#so basically. light is kira just post yotsuba arc here and L and i are studying him like a bug

[twolovelyberries]

I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH JUDAS BABY!

[fndmfrenzy]

I rewatched Death Note focusing on the japanese 1st person pronouns the characters use (because I'm an otaku and I find it interesting). I'm not an expert, so I'm mainly going to point out everyone's pronouns and add a little analysis/opinion based on what I know or read online about their usage. Some characters probably won't get explanations because I have nothing to say. Also: since this is a piece of fiction the pronouns can tell us more about someone's personality. Also: I can only analyze the formality of the pronouns not the rest of the speech, because I don't know japanese that well!

Warning: like half of this post is about Higuchi because he's funny to me. And I included all of Yotsuba, who are pretty minor characters.

Kira Task Force:

Light Yagami Starting with Light as the main character, his pronoun of choice is 僕 (ぼく/boku). Boku is typically used by boys and young men. It's considered polite and humble. If I'm not mistaken only 2 other characters in Death Note use boku (Matsuda and Hatori from Yotsuba). It's a fitting pronoun for the perfect student and son, Light Yagami. It also gives a funny contrast to his ego-driven Kira speeches.

There is a couple of situations when Light uses 私 (わたし/watashi) (because it's gender neutral, and more... neutral in general). It's when he acts as L or Kira on the phone with someone, so in situations where he's trying to hide his identity.

L L uses 私 (わたし/watashi). It's gender neutral and usually used by men in formal settings. L comes accross as wanting to sound polite (he always uses honorifics for people, even correcting himself one time when he forgets to do so with Matsuda).

He yells out "Matsuda", but then corrects it to "Matsuda-san". He also calls Light "Light-kun" or "Yagami-kun". It's a funny contrast that he cares about this, because otherwise he isn't very polite (especially to Matsuda).

In the anime (sadly I don't think he uses any pronouns in that scene in the manga) when he calls Matsuda (who's in Yotsuba building) and pretends to be his friend he uses 俺 (おれ/ore).

Matsuda As I said earlier, he uses the same pronouns as Light - boku. He's the youngest member of the Task Force (save for Light and L) and his pronoun gives him that youthful feeling.

One situation I've heard him use a different pronoun was when he got busted by the Yotsuba Group, and introduced himself with 私 (わたくし/watakushi) - an even more polite version of watashi. Oh, he also uses watashi on Sakura TV, for similar reasons to Light's usage of watashi.

Soichiro Yagami 私 (わたし/watashi). I don't think he's ever shown using a different one? We only see most of the Kira Task Force at work, so it's expected that they all use formal pronouns.

Aizawa 私 (わたし/watashi). Except for when he's quitting the Task Force, then he switches to 俺 (おれ/ore). Ore is a masculine informal pronoun, considered more rude and rough. He's angry at L and it shows.

Mogi 私 (わたし/watashi), I think, but he doesn't talk much.

Team Kira:

Misa Amane Misa's main pronoun is her name. She basically talks about herself in 3rd person, which might sound silly in english, so most translations don't include it. It's cutesy and childlish and she probably does this as part of her idol persona.

She also uses 私 (わたし/watashi) at times (which is basically the most common pronoun used by women). As I mentioned before, it's considered formal when men use it, but for women it can be both formal and informal. Well, she uses it formally (when it's weird to just use Misa) for example in the Yotsuba interview. And of course, just like Light she uses watashi when posing as Kira (on the tapes in Sakura TV, on the phone in the 2nd part of the series).

Here's Misa using watashi during the interview:

Teru Mikami 私 (わたし/watashi)

Kiyomi Takada 私 (わたし/watashi)

Shinigami:

Ryuk 俺 (おれ/ore)

Rem 私 (わたし/watashi)

Yotsuba Arc:

Most of my research comes from Yotsuba arc (like all the specific examples above...) so I'm including the Yotsuba Group guys. But first, others from this arc.

Aiber 俺 (おれ/ore) usually, 私 (わたし/watashi) when acting as Eraldo Coil.

Wedy 私 (わたし/watashi)

Yotsuba Group: First I have to say that we see them most of them only at work, so they're going to use formal pronouns.

Hatori 僕 (ぼく/boku), but he uses watashi once when keeping watch on Matsui.

Takahashi He doesn't use any in the Kira Meetings (because he doesn't talk much). I'm pretty sure I heard him using ore (maybe at the party?), but I couldn't find it in the manga.

Namikawa 私 (わたし/watashi)

Mido 私 (わたし/watashi)

Shimura He actually is only shown using 俺 (おれ/ore). Even at the meetings. He's a very unassuming guy, so I feel like there's a contrast with him using the informal ore with his coworkers, when most of the others use watashi.

Namikawa and Mido still use formal watashi, even when the three of them are hanging out at Mido's house. The only one using ore is again, Shimura.

I think thanks to his kind personality his usage of ore gives a sense of familiarity, instead of sounding crass.

Ooi 私 (わたし/watashi) in the meetings. In a call with Kida, he uses 俺 (おれ/ore). I want to add that in a work setting ore can be used by people that are either older or in superior positions. Ooi is the oldest in the group, and de facto leads the meetings, but idk if it means anything. Maybe he uses watashi with the group, but ore one-on-one? Maybe that's the etiquette?

Kida 私 (わたし/watashi)

Higuchi We get more scenes with him and we get to see him switching pronouns. One of them is 私 (わたし/watashi). He uses it in those situations: - talking to Rem (and/or himself). He seems to respect her so he's usually formal when talking to her. This might be also him talking to himself, but since Rem's there let's assume it's at least half-aimed at her... Anyway, here Higuchi talks about marrying Misa:

Even when giving this ego-driven speech (again, about marrying Misa and some more...) he uses watashi:

Talking with Rem in the car:

- thinking. He's kinda inconsistent because he thinks with both watashi and ore. Mostly watashi though. Maybe he uses ore when he feels more confident? Here after confessing to Misa he's Kira:

And some more:

At least in two of those he's like "my life is over, i'll lose my job... oh and go to jail and maybe die... but my job...!"

- in formal/business setting. Ok that's a stretch, but before making this post I was convinced he used it more in the series. We can assume he would in a formal situation, but it doesn't happen in the manga so I have no proof. Huh. Here he pretends to be a lost businessman before shooting Light's dad:

Then there's 俺 (おれ/ore). It's typically used by men around family and friends. It can sound cocky, and indicates a sense of masculinity. Situations where Higuchi uses ore include:

- talking to coworkers. Higuchi doesn't talk that much during meetings and if he does he doesn't use any pronouns. I was wondering if he's more like Ooi (watashi during meetings, ore outside meetings) or Shimura (always ore). I think it's the second based on these two panels:

At least I think it's him talking to Shimura? This moment was cut from the anime so we don't know who's saying it, but it fits Higuchi (and the person saying it uses ore so that excludes most of the people there). The panel below it shows him responding to Mido with ore.

Below are other moments he uses ore with coworkers, during the Misa interview and on the phone with Mido:

Like with most things Higuchi does I think he's going for nonchalant, but it comes across as sloppy and disrespectful. Just look at him here:

His chair is so far back, he's leaning in it with crossed arms. He's trying to show how much he doesn't give a fuck about this interview... Even if it's in his interest to get info about L from Misa! Talk about posturing.

- date with Misa, including his Kira confession. I think it's common for men to use ore when talking to women they're pursuing? I've read about a shoujo manga where the male lead usually uses watashi, but it's a big moment when he switches to ore with the female lead to show he's serious about her (/interested in her romantically).

- thinking. This one happens before he confesses he's Kira:

And he uses ore after making the eye deal when he's like "I'm invincible" (lol). I don't know what to get from this, but there's like 3 panels where he thinks with ore as compared to 6+ with watashi.

Wammy's house:

Near 私 (わたし/watashi)

Mello 俺 (おれ/ore). He's the odd one out when compared to formal L and Near. Well, he is a thug and works with the mafia.

Matt 俺 (おれ/ore). I was surprised to find it so easily considering his lack of screentime.

[tennisthemedhatesex]

Listen. I am just an endless death note AU generator. Currently I have the following going on:

Coffee shop AU but starting slightly before Light becomes Kira: Light meets this mysterious stranger who was tired/felt like adding weirdness to the world one morning and didn't choose a false name for his coffee orders, and it becomes this sort of running joke/game between them with Light trying to figure out his name or various lore about him and L finding this extremely amusing. But then Light finds the death note. L joins the case. Neither of them know this about each other yet, and as Light and L begin to suspect each other they're still keeping up the charade of casual friendship and a half-joking challenge while it takes on a whole additional dimension and they're catching feelings. Hell on earth for poor Light. They have chess sex at one point.

Death Note Randall and Hopkirk (deceased) AU: my personal favorite but extremely niche. Basically ghost L but. a Specific Flavor. Not only do I steal the rahd lore, but there are some Details (muahaha etc.) You don't need to have seen rahd to enjoy it. Here's a playlist but you could not get me to post the actual fic yet under torture

Modern day AU but the main way that this effects the plot is that Light is majorly into competitive Microsoft Excel and L is secretly the world champion that he's had an intense rivalry with ever since Light started.

