#so cas bringing up the bones would have happened in the context of those discussions

[littlebluejaydraws]

"Sorry, but your exceptional good looks aren't gonna buy you any mercy." Crowley Tour: 21st-22nd April 6x10- Caged Heat 6x22- The Man Who Knew Too Much

ID: Two digital drawings, each comprised of two rough sketches of Crowley from episodes 6x10 and 6x22 of Supernatural respectively, on a green-blue background. In the first image, one sketch shows him looking down at himself while flames rise around him. In the other he is smiling and holding a knife out. There is a title reading "April 21st: 6x10- Caged Heat" and a quote reading "You that bossy in heaven?". In the second image, one sketch shows him standing and holding a jar in front of him while the other shows him with Cas' hand on his forehead, attempting to smite him. There is a title reading "April 22nd- 6x22 The Man Who Knew Too Much" and a quote reading "Your purgatory power shake, Monsieur". End ID.

[archivingspn]

2018: Twitter- pasladeuxieme, battingpractice, and TeamFreeWillBT

Context: After the SPNUK 2018 J2M panel question about eyefucking being a stage direction in scripts between Dean and Cas, several factions began engaging in discussions and arguments about the intent behind the spn writers’ word choice. In response to this, on May 8th 2018, pasladeuxieme tweeted out a series of tweets and screenshots from 8x02′s yellow pages to show where they remembered seeing the use of “eye-fuck” in the script as shorthand for an intense stare for the brothers, Sam and Dean.

pasladeuxieme: “Was telling Bri while I couldn't remember one between Dean and Cas, I could vaguely remember seeing 'eyefuck' in the stage directs of one of the scripts we have - found it :p ‘[image:

"What's Up, Tiger..." Yellow Pages 7/26/12 9. 2  CONTINUED :                                         12

SAM So things like that don't ever happen again.

Ms. Tran takes that in the pain of Eunis still fresh. Then-- she EYES Kevin.

MS. TRAN Prophet of the lord, huh? (then, a warm smile) That does have a nice ring to it.

A note of approval-- Kevin smiles sweetly...

MS. TRAN I'll get packed. Ms. Tran makes for her bedroom.

Dean turns to Sam--

DEAN We're gonna need a new safe-house, since Crowley's been to the cabin--

MS. TRAN (stopping in her tracks) Safe house? I thought we were going after the tablet?

DEAN We are. You're taking a trip to the demon-free zone.

MS. TRAN And risk letting Kevin fall into the hands of this Crowley, again? (then, firm) I don't think so.

Sam and Dean exchange an EYEFUCK-- here we go.

SAM Ma'am, Dean's right. Crowley-- he's not just a killer. He trades in torment. And if he can find a way to separate you from your soul? He'll take it to Hell and roast it 'til there's nothing but black smoke...]’”- 9:19 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

pasladeuxieme: “So many EXPRESSIONS being swapped between these hunter sibs. 5 dollars says Dabb wrote these stage directions with a thesaurus at hand ‘[image: "What's Up, Tiger..."   Yellow Pages   7/26/12   10.  CONTINUED: (2)                                              12

MS. TRAN So, a soul is more valuable than a life?

SAM Ma'am, a soul is forever. Your life is just a vessel... (then) It would really be best if you left this to us.

Ms. Tran takes a good long beat to consider that. Then--

MS. TRAN I understand. (then) But it's not my soul I'm worried about-- it's my son's.

She's STRONG. Sam and Dean trade an OMINOUS LOOK-- fearing the worst. Then turn to Kevin.

DEAN Gonna back us up here, Kev? (then) We came all the way out here to pull her ass out of the fire and now she wants to jump back in.

KEVIN Like I can tell her what to do.

Sam and Dean exchange a KNOWING NOD.

DEAN Coming with has conditions. Hex bags to keep you off the bad guys' radar. And you're gonna have to ink up.

KEVIN Do what now?

SAM You too, short stop--]’” - 9:24 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

battingpractice: “wait i found it ‘[image: (then) Sunshine and sandy beaches.

Satisfied, Dean goes all-in for the PIB. Kevin processen that for a beat-- watching Dean take a fork to the pie.

KEVIN Dean. My Mom's all alone-- And surrounded by Demons. (then) Can you really not understand why I want to make sure she's okay?

That stops Dean COLD-- fork hovering by his mouth. Dean looks over to Sam-- remembering his own Mother. Sam gives him a slight shrug, knowing the kid's right.

Dean eyes his pie, perched beautifully on the end of his fork-- he wants that bite so badly.

DEAN Son of a bitch.

Dean STABS his fork into the PIE, moving out of the BOOTH. Kevin SMILES, victorious, and we're on the move--]’“ - 9:26 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

pasladeuxieme: “Here's an eyefuck involving everyone's favorite King of Hell ‘[image: SAM all good-- just need to come up with a Plan B.

Then-- a familiar VOICE from off-camera.

CROWLEY (O.S.) what, pray-tell, could possibly have been Plan A?

The boys BURN-- and TURN to see CROWLEY.   Standing smug.

CROWLEY Bring the prophet to the most dangerous place on earth, memorize the tablet and then-- va-moose?

That one's pointed at Sam-- a weary eye-fuck from the boys.

CROWLEY Oh, and salutations, by the way.

BLACKOUT.

END OF ACT TWO]’”- 9:27 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

battingpractice: “Meanwhile, the same episode's direction for D-C is "Dean locks eyes with Cas, FIRM" which ends up as an actual eye f-u-ck but was not actually spelled out that way in the script ‘[image:

DEAN No. (then, to Cass) Cass, we're getting outta here. We're going home.

That word hits Cass hard-- something about it makes him visibly ANXIOUS.

CASTIEL Dean, I can't--

DEAN Yeah, we can. Tell him.

He's talking to Benny. The monster shrugs.

BENNY Purgatory's got an escape hatch, but I got no idea if it's angel friendly.

Dean locks eyes with Cass, FIRM.

DEAN We'll make it work. (then) I need you, Cass. And if the Chompers wanna take a shot, I say let 'em. We ganked those bitches]’”- 9:32 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

pasladeuxieme: “Not an eyefuck but here are some Destiel-y stage directions around the iconic "too much heart was always Castiel's problem" 😢 ‘[image:

what's Up, Tiger..."   Yellow Pages   7/26/12   28. CONTINUED: (3)                                             25

ALFIE You know, there are some in Heaven who still believe that, despite mistakes, Castiel's heart was always in the right place.

DEAN You one of 'em?

ALFIE I think... too much heart was always Castiel's problem.

Alfie moves off and we hold on Dean-- the angel's words hitting home. CUT TO--

EXT. CLEARING - PURGATORY - DAY (FLASHBACK)]’“- 9:49 PM May 8, 2018

[source]

pasladeuxieme: “No textusl eyefucks in 9x23, but check out the stage directions for Cas reacting to Metatron advising Dean is dead - "Castiel reacts - stunned" got turned into everything Misha did there.... ‘[image:

"Do You Believe in Miracles?" Pink Pages 4/16/14 39. 44  CONTINUED:                                                    44

METATRON Ah. So, Gadreel bites the dust, the Angel Tablet, arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe, is in pieces... And for what, now? That's right. To save Dean Winchester. (then) That was your cause wasn't it? You draped yourself in the flag of Heaven but, ultimately, this was all to save a human, wasn't it? Well, guess what? He's dead too.

