#so excited to be able to have time to brush some fics off and share them now

[iamasaddie]

lessons in control

Joel Miller x f!Reader

summary: after you witnessed the conflict at the dance, you tried to comfort Joel as best as you could, too bad you weren't really good with words. warnings: PWP, just the tip, mentions of a belly bulge, mentions of cockwarming, creampie, emotionally awkward reader, sex as a distraction, fat girthy age gap (reader late 20s-early 30s, Joel 61. don't like don't read i am planning to write some more stuff about them <3) wc: 1,7k a/n: episode came out weeks ago and i just finished the fix-it fic. i love being on time. divider by @/saradika-graphics

You were already warming up your shared bed when Joel's heavy body plopped next to yours. The matress squeaked pathetically, or maybe those were Joel's knees. He silently scooted closer to you, hugging your body from behind and inhaling your scent.

“I’m sorry that happened,” you reached and blindly found his cheek, scratching the stubble with your thumb in a gentle gesture.

“I can’t seem to control myself when I feel something might happen to her, you now?" You did know. Joel's hyperprotectiveness over Ellie was the thing that brought you together in the first place. And that was the only time when it didn't cause mass distruction. Almost. "I just get filled with rage and I lose it.” Joel sounded like a beaten dog, you knew exactly how much pain his eyes carried. You wished you could say something that’d take his mind off things. You wished you had a better way with words. But the only thing you felt you could offer was your body, so you press your back harder into his t-shirt clad chest; you pushed your ass a bit out to meet his cock that was still soft in his boxers.

“I can help you with the control thing.” You whispered, your breathing soft and calm.

“Yeah?” There was a tint of humor in his voice, a half-smile creeping up on his face. “Gonna walk me on a leash?”

“No,” you grabbed his hand and brought it up from your belly to your tits. Joel barely squeezed the supple flesh, waking up the sleeping beast that was your need. “Let’s start with something less dramatic.”

“You know full well I’m not able to control myself with you either.” As if proving his words, his hips bucked, teasing your ass with his hardening dick. His voice dropped lower, the honey thick cadence you grew to know very well. Joel’s grown out stubble brushed your ear as he moved his lips closer. “If I can have you, I devour you fully.”

You breath caught in your throat. Whatever this turns out to be, you knew you at least gave him shelter from the dark thoughts for the night. “You can have me, but,” your ass kept grinding on him, bringing Joel’s cock to the full potential, “just the tip.”

He barked a soft laugh, fanning your face with his whiskey breath. “Sounds like you’ll be the one struggling, baby,” his thumb and pointer finger pinched your nipple, already taut with excitement, and you bit your cheek to hide the moan. “Since it’s you who always begs me harder, more, deeper.”

Goosebumps erupted on your skin as Joel started nipping at your neck, dragging his teeth along the tender column. His hands enveloped you in a hot cage, forearms squeezing your boobs as he pressed you even tighter to his chest. You couldn’t move—not that you wanted to—but you didn’t think it’d be great for that exercise in control you wanted to give Joel. He bit in the juncture between your neck and shoulder and you gasped. You were so responsive, it drove Joel mad. His hips kept humping your soft ass, and you knew a wet stain already bloomed on the front of his simple underwear. 

“Come on, Joel, let me help you.” You moan was breathy, and you tried to gather some composure to no avail. Feeling his hard length fit between your asscheeks made your core burn. You desperately wanted to have him stretch your pussy around the veiny shaft, even though that wasn’t what you planned in the beginning. You guessed that both of you could learn something.

His hand let go of your tits, dragging down your body to tug your panties down. You fumbled for a moment, helping him get rid of the damp garment. His own he only shoved down enough to let his hard cock out, the elastic of the band sitting tightly under the heavy ballsack. 

Your wet pussy was sheilded from the cold of the room by the blanket that covered you both, and when Joel’s tip finally kissed the slick lips of your cunt, sweat started gathering on the back of your neck. 

One of Joel’s palms rested on your thigh, his almost fully grey happy trail that lead to the coarse pubic hairs tickled your ass and back. His finger dug into the meat of your leg, dragging it up and over his own hairy thigh, so he had a better access to your weeping pussy.

Joel’s teeth grazed your ear, low voice rumbling through you.

“Sure you don’t want me here?” His hand left your leg, and he pressed into your lower belly, making you shiver. “Don’t you love feeling me in your tummy, baby? See how my cock bulges your little belly?”

You moaned, squeezing your eyes shut. You did love that. Loved seeing how big he was, in every aspect, and how well you could still take him. Seeing how much of his cock was in you when he told you to suck your tummy in. 

“N-no,” your whimper lacked any confidence, and Joel only chuckled darkly. “Just the tip.”

“Whatever you say, darlin’.” 

He moved, grabbing the shaft of his cock that was throbbing with the absence of needed contact. With tortuously slow movements, he teased your slit, making sure to nudge your clit every time. The fat head of his cock spread your lips, mixing your arousal and his precum into one cocktail of need and despair. You felt his spongy tip knock on your hole and it took everything you had in yourself not to push down, taking as much of him as you could in one go.

You shook with desire against his body, and Joel finally allowed you to have some of him. Gently, almost mockingly, he pushed the leaking head of his cock in your tight heat. Even this small fraction of his dick felt overwhelming without proper preparation. When your walls hugged his tip, both of you exhaled sharply.

“Fuck, Joel, good, that’s good.”

“Yeah? Already full?” 

“Mhm.”

“I need you to play with your clit, baby. Want you to squeeze that tight little pussy around me as I fuck you with just the tip.”

Shaking, your right hand found your pulsating clit, but before touching it, you pushed your fingers lower, blindly feeling where the tip of his cock split you apart. You grazed his shaft with the tips of your fingers and immediately heard Joel suck air through his clenched teeth.

“If you don’t want me to turn you over and fuck you into this mattress with my whole dick, better keep your fingers on your clit, baby.”

You’d giggle if only he didn’t choose that exact moment to slip out and immediately punch into you again, this time a bit further, but you kept your mouth shut.

Your fingers expertly danced over your throbbing bud, gathering slick that generously seeped out of you. Joel was uncharacteristically quiet, all of his concentration focused on not thrusting his hips and burying himself to the hilt in your welcoming pussy. Sweat dripped down his temple, thighs screaming, but he kept feeding you just the tip, enjoying your breathy mewls. 

Having so little of him when you knew what the whole deal felt like resembled a punishment that you brought upon yourself. He stretched you good, but he couldn’t reach that magic spot he usually pondered into whenever he sunk his cock inside you. That made you work on your clit harder, already desperate to cum when it’s barely been ten minutes. 

“I can hear how wet you are for me,” Joel nipped at your neck, his tip continuously thrusting in and out of you, teasing. “D'you hear that?”

The sounds were loud, vulgar. You’ve heard the wetness of your cunt welcoming Joel with an obscene smack, like when you pat the surface of still water with your opened palm. The waves of your upcoming orgasm rippled from your core and out, like those same disturbed waters.

“Grippin' me tight, darlin’,” he groaned, you could smell his sweat and it made your mouth salivate. “Grippin' so good I can barely pull out.”

Your hand started faltering, rythm failing and Joel, sensing your trouble, left the tip of his cock inside you while his own hand started working on your clit. The simple touch of his fingertips, rough and gentle at the same time, pushed you tripping over the edge. You kept choking on air, inhaling more and more until your lungs burned and your mouth opened wide in a silent scream. 

Joel felt your little bud throbbing under his fingertips, your pussy squeezing his cock so hard he could barely hold off his own orgasm. He found your hand, bringing your slippery fingers back to your spent pussy.

“Keep touching your clit.”

“I can’t,” you whined back, voice barely audible, “it’s too sensitive, Joel.”

“Keep playing with it or I will,” the thought of his big rough fingertip on your sensitive bud again sent a chill down your spine, though it was far from fear that you felt. “I want your pussy choking and crying around me when I fill you up.”

You tried to steady your breathing, your trembling fingers started to work gentle circles on your pussy again. It felt raw, and every extra touch felt like a shock wave shooting through you. But it did what Joel wanted, every swipe made your pussy clench around him with extra strength and he just kept his tip inside you, stroking his shaft that was covered in your cum with his thumb and two fingers.

“Doing good, baby, keep going.”

“It’s too much.” You whined, almost breaking apart from him, but his hand kept you in place.

“It’s not, you can do it for me, can’t you?”

You could do anything for Joel, he was right there. So your fingers kept torturing your poor pussy, bringing as much pain as pleasure, and you kept squeezing around Joel’s cock, bringing him to his own release.

In one long unexpected thrust, he pushed the rest of his cock in you, growling as he spilled rope after rope of his cum inside you. The sudden movement ripped another orgasm out of you and you wailed, tears of pleasure tickling the corner of your eye.

“Sorry, baby,” he sounded everything but sorry, “had to make sure I don’t spill a drop.”

“Does it mean you’ll leave it in for the night?” There was hope in your voice, and you didn’t try to hide it. Whenever Joel kept himself snug in your pussy for the night, you had the best dreams, and the horniest mornings.

He hugged you close to his chest, making sure his softening cock was still plugging you. “I don’t think I got that much control, sweetheart.”

[veronae-buddie]

Novelember Buddie stats

Number of Buddie words written during November: 48,907.

Total number of fics worked on: 10

Number of existing fics: 2

Fics started and finished during Novelember: 4

Finished words that now need to be edited: 16,003!

Fics that are likely to be abandoned: 2

Other fics I'm not planning to share: 1

Chaptered fics: 1

Smut fics: 1

Fluff fics: 4

Fics that still need words: 3

Number of ways to get Buddie together: ∞

[thirteenheavens]

hii I love ur works smmm!!! can I request mingyu dad au and their child asking for another sibling??

Notes: oh my god she’s back with another fic enjoy guys I know it’s not the best but I’m slowly easing back into it <3

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.

You and Mingyu were sitting together on the couch, enjoying a quiet evening at home when your child walked into the room, looking up at you with an innocent expression on their face.

"Mommy, Daddy?" they asked, his voice soft. Mingyu looked down at them, a smile on his face. "What is it, sweetheart?"

He looked between the two of you before speaking again. "Can I ask you guys a question?" Mingyu chuckled, ruffling the child's hair affectionately. "Of course you can, buddy. What's on your mind?" He hesitated for a moment, looking down at the floor before looking back up at you and Mingyu. "Why don't I have any brothers or sisters?" You and Mingyu exchanged a look, surprised by the question. Mingyu cleared his throat, unsure of how to answer.

"Well, sweetheart," he began, "having a baby is a big responsibility. It takes a lot of time and effort to take care of a baby, and it's not always easy." He nodded, looking up at you with wide eyes. "But I'm a good kid, right? And I would be a good brother, wouldn't I?" Mingyu smiled, touched by his words. "Of course you would, buddy. You're the best kid we could ever ask for. But having a baby is more than just being a good kid. It's about being able to share love and attention with another person." You and Mingyu looked at each other again, a silent conversation passing between you. His request was unexpected, but his words made sense.

"We'll think about it, okay?" you said to him, ruffling their hair like Mingyu had done earlier. "But it's not something we can just decide on a whim. It's a big decision that needs to be thought through carefully." He nodded again, accepting your answer. "Okay," he said, a hint of disappointment in his voice. "Goodnight, Mommy. Goodnight, Daddy."

"Goodnight, sweetheart," you and Mingyu chorused, watching as he left the room. Once he was gone, you turned to Mingyu, a thoughtful expression on your face. "Do you think we should actually consider it?" you asked him. Mingyu sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know," he admitted. "I mean, it's definitely something we need to think about. But we already have so much going on with our work and taking care of our child. Another baby would mean even more responsibility."

You nodded, understanding his concerns. "I know what you mean. But at the same time, I can't help but feel a little guilty.He seems so excited about the idea of having a sibling. Maybe we've been holding off on having more kids for too long." Mingyu looked at you, his expression serious but smirking at the same time. "You're right. We've been so focused on our careers and our own lives that we've kind of neglected the idea of having more kids. Maybe it's time we started thinking about it seriously." You raised an eyebrow at Mingyu's smirk. "What are you thinking?" you asked him, a hint of amusement in your voice.

Mingyu leaned in closer to you, his smirk widening. "I'm thinking that maybe we could have some fun trying to make that decision," he whispered, his breath hot against your ear. You felt a shiver run down your spine as his words sent a jolt of excitement through you. "Oh, really?" you replied, trying to keep your voice steady. "And how do you propose we do that?" Mingyu's smirk turned into a mischievous grin as he leaned in even closer, his lips brushing against your ear. "Well, we could start by practicing some...unprotected fun," he whispered, his hand sliding up your thigh.

You let out a soft gasp as his hand continued to move higher, your body already responding to his touch. "Mingyu, we're supposed to be thinking about having another baby, not making one right now," you protested weakly. Mingyu chuckled as he continued to kiss your neck, his lips moving slowly and sensually along your skin. "I know, I know," he murmured between kisses. "But can you blame me for wanting you so badly right now?" You shook your head, giving in to the pleasure that his kisses were causing. "No, I suppose I can't," you admitted, tilting your head to give him better access to your neck.

Mingyu lifted you up into his arms, carrying you to the bedroom with ease. He kicked the door shut behind him and gently placed you on the bed, his eyes dark with desire. As you lay on the bed, Mingyu climbed on top of you, his body pressing against yours. He began to kiss you hungrily, his tongue exploring your mouth as his hands roamed over your body. You responded to his kisses with equal fervor, your arms wrapping around his neck as you pulled him closer. The heat between you was building quickly, and you could feel yourself getting lost in the moment.

Mingyu's hands were impatient as he tore at your clothes, his own shirt quickly joining the pile on the floor. His body was taut and muscular, and you couldn't help but run your hands over his chest and abs. He paused for a moment, his eyes roaming over your exposed skin. "You're so beautiful," he whispered, his voice husky with desire. "I want you so badly." You could feel the heat rising between your legs as his words sent a thrill through you. "I want you too," you murmured, reaching up to pull him down for another kiss.

As he pulled his boxers down, you couldn't help but stare at his impressive size. You felt a wave of anticipation wash over you, your body already eager for what was to come. Mingyu saw the look in your eyes and grinned, knowing exactly what you were thinking. "Someone's eager," he teased, his hands moving down to your hips. "I love it when you look at me like that." You let out a soft moan as he positioned himself, the anticipation almost too much to bear. You could feel his hardness against your entrance, and you couldn't wait for him to enter you.

"Ready?" he asked, his voice a low growl in your ear. You nodded, unable to form words, and he slowly began to push himself inside of you. As he filled you, you gasped and clutched at his back, your nails digging into his skin. The sensation was intense, but it felt so good. You could feel yourself adjusting to his size, your body welcoming him in.

Once he was fully inside of you, he paused for a moment, letting you get used to the feeling. "You feel so good," he whispered, his breath hot against your ear. "So tight and perfect." You let out a soft moan in response, your hips bucking up against him involuntarily. "Move," you urged him, your voice barely above a whisper. He began to move, slowly at first, but quickly picking up speed. Each thrust sent waves of pleasure coursing through your body, and you found yourself arching your back, pushing against him. As he moved faster, you could feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge. Your moans grew louder, and you clutched at him desperately, needing to hold onto something as the pleasure threatened to overwhelm you.

"Shhh, be quiet," he whispered, his voice low and urgent. "We don't want to wake up our boy." He continued to move inside of you, his pace steady but intense. He knew how close you were, and he wanted to draw it out for as long as possible. You bit your lip, trying to stifle your moans as he continued to drive you towards the edge. You could feel the heat building inside of you, and you knew that you were about to explode. Suddenly, you felt yourself tipping over the edge, your body shaking with pleasure as you climaxed. You clutched at him tightly, your fingers digging into his skin as wave after wave of ecstasy washed over you.

"I'm gonna cum," he groaned, his voice strained. "I want you to take it, all of it."

He continued to thrust, his movements becoming more erratic as he approached his own climax. "You're gonna look so beautiful pregnant," he panted. "My baby inside of you..." He suddenly let out a loud moan, his body shuddering as he released himself inside of you. You could feel the warmth spreading through you, and you knew that he was true to his word.

As he finished, he collapsed on top of you, panting heavily. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you close as you both tried to catch your breath. "That was amazing," he whispered, his voice filled with satisfaction. You nodded, still unable to speak. Your body was tingling all over, and you felt like you were floating on air. You could feel his seed still inside of you, and the thought sent a shiver down your spine.

"Our son's got great ideas," he said, his lips brushing against your hair. "We should thank him later."

[wyvernest]

would you be able to write something about chubby!reader having body issues and thinks she doesn’t deserve miguel because he’s so sculpted and beautiful, but miguel reminds her how perfect she is? (in whatever way you think is best)

i just love reading these types of fics and they really help boost my confidence 🥹

tysm! <3

hope you like it<3

aphrodite

pairing: miguel o'hara x f!reader

warnings: fluff, established relationship, body dysmorphia

summary: you start feeling self conscious right before your date, and miguel isn't having any of it

translations are at the end

Miguel had finally made time to take you out. You are well aware of the fact that he is a busy man, and had decided against pressuring him to abandon his work overtime.

But tonight was for you. He had planned out the perfect date, from the restaurant, reservations, to the tiniest details; what day would be best in terms of weather, your job, and his duties. 

To say you were overwhelmed with excitement was an understatement. He had always been so caring and considerate, looking for ways to make you feel valued and appreciated even when time itself stood against his efforts. Finding unadulterated joy in asking you out like it was your first time getting closer to each other over and over again, the 'honeymoon phase' spark never once leaving your relationship, contrary to popular belief.

And so here you are, in your shared home, getting ready for yet another date with the most handsome man you've ever seen. 

He's already fully dressed, fixing himself in the mirror. His black suit sits oh-so perfectly on him, hugging the shape of his large back and shoulders, tight enough around his biceps, so that they still bulge through the material when he brings a hand up in his hair to tame some dark strands that had fallen out of place. It accentuates the line of his abdomen, having his large thighs finish off the whole look. 

He stands in front of the bedroom mirror, in his striking royal height, the man that ancient Greeks probably had as a muse when they sculpted the ideals of the male body. His dark, cocoa brown hair is brushed back, silky and soft. His perfectly contoured face is dimly lit by the low, warm bedroom lights, his features prominent: the bridge and line of his nose, squinted piercing eyes along with a downright intimidating set of brows His sharp jaw is held up high while he works with his tie, expert hands skillfully experimenting around an array of various knots, pondering upon which fits best.

He truly is quite the sight, you melt at the tableau before you, holding back a sigh seasoned with nothing but the very heights of being irrevocably enamoured.

His whole presence screams strength and mature dominance, with a hint of incontestable luxury.

Resuming your own outfit, your own body still only adorned in nothing but a pair of panties and a bra, you head to the closet for the one dress you have been imagining yourself in for the whole week since he offered you the invitation. You couldn’t be more excited to finally try it on and admire yourself with it, have people look your way while wearing it, with an arm hooked around the one and only Miguel O’Hara. 

Putting it on and adjusting its stretchy fabric over your curves, your smile starts to fade. This isn’t what it looked like the first time I tried it on, you mentally conclude, and the more you look at it, the more things you wish you hadn’t noticed. You pull at the material, the hem, the sides, the neckline, anything you can think of that maybe, just maybe, could fix it. Panic starts to drip into your nerves, what will you do now if it just won’t look good? Screw it and go out with it anyway, and then feel all eyes on you for the rest of the evening? What will people think when they see you, merely decent, next to him? And otherwise, what other option is there? To pick some other dress that can’t possibly be more appropriate for the occasion, since you had bought this one specifically for the place you’re going, and still not look the part?

