#so bc I was autistic as well I'd just be like 'no that's not real or something must be wrong'

[aroaceking]

"#god I think about this all the time#my 15 year old niece identifies as ace#and I’m like (privately)#you’re 15!#you don’t want to have sex! that’s fine!#it’s not an identity!"

screaming forever endlessly agonizingly this upsets me viscerally

I found the label 'asexual' also sometime around 14. This helped me immensely with recognizing ways I was different from my peers and even potentially harming them. Realizing I had an experience that could be defined and also was outside of many of my friend's helped alleviate some of the panic surrounding what attraction even meant.

I literally did not think attraction was a real thing, except maybe some strange future things adults had that I never wanted to experience, before I ever had a name for it.

Some of it was trauma, some of it wasn't. I still do not experience sexual or romantic attraction.

Also!! It's not!!!! About action! It's not about if you want to have sex or not!!! For some people that's how they learn it but it's not! Fucking! About that! It's about attraction!!!!!! It's about if you're fucking attracted to people!!!

I'm so fucking tired of this shit I'm so fucking exhausted with it. You think it's weird or creepy for a child to identify as asexual but it's weirder and creepier to me that you 1) equate it with sexual activity and 2) equate a child's desire to identify with it to sexual activity!!!

And even if that was how a child was using it, okay, they can always identify away from it when they understand themselves better or feel more comfortable!!! It's okay for labels to chance, it's okay for our identities and understanding of self to shift. It's okay for them to not!

Stop! Sexualizing! Asexuality!!!! It is an orientation! It's very alienating to be a teenager and not have any crushes or understand what people are even talking about when they discuss crushes or what makes someone 'hot' or whatever fucking else and sex doesn't! Have to be a part of that even!!

[tubbypeddle]

HI HONEYBEE

I've come to invade your askbox and ask for Gappy Higashikata dating or just HC's in general. That's it. Feel free to ignore it. I'm down to wait as well. Thought I'd drop something that isn't a matchup and give you a break, okok? Byeee 😍

PEACHESSSSSS HIIIIIIII

I know this is bc we got sunsoap on the brain 😽

ANYWAY

(Ignore that i struggled so hard with this)

(Author’s note: credit to gif owners, of course. I think i forgot to put this in my last post. Oh well, I’ll go back and fix it in a bit.)

Have fun with this one, Peaches 🤭

He’s a pretty fun boyfriend. He’s distracted often, mostly about Stand business and all that. And also maybe a little bit horn knee, but honestly, he’s just happy anyone seems interested in him at all. Especially since he doesn’t remember anything about who he used to be.

He’s a touchy guy, but not on purpose.

He likes to hold your hand, he likes to hold onto your shirt when the two of you are going anywhere, he likes to tug lightly on your hair when he’s bored. He just likes having his hands on you.

His favorite kinds of dates are beach dates. Probably a little on the nose, considering his little sailor’s uniform.

He loves the water, and loves seeing you in his element. (And maybe he also likes seeing you in a swimsuit. Jus a lil bit)

He bites. Not even in a sexy way, just in general. He bites as a form of affection. On your arm, or your leg, or your cheek if you’re cuddling. He even bites his friends.

Gappy is so so good at like. Random ass facts. He’s like some fucking encyclopedia. That’s actually not even a fucking headcanon, he just is like that. You could ask him anything and he absolutely would tell you everything he knows on the topic, all the way until he can’t say anything else about it.

You can always find him in some weird ass situation. Like, you can count on it. He doesn’t even know how he gets in these situations.

You can waltz into his home and find him covered in fucking dirt with his feet in the laundry room sink. There’ll be some big ass carrots on his kitchen counter, and he’ll tell you that he just won his fight against them.

Or you’ll find him covered in snow in the middle of summer, telling you he just climbed a mountain or something.

He’s just a critter. A blorbo if you will.

What else do i say about him?

God, it’s so hard to characterize him.

He’s definitely bi. Bilingual and bisexual. Double whammy. Actually he’s not just bilingual. He definitely speaks like 50 different languages, that he just knows. Like. It’s never explained how or why he knows Arabic or Tagalog. He just does. Sometimes he just switches up languages when he’s talking to himself (btw he talks to himself) just because he wants to speak in a different language. It makes talking to strangers worldwide very easy. At least, if any of you end up traveling.

He also is so good with kids. He’s that fun adult that kids confide in when they can’t confide in their parents. Because he doesn’t offer advice. Honestly, giving advice really doesn’t come to mind when someone is venting or whatever to him. He defaults straight to threatening whatever is making the person upset. Which kids find absolutely hilarious. (Real useful info for sunsoap btw, peaches)

He’s definitely autistic.

I coullddddd do nsfw headcanons too…..

Do i want to?

Sure (nsfw below the cut)

Tit guy. Like. That’s it.

He like the missionary position well enough, but his favorite position is with you in front of a mirror, pressed face first against it so he can show you what he likes about you. And he can watch your face in the mirror, watch your body. Biggggg mirror sex guy.

Honestly, you’re gonna probably have to be pretty straight forward with him. He doesn’t know much about sex, despite being a walking fucking encyclopedia, so if you want anything with him, you’re gonna have to demand it out of him.

Absolutely does not mind letting you lead if that’s what you want. Makes it easier for him, since he doesn’t know what he’s doing at first.

As much as it pains me to say this, he might not be too into foreplay at first. He’s a headstrong man, he goes into everything head fast. He wants to get to the best part as soon as possible.

He can learn foreplay though. If taught properly. He’s a real fast learner, you see.

Nothing too special about him yet. If you want anything specific out of him, you’re gonna have to ask about it. He’s a little dense on the uptake.

He whimpers. He whimpers and you can’t change my mind about it.

Soft little sounds because you just feel so good. Very vocal about that, too. He wouldn’t consider it dirty talking, but that absolutely what he’s doing.

He has to let you know how good you feel, how good you’re making him feel. Just so tight around him. How you look so good in that mirror.

You should praise him, too. Just saying. He might quite a bit of a reaction.

[moonyasnow]

All the characters I'd considered shipping my OCs with before I decided

Quick thing bc I'm bored

Not gonna include Lisle bc AroAce and also not Tomoe, since she existed before I decided to put all the others into TWST so shipping for her was just...kinda vibes-based, and not in the good way. Like I'd barely even figured out her character yet

And for Irina, Junia and Artemisia, the reason none of the others were chosen were literally just because their current partner was SO perfect for them I couldn't have gone with anyone else

Irina

Kalim (I think this is one of the more unhealthy relationships she could end up on. Not because he'd treat her badly, of course not; Kalim's just the sort who represses all his trauma (he straight up doesn't remember all the times he's been kidnapped) and I just feel like, paired with Irina, she'd just keep holding all the bad stuff in forever and pretending like everything's ok)

Ruggie (I think this would've been pretty cute. They're still good friends now though...and I honestly think they work better as just friends)

Floyd (Irina still literally had a crush on him before she fell for Malleus, so this one didn't even 100% go away. But yeah the reasons I considered it was because I think they match each other's freak in an interesting way. And Irina also knows exactly what it's like to always go through moodswings, so they can understand each other in that way. ...Irina would've loved the biting and squeezing so much tho-)

Leona (THE BAD TIMELINE. I'm not kidding. These two would in the best case scenario keep each other from improving and in the worst case actively make each other and their issues worse.)

