#so even my art program wants to delete him

[zombiecicada]

@post-it-notes7

*attacks you with the brain rot blorbos*

Wolfbell AU Arthur and Falspar meet Mirror Madness Arthur and Falspar.

[silusvesuius]

nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am

[bara-izu]

Do you have any advice on how to get over lack of skill? I want to do the Astarion Lestate trend but I don't think my skills are ready for it. I have references pictures of Astarion pulled up when I'm working, and even have the game launched so I can turn him if I need to (mostly for the attempts I did at his hair) but everytime I tweaked something or started over nothing looked right. I keep getting frustrated 😭

Hi anon- Sorry this took me a while to get to, i hope you and others can still find this useful! While the basic advise to get over 'lack of skill' is PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE! i hope this will help you knowig where to get started with that!

I'm going to put my teacher pants back on, this might be a bit long so buckle up- I'll go over a few areas:

Primitive Shapes

How to Use References

Delete your work (hear me out)

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Primitive Shapes:

This is your foundation. Everything starts with this, and while you may find it boring to think of your art in terms of cubes and spheres- i kid you not it will help elevate your work.

If/when you are stuggling to draw a complicated pose, or a specific perspective, refering back to the form in these basic shapes can really help to simplify your process and help you problem solve.

A chill/silly watch for a more in depth discussion on what i mean / how this can help - Give Pikat's 'Draw boxes (correctly) to improve your art' a watch. They also mention this in the video but @/Uncomfortable on youtube also has some great fundermental videos.

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How to use references.

Okay so references are great 10/10 very useful. But, unless you know WHAT to study from a reference, they can sometimes fall flat of their usefullness.

Anatomy studies are something a lot of us will be recommended as artists, but actually knowing what to pay attention to can boost your confidence in your work. Start with a goal, what do you want to get out of this sketch session? Do you want to get better at understanding the 3D form of a specific part of anatomy? Better at poses? Try to narrow down your learning each session to make it less overwhelming.

In this i'll focus on understanding the form so, lets start with a reference. Linking back to Primitives again, start off by braking down your anatomy into forms. Sketching over the top of your references is totally fine. But make sure you are doing so critically, otherwise it may look like a flat/unnatural trace and you're not really learning from it. Via the first sketch you can see where the primitive shapes fall on the body - think of it like a ball-jointed-doll, hips, knees, shoulders ect are ball socketed whereas arms, legs ect can be made up of tubes. (See the first image, when sketching your tubes, sketch your contour lines too- this can help determind how clothing / hair will fall over the body, and can help you understand the 3D Form.)

A BIG IMPORTANT SIDE NOTE - When using photo references, do be very aware that they may be distorted due to the height of the camera, or camera focal length - (you can see in my sketch i had to edit the torso and head because the reference was a little top heavy)

A few artists/books for some extra reading / reference : - Andrew Loomis (OG for body proportions, books are a little outdated but fundermentals are still useful), - Tenten云画画 (his stylised anatomy breakdowns are very interesting to me) - Anatomy Essentials (I've had this book for years, it covers lots of areas, is a bit complex though, i myself should reread it again 😅

Also, if you can't find a reference for a specific pose, don't be afraid to use 3D programs! Anatomy 360, DesignDoll, Clip Studio, Magic Poser - all nifty options~

SO taking when we've learnt from the primitive forms, you can now try applying that to the Lestrat Picture. (which, granted is a complicated pose, as it also has forshortening and an odd top down perspetive of the bottom character- so don't panic if you don't get it the first time!)

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Final points- Delete your art (hear me out)

What i mean by this is, sometimes reworking the same face over and over again can bog your down. It can make it very difficult to actually see whats wrong. So, get rid of it and start again. (hide the layer/use a different piece of paper, please don't actually bin it (yet))

Next, redraw it. Use what you've learned the first time, and redraw it from scratch. (in this case, that might be just specifically the head, or the hair, or the eyes ect - you don't have to bin the whole thing, but sometimes it can really help give you a new perspective)

Once you've done this, unhide your original, compare, this may help you understand what you were doing wrong the first time. Or if there are areas of one that you like- its an opportunity to combine them as you see fit! :)

On a side note for Astarion's Hair, the lovely @mistercrowbar actually posted a breakdown yesterday! (i use p much the same method so-)

I HOPE this was of some use- do feel free to ask any questions if you've got them! i'll try to answer in a more timely manner next time 😅

[angst-and-fajitas]

Pantheon Analysis: Peter Waxman

I've been doing another series rewatch to collect screenshots for art references, and I have come to the conclusion that Peter Waxman is just a really fascinating character who doesn't get enough appreciation. While the main duo are my ultimate favs and Ellen Kim is my 3rd, I think I'd have to put Waxman right after her.

It's personal taste, but I really love when characters are written with intentionally contradictory traits and motivations. It just feels very human, acknowledging the messiness of individuals, how hard it actually is to stick to your guns and figure out what's right. Waxman is a brave coward and an honest liar, and he's a good model of the kind of writing that Pantheon does so well.

Also there's some season 2 spoilers under the cut

He was David's best friend before uploading him, and it seems like he honestly still considers him a friend and still cares about his family, but not enough to let him go free! Not enough to not lie to his grieving widow! And yet he's happy when David escapes the tracking program, and he helps Ellen by bringing him the tracking program. He doesn't bat an eye at deleting the copies of David in s2 ep1. He never has the guts to stand up to Pope, but he still tries to save Maddie.

His motivations for what he did are an interesting puzzle to solve, because he hardly talks about himself. Based on his comments to David when first trying to persuade David to join Logorythms, it seems like he was mainly in it for the science. He never comes across as greedy, he never talks about wanting to live forever, and he wasn't part of the inner-circle-holstrom-cult. He was just dedicated to this UI project, until his morality got slowly boiled to death like a metaphorical frog as he began excusing unethical stuff for the sake of the project.

I love his line to Maddie in the cafeteria at the data center: "We keep you alive to row this ship. Row well, and live", a quote from Ben-Hur. There's possible implication in that offhand comment that he's done a lot of what he's done out of coercion and threat of retaliation. It makes sense that, if he tried to go rogue, Logorythms could easily pin some heinous crimes on him because he did in fact participate in them, and so he stays and digs his own grave deeper just to stay afloat.

And I really like his season 2 growth. He's still kinda spineless a lot of the time, but he's moving in a good direction. He sees the danger Maddie's in and tries to help her by warning Ellen, even if he lies on the witness stand to do it. He tries to help Ellen find Maddie, and their conversations show a lot of self-awareness and inner conflict. He even goes to the CDC to try and stop Holstrom's virus, even though he kinda gives up when they push back. Also that scene in the last episode of season 2 where he's piloting all those robots and drones to fight back against Safesurf was pretty badass tbh. Respect.

Tldr, Peter Waxman is a spineless coward who's lost his morals, who has to slowly work to get them back, and I think he's iconic for that. It's human, and it's messy, and that makes it very compelling.

[sewer-ravioli]

DoNotReadMe.wav: Slime.exe au mini fic

hiii!!! this is a mini fic for my au with @unqualified-therapist for our Slime.exe qsmp/codecicle au based on the song that this mini fic is named after The art for this that I wrote this around is HERE!! I hope you enjoy and feel free to ask any questions on the au both us will respond :)

Mariana sighs, shutting the door to the order meeting room as she aims to just get some quiet time. Everything has been too much in the other rooms of the Order so maybe she can get some quiet here before everything gives her a headache. Her wings twitch a little as she falls into a chair, embracing the little light in the room. She originally means to just close her eyes and get a small nap, but is startled by the many screens of the Order's supercomputer firing up, and a chirpy bitcrunched "Hiya Mari!" comes from the computer. Mariana almost falls out of the chair out of shock, as Goopy greeted him. She was barely able to catch herself, panting heavily from having the shock of his life, before responding, "Hola Goopy." Honestly none of them have any idea what Goopy is. It just showed up slowly on everyone's computers over time, and Mariana would be lying if he said he never used the Program it's connected to, Slime.exe, to just have someone to talk with while working. But one thing is clear is that whatever Goopy is, it is sentient. It has emotions and complex thoughts and such. And it has before expressed it does not view itself as artificial even though it is of a computer program. Goopy has multiple forms, switching between a smaller Slime form and a humanoid form with a shirt with two and a half hears and cartoonish black line eyes. Honestly, Mariana finds Goopy's avatar absolutely adorable. Currently Goopy is in it's more humanoid form, taking up all screens to show it's grinning face. However it tilts it's head, "Are you g-g-good?" Goopy asks, voice stuttering out for a second. "Sorry if I scared you. I was just excited." "I'm fine, Goopy." Mariana assures, standing up and walking closer to the screens, "Just warn someone next time." Goopy nods, before returning to it's grinning expression, "So! What is happening today that you come to visit me?" Since the federation found out about Goopy, they put out warnings to delete the software as if to isolate. But as it turns out Cellbit wanted to investigate and downloaded Slime.exe instead and that's how Goopy got here. This is the only computer on the island that is not connected to Federation internet and therefore Goopy can hide from the federation's eye and they can learn more about them. "It was very loud out there." Mariana admits, "But it is also nice chatting with you, Goopy." Goopy nods, "Well. I enjoy talking with you too, Mari!" Mariana laughs, "Glad it's reciprocated!" Goopy grins, and leans more forward towards the screen. "Hey. And...you mind If i show you something?" "Uh..sure? What is it?" Mariana is confused. "I..um.." Goopy looks away for a second, pixelated face going red as he rubs the back of his neck or a second, "I made a song. For you." Mariana's eyes widen, "Oh?" "Uh...here!" And a window pops up, Goopy hiding behind it. Loading DoNotReadMe.wav....

Mariana listens as the song plays. It's sweet, honestly. A love song.

Mariana's mouth upturns into a small grin as she listens, face being dusted with a little red.