Your breathing starts to quicken as you keep fumbling with the textile around your shape, attention half directed to the open wardrobe, scanning every shelf and hanger for a second option. 

Suddenly, the floor creaks, bringing the echo of incoming footsteps. And there he is, standing behind you, hands on your tense shoulders. You almost despise the image before you; his impeccable, calm and stoic image, next to you, discouraged and deeply insecure in evident comparison.

“What were you thinking about just now?” his words river down over the shell of your ear on a hot breath that has shivers shot down your spine.

“Nothing, I’m getting ready”, you cover it up in a sing-song voice, not wanting to dig deeper into letting him know that you don’t deem yourself pretty enough for him, let alone expect him to find you more attractive than you do yourself. Unfortunately, he’s too smart for your little diversion.

“Don’t lie to me.”, his tone serious, voice deep. His eyes rank up and down your body in the mirror, and you feel an acute need to just disappear. “Que guapa.”

He presses a kiss to your temple, and you feel rosy heat rise to your face.

Your mouth speaks before you think.

“Does it look good?”, he senses the hesitancy in your voice.

“Baby, you’d look like a goddess wearing a potato sack.” he speaks matter-of-factly, as if his statement equals water is wet, the honesty in his declaration evident with the speed with which the words left his mouth. You can’t help but let a giggle break through your disconcerted face, surprised with the association.

“What, like Marilyn Monroe?”

“No, mi alma, like you.” He wraps his arms around your middle, pulling you back into his embrace as you look at eachother in the reflection before you. His expression softens, visibly relaxed and happy to have you close to him. 

“These curves, every part of you, I know them as I know myself.” His palms slide over your hips, and all the way back up to your shoulders, effectively chasing away any hint of doubt and worry, cleansing you of anything that isn’t love.

“Eres la mujer de mis sueños.” He bends down, his lips reaching the crook of your neck. “No hay nadie como tú."

You let yourself fall back into his tempting embrace, knowing that he’s exploiting your weakness for him speaking Spanish so low and deep into the vulnerable skin of your pulse point, completely forgetting about the date and the dress. 

“And if you don’t like the dress, I’ll gladly rip it off.” He exhibits his talons as a warning, the curved edges of the claws grazing your bare shoulders intently. “If anything, the dress isn’t good enough to be worn by you.”

translations:

que guapa - how beautiful

mi alma - my soul

eres la mujer de mis sueños - you're the woman of my dreams

no hay nadie como tú - there is no one like you

a/n: again, if any native speakers see anything wrong with my Spanish please let me know🤍

[kimarii-00]

How would armando react if he is in love with the reader (and the two of them are a couple) but they have a fight of differences and they break up (she leaves him), a few weeks pass and armando doesn't likes her distance, and he doesn't want to lose her, so he does everything in his power to get her back

I follow you! 💗

Break-Up Make-Up

AN: I'm probably going to rewrite this and make this into a fic at some point!

❥ You’re at your breaking point, seriously. How much longer does he expect you to put up with his shit?

❥ He works all day everyday, and only returns at odd hours in the night, if at all. Sometimes you make an attempt to stay up to greet him when he comes in, but it’s rare that you are able to catch him before you end up falling asleep yourself.

❥ The rare times that depriving yourself of sleep actually pays off and you get to see him, he’ll brush you off and answer any questions you may have for him with one worded, half assed answers: “Yeah.” “Nah.” “I’m just tired.” “Mhm.”

❥ You knew his job called for most of his attention, and you knew what you signed up for when you both started dating but you never imagined that it’s be this bad.

❥ You’re starting to think that your relationship is just something he can indulge in whenever he feels like it, which is not often.

❥ Even on his “days off”, he’s working. He’ll get a call from a colleague or something of the sort, and then rush off back into work, kissing your cheek and promising that he’d be back before dinner (He never meets that deadline). If he’s not working, then he’ll blow you off when you try to get him up and out of the house to go do something fun for once. The usual, “Sorry, I’m tired. I’ve been working all week” (like you didn’t know that).

❥ It was another boring day alone in the house you shared, late at night. You didn’t feel particularly tired, so you decided to stay up watching your favorite show until your boyfriend decided to show his face again. You don’t know how long you were up, but your heart skipped a beat when you heard him slide the key into the front door. You were especially excited tonight because, well, it may be cold by now, but you’d made his favorite meal as a thanks for all of his hard work.

❥ You knew he was usually grumpy when he came in due to the lack of sleep, but tonight he was like another man. Another one that you didn’t like.

❥ “Would you please just fuck off, you can’t see I’m tired?”

❥ No matter what other nasty things he said to you that night, that one stung and stuck with you the most.

❥ How does he have the right to treat you like garbage, dispose you when your not needed but then retrieve you when he wants something from you? Who does he think he is when all you wanted to do was show him the meal you worked so hard on, even if it was cold.

❥ “I’m sorry I just wanted to fuckin’ greet you when you finally decide to bring your ass home. I barely get to see your face anymore. This is our first real fucking conversation in— I don’t know how long!” You’d responded to his out of pocketness.

❥ The argument just kept escalating until you reached your breaking point, and you released the bombshell.

❥ “If that’s how you really feel then maybe we should take a fuckin’ brake, since I’m such a damn insect to you!”

❥ “Are you breaking up with me right now?”

❥ You didn’t respond with words but rather actions. You stormed into your shared bedroom, snatched up a suitcase you were sure wasn’t going to fit all of your stuff, but it was big enough for essentials.

❥ You stomped around the room, picking up and packing things you deemed necessary, with him in the doorway trying to get your attention to calm you down.

❥ He didn’t mean for it to get this far.

❥ Once you finished, you shoved your way past him and flung yourself out of the door, taking your car and dialing a friends phone number, whom you were sure would let you crash at her place until you were back on your feet. After all, the two of you lived together, so your decision to leave basically left you homeless.

❥ Armando didn’t see or hear from you for three whole weeks. The time that was spent with you not by his side was damn near the embodiment of hell itself, that is, until he saw you through the peep hole at his front door.

❥ You were half expecting him to not even be at home, you thought he’d drown himself in more work now that you weren’t a factor in his life.

❥ You were surprised by how quickly the door opened and how enthusiastic he seemed. You haven’t seen him like that in a long time and it somewhat weirded you out.

❥ “(Name), I just want to say I’m sorry for—“

❥ “Save it.” You said, “I’m just here to pick up whatever I left behind.”

❥ You watched first hand as the enthusiasm all faded from his face and all he seemed like was a hunk of flesh and bones. Albeit, a hot hunk of flesh and bones, but that’s besides the point.

❥ You walk in and he shuts the door behind you. You walk to where the rest of your things resided and ignore the way Armando followed you around like a lost dog.

❥ “If you’re going to follow me around like that the least you could do it help me load this stuff into my car…”

❥ He nodded and immediately got to work, and you internally face palmed.

❥ This was the man that you fell in love with, not the workaholic asshole that you’ve been dealing with for months on end.

❥ “I am sorry, y’know. About what I said that night… And everything that came before it.”

❥ This caught you off guard, because you’ve only heard Armando apologize a few times, and you don’t think you’ve ever heard an apology by his so genuine.

❥ “I said some things that night too, don’t feel too bad.” You say, acting nonchalant but your mind was racing a thousand miles per second.

❥ “I didn’t even realize how much I worked affected you… Though I guess that’s part of the problem too, right?”

❥ You looked away slightly and nodded, glad he was acknowledging his actions.

❥ “(Name), I miss you. So damn much.”

❥ This caught you entirely off guard but you didn’t reply.

❥ “This house is so empty without you in it. I haven’t even been able to bring myself to work knowing how bad I fucked us up.”

❥ “I can’t forgive you so easily… This was a problem for months along with other things, how am I supposed to be assured that it won’t happen again?”

❥ “I’ll prove it to you.”

❥ He’d royally fucked up your relationship, yet for some reason, he couldn’t seem to find any anxiousness about the process of getting you back… He still loved you, and he trusted that love to guide him into winning your heart back. (He also knew you still loved him, so it definitely wouldn’t take that long… 💀)

TAGLIST!

@dasaniswrlddd @thedarkworldofhananerea @taylormcguire282 @timebomb1101 @5arlan7 @desiiiisworld @babygurl030 @lovelyme22 @Leavemealing @lewispool @yeahnohoneybye @velocitynyoom @maybepersuasivetom @deadpool15 @believeinthefireflies95 @lxla04 @planetnique @arinotarianagrande

[xdhluvrs]

Young, Ashamed, and Foolish (pt. I) ⋆₊˚⊹ ࿔⋆

Pairing: non-idol kwak jiseok/gaon x Reader Tags: classmate au, academic rival au, afab reader, jiseok and reader are med school students, jiseok pov (for pt. I) Warnings: nsfw (at the end), angst (it will be resolved i promise), possessiveness/yandere!jiseok if you squint, jiseok is struggling, reader is struggling, suggestive content, solo masturbation (m), more in pt. II Word Count: 5.2k Synopsis:  Kwak Jiseok, esteemed second-year medical student constantly battling with self-doubt and exhaustion, is drowning. Though admired by his peers as one of the school’s “perfect students,” he remains haunted by a past interaction with the only other person who shares that title - a classmate he once regrettably dismissed too quickly. As Jiseok navigates the challenges of medical school, his fascination with her only deepens, revealing an unsettling truth: what began as admiration has given way to something far more consuming. When a conversation overheard by chance upends what he thought he knew about her, Jiseok is faced with a choice - continue watching from the sidelines or finally bridge the distance he had put between them.

🍇's note: Hi guys! This is my first fic, and it's honestly so exciting and surreal to finally post it somewhere. I know that it seems really angsty but I promise that I have some great stuff planned for the next part, so please stick around if you enjoyed! Any feedback, questions, comments, suggestions, etc. are always appreciated! <3

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Medical school wasn’t for everyone, and even though he was entering his second year, Jiseok still wasn’t sure if it was for him. Growing up with a strong interest in science and a desire to help others made human medicine an obvious choice to pursue, but that didn’t mean it was easy. Majoring in biochemistry felt hard enough during his undergraduate years, and now he had taken on a work load almost double that of what it used to be. However, Jiseok wasn’t a stranger to hard work. The desire to give up, to be free of the constant pressure of new information and assignments, still existed in his mind. But he was able to lock the feeling away within his heart, to compartmentalize, just as he had done in his first four years of college. 

Although this was an effective way to stay on top of school, the process of locking his feelings away caused him to neglect other aspects of his life. His beloved guitar that once received attention every day was now only held for thirty minute intervals once a week. The friends that he had made in college were rarely texted, and even less so visited by him. He tried to tell himself that this was okay, that it would all be worth it, that once he received his M.D. there would be time to pick back up the things that he loved. But there were still three more years of school, and then his residency could be three or more years, and then what if he needed to complete a fellowship too? How old would he be by the time he was done? Would he have spent his entire twenties in schooling? Was that something that he was okay with? 

Now isn’t the time to be thinking about this, Jiseok murmured to himself while brushing his teeth listlessly. It was 6:04 in the morning, just a little over thirty minutes after his first alarm had gone off. The autumn chill left him feeling particularly listless in the mornings, but his desire to succeed was stronger than his desire to stay comfortably stationed in bed. The man looking back at him in the mirror was clearly disheveled, dressed in a black Green Day shirt and oversized sweatpants. His frizzy, bleached hair was concerningly untamed, something which he blamed his friend for. Seungmin was a childhood friend of Jiseok, and was extremely hard to deny. When he called Jiseok over the summer asking if he could bleach his hair for cosmetology school, Jiseok didn’t hesitate to say yes and help him out. However, it would be a lie to say that Jiseok was prepared for the challenges and responsibilities that came with having bleached hair. He cringed as he brushed his hair, remembering how terrible it looked after the first attempt of bleaching it. Thankfully by the time the new semester had started Jiseok’s hair had become more manageable, and he no longer lived in fear of it. After changing into his ceil blue scrubs and eating a quick breakfast, he grabbed his coat and exited his apartment, beginning the short and dark walk to campus. 

Classes didn’t start until 8:00, but Jiseok still tried to arrive at campus at least an hour early every day so that he could get a head start on reviewing the upcoming content. Despite his internal struggles, Jiseok was highly regarded by his peers in medical school, and even considered by some to be one of the two “perfect” students at their university. Walking into the campus coffee shop, Jiseok inadvertently made eye contact with the second “perfect” student, a common, painful occurrence in his daily routine. Painful only because of his own actions - his own shortcomings. She sat in her usual spot - the counters by the window and held a mug of her usual drink - a spiced latte - beside her. I wonder how long she’s been here, he thought to himself, feeling slightly inadequate. After placing his order, Jiseok slowly made his way to a booth before pulling out a laptop from his bag and beginning his routine. From his seat he could barely see the back of her head from across the shop, which he watched rock from side to side over the span of the morning (or something adjacent). Although it had been over a year since they had first met, their interactions with each other were generally limited to the brief eye contact they shared each morning. As he mindlessly scrolled through his emails, he couldn’t help but reminisce about his first meeting with her, and how things might have been now if that night had gone differently.

When Jiseok first met her, he didn’t like her. Orientation Night for first years had begun only an hour ago and yet she was already being swarmed by other students, drawn to her like moths to a flame. Her smile was bright and friendly, and she spoke kindly with sincerity to everyone around her. Without even speaking to her, Jiseok had already overheard everything that he needed to know. She was a perfect student during her undergraduate, and had been a part of several research groups and student organizations. She was accepted into multiple prestigious medical schools, but for some reason chose to go here, probably because they offered her the greatest scholarship, Jiseok thought to himself. He chose to dislike her because he didn’t understand her. It was obvious to him that she was someone who had never had to try that hard to be exceptional. It was so obvious to him because it was so opposite to who he felt he was: someone who was constantly trying hard just to keep up with the average. At that moment he made the decision to distance himself from her, as he knew himself well enough to understand that they were in completely different circles. Hours passed, and after listening to several boring speeches and making small talk with some of the other incoming MS1s, Jiseok decided it was time to take his leave from the event. It’s not that he wasn’t excited to be starting this new chapter in his life, but his feelings of doubt and uncertainty had quickly outweighed the excitement, making him feel distant from those around him. He began to walk silently towards his apartment complex, internally criticizing his past interactions with his peers, wishing that he had said something different, or wishing that he had said nothing at all. In the midst of his thoughts, Jiseok heard the chatter of other students who were still nearby, but continued to make his way further away from campus until he heard a slightly louder exclamation. Surely they weren’t talking to him, so he kept with his pace until-

“Hey, wait a second!”

 After being certain that the voice was in fact being directed towards him, Jiseok stopped in his tracks and turned around, coming face to face with the person he had so quickly chosen to dislike.

“Oh, sorry…” He trailed off, making eye contact with the girl and then quickly breaking it, “I didn’t know you were talking to me.” He involuntarily swallowed, making a mental note of his dry mouth. He felt guilty knowing that the person he had been trying to avoid had gone out of their way to speak with him.

 “It’s okay, I’m sorry to have shouted at you like that. I just realized that I hadn’t gotten to meet you yet.” She said with a polite smile, before introducing herself to him. Jiseok obviously already knew her name, but proceeded to introduce himself, adding a brief “nice to meet you.” As he spoke, his gaze once again reached hers, and he immediately realized why the world around him seemed to be so enthralled by her. Although the sun had set hours ago, her eyes still twinkled, perhaps from the dimly lit streetlights, or perhaps from something faintly glowing within her. While looking at her, Jiseok felt as if time had stopped, or at least slowed down significantly. He felt his heart beating hard against his chest, and did his best to appear normal and unfazed by the sudden conversation.

 “It’s nice to meet you too, Jiseok” she said, with a slightly larger smile this time, “Tonight was pretty long, right? Are you headed home now?” She casually asked him.  Something about how she spoke to him made him feel that he too was in fact special, and worth spending time on the way that she was. It was almost intimate, he thought, the way that she maintained her eye contact with him, and the way that she was able to speak his name so easily. Was this a skill she had been born with? Or was it carefully crafted and improved from years of practice? Jiseok didn’t have the luxury to think about the possibilities, as he had to quickly formulate a response to her before too much time had passed. 

“Yeah, I guess. It must be hard being the center of the attention” he mindlessly retorted. The harsh words quickly escaped his mouth, like they needed to be freed from his body, as if Jiseok would somehow feel better with them outside of himself. His hand involuntarily reached to cover his mouth, almost like his body was shocked that he had said something so insensitive to someone he didn’t even know.

 “Oh,” she paused, briefly making an expression that was indecipherable to Jiseok, “Is that how it seemed to you?” She asked, reverting back to her polite expression. Why did I say that? Jiseok immediately felt guilty, and scrambled to try and repair the damage he felt he had caused, accidentally biting his lip in the process.

 “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that” he stammered, “I think I’m just really worn out from today…” He trailed off, with a pained expression, unable to look the girl in her eyes anymore. Why did he lash out like that? This wasn’t the type of person that Jiseok wanted to be, yet he was already making such a poor impression of himself before the school year had even started. He felt the stuffy heat of shame rise throughout his face, and felt the taste of blood pollute his mouth as he looked down at his shoes. Jiseok had always been one to feel things strongly, which he had always found to be a curse rather than a blessing, this situation being one to further his point.

 “Don’t worry about it!” She started, a little too quickly, “It’s totally fine. I’m feeling pretty worn out too” she chuckled softly, feigning unbotheredness. Jiseok easily saw through this though, as being one that feels things strongly meant that it was obvious to him when the people around him were not “totally fine.” Although she maintained her pleasant mask, he could see that the twinkle in her eyes now more closely resembled unshed tears.

 “Well, um, I guess I’ll let you go now. Goodnight Jiseok!” She spoke awkwardly, as she turned away quickly, trying to end their interaction as soon as she possibly could.

 “Goodnight…” He spoke past the lump in his throat, trying to keep his voice from trembling. She continued to walk away from him, leaving no evidence that she had heard his feeble good night, not that Jiseok felt like it would have changed anything. The desire to leave that he had experienced before interacting with her was nothing compared to what he felt now. He needed to get away - from everyone and everything. To be by himself would allow him to decompress and recalibrate, which would at least temporarily improve his mood. The pain in his throat became more apparent as he quickly started walking back to his apartment, and he still felt as if his heart was going to break out of his chest due to how hard it was beating. 

Why? Questions of “Why?” and “Why not?” plagued his head as he tried to forget about the situation he had just undoubtedly fumbled. The fifteen-minute walk felt more like an hour of torment, but finally Jiseok arrived back to his haven. He immediately undressed and laid face-down on his bed, letting out a loud and pained noise that was hopefully muffled by his comforter. Afterwards, Jiseok tried to normalize, running through the steps of his evening routine and eventually bringing himself into bed…

“Jiseok…? Hello…?” 

Jiseok nearly flew out of his booth at the sound of her voice suddenly addressing him. Standing before him was the girl that he had just spent the last half hour reminiscing about, looking somewhat confused at his startled response.

“Huh? I mean what? I’m sorry, I-” Jiseok began, surprised by how loud his voice sounded inside the relatively quiet cafe.

“It’s okay, I’m sorry to have interrupted you.” She said politely, before setting down a warm mug on his table. “The barista called your name several times, but I didn’t think that you heard them. I was on my way out anyway, so I thought I’d bring this to you.” She gently nudged the drink towards him, with a slight smile. 