Castiel reacts, stunned, as-- CHUNK! His arms are suddenly CUFFED to the chair.

METATRON And you're sitting in my chair.

45        INT. ABANDONED PLANT - NIGHT                45

Dean bleeds out on the ground. Alive, but barely. Sam tears up bits of his shirt to fashion a tourniquet. All business.]’“ - 2:48 AM May 9, 2018

[source]

Context: Three years afterwards, May 20 2021, TeamFreeWillBT made a different thread on three additional instances of eyefucking plus the ones found in 8x02:

TeamFreeWillBT: “Eyef*cks in the Supernatural scripts 8.02 What's Up, Tiger Mommy? 13.08 The Scorpion and the Frog 13.21 Beat the Devil ‘[image:

A note of approval-- Kevin smiles sweetly...

MS. TRAN I'll get packed. Ms. Tran makes for her bedroom.

Dean turns to Sam--

DEAN We're gonna need a new safe-house, since Crowley's been to the cabin--

MS. TRAN (stopping in her tracks) Safe house? I thought we were going after the tablet?

DEAN We are. You're taking a trip to the demon-free zone.

MS. TRAN And risk letting Kevin fall into the hands of this Crowley, again? (then, firm) I don't think so.

Sam and Dean exchange an EYEFUCK-- here we go.

SAM Ma'am, Dean's right. Crowley-- he's not just a killer. He trades in torment. And if he can find a way to separate you from your soul? He'll take it to Hell and roast it 'til there's nothing but black smoke...]

[image: SAM all good-- just need to come up with a Plan B.

Then-- a familiar VOICE from off-camera.

CROWLEY (O.S.) what, pray-tell, could possibly have been Plan A?

The boys BURN-- and TURN to see CROWLEY.   Standing smug.

CROWLEY Bring the prophet to the most dangerous place on earth, memorize the tablet and then-- va-moose?

That one's pointed at Sam-- a weary eye-fuck from the boys.

CROWLEY Oh, and salutations, by the way.BLACKOUT.END OF ACT TWO]

[image: As Dean turns the key in the lock-- it opens with A CLICK to REVEAL-- BONES. A WHOLE DUSTY SKELETON'S WORTH.

SHRIKE Bart's bones. You burn them, he dies too. THAT'S my leverage. (then) You're on the wrong side of this, boys-- (a loaded beat) Just gotta ask yourselves if you can live with that.

The boys eye-fuck. Can they?

BART (O.S.) He's right, those ARE my bones.

Sam, Dean and Smash look up-- THERE'S BART! Standing next to Shrike.]

[image:

GABRIEL My tank's a little low right now. Getting vengeance took a lot out of me, and even on a good day, I-- (sheepish, defensive) I have a long refractory window, okay? (then, confident) But archangel grace? It's like, the Four Loko of angelic emissions. It'll be more than enough to get the job done.

Off Gabe's confidence, our heroes eyefuck. It's go time.

QUICK CUTS:

--Our heroes LOAD UP for battle, dressing/ARMING themselves for Apocalypse World. Angel blades, knives, guns. Apocalypse World-appropriate clothing.

INT--MEN OF LETTERS - LIBRARY MOMENTS LATER   4]’“- 7:39 PM May 20, 2021

[source]

TeamFreeWillBT: “9.05 Dog Dean Afternoon ‘[image:

DYLAN --and it's not like we could go to the cops--

OLIVIA --so now we look like total douche bags *cause we have to wear sunglasses inside.

Olivia and Dylan removes their sunglasses to reveal... puffy, bloodshot eyes, surrounded by dead tissue? It looks like textbook gangrene. As Sam and Dean eyefuck--

DEAN (PRE LAP) Necrosis?

INT. MOTEL - DAY

Sam sits in front of his laptop. Dean looks over his shoulder, bottle o’ beer in hand.]’”- 7:39 PM May 20, 2021

[source]

8.02 What's Up, Tiger Mommy?

Written by: Andrew Dabb and Daniel Loflin

9.05 Dog Dean Afternoon

Written by: Eric Charmelo and Nicole Snyder

9.23 Do You Believe in Miracles?

Written by: Jeremy Carver

13.08 The Scorpion and the Frog

Written by: Meredith Glynn

13.21 Beat the Devil

Written by: Robert Berens

[couplesinstitutecounseling]

Couples are often uncertain what to expect from the process of couples therapy. They are not sure of what to expect of the therapist or even if the therapist has any expectations of them.

I have found most couples approach therapy with the notion that each person will describe their distress and somehow the therapist will assist them to create a happier, more functional, relationship. They expect to learn some new or better skills. However, most people hope their partner will do most of the learning in problem areas.

After 30 years of clinical experience and specializing in working with thousands of couples, I have arrived at some guidelines that can make our work more effective. First, I do have some expectations of you. I am not neutral. I have evolved principles and concepts that I believe give us the greatest chance for success.

I believe my primary role is to help you improve your responses to each other without violating your core values or deeply held principles. So that you may know some of my key guiding principles, I have created this document to provide clarity and focus to our work.

Your job is to create your own individual objectives for being in therapy. Like a good coach, my job is to help you reach them. I have many, many tools to help you become a more effective partner – they work best when you are clear about how you aspire to be.

Goals and Objectives of Couples Therapy

The major aim of therapy is increasing your knowledge about yourself, your partner and the patterns of interaction between you. Therapy becomes effective as you apply new knowledge to break ineffective patterns and develop better ones.

The key tasks of couples therapy are increasing your clarity about:

The kind of life you want to build together

The kind of partner you aspire to be in order to build the kind of life and relationship you want to create

Your individual blocks to becoming the kind of partner you aspire to be

The skills and knowledge necessary to do the above tasks

Tradeoffs and Tough Choices

To create sustained improvement in your relationship you need:

A vision of the life you want to build together

To have a life separate from your partner because you are not joined at the hip

The appropriate attitudes and skills to work as a team

The motivation to persist

Time to review progress

To create the relationship you really desire, there will be some difficult tradeoffs and tough choices for each person.

The first tradeoff will be time. It simply takes time to create a relationship that flourishes: time to be together, time to be with family, time to play, coordinate, nurture, relax, hang out and plan. This time will encroach on some other valuable areas – your personal or professional time.

The second compromise is comfort. That means emotional comfort, like going out on a limb to try novel ways of thinking or doing things, listening and being curious instead of butting in, speaking up instead of becoming resentfully compliant or withdrawing. At the beginning, there will be emotional risk taking action, but you will never explore different worlds if you always keep sight of the shoreline. In addition, few people are emotionally comfortable being confronted with how they don’t live their values or being confronted with the consequences of their actions.

The other comfort that will be challenged is energy comfort. It simply takes effort to sustain improvement over time: staying conscious of making a difference over time, remembering to be more respectful, more giving, more appreciative etc. It takes effort to remember and act.

The other effort is even more difficult for some people: that is improving their reaction to problems. For example, if one person is hypersensitive to criticism, and his/her partner is hypersensitive to feeling ignored, it will take effort to improve their sensitivity instead of hoping the partner will stop ignoring or criticizing.

In all these areas, there is generally a conflict between short-term gratification and the long-term goal of creating a satisfying relationship. The blunt reality is that, in an interdependent relationship, effort is required on the part of each person to make a sustained improvement. It is like pairs figure skating – one person cannot do most of the work and still create an exceptional team.

How to Maximize the Value from your Couples Therapy Sessions

A common yet unproductive pattern in couple’s therapy is making the focus be whatever problem happens to be on someone’s mind at the moment. This is a reactive (and mostly ineffective) approach to working things through.

The second unproductive pattern is showing up and saying, “I don’t know what to talk about, do you?” While this blank slate approach may open some interesting doors, it is a hit or miss process.

The third common unproductive pattern is discussing whatever fight you are now in or whatever fight you had since the last meeting. Discussing these fights/arguments without a larger context of what you wish to learn from the experience is often an exercise in spinning your wheels.

Over time, repeating these patterns will lead to the plaintive question, “Are we getting anywhere?”

A more powerful approach to your couple’s therapy sessions is for each person to do the following before each session:

Reflect on your objectives for being in therapy.

Think about your next step that supports or relates to your larger objectives for the kind of relationship you wish to create, or the partner you aspire to become.

This reflection takes some effort. Yet few people would call an important meeting and then say, “Well, I don’t have anything to bring up, does anyone else have anything on their agenda?” Your preparation will pay high dividends.

Important Concepts for Couples Therapy and Relationships

The following ideas can help identify areas of focus in our work and/or stimulate discussion between you and your partner between meetings. If you periodically review this list, you will discover that your reflections and associations will change over time. So please revisit this list often, it will help you keep focus during our work.

Attitude is Key

When it comes to improving your relationship, your attitude toward change is more important than what action to take.

Identifying what to do and how to do it is often easy to identify. The bigger challenge is why you don’t do it.

How to think differently about a problem is often more effective than just trying to figure out what action to take.

Your partner is quite limited in his/her ability to respond to you. You are quite limited in your ability to respond to your partner. Accepting that is a huge step into maturity.

The definite possibility exists that you have some flawed assumptions about your partner’s motives. And that he/she has some flawed assumptions about yours. The problem is, most of the time we don’t want to believe those assumptions are flawed.

Focus on Changing Yourself Rather than Your Partner

Couples therapy works best if you have more goals for yourself than for your partner. I am at my best when I help you reach objectives you set for yourself.

Problems occur when reality departs sharply from our expectations, hopes, desires and concerns. It’s human nature to try and change one’s partner instead of adjusting our expectations. This aspect of human nature is what keeps therapists in business.

The hardest part of couples therapy is accepting you will need to improve your response to a problem (how you think about it, feel about it, or what to do about it). Very few people want to focus on improving their response. It’s more common to build a strong case for why the other should do the improving.

You can’t change your partner. Your partner can’t change you. You can influence each other, but that doesn’t mean you can change each other. Becoming a more effective partner is the most efficient way to change a relationship.

It’s easy to be considerate and loving to your partner when the vistas are magnificent, the sun is shining and breezes are gentle. But when it gets bone chilling cold, you’re hungry and tired, and your partner is whining and sniveling about how you got them into this mess, that’s when you get tested. Your leadership and your character get tested. You can join the finger pointing or become how you aspire to become.

Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn’t have to do it.

Fear lets you know you’re not prepared. If you view fear in that mode, it becomes a signal to prepare the best you can.

You can learn a lot about yourself by understanding what annoys you and how you handle it.

The more you believe your partner should be different, the less initiative you will take to change the patterns between you.

Zen Aspects of Couples Therapy (Some Contradictions)

All major goals have built in contradictions, for example, speak up or keep the peace.

All significant growth comes from disagreements, dissatisfaction with the current status, or a striving to make things better. Paradoxically, accepting that conflict produces growth and learning to manage inevitable disagreements is the key to more harmonious relationships.

It’s not what you say. It’s what they hear.

Solutions, no matter how perfect, set the stage for new problems.

Tough Questions

Asking good questions–of yourself and your partner–helps you uncover causes beneath causes.

In a strong disagreement, do you really believe your partner is entitled to their opinion?

Under duress, do you have the courage and tenacity to seek your partner’s reality and the courage to express your reality when the stakes are high?

Why is it important to let your partner know what you think, feel and are concerned about? (Because they really can’t appreciate what they don’t understand.)

What is the price your partner will have to pay to improve their response to you? How much do you care about the price they will have to pay? (Everything has a price and we always pay it.)

Can you legitimately expect your partner to treat you better than you treat him/her?

If you want your partner to change, do you think about what you can do to make it easier?

When a problem shows up, it’s natural to think “What should I do about it?” A much more productive question is. “How do I aspire to be in this situation?”

The Importance of Communication

The three most important qualities for effective communication are respect, openness and persistence.

Good communication is much more difficult than most people want to believe. Effective negotiation is even harder.

A couple’s vision emerges from a process of reflection and inquiry. It requires both people to speak from the heart about what really matters to each.

We are all responsible for how we express ourselves, no matter how others treat us.

Communication is the number one presenting problem in couples counseling. Effective communication means you need to pay attention to:

Managing unruly emotions, such as anger that is too intense

How you are communicating – whining, blaming, vague, etc.

What you want from your partner during the discussion

What the problem symbolizes to you

The outcome you want from the discussion

Your partner’s major concerns

How you can help your partner become more responsive to you

The beliefs and attitudes you have about the problem.

No wonder good communication is so hard.

Some Final Thoughts.

You can’t create a flourishing relationship by only fixing what’s wrong. But it’s a start.

Grace under pressure does not spring full-grown even with the best of intentions – practice, practice and more practice. Practice the right things and you will get there.

Love is destroyed when self-interest dominates.

If you don’t know what you feel in important areas of your relationship, it is like playing high stakes poker when you see only half your cards. You will make a lot of dumb plays.

The possibility exists that we choose partners we need but don’t necessarily want.

To get to the bottom of a problem often means you first accept how complex it is.

Trust is the foundational building block of a flourishing relationship. You create trust by doing what you say you will do.

It’s impossible to be in a highly inter-dependent relationship without ever being judgmental or being judged.

If you strive to always feel emotionally safe in your relationship and get it, you will pay the price by becoming dull.

If neither of you ever rocks boat, you will end up with a dull relationship

Knowledge is not power. Only knowledge that is applied is power.

Most of the ineffective things we do in relationships fall into just a few categories:

Blame or attempt to dominate

Disengage/withdraw

Resentful compliance

Whine

Denial or confusion.

These are the normal emotional reactions to feeling a threat or high stress. Improving your relationship means better management of these reactions.

Everything you do works for some part of you, even if other parts of you don’t like it.

Three motivations will govern any sustained effort you make. You will seek to: 1. Avoid pain or discomfort 2. Create more benefits 3. Be a better person. It’s also true for your partner.

If you are asking your partner to change something, sometimes it’s a good idea to ask if the change is consistent with how they aspire to be in that situation.

Businesses and marriages fail for the same three reasons. A failure to:

Learn from the past

Adapt to changing conditions

Predict probable future problems and take action.

Effective change requires insight plus action. Insight without action is passivity. Action without insight is impulsive. Insight plus action leads to clarity and power.

If you want to create a win-win solution, you cannot hold a position that has caused your partner to lose in the past.

“To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when nobody else will.” Sugar Ray Robinson -Middleweight boxing champion, considered by many to be the best fighter in history, pound-for-pound.