Another ghost L thing but in this one L possesses Light's body after his death and now they have to Share

Similar to those time travel AUs where Light and/or L gets sent back and have to decide whether to make different decisions except it's the task force (excluding L and Light) and they have to decide whether to try to prove it and arrest him or try to help him and whether they should let Light know about this or if that would be a death sentence. Lots of problem solving, lots of decision making, Light gets to unmask <3 (This one was inspired by (but different from) a tumblr post I should add a link to if I can find it)

One where I mess with the lore so that Light is transforming into a shinigami due to the number of people he has killed (symbolism etc) but this starts right before his confinement so he has to try to hide it and it generally messes up his plans horribly because. Imagine being under constant observation by the world's greatest detective but you're literally transforming into a death god while trying to hide that anything is unusual about you at all.

"Characters watch the show" but it's characters get transported to this world and exposed to modern fandom. This takes place during the warehouse so Light's alive but Mikami is there. They're just yoinked out of there. There is another version of this that takes place during Yotsuba Arc instead.

Along similar-ish lines, a blatantly comedic fic where L reads explicit rpf about L and Kira in front of Light at one point during Yotsuba Arc and Light gets really mad about it leading to intense debate of what Kira would be like in bed, among other things. Keep in mind Light does not have his memories but he does have strong opinions on the topic, for some mysterious reason that Light tries really hard to justify to himself

And more. I love making things worse for my poor little meow meow specifically because I understand his brand of problem solving on a spiritual level and I like to watch it play out. But also because pushing Light to his extremes and seeing how much it takes for him to snap is like crack to me. Mentally putting this guy in saw traps.

[read-watch-sleep]

Okay, so for a 100% Genderswapped Death Note, you have to look at what would change basically from the beginning. I’m using the manga timeline from the Death Note Wiki, which is one of my favourite resources.

Looooong looong post under the cut:

1998-  think Light’s and L’s upbringings are likely fairly unchanged. Light is an eldest sister from a family with two working parents, so she may have felt more familial pressure. Either way, it makes sense that she’d be a tennis champion and then abruptly retire, probably due to an obligation to be at home. She tutors her shithead younger brother, talks with her idol-obsessed friends, and nurses a soul-deep hatred for the state of humanity.

1999- Near, Mello and Matt are orphan genius children/pre-teens with budding rivalries. Mello learns about emotional manipulation and leans into it, hard. Matt’s ADHD goes undiagnosed, and she’s already on her way to burning out. Near speaks very rarely, and is slow but steady in advancing the ranks. Everyone underestimates her. 

2002- Naomi/Noah Misora catches the strange femme fatale Beyond Birthday in LA with the help of a mysterious figure who calls themselves ‘L’. He is one of the few people in the world to figure out that the filtered voice through the computer belongs to a woman. L still takes up capoeira. 

2003- Misa/Masa Amane’s parents die. He begins to develop a complex about his own strength/bravery. He was a teenager– if he was stronger or smarter, he would have been able to save them. Notably, Naomi/Noah Misora does not quit the FBI to get married here, because that was always a weird misogyny thing. Instead, she and Raye/Raya Penbar take leave together to be married, and both return to the FBI. When Light first picks up the notebook, she thinks primarily of killing men. The more strict gender roles of Japan in the 90s would have gotten to her still-developing worldview. Her first murders go about the same as they would in canon, though. I imagine she thinks there’s some kind of poetic justice to Ryuk being a female shinigami, as well. Some kind of ‘women are lifebringers and death deliverers.’ Ryuk knows it’s bullshit, as shinigami are barely gendered, and male shinigami exist. 

The bus hostage scene goes even easier for Light in this universe. Raye/Raya largely underestimates the high-school girl who seems to be under threat– and Light kills her and her team. This is notably the first time Light has actively targeted a woman, especially one who wasn’t a criminal, and marks a turning point in her descent. When Naomi/Noah arrives, he is inadvertently the one who reveals to Light that L is a woman. He also doesn't see the threat that Light poses when they meet, blinded both by his own grief and her act as a helpless schoolgirl. 

When his stalker also drops dead of a heart attack, it becomes a catalyzing moment. He was unable to be strong enough once again, he just froze like a deer in the headlights. When he meets Rem and inherits Gelus’s death note, he becomes convinced that helping Kira is the only way he can make up for his own cowardice. He tracks down Light, and under the guise of asking her on a date, reveals that he’s the second Kira. 

When he confesses his devotion to Light, it is entirely genuine, and it disturbs the hell out of Light. She thinks he’s a neanderthal who only sees her as another pretty woman, especially when he implies himself to be the jealous type. This also marks the beginning of her use of seduction to get her way, and chooses to practise on Kiyomi/Kiyoshi Takada. 

When Misa/Masa is kidnapped by L, he’s a lot more brazen, although not in a particularly helpful way. It builds him up a lot that he’s able to withstand the torture without giving up Light– this is penance to him, he’s being strong and protecting her. 

The yotsuba arc otherwise goes about the same, with the mind games between L and Light and the Girlboss-ified Yotsuba company. Light objects so strongly to the kind of gaslighting that L is putting her through, and it’s more convincing for her perceived “feminine gentleness.” She accuses L of wanting her to be Kira, and at the same time is grateful and hates that she doesn't have Kira’s power. The Murder/Suicide plotline of Sochiro/Sachiko and Light is a lot more meaningful– it’s really deliciously the desperation of a mother who can’t trust her own child, and really puts forth a “You were a mistake I made that I can correct” feeling. 

When L dies, it's just as much of a shock, but it’s still an ultimate act of love. Rem loves Misa/Masa in the way only a gay guardian angel can, and Misa/Masa loves Light in only the way that a young man who believes a woman can fix him and the world can. 

And then… Near, who has begun to dominate as the #1 in line for L’s successor at Wammy’s, and Mello, who has felt like an object all her life and blames Near… they come into the spotlight. 

POST TIME SKIP- 

The major differences in this arc are as follows: 

Mello is a lot more violent in the Mafia. Rod/Rio Ross was a mob wife who’s husband Mello killed, and the two of them inherited the gang and overturned it. She builds manpower through promising other people freedom. When she comes out with the head of a criminal not even Kira could kill, it’s for a human trafficker, and her main loyal crew is of ex sex workers and trafficked kids. They respect Mello, not because she treats them like people, but because she offers them power in a way that most pimps can’t manage.  And because she truly believes that she’s one of them– grabbed as a little girl to be turned into someone’s object, only to escape via blood on her hands. She feels no remorse for blowing them all up, because she believes that all of them, including herself, were going to go out– fighting and in flames. 

Hal/Halle Linder is the only man who survives the initial cull of the SPK, and Near suspects that Mello will try to seduce him, because it’s her usual MO. She doesn't predict that Hal/Halle and Mello already knew each other– or that Mello has been disfigured.

Teru/Terumi Mikami still tracks down Light through Kiyomi/Kiyoshi Takada. She assumes from the very beginning that Takada and Amane are tools that will be killed– I think she’s in love with Light, and also follows that kind of disdain for men that certain toxic lesbians subscribe to. This is important because–

Mello doesn't allow Takada the privacy to kill her. She kidnaps Takada and has no problem stripping him “What, you don’t think I’ve seen anything before, handsome?” And Takada has no bra to hide the scrap of notebook in.

So what happens when the news goes live that Takada has been kidnapped? Mikami scrambles to kill their male co-conspirators. While Light hopes to wait it out and trust him to handle himself, Mikami writes his name in the notebook in order to destroy him, and all the evidence Mello might be able to get. This does allow Stephen/Stephani Gevanni to replace the real notebook with a fake, but it doesn't save Matt, who is still shot by Takada’s bodyguards on television. 

Near realises this has happened when Amane drops dead in her custody. Hal/Halle arrives to find Mello in the burning ruins of her kidnapping. In Masa/Misa’s place, Near sends Mello, in disguise as the male idol, to the Imperial Hotel. Light does not learn that he is dead until she is dying herself. 

Finally, even when they meet face to face, Light is never certain of Near’s gender. While Mello wears femininity like futch was a kind of weapon, Near wears shapeless pyjamas and could as easily be an 18 year old girl or a 12 year old boy. It’s something that enrages Light– to believe that L, her ultimate rival, was replaced by a little boy. 

I'm so sorry to whoever sent this ask (it got lost), but also I could write a 10 page thesis on this, so please be patient for a little longer and I'll add my thoughts on this soon!