“Ah, Thank you so much. I must have been really invested in my studies.” He spoke, chuckling shyly and internally cringing at the words leaving his mouth. He watched as her eyes moved slowly across his face, and then to his laptop screen, which clearly displayed his email inbox, and no other open tabs or applications. Jiseok’s face grew slightly pink, realizing that he had just been caught in a fib, yet he didn’t say anything to try and cover his tracks. He secretly hoped that she would call him out, that she would gently laugh, or even that she would try and change the subject out of pity. Anything just to prolong this interaction with her would be a positive for Jiseok. But instead, all she did was slightly raise her eyebrow - a habit of hers that Jiseok had noticed, but wasn’t quite sure of it’s meaning - before saying a quick goodbye and walking away. He watched her silhouette slowly disappear through the window of the shop, which was somewhat obscured due to morning sun, before retreating back into his internal world that he had been absorbed in.

To Jiseok’s surprise, the beginning of the first semester was incredibly mundane. Sure, the content and workload was insane, but the social aspect of medical school was much easier for him to navigate than he had expected. The events which occurred on the night of orientation had left him exceedingly nervous to interact with his peers, but for some reason unbeknownst to him, everyone seemed to like Jiseok. Sure, he was nice enough to everyone and did his best to act thoughtfully and be considerate of those around him, but it still didn’t seem to make any sense. In an even greater shock, Jiseok placed top of his class at the end of his first semester. And, this time not to his surprise, no one other than the most capable woman he knew placed second to him, leading to the two of them being admired and respected by their student body, and earning the nicknames of “perfect students”. He secretly hoped that this would bring two of them closer together, now that they had both achieved such a feat and had been recognized for it. He had desperately wanted to right his wrongs, to fix what he felt he had broken, or at least damaged to some extent. However, Jiseok felt too nervous to speak to her by himself, and she seemed to show no interest in approaching him either. The longer he went without talking to her, the harder he felt that it would be to change that, and opted instead to observe her from a distance with the rest of his other admiring classmates. 

Through his observations, Jiseok quickly noticed patterns in how she spoke with her peers - likely unbeknownst to them. Although she was kind and genuine, she was also extremely private, at least when Jiseok was within earshot. She seemed to keep personal opinions to herself, which was confusing as he doubted she had any hidden, controversial beliefs. He knew that she didn’t actually listen to the same music that her classmates liked, and he knew that she actually did get nervous when it came to presenting in front of the class. In addition to this, she was an incredible listener, and had the ability to make anyone feel interesting - as he had experienced first hand from her on the night of their first meeting. Unfortunately for Jiseok, the more he learned about her, the more he slowly began to fall into her trap. 

He knew she was beautiful the night that he met her - anyone could see that - and overtime he discovered that her beauty was so much more than skin deep, ast she was genuinely a good human being. The way she seemed untouchable, like a well-kept secret, was so upsettingly irresistible to Jiseok. He selfishly wanted to be special, to know and truly grasp who she was as a person and why she had become that way. Had he initially been wrong about her? Was there a chance that she was more like him than he had first thought? Probably not, but thoughts of her drifted across his tired mind, and became a small source of comfort for Jiseok as he faced the challenges of medical school.

Vrrrp! A small vibration from his phone interrupted Jiseok’s train of thought - it was 7:45. So much for studying this morning, he thought to himself, before packing up his laptop and briskly walking across the courtyard to class. Thankfully he made it to class on time, and his usual seat in the lecture hall had been saved for him by a few of his peers.

Another uneventful series of morning lectures had passed, and Jiseok slowly exited the lecture hall to make his way to one of the various lounge rooms to enjoy his lunch. Several friendly classmates asked if he had wanted to review together over their lunch breaks, but Jiseok has opted out today, as he craved some alone time before having to spend another five hours taking notes in the auditorium. Walking up to the first empty classroom’s door he could find, Jiseok placed his hand on the knob and began to twist it before -

“So I’ve been meaning to ask- how are you and your boyfriend? Are you planning on taking him to the Winter Formal?”

He heard the voice of who he assumed was one of her close friends, or at least he hoped that was the case if they felt comfortable asking her such a  personal question. It was no surprise to Jiseok, or likely anyone, that she had a boyfriend. However, that didn’t keep him from wincing slightly any time it was mentioned. Not only did he flub his first meeting with her, but she also had an insufferable boyfriend. Well, he could never admit to that, but the jealousy and disdain he felt towards this man that he’d never even met was enough proof of his true feelings. Her boyfriend didn’t attend the same program as Jiseok, but with minimal time and effort he was able to learn about him by word of their gossiping classmates. Sure, the guy was tall and handsome, and maybe nice too. But Jiseok was confident that this man would never really understand her the way that he himself could. He’d never understand how she thinks, how she carefully chooses her words and responses, and surely he’d never truly understand her motivations and dreams. But Jiseok could. And he would be more than eager to prove that if her heart didn’t already belong to another man. He would do anything to support her, to care for her, to please her in any way imaginable… 

Jiseok internally smacked himself before allowing himself another thought. The prolonged silence from the other room was making his heart and mind race - Why was she taking so long to respond? He so desperately wanted to peek through the thin window of the door, just to see what type of expression she was wearing. Say that you two are doing great. Say that you will take your stupid boyfriend with you to the Winter Formal, Jiseok thought to himself as he tried to resist the painful creep of jealousy that he’d worked so hard to contain.

“Oh…” He heard her voice waver, “We actually broke up last summer. Sorry, I didn’t really tell anyone.”

Jiseoks froze, no, the entire world around him froze. What? How is that even possible? How did I not notice? A flood of thoughts rushed through his mind before he snapped back to the present moment and tore his hand from the door knob. He felt his pulse heavy through his body, numbing out the continued commotion from the conversation he had been eavesdropping upon. Despite the shock he was feeling, Jiseok feigned normalcy before calmly walking down the hallway to an actually vacant classroom and seating himself for what he had originally intended to do: eat his lunch. This was going to be okay - he tried to reassure himself. He had done this before, he knew how to compartmentalize, how to stop feeling or thinking when things felt too big. Jiseok just had to make it through class, and then he would allow himself to think about his newly gathered knowledge. After silently recollecting himself, he hesitantly took a bite into his packed lunch and accidentally bit the inside of his lip in the process. The metallic taste of blood quickly overwhelmed his tastes, but Jiseok fought to ignore this, and instead swallowed down his heavy feelings alongside a few unshed tears.

The next five hours of class were a blur. Jiseok, who was usually a stellar student and active participant in class, felt nearly catatonic after the events of his break. Once he had finally been released, he quickly said his goodbyes to his peers before rushing out of the building and beginning the trek back home. All I have to do is make it home, he internally repeated to himself, praying that it would sooth his nerves until-

“Jiseok! Wait!”

 Fuck. Everything that he had been trying so hard to lock away was at risk of slipping through his fingers. Feeling like a deer caught in the headlights, Jiseok slowly turned around to face the one person he couldn’t bear to speak to. 

“Hey, sorry… one second.” She spoke as if she was slightly out of breath, likely from trying to keep up with him as he attempted his escape from campus. Pushing a stray piece of hair out of her face, she continued “I know the PBL presentation isn’t due for a couple weeks, but I still wanted to get your contact information.”

What? Jiseok was puzzled, and could only bring himself to barely meet her gaze and hope that she would elaborate. He had just presented his last PBL case last week. What was she talking about? Why would he be doing another one- Oh. Memories from the first week of classes uncovered themselves within his head. The small group PBL presentation would be due at the end of the semester, and be worth about 25% of his final grade in his Clinical Investigations course. It must have been addressed in class today, but had been far too preoccupied to pay any attention.

“Oh, yeah…” Jiseok said quietly, before shakily reaching into his pocket and grabbing his phone. “I, um, here. You can put in your number” He said, holding his phone out to her general direction, painfully aware of his awkward behavior. Thankfully, she seemed unfazed, and gently took his phone from his hands.

“Perfect, thank you. It seems like you’re in a bit of a hurry, so I’ll let you go.” She said, handing the phone back to him after sending a quick text to herself from his number. “Though, I would really appreciate it if we could try and find some time to get together and make a plan this week.”

“Yeah, of course.” He said before adding a quick “good bye” and “thank you” and heading off. 

You can do this Jiseok, he told himself while trying to appear relaxed as he walked away from her. As soon as he was certain that he had escaped her line of sight though, his composure dissipated and he quickened his pace. After practically running home to his apartment, he was filled with a slight sense of relief as he finally slammed the front door behind him, locking himself safely away from the rest of the world. Jiseok grasped his face between his hands, before taking a deep breath and sliding back against his door,grounding himself. Despite his attempts at deep breathing, Jiseok still felt anything but calm, and decided that the next step would be to try and wash away the burdensome feelings he held. He stood up shakily, discarding his bag on the couch, before slowly trudging to his small apartment bathroom. Although the water pressure wasn’t ideal, Jiseok was always able to get the temperature practically scalding, something that usually helped him unwind after long days. He shed his clothes, throwing them to who-knows-where, before stepping into the stall and submerging himself in the warm water. He exhaled audibly, finally feeling some peace after being on edge for the past few hours. While washing himself, Jiseok allowed his mind to wander and begin the long process of decompressing the events of today. Not only was she single now, but she would also be an integral piece in Jiseok’s academic success for the fall semester. Observing from afar would no longer be a plausible option - it was time that he addressed his true feelings about her.

I want her, he thought to himself, and immediately felt repulsed by how easy it had been to admit.  This feeling was something he thought he had tucked away - something he had locked up and buried, hoping that it would never find the surface again. Sure, Jiseok wasn’t a complete stranger to intimacy - he had been an active participant in a handful of casual relationships during his undergraduate years - but medical school had left him drained and with little time to spend on himself, let alone another person. The stress of school was enough to dampen his sex drive, and the only person he was remotely interested in had been in a committed relationship. However, that was no longer the case… and this revelation threatened to have Jiseok burst at the seams. The hot air and steam began to feel suffocating to him, and as an additional hit, he felt his dick twitch with need. Surely this was okay, wasn’t it? Not only would she never know, but it also would never affect her. Even better that she was single now, too.. There was no other person occupying her time, occupying her mind, her body…

Fuck, this is so wrong, he thought to himself, bringing his hand to forehead. He felt his face crinkle up in disgust as he became more and more aware of his growing arousal. However, the shame that ran through his core was now being outshined by his impending need for release. No, he could still pull himself back together, just turn off the shower and go to bed, pretend none of this had ever happened…

Fuck it, Jiseok leaned forward against his shower wall, holding himself with his left arm and letting the hot water pour over his back. He bit his lip to no avail, unable to hold back a moan as he finally grasped himself. He had crossed a line, and lost the  battle with himself - but the pleasure he felt was too agonizingly enjoyable to stop. He let out a soft sigh, his jaw going completely slack, as he began to move his hand, basking in the slight relief after how painfully hard he had become. Closing his eyes, she appeared so clearly in his mind, and before he knew it he was lost in the fantasies of her that he had so effortlessly created. Her tantalizing smile as she began to undress in front of him, the warmth of her body as she climbed on top of him, and the coolness of her fingertips as she traced the freckles across his body. It was too tame though, and before he knew it he was imagining her legs wrapped snugly around his neck, holding him in place as she pleasured herself against him. It was visceral to touch himself like this, to fuck his own hand wishing that it were her. Would he lay back and watch while she took the lead? Or would he be draped over her, hard at work in pursuit of her enjoyment?  Jiseok cringed at the obscene words and sounds falling from his mouth, but a small part of him was turned on by how pathetic he was acting. As he felt himself reaching his peak, he picked up his pace, relentlessly jacking himself off as he imagined how she would look taking him. All he could do was say her name, quietly at first, but soon becoming loud sobs as he hastily finished. 

For a brief moment, Jiseok felt blissful, coming down on the sweet waves of pleasure that he had so desperately craved. However, after finally opening his eyes, a sharp wave of sickness flooded through his being as he watched the evidence of his crime wash down the shower drain. I’m disgusting, he thought to himself, moving directly under the running water, hoping that it would somehow cleanse him of the actions he committed. Tears hotter than the water from the shower head ran down his face as he cried silently, staring down at his feet. After allowing himself a brief moment longer to ache, Jiseok reluctantly turned off his shower and dried himself off before changing into a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Despite everything he had learned about the importance of nutrition in his metabolism course, he couldn’t bring himself to eat dinner, the shame leaving him slightly nauseated.

Everything would be the same as it had always been. Sure, he was going to be working one-on-one with her for the next few weeks, but after that it would be as if nothing had ever happened between the two of them. And, nothing had happened between the two of them - at least, not to her knowledge. Jiseok repeated these thoughts to himself like affirmations, hoping that they would somehow become true if he just continued to focus on them. After mindlessly clicking through Anki review decks and allowing his hair to air-dry, Jiseok finally crawled into bed. Tomorrow will be a good day, he tried to convince himself, ignoring the pangs of guilt and uncertainty that he felt in his chest. Everything would be the same, right?

[foreverisntenough]

‘OURS’

Summary: You were his and he was yours but what would it be like adding one more? Thrust into a whirlwind romance you never could’ve imagined that became your forever love. You continue building a new life across the pond with a very beautiful Scouser. A sequel to the ‘You’re Mine’ fic.

INDEX

Warnings: This series will contain fluff, suggestion, smut (unprotected sex,) pregnancy, parenting, self doubt, body image, mention of the word ‘daddy,’ kind of angsty, alcohol consumption - not sure what else really… if i miss anything please lmk!

Note: Thank you for reading! Please be sure to like, comment, or message me what you think of the series! Try not to nitpick with any real pregnant/ baby logistics it’s better if you just read along happily :)

Chapter 12 - Mwah | ‘Ours’

You were thrilled when you found out Liverpool’s preseason was going to be in the US this summer. You practically screamed when Trent told you. You were so excited to have an excuse to go back to New York. You’d get to see your family, you’d get to tote Teddy around back where you grew up. It was just a perk this trip would happen to coincide with his work. It would be amazing to have your parents around Teddy for a bit as well.

Before preseason officially kicked off leaning into the end of July, early August, you spent the weekend out at your parents house out in Montauk, New York. You and Trent were really happy you’d get one last bit of time together before the season began. Being back at your parents place made you miss it a little. Home was England now. Home was wherever life took you with Trent and Teddy but a small piece of you still missed this place. The big open beach that had a different scent than the ones in the UK, the way the sun shone a little brighter, a little warmer on the horizon. Any case, you were glad you at least got this weekend to spend with your whole family and show Teddy the place you spent too many summers.

“Mmm C’mere baby.” Trent hummed pulling you into him in the bed you were sharing. It was funny staying in your childhood bedroom with him. Okay, it wasn’t really your actual bedroom it was your bedroom at your beach house but regardless he liked being able to get to know you a little more through it. Trent liked to explore what you had kept hidden in your desk drawers, finding little niche things that made you you, made this your space. It was nice but it was also practically being rubbed in your face you were at your parents home and not your own so you felt like you had to behave. Trent’s family was definitely more relaxed. Chill, if you will. They had rules of course, no messing about, but it was still a family of boys, whereas obviously you were a house of two girls growing up in Manhattan. Dianne sometimes would tease you saying she’s glad she got you as her daughter later in life. She wouldn’t have been able to handle it. Boys were easier. Her boy currently wanted to be easy for you.

“T” you sheepishly giggled. “We can’t. My parents are literally right downstairs.” You whispered as if you were 16 and you had snuck him in without them knowing.

“They’re watching a film. You’re in bed with me so why are you worried about them? Worry about me and taking these clothes off for me.” He cooed as he dragged the strap of your silk tank top off your shoulder. You felt a shiver run down your spine in the best way.

“T! Please.” You let out a harder laugh amused by his advances. You pressed your palm against his chest pushing him away from you slightly.

"Mmnnmm.” he hummed dismissing your rejection. He was obsessed with this moment. The dark room only lit by the moon out over the ocean seeping in through the window. Your soft skin against his, the feeling of drowning himself in your scent. You were going to have to really convince him this was a bad idea to get him to stop. “Don’t be so scared, baby. Give me one kiss and then decide.” He cooed, brushing some of your hair behind your ear. His eyes fell into the pleading puppy dog look you couldn’t say no to. He kissed you and you moaned into his mouth almost immediately loving the feeling of his lips on yours and the sensations running through you from the second they connected. You pushed your hips greedily into his.

“Okay, okay. You win.” You sighed into him. You dropped your hands over his shoulders and bent your elbows back to drape your hands to come grip his hair. You pulled him into you for a deeper kiss. You gasped a little as he pulled your top further down exposing more of you.

“You’re perfect, baby.” He flicked his eyes between yours, your lips, and your tits indecisively. He couldn’t decide where to fixate first. You let out a desperate moan when he finally landed on your tits brushing his thumbs over your nipples. “Shhhh. You need to be quiet. Yeah?” Trent hushed you when he heard the creek of someone walking up the stairs. You giggled, not interested in his request, too caught up in what he had started and proceeded to pull at the waistband of his boxers.

“Y/N… are you awake?” You heard a voice from behind your closed bedroom door. Trent pulled your top back over your chest to your displeasure. He got out of the bed abruptly and pried the door open. You were surprised he went so quickly but you watched as he leaned on to the door frame. His back muscles looked stupidly sexy. Winnie was behind the door. “Not Y/N” She laughed a little seeing Trent answer opposed to you and then a little more when she assessed both of your states. You were wide eyed and Trent was impatient with her wanting to get back to you.

“No, not Y/N.” Trent confirmed he was in fact not you. They conversed longer than you thought they would Trent, biting at Winnie’s proposal if you wanted to go to the beach tomorrow so they discussed plans at length before he returned.

“Let me take this beautiful baby girl. Should we make you a big breakfast?” Your mum was quick to pluck Teddy out of your arms. You had woken up early in the morning and carried her downstairs. You loved that she connected so well with her but it also confused you in a way. Watching her be so maternal, so nurturing and careful, none of the things she was with you. As your mum watched Teddy, you hopped upstairs and dragged Trent out of bed. It was obscenely early but you were running on borrowed time. His season began in a matter of days and you wanted to spend time with him. You put on a jumper of his and a tiny pair of shorts and insisted he went for a walk on the beach with you. Your house was on the coast next to a resort you remember not remembering so many nights spent there growing up, sneaking drinks with your friends. It was funny you and Trent had sort of the opposite trajectories. You were carefree and relaxed when you were young and now grew to be more rigid and organized. Trent was the reverse, now calm and easy going but grew up diligent and committed.

“I had my first kiss there.” You laughed strolling on the shoreline, recalling a boy you think was shorter than you force his tongue down your throat behind a cabana. You filled Trent in on that tidbit of your life pointing in the general direction of the scene of the crime.

“Don’t tell me that!” Trent scolded you looking at you like you were crazy. He could believe you just told him that. You’ve had this conversation once before and only once. He wanted to know everything but just once.

“Trust me I’ll remember what you tell me.” he confided in you that there wasn’t a shot in hell he’d forget the names of the people you were about to rattle off who had touched you, gotten to be with you.

“This is dumb! You have to tell me then as well.” You asked not wanting to expose only yourself. Telling a partner about previous relationships was always a tricky situation. You had to know. It wasn’t like you had met as virgins but you were adults. You had to be honest, you wanted to be honest with each other it just was scary.

“You really want to know?” He asked interested in your answer but slightly falling into a feeling of anxiety about having to tell you. Trent was… well he was a young footballer on a big stage to say women flocked to him was understatement. It was something you were definitely aware of and made you nervous but at the same time the thoughts of telling him about the unmentionables you’d done with stupid mistakes like Chase was not exciting.

“No, not at all. I guess I should though.” You looked him dead in the eyes and he regretted starting the conversation. He didn’t feel as strong as he usually did around you. He felt weak like you had the power all of a sudden.