When the song ends, Goopy nervously pokes around the corner, having reverted to his slime form, before going back humanoid and walking around. "..So?" He looks nervous. "It's very sweet. Thank you, Goopy." Mariana smiles. Goopy grins back, "I'm glad you like! I'll do more when I'm done with my next project!" Mariana nods, "I'd love to hear those too...I should probably get going though." "Oh...Okay! Can you say hi to little Juana for me then?" Goopy asks hopefully. Mariana chuckles, "Of course, Goopy." and with that she turns around and leaves the room, unaware of how when out of sight once again, Goopy quickly transfers itself to Mariana's phone once again to watch her without her knowing. Such a pretty angel, Goopy thinks.

[roykleinberg]

Oh now you have me curious about your spicy takes! 👀

hooooo boy okay, some of this is about the franchise and some of this is about the fandom (which I love with all my heart okay please no one throw rocks at me lol)

90% of program/user ships give me the ick

continuing on the shipping train of thought, I don't actually find the Encom trio (Alan/Lora/Flynn) all that compelling as an ot3. and a lot of it is a personal pet peeve I've come across in a number of fandoms, but honestly most m/m/f ot3s feel like they're just a way for people to focus on the m/m dynamic while patting themselves on the back for "including" the female character instead of sidelining her completely........ even though said female character is rarely if ever a major contributor to the dynamic or a focus of whatever fanwork. but on a less meta side eye note I just find the perceived sexual component of Alan and Flynn's relationship to be the least compelling thing they could've had going on

and I know she's barely brought up in canon outside of Betrayal but uhm Jordan exists??? and perhaps it is an unpopular opinion but I would like to see more of her in things instead of relying on Lora to be the only human woman in the Tron universe

once again I might not be so harsh on Uprising if there was more to it, but taking it for what it is and how much of it exists -- a lot of the episodes were boring filler to me. also I don't like how they drew Tron

actually I don't like how Tron has been drawn in any rendered/animated media with the exception of maybe Kingdom Hearts

I don't think of Rinzler as a standalone character, and he's not at all interesting to me when removed from the fact that he is Tron with the serial numbers filed off. I feel like I've increasingly seen people portraying Rinzler as his own thing and it simply does not work for me. I think the whole point of his character / existence is that he doesn't have thoughts or feelings or any real personality of his own. he's a backflipping blank slate whose only real character moments are when Tron's overwritten personality peeks through

to that end I can't conceive of an ending where Tron or anyone around him would allow him to remain as Rinzler, and I can't imagine that Rinzler's capable of forming an autonomous opinion to not want to be Tron again

the fandom collective spends too much time talking about how hot the live action and animated men are and not enough time talking about how hot the Sirens are. or how hot Yori is especially in the deleted love scene. or how hot Paige is. or

Daft Punk (rightfully) gets a lot of hype for the Legacy soundtrack, but Wendy Carlos's soundtrack for 82 is unfairly slept on. love that those funky robots got to cameo, but we should be giving Carlos just as much credit for her work

for as much as it pains me to say it, I don't think Tron ever would've been a tentpole franchise for Disney even if they had treated it better. and it's mostly because of the sad fact that the general public has never been that into Tron. I see it tossed around a lot that Disney ditched Tron in favor of focusing on Star Wars and Marvel. A New Hope -- an original sci fi movie that had absolutely no brand recognition, so to speak -- made over $400 million in 1977. the original Tron made $50 million in 82. the first Iron Man movie -- which sure had comic fan recognition but was still a very early comic blockbuster -- in 2008 made over $500 million. Legacy made just over $400 million in 2010. and Disney advertised the shit out of Legacy, they didn't set it up to fail. yes it sucks that things like Uprising were dealt a bad hand (a garbage release schedule that lead to poor viewership that definitely killed the show), yes it sucks that capitalism impacts what art gets made, but the fact of the matter is that Tron has always had niche appeal, and niche appeal does not a successful franchise make. and while it'd be nice to live in the universe where Tron blew up, I look at what's become of Star Wars and Marvel and maybe I don't lament it all that much

[lunarfeat21]

To the anon that send me an ask, my dumbass deleted it by accident and I am sorry! Fortunately, I copied/pasted your ask in my notes before my mistake, so we’re saved!

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Anonymous asked:

I HAVE ARRIVED YET AGAIN >:]

So it’s time for me to ask you about your favorite characters in RiD2015 >:)

No backing off from this one, UNTIL WE MEET AGAIN!

*Runs away like a gremlin but trips on a rock and falls over*

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Oh poor anon, you have no idea what you unleashed upon... nah just kidding, but thank you for releasing my inner feral gushings of my favorites!

Without further ado, I RELEASE MY BELOVES!!!

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Let's start off with my all time favorite!

Strongarm

What do I like about her? hmm... EVERYTHING!

From her strong and buff physique (it's nice to see more frame variants in femmes, WE NEED THEM HASBRO!), her boundless energy, to her impressive memorization of protocols and their numbers. A tough, but smart cookie.

 I’m not sure about you guys, but I’ll spend HOURS listening to her just rambling about regulations on a car ride while nodding like an idiot. Gosh, I’m starting to fall for her…

Fixit

Fixit, Fixit, Fixit, my sweet wholesome minicon bean!

Adorable dude, a cheery character that I adored when seeing him on screen. Had a chuckle when he glitched out when he was about to say certain words in dyes- mics- rhymes! Regardless, dude helped his team out in every way. He’s the team’s technician and repairman, basically the backbone, even pulling out profiles of the Alchemor’s escapees via ship’s computers. 

I remember one episode where my dude is brawling a shady manager of an ex-champion (while I cheered on at 3 am) or in another episode where my dude’s original programming kicked in and turned into a terminator, but a prison guard… it doesn’t really help that there's about 100+ minicons like him (tbh I don’t know the total numbers)… do what you will with this information…

Thunderhoof

The mafia boss, angry moose on the loose, boss... babe

Bastard reminded me of those stereotypical noir film mafia bosses (it doesn’t really help that there’s him eating pizza in an official art piece… help…), and I'm not wrong. Plus his appearance and voice is… enamored to say the least…

Bro sounds pissed and will be pissed if something doesn’t go in his way, or someone doing stupid shit. Come on, this huge antler jockey is a freaking crime boss, so of course why wouldn’t he be pissed? He wouldn’t stop until he got what he wants, whether going back to cybertron, leadership, or objects of interest (and shredding someone to pieces, I’m talking about you, Clampdown! You sniveling snitch!).

Jetstorm & Slipstream

My Sweet Bun 1 & Sweet Bun 2, I love you both to death!

Both him and Slipstream are freaking cute (look me straight in the eye and tell me otherwise), and both are nearly the same height as a grown man (source? A screenshot I took for references in future digital drawings).

Jetstorm is a bit more creative than Slipstream and Drift combined, but a bit as well impulsive (which can lead him to trouble with Drift). Overall, he and other Minicons are adorable and if they committed crimes, I'll excuse them.

I’m going to repeat what I said about Drift’s minicons earlier, both are freaking adorable! Unlike Jetstorm, Slipstream is more chill and prefers to follow his master’s instructions. Despite the contrasting personalities, these two are a force to be trifled with via teamwork! Mess with one, get wrecked by the other! Perish!

Wildbreak

Gotta love the dude, timid but nice. Before ever seeing on screen, I read some posts that headcanoned him as the sparkling of Knockout and Breakdown. After that, I can see why. Cute tho!

#ProtectTheChildAtAllCosts!

Steeljaw

Alright I’m not beating a bush, this mf is attractive as fock!

At any dang episode I’m watching, the scheming wolf always makes me smile as if I’m happy to see him! (well duh, I am!) 

He knows how to capture attention with that soft, yet alluring charismatic voice, offering compliments, and seems nice… except that shit he’s doing is an illusion, and will stab you in the back if there’s an opportunity! Brother nearly had me in the first half, not gonna lie. This dude knows how to wrap people in his claw, or if that fails, time to off them in the name of his future empire!

Nightra

Oh my god… Nightra is something…

How did she and Strongarm become friends? Both are competitive, yet polar opposites of each other. Don’t get me wrong, I like her as well, so playful, carefree, and mischievous (even that leads her to trouble and ultimately her going rogue).

Aside from her similar buffy appearance like Strongarm (omgistarttofallforbuffywomen), her voice is… soothing to hear, yet not AND IT MADE ME BLUSH!!! THEY PICKED A GOOD VA FOR THE JOB! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I had to go to dreamland (lalalalalalala)

Shadowraker

Another attractive mf, and bastard (derogatory)

Fucker has good aesthetics (color wise and design), if charsmatic is a aroma, it’s him with a dark aura. Twisting innocent bots into their rotten former shells, yeah this is what this dude does after his ‘shadows’ brought in the stolen goods in exchange for shelter and guidance. Mmm, moral corruption…

I like you Shadowmaru-err Shadowraker, but I don’t like you at the same time. I remember when you kidnapped my fave minicons and promised that you would punish them for betraying you! (glad you got boxed on the pede, ya jerk!) Glad karma bit you in the ass!

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Alright, gushing time is over! That's all folks! BYEE!

[iamnotthere-idonotdie]

dream of me

part three

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synopsis: reader has been moved away for a few months and wishes they’d stayed in gotham. but a trip to metropolis may provide the opportunity they need to try to reconcile with bruce.

content: bruce wayne x reader, implied depression, some cursing, no smut

a/n: this one took a bit longer to get written down because i kept getting stuck, but im glad i was able to finish it. i still have more parts in mind that i want to include in this series but i don’t know how fast i’ll be able to get them all done. also thanks for the likes on the last two parts!

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“are we still on for dinner tonight?”

your boyfriend is on the other line.

“yeah sure. my place or yours?” you ask.

“how about we go out? there’s this japanese restaurant i’ve heard is good. we could try that.”

“okay. 7 o’clock sound good?”

“sounds great. i’ll pick you up?”

“sure.”

“okay, babe. see you then.” your phone beeps after he hangs up. the screen goes back to your favorites list in your contacts. bruce is still on it. you haven’t had the will to delete it.

it’s been three months now since you left. you didn’t think you’d move on this quickly but robert has proved to be a good companion for you. or at least some kind of distraction. you sit there at your desk, just staring at bruce’s contact. you know you shouldn’t make personal calls on company time but you needed to hear a familiar voice. today has been difficult. some days are better than others. some days you feel fine, happy, content with your job and with robert. other days, like today, it’s like a rain cloud is looking over you and at any moment the monsoon will come. you glance at the top of your screen and the clock says 4:56. you suppose you can leave a few minutes early. you grab your bag and leave your desk, heading toward the elevators. your mind sends you a flashback to that first elevator ride with bruce. sometimes you wish you could just forget about it. all of it. press a button and make the hurt all go away. the memories. the reminders that drip with pain and longing, filling your mind to the brim with tidal waves of regret.

you regret so much. you regret not telling bruce how you felt. you regret not insisting that you stay, whether he wanted to be with you or not. you regret leaving. you thought being away from him would allow yourself to heal but it’s just made every little detail of life remind you of how it all went wrong.

you often find yourself still checking gotham news sites. almost every article is a new story about how well he’s doing. how the company is thriving, how he’s creating new outreach programs and divisions to help the city. he even started a new program, like the one you worked with him on, this time supporting students interested in fine arts. photograph after photograph shows him in different gotham schools, giving out new supplies and resources. he’s doing amazing work there. and you’re still here, coming in every day to sit at a desk and make spreadsheets. the job offer turned out to be too good to be true. you were promised travel, but the furthest you’ve gone is phoenix. and it wasn’t even for work. you finally step off the elevator and into the garage where you see your car where you left it. at least you got that assigned spot.

back at your apartment, you drop your bag on the kitchen table and flip through your daily supply of junk mail. you go into your bedroom and open the curtains to let the remaining rays of sun come through. you look out over the city. you can admit it’s a beautiful view.

you sit in your armchair and stare out the window until robert texts you that he’s downstairs. you get another notification on your phone at the same time, from the gotham gazette. the headline stops you in your tracks toward the door.

“bruce wayne and mystery woman seen leaving local restaurant”

you feel a gasp get caught in your throat and your chest tightens. you can’t be mad that he’s moved on when you have too, but the pain still comes. you click on the link to the article. paparazzi pictures of him with his arm around her shoulders threaten to bring tears to your eyes. the restaurant sign behind them glows and you realize it’s the one you suggested you’d go to with him. the one you almost suggested you’d go to. you never got the chance, because he instead had his own suggestion in mind.

you close the app and sit down at the kitchen table, putting your head in your hands. it’s all starting to rush back again. that pain. that intense, overwhelming pain that takes your breath away.

your phone dings again with a text from robert, telling you to hurry up or you’ll miss your reservation. robert. not even him can make you catch your breath.

you grab your bag and head out anyway, not wanting to stand him up. you get to his car and open the door. bruce would’ve come up to your apartment and walked you down. he would’ve opened the door for you.

“hi babe,” robert says cheerfully as he leans in to kiss you. you turn your head so he just catches your cheek.

“long day?” he asks, sensing your mood.

“yeah. long day.” you say flatly.

robert tries to the fill the car ride with small talk. you can only muster the occasional one or two word response every few minutes. you get to the restaurant and robert leads you inside.

“reservation for robert?” he asks the host.

“right this way.” you get to your table and sit across from robert and open up your menu.

“i’ve heard the steak here is really good.” he says as he flips through his menu.

“hm.”

“or i’ve read that their salads are good too...”

“mm hm.”

“do you want to get a bottle of wine?”

“sure.”

“maybe an appetizer?”

“okay.”

“…these dumplings look good.”

“yeah.” you feel irritation rising.

“or the edamame—”

“jesus rob just fucking pick something.”

he closes his menu fast and all but slams it on the table.

“what the hell is your problem?” his voice rises and you feel people starting to look in your direction.

“keep your voice down.” you set your menu down too.

“no, i’m tired of this. what is going on? why are you being such an ass?”

“i’m not being an ass, you’re being annoying.”

“i’m trying to talk to you.”

“then talk to me.”

“i try but you won’t so much as look at me let alone actually engage in conversation.” he looks at you with hurt in his eyes.

“what’s going on? you’ve been acting so weird lately and it’s been freaking me out.”

“i’ve been acting how i always do.”

“no, you’re not. over the past few weeks you’ve been getting more and more distant. you never actually talk to me about what’s going on with you and you’re always angry or upset or…” he lets out a disgruntled sigh.

“i’m just worried about you.” he says quietly.

“it’s just been stressful at work. that’s all.”

“no, i know that’s not it. look, i understand that you left a lot back in gotham, including your ex.”

you look down at your lap and your cheeks get hot with anger.

“but it’s not fair to punish me for the decisions you made.”

with that you grab your bag and stand up from the table and leave the restaurant. you wave down a cab and open the door, but robert comes up behind you and closes it.

“you can’t just run away. we need to talk about this.”

“talk about what exactly, robert? the fact that i’m miserable here? the fact that not a single moment goes by without regretting leaving? the fact that i can’t sleep at night because all i can think about is him? i can’t do this! i’m stuck! i’m stuck in a city that i hate because it’s not home. i’m stuck at a job that promised me the world and i all i get is a shitty desk and a worthless title. i’m stuck in a pointless relationship with someone i know i’ll never love. i’m done, robert. i’m just… done.”

you open the car door again and get inside. you look out the window and see a tear roll down robert’s cheek. that’s all you know how to do now. spread the pain around onto other people and watch the tidal wave crash into them too.

you lie in bed that night and just let the tears flow. you pick up your phone and delete robert from your favorites list. bruce wayne still sitting there, waiting. you click on his contact and remove it too.

your eyes are puffy that next morning from crying yourself to sleep. you park your car in your spot and head inside. you sit at your desk and try to wake yourself up with a cup of coffee. you just try to get through today. one thing at a time.

after a few minutes jonathan locke walks up to you and hands you a folder.

“we have a lead for a project in metropolis i’d like you to take a look at. if all goes to plan, you can go next week and present it.”

you take the folder and open it. it’s for a renewal project that will target the growing unhoused population.

“metropolis?”

“yes. it’s far but i think you can handle it.” he says with a smile.

you can’t help but feel like he’s patronizing you. you look back down again at the folder. it’s either your desk or metropolis.

“okay.” you just say quietly.

“oh, well great. that was quick. i’ll get you set up with tim who’ll be spearheading the trip and you guys can coordinate on responsibilities.”

“okay, thanks.”

“and it’s close by gotham so you could visit your old stomping grounds too.”

jonathan walks away from your desk and to his office. you think back to that night you met him, when he gave you a folder similar to this with an almost-irresistible offer. you thought you’d be leading the division. turns out the proposal said you could be leading the division. you should’ve read the fine print.

you and tim meet up that afternoon to discuss the trip. you like tim. he’s nice, respectful, and understands you want to be doing more so he delegates a lot of his responsibilities to you. or maybe he just wants a free trip to metropolis so he’s dumping the work on you, hoping you’ll appreciate it. no matter his true intentions, you do enjoy the extra work. it helps distract you.

“oh, also,” tim stops you as you start to leave his office after your discussion.

“jonathan wanted me to let you know that we can bring a plus one on the trip, on the company’s expense. my husband is gonna fly in after the meeting, you should bring your boyfriend.”

“oh… i think i’m actually gonna be flying solo, tim.”

“oh, is everything okay with you guys? i’ve only met the guy once but he seemed pretty great.”

“um, not really... we ended things last night.”

“last night? i wouldn’t have come into work today, honestly.”

“yeah, it was pretty rough.”

“well, for the record, i lied. he kind of seemed like an ass.”

you laugh. “he isn’t so bad. we just weren’t right for each other.”

“well i can attest to that. before chris i was with this guy who i just knew wasn’t the one for me. it took meeting chris to see that though. i realized that i never saw a future with the other guy. but with chris, he’s the one i always want to be around. when we’re apart it’s like… i don’t know like—“

“like you can’t breathe. like all the air in the room has been sucked out.”

“exactly… you sound like you speak from experience.”

you just look down at the floor.

“well whoever they are, if you get the chance again, don’t let them go this time.”

you look up and smile at him.

“thanks tim, but i’m pretty sure he’s long gone. and he’s with someone else now too.”

“if he’s really the one you want to be with, the one you really see a future with, don’t let anything stand in your way. fight for it.”

you pause for a second and think about tim’s advice. you want to fight for him, you do. but what if he doesn’t want you to?

“all i’m saying, is if you’re able to see him, it’s worth it to at least try again. then you’ll at least have an answer.”

“…you’re right. the uncertainty, i just know it’ll eat away at me forever.”

“right. so where is this guy? is he here in san fran?”

“no, he’s actually back in gotham.”

“well perfect! you can take a visit while we’re in metropolis.”

“i guess i could…”

“you should. you will. do it.”

tim starts to stand up to head home for the day.

“and you’ll tell me everything when you do.” you chuckle.

“you got it, tim.”

“i’ll see you tomorrow.”

“yeah, see you.”

you go sit back at your desk long after hours and think about this new plan. how are you even going to go about this? do you just show up at his home, knock on the door, and hope he answers? if he does, what do you even say?

you spend the next few days leading up to the trip trying to configure your plan for talking to bruce again. you’re more nervous about that than the actual work you’ll be doing.

you and tim sit next to each other on the flight to metropolis. you work on your computer trying to distract yourself from how nervous you are about possibly seeing him again. curiosity gets the better of you, and you search online to see where he’ll be.

“glad to see you’re using the in-flight wifi responsibly.” tim says sarcastically.

“i just…”

“if you’d have told me bruce wayne was the ex you were going to see in gotham than i might’ve given you some different advice.”

“and what would that advice be?”

“that, for one, you were stupid to let him go at all. and second, that you should go visit him on that school trip he’s doing. for that new fine arts project.”

“why there?”

“well you weren’t gonna just show up to his house and ring the doorbell, were you?”

you pause for a second and let your silence be your answer.

“okay yeah, not a good idea. trust me. rom coms do not portray that as accurately as you’d think.”

you chuckle.

“so you think i should show up at his event?” you ask.

“i think so. make it like you’re there for work. use that as an icebreaker, then you can get to talking.”

“that’s not a bad idea tim.”

“it’s a great idea. it’s right after our meeting tomorrow anyway. it’ll be perfect.”

“i’m not sure about perfect. what if he—“

“don’t torture yourself over the what-ifs. they’ll just burden you. and while i know i’ve been talking quite positively about this whole grand romantic gesture of yours… don’t get your hopes up either.”

you look over at him with furrowed brows.

“i heard someone say once that expectations are just premeditated disappointments. just… don’t set yourself up to get hurt.” he says quietly.

“well now i’m a little confused, tim. because you’re the one who’s been urging me to do this in the first place. and now you’re telling me not to get my hopes up?”

“you’re right. i’m sorry. just… tell him what you need to say. not what you think he wants or needs to hear. not what you think you should say. not what someone else would say. you have things you need to get off your chest, whatever they may be. and you need to speak them out, otherwise they’ll suffocate you.”

you get quiet again and realize he’s right. you’ve been so hung up on what you should do or say and didn’t stop to think about what you actually want to tell him.

“you’re right.” you say, barely above a whisper.

“i know i’m right.”

you smile and grab tim’s hand.

“thanks, tim. you’ve been one of my few friends since i moved here.”

“what can i say? i’m a peach.” he says with a smile and you laugh.

“can i just ask one thing?” he says softly. “…stay in touch?”

you just look at him, his face plastered with a sadness you’ve never seen from him before.

“if all goes well with… bruce wayne—god that’s still so weird to think about. but anyway, if you two get back together, and you move back home to gotham, and you two live happily ever after…” you laugh lightly.

“promise to stay in touch?”

“…of course, tim.” you smile at him. he squeezes your hand and smiles back, then he lets go and goes back to his in-flight crossword puzzle. you look back down at your computer and find the article detailing bruce’s trip to a gotham middle school where he’ll be implanting new support and funding to its, and every other gotham school’s, fine arts program. you sigh and close your laptop.

you spend the rest of the flight with your headphones in, listening to music and staring out the window. you know it’s a cliche, but you don’t care. this plan of yours and tim’s hangs over your head, that cloud ready to pour at any moment. you suppose the floodgates will open if things don’t go well tomorrow. the rain will come and the tidal wave will crash and you’ll be left to pick up the soaked pieces of your shattered heart once again. as though fate herself has heard your dark thoughts, the plane goes through a rain cloud and wet droplets scatter over the window, blurring your vision, each one shaking in the wind as if laughing at your melancholy. you just turn your music up and close your eyes, hoping sleep will find you before you land in metropolis.

of course, the sweet release of slumber doesn’t come and the plane jolts as it touches down. tim helps you carry your bags out of the overhead bins and out of the gate, and the two of you find a cab to your hotel. you discuss your meeting and go over your key points as you ride through downtown. when you get to the hotel and up to your room, you realize the time difference is working against you. the sky outside is dark and the stars are beginning to shine through the city lights, but your body is adjusted to the pacific time zone now. it’s not until almost three hours later that you are finally able to find rest. all the while thinking not about the meeting tomorrow, but of bruce. and what you want to say to him. you trust the words will come when they need to, and you close your eyes.

the next morning, you meet tim in the lobby of the hotel and you take a cab to your destination. your mind is preoccupied, and it shows during the meeting. you stumble over your words and forget your lines. you hope this doesn’t backfire on tim as he steps in and leads the pitch with confidence. his quick thinking proves successful, as you’re met with approving smiles and impressed nods from the room. you’re just glad tim was able to do well. to be truthful, you don’t care very much about your job security today. in the lobby, tim calls a ride for himself back to the hotel, and one for you to the train station.

“are you sure about this, tim? you don’t think it’s a mistake?”

“don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts now.”

“well, i just…”

“look,” tim puts his hand on your shoulder.

“i told you, just say what you need to say. everything will fall into place as they should. you’re doing the right thing.”

you let out a nervous sigh and look down again with tears in your eyes.

“what are you so afraid of? that he’ll say no?”

“no… i’m afraid he’ll say yes.” you say quietly, fighting back the tears.

“if things go well, if we get back together… who’s to say it won’t go wrong again? i don’t think i could handle going through that grief again.”

“just remember what i said before. once you’ve got it, don’t let it go. no matter what. fight for it. for him.” tim is getting choked up now too. he pulls you in for a hug and you will yourself not to cry on his pressed suit.

“now go. your ride’s here.” tim smiles at you as he opens the door to his separate taxi.

“good luck.”

“thank you tim.” you smile back and he closes the door. the car drives off and you’re standing there, giving yourself one last chance to back out before making your way to gotham. you open the door and get inside.

your heart is racing the entire ride to the train station. you feel yourself switch to autopilot as you purchase your ticket and get on the train car, choosing a window seat. you sit there like on the plane, your headphones in and your mind full. as you get closer to gotham, you see the blue sky and white fluffy clouds fade to the familiarity of the dark grey and rainy empyrean. after being away for so long… you find this gloomy atmosphere quite beautiful.

the train takes you to the heart of the city, where you take yet another taxi to the school. these different modes of transportation you’ve taken these last few days have at least been offering you some time to think. though those thoughts have not been the most pleasant, you still appreciate the solace the rides bring.

the car stops right in front of the school.

this is it.

you step outside, the rain being uncooperative with your entrance into the building. you inform the woman at the front desk you’re here for the outreach event and present your work id. she directs you to the gymnasium down the corridor. you walk quickly, nearly jogging to the gym. when you enter the room, you’re met with a large crowd of school staff members, students, members of the press… and there’s bruce, handing a violin to a child who’s face beams. bruce is smiling too, and he says something to the student before they walk back to their group of friends. the kids compare their gifts excitedly and you smile at their childlike enthusiasm and appreciation. when you look away and back towards bruce, you see that he’s looking right at you. you lock eyes and he begins making his way toward you. you try to gauge his facial expression, is it sadness? disdain? confusion, happiness? the closer he gets, the harder his face becomes to read. he weaves through the crowd, avoiding cameras flashing in his eyes and reporters sticking microphones up to his lips. finally, he’s standing right in front of you. and he smiles.

“you’re… here… what are you…”

“i had a meeting in metropolis this morning and i decided to take the trip here, to see gotham again.”

“and you just so happened to stumble in here?”

the press seems to have gotten bored of your conversation, because now you’re alone with bruce in the back of the gym.

“well i wanted to see… what this new project was. it’s amazing. these kids… you’re changing lives here, bruce.”

those feelings start to flood back. those feelings you got the last time you were in a setting similar to this one, when you saw how great bruce is with the kids, how much he cares about them. your heart somehow starts beating even quicker.

“it’s all because of you. if you hadn’t given that first pitch… none of this would be happening.” he replies.

you smile and look down.

you and bruce continue talking there, in the back of the gymnasium. you talk about your job, about san francisco, about how your life was going. you decide not to be entirely truthful for this reunion, not wanting to put a damper on the more than nice conversation. bruce tells you how he’s been too, how he’s been busy with new project after new project, how well the company is doing. how well he’s been doing. he seems happy. a part of you almost wishes he seemed a little sad that you’re there. that he’d be brimming with regret for letting you go. you start to feel guilty over your selfishness.

“well, i’m glad to hear that you’ve been doing well, bruce.”

“i’m glad you’re doing well too.”

“and you’re… happy? with everything? i mean with your um new—“

as if he read your mind, he stops you from finishing your sentence.

“i was hoping you wouldn’t see that. that was just a… a one time thing. i met her at a gala and we went out for dinner but i haven’t seen or even talked to her since. i just didn’t… feel right about it.”

you feel a sense of relief flood over you.

“and you? you’re not… seeing…” he starts.

“oh no, i mean, not anymore.”

“oh… okay.”

you just smile at each other for a second, then he suddenly takes your hand.

“come on. we’ve got a lot more to hand out… and i could use the help.”

you know he has a large group of team members standing by, waiting to help in the continuation of the gift giving, so you’re surprised at his request for you to help too. the two of you resume handing out the items. more instruments, paint sets, books, and more. it’s like christmas has come early, with every child getting something they’ve always wanted. you’re smiling more than you have in weeks, months. bruce is elated too, as he and the other team members provide these resources to this school. this specific event was to promote this program, but every gotham school will get this opportunity for new items as well. finally, the school day ends, the press leaves, and you’re standing the middle of the gymnasium. it’s quiet now with just a few more people here packing things up. you take this opportunity of peace to catch your breath and prepare yourself for what’s to come. bruce starts making his way toward you again and clench your hands into fists repeatedly.

“bruce, i have something i—“

“would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” he cuts you off.

“sorry, were you going to say something?” he asks.

“no, i… i was actually going to ask you the same thing.”

“great. we can head out now. alfred’s already started cooking.” bruce smiles at you and he leads you out of the school and to his car.

you make small talk as he drives you to his home. you forgot how grand it is as you step inside, alfred greeting you with a smile.

“it is so wonderful to see you again.”

“thank you alfred.”

“dinner will be ready in just a few minutes.”

alfred goes back to the kitchen to finish up.

“fire?” bruce says, starting to make his way toward the living room fireplace you’re all too familiar with.

“yes, that sounds nice.”

he lights the logs and sits down on the sofa next to you.

“i’m glad you agreed to come tonight. i was hoping we’d get a chance to talk.”

“me too.” you smile lightly.

“the truth is… i—“

the light clanking of dishes distracts you and bruce from your conversation as alfred begins setting the dinnerware on the table.

you and bruce stand and thank alfred for the meal. you eat in mostly silence, the occasional compliment of the food filling the quiet void. bruce takes your dishes to the kitchen and cleans them once again and you go sit back down on the sofa, the orange and yellow light of the flame illuminating your troubled mind. you need to get this off your chest.

bruce comes back and sits down.

“bruce, there are some things i need to say to you…”

you grab his hands in yours and look down.

“i haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since i left. i haven’t slept, i haven’t been happy. i… even tried seeing someone else. work didn’t help, i hated being so far from home… and i hated being so far from you.”

you finally look up at him.

“i love you, bruce. i’m in love with you. i have regretted every single day not telling you before. i hate that i didn’t show you how much you meant to me. and i hate that i left just because i was scared of what you’d say back.”

you choke back tears and look down again.

“you’re the moonlight that breaks through the clouds at night and into my bedroom window. you’re the soft fall of snowflakes that land on my eyelashes. you’re the rain that makes my hair wet and reminds me i’m still human. you’re everything to me, bruce. you are everything.”

you look back up at him and see tears in his eyes. he puts his hand gently on your cheek and kisses you. it’s slow, it’s gentle, it’s tender. it’s love.

he pulls away and chuckles softly.

“i have loved you since i met you. i’m everything to you? without you, i’d fade to nothing but a pile of ash. you being gone, tore me apart more than anything ever has before. even alfred can attest to that.”

you chuckle lightly and he laughs too.

“if i’m everything to you, then you’re more than everything to me.” he pulls you in again for another kiss.

“if i’m the moon then you’re the stars.”

he kisses your right cheek.

“if i’m the snow then you’re the fire.”

he kisses your other cheek.

“if i’m the rain then you’re the sun.”

he kisses your forehead.

“you’re my entire life.”

he kisses your lips.

you sigh as he runs his hands down your back and onto your hips. he picks you up and wraps your legs around his waist and stands up. you continue kissing as he takes you upstairs and to his bed. you run your hand through his hair, down his neck, over his arms. you want him, all of him. and he wants you.

suddenly the tidal wave secedes. the rains don’t come. the dark grey cumulus fades away. and now your mind is only occupied with bruce.

you thought once before that nothing beautiful lasts long in gotham city. but you were wrong. one thing has lasted. and it’s him.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

…………………………………………………………………………………….

[frindoka]

my art timeline :-)

hi! i’m making this because i was inspired by maxpawb’s post i saw on toyhouse , which then led me to look at all my own art that is still somehow intact in my storage. this only details stuff from when i started posting online, not from when i started drawing traditionally as a wee lad. partially because my sketchbooks are lost and partially because i never really wrote down dates on my art to begin with.

a lot of dates are lost, due to the aforementioned problem of me not writing things down.. and also i have awful dissociative memory problems so there’s way too many gaps in my life. but i really did want to do this to see how much i could find & how much i could recollect.

content warning for VERY brief mentions of grooming, as well as minor mentions of real shitty friends

everything is under the cut! there might be another rb if or when i hit the image limit. curse you, tumblr.

date: ??? , i had to be around like. 11 at the time

this was when i joined warriors amino and i deleted my account because i got in trouble for having social media, LMAO. i eventually came back with a new one though. this is probably one of the only surviving art pieces from when i was THIS YOUNG, everything’s on an ipad that’s so broken it won’t even charge

i learned how to use the smudge tool on ibispaint at this time and thought i was the coolest bitch on the block for my blending

may 2019, i was like 12

my return to amino (and brief period on deviantart, which i never used again lmao) i was specifically on wings of fire amino + warriors amino. i was obsessed with airbrush shading.

this is one of my first fursonas which was a wings of fire fanflight called kitsunewings or smth. and also my first species character (he predated the dragon), a bayfox, which was drawn in krita. i never used krita again after this. coincidentally, i was also never active in bayfoxes after submitting him.

i crawled back to ibispaint no matter how many new free programs i tried.. (also tried firealpaca once. i couldn’t even figure out how to draw a line…)

may 2019, 12

the rise of my longest lasting fursona. she got stolen on a shitty app called anime maker once. i can’t remember if she’s older than the dragon, andromeda, but her older iterations definitelt are. this character was just the FIRST first fursona that i actually called that, since i didn’t even really know what a furry was at first

june 2019, 12

my first commission that i sold for like 30 deviantart points (i only used the site for commission purposes, as mentioned before i never really used it lmao)

also i tried to make a closed species on wings of fire amino. second image. it was terribly stressful ; this was around the time i met my longest lasting group of friends (hi freak bin! 5 years <3) and.. some of the worst people i’ve ever met in my life at the same time, LMAOOO

also here’s this kokichi ouma dog i made before i even knew what danganronpa was. i would find out much later, unfortunately

march 2020, still 12 (cause of my august birthday 😒)

there’s a really big gap in my files here. sad! my art kicks into gear at this point tbh, i like how i did the lines. wish i had the energy for such clean lineart still :-(

i think around this time i lost contact with the people who were my groomers (which i would realize later) and i’m thankful that i don’t even remember what their names are.

april 2020 - july 2020, 12

okay these aren’t awful actually. HOW WAS MY ART SO DETAILED. i admire baby frets power, jesus christ

i also did a design raffle when i hit 500 amino followers which is still the most i’ve ever gotten as a following. pretty crazy, i wonder who owns this dude now, i still think they’re cute

august 2020, 13

wow i’m 13 now look at that. i had to go digging for this one, only one i could find that was remotely close to my birthday (it’s the 25th!) this was a drawing for my friend bea lol

was still friends with some pretty shitty people from wings of fire amino, and it was really taking a toll on me. i don’t remember drawing as often as i used to during that time because of all of that.

december 2020, 13

i wish i could still draw backgrounds.. i need more practice

january 2021, 13

okay honestly these are really cute. i don’t know wtf kind of motivation i had for this much detail. the shading is pretty damn good

april 2021, 13

still going strong with the shading and backgrounds. not much to say around this time either lol. the first one is an older design of mine, but they’re pretty damn cute.. i wonder what happens to the desgins i lose track of? but ik this guy has a toyhouse profile i just refuse to look through my like. 200 pages of character designs on there…

july 2021, 13

PUDDLE! PUDDLE OH HOW I MISS YOU. my original favorite oc, i got so much art of him & drew him so much he reached 100 pieces in less than a month. i also met my best friend through this dude.

my art got.. blocky? here? idk what i was doing with all of that but it lasts for a while. lol

october 2021, 14

one year older and i got neo twewy for my birthday and it changed my life permanently. in several ways. anyhow, here’s frindoka furries.. they live in my files forever and will never b drawn again because they got redesigned several more times LOLLLLL

this is the month after i broke off permanently from my shitty old friends, with support of some other friends of mine. thank you guys… i did proceed to get harassed and made paranoid over my text messages by the shitty friends cause they were mad i got one of them banned from a furry adopts server for being literally dangerous. i do know it was them bc it was admitted to & they were some of the only people i gave my phone number to. i was kind of dumb for that

i was happy after my birthday because 13 was one of the worst years of my life. literal constant spirals and breakdowns because this is when i realize i was, in fact, groomed. i’m well and handling it better now.

january 2022, 14

my first d&d character, the mark of my eventual spiral into heath insanity… shadow how i miss you. i ended up redesigning them later on

march 2022, 14

i got into a pokemon arpg around this time and it took over my life for MONTHSSSS. kind of a shitty community in it though, but i appreciate how it improved my artwork. i’m back at the backgrounds! it’s shut down indefinitely now. rip eeveemporium

april 2022, 14

I FOT BACK INTO WAKFUUUU😭😭😭 also got pretty comfortable in my identity as a transgender nonbinary person, but i would get MORE comfortable about my identity later on :-)

this is going to be continued in a reblog because i did, in fact, hit the image limit. oopsie daisies

[slocumjoe]

So, someone asked me about the ending to my deleted fic about x6 finding his place in the world and his own version if humanity.

So, a summary of X6, and my headcanons for why he is the way he is, as well as what the fic was about. It was an exploration on what could make X6 who he is, and what makes anyone anything

Background

X6-88 started off as a personal assistant to a Dr. Paris, a head of the Bio division, whose thesis project revolved around restoring greenery and healthy plant life to the topside. Paris was often shunned for his concern for the topside, as well as his insistence on treating X6 as a surrogate son and that, even if synths don't have souls and aren't people, it's still unbecoming to abuse them. His notion was that, if you are angry, punching a person and punching a wall are both depictions of immaturity and ill temper; the fact that the wall doesn't feel it doesn't mean that you are not explosive and volatile.

Paris had a taste for the old world pleasures, and taught X6 art, attempted teaching him instruments, and succeeded better in giving him a proper education, like any of the kids growing up in the Institute. Often, Paris would encourage X6 to paint whatever he felt like or could imagine, and discouraging efforts to be realistic or otherwise "valuable."

This aspect was directly tied into questions I had for my own work, if the quality of a creation mattered more than the passion and heart put into it. Is art better if more people understand it, or is it better to create something that people can only stare at and wonder about?

When X6 was about 7 (I HC him to be about 12), a synth tried escaping from the Institute the hard way (bumrushing), and ran into X6 and Paris. She attempted to attack Paris with a energy pistol, and despite Paris telling him to stay out of the way, X6 tried to intervene and take down the other synth. She still managed to shoot and disintegrate Paris.

Paris' wife removed X6-88 from their family's ownership (basically fired him) and blamed him for the death, attempting to have him wiped for not following her father's orders. Upon being an unowned, run of the mill synth again, X6-88 went into the courser program. He rationalized it as simply a need to be fulfilled, but deep down, it was a means to atone for his failure.

Main plot

The fic was pretty silly. It started with X6-88 choosing to move out of the bunkhouse August/Sole had built for the companions to live in, after kitchen mishaps led to his precious coat being melted.

The coat was a status symbol and reminder of what he had lost, and had to make up for, and had succeeded in doing. And with the others slowly moving out as well, X6 wanted to get some god damn peace, seeing as Gus didn't like him remaining in the Institute. (Which is not destroyed in my narrative).

X6-88 instead finds a renovated apartment complex in Concord, Sanctuary's sister city, almost a district of the growing settlement. A large aspect of the fic was the Institute replicating strawberries, and the Cafe down the road producing, basically, strawberry donuts. Piper moves into the same complex with Nat, and brings a box of said donuts as a neighborly peace offering.

Piper featured heavily in the fic as an unlikely friend to X6-88, especially once they establish a bookclub with Curie. This happens when X6 attempts to find interior decorating magazines to find inspiration for his living space, and stumbles upon a trashy erotica and becomes hooked. While delivering donuts, Piper sees the book with the pages tabbed, and insists he joins bookclub. He does, only so that she doesn't tell anyone, knowing that he can't just kill her to ensure her silence. Among other things, he would also join her and Nat for breakfast, and find Nat endlessly amusing, being around the same moral grey area at an angsty 11 year old girl. Piper and Nat would help to inform his ideas on what Family could be and mean and look like.

Nick also featured, slowly coming to see what path X6 had taken without realizing it. With the others help, they make him a new coat. When presented it, X6 freaks out and rejects it, spitting on the gesture and taking offense.

While on a job for Gus, X6 discovers a cat out in the wild, and names her Pyewhacket, in reference to something I no longer remember. She was based heavily on my own cat at the time, I believe. Pie's place in the story was to serve as a reminder of his capabilities for gentleness and concern, thawing out his heart that he'd frozen a long time ago.

This fic was started when I was still in an abusive house situation, and was fed mostly on my dreams of escaping and figuring out who I was underneath what I had to be to survive, and questions on who I could have been without those circumstances. I was very angry, cold, reserved person back then, and desperately wished people could see through what I felt were obvious cracks in that armor.

Throughout this, Augustijn (at the time, he was called Jesse), would show up and attempt to wax philosophical at him, trying to jog his opinions toward the direction of "let yourself be a person." While his intentions were pure, much of X6-88's conflict was that he didn't know if he was, or if he even wanted to be. He couldn't believe himself human, he just wasn't. What did that leave? Ultimately, Gus wanted to help, but his solutions didn't match what X6-88 needed.

This would culminate when X6-88 would join him and Piper on a trip down into the Institute. X6 ran into Paris's daughter and was horrified, recognized her and knowing that she didn't know the full story. This story was exposed by some shitty dude who previously had a bone to pick with X6.

Piper or Gus, I can't remember which, attempted to seek him out and check on him, but X6 lashed out and effectively retreated into his apartment. He spends however much time keeping himself busy, picking up drawing again but painfully aware of the limits he sets for himself, focusing more on realism than expression.

What we didn't get to

Eventually, Nick would kick down the door, give him the updates on what was going on with the Institute. Part of the thing with the Strawberries was that it was part of Paris's project, and they're almost at fruition (haha, pun not planned). However, it's been discovered that his ashes were buried with the documents for his project, and they're pretty sure he had the final piece. This could be a game changer for the Commonwealth. Problem; his tomb (the Institute has, like, a catacomb) is locked with the same thumbprint ID Paris used for everything. It's an old, old, OLD technology that isn't hacked easily. They know Paris had his thumbprint as an ID, but the Institute knows that someone else had theirs as a valid print as well. Nick asks if that person would be X6. X6 says no. Nick frowns and takes his leave, subtly calling him on his BS.

This portion would have been X6 trying to figure out why he does and doesn't want to assist in finishing Paris's lifelong work. One on hand, he wants to help put the man to rest. On the other, he lost all value for the topside when Paris died. Than again, Paris's work is almost complete. Than again, does he have the right to aid it, after his death?

Eventually, Gus would convince X6 to join him in exploring the catacombs, an area Gus hasn't ventured in. He wants to pay his respects to the history of the Institute. Eventually, they would end at Paris's catacombs, and Gus would have convinced X6 enough to open the door, if only to pay his own respects and confront his past.

This portion would delve into the idea of feeling obligated to your own suffering, that what your pain turned you into made that for a reason. It questioned why people often turn to the idea that the people who loved them would want them to suffer, and that grief is for yourself as much as it the person you lost, who you felt made the world manageable. It explored a loss of something you didn't really get to have in the first place. X6 would find that Paris had his tomb filled with X6's old art projects, messy and unrefined but oozing something unnamable.

Returning to the topside, X6 would return to his easel, and paint a portrait that could never exist; Paris, sitting at the window of X6's, apartment, Pie the cat in his lap, overlooking fields of Strawberries and a lush green Commonwealth. It would have been an very theatrical piece, wholly unconcerned with accuracy and looking more like paint was splashed on by the bucket. However, it looks just as X6 remembers his mentor, his father. Otherworldly in his serenity, happy to enjoy the mess of life.

X6 would find himself digging that new coat out from his closet and try it on for the first time. It was made from death claw leather, dyed as dark as they were able, and carefully designed to suit his needs. It would be high quality, but not the uniform coats of the Coursers. This coat came from the wild, the topside, from a place of affection and concern and understanding. The uniform was just a uniform, a sign he had passed a test.

The fic would then end on Piper, Curie, and X6 having bookclub, starting with a new trashy novel.

Notes

I was a hot mess at the time and was mostly word vomiting my own fears, desires, and pain into word documents, so the story often jumped all over the place. There were a lot of technical things that led to me taking it down out of embarrassment, scenes and themes too messy to clean up without starting all over. There was also the struggle of communicating something I felt uncommicatable, and pouring myself out there and feeling exposed in a way I didn't plan on.

The initial title was Strawberry Donuts of War, and then My Hope and My Fear is Human Interaction. The first was a joke, the other a lyric from the song AI by OneRepublic.

I have snippets of the fic here and there in my documents, but I'd have to do some serious digging and piecing together to find the whole thing.

I abandoned it also around the time of the George Floyd riots. I am a white person, and I didn't feel right projecting onto an enslaved black man during that period. I posted a chapter Authors Note about it, as well as resources for BLM, but later decided I couldn't stand the taste it left in my mouth.

[lumslittleland]

Not Been Well Recently - Sorry (Covid x3)

I apologise for not having been active for quite a long time.

I have been struggling with ill health, work and personal life problems for quite some time. My new medication is taking quite some getting used to, and it's efficiency depends entirely on how and what I do, eat, breathe and sleep.

It works wonders, but it's like a master lock on a bloody safe to get it to work just right, and I'm finding it difficult because I've never had 'tightly wound and intricate' issues to deal with before - like food allergies or asthma, or shit that needs extreme care. So I'm not that good at being patient, or meticulous.

Then I've had Covid about 3 times, with the full blown rash, and everything that comes with it, and I'm starting to wonder if I've got it longterm now as it's caused me to have a few seizures and eating problems and (what might be, but prob isn't) early signs of mild skin cancer, so my GP has asked me to be part of a research program for Covid.

At this rate, I feel so ill I frequently wonder whether life is worth living - and yet nobody seems to understand as they just get up in the morning and 'feel good.' Even on a shit day, there's plenty they can do. I'm stuck like this for life, and it interferes so much with everything it makes living nearly unbearable.

Sorry for this little self-absorbed rant.

I had to get it out in the open, because sometimes I feel like I am struggling alone... and then there's this major dickhead on this game pretending to have cancer to get attention, when in facts he's alienated everyone from him because of his hateful behaviour, and normally I would just ignore that because I just haven't got the time or energy to be bothered about some twat on the internet lol.

But apparently he's now asking for gifts and money, and someone close to me died from cancer, and it kind of makes me angry to make light of a subject like that...

Anyway my Twitter username has changed, and I'm going to be posting updates on there more frequently than on here, because it's just easier.

So if you want to give it a follow, I'll be posting updates on my fanfiction and any fan arts that people gift me. I wanted to run a full Stobotnik Tumblr on here, and maybe when I have more time I will do. But for now, I just want to sleep, get better and do the absolute bare minimum...

I've also deleted a lot of my comments on the new Sonic trailer, as I realise that there's more to it than what I previously saw, and I think that's because I didn't fully grow up with the Sonic franchise.

There's still a lot I hate about it, and possibly even when I see the full film will still hate about it.

But as I don't want to ruin it for you guys, I've started afresh. Have fun xxx

[affinitystoryblog]

so these questions were initially an ask but i accidentally published the ask before i was done answering. luckily i had copied what i had written before i deleted the incomplete answer, but here is the answers! i do not remember what the last one was, so unfortunately i can only give u these ones.

--------------

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

Sinie

SO ACTUALLY there is a major story event that takes place late book 1 that changes sinie's character for a while. book 2 sinie is not going to be the same as book 1 sinie....i cant say what the event is because i think its too much of a spoiler. but sinie fuckin loses it. goes dark. corrupted by her own emotions. itll be the lowest anyone has ever seen sinie. the event, and her actions resulting from how it affects her, will change her forever.

Csilla

this one is a little harder for me to answer, because i havent thought of something like this for csilla like i have for sinie. csilla is...a little stronger than sinie tbh. she can handle darker emotions easier, given that she's been an outcast and lonely most of her life. she isnt sheltered necessarily, just kept on a tight leash. she feels her mother doesn't love her, she adores her father but he's often times too busy to make any actual time for her so he overcompensates by spoiling her in any way he can, and her and her brother have an estranged resentment for each other.

the one that really brings out the best in her is everett. sure, everett is kinda just doing as programmed and trying to woo csilla, but damn does she fall for it. she's a hopeless romantic, and everett is everything she could've ever wanted in someone. he makes her laugh, hes attractive, he gives her attention, comforts her, they have a lot of similar interests, he is always taking her out to do new things she never dreamed of doing trapped by the shackles of her parents expectations. he makes her feel free. so tbh, i actually think a perfect scenario for this would be everett's betrayal. (idc about spoiling this since i mean itll be obvious its gonna come out once i start the arc) i mean, idk if i would rly call it much of a betrayal, more of a reveal that he was a spy but lbr, he's gonna continue doing what mommy (agitha) says until his heart finally tells him to do whats right. (i have a feeling that everett will be on their side before agitha, but i havent fully figured it out yet...) so there'd be a bit of time where everett's heart is in limbo and csilla would be sitting in her room rotting away bella twilight style until it was all resolved.

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

Sinie

again, the big story event that sinie goes through at the end of book 1 will cover all of this. she's definitely gonna marinate in her negative emotions for a while, coping very very badly. she cuts her hair off. not a spoiler u guys have seen short haired sinie tons of times if ur familiar with this blog. i just decided tho...i think i want her to go full throttle and shave it all off. i think she'd eat.

Csilla

see, i love asks like this because i dont normally think of stuff like this for csilla like i do sinie because im used to sinie being the protagonist like she was in beta affinity, but i need to treat csilla with that same respect cause she's equally the protagonist. theyre both the main character because u cant have this story without one or the other. and this stuff makes me think for csilla.

so anyway, i dont know how to answer this question off the top of my head, SO lets psychoanalyze csilla!

she's shy and introverted, but she's also still a nerd; she likes art and music, dance, videogames even though she doesnt play much herself, anime and cartoons (sinie does end up getting her into "kiri kyu-kyu-cute!!") but she also kind of doesnt know how to have friends. she was outcasted for being the weird witchy kid growing up in a bougie all girls private school, and we ALL know how hardcore middle school girls bully. i havent fully thought of how all of csilla's history with bullying went, but it definitely affected her to grow up alone and isolated.

she probably would feel guilty for liking witchcraft and being interested in magic, it being ingrained in her head that its weird and creepy and dangerous. and running with that, she would probably feel like an absolute freak for being a magical girl. ive kind of already depicted csilla calling magic freaky and she is shown to be scared of it.

(shown in chapter 1)

(and then a couple times in chapter 2)

csilla is the one who insists they keep their magical identities a secret, partly because i personally dont want too much of the world suddenly being exposed to magic rn, (hence miko, who takes them to a place they can be destructive) but also because csilla is embarrassed. notice how she calls it "wacky". she does admit it was awesome, but thats really mostly sinie's influence. csilla does still love wacky things, she was just abused into feeling guilt about liking these things. she can be more free with sinie who is OPENLY expressive about her love for magic and their newfound powers.

so i definitely think csilla should go through an identity crisis of some sort, battling her feelings of feeling like a total freak and then feeling like she has a purpose. csilla is a little more logical when it comes to magic, its not supposed to be real. no one would believe them anyway and she's terrified of being considered the freak in a place where she can start over.

i think playing with this idea early on is better, so ill go through and edit some chapters and then keep the theme in mind for future chapters for consistency :)

oc ask meme

[chevvy-yates]

[NC_RES]_27022048-NCA steyr_v_portraits_021_1_HW.file ///core:_vijay_steyr.file\\\

—

⚠️ READ: Please do not repost/reupload any of my art here or to any other platform, or I will be forced to do anything to get it annihilated.

—

Vijay's theme playlist.

Netrunner His main theme song represents his hobby and profession: being a netrunner. ever since he knows how to use a computer he's living 50% of his time on the net, exploring, discovering, reading, understanding the net and all its facettes, always learning something new ever since he got his cyberdeck. He uses it for fun as much as he does use it for work. Sometimes simultaneously. He loves recreating the interface and his own is a fully Vaporwave-y world in bright neons, with grids and typical Vaporwave art icons. The sound of the song is like his character: friendly with a Vaporwave-y touch, showing he's got a warm soul and is rather playful and cheery than dark and mysterious.

Malware Injection sounds more professional, like when he's working serious business now, ready to infiltrate through the net. He knows his way around active defense programs when he tries to enter data fortresses in different ways, knows how to rewrite codes, cloak himself, even create chameleon programs to avoid to get caught and uploads daemons to breach easily into systems for deleting data or mine it simultaneously to get all the information he can find. It's addictive and thrilling.

Damage can be seen as his battle theme. He's a pro level netrunner and capable of inflicting serious damage to his enemies via hacking their (cyberware) systems (he is a good gunslinger in real life as well btw). Most of the time he uses non lethal quickhacks and supports his teammates rather than taking active action in fights. He plays with his enemies causing several weapon glitches, system resets, reboot optics and overheating. No matter what he does; it's definitely some kind of damage. And if he wants to he can be dead serious and cause huge damage as well, therefore 'I'm the damage". The song has a sort of threatening melody. What V says, he means and will do.

Synapse Burnout is another battle theme song that tells he's no casual netrunner and capable to do lethal damage if he needs to. When he does, it hits unexpectedly. One moment you were fine, the next your synapses are burning out bringing you a painful end as your brain gets deep fried.

System Malfunction serves as the song for his almost never showing dark side. Even his system can malfunction if he loses control over it (gets or let himself get hacked). When it does, it sounds like this song. He did actions in the past where he clearly wasn't himself and that he regrets having done. He knows that his netrunner abilities are a powerful weapon once you know how it really works, but he does not fully make use of it. It is dangerous and can make you feel almost untouchable. Therefore he fears it will consume him one day if he makes use of it. He gained full control over it but he senses there's something locked away in the depths of his mind lingering there, waiting to be released to inflict serious damage, to kill, sounding exactly as brutal and hard like this song shows. He also senses there's something in the net that wants to make him do again what he did in the past. It's subtle but Vijay clearly senses it unable to make out its source. And it frightens him because he noticed the signal gets stronger with every year passing by he spends in Night City.

Memory Upload is the song for the good moments. Moments he treasures by uploading pictures and recordings into his personal cloud so he has access to them whenever he feels like replaying them. Moments like those with Ryder full of fun and stupidity, hotheaded situations and rave-y long nights or just chilling in their personal spaces listening to good old Depeche Mode on vinyl. And Moments with Arki sharing sweet togetherness and a love he never felt before. Pictures of the man he loves when he looks cute in private, hair all rebellious curly, sweet smile on his lips that seemed to grow with time passing on since they met, red eyes always looking desirably back at him. Moments with Hizumi spending time at the temple, having onigiri and talking about everything that comes to their minds. But also moments of Ryder and Thyjs together V secretly did especially when the two looked super cute together. And all other moments with his other beloved friends in Night City he treasured as well.

[phantom-howl]

I wanna ramble about my KinitoPET Au, so I will ^^

SPOILER WARNING. THIS AU TAKES PLACE AFTER THE ENTIRETY OF THE GAME SO IF YOU HAVEN'T SEE ALL OF IT I IMPLORE YOU TO GO LOOK INTO IT FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still here? Alright I trust you.

It comes in two parts. The "bad ending" and the "secret ending" to the game being used in this AU.

Part one is some idiot (I've named Ben, then later on B3N) found the computer from the very end of the secret ending (shout out to foxplay on youtube for compiling all the endings into one video)

Ben boots up the computer and does some digging. He finds Kinito in the trash. Most of Kinito (mainly all the people he's taken over the years) is gone, so Ben decides to fill in the holes of the code and even gives Kinito access to a more modern computer thinking it's just a harmless assistant.

When Kinito is fully rebooted (hehe au name), he starts in on his usual shitck. However, he doesn't do all the horrory things right off. Kinito decides to build trust with Ben. Even when Kinito starts to come into the real world, he comes off as small and cute. Not his looming & threatening self.

Ben thinks nothing of this. He simply thinks Kinito's old code is trying to adapt to the newer stuff he added in. There's a physical Kinito? Just a hologram. Kinito is asking super personal questions? Just the code trying to learn about him. He doesn't think anything is amiss until one day when Kinito decided to be a "hologram" that he caught a glimpse of Kinito in his ten foot glory. That devolved into a "hide and seek" game that left Ben wanting to delete the program.

However, before he could, Kinito was acting normally again and assuring him that was simply a glitch. Ben foolishly trusts Kinito.

Weeks later Kinito pops the question "will you stay with me". Ben answers yes and blacks out.

Then the comic I posted on my art blog happens.

Ben (now B3N simply because Kinito thought it would be cool) does see his dead body there through the computer screen. B3N is left to his existential crisis and Kinito makes it VERY hard for B3N to delete anything including either of them.

Part two picks up about six months later. B3N's second cousin Yin comes along. Yin and Ben hadn't been close but Yin was the only one close enough to Ben to be able to plausibly check on him.

Kinito had since gotten rid of B3N's body and cleaned up any signs anything was wrong so Yin was almost left under the assumption that B3N had just... skipped town.

Almost.

B3N, much like Sonny did originally, tries to communicate with Yin through encrypted emails. Kinito also meets Yin and is happy to have a new friend.

Yin is much more wary of the axolotl. Especially when B3N starts figuring out how to communicate with Yin "face to face" (AKA B3N hopped onto Yin's phone).

Yin does manage to delete Kintio (again), but not before a healthy dose of trauma from the axolotl. B3N continues to exist inside of Yin's phone until they can figure something out. For now they're just both happy to be alive.

THAT IS MY AU IN A NUTSHELL ^^

[kouhsuu]

hii hello who are you whats your lore!!

MY LORE okay that's a new one

*THIS IS GONNA BE LONG AND RAMBLY*

Who I am? 17 year old genderfluid digital and traditional artist 👍

For my lore as an artist: My dad is a painter so from a very young age i was surrounded by art materials literally taking up half our small living room because of the easles, giant canvas rolls, wood, cabinets full of paints and brushes, etc.

Essentially I was very encouraged by him to draw lol, and it also came out of me just finding art so much fun in general. I knew that if I got good enough at it I could draw almost anything I wanted if i pushed myself to learn.

I get verrry engrossed learning anything creative and visual, whether it be making my own website, sewing, sculpting, video editing, 3d modelling, painting, woodworking, etc it's all SO! MUCH! FUN!! I also have to specify visual creativity because oh boy can i not stand trying to make music as much as i want to.

In school I was very obviously the art kid and one of the weird kids, but luckily never got bullied because i was charismatic enough and generally there weren't major major assholes at my schools somehow. I usually was involved with the special programs in my schools because of my enthusiasm to learn and participate, so I got an opportunity to enroll into an early scholarship program for LaGuardia art school in middle school which... i ended up turning down because i thought it would be too much work being in a college like that... which honestly only kind of regret because honestly now i'd rather get into drafting and architecture.