[quicktimeeventfull]

okay, following up on this post about why queerness is foundational to death note, here’s my take on why light-as-transgender works even though the actual evidence points more towards him being gay/aro/ace:

imo the important part of the death note’s themes is the queerness itself, not light’s specific identity. the relevant themes are basically:

the curation of the self, both inwardly and outwardly, paired with light’s continual refusal to acknowledge that this curation is happening or that it could have a destructive impact on himself

the invasion of light’s domestic life and physical space, paired with light’s acceptance of this as inevitable and his repeated invocation of gender norms to combat said invasion

the continual equivocation of light’s queerness being discovered with literal death (because light repeatedly uses heterosexuality to throw off the various investigation teams, he will be executed if it’s discovered that he’s not behaving in an appropriately heterosexual way)

although these things are expressed largely via light being gay/ace/aro, i believe that the actual core of them is rooted in how he interacts more broadly with queerness, and in particular with a queer-specific sense of isolation and identity management. they fall apart if you remove the queer context, but i think they remain perfectly intact if you apply a different and/or additional queer identity.

there are also a few important but less foundational aspects that apply specifically to the embodied experience of queerness, which does tend to be particularly relevant to trans-ness:

light’s decision to subject his body to confinement in order to dissociate and abstract himself from it. this is especially poignant because of his visceral understanding that his experience of his own body can be weaponized (against both himself and L) not just his actual body. i’m always kind of struck by how quietly violent the yotsuba arc is, and how all that violence is rooted in light subjecting himself to this claustrophobic sense of disorientation

the way L severs the body and the self. L-the-concept is an extremely abstracted, disembodied creation. L-the-person is intensely embodied, with a huge amount of focus on his sensory experience and consumption of food. light is notably good at slipping in and out of the L persona, both before and after L’s death, and i personally think that reinforces both the fluidity of identity and light’s broad dissociation from his own sense of self. i wouldn’t point this out as something suggestive of queerness in and of itself, but i think it’s relevant when seen in concert with the broader themes of disembodiment and alienation towards oneself (also, as a side note, in the anime L’s synthesized voice is much more androgynous than his real voice, and misa’s synthesized kira voice is much more masculine than her own, so i’d argue there is something identifiably gendered about the personas)

i said this above, but wanted to emphasize the degree of physical surveillance and invasion light is constantly under — between ryuk, the cameras and the chain, he is basically never alone. he doesn’t get to grow up with a private conception of his body

these themes and frameworks absolutely exist in modern queer media, but i’d note that they were even more prevalent in the early 2000s, and that it was much less common at that point in time to see them paired with the celebratory aspects of queerness.

anyway, i hope that shows why imo light has the potential for substantial resonance as a transgender figure, even if he isn’t himself canonically transgender. i think about this constantly so please feel free to ask if you want me to expand or clarify any point!

[mikami]

Can you do an analysis of Light in part II

It took me a bit, but yes, absolutely! First, I’ll take this spot to promote casuistor’s early canon Light and Yotsuba Arc Light analyses. I absolutely concur with what is said in them and for a full picture of Light, they’re recommended reading. I can’t claim to know if Casuistor would fully agree with what I have to say about Arc 2 Light now, but I can at least hope that this patches together to a coherent characterization, haha.

Eclipse - An Analysis of 23 year old Light Yagami.

Light in after the timeskip is a little tricky because we don’t get to see a lot of him at his ‘status quo’. Very early on Sayu gets kidnapped and from then on we largely see Light in stress situations which is only minorly conductive to figuring out how he changed at baseline between ages 18 and 23. I will still attempt to do this and establish where life brought him in those five years first of all.

First off, he finished his undergraduate college education. This is a 4 year program, so from spring 2005 to spring 2009, this is part of what keeps Light busy. The other is his two jobs as Kira and as L, each of which must have eaten up a good amount of his time. And yet, Light did at least a minimum of socializing as well:

In the first arc, Light and Takada date for exactly two days and knew each other for maybe a month. There isn’t any space for them to be having these in-depth conversations here - it makes much more sense that Light smoothed things over between them after returning from confinement. It’s not like him to leave a blemish like him cheating on and then ghosting Takada stand uncorrected. It appears they became friends afterwards and only fully lost contact when Takada graduated, around a year before Light did (since she didn’t miss a year due to being a Kira suspect)…. This just goes to establish that during the majority of the time-skip, Light absolutely does keep up his charming good boy public image.

He also keeps Misa reasonably happy - though he does not show her any overt affections, he doesn’t neglect her to a degree she’s uncomfortable with and it’s canon that they are sexually active together. (Elaborations: here and here).

I’m bringing all this up immediately because there is often an assumption that the Light we see the most in the second arc is fully reflective of his attitude during the timeskip, which I think is demonstrably untrue.

Nevertheless, it would also be wrong to say Light didn’t change at all.

For one, obviously, he gets a job. Contrary to popular opinion, Light’s work is NOT just being on the Kira Task Force. When the second arc starts up properly, he’s already been working on the information bureau for 6 months. And this is canonically not just a cover as Light mentions work from it that he was involved with:

So this brings Light up to 3 labor-intense jobs - NPA, L, Kira. Even with task delegating, that’s a lot of work. If there’s just one word to describe young adult Light it’s simply ‘busy’. He’s just so busy.

The other thing that notably changed is his relationship to Soichiro. This change took root during the Yotsuba Arc and spans further and further now. Though Light still looks up to his father, he is no longer hesitant to talk back to Soichiro - likewise, Soichiro often defers to him through this arc. The two of them have become adults of equal standing by now. Soichiro is no longer the unquestioned patriarch of the Yagami family. 

Now, there isn’t a lot of space to examine Light’s adult daily life demeanor in, but the image he gives off in the few scenes we get is that he’s become a more serious and stoic person over his years of being busy and living a double life. The double life aspect is especially highlighted in the brief Yagami family scene.

Though we see Light laugh along with his family, his eyes are obscured in both instances. With Light, this is classically a visual cue towards emotional conflict rather than plain lying. The issue here isn’t that he’s faking it, the issue is that his double life existence is taking some amount of mental toll on him.

At the start of the second arc we are introduced to the setting information that Kira has been gaining more and more wide-spread acceptance across the globe. Yet the Yagami family stands firmly against Kira, not exactly to Light’s delight. In the end, his family members are the prototypical ‘good people’ that he’s making his new world for in the first place. I’ve discussed ad nausea that Light desires his father approval, but his sister’s and mother’s opinion matter to him as well. Above all other people, Light loves his family. Five years of playing charades and listening to them vehemently disagree with his actions have created a sense of emotional disconnect though, which I think is visible in his vacant expressions during this scene.  

Since Light isn’t currently facing any thrilling challenge, I get the feeling that his mentality during this timeframe is a sense of ‘just a bit further until….’. He’s not living in the moment so much as dismissing the moment as temporary inconvenience on his quest towards the ideal he is striving for. (Which isn’t to say I see him as totally emotionally absent. This is just the underlying current.)

And that’s where we have Light at the end of Volume 7. And with Volume 8, he is immediately tossed into great emotional peril with Sayu’s kidnapping. This would be the first big segment you’d need to cover for second arc Light, but it’s already been written out brilliant by casuistor in the second half of this post. The bottom line is: Light changes all his plans to his disadvantage because he loves his sister and wants her safe, hurray! This is relevant to every arc Light really, loving his family is a big constant with him.

How much this all stresses him out is evident in him getting loud and abrasive, which isn’t much his usual behavior. (Again, I’d argue Misa seems surprised by this outburst more than anything - I don’t believe this has been a pattern between them at any point during the timeskip.)

Especially since he goes back to being smarmy as is default with her once the threat to his sister is dealt with.

The other big thing that happens in Volume 8 is obviously him meeting Mello and Near, who are the ones reintroducing struggle into Light’s stagnant life.

The meeting with Near immediately evokes the tension of a battle with L for Light - for Mello, the association doesn’t come until Sayu is out of immediate danger. Either way, for the time being the presence of these two kind of anchors Light. Having something to fight and schemes to do to keep his brain actively engaged tends to be something that makes him thrive.

It’s cool that he himself points out how thematically Mello and Near are challenging him on two different facets of his existence. The fact that it’s a challenge is also what sets this apart from Light vs L in the first arc. Though Light hadn’t initially known it, back then L was the established force and Light was the newcomer and challenger. Now Light is established in both areas and Mello and Near are the ones attacking his existent positions - that’s why he views them as roadblocks to outplay rather than as nemeses. He views himself, from the get-go, as the person with the upper hand - this brand of confidence is only possible because the timeskip existed and made Light get used to this as status quo.

And this about sums-up Light in the first half of the second arc. It’s important to note that as far as Light characterization is concerned the second arc really does segment mid volume 9. His father’s death is an event that changes Light significantly on every count.

I wrote it out before, so in the name of not getting super repetitive, here’s the key elements of Soichiro’s death as far as Light is concerned. 

It was not what Light planned. He wanted to kill Matsuda, he never even considered his father would volunteer.

Soichiro dies while expressing happiness that Light is not Kira - thus cementing once and for all that Light will never and can never attain his father’s approval that he yearns for.

Soichiro’s statement also implies that he still had doubts about Light’s innocence, even after mock-shooting him in the face and working alongside him for years. Light also learns his father never trusted him fully.

Basically everything Light wants from his father is negated and denied and then Soichiro is dead, leaving Light with no way to rectify things.

We’d established in the early paragraphs of this that a lot of Light acting as Kira was a matter of waiting until his family approves. Soichiro’s passing now makes this ‘until’ an impossibility. And that hurts badly.

Light deals with this by rationalizing everything to the n-th degree. He focuses himself on killing Mello during his father’s death to push the emotions as far away as possible and after that tries to cut himself off from his father emotionally as much as possible. This includes being avoidant to the rest of his family who remind him of the cocktail of unresolved emotions he has simmering below:

And then changes in his rhetoric and candidness about his thoughts are also immediately apparent. I feel like I cap this scene in every second post I write but it’s simply too relevant to ever be left out:

Again, we’re dealing with the hidden eyes visual cue that usually indicates that Light is saying the truth or is very emotionally conflicted about what he’s saying.

So here we have Light fully verbally acknowledging Kira’s evil-ness, to the world, to himself. Soichiro always thought of Kira as evil and how badly that wounded Light is one of the key segments early in the first arc. Now, Soichiro’s stance is eternal, because Soichiro is gone. Light has to acknowledge it as unchangable fact - so he focuses his rhetoric on the idea of sacrifice once more.

This little speech isn’t for the sake of the task force members, it’s Light’s answer to his dead father; Light re-convincing himself of his whole scheme.

None of these are brand-new thoughts for Light, but the timing and intensity with which they surface here is noteworthy.

(Side Note: from this point on, the usage of the hidden eye cue for Light changes a little - up until here it’d been used pretty much exclusively for Light being emotional. Now it is also often used when we see the scene from Aizawa’s perspective, symbolizing his distrust of Light - how he feels he and Light literally cannot talk eye to to eye because Light is lying. The inconsistency in the visual language is kind of annoying, but ah well.)

Further, Light loses his qualms about going against Soichiro’s morals in front of the task force. Now that there is no father there to judge him anymore, he doesn’t put too much care into keeping up appearances. Where in the Yotsuba Arc Light had made plenty clear that he’s his father’s good son who would never use people, he just… totally gives up on this now. Though in front of his father Light always acted out that he and Misa are an actual couple, he now cheats on her without so much as a feigned hesitance.

His excuse regarding Takada is half-hearted at best as well. Of course, this in part just relates to Ohba not putting any care into writing women or people’s feelings about women. But on a solely in-universe level, this is a notable shift in how manipulative Light lets people see him as.

The rest of the task force simply does not matter to him as more than mere pawns - their opinion of him is only important when it comes to threat level assessment. Light’s actual morality chain is gone now.

Light’s characterization during this time-frame is a little tough to talk about because there isn’t a lot of added value, if that makes sense? He’s the Light we know but less. His character change isn’t defined by new traits emerging so much as old traits falling away: Light doesn’t joke around anymore, Light doesn’t bother to hide duplicitous nature as much anymore. And notably, Light doesn’t really get emotional key moments anymore either.

He’s mostly just… this. He’s laser-focused on his plan and his victory while pushing aside any personal elements. 

Only with Takada, he amps up the charm again and acts more like his first arc self, but that’s not a positive statement to their relationship.

To Light, this is solely functional rather than relaxing. He was going to kill Takada along with everyone else who knows of the notebook right after the 28th, rather than keep her around for use. The only one who would have survived this rampage would have been Mikami, solely because he has the eyes and that is still useful.

And with all of this as our baseline, we move into the finale.

Going into the warehouse, Light is, above all, overconfident. In his mind, he’s won before he even sets foot into the Yellow Box. 

When he unfavorably compares Near to L, he’s in truth saying more about himself and his own mindset than he is saying about Near. He took L more seriously, not because L was better, but because he himself was more alert and aware of the possibility of failure. Earlier in the arc, Light even refers to Near as ‘worse’ than L on the threat-scale... He’s lost all of this now. The level of detached scheming he has reached after his father’s death is to the detriment of his maneuvering ability. 

Light now relies on the fact that he’s the established power and views himself as inherently victorious - though Light has always been arrogant, he used to not fully underestimate people this way. He has become complacent in his arrogance - I do think that is related to how dead inside he is generally, too.

So when it turns out that he has in fact been outplayed, he takes it harsher than he ever took any set-backs before. Instead of taking reparation measures immediately, he reacts with disbelief and badly thought out excuses.

Light is fully caught off-guard by his own failure.

He is laid bare in front of everybody. Light has spent the last five years consistently lying to everybody around him, but now he is proverbially naked. This panel uses the same visual language as when Light regained his memories at the end of the Yotsuba-arc. Here and there, a split-up Light becomes more himself. There, the literally memorywiped Light got reunited with his full plans. Here, Light’s masks fall away and he’s only himself in the eyes of himself and the world. 

Sometimes all you can do is laugh (tm).

Now Light finally gets to lay all the justifications he’s always told himself about his actions as Kira out in the open. And this time, maybe for the first time ever, literally every part of him believes in it. Now that everything has fallen away, this self-justification is literally all that Light has left and he’ll cling to it like a drowning man clings to a log of wood.

I think this is really the moment where Light ‘comes together’ so to speak. Masks and excuses conflate with the person, become one on every level.

For a large amount of the second arc Light has been driving on scheme-y autopilot but now his heart is fully in it once more. There is no more ‘until’. He’s justice now, he erased the last fraction of doubt now.... and it doesn’t help him.

Light is fully unified as himself for the first time.

And he’s also completely alone for the first time.

His entire life, Light had people look up to him. He’s always been adored. There has never ever been a situation in which there was truly nobody on Light’s side - not in all of his 23 years, not until now. 

And that’s the one thing Light can truly not believe. The one certainty in his life has always been that people look up to him. Now he’s on the floor, crawling in his own blood, and nobody is his ally. He can’t and won’t believe it.

And that’s why he asks Ryuk for help. And that’s why Ryuk kills him.

At the very end of his life, Light is a scared child. He comes full circle from the time he found the Death Note and thought he’d die for accidentally using it - he’s back to this fear of death, only this time it’s worse. Then, he had hope to change the world in his days before death. Now, he has changed it, and he realizes that’s not enough. Leaving a legacy is not simply not enough.

Light wants to live.

All these years of feeding himself the narrative of self-sacrifice for the greater good... and at the bottom line below all that, what he really wants is to live.

Too late for that.

[t4tlawlight]

Intimacy versus isolation is the sixth stage of Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development. This stage takes place during young adulthood between the ages of approximately 18 to 40 yrs.

During this period, the major conflict centers on forming intimate, loving relationships with other people. We begin to share ourselves more intimately with others. We explore relationships leading toward longer-term commitments with someone other than a family member.

Successful completion of this stage can result in happy relationships and a sense of commitment, safety, and care within a relationship. Avoiding intimacy, fearing commitment and relationships can lead to isolation, loneliness, and sometimes depression. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of love.

– “ Erik Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development”

...if we want the rewards of being loved, we must submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

– “I Know What You Think of Me”  

this post is the second in a series about the tv drama! if you haven’t read the first part, you don’t have the full picture! read it HERE

this post is going to focus on L, and namely the way his relationships forge him into a better person across the span of the tv drama, and then it’s going to close off the cliffhanger on the previous post!

at the beginning of the series, the L we meet is decidedly not a good person. he’s not moralistic in the slightest, and we see him perform some pretty ghastly human rights violations across the series. he loves to say he's “just” and that the people he’s fighting against are evil, to the point that where soichiro questions him, he denies kira’s humanity by comparing him to a demon or devil:

Soichiro: You’ve gone too far. L: You shouldn’t think of Kira as human. He’s the devil.

-- Episode 1

[photo: a close up shot of L. we see him from the shoulders up, wearing his usual white ensemble, dark hair a mess. he is looking up at something above the camera. he is saying, "This Kira is a devil stained in greed."]

-- Episode 6

he’s very much like light in that regard. but he believes he has a right to spit in the face of basic human rights because the ends justify the means and that makes him, specifically, justified to do whatever he wants.

Matsuda: Sir, L just confirmed Kira’s existence and where he’s hiding in one fell swoop. Aizawa: Matsuda! Mogi: Pipe down. You saw that he sacrificed the life of a man to do it, even if he was scheduled to die. He’s doing the same thing Kira is.

-- Episode 1

worse, when called out on it directly by members of the task force (other than soichiro, generally speaking), L tends to throw it back in their faces by bringing up their fears of being killed by Kira if they don’t allow him to do what he wants:

Matsuda: You need to stop this at once! There must be other ways of investigating! L: Are you going to start an inquiry? Exposing your name and face to Kira? Mogi: This is a human rights violation. This would cost us more than our jobs. L: I thought we were risking our lives for this investigation, not our jobs.

-- Episode 4

Mogi: L, all else aside, this is a violation of human rights! L: Would you like to conduct the interrogation in the room itself? Showing your face to her?

-- Episode 6

this is exacerbated by the fact that L isn’t a detective because he genuinely believes in detective work as a way to enact justice. this is L's hobby. he's here to win, not to do the good thing, because that's not his style. he comes in on difficult that he thinks will be a good way to entertain himself and stretch his imagination, and then he solves them, and then he wins.

L: But that’s no reason to just give up and turn yourself in, Kira. You’re going to be found and your method of killing exposed...  by me.

-- Episode 1

L: It didn't matter to me who the perpetrator was. On the contrary, I thought that to solve a crime with no clues at all would be the greatest thrill possible.

-- Episode 8

worst of all is that, while he justifies his human rights violations and outright torture of light and misa with it being a necessity, drama L--unlike in other adaptations--approaches it with utter glee, laughing as he keeps light awake for days on end and light begins to lose his sense of time, even while lying about kira not being active.

L: Light-kun! Don’t go to sleep! Kira hasn’t shown up yet. 

L: [laughing] Are you okay? It appears your sense of time is beginning to atrophy.

-- Episode 6

so, in the beginning, L is, as i said, very much not moralistic. he's never had his perspective challenged in his life--near and watari are exactly the same way. watari is the one who enacts most of the things L says, and rarely offers dissent. when he does disapprove of L’s actions, he won’t do anything to stop them, and often won’t complain more than shaking his head and grumbling.

then he meets soichiro, and the very first thing soichiro does is ask:

[photo: soichiro yagami sitting at a desk. matsuda is standing behind him, and himura is standing a little further back. yagami is wearing a suit and tie, speaking to L on a laptop computer. he is asking, "What do you think human life is?"]

-- Episode 1

and soichiro questions L about lind L tailor for a little bit, demanding to know if L suspected the man could die. and L argues that he had permission, but later he  calls on soichiro specifically to help him. this is partially because of soichiro’s hostage situation that paves the way for a lot of L’s suspicion on light, of course, but watari seems to think otherwise:

Watari: That’s unusual. You never invite people to meet you. Did his scolding have an effect on you, then? You like him, don’t you? L: ... Watari: You don’t meet many people who can leave you speechless.

-- Episode 1

later, L tells soichiro that L is fond of him directly:

L: I believe you are an extremely wonderful policeman. And to me, you are like a father, as well. 

-- Episode 10

and soichiro calls out a lot of the things L does in these first episodes. L has been allowed to do whatever he wants for a long time; furthermore, he never shows himself to people aside from watari and near/mello. so soichiro is possibly the first person who matters who calls L out on something like lind L tailor, and is furious when L brings the FBI to Japan:

Soichiro: Either way, I can’t approve of FBI investigators having free reign to investigate on Japanese soil. I’m going to report this. [Soichiro leaves.] L: Do you think I made him angry? Watari: Oh, well... Quite.

-- Episode 2

later, when yotsuba-light comes on scene, the same thing happens, in a little way. yotsuba light scolds L whenever he’s a little bankrupt in the morals department and simultaneously is much, much more morally upright (in yotsuba arc) himself, asking L to be on the team so he could help stop kira (which moved L to taking off the handcuffs!). L says he thinks light has a lot of potential under the surface on multiple occasions, and credits himself for the transformation:

L: I appreciate your talent. Now, it’s possible that talent only blossomed since you met me... Maybe there was nothing to trigger it before, but there’s something very passionate sleeping inside you. I was thinking I could use that in the service of good.

-- Episode 5

Light: Please, let me help. I want to catch Kira with you. Soichiro: Light... Light: If we’re going to be tied together because you suspect me anyway, Ryuga, I want to be tied to you in purpose, as well. Matsuda: But Light-kun is a student... L: He’s no mere student. As the one who encouraged his talent to bloom, I guarantee this. Let’s catch Kira and finish this together.

-- Episode 7

furthermore, L believes yotsuba light--he doesn’t think he’s lying to him.

L: By the way, Light-kun, you wanted to enter public service, didn’t you? Light: Yeah. Why? L: The police are a public service, aren’t they? When you were a child, you wanted to be one, didn’t you? Light: When my mother died when I was a kid, my father was off chasing a criminal... I thought my father’s form of justice couldn’t be worth much, if he had to sacrifice even his family to see it through. But... yeah. Now I sort of feel like I understand. Because I feel the same way he did. I want to catch Kira, no matter what. L: [internally] From what I can see, this seems unlikely to be a performance to deceive us. Which means...

-- Episode 7

between soichiro and yotsuba light, L receives quite a bit of both feedback on his own actions and examples to go by.

there’s one major example of L’s change, morally speaking: when raye penber is approached by kira, L and watari are listening, but in an example of early L being deficit in the morals department, he doesn’t move to do anything. he doesn’t warn the FBI, he doesn’t stop raye. L tells watari not to do anything, because they have the opportunity to perhaps learn how Kira kills.

[photo 1:  a close up shot of L. he is staring wide-eyed to the viewer's left, holding a green lucky charge jelly pouch. he is asking, "You want to kill the whole FBI?"

photo 2:  L is sitting at his desk on his laptop, holding a lucky charge pouch and staring at his computer. watari stands beside him, wearing a brown suit and a bowtie, saying, "L..."

photo 3:  L again, at his desk in front of his laptop. he is holding a lucky charge pouch close to his mouth. he is saying, "We could learn how Kira kills."]

--  Episode 3

Matsuda: Then you used him as bait? L: I did it to catch Kira. I didn’t have a choice. Aizawa: Didn’t have a choice?!

-- Episode 4

and L, after the FBI in japan are wiped out is clearly affected, but it’s less guilt from all of the people he let die and more to do with perceiving himself as having lost.

L: After I was so close to learning how Kira kills...

L: This time, I lost.

-- Episode 3

flash forward forward to yotsuba arc and yotsuba light and specifically the final confrontation with higuchi. higuchi, now with the shinigami eyes, is now going to the drama version of sakura TV to kill matsuda. they have this exchange:

[photo 1: light speaking into a wireless microphone. we see him from the shoulders up, wearing black. he is saying, "Dad, arrest Higuchi the minute he gets there."

photo 2: a close up shot of L and light. we cannot see light's face, as he's turned to L in surprise. L says into a microphone, "No. Let's watch him a little longer."

photo 3:  the same scene, countermeasures. L is sitting at his desk, holding a microphone close to himself. light stands beside him, laptop open on the desk. he is asking L, "Hey. What are you talking about?"]

-- Episode 7

this is the perfect parallel to the raye penber situation. L wants to let higuchi continue to sakura TV and act unimpeded in his attempt to kill matsuda because at this stage they still don’t know how Kira kills, which is precisely how raye penber died. this time, however, light argues with him:

L: We haven’t established his method of killing yet. Light: This is Kira we’re dealing with! Matsuda-san and my dad are in danger! L: In order to catch Kira, we must confirm his way of killing. Light: People’s lives are on the line! Hey. All the names of the people killed so far are written in that notebook, right? That would be proof, wouldn’t it? Even if we learn how he kills people, if a comrade dies, that’s losing, in my opinion.

-- Episode 7

and this is the first real evidence that the yagamis are actively changing the way L operates, because he does. 

L: Yagami-san, arrest Higuchi. Like the second Kira, Higuchi has become a Kira that can kill by face alone. Please keep that in mind when you arrest him.  Soichiro: Got it. Light: Ryuga... L: We won’t let the likes of Higuchi beat us. Let’s get that notebook as proof.

-- Episode 7

they do the mannequin swap and catch higuchi and nobody else dies.

soichiro has exactly the same impact-- in the manga, L dies because he's going to test the 13 day rule by having a prisoner on death row write in it, and if they don't die in 13 days they get to go free. this is what makes rem kill him to protect misa, because doing this, despite it being perhaps not the most morally upright thing, is guaranteed to prove that the 13 day rule is fraudulent. 

he never does this in the drama, because when he tells soichiro he had the idea, they have this exchange:

L: I thought about negotiating with the Ministry of Justice to see if they would verify it by carrying out death sentences.  Soichiro: I can’t approve of that. Even if they’re on death row, they’re still people. If we take their lives indiscriminately, we’re no different than Kira. L: I thought you’d say that, so I decided not to. 

-- Episode 8

yet again, L doesn’t go with the easy solution because interacting with the yagamis has inflicted him with some semblance of morality.

at this point, it’s important to discuss the nature of L and light’s relationship in the tv drama. for the most part, it’s similar to how it operates in the mangaverse, but with a major exception: L and light buy into their own manipulation. frequently, L and light call each other their friends:

L: Be my friend. That’s the favor I wanted. 

--  Episode 4

Light: If I were Kira, I wouldn’t say that, would I? L: That’s true. I guess you really aren’t Kira after all. I certainly hope you aren’t, anyway. Because you’re the first friend I’ve ever had.

-- Episode 5

these incidents in the tv drama are just like in the manga: examples of L and light manipulating each other. the change arises when light loses his memories and thus the context of the mind games--he begins to earnestly believe that L and light are friends.

[photo 1: a dimly-lit shot of only light's face. he is begging L, "Please believe me!"

photo 2: he asks, "We're friends, aren't we?"]

-- Episode 6

Matsuda: Did L tell you to call him Ryuga? Light: Yes. It’s the alias he used the first time we met. Matsuda: If you know it’s an alias, why do you call him that? Light: The truth is, I guess I’d rather he be my friend Ryuga than the detective L.

-- Episode 7

Light: I would have wanted to show you, too… The world Kira would create… If I could have… I’d have wanted… I’d have wanted to be your friend forever.

-- Episode 8

this in turn, combined with spending prolonged time with light during yotsuba arc, has an effect on L. 

Near: Hey, why did you let Yagami Light in on the investigation? You think he’ll let something slip? L: That’s part of it.  Near: So you do think he’s Kira. L: I don’t know. Part of me wants him to be Kira. Part of me wouldn’t mind if he wasn’t.

-- Episode 7

it's the second part of that line from the drama i used as evidence earlier--

L: It didn't matter to me who the perpetrator was. On the contrary, I thought that to solve a crime with no clues at all would be the greatest thrill possible.  L: Then I met you, and for the first time, I became interested in a person.

-- Episode 8

thus begins the ending to episode 8 and the beginning of episode 9, which forms one coherent scene which i’ve nicknamed “the blue scene” as shorthand, so now you know what i mean when i reference it. the blue scene truly begins with L inviting light to an abandoned building--perhaps one under construction--and invites light to join him after presumably pondering the situation there for some time.

we learn from near THIS LITTLE COMMENT near the end of the show:

Near: L struggled over whether or not he should reveal your identity. It's possible he was trying to understand, in his own way, how you felt becoming Kira.

-- Episode 11

this mindset we can see during this scene where L is doing puzzles with near:

[photo 1:  a completely white puzzle with no designs or patterns. it is unfinished, piece pieces surrounding an empty gray space. L is thinking, "If Kira's power does move between people, then it must be the will of Kira himself."

photo 2: L, wearing an extremely neutral expression. he is holding up a white puzzle piece between his index and thumb, staring at it. he is thinking, "Even if Yagami Light's memories of being Kira have been erased--"

photo 3: L from the waist up, sitting down on the floor. near is sitting in front of him, although we can only see the back of his arm as he faces L. L's thought from the first photo continues with, "--could he still recover that ability?"

photo 4:  L rests his elbow on his knee, still sitting on the floor. his eyes are downcast. He is thinking, "I don't sense anything suspicious from Yagami Light."

photo 5:  L, staring down at the puzzle. He is thinking, "I just have to capture the current Kira and finish this."]

-- Episode 7

L makes a concentrated effort to understand how and why light became kira, as shown in the beginning of the blue scene when he asks light why he became kira in the first place and then tells him L’s best guess as to why--which, because L knows the situation and light himself so well at this point, is the correct answer.

L: Why did you start using this thing? Did you lose to the allure? The first time you killed someone, it was not fully understanding what the notebook did, right? Then you got scared and tried to throw it away, right? But you were forced into a situation where you had no choice but to use it. 

L: Then Yagami Light became Kira. No... The voices of those who despised crime turned Yagami Light into Kira. But that’s just an excuse, isn’t it?

L: I want to stop you. Because we’re friends, you know? So admit you’ve lost. That you’re Kira.

-- Episode 8

and part of this is because he's been with yotsuba arc light. he likes him, he’s taken his advice. it's not as cut and dry as "i arrest light, i arrest Kira, and i win the game." anymore.

the entire episode 8 section of the blue scene is, to be clear, just a parallel of the scene where soichiro pretends to shoot light to prove he’s not kira. it's exactly the same. they bring light out, give light a scenario, and then threaten to murder him and see what happens. 

[photo 1: soichiro yagami, pointing a gun at his son. the first photo is from further away; we can see light cowering on the ground and staring down the barrel. he says, "As fellow murderers,” 

photo 2: soichiro from the shoulders up, brow furrowed. he finishes, "let's meet again in Hell."]

-- Episode 6

[photo:  the blue scene. the lighting is a saturated blue, tinting L's shirt and skin. he looks down, saying, "Then let's meet in the afterlife in thirteen days."]

-- Episode 8

whereas yotsuba-light passed the test, light in the blue scene does not.

[photo 1: light stands above L, who has been thrown against some construction materials and is laying on the ground. light is saying, "I can't afford to lose to you."

photo 2:  photo 2: from shoulders-up, we see light looking regretfully down at L. he is saying, "I'm creating a perfect world, without crime."]

-- Episode 8

that being said, in order to understand L and his decision making in this scene, you have to also understand that L thought that he was safe--that Light had no chance of getting his name. that was not part of the scenario in L's head. L had no way of predicting mikami being in the countermeasures office at that exact moment.

L spends the entire scene basically asking light over and fucking over again just to admit he's kira. 

[photo 1: the first of multiple screenshots of the blue scene in which L is in various degrees of being brutalized, because he and light are fighting physically throughout. in the first, they are facing each other, standing. L says, "So admit you've lost."

photo 2: L is crouched over. we cannot see most of his face or expression. he says, "Then admit you've lost!"

photo 3: L is splayed against some construction materials. blood drips from the corner of his mouth. he is curled in on himself, covering his stomach with his arm. he is saying, "Will you admit you've lost and atone for your crimes, 

photo 4: L finishes, “or write your own name in there and die?"]

-- Episode 8

given that the death note is fake L essentially gives him two options that ultimately amount to telling L that he’s Kira, except one of them is telling L he's kira with words and one of them is telling L he's Kira by trying to kill himself if light didn’t get mikami's help in that moment, his options are to do either of those things, deny it until soichiro and the rest arrived, leave outright, or... kill L with his bare hands, which is the most unlikely scenario here.

this is all the same reason why L doesn't really fight in the fight scene--he puts up the illusion of a fight, as though he wants Light to give up the note, but in reality he wants light to get the note.

if you watch through the scene, it plays out like this:

light slaps the death note out of his hands.

L bodychecks light into some, like, bags of padding so he doesn’t grab it.

light kicks L in the stomach with both feet.

L pushes light again once he grabs the death note. he does it once again once they both get to it.

light kicks L in the stomach for the second time. he then  grabs L on the ground and punches L in the face with such force that his skull bounces off the concrete.

L then walks off his concussion and actually punches light, actually attacking him for the only time during the sequence before yelling at him

light knees L in the stomach, for the third time; punches him in the face; and then kicks L in the stomach for the fourth time.

L falls against some boxes and sandbags and the fight is over.

the only time L actually hits light is the punch after light knocks his skull against the floor. the rest of the time he’s grappling because he wants Light to think he's in danger, and he wants to see who he really is. because he likes light. he likes light enough that he struggles enough with whether or not he wants to arrest him and tries to see his point of view, enough so that near knows about it and can comment about it. and light fails spectacularly. he gets the mikami message which is proof enough that he's kira on its own. if he stopped it there, that’s enough proof for an arrest. he didn't need light to write his name if it were a test to see if light is kira. but it isn't. because L already knew that. he wanted to know what light would do, and he found out.

L: Do you feel like you’re God? Light: Kira could become God!

-- Episode 9

which i think is why he’s so bent on having light confess in the first place. he's not doing it just to arrest the man, which is why it's a "who he is as a person" test. that's WHY it's the same as the yotsuba light test up until light fails, at which point they actually start very obviously drawing parallels to the lind L tailor test, which was lights first big failure and really the start of his moral event horizon and the beginning of their rivalry to begin with.

Lind L. Tailor: Justice always wins. Light: No, it doesn’t, That’s why Kira was born!

-- Episode 1

L: Justice always wins.  Light: No, it doesn’t. That’s why Kira was born.

-- Episode 9

but also more than that L wanted light to confess to him so that he could satisfy that part of him that started this, that has to Win the Game. the part of him that’s been taking cases all of this time. if light gives up L can say he won and satisfy that part of him, because up until now his moral compass was guided by what was most interesting to him, and of  course the kira case was as he said very interesting to him. but he wants to move on from it so that he can be friends with light. he wants to know that light trusts him too and wants to be friends so that he can have light work with him instead and use his genius constructively.

L mentions multiple times that since light has met L he’s had the chance to show the genius that was hidden because of light’s stagnant upbringing, and L wants light to work with him. at the end of light’s analysis post, i brought up that light believed the only way he could be happy is through the power and masculinity given to him through the note. i also linked tumblr user whoresband’s analysis, and once again i think it’s pertinent to share their thoughts:

L rejects social norms, he lives as he desires, and it is only men L becomes close with. L seems to heal with light. light inspires something kinder in him, something that wants to care and be cared for. and moreover, L ignites a spark in light, inspiring him to achieve and challenge himself and be better.

L’s rejection of society and closeness with other men is the route light couldve chosen and did not. L begging him to confess that he is kira is also a plea for him to confess that he loves L. L wanted light to see the value in loving him, to see how much he could be with him, and that his embrace of the social values that had caused him this pain was not the only way to free himself from that pain.

at the end of the show, in his final tape--the *what if* tape, which he created in the event that light was not kira, he expresses that he wants light to work with near.

[photo 1:  a very close image of a tablet watari is holding up. a video is playing, pre-recorded by L before his death. he is sitting in his chair at countermeasures, saying, "Light-kun, I'm sorry for doubting you."

photo 2:  watari and near at L's grave, which is headed by a very large white cross. near's back is to us. watari is still playing L's video. L is saying, "I believe that you'll become a great police officer like [Soichiro] Yagami-san some day.” 

photo 3: a close up of watari holding the tablet. L onscreen continues, “If it suits you, you could also become a detective and work with Near."]

-- Episode 11

i think if light had confessed and showed that he was still the same as he was during yostuba arc, and more importantly still was friends with L, L wouldn’t necessarily have turned him into the police, and certainly wouldn’t have executed him. i think he might have tried to convince light to join him, to enact his sense of justice alongside L instead of as Kira.

in the end, though, what i think could have happened doesn’t matter. light rejected L’s offer, and they both died for it. 

even still, there’s a point to be made about the symbolism in the tv drama--it’s incredibly overt. that’s a post for another day, but it’s worth mentioning that light is consistently symbolized by a moon hanging in the sky.

in the last shots of the tv drama, that moon hangs over L’s grave, together in death.

[photo: a very serene scene. L's grave, located on an otherwise seemingly empty grassy hill. it is a large white cross. watari and near are leaving, going down the hill. in the cloudy blue sky, a full moon is visible just above L's grave marker.]

-- Episode 11

[excorcismic]

uhm . . . cheesed to meet you ?? - HI GANG !! what’s up , i’m hylia and i . . . love . misa and death note with my entire heart . I KNOW FOR A FACT i will probably pick up more characters along the way but i couldn’t have picked a better one to start out with !! i have experience writing both misa & light - i actually am more experienced writing light than misa , but i still have a lot of experience with her under my belt !! i’m currently writing him in another group and when i saw duality i just HAD to write her here - i’m so excited to plot w/ y’all !! so lemme tell you the basic facts & some connections and ideas i have under the cut c: ( this got long i’m so sorry )

ooooooooooooo you wanna plot with misa so bad oooooooo - AHEM . so . 

IF YOU ARE NOT FAMILIAR WITH DEATH NOTE / MISA : death note is a manga / anime revolving around a smart young man ( light yagami ) who discovers a supernatural notebook who can take the life of any human as long as the writer knows their name & face . light uses this book to essentially try and purge the world of evil , earning the alias ‘kira’ ( who gains a following ) , and misa , who acquires a death note of her own , seeks him out as the second kira . she possesses things that he doesn’t , so essentially she becomes his partner in crime - she , falling in love with him ( or more so the idea of him she created for herself ) , and he , entertaining her fantasies in exchange for her abilities and assistance . it’s . . . way more complicated in detail and honestly pretty sad but that’s the getgo . she’s a pretty girl with a very powerful notebook and she likes a guy with a powerful notebook that sees her more as a tool he can use to further his plans . OH OH OH and also she has a protective monster lady who’s in love with her and looking after her and threatening to clap light if he hurts misa in any way . 

death note . . . is a story about how people who were good can become awful towards other people and themselves if you give them a bit of power . 

BUT ANYWAY . misa actually has a much happier life here than in death note !! it’s . . . still kinda eh in some places but overall much better since that godforsaken notebook doesn’t exist and isn't here to screw anyone's lives up .

she's a former child actor, now a musician in a pop punk band called 'your friends & the skeletons!!' but as of rn with her taking a break from big performances and touring she's just a streamer operatin' out of alucard and trying to entertain herself since sometimes the world gets a little too big for her and she needs to take a step back.

it’s a pretty cute life & that’s the rundown !! of course , it’ll be more detailed and developed in my intro for her , but that being said - CONNECTIONS .

OHHHH YOU WANNA PLOT OUT THESE WANTED CONNECTIONS / PLOTS WITH ME SO BAD OOOOOOHHH AND OHHHH YOU WANNA LIKE THIS POST FOR ME TO DM YOU FOR PLOTTING SO BAD OHHHHHHHHH

okay so obviously some band mates !! YF&TS i imagine is a four-piece with misa on rhythm guitar & vocals , then lead guitar , bass , and drums . i imagine they’re all friends with misa , but maybe one person has been friends with misa since like . . . forever . and has seen her go through literally everything .

so , misa lives alone . maybe i’ll have her look for a roommate along the way but as for right now , even though she lives by herself ( and honestly is a lil lonely ) , i really like the idea that maybe she’s the helper neighbor that wants to befriend everyone that lives on her floor , runs to get groceries , always visits and checks in on people , etc . !! so neighbor friends pretty please !!

obviously if u wanna make ppl be fans of misa & her band that is a-okay with me just pls keep in mind they’re kinda big but not . . . big big . like they’ve got some dedicated fans but not full on stans y’know

SO  . . . folds hands . i kinda like the idea that misa hasn’t been through that many serious relationships ( always gets her heart broken through them ) but maybe there was that one serious ex-partner she had and they broke it off for whatever reason . it’d have to be when she was 18-20 and they’d be together for maybe about two or three years before her career takes off and stuff and yeah it’d be the saaaad relationship that fizzled out even tho it was serious for a bit

also some not so serious/long relationships where misa got her heart broken !! fun times !! misa throws her full heart into things way too easily so this could’ve happened in many different ways . flings ?? check . short-term relationships ?? check . she wrote a letter for someone on a starbucks napkin asking them out and they rejected so whenever she comes into said starbucks she feels shy & awkward ordering something ?? check . ( we can have fun with this basically it’s ‘ misa tried it with y/m and it didn’t work out and she’s still lonely ’ )

friends please !! friends that misa’s made in alucard !! also friends with benefits maybe !! idk !! misa is a very friendly person she will be your friend if you say ‘hi’ in a positive tone towards her !!

oh i think it’d b rly funny if there was one person misa kept trying to befriend and they’re just rly stubborn abt it for some reason bc idk maybe they find misa annoying or something anyway give me sb who misa wants to be friendly with n they’re just No abt it for whatever reason

ONE OF THE THINGS I HAVE FOR MISA AS A STREAMER IS THAT SHE’S RLY INTO THE PARANORMAL AND RECORDS STUFF WITH IT SO PARANORMAL GHOST ADVENTURES PALS PLEASE !!

she’s also a gaming streamer so imagine she gets into a fight with sb behind a screen on a game and/or stream and then finds them in alucard like ‘oh fuck’ aka cyber enemies

also the exact opposite scenario with cyber friends aka misa makes a friend on a game and they meet each other irl and it’s cute !!

misa . . . is not a huge party girl but i imagine she has ppl that regularly invite her to parties and stuff so there’s that . but like . she only knows these people in context of partying - they’re her party friends and that’s it and her relationships with them are just kinda shallow .

i’d ALSO like a friend she makes that’s maybe a little more sheltered & naive to the world than she is so she just takes them to cool places and stuff !! shows them what it’s like to live on the ‘ wild side ’ !! whether it’s driving to a 24 hr gas station for candy and snacks in the middle of the night and staying out until sunrise just on the road or just sitting at misa’s apartment and watching true crime documentaries in their jammies . just sb misa’s gonna take like ‘ hey we’re gonna show u what LIVING is like ’

actual shipping . . . i would love to explore at a point but i wanna explore other things first so that’ll just be smth that comes up in development maybe !! i want misa to get a chance to experience what actual love is and explore the relationship aspect of it so i’m open to it but also i just wanna develop it n let it come naturally . filled !

ANYWAYS . i’m open to rly anything !! enemies ?? friends ?? frenemies ?? friends or enemies with benefits ?? unrequited crushes ?? exes ?? found family ?? party pals ?? streamer pals/enemies ?? LET’S PLOT IT OUT I’M SO EXCITED

sorry this is a long as hell list anyways let’s plot out some relationships even tho i’m bad at plotting and trust me the intro is. probs gonna be even longer. i am so sorry.

ANYWAYS ILY ALL IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE/PLOT W/ U GUYS

- - - - - - - - - - - POST-EVENT ANNOUNCEMENT EDIT : okay so this one is rly specific but , , , i rly would like if maybe misa had sb to go to the cirque du eradicus with ?? probably as a date !! a date that doesn’t have to amount to anything but they’re gonna b the one who witnesses misa go into the hall of mirrors n it’s gonna be kind of like a connection since they’re gonna have been together when that stuff happens and it could be rly fun to work with in the future . just gonna put the age limit for this one at 22 - 26 just bc gaps and all !! i think it could be cute if it goes well or interesting if it doesn’t but . yeah idk they can split off at some point for other threads bt ANYWAYS I JUST THINK IT’D B FUN filled !

also if anyone wants to bring me anyone from death note i will kiss u ESPECIALLY for light , l , rem , or matsuda . pls . maybe these characters can ACTUALLY get a normal fuckin’ life this time around - ( sometimes we just want to live in the yotsuba arc forever where everyone’s runnin around solvin mysteries and not scheming against each other - )

death note hits differently .

[trans-l-lawliet]

deaf hcs for light??? i really liked your post about matsuda and aizawa!

When recounting what asks I had in my inbox, I somehow glossed over this one, which is an unforgivable mistake. I plan to correct it by writing these right this instant! (edit post writing: I am stopping after L’s death because I got… quite carried away here, and almost did a complete rewrite)

Light was born without auditory nerves. He would never be able to hear.

His parents got in touch with many associations and started learning shuwa right after the shock wore off, wanting to be able to teach their son how to communicate the same way a parent would teach a toddler how to speak when the time came.

Light was able to read and fingerspell quite early, and was a very inquisitive child. Before he started school, he went to a daycare that had other pre-lingual deaf children and teachers that helped kids with lip reading and refine their signs.

Once he started elementary, however, he saw the difference between him and his peers. They would usually mock him when he tried to talk using his voice, and would refuse to learn even basic signs.

As kids grew older, the teasing increased. But Light also made friends that helped him along the way. This settled his belief that there is two kinds of people in this world: those who are good and kind, and those who are rotten.