Spike

Silver (literally the only NRC guy I could think of who'd be nice enough to be Spike's type)

Junia

Jade (Giving 'the straight-laced science girl' vibes but genderbent. Clueless autistic and clueful autistic)

Azul (I think it would've been cute bc Junia is the type who is just, so smitten with whoever she likes, and it's VERY obvious. And she'd think he was really really pretty and would love like, sitting in his lap when he scams people)

Veronica

@babyghoul138 :)

Ace (For a while I was actually even gonna go with this one long-term! Even made a meme including the ship and everything. Even started planning out a fankid! But then I realized I'd miscalculated and they just wouldn't work as well together as I thought. And I think Ace is just a bit too rough around the edges personality-wise for Veronica)

Sebek (This could actually have been a reaaaaaally interesting one. The thing that kept me from going with it was just that- Veronica wants to leave Briar Valley after she graduates. And Sebek would never leave Briar Valley. And as much as angst CAN be nice, I prefer it when couples are driven apart by stuff like war or disapproving families rather than just mundane stuff like that. Makes it too real, and just kinda depressing)

Victor

Jamil (Jamitor would be toxic yaoi central. Victor would be SUCH an enabler like 'yes, let's kick that smiling idiot (Kalim) to the curb and put you on the throne! Oh villainy looks so good on you~'. Then with their powers combined they would go on to rule the world.)

Azul (They've got suuuuuuuch similar trauma. And I imagine it'd start out with them 'dating' as like a business arrangement-- being married to each other would be good strategically for both of them and their goals; Azul gets access to a whole noble house's worth of funds and private lands, and Victor gets easy access to some of the best people in business. And then it'd turn into a thing of them both catching feelings realizing just how similar they are and can both relate to each other's trauma. They would also go on to rule the world.)

His ships with someone similar to him just made him too powerful

Artemisia

Idia (I decided not to go with this one 1) because as soon as Artemisia met Jamil I just know he'd be IT for her and 2) Artemidia would just kinda feel like them giving up and deciding to become hermits who don't leave their rooms TOGETHER and that to me was just way too sad)

Leona (They were already kinda friends in the background, and I couldn't stop thinking of the reference potential to Kimba the white lion. And just like with Idia, the biggest reason why not is Jamil.)

[horizon-verizon]

As a severely autistic woman, I genuinely believe they only made Helaena autistic and detached from reality so they could avoid having her interact in a meaningful manner with her brothers, her children and have an excuse for not giving her a personality, and deepening and exploring her character. B&C also loses its impact, from the way they portrayed her in that sequence to the aftermath. They only allow her to grieve for one episode and then quickly moved on it’s oh, well, children die every day. Some people may act like this to cope with loss, but how come we only see this from Helaena ? It’s like she completely forgot that Jaehaerys ever existed. They only made her a “dreamer” so that they don’t have to do anything with her character and wr

Which is disgusting because we aren’t emotionless shells that are incapable of having loving connections with people, and experiencing rage and grief and loss, as well as happiness and joy. Autistic people can lash out, get very emotional and attached. Not showing that isn’t giving a fully rounded character. HOTD used a lot of harmful stereotypes, “magical autist”, “pure innocent childlike”, “robotic/unexpressive autist.”

Funny how I mentioned something like this in many of my posts about how I disliked Helaena's characterization in the show HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, & HERE. Thank you for listing out the specific stereotypes, and yeah I agree. i just can't like Helaena becoming a dreamer or how she's written in her neurodivergence the way that she has.

Even though one asker mentioned Patchface and Duncan the Drunken (these were for if the show really wanted Helaena's "dreams"-that-are-not-dragon-dreams to have any point or significance in their fanfiction) I still dislike Helaena becoming a non-dreamer. I'd still hate it for the overall story bc there was no point injecting an intense magical elements in the humans of this particular generation of Targs and it is still lead by this weird "Cassandra" thing on the writer's part. Helaena was made a "dreamer" not bc they were interested in exploring her part in ASoIaF's magic but to psychologically isolate her.

They only allow her to grieve for one episode and then quickly moved on it’s oh, well, children die every day. Some people may act like this to cope with loss, but how come we only see this from Helaena ? It’s like she completely forgot that Jaehaerys ever existed.

Yeah, we don't really see her mourn Jaehaerys in the what...few weeks or days after his death even without words. Have her fidget with an object he used to play with or visit his dragon or tear up now an again, plz!

But of course she was never meant to be a real person, just a "Cassandra" firgure.

[relatableblorbopoll]

Round 1 of preliminaries, group 10

The first two places get a place on the bracket

Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket

Propaganda under the cut

Nagisa Ran (Ensemble Stars)

"- autistic - grew up very isolated - nonbinary. to me. - they had a speech impediment veeeery similar to the one i used to have and their current speaking patterns are very similar to the way i speak - we both have a special interest in geology - i'd list more but the rest are just autism symptoms so. uhhh"

Waver Velvet (Fate series /The Case Files of Lord El-Melloi II)

No propaganda

Shuichi Saihara (Danganronpa V3)

"sorry for submitting a danganronpa character but hear me out!! there's many reasons shuichi is a relatable character, such as: 1. he's def lgbtq+ actually. in the free time events with kaito momota (another male character), shuichi's inner monologue says "only someone like him could tell me what i need to hear." before he internally scolds himself saying he "shouldn't talk about another boy like that" 2. self doubt. throughout the game, he doubts his detective skills a lot. well, in earlier chapters. he grows out of it but yk. he feels like he isn't a "real detective" n all 3. a. autism. throughout the entire prologue and chapter 1, he wears a hat to avoid eye contact. while there is an actual reason that isn't autism, i still think that's autism behavior. also he seemingly knows a lot about true crime and at one point, when another character brings up the victorian era, he responds by mentioning jack the ripper. 4. he's very sad. chapter 1? cries. chapter 3? cries. chapter 5? cries. chapter 6? cries. he might've cried other times i don't remember though. although it is fair bc people are dying. but even outside of the death, he is sad. refer to number 2. also he feels like he shouldn't have solved the case that made him the ultimate detective. (there are reasons for that. also linked to the hat.) and more"

Opossums (real life)

"Nocturnal creatures that just like wanna chill and eat, plus they have to lay down when really stressed, they are like me for real."