Note: please review this document periodically as there is simply too much to absorb in one reading of it. We all will benefit from your efforts.

The following three questions help clarify and sharpen our focus.

1. What kind of relationship do you want to be in and create if you stay together? What kind of relationship makes you glad to see other at the end of the day?

Interestingly, most couples who created their own wedding vows describe a marriage that could serve as the North Star for the kind of relationship they want to co-create.

If you wrote your own vows, how well do you remember them?

Identifying the kind of relationship you desire to be in is the target, the bigger picture of why we are meeting. Otherwise, we’re just going to jump in and try to solve problems without any idea how these problems fit into a bigger picture of where you’re headed.

You don’t start packing for a trip unless you have an idea where you’re going or how long you going to be there.

2. Why is this kind of relationship important to you?

It takes motivation to do the heavy lifting that’s going to grow your relationship.

It’s often said, and I believe it, “When we lose our why, we lose our way.”

It’s a lot more than just coming in here and complaining about what your partner does and then hope for a miracle. It’s human nature to want progress without effort or emotional risk. However, desire without effort creates lifeless marriages.

3. What’s required of you, not your partner, to create this kind of marriage?

The sooner you start identifying what’s required of you, not what’s required of your partner, you are on the way to the fast track of creating change.

I also know everybody has self-protection and coping mechanisms that inhibit individual growth.

Your barriers can be those that you’ve created since you got together or resulted from negative early life experiences.

Common barriers to growth are a quick temper, being critical, disengaging, not being dependable, being furious instead of curious, etc.

Just reading all this information and reflecting on how you aspire to be a better partner is a good beginning!

If you would like to learn more, please contact for a free consultation.

[anna-2807]

Couples are often uncertain what to expect from the process of couples therapy. They are not sure of what to expect of the therapist or even if the therapist has any expectations of them.

I have found most couples approach therapy with the notion that each person will describe their distress and somehow the therapist will assist them to create a happier, more functional, relationship. They expect to learn some new or better skills. However, most people hope their partner will do most of the learning in problem areas.

After 30 years of clinical experience and specializing in working with thousands of couples, I have arrived at some guidelines that can make our work more effective. First, I do have some expectations of you. I am not neutral. I have evolved principles and concepts that I believe give us the greatest chance for success.

I believe my primary role is to help you improve your responses to each other without violating your core values or deeply held principles. So that you may know some of my key guiding principles, I have created this document to provide clarity and focus to our work.

Your job is to create your own individual objectives for being in therapy. Like a good coach, my job is to help you reach them. I have many, many tools to help you become a more effective partner – they work best when you are clear about how you aspire to be.

Goals and Objectives of Couples Therapy

The major aim of therapy is increasing your knowledge about yourself, your partner and the patterns of interaction between you. Therapy becomes effective as you apply new knowledge to break ineffective patterns and develop better ones.

The key tasks of couples therapy are increasing your clarity about:

The kind of life you want to build together

The kind of partner you aspire to be in order to build the kind of life and relationship you want to create

Your individual blocks to becoming the kind of partner you aspire to be

The skills and knowledge necessary to do the above tasks

Tradeoffs and Tough Choices

To create sustained improvement in your relationship you need:

A vision of the life you want to build together

To have a life separate from your partner because you are not joined at the hip

The appropriate attitudes and skills to work as a team

The motivation to persist

Time to review progress

To create the relationship you really desire, there will be some difficult tradeoffs and tough choices for each person.

The first tradeoff will be time. It simply takes time to create a relationship that flourishes: time to be together, time to be with family, time to play, coordinate, nurture, relax, hang out and plan. This time will encroach on some other valuable areas – your personal or professional time.

The second compromise is comfort. That means emotional comfort, like going out on a limb to try novel ways of thinking or doing things, listening and being curious instead of butting in, speaking up instead of becoming resentfully compliant or withdrawing. At the beginning, there will be emotional risk taking action, but you will never explore different worlds if you always keep sight of the shoreline. In addition, few people are emotionally comfortable being confronted with how they don’t live their values or being confronted with the consequences of their actions.

The other comfort that will be challenged is energy comfort. It simply takes effort to sustain improvement over time: staying conscious of making a difference over time, remembering to be more respectful, more giving, more appreciative etc. It takes effort to remember and act.

The other effort is even more difficult for some people: that is improving their reaction to problems. For example, if one person is hypersensitive to criticism, and his/her partner is hypersensitive to feeling ignored, it will take effort to improve their sensitivity instead of hoping the partner will stop ignoring or criticizing.

In all these areas, there is generally a conflict between short-term gratification and the long-term goal of creating a satisfying relationship. The blunt reality is that, in an interdependent relationship, effort is required on the part of each person to make a sustained improvement. It is like pairs figure skating – one person cannot do most of the work and still create an exceptional team.

How to Maximize the Value from your Couples Therapy Sessions

A common yet unproductive pattern in couple’s therapy is making the focus be whatever problem happens to be on someone’s mind at the moment. This is a reactive (and mostly ineffective) approach to working things through.

The second unproductive pattern is showing up and saying, “I don’t know what to talk about, do you?” While this blank slate approach may open some interesting doors, it is a hit or miss process.

The third common unproductive pattern is discussing whatever fight you are now in or whatever fight you had since the last meeting. Discussing these fights/arguments without a larger context of what you wish to learn from the experience is often an exercise in spinning your wheels.

Over time, repeating these patterns will lead to the plaintive question, “Are we getting anywhere?”

A more powerful approach to your couple’s therapy sessions is for each person to do the following before each session:

Reflect on your objectives for being in therapy.

Think about your next step that supports or relates to your larger objectives for the kind of relationship you wish to create, or the partner you aspire to become.

This reflection takes some effort. Yet few people would call an important meeting and then say, “Well, I don’t have anything to bring up, does anyone else have anything on their agenda?” Your preparation will pay high dividends.

Important Concepts for Couples Therapy and Relationships

The following ideas can help identify areas of focus in our work and/or stimulate discussion between you and your partner between meetings. If you periodically review this list, you will discover that your reflections and associations will change over time. So please revisit this list often, it will help you keep focus during our work.

Attitude is Key

When it comes to improving your relationship, your attitude toward change is more important than what action to take.

Identifying what to do and how to do it is often easy to identify. The bigger challenge is why you don’t do it.

How to think differently about a problem is often more effective than just trying to figure out what action to take.

Your partner is quite limited in his/her ability to respond to you. You are quite limited in your ability to respond to your partner. Accepting that is a huge step into maturity.

The definite possibility exists that you have some flawed assumptions about your partner’s motives. And that he/she has some flawed assumptions about yours. The problem is, most of the time we don’t want to believe those assumptions are flawed.

Focus on Changing Yourself Rather than Your Partner

Couples therapy works best if you have more goals for yourself than for your partner. I am at my best when I help you reach objectives you set for yourself.

Problems occur when reality departs sharply from our expectations, hopes, desires and concerns. It’s human nature to try and change one’s partner instead of adjusting our expectations. This aspect of human nature is what keeps therapists in business.

The hardest part of couples therapy is accepting you will need to improve your response to a problem (how you think about it, feel about it, or what to do about it). Very few people want to focus on improving their response. It’s more common to build a strong case for why the other should do the improving.

