#so don't worry there's a lot of slots to fill

[just-some-guy-joust]

Are the ones who getbthru going to be purely on number of submissions or will some with less but truely convincing explanations get in ?:)

Any slots that don't get filled by the guaranteed entries will be hand picked by me! That will be influenced by things like number of submissions, personal bias, and convincing/interesting explanations! For example, if Jonny Sims hadn't gotten 14 entire submissions and dominating this entire tournament already, I would have put him in the tourney because of the person who left 14 paragraphs and nearly 2000 words of information in their description! Because what the fuck dude!

[blueskittlesart]

did u not like totk?

i LOVED totk. i think it was well-written and did its job as a sequel to botw very well. HOWEVER. i do think it suffered slightly from the commercial success of botw. as i mentioned in my last post, nintendo does this. thing. when one of their games gets popular where every game after it has to be Exactly The Same so they can make all the money in the world via comparison marketing. (and this is a problem with the wider game industry in general but also a very observable pattern in loz specifically.) I know it's been a pretty long time since botw came out, but before (and immediately following) its release there was some pushback from longtime fans who worried that the open-world and lack of traditional dungeons meant that the game had strayed too far from the classic formula that makes a game a "zelda game." this is to say, botw was EXPERIMENTAL. and the devs had no idea if what they were doing was going to be successful or not. the open-world of botw wasn't a gimmick, and it wasn't the devs jumping on the open-world bandwagon. it was what CREATED that bandwagon. the open-world was a deliberate choice made specifically for botw because it reinforced the story that botw was designed to tell. the game is about exploring a desolate world, about making connections, and rebuilding both the broken kingdom and the player character's shattered sense of self by traveling and learning and building relationships. a large open-world map with only minor quest guidelines and lots of collectibles and side quests lends itself perfectly to this specific story, which is specifically about exploration and rebirth.

the problem is, botw was. almost TOO good. it was so good that every other game company on the planet started scrambling to build giant open-world maps into their next release, regardless of how much sense that actually made narratively. and because of that, when it came time to release a sequel to botw, the devs had a lot to think about. they had HUGE shoes to fill in terms of fan reception, but they were ALSO being asked to follow up one of the best-performing games of all time, commercially. totk needed to SELL as well as botw. And, likely because nintendo was worried about that potential commercial value, totk needed to keep people comfortable. I don't know for certain, but I definitely get the feeling playing totk that the devs were specifically told not to stray too far from what made botw marketable and successful--that being the open world and the versatility of gameplay. so in order to follow that up, they made... 2 more huge open maps, and new gimmick gameplay which was explicitly super-versatile.

do i think that the extra maps and ultrahand were BAD choices? no. however, i don't think they necessarily ADDED anything to the game as a narrative whole. one of my favorite things about botw was how everything seemed to be designed AROUND the narrative, with gameplay elements slotting neatly into the story thematically. totk just. didn't really have that, imo. there wasn't a huge narrative benefit to the gigantic, completely unpopulated depths and sky maps. ultrahand was cool, but within the context of the story it meant basically nothing. in some ways, i almost think totk could have benefitted from a much more linear approach to its storytelling, a la skyward sword, because there are a lot of story beats that have to be found in chronological order in order to have the right emotional impact, but because of the nonlinear open-world it kind of became a struggle to hit all the important story points in the right order. an easy example of this is the dragon's tears in comparison to the memories--the dragon tears have a very specific set order in which they happen, and finding them out of order can make the story you're seeing in them feel confusing and disjointed. the order in which they should be found is technically displayed on the temple wall, but most players aren't going to pick up on that or follow it--more likely, they're just going to explore the geoglyphs as they come across them organically, and therefore will likely witness the story in a completely disjointed way. compare this to the botw memories, which ALSO technically have a set order--the order in which they're displayed on the sheikah slate. however, because they're largely just small moments in time, and not one continuous story, finding them out of order has a lot less of an impact on how you as the player experience the narrative, and it's not hugely detrimental to your experience of the story if you find them naturally as you explore rather than explicitly seeking them out in order. If TOTK had been allowed to deviate from the botw formula a bit, i think we may have ended up with a more cohesive game in terms of narrative beats like that. as it is, i just think the game is torn slightly between wanting to be its own new game with new gameplay and needing to be botw, if that makes sense.

[overstuffd]

How do they do it?

(wg story about being secretly turned into the office piggy)

You weren't worried about gaining weight at your new job, even if it did involve sitting behind a desk all day.

One of the first things you'd noticed when you'd come in for your interview was that everyone was in great shape.

No wonder, either, with all the ammenities the company offered. Free food - 3 meals and a day and as many snacks as you want, prepared by the in house chefs.

Fancy coffee machines, fridges stocked with kombucha and seltzer, a gym and spa on site, massages, a nap room - this place took employee wellbeing seriously.

You could already see yourself getting lean, putting on some muscle. Clearly the office culture was one of discipline, and you were ready to slot right in.

☕

Okay - maybe the first few weeks hadn't gone quite as planned. Your workload was heavier than you expected, so there was less time to hit the gym. The chef prepared meals were delicious - so delicious you found it almost impossible to opt for the healthier options over rich, indulgent dishes.

You were drinking a lot coffee to stay focused, at least the machines dispensed endless skinny cappuccinos, but even with that you found yourself craving a sugar hit for attention. The break room might be stocked with almonds and sawdust-tasting protein bars, but you found yourself grabbing a big scoop of m and ms several times a day.

The truth was, you weren't getting any fitter. Instead, you were feeling a little softer all over - especially at the top of your thighs which were spreading wider and wider in your plush office chair.

Meanwhile, your colleagues looked as good as ever. The guy in the next office keeps stopping by to see how you're settling in and every time you swear his grip is a little stronger as he jostles your shoulder.

You vow to double down on keeping in shape - though looks like you'll be working till ten tonight, so you're going to need to fuel up before then.

☕

The friday that marks six months at the company for you is also the night of the office hoilday party before you closed till new year.

Last year, you owned a cozy, baggy, oversized christmas jumper. Now, you own a just-about-covers-your-swelling-gut christmas jumper.

Still, the boss had insisted everyone wear something festive so you don't have much choice.

The party is lavish - specialty cocktails, a huge buffet and tuxedoed waiters circling with hors d'oeuvres and champagne to make sure there's always something within reach.

You mean to keep control of yourself, but all your coworkers keep pressing drinks on you, and pretty soon it's hard to say no. They keep reocmmending food as well, and then the tall girl from accounts you always though was cute is pushing a chocolate coated straberry between your lips. Soon everyone is taking it inturns to feed you, and as confused as you are you can't help but admit you're enjoying it - maybe too much.

That night, after you get home, you spend an hour touching yourself to the feeling of everyone's eyes on you as your over-tight jumper rode up over your rounded stomach.

The next morning though, you're embarassed. How can you have gotten so out of shape so fast? Sure the job is stressful, and there always seems to be food to hand, but everyone else in the office seems to have no problem.

When you're back in the office after new years you're going to turn things around. There's no point starting a diet during the holidays, but in a few weeks you're going to be on the track to dropping the pounds.

☕

Of course, it's not really your fault you can't seem to keep the weight off. Your colleagues all know a few things you don't.

They know that the coffee machine in your break room might offer sinny lattes, but they pour cream-thickened coffees filled with sugary syrups and enough caffeine to keep you craving six cups a day.

They know that the chef - infuses - certain dishes, and makes sure you grab those plates, leaving you dozing and snacking through the afternoon.

They know that your supervisor lets the canteen know to prepare extra large desserts right after assigning you a new pile of work, so you have something to help you deal with the stress.

And they know that one of the perks of the job - for them at, least - is getting to take their stress out on the office piggy. Once the workload gets too much for your struggling brain and your body is properly swollen you'll be gently offered a new role in the company, one more suited to your skill set.

You'll be so tired of the stress, and so eager to please you manager, you sign without reading the job description. That's why you're surprised when you're delivered to your new office and find nothing but a bed with thick straps at each corner and a cart loaded with food - and when your old office-neighbour comes in and grabs a box of doughnuts as he pulls down his suit pants.

[p0orbaby]

Fun Sponge

summary: the beach isn’t for everyone, Ella!

warnings: none I don’t think

a/n: some more grumpy!reader for you all. i’m just writing myself at this point

word count: 882

-

“You’re so weird”

“Thank you”

“That wasn’t meant as a compliment,” Ella clarifies, then sighs as Alessia turns and narrows her eyes at her.

“What?” Ella asks. “She’s the only person I know who doesn’t like going on holiday”

“I do like holidays, I’m just confused about why you have to crash ours,” you said, a barely there smile playing on your lips. You tightened your arms around Alessia’s frame as she sits sideways in your lap. “Why did we bring her again?” you whisper to her, your lips grazing her ear. You feel her shiver.

Alessia chuckled softly, her fingers tracing circles on the back of your neck. “Baby, we’re with the whole team, remember?” she whispers back with a smirk.

“Yeah, but they’re all way less annoying,” you muttered, your attention focused again on the brunette sitting beside you.

“I can hear you, you know?”

“Good, you were meant to”

“Babe, calm down”

Alessia is good like that. Always there to make sure you don’t get too ahead of yourself. Though sometimes you wish she’d let you have at it. Tooney can be a collosol pain in your ass.

“Less, tell your girlfriend to stop being boring”

“I’m not going scuba diving Ella. I’m very partial to solid ground and I will not entertain sharing my personal space with rogue sea life” You deadpan.

Ella rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed. “You’re impossible. What’s the point of a beach holiday if you don’t even put one toe in the sea?”

“Oh I don’t know. To enjoy the sun, rinse the all-inclusive cocktails, hope and pray for peace and quiet, ogle Alessia in her bikini. Lots of points” you state matter of factly.

She shot back, “But it’s a beach! You’re supposed to enjoy the whole package, not just mope in the shade”

You wrap your arms around Alessia even tighter and bury your face into her neck. Your opinion on the matter set firmly in stone.

As you nestle into your girlfriend's warmth, Ella’s exasperation lingers in the air. She huffs, “Fine, enjoy your smoked pineapple margs, alone. We’ll be over there making sandcastles or something before our diving slot if you change your mind. Coming Less?”

Alessia hesitates, glancing at you sceptically before untangling herself from your embrace.

Your head snaps up, the look on your face one of utter betrayal. “Seriously? You’re ditching me for some sea turtles?”

Alessia chuckles, leaning forward to grab the palms you had reached out for her. “I know, I know, but it sounds fun. I’ll make it up to you later. I promise”

Ella grinns, seizing the opportunity. “And balance has been restored. Look after our stuff yeah?”

You rolled your eyes. “Sure, I’ll be here, guarding the sunscreen like it’s the only thing I’m useful for”

Alessia pressed a quick kiss to your cheek, then several to your lips, “I’ll be back before you know it. I miss you already” she shouts as she walks away.

“Glorified bodyguard” you mutter to yourself as the two girls stride into the distance.

At least you get to read some of your book in relative peace.

-

You have no idea how much time has passed, but suddenly a shock of cold water splashes over you, jolting you awake with an uncharacteristic yelp.