Midori Takamine (Ensemble Stars!! Music)

"- literally just some guy that gets dragged into things (accidentally became an idol somehow) - his only real interests are mascot characters and vegetables + he finds talking to people bothersome - all of his friends are extroverted or very friendly while midori is just… there. - cringefail loser who can’t talk to people without being nervous despite being a 5’10 giant and an idol (179cm), only really talks a lot when discussing mascots - depressed, just straight up clinical depression but its ok cause he’s working on it and doesn’t let it get him too down"

Seven of nine (Star Trek)

"seven of nine is a big ball of identity questioning in one person. she literally has a whole section on her wiki page titled "identity crises". mood. as a child she's snatched up and made part of a hivemind, all these cyborg augments put into her, the usual scifi stuff. but her story begins when she's freed. against her will, even if it's ultimately for the best. she has no idea how to relate to these people, how to speak or act or dress or sound. big autism mood. big trans mood. big gay mood, because she has no idea what anyone is supposed to do when dating and it turns out she's into women and ends up with a girlfriend so it's no wonder she couldn't connect to all the lessons about boyfriends and the attempt to date a man! multiple times she's forced to assimilate and act more "human" and change her name but she won't! and the people who make an effort to understand end up important found family and friends. and she ends up in control of her own life and a captain!! legend."

[italicized-oh]

director's cut ask for chapter five of hello operator, if you so wish!!! it's such an excellent chapter and i LOVE the way you write porter's headspace - it feels so tangibly real and specific and unique to read, and I'd love to hear you talk more about it!

oh my god anon???? thank you!!! that's so kind i love this ask game and i love love love yammering on about my own writing choices so. thank you for this opportunity. feat. my philosophy about porter and also theorizing about barbarians and chronic pain. here's the chapter if yall arent familiar. cw for serious nsft and extended discussions of pain below the cut

i think i posted something to this effect when the chapter went up, but porter to me is so fucking embodied. like. his entire gig is blood and bone and muscle and. well. no, i shan't say.

The silence is odd after the bloody gorgeous sounds he’d wrung out of Jace, whimpers and moans and the euphoric gasp of still my god. Porter lets muscle memory carry him through the cleaning ritual that’s almost as familiar as raging and sets to sorting out his thoughts (and feelings, adds a sharp-eyed Zara in his head.) He rolls his shoulders and absorbs the sting of annoyance that thought brings, fanning it into a bonfire that will help him focus. Porter carefully takes stock of his body, letting himself inhabit every nerve, every joint, every sinew. He can still feel the zing of magic against his skin and – amusingly – on his dick. The backs of his thighs sting where Jace’s nails had dug into them; the already-healed pinprick from Jace’s wand burns against his throat; even his cheek throbs where Jace backhanded him. 

but that's also bc rage, like all emotions, especially strong ones, is located in the body. i needed porter to be doing something with his body in order to get in his head, and i had just been reading about caring for leather (no i don't have a good reason i'm just autistic and kinky, oops), and the description of that had so many different types of sensations involved that i was like. perfect. this will keep porter in his body so i can wriggle my way into his head and make him have Feelings in addition to his emotions.

These sensations aren’t pain. They’re something much, much worse than pain. The muscles in his right hand flex, and Porter can feel the pulse of Jace’s carotid artery under his thumb, the taut silk of Jace’s hair wrapped around his fingers, the scrape of cinderblock against his knuckles as he controlled Jace’s head, the wet trail of Jace’s tears around his wrist. 

the other massive part of this chapter comes from my experiences with chronic pain. when your body feels severe enough pain for long enough, and when you have nervous system diseases (hi hello it's me), it will stop sending you pain as such because your body can only actually register so much pain. so it sends different feelings - i get tingling, or buzzing, or sometimes a throbbing - instead to get your attention.

He knows pain. Intimately. Porter thinks pain might’ve been the first thing he ever experienced, and he knows in the rock of his bones that it will be the last.

and while irl i'd love to be a caster with my whole heart, there's something about how harsh on the body rage (and divine magic, let's be real) is that really resonates with that. like. how does the body just not take as much damage and deal more explicitly without magic? well fuck wotc, i think it's by frying the nerves and overloading the muscles at the same time, so that even if you are, in fact, sustaining injuries, your body is so used to it that its tolerance is (unhealthily but usefully) extended. like how folks w adhd (hi again it's me) can sometimes just. ignore biological needs not bc we don't have them but bc our brains actively work around them.

and so we move to maybe my favorite bit of writing i've done so far, which is the end of this chapter:

Porter knows rage. He knows pain. He knows lust. And now he knows Jace. As far as Porter knows, Jace is not a feeling or a sensation or an emotion, or he’s all fucking three like some goddamn overachieving asshole. Goddamnit. Porter needs to talk to Zara, badly, because if there’s one thing she’s good at– (Zara clears her throat in Porter’s head.) Porter needs to talk to Zara, badly, because she’s a fucking brilliant person with a knife-sharp wit and something akin to rage in her blood and she’s good at everything and is that better, lady? (Nothing.) –and Zara knows many, many things very, very well, one of which is Jace motherfucking Stardiamond, who is probably not an emotion but sure fucking feels like one. Uncontrollable unless you embrace it fully. Porter's fucked.

bc the other thing about chronic pain is that it's just as predictable as it is unpredictable. sure, i never know exactly when a flare will hit or what it will be like. but boy do i know the tone and tenor of my body in pain, and it's familiar, and i've gotten to where i can almost greet it. not quite, bc that's a little to romantic for the situation i'm actually in w/r/t my body, but something like it.

and so the things that feel really, really good to me are intense, new sensations. tattoos. spicy (like thai spicy) takeout. intense impact play with a partner i trust. dunking myself in the pacific ocean in winter.

and they feel good precisely bc they're strong and new and i haven't met them yet. and in my head in this chapter that's what jace is for porter. an intense sensation that's goddamn addictive in its unfamiliarity/unpredictability

[silenthillmutual]

☕️ How do you feel about horror films in the 2010's? What were some of the best and worst to come out of that decade in your opinion?