You can’t change your partner. Your partner can’t change you. You can influence each other, but that doesn’t mean you can change each other. Becoming a more effective partner is the most efficient way to change a relationship.

It’s easy to be considerate and loving to your partner when the vistas are magnificent, the sun is shining and breezes are gentle. But when it gets bone chilling cold, you’re hungry and tired, and your partner is whining and sniveling about how you got them into this mess, that’s when you get tested. Your leadership and your character get tested. You can join the finger pointing or become how you aspire to become.

Nothing is impossible for the person who doesn’t have to do it.

Fear lets you know you’re not prepared. If you view fear in that mode, it becomes a signal to prepare the best you can.

You can learn a lot about yourself by understanding what annoys you and how you handle it.

The more you believe your partner should be different, the less initiative you will take to change the patterns between you.

Zen Aspects of Couples Therapy (Some Contradictions)

All major goals have built in contradictions, for example, speak up or keep the peace.

All significant growth comes from disagreements, dissatisfaction with the current status, or a striving to make things better. Paradoxically, accepting that conflict produces growth and learning to manage inevitable disagreements is the key to more harmonious relationships.

It’s not what you say. It’s what they hear.

Solutions, no matter how perfect, set the stage for new problems.

Tough Questions

Asking good questions–of yourself and your partner–helps you uncover causes beneath causes.

In a strong disagreement, do you really believe your partner is entitled to their opinion?

Under duress, do you have the courage and tenacity to seek your partner’s reality and the courage to express your reality when the stakes are high?

Why is it important to let your partner know what you think, feel and are concerned about? (Because they really can’t appreciate what they don’t understand.)

What is the price your partner will have to pay to improve their response to you? How much do you care about the price they will have to pay? (Everything has a price and we always pay it.)

Can you legitimately expect your partner to treat you better than you treat him/her?

If you want your partner to change, do you think about what you can do to make it easier?

When a problem shows up, it’s natural to think “What should I do about it?” A much more productive question is. “How do I aspire to be in this situation?”

The Importance of Communication

The three most important qualities for effective communication are respect, openness and persistence.

Good communication is much more difficult than most people want to believe. Effective negotiation is even harder.

A couple’s vision emerges from a process of reflection and inquiry. It requires both people to speak from the heart about what really matters to each.

We are all responsible for how we express ourselves, no matter how others treat us.

Communication is the number one presenting problem in couples counseling. Effective communication means you need to pay attention to:

Managing unruly emotions, such as anger that is too intense

How you are communicating – whining, blaming, vague, etc.

What you want from your partner during the discussion

What the problem symbolizes to you

The outcome you want from the discussion

Your partner’s major concerns

How you can help your partner become more responsive to you

The beliefs and attitudes you have about the problem.

No wonder good communication is so hard.

Some Final Thoughts.

You can’t create a flourishing relationship by only fixing what’s wrong. But it’s a start.

Grace under pressure does not spring full-grown even with the best of intentions – practice, practice and more practice. Practice the right things and you will get there.

Love is destroyed when self-interest dominates.

If you don’t know what you feel in important areas of your relationship, it is like playing high stakes poker when you see only half your cards. You will make a lot of dumb plays.

The possibility exists that we choose partners we need but don’t necessarily want.

To get to the bottom of a problem often means you first accept how complex it is.

Trust is the foundational building block of a flourishing relationship. You create trust by doing what you say you will do.

It’s impossible to be in a highly inter-dependent relationship without ever being judgmental or being judged.

If you strive to always feel emotionally safe in your relationship and get it, you will pay the price by becoming dull.

If neither of you ever rocks boat, you will end up with a dull relationship

Knowledge is not power. Only knowledge that is applied is power.

Most of the ineffective things we do in relationships fall into just a few categories:

Blame or attempt to dominate

Disengage/withdraw

Resentful compliance

Whine

Denial or confusion.

These are the normal emotional reactions to feeling a threat or high stress. Improving your relationship means better management of these reactions.

Everything you do works for some part of you, even if other parts of you don’t like it.

Three motivations will govern any sustained effort you make. You will seek to: 1. Avoid pain or discomfort 2. Create more benefits 3. Be a better person. It’s also true for your partner.

If you are asking your partner to change something, sometimes it’s a good idea to ask if the change is consistent with how they aspire to be in that situation.

Businesses and marriages fail for the same three reasons. A failure to:

Learn from the past

Adapt to changing conditions

Predict probable future problems and take action.

Effective change requires insight plus action. Insight without action is passivity. Action without insight is impulsive. Insight plus action leads to clarity and power.

If you want to create a win-win solution, you cannot hold a position that has caused your partner to lose in the past.

“To be a champ you have to believe in yourself when nobody else will.” Sugar Ray Robinson -Middleweight boxing champion, considered by many to be the best fighter in history, pound-for-pound.

Note: please review this document periodically as there is simply too much to absorb in one reading of it. We all will benefit from your efforts.

The following three questions help clarify and sharpen our focus.

1. What kind of relationship do you want to be in and create if you stay together? What kind of relationship makes you glad to see other at the end of the day?

Interestingly, most couples who created their own wedding vows describe a marriage that could serve as the North Star for the kind of relationship they want to co-create.

If you wrote your own vows, how well do you remember them?

Identifying the kind of relationship you desire to be in is the target, the bigger picture of why we are meeting. Otherwise, we’re just going to jump in and try to solve problems without any idea how these problems fit into a bigger picture of where you’re headed.

You don’t start packing for a trip unless you have an idea where you’re going or how long you going to be there.

2. Why is this kind of relationship important to you?

It takes motivation to do the heavy lifting that’s going to grow your relationship.

It’s often said, and I believe it, “When we lose our why, we lose our way.”

It’s a lot more than just coming in here and complaining about what your partner does and then hope for a miracle. It’s human nature to want progress without effort or emotional risk. However, desire without effort creates lifeless marriages.

3. What’s required of you, not your partner, to create this kind of marriage?

The sooner you start identifying what’s required of you, not what’s required of your partner, you are on the way to the fast track of creating change.

I also know everybody has self-protection and coping mechanisms that inhibit individual growth.

Your barriers can be those that you’ve created since you got together or resulted from negative early life experiences.

Common barriers to growth are a quick temper, being critical, disengaging, not being dependable, being furious instead of curious, etc.

Just reading all this information and reflecting on how you aspire to be a better partner is a good beginning!

If you would like to learn more, please contact for a free consultation.

[nerdylittleshit]

That isn’t love - False love as a theme in season 12 (and what it might mean for Mary)

After the otherwise mediocre 12x13 I’ve seen some discussion on my dash about both Mary’s use of the words “I love you” and “family”, and how in the context of her betrayal they felt wrong (the posts in question can be read here and here; also tagging @mittensmorgul, @elizabethrobertajones and @k-vichan because this might be of interest to you). This reminded me of a theme I have noticed during season 12 and that I wanted to write about for a while now: false love. Turns out in this case it was good I was to lazy to write it earlier because with a couple more episodes under its belt it is clearer now where the season might be headed with this theme.