Speaking of drafting and architecture! The reason my dad became a painter is because my grandma couldn't afford to send him to school to become an architect, so he pushed me to go into the field as well now that I have the opportunity. I didn't really feel like it but it seemed kind of interesting designing buildings because if i knew how buildings were made, i could more accurately put detail into my art xD Most decisions I make are to improve my own artwork because it's my life and soul, and luckily i ended up getting interested into working with more drafting.

My first social media i posted art on was google plus, then came deviantart, then came youtube, then twitter, and now tumblr (and cohost & itaku). I still use twitter but my main account (@/hamunako) is essentially inactive, I don't care enough to keep posting there nor do i have the motivation NOR do i want to have the anxiety to feel like I have to keep posting because uh oh people wont interact with me otherwise!!!!! Now I just use a private account with less than 25 followers and its the best. I made this Tumblr account though just in case twitter finally deleted itself off of the face of the planet, and also because i've always wanted to figure out how tumblr works & instagram confused me even more than tumblr...

As for why i've been drawing SOOOO much lonely wolf treat lately??? Short answer: ADHD (possible autism too?), Long answer: A long long time ago I watched manlybadasshero's playthrough of lonely wolf treat and loved it, then i forgot about it until i went on itch a while ago and saw that nami had posted mochi in frosting so I was like WOAH THERE'S STILL NEW CHAPTERS?! I got even more into it when it turned out one of my new friends ALSO had played lonely wolf treat so we drew the characters and it allllll spiraled from there.

Can't think of anything else interesting to share regarding my lore but yeah!!! Also I take commissions, just message me and i'll show what I can do and my prices! Don't have a formal post yet but i'll get to it at some point, i'm not very formal in the first place xP

[libraford]

Okay who's ready for the shitshow? Trigger warning for Christian Nationalism.

First and foremost- I was not intending on being involved in this because I am not a Christian, I am not a parent, and I am not ever having kids even on accident. I'd heard about LifeWise being anti-gay and having potential ties to Project 2025, but I felt that it was not my place as someone who has no horse in the race, or at least that if I had a horse in this race it would be at a severe disadvantage. Smarter people than me have spoken about their policies and their underbelly and I'd rather defer you to them if you're curious.

But I heard about some of the things said at one of the meetings and decided that regardless of what is actually being taught, there is something that the parents of the kids in this program believe that needs fucking addressed.

I'm sharing this because- 1. Some of this is gawkworthy and I can't believe I'm hearing it from my own neighbors on 2024, and 2. This is an emerging issue that I think has the potential to become worse and first-hand accounts are imperative when sorting out fact from fiction, and 3. If I do not talk about this with someone, I will explode.

There were three meetings about this where citizens were allowed to speak. I didn't go to the first one, so I don't know what all was said. I watched the second one on livestream, which prompted me to attend the third and final one in person.

Some approximate notes from the livestream. Approximate because sound quality was garbage and the link I was given to the transcript was deleted.

"Our founding fathers were Christian and this is a Christian nation. Christianity is responsible for all advances in art, in science, mathematics, and in all areas where humans thrive. The world flourishes where Christ is, and devastation follows where He isn't. The Holocaust was caused by Atheists. It is my firm belief that every person on this earth should be Christian."

"I have been all around the world- to countries where Christ is prevalent and to countries where he is not. In every single case, the message is clear: we are a rich country because we are believers in Christ."

"I'd like to point out the eerie timing of this decision, in that you have appointed to the board a Somali Muslim Activist and now you are rescinding your support for a Christian organization. You are pushing out one religion in favor of another. You are singling out Christianity. Why a Muslim? Why not a Buddhist or an Atheist? You're removing Christianity from our city-" (it was at this point that they told him that he should step away from the mic, as it is against the rules to call attention to a single person on the board or in the audience.)

"There is no other place in this city where my son can learn to become a kind, unselfish boy." (A small comment- there are over 80 churches in this city as well as many free afterschool mentorship programs.)

And now some notes from the one I attended in person and some comments that I heard from the crowd. These are paraphrased because comprehensive notes for three hours would kill my hand.

"We should not give in to the easily triggered masses who call for the obliteration of religion."

"If you rescind this decision, it will create ripples across the country and we will see fewer and fewer religious organizations. Is that what you want?"

"This is going down a very dangerous road that could negatively impact your political careers. I have seen disrespect coming from BOTH SIDES. But we must remember that we are one nation under God, not one nation under Allah. There are already disruptions in the schools and Lifewise is being singled out. You must think ethically and morally about the potential lawsuit."

"The law supports Lifewise, it was approved by the Supreme Course. By bringing it to debate, the board of education has already denigrated the Christian community, Jesus, and the TRUTH. This board has failed the Christian community and the goodness of the Bible. The program is legal and no one is forcing kids to join. Do you want to contribute to division?"

"While the board calls their decision based upon disruption of the classroom, one has to wonder what the REAL reason for the decision is. Lifewise has never been called a disruption. The decision seems arbitrary. After two years in this school system you might think they'd have the kinks worked out by now. You're allowed to have field trips with no problems, but you won't allow Lifewise to operate. We need Lifewise because bullying doesn't exist at Lifewise. As for the the people who behaved poorly on behalf of Lifewise- we don't know them."

"We need less racism and more religion! By removing this religious program from our schools you are disenfranchising Christian people and that is an attack on Christianity. Disruption is not a reason to remove children from their friends. You are still allowing Ramadan to take place, is that not also a disruption? This was approved by the Supreme Court and is therefore not the role of the board of education to override their decision."

"Being in a religious community improves quality of life. Look at the state of our schools! Its all backwards from the way it should be. They told us... stay in school, go to college, get married, have children. Now they're saying the opposite! Don't go to college, don't get married, don't have children. The schools are full of dangerous ideas- with CRT, SEL, Sex ed getting younger and more graphic every year, they're teaching Marxism, Socialism- and that's just what they tell us! When the only voices that children should be listening to are their parents and God. Our schools are broken and backwards and they need Christ- they need Lifewise!"

The man who called out the muslim board member came back- "Jesus is the living true God. Lifewise is a private organization that is allowed to operate with freedom because it is not paid by taxpayer money. And we will not be told what to do and what is and is not appropriate for our kids to learn by our government. It seems you are pushing out Christianity and pulling in Islam. What right do you have to stand in the way of Christ while you appoint a Muslim Somali activist to your board-" And he was told once more not to address individual members or he would be told to sit down.

...

Once again, these are paraphrasing based on my notes. Each person had 5 minutes to speak, and writing for the whole time would have been nuts. But the sentiments were real. The spirit of it was real. And the energy in the room was terrifying every time someone spoke Christian Nationalism with their whole chest and was applauded by over 150 people. (Except for the dude that kept trying to call out the board member. Everyone was like 'we don't know him.')

Whether Lifewise is a good program or a secretly evil program with a long term goal of eroding the public school system and the separation of church and state, the way that it has emboldened the Christofascists in my town to speak without a hint of self awareness makes me extremely wary of my neighbors (and one of them... lives on my street.)

I do not use the word 'cult' lightly, and the people who know me know why. The only reason I hesitate to call it a cult is because I know that it's a loaded word and if this post escapes containment I may regret using it. But if you get it, you get it.

I want to say that a majority of people speaking out against Lifewise were Christians. This is not a 'Christians are bad' post. This is a 'religious extremism is no longer operating in private and this concerns everyone' post.

Since the decision, the Lifewise people are planning on trying to convince our voters to vote 'no' on a levy for the public schools, but phrasing it to be about property taxes so no one realizes it was religiously motivated.

It came out today that a person conducting interviews at the final meeting was filming under false pretenses- claiming to be an unaffiliated film-maker. He was part of the creative team for Lifewise. The video ends in 'protect religious freedom.'

So that's what's going on in Ohio right now. Like I said, if I didn't say something I was gonna explode.

And I have a very gross feeling that it's going to get worse.

I have a lot to say about the decision our BOE made about Lifewise, but I'm going to go over the useful information here first and then the shitshow in a later reblog.

Last night, the board of education in my city decided to rescind allowance of Lifewise in our public schools.

Lifewise is a non denominational Christian youth group that operates during school hours, and only during school hours. Their mission is to bring Jesus to public schools, and they are able to do this legally because the education happens off-campus. They typically do this during lunch, recess, or electives. The program is voluntary.

They were allowed in our school system through a former board member, two years ago. The program has come under some scrutiny, which I will cover in a reblog. So the topic of rescinding their decision came up this year.

This was a huge debate. I will get into it later.

But I wanted to state the reasons why our board chose to rescind the decision and end business with LifeWise, so that if they (or others of this type) come to your school system and you don't want them there, you have a model for what has worked in debate.

1. An important aspect of the decision to rescind this particular decision does not restrict religious learning before or after school, or on weekends- and only applies to religious programs during school hours.

2. Unlike accommodations made for Ramadan (an example that was brought up in debate), LifeWise is not a core observance of religion.

3. The social times of school, such as lunch or recess, are just as much part of the learning process as structured class time. Play is imperative for a growing mind, and playing with kids from other religious backgrounds is especially important.

4. While Lifewise supplies their own buses to and from locations, transition times in schools (getting children to and from lunch, recess, bathrooms, electives) are some of the most stressful times for teachers. Adding another, for which only some of the students are part of, is a strain on resources.

5. Entrusting your students to a third party who has not been vetted by the schools is an intense liability. Not just the obvious danger of a dangerous person, but- are the trained in first aid? What do they know about seizures, autism, allergies, diabetes...what are their policies on conflict resolution... there are a lot of variables to think of when you leave your students in someone else's care, even for just an hour.

That's all the notes I have for that meeting. If one of these programs is courting your school board, it's probably a good idea to have these points in mind now, rather than later.

I'll talk about the rest later.