oh hmmmmm let's look at what i've seen that came out in the 2010s

great, really loved - tucker & dale vs evil (horror comedy that will always be famous. to me.); get out (i like us and nope as well but get out to me is like the tightest writing of the three. and then nope and then us.); it ch1 (i have a fond memory of seeing this on my birthday so i have a bias for it :]); annihilation (i love sci-fi horror films so fucking much. ik there's big differences between the book and the film but i cannot wait to read the book anyway!); mandy (i have got to get high and watch this. epic film)

good, decent film - black swan (i do not get what the discourse is around this movie. no it's not the most mind-blowing film experience but idk ppl act like there's nothing worth redeeming in it.); the cabin in the woods (this is a p good movie, do not get me wrong, but it would've been better without the joss whedon stink on it); paranorman (will probably get bumped up a notch once i've rewatched it tbh); what we do in the shadows (mockumentaries i love u); crimson peak (can i just take a sec to say media literacy is ass on this site bc of that one post about crimson peak.); green room (wanna rewatch this one bc its premise is right up my alley); the boy (benefits from Better Than I Was Expecting); happy death day (groundhog day plots are really hit or miss for me but i did like this one. i support women's wrongs.); a quiet place (i need to see the sequels bc i hear day one is good but this was def a unique premise and i liked how the end product turned out); color out of space (goes on a touch too long imo but i'd love to watch it again); us (i still enjoy us just not as much as get out or nope. there's some clunkiness in us.)

a little mediocre but i'll put it on - my soul to take (no real notes on this one other than not being big happy w its ending); grave encounters (probs a little higher up on the meter bc i do enjoy saying 'im lance preston and this is grave encounters' at random); american mary (also on the higher up side bc i'd like it to have been. idk. gorier? also the ending felt kinda anticlimactic.); the babadook (film got spoiled for me long before i sat down to watch it. my partner despises it. i just wanna know why no one has pointed out that the kid is obviously autistic and him being presented as a burden is kinda fucked up); hereditary (i think this is a decent melodrama, and ari aster is not untalented, but oh my gooooood people piss me off about this movie lmao and the mom sounds exactly like my mother.); mom and dad (the parts w the parents i think are much stronger than the parts w the kids but interesting concept for a short story.); it ch2 (i think it doesn't quite match up to pt 1 but it's not bad. i might rewatch it and see how i feel.), ready or not (i'd love to rewatch this one and have my mind changed on it)

i don't remember this one love and light - the woman in black (i'll give this a rewatch later); the purge (i only have the vaguest memories of what happens in this one bc i watched it at 2 am w some classmates while studying abroad); it follows (i see both a lot of love and a lot of hate for this movie so i kinda wanna rewatch before i settle on an opinion)

boring - fright night (i watched this in high school bc i really liked david tennant but i tried rewatching it as an adult and i couldn't get hooked); the conjuring (i'm so sorry to everyone who loves these films but i could NOT get into this.); the witch (sorry.)

i dont recommend tbh - saw 3d (not one on my rewatch list in the series but it's also not the worst film in the set on account of it not being jigsaw or spiral); in fear (i watched this while studying abroad in scotland and i got very let down at just how little was going on in this film.); tusk (parts of this movie i was struggling not to laugh at. didn't feel bad for the main character in the least. not nearly as disturbing as everyone kept making it out ot be imo.); the love witch (i thought 'oh this has to be a critique of rad feminism it's too campy to be taken seriously' but alas i was wrong); midsommar (i am keeping my mouth shut on my real opinion of this movie.)

abysmal. sorry. - dark shadows (i will admit there are burton films that i still find joy in but this is definitely not one of them. really weird movie from what i remember); silent hill: revelation 3d (idk how they fucked up worse than christoph gans but they did!); jigsaw (how the fuck do you make a saw movie that's BORING. booo logan we hate ur pussy!)

woah sorry i just looked a t a list sorry this is like a massive wall of text.

[crimeronan]

ok so I saw ur last poll and I was like well hey I love to touch every fabric in the store and I'm not autistic but then I remembered a bunch of my friends both autistic and not have been telling me they think I'm autistic lately and one of my fall backs has been how I don't have common issues like hypersensitivity so obvs I can't be autistic but I literally didn't know hyposensitivity was a thing until the anxiety google spiral I was just on and long story short your oc poll may be dragging my ass to a psychologist bc I'm relating a little too hard to these adult autism diagnosis articles 👍🏻

SHRIEK. this ask actually taught me something too because i'd never heard the word hyposensitivity before but this is Also me.

(AND part of why i too thought i wasn't autistic for ages. i was like "i'm just a really enthusiastic ally bc of my very autistic brother but i'm So Allistic For Real" and vi's mom - who is also autistic - just looked at me and bluntly said "....no. you aren't")

i seek out soft/nice textures and extra weight and very loud hard rock/metal music and general weird touch to feel connected to the world. and i'm very annoying personality-wise in ways that other ppl have clocked from a million miles away for ages

anyway autism can indeed involve a lot of unusual sensory experiences & delight in certain textures! you also don't need a diagnosis to ID as autistic per the autistic community, you can use whatever language and whatever resources you want, it's all good. but if you Want to pursue a diagnosis for personal edification or for structural support that is extremely valid 💕

[withasimplelobsterhat]

16 [good omens bc I like your URL] 17 and 21 for the ask game please :3

Thanks for the ask and the ask game!

16. Which characters should meet in a crossover of dbd and [good omens]?

I think Aziraphale and Edwin would have such a fun dynamic, the petty little comments would be at an all time high from the both of them. I can also imagine the boys really needing a book for a case and ending up at Aziraphale's having to persuade him to let them buy it.

I'd love to see Anathema's reaction to discovering ghosts are real as well, she'd be quite curious and interested but meanwhile Newt would be the opposit

I think a hug and a conversation with Niko could do Crowley some good as well, she would be reassuring and immediately ready to help fix things between Crowley and Aziraphale

21. Something in the show that made you happy

It's so hard to choose just one thing! Just the whole show! Something that always makes me smile is any little reference to the comics and then also hearing how much George Rexstrew studied over them when preparing for the role. The costuming is another thing! There's so much detail and research put into them I wrote an entire huge essay! And another big thing for me is Edwin and Niko both being very autistic coded. I can relate to them both so much and their friendship is everything to me

[meowsticmarvels]

im curious. who are your fav characters from each mainline persona game that you have played 🤔🤔 (take this as an invitation to ramble about them)

YIPEEEEEEEE here we go will be long so im hiding it under a readmore again. also since you said mainline im not including toshiro or eri but you Know...... im abnorma, abt them

i have NOT played p1 and i've just barely started p2is (though ive watched snippets of someone elses's playthrough) but i will say. based on my limited knowledge i rly like hidehiko, ayase, naoya, tatsuya, jun, eikichi, yukino, maya, and lisa

p3 and p4 are difficult bc theyre the ones im the most autistic abt and the main entire casts as a whole are comforts for me. but anyways. going to talk about p3 first Yes I Will Include SLs too. im abnormal. top 3 main insaners for p3 though are akihiko, yukari, and junpei. for me

makoto/minato sooo so gender envy. im obsessed with his design a lot. his character i do also like hes a little goofy and so mecore but mainly his design is something i love a lot

same with kotone. also love how she has a sort of distinct personality that you can tell with slight dialogue changes that her counterpart doesnt say. shes rly real. love reload but i miss her...