“I was 15, relax!” You laughed pinching at his side. He gripped your wrist fast. He was so agile it caught you off guard.

“Don’t tell me that either! You have never kissed anyone but me.” He teased and pulled your body into his. His eyes narrowed looking at you seriously. You ran your palms over his chest draping them behind his neck scratching his scalp gently. You could feel him relax under your touch yet simultaneously go stiff trying not to get too turned on in public.

“Whatever you say” you pressed your lips to his. He hummed at the taste of your kiss. Trent secretly, or not so secretly because he’d told you before but, really liked knowing you had some sort of wild side, maybe daring. You’d commit to things. Him being one of those things. You spent 5 days straight with him right after you met. It was all very instinctual. You just grew up completely differently and yet you fit perfectly together and he loved that about you. He remembered on your first date being slightly bothered that he couldn't open wikipedia and read more about you. He wanted to know you intimately. He wanted you to read him a biography about your life, the sound of your accent hitting against his ears all night.

“Ran from the police once here too.” You giggled and his face contorted, shocked at your admission. There were still bits and bobs of information you didn’t know about each other, of course. You could never truly know everything but you had gotten close to that. Trent definitely didn’t know this piece of information though. You broke out of his gentle hold. “Didn’t catch me though.” You yelled, beginning to run away from him down the empty beach. He chased after you as you ran

“Come back here. Think you were really gonna be faster than me?” He caught you quickly grabbing onto your arm. You stumbled a little not able to catch your balance on the shifting sand and his hold dragging you backwards.

“I am faster than you!” You giggled out of breath falling into the sand pulling him down with you.

“You’re not but I love you despite your flaws” he teased, pinning your arms down to your side. Your heart faltered a little at his aggression. There were moments with Trent when he was unintentionally very sexy. He’d forget how strong he was, how weak you were in comparison.

“My flaws! What happened to ‘you’re perfect baby?” You asked breathing heavily beneath him, widening your eyes mocking his accented words. He hovered over you. He looked perfect as the morning sun rose up over the horizon reflecting onto the water and splashing onto his golden skin.

“You are perfect.” He kissed you. “You’re beautiful.” He kissed you again “You’re not very fast” he kissed you with a slight laugh and your lips curled into a smile as you shook your head at him. “And you’re all mine.” You let him rest his body weight on you, pressing you into the sand. You squirmed a little beneath him as he persistently smothered you with kisses all over your face

“I love you so much, T.” You cooed sincerely. Meaning each word that fell out of your mouth.

“I love you. You've changed my whole life.” He whispered, moving his lips only millimeters away from yours.

“You are my whole life, baby.” You took a deep breath feeling his big hands on your hips push up the bottom of your his jumper. He dragged it up over you until he could see the bottom of your lacey bra peeking out. He kissed up your stomach, slow, dedicated, but also almost harsh. What he left behind were the signs of him, shiny spots caused by his warm spit. It was weird as you felt a memory of your first night together come rushing back. Like you were transported onto the hotel bed of the room you were in at The Plaza. You remember the feeling of his foreign lips on you, the ones you knew so well now like it was yesterday.

“God, please” he moaned. This wasn’t even directed at you, he just wanted some higher power to let him have you. You didn’t smile at him. Tears fell over your waterline. Your heart broke at the rant. He looked panicked. He looked distraught over how he felt. You wiped at your face before he took over slowly catching any tears.

“I didn’t really anticipate making you cry in bed. Not this way at least” you slapped at him gently, a smile starting to form. “Please” he softly begged you. You nodded wholeheartedly.

You should’ve known you’d fall for him then and there. You cried on your first date. Normally, you would’ve been mortified if that had happened and yet with a new stranger you felt completely safe. You wouldn't even call it a first date. It was like 7 in a row; dinner, the bar, the cab ride, the bedroom, the club, then the bedroom again. You laughed thinking how insane it was that he really did mean what he said, that he knew what he wanted, how certain he had been. You laughed recalling it all in grave detail.

“What are you giggling about, huh?" He interrupted your reverie. You looked up at the cheeky smirk appearing on his face as he watched you try to compose yourself under him. You pushed him away playfully trying to get out of the emotions that were crashing over you right now. It was too early to be that sentimental.

“I think we should get married here. What do you think?” He asked laying down next to you in the sand. He rested his head on your chest and slid his hand down to hold yours.

“Yeah… I think I’d fancy that. When?.” You asked him with a smile, liking the idea a lot. It hadn't really registered or settled in yet that you actually were going to get married, you’d have a wedding, so the exact location or date of it definitely hadn’t been thought about too much.

“Whenever you want. I’ll be there waiting.” You pouted at him. How did this stuff come out of his mouth? It was like he had it all rehearsed, like you were in a simulation being played and you loved every second of it. You laid there for a little longer before he pulled you up. “I am marrying a felon. Who knew?” he laughed.

“No. I told you, they didn’t catch me, remember?” You giggled in response but you fell into a comfortable silence after.

“What for…?” Trent asked and stopped walking, needing to know more. Needing to read the passage of your Wikipedia that broke down a run in with the law.

“It was stupid. Someone had thrown a party, there was underage drinking and a lady called the cops. I didn’t want my parents to know I was out so I took off.” you shrugged. His brow furrowed confused. “It’s really not a big deal here, honest. It's common, I think?” You tried to rationalize with him. He was quiet for way too long racking his brain. It’s not like he didn’t have fun growing up or have a drink before he was 18 but the police felt… intense. “You’re making me feel bad now!” you quipped.

“Well, you ran from the police!” he laughed, letting go of your hand and draping his arm around you.

“Oh well, not all of us are beloved local lads the police would let go are we?” You teased him. He knew what you were referring to. Trent would be lying if who he was hadn’t gotten him out of trouble. He told you about a few times where he had been pulled over driving by the police but they let him go after he simply took a selfie with them. His jaw slacked offended you’d bring that up. You nuzzled your face into his arm starting to feel almost dizzy by the whole conversation. “Do you still love me?” you sheepishly whimpered.

“What?” he shook his head at you confused laughing. “Obviously. What are you on about? I just asked a question. Of course, I love you.” he quipped before he abruptly grabbed your face with one hand. He pushed your cheeks together, pursing your lips for you. He smashed a wet kiss against them. You pulled away with a shy smile. His stare blank. “Got it?” he asked seriously.

“Got it. Jeez!” you laughed, wiping your mouth of some of the wetness that remained. He just rolled his eyes as you walked back inside the house.

You got ready to go to the beach later on in the early afternoon actually in bathing suits this time with Teddy and Winnie. Your sister sat on a towel and complained to you about how stupid some boy was dming her that Lauren was trying to set her up with. You lazily lounged on Trent while Teddy sat on his chest. He haphazardly held her. She occasionally would just topple over onto him still working on her balance but eventually she was definitely doing it on purpose, loving squishing her face against Trent’s warm skin, hearing his laugh, his chest vibrate and heart beat as his big hands kept her secure on top of him.

“You can never DM anyone, alright?” Trent cooed at Teddy, resituating her up right as she giggled, before falling again wanting to continue her game with him.

“DM all you want, Ted!” Winnie rebutted Trent’s rules. She gave him a smug smile he was annoyed at.

“Go on Ted!” You just spurred her on. Teddy squealed, hearing her name getting exciting. Her little hands grabbing eagerly at Trent’s face for a kiss. She had recently learned how to purse her lips, coming to understand that it would result in a kiss for her. She loved it. She loved the attention, she loved the sound, a giggle following every single one. Trent kissed her identical pout.

“Can mummy have one, please?” You asked her for a kiss, envious of the one she gave him. You squeezed her arm gently to grab her attention. You pushed your lips out towards her. “Mwah!” You made the sound she couldn’t get enough of. She laughed and wiggled trying to get to you. You dragged her off Trent’s chest into your own. She nuzzled her face into you comforted by every little thing. The way you smelt, the way your skin felt, your familiar heart beat. She calmed as you kissed her head. “My Teddy bear.” You squeezed her a little tighter to you. Trent pinched your arm to remind you of this moment that you definitely did know how to make her very happy.

“She’s happy right?” Speaking of a daughter's happiness, your mum asked your dad back at the house looking on, able to see your little family from afar as they sat by the pool.

“She’s never been better. He takes care of her.” Your dad reassured her watching you kiss Teddy laying on Trent.

“I’m surprised you took such a liking to him. If he wasn’t on the team you support would you’ve?” Your mum teasingly asked your dad. It was a joke but she was also a little curious as well for his answer.

“Don’t be silly, I genuinely think he’s a good kid. Good head on his shoulders, good family, good values.” You dad reaffirmed his stance that Trent was good for you. “Could be different though if he played in Manchester but...” Your mum ignored his dig at other teams, keeping her focus on you.

“They’re good with her.” Your mum admired you and Trent playing with Teddy. “I just want her to be happy. It felt like she never was when she was here.” She remembered life before you moved, before you met Trent.

“She was… she just needed to find her place. Her person. We all eventually find our way to them.” Your dad cooed, squeezing your mum’s hand from his lounge chair.

You came back to the house as the evening sun sank down. Winnie running with Teddy back to the house in a fit of giggles in her arms. You trailed slowly with Trent holding his hand inspecting his newly tanned golden skin. You shuffled up the steps and turned on a spout to wash the sand off your feet. Trent turned on the water inside of the outdoor shower next to it.

“C’mere” he dragged you in after him. “You look so good today.” He purred beneath your ear. His plump plush lips ghosting over the sensitive skin of your neck.

“Yeah? I thought I caught you staring” you turned away from him pushing your ass against him. His hands drifting around you slowly one gradually come to paw at your boobs. You shut your eyes in pleasure. You rolled your head back onto his shoulder.

"Nah, me staring at you. Never." His dark, brown eyes bore up into your closed ones and you breathed in heavily feeling his hands glide over your skin. His free hand ran down your side sliding under the tie of your bikini on your hip. It was subtle yet it had your heart racing. Watching his fingers run over your body as the water cascaded down with them felt pornographic. He moved his hand from your tits up to cupped your jaw. He tilted your head awkwardly and harshly to look at him. It made you gasp a little as he pushed his hips into you further. You could feel his hardening cock. You flashed your eyes at him and it only got harder. Your lust filled gaze sent sinful thoughts barrelling through his mind.

“Y/N L/N! That boy is not your husband yet. I better not be seeing two sets of feet in that shower.” Your mum yelled out clocking that you two had come back to the house, were nowhere to be seen, and the shower was on with two familiar pairs of feet in it. All thoughts were halted the moment you both heard her voice.

“Sorry” you sheepishly apologized strangely embarrassed by her call out. You kissed his lips, peeling your body off his. Your mum was ‘old school�� in an ironic way. Like she picked and chose when she wanted to implement those values.

“Nah, I have you for the rest of my life. Not worried.” He whispered before one final kiss.

“Mum, they have a baby…” Winnie laughed carrying a pitcher of margaritas out onto the deck with one hand, Teddy in the other before passing her off to your dad.

“They can have 10 babies, Win. We still don’t want to know it’s happening” your dad chimed in situating Teddy on his knee as she smiled oblivious to the nature of the conversation about her parents. You timidly got out of the shower pulling Trent behind you. He held your hands behind your back and rested his head in between your shoulder blades childishly hiding from your parents. “Trent, my boy, I love you but keep your hands to yourself.” Your dad quipped and you wanted to die. Trent held his hands up in innocence taking a step away from you. It wasn’t the first time Trent had encountered a protective dad but it was different with you. He had good banter with your dad but really respected him and listened to what he was asking because he respected you. “I want that signed license before I’m holding another one of these.” He voiced in a serious manner asking for the marriage certificate before you had a second baby. You couldn’t quite tell if it was laced with any humor as you watched him kiss Teddy referring to her as ‘one of these’ loving every second of her. You grabbed Trents lips and pulled him into a kiss. Your hands cupped his cheeks. His lips were warm and soft. A shock of electricity ran through you being so bold to kiss Trent in front of your family. Your parents groaned. Trent held his hands up again not touching you reinforcing this wasn’t his move.

“Oh Y/N, really?” your mum quipped. Winnie booed. You giggled and shrugged then went to pick up your baby girl.

“You introduced me to him. Your own fault. ‘Oh you’d like him.” You mocked the words your dad once told you whilst watching a Liverpool match pointing out Trent to you on the TV.

“And I appreciate it.” Trent said, running a towel over his tanned skin. He dried himself off before he wrapped the semi damp towel around you and Teddy. Winnie took a photo of your bundled family engulfed in his arms and terry cloth on her film camera.

“Win, I want that one. Send me it when you develop them.” Trent asked after hearing the shutter go off. The sun went down, drinks were poured, and the fairy lights illuminated your dinner table. “They taste different here, swear.” Trent explained to Winnie that he genuinely believed burgers taste different in New York. She wasn’t sold on his rationale so they rambled on back and forth debating the unimportance. You caught Trent smiling at you though mid sentence as he watched you scarf down your food relieved you were eating. He winked at you and you had to put your head down you felt so flustered.

“Any plans about the wedding yet?” You mum asked eagerly. It was driving her nuts you hadn’t begun making any concrete plans.

“Think this morning we decided we should maybe do it here” you cooed to no one in particular at the table but then looked at Trent to confirm the decision. You mum sat up a bit straighter and began to rant to you about contacting all these events planners and contacts she had in the area.

You and Winnie exchanged your typical look, the one exchanged your whole life. The ‘mum is fucking nuts.’ one, you knew well. You wrapped up dinner and you put Teddy down for sleep. You were sitting on the couch watching a film with Winnie. You were cuddled up into Trent when you got distracted watching the veins of his hands move as he rubbed over your skin. Your heart started beating faster as you tried to reclaim your focus but you couldn't. He was the only thing on your mind now. He caught your quick side eyed glance towards him before you attempted to follow the movie again. With the hand he was stroking you with he squeezed you. It took you by surprise because he did nothing else, didn’t even acknowledge you or look but it set something off. You wanted him to pay attention to you. Sometimes with him you’d get a feeling like you were just meeting again. Like you wanted to impress him, get him to like you all over again, make him want you.

“Do you really have to leave tomorrow?”. You whispered in his ear before you dropped your head into the nape of his neck, your lips gliding down his neck.

“Mmmhmm” he hummed as he rolled his head to the side to give you more space to run your soft lips over. He closed his eyes, lost in the moment, losing all hope at following the plot of the movie anymore.

“Are you sure?” You gently pushed his t-shirt up with your palm and slid your hand across his abs. The feeling of your lips on his neck and your nails dragging across his skin dangerously close to the band of his shorts had his heart rate speeding up.

“I’m not so sure right now.” He quietly told you. He took control of the situation quickly just the way you wanted him to. He turned his whole body towards you completely ignoring the movie and the fact that your sister was about a yard away. “I’m not sure I can leave this mug of yours.” His eyes narrowed and scanned over your features. He flashed a devastating smile watching you trying to suppress the smirk blossoming on your face.

“Can you guys not… I get it, you're engaged. I am single.” Winnie stood up annoyed. You giggled hiding in Trent’s neck, embarrassed almost forgetting she was in the room.

“Oh, Win! I’m sorry! Finish the film with us” you called out to her as she stormed off in a huff before stopping in her tracks.

“No, no, I’ll leave you to it! Also,” she flashed her glare from you to Trent. His eyes widened, surprised she was mad at him and he was being included in the sisterly spat. “You give Lauren fucking Jude Bellingham… and me, nothing. Jude Bellingham.” she threw her hands at him.

“I don’t think I exactly gave Jude to her, did I?” he quipped back and she feigned a face as if she was less than impressed. She started to laugh though unable to hide a silly smile on her face trying to commit to her theatrics. This was quintessential Winnie. She thought this was very funny. Trent knew her well but not the way you did, of course. Not the years of her creating these situations out of thin air. For Winnie, taking a bit or a tease too far was a thrill. She loved to overreact just to grab people's attention only to drop it with a giggle. It was a bizarre yet endearing power trip.

“Winnie!” You yelped her name before falling into giggles yourself at how ridiculous her claim was, very aware this was one of her ‘performances.’

“There’s 26 players on a team and you’re on two! Club and Country” she gestured to two different spaces in front of her with her hands spelling it out for Trent. “I’m only asking for one man.” She rolled her eyes at the stunned look on his face. She walked out of the room.

“I can’t tell if she was serious or not… Am I meant to set her up?” He said to you louder than he thought he did. Winnie’s voice echoing a ‘yes’ that made its way back to the living room where you were as she made her way down the halls away from you.

“You asked if I had to leave…you gonna miss me, baby?” Trent asked, a few minutes later, gently grabbing your jaw. The way his eyes looked into yours made you feel special. Made you feel love and then lust.

“Yeah, T. WIll miss you and this cock” you boldly stated. Your words drenched in neediness as you leaned forward to slide your hand over the bulge that had been tenting in his shorts.

“Mmm yeah? Show me then” He instructed you and your eyes lit up with greed. This was a terrible idea. Your dad would murder both of you, your mum would have a heart attack, Winnie might vomit but he looked so good and you were going to miss him… and his cock… for the 5 days you were about to be apart.

“Can you be quiet for me, baby?” you asked with feigned innocence in your eyes as you lowered yourself toward his length.

“I’ll be good.” He stroked over your cheek as he watched you lick the tip of his cock. He let out a moan, feeling your tongue graze over the slit leaking pre cum. Your eyes widened looking up at him annoyed because he literally just said he’d be quiet.

“Sorry, sorry. Start again. I’ll be good. I promise.” He tried to convince you. You ran your hands up his strong thighs as you licked his length from base to tip, not totally convinced by his promise but you didn’t care now that you had a taste. Desperate for more of him. Desperate to make him feel good. “Such a pretty girl, yeah?" He praised you in a whisper as you flashed your glossy eyes up to him. All you wanted was for him to tell you how good you were for him. He breathed deeply watching you trying not to make a sound. He didn’t do a great job but at least his words of encouragement were whispered. “That’s so good, baby, fuck. Keep going.” he quietly groaned. He tucked wisps of your hair behind your ear stopping your constant need to move your hair away from your sticky lips. He threw his head back against the couch cushion in pleasure at your movements. He ran his hand over his hair. The air had gone thick in the room. It was hard to breathe all of a sudden for both of you for different reasons. “Baby” he grunted at a normal volume warning you he was going to cum. He unraveled quickly to your delight. You clasped your hands around the backs of his knees, slacking your jaw just that much more for him to take all of him sucking in your cheeks as he released.

“Good?” you giggled after you swallowed, pulling yourself up using his thighs. He nodded out of breath. Eyes closed and head resting back onto the couch coming back to reality slowly. You climbed up on him and straddled over him. You slid off your shorts and to Trent’s surprise you weren’t even in panties. He just blew air out of his mouth amazed by your figure over him. Your tiny white baby tee clearly worn without a bra, nipples very out, and your pussy on full display for him to admire.

"You wet for me?" He asked and you nodded. You got wet just sucking him off and he knew that. He ran his fingers through your slick folds.

“Tell me what you want me to do, T” you whined, getting desperate for more. He was teasing you, giving you enough to lose your composure but not getting close to your entrance or clit.

“You’re gonna take my cock.” He demanded and you smirked and he began peppering kisses over your jawline. “and you’re gonna take my cum.” You aligned yourself with his already rehardened length. You sank down slowly not having his usual help preparing you for his size. You let out a whimper feeling the leaking tip of his cock burying himself inside your pussy. He began languid but purposeful thrusts up into you. He immediately felt you clench tigh around him as your jaw slacked and your brows pinched adjusting to his length. “So good f’me always.” he stoked your cheek with his thumb while his other hand held your helping you move on top of him.