You lift a tired hand in front of your face to block the sun from your eyes, only to find Ella standing over you, grinning mischievously.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead! You missed out big time, but don't worry, I'm here to fill you in”. She announces, then proceeds to recount the whole thing with an overwhelming level of detail.

Alessia, expertly anticipating your annoyance plops down beside you and whispers an apology, offering a comforting kiss to the underside of your jaw. Her warmth soothes your initial irritation as Ella continues her painfully enthusiastic monologue.

"And then, this giant sea turtle swam right past me. I swear, it felt like a scene from a documentary, but we were actually living it!"

You manage a half-smile, your mind wandering as you try to savor the last moments of your nap.

"Oh, and the coral reefs! They were like a living, breathing masterpiece. I could've stayed down there forever”

Alessia nudges you, a hand coming up to stroke some hair out of your face to get your attention. Your eyes meet hers and she rolls them playfully.

"I even saw a clownfish! You know, like Nemo? It was adorable!"

You nod absentmindedly, your thoughts more focused on your girlfriend as she leans over you to finish the rest of your abandoned margarita than Ella’s rambling. She smells like sunscreen and seawater and you can’t help but relax a little.

Eventually Ella stops and you let out a breath you didn’t realise you were holding in. Finally she’s run out of steam.

“You know what? That actually sounds super fun” you say, and Ella looks at you like a cat who’s got the cream.

“You think?”

“Absolutely fucking not”

She shoots back, offended “You’re impossible. Did you even hear anything I said?”

You wave a dismissive hand in her direction, “Something about sea turtles and coral reefs, right?”

“Oh my god, I hate you. I actually hate you so much”

“Can I get that in writing?”

[rad-roche]

Pulp Covers And How To Paint Them

With the rise of cheap printing in the early twentieth century, mass-marked paperbacks swept the world, each offering lurid thrills for obscenely low prices. Sex, sadism, and incredible violence for as little as ten cents. An easy purchase to slot in between fifty cigarettes a day and enough bourbon slugs to kill a small garden.

Pulp fiction is where some of the greats of American literature cut their teeth, including the big three, Raymond Chandler, Ross MacDonald and Dashiell Hammett. The contents of these stories, both the dizzyingly good and astoundingly terrible, have been absorbed and digested and remixed and regurgitated in nearly every permutation imaginable, fuelling pop culture some one hundred years on. This isn't an essay on that. Nobody likes to open a tutorial and be greeted with a wall of text. The history is for another time.

But it is about how to paint it.

Don't let the pre-amble intimidate you, it's not as hard as it sounds. You will need:

Painting software with some image editing capabilities. You don't need all the bells and whistles of Photoshop, but I wouldn't recommend something like MSPaint, at least not to start with. I'm using Clip Studio Paint.

A really beat-up paper texture. The grungier, the better.

A lightly-textured brush. Here are the specific brushes I use, 99% of which is the well-named rough brush. Try and avoid anything with any impasto elements.

Go to your colour-picking tool and use the 'select from layer' option. Doing all the painting on a single layer is going to make your life easier.

A complete willingness to make mistakes and, instead of erasing, painting over them. It generates much more colour variation and interest! Keep your finger off the E key.

Good reference! That painting is a master copy of Mitchel Hooks' art for Day of the Ram. Find a style you really love and want to learn? Have no clue where to begin? Do direct studies!

Let's not worry about whatever is happening in the background. It's probably fine. Let's get started! Pulp magazine art is a lot more varied than you might first think, so don't agonize over having a style that 'fits' or not. I'm also specifically aiming for something you'd see on the cover after printing, not the initial painting they would use for printing. The stuff I'll show here is a pretty narrow band of it, but here are some general commonalities. This is a painting by Tom Lovell.

Let's dig into this.

The colours are very bright and saturated, but the actual values, the relative lightness and darkness of them, are actually grouped very simply! You can check this by filling a layer full of black, putting it on top and setting its mode to colour. If the value of a painting looks good, you actually get a lot of leeway with colour. But here's what I think is the most important thing to keep in mind.

The darks aren't that dark, and the lights aren't all that light! Covers are paintings reproduced on cheap paper. Anything you wouldn't want to happen in the printing process, you lean into. Value wash-outs, lower contrast, colours getting a weird wash to them, really gritty texturing. So let's get painting! Here's my typical setup.

That bottom folder is the painting itself. The screen layer is the grungy paper texture. To get the effect you want, put it down, invert its colour, then set it to screen. That washes out your painting far, far too much, so to compensate, I put a contrast layer up on top. Fiddle around with the settings, but this is where mine ended up sitting.

Note I'm saying this before even starting the painting: you want to do this as early as possible. This is where the 'select from layer' colour picker comes in handy. You can paint without worrying about the screen or contrast layer. Something not looking right? Enable your value check layer and keep painting. When you turn it off, it'll still be in colour. Here's a timelapse so you can see what that looks like.

And when you check the values...

They're pretty simple! This isn't a be all and end all, but I hope it serves as a decent primer. I want thirty dames on my desk by Monday!

[thebearer]

pls pls pls write abt reader and carmy making out and him going all soft dom ill cry

Lips sliding over yours, Carmen's hands gripped onto your waist, your hips- fuck, anywhere that he could reach. You whined, his teeth grazing and nipping your bottom lip, pulling it between his teeth.

"Don't tease, Carm." You huffed, eyes shining to meet his own, your voice in that sweet spot between a whine and a plead- light and breathy for him. It made his cock stir in his jeans.

"Oh, don't like that?" Carmen rasped, calloused hand sliding up your chest, cradling your jaw. You shook your head, swollen lips jutting forward in an exaggerated pout. He grinned, the rough pad of his thumb ghosting over the skin. "'m sorry, baby. I'll take care of you. Don't worry."

Your tummy flipped, filling with that dull aching need, warm and leaving you squirming against the couch cushions. Carmen's body pressed over yours, slotted between your legs, chest to chest, big arms caging you beneath him.

Carmen's lips moved back to yours, melting you into the cushions until you were a puddle. A hand still on your jaw, creeping to the back of your neck, pushing you closer and closer until your noses were pressed together. Carmen's tongue slipping behind your teeth. You blushed, hips rolling into his.

You remembered the first time you made out- fuck, the first time you kissed him. Huddled outside your tiny apartment, Carmen had been so nervous, eyes bouncing back from your eyes to lips, hands shaking in his pockets. You pulled him in, a sweet kiss that left him breathless, heart hammering in his chest. He was frozen, then, couldn't even pull his hands out of his pockets. Now? He was relaxed. It came easier, genuine. Plus, he had a lot more practice than he did then.

He knew exactly how you liked to be kissed. All the spots that made your toes curl and back arch. The places that had you melting in his hands, turning sickly sweet when he sucked on the skin there.

Carmen knew where to kiss, when to trap your hands by your side, leaving you aching and begging for more. You liked when he was in control. He did too, as it would turn out. Even when you were just making out, kissing- he took care of you; knew exactly what you needed.

[eachuisge-cc]

Catsim Lore Thing

Because a few people have asked and that's all the excuse I need to unleash my highly specific brand of neurodivergence on you all. A lot of the non-world-related stuff is lifted/tweaked from my much more in depth cathar headcanon masterpost that I made over on my other blog, because I've been developing those a lot longer and I'm fairly consistent in how I like to operate when it comes to fantasy cat people.

Obviously this is just things I've made up for my own save and what I have in mind when I make cc for them, and nobody else has to care about it. It's just for fun. If you don't like my take on them then forget you ever saw this and do whatever you want. There's no wrong way to use the feline cc well, except reuploading it or paywalling content you've made with it. that is the wrong way to use it.

But I love this shit so you're gonna hear about it anyway.

If you want to make your own or plop some into your world, CC and premade cat townies can be found here.

Biology

They’re not cat/human hybrids or some kind of magical experiment, they’re taxonomically just cats. More specifically they’re a species of felid that evolved to fill an ecological niche usually occupied by hominids the same way hyenas are felids that fill a niche usually occupied by canids. Form followed function and now there’s sapient cat people.

Consequently, like most felids, they have five digits on their forelimbs/arms and four on their hind limbs/legs. Their claws are not retractable because evolution sacrificed that for the extra dexterity of two finger joints and better balance while walking upright.

Their coat genetics work very similarly to domestic cats but with a few curveballs and genes unique to them. Some genes crop up more commonly in particular regions with extremely obvious/predictable distribution, so you'll see a lot of colorpoints in Mt Komorebi, a lot of tiger striped agouti in Tomorang, and a lot of bengal agouti and solids in Evergreen. How did this happen without deliberate color breeding? Don't worry about it they're pretty.

They slot more cleanly into felinae than panthera and can purr but not roar. They don’t meow because talking technically is their meow. Closest relatives would probably be cheetahs or other small wildcats.

They’re more omnivorous than most felines and benefit from eating a fruit now and then but they do still primarily eat meat and can’t subsist on a vegetarian diet. because they’re more omnivorous, most of them can taste sweetness. 

They can’t naturally interbreed with humans or anything else besides Sixam aliens, but I mean it’s the sims and science babies are a thing so in practice it’s probably doable. The tech probably originates from the aliens.

(sidenote, I view Sixam aliens as kind of the citrus trees of kingdom animalia. in that they’ll get down with anything that passes the harkness test and can produce viable hybrid offspring with a staggering number of other species, and are generally kind of biological chameleons)

They mostly don’t find it weird that people keep domestic cats as pets for the same reason humans mostly don’t find it weird that people keep monkeys as pets. I mean, don’t keep a monkey as a pet, but you see what I’m saying. if there was a species of domesticated monkey it would be fine. 

They’re naturally predisposed toward magic and have a higher than average percentage of spellcasters among them. they aren’t more gifted at magic than other species, on average, there are just a lot of them that have some aptitude. 

They don’t have a ton of sexual dimorphism, both males and females can range from very small/slight to very tall/bulky and anywhere in between. 

The main difference is that males generally have much fuller/longer manes (it’s more common to keep them long in Evergreen Harbor, but in other regions they often cut/style them shorter according to broader fashion trends) and females generally grow them much shorter and sometimes don’t have one at all.

They don't have eyebrows. Because there's already fur there.

NSFW Biology

They have very small breasts on average unless actively pregnant/nursing and if the game supported it better, they wouldn’t have them at all most of the time. Because I’m tired of slapping boobs on every humanoid species even when it makes no real sense to do so. You really just don’t see cat people walking around with humungous dobonhonkeros and they don’t sexualize them in the same way some human cultures do.

Their dicks aren’t barbed because Ow, but they do have vestigial non-keratinous bumps that make them look like they are. While they do have a sheath rather than a foreskin they don’t actually retract into it by more than a couple inches when soft. 

Social

As a species they’re very predisposed toward polyamory and less inclined to marry or stay with one partner their entire lives, as with most cats. Their family structures tend to be less fixed and more convoluted than the traditional human idea of a nuclear family as a result, with most kittens being raised communally by varied combinations of partents/aunts and uncles/friends. this makes them somewhat frustrating to manage within the framework of sims 4 gameplay. 

They’re promiscuous by human standards and have fewer hangups about nudity. As a consequence they tend to be fetishized/perceived a certain way by other species. Some find this deeply frustrating and some just kinda shrug and lean into it. Or utilize it to make a killing as escorts/cam models because hey the market is there. 

Look, the fact that I regularly make content for wickedwhims should tell you what my priorities are, in any given save of mine San Myshuno is a den of cyberpunk debauchery and everybody's fucking like maniacs. There's some porn logic going on here.

Relationship to the world

They aren’t really native to whatever plane of existence the sims world is in. Originally their species came from another world and entered the one they inhabit now via the magic realm. The population that immigrated was later cut off from their world of origin (or the world itself may have fallen to some sort of calamity, they have no way of knowing at this point) but were able to integrate into their new home pretty successfully. That was many generations ago and the kind of thing the current population reads about in history books, and has absolutely no bearing on anything. but for some reason I needed to know this. and now all of you have to know this. 

They have, however, always been seen as outsiders by the human population and the mindset has persisted to varying degrees throughout history, even though nobody alive today would possibly remember a time when they weren’t around. 

Because of this history, they’re well known for moving into abandoned places and/or ghost towns formerly occupied by humans and making them their own, the most recent example being Evergreen Harbor, which currently has by far the largest population of cat people relative to other species. They’re largely self-governed due to the nature of the place (though they do put in the effort to actually govern themselves, this isn’t a New Hampshire bear town situation) and their work in restoring the area has begun to attract environmental scientists and activists of other species to the town.

Cat people are also a common sight in San Myshuno, where they’re often associated with sex work and the entertainment industry overall. The same is true in Del Sol, though there aren’t nearly as many of them there, and the same reputation tends to follow them to varying degrees anywhere that they aren’t the majority population. To be fair, at least in San Myshuno the reputation isn’t really unwarranted. 

[aswaki]

virgin loser matthew i BEG

virgin loser!matthew— you have a place in my heart. thank you, anon. i actually have a lot of loser!matthew wips so this is just a quick fix to fill up the sweet loser matty sized hole in our lives. honestly, he'd be just so eager to worship you... specifically, virgin loser!matthew— at first his virginity was a non issue to him until he got scared that he wouldn't be able to please you properly. he'd admit to being a virgin to you the day you decided to fuck because prior to that, he'd act like he knows all the hot shit about sex when actually he doesn't.

seok matthew x reader | flashfic | explicit (minors dni)

contains: fem!reader, virgin loser!matthew, loving sex, first time, smut - p in v sex, pet name ("baby")

matthew's eyes widened as you slowly removed your clothing one by one. every time an inch of your skin got exposed, you could hear his breathing getting heavier— “you're a goddess.”

you giggled at how endearing he was.

you were at your last piece of clothing— your panties. matthew wondered why you stopped stripping. his eyebrows furrowed adorably. you could just eat him up (and you plan to)!

he was already naked, his thick cock almost fully erect. (his length and width didn't surprise you at all.) as you bounded to his spot at the edge of the bed, he realized what you wanted him to do. his legs spread wider so you could slot yourself between them.

“do the honours?" you asked him as you grabbed his hands to guide it to the waistband of your panties. he hooked his thumbs over them and pulled it down. you shivered at how slow his actions were. he was taking his sweet time as he lowered your panties. his nails were dragging across your skin. you could feel goosebumps rising along he goes.

you kicked the garment off once it hit your ankles. this was his first time seeing a nude person in the flesh. your pussy and tits made his heart race. he felt like a silly school boy with a crush.

matthew thought you were the most beautiful and precious person in the world, especially now at this moment. it was why he was so nervous about hurting you.

he was expressive— you instantly knew what he was thinking when you looked at his face. you pushed him to lay back on the bed. you crawled on top of his body. his cock hitting your thighs and your tits over his face.

“don't worry, matty. you won't hurt me.” you whispered to him. you leaned down to capture his lips in a kiss. the kiss was sweet at first but it immediately turned ungraceful as you grinded over his cock. tongues and teeth were clashing.

he whimpered on your mouth from underneath you. you can feel each other's wetness already. he wanted you so bad.

“can i?” he sputtered out, feeling like a mess.

“okay, baby, you can have me.” despite his uncertain, inexperienced attitude, matthew was strong. he easily flipped you over so you'd be under him. you felt his muscles flexing as he does so.

he slid down your body. oh, how his mouth was watering as he opened your folds. he stroked it, feeling your warmth as well as how wet you were. you whimpered. after teasing you like that, his thumb circled your clit, making your hips jolt involuntarily towards him. his eyes snapped at you fearing you were hurt but your face was filled with lust. your pussy also became soaked which made matthew's mind go fuzzy. every part of you was so pretty.

he was encouraged by this. he then moved to slip a finger in your hole.... and then another one. he felt greedy after he got a feel of you. he wanted to be in you where no one else can't. he stretched your pussy. his fingers were hitting all the right spots. your walls clenching on his digits. he knew it'd feel good later when you do that to his dick.

“my matty's enjoying himself?” you panted after a short while. his small smile was all the answer you needed. your hand came up to stroke his cheek before going down south to stroke his hardened dick. “want your cock in me now,”

he nodded, beads of sweat rolling down his body. you helped him aligned his cock to you. you lifted your leg and wrapped it around his waist. a look of concentration was on his face. he couldn't believe this was happening— he inserted himself to you. he let out a moan as his girth was filling you up. you also couldn't help yourself either. you had to exclaim his name as he does sinks himself further.

“is this right?” he asked as he thrusts inside you. your heart clenched at him making sure he was doing you right. your hand found his. you felt his hand slightly trembling so you threaded your fingers with his and gave him a soft squeeze.

he started to move after that gesture. the sound of flesh on flesh filling the room. you nodded at him, “you're perfect, baby. now go harder.”

[peachesandcreames]

What Are We, Part 5

A/N : MINORS ARE STRICTLY FORBODEN 🚫 all mistakes are solely my own. Feedback is always appreciated. I hope that you guys enjoy! No trigger warnings that I can think of but enter at your own risk 😉. Hearts, likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated by me. Happy reading, everyone! 💕💞

Phoenix pulled into the half empty parking lot of the hospital just as the sun was peeking above the horizon. She parked as close as she could to the main entrance and took a deep breath as she took off her seat belt and let her head rest against the seat. She gripped the wheel and felt the exhaustion seeping in. Phoenix heard you waking up and she cracked one eye open and looked over at you. You turned over in your seat and gave your sister a sleepy smile.

You reached across the center console and took her hand in yours. "I've been thinking about the future and I know now what I want to do. With everything that's happened over the last few months I've decided that I'm going to go back to school and become a grief counselor." Phoenix gave your hand a reassuring squeeze and a gentle smile. "You have no idea how happy that makes me."

You both reached for each other at the same time and pulled each other into a hug. You clung to each other for a few minutes and Phoenix pulled away to look at you. "How are you doing? Really?" You paused to give it genuine thought. "Honestly, I don't know. So much has happened in such a short period of time that I think that I'm still processing everything."

Phoenix nodded at you and watched as a nurse in purple scrubs walked in front of your car and into the hospital. "Understandable. I think that you've been put through a lot in a short period of time and I was starting to get worried." You gave her hand another squeeze and opened up the car door and stretched. You looked across the roof of the car at her and you felt bad that you made her worry about you.

"I never meant to make you worry about me.I love you and I'm sorry." Phoenix gave you an impish smile and shrugged her shoulders. "It's all good. I love you and I'm going to go home and get some shut eye. Call me when you're ready to get picked up?"

You nodded as you hugged your sister goodbye and made your way across the parking lot and into the hospital. It was quiet as you looked around, a receptionist was on the phone and typing on her computer. She acknowledged you with a smile and held her finger up. You nodded and saw the gift shop, you went in and browsed around. Grabbing a mini hairbrush, toothpaste, toothbrush and deodorant.

You caught a glimpse of yourself as you walked in and you definitely looked like you've been put through the ringer. You greeted the cashier and paid for your stuff asking her where you could find the women's restroom. She put all of your stuff into a bag for you and pointed you in the right direction. You went to freshen up and when you decided that you looked as good as humanly possible given that you pulled yourself together in a hospital bathroom. You made your way back towards the gift shop and bought some gifts for Javy and Jake.

You bought flowers for the both of them and really good gourmet chocolates plus some teddy bears that were dressed up as airplane pilots and you thought close enough, besides they were adorable with their little uniforms and aviators. With your hands full of goodies you finally made your way back towards the receptionist who greeted you with a kind smile. "Hi, I'm Y/N Y/L/N, I'm here to visit Lieutenant Machado and Lieutenant Seresin." She handed you a clipboard and you sat down in the waiting area and began to fill out the paperwork. She took the clipboard from your outstretched hand and gave everything the once over.

She took the papers off of the clipboard and slid them into a manila folder and labeled it with your name and slid it into a slot with other folders. She wrote your name onto a visitor pass and you stuck it to your shirt. "What's your relation to Lieutenant Machado?" You glanced up at her, "we're just friends. He works with my sister."

She nodded and leaned back in her chair. "And Lieutenant Seresin? What about him?" You felt uncomfortable with the 3rd degree but you figured it was just part of her job. A million thoughts raced through your head and you latched onto the one that made the most sense but was difficult to say out loud.

"What are we to each other? Him and I?" She nodded again. "Are you a relative of his?" She asked, taking pity on you.

"God, no. I'm his girlfriend." You felt a natural smile form on your face. It felt good. It felt really right. You are Lieutenant Jacob Seresin's girlfriend and you don't care who knows it.

Her smile kind of faltered and you felt bad for her. You asked her what rooms they were both in and she pointed you in the direction of the elevator. Javy was on the 2nd floor and Jake's on the 3rd. You stopped by Javy's room first, you could hear a tv faintly in the background and you lightly knocked on the closed door. You peeked your head in and saw him lying in the hospital bed.

He looked a little banged up, his arm in a sling and some cuts and bruises but he looked OK. You put the flowers by the window and hoped that they got enough natural light. You gave him the candy and stuffed animal. He reached out with a smile. "Thank you, Y/N. You didn't have to do that."

You smiled back at him and shrugged kinda sheepishly. "I wanted to. It's the least that I can do for you. I just wanted to say thank you and make sure that you're doing OK." You squeezed his hand.

"I'm doing OK. They got me on the good stuff. I don't feel a thing." You both laughed at that and he started to doze off while you sat with him. You got up and pulled the blinds down so that it was semi dark.

You turned the TV down to a low murmur and dimmed the lights. You walked over to him and pulled the blanket up and gently kissed his forehead. You said a prayer of thanks and protection and shut the door behind you and made your way up to the 3rd floor and where Jake was waiting for you. You felt nauseous all of a sudden. You had no idea what kind of condition that Jake was in and it made you feel nervous.

The door was partially open and you silently slipped inside. You gently shut the door and heard it quietly click. You turned around and a silent gasp slipped from your lips and your hand flew to your lips. Jake was lying flat in the hospital bed, hands crossed his chest. He looked so still.