But before we look at season 12 we have to (shortly) look back at season 11, where the theme with false love started, represented by Amara’s bond with Dean. All through the season the connection between them was an important theme and made us wonder what exactly it is between them. Right from the start Amara told Dean that they are bound and that they are unable to hurt each other, which is proven numerous times during the season. Whenever Amara is near Dean he is under her spell, unable to control himself. The bond between them becomes the notion to be romantic after 11x09, when she kissed him. But she also tells him that she can’t be resisted and wonders why Dean doesn’t want to become one with her. It is very clear that her hold on Dean, his inability to resist her, is the very reason the bond between them can’t be defined as love. Dean has no choice when it comes to her, he can’t give consent. He even says so in 11x13.

DEAN: Standing here right now, every bone in my body wants to run her [Amara] through. Send her back to that hole she crawled out of. But when I’m near her, I don’t know. Something happens and I can’t explain it, but to call it desire or love…it’s not that.

It isn’t until 11x23 though that it becomes clear why Amara was so fascinated by Dean, why she wanted to consume him and become one with him. Because in the end it is clear that Dean was nothing more than a stand-in for the one she really loved, the one she wanted back: her brother Chuck (see also the million parallels that have been established between Dean and Chuck in the later half of season 11).

DEAN: You don't want to be alone. Not really. I mean, hell. Maybe that's why you wanted me. But deep down, you didn't really want me... 'cause I'm not Him [Chuck].

Amara confused the platonic love for her brother with a romantic love for Dean. In the end she assumed that what was missing in Dean’s life, the void he felt, was a missing family member as well, his mother, so she gave her back to him.

Even though Dean’s bond with Amara has been painted as romantic, as one of love and desire, her actions showed that she had no real concept for (human) love. And Dean’s response clearly showed that he didn’t love her in return. Even then I wondered if this representation of false love was meant to show us the difference to real love then. And it is interesting that the only time we saw Dean breaking free from Amara’s hold was 11x06 when Sam was in danger and in 11x18 when Cas was in danger, both people he actually loves and cares about.

The theme of false love continues in season 12, with numerous examples in the motw-episodes. Again I feel they serve to show us the difference when it comes to real love. Unlike other seasons though I feel that in season 12 it is neither Sam or Dean who carry out the emotional arc, but rather Mary and Cas. Both start the season at a similar place: they wonder where or if they belong in the Winchester family, that is in Sam and Dean’s unit. Both think the other has more right to be there. For Cas it is because Mary is their actual blood, their mother. But Mary recognizes the history between Cas and her sons, the way they act like a family around each other, a family by choice. Which is why she calls Cas one of her boys in 12x12: if Sam and Dean are her family then so is Cas.

This question of belonging is tied together with the question how each member of the family (Sam, Dean, Cas & Mary) define “love” and “family”. Whereas Cas’s arc seems (temporarely) resolved by 12x12, Mary’s arc continues. But before we get to those characters in specific, let’s take a closer look at the examples of false love we had this season.

12x04:

Right after Mary’s first “I love” to her sons in 12x03 (while saying goodbye) we visit the Petersons. They are a very religious family, who live off the grid. We are meant to believe they let her daughter Magda die, after she was ill with pneumonia and they refused to see a doctor, leaving her daughter’s life in God’s hands. As it later turns out they actually held her as a prisoner because she was a psychic who couldn’t controll her powers (and did by accident hurt/kill innocents). After Sam found out about it Gail, the mother, tries to poison her family, believing this was the only way they could stay together as family, entering heaven together. None of these actions are acts of love, even though Gail claims the opposite. It is worth noticing that the false love here is represented by a mother and her daughter and that Sam of course is heavily paralled with Magda.

12x05:

After telling Sam and Dean about his father’s plan to bring back Hitler to life Commandant Nauhaus orders to let his son Cristopher to be killed. Another parent is willing to kill its child, after the child failed to fit in their worldview.

12x08:

The whole relationship between Vince (now possesed by Lucifer) and Rosaleen has been messed up from the start. Rosaleen claims that she always has and always will love Vince, despite actually knowing him. She is in love with the image he created as a rockstar, the persona he acted out in public life, not the man himself (which is why she can’t tell that something is wrong with him). Lucifer realizes what her love actually is: devotion. And in his twisted way he asks her how far she is willing to go for him.

VINCE/LUCIFER: How much do you love me? What would you do to show me? [...] Would you bleed?

But Lucifer doesn’t care about humans, he never did. He realized that (rock)stars are the new Gods these days, but what he wants from them is not real love but self-sacrifice, to see how much power he has over them. The only love he ever felt was towards his father, who (assumingly) loved his creation, humanity, more and cast him down. Even after their reconcilation in season 11 God left him again, making Lucifer believe that his words had no real meaning if he doesn’t act like it.

VINCE/LUCIFER: [...]He [God] needed my help, and he'd say anything to get it. His words, your words, they mean nothing. Don't you get it? This is all meaningless. Heaven, Hell, this world. If it ever meant anything, that moment is past. Nothing down here but a bunch of hopeless distraction addicts, so filled with emptiness, so desperate to fill up the void…

12x08:

Another time Lucifer, this time as President Rooney, uses the love of a woman for his own needs. We can assume that Kelly, unlike Rosaleen, felt genuine love towards the President. This makes the betrayal of trust and consent Lucifer commits even harder. Kelly believes at first her pregnancy is an act of love, whereas for Lucifer it is yet another way to gain power and controll. But even after finding out the truth about her child Kelly refuses to let anyone harm her/them, making it seem that her motherly love is as real as her love for her partner was.

12x10:

In this episode we see various examples of relationships between humans and angels. Whereas it is clear that the love between Benjamin and his vessel, Akobel and Lily/humanity in general and between Cas and the Winchesters (but especially Dean) is genuine, the love between Ishim and Lily wasn’t. It is this false love that leads to the murder of a child, that sets Lily’s plan for revenge in motion.

LILY: Ishim, what have you done? ISHIM: Oh.  What have you done? I shared all of our secrets with you, taught you all of our ways for your precious studies. I... I loved you. LILY: You didn't love me. You were obsessed with me. That isn't love. ISHIM: I loved you. You threw me away for him [Akobel].

[...]

ISHIM: No. You broke my heart, Lily.  Now I'm gonna break yours.

The love, or rather obsession, Ishim felt for Lily wasn’t returned. Throughout the show of course the question was aked several times if angels are meant to love, to feel. In 7x21 Dean tells Kevin that he thinks angels aren’t mean to care, that if they do it breaks them (seeing as Cas was “broken” back then). As early as season 4 we learn that among angels emotions are seen as doorways to doubt (4x16), leading to questioning their orders. In 10x07 Hannah gave up her vessel, as she realized the (human) emotions don’t belong to her and that angels aren’t made for them. In 12x10 now we learn that the most sacred oath for angels is not to lie with a human. Ishim tells Cas that is not the angels who are dangerous to the humans, but the other way around, as humans compromise angels.

And yet we have seen that angels are capable of real emotion, of love, towards humans. The most clear example on the show is the relationship between Cas and the Winchesters. In this episode alone we see them acting like a family, trying to protect each other, or in other words acts of love. Seeing these acts gives the words of Cas’s love declaration in 12x12 then more weight.

12x13:

The last example of false love, this time between Rowena and Crowley. After sending Gavin back to his time (and to his death) we learn that Rowena didn’t act out of love (because sometimes loving someone means to let them go and accept their choices) but because she wanted revenge for Oskar, the child she loved more than her own son and that she was forced to kill in 10x23. For Rowena loving someone means to be weak; her love for Oskar was used to controll her. In 11x10 she confessed the reason why she hates her son.

ROWENA: I hate you, because if I didn't, I'd love you. But love... love is weakness. And I'll never be weak again.

Rowena’s relationship to Crowley isn’t another example of false love because she never pretended to love him in the first place. But it is yet another example of a dysfunctional parent-child-relationship.

Now what do these examples of false love mean regarding Cas and Mary? I think they are here to illustrate how in contrast real love looks like. Like I wrote before I think Cas’s arc is as by 12x12 resolved. Upon thinking he will die he confessed his love to the Winchesters and accepted his place among their family.

CASTIEL: No, you listen to me. You-- Look, thank you. Thank you. Knowing you, it… it’s been the best part of my life. And the things that… the things we’ve shared together, they have changed me. You’re my family. I love you. I love all of you.

Unlike Mary Cas has been around for 8 years and we saw the evoltution of his relationship to both Winchesters. We don’t question if the love he feels is real, because we saw him act on it plenty of times. Castiel earned his place in this family. He earned his right to say these words. And by the way Sam and Dean reacted we know his love his returned.

It might be also worth noticing the last and only other time Cas spoke of love: it was during his time as God at the end of 6x22/the beginning of 7x01.

CASTIEL:[...]I'm your new God. A better one. So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord. Or I shall destroy you.

[Bobby, Sam & Dean kneel down]

CASTIEL: Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me. Not love, not respect, just fear.

Unlike Lucifer as a God/rockstar Cas wanted genuine love from his (former) family, not devotion. His actions as God though weren’t out of love though, but based on the misguided believe to know better and to gain power and controll as well. Which is why Sam, Dean and Bobby feared him, but didn’t love him. We have come a long way.

Mary on the other hand is still on this journey. As @mittensmorgul noticed she uses the words “I love you” quite liberally. This of course is in stark contrast to how often Sam and Dean (and Cas) use these words: almost never. In season 12 so far we have heard Mary telling her sons “I love you” three times (12x03, 12x09, 12x13) and texting it at least once (12x04). We haven’t heard her sons saying it back though. What is interesting are also the circumstances when she told them.

We hear her first “I love you” in 12x03. She says so after she told them that she has to leave them.

DEAN: Mom, it's okay. All right? You're home now.

MARY: No. I'm not. I miss John. I miss my boys.

SAM: We're right here, mom.

MARY: I know. In my head. But I'm still mourning them as I knew them. My baby Sam. My little boy Dean. Just feels like yesterday, we were together in heaven, and now...I'm here, and John is gone, and they're gone. And every moment I spend with you reminds me every moment I lost with them. And I thought hunting, working, would clear my head.

SAM: Mom...w-what are you trying to say?

MARY: I have to go.  I'm sorry. I'm so...so sorry. I just need a little time. I love you. I love you both.

Mary tells them she has trouble connecting the adult men in front of her with the little children she left behind. She needs time and space to mourn them. The question is then if her “I love you” was directed to the men in front of her (who are still strangers to her) or to the children she once had. Why we wouldn’t question the love she felt for her family in 1983 the question is if she can love her adult sons the same way. The next “I love you” appears in 12x09. Mary, just as Cas in 12x12, says it as a goodbye, as she is about to sacrifice herself for her sons. We can say that sacrificing yourself is the Winchester way of saying “I love you”. They might have trouble using the “l”-word but they have no problem saying they would die for the other and doing so (and this includes Cas as well). The willingness to sacrififice yourself is what shows us the goodness of a character (Meg redeemed herself through her sacrifice in 8x17) and the depths of their love. Mary of course did already die for her sons, in 1x01. But it is only now after her resurrection that she can fully understand the consequences of the deal she made in 4x03, that not only led to her death, but made Sam to a psychic/Lucifer’s perfect vessel and were the reason her sons grew up as hunters, the very thing she never wanted for them. The deal her sons made with Billie in 12x09 are a result of the lives they have; Mary feels responsible for it. Her sacrifice is based on her guilt. I do think her willingness to sacrifice herself was an act of (genuine) love. It is worth noticing though that the willingness to give up everything (including your own life) for your children’s happiness and safety is a forced way of thinking in our society. Parents, and more specifically mothers, are judged by their willingness to do these sacrifices. Your children always comes first, and if you don’t act like this, you are a bad parent. I think the absoluteness of this way of thinking can be dangerous. Of course John’s constant neglect is a contrast to that (and while his sacrifice in 2x01 came from a place of love as well it didn’t redeem his neglect in the twenty-something years before). But it is important that in 12x13 Mary points out that yes, she is mother, but she is not just that (and her function as a mother is different because her children are adults now). I think it is hard to place Mary’s “I love you” and her almost sacrifice in 12x09. They come from a place of love. But I think in part her actions are also based on guilt and obligation. In the end it is not Mary but Cas who does the sacrifice, as he is fully aware that breaking the deal and the cosmic consequences might result in his death. Mary says the words and is willing to do the act (of self-sacrifice) but in the end Cas actions and words have more weight. And this brings us to 12x13. We hear Mary telling Dean she loves him on the phone, after lying to him about her wherebouts. Even more so, the next thing we hear after Mary’s “I love you” is Mr. Ketch telling her she is an exellent liar. This makes us wonder if the “I love you” was a lie as well, or at least an attempt to lull Dean in a false sense of security. Dean “I lie professional” Winchester can already tell after their conversation that something is wrong with his mother and that she might be hiding someting. The episode ends with Mary coming clean to her sons and telling them the truth about her working together with the British MoL. Upon learning that her mother lied to them for the past few months Dean and Sam question their whole (still fragile) relationship with her mother. Though they don’t say it they might, just as the audience, wonder how real her “I love you”s were. Though we are not only meant to question the defintion of “love” but of “family” as well.

DEAN: So where does that leave us?

MARY: Same as always. Family.

Sam and Dean of course have a long history of defining for themselves what it means to be a family. The most accurate defintion is still the one Dean told Crowley in 10x17.

DEAN: A wise man once told me, 'family don't end in blood.' But it doesn't start there either. Family cares about you, not what you can do for them. Family's there; for the good, bad, all of it. They got your back, even when it hurts. That's family.

The fact that Mary is blood doesn’t make her family (the same way Samuel never became part of their family just because he was blood). Sam and Dean’s love and trust is placed on what little they know about their mother: the way Dean remembers her and of course her sacrifice for her family. They accepted that Mary needed time and space to adjust to everything that has changed since her death. She didn’t acted the way they expected/hoped for, but then again her children don’t need her in the way they did when they were actually kids. They loved her in advance you might say, or based on the same obligation she felt towards them (mothers are supposed to love their children, children are supposed to love their mothers). Her betrayal is what stops this love/ way of thinking. I think both sides have realized by now that “family” and “love” means nothing if we don’t act on it. I still believe that Mary’s decision to work with the MoL comes from a place of love (to create a safer world for her sons, to give them the normal life she always wanted for them). 12x14 showed us that even if they don’t agree Sam and Dean might understand better now why she did it. If anything they realized they have to rebuild their relationship. They have to give their words and actions meaning (the way Cas did). And it doesn’t happen overnight. Instead of clinging to the memories of how their family once was they need to create new memories. I am hopefull that they can still get there. And that in time Mary’s “I love you” will gain the same weight as Cas’s had in 12x12.