as stated yukari's one of my favs. she didnt Use to be (i did like her but Not as much) but she's slowly become one and man. i love that silly girl. her haters will not survive the winter actually. it does piss me off though because like. yeah shes not perfect no character rly is but she's a traumatized mentally ill teenage girl with a dead dad and a neglectful mom cut her some slack maybe? god forbid women do anything. idk. but im obsessed with her. her character is actually so interesting to me and not a lot of people talk about it? like her whole fear of death causing issues with summoning her persona like at the beginnning, her dad being involved with the kirijo groups shit, how she puts on a cheerful front but is actually deeply really lonely :(, her kinda playful insult friendship with junpei (deep down they do care abt eachother. i wish that was explored more. i found a rly good fic abt it once.) and etc etc. idrk what to say but shes sooo. i also love how she initially HATES mitsuru and is super jealous of her and then. Well. gay tension is real. anyways shes a transfem lesbian to me btw. yukamitsu ftw

junpei's also become one of my favs. somehow. in a similar vein to yukari in that he wasn't initially my main fav character but i think his character's also pretty interesting and has. a lot of unexplored potential. he's very silly and i love him for that a lot but something i don't see many people talk about is like. his Issues. like yeah hes silly but he's also got some fucked up self-worth issues!!! remember the scene on 5/9 where he kinda gets really upset and goes off on his own and stuff. for example. like i think him being imperfect and having these moments where he's NOT cheerful and goofy all the time and actually deeply really jealous of you because he feels that fighting's all he's good for and he's not worth much else is what makes him interesting. do you get it. like him being tbe silly funny guy isn't all he is as a person yk!!!!! also as far as characterization I point a lot to the scene where yukari's more than willing to go confront the people in the alley while junpei's worried, or scene near the end of the game where yukari teases junpei and he snaps at her, confessing that while he doesn't show it he really is terrified. they all are, at that point. yk what I mean? also people don't acknowledge his trauma with his father enough (maybe because it's only really discussed at all in femc's route... his SL is so good but not enough ppl see it... BUR YEAH did not think I'd go off on a tangent about junpei fucking iori tonight but he's real. hashtag brokeback tartarus. also he's an adhder to me. (oh yeah also want to point out this line in his SL where he says "maybe I have anxiety or something". yeah. that's a line!)

akihiko fucking sanada. ohhhh man. this guy. where do i even START. he's so so crazy like what if your local high school upperclassman boxing champion guy was also really gay for his dying childhood friend and autistic as hell and also traumatized. and he's doing boxing in the first place to overcompensate because the death of his sister made him fear losing anyone else again snd he needs to feel like he has power. he needs control. yk? like this guy made me insane for like several months straight in 2023 and he still makes me ill. to this day. as you can probably tell by my distaste for people seeing yukari and junpei at face value you can probably gather that I hate the protein jokes and i Do. he said it like. Once in p3. it never rly was funny????? and what they did in spinoffs esp p4a to just make him look like a gym rat and nothing more makes me upset bc of the REASON he's obsessed with fighting. he's not just a dumb jock (he also isn't dumb lol he canonically scores very high on his exams) he's overworking himself because feelings of self doubt from trauma have caused him to feel the need to overcompensate so he never loses anyone again. you know? it would've been interesting to see him relapse in p4a if theyd actually done it well. like he doesnt rly give himself time or room to grieve in game (theres rhat onw scene on 10/5 and then he barely talks about it again. man i wish it was developed more...) so realizing that grieving isnt a linear process that he can just repress for a long time and even years after it can still hurt would go INSANE. but no they just turned him into i love protein joke number 20. okay!!! (im very angry) thinking about when my non persona friend after hearing me explain some of the plot described p3 as like a greek tragedy because like. damn. he and shinji were doomed from the start with personas like polydeuces and castor huh. anyways. yeah. continuing writing now that i've watched october 4th in reload AND akihiko's breakdown as a reuslt and i wanna scream and cry and throw up that will be for another post but ooh man it mad eme cry like 3 times. and I KNOEW WHAT HAPPENS. THEYRE SOOOOOOOOOO if you know me im an insane akishinji truther. im just. i wanna talk abt other charactrs so ill stop here but always ask me about akihiko + akishinji + ships i like in general. i am really normal. oh btw transmasc akihiko is forever real to me. also he's autistic and a ptsder. to me (tbf what persona character Doesnt have some form of truama but like. this guy in particular). up there with my highest blorbos

i dooont wanna go on for too long abt every other character in p3 so ill keep this next part short and sweet but if u wanna hear me talk more abt any of them. feel free to. starting with fuuka i love he rmy transfem autistic girlie who has every disease. i also love mitsuru a lot who i Wish had people acknowledge her deeper aspects more. like. she was experimented on and also very sheltered and also a little bit of a girlfail. shes not fully the girlboss you all say she is shes also just a teenage girl!!!!!!!!!! koromaru can do no wrong hes forever the best. i love that dog. ken makes me so so sad he is just a kid!!! what the hell!!!!!! :(. and oh man. shinji. guy who is so wracked with guilt. guy that is dying no matter what happens. guy that dies in his lover's arms

as far as non-sees characters. i rly like strega. esp jin and chidori. dont think abt them enough. also as far as SLs i like keisuke, hidetoshi, bunkichi and mitsuko, kazushi, yuko, and etc etc...i need to see rio and saoris links too they look real. oh also i LOVE ryoji

p4 time !!!!!!

