#so angry rn HE DESERVED TO LIVE AND BE QUEER AND BE HAPPY

[transdeans]

thinking about dean winchester

[dkettchen]

My thoughts on actual canon!Sanji since resuming the anime have led to the realisation that truly his entire character is built on how profoundly insecure he is, about his ability to abide by his gender role, about his ability to be loved, and everything inbetween and included in those things.

(in depth thoughts & analysis under cut pls enjoy)

Between his abusive bio-family childhood trauma (that I am still not happy abt being canon but alas, we're analysing text rn), including in regards to his cooking & his sensitive nature, and his gnc-ity as a women-attracted man, he's grown up being told directly or indirectly by those around him and society he was wrong or weird or deserving of punishment rather than love for being his actual self, all the while being presented with the supposedly more acceptable models of masculinity etc that he could not fit.

So he became this person who acts the way he thinks people want him to act (white knighting and refusing to fight women, trying to be better than Zoro as proven by who has the higher bounty, "girls don't like guys in dresses", etc), even if the people in question including his loved ones tell him otherwise (like Nami and various other women repeatedly telling him not to treat them that way/to fight them normally, etc).

He doesn't care if girls actually like him, because attention (whether good or bad) is all he can conceptualise as approval, he can't imagine someone genuinely caring about him and acting on that.

He's so caught up in his own mask, his own fake version of himself, that he struggles to let go of it even when people tell him it's ok to, because he's too terrified of the alternative. It's his shell that he hides in and he doesn't know how to exist without it.

The reason he's so competitive with Zoro specifically (who does not reciprocate that energy lest out of annoyance at him, Sanji is usually the instigator) is cause Zoro is so utterly and unquestioningly confident and true to himself. He doesn't question whether he deserves to be loved, that thought has never even crossed his braincell as a possibility. He doesn't care about what other people think about him, he only cares about what he knows he can do (ex doesn't care about his bounty or current rank among swordspeople, only cares abt beating the current best one, and won't need anyone outside of himself and his opponent to know he did). He is honest and wears his real self on his sleeve. He is utterly incomprehensible to someone like Sanji, and Sanji admires and is so insanely jealous of him because of it.

I think that insecurity and all the bad feelings it brings with it, is what endears so many people in the fandom to Sanji, in spite of his horrible behaviour. It's cathartic to bully and laugh at him not being able to break out of it. To laugh at ourselves struggling to break out ourselves.

It's also I think what makes me, as a queer male-aligned fan creator, ultimately fall off the canon versions of so many male/-aligned characters I've related to over the years. They hit a ceiling of how much character development they're allowed as men in our society, and where someone irl could break out of mainstream society and evolve beyond their gender role expectations, mainstream media made by men who are not in that case will never properly reflect that. They can identify and represent the problem but they have no solution to it. (The solution generally being queer and alternative in the current world we live in.)

Sanji would've cracked that mask on Kamabakka, he was there for two years, there's no way he wouldn't have. He might've reverted back to it out of sheer terror at the idea of having to leave that accepting space and returning to the real world, but he would at least be more aware of it, more torn about it, more angry under it, but he's not and that breaks my heart at the end of the day.

Sanji refuses to fight women because he's afraid of what it'd mean for his fragile masculinity if he gave it his genuine best shot and they still beat him (which most of the women he's refused to fight in the past would, lbr)

[for-ships-that-never-sail]

Ramblings on SamBucky and SarahBucky

1. As a queer POC in a biracial relationship, SamBucky becoming canon would be an absolute dream for me. 😍😩😭🙌🏼 I’ve never cared about a potential MCU ship this much before. HOWEVER, I do understand that the chances of this ship actually sailing are slim to none. So, I’m just happy to be here, lurking on Tumblr and AO3 for SamBucky content along with Stackie content.

2. If Marvel REALLY wanted to, it wouldn’t be hard for them to make Sam and/or Bucky queer. Sam could easily be gay and the only confirmation we would need for that is a simple comment from Sam or Sarah about an ex boyfriend etc. Bucky could so so easily be bi and all that would take is for him to say that when he tried the dating apps both men and women had so many tiger photos and he is so confused by that or something. Making these characters queer wouldn’t take a lot of hard work in terms of writing and it wouldn’t take more than several seconds of screen time.

3. I realize that it is unlikely that the MCU will offer us the kind of queer representation we hope for. Generally, queer stories in Hollywood are about coming out trauma or some other big narrative and just never something simple and happy. The best queer stories I’ve ever seen were the ones where no one was forced to talk about it - someone was just bi, and there was nothing to discuss. They are just living their life. That’s what I wish queer representation was in Hollywood on most days, but it isn’t. Not to say that our struggles should be erased, but we also just deserve some FLUFF you know? Unfortunately, I don’t expect that Marvel is working towards queer representation with any kind of real purpose that way. Sure, they intend to introduce a gay character in an upcoming movie, but the fact that it had to be announced and discussed and is some BIG DEAL is what I dislike about the portrayal of queerness in media. As it is, they are only just coming around to decent gender and racial representation. So better queer representation will unfortunately take some more time.