“Please, T, I want to make you feel good. I want to be good for you.” Your words went straight to his cock. He smiled. Even in bed you were always well mannered. He loved when you begged for what you wanted. You liked T being in charge in the bedroom. You were politely submissive. You both were mindful you had to be quiet though so your words were hushed but they were potent. You both wanted to be good for the other. It was apparent with every deep upwards thrust of his and every merciless roll of your hips. It was all so needy and desperate.

“Oh fuck, baby. You make me feel so good. I want you to cum on my cock. I need to feel you.” He tried to whisper but his pleads were hard to keep in check with his shuddering breath as you were working on top of him. You both were climbing to your highs. “No one else will ever be able to fuck you ever again. No one else could ever fuck you the way I do.” He muttered into your neck trying to muffle his voice as he huffed.

“Nuh uh.” You moaned. You placed you mouth against him to quiet the volume of the sounds you wanted to make “Oh god, only you T. You forever. Only want you always.” Despite your dickmatized haze you genuinely meant that. You only wanted him to fuck you forever. Your thighs began to quiver.

“That’s right. Good girl. My girl.” He bit onto the most sensitive part of your neck he knew drove you crazy. “Absolutely no one else.” You picked up your pace even though your legs were aching, you wanted more of him. His breaths were hot against your skin, audible. You rode him for ages on the couch in pure euphoria. It must have been almost over any hour. You were surprised no one had come down stairs but were more relieved than anything else.

“I love you” you let out the most sinfully innocent moan in his ear. A sound he wanted to keep forever. His soul was completely in your grasp. The way you sounded and felt right now was his heaven. You pulled away and looked at him with twinkling eyes and he pushed up into hitting a spot so deep you had no other option to then fall into an earth shattering orgasm. Your face fell onto his shoulder biting him to not make a noise. He kissed your cheek repeatedly as he continuously thrusted into you as you attempted to move. White hot pleasure spread rapidly through your core. Seeing you cum always tipped Trent over the edge.

“I love you, baby. Gonna fucking cum inside my pussy, yeah? This pussy’s just f’me.” He confirmed his possessiveness over you and you loved it nodding eagerly. His drew his face into your neck and let out a strained moan as he thrusted up a few more times before he filled you up. Your eyes rolled back and closed. His cum leaking out of you more as you bounced on him a few more times helping him ride out his high, fucking his cum deep inside of you untill he was empty. You fell onto his chest heavily breathing tucking into his neck hugging him desperately.

“Let’s go to bed, hmm?” He asked quietly after you both had begun to calm. You pulled your head off him and looked at him so exhausted but with a glow he loved. You were the pretty girl who took everything he gave her just now but also the pretty girl he was unequivocally in love with

“I can’t feel my legs” you whined with a pout. You felt like you’d be given a lethal dose of euphoric pleasure.

“Oh, my poor baby.” he teasingly cooed, pressing his lips to yours gently. He picked you up sweetly and he wrapped your legs around his waist for you carefully as he carried you back to your bedroom.

Trent had to be at Liverpool’s team hotel tomorrow so he was out the door early. They had a game at MetLife stadium which is in New Jersey but it's for New York sports for context. It was kind of cool. Weird to be in an NFL stadium for football. It just gave off a different vibe. It didn’t feel right but it was more like exhibition games, upcoming season preparation.

“For youuu.” You cooed handing your dad the new LFC kit for the season as you got into his car. You were going to the game with your dad and Teddy. You had driven to the stadium with him from your beach house. Lauren and Winnie were also coming but they weren’t as fussed about the actual match. A lot of people you knew in Manhattan or just in the general TriState area were going to this match because it was an opportunity to see Premier League teams play and party. What was a little funny about it being in America though was that there were tailgates for the game, like it was a US college football game. Lauren and Winnie were within that group. People from college and friends you had from growing up all going together to get drunk. The football match was a second priority.

“You’ve got to come to more matches with me, dad.” You told him as you got to your seats just as the warm-ups for the game were beginning. You watched intently and more closely than most people do enjoying the sleeveless warm up gear Liverpool had on due to the summer heat. Trent looked particularly good, freshly tanned and toned.

“Gotta invite me.” Your dad cooed. “Isn’t that right Teddy girl? Don’t you want mummy to invite Pop Pop over to come see you?” He picked her up. She looked adorable in your opinion. She had on this season’s newest jersey freshly pressed with ‘daddy’ on the back. Bittersweetly for you, you had to get a bigger size now that she was getting older and growing. She had on white ruffled shorts and white adidas samba trainers that had red stripes. You sat through the match constantly having to point daddy out to Teddy. She was way more in tune with what was going on now. She could stand on her own for a few seconds before you’d have to help her. She could point and clap a little bit so games were all that much cuter now. As the end of the 90 minutes approached you got a notification your flight had been moved and you began to panic. You hated when plans shifted. Minor inconveniences really rattled you. The final whistle blew you were able to meet Trent but you were stressed and worried about finding a fix to your flight dilemma.

“My baby bear!!!! Did you have a fun time? Did you clap for dada with mama?” Trent asked, scooping Teddy out of your arms. You just smiled at them scrolling through your phone incessantly. “Hey… you alright, baby?” He looked at you and grabbed your chin with his free hand and lifted it up to make you look at him. He knew the face you gave him well. You were stressed. He knew your brain ran a million miles and hour. Very very different to his but he liked to help you, to help you settle it. “Baby.. take a deep breath for me. What’s going on?”

“Our flight got canceled or moved or I don't know and I have bad service and I need to make sure we get back because Teddy has her check up scheduled at the pediatrician and I already moved it once, and…” you babbled insistently.

“Baby….” Trent cut you off in a soothing voice. It felt like you were the only people in the room for a moment. His calming persona just wafted over you. You dropped your shoulders and took a deep breath in and exhaled it out your nose. Teddy tried to imitate the noises and breaths you took quite funnily. So both you and Trent laughed. “Good girl” Trent cooed to Teddy first. “Thank you.” He kissed your forehead and his hands that were resting on your hips crept up your torso raising the hem of your shirt slightly. “I will fix the flight for you. I’ll handle it, okay? You’ll make the appointment. It’s gonna be fine. Promise.” He kissed your lips this time. You you closed your eyes as your mind settled until you heard an ‘mawf” type noise from the cute little girl in Trent’s arm who was pursing her lips towards him waiting for her kiss from daddy.

You sat in a lounge type area after the game because Trent had a bit of free time and was allowed to come and hang out for a bit. So with him, your dad, Teddy, and a drunk Lauren and Winnie you all caught up.

“How’s Marce?” Lauren leaned forward inquiring about Trent’s brother. Winnie eyes widening with a smile knowing all the dirty details. You were close in age so you did a lot together but after you moved Winnie and Lauren met up more often just the two of them. You were happy they got closer but every Instagram story on a night out you couldn’t be at always made you a tinge jealous. If you and Lauren were trouble, her and Winnie were like hell on wheels. They were playing with fire anywhere they went.

“No, we’re not doing this again.” Trent responded, moving his gaze off of you and Teddy momentarily to look at her. Trent loved Lauren and just was joking but definitely didn’t want things to go any further than they had in the Marcel, Jude, Lauren triangle from Greece.

“Laurennnn” You palmed your forehead. “Laur is silly, huh?” you cooed in a baby voice to Teddy. It was a habit. It just happened, it was your life 24/7. You were a mum. Trent hummed concurring with you wiping his thumb over Teddy’s lips.

“No. Laur is not silly, Teddy girl.” She addressed Teddy but threw a glare at you then flicked her eyes back at Trent. “I asked how your brother is… is that suddenly a big deal?” She quipped back knowing very well her sentiment in asking was laced with a million different innuendos.

“It is when you kiss and tell, Lauren.” Your dad chimed in from his seat further down the table you were sitting at. You laughed hiding in Trent’s neck not knowing he had been listening to the whole conversation. Laurent rolled her eyes at your dad playfully.

“Lauren, you can’t just get with all of the men we have on deck.” Winnie looked at her with glossed eyes, still fairly drunk. “I mean, it’s not like T is helping me with who he has on any roster but…” she quipped with a laugh.

“Men on deck? Roster? Win… They are people and my friends. I'd like to keep my relationships with them and with you two if you don’t mind. Lauren already made her bed.” He rambled back at her with a smile teasing them both but also attempting to justify why he hadn’t set her up.

“They were good in bed though” Lauren chimed in. Trent made a face like he was gonna be sick.

“Ignoring that.” he looked at Lauren then back to Winnie. “Besides, I’m not just going to parade around every dressing room I’m in ‘Lads, anyone want my fiance's sister?’ Am I?”

“Well, you should. What picture do you show when people ask what I look like?” Winnie leaned forward asking both you and Trent.

“Teddy, please ignore everything that is coming out of the left side of the table’s mouth please.” Your dad piped up again. The chaotic conversation continued and definitely didn't get any better when Dom came over to grab Trent to leave. Winnie practically drooling. You said goodbye to Trent with a crying Teddy and it broke your heart. It was always the worst. She’d be okay but she also didn’t understand why daddy had to leave. Trent was knee deep in the few more days of preseason but did fix your flight issues the night after that match. You had to get back to your house, your dogs, your life, and your appointment for Teddy. You flew home with her and way too many bags you assured Trent you could handle but regretted it now. Thankfully you had some help from airport staff but it was still exhausting. You needed to sleep on the flight but had to wait till Teddy was out and even then you could only lightly sleep in case she needed something. You held her against your chest and she was good. You felt like she was getting alot more attached to you. Like something clicked, she felt like you were her home and being attached to you was the safest and comfiest place she could be. Even though she weighed a little more now and it was hard having someone glued to you all the time, it was a nice rewarding feeling.

You stood waiting for your Uber outside of arrivals at the Manchester airport with Teddy and the too many bags you promised you could carry. One of your suitcases tipped over as you attempted to wrangle them all.

“Uh Oh!” you cooed to Teddy making a surprised ‘o’ shape with your mouth and she lit up. She attempted to imitate you. It wasn’t great but it was cute nevertheless. “Yeah, Uh Oh! Teddy” You said once more but in your head you were actually saying ‘shit, shit, shit.’ You leaned over with teddy in your arms and saw a masculine hand grabbing the handle of the luggage before you could. He picked it up and you stood up straight again and looked at him.

“Oh wow… Thank you” You said inspecting a oddly familiar looking face. He was an older man but well kempt, dressed really nicely too.

“Not a problem. Visiting for long?” He asked politely clocking your American accent and what felt like 100 pieces of luggage around you.

“I guess you could say that, I visited a couple years ago… never left though” you candidly explained with a smile. You readjusted your hold of Teddy. You were focused on her but you could feel his eyes examining you.

“Have we met before?” He cooed, taking a closer look at Teddy and then you. Recognizing both faces in different ways almost perplexing him more.

“Hmmm” You thought for a moment. “You know what? Yeah, I think we have. I met you at the end of Liverpool’s last season a few months ago. My fiance introduced us. I believe you know him.” You responded recognizing that you had met this man at the party the club had thrown directly after the final match.

“I knew that face looked familiar. An Alexander-Arnold a mile away.” He cooed. He was talking about Teddy, of course. You hummed politely. “I’d love to talk to you sometime…” He continued talking. You paused a little confused what he was asking so you waited for him to say more. “ I am a lifelong fan of the club but I really work for Condé Nast and I’ve been wanting to do something to better understand the inside. What makes them tick?” He explained but it didn’t really give you any clearer idea of what he meant.

“Makes them tick?” you asked him, still trying to wrap your head around what was happening, while watching your baby, whilst looking for your Uber. You were slightly overstimulated but you were listening best you could.

“Your fiance. How do you make it work? It’s a weird dynamic I imagine. You make their world go round but you have your own life, your own interests. You're not out on pitch on match day. They come home to you, a valuable human, so who are you? I want to know about you." It was strange to hear someone speak about a relationship he didn't know anything about so honestly and almost insightfully like he already knew.

“You said Condé?” You asked just trying to organize this whole thing. You had worked with some of their publications before you moved and dabbled a little here and there after you did but not much anymore. You knew enough about the company though.

“Mostly GQ and Vanity Fair. In fact, that's where I met Trent first. I heard he was coming in for a shoot when a kind editor tipped me off that a footballer from my beloved club was coming in.” He spoke like such an old man, he had grandfather vibes in the best way. It felt like you were talking to stylish Santa in a hilariously endearing way.

“Oh, amazing. Well, I don’t know. I’ve never done any sort of official interview or thing in the public” you babbled starting to feel awkward. This was really uncharted territory. He gave you his card. You inspected it closely. God, this could all be some sort of ruse but it seemed legit as you read it time and time over again. ‘Bentley Brown’

“If you’d ever want to, I’d love to meet you again sometime for a tea or a pint and tell you more about what I think we could do.” You just nodded. “Lovely to meet you both. Best of luck with the season.” You stared at the business card for days after on your dresser in your bedroom. You’d never thought about people wanting to interview you. You’d had a career before and you had an instagram following now but that wasn’t anything official or noteworthy worth being published in print.

•

Thank you for reading! Please like, comment, or message what you think of the chapter … 🤍

Next part - Chapter 13 xx

[riinkun-art-stuff]

Howdy ho! I'm very excited to finally be able to share this illustration I worked on as part of this year's @bumblebybigbang for @tahnex's lovely and super fun fic (with no pain attached whatsoever), "Of Dragons and Panthers," which you can read here! As soon as I read the original notes on it this scene captured me so much I had to do something dramatic for it. It's been such a pleasure watching the whole collab come together, tysm for having me!

First time joining an event like this, and I'd love to again if the opportunity comes around hehe. Still a few postings to go on this one, the pieces before us this year have knocked it out of the park and I'm super excited to see the rest once they come around!

Made a few process cuts just for fun, which I left under the cut!

I did do a few sketches roughly before I started out, especially based on other parts of the chapter, but this particular composition was so fixed in my mind that I ended up just sticking with it. In retrospect, I would've loved to go back and do some more thorough exploration for it. Here are a few of the sketches I managed to fish back up:

I also was thinking of trying a few other doodles/another big piece, but ended up not really having the time between other obligations :')

And the sketch I finally settled on:

Inking was SUCH a fun process on this piece in particular. I'm a huge fan of how dragon!Yang's mane turned out, especially, and all the detailing on the head and around Blake's fur and such. Feel like I'm really satisfied w the particular way the line weight variations came out, and it's where the piece shines the most imo.

Panther!Blake, too. Oh gosh. I feel like it took me a lot of reworking to get her structure to a point where she felt very leopard-like, rather than any other type of big cat- especially around the head.

Colours were such a challenging part. There was a big feeling I had for that glow coming off dragon!Yang in the middle of the heavy rain- I love seeing that sort of effect in real life so that's something I'm really hoping to work to capture better as I practice. Trying to get dragon!Yang's slight iridescence in there and to balance out the lighting on panther!Blake's fur each took a long time, too- I'm only a pinch sad that a good chunk of it is covered by other lighting effects XD

Blake's rosettes were SO fun. Augguhugg.

In terms of backgrounds. HOO boy I was going through a strange patch in life while working on the background and final polish for this piece, which is why (at least I feel like) it looks kinda rushed. I have been practicing natural landscapes and doing some observational studies but still struggling to get those rock shapes quite right, which I think is a big make or break point of something like this. I did really enjoy toying around with inking on the foliage and foreground layers of the ground, though! And in the end, lighting and effects ended up masking a lot of the big weak spots :D

I think natural effects like smoke/steam, and rain, are big things that I got to practice more of in this piece, but also really would like to get better at in future. Esp since I feel like it's been a great opportunity to mess around with different colours and brushes that I use way less, which I'm always grateful for w painting. I think just layering the rain on its own ended up being about 10 odd layers?

I think the only other thing I would have loved to improve is to just help the piece feel more Bumbleby™ in the final look. I think I like the cool colours of the lighting for this particular outcome, but I also would have probably tried to have made things much clearer (ahem at the very least switch to yellow/purple) in the long run in terms of representation and resemblance. Ik that at least for me it is fairly easy to associate the two characters with dragons and panthers since I'm more familiar w the fandom lingo around these two, but esp for outsiders I feel like it's probably not great at conveying who they are, and why they are potentially in this situation.

I'd also love to try and find a shading style that still has a painterly quality but compliments the inking a bit better, rather than overpowering it.

I think that, on the whole, I am pretty satisfied with the piece and had a great time working with Tahnex on the whole collab! And I've also has a fun time reading his work and notes in return, and thank you so much for being so so patient with me even as my updates were slow n rocky at points :'D

That's about all I got, have a great day y'all! Still a few big bang postings to go, so very excited for those once they come around!

[wildflowerteas]

It's been a while...

sorry to be dramatic about coming back after 5 months but a lot has happened in the interim and I feel the need to both profusely apologize and explain my absence. to put things simply: I moved to another country! halfway across the world! the first month was a rough adjustment--getting used to the culture shocks, new people ( I knew no one ), and my new and terrible living situation [ more about this at a later date, if people are interested ]. While I was abroad, I found some amazing friends and threw myself into academic work, but my living situation didn't get much better, no matter how much time went by. I didn't have a safe space to cook, sleep, or brush my teeth, let alone write. And to top it all off, a lot of old issues started flaring up again ( my health started to deteriorate quick and even my family told me to slam the brakes on writing and stop driving myself into an early grave ) so much so that I could not physically write some days.

I didn't mean to be melodramatic about it, but I found myself simply logging out…of a lot of platforms. because I was just so busy and overwhelmed with everything else. But it's gotten well enough--and life has slowed down with the semester over and all--and I finally felt well enough and able enough to write again and so here we are! I started tearing up several times going through the messages in my inbox and retrospring over these last few days as I prepared to post. A part of me was definitely thinking 'Oh no one would miss this fic/miss my writing' and i was proven wrong so so many times. I've beaten myself up over it for a while. thank you all so so much.

it's such a blessing to have people who make sharing your hobbies with the world feel so fulfilling.

photos from my life incoming to my blog!! I've had such a wonderful time ( in between all the bad, of course ) that I can't help wanting to share it.

chapter 22–the interlude chapter ‘nobilissima’—will come out after a short 1 week ( I promise ) hiatus! just so I can get my bearings and celebrate the New Year. I'm also planning on updating the references post so that all the little easter eggs and connections to canon can all live in one place. I'm so so excited to start part III! Everything is going to fall into place now that soukoku have avoided fate (?) and atsushi knows the truth, but the stakes are bigger than just that! After all, there's a mayoral election to win ;) - niko <3

[alwaysonthemend]

Author's Note: This fic is inspired by a conversation I had with @jakeyt and I am delighted to share some dom Jake with you all. The entire premise of this fic is all from @jakeyt 's beautiful mind so you all have her to thank for this. Sorry for any typos/mistakes

Warnings: Fem!reader, rough sex, unprotected sex, p in v sex, pussy slapping (no I'm not ashamed) extreme edging, thoughts of using safe word. 18+ only MINORS DNI

Word Count: 4189

----------------

He’s like a different person up there on stage. Gone is the stoicism. Gone is the quiet. Up there, he’s nothing less than a rock god – shredding on his guitar and dripping with talent and sex. He’s a master of his craft. And the thing is, he knows that he is. He knows what he’s doing – causing so many thousands of thighs to clench and hearts to race. And he gets off on it. 

This was something that you discovered quickly after beginning your relationship with Jake. You’d always assumed that he was quiet – bashful even at times. But all that goes away the moment he steps foot in front of a crowd. Fleeting glances towards the big screen displaying his lewd movements and faces to thousands proves to you that he knows (and enjoys) what he’s doing. 

You’d be a liar if you said you don’t enjoy it too. Seeing him so confident, so sure in his abilities and sex appeal, sets a fire between your legs like nothing else. 

Tonight is a little different though. When normally before a show he’s touchy and excited – pressing eager kisses to your lips and eyes sparkling with excitement... tonight had been nothing but stony silence before he went out. You’d been arguing all day – something petty and childish that the both of you had blown way out of proportion, trading passive aggressive remarks and glances all day. You’re not even sure how it started at this point. 

And now you could see first hand how all that frustration had built up inside of him. He’s acting feral up there and the crowd is going absolutely insane. 

From your place on side stage, you can clearly see that he’s working himself up as he plays – something that he so often does. Tiny little shifts of his hips against the guitar… never enough to draw suspicion. But you know. You know him. And you know what his face looks like when he’s turned on. 

There isn’t much longer left of the show and you can tell that he’s wound tight as a drum. His hair, once brushed and glossy, now lies stringy and messy the way it is after the two of you fuck. His face and chest are flushed and beads of sweat drip down his face onto his chest and stomach. He’s sweat completely through his jacket and fuck that just turns you on even more. He’s giving it all he’s got – leaving everything out on that stage. 

Just as his second to last solo ends, his brows furrow and he glances back towards his tech. You squint your eyes, trying to see what’s the matter. He yells something to the tech but you can’t hear anything over Danny’s drums. 

Finally you see what the problem is after he yanks his guitar strap over his head, a singular guitar string swinging helplessly beneath it. He snapped a string. 

Unconsciously, your thighs squeeze together again. He’s going to be pissed. You can see it on his face already. And that means trouble for you… the most delicious type of trouble. 

As if sensing your arousal, Jake’s eyes snap to you and track the movement. As his eyes pan upwards to meet yours, the look that he gives you is just nasty. Unbridled anger and lust all mixed together in a dangerous cocktail. 

His tech brings him his number two in seconds and he looks away, able to carry on as if nothing happened – you doubt many in the crowd even noticed. But Jake is pissed. You can see it in his face and in the way he tears into the next song with reckless abandon. 

And now, you can see that he’s hard in his pants. His thrusts into his guitar are more bold, sliding his length against the poor instrument. Anger, you’ve found, so often bleeds into desperate arousal for Jake. He’s always pent up after a show – getting off on the way he’s affecting his fans. But anger morphs into something damn near animalistic in your normally sweet boyfriend. And as much as you hate for things to go wrong for him, you can’t help the excitement thrumming through your body at the thought of what’s to come.

-⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️-

He meets you in the green room afterwards. He’s drenched in sweat and practically seething as he enters the room to find you waiting for him. His eyes pin you to the spot, rendering you unable to do anything but stand there and wait for him to tell you what he wants. Fear and lust swirl around inside you as you wait for him to speak. 

He shifts on his feet, subtly adjusting himself in his pants. 

“Go back to the hotel and wait for me.” His voice is low and cold – sharp as he directs you. 

“W-what?” That takes you off guard. You’ve fucked in dressing rooms, green rooms, and bathrooms after shows. And when you do go back to your hotel room (which isn’t often as he can rarely wait that long) he goes with you. This is uncharted territory, 

“I said,” he bites out venomously, “go back to the hotel and wait.”

You nod, ungluing your feet from the floor and slowly making your way to the door. His eyes follow you, not moving away from you once as you slide past him out into the hallway. He makes no move to follow you as you walk away and by the time you’ve left the venue and gotten in an Uber to take you back, confusion has replaced the need that you’d been feeling all day.

When you finally arrive, you trudge your way to the elevator and hit the button, thoughts anxiously racing as you try and wrack your brains to figure out what made him act so differently tonight. Shaking your head from your thoughts, you exit the elevator and walk to your door. You pull out your key card and step inside, immediately toeing off your shoes and tossing your purse and jacket onto your bedside table. 

You’re not sure what to do. He’d given you no indication as to how long he’d be and you don’t want to piss him off any more than he already is. You strip from your clothes and change into nothing but an old t-shirt of Jake’s and slip under the covers, content to wait for his return.  

Minutes turn into an hour. 

That hour turns into two. 

And two turns into two and a half and you're worried that he’s not going to come back at all. He’d been pent up, sure. But maybe he was angrier at you than you had thought. That plus his guitar string snapping probably had him alight with rage. 

Sighing, you reach over and turn off the light and sink further into the covers, allowing your tiredness and defeat to pull you into sleep. 

-⚔️⚔️⚔️⚔️-

The lamp turning on drags you back into consciousness. You sit up, rubbing your eyes and mumbling out a confused noise as you try and figure out what’s going on. 

As the spiderwebs leave your sleep-addled brain, you finally see Jake standing next to the bed. His suit is gone and he’s wearing nothing but tight black boxers. His face is angry and determined, looking down at you in thinly veiled frustration and lust. 

“Jake?" You ask, sitting up further in the bed. “Where the fuck were you? I was worried!” You scold him, your own frustration bleeding into your tone. 

“So worried you fell asleep?” He fires back in a snarky tone. 

You roll your eyes and go to lay back down but he grabs your wrist and yanks you back upwards harshly. 

“Jake!” You yell, taken aback by his roughness with you. 

“That’s not my name tonight, angel.” He says darkly, eyes glittering in the dim lamplight. “Understand?” 

“Yes sir.” You squeak out. You sweep your eyes downward and finally see what lays clenched in his other hand. 

A guitar string. 

Your eyes widen at the sight and your heart begins to pound. He notices the line of your gaze and smirks. 

“My two most beloved things in the world decided to piss me the fuck off tonight.” He starts, releasing your wrist and delicately caressing your cheek with his fingertips. “Which means that I have to ask you a very important question.” He hedges, hooking your chin with his index finger and turning your face upwards towards him. 

“What’s your question?” You ask in a tiny voice, afraid to push him any further than he already is. 

“Do you remember your safe word, angel?” 

“Gibson, sir.” 

“Good girl. Take your shirt off.”

You concede, ripping the material over and off your head and tossing it somewhere in the room. 

Jake takes another step towards the bed and grabs your wrists, effortlessly manhandling them so that your arms are above your head. 

“Hold still.” He tells you, and you obediently keep your arms where he put them as he pulls his hand away. 

Taking the guitar string, Jake loops it around both your wrists in a figure eight, cinching the cord tightly so that your wrists are pressed together. 

“Too tight?” 

You shake your head, slick beginning to flood between your thighs at the feeling of being bound. Jake loops the other end of the string around the headboard and pulls, causing the muscles in your arms to extend completely as he ties the string. He takes a step back to survey his work. The sight of you, arms completely extended and bound above your head, draws a groan from between his plush lips. 

“I’ve got one rule for you tonight, angel.” He says, walking around the bed and making his way to his suitcase. He unzips it and begins rifling through his things. “You don’t get to cum until I say. If I decide that you’ve earned it.”

You nod again and watch as he finds what he’s looking for. The quietest of gasps escapes you as he holds up his prize. He clicks the button and your vibrator hums to life. You thought you’d concealed it from him. The last time you’d come along on tour with him, he’d taken a particular liking to teasing you with it, and you’d hidden it in the hopes that he’d forget about it. Clearly, you’d been very mistaken. 

“Thought you hid this from me didn’t you?” He asks, stalking back towards the bed like a lion seeking out its prey. You squirm, anticipation filling you. 

“How did-”

“Did I find it?” He interrupts, crawling into the bed and settling himself between your legs. “You seem to forget..” He slides the vibrating toy up your inner thigh, building up the tension within you. “I know you too well, sweet girl. And I’m not letting you get off that easily.”

Without warning, he presses the toy onto your throbbing clit and the sudden sensation has you arching up off the bed and moaning loudly. 

“Fuck!” You cry, eyes screwing shut at the overwhelming sensation. 

Mercilessly, Jake begins to circle your clit with the vibrator, pressing into your bundle of nerves with relentless focus and attention. 

“All fucking day you’ve been testing my patience.” His voice is low – almost a growl, as he speaks to you. “It’s like you enjoy pushing my buttons any chance you get.” 

“You were being dramatic.” You manage to say between moans, and Jake’s eyes blaze with anger as he presses the toy harder into your clit. 

“That’s how you wanna play, angel?”

You don’t answer, overwhelmed by the white hot pleasure coursing through you. 

“Answer.” He tells you, circling the toy faster. 

You can’t. The feeling of the vibrations on your clit as he circles the toy is too much for your body to handle and any coherent thoughts have long since flown out the window. You open your mouth – to answer his question or to tell him that you’re close, you’re not sure. But as soon as you open your mouth to speak, a loud high-pitched cry escapes you instead. You’re on the edge, so so close to falling over. You need it… badly. You’ve been wanting it all day. Deciding to test your luck, you stay silent as you reach the crest of orgasm. 

Crack

The sting between your legs makes a loud, pornographic moan bubble up from your throat as Jake slaps his palm against your throbbing cunt. He didn’t slap you overly hard, but hard enough to leave you dazed. You stare at him, mouth hung open in shock. 

“You think I can’t tell when you’re about to cum?” Jake’s voice is ice cold and dangerous, causing you to gulp as he glares at you. “Remember, angel: I know you. And I told you not to cum without me telling you to.” 

“I’m sorry, sir.” You say meekly. And you are. The look in his eye is damn near sinister. 

“Not good enough.” He says, tossing the toy to the side. 

You can tell by the look on his face and the sound of his voice that you’ve really fucked up now, and you’re quick to try and remedy the situation. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Jake.” The apologies spew from your lips like prayers and you barely even register what you’re saying – your second mistake of the night. 

“Strike two.” 

Crack 

This time, the blow is a little harder, causing tears to prick the corners of your eyes. 

“That’s not my name tonight, as I already told you earlier.” He shakes his head, and you could cry at the disappointment covering his face. Directing his attention downwards, Jake eyes the mess between your thighs. “You like this, don’t you? When I treat you like the little whore that you are?”

“Yes sir, I do.” You whine, wriggling your hips in the hopes that it will entice him to give you what you want. 

“Look at you.” He swipes the pad of his finger through your dripping folds, humming appreciatively. “Your pussy is dripping.” 

“It’s all for you, sir.” You pant, shoulders beginning to ache after being suspended for so long. 

“You’re my little whore, aren’t you?” 

You nod your head vigorously. 

“I wanna spoil this pretty pink pussy so badly.” He says with sadness, as if he really is disheartened that he has to punish you. “But you’ve been such a terrible girl all day long, haven’t you?”

You don’t glorify him with an answer as one of his long, talented fingers finally enters you. He curls it upwards, brushing your g-spot and making you moan loudly. 

“You’re squeezing my fingers so tightly.” He tells you, adding another finger and curling it along with the other. 

You moan louder as he picks up his pace, fucking you with his fingers in the way that only he can. It’s like liquid fire is coursing through your veins – your entire world shrinking down to nothing but him and his fingers. His thumb presses into your clit and begins to rub tight circles, thrusting your body quickly back to the edge. 

“Sir...” You pant breathlessly, “I’m close.” 

“Already?” The smugness in his voice is obvious and the smile that graces his lips is cocky. He’s an arrogant little shit when it comes to how good he is with his fingers. 

“Such a shame.” He adds nonchalantly, pulling his fingers from you and wiping them on the sheets. 

You toss your head back and uselessly tug on your restraints. You’re wound so tight you feel like you could explode. 

“You’re shaking. Something wrong?” Jake asks, grinning from ear to ear like a kid on Christmas morning. 

“Jake- sir, please.” 

“Almost.” He says, shrugging his shoulders. “But not quite yet.” 

Without warning, Jake thrusts his fingers back into you, curling them deliciously and brushing your sweet spot with each movement. He’s watching your face, studying the way your expressions shift and  contort with each movement of his fingers. The wet sounds accompanying each movement are almost comically pornographic, but you’re far too gone to really notice. 

Without letting up with his fingers, Jake lowers his body down so that he’s resting his torso on the mattress between your legs. As soon as his hips touch the bed, he lets out a groan – no doubt enjoying the pressure on his cock. He’s edging himself too, you realize. Jake gets off on watching you, and you’re giving him the show of a lifetime with the way you’re moaning and crying with reckless abandon. 

Jake leans in and wraps his lips around your throbbing clit, suckling and swirling his tongue as his fingers continue to fuck into you. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” You wail, jerking your bound wrists and thrashing your head from side to side. 

He hums a laugh into your heat and the vibration is almost too much. 

“Fuck, stop! Please stop. I can’t!” 

Once again, Jake pulls away and allows you a moment to catch your breath. 

“Had enough yet?” Jake asks with a shit eating grin. “That’s how many orgasms that you haven’t gotten to have?”

“Three, sir.” Your voice is coarse and shaky, strained from the moans that he’s been pulling from you. You’re sweaty and exhausted, and the desperation and need to cum is reaching the point of being unbearable. 

“That’s right. Three orgasms that you could have had if you hadn’t been so terrible today. The first one,” he mutters while picking up the vibrator again, “was for our argument earlier. The second,” he clicks the button and the toy whirs to life again, “for your snarky little comments you’ve been throwing at me all day.” The toy hovers dangerously close to your clit, just barely not touching and you fight to hold still as your body wants to recoil from the inevitable overwhelming sensation. “Do you know what the third one is for?” 

You shake your head, focus still glued to how close the vibrator is to your swollen, abused clit. 

“No.” 

“You sure?” Jake asks, finally pressing the toy into you. 

You let out an agonized scream at the feeling. You’ve been on edge so long and the pleasure from earlier has morphed into a red hot need – dangerously close to bleeding into more pain than pleasure. 

“Your guitar string snapping?” You can barely get your mouth to form the words and you’re quickly nearing a threshold of desperation that you’ve never entered before. 

“Nope.” He says, popping the ‘p’ as he says the word. 

“Fuck I don’t know! I don’t know!” You yell, clenching your teeth as your legs begin to shake.

“Yes you do. Think back. And remember,” he presses the toy even harder and you’re beginning to debate whether or not you need to use your safeword. “I. Know. You.” 

You need to cum so badly and real tears are starting to stream down your face. It’s too much and not enough and the room is starting to turn black around the edges as you finally concede, the confession slipping past your lips in a broken, tiny little voice. 

“I made you mad on purpose.” 

Immediately, he brings the toy away from your cunt and clicks it off. 

“I know, angel.” He says, placing the toy on the mattress next to you and rubbing his palms up your thighs. “But I want to hear you say it again.”

“I made you mad on purpose.” You repeat, body thrumming with pent up lust and adrenalin. 

“Why did you piss me off on purpose, baby?” He asks, voice saccharine and deceivingly soft. 

“Because you’re so-” You cut yourself off, cheeks flaming with embarrassment. 

“Tell me.” He demands, digging his fingers into the plush skin of your thigh. 

“Because you’re sexy when you’re mad. And I wanted you to fuck me.” You finally spit out, shame flooding your body as you finally admit to having started this whole thing for the sake of getting a good fuck. It’s childish. You know it is. But sometimes the itch becomes so unbearable that you have to try and get it satisfied somehow. And making Jake angry is the quickest way to get what you want. 

Sensing your shift in mood, Jake smooths his palms over your thighs again, gently tracing circles into your skin with his calloused fingertips. 

“You know you can just ask, baby. You don’t have to piss me off to get it hard like this.” 

Emboldened by his comforting words, you give him the brattiest little smirk that you can muster. 

“Where’s the fun in that?” 

And just like, he slips back into his role. 

“What am I gonna do with you, angel?” He asks, reaching up to untie the guitar string from your wrists and the headboard. “Get on your fucking knees.” 

You scramble to comply, rising as quickly as you can despite your body’s protests, and settle onto your knees

“Hands behind your back.” He demands. 

You whine at his request but do it anyway. 

“Wanna touch you.” The sentence sounds desperate and needy as it leaves your mouth, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. You need to cum. More than you ever had before and at this point you’ll do anything to get it. 

“Too bad.” He says, binding your wrists again so that they’re stuck behind your back. 

Jake yanks his boxers down and you can’t help but to stare as you finally get to see his cock for the first time tonight. He looks so hard – the skin red and shiny, and his tip glistens with precum. 

“You cum after me, understand?”

“Yes, sir.” 

He presses his palm into the middle of your back and pushes, effectively knocking you face first into the mattress. He grips your hips and yanks upwards, pressing your face farther into the mattress while your ass sticks up in the air. 

Finally, he sinks his length into you all the way to the hilt and the both of you moan loudly at the feeling.

“Fuck, you feel good.” He groans as he uses both hands to grip your ass in a bruising hold. 

Immediately, he’s slamming into you with so much force it’s all you can do to just lay there and take it. His groans are rough and deep and his hips slam into your thighs hard. Using his grip on you, he pulls your hips back to meet his thrusts, and the feeling is so overwhelmingly good and your mind is fogged over with your need for him. 

This was what you wanted. The pleasure that only he can give you. No man has ever been able to make you feel the way Jake makes you feel and you’re desperate for him all the damn time. 

With each pound of his hips, you let out a moan – so high-pitched and loud that you’d probably be embarrassed if you weren’t so lost to the pleasure.

“Jake…” You warn, your long awaited orgasm barrelling towards you at the speed of fucking sound. 

“I know, angel. I’m so close. Fuck.” He lets go of your hip with one hand and reaches around in front of you to rub frenzied circles against your clit. 

“Oh fuck. I’m so close. Please.” His voice is wrecked, breathless and broken as he falls apart. His pace hasn’t slowed, his stamina allowing him to keep slamming into you at a speed that’s making your head spin. The sound of his pleading – the neediness of it, has you so close to cumming you can taste it. His dominant side has completely bled away – just as it always does when he’s about to cum. 

“Do it, angel. Give it to me. Oh fuck!” 

You can’t stop it now. Your orgasm slams into you like a freight train – stealing the breath from your lungs as you completely fall apart. Distantly, you can hear his own sounds of release and you can feel him spill into you but it doesn’t register. It feels like it goes on for hours – wave upon wave of pleasure washing over you and drowning you in the feeling of release that you’d been denied for so long.

Like you’re watching it happen to someone else, you become aware of Jake delicately untying your hands and rubbing where your skin had become raw. 

He turns you over onto your back before collapsing onto you – allowing his body weight to settle on top of you. 

“Fuck.” He breathes into your ear, chest heaving and heart pounding.

“Mmmm.” You hum, closing your eyes and trying to come back to earth. 

“You okay?” He asks, swiping his sweaty hair from his face. 

You just hum at first, giving him as much of a smile as you can muster. 

“Fuck yeah.” You finally answer after your brain clears from the fog a little bit. 

“You’re a mess.” He says with a giggle, taking in your fucked out expression and glassy eyess. He literally fucked you stupid. 

“You still love me, though.” 

“Yeah I do, angel.”

------

if you're reading this, I love you! 💗

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[mywritingonlyfans]

heyy back in the time when there were still dms on wattpad, I requested a bella and alex fic. It was about y/n taking care of bella when alex had to leave for tour. Bella was missing him really bad one night and y/n decided to facetime alex. You answered it was cute idea and you'd write it. Are you still up to it?

I'm glad you forwarded it here ❤️

It's not necessary to read my other fics to enjoy this one, but Bella is Alex's daughter (he's a single dad) in a later fic of mine, which you can check out here: link.

...

The first few weeks were peaceful, and Bella liked you. Every now and then, she mentioned missing her dad, so you’d tell her a story or ask her to send him a voice message. He’d always reply enthusiastically, meeting her expectations. Alex was a wonderful father, something you could never stop praising him for—it made you love him even more, seeing how attentive he was. You all had frequent video calls, always long, full of conversation and smiles, but it was starting to not feel like enough.

"He’s about to answer, Bella. What do you want to tell him?" Her eyes were red, her face buried in your shirt. You missed him too, a feeling you tried to hide while wearing his Stone Roses t-shirt. The familiar scent was comforting, and with her nose tucked into your shoulder, Bella seemed to share the same comfort. "I don’t know, mum." It wasn’t usual, but it did happen sometimes. A voice in your head reminded you that you weren’t her mother, but hearing her call you that, with the same accent as Alex, filled your heart with warmth. You loved her so much, and knowing that Alex didn’t mind her calling you ‘mum’ made you feel more connected to the bond they shared. "I really don’t know..." she repeated, her voice laced with tears. The time indicated he was probably finishing up a show, so you sent him a quick message and informed Kate that Bella was eager to see him. It was late at night for both of you, and Bella was refusing to sleep, clearly restless. "I misspoke, my love. It’s okay if you just want to see him. I want to see him too." You hugged her tighter. You only wanted to ease her anxiety about the wait, not make her more anxious by thinking she had to come up with something to say. It was perfectly fine to just want to see her dad’s face before a long day at school and some playing. She had taken over Alex's spot in the bed while he was on tour. Having your best friend by your side during this time was also good for you; she kept your mind off Alex not being there.

You gave a small smile to the camera on your phone, and Bella peeked over slightly as Alex finally appeared on the screen, wearing his usual post-show dad outfit. He was sweaty, his hair sticking to his forehead, and already without his blazer, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows. If you were there, you would’ve rolled up those sleeves for him, and he would’ve watched you with that familiar breathless smile. Bella would’ve jumped into his arms, the proudest daughter in the world, and Alex wouldn’t have been able to stop smiling.

But right now, in this exact moment, Alex looked concerned, and you felt bad for not letting Bella speak first, afraid that Alex might panic seeing her so down without an urgent reason. "Everything’s okay, love. How was the show? Al, we just really wanted to see you before going to sleep." You brushed Bella’s hair away from her forehead, revealing her tired face on your chest. Both of you were ready to fall asleep, bodies settled in the sheets, ready to never leave again. Alex’s sigh of relief was immediate. He had cute bags under his eyes, and you knew he was also struggling with the distance. Bella nodded, agreeing with what you had said.

"It was good, really loud. The usual stuff. We sang your song, Bella. Aunt Kate managed to record it, I'll ask her to send it to you both." He sounded excited, trying to make Bella smile. "You really did?" She raised her eyebrows, and Alex nodded eagerly. "You can hear the crowd singing along—they love your song." She hugged you, looking from you to the camera as if she couldn't believe it. It was so adorable. "It's okay if they like it, but Suck It and See is my song." You laughed, and Alex joined in. "It's all yours, darling."

You watched them talk, noticing the sparkle in his eyes and how verbally affectionate he was with her since he couldn’t be there physically. Alex was much more of a physical touch person, both with you and with Bella. The effort he made to compensate for that when he was away was obvious, and you appreciated it so much. They continued chatting about school, with Bella mentioning how you had helped her with homework, saying you were smart and patient with her, and also talking about how she had played with other kids at the park. You chuckled; she hadn't been as vocal as usual that day, but she was making it sound so natural, at least with Alex.

He kept talking in his gentle, slow manner, carefully enunciating each word. She loved the attention he gave her; you couldn't imagine how much she missed having him in her daily life when he wasn’t there. For example, every morning you would wake up to the sound of them brushing their teeth together, with her telling him about some dream she had. He did the same with her, but with you, it was different—not that you wanted it to be the same. You had a good relationship with her, but you wished you knew how to make this difficult time easier for her in a better way.

"And how’re you doin’, pretty one?" he asked, his voice more drawn out when he spoke to you. He made the sound drag, prolonging the prit-ee longer than necessary, yet still failing to bring a smile to your face. You couldn’t muster the energy to hide how much you missed him being right there in front of you.

You held your breath, watching him through the screen. He looked exhausted, like he could reach out and touch you, and Bella’s face resting on your shoulder as she slept if he tried hard enough.

"She couldn’t sleep, huh?—It used to happen with my mum too, though she seemed happier being with you." This time, you laughed. It seemed to lighten his mood a bit. "Are you tired? How’s it been?" He was taking on the role of the more talkative one in the relationship. You were afraid that if you said too much, you’d end up crying.

"She’s a sweetheart. She doesn’t give me any trouble; I like having her around." He nodded, biting his lips. His eyes were on you, quietly, and the atmosphere felt warm.

"I’ll stay ‘ere until you fall asleep, alright?"

"Alex, you’re tired. You don’t have to." He didn’t say anything, making it clear that arguing would be pointless, and to be honest, you wanted him to stay with you longer. "Don’t be strong for me, lil' one." He said softly. You laughed painfully, your eyes welling up.

"I hate this," he laughed too, in that same low tone. "I hate it too," you pulled up your shirt to dry your eyes. The shirt in question was starting to lose his scent. "I’ll be back soon, to spend a few days with you both before I leave again, I promise."

You shook your head, "I understand, Alex, Bella understands too. We just can’t help missing you; you’re not doing anything wrong." It was comforting for Alex that you could voice what he felt guilty about; he knew deep down he was being unfair to himself.

"Even so, I really need to see you both, to recharge my energy." You nodded, feeling better after talking with him. You didn’t realize how much you needed this moment, even though you didn’t know you needed it. This quiet conversation without Bella, where you could cry and be vulnerable with him. It wasn’t that you minded if she saw, but you tried to avoid making her feel worse.

"Are you drinking enough water, Al? Don’t have too much beer after the show." You said after a while, and he bit his lips to suppress a smile, showing you a bottle of water. "I’m not going to stop listenin’ to you just ‘cause you’re not ‘ere." Alex continued talking about more band stuff, the days of shows, until you slowly drifted off to sleep, unable to stay awake any longer, depriving yourself of having more minutes with him.

But the next day would be better.

[alwerakoo]

as tall as you think

Tales of the TMNT Leo & Raph word count: 2k CW: anxiety disorder (aka: Leo has anxiety - the fic)

AO3

---

There are glow-in-the-dark stars taped to the bottom of Mikey's bed.

They're so old he can't remember if it was him of his brother that insisted on it, and they're so old he never once considered taking them off – carefully taping his posters and pictures to the space around them. It's like a game at this point – finding any leftover room for new things.

Raph traces them with his gaze, his fingers laced across his stomach.

Leo's mattress squeaks as he shifts in his bed again, his feet brushing against the brick wall.

Raph bites on his cheek.

Mikey can fall asleep anywhere at any time, and Donnie's brain doesn't shut off without something absurdly loud blasting in his ears. Raph can hear it even now, music faintly bleeding out of his headphones.

But Raph and Leo have always been light sleepers at best – borderline insomniacs at worst. It's one thing they have in common, and like all the things they have in common – they're so different in it at the same time.

Raph's body feels electric, his veins all adrenaline and excitement – no blood. He spends many nights restless, the last one to go to bed and the first one to rise.

He trains, the line between his fingers and sai always blurry; he paces around the lair; he runs along rooftops, feet dangling off the edge. And then his body shuts off, as sudden as a car shutting down on a red light, and he passes out – dead to the world.

He runs himself dry, and then he picks himself up again, over and over again.

When Leo stays up, he's a shadow of himself the next morning.

Raph sighs, quietly, his mind ticking away the minutes till he'll be able to sneak out of the room without Dad sitting right on his tail.

In his bed, Leo shifts again.

Raph sighs again, louder this time.

“You up?” He asks, voice lowered.

Leo's quiet for a moment, his shell turned to Raph, until he finally exhales, giving in.

“Yeah.”

Raph sits up, shifting to his knees. He takes his pillow with him, tucking it under his chest as he turns, facing Leo's bed without a moment of hesitation, like its second nature.

At this point, it might as well be.

It's an old tradition of theirs – maybe even older than the stars on his ceiling.

All four of them have been sharing beds, rooms, spaces for as long as he can recall. It's not home without his brothers, even if Mikey has a tendency to snore, the light from Donnie's phone or computer woke him up on more than one occasion, and Leo never quite grew out of the habit of borrowing things without asking.

The room is all of theirs, but late nights belong to him and Leo only.

Raph and Leo never had that much in common, always opposites in some way or another, like two puzzle pieces from the same box, but not made to snap together.

When Raph was younger, he never had patience for puzzles. He'd push the carton and paper squares until they fit, by sheer force and spite alone.

He'd make Leo cry with that, because his brother always did when they broke the rules to any game, which made him a rotten playmate, but taught Raph the valuable skill of never quite letting Leo know when he was making up new ones.

Sometimes, during late nights, in the glow of Leo's fairy lights and Raph's stars, he's doing it again.

But he doesn't think Leo minds this time around.

They've spent hours like this, and sometimes, Raph thinks he wouldn't mind if this was the rest of his life.

Sometime ago, April asked them what they thought their heaven would look like. It was a silly question, related to some show that Raph was only half paying attention to. He can't quite remember what he answered, something related to this or other celebrity.

It was a lie anyway.

He thinks it would be this.

Leo shifts, turning to lay on his stomach, arms crossed under his chin.

“What's up?” Raph asks.

Leo's fingers drum on his forearms, and he takes a deep breath, like he has to steady himself.

“Nothing,” he says, and he's a bad lair. “Just... Hanging out.”

“Hanging out?”

“Yeah,” Leo says, and Raph can almost hear his mind racing.

He's barely exaggerating.

His brother's brain always seemed to work a mile a minute, too fast for his own good, his thoughts too big. He knows Leo struggles to catch up with his own mind sometimes, words spilling out of his mouth like he was going to swallow down his own tongue.

He thinks it might be even worse when he's staying quiet.

“You're getting worked up about something again,” Raph huffs.

Leo raises his head, frowning, probably to feel a little taller than him.

He's been outgrowing Leo since they were toddlers, and he doesn't think his brother ever quite got over it.

“I'm not,” Leo says defensively, his fingers flexing against his pillow.

“Yes, you are,” Raph says. “Look at you, you've got the shakes.”

Leo looks down at his own hands, like he just noticed them.

He shifts, intertwining his fingers under his chin, then turns again, laying them flat on the pillow, not helping his point in the slightest.

“Come on, man. Work with me.”

Raph puts his elbow on his pillow, cheek resting against his palm.

He's known Leo all his life, and knows his tendency to work himself up to the point of boiling, always over nothing, like the back of his own hand.

Leo tried explaining it to them, once.

How he runs something over and over in his mind, until it takes on a completely new shape, until he can't remember what parts really happened and what parts he's scared of happening.

How he can lay out every reason why he shouldn't bother himself about it, but his fingers still go numb and stiff, and his heart races in his throat like he's going to choke on it.

How he gets sick on his own thoughts.

Raph never quite got it.

But Donnie must've, because he pulled Leo into his tent that evening, their voices hushed and the light from the computer's monitor bright.

That night, Leo didn't take his mask off to sleep, and he chewed on the ends of it until they frayed.

Raph doesn't remember ever finding out what they talked about, but he knows that after came a lot of ''articles'' that Donnie was sending and that Leo never read. They argued about it some.

But what Raph does know, is that there's no real calming when Leo gets like this. It's best to let him run his course, let him spill over – his worry and nerves deep but not endless. Or so he hopes.

“I'm just...” Leo says finally, drumming his fingers against his palm, seemingly completely forgetting about keeping them still. “It's kind of stupid.”

“You are kind of stupid,” Raph says, on instinct. Leo sends him a glare, and he raises his hands up in a defensive gesture. “Alright, alright, just shoot.”

Leo bites his lip, lowering his gaze.

“I just keep thinking...” He doesn't look at Raph when he says it, but there's a certain panicked quality to his words, like he's scared he's going to run out of them at any second. “We almost died, Raph.”

Raph blinks.

He shifts a little in his place, mulling over Leo's words, until he finally says:

“Well, yeah. Which time specifically?”

Leo's neck straightens, and there's a new expression on his face, something open and wounded.

“That's the thing!” He catches himself raising his voice, and lowers it again. “So many times. Like, that's not...” He takes a shaky breath. “What if something happened to any of us? Any of you?”

Instinctively, Raph reaches back, tracing his fingers over the healed shell – a leftover scar from splitting it in half.

“But we didn't. Die, I mean,” he says.

It is true.

There's a certain gratefulness he carries with himself nowadays. Every day he gets to wake up and eat breakfast next to his family, every day he gets to bicker with his brothers in the evening, every day he gets to stretch his back and feel the ache in his shell slowly fade away.

He doesn't think about the 'what ifs'. They're not worth it.

He tells Leo so, but his brother only scratches at his arm, his shoulders raising, like he's trying to hide away.

“It's not that.” He huffs. “It was real. That's not a 'what if', it's an 'almost reality'.”

“Yeah, that's what 'what if' means, dipshit.” Raph scoffs.

He's not really annoyed, more so confused.

“You don't get it.” Leo sounds more upset now; he speaks a little faster. “We could've died, Raph. Isn't that terrifying?”

Raph sucks on his teeth.

Right, maybe he is a little annoyed. But only on Leo's behalf, for the way his stupid brain functions.

“I mean... It was, in the moment.”

He winces a little, seeing the face Leo pulls at that.

“Yeah. And it still is!” He doesn't bother lowering his voice anymore. “You're telling me you never think about it?”

“No,” Raph says, which is mostly true. “I try not to,” he adds, which is a little more honest.

“Well, that's what I'm trying to do!” Leo turns suddenly, laying with his back flat on the bed. “But it keeps catching up to me.”

“Seems like you're not trying hard enough,” he says.

He knows it’s a mistake the moment the words leave his mouth.

Leo's fingers squeeze his blanket so much they shake. His throat bobs, and there's a certain twitch to his lips that Raph knows all too well.

It makes something in his chest squeeze painfully.

“Are you going to cry?” He says, and it's a genuine question.

It doesn't really sound like one, he realizes.

There's a sudden flash of anger on Leo's face, and he raises his hands, throwing them in the air.

“Well, I'm sorry?” His voice pitches, all wobbly. “Sorry for having emotions! God, you're such an asshole.”

Leo pushes his palms against his wet eyes, taking in a shaky breath.

They lay in silence for a minute or two, taking in the quiet beat of Donnie's music and Mikey's soft snore.

“Sorry for caring about you.” Leo says finally, putting his hands down.

He sounds wet and fragile, and petty as hell, which Raph supposes he can't blame him for.

This is the thing, he supposes. It's how it goes with them.

Leo used to always cry whenever one of them did; those big, sad tears that used to annoy Raph to no end, because what does Leo have to cry about?

He started to understand it more as they got older.

He likes when Leo cries holding him, when Raph's own emotions get too big to carry. It makes him feel cared for, in a way. Validated, maybe.

He thinks about that now, watching his brother sniffle, and says:

“Well, I'm sorry, too.”

Leo turns to look at him, his cheek on the pillow.

Raph turns away, just so he doesn't have to endure Leo looking at him with those eyes.

And damn it, he's always had the biggest, saddest eyes.

He thinks about Leo when they were younger, how much he cared for things like rules, and putting their toys away at the end of the day, and keeping out of the places Dad told them to stay away from. And how much he cared for them.

Leo cares for all of them so much, and this is how he shows it.

Raph is grateful to still get to fall asleep next to his brothers every day. Leo is scared, that one day he won't.

“... Apology accepted,” Leo whispers, wiping his nose on the back of his hand.

Then he grimaces, as if disgusted with himself.

Raph shifts on his bed, pushing his shell up the wall.

“Come here,” he says, pulling his covers away.

It's been a while.

They're both bigger now, and Leo's shell doesn't fit fully on the bed, and his knee digs into his thigh, but it doesn't really matter, because Raph doesn't need their puzzle pieces to fit perfectly to make his point.

“I'm here,” he tells him. “So I can't be dead, right? That's what matters. This the 'actual reality', Lee.”

Leo sniffles once again.

“Yeah,” he says, quietly. Then, very suddenly: “Donnie says it's anxiety.”

Raph frowns.

“What?”

“My...” He stops for a moment, like he's considering his own words. “When I get the shakes.” He decides on, finally.

“Oh,” Raph says. “Okay.”

“He says I should talk to a doctor about it.”

They've been to the doctors a few times now – once they figured out that for what it was worth, veterinarians have a better general understanding of turtles. But he's not sure how much vets could know about Leo's brain.

“Do you want to?” He asks instead.

Leo shrugs, and that's that. Raph doesn't push.

They don't say anything after that, and Leo curls up on his side, his forehead touching Raph's elbow.

Raph watches the stars on his ceiling and the posters surrounding them.

He's still able to make space for them. He's making them fit.

And he'll do the same for his brother.

Every time.

[reverie-starlight]

IF YOU DO NOT GIVE ME THE SOFTEST OF THOUGHTS IN -6 SECONDS IM CALLING THE FIRE DEPARTMENT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL NOR A THREAT, BUT A PROMISE 😡🩷🤲🏻

AGNSKCBGKS OKAY!!!! SOME SUPER QUICK SOFT THOUGHTS 4 U!!!! DON'T CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT!!!

also this is… very unedited and might have a few mistakes!! so many apologies, I hope you don’t hate it!!

(with todoroki bc he's all that's been on my mind since I restarted bnha from the beginning)

gn!reader, pro!reader, lots of fluff. this went from super rambly in the beginning to more of a mini fic by the end. also, my first time writing for todoroki, so I’m testing out how I write him with this! this got just a hair suggestive at the end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

okay so immediately my mind went to making breakfast with him early in the morning. (for the sake of this scenario, you're both pros)

let's say you both have a day off and you're so excited to actually be able to spend time together while you're both conscious apart from the quick goodbye kisses before you head to your agencies and the minutes before drifting into the few hours of sleep you get in between shifts (if you’re lucky to even be in bed at the same time).

todoroki had always been an early riser by choice, and normally on his days off he would sleep in (only by an hour), but he was so excited to actually have the day with you that he managed to convince you to wake up early with him (something you'd never agree to on a day off if you weren't as excited as him) to maximize time together <3

so it leads to him pulling a very sleepy partner out of bed and into the washroom so you can brush your teeth together. you make quiet conversation about your dreams while he supports your body weight as you lean on him and he presses small kisses against the back of your head while you wash your face.

then it's time for breakfast and you're getting the pans ready while he gets the ingredients. the sun isn't even fully up yet and your voices are soft, both of you afraid to disrupt the peaceful atmosphere.

sleepy kisses are exchanged, sweet whispers of I love you are promised. he’s picking you up and placing you on the counter since he’s just barely more awake than you are, and he’s finishing up the food while you take a little power nap against him. he doesn’t hold it against you because he knows you’re exhausted.

it’s a struggle not to burn the food since one of his hands is occupied with being wrapped around your waist and rubbing your back soothingly while you drift in and out of consciousness, but he manages.

you wake up just in time to help him plate the food, and soon enough you’re enjoying your meal, legs intertwined under the table, hands clasped together on top of it.

(side note but one thing about todoroki is that he would so totally be clingy with his partner after he gets completely comfortable, but especially if they’ve had to spend a long time apart from each other, so he would be all over you on a shared day off.)

he occasionally brings your hand up to his mouth to press kisses to the back of it and you rub your thumb over his in return. then after breakfast you’re cuddling on the couch, he’s laying on top of you with his cheek smushed against your chest as you card your fingers through his hair and making sure neither of you get too warm with his quirk.