[coin-river-blog]

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, possibly the most overrated politician in U.S. history, is nothing new to politics and she’s no reformer either.

She is supposed to represent hope and reform and millennials bringing some of their warmth and earnestness to politics, but she is actually politics as usual.

inb4: “what does this has to do with cryptocurrency”

Join CCN for $9.99 per month and get an ad-free version of CCN including discounts for future events and services. Support our journalists today. Click here to sign up.

I don’t know about you, but when I see Washington politicians like AOC and like Donald Trump saying they want the Fed to keep “printing” even more money, and then go and call themselves the servants of the people or whatever — it just reminds me I need to make some more cash fast to buy crypto quick before these pols loosen the Fed’s sphincter so wide the entire monetary regime slips through their fingers.

Sorry for the visual.

I’d like to have both feet in the rocket ship before it starts flying to the Moon. That’s not to be read as advice. I’m just telling you how I connect the dots since many of you have asked.

“This is just blatant character assassination.”

No it’s not. Below is a list of facts about Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

Mostly it’s AOC in her own words, her own tweets, her own interview answers. How can sharing someone’s own words be character assassination?

Or assuming it can be, those most be some pretty damaging things the politician said!

And people have a right to talk about it. Especially since AOC has been delegated the power to vote over people’s finances and how markets are governed.

Something many of us are watching very closely.

Thanks for all the great comments on my articles everybody.

Here are 10 Ways Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is Bad to the Bone:

1. Shady

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is doing what Washington’s been doing for decades. | Source: Alex Wong/Getty Images/AFP

The shady or crooked politician is one of the oldest tropes in politics.

Think of Hillary Clinton who cheated at the DNC primary contest and in the general election, or Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz whose close friend and staffer stole from Congress. Think of crooked Richard Nixon, and Alexander Hamilton with his shady financial schemes.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez fits into this mold, just another shady, crooked politician.

Her henchman is about to get away with a $1 million finance scandal.

Experts are saying it wasn’t illegal, but it was shady.

2. Clueless

Politicians are often clueless about the real world.

The way they view the world every problem needs a legislative solution.

They think they can centrally plan the world. But they often know every little about what they think they can design better by force of law.

Vacuous, ill-informed statements Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has made on a number of subjects ranging from Israel and Palestine, to proposals in her Green New Deal show how little Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez really knows about what she imagines she can design.

3. Elitist

One of the things people like least about powerful federal politicians like President Barack Obama, State Secretary Hillary Clinton, and President George H. W. Bush is their elitism.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s elitism and privilege has been conspicuously on display since her shock win of the Democratic primary against Rep. Joe Crowley. It’s tweets like this:

Yup. If you don’t like the #GreenNewDeal, then come up with your own ambitious, on-scale proposal to address the global climate crisis.

Until then, we’re in charge – and you’re just shouting from the cheap seats. https://t.co/h3KSJhHqDN

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) February 23, 2019

4. Alarmist

Still from V for Vendetta / Warner Bros.

Politicians are inveterate alarmists, always with their hands full of costly, radical legislative solutions in search of problems. They tell us the big lie to get us to give up our freedoms.

The big lie is the super exaggerated threat that people are too embarrassed to believe anyone would lie about, but it’s pretty worn out in 2019.

That hasn’t stopped AOC from making dire global warming predictions.

She says, “The world is going to end in 12 years if we don’t address climate change.”

5. Dishonest

“I always thought that if more good people had concealed carry permits,then we could end these Muslims before they [unintelligible].”

This was just this weekend at CPAC, the conference attended by the President and members, to 1000s.

Where’s the resolution against Islamophobia? https://t.co/eXA9F1fezI

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) March 5, 2019

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is a sitting U.S. congresswoman who recently got into a public spat with a private citizen, Rev. Jerry Falwell Jr. on Twitter, something Democrats considered unseemly of Donald Trump after becoming president.

Amid her skirmish with the pastor and private university owner, the congresswoman tweeted a link to a video of Falwell speaking at a conference with the year wrong which completely changes the context for what his remarks were referencing, a dishonest tweet.

I thought @AOC was just dumb but she is a liar too. She claims this was @CPAC last week when it was actually in 2015 the day after the deadly CA attacks by radical Muslims (“those” Muslims I referenced) She also deleted the last part of my quote “before they walk in and kill us”. https://t.co/lIw4V4BaVj

— Jerry Falwell (@JerryFalwellJr) March 5, 2019

6. Ridiculous

Just like catcalling, I don’t owe a response to unsolicited requests from men with bad intentions.

And also like catcalling, for some reason they feel entitled to one. pic.twitter.com/rsD17Oq9qe

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) August 10, 2018

One of the things that never ceases to amaze news junkies is how ridiculous politicians can be. Things like Nancy Pelosi saying they would have to pass the bill so we could find out what is in it. Or Elizabeth Warren triumphantly releasing that DNA test.

When Ben Shapiro challenged Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to a debate, she ridiculously compared it to cat calling a woman on the street. Hilarity ensued:

"Hey, girl — want to have a public one-hour discussion on the intricacies of trade policy, deficit spending, and the value of the profit motive? I'll even donate a bunch of money to charity or your campaign to make it happen." — Construction worker in Queens, apparently

— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) August 10, 2018

7. Unscrupulous

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez wants to run up the planet’s credit cards to pay for her plans. | Photo: REUTERS / Joshua Roberts

One of the worst things about politicians is how unscrupulous they are. They are so ambitious, so power hungry and glory seeking.

They’ll run over anyone to accomplish their ambitions.

They seem to have very little regard for the seriousness of the measures they take and the often devastating unintended consequences of their half-baked interventions.

It’s ironic because they’re always saying to think of the children, but that’s exactly who they kick the can down the road to, the children who grow up in greater debt each year. That’s why politicians kiss babies. They know that’s who’s paying for all their bright ideas.

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is no different than these unscrupulous politicians, only she’s worse. She wants the government to print even more money to saddle the children with even more debt to pay for her pet programs.

8. Menacing

I have noticed that Junior here has a habit of posting nonsense about me whenever the Mueller investigation heats up.

Please, keep it coming Jr – it’s definitely a “very, very large brain” idea to troll a member of a body that will have subpoena power in a month.

Have fun! https://t.co/oQ6MsdJYCk

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@AOC) December 7, 2018

Politics is a very dirty, very predatory business full of threats and warfare.

Alexandria Ocasio Cortez wasted no time showing her threatening side to Donald Trump Jr.

It reminds me of when President Obama menacingly told Rep. Peter DeFazio, “Don’t think we’re not keeping score, brother,” after DeFazio voted against Obama’s spending bill.

9. Arrogant

There’s something about politics that attracts extremely arrogant people.

I can see why Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez would be arrogant, beating a senior U.S. congressman for his seat in his own primary before the age of 30, but boy she sure is.

10. Meddling

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Bernie Sanders’ telegenic protégé, has won near Trumpian levels of attention | Source: Win McNamee / Getty Images / AFP

Meddling politician is a redundancy.

It’s what politicians in a democratic society exist to do. They meddle in other people’s business. They take up other people’s time and money. They fix things that aren’t broken until they’re very badly broken. That’s pretty much what socialism is.

The saga of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez epic meddling in Amazon’s HQ2 resulted in billions of dollars to her community lost and now she’s hard back pedaling from the meddling.