when it comes to you, he wants to do something more meaningful

- because at this point he realises he’s probably screwed and he may as well get to know you better but i mean thats alright no big dea-

- WRONG

- he always wants to talk to you and learn more about you without being too forward, but he has insecurities he’d rather ignore but cant help it he’s just never felt this way about anyone before???

- but he pays extra attention to you and the things you say, so that he can give you a more personal gift you would appreciate 

- im crying he genuinely wants to make you happy and do something for you because it’s the least he can do if he can’t love you

- he feels like it’s selfish to want all of your attention but even just for a second he would hold onto that moment for dear life

- he’s so nervous about what to get you and whether you’ll like it o w

- is pairing the gift with a massive bouquet of roses too much? 

- when he does give you something that touches your heart, the way your expression brightens from surprise to positively beaming with gratitude Ren’s just about ready to hand you his heart at this point 

- his own heart just SWELLS knowing he made you that happy

- it would get to the point that he’s fallen so hard that it practically huRts

- seeing you and not being able to have you because not only is it risking his career and everything he and the others have worked for, it would make your life difficult to be involved with an idol and in the public eye

- the only benefit of these feelings driving Ren absolutely mad would be that he’s inspired to incorporate them into his songs

- and poetry because some things are just too personal

- he’d write songs about you without you even realising 

- he has a way of making it not obvious that it’s about a particular person, much like the lyrics of his other songs 

- but there’s an extra added sense of vulnerability, a more heartfelt side to them they almost feel like a personal love letter 

- which, after the songs he’s already done, is saying a lot

- Ren’s in deep somebody help him!!!!

[doctormage]

hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!! 

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired