#so anyway I think Thade has spent most of the last thirteen years pining after someone who will not let him in in the slightest

[void-botanist]

Thade Adventures: Parkour

OCs: Thade Orech-Pabat, Caladea Ores-Pabat, and Pirianus Orech-Pabat

Words: 500

Content warnings: heights, getting kinda made fun of in front of your crush

Taglist: @vacantgodling

“Do you think it’s possible to parkour all the way down to the ground floor from here?” Thade said, leaning against the railing at the edge of the open space that cut all the way down to said ground floor.

“Maybe,” Caladea said, barely looking up from her phone.

He grinned.  “You think I should try?”

She looked up for real.  “No, you can’t parkour.”

“I can totally parkour,” he said, pushing himself up on his arms so that his hips rested against the top of the railing.  He brought one sandaled foot up between his hands—he wasn’t going to go further than crouching on the rail, because he couldn’t parkour, but his foot slipped out from under him and his arms betrayed him and he found himself bent double over the railing, clinging to the slats, his feet barely skimming the carpet.  The fourth floor suddenly looked very high up.  

“Okay, I take it back,” he said.  “Can you help me?”  If he’d been with anyone but Caladea, they probably would have left him there to think about his actions for a while, but she came over right away to haul him back up by his pants waistband.  Which would have worked if he hadn’t chosen this moment to be wearing sweatpants.  Instead of helping, she just pulled down his pants, and he suspected also his boxer briefs.

“Oh no, I’m sorry,” she said like it was an accident, but she was also giggling.  

“Callie, you better not be filming this.”

“I’m not.”  Giggle giggle.  She must be, because she certainly wasn’t helping him.  He kicked his legs a little bit and felt a cold rush of fear as he shifted forward on the rail.  Well, this was fine.  He could just work his way back up the slats with his hands, and he would eventually slide back onto the floor.  It wouldn’t be easy, but it would be faster.  He’d hardly started when he felt familiar rough-edged hands on his hips and he was ungraciously pulled back upright.  As his blood stopped pooling in his head, he beheld Pirianus standing there, frowning as always.  That is, until Caladea showed him something on her phone, and he cracked a tiny blue-edged smile.

“Thanks,” Thade said with zero gratitude, pulling up his stupid sweatpants.  Before he could escape these two chucklefucks, though, Caladea turned her phone on him, and he was met with a photo of himself stranded over the rail, his panicked face looking through the slats, and his hairy asscrack surrounded by ironic hearts and sparkles.  Across the top was the word PARKOUR flanked with party poppers and flames.

“Great, thank you,” he said with a fake smile.  It should have been funny.  He should have been laughing—he could take a joke at his expense any day of the week—but instead he felt his cheeks burning.  “I’ll get that put on my calling cards.”  

He didn’t look at her or Pirianus as he walked away.