again gonna cut this short so i can actually Fit it all in one post. but wow. i do like all of the IT so so much but im just focusing on my favs. anyways i love yu so much his autistic swagger esp in the animation is amazing. like he is not a "chad" he's just an autistic teenager. ok. also the animation broke me when nanako gets kidnapped he sounds fucking distraught there. love when people delve into yu's issues also bc hes a bit fucked up but Man. ouch. just like me fr tho

i love yosuke in a similar way to why I like junpei because he's kind of a loser /pos snd has some insane issues that his shadow delves into that are Kind of Insane for the FIRST shadow of the game. like ok damn. i really do love his social link in general tho his was the first one I maxed out in my (unfinished because i didn't want to finish it) p4g playthrough so!!!!! many things wrong with him and also the lgbt community has forgiven yosuke hanamura. also similarly to junpei he's adhd as hell. souyo ftw

naotos probably my fav p4 character I think which is Pretty Painful Sometimes. sometimes I need to kill both other persona fans and atlus if ykwim. but anyways i hc him as transmasc for one thing but also if atlus weren't cowards and actually made his story abt rhat it would've hit so hard. his shadow in general is often overlooked apart from that bc what about the part where he talks about being mistreated by others and feeling utterly alone and not allowing himself to act like a kid!!!! it fucks me up!!! he's also super autism btw like god damn. but YEAH point is I love naoto so much and i hate how both some fans and atlus tjemself treat him because his whole arc and shadow had the potential to be super compelling

apart from who i listed above i do like the rest of the IT so much they're such silly friends (i love you chie i love you yukiko i love you kanji i love you rise i love you teddie.). can't think of any SLs off the top of my head that were crazy but I do like daisuke and kou. OH ALSOO the dojimas..... 😢💧😢😢💧 love them

p5 time :3 I'm into it less so than p3 or p4 but Still

yusuke's my favorite p5 character probably. i domt know what it is apart from the common trend of my favs being autistic as hell (see: akihiko and naoto) but he's like. such a fucked up guy. he's traumatized. he loves art. something is deeply wrong with him. obsessed with this gug

i also do like ren/akira, ryuji, futaba, and also mishima (unfortunately. but in my defense there is something deeply wrong with him slash positive). i don't know a lot abt all of p5's confidants but i like iwai I think.... this reminded me I need to make more progress in p5 what the hell. i miss you futaba (i haven't even got to her palace yet im still on kaneshiros LOL)

but YEAH! thank you for asking!!! from the ones I've played my top favs are akihiko + naoto + yusuke respectively so👍👍👍 loved answering this :3 if u have any thoughts on a particular character feel free to ask and ill elaborate :3

[meili-sheep]

so i've seen this theory that is allegedly going to be confirmed in 3.4 Basically it says that al haitham cannot feel any emotions bc he is the sole survivor/successful case of the greyscale elezar experiments run by dottore and it basically lobotomised him so he doesnt feel emotions and thats why he wants to live a quiet life as a scribe. I say a lot of kaveh/al haitham shippers talking about this on twitter as some kind of win bc aww al haitham let kaveh enter his super controlled life ect ect. 1. idk if this is an outlandish theory that has no chance of becoming canon bc i dont really have a good gage for that kind of thing so if im falling for the bait im sorry 2. I can kind of understand it for story reasons as it makes for a compelling relationship between al haitham and dottore and by extension the akademyia for allowing dottore back BUT 3. I feel really sad bc it means all that autistic coding was a concious effort to make the character LITERally unfeeling. It means all those traits I recognised in myself and in him are the result of him missing something, being less, ect. and it kinda hurts. Like obvs i never expected hoyo to come out and make him autistic in canon but it just feels like another autistic coded character that is coded that way because they are missing something fundamentally human. Whether thats an android, alien, puppet ect. Idk you are one of the few people on here ive seen talk about al haitham being autistic coded so i wanted to get your thoughts -@under-wcrlds

ahahahahahha

Yeah. (Genshin talk start at paragraph 4)

I've actually mentioned in a previous post that I don't want Al Haitham to be any kind of inhuman character because he's so humanity autistic. Like in particular, he feels a lot like my brand of autism. Because here is the thing. I'm not academically gifted. But I'm incredible with patterns. I'm very good at seeing the patterns of life and being able to predict on only people's responses but emotional responses without knowing them. And I have the same goals as Al Haitham. I want to live a simple and comfy life. Do no more work than needed, and then do what interests me. I have also turned down big leadership positions because that's not what I want to do.

And guess what. I'm a real fucking person. Yeah, I've been through some shit. But that didn't make me this way, and everyone goes through it at one point or another.

But I've always been like this. Fuck, my mom had me (at a young age) start packing the car on trips because I could just see where everything was supposed to be. I was never one who could express my emotions well. I still struggle with that, and I feel a lot of the time, I come across as a know-it-all? And attention-hogging because I just talk in a sort of weird antidotal way.

This also makes me a good storyteller because I can give a more natural flow of events. So let me country why I don't think this theory is gonna be correct.

in the 3.2 stories. Al Haitham did say he understands and knows the importance of emotions and makes it clear that he's not really the type who is good a motivating people through emotion. Never did he make any reference to not being able to feel them. Fuck I'd argue he'd have to have them to understand what the mad Scholars were feeling to imitate them as well as he did.

Also, there isn't really a reason to re-pick up the elezar plotline, as it has been pretty solidly dealt with. Like it's gone, there's no reason to look more into it. We know what causes it and what cured it. Like if they are to bring Dottore up again, it will be for another story and another experiment. Also, Dottore isn't the type to pick up something again once his interest in it is gone. Heck, look at Scaramouch. Plus, Dottore had Collie. Like that's confirmed. And seemingly, Dottore knew how to keep elezar at bay. So there wouldn't be much reason for him to expand experimentation. Let long a reason to make someone stop feeling emotions.

The TDLR is that there really wouldn't be many benefits for Dottore if this was the case, and that feels outta character. Also, we don't know Al Haitham's timeline, just that he graduated, which apparently is really hard to do and takes a lot of time.

And a point that's just hit me.

LISA WANTS TO LIVE A SIMPLE LIFE. And She's objectively waaaaaay smarter than Al Haitham is. So again, it's not a good reason?

Idk man. I'm a little heated under the collar because I HATE when people try and make an autistic-coded character nonhuman. Because I'm a human.

[the-acid-pear]

Yesterday i went for a walk in the park btw and it was great i went into the swing and i got so fucking dizzy i had to get off and hold my head bc i was about to throw up. Then got back up again 👍 until thunder sounded at like 10 meters from me and i was like well that's it with my shit luck that shit is gonna hit the metal swing and fry my ass so i started walking home which was tricky bc the paths were completely flooded i mean up to my ankle in water there were even little swirls forming (idk who designed this city) and one wrong step you'd fall on your ass bc it was a park and it was flooding so there was mud in the stone so i had to walk with my feet real close to the ground also i was carrying a lot of extra weight bc due to removing my hoodie to feel the water in my head i had soaked the clothed inside of my shite so i made a slow and painful way back where i almost tripped between 4 to 5 times while trying to hype myself up insisting a fall would not kill me (especially bc i had my sunglasses off [yes i had sunglasses during a storm the sun spares no autistic's eyes[[also yes the glasses were an issue bc my worst case scenario reasoning was that i'd fall and they'd smash and break and stab be right in my eyeball[[[yes i later remembered that'd just happen to any of my bones but that was eased with the reminder that i drink milk like a calf every single holy morning so i was fine surely]]]]]]). I also managed to reconnect with my long lost whimsy as i giggled and joked and sang and made voices something i thought i had lost after moving away. Turns out i'm just depressed and lonely! Who would've known. Anyway when i made it back i had my glasses back on but like a movie i had to remove them bc i couldnt see well behind the wet moist foggy crystals (not that it changed much, since im also shortsighted) and there was my father fucking standing under the rain shoeless like a fucking final boss who was like "why did you leave like that?!" which i get but also man i leave 2 places to walk around the block or the park i know it was an hour but i couldnt sleep so early so give me a BREAK. -_- anyway that was just a fun time

[dreamlandcreations]

Burnout recovery (?)