4. Personally speaking, even if no major queer ships became canon in the MCU, having some of the main heroes actually just BE queer in canon would be MORE than enough for me rn tbh. 🤞🏼

5. I must admit that my interest in SamBucky actually stemmed from the clear chemistry between Stackie. Anthony and Sebastian have SO MUCH vibrant joy, love and respect between them that I started to see so many possibilities for SamBucky. This means that I can also easily understand how some people don’t see any romantic undertones in SamBucky at all. I was someone that didn’t really see many romantic undertones in Stucky (though I would have been FULLY onboard of it becoming canon). What I saw there was deep friendship. So, I know that what I see in SamBucky now could just be something I’m projecting based on what I see between the actual actors. I’m not denying that there is some queer coding in SamBucky canon or Stucky canon. But sometimes I feel like those moments in most of the fan favourite ships are just fan service crumbs and nothing else. And even then, I think some of it might even be done without any real intentions to queer code. It could all just be a simple nod to the BROMANCE, if you will.

6. Marvel has no real excuses for not making Bucky bi/pan, but I see how they might actually struggle with making Sam queer. Our new Captain America being a black man is something complicated in and of itself as shown in TFATWS. Making him queer on top of that would make his acceptance by the general public as the new Cap vastly more complicated, even within the MCU universe (at least in the eyes of the people creating this universe). It can obviously be done, but I don’t see that Marvel would believe they can go there with ease. In fact, they might even think that trying to go there might switch the narrative even more from Sam’s heroics to his personal life, which really isn’t what the MCU is about. For this reason, even if Bucky becomes canon bi, I don’t think Sam will ever really be canon gay/bi/pan, making the SamBucky ship something that will never realistically sail. 🥺💔

7. Being realistic (and sad 😔) about SamBucky never actually having a chance of happening in canon brings me to SarahBucky - another beautiful chance for a biracial ship. One that can very easily happen (literally, it only took one smile and hello for this ship to take off because of the blatant heteronormativity in media - le sigh). At least if this ship sailed though, there will be SOME beautiful biracial romance representation AND it would be hella comedic when Sam and Bucky become in-laws 😂. Think of the potential there. Seriously, just give it a minute.

8. I know it’s TOTALLY unfair that there could be so much love and care between two male or two female characters and still a hetero relationship with just one vague moment has infinitely better chances of becoming canon. But that’s unfortunately where we are still, and hating on SarahBucky won’t fix that. SamBucky is incredibly unlikely to happen (though I will always keep my fingers crossed), so if SarahBucky has any chance to actually happen, we shouldn’t get angry about it and boo it. At least I’m not going to. Supporting the chance to see a new biracial ship on screen, especially one with a beautiful strong-willed dark skinned woman and a mother of two, is a good thing. And personally, I support at least one of the Wilsons to get that 106 year old dick! 😉

[anarchistbitch]

hiiii, how are you?? how's school treating you??

ok, I'll be honest, I do not remember what that last link was sjhjks i have shit memory and i usually just go back to check what it was but it seems like they erased the post, but yeah, it was probably about sxf sdjhsjk I CANT BELIEVE YOURE DONE WITH MANGA WHAT KJSHSJKF Anya deserves everything she desires and by god are Yor and Loid going to try their best to give it to her

i'll have to look up that review bc there's always so much thought going into costuming that the average viewer wont notice and it's so cool to learn about it all

edwina being angry was so necessary, they really did her wrong and it wouldve been a disservice to her character if she was just like 'it's ok, you love each other' so yeah, super satisfying and validating

i thought the queer storyline was gonna come from benedict kjdhekjdh eloise i was hoping would find her own happiness by herself despite society making it basically impossible back then

sjhhghagsf perfectly understandble, the friend i usually watch shows with also hasnt finished cbaw

oh shit a retelling of the fall of the house of usher that sounds amazing, im gonna look the book up now

i have also ditched the goodreads challenge despite having set it up for like 5 books only, last year i didnt even reach that so yeah, then again i forgot i was reading a korean novel ???? like full on forgot about it until i was checking my bookmakrs and found it again lmao

yeeeeeeees the cauliflower metaphor was amazing, and sfhjhfh yeah, karthik helping aman on the train was just *chef's kiss *

my friend and i finished it last night and just ahhhhhhh i am so happy about it, imogen was a dear and im happy that even tho there were changes from the webcomic it all still felt so true to character and the storylines from the webcomic werent erased, just changed a bit

no, fr, she does have something against tao bc no come oooooon, what is that (im joking about the stylist but not about how bad the hair is)

JOE LOCKE REALLY BROUGHT HIM TO LIFE SO WELL like seriously, he was a perfect Charlie :'3

for real about yoongi, he has said so many things that live in my heart, the others have too like Jin's speech for (i think) 2020 graduates, that one hit me

oh it makes perfect sense, im a casual fan of so many groups and not a proper fan bc theyre always churning out so much stuff, i cannot keep up with it all

my recs: kard, loona, dreamcatcher, a.c.e (four members are in their military service rn tho), the rose, day6, i've been really into straykids lately but that is mainly bc i find lee know hilarious and instagram has been feeding me their reels, i like twice, enhypen, itzy, txt, kep1er, oneus, alexa, taemin, holland, wonho and rolling quartz too

kard are awesome bc theyre a co-ed group and they generally dont subscribe as much to kpop industry's purity culture as much, loona i found bc their song heart attack is gay af and the rest of their songs are amazing, dreamcatcher are more rock leaning and when they started out they had a HEAVY horror concept, love that from them, their song deja vu gives serious gay vibes too, a.c.e i found bc i like techno and edm as well and they started out leaning into the genre, theyve moved on from it by now tho, theyre still talented af and i do try to keep up with them as much as bts, the rose are a band in the more traditional sense, they each play an instrument and stuff, and have LOVELY songs, day6 and rolling quartz are also traditional bands, rq are more new tho and more rock leaning than the others i'd say, straykids are awesome, they did the opening and ending for the tower of god anime (which i recommend as well sdkhjksd), blackpink is another of the groups i try to keep up with as much as bts but they dont put as much music out or as often as bts does and im conflicted about it bc 1, the kpop industry is just insane about that, and 2, it means they get more time to rest and produce quality content but 3, their company has other artists that DO put out music pretty often and it generally feels like they just dont care about them (stinks of misogyny too) so yeah, enhypen debuted with a vampire concept and it was just fantastic, heavy twilight vibes on their debut mv, sinc then they havent really abandoned the supernatural concept, twice are insanely good and i would stan them but theyre very active and ive got no energy lmao, the others i mentioned i dont stan either but theyre super good, taemin, alexa, holland and wonho are soloists btw, holland is gay and he's producing a BL and starring in it with han gi chan who acted on where your eyes linger

oop, sorry the kmusic thing got really long, there's just plenty of great artists, and im sure many more that i know nothing about

ahhhhh i cannot wait to hear your thoughts on ons and jjk (specially ons, i have been obsessed with it since like 2016 or 2017), i tend to lean towards action anime, i am not immune to a well animated fight scene, another great one is the god of highschool, that one made me bawl, tho i watched it again with my friend earlier this year and she did not shed a single tear in that specific scene lmao

sorry if there's too many recs, got too excited dkjsfhdj

monster hugs are the best :'3 specially from a dear friend like you <33

hope you're having an easy time and staying hydrated

-M<3

m!!!!! bestie🥺🥺 how are you?!!?!?[sorry for not answering i was out of station and my draft got deleted so rewriting rn]

never underestimate what a person can accomplish while trying to ignore important tasks😎 i finished the sxf manga in? 2 days and it was so good omg. i really liked how they named each chapter "mission" like thats so cute🥺 okay so half of the manga is the family stressing out over academic & political on goings and the other half is them stressing out hiding their identities its quality media u really should read it if u wanna!!![ the anime is pretty much the same but the anime adds more action scenes like in ep 5 and also the song when loid was zipping down??] me🤝🏾 loid 🤝🏾yor wanting to give anya the world and more

wait ill link it right here. the video spans the summary, her own review then the costume bit which made the video very enjoyable and her other videos are p cool too!! [and ooh the met gala reviews. she articulates her videos pretty well but the met gala reviews are my fave cause. well u have to watch it!!]

edwina was one of my fave characters and also like in s1 its pretty mild simon and daphne literally just made out but anthony fell in love with edwina's sister like that actually scandalous and it made it more interesting but also WOOW bro thats her sister. still enjoyed it tho :p

i thought for sure that benedict wouldve begun an affair with the art guy , and in s2 they were hinting at eloise and penelope i think (hopefully im not the only one) idk i wish they hadnt ditched it cause!!! it wouldve been cool idk. although in s1 i thought eloise and penelope would end in a qpr or the regency equivalent of a qpr

im gonna try to finish cbaw by this weekend!! one of the main reasons i havent finished it yet is cause the only way i can access it is on a site with a lot of pop up ads and my ad block expired so i figured out a way to download the episodes then watch so the weekend awaits me!!

also fair warning i read the book a long time ago so check out the tw's before you read it

brooo i set my goodreads goal for 69 this year as a JOKE😭😭then mid april i was behind 17 books so i dropped it cause everytime i logged on there goodreads basically spit on me lmao wait which korean novel👀👀 and speaking of!! i recently started semantic error manhua and i might start the novel after a month or so cause its so interesting

smzs subverted a lot of classic bollywood tropes like *checks list* chasing a train and helping someone on it, defying parents, interrupting wedding of ur lover, and pretending to be the partner at the wedding covered by a veil into a movie about gay men and its one for the ages🏳‍🌈

imogen was really cool imo and i like how they handled nick turning down a romantic relationship with her. i was literally pin pointing out the scenes with the webtoon tab open 😭 the kissing scenes with the shoes was just ahhhh so good😊😊

ppl were plotting against tao fr

joe locke!!! was the perfect charlie!! also side note thats such a cool ass name

a lot of the things bts say do lodge themselves in my mind and the graduation speech is one of them. jin's speech about wanting to catch up to everyