#so anyway i got home and cried over nothing for an hour bc its just ome of tbose days

[chikkou]

ok i was waiting until my laptop got here to finally tell all the bullshit thats happened in the last like. 5 months lol. cause its a lot to type

im gonna put it all under the cut so no one has to read if they dont want. its a LONG fucking story.

tl;dr:

ok so for basic background, for the last two years or so, i was living with a roommate in connecticut. the roommate was my (now former) best friend since middle school. in july of this year his behavior totally shifted, and he started picking fights with me out of nowhere, told our high school friends a bunch of straight up lies abt me to make me look like a horrible roommate & person, and just generally became a two-faced dickhead. in the end, it turned out to all be excuses to justify his decision to move out (unofficially, name was still on the lease) so that he could live with his boyfriends and not pay any bills. at the time i was really devastated by this bc i felt totally betrayed by this person i had been close to since i was 12/13, but frankly after everything else that happened i barely fucking think about it now LMAO. this is set dressing more than anything else

so anyway, i had been living alone since about august, that was the last time i saw him in person. i wasnt handling the situation well because i had spoken to my high school friend and found out the extent to which hed tried to paint me as a slovenly, horrible roommate, to the point of telling actual lies about really dumb stuff (which didnt work btw - my friends, god bless them, were more concerned about my mental health than anything and thought i was going down a depression spiral, which my former friend told them he was helping me through. they believed me right away once we finally did talk). all that is to say, i was going kind of crazy lol, and i decided to go back home in october just for a short while, to recharge my batteries and all.

i was gone for a couple of weeks, not very long. i felt MUCH better after being with my family & friends in person, as i felt pretty isolated from everyone (my hometown is in new york, i was only 2 hours away by train but scheduling times to visit was sort of a hassle, so i only did it once every couple months). my grandfather and mom dropped me off at my apartment in early november, we were very lighthearted and discussing my next steps, since my shithead friend had been behind on rent more than 5 times (i always paid my half on time) and i was facing eviction because of it. we get to my apartment, i go to open the door, and it wont open. not that its locked, it just straight up WONT open. my grandpa tried to ram the door with his shoulder, and nothing. hes a strong ass dude, and this door wouldnt budge for anything.

my mom managed to get the kitchen window open and climb in that way, and it took both her and my grandpa pulling/pushing at the same time to force the door open. i wont even dress this up: there was mold. fucking. everywhere. on the floor, on the walls, all over everything i owned. i have pictures (had to take them for insurance) and im not even going to show them because they are beyond fucking disgusting. everything i owned was soaked in water and mold, and i do literally mean EVERYTHING. it was very warm in there too, like the temperature of a swamp. i was in a haze after that. i just remember sobbing, like genuinely heartbroken sobbing, as i wandered around looking at everything that was ruined. my mom & grandpa had to go and get maintenance because i was just utterly useless, and they were equally horrified & said they'd never seen anything like it.

i managed to save some items that were irreplaceable (journals, notebooks, etc) and whatever clothes werent utterly soaked in mold. all of my cookware, my books, my laptop & desktop (i cried the hardest when i saw the desktop) - it was all ruined. we found out later that the water boiler in my apartment had a catastrophic failure while i was gone, which caused it to constantly send water back through the pipes, empty, and refill itself. my bedroom was directly above the boiler downstairs, so it got the most significant amount of damage. all told, i lost like 95% of the things i owned. it is possible that i could have saved more, but the amount of mold in that apartment made it a genuine safety hazard for me to even be in there, so i had very limited time to grab what i could. the cruelest irony of all that? my shithead ex-friend's room, which was on the other side of the hallway, was pretty much untouched. he lost absolutely nothing lol.

so immediately, i had to leave the state. i moved back to ny with my family. my mother - who had a stroke last year following a diagnosis of an exceedingly rare neurological disorder, AND had two separate brain surgeries to improve her quality of life - was in the process of getting evicted. the landlord didnt give a fuck about any of my moms situation, not her being disabled, not her being widowed, not her having 3 kids under the age of 18 to care for - he just wanted her out so he could increase the cost of rent on our house. at the same time as all this was going on, i got saddled with a $600 electric bill (likely caused by the water heater's malfunction), which neither insurance nor the apartment would pay, so it came out of my pocket. in addition, i found out in december that i was also getting laid off.

we had nowhere to go and couldnt afford to live anywhere in the tri-state area. we had no choice but to move somewhere much cheaper, and since my mom already had a friend living in a mid-atlantic state, we chose to move there. the eviction went through in january and we had less than 2 weeks to pack all our shit, find a place to live, and get the fuck out. needless to say, we were not successful lol.

we stayed in my grandparents 1 bedroom apartment for about a week, then all of us drove down together to stay with my moms friend in her 3 bedroom apartment (she has 5 kids, 3 of whom live in the apartment). my moms apartment, which was supposed to have been ready by january 31st, still had people actively living there. the property manager kept promising us it would be next week for the entire month of february, to the point that my mom got fed up and chose to rent a small house instead. the reality of being essentially homeless for that time was beyond horrifying, and having anywhere between 8-10 people in that house (my cousin also moved with us, but he stayed in a hotel for the first week) was more taxing than i can express.

but things have gotten a lot better since then. i also found a cute little house to rent just up the road from my moms, and its very cheap for its size. i still havent found a job yet, but thanks to what was essentially the liquidation of everything i owned, ill be ok for a couple months more. im slowly but surely repurchasing all the things i lost and trying to acclimate to the new environment. things are still not totally stable right now, but they are slowing down, and at this point thats all i can really ask for lol.

so yeah. if u were wondering why i suddenly stopped posting after literal years of posting every day, thats why LMAO

[entropy-sea-system]

1 - Were you named after anyone ?

No, unless you count that some headmates share a name with their fictional or real source if they are a fictive / factive or -kin

2- Last time you cried ?

I think maybe last week?

3- Do you have kids?

No and we don't want any

4- What sports do you play / have you played?

Only tae kwon do, like years ago if referring to consistently doing it. I don't like the idea of it anymore bc sparring reminds me of physical abuse and its too triggering. Have a weird relationship w exercise since we have chronic pain and fatigue, don't like intentionally doing it and even daily tasks like walking leave us exhausted, and even things like going for a walk thats a bit longer than we can results in PEM(post exertional malaise), last time that happened we just fell asleep for over 12 hours once we got home.

5- Do you use sarcasm?

Some headmates do, some don't

6-Whats the first thing you notice about people?

Irl its usually their clothes / accessories or hair, for some reason it feels a bit weird for some of us to look at ppls faces or other things about them especially if theyre strangers idk. And things like voice and how they smell are not things one would notice at first glance (unless maybe you hear or smell them before you see them)

I didnt realise it also includes what you notice online, but I usually recall pfps or urls but if someone changes both it may not be likely Id recognise them again unless their description or bio are intact

7- What's your eye color?

The body's eye color is very dark brown, some headmates have different eye colors in their actual form / how they really look, which is different from how the body looks

8- Scary movies or happy endings?

Depends on how its written, but usually happy endings bc we don't like scary movies as they can make us more anxious when its dark

9-Any talents?

Not sure if hobbies count, anyways nothing unusual ? Not sure what to put here bc everything feels like its either a hobby or just how the body is

10- Where were you born?

India

11- Hobbies?

Art (drawing, painting though we havent done that in a while)(mainly traditional art but want to do more digital art also), knitting, embroidery, watching media, sometimes photography (but less often bc it can be physically exhausting), coining terms and making flags digitally, sometimes cooking (though not often unless we need to bc its physically taxing), occasionally singing (but we don't often get to be alone at home so not often)

12- Do you have any pets?

In headspace, some headmates have pets, mainly bc their fictional source has one and theyre fictives. But we don't want to raise a pet bc we aren't capable of it and most headmates don't have the ability to feel affection for pets. Its similar to why we don't want to have kids.

13- How tall are you?

5 foot 4 is the bodys height, headmates ideal forms have different heights than that

14- Favorite subject in school?

Biology (one of my in sys partners calls me their 'biology nerd' its cute), and maybe English, because I do enjoy writing, oh and definitely Art (not talking about college here but anyways yeah)

15- Dream job?

I don't know if we have one tbh.. its a little hard to actually want to have a job, if it were possible we wouldnt even have one (universal basic income when?) and it seems a little fucked up if we think about what if things we enjoy doing became a job for ua bc wow that sounds stressful. For now we're going to just try to do our best in the field we're studying to be in, but I think maybe doing commissions for art or selling our art sounds doable, especially if I develop better art skills. I used to have an interest in wildlife biology but the bodys parents didn't approve (and so I couldnt pursue any study in that - it would have been difficult) and like I dont know how easily one can be a scientist and still be financially stable or even have a job, but our physical ability has also declined and the topic sort of triggers one of my ocd themes due to how ive seen some ppl talk about wildlife biologists / other naturalists, so its not feasible unless I somehow become able bodied or find a workplace w accomodations and actually get ocd cured somehow(similar applies for marine biology), and even then im not sure it would be worth the burnout.

no pressure tags : @strawbiraptora @sluttytylerdurden @annapoofle @disasterdemi @gehe-lihiyot-androgynos-varda @theconstellarium @gestaltsystem

@carebearbro

and anyone else who wants to do this

Saw this tag game on another post and thought I'd do it (idk if I've done it before, maybe something similar, but my answers will be different anyway)

1. Were you named after anyone?

Nope My chosen name (Allister) however, is from a youtuber who has a very cool name and I stole it (Alasdair Beckett-King, very funny videos and he has great hair too). I adapted it a bit so people in Spain would at least have an idea of how to pronounce it at first glance (hopefully) It has nothing to do with any Crowley (which I did not realize was a thing until recently), tho for a bit I named myself AJ like Good Omens Crowley, but I don't like how it sounds in Spanish...

2. When was the last time you cried?

Last month probably

3. Do you have kids?

No. And I don't want any. I don't dislike them, but it's not for me

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

Judo, karate and football (the indoors kind). All as a kid/teen. Now my brother and I walk every week day and go up and down stairs (when we remember...) One day I want to try to go to a gym to get some muscle, but not too much, just a bit of definition. Also, I'd enjoy doing rock climbing, but not competitive climbing or anything like that

5. Do you use sarcasm?

Sometimes

6. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Irl: the way they move their face and hands when they speak, which then I subconsciously use to recognize people, bc I'm a bit face blind Online: the way they choose to express themselves

7. What's your eye color?

Gray/light blue on the outside and artichoke green/lime on the inside

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

I like both, but I'd rather watch a happy ending. For scary things I prefer to watch Markiplier's scary games videos

9. Any talents?

I'm VERY good at jigsaw puzzles

10. Where were you born?

East of Spain, by some of the best Mediterranean coasts 😁. I enjoy it here, but one day I'd like to live in the UK, at least for a bit, I think I'd like it there

11. What are your hobbies?

Listening to music, singing, making art (crafting, building, drawing, painting, writing, ...), watching media (shows, panel shows, youtube, twitch), video games (rhythm/dancing, platformer, puzzle... Also minecraft, powerwash sim, potion craft...), going for walks, exercise, learning languages (especially English) If I had any good ones close, I'd go to theatres and museums too. And, if I had money, I'd travel. I'm also slowly learning about taking care of plants

12. Do you have any pets?

Not yet. I'd love to have dogs, cats, frogs, snakes... or anything really. I love animals. But I think cats and frogs would be the best fit for me, considering my personality and current lifestyle I've always wanted a dog, but I've only had a turtle and a hamster

13. How tall are you?

1.63m or 5’3”

14. Favorite subject in school?

Biology and technology

15. Dream job?

Anything that pays me enough to be independent and let me do all my hobbies Although, if I ever have the patience, base skill, and required mental fortitude, I'd go for general robotics and/or prop making (for film and/or theatre)

No pressure tags in no particular order (I tried to tag as many people as I could, but apparently there's a tag limit 😅):

@swamp-communism @they-thespian666 @strongsuits @skelesona @shinekittenace @yeetmewithachainsaw @rockium-z @gordonzola-ramen @vampireopossum @libraryfag @frostytheduck @tetostar @xyrnys @normalscientist @dolltwink @anxi0usgh0st05 @piersgender

@mettatonsass @sinfulauthor @flaretheidiot @sneebles-mcgee @pivotallemonade @aroace-genderfluid-snake @monstrousmaws @satanic-leaf @virtualunease @villowrose @handrazedsun @ceiltheoutcast @atroph1k @entropy-sea-system @abby-cat99928 @maroroque @galaxgay

@realyfroggyfrog @angrysheep @llamaflower @ultrabean @sea-salt-sky @queerestqueertoeverqueer @crowleys-queen @foolishlovers @cassieno @crowleys-hips @argylepiratewd @trianglebird4 @sugarplumanderson @underlilithswings21 @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @healingmyinnerteen

and anyone else that sees this, consider yourself tagged!

[winterrose42]

Alright so my head was extremely spacey and unconnected today and NostalgiaTM was activated and it just eugh. So i went on an hour long walk blasting music bc it was cold and loud and it helped and i just- I'm so in love with people and places and things.

My neighborhood used to be not great. Kids were assholes and loud and bullies and sometimes drug dealers would move in and there were weird things at the park and one time the house beside us was a halfway house and we weren't told and it just- wasn't great. And I think I've posted about this before but it got better and it's greener and the kids grew up and the kids here now are polite and the parks really nice but now since it's the pandemic it's really quiet and sometimes since my house is really quiet you get really crushingly alone and quiet and you feel like you're the only one around. Whatever anyway not the point but it's nicer than it was is the point.

While I was walking there aren't as many stray cats around which makes me really happy bc people have started taking them to good shelters so i know they're getting in good homes and they'll be warm in the winter and making owners so happy and the cats are so loved. And there's dogs that are so sweet and friendly and their owners will wave at you and smile and you know they're taking care of their pets and that's so nice. There used to be an old man I'd talk to at one house who would sit outside with his cat on a leash and he'd let me pet her and we'd talk about i dont even remember. I dont see him anymore but his chairs still there and kinda dipped and worn from how much he sat out with her.

The roads are good and there arent as many cracks in it anymore and the trees glow red with the late fall sun now and there was flocks of geese flying a lot today and even though all the plants are dead people have their flower beds prepared for winter and christmas lights up and sometimes i find that annoying but today i just thought about how lights are up where kids toys are in the yard and how excited were the kids that christmas decorations were going up and how happy and exasperated the parents probably were. Leaf piles are flat from being jumped in and the ones on the road dont crunch but when they fly ik the wind they're so heckin pretty and the sky was that duller winter blue that's really calming and lovely and you can look at it without blinding yourself. My arms went a little numb bc my sleeves were rolled up but the air felt really nice and there's a really big hill i walked up that was hard on my cranky hip but the view is always so far and gorgeous i love where i live.

People used to give me shit for living in a trailer court. Trailer rat trailer trash I've heard all the stupid shit but the people are so lovely and smile and wave at you and i dont really talk to or know anyone anymore but its still friendly you just gotta know what houses to avoid bc there's hardcore republicans here but even they're pretty quiet. And its surrounded by trees and in a valley so we live in a big comfy bowl which i just realized today and was laughing over. I dont know im rambling but im really glad im still alive bc holy shit there's so much around yo look at and notice.

[greenorangevioletgrass]

i’m almost scared to ask because this song kills me but i just need to read this fic for blurb week- chemtrails by lizzy mcalpine?

bro i gotta admit... this is killing me too. i cried basically the whole time im writing this, but i hope you like it bc im pretty happy with how it turned out. also! the music here is extra special bc i sang and played it myself <333

warnings: fluff, grief, this is very goose and rooster-centric, im just a big ball of mush guys <3

***

“Man, I forgot how nice it is out here.” Rooster leans back, hands propping himself up as he sits cross-legged on the fresh green grass. The clear blue sky sprawling over his head. Maybe it’s the peace and quiet, maybe it's the fresh air, but this is one of the few places where he can actually…

Breathe.

“We’re nearly packed up now. Found this nice place in San Clemente with a nice deck out, maybe even a fire pit —you’re gonna love it,” he chuckles, resigning with the fact that he’s excited about the stereotypically dad stuff now, like decks and barbecues. 

“Yeah, it’s a bit of a drive to North Island, but we wanted a place somewhere in between there and LA.” It was an extensive discussion to say the least. You work in completely different fields with equally grueling and unusual hours —if not days, or weeks, or months. “I thought maybe we should keep our own places, so she can be close to her work and I can be near base, but… I don’t think I’d want it any other way?”

He’s already away from you so much. What’s an extra hour-and-a-half drive if it means he can crawl into bed and fall asleep in your arms? He wouldn’t want it any other way.

Not when it comes to you.

“She’s great, by the way,” he perks up immediately at the thought of you. “She does these musicals that Mom liked, and actions and all these cool stuff —I’ve even taken her flying for one of her movies. She’s, uh…”

How does he even begin to describe you? How you put all your might into your work —whether it’s Top Gun or a romance with one other actor and a piano— without any pretense, emotions running high and mind going a mile a minute at work —a delicate art of letting go and reigning it back in—, and then come home and just be… human with him. 

Kind, caring, funny, imperfect, human.

“She’s pretty badass,” he smiles a little. His hand picks at the grass under his palm, suddenly nervous about what he’s about to say next. “I think she might be it.”

He doesn’t know why he’s saying it. For celebration, having made a very big, grownup step in his life? For comfort, because he doesn’t admit it to anyone (not even to himself) but he’s so scared he’s nowhere near grown enough to do this? Maybe for reassurance, because he so wants it to be true.

The earth below him is warm. Steady. The grass layers as a soft place for his hands to land. For his body to ground. White clouds paint the sky in an array of lines. A gentle breeze sweeps across his face, and the trees nearby whisper in rustles, and Rooster swears he almost hears it.

And so he asks.

“Talk to me, Dad.”

******

His childhood home, a modest two-bedroom with white-paneled front, sits on a quiet street in the suburbs of Virginia Beach. The maple tree out front has cuts and carvings on its trunk from when Rooster got into throwing knives (a hobby his mom had an ulcer over), and a broken branch from when he installed a makeshift swing and tried to get himself and two other friends swinging on it back in 8th grade. He hears the piano playing as he walks up the steps —the old, secondhand upright that’s a little out of tune now.

The sight he finds upon opening the door isn’t surprising —you sat on the bench, fingers working the piano keys, phone propped on the music stand— but his heart catches anyway.

“Still think we should keep it?” he pats the flat surface on the top, leaving his keys and his sunglasses there.

“Oh, definitely. This baby…” you thoughtfully stroke the lacquered wood finish, “She’s a gem. Nothing a little tuning can’t fix.”

He kisses the top of your head and sits next to you. Both of you know there’s nothing special about this piano in particular. Not when it comes to its sound or feel or anything taken into consideration for an instrument.

It just happens to be his dad’s first (and only) big purchase for the house.

“Hey, uh…” you pipe up gingerly, “I wrote something for you. May I…?”

You may be a lot of things, but shy isn’t one of them. At least not with him. He just throws you a funny look. “Babe, of course. What—”

“Okay.” With that you shift into a straighter position, fingers hovering just above the ivories. You’re quiet —hesitant, almost— before you play the first line. Pressing just one key at a time. 

“I see chemtrails in the sky, but I don’t see the plane.”

Rooster’s breath catches in his throat.

“I know the feeling, but I don’t know the name.”

A simple melody, floating like a question, and he doesn’t understand how you could explain it before than he himself does.

“I still play with my food, and then I… throw it away.” 

An admission so simple, it almost sounds childlike. You pause for a moment, and he squeezes your knee in reassurance. For you and for himself. 

“It’s so hard to believe I had to grow up this way.”

The piano picks up, a simple sustained pattern, and he can hear you try to keep the emotions in your voice at bay. A valiant effort that even he fails to do at the moment.

I moved out and I made some new friends

Sometimes when I shout it feels like no one hears it

And there are some days when I that somewhere you’re watching

As I grow up without you

I miss it, I miss you.

Rooster collapses his head on your shoulder, and kisses you there in thanks. For understanding. For seeing right through him and communicating it in the exact way that he would understand.

For letting him know that his dad’s listening.

The childhood home, now bare —save for stacks of moving boxes and an old upright piano in one corner of the living room�� sits quietly in the suburbs of Virginia Beach. The boy who grew up there is taller now. Older. Smarter, wiser —or so he hopes. A spitting image of his father —and yet, everything he wasn’t.

Angrier. Older. Carrying a bigger chip on his shoulder.

And yet… maybe, hopefully, he’ll hold up just fine.

“Are you okay?” your hand slips into his, so easily and effortlessly that it just feels like it’s where it should be.

“Yeah,” he answers, heady and dazed. He brings up your intertwined hands to his lips, and presses a kiss there. “I love you so much, you know that?”

“I think I might’ve had a clue or two?” your voice, bright and laced with humor, rings almost out of place in the solemn stillness of this house. This moment.

But it’s not. It falls perfectly in place as life breathes back in, a familiar little laughter shared between the two of you. Warmth in the face of grief and hurt and loss.

He straightens up and takes a good look at you. He’s not sure why, but at the moment, it feels right. And as it falls out of his lips, he doesn’t feel an ounce of regret.

“Will you marry me?”

And he’s not sure whether he should be more surprised by his question, or the fact that you answer so easily, so surely, so matter-of-factly. “Roo… Of course.”

“Yeah?”

You nod.

“I haven’t even got a ring yet.”

“That’s fine. We can always get it later.”

“I’ll get it, not you,” he corrects firmly, and it makes you laugh. It’s the most beautiful sound he’ll ever hear, and he finally pulls you in for a proper kiss. It’s not planned, it’s far from perfect, but he wouldn’t ever have it any other way.

[hotwings0203]

Wat if katsuki actually had a s/o that loved Key word LOVED him but.....

Then when he started getting to aggressive and starts hitting her she suddenly stops all the love and affection. And that makes katsuki so confused and angry bc he like 'wtf why did they stop huggin and kissin me when I get home from my matches'. Then his darling becomes very depressed is and cooped up in her room all the time. So when katsuki friends come over they wonder where y/n is.

Tw:abuse, implied dubcon, depression

“Babe, you’re home!” You rush over to the door when you head it unlocking, arms outstretched already or embrace his wounds.

But when the door swings open you’re met with a scowling Bakugo who shoves you aside so hard you fall to the floor.

He grumbles and throws his bags down, kicking mud off his shoes onto the carpet as he glares at you.

“This place is a pigsty. Why the fuck didn’t you clean?”

You laugh nervously and raise an eyebrow. “Uhh, ‘cause I was out all day too? I just got home an hour ago and I was tired. What’s with you? Why’re you in such a bad mood?”

Katsuki’s eyes widen until they’re the size of dinner plates. His nostrils flare and his fists resume the same position as they do in the ring.

“You talkin’ back to me now?”

“What? No, you literally just asked-“

Crack.

The sound of him backhanding your cheek reverberates around the apartment, and you hold your face in shock.

It’s not so much the pain of him striking you that hurts, it’s the fact that this has been happening for a while now that aches the most. Nothing you do-no smiles, no amount of love you showed him in, no sobs or pleads-sways him.

You love him, it’s true.

But it’s hard to love him when he looks at you like that.

“Get the fuck up. And clean all this shit up, the next time I come home to this filth I’ll make the clean the floors with your tongue.”

He grabs you by your hair and throws you face-first onto the tile area, taking his own sweet time to turn around and walk to your shared room.

After you clean for hours until the place is spotless, you retreat to bed.

He’s on his phone typing away with a slight crease in his eyebrows, but he looks up at you as you walk in.

“Hey. You done?” He has the audacity to ask in a gentle voice.

“Mmhm.”

You don’t look at him as you begin changing your clothes in the restroom and close the door behind you.

His frown deepens at that. You’ve never shied away from being vulnerable and naked with him.

To test his doubt, when you walk back into the room with your head still down, he leans forward as you sit down on the mattress, your back turned to him.

You shut off the lights in silence as he reaches a hand out and curls it around your shoulders.

“C’mere, ‘wanna feel you.” He mumbles in his raspy sleepy voice.

But to his utter confusion, you gently brush his hand off and continue your journey to tuck yourself in bed.

With your back still facing him.

“I’m tired Katsuki. Not in the mood.”

His hand is still suspended in midair, his facial features still frozen in his initial shock as he’s left in a pitch black room which is suddenly overcome with a freezing cold creeping up his spine.

He’s too wounded, too shocked and shot from his ego to be irate.

You’ve never said no to cuddling at night. Never. So what was wrong now?

You were taking his anger so well for a while, what the hell was the matter with you?

But he doesn’t touch you again that night. He barely sleeps a wink to your usually comforting sound of soft snores and little mumbles in your sleep talk.

In the morning his lack of sleep gets the betterment of his temper, and he lashes out of you again in the shower.

You’re washing your hair when you feel a cool breeze against your bare body. You open your eyes and see Katsuki standing in front of you outside the glass door to your shower.

You feign an eye roll and merely grab the handle trying to close it shut.

He doesnt even let it budge. He just snarls down at your intruding hand and yanks the door back even further, pulling you along with the force.

You yelp and slip on the floor, falling unceremoniously at his feet.

The look on his face is frankly terrifying, much worse than yesterday’s. Bakugo slowly steps in along with your quickly reversing body and closes the door behind him, trapping you inside with him.

“Why’d you try to close it on me.”

It’s not a question, it’s a demand.

“I’m sorry.”

“Then get up and touch me.”

He’s towering over your cornered form, his fists dangerously swinging next to your head.

Your limbs don’t move though. Your heart thuds slowly, your love ebbing away from him with its slow rhythm.

You already know how this is going to turn out, but you try anyways.

“Please Bakugo, I’m really not in the mood right now.”

“Oh, so it’s Bakugo now, huh?”

Your body disassociates so you don’t feel it as much, but unfortunately your hands still flinch above your head in instinct.

“If you’re-thud-sorry, then you’ll fucking-crack-touch me you-smack-ungrateful bitch.”

Your cries are loud, but not loud enough to drown his roaring out, not enough to mute the sound of his hands cracking above your shaking body.

He leaves the shower unfulfilled in his heart and in his dick.

His mind is in shambles.

This is the longest you’ve wanted space from him, he could understand an hour but half a day?

He has a rude awakening when “half a day” becomes a couple more days, then a week, and then it’s half a month since you’ve willingly kissed his battle scars and loved him with your whole being.

He says willingly because otherwise you eat his hits up like you’re just another fighter in the ring when he gets angry at your apathy. The only restraining factor that differentiates you and the men he puts in coffins is his desperation for you to come back.

To no avail though. If you’re not keeling over on the ground or pinned underneath him and molding your anatomy to the shape of his fists, then you’re still as a corpse on the bed, staring up at the ceiling and wishing you were anywhere else but here.

Bakugo doesn’t know what to do.

He doesn’t know what to feel.

Rage is consumed by paranoia, paranoia is swallowed whole by depression, depression is swept away by panicked desperation.

His hair starts falling out, his punches grow weaker and he comes home with more and more bruises every day to match the ones littering across your body.

One might wonder whose the real fighter-him or you.

And so one day when he can’t stand it anymore, can’t stand the silence and tension that’s so palpable you could taste the iron in the air, he invited his friends over.

He need the distractions. He needs happiness, a word that doesn’t seem worthy of his pathetic being.

He’s more pathetic than your unmoving body.

“Heyyy man!” Sero and Denki exclaim in obnoxious unison and throw their arms around Bakugo’s shoulders. All three of them barrel through his half-opened doorway and practically topple him over.

The air of excitement is so foreign to him, but oh so welcoming.

“Hey,” he grunts back awkwardly.

“You’ve never really invited us over without Y/N dragging you by the ear for it. How is she by the way? Haven’t heard of her in a while.” Kirishima nudges his shoulder.

But before he can open his mouth Denki cuts in. “You knock her up yet? You sly bastard, no wonder you’re hiding her from us. The gigs over Y/N, show us that beautiful belly!” He cups his hands around his mouth and the quip slashes through the air and infests Katsuki’s heart. It’s a mockery, a cruel reminder of what he cannot have.

When their friend doesn’t answer and merely walks off, the boys behind him awkwardly look at each other.

Usually he’d explode at them or at least chase them around the room.

And usually you would come out to greet them.

Katsuki was wrong.

You weren’t different from him anymore.

Because when he accepts that not even his friends can release his stone cold heart from its catatonic confines, he’s never felt more in sync with you than he has now.

[rayne-the-neutrois-nerd]

Thank you for tagging me!! Sorry this is so long

1. Are you named after anyone? Technically? My deadname anyways. My mom chose it because it was the name of a baby in a show she loved. My dad also agreed on my middle name because of a bull rider. My chosen name was... a lot of trial and error but I settled on Rayne bc I love the rain. Also my friends said it fit.

2. When was the last time you cried? A couple thursdays ago? Idk I wrote it down... I'm weird and write down when I cry and why bc I rarely cry bc I'm dumb and suppress it. Don't be dumb like me.

3. Do you have kids? Nope! Don't want any anytime soon either!

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? No, I'm always serious. I hate sarcasm. (Btw, this is sarcasm)

5. What sports do you play/have you played? Besides what we had to do in p.e., I was on the basketball team in 6th grade but... had to leave bc I had bad grades but also the girls were fucking mean. I did one summer of competitive swimming but I didn't like it that much, I just prefer to swim around at my own pace doin my own thing. I tried tennis once but that requires being quick on your feet. I also used to go with my dad to golf as a kid and got to putt. Kinda wanna go again ngl. Oh yeah and one winter in Yosemite we went up to Badger Pass to ski.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people? Uh, physically maybe hair and clothes? General color palate? Body language too.

7. What's your eye color? I guess hazel? They're like a blend of green brown and a tiny bit of grey? They're not green but a sort of olive color.

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings, I hate scary movies.

9. Any special talents? Um. I dunno? I can talk for hours to myself going on tangent after tangent about random shit? Is that a talent? I guess I also pick up on things quickly, like I got really good at playing flute quick, marching quick, drum majoring, etc. Nothing really special or weird. Oh, I'm pretty good with language related stuff too.

10. Where were you born? The sweaty taint of California... aka Fresno.

11. What are your hobbies? *deep breath* Playing music, conducting, writing, bullet journalling, book binding, various witchcraft things, d&d, video games (esp jrpgs), solving puzzles, knitting, talking way too fucking much, a bit of sewing, learning languages, marine biology, etc etc...

12. Do you have pets? I'm not sure if my cat, Wakka, is still around my old house bc its been over a month since the snowstorm and we all think she just moved on to another home (still gonna search for her when we go back up) BUT!! My lovely cousin is making sure I get this little tortiseshell calico that was just born a week ago, I'm so excited! And my dad is either getting the orange or grey tabby, they're not 100% sure. But its gonna be a bit before they move in.

13. How tall are you? 5'5 ish? I'm like smack 5'4.5 and it depends on the doctor which way they round it.

14. Favorite subject in school? Band and French. I love music and languages and those two class periods were like, the only thing keepin me going back then because I genuinely had fun with them. English was fine too until Senior year when I went into a.p. and it was just fucking Philosophy. I just wanted to be in a class where people knew how to use commas, not to read Plato

15. Dream job? Author! Or bookbinder! Or both! Publish a novel and as a special thing, handbind limited edition copies of them! Also do stuff in the old days where you take bookbinding commisions where they give you the text block of the book and I make a custom covers for them. Author is definitely the base though, I just can't stick to just one thing, I like doing too many things.

For tags... hhhmm. @a-star-that-fell @catboyelimgarak @gerardwayoftheday2 @evilqueenliv @deyjahboo you don't gotta if you dony wanna, I'm just taggin

15 questions / 15 mutuals

thanks for the tag @joeschains <3

1. are you named after anyone? -technically no, BUT my mom was ~inspired~ by the drummer of a band. (not saying which one because that would reveal my government name lol)

2. when was the last time you cried? -maybe a couple weeks ago. my medication makes me not be able to cry much. I just feel extra shitty with no way to get it out. :'''')

3. do you have kids? -ABSOLUTELY NOT and don't plan to thanks

4. do you use sarcasm a lot? -never..

5. what sports do you play/have you played? -I played soccer until middle school

6. what’s the first thing you notice about other people? -bro idk...maybe their height?

7. what’s your eye colour? -brown

8. scary movies or happy endings? -depends on what mood I'm in

9. any special talents? -I sing and play guitar (play guitar badly), I also can tattoo

10. where were you born? -new hampshire, gross

11. what are your hobbies? -playing and writing music, tattooing, hiking/fitness, baking

12. do you have any pets? -two cats that are my babies :)

13. how tall are you? -5’3ish

14. favorite subject in school? -history, music, and drama

15. dream job? -god please let me make a living off my music please please please and also dabble in film acting

no pressure tags <3 @moonlitdark @ceriseheaven @the-valkyrie-writes @bowersbubbles @ruby-dragon @sweet-villain @moonchildquinn @josephfakingquinn @quinnsmunson @jaimejamieb @nebulousfishgills

[firstkokon0is]

tokrev characters when you did the “i told you to look good today” prank to them

lol this trend is quite old but its been on my mind lately but yall can request sum goods to me😁👍

tw: heavy swear words and grammar errors

characters: draken, mikey, mitsuya, baji, chifuyu, hakkai, takemichi.

gn reader

DRAKEN

the moment those words came out of your mouth he just stared at you

while you’re smiling idiot

he will literally just stare at you

“yea same to you” showing a annoying smile

he get the situation, HE KNOWS HE LOOK GOOD SO THIS AINT GNNA WORK

you guys just laugh it off, you didn’t even told him that it was just a prank because he already knew it but will still ask you in the middle of your date

“hey is my style in clothes really aint that good? were you serious? i mean its not that bad…..” he said while looking himself up through his phone camera

“nope, i thought you get the joke but oh well……ken, you look so good everytime yk even if u wear nothing u still can pull it off” you told him and smack his bald head playfully

“yea yeaa i would’ve gone feral if u went and bash my hair instead of my clothes so thats a relief” he respond with a smile

“ken why this hair-”

“aight im leaving”

“no hakahajwlwbsha”

took the joke very well

MIKEY

he spent hours looking for good clothes for this date, there’s clothes everywhere in his room and still “damn…..there’s nothing to wear”

AND WHEN U TOLD HIM THOSE WORDS???

he just pout, told you that he’s sorry, and he spent hours looking for something to wear to match your style and many more reasons

pls apologize to him

but when you told him that its a prank he just pout and said “not a good joke y/n i know you were lying because i really look good, i knew its was a prank”

just agree with him lol

will think of pranks that he could do to you for revenge, literally stressing about it while on the date with you

he wants to say the same thing to you but he can’t because you look beautiful today, just for him, and will smile just looking at you

while walking to the park he will even ask himself “does my style really match them?” “should i be the one to adjust and put my taste on clothes higher?” “i should ask mitsuya about fashion things” his mind is just filled with questions

“mikeyyyyyyy, you look good today i was just doing a silly prank im sorry if that made you feel bad, not gonna lie you’re drippy as fuck”

“i know i know im gonna prank you next time real hard” he said “if i catch you we’re gnna switch wardrobes” he said as he started to chase you around the park

in the end he came over to your place and explore your wardrobe and tried your clothes, he even stole some of your hoodies and shirts.

MITSUYA

overthinks

this mf thinks he looks good no matter what

duh he’s a designer

“well y/n i think you’re right, and i should style you sometimes dont you think?”

your hand went to your mouth so fast

he laughed at your reaction and hug you

“just kidding you look good, we look good i know that trend damn thats old” he said

you smack him playfully for that, his reaction is normal but because of that he wants to be more stylish

he can take a joke yk

after a lot of overthinking he suggests to shopping with you

even though he have some knowledge about designing and how to look good he thinks your taste in clothes is so good

will think that he’s right for you and you’re right for him

he’s your 4lyferss😩

BAJI

he will give you that “excuse me” face with a hand oh his chest because he’s offended as fuck.

“babe stop fooling people, and yourself we both know i look good”

“you dare to bash my drip hell no baby”

will brag his clothes for like 15 minutes just to prove what you’re saying is wrong

“this shirt i brought this online with a nice fabric its not cheap mf”

“my pants, you see this huh? see those sutffs on tiktoks where they style their own pants i did this shit its so cool”

“now now, baby see this shoes? oh dont even get me started but hey you look nice today hehe can i take you on our date now?”

he went from being defensive and screaming proving his shit right to his signature smile

by just that he already made your day, you really cant out keisuke baji

because he is baji, he will look good for you, and you look good for him, he will joke you around, tease you a lot, you will also do the same to him.

100% can take a fucking joke. and it will be like a competition to him.

CHIFUYU

confused baby

im sure you feel a lot of guilt rn

because baby panicked

will suggest to go back to his house and change his clothes if you want

pls apologize 😭

almost cried because he thinks he’s a bad boyfriend again lol

will spat a lot if reason like, he’s in hurry, he’s been overthinking this date since last night.

but boy he look good actually he has drip

“nononono baby, you look good i just saw the thing on tiktok so i thought it will be funny but damn im sorry i-” you didn’t even finish when he laughed

“ohhhhhh yeaaaa that trend fuck, how could i forget, nice one you got me there god dammit ill take revenge sometimes” he said laughing slightly

well he’s always on tiktok, have some few vid too, actually some went viral bc of takemichi being dumb

just like mitsuya too, will suggest to just go shopping with him and tell him what kind of clothes that you’re interested in

would love to buy your clothes for you but he’s just a broke middle schooler but he promised you that both of you will shopping someday

he took that prank seriously but when he knew that it was a joke its fine

life goes on for him

HAKKAI

oh my god please y/n why

you always complement his style because its true he has some style

after you told him that he will just scratch the back of his neck and said

“my other clothes are still wet haha…..i mean i dont look bad i mean……”

apologize, drop on your knees and do it.

nah jk

u gave in a small laugh and said sorry to him

he know about this trend actually but he never actually expect you to have the guts to do that to him

he knew about his shy personality and he knew that you know about this

he’s not offended just taken by surprise that you actually did that to him

“well anyways i dont care about me you look good today y/n”

you immediately regret saying those stuffs to him bc he’s sweet hot and respectful

but its a joke anyways he enjoyed the silly joke

he knew he look good lmao

yuzuha will be hearing this

she will prolly scold you for doing that

are you gnna repeat the silly prank again?

TAKEMICHI

💀💀💀💀💀

he will run

run back to his home attack his wardrobe and find a good clothes

ofc you feel bad so you followed him

you saw him looking for a new clothes to wear

you told him its a prank but he still didn’t want to go out looking like that

so you just decided to style him yourself

he thinks you’re right

he looks bad, his style is not it

but overall happy for pranking him and making him realize that he need to be as your same style

“takemichi, look i dont care…..whoever told you that you look bad i will kick their face, to me what ever you wear your fun personality and the reason that i fell inlove with you wont disappear” you put a hand on the top of his head and he just

cried.

“im sowwyyy- i- i cant look good- fuck ughhghuh- please dont leave me i-” he’s crying mess on your chest

“STOP CRYING DAMMIT YOU ALWAYS LOOK GOOD,”

you will never prank him again

no pls dont do it again

[sakusasbunny]

𝐟𝐢𝐱 𝐲𝐨𝐮.

“You’d always been such a troubled girl, haven’t you? Don’t worry, nii-chan will fix you”

pairing: sakusa x reader

cw: incest, spanking, degradation, manipulation, toxic relationship, dacryphilia, gaslighting (lmk if there’s anything i missed)

wc: ~1.6 k

a/n: i just wanted to say thank you so much again for 500+ followers!!! it means a lot, ily! (repost bc tumblr’s a bitch and didn’t show me in tags :))

m.list

“N-no! Stop I-” you struggled against Sakusa’s grasp, his big hands wrapping around your waist and bending you over his knee. Your cries were muffled as he shoved you into the couch. One hand restrained your arms behind your back as the other hiked your skirt up, bunching the material around your waist to reveal the cotton of your underwear.

“P-please, nii-chan, I didn’t mean to. I’m sor-”

You couldn’t even finish your sentence as a heavy hand cracked down on your ass. Tears brimmed your eyes as a scream tore through your throat.

Sounds of your cries echoed around the room as one excruciating slap after another was delivered to your ass, pushing your face further into the couch.

“Ngh… Nii-chan…” your voice came out meekly, “No more, please… It hurts.”

“Does it now?” Sakusa’s large hand gently caressed the curve of your ass, soothing the soft flesh red from impact. “You should have thought of that before acting like such-” smack “a fucking-” smack “brat.” smack.

Inarticulate pleas forced its way out of your mouth, begging him to stop. Fat droplets of tears streamed down your face. You could do nothing else but cry out in pain as you took your punishment.

It was simple, really. All you had to do was follow his house rules while you stayed in his apartment. Cleaning, making dinner, doting on him after a stressful day at work. It was all so simple. Perhaps he’d overestimated you; after all, you were still just his dumb little sister. Nothing had changed since you were kids—he's convinced himself—he would still have to look after you.

However, this was no longer acceptable. You weren’t kids anymore. Sooner or later, you’d have to learn your responsibilities to him.

Broken whimpers filled every corner of the room. Every strike was harder than the last.

“It won’t happen again, please…” you promised.

“How can I believe you, hm? You’ve been nothing but a brat since you got here,” He palmed your ass, the cool rings on his fingers soothing your burning skin, “This is the only way you’ll learn. You trust your nii-chan, don’t you?”

You faltered in your response—and that was enough for him to crack his hands across your already tender skin,  forcing a strained whimper into the couch beneath you.

Trembling breaths left your lips as you tried to keep yourself from groaning at the stinging pain crawling up your spine.

It’s too much, you thought, this is all too much.

“Your hesitation,” you could feel the warm puff of his breath on the shell of your ear as he leaned in dangerously close to you, “tells me everything I need to know. Now, get up.”

Sakusa freed your wrists from his grasp and you struggled to push yourself up, your arms too sore and numb from being restrained to hold up any sort of weight. He watched as you brought yourself up on two shaky legs, presenting yourself in front of him.

It was embarrassing.

His narrowed eyes trailed down and examined your body. Your blouse, which had been neatly tucked into your skirt, was now  wrinkled and disheveled as you lunged forward on the couch. Red abrasions bloomed across the supple skin of your face, a semi-permanent blush adorning your cheeks. The fabric of the couch had been too rough as your skin brushed against it.

Sakusa pushed himself off his spot on the couch and made his way towards you.

You flinched as he raised a hand, preparing for the impact that never came. Instead, a gentle hand cupped your face and rubbed soothing circles at the irritated skin of your cheeks. It felt nice. You’d all but forgotten how delicate he could be, nuzzling into his palm as you accepted his small embrace.

It didn’t last, however, as his hand dropped back down to his side. Only the ghost of his touch lingered on your skin before fading into the cold.

“After all I’ve done for you, is this how you repay me, hm? After I welcome you into my home with open arms, could you not follow such simple instructions that even a trained dog could do them?”

His words were harsh, nothing like the hand that previously caressed your cheek. Each word that left his lips cut deeper than the last.

It was a feeling you were unfamiliar with—one so painful that it overshadowed the stinging pain from when he had pinned you down and abused your soft skin. The ache had already faded to a dull throb.

You felt the crushing weight of the atmosphere around you. His disappointment was apparent and it felt unbearable as his dark eyes peered at you, radiating uncompromising scrutiny. Your head hung low in shame in a fruitless effort to avoid his fixed gaze. The only thing you could do was watch your tears as they fell to the floor.

“I really shouldn’t even bother with you anymore,” Sakusa let out an exasperated sigh, “What’s the point in keeping someone around who’s absolutely useless to me?”

That was the final blow to your fragile stage.

Your head shot up and even more tears clouded your vision.

No, no, no, no, no. He couldn’t do this to you. He can’t just leave you all by yourself. You needed him! You were nothing without him. You would mean nothing without him.

He had been your entire world, you realized. You always thought it was his world that revolved around you, an unshakeable presence that never strayed far, but as he tried to rip himself out of your life, you discovered that you’d been wrong.

You had always needed him. You jumped into his arms with every good news you received, in an obvious plea for his approval. You ran into his arms with every problem that faced you knowing that he was the only one who could bring you any meaningful comfort. He’d kiss you so sweetly, lay you down, and make it go away. Bring you pleasure that you were sure no other man but your brother could give you. No one knew you like he did.  

You would always be the one to seek him out.

You dropped to your knees and clung to his legs as hysterical cries erupted from your mouth.

“N-nii-san, ple-please, you can’t. Please don’t do this to me.” You pleaded as you looked up at him with bleary eyes. Tears stained his pant legs as you pressed the side of your face to his thighs, clutching at the fabric with desperate hands.

“I-I’ll do anything! I’ll be good for you, I pr- I promise,” Your words came out frantic as you spoke in between hiccups, “Just please don’t leave me, please, please, please. I need you!”

Sakusa felt his heart clench as you begged for him. Of course, he had no real intention of leaving you but he thoroughly enjoyed seeing how miserable you had been at the thought.

He almost felt bad, really, he did. But that didn’t stop the glimmer of amusement that hid behind his hardened gaze or the cruel smile that spread across his face. He watched as you nuzzled your face into the fabric of his pants, clinging onto him for dear life. So afraid that if you loosened your grip for just a little bit that he’d disappear from your grasp.

He enjoyed how much you seemed to idolize him. It may have been a cruel ploy, using your love for him as a means to bend your will, but he believed it to be necessary. It was just as you said, you needed him. He just wanted to help you realize it.

You’d been defying him too much recently. First, talking back to him, and lately, refusing to follow his orders, even ignoring a curfew he’d set out for you. He had received a phone call from you at an ungodly hour one night, too drunk to even form a sentence and that had been the last straw. What if something had happened to you? He couldn’t have that. Not to his precious little sister, no.

But he couldn’t really put all the blame on you. You were only a product of your environment. Your parents had always been too lenient on you. His father and mother had spoiled you rotten, never really disciplining you and only ever throwing money at all of your problems instead of teaching you how to fix them. He supposed he had them to thank for making you all too dependent on him but he needed you to be obedient for him.

So he’d decided to take it upon himself to teach you.

Did you not see? Everything he did for you was out of pure love! Did you think he wanted to hurt you? To hear your pretty screams as he held you down and spanked you? He took no pleasure in punishing you. No… All he wanted was for you to be safe with him. And what’s a better way to show you than cutting you off? Convincing you that you needed him, that you couldn’t live without him?

He threaded his fingers through your hair as he brushed the strands away from your face. Caressing your cheek with his thumb, he gently motioned for you to look up at him.

Long trails of black stained your flushed cheeks as your mascara ran down your face. He loved seeing you like this. Big, innocent eyes looking up at him, glazed over with adoration only a sister can have for her big brother. So desperate. So needy. So ruined. And all for him. Only for him.

Sakusa wanted to keep you like this forever.

“You’d always been such a troubled girl haven’t you?” It was a rhetorical question, one that he’d already known the answer to, but you nodded eagerly anyway, ecstatic at the soft tone he’s taken with you.

“Don’t worry, nii-chan will fix you.”

[faggotmox]

oh fuck i'm abt to talk abt growing up the child of alcoholics with a bryan as an older brother so scroll on or hit read more, i do not care.

my moms drank herself to death. she drank our whole lives & well before it. my dad too but he's a passive drinker. anyways, the point being my mom was fucked up, she had mental health issues & came from a physically & emotionally abusive home. as a child she was kept from her father after her parents divorced, her mother beat her at times, & she often had to protect her little brother who is kinda slow.

guess what kinda environment she made for us? my moms never laid hands on us, but she abused emotionally & mentally. the shit she did always raised alarm bells with me (crawling into my bed, drunk at early hours as she cried abt how she's a bad mom to me & things along these lines). my brother did not see these things are red flags or alarms.

my mom & I were my brother's only blood relatives here bc my mom took him from his dad after her divorce & moved across the country (huh kinda like how her mom kept her from her dad after their split, huh???). my dad was a fine father to us (aside from the drinking & queerphobia) but he was only my brother's dad by default which is proved now after my mom's passing & my dad doesnt really want anything to do with my brother.

anyways, my mom was all my brother had. so there was always an excuse or a reason why what she was doing was okay or fine or didn't matter. ofc we never had big blow up abt shit, bc in real life people just die they don't have big dramatic bullshit. but bryan's point of view, his excuses, his reasoning, runs parallel to my brother's feelings & place. i was the one trying so hard to get him to see, so he didn't get fucked up by her. i never wanted to like cut my mom out, maybe get her help but yeah she died before that, i just didnt want my brother wrapped up in her issues which caused issues in him.

i the kid that realized i was an alcoholic & got to work on that. my brother didn't, he still doesn't see what she did & we are going five plus years post death by drinking. & we watcher her kill herself, she was told to stop drinking & she pared down. drank "only" beer & wine, nothing hard, & ofc that was still making her sick. she eventually got sick enough she couldn't drink really.

so much of the emotional charge between regal, bryan, & mox, all people who have first hand experience with life threatening addiction, is so fucking real. if youve never been in it, like we have, you may not understand the pain these three are sharing & presenting to us. ive been mox holding onto the rope, shaking & wanting to plead for bryan to see but knowing he wont. ive been bryan, blinded by the love of someone important & special something unconditional. & ive been regal, a drunk who has hurt the people around me.

god that fucked me up. but it did it's job. it got under my skin, it triggered me & forced me to deal with certain feelings ive compartmentalized. as a person who has lived, in a way, every aspect of this story they're telling...its accurate & it hurts & its fucking painful & it's good. as hard & painful & unwanted as this is for me, its also good for me. & as someone who cant fathom putting that out there, on a national stage, i respect what they're doing bc it must be fuckin hard.

i lost over a year's sobriety on October 25th. i only got a few weeks under me anymore. & in a way this reminded me that it's going to relapse, that it's part of recovery, & i can move forward from here. its fuckin dumb that this shit can work, like when it's something you want to & need to see, art can work really well to help you realize shit. it fuckin sucks but im not alone. my mom wasn't alone. my brother isn't alone. even if we don't quiet see it.

[flyingcookierambles]

the final dragalia...

hi fellow losties

lets cry together

im live streaming the final hours on twitch, trying to finish the story

some twitter threads of my dragalia stuff i guess idk (ill be updating this as i go today for memories sake to have these together i guess. idk. stupid sentimentality) 1 (edit: moving the rest below, i think that theres a lot surprisingly) + kit

currently. no doing so well, crying. i feel like im losing a good friend today. literally the more i think the more i cry. its like the going merry all over again. i havent cried this much in years...

sad incoherent rambling below....

1am edit: we did it Losties. we were all together for the final moments. I made a highlight of my final Dragalia stream. There was a home screen walk with Faeblessed Tobias and Bondforged Euden and then the last 41 seconds with the Wagabound Pupper. man. seeing that little 3d computer dog with the pop up screen saying that he is ours forever, since he was originally just a 1 day character for a previous April Fools. just. a bit of a slap in the face. i’ll post my final screenshots tomorrow probably. my throat’s a little tight and i think im gonna cry again. i didn’t even cry this much when A3! eng died...maybe it’s because Dragalia is older. almost got to 4 years. it’s been my comfort game throughout college.

anyways here.

goodnight i have work tomorrow.

desperately trying to download all the assets i can, including the final stubborn 12 of all like 40+ GB of the files. all the good mmees, the laughs and cries, the ups and downs of the story both in an emotional sense and a writing quality sense. just. nothing. thankfully the entire story and all the character stories are preserved thanks to the subreddit and discord.i should’ve played more too. but. ever since the ending was announced. not just in August, but in March. I haven’t played dragalia fully. i didnt do kaledoscope bc i am not good at hack n slash rogue-likes (i suck at hades lol. im only good at rogue dungeon crawling turn based like etrian). im just so full of regrets, even more so than A3!, i think because it had like 0 gameplay and all story and i read most of those. dragalia is. was. will be was. huge. so underappreciated....

if a private server comes up in the future, im ready. i hope.

*looks over at the filtering out unneeded assets message on CMD as the program struggles to get these last 12 stupid files*

twitter i guess

jake calling ferran little duck

never got summer ieyasu....

atlantis. they really were just like. yeah merpeople are real ok lets move on lol. i wonder what would’ve happened had it been able to be expanded on...

random gacha luck posts 1 <- faebless tobias summer curran  notte+others

new years/ox clan pulls gluca  ilia 2nd gala pulls  random i literally dont even remember her event story or what lol  + all the northerners at once lmao + summer ranzal! in . oct 2019 +

children of the forest event + masucla home

reacting to a lot of adventure/castle stories thread

blonde himbo grandpa came home!

2021 april fools + valentines + persona5/strikers collab i think i might’ve livestreamed this too or at least have some saved screen recording of it somewhere. i know that this is twt threads only but that was such a good event + the entire HUD/GUI was redesigned to be p5 themed it was actually really beautiful and we can never see it again sobs + new years 2021 map + 2020 FEH 2 + first gluca run + 2019 halloween + random 2019 screenshots? + more random fractured futures 2019 + 2 more + 2019 anni & random gbf + home screen 2019 anni + the first FEH event 2019 huh my twt media doesnt go any further i might have just not used it between when it was first made in 2015 and then 2019 lol

grandpa humid ilu

issac/tobias first look

dragalia sword?

robot lesbibabs

croptops.. (bonus random thread started with me being an enstarrie for bastard man rinne)

card

tobias story

alchemy

“share the will of the goddess with him” *pulls out a knife* + 2020 northern ilian church

2020 summer norwin + mikoto + 2 + festival thread (bonus a3! en) + W I D E Mei Hou Wang +

bonus the 2020 gacha brainworms parasites i had on my phone at the time

haha remember when leo was a bad guy

[awindylife-writes]

Voyage of the Damned Part 2

Relationships: the Doctor x reader, Astrid x reader (platonic), Astrid x Doctor (platonic)

Summary: Voyage of the Damned rewrite. The Doctor and you find yourselves on the Titanic, space edition. You meet Astrid and get ready for a wonderful day, but then a meteor shower hits the ship and it starts falling towards Earth.

Author's notes: There was a number of things l didn't like about this Christmas special so again, l rewrote it.

Warnings: a ship crashes, multiple mentions of dearth bc a lot of people die

"Oi, Steward! I'm telling you, the shields are down!" a new man yelled.

"LISTEN TO HIM! LISTEN TO HIM!" the Doctor desparately screamed in the Steward's face. The two crewmen let him go and you didn't know it, but it was too late.

A moment later the ship started rocking like it was being torn apart, because it was. You lost your footing and fell back as everything turned sideways.

"Y/N!!!!" you heard the Doctor's terrified scream through the noise of the ship's destruction and the cries of other passengers. You couldn't even get a good look at where he was before something in the walls exploded and you threw yourself away.

You found Astrid near you and thank god for that. "I've got you!" you yelled over the noise and gripped her tight as you tried to shield her from the hell around you.

Then there were arms around you too, holding you up and protecting you. You knew those arms.

The Doctor had found you and the three of you clung to each other in that madness. You could feel each shudder of the ship like a wave of an earthquake. You tried to keep yourself steady and upright but you were the snow in a snowglobe someone was shaking. Balance was a mith and everything was being ripped apart. Various pieces of equipment were falling on all sides, there was fire burning all around you; you could feel its heat on your skin and you breathed its smoke. You felt sick from being thrown around but you were too terrified to hurl.

You couldn't close your eyes even though you wanted to. Everything in you was screaming to watch out for danger, but there was so much of it around you you didn't know where to look. You stared at disaster over Astrid's shoulder and the Doctor's arm. Shadow and light mixed into a disorienting mess and the shades the fire threw joined the dance. You coudn't distinguish what was near and what was far but you still looked.

The only thing you could do was clutch Astrid and the Doctor with all the strength you possessed and wish they wouldn't be harmed.

Finally you were thrown to the side in one last bang and then it stopped. You were lying on the floor and partly on the Doctor. He was on his back, still holding you and Astrid.

After a breath he let go, then stood up and swiftly looked around. You sat up, thankful you were still in one piece. You let go of Astrid enough to check her over and relief washed over you when you found out she was unharmed. You were about to yell if everyone was okay but the Doctor sushed you. After a moment of absolute silence he quetly declared, "It's stopping."

He then looked down at you in worry and offered you a hand. "You alright?"

As you quietly nodded, he looked over at your friend. "Astrid?"

She nodded too and took the hand he'd offered her. He pulled both of you to your feet.

"Bad name for a ship," he told you, scowling. "Either that, or this suit is really unlucky."

"We'll get you a new one and then we'll test that theory," you smiled weakly at him.

He looked at you, grateful, and then you heard Astrid suck in a breath.

The three of you looked down at the unlucky officer who was on the ground close to you. The Doctor kneeled to check him over. You saw him shake his head at the Steward and your stomack turned to stone.

~

The Steward was dead now too. You looked out the door with the Doctor, at the wreckage and the distant Earth. Still beautiful, you thought to yourself. You were a bit dazed, nothing felt real and everything was too real at the same time.

You knew you never wanted to feel so powerless again, but you also knew that drive was in you still. You would help where you could.

You gathered yourself and asked, "What happened?"

"How come the shields were down?" Astrid demanded a second later. You jumped, you hadn't noticed her there. She smiled gently at you, blue eyes kind, and caressed your shoulder. You managed a small, grateful smile in return.

"I don't think it was an accident," the Doctor growled. You figured that.

"How many dead?" Astrid and you asked in one voice, both looking at the Steward's body out in space. She was indignant though, while you were simply sad.

"We're alive," the Doctor answered her and then looked at you. "Focus on that," he told you gently. He knew what people being hurt did to you.

"I'll get you out of here," his voice was soft but firm. Then he turned to Astrid and you followed his eyes. She was trembling, still looking out at the result of the hell you all had endured. You took her hand into yours and squeezed it.

"I will get you both out of here," the Doctor assured her. "Astrid, l promise. Look at me." He held her shoulders and when she found his eyes, he assured her again, "I promise."

You were glad, because when the Doctor promised something, it happened. You needed her to live. Even if she'd want nothing to do with you after this, you needed her to live. Even if she had been anyone else, you would have done your damnest to ensure she survived, but Astrid was extraordinary. To think about the universe without her?

No. No.

After she nodded shakily, he concluded, "Good," and turned around. He went on about reception but you tuned him out. Instead, you looked Astrid in the eye and then pulled her closer. She gratefully accepted the hug.

"You heard what the Doctor said and l'll say it too. I promise we'll get you out of here." You squeezed her shoulder in emphasis.

She breathed deeply and slowly let go. Then she smiled and her bright eyes crincled. "Thank you," she told you gratefully. You nodded and swung your still joined hands.

"You know, l met you about two hours ago, but now l think l've known you for years," she said in wonder.

"Yeah?" you asked her and she nodded, still smiling. "I feel that way too," you told her, giddy in this moment. You both grinned at each other.

"Oh," the Doctor's sad voice cut through.

You whirled around. "What is it what's wrong?"

"That's the TARDIS over there," he told you and you desparately searched for the blue box with your eyes. He was right, it was spinning in zero gravity, so close but still out of your reach.

"What is that?" Astrid asked in confusion.

"It's our ship," you told her, throat tight. "It's our home."

"And it's programmed to lock onto the nearest centre of gravity, and that would be the Earth."

~

You took care of the other passengers with Astrid as the Doctor talked to the bridge. You overheard enough to know the picture.

"Are we going to die?" Foon asked and everything started going downhill.

The Doctor sushed the frightened passengers. "First things first," he began in a determined voice. "One, we're gonna climb through this ship. B, no, two, we're gonna reach the bridge. Three, or c, we're gonna save the Titanic. And, coming in a very low four, or d, or that little iv in brackets they use in footnotes, follow me."

Good, that was good, you thought to yourself. Always good to establish a goal.

"Hang on a minute." The fricking billionare decided to show he's an ass. "Who put you in charge?" he demanded. "And who the hell are you anyway."

"I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord." Sparks flew behind him and he was suddenly bigger than everyone in the hall.

"I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Casterbourus." You were grinning like mad. You could almost hear magestic music playing.

"I'm nine hundred and three years old, and l'm the man who's gonna save your lives and all six billion people on the planet below. And she's gonna help," he interjected, looking at you. "Have you got a problem with that?" he asked the billionare.

"No," the man admitted, baffled.

The Doctor turned to you. "In that case..."

"Allons-y," you said for him with a smile and started walking. You turned back, grinning at the group as the Doctor fell into step with you. You found Astrid with your eyes and nodded your head for her to join you.

~

"This whole thing could come crashing down any minute!" the billionare whined as he helped you clear the staircase of debris.

"Oh, Brixton, did you get that message?" you asked him sweetly.

He frowned in confusion. "No, what message?"

"Shut up," you told him, not covering up your annoyance.

Then you heard from above, "Bannacafalata, made it!"

You climbed up behind Astrid. You weren't about to leave her alone on this bloody ship.

~

Foon's screams echoed in the chasm. Death, death, all around you death, whywhywhywhy WHY?!?!

~

"Alright, when it's ready, that blue light comes on there," the Doctor pointed at the spot on the battery Bannacafalata had given you. Another person you hadn't been able to save.

Astrid frowned. "You're talking as if you two aren't coming with us."

"There's something down on deck thirty-one," you told her, "and we're gonna find out what it is."

"But what if you meet a Host?" She was worried about you and the thought melted your heart.

"Well, then we'll just..." The Doctor wiggled his eyebrows at you, smiling, "have some fun."

"Sounds like you two do this kinda thing all the time," Astrid added nonchalantly.

"Not by choice," you assured her, voice soft.

"Yeah, all we do is travel," the Doctor pitched in.

"Imagine it," you told her, suddenly wishing with all your heart you were out there, with her in the stars. "No stakes, no bills, no boss. Just the open sky." The wonder you felt when you thought about all you've seen seeped into your voice. There was all that space out there, so much room to wonder, so many skies to see.

"I'm sort of, uh, unemployed? Um, now," she answered as you looked at her expectantly. "I was thinking that blue box is, kinda small," she raised her eyebrows, "but l could... squeeze in? Like a stowaway!" Her eyes were so full of hope and your heart was bursting.

"It's not always safe," the Doctor's voice cut through the feeling. And you remembered. You remembered Foon and Morvin and Bannacafalata. How could you have forgotten???

"So you two need someone to take care of you," she protested. "I've got no one back on Stoe, no family. Just... me." She looked at you, blue eyes pleading. "So what do you think? Can l come with you?"

The Doctor smiled and looked at you. You were already grinning and nodding at Astrid, so incredibly happy. It was decided. "Yeah, we'd like that," the Doctor answered while you nodded on enthusiastically.

Her lips stretched into a wide grin and you pulled her close. You hugged her tightly, with a bright future ahead of you.

And then all three of you fell to the ground as the room shook.

~

"All charged up!" the Doctor yelled as the blue light came on. You all hurried back to the two waiting men. "Mister Copper, look after her; Astrid, look after him." He pointed at them. "Brixton, um..." he trailed off at a loss for words. "Look after yourself," he finally finished.

"We'll see you again," you reassured Astrid. "I promise." You steadily held her gaze so she knew you meant it.

And then you were off, running to the door on the other side of the hall.

"Hold on!" she called after you. "There's an old tradition on Stoe!"

"We've really got to go," the Doctor told her and you swatted his arm.

"Just wait a minute!" she yelled as she ran up to you.

She stopped in front of you, cradled your face and deftly kissed your cheek. "You'll get the other when you come back," she told you, smiling, then turned to the Doctor and did the same.

"See you later!" she called after you when you turned to leave.

"Not if l see you first!" you told her over your shoulder, a huge grin splitting your face.

"What she said," the Doctor joined in.

After seeing Astrid smile in turn, you were gone.

[babyloposts]

Hi I entirely forgot to send in my request after you said they were open 😅 can you do a Zuko x reader where he says he has a date planned for them but the reader’s hair won’t cooperate before they go out so he helps the reader with their hair before taking them out?

A/N: ahh ur my first ask I’m so excited 😊 ur rlly speaking my language is it’s this one bc my hair is so difficult and does not cooperate with me ever so I understand this struggle 😭 I hope I do the ask justice

OneShot

Pairing: Zuko x black!reader

Warnings: language, type 4 hair struggles

Summary: Zuko has gone through trouble to plan a nice date for the two of you, it’d be such a shame to miss their dinner reservations because you can’t tame your unruly curls and coils. Lucky for you, it’s Zuko to the rescue.

Twist outs, the absolute bane of Y/N’s existence. No matter what she did she could never get the desired coil pattern, or it was too dry, or too stretched out. She swore this one would be different. The parts were straight, her scalp was greased, her roots and ends were well moisturized, everything was going according to plan.

That was until she got to the takedown. Y/N didn’t know what went wrong. She let your hair dry for a full 48 hours yet still, her hair was damp in some places, dry in others, and barely maintained any type of curl. The results were enough to make someone tear up, and she did a little, but there was still hope.

Y/N grabbed her blow dryer from the cabinet and began to work. Fluffing, primping, picking, and finger coiling until she was able to get her desired look but... she just made it worse.

Y/N groaned as she looked at her appearance in the mirror. Her hair was unbelievably puffy and she had a prominent part the wouldn’t move no matter what she did. Now she was discouraged. It’s one thing to have the original plan messed up, but when the plan-b goes to shit all hope seems to be lost.

Y/N had one last play left in her book. A go-to for curly girls when things don’t seem to be going their way. A high puff with cute edges.

Even executing this seemingly simple style would prove to be difficult for Y/N. Not only was she running low on her favorite hair gel, but as she was doing up her ponytail her good hair tie broke. And it was her only one left.

That was the last straw, the breaking point. She was gonna be late and ruin the date all because of her stupid, stupid hair. Y/N wasn’t one to cry over little things, but there was a lot building up to this breakdown. As the hair band snapped so did the dam in her tear ducts. A concerning wail passed her lips and she slumped over to brace herself on the cool marble counter top.

Y/N couldn’t silence her cries quickly enough because just as fast as that first cry sounded Zuko came rushing into the bathroom to check on her. His eyes grew with worry as he saw y/N crying over the sink with her hair covering her face.

“Y/N... what’s wrong?” Zuko cupped her cheeks in his hands and forced her to look at him. “Please don’t cry Beautiful, you’ll ruin your makeup. You hate that.” He gently wiped away the tears under her eyes with the pads of his thumbs. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Y/N took in a sharp breath to try and cease her cries, but it was to little avail. Weak sobs escaped her lips as she averted her gaze. She tried to shake her head, weakly laughing as if to convey the silliness of the situation. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t cry. It’s stupid.”

Zuko chuckled and tilted her chin up to meet his gaze. “That’s funny, aren’t you the one always reminding me that my feelings aren’t stupid. Tell me.” Zuko’s eyes were pleading. Y/N struggled to find the words.

“I won’t laugh at you. Promise.” A reassuring hand made its way to her back providing some bit of comfort.

“O-ok. I’m just upset b-because... we’re gonna be late to our nice date you planned because I can’t do my hair.” Y/N whined. Zuko smirked a bit. He was slightly amused, but he wasn’t laughing at her, per se.

“I told you it’s silly.” Y/N pouted and buried her face in her hair.

“No it’s not. It’s not silly, Princess. I just think you look beautiful. I don’t know why you’re stressing.” Zuko mused. You looked up at him, dressed all nice in a maroon button down, black slacks, glossy shoes, and gold chain. He looked stunning and she looked a mess.

“I don’t hold a candle to you. You’re all presentable and shit. And I look like I just stood in a hurricane.” Y/N fussed, but Zuko was having none of it. Y/N looked like a goddess as always especially with her natural hair out and he was going to let that be known.

“Y/N... you look gorgeous, as always. I love the way your hair looks, okay? You’re beautiful no matter what and that’s all that maters.” Zuko looked at her with all the seriousness in the world. Y/N nodded, lip poked out and eyes watery. Before anymore tears could spill Zuko brought her into his embrace and wrapped his arms securely around her shoulders. With a sweet kiss on the forehead he pushed away and smiled sweetly.

“Okay now tell me what I can do to help.” Y/N sighed and held out her hand. Inside revealed the broken hair tie, which happened to be the last one she had.

“It broke while I was trying to do a ponytail...” Zuko examined the limp elastic splayed in her hands before exiting the bathroom. When he returned he had a bag in his hands that had many items inside, one being the extra large elastics you used to do your hair.

“Zuko how did you-?”

“I noticed you were running low on some stuff so I went by the hair store on my way home.” Zuko shied. He was so unbelievably sweet, it almost caused Y/N to shed more tears. “I hope I got you the right brands I tried my best to remember.”

“You did Baby, thank you. You’re my life saver.” Y/N stood on her tip toes and placed a sweet kiss to his cheek. “Okay, now move. I need to do my hair and fix my makeup super quick so we at least have a chance to make our reservations.”

“Can I help? T-to make it go faster?” Zuko mussed with his fingers as he asked. He was so cute. He’d never helped Y/N with her hair before and knew she didn’t like other people to touch her hair, but he wanted to help in anyway he could.

Y/N agreed and even though Zuko wasn’t slaying her ponytail or snatching her edges he was till helpful to brush up her hair in the back where she couldn’t see. Zuko did a great job too, the back was nice and flat and you two actually made it out of the house at a decent time.

In the car to the restaurant Zuko rested his his hand on the bare skin of Y/N’s thigh. She watched him as he drove and couldn’t fathom how she’d gotten so lucky to have Zuko love her. He was so good to her.

“What?” Zuko asked when he caught your gaze.

“Nothing. I just wanted to tell you I love you.”

“I know Beautiful. I love you too.”

————————————————

Written for: @lunabby010 I hope you enjoyed love 😊

[sneezefiction]

making up for lost time

Daichi x fem!Reader - Scenario

@miss-rin​‘s request: “Where Daichi reunites with the reader several years after highschool... She’s messed up from her last relationship, but wants to try again.... With a fluffy ending though, please!!”

a/n: eeee this was really therapeutic to write. i know it’s a little on the longer side of things i usually post, but i wanted to set it up well. enjoy some angst to fluff Daichi content bb <33333

warnings: break ups, cheating, low self esteem, slight language, general angst

wc: 3350

---

It’s strange. Staring at your textbook, your fingers brushing against its textured, thin pages, you hadn’t noticed the tiny droplets forming on the sheets below. Only when you recognized its salty taste did you realize you were the source. You lean back, using the table to tilt your chair onto its back legs, balancing there for a minute to keep your tears from staining anything else on the desk.

With all the mentions of bonds and fusions, somehow chemistry homework has brought you back into the reality of your current life crisis. 

It’s not like you hadn’t expected tears, but did they have to overtake every aspect of your life? 

In public. Walking through the park. At 4 in the morning.

It was cruel, really. 

That even after a year of complete distance, everything insisted on reminding you of him.

---

Your ex was supposed to be a one night stand. A ploy to get over a deeply established crush. You were running from young, uncertain love, pushing it down, and drowning it all in heavy doses of pleasure. But weekend-after-weekend, your interactions with this mystery hookup turned into regular flings.

From there, you allowed something deeper to develop.

You started sharing with him.

Lying on the bed, limbs entangled, panting subsided. You released small thoughts and simple secrets into the dark of the night. Maybe he would capture those words, pondering them, making a space for them in his mind. Maybe he would let them drift by, like white noise and formless background music. 

But it didn’t matter. You spoke anyway.

Nights passed and you would let out more gentle, whispering comments. Insecurities, dreams, stories. 

And at some point, he started responding. Listening. Mulling over your words. Whether you meant for it to happen or not, things grew personal. He became your stand-in security blanket, pulling you in and showing you his own little world. You didn’t care if it was fabricated and make-believe.

Because for the first time, it seemed like someone reciprocated your words and actions. You were no longer relying on past passions and feelings because you were so busy drowning in the touch of a stranger. He gave you endless chances to let go of your greatest love and high school infatuation. And you took each one.

You pushed yourself to like him. You asked him to be exclusive. He agreed.

Because his touches were soothing. The way his arms wrapped around your middle, pulling you into his chest and whispering dirty, sugar-coated words into your ears. It made you feel wanted. Needed. Like maybe this could be the one. Like maybe you didn’t need the brown-eyed boy from so long ago.

Yes, your ex’s hold on you was physically tight…

But his intentions were loose and undefined. Eerily disconnected from the reality you had pictured yourself in.

In the back of your mind, you knew something was off. The puzzle pieces that tied your interactions together were either damaged or missing. Information and stories didn’t match up.

At some point, he started coming home wearing the scent of sex and perfume. Fragrances that didn’t belong to you. All of the staying out late and leaving the bed early... He was clearly cheating on you. 

But ignorance is bliss... and you were swimming in it.

You now realize he only told you what you wanted to hear. Little, white lies iced with sweet, generous promises.

What did you expect? That he actually needed you? Why would this stand-in boyfriend be any different?

Finding him on top of a girl in your bedroom should’ve cut you deeper. It should have left you with your knees collapsed and your fingers painfully digging into the carpet. You could have screamed and cried, kicked something, at least outwardly shown your pain.

Yet all that came over you was a dizzying numbness. So you shut the door, closing yourself off to their shocked expressions. Cutting yourself off from another failed love attempt. A worthless endeavor.

---

You’re still fighting a losing battle against hot, streaming tears in the library.

You wish the tears stemmed from the breakup. It would be a logical justification for your pain. Yes, it would be easier to cry over something present… or at least something sensible.

But fate is fickle and so are your emotions. Fragile and nostalgic.

Because you aren’t choking on sobs in the campus library over that unloyal asshole. 

No, your mind was fully centered on Daichi. The one person who had actually made you feel whole. Who regularly told you how much he wanted you.

You could’ve drowned in his warm, honey-glazed gaze. He drew you in, submerging you in a euphoric, blissfully intoxicated state. 

Memories flittered back to you. How he would always comfort you, using his firm shoulder as a pillow during after school hours to cry or sleep on when life began to smother you.

How he snuck up behind you in the schoolyard, grabbing you by the waist, lighting a fire inside you that filled you with warmth and made your stomach do somersaults. It was playful. Lighthearted. So very Daichi.

And you wanted more. More than platonic. More than best friends.

His touches were nothing like your ex.

It was like gentle floating fireflies, blinking and flickering in a field at dusk. Consistent but surprising. Sensitive, feathery, and comforting. Not at all greedy or dismissive.

You didn’t have to think twice about it. Daichi still remained in the softest parts of you.

But it doesn’t matter anymore. He isn’t coming back to save you. To take you by the hand and rekindle whatever it was you two had shared back then.

Because Daichi wasn’t ready to commit.

He had told you how he felt. How he wanted you so badly that it physically hurt him. That he wanted to be there for you, by your side, hand-in-hand.

But he just wasn’t ready to follow through. Not with graduation and change so near in sight. Not with the possibility of losing you just as soon as you’d become his.

You knew he was right. College shifted you two into completely separate directions. 12 hours to be exact.

You and Daichi were at the right place at the wrong time.

But as you drifted, the words morphed and manipulated themselves in your mind. They echoed a tone that claimed that you were the faulty one. That you weren’t ready. You weren’t lovable enough. He didn’t want to commit to you.

So naturally, you equated it with not being enough for him. That it was some silly, unfounded puppy-love. Just a bunch of hormones and high schoolers.

So you tried to bury your longing for him, making countless mistakes in the process. 

You had changed. This was your life now. Broken, exhausted, and weathered.

In defeat, you close up the heavy, tattered textbook, gently maneuvering it into your backpack and take your leave from the softly lit library. You’ve suffered enough for one day, so you may as well give yourself a break from studying.

As you make your way out the door, you feel an unexpected buzz in your back pocket, your phone lighting up with a notification. You reach a hand back to check it.

3:47 pm - sawamuradaichi38 followed you

You stop abruptly, feet planted in the doorway, eyes processing the words before you.

“Shit.”

Daichi…

High school Daichi.

The “I was just crying over how much I hate missing you 5 minutes ago,” Daichi.

You hadn’t spoken in over a year and suddenly this? 

It was out of the blue, not to mention at one of the most pitiful moments in your life. 

Broken up, red-eyed, and still helplessly in love with his brown-eyes. How could someone so wonderful have such disastrous timing?

You receive a rude awakening, the door to the library smacking you in the face, drawing you out of your thoughts and leaving you rubbing the now red spot on your forehead, the phone still clutched tightly in your palm.

Leaving the doorway, you spot a park bench and take a seat outside, your thumb still hovering over the “follow back” button.

It takes some persuading, but eventually you convince yourself it will be fine. It’s not like you’re selling your soul to him.

It’s just a simple “follow back.”

It also wouldn’t hurt to see what he looked like.

So you click.

And there he is. Several month’s worth of photos, flooding your eyes.

Party streamers, candids, squinted smiles, polaroid photo-shoots, flushed faces from tipsy weekends, throwbacks… and your heart is pounding at the sight of just how mature he looks.

He’s developed a flattering tan over the summer, giving him a golden glow. The deeper tone has either made him look more toned or he’s gained muscle in the past couple of years. Both are very likely.

You proceed your scrolling, subconsciously looking for any signs of being in a relationship, before you’re startled by another ‘ping’ noise.

Damn this stupid app.

To hell with media.

Why did he feel the need to message you? Is he messing with you, right now? 

But the questions don’t keep you from opening the text.

Nerves settle in.

3:55 pm - Daichi: Y/n!

3:55 pm - Daichi: I’m in town for a while and I really want to see your face.

3:56 pm - Daichi: Only if you want to though… I know it’s been a long time.

How is it possible that your hands are already shaking? It’s just Daichi.

Just Daichi.

What the actual hell, Daichi.

3:58 pm - Y/n: Heya! I’d love to, but I have so many questions???

You have more than just questions.

4:00 pm - Daichi: I’ve got answers. So is that a yes? Bc if it’s a no, that’d be super awkward…

4:00 pm - Daichi: ...given that I’m 5 minutes from your university right now. Could I pick you up?

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL, DAICHI.

4:01 pm - y/n: Well damn, ok. Looks like I don’t have any excuses. Come n get me :)

You do your best to sound smooth, sending him the corner to pick you up on, but you still looked and felt like a total wreck. Your makeup was messy, mascara staining the underneath of your eyes. Luckily, you had baby wipes and could clean up a little, but you were still left with a slightly puffy, red-tinted face.

The blush that appeared after receiving his text messages didn’t help either.

If you were being honest, you felt completely hysterical. You had finally given up all hope, tossing your dreams of being with him out the window. 

And here he was, casually asking you to hangout as if you two hadn’t ever lost contact. As if you hadn’t been bawling your eyes out over him for the past several months. Real cute, y/n, you laugh, thinking to yourself. 

You do your best to fix your face up with your phone camera and a little extra concealer, but if Daichi is anything like he was in high school, he’ll see through it almost instantly.

You spot his car, pulling up into a spot on the side of the road. He’s scanning for you.

Your breath hitches at the sight of him, heart skipping a beat.

He’s even prettier in person. Photos couldn’t capture something that strong and handsome. His features were still kind, but his expression showed how much he’d grown. The turn of his head, showcasing his jawline. Sharper, older. Your heart is pounding and you feel the anxiety settle in.

But as soon as he captures your eyes, you both grow soft.

You could tell from the way he was looking at you, he’d been longing for you too.

He hops out of his car, focused solely on you, and starts walking. Your pace matches his but it quickly increases. The hunger you’d felt for his embrace drives you both to move faster. He felt it too. It was magnetic. Almost like you’d been waiting your whole life for this reunion.

You practically throw yourself into his firm chest, his sturdy arms circling around your torso, the rate of your collision shaking his balance. But he managed, steadying himself one footstep at a time. One of his hands makes its way up to your neck and tangles itself into your hair, grasping locks and running his fingers through it. It was as though your bodies were making up for the lack of touch and all of your unspoken words, closing any spaces between you and affirming the reality of each other’s presence. 

You notice him tucking your head into his chest... just how he used to.

It’s as though nothing had changed. Like you had both been talking and touching and breathing the same air for the past year when in truth, your relationship had mimicked radio silence.

It stays silent, your bodies choosing to take one another in. He smelled of coffee and cedar, with a dash of maple. He’d always carried a sweeter scent. It never failed to make you melt into him.

Daichi’s face is buried within your hair and he can’t help but breathe in the familiar fragrance of your conditioner. A huge swell of nostalgia passes over him like a crashing wave, causing him to pull you even closer.

The very feelings you had been protecting yourself from were overloading your senses.

So you break off the hug, opting to grasp his hands instead.

His gaze is so understanding. So full of raw emotion. It’s apologetic.

“Daichi I-”

“I’m so sorry, y/n.”

There’s a pause. You give him a wobbly smile, nodding gently to let him speak first.

He opens his mouth to speak, but he’s silenced as raindrop lands directly on your nose. You giggle, wiping it off with your hand, then placing said hand back into his.

“How ‘bout we go sit in the car?” He suggests as the rain begins to drizzle.

You follow him wordlessly, taking him by the arm, quickly crossing the road.

You’re snug in his passenger seat, one foot tucked under your other leg, torso facing him directly. Daichi takes a moment to look you over. You flush under his intent gaze. That’s when he notices your reddened eyes. 

“You’ve been crying.” He states directly, hand making it’s way to your chin, lifting it while examining your face.

“A-ah yeah. You’re as observant as ever, Daichi, I’ll give you that.” You smile slightly.

“Why? What… or who did that to you?” He asks, concern lacing his voice.

You look away, head tilting out toward the grey-lit street.

Should you be honest?

That he was the reason for your tears?

You want to trust him.

To believe his words at face value.

You wanted to bare your soul, letting him absorb every moment of the last year of your life. To cry out to him and explain that you wanted him so deeply that you betrayed your own feelings for him.

But look where it got you last time.

Your ex took the most precious pieces of you and stomped all over it. He had used you. Your stories. Your secrets.

You were different from the girl that Daichi used to know.

He couldn’t love that, he couldn’t possibly-

“Y/n, I mean it. You can tell me anything. I promise I’ll just listen.”

And with that, you muster up your last ounce of courage, putting full trust in him.

It comes out in a soft mumble.

“...I still love you, Daichi.”

His eyes widen, lips parting.

“I-” You begin to choke on your own words. 

The emotion of everything, from your breakup to seeing your ex with another girl, to the sad eyes in front of you. It all begins to spill out. It’s not a sob. More like a release.

“I tried to like someone else. I tried so, so hard, Daichi.” Tears drip down your face, catching on the hand still holding your cheek.

You do your best to speak slowly and coherently, but you can’t seem to prevent the stutters that emerge from embarrassment and months of pent-up shame.

“It didn’t work. I- he didn’t love me.” You pause, considering if you should share the next details.

You inhale deeply, remembering his words.

I can tell him anything.

“There were other girls and-” 

Daichi’s eyes darken, realizing what you meant.

“He- he didn’t,” hiccups break up the sentences you’re already struggling to form, “I just wasn’t good enough, Daichi.” You meet his eyes, “Not for you. Not even for him.”

He rubs a thumb over your face, somber and troubled.

A wave of guilt washing over his face, his own eyes tearing up at the sight of you.

Daichi wasn’t there for you. He knows it.

He had left you high and dry, letting himself get washed up within his own pain, not considering how badly it would affect you. You both cut off communication to make things easier, assuming it would help you both to move on, but it had only made things worse.

Now he’s watching it all unfurl…

You’ve been mistreated and he wasn’t there to protect you. To save you. To hold you tightly within his arms.

But he wants to help pick up the pieces.

He wants to dry those tears, one by one.

He’s ready to make up for the lost time.

It’s time to prove that he’s ready for you now if you’ll have him.

So Daichi removes his hand from your face and grabs your hand, staring at it for a moment. He brushes his calloused fingers over your knuckles.

“Y/n, I never stopped loving you.” He half whispers.

He’s tracing the lines and divots in your palm now, but his eyes are on yours now.

“I couldn’t handle not seeing you… 12 hours is a lot.” He acknowledges.

“But it should never have stopped me from being with you. That was my mistake. It had nothing to do with you not being good enough.”

“Y/n, please, God please, promise me you’ll never say that again.” He begs.

Ah, that.

You couldn’t remember if that had slipped out, but it, in fact, had.

This lie you’ve been telling yourself seems a real as the gentle drumming of raindrops on the roof of the car. Your ex had affirmed it. The breakup sealed it.

And now you’re being told to let it go? To just believe you’re enough? Worthy of love?

If only it were that easy.

“I know you don’t believe me right now… you have every right not to. But I want you to learn to trust me again.”

He continues, “You can tell me anything. I promise I won’t leave you.”

Heavy.

The words were so heavy on your heart.

“...Okay.” Your voice cracks, another few tears slipping out.

“I- I’ll try.” You look away, pain creasing your brows.

He drops your hand on your lap and reaches toward your face, cupping it.

“I mean it, y/n. I won’t leave you.” His tone is scarily serious.

His lips brush against yours, asking permission. You lean forward, gently pressing your lips into his.

It takes a moment to adjust, but you meld together smoothly. It was always supposed to be this way. His warmth is sobering.

It’s tear-soaked and somber, but oh so real.

Noses brush. He runs a hand through your hair, tucking loose strands behind your ear, running a thumb down your neck. You tilt your head, deepening the kiss while leaning into his hand. Lips parted, rhythm slow and comforting.

No part of it is rushed. This moment wasn’t for anyone except for you.

Kiss after kiss, you’re being seen. Listened to. Re-opened.

And it may take tens of thousands of kisses. You’ll probably cry into his chest more times than you can count. You’ll have to fight like hell to escape the lie of “never being good enough.”

But Daichi will be there. Because he came back to you. 

And he’ll keep coming back until he doesn’t have to anymore... because by then, he’ll hope to have you by his side forever.

---

tags: @cherryonigiri, @yams046, @kaidasen, @starfissure

[halfhappyhooligan]

a voltron au? in 2020? it’s more likely than you think

look. LOOK. i know that voltron is stupid and we hate it but lets be honest: everything up until season 3 was pretty good and had lots of potential !!

today i was rewatching voltron and a thought struck me: what if, instead of shiro being cloned, he was chipped and turned to the side of the galra?

so here it is, i did not blink since i thought of this

(warning, i have not seen voltron in a while and this is just knowledge i have stored in my moss brain and stuff i know from rewatching the first season)

au where shiro goes evil bc of what happens @ end of season one instead of the clone thing bc 1) haggar rly could not have made thousands of shiros after bumping into team voltron like what twice? its hella improbable and 2) just… weird

so instead they insert a chip in him that helps them spy and control him just like kuron (the clone) did minus the unlikely storytelling

eventually after the convo with sendak when he was in the pod trying to temp shirp, he does have thoughts about helping zarkon

(“im already infiltrated with the arm, i could just speed up the process by leaving now. save the team the trouble of investing in a leader that’s doomed to fail from the strart.”)

shiro ends up leaving team voltron in season 2 after zarkon goes crazy w the black lion n stuff

^^ this adds to Keith’s reasoning of joining the Blade of Marmora (shiro is his main stability and one of the main reasons he even stuck around with team voltron, so with shiro gone and keith questioning his place as the leader and paladin of the black lion, he decides the BoM is just.. what’s best for him) 

obviously lance isn’t happy with this (“you just told me that i’m a valuable member, now you don’t think YOU are? what logic is that?”)

ofc keith goes anyways

lance becomes paladin of the black lion

allura takes on the red lion

who has blue lion? ...idk this isn’t that thought out (maybe matt after pidge finds her family) (which will happen earlier in the plot since we can forget about the miniplot of black no longer responding to shiro)

enter lotor only this time he has a sidekick and what omg its shiro wow

shiro has that bigger version of his arm that was once offered to him

he’s stronger and scary, but his eyes aren’t the same, he has the strength of a galra but lacks the passion 

in the fight between lotor and zarkon, (and after, of course lots of self doubt and questioning) shiro comes between them and convinces lotor NOT to kill zarkon

then zarkon kills lotor

everyones like oh shit bc surely someone who’s life was just spared wouldn’t kill the person who seems to have the most power

but he did. bc he’s zarkon. and he’s fckn crazy.

shiro doesn’t go back to team voltron bc its too much too easily

instead he takes the place of lotor in the group of gals 

he convinces them all to rebel against the galra

eventually they teach him all about quintessence and all the shit lotor had planned that they can’t do anymore

(lotor wasn’t harvesting alteans in this universe bc what the heck even was that subplot that had little to no relevance to the main storyline?

instead he was trying to find a way to technologically bring back alteans (kinda like how allure’s dad was originally preserved in s1)

i know nothing about How Stuff Works and i dont remember much about quintessence n shit but the basic idea is that when tying in some of a persons artifacts with technology stuff and some quintessence then boom. a weird route from astral projection land to the team is created and ppl can come back or smth idfk

but lotor was never able to get the comet so shiro decides he and the gals will get that comet and try to bring back as many alteans as they can

^ all this while infiltrating as many galra fleets as possible + saving planets under galra empire

they personally visit every planet that lotor was in charge of and release them from galra control

they are able to bring back an altean (its romelle) and she talks abt her friend who lives on the balmera and they go to the balmera and its revealed that it was shay’s great grandmother so romelle asks where shay is and shay’s family is like with team voltron of course

so

they take her

obviously team voltron, the BoM and the Rebels r very hesitant to make contact but they decide to try it out

keith refuses to meet, instead he’s on the team that stands guard

reunions !! 

romelle and shay hit it off and hunk makes a dinner much like roselle’s past (allura and coran also hang out and they all vibe)

lance talks to shiro abt everything to do with keith and shiro is like dude do u??? like him?

and lance is like what? no ofc not—oh shit.

and keith ✨overhears ✨

pidge matt and shiro catch up n shit

meanwhile keith is like Hey Lance Uhhhhhh What The Fuck

they end up being like hey since we’re all here and we hate zarkon what if we make a plan to end the galra’s reign Right Now

so they do

and y’all.. it’s hella baller plan

except something is going wrong and in the middle of an attack zarkon is able to get the upper hand 

due to haggar’s magic and lance’s mental and emotional instability, zarkon is able to get in his head

everyone is trying to talk him down but they’re all under a lot of pressure

allura is also conflicted bc she wanted to be black lion bc she wanted to rub it in to zarkon’s face that she was stronger than he and that she could beat him at his own game

but the negativity and instability feeds into zarkon’s power and makes him and haggar stronger as they pull in voltron to finally take over the team and regain their status as the most powerful alien race

hunk realizes this and is like okay can y’all stop being negative? its clearly affecting them in a good way and it makes us an easier target

and pidge is like im literally a child pls i don’t wanna die i just got my family back it can’t end like this

shiro realizes what’s going on and he goes to save them

he uses all his energy, pulling in the positive memories (everything: first learning about space, becoming a teacher, meeting adam, meeting keith, first making team voltron, his friends and family--all of it) to push back zarkon and haggar’s powers and battle once more in the astral realm 

in defeating zarkon, shiro loses his life

afterwards keith enters the ship in a hurry and is like where the fuck is shiro where’s my brother what did you do what happened

and team voltron is like hey man.. we are so so sorry

and keith cries because the last thing he ever said to shiro was mean

lance feels like its all his fault since he was supposed to be a good leader

they talk about separately while hunk pidge and allura discuss

krolia is like keith we, ur family, are here for u

and axca is there and shes like um?? hey?? sry for trying to kill u bro

and he’s like i absolutely do not wanna talk i just lost my closest friend

they talk about it later

axca tells keith abt shiro finishing lotor’s work and abt bringing people back and well.. 

they use the methods to help keith visit shiro in the astral realm

shiro is like oh uh hey i was just having a drink w adam we r happy

and keith is like shiro u fuckhead why would u sacrifice urself

shiro sighs bc cmon keith you KNOW why “remember what i always said? we can’t focus on what went wrong..”

“we’ve got to figure out how to make it right” keith finishes

keith breaks tf down crying and screams apologizing

“i love u shiro. ur a like a big brother to me.”

and shiro is like yeah i know and ilyt but hey. everyone’s safe and happy. im safe and happy. & you deserve to be too. you don’t need me anymore.

so the galra rule is over and everyone goes to their respected planets

romelle and the other alteans as well as some galra babes hang in earth

romelle and shay r in an apartment together and have a garden

allura realizes she may not have been the strongest leader for voltron, and  couldn’t stop zarkon on her own but that physical strength doesn’t define her as a whole

her heart is strong enough to care for everyone, so thats what she does

allura starts running an inn for alteans filled with painted sceneries like altea in case anyone ever needs a reminder of home

when lance reunites with his family its a real tearjerker

rachel finally gets her jacket back and veronica is like So.. Axca 👀

the McClain’s host a huge party for everyone and it’s filled with lots of hugs and loud music and even tho lance was way too tired, he danced all night

he wouldn’t trade his family for the world—genetic and chosen

when hunk reunites with his parents they don’t let him out the house for hours, he tells them all about his new best friend shay as well as hundreds of his favorites stories from space

they are so, so proud of him

hunk spends the next days playing minecraft and animal crossing with pidge, giving their brains a rest from being on hyperdrive for 3 yrs straight

when pidge gets home she finally gets grounded by her mom, only being allowed to leave the house to see her old teammates

(same for matt and her dad)

(her mother cries so hard when they opened the door to the home)

the holt family holds movie nights filled with popcorn, cuddles, and tears

keith moves in with the holt family, and finally accepts that he has a home as well as a family

he often goes on trips with the BoM but mostly just stays on earth

after a Team Voltron sleepover in the altea inn keith and lance decide to get an apartment together and live their lives in love and in peace

everyone gets together once a year in celebration of shiro and the sacrifice he made for them

they use the ship to visit Astral Shiro and once they even met adam

everyone laughs and catches up and just... live their lives

everyone is happy

pls ignore any and all errors lmao

again, just a thought !! maybe i’ll write a fic abt it idk for sure but yeah

feel free to add anything <3

[friiday-thirteenth]

right right right c a m p

ok. ok so it was very long and I'm unbelievably tired but also my head says write it down so uh

day one- five hour bus ride. it was fun, bc the person I was sitting beside slept the whole time and I got to joke around with the guys, who were surprisingly chill. they only brought up p*rn once, which is like.... good for them all things considered lmao

then we had the tramp in. the campsite where we were staying at the first night was the farthest from base, and one group biked in while the other tramped.

my groups tramp took s i x h o u r s. no other groups went over five. we had to keep stopping bc a) one kid was feeling sick, b) one kid rolled her ankle and c) we weren't allowed to sprint off into the Bush and potentially die without an instructor with us.

so there were like, four of us who were constantly at the front, and they were: me, my crush, my crushes best friend, bitch-who-bullied-me.

twas interesting.

we got the campsite in the dark, after a river crossing in which my socks got soaked, as did my shoes, and the tents and food were already sorted for us so that was great. food was shit, though. mince that was half brown water and cold pasta.kept us going, though, and as became my motto throughout camp, food is food.

that night was the only time I cried. kinda sad, tbh, but it was bc on the 'girls' side (as we all know that if the boys and girls tents were together, absolutely everyone would just be going at it, of course (jfc they have a low opinion of year tens (we sorta deserve it though, stuff happened with last years year tens...))) everyone else was paired up and even the people in three person tents didnt want me in there 🥰🥰🥰🥰 really felt the love there, guys.... jokes on them I slept by myself each night and was ready within five minutes each morning. actually really glad they showed how much they didnt care abt me bc it was really nice being alone in the wilderness, and that's not sarcasm.

anyway. day two.

woke up, was ready within ten minutes bc I woke with the leaders, who wake ten minutes before we're meant to and get themselves and breakfast ready before we're up. (I'm really fast at waking up, but take ages to go to sleep. like, everyone has to stfu before my body's able to start shutting down, and as soon as there's people moving around I'm up like a shot.)

anyway. I had eaten breakfast and was washing up before anyone else came out. next kid out was my crush, and we bitched about people taking forever for a while, which was fun.

then we waited for ages for everyone else to get sorted out, blah blah blah, and we had the bike ride back. 11.5 kilometers, I think,mostly downhill for us.

it was fun! I'm not a brilliant biker, but I kept near the middle-front of the group, and i just. let go of the brakes going downhill. and these hills were bloody steep and gravelly, plus the dips and river crossings.

I didnt fall off the bike, but one kid did lmao. there was this sharp turn before a metal gate, and He saw the gate and started pulling kn the brakes, but he hit the front brakes and just. flipped. the bike crashed into me and he went to the ground.

it was funny in the afterwards, but the kid got rather grazed lmao. he's not dead though, so that's good.

we were at the campsite that was, in my opinion, the coldest that night. also I slept in a three person instead of a two person, and by myself that meant more body heat was going into the tent. brrr. but we also did the nightline activity(hold onto a rope and follow it through the dark forest while blindfolded and with a helmet on. highly recommend it. go do it with friends u trust lmao)

I was behind this slow kid and he tripped at one point so I just. went ahead of him. then I spent around half an hour walking through the dark by myself (I walked into five trees. each time I took a step back, glared at it through the blindfold fifty five seconds and then continued around it with a muttered bitch. I'm nothing if not dramatic.) before I crashed into my crush hehe. it was near the end and we just got to the end at the same time, where two others already were. it was chill, we talked for a while. bullied people who were going through it by whacking trees they were near with sticks and shaking the line as they tried to use it. (we were allowed to, dw)

the next day, we went canyoning and holy frick frack fuckedy fuck fuck, that was c o l d. freezing. I jumped into the water and nearly died (exaggerated) but my crush jumped through a fricken waterfall and couldnt feel his hands or feet for ten minutes. another kid was walking funny bc he'd waited in the water for five minutes, and this shit was cold enough that we were wearing wet suits and thermals.

once we were dry and dressed (we got to have showers. h e a v e n (I only took 10 seconds bc like, why tf would you need a longer one? people took fifteen minutes, like wtf)) we went rock climbing! which was brilliant, honestly. I liked the belaying more (I've got this thing where I prefer people trust me than me trusting them, hmmm I wonder why) but also climbed the hardest one! it was really fun, and I only fell like fourteen time at one point (lmao,the rope caught me each time but I looked like a fuvking idiot hehe)

then we slept at a campsite which had a fire kn the beach!! if was so much fun. we also did a solo, which involved us sitting in the wild for twenty minutes and reflecting upon camp. I lay on the ground and stared at the moon. it was lovely and peaceful, until two kids started talking.

side note, guys voices are lovely and deep and rumbly and very nice (in general) but girls are generally higher pitched and ugh, it can be v e r y bloody annoying when ur trying to contemplate life.

possums visited camp that night. woke up in the middle of it to a possum crashing into the side if my tent, and I just. stopped breathing for a minute while I listened to it. a possum growling sounds terrifying. look it up!

also heard cows that night. cows are good.

day four, we abseiled. holy s h i t, it was fun. just... sitting there and watching the river and and rock and dangling in midair.... god, I loved it.

then we went to the high ropes course. this was b r i l l i a n t. we'd done low ropes st some point, but high ropes involved more belaying, which involved, and then at one point, we did a thing called the leap of faith, which was around eight meters high and you climbed to the top of this cylinder of wood before jumping for a trapeze. I knew I wouldn't get it, so I jumped on two when they counted down for me, and I missed lmao. but it was bloody brilliant.

then we had to do a whole shitton of cleanup,which they don't normally get groups to do, but we were s p e c i a l (as in our school gets to clean things we dont even use, sigh) before camping one last night. I had go share with someone, it was gell, packed up at least four tents in the morning bc I was very good at that for some reason,before we hot back to camp and went to the bus and oh, that was brilliant.

I finished my book, chatted with the guys, chatted with my crush for .5 of a second, had that thkng happen where people see you talking to a guy and are like ooOOooohhHHHHHhhh they're dAtiNG bc we're all stupid year tens and it was fucking hilarious (I've never dated anyone, so peopke bloody obsess over pairing me up with someone and I'm just like??? fuckers I'ma child how abt no (sidenote there was a couple on camp and they were cute but uh. year ten relationships dont really last, according to my year 13 camp leader (she was chill af, and basically showed me a whole new perspective on being friends with guys and so in conclusion she's bloody brilliant))) anyway they came up with a ship name for me and the guy and I nearly pissed myself laughing bc its best to laugh along with it and it was really funny tbh

anyway. we also for some reason talked abt sex and porn a lot and it was weird but also kinda chill bc most of the boys are relatively respectful of the girls,in the sense that we all make dirty jokes to each other but don't cross the line, so it was pretty funny and chill. also guys apparently never stop making dick jokes and that type of shit and it was kinda funny tbh

then we got home, grabbed our shit, and legged it away from there.

now I'm gonna rant abt my crush hehe

he was like, oh who's this? when we were walking to dinner in the dark one night (I was in front of him and his friend and he couldn't see my face) and then fucking knew who I was from the way that I walked like mate, why tf do you know how i walk and how to describe it, hmm?

I flipped him off after he said that though it was fucking funny

also!! he just. stared at my eyes and was like, are your eyes different colors? and I was like yeah. and he just nodded slowly and we maintained eye contact for a while. twas weird.

we have staring contests a lot too?? like, he'll look at me or I'll look at him and then at one point he was like, you just stare at people and then tilt ur head, dont you! and I was like wtf dude,but also I kept eye contact bc its a Thing.

also on the bus ride home he just mimicked my facial expressions and it was really bloody funny and j broke out laughed and he smiled

yeah basically I'm hopelessly crushing on him bc he's smart and sarcastic but it never gonna happen so I just wanna be friends type thing. sigh.

ANYWAY. camp was kinda great, at some points it left me feeling like I was so bloody alone and also I felt really shitty mentally but I kept going and i really enjoyed it! yeah! also i nearly cried when i said goodbye to my instructors bc they were brilliant and I'm gonna miss them so bloody much, I'm sad I'll never see them again.

yeah.

[lake-arrius-caverns]

Nerevarine Rising

Chapter 10: Lost In The Ashes

once again i advise to read on AO3 if possible bc better formatting n stuff ✌️

summary Fahjoth is dragged along to accompany Ribyna on a dirty job. When their only way of navigation is lost, Ribyna takes it upon herself to lead the way, with unexpected results.

content warnings violence, blood, minor character death

read under the cut or on AO3, cheers 👍

:: First :: || << Previous << || >> Next >> || :: Masterpost ::

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The yurt loomed in the distance, still and silent aside from the soft rushing of waves rolling and breaking against the shore. The peace along this stretch of Azura’s Coast was unspoiled, aside from the footsteps of the twins as they crept closer. 

Fahjoth wasn’t at all sure how he felt about being dragged along on Ribyna’s next assassination. On the one hand, he disapproved heavily of what she was doing. On the other, he knew better than anyone how difficult it was to sway Ribyna once she had her mind set on something, so at least this way he was able to keep an eye on her and offer assistance if things got tough. Their one saving grace was that the target, Odaishah Yasalmibaal, lived alone on the coast, far away from any town or city where there would be witnesses to report them. 

Fahjoth cringed at that notion. Witnesses. He felt as culpable as an accessory to murder. 

Once they reached the yurt, Ribyna motioned to Fahjoth to stay still and silent. He obliged, watching as his twin approached the door and drew her weapon, perhaps expecting resistance. After a moment during which she seemed to be gathering her nerves, she flung open the yurt door and charged in. 

The reaction was instant. From outside, Fahjoth could hear Yasalmibaal’s furious cries, cursing and insulting Ribyna to the deafening clashing of blades. Fahjoth was a bundle of nerves, possibly even more so than Ribyna, but as he tried to edge closer to the doorway to peer inside, he was almost flattened by two flailing bodies as they tumbled out of the yurt, yelling and snapping at each other like rabid wolves. 

Then Ribyna was on the ground, her shortsword held up lengthways as Yasalmibaal bore down upon her with a war axe of his own. She struggled to keep him at bay, kicking out against his armoured midriff, and Fahjoth gasped. 

“Ribyna!” he exclaimed, drawing his own sword, but Ribyna snapped him a response without breaking eye contact with her target. 

“Don’t get involved!”

With strict orders not to intervene, Fahjoth could only dither on the edge of the fight and watch helplessly as the two continued to brawl. Then, Ribyna’s boot found its way between Yasalmibaal’s legs, slamming hard against his groin and inciting a grunt of pain from the stricken man. As he slumped to the side, desperately trying to regain his strength, Ribyna sat upright and thrust her dagger into his throat without hesitation. 

As she yanked it free, the blade left behind a deep puncture hole in Yasalmibaal’s throat that began to gush blood in a rapid free-flow, painting everything in the vicinity a stark red. Fahjoth crouched beside Ribyna to check her over, but quickly became distracted by the sound of blood spattering against the dusty ground, as well as Yasalmibaal’s rasping gurgles as he fought for breath and struggled to remain upright. With his chest now coated in a slick dark stain, he dropped into a weakly convulsing heap, occasionally twitching as he bled out. After some time, he moved no more. 

“Gods...” Fahjoth murmured, feeling rather sickened by the scene. “Well, is that it, now? Are you done?” 

Ribyna began wiping her dagger blade on the nearest soft surface, which happened to be Yasalmibaal's trouser leg. "Yup, that's it," she confirmed. "No point hanging 'round now. Let's get back to Vivec."

"Ugh. Right now? We've been walking for ages," Fahjoth complained. "A break would be nice!"

The journey from Vivec City to Azura's Coast certainly hadn't been quick, nor had it been particularly easy. After departing from Vivec the twins had headed east, on the road for hours on end until they reached Molag Mar, where they had stopped overnight. The following morning had seen them up at the crack of dawn to continue onwards, following the coastline — oftentimes having to wade through the shallows themselves to navigate around jagged rocks and cliff faces — until they had reached Benserib Camp, Yasalmibaal's home. Fahjoth wasn't looking forward to the journey back.

However, it seemed that Ribyna was keen to get going; as soon as she had finished cleaning her blade, she stood up and sheathed it, looking remarkably unruffled — albeit with her hair a mess and back now covered in dust. "Oh come on," she goaded him, rolling her eyes. "Don't be a pussy. A slow walk back will be fine. Anyway, I think I've figured out a shortcut."

Fahjoth certainly had his doubts. "Really? Where?"

"Yep! Look," Ribyna said, drawing her map out of her pocket and holding it up to show Fahjoth. He held the other side so that Ribyna was able to point with her free hand, cringing as she left a smudge of blood on the parchment. "If we cut across the Ashlands here, we can go straight down to Vivec without needing to go all the way around the coastline again."

"The Ashlands?" Fahjoth frowned. Cosades' words floated to the forefront of his mind:

“I don't think their tribes tend to be particularly welcoming to outlanders, so watch yourself if you’re ever wandering in the Ashlands.”

"What if we come across Ashlanders?"

"Pfft, fuck 'em!" Ribyna scoffed. "Come on!"

"Ribyna—!" Fahjoth groaned. But Ribyna was adamant, and he had no choice but to trot along in her wake as she set off further into the dusty, ashen wastelands spanning central Vvardenfell, the sun already obscured by its many jagged peaks.

                     ——————————————

The further they ventured into the Ashlands, the greater Fahjoth's feeling of foreboding grew. The endless valleys, already steeped in shadow, became darker and darker with the setting of the sun. Traipsing across the cracked ashen ground, Fahjoth broke into a sweat as they passed by pools of magma, beautiful but deadly and glowing as bright as a flame in the gloom, seeing his twin sweltering just as much as he was in the stifling heat. 

Fahjoth was already having plenty of regrets, even before his foot slipped on some loose stones and he came dangerously close to falling onto a stream of sluggishly bubbling lava. Fortunately, Ribyna had been close enough to grab his arm before disaster struck. 

“Watch where you’re going, you fucking idiot!” Ribyna had snapped as she hauled Fahjoth backwards to safety. 

As if it was his fault they were stumbling through a magma-ridden wasteland. 

And as if that wasn't enough to solidify the notion that Ribyna's 'shortcut' had been a terrible idea, it wasn't long before they were besieged by scorching winds, carrying a blanket of choking dust that obscured the path ahead of them with a thick crimson haze — an ash storm. 

After a short while of struggling through, Fahjoth slowed to a halt. “We have to stop somewhere!” he yelled, desperately shielding his face and raising his voice to be heard above the roaring of the wind. “This shit carries the Blight!” 

Ribyna turned to squint at him, her scarf wrapped tightly around the lower half of face. “We can’t stop now! We’ve got nowhere to stop! Just don’t breathe it in,” she replied, and Fahjoth groaned with exasperation. Even with his mouth and nose covered by his own scarf, the simple matter of being in the midst of the ash storm — and knowing what it could bring with it from Red Mountain — was making him feel sick with anxiety. The dryness in his mouth was not helping, instead making him think that he had somehow managed to inhale dirty, disease-ridden ash and grit even through the scarf’s dense fabric. 

And so the trek continued. Every time Fahjoth tried to persuade Ribyna to stop and take shelter, she would only counter it with a stubborn rebuttal that made him want to tear his hair out in frustration. At one point, when they could barely see two metres ahead and the winds howled viciously around them, Ribyna stopped to unfurl her map. 

“Look, we’re about here,” she shouted, pointing to somewhere on the southern edges of the Ashlands. Fahjoth had no idea how she could be sure of that, but before he could voice his concerns, Ribyna ploughed on. “We just passed that lake, so we’re literally like an hour away from Balmor— AGH!”

Fahjoth watched in mute horror as the wind whipped the map clean out of Ribyna’s fumbling fingers, snatching it away into the deep red gloom. Ribyna made an attempt to catch it, grabbing wildly at air thick with dust, but the map had vanished within seconds. 

With his heart already settling somewhere in the region of his stomach, Fahjoth buried his face in his hands and let out a groan that gradually rose in volume and pitch until it was almost a muffled scream. “Great! Fucking fantastic!” he exclaimed, glaring furiously at Ribyna, who merely stood there and looked sheepish. “What now, then?! I’m sure you’ve got another brilliant idea that’ll just get us even more lost — if it doesn’t kill us first!”

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, during which Fahjoth could almost hear the gears ticking over in Ribyna’s head, she spoke up with much less conviction than previously. 

“We just keep going straight ahead,” she answered. “Balmora is due west. So we just keep going in this direction and we’ll get there.” 

Fahjoth rarely wanted to strangle his twin, but this was one of the few occasions where he wished to do nothing but. But what other choice did they have? Ribyna’s plan was a terrible one, but it was their only one. So he shut up and trudged along after her, saving his energy to fight against the storm rather than with his sibling. 

Unfortunately, it wasn’t as simple as Ribyna had hoped. The path ahead was not straight, but winding and twisting and up and down over hills and mounds of ash and dirt. And after passing through a vast ravine where they were forced to turn north and follow the natural path that stretched along its base, Ribyna began to pick up the pace. 

“I think we’re nearly there! I can hear a silt strider!” she called to Fahjoth, who again had his doubts. This area looked nothing like the pleasant grassiness around the southernmost regions of the West Gash. Even with the ash storm still raging around them, Fahjoth could tell that they were still in the Ashlands. But, sure enough, they soon found themselves on another road — not just a road, but a real footpath — and now Fahjoth too could hear the solemn cries of the silt strider himself, even over the wind. Moments later, the lofty walls of some kind of settlement faded into view through the haze. 

Without another word the twins rushed forward, passed under the arch marking the entrance and made a beeline for the nearest inn — not very pleasantly named The Rat In The Pot. It wasn’t quite the South Wall Cornerclub, but as far as warmth and shelter went, it would do. 

Ribyna’s sense of direction had been just a little bit askew. They may not have returned to Balmora as planned, but they had made it to Ald’ruhn. 

                     ——————————————

“Right, what are you having? I’ll get the first round in.” 

Fahjoth settled down at a small table near the bar, taking care not to disturb the candle that sat flickering merrily on its surface as he let out a heavy sigh. After their long journey, he relished the chance to sit down somewhere warm, dry and relatively safe, despite being in an unknown area. “Are you sure, Beebs?” he asked as he turned his gaze up to Ribyna, who simply nodded impatiently and gestured for him to go on. “Alright, well, I’ll have a mazte then, ta.”

As Ribyna headed over to the bar, Fahjoth sat back and quietly watched the occupants of the inn. Ald’ruhn was Redoran territory, he knew that, so he was surprised to see how diverse it was; a Breton woman stood behind the bar and the punters included a Khajiit, an Argonian, and a Dunmer who was quite unlike any Dunmer he had seen before. Piercings and scarifications bedecked his face, and his clothes were more reminiscent of pelts and crafted leathers than anything Fahjoth had seen being worn by the town- and city-dwelling Dunmer he saw day-to-day. A curious thought occurred to him: was that an Ashlander?

Did Ashlanders even venture into House Dunmer territories? Fahjoth to his knowledge had never seen one before, but that didn’t exactly prove anything. While he pondered this interesting occurrence, he watched as the Dunmer struck up a conversation with Ribyna. 

How odd, he thought. Over the chatter of the other punters, he couldn’t make out what they were saying, but Ribyna looked as surprised as Fahjoth was by the man’s approach. After some time, the man departed, and Ribyna returned to the table with two bottles clasped by the neck in one hand, and a cloth pouch in the other. 

“Well, that was weird,” she said, taking a seat and sliding one of the bottles over to Fahjoth. 

“Yeah, it looked it. What was all that about?” He accepted the drink with a murmur of thanks, then nodded to the pouch that Ribyna had placed onto the table. “What’s in the bag, anyway?”

“Two hundred drakes.”

Ribyna’s answer caused Fahjoth to almost spit out the mouthful of mazte that he had just swigged, forcing him to splutter and swallow it far more quickly than he had intended to. 

“Two hundred?! Did that man give it to you?”

“Yeah.”

“What for?”

Ribyna shrugged, a look of mild bemusement on her face. “He asked if we were going to that Ghostgate place. And if we were, he asked if we’d look out for some lad who’s going up Red Mountain. Or something. I dunno, I wasn’t really paying much attention...”

“And you didn’t think to... I dunno... ask? And get the full story?” Fahjoth frowned. “So what was the gold for? Some kind of reward?”

“Yeah. It doesn’t matter, though. We haven’t got to do anything.”

Now Fahjoth was even more confused. “So he gave you gold... for no reason? Surely he’s expecting us to go and find this person?”

Ribyna suddenly grinned. “That’s the best part! He literally told me he doesn’t even care if we don’t go. I think he was glad to see the back of this boy, to be honest.” 

“Are you sure?”

“Course I am! Or don’t you believe me?”

“No, I believe you,” Fahjoth replied hurriedly, “I just think it’s... well, a bit weird.”

“Me too, but I’m not gonna question it.” She waved the matter aside with a flick of her wrist. “Listen, don’t worry about it. I’m not. Basically, I just got us some free gold for our drinks tonight and our ride home tomorrow morning. No need to thank me.”

Ribyna was looking very pleased with herself as she drank her mazte, but Fahjoth still had reservations. 

“Did you even get his name?”

“Who?”

“That man! Or the boy we’re meant to be finding, actually.”

Ribyna blew out in derision. “What am I, a detective? Anyway, it don’t matter! It’s not like we’re actually going to Ghostgate anytime soon, is it?”

Fahjoth was about to protest, but on seeing the severe look Ribyna gave him over the brim of her bottle, he sighed. “No, I s’pose not...”

It wasn’t long after the twins finished their drinks that they decided to retire for the night, but it was a while before Fahjoth was able to sleep. He was still awake long after Ribyna’s deep breathing indicated that she had drifted off, while he remained staring at the ceiling in the dark, deep in thought. Ribyna may have been able to dismiss the request as easily as the Dunmer himself, but Fahjoth could not bring himself to do the same, and the thought played on his mind until the tiredness took over and he eventually fell asleep too. 

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