It took me a while to figure out why I was so down all the time. But I didn't take the "good news" that well tbh. Because:

"It takes an average time of three months to a year to recover from burnout. "

And I was like. NOPE. FUCK. THAT!

Well, the first few days after that were even worse because I kept pressuring myself to do something, anything other than lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. But even something as so no energy "task" as listening to music was making me... idk how else to say it other than itchy...

Anyway, eventually I just gave up, let it consume me and slept away like 2 days... AND GUESS WHAT? I felt a tiny bit better.

So I'd say the first step is just LET IT ALL FUCKING GO! Turn the nagging in your head off and stop caring about anything else than getting a good rest!

My work drove me insane for the last 3 years or so and tbh it took over my life far, far sooner than that. It wasn't healthy. Letting that go took like 2-3 weeks ( I had "help" from other tortured colleagues 🫶 talking helps!) and a lots of Youtube shorts about "this is business not personal". Yay to scrolling paralysis.

Yeah, and about that. I realised that with the burnout I really burned all the bridges that kept my autistic/adhd traits in check. I mean, I used to have a good balance, now I'm off the scale with both in the worst way.

I think the second step is just trying to stay in that kind of relaxed, "don't care" space while figuring out the reasons why I felt so terrible. Again, Youtube shorts about autism/adhd and work mentality really helped. It was like talking to someone without actually getting myself together enough to open up about this to a "real person" (it never would have happened, you know).

And this is the part from where this might not help anyone who doesn't have adhd (and autism?) but realising that I've become a shell of adhd behaviour was actually a big step. Especially with the adhd/autism traits comparison vids bc I just understood how I was functioning when I was doing all that stuff at once.

The next step(s) I took was trying to take care of myself. Eat, sleep, wash, clean up to feel better in my skin and in my environment. I made it a challenge (chasing dopamine seems to be the only way adhd brain can do stuff). Like I'll put on this song ( I wasn't really listening to it still) and do .... until it's done. It did not help at first. Just getting into a task without thought doesn't work for me. I needed to take a minute and visualise that I'm going to do this and this and this and I'll be done in 3 minutes. I prepared for the task mentally, I hyped myself up then I did it. And it worked. Then I got too much into it and overworked myself 😅

However cliché it sounds, the key is finding balance.

Now I can listen to music, I've read 14 books this year so far and reading 5 others now, and I'm planning my year and thinking about what I want to do in life.

I still have bad moments/days and that's okay. I am still not okay but I'm getting there.

I figured, I need to occupy (not overwhelm!!!) my senses to stop my mind from wandering (and torturing me) so now when I have to do something like dishes, I just put on an audiobook and try to let everything else go.

I still can't watch movies/shows. Which sucks bc I feel like I need visual stimulation too sometimes so idk what's up with that but it's a no for now.

Writing is still a NO! (that's a screaming no in my head). But I started to write down ideas again (something I didn't really do for months)

What I know would improve my health and most likely my mental state is regular exercise, but I'm not there yet. I still regularly skip/forget to eat more than once a day so that's a priority.

It's also difficult to leave the house tbh. The outside world is overwhelming and I don't go out if I don't have to (which is like once a week now).

What I do know is that if you want to do something DO NOT SIT DOWN! You'll never get it done. There's no "in a minute" or tomorrow. If you want it done, do it now.

I'm working on building a structure/routine in my daily schedule that gives me a guide so I wouldn't waste my days but doesn't limit or outright strangle me with too many limitations by being to crowded.

[piastrinorris]

okay i posted photos already but i wanna talk about the weekend so here is a summary: (this is a long post bc am on mobile i am so sorry)

1. FUCK showmasters. money-grabbing, delusional, godawful cunts. i'm glad he only had a 2-event contract with them, but i hope it doesn't put him off future UK cons

2. i got to tell him how much luke's character means to me, that he portrayed an autistic person very sensitively and properly which is tough to get right, that his range is phenomenal and i'm glad he's getting the love he deserves. i don't wanna be That Person and say he wanted to hug me but was ~forbidden~ to, but his arms definitely moved out before he looked at the staff member and then instead reached out to take my hand. he said "thank you, love, your words mean the world to me" and holy SHIT his hands are the SOFTEST THINGS IN THE WORLD!!!!!!! this was also day 1 so he was in the cardigan look and he looked So Ralph i couldn't keep it together lmao

3. when i tell you this man was a CONVEYOR BELT for photo ops. we all joked that you could have put a cardboard cutout in there and it would be exactly the same. same face in all of them and everything. he really seemed done with it all then

4. the panel was. well. about the same as any other. same questions as always were asked. same answers were given. i think bc music as a topic is so opinion based he's been actively deflecting questions about his personal music taste but my GOD did people push that anyway. poor man went into hysterics when someone said to say hi to wes, he was so done with the day. and oh my GOD he hates that panel host guy LMAO his face would be so sweet and gentle when he was talking to the fans and then that guy would open his mouth and jq's face would DROP it was so funny

5. i haven't even mentioned!!!! i made so many friends!!! mostly by wearing my djo hoodie everywhere lol. joe squared supremacy <3 but yeah. i've missed the con experience of just telling someone you like something about them and then spending an entire weekend attached to their hips lol

6. day 2 was SOOOO much calmer. i think bc it was announced super late and also he was only there for half a day. HE HAD A LIL SCRUFF OF BEARD 🥰🥰🥰 and he seemed so much happier. like actual "hello! so nice to see you! how have you been?!" like you see how he is at most cons. he wasn't like that yesterday lmao

7. going off that, when i said "oh you know, just pressing on" he frowned and said "well i hope it gets better!" i said "oh it's great! i've had a good weekend, i hope you have too!" and he went "its been... fucking... lovely!" but the "fucking" was said under his breath in a tone that's usually followed by "mental" or "a shitshow" but yeah. THEN HE WINKED AT ME!!!!!! and said "take care now, won't you?" that's the jq i'd been seeing in videos.