Jake always struck you as someone who was larger than life, full of bravado and swagger. So seeing him like this was a shock to your system. You put the flowers, candy and bear on his bedside table and took your jacket off and set it on the chair, sliding your shoes off and putting them underneath the chair. You padded silently across the room and stood by his bedside. You gently took his big hand in yours and brought it to your face.

You kissed his palm and a single tear slide down your cheek, you wiped it away and gently set Jake's hand back by his side. You debated about crawling into bed with him or trying to sleep in the uncomfortable hospital chair. Fatigue ultimately won out and you lifted the blanket and crawled into the bed next to him. You're probably breaking hospital protocol or something but you honestly don't have it in you to care. After everything you just want to be next to him.

You laid your head on his chest and feeling it gently rise and fall, plus hearing his heartbeat solidly below you was like music to your ears. You felt the tears begin to fall and the sobs began to wrack your body. You gently clung to him and you felt his hand move to the back of your head and his long fingers slid through your hair, holding you to him. He gently began to rub the back of your head and you felt the guilt begin to set in. You should be comforting him, not the other way around.

He survived a deadly plane crash and here you are acting like it was you who barely survived, but in a sense you hadn't. You couldn't even begin to imagine how you would survive losing Jake so soon after losing your parents. You took a deep breath and sat up to grab some tissue and Jake's gravely voice asked for water so you quickly got him a cup of ice water and helped him take a sip. "Thank you," he whispered and you shook your head no. "You don't have to thank me for anything."

He nodded and groaned as you helped him lay back down. He squeezed your hand in an attempt to reassure you. You looked at him with worry in your eyes, "are you OK? Do you need me to do anything for you? Call your nurse?"

He shook his head no. "I'm fine, sweetheart. I promise. Just getting comfortable." You let out a sigh of relief and sat down in the chair next to him.

Now it was his turn to look at you with worry in his eyes. "What are you thinking about?" He asked you, inquisitivly. You felt a sheepish smile quirk your lips and you dropped your eyes to the hospital floor. "Hey, look at me. "

You glanced up and locked eyes with Jake. "When I was filling out the hospital information forms, the intake nurse asked me what my relation to you was." You stopped speaking for a second and Jake asked you what your response was. "I told her that I was your girlfriend." You don't know why but you felt incredibly nervous as you held your breath.

A megawatt smile lit up Jake's face and you couldn't help but reciprocate. You leaned down and gently kissed his lips. You lingered for a second and pulled away before the kiss could get too heated. Jake groaned in protest and you couldn't help but grin against his lips. You stood up as you heard a knock on the door.

"Come in," you both said in unison. It was the nurse that you had briefly seen in the parking lot. She smiled at the both of you and made her way across the room and to the foot of Jake's bed and grabbed his chart and started looking it over. She flipped the page over and slightly nodded, "how are you feeling today, Lieutenant?" Jake glanced up at you and you could sense his hesitation.

You locked eyes with Jake briefly and you took pity on him. "You know what? I'm going to go home and shower and get some of my stuff. Do you want me to stop by your place and get you anything?" Jake audibly sighed in relief and he nodded gratefully up at you.

"Thank you, I appreciate that. My keys are over there." You followed Jake's pointed finger and you walked over to a little table in the corner and fished his keys out of his flight suit pocket. You slipped back into your shoes and grabbed your jacket. You made your way back towards Jake and you leaned over to gently kiss his cheek.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours. I love you, Jake." He smiled softly up at you and winked. "I love you too, Y/N." You felt like you were walking on air as you made your way towards the elevator and as you pressed the button you fished your phone out of your purse and you called your sister to come and get you.

As you stepped out into the crisp morning air you closed your eyes and tilted your face up to the sun. You felt it begin to warm you up and you took a deep breath, held it and let it go. For the first time in a long time you felt like yourself again. You felt like you could possibly have it all, the cute ocean bungalow, a relationship with your sister, an exciting new beginning and the possibility of a future with Jake. You felt hopeful for the future and couldn't wait to see what happens next.

~fin~ (for now 😉)

@emma8895eb @hardballoonlove @80pairsofcrocs @86laura11 @maddithehugenerd @hangmandruigandmav @the-romanian-is-bae @rosiahills22 @crazybeautiful1987 @halibshepherd @caitsymichelle13 @cdntheblackhearts @kennediijordan @drunk-on-hwa @lovinghimisneverenough @killmyhyunmin @quafflewaffle97 @planetch1ld @roostersforevergirl @themusingofagothicsoul @chlo-lo14 @luna-lovethegood @rosedurin @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth @shelbycillian @runningawayfromsociety @milber32 @thefantasticreadingsofadri @petehangmankazansky24 @queenslandlover-93 @kyleeisahotmess @rascallyrascals @jason-toddbandit @beautifulandvoid @hookslove1592 @djs8891 @lynnestra44 @kyliesalvatore @mamaskillerqueen @ellianwhite @maybefakethoughts @comicgollum20 @tess-love @sgt-barnesveins @jessa-21 @mrsevans90 @scarlettwidow19 @jakeyzzz @tootser98 @fandom-life-12

[fictionalsownme]

More Than A Woman | wilford warfstache x gn!viewer / reader |

chapter one - "I've known you very well"

A/N: hi everyone!! I'm so excited to post this! Usually I spend a long time on the stuff I write but I wrote a good chunk of this in a feverish burst haha, I've been wanting to write for Wil and had such a clear idea of how I see him in my head for so long :)) This fic will probably be around 10 chapters~ish and progress will probably be a little slow but I'm also trying to get faster at my writing so I guess we'll see! Getting it down is always the hardest, then you spend a bit of time hating it, then the fixing can start! Anyway, I hope you guys like this, I love this dorky weirdo a lot for whatever reason, and I'd love to write for other egos too :) ((there might be a guest appearance or two in here in the last few chapters if plans don't change 👀)) hope you guys enjoy the first chapter at least! lmk 🥰! word count: 2.9k notes: reader is gender-neutral, similar to all of mark's stuff :) -- the title is just after the song! no pronouns or descriptors are used other than the occasional they/them. reader is the viewer (& district attorney) from wkm, adwm, ahwm, iswm, etc, but that won't come up until later. wmlw wilford. story will be mostly fluff, some hurt/comfort & angst, lots of romance and flirting! story is adapted from an idea I had for my self insert. we will get into some lore stuff (or at least my understanding of the lore 👀) and filling in gaps with headcannons, but it's mostly about wilford & reader and I'll try to explain as we go so don't worry about it too much if you don't know all of it. especially since I don't know if my understanding is always 100% accurate 👉👈 let's have fun yall! 💞

masterlist | AO3

The music playing softly over the convenience store speakers was pleasant, if slightly boring. Like elevator music— there only to help ease the passing of time. Your night shift would end soon, and the sky could be seen as it lightened more every minute through the windowed front of the building.

Other than that, the old store was quiet. Dusty. Pink and orange neon strips lined the walls near the ceiling. They overpowered the dated fluorescent lights, casting everything in a slightly peach haze. Like a dream. 

Different sections of the store were marked with neon too, the letters glowed against the wall denoting the drinks, the snacks, the hot food… You liked your little store. Even if the unyielding isolation of your work made you a bit… complacent. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d truly talked with someone.

The ice creams chilled your fingers through the wrappers as you pulled them from their box and slotted them into place. Even with the cold air of the freezer wafting over you, you could smell the cool summer air coming in the sliding front doors.

You liked to prop them open on dawns like these. The convenience store lights did draw in the occasional pestering bug, but they usually found their way out again before long. You did get a bat once. Albeit a little crazed and frantic, you were surprised to find it harmless. Maybe a little lost. Now that thing seemed like it would never leave. 

Refocusing on your task, you brushed your condensation-soaked fingers on your work apron, tied tight behind your neck and around your back, and shut the freezer door. 

The motion alert chimed a pleasant tune through the staticky old speakers as a customer entered the open doors from the street.

You called an automatic, “Welcome in~,” and went about straightening a shelf of snack bars and chocolate. You didn’t bother to look in their direction as you heard them make their way through the aisles.

“Pardon me,” said their strange, nearly British accent from beside you now. You turned to the source of the voice, the man who’d just walked in, and your eyes went to his outfit first. 

A silky-- almost sparkly in how it caught the light-- lavender shirt with mismatched buttons revealed expanses of his bare chest. It was paired with white bell-bottoms and a fake pink afro hanging half-off his head, about to fall off. He had olive skin and dark hair-- nearly black--, fluffy and sticking up every which way like hands had been running through it. Scruffy facial hair framed a thick mustache that tinted slightly pink where it turned up at the ends.

He looked… honestly, he looked ridiculous. But the 70s getup was fun, you supposed. And his eyes-- dark brown and monolid-- were handsome. Underneath all the… extra mess. You blinked, slowly, in a way that felt like waking up.

“Uh, hi. Are you coming from a costume party or something?” It was August, but you supposed it was never too early to start the spooky season. 

“Oh! Do you know of one? I do love a good costume. But no. Just the regular-sort. Just woke up from one.” He scanned the products near his head, grabbed a protein bar, sniffed the wrapper, guffawed, and put it back.

“You just woke up? Are you alright?”

“Oh, worry not, friend, this is normal for my level of reverie! I’m not even hungover!” He laughed, his hands going to his hips.

You stared at him.

“I was just looking for something to gnaw on! To nourish myself before I’m on my way.” His eyes were still traveling all over, not really seeing you.

Now in theory, a strange man coming in at this hour, acting even stranger, with his clothes disheveled? You knew you should be on your way to your safe space behind the counter to get him checked out and exiting the store as fast as possible. But there was something about him… 

Something you couldn’t place…

Instead you raised your eyebrows and relaxed against the cooler door. “Uh, I guess that depends on what kind of food you like,” You offered. After a moment, his gaze landed on you and he seemed to finally take you in. Your uniform, your crossed arms, your patient expression, your features. His face scrunched into confusion.

A moment passed, staring at each other like that. “Your shirt’s looking a little rough, you know.”

“Have we met, friend?” He asked as he began to fix his buttons. 

You watched passively as more of his chest came into view. He either didn’t notice or didn’t mind your blatant staring. You weren’t sure why you were staring, or what you were feeling as you did so. 

You weren’t gawking at his abs or anything-- well,-- not that he didn’t have abs. He did, sort of. The expanse of his chest and abdomen were tight with toned muscle. He definitely wasn’t lacking abs, anyway. Either way… this was about something different. 

You wondered for a moment if a vague familiarity was what you were picking up on, but quickly dismissed it.

“I feel like I’d remember meeting you.” 

You realized with a start that your comment could be seen as flirtatious, and added quickly, “Just, you know-- generally.”

But he just hummed and spun on his heels, turning away. You sighed and found yourself in-step behind him, hands in your uniform pockets. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. 

“Well, either way!” He started, his energy returning tenfold. “Let's see what this cute little shop has to eat!” 

For some reason, you asked, “Do you have money?” 

He froze. “Er, no~. You don’t mind, do you?”

“Mind what?”

“Well, spotting me of course! Let’s just say I owe you one, eh friend?”

You rolled your eyes, smiling. “Thought so.” 

Thought so? Maybe you did know him… 

It was your turn to squint in displaced confusion. “What’s your name?”

His voice came from behind you and you spun around, your shoes squeaking on the tile floor. When did he sneak around you? 

He bent over and twirled his hand, a flamboyant bow finally knocking the afro off his head. “Wilford Warfstache, at your service.”

“That’s your name?” 

He righted himself. “For now.” It suited him well enough, but for some reason it sounded misplaced.

… But no, either way, you definitely hadn’t met him before. You didn’t know many people in the first place, let alone someone so eccentric.

Still, you were curious about him. Curious about his personality and who he was. He felt sort of like a puzzle waiting to be solved. And so far, despite his quirks, despite how admittedly weird you’d also been acting, he’d been friendly. You couldn’t say the staring and prodding questions were too in-character for you. At least not when it came to customers. 

His hair looked softer without the wig to weigh it down-- parted at his brow and long enough to fluff over the tips of his ears and end where his neck met his spine. You reached down to scoop the curly mop of synthetic hair up off the floor.

“Where did you get this thing?”

He hummed something like ‘I don’t know’, his eyes sort of wide like a clueless puppy’s. 

“What, you just kind of have it?”

“Yea’p.”

You squinted at him, a smirk forming on your lips. “How about I do you a favor and throw this away?”

He shrugged, hummed an ‘alright’ sound, and turned away. 

“Oh no, I was kidding! God, here--!” You had to grab his wrist to stop him from wandering off further and placed the pink afro in his hand.

You had just been trying to tease him, but now you just felt bad. “Look, Wilford, you want something to eat? We have to throw the hot food out every night. You can have a taquito or a slice of pizza or something if you want.”

Then he was frozen again-- staring down at where your fingers wrapped around his wrist. Your eyes followed his gaze down and then you were staring too.

A moment passed. Then two. Finally, you let go and crossed your arms again, tucking your hands away where they couldn’t embarrass you again.

“... Fuck, I’m sorry. I-I don’t know why I did that.” You did your best to clear your throat.

But he was still stuck there. He blinked a few times and his gaze met your eyes, his brows gathering together. 

“Wh-What did you say your name was, friend?” He seemed so… serious all of sudden. So dire.

You hadn’t mentioned it yet, but told him with a hesitant voice. 

His expression blanked, eyes widening. He brought his arm, the offending afro in tow, to his chest, touching his wrist where you’d held it.

“Oh…” 

You raised your brows and asked softly, “Sorry, do you know me, then?”

“Hm?” And he blinked like his mind was clearing, like he’d forgotten you were there. 

He cleared his throat, smiled-- ear to ear-- his mustache lopsided like a cartoon. “Oh-- nevermind about that! Some food would be lovely, if you don’t mind.”

His eyes were sparkling. 

“Sure. I mean, it’s nothing fancy. Here,” And you walked over towards the front counter. Wilford trailed close behind you-- holding onto the wig in his hands like a school kid holding a lunch box-- his gaze wandering over the store again like he hadn’t seen it the first time.

You arrived at the hot foods section, a glassed-off section of day-old food over heated rods. You shrugged. “If you have a sensitive stomach, maybe don’t,” you started, “but it’s mostly fine to be honest. I eat it if I’m in a pinch, you know.”

You hopped up to sit on the counter, your legs facing Wilford, and leaned back to reach around and grab the tongs waiting there. You straightened and clapped them together twice. You offered him a smile. “What’ll it be, Mr. Warfstache?” Then a quieter, “--that was your last name right?”

“Do you gravitate towards anything yourself?”

“Can’t go wrong with a slice of pizza, I guess. Even here.”

His smile grew sort of soft. “Then that. If you please.”

“You got it.”

You leaned over again and served up the slice of moderately warm and slightly greasy pizza on a brown napkin and passed it off to him. 

“Much obliged.”

You got one for yourself too, and when you righted and your eyes found Wilford again, he was sitting in a retro-style diner chair you’d never seen before-- his feet against the edge of the counter beside you.

You couldn’t help the surprised laughter that choked out of you. “Wha-- where did you even find that?”

The chair teetered on its two legs as he leaned precariously back, tilting his head at your question. The pink wig sat in his lap and you couldn’t help thinking it looked like some weird dog.

“Well, there’s no need to worry! I’m only borrowing it, I’m not a barbarian.”

And you just knew you weren’t getting more of an answer than that.

“So who even are you?” You asked as he took a bite of the pizza, somehow pulling all the cheese right off the top in one piece. He pouted down at the offending mozzarella, slurping it into his mouth and swallowing it. “Do you live around here?”

“Mm. I don’t really live anywhere. Much more the exploring-- ever on the move-- type.”

He was so expressive. It really felt like talking to an old cartoon come-to-life or something. You turned to lean against the side of the glass cover, swinging your legs so your feet rested on the counter, not far from his still against the edge. You weren’t touching at all, but you were surprised at how quickly the two of you fell into a casual-- albeit timidly curious-- rhythm. 

“So what do you do?” And you began to eat too.

He beamed, his smile reaching all the way to his eyes. “I’m an interviewer! Warfstache Tonight, that’s what my show is called! It’s quite a professional endeavor!”

You smiled and hummed around your bite of pizza, impressed. That actually explained a lot. And it suited him nicely enough. “Sounds pretty glamorous.”

“And what about you? You can’t just be a convenience store clerk!” He seemed so affronted by the idea. Crinkling his nose, dropping his voice an octave. “How dreadfully boring.”

You winced. “‘Just a convenience store clerk?’ Ouch, Wilford…” You couldn’t help frowning down at your slice. 

 “Oh! No no, pardon me!” He let the chair fall back to four legs, waving the idea way with a panicked hand. “I only meant that… this isn't what truly stirs your passions, is it? Do you do anything at your leisure? For work or just… something you enjoy?”

You squinted at him. But you didn’t really think he was trying to insult you. And he wasn’t wrong. It just… wasn’t always the most fun when someone pointed it out. Especially like that. 

You sighed, fidgeting as you considered his question. “Not right now… This job keeps me pretty occupied. But you know, it’s not too bad. It keeps me, I don’t know, grounded I guess.”

He thought for a moment, then nodded, taking another bite. “I do hope you get more opportunities soon, then.” He said, surprisingly grounded.

You looked at him. “... Thanks.” And you meant it.

“And… my apologies for the earlier, uh, miswording.”

 “That’s fine… I’d be curious to hear more about your show, though! Have you interviewed anyone interesting or anything?”

A beat. A sort of tiredness settled into his shoulders and he peered up at you. “The odd gold-star guest did wander in from time to time. I’m not sure if my skills were quite deserving of them at the time.”

Was that… shame?

“The truth is, I couldn’t quite live up to the role. I--” He laughed, pained. He cleared his throat. “I’m taking a bit of a break from show business for the moment.”

Ah. So that’s what happened. You offered him a sympathetic smile. “To party? That’s probably why you don’t have any money, Wilford. And why you have to rely on shitty convenience store food?” You held up your greasy napkin like it was evidence.

“Now don’t underestimate the power of a good party! And this food is fine, I’m grateful for it,” He crumpled the now empty napkin and gestured wildly with it. “The truth is I get by just fine. I’m just not sure what else I should be doing.”

You looked out the front windows. The sky was getting lighter. The timer marking the end of your shift would go off any minute.

So maybe that’s why he’d been asking you about your passions. You felt bad for him. He was strange, to be sure. And a little hard to follow. But he was also… sweet. He had a softness about him.

And still… there was that feeling that hadn’t disappeared since meeting him. Like… like your soul recognized him. Maybe not deeply. But distantly. Like you’d met him in a dream. It was a ridiculous notion. Ridiculous didn’t seem beyond his territory.

You turned, legs coming down from the counter once again. You leaned forward, your hand landing at the junction of his shoulder and neck. His silk shirt was soft under your fingers. His eyes jumped up to yours and you looked down at him with a smile. 

“You liked doing your show right? You want to be an interviewer?”

He nodded slowly. His lashes fluttered. 

“Then that’s what you should be doing! You just have to try again!” You shrugged with one shoulder. “It might suck a lot. And you might fail again. But pick yourself back up. Keep going. I’m sure you can do it if you keep at it and think outside the box, you know. Failing only means failing if you stop.”

You leaned back, your hand sliding away. He stared at you.

“That’s what the rest of us do, anyway. Honestly, maybe you should do your show online! You know, livestream it or something. I’m sure you’d find your own way to it.”

Slowly, a smile crept back in, the corners of his eyes creasing. 

“What a wonderful idea…” 

God, his eyes… 

You looked down at your own napkin, laughing a little at yourself. “Wilford, I promise, the advice I just gave you was nothing crazy.”

“Well, perhaps it’s just a little too rare that I get a pick-me-up.”

You hopped down from the counter. “Swing by whenever, I’ll hand them out for free. Though, if you’re always on the move, I guess you’re probably not in town for long, huh?”

He quickly followed your lead and stood, his chair nearly falling in his haste. “Uh— w-well I, I don’t know, I could always… linger for a day or two. Hard to say really.” 

“Uh huh.” You smirked at him, raising your brows. “Well, if that constant partying you have going on brings you back here, feel free stop in, okay? … It’d be nice to have someone in here every once in a while. Well, someone friendly, anyway.” 

“Right. Will do. Of course.”

You gave him two solid pats on the chest and turned to throw the napkins away behind the counter. When you turned to face him again, he was gone.  Only slightly confused, you quickly recovered and yelled a quick, “bye~!” to the now empty store.

[ostrichmonkey-games]

Anyways, speaking of working on games, how about some Stampede Wasteland updates;

Working on a carousing table;

Also a little table to inspire GMs when they need to whip up a last second mission;

And the highlight of this post, rules for tracking Resources and rules for tracking money. Resources first.

The goal was to come up with an abstracted way of keeping track of the more mundane supplies and stuff that PCs are going to need without having to worry about actually keeping track of things. So, behold, either you have it or you don't.

Resources Each player has an abstract, binary pool of Resources. This covers rations, water, fuel, bullets. All the bare necessities. If it is ever in question whether you have Resources or not, roll+Hits marked. On a success, you’re out of what you need. You either have Resources or you don’t. There’s no in between. 

And now for wealth. Originally, I had a pretty standard "this sort of things costs this much" and "this job might reward this much". But here's the thing, coming up with actual monetary values sucks and I hate doing it! Also, given that supplies are abstract, why shouldn't money be abstract? Internal consistency is nice.

So, two birds one stone, I ripped out the original "wealth system" and replaced it with the following;

Cash Each player has an abstract pool of cash on hand at any given moment. The exact amount doesn’t matter. You can have No Money, A Little Money, A Lot of Money, or More Money Than You Could Ever Imagine (you cannot actually ever have this much money, bummer).  Each time you gain A Little Money, mark one slot on the track (10 slots). Once the track is filled up, you have A Lot of Money.  If you have A Little Money, you can always afford things that cost A Little Money. Same for A Lot of Money. If a situation ever arises where you might lose money, roll+money slots marked vs 20. On a success, you’re good. On a miss, step down one wealth level.  Money is tracked individually, but you can give a slot of Money to someone else if you really want. Cash rewards go to whoever is the agreed upon treasurer. Hope you trust them. If a character ever dies with wealth on them, half the number of marked money slots can be recovered from their remains, rounded down to a minimum of zero.  Nobody starts the game with any money.

Ultimately, how much money you have wasn't going to matter in the game beyond bookkeeping, just whether or not you had enough. And this subsystem represents that better. I ended up going with "roll+money slots marked" as the "modifier" to the roll because it makes some sense that the more cash you have, the harder it is to lose it all.

Still plugging away at the GM facing material, but honestly, almost all the player-facing stuff is done (and I'm going to be doing some small playtesting, before maybe opening it up some. We'll see.), and it is nice to get closer and closer to text-complete.

[saphig-iawn]

Feel My Words!

I am opening commissions for short stories!

I have 5 slots open for now to see how things work out on my end with it.

I've received a lot of love for my writing, and it is something I adore doing. I love writing about the sessions and I will keep doing so and putting them here, but after writing more fiction on Cohost (Rest in power, sweet eggbug), I think this is something I would love to do more of.

The commission is live on Ko-fi, but please only purchase once you've filled out this form.

If you've read this far, then please enjoy a piece I wrote for Cohost. It is about working behind the scenes at theme park where you find yourself becoming far more involved than you thought. It is called:

Behind the Scenes

CW: noncon transformation

The keycard swipe took a few attempts before the device fixed to the wall chirped in affirmation. It was almost too hard to hear over the roar of the crowds and rides, but her new colleague's beaming grin was enough of a sign that ingress into the behind the scenes of the theme park was successful.

"Eee I just love showing new folk around! 'Specially the behind the scenes, heheheee~!" Norene squealed- wait was it Norene? Naomi? She was so excited to be lifting the veil on the magic of the park that it was very hard to see her name badge.

You had already been shown around some of the staff areas- oh, not staff, you were a Showhand, gotta keep up the act in front of the all the park visitors- but this was your first time being shown behind the scenes of a ride. It was bittersweet, because the ride was one of your favourites, was being a keyword because it got changed in the time between your last visit and getting a job here. Some of the characters were a touch dated so a big facelift and rebranding was ordered and their hard work swept away the memories and tucked them behind the wall in vacuum sealed bags. Bags that you were now looking at.

"Gawsh I miss these little guys too" 'Norene' said from behind you, "But all the new stuff is gonna make new happy memories for the kids queuing up today!" She patted you on the back, and it felt far more assuring than you expected. You hated the whole "We're a family" corporate message, but you can tell 'Norene' really cared.

Skipping from scene to scene, diorama to diorama, 'Norene' ran through the checks needed to ensure a safe ride. It being a small dark ride made these checks quite quick as everything was pretty condensed in the space, the focus was largely on the scenes the cars would pass through.

"Now, everythin' good so far?" 'Norene' wheeled on her heel to catch your eyes, her playfulness retreated behind a stern look. You nodded in agreement. Her face lit back up again. "Great! Now, we got ourselves a special item added to our checks today, one of the characters missed a beat on her performance so when she spun around for the big ol' long note, the servos in her arm ripped up her costume something good, so we gotta replace it."

A little chill shocked you as the realisation of your responsibility set in. Even on this small ride, there were just so many moving parts, so many points of potential failure. If one things goes awry then the whole experience is changed.

"Oooh yup, I had that too!" You felt 'Norene' wrap you in a deep hug, then a pat on the shoulder. "You don't got to worry though, we're both in charge o' this ride, it'll all go like clockwork!"

You soften in her support, the chill around your chest ablating in her warmth.

She directs you to where all manner of spare things are kept for the ride, including costumes for the humanoid animatronic characters.

The rebrand was a strange thing to explore from this perspective. Not quite uncanny, but everything you saw brought up feelings of familiarity and other. The ride before and after were 'period settings' according to official documentation, so there was a lot that got reused and recycled. You felt like you were in one of those hidden secrets videos where a chipper host guides you through the hidden details and traces of previous rides.

The rebrand was of a typical diamond-in-the-rough story, a bright woman with big ideas gets overlooked, patriarchal systems punch her when she's down, but a sudden beautification has the world finally see her. It was… meh. What wasn't lacklustre was the quality of the costumes. Even the saccharine sweet pink dress that the main character ends up in was incredibly well made. That was until the animatronic tore streaks through it.

As you unpacked the new costume from its protective sleeves, it amazed you. For a garment that would never be worn by a person, there were so many parts to it. Petticoats, a corset, stockings, garter belts, bloomers, suspenders, the lot. You suppose that, if this character is whirling and twirling, then you got to treat them a like a real dancer and not have too many points where a gap in the outfit might spoil the show.

The dress itself was a statement in pink satin. A skirt, that almost looked caged, but your keen eyes spotted how the tiers were actually built on small pulley systems so the animatronic beneath could send the right parts of the fabric in a spin or a flurry. The bodice pulled right in at the waist, with proud pink bows adorning the bustle and bust. Long bishop sleeves billowed out into pristine frilled cuffs. The collar sat high, with plenty of room for the deep emerald green choker.

"Like God made it herself, huh?" sighed 'Norene'. You could almost taste her admiration in the air. She walked around the table you had laid it out on, gently running her hands over the fabric like she was greeting friendly koi at a pond. Her face was aglow, but that was largely because of the light reflecting from the dress. You melt a little in yourself, seeing 'Norene' so happy. "It was Norene!" you shouted triumphantly in your head. She was finally stood still long enough to read her name tag properly.

"Whenever I ran tests on this ride, I loved watching her dance in this dress." Norene said, dreamily. "Gawsh I just wanna scoop it up off the table an' wear it myself."

There's a tone to her voice, you recognised it; thinly veiled yearning. You had been there too, watching princesses in films when you were younger and wanting to be them with every fibre of your being.

"While it makes the kids happy an' all, something like this is a little wasted on silicone and servos." Norene's pleasantness gave way a little. Barbs of envy stood a little too proud in her words. The smile on the corners of her mouth faded.

"Besides, I'm too small for the costume. While I love everythin' here, they never quite cater to everyone in all their splendors." There was a bitterness. "Its always the same kinda shapes, and the same sorta looks. And when they finally have the ba-" She stops herself, her cheeks flushed with equal parts injustice and embarrassment.

She looks up to you, almost pleadingly. You return a soft smile, but before you can offer words of support her face snaps back to jollity, like a bulb in her mind had just flashed with inspiration.

Without breaking eye contact, Norene grabs the dress by its shoulders and drapes it over your front.

"Oh… mygod…" she just about manages. Her eyes are wide and epiphanic. She suddenly retreats into herself, bunching the dress up at her chest, like a small child aware of their timidity and hiding behind a pillow. She looks at the clock, and scans the room for cameras unbeknownst to you.

"Wouldja wanna… uh.. try it on?" she trembled.

Like the Showhands who don costumes and personalities, you suddenly felt like you were being greeted by a character's biggest fan, and about to make a dream come true. You nod silently, a smile on your face.

Norene squeals with excitement, some of it tapping into the part of her brain that confuses cuteness with aggression. The dress felt this emotion the most, but she gasped as she realised that was causing the garment distress.

Like a character from one of the films, Norene danced and pranced around, guiding you to a chair and sitting you down. It felt really strange having parts of the costume being put on over your uniform, but you guessed this impromptu cosplay wouldn't be on for long so the discomfort was bearable. Despite your cargo pants, the stockings hugged your legs well. The garter sitting neatly over the frilled panties. You felt so relieved that Norene couldn't see your face because having a fairly new acquiantance be so much in your personal space had your cheeks ablaze.

Dissociating in that moment to not focus on what was happening meant Norene yanking you to your feet snapped you back. It felt so odd to be stood fully clothed with period lingerie on top. You almost felt a bit vulnerable, like you should be covering up. Norene whipped about you with the character's corset. Surprisingly, the garment needed very little adjusting. Your polo shirt was not the appropriate accompaniment to its finery.

Norene brings the dress over and holds it open for you to push your arms through and in. The inside felt amazing. The lining glided over your skin. The dress hugged and accentuated in the just the right places. If you stood still in the right place, you almost stopped feeling your stuffy polo shirt and cargo pants.

There it was. Giddiness. A bubble. Right in the chest. You felt yourself smiling.

"AaaaAAaah! Look at you darlin'!" Norene's praise was almost a shriek. You felt her tighting and adjusting, zhuzhing and tweaking. "Aaaaah its time for tha finishin' tooouuuch!"

The way the light catches the green ribbon of the choker stuns you for a moment. It felt like peering into another world, its sky alight with an aurora; its broach framing this world like a painting.

Norene brings it up to your neck, and walks around you to fasten it.

You felt… complete? A rare feeling, but you felt satisfied. Like wearing this costume was right.

"Gawsh have I waited so long for this." Norene purrs. "So. Long."

Wait. There it was again. Those barbs of envy, but this time they felt more severe. Like fangs. The hairs on your neck pricked with apprehension, a slight panic set in. Maybe it was time to take this off-

An arm barred across your shoulders as a hand clamped on your mouth.

Your gasp was caught by the hand and forced back in as you went to struggle.

"No! Nonono, don't ruin this sweetie, I've waited- uhn- so long" Norene spat.

You tried to move towards an exit of any kind, hoping you could get out, even if Norene was dragged with you. No one would care about you being in the costume, if they saw Norene trying to attack you, right?

But your feet didn't respond.

You heaved forward, almost lifiting Norene off her feet, in attempt to shift your weight but your feet would not budge.

"Darlin' it'll be so much easi- hey! nonono- so much easier if you just let it happen!"

Like the dimming lights of a rolling blackout, your legs began to seize up and cease moving. Your breath was quickening, the panic was birthing screams that Norene's hand kept denying.

"Oh come on! Gunna have to adjust your feet now, this is not a- whoa!- not a cute pose!"

Pose? What the fuck was she talking about?

Your fingers find purchase between her arm and your shoulders, the sleeves being the biggest obstacle in trying to find a point of grip. You try hard to pull her arm away, but the rising immobility made things difficult.

Your core muscles stopped responding.

The strength in your arms was beginning to wane.

"That's it darlin', there we go." Norene cooed. It was chilling, you felt like a prey caught in a trap, being soothed by your captor. How could she be like this while attacking you? "Just a lil' more, just a lil' more!"

Your arms have almost locked in place.

You deploy a last resort.

You feel your teeth sink into Norene's palm.

"Ah ya lil' rat! Stop biting!"

Like it was willed by her words, your next bite was softer. And softer.

"Aaahh… there we go…" Norene sighed, releasing her grip on your frozen lips.

You try to look at your captor but your head won't move.

Norene walks into your vision.

"God you're beautiful. The pose, I can work on, but you look so perfect hun."

You so wished your eyes could inflict pain on her but despite staring harder than you've ever stared, Norene was uneffected.

Norene ducks below your eyeline. The sound of snipping scratches through the air. You feel something shifting and brushing on your skin. You tried so, so, hard to do anything but you remained frozen and reluctantly posed in your final moment of struggle.

A hand holding butchered cargo pants enters your eyeline.

"Won't be needing these anymore!" said the hand, before it drops them like a discarded wrapper.

You feel the dress and bodice press into your form even more, as Norene reappears, holding shreds of your polo shirt.

"There we go, darlin'. Can't have the kids seeing anything outta place. Besides, princesses don't wear polos."

Your mind was racing with anger and frustration. Was this it? Being held captive as Norene's own doll?

As that thought finished in your trapped mind, Norene began to pose you. The way your vision changed would be nauseating but whatever form you were in now didn't allow you that privilege.

"You see," Norene said from behind you, adjusting your legs and hips., "it wasn't just the costume that bit the dust, it was the whole character! But now, with you here an' dressed perfectly, they're gonna find the character's been fixed and that I did it and my perfect record of maintaining this ride will be maintained! Oh and they'll be none the wiser of course, hehe!"

You wanted to frown and spit at her glee, but your face remained stubbornly serene, now framed by your gloves

"Can't have folk goin' 'round asking questions either, so I'll make sure to work a lil' magic on those who jam their noses in where they shouldn't belong." She positions herself in front of you, admiring her work, running her hands up and down your frame and curves. "Not like what I worked on you, hun. No no, you're special darlin'. It was so fortuitious that ya landed in my care on a day like today." She adjusted the skirt of your dress. "I'll take care of ya darlin', thass a good girl."

She reached above her head at a dangling control and pressed a chunky button.

Your mind filled with music. Your inner voice erupting into song. Your ears heard no sound yet your body began to move and dance like a band was playing your theme. You wanted to revolt, to fudge the moves and break your voice, but you continued, like you were made for this.

Norene smiled.

[ogh-rambles]

In Your Absence.

Transported into another world entirely with no memory of your distant past life, you find yourself perfectly slotted into someone else's life. As it turns out, it was this world's 'you'. They had died.

And you had replaced them.

No matter what you do with this reignited life, there is one thing you must decide. This 'you' was beloved and treasured by many. Will you tell them the truth behind your so-called 'resurrection', or live with the lie?

various x gender neutral! reader | 1.5k words

Prologue

Muffled voices, a raging headache, and a metallic stench.

Finding yourself unable to open your eyes, you lie limp against the ground… sand? The grains dig into your face, covering your skin in a sticky embrace. Wishing only to wipe yourself clean and shake the debris off, you attempt to move your arms.

… Nothing.

Your limbs are as good as lead, they merely twitch at your sides. Feeling less like a person and more like a puppet whose strings were cleanly plucked off, you all but lay there. Motionless. If you had died and this was the afterlife, this truly was not what you had been expecting.

“Y…”

 Your poor heart, the fickle thing,  jumps and leaps and rattles against your ribcage.

“... it’s…”

Piercing through the thrumming of rushing blood in your ears, you hear a voice. Or at least you think you do. It’s not clear whatsoever but hearing mere snippets of someone… something… who found you makes you jittery.

Too bad you couldn’t move your body.

“Let’s get them to safety.” The stranger spoke, voice kind and sweet. It wraps around you like a warm blanket, snug.

“They’re hurt…” Another voice joined in, much more shrill than the last. “Oh, Mondstadt’s Cathedral helps the injured, right? We can take them there!”

… Mondstadt?

Only a brief moment of silence fills the air and you become somewhat worried. Had these strangers left you? What were you going to do then?

Warm, gloved hands slide under your dead-weight body, shifting you from being face flat on the sand to lying flat on your back. However, with your newly given position — to your abhor, comes a sharp, stabbing pain in your head and abdomen. It’s a hurt, an ache, unlike anything you’ve ever felt before.

Your brows involuntarily furrow, a distressed sound escaping your lips. The hands pause momentarily, almost as if waiting for you to wake up and open your eyes. However, it never comes, with you still being unable to… do anything .

Slowly and a bit more gently, you note, the hands slide under you once more. To your astonishment, they lift you as if you weigh nothing. Only the gentle sounds of the breeze and your laboured breathing fill your ears.

The talking and chatter had ceased and you couldn’t tell if that was bad or good.

With every foot forward, you felt yourself rock against your saviour’s arms. You don’t remember the last time you were held like that. Frankly, you don't remember a lot of things that you think should be important to recall. 

Shouldn’t it worry you? It should worry you. But, you don't feel anything in the slightest. It was as if the wind brushed against your face had taken memories from your head and away with it went your past also.

In and out. In and out. Like the tide, the breeze spilled onto your skin, leaving you clean. In and out. In and out. Came and went your saviour’s breaths, your head lolling against their rising, then falling chest. 

They keep a steady grip on you.

“Look!” You hear the stranger with the shrill voice shout. “Mondstadt’s right around the corner!”

It was that word again. Mondstadt.

You don’t recognise the term, but there is a sinking, twisting feeling in your chest that tells you that you should.

Not leaving you too long to dwell on your thoughts, your saviour picks up the pace. Briefly, you overhear an annoyed exclamation, the sharp beating of wings and a cry of birds, before it settles into a slow murmur of sound. You can hear the stranger’s heart fluttering and drumming along, your ear pressed tightly to their chest as they hold you closer.

“Honorary Knight!” A sharp sound of rustling and clanking alerts you. “Who is— Hold on, is that…?! ”

Another voice, in disbelief.  “It cannot be…”

More rustling and clanking. The person that your saviour: Honorary Knight , you note, is talking to clears their throat. 

“We will clear a path for you..! Please head straight to the cathedral, Honorary Knight.” They spoke, a slight tremor in their voice.

Without waiting, you felt the air around you move once more. The further this Honorary Knight went, the noisier your surroundings seemed to get. Was Mondstadt a city perhaps? You wondered. A place?

It’s not long before the chattering of the people is gone and you are back to the whispering of the wind once more. You hear a prominent creak of a door before your saviour steps forward. The cathedral is quiet, you note, and echoey. The sounds of rushed footsteps ricochet in the room, along with the heavy breaths of the ‘Honorary Knight’.  

Despite its silence, you can still feel the strange buzzing of wind around you. In fact, it seems more prominent in this Cathedral that this stranger had brought you to.

“Honorary Knight! It’s a surprise to see you here.” A gentle, feminine voice echoes from somewhere behind you as you feel your saviour jolt underneath you. “Is there anything you… need…?” 

A faint shimmering sound came from above you. “ Barbara, help! This person’s very injured… and Paimon’s very worried!”

Did they just refer to themselves in… third person?

You hear a shuddering gasp. “Oh, dear Barbatos… ”

The snappy reverberation of heels against the floor made its way closer, with haste. A petite, cool hand tenderly, yet firmly pressed against your forehead — stunning you in the process. Barbara , you assume, seemed almost frantic in her movements, if not a bit subdued.

Eventually, she took in a sharp breath, as if snapping out of a trance.

“No, no… I should not be wasting any more time— Follow me, Honorary Knight… Paimon.” Barbara spoke quickly, her footsteps steering further away.

Promptly, your saviour followed close behind.

“Please, lay them on this bed.” She spoke quietly, voice trembling faintly. “Ah, Paimon — could you go call over Acting Grand Master Jean for me? Tell her that it is of the highest importance, alright?”

Obediently, the ‘Honorary Knight’ lowers you onto the bed, making sure that they weren’t jostling your wounds in the process. Thanks to them, the ache in your head and your… everything else — is only a discomfort. 

“Jean?” Paimon questions. “Why would Jean need to be here for them?”

“I’m… sorry, Paimon. Could you please just do that for me?” You can hear the stained smile in Barbara’s words. “I’ll try my best to explain later.”

"Okay... Paimon will be back." Paimon sighs, and with another soft ‘whoosh’ from above, you assume that she’s off getting this ‘Acting Grand Master’.

“Honorary Knight, could you do a favour for me as well..?” Barbara tentatively asks. ”There are a few rolls of bandages above the cabinets in the store room, could you please get them for me? Their injuries seem too severe to just be healed by vision only.”

“Of course.” They say before footsteps shuffle away. 

Once everyone had gone, and it is only Barbara and you left — is when she got to work.

A damp cloth gently dabs at your face, arms and legs. 

“ Did… ” Barbara cuts through the silence with a feeble thready voice, like a knife through butter. “Did Barbatos bring you back to us, (Name)?”

The air around you goes cold. It’s almost electrifying how prominently you can feel the presence of wind in the Cathedral. Every gust against you sends a chill down your spine.

Your…  name.

She said your name! You had never met this person before in your life. At least, you don’t remember meeting anyone like her. Was she a part of the important memories that you had lost? That the draft had taken? How could Barbara…? How did she know?

You cannot answer back, but you reckon that it would be best for either of you if you didn’t, even if you did have the opportunity to speak. 

And Barbatos… who was that? A God, you presume — with how Barbara refers to them. But a god of what? It's on the tip of your tongue...

An abrupt cacophony of sound suddenly echoed through the Cathedral, the crisp noise of heels rebounding through the walls. It drew nearer as Barbara paused her tending to.

“Paimon’s back with Jean! ”   

A single pair of footsteps hurried closer to where you were being treated. 

“Barbara !” A mature voice rings out, clear and full of concern and you figure this person is Jean. ”What’s wrong, you never call for—”  

A sharp intake. 

“I… That is…” Jean’s voice tremors. “That’s impossible.” 

You hear Barbara abruptly stand, a tender hand resting on your shoulder.

“That’s what I had thought!” The younger, whom you assume is Barbara, exclaims before catching herself. “But… They look so similar and their injuries… It is just like that cursed day we found them, si— Jean! I can’t help but hope… ”

Another shuddering sigh. “Have they been unconscious all this time…?”

This time it’s Paimon that speaks. “Mhm. Paimon has been by their side for a while now and they haven’t even peeped!”

“I’ll... go call for Albedo.” Jean finally concluded. You could feel the stress drip from every parting word as her footsteps faded away as swiftly as they had come.

Although, you wondered, why had they all spoken about you like they had known you before? Did you know them? Were you supposed to?

So many questions and not enough answers.

Your finger twitches.

Prologue > Chapter 1

[duhragonball]

Requiem for a Bio-Broly

So I looked at the new Sparking Zero lineup, and it's currently at 184 characters, if you count the three DLC guys. And once again, Bio-Broly did not make the cut.

I'm not really surprised, but it is kind of interesting that this guy has never made it into any of these fighting games. He's in Dragon Ball Heroes and Dokkan stuff, and I'm pretty sure that's because those card-based style of games need as much variety as possible, which is why they do all those what-if characters and scenarios.

It only really surprised me when Budokai Tenkaichi 3 skipped him, because that game had a ginormous roster, to the point where it was tough to even guess how they'd fill all the slots. And unsurprisingly, often-overlooked movie villains like Garlic Junior and Dr. Wheelo were on the roster. But not Bio-Broly. I think that's when I first got intrigued about his exclusion from these games, because BT3 was the first game to get all of the other Z movie villains in it, and that made Bio-Broly conspicuous by his absence.

The later games had smaller rosters, but they also seemed eager to add some special attraction, usually a character who hadn't been used before. Raging Blast 2 had Hatchiyack, but also Androids 13 and 14. Battle of Z really touted Beerus and Whis, since I'm pretty sure that was their video game debut. And Xenoverse 2 has been adding DLC characters for the better part of a decade now. You'd think one of them might toss in Bio-Broly, if only for the novelty of it, but no.

I don't want to sound like some kind of Bio-Broly fan. The character sucks, and so does his movie. But he was still a movie villain. Like, that's kind of a special status in these games. They get used as bonus stage bosses or special unlockable guys, or whatever. GT is pretty awful too, but it's still fun to see Omega Shenron and Baby in these games. I would argue the games are the only time GT characters are really handled properly. I'm sure someone could come up with a cool story mode segment involving Bio-Broly. The quality of his movie is irrelevant.

So with this game, Sparking Zero, I figured he was probably going to finally get his spot, if only because there were so many spots to fill, and why not toss him in there, if only to get a complete set of movie baddies? But it looks like he got shafted again. I mean, they could still put him in as DLC, and I would think they'd just about have to. I mean, they probably want to do lots of DLC characters like with Xenoverse 2, but they already put so many characters in the base game, so who's left? They could do Cell Max, and some Daima characters, toss in some OG Dragon Ball and more Tournament of Power guys, but it's weird that we're even talking about this when there's a Z-Movie guy they've never used.

Like, imagine if Metal Cooler never got to be in any of these games. Everybody else, but for some reason Metal Cooler just never shows up. Movie 5 Cooler's there, and so is his final form, but no Metal Cooler, no explanation given. That'd be weird, right? After a while you'd wonder why that is. I mean, Cooler's henchmen have made it into some of the games. There's room for Metal Cooler, so why wouldn't they use it?

I think it's widely understood that Movie 11 is one of the worst, if not the worst of the DBZ movies. But I've never really seen anyone actively hating on it. It's more forgettable than offensive, and yet, Bio-Broly's exclusion from the games makes me wonder if that movie did more damage to the brand than I've ever known. Like, maybe it performed very poorly, or there's a lot of hard feelings over that production, so everyone at Toei just keeps the character as obscure as possible. I mean, they put him in the Dokkan and DBH games, but you never see like ads for that. Maybe they're worried that putting Bio-Broly in one of these roster reveal trailers would be so offensive to fans that it would hurt the sales? That seems pretty far-fetched, but that's where my mind goes on this.

Most likely, they just don't put him in because there's so little interest in the character, and there's always someone else they can stick in the game instead. I think there's a very real case to be made for adding in more Tournament of Power characters. If they put the whole Universe 10 team in a DLC pack before Bio-Broly, I'd be like "Yeah, that makes sense."

I just wonder where the bottom is. How big does the roster have to get before Bio-Broly becomes the next best choice for a new addition? 184 isn't the answer, but what about 200? 250? 300? When does it just get down to Bio-Broly and like... Shu wearing his fake Goku disguise?

I mean, obviously Fake Goku should be added before Bio-Broly. Look at this guy. He's great.

[dr-spectre]

I've had some time to go over my initial thoughts about the switch 2 and I wanna discuss them.

I do like the bigger joy cons but I'm not sure how to feel about an all black look with coloured highlights on the connectors and control sticks. It reminds me of those RGB lights that some pc gaming handhelds have and I always found them kinda tacky. Also why is the red now orange? I don't like it, make it a nice hot red instead. It's common knowledge that red on black is one of the most pretty colour combos of all time. I hope the other colours that eventually come out do change the entire controller and not just change the highlights.

I am worried about the sticks due to well, you know, and i am praying to the gods that the joy cons have actually good control sticks that don't break down easily. How the hell does my Wii Nunchuck from 2007 have no stick drift, yet controllers made 10 years later break down so easily?

I love the chunkier look of the Switch 2 because I always thought that the Switch was a bit too flat and it didn't have enough grip to it. An 8 inch display sounds lovely even if it's gonna be an LCD panel.

Although there are these annoying bezels UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY NINTENDO WHY!?!? YOU GOT A FAT ASS PANEL! USE ALL OF IT DUMMY!!!

Now about that backwards compatibility... I got a few questions.

1. Will the system transfer process be easy and will it transfer EVERYTHING?! I'm talking saves, miis, photos, games, etc. Everything. It better be easy and stress free as possible, i wanna be able to put my Switch 1 to rest and not have to pick it up ever again.

2. Will we be able to use Switch 1 joy cons with backwards compatible titles and have all of their features intact? There are some experiences like Ring Fit Adventure and Labo that will be unplayable on Switch 2 unless you can use Switch 1 joy cons. Nintendo, i swear to god, if you lock us out of those titles and not give us the option to play them i will be very VERY mad.

I am very relieved that backwards compatibility is a highlight of the console and that Nintendo is actually not gonna abandon their old hardware like they've done time and time again. They can be very stubborn and stuck in their ways, it's actually really frustrating that it took them until the Switch to realise that MAYBE HAVING A PROPER ACCOUNT SYSTEM THAT CARRIES OVER TO OTHER DEVICES INCLUDING PURCHASES IS A GOOD FUCKING IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEXT! Let's talk about the elephant in the room, new Mario Kart.

Firstly, oh my god the models are so lovely omg I'm so happy they changed up their looks.

Bowser and DK looking extra silly, we love to see it.

The animation and details look really good too. They got that nice squash and stretch.

I will say, i don't know if it's because of youtube's shit compression or how the gameplay is shown, but the graphics don't seem to have had a noticeable leap in quality, the game looks like it could run on the Switch 1 with ease. It seems like they are going for a different art style and i respect that. Then again i cannot make any major judgements on the footage shown because it only lasted for 10 seconds.

What really interests me about this new Mario Kart is that there isn't going to be just 12 racers, but potentially 24!!!!!!

If you're gonna evolve Mario Kart then this is not a bad way to do it, it's gonna increase the chaos and expand the track design. And it looks like the tracks may be actually expansive and larger in scope but we'll have to wait and see.

24 racers means that the character roaster has to be pretty damn big in order to reduce repetitiveness. However, i don't wanna see another Mario Kart 8 situation where a lot of the roaster could have easily been alt costumes, so i wanna see some changes...

MAKE THESE GUYS SKINS FOR BOWSER JR! I DONT CARE IF THEY HAVE DIFFERENT WEIGHTS! THESE FREAKS SHOULD NOT TAKE UP NEARLY A FULL ROW!!!

Make them costumes that don't fill up character slots... please... Nintendo don't be fucking stupid for once in your existence.

Leave these babies behind in Baby Park.

Don't get rid of her... Please. She's my goat, my MVP, my smingus chungus, my bingus smungus, don't get rid of one of the best non Mario characters from the series.

Add these creatures as optional costumes too.

Speaking of these fellas... Since i talk about Splatoon a lot, i can't help but bring up the fact that now we have a new console on the horizon and due to Splatoon's massive popularity, i wouldn't be surprised if Nintendo shadow drops a Splatoon 4 announcement this year or the next. Splatoon 2 did get shown during the Switch's reveal and released in the launch year so maybe by the end of the year, we could have something on our hands...

Then again, certain elements of Splatoon 2 such as the hero mode THAT I DESPISE WITH ALL OF MY HEART AND SOUL!!!!!.... and content did suffer due to Splatoon 2 being rushed. So maybe don't announce Splatoon 4 this year, please? We can wait, we'll be patient.

In terms of a first party launch lineup i wanna make some predictions and copium picks.

New 3D Mario game

Metroid representation, either a cross gen release of Prime 4 and or a bundle of Prime 2 and 3.

F-Zero representation, a new game FINALLY after the positive feedback from 99, or a GX re-release.

A Wii Sports/ 1 2 Switch like casual game

A new IP

A new Kirby, either 2D or a follow up to Forgotten Land

Something Fire Emblem related

The last thing i wanna talk about is the third party support, I'm not gonna say much but i guarantee a lot of third party companies are gonna be HUNGRY to port their PS5 and Xbox series games to a much more powerful handheld, so I'm gonna list off some games that i would absolutely love to see on the Switch 2.

If Nintendo wants to repeat the magic of seeing Skyrim on a portable tablet then i think one game in particular would fulfill that same shock or even surpass it.

And that game is....

If they can do it, if they can somehow find a way to make it run on Switch 2 and show gameplay of this thing... oh my god, it'll make peoples jaws drop. It's launching on the damn Xbox Series S, I'm sure with some programming magic it COULD run on Switch 2.

[dare-to-dm]

How does playing a prepared spellcaster go for your games in Pathfinder? Having to prepare spells at specific levels always turned me away from those classes, so I don't know what it's like in practice

Honestly, it goes just fine. I'm the type of person who makes spreadsheets for fun, so classes that require a bit more preparation aren't a huge turn off for me.

How it goes in practice is that I have a set of spells that make up my baseline preparation for any given day. That way I have a starting point full of my favorites that I'm familiar with and don't have to think about too much. And then if I know we're getting ready to do something specific, I'll make alterations. For example, if I know we're planning on fighting undead, I'll swap in spells that specifically work well against them. Or if we're going into a town where I don't expect there to be as much combat, I might swap out some damaging spells for utility and/or buffing spells.

It's nice having the flexibility to swap in spells! I prefer it compared to playing a spontaneous caster who has limited options.

There's still a challenge in terms of deciding how often to prepare specific spells. Like, should you prepare fireball twice, or would it be better to only prepare it once and then have another third level spell? In general, my philosophy is that having more options is better. So I'll almost always prep a different spell in each slot. For spells that I think I'll want to cast more often, there are lots of way to make sure I have all the access to them that I need. For example, you can use scrolls, potions, wands, staffs and other magic items to get access to your favorite magic without using up precious spell slots. Pathfinder also has plenty of other tricks you can use to get around limited spellslots:

Wizards get the Scribe Scroll feat, allowing them to create scrolls that can be used later

Any class can take skills and feats that allow potion/magic item creation, which is another way to bolster your arsenal if you have the time

Clerics can spontaneously change any prepared spell into a healing spell of the same level, which frees them up to prepare other thing without having to worry that they won't have enough healing if something unexpected happens. Also, Pathfinder clerics get healing bursts that don't count against their spellslots at all, which is great!

Similarly, druids can spontaneously change any of their prepared spells into Summon Nature's Ally!

Prepared spellcasters also have the option of leaving some spell slots empty and then filling them up later in the day, though that takes at least 15 minutes.

There are a myriad of archetypes for every different class, giving you the option to explore other flavors and specializations of spell casting.

If all of this sounds daunting to you, there's no problem with sticking to martial classes or spontaneous casters. Every prepared caster in Pathfinder has its spontaneous equivalent; Sorcerers for wizards, oracles for clerics, hunters for druids, etc.

Pathfinder 1E has so many options, it's great. If you're willing to do a little digging, you can almost always find an archetype to build the kind of character you want.