“we really needed this,” you state. everything about the day had been quiet, calm, peaceful and your voice did nothing to change that.

todoroki nods. “mhm. missed you so much this month.”

right. it had been a whole month of your insane schedule.

“I missed you too, baby… I don’t know how we managed a whole month like this, that has to be some sort of record for us.”

he snorts. “yeah, I think so too. but let’s not talk about it right now. I want to focus on our time together, not apart.”

you smile and press a kiss to his head. “you’re right. let’s just relax for the day and catch up on some much deserved quality time.”

so you do- you cherish your time together, talking about nothing, just enjoying the comforting sound of each other’s voices. you’re both still sleepy, but it’s less because of exhaustion and more because of relaxation.

but an hour later you get a text from momo that wakes you both up pretty quickly and results in more playful affection (as playful as todoroki could be, anyway).

you check the text and sigh. todoroki looks up at you in worry. “if it’s midoriya, tell him I fled the country.”

you let out a snort and pull your phone away from your face to look at him. “and why would I do that?”

he nuzzles his face further into your chest. “because he knows it’s my day off and he might be asking if we want to hang out with him.”

you roll your eyes affectionately and unlock your phone again to read momo’s text. “well lucky for you, it’s not him, but unlucky for both of us, it’s momo asking the same thing.”

he peeks up at you for a second before face planting into you again. “…tell her we fled the country.”

you giggle and flick him on the forehead, feeling him smile against you. “I’m not telling any of our friends we fled the country, my love.”

“then can you please tell her we’re busy today? I don’t want to see anyone but you.”

you decide to tease him a little bit. “I dunno… she says she just wants to drop something off for us and she’ll be quick.”

he groans and pokes you in the side. “my love, with the two of you involved, a visit is never quick.”

you gasp, pretending to be offended, even though you know it’s true. “is it so wrong that I like to spend time with my best friend?”

he pushes himself off of you and holds himself up by his forearms, placed near your head and raises an eyebrow. “is it so wrong that I want to spend time with my dear, completely innocent, never teasing partner?”

you shoot a childish grin up at him and he sighs, his eyes growing soft. “please tell her we’re busy today?”

you lean up to give him a quick peck. “I told her we couldn’t before I even mentioned that she texted, my love.”

wrapping your arms around his neck, you pull him down to properly kiss him. “besides, I want to spend the day with you, too. do you think I got up early on my day off because I wanted to get the worm?”

he blinks at you. “what worm?”

you stare up at him. “have you never heard that saying? the early bird gets the worm?”

“oh, that’s what you meant. I thought we had a worm problem.”

“why would we have a worm problem?”

“I don’t know, that’s why I asked you.”

“Shoto- oh. you’re messing with me.”

he hums and presses soft kisses along your cheeks and down your neck. “payback.”

you sigh in content, tilting your head a little and continue caressing his hair. “you got me.”

he smiles down at you and you try to take a mental picture to remember it forever. his messy hair, a rare full smile and a small blush as he admires you from above. the moment was perfect.

you continue to stare at each other for a few moments, just savouring each other’s company. his hands are trailing gently over your body, and just when you think you’re about to go somewhere with him, your phone goes off again. a certain warmth settles in your chest as he checks it for you and huffs out a laugh.

“It’s midoriya, he’s asking if we’re free, too.”

you take your phone back and toss it onto the chair across from the sofa you’re both laying on, pulling him back down for another kiss, this one slightly more heated. “he can wait for a response, we’re busy.”

your boyfriend just chuckles and lets you pull him down, happy that you’re still on the same page about catching up on quality time.

safe to say that midoriya never ended up getting an answer to his text. thank goodness you had read receipts turned off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope you enjoyed!!

[nyxdelanuit]

"If I were to suddenly disappear, would you notice?" With Mammon or Levi :3c

Haha, I think I may have gotten a bit carried away by this one. But here is my first "mini"-fic of the season~ To request a mini-fic, submit an ask with a character along with a word or phrase!

If I Disappear

Levi x GN MC, some sad language, cuddles and stuff <3

You were attending yet another event in the Devildom, and honestly… you were getting a little tired of it all. You loved spending time with all of the boys, of course! You just didn’t understand why it seemed like there was some big event every other week! It was all a bit much, and you started to miss just hanging around and being lazy for a weekend.

It seemed like someone shared your feelings as you watched Levi slink out of the room and down the hall. Probably going to unwind before you snuck in for a late-night gaming and anime sesh. Maybe it was another one he wanted to prepare for! Get his room settled just the way he wanted with lights and decorations, prepare some snacks that were featured in the anime, or something like that. You loved it when you got to see him shine so happily and explain in minute detail what made each thing relevant. 

You had half a mind to follow him now, all the bodies filling the room and the endless chatter was starting to feel a bit claustrophobic. Unfortunately for you, every time you found yourself turning to the exit, another pair of excitable eyes fell on you. It seemed like an endless loop of getting dragged into conversations and dancing before you finally were able to slip through the heavy doors. 

With a relieved sigh, you scurried off to your home away from home and into your room. After an event like this, you knew it was unlikely that Levi would let you leave after a few mere hours, so you had to change into something a bit more comfortable. 

By the time you left your room, the sky was dark and the house was still silent. The rest of the boys must have found something that sparked their interests. You doubt they’d be back any time soon. Perfect for a lazy night with arguably the most jealous of the boys. It put a pep in your step you had been severely lacking earlier in the day.

You stepped up to Levi’s door, confused that the silence had followed you all the way here. Usually, he had something on as he got ready, and he had never once forgotten when the two of you had plans like this. You thought on it for a moment before quietly knocking, just letting him know that you were about to peek in.

You opened the door slowly, giving him time to say something if he needed to, but the room was pitch dark, only letting in the glow from the hallway and the ambient light scattered by the large tank making up the back of his room. 

It was just enough light to let you find the outline of Levi, sitting in his bathtub. It was a rare sight to see, him just sitting there. No controllers or manga in his hands, no catchy theme songs or bubbly character voices filling the air. It was an eerie scene, and if you weren’t so concerned, you may have just left Levi to his brooding. 

“Levi? It’s me… I’m coming in…” If he had responded at all, you didn’t hear it. You closed the door behind you, letting the softly tinted light of Henry’s tank lead you forward. 

“Levi?” You reached out carefully, trying to see in the low light if maybe he had his headphones on… but no, you swore your hand just brushed by them as you knelt next to his bathtub-bed. 

He gives a soft hum in acknowledgment this time, not looking your way. 

“What’s going on? Did you forget our plans? I’m surprised you’re not halfway through the TSL special again~” That usually perks him up, and you were down to watch it again if that meant it would get Levi out of this funk. 

“Would you…” his words start softly and fade so quickly, you can only catch a few words.

“What? I can’t hear you…” You lean in, trying to show him that you want to listen. 

“Would.. I-if..” he suddenly looks over at you, his eyes half-lidded and brimming with emotion. “If I were to suddenly disappear, would you notice?” Gone was your sweet, jealous boy with wide eyes that sparkled at the slightest mention of his interest, and left in his place was insecure, fearful Levi. It just about broke your heart, seeing the vulnerability he hides behind his otaku armor. 

“Are you serious? Of course, I would!” You follow your urge to climb into the bathtub with him, ignoring the way he tenses and sputters.

“W-what are you doing?! I sleep here! T-This is like climbing into a normie’s bed, you know!” The sad look hadn’t left his eyes, but color flamed on his cheeks. 

“Quiet!” You had tried to find a way to fit the both of you, but the positioning was awful. Luckily, Levi was so nervous about accidentally touching you that he raised his hands up by his face, giving you more than enough room to arrange yourself on his lap, looking straight at him. 

“I-I don’t understand! Why w-would you! You’re on my lap! On purpose?” Poor boy can’t keep up with all this, especially not with the way you’re grabbing his hands to lower them. You ignore all of that anyway and keep moving forward, wanting to make sure you address the question before anything else.

“Of course, I would notice. I did notice! I saw you leave earlier and I wanted to follow you. I tried to follow you, actually.”  His embarrassment was slowly morphed into confusion. 

“N-no, you didn’t! It took you forever to get here! And you were having so much more fun with everyone else than you do here!” You laughed, not realizing how mean that could come off. But it’s Levi, and he knows you. He’ll wait for an explanation, even if he feels his face heating up even further.

“I spent all day looking forward to this! I’m a little offended that you haven’t gotten anything ready… Seriously, I would have followed you out if I hadn’t gotten stopped like a thousand times.” You smiled as you watched him grow quiet. He needed to process what you had just said, and the way he was searching your face was letting you know he wanted to believe you.

“You really mean that? You’d rather sit in here with a stinky otaku than party with all those normies?” You pretended to think about that for a moment before sighing. 

“Yeah. As long as you stop talking like that, I thought we were past the whole normie vs. otaku thing. And if you get too stinky, I’ll just ban you to the tank~” You gave him a good-hearted laugh.

“Even if all we do is play dumb games and watch the same shows all the time?” You sighed and leaned forward, wrapping your arms around his neck. He didn’t know just how good that sounded to you.

“Especially if we play dumb games and watch the same shows~” You could almost feel him growing warmer underneath your touch.

“Did you mean to do that? Did you fall? Or slip?” His panic only makes you giggle, tightening your hold on him when you feel his hand brush against your back and pull away again.

“Yeah, I meant to. I want to cuddle with you. Maybe we can watch something too?” His hands finally settle on your back after he takes a deep breath. 

“Y-you can pick this time…” His voice shakes, but his touch becomes more confident, sliding his arms around you to hold you close. It gives him hope, being able to hold you like this. He knows for sure that not a single one of his brothers can take you from him as long as you keep this close. 

[vivaciousoceans]

I was tagged by @narvaldetierra and i'm going to follow suit and post the first 10 lines of 5 posted fics, and 5 works in progress Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people I've been very busy this month and really this year and haven't had much time to write. Which is a stark difference from, like, the last six months of last year when I was writing like a madman. Unlove You, Law & Order: SVU, Olivia Benson x Rafael Barba

“Rafael, this is the millionth time I’ve called you. I know things have been rough lately, but it’s a total dick move to just not show up to work without saying anything. You missed that meeting we’ve had on the books for weeks, by the way. Just… call me back, please?” Rafael locked his phone as Rita’s voicemail trailed off. She sounded pissed—and worried—but mostly pissed. Not that he could blame her.Rita had always been there for him. From their days as ambitious law students at Harvard to the chaos of his career in Manhattan, she had been his rock. She’d pulled him back from the brink more times than he cared to admit, and even now, she refused to give up on him—even when he was giving her every reason to.

a very special christmas , Law & Order: SVU, Olivia Benson x Rafael Barba

Her apartment was still, quiet—for the third Christmas Eve in a row. Noah was down in Woodstock, spending the holiday with the McCanns. Olivia had told herself she didn’t mind; he was happy, excited to be with his half-brother, and that’s what mattered most. Besides, they’d have Christmas Day together—just the two of them, like it used to be. But as the hours dragged on, the stillness wrapped around her like a heavy blanket. The tree in the corner blinked with colorful lights, a cheerful contrast to the silence. Noah had insisted on decorating it earlier in the week, chattering excitedly about Santa and gifts as Olivia helped him hang ornaments. He’d even insisted they hang mistletoe, brushing off her protests that it was unnecessary.

Holding On, Letting Go, Law & Order: SVU, Olivia Benson x Rafael Barba

The precinct was engulfed in a sea of chaos and despair, with uniforms scrambling through the aftermath of the shooting. Time seemed to slow during the incident, and now the world seemed to be passing Olivia by in spades. She could still hear the shots from the gun ringing out in her head as IAB questioned her. “How did Jenna get the gun through security? How was she able to fire off so many rounds? How had she seemed before the shooting?” The words swirled in her mind, creating a relentless spiral of confusion and guilt. She should’ve known something was wrong with Jenna, she was far too calm despite the nervous energy she could feel radiating off the young girl.

art of persuasion, Law & Order: SVU, Olivia Benson x Rafael Barba

It wasn’t the first time they’d argued in front of him. Then again, Noah wouldn’t really call these arguments—at least not in the way some of his friends at school described their parents fighting. Those sounded scary, sometimes mean. His mom and Uncle Rafa? They just… talked a lot. Maybe too much. Ever since Rafael moved back to New York last year, things had changed. Slowly at first. It started with him tagging along to the park on Sundays, then coming over for spaghetti night. At first, Noah hadn’t thought much of it. Uncle Rafa was always kind of just around when he lived here before—so were the rest of his mom’s squad.

young, dumb, and full of... you know the rest, Law & Order: SVU, Olivia Benson x OC

The music thudded through the room, bass-heavy and relentless, rattling the cracked windows and Olivia’s already frazzled nerves. She shifted on the sagging couch, crossing and uncrossing her legs, the hem of her dress riding up just a little too far. She tugged it back down half-heartedly, her nails grazing the cheap, scratchy fabric. The laughter and shouting around her felt like static, voices overlapping and slurring together into a single, deafening roar. She drained the last of her beer, the warm, bitter taste only adding to her irritation. She shouldn’t have come. She knew it the second she walked through the door. The sea of bodies, the too-bright neon lights strung haphazardly across the room—it all felt suffocating.

Some of my WIPs

Untitled, Law & Order: SVU, Olivia Benson x OC

The motel room door clicked shut behind them, cutting off the rush of the city. Olivia didn’t bother turning on the light—what she wanted didn’t need ambiance. She paused, setting her bag down on the night stand, before kicking off her shoes. He was still by the door. Waiting. She turned, slow and deliberate, letting her gaze sweep over him. Even in the dim light she could make out the sharp lines of his body, the angle of his jaw, the confidence in how he stood. He looked younger than she’d normally consider—mid-thirties, maybe—but he’d carried their conversation with ease. He hadn’t flinched when she leaned in, hadn’t babbled to fill the silences, hadn’t looked at her like a novelty.

Affair Fic, Law & Order: SVU She knew better. She had counseled hundreds of victims over the years, taken all the classes—she knew better. Yet, she couldn’t ignore the hollowness creeping in as the verdict echoed through the courtroom. Not guilty. Not guilty. Her stomach twisted, and for a fleeting moment, she wanted to run, to flee somewhere he could never find her. Guilty. Guilty. Just bittersweet enough for the universe to throw her a bone. For a moment, she felt hope. But then, the hollowness returned. She had expected to feel elation, maybe even relief, but instead, there was only emptiness. The people around her erupted into cheers, but their voices were distant, muffled by the thunderous pounding of her heart in her ears. Untitled, Abbott Elementary, Barbara Howard x Ava Coleman It was supposed to be just a quick drink with Melissa, something to take the edge off before she went home. Then Ava had invited herself, and Barbara should’ve known then that the night was going to be a disaster. They’d been on the subject of Melissa’s newfling when Ava had basically begged to hear all of the sordid details about their trysts. Barbara had tried to tune them out, hating the way heat rushed to her cheeks and spread throughout her body. Conversations about sex always seemed to make her uncomfortable. Melissa jokes that she’s a prude, but that’s just the way she’d been raised, southern baptist, sex was purely utilitarian, an act between husband and wife, to fulfill God's command to be fruitful and multiply. Untitled, Law & Order: SVU

He hated these events. The annual Widows and Children’s Benefit for the NYPD was meant to be a night of charity and camaraderie, but for Rafael Barba, it felt more like a punishment. As one of the few Hillman & Calhoun partners with a passable relationship with the department, his attendance wasn’t optional. Swearing softly under his breath, he tipped back his glass of scotch, relishing the burn as it slid down his throat. At least when he worked at the DA’s office, these nights had their moments. Back then, the 16th Precinct would always make an appearance, and in the days before—and sometimes after—Olivia started dating Tucker, she and Rafael often ended up as each other’s unofficial dates. He missed that. He missed her. Untitled, Law & Order: SVU, Rafel Barba Olivia Benson

When he suggested they get dinner once he was back in the city, Rafael was almost certain it wouldn’t happen. There were too many ways it could fall apart—some last-minute catastrophe at work for Olivia, an unavoidable professional obligation that kept him in Iowa. He half-expected her to change her mind entirely, decided that she no longer wanted to maintain a relationship now that they no longer worked together. That their semi-frequent communications had been nothing more than a pleasantry. Things had been... complicated ever since he left the DA’s office. The way he walked away—sudden, the whole affair just an overwhelming sadness—had created a rift neither of them could ignore.

tags: @anneowl2803 @little-tayy @barisistill

[fffrost]

Please please share ur kenlao headcanons n stuff🙏🙏🙏🙏

AHAHA OH BOY! I didn’t expect my KenLao shit to hit it off so well- but yeah totally. I haven’t had a ton of time to give them much more thought than the surface level stuff. A lot of it relates to the way I personally view the characters so I hope it’s good.

Pre relationship summary:

They both kind of make the first move with each other, the current dynamic (and fic) I’m working on right now has it where gang reunites every so often as a whole group. Kung Lao and Kenshi end up hitting it off at one, and gradually over time while they mature and grow more comfortable with themselves and each other they talk more outside of these meetings.

Kenshi and Lao I think are both confident in a manner that manifests in being very forward with other people- which for them ends well. Kung Lao likes to flirt, and Kenshi isn’t against it, it doesn’t bother him. He warms up to Lao and they end up really enjoying each others presence.

For Head-canons, Particularly Kenshi, because of how I characterize him:

- Kenshi eventually (idk how to word this well) accepts his blindness- and doesn’t often use Sento to see. Partially because I hc it would be pretty jarring to have that weird mindfuck of the souls of your ancestors which live in your sword directly beam visions into your brain- and also because he straight up just can’t have a sword out all the time.

- just adding this: he uses sento while fighting. Of course, so most likely he uses the sight it grants him almost exclusively in combat.

- I haven’t gone super in depth into more head-canons on what sort of aids he would use, because I need to do more research, but I think he uses a cane when walking around, and maybe later he has a service dog.

I want to point out that I’ve seen a lot of people brush off his blindness in favor of just pretending he can see like normal because of sento… which really fails to see the full potential and worth of his blindness in his character arc. I don’t know much about blindness and I am going to do research to be able to characterize and write him correctly!

Anyway moving on since I just talked about Kenshi so much (I love him) here’s some basic hcs for them:

- they alternate who is the big spoon/little spoon often.

- Kung Lao (later in life, when their relationship starts) has tattoos! He also grows his hair out, and gets a few more (bridge piercing cameo) piercings.

- Kenshi obviously has a beard

- Kung Lao can’t grow an epic beard and instead just fawns over Kenshi’s. Kenshi is mildly annoyed by it (he loves it.)

- once they’ve built trust Kung Lao trims and tidies Kenshi’s beard.

- Kenshi likes to tie up Kung Lao’s hair

- Kung Lao picks outfits for Kenshi sometimes, once Kenshi has drilled the importance of cleaning up and looking good into him enough.

- Kenshi steals Kung Lao’s clothes. A lot.

- over time their relationship develops from casual to serious, Kung Lao is the first to realize it. It grows to the point where Kenshi can’t imagine spending his time with anyone else, or trusting anyone else with that side of himself.

- Kung Lao yearns for an active and dramatic life at first, and Kenshi knows how painful it can be, so it worries him.

- over time Kenshi mellows out Kung Lao, and Kung Lao introduces Kenshi to positive excitement.

- ^ Kenshi dislikes large gatherings (such as concerts) and amusement parks.

- Kung Lao loves training with Kenshi, due to the unique techniques Kenshi’s fighting style provides. Kenshi also helps Kung Lao with coaching Shujinko after the first time he biffed it, which was pre relationship.

- takeda comes into the picture also, but I am not sure how I want to fit him into their familial dynamic yet….