8. photos were much the same but i liked my second one better AND he rubbed my back, said "thank you so much for coming, get home safe!" AND HE WINKED AGAIN

9. day 2 panel was fuckin. EMPTY. i asked him a question about how he said in the wonderland interview that he'd love to pursue a music career, i was like "was that for real or were you just saying it to get to the next question" and he was like "i'm just so lazy, it takes a lot of work to be a musician and i'm not one now, but someday i might start a band" aw. also he is a VERY sarcastic man who i think people take way too seriously lol. also x2 his bitchface towards the host was even less subtle LMAO

10. we saw him leaving and the poor man had his cap on and his head down, he REALLY wanted to leave and i don't blame him in the slightest

11. FUCK. showmasters. they deliberately oversold jq and didn't honour refunds, autographs were either included in diamond passes or bought on the day for £75 IN CASH??? and one of my new friends was the only one left when they cut for time from photo ops, she asked if she could just get one, JOE SAID YES BUT THE STAFF SAID NO. we had one staff member talking to us DIRECTLY about what time jq was paid to stay until, said "but it would be nice if he chooses to stay longer" and then started talking about how last year's summer event was so unfairly criticised?? and was like "even joe said he wasn't stressed" ofc he isn't gonna talk shit about a company he was still legally under contract for??? and one tried to tell us not to sit on the floor, 30ft away from the first aid room door, bc there was NO OTHER SEATING, saying that it's our own fault if we got mauled by a stretcher in an emergency. there was no emergency.

12. i have practically bankrupt myself at artist booths and i'm tempted to do it all again in liverpool in a few weeks lmfao

[bluejayblueskies]

Rules: List Five Comfort Characters And Tag Five People. This is in no particular order.

Tagged by @organchordsandlightning and @magnetarmadda (like three weeks ago i am so sorry 😭)

And I'll tag uhhh @anonymoussong, @quigalchemist, @thewrongshop, @judesstfrancis, and @wordsintimeandspace! if you want!

funnily enough though i gained a new comfort character in those three weeks! who knew!!!! it gets spot number one bc i am rotating it in my brain rn 💕

list under the cut!

Murderbot (The Murderbot Diaries) - ohhh my goddddd i truly have not related so hard to a character in a while like ... it's just like me for real and i love it 💜 i'm almost done with fugitive telemetry and then i'm going to go back and listen to all the audiobook versions because i need more right now immediately. it's just ... it's really nice especially to see murderbot's (what i view as) autistic traits accommodated and respected by the preservation team, especially the bit in the first book where mensah catches on to the fact that it doesn't like eye contact and adjusts accordingly. i can see this book series fundamentally changing my worldview, and i'm 100% here for it. honorable mention: ART my absolute beloved 🥰

Parker Yang (Malevolent) - 'jay, how can parker be a comfort character if he's dead?' well you see i love him, that's how. truly though, sometimes when i'm sad i think about parker and then i 🥺 and then i am a little less sad. i go absolutely wild for pre-canon arthur & parker fics. grabby hands, more parker always.

Jonathan Sims (The Magnus Archives) - to absolutely nobody's surprise, my favorite bi ace archivist is on this list 🥰 jon's another character that makes me go 'oh he's just like me fr' and i love writing him! he was the first character that i really explored my own asexuality through (though i'd known i was asexual for a while before coming across him), and i just think he's neat and i am putting a blanket around his shoulders and keeping him away from the horrors 💕

Andrew Minyard (All For the Game) - if you're at all familiar with the AFtG series, this probably seems like an incredibly strange choice, but for me comfort character = a character that i'm glad i met and that i adore and that makes me happy by existing and sometimes that makes me feel things about myself, and andrew hits all of these points. i sometimes think about andrew's past and what he's gone through and what he has now and i want to chew through drywall, and without getting too overly personal, there are aspects of his storyline that hit me hard when i first read them and have stuck with me ever since. if you haven't read the series, i highly recommend it (though i also recommend looking up a list of content warnings beforehand because it's quite intense)

Percy Jackson (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) - there are a lot of characters who could have gotten this final spot, but percy deserves it honestly. i've read the og 5-book percy jackson series like ten times and percy is just ... i loved him as a kid and i love him even more as an adult. he's the kind of character where i pick up a book and i start reading from his POV and i feel like i've just sat down in front of a fire with a cup of hot cocoa and a fleece blanket. he also reminds me of the good parts of my childhood, which is not an easy feat, and i appreciate that 💜

[cpunkwitch]

I wanted to get other phys disabled people’s input if that’s okay

I’m just wondering at what point is pain and weakness with mobility (and arm movement) normal vs abnormal? Like do ablebodied people really not get any pain during things like bending down/getting up, going up and down stairs, walking, lifting and using arms.. unless they’re already injured? Can “because you haven’t been exercising and sit all day”or “it’s bc you’re autistic” genuinely be the cause for pain like that? if ablebodied people don’t exercise often can they feel pain and trouble with mobility?

Then that leads me to think .. well how much exercise do u even need because I technically do physical activity multiple times a week for months until a certain pointr every year… yet I still have these symptoms and some muscle atrophy. the pain also seems to be worsening over time

I did one genetic swab test for things like neuromuscular disorders and it was negative so now I’m like well if the test results are negative what now….I match symptoms of certain neuromuscular disorders so well but the test was negative and now I’m like so confused I feel kinda fake? Do u have a similar experience?

the normal amount of pain for an able bodied person, especially with regular mobility, is 0 pain. none at all.

you joints can get weak and you can get sore after a bit of physical labour like walking up a flight of stars or lifting a bunch of boxes if you dont exercise and maintain your body's health (even just going for regular walks is enough sometimes) but thats exhaustion after strenuous activity

physically disabled people usually feel that constantly, have even less strength and energy to spend on that stuff than an able-bodied person does.

disabled people continue to have their pain and issues no matter how much exercise and care for their body they do, its good to keep it up but an able bodied person wouldnt continue to feel that. for an able bodied person thats temporary, for us, its chronic.

my body is deteriorating. i get regular walks in to help my joints, i do stretches to help with my muscles and my back, but its only to help slow down whats happening with me and to keep me as mobile as possible for as long as possible as my spine continues to twist and bend over the years. an able bodied person wouldnt feel pain just standing up and sitting down and moving their limbs let alone need a physical routine like i do.

i feel you though, a lot of times my imposter syndrome hits hard and i feel like im faking. but we're not. no mater what condition or label we are told we do/do not have our experience with our bodies is still there, still real, still valid.

no one knows our bodies like we do.

if you think theres a possibility there and you can do it, i'd push to get tested again and/or look for other possibilities on what it could be, there might be other things your symptoms overlap with (which i find happens a lot, thats actually part of how i found out i was anemic instead of diabetic) though you dont have to, just if you want to. you dont have to follow any of my ramblings or anything, its just always good to check again and look into other things just in case y'know? /lh