Light stopped trying to use his voice. He would only use JSL and written messages. He only used his voice with Sayu, who teased him in a completely different way about it, and was actually fond of the times his brother used his voice with her.

In a way to distance himself from the other kids, he concentrated on his studies, excelling in school. And he learnt; he learnt about people, he learnt to read them, he saw every micro-expression and every movement.

In secondary, his charisma started to shine: he was a good student, good at sports, a good friend and classmate, who always had the right words to say.

But he never forgot. He may not be able to hear the whispers, but he still knows about them. He was always aware, always vigilant.

By the time the DN rolls in, he is as, if not more cynical about the state of the world. He knew he had limited chances once he actually went into employment. He knew the shit people was able to pull. He had experienced cruelty first hand. The world needed to change.

Ryuk actually needed to touch Light to get him to notice him. The scare was even bigger when an inhuman hand was just on his shoulder, no prelude voice.

After explaining that he could not hear, they had mostly written conversations that Light would immediately burn up. Though Ryuk learnt some signs, if only to touch Light’s shoulder and make him know that he was laughing at him when he lost at Mario Golf. Or when Misora was using a fake name. Ryuk needs to make fun of Light, he cannot change his nature.

Light used a text-to-speech feature to pre-record messages and that´s what he played to Raye Penber at the station. Raye immediately guessed that it was Light, but since he had Kira’s power, he still obeyed his instructions. Knowing that the agent would guess his identity, Light wrote on the notebook that he would not alert anyone of any discoveries regarding the case he was working in before dying.

When it came to the speech in Tōō, he actually delivered it in sign language, and had an interpreter speak in the microphone for the people in the auditorium. He thought it was a funny, ironic way to deliver his speech, because it was always the other way around.

L proved himself fluent in JSL when he introduced himself. This only served as further proof of this individual to be more likely to be the real L to Light’s eyes. What better way to get under his skin than learning sign language just so he can specifically talk to him?

His father was the only member of the Task Force that was fluent in sign language. The other members, however, learnt the most basic signs, in an attempt to make Light feel more comfortable. Matsuda was especially adamant and surprised everyone by being the one that learnt and performed fingerspelling the fastest.

When Misa came around, Light had to communicate through writing with her. She promised to learn shuwa as soon as possible so she would be the most use to him, and make him fall in love with her.

Confinement happened the same, only L communicated through a screen showing writing of what he wanted to say to Light, and Light had his hands up front so he would be able to at least fingerspell.

After that, Yotsuba arc happens mostly the same. Either his father or Ryuzaki would quickly sign what was going on once they started spying on the 8 so Light would be able to follow conversations.

During this time, they would actually have many conversations, mostly about the case, but also about the world, and about the way everything is perceived by those who have to experience life in a world that wasn’t designed with them in mind. Light learnt in these conversations that Ryuzaki was severely colourblind; more specifically, he suffered from achromatopsia. They actually bonded during these months, and became what would actually be considered friends, by both of them.

One he regained his memories, however… He felt more conflicted. He actually held his plans of getting Misa’s memories back for a couple days, trying to think of a way to get Ryuzaki on his side. But he thought about how deeply rotten the world still was. And how impossible it’d be to change his friend’s mind. So, with a heavy heart, he carried on with his plans.

Light would never admit this to anyone, but… he wished things were different. He had never found someone he could have such deep conversations in what Light considered his true first language before, and he felt their absence once they became part of the past. 

But some days, when life seemed a bit harder, he would actually cry the loss of Ryuzaki, and how much he missed his friend, the one that found his true voice and actually listened to him, the one who actually saw him and met him where he stood.

[mikami]

That may seem like a very weird question but... do you think Light goes through character development in Death Note ? I do realize the obvious answer is yes but at the same time he is really skilled at clinging to himself, if I make any sense ?

I think he does, yes! Even if it’s… mostly negative character development.

I do see where you are coming from with the thought of him ‘clinging to himself’ and just adapting his old principles to new situations over and over, though. I agree that he does this, but I also think that he maneuvers himself into very significant changes by doing so. There are many things that are second nature to end-canon Light that pre-canon Light would never even have considered. Light’s logic may remain comparable to his past self, but that doesn’t exclude him from character development?After all, developing does not mean becoming a new person, it is a field of continuity in which being yourself is often what drives you to change. Uh.

Light goes to extremes to ensure his self image stays positive, but this very self-image as well as the expression of it still changes over time.

To get the obvious out of the way, the first chapter encompasses a tremendous amount of development. Light would not entertain the idea of murdering prior to it and is then sent down the hell rabbit-hole by accidentally murdering someone anyway. To protect himself from this truth, he warps his mindset into one that justifies these killings, makes them positive.This is not a thought or frame of mind that he would have considered before, the circumstances force him into changing, adapting.

But that is the part that everyone already knows about, so I will focus on making the point that Light’s changes are not over and done with at that point.

For a start, being Kira long-term changes his entire attitude about the world and his own place in it. Pre-canon Light sees the world as a boring, rotten place. In the finale, we get a clear glimpse into what makes him think this:

As the intelligent son of a very earnest police officer, Light is hyper-aware of crime from a young age. This also means that he always observes the seeming futility of Soichiro’s work on the grand scale. No matter how many criminals are caught and incarcerated, new crimes will spring up. Soichiro teaches Light to believe in being truly just, but Light can see that that on its own does not change the world order.He wants to enter the NPA himself, but he has an underlying sense of ennui that tells him people as a whole won’t change, despite the successes on individual cases. It is all rotten, always as expected. It’s dull.

These frustrations are what he starts out as Kira with, but being Kira long-term alleviates them almost completely. Light’s whole outlook changes as he gains a sense of distinct purpose, the knowledge that his actions do have the effect he was previously missing so sorely.

The way Kira’s effect pans out is undeniably powerful. Light has proven that the world can be changed and that he is not doomed to live in the same-old-same-old forever. The ennui disappears, and instead drive and optimism are enhanced tenfold. This is an ongoing progress that reinforces itself over and over the longer Light acts as Kira. 

Of course, this also plays into his willingness to go to greater and greater length for his plans - the longer he’s Kira, the more it becomes a situation that he could never stop. It’s all or nothing, the world relies on him and there is no going back so he has to do everything in his power to keep going.

Another major change Light goes through is mundane yet significant: he grows up and separates himself much more from his father and his ideals. I don’t only mean this on the ‘Light is Kira and Soichiro hunts Kira’ perspective.

Light’s entire thought process is incredibly influenced by Soichiro’s teachings from the get-go (justice first, family later) and he clearly grew up idolizing his father to the point of wanting to follow into his professional footsteps.Light initially never disagrees with his father, there is a clear line between them as son and authority figure. When Soichiro says he is going to risk his life despite his family’s concerns about it in the first Arc, Light agrees with it.

It’s only over time that Light begins to see the flaws in his father’s reasoning, distances himself from them and actively talks back.

In the second talk they talk from adult to adult and Light openly tells Soichiro off for entertaining the idea of dying for his family and thus leaving them behind. This scene is just one example. Volume 8 largely consists of Light babysitting Soichiro so he won’t get lost in doing The Right Thing ™ and hurting everyone in the process.

By second arc Light is also significantly more serious than he was initially - younger Light still plays around more, flashing his nice boy smile more often and freely. Light at age 23 works 3 demanding jobs at once (NPA Intelligence Bureau, being L, being Kira) and thus is a whole lot less playful. He got shit to do and not much time for anything else. Ah, the fleeting freedom of youth...

Then the next big step in his character development is, of course, Soichiro’s death. This father-son relation is murderous, I swear.After Soichiro dies (renouncing Kira and thus Light’s morals one more time), Light becomes yet again considerably gloomier. His doings have sent his family into great peril and he stops being able to face them. Until the events of the second arc, he seems to have been in good contact with them but he stops coming home after Soichiro dies. Family has always been important to Light, but by that point it becomes a sore spot that he needs to avoid. With Soichiro gone (and all chance of reconciling their moral views gone with him), Light also drops a lot of his kind facade in front of the task force. He openly pursues plans involving emotional manipulation and cheating, because Soichiro’s death left him bitter and he doesn’t fee bound to respecting his teachings in his memory.

Light by the end of the series is a person whose emotional relations (to his family) have all failed and led to pain in some way, so he is a lot more self-contained. His private existence as Light Yagami has basically been sacrificed to his purpose of being Kira. 

And that is something he is conscious of. 

There is some ironic exchange here where Light may grow more optimistic about the world, but also has to face many, many losses on a personal level.

As a person, Light turns out more jaded and ruthless by far. He grows isolated and all personal relations he has left by the end of canon are hindrances to him in one way or another. 

Placing first arc Light (even when he is Kira) and end-canon Light next to each other gives you two people who act very differently and think differently too. 

The basics of Light’s personality remain perfectly consistent within canon, but that doesn’t mean he is static as a person at all.

As a side note, Light’s development within the Yotsuba Arc is in itself quite a journey and on that front I’ll just link to casuistor’s post about it.

Generally, I have casuistor to thank for much of my view on Light, so I always feel a little weird talking about him without crediting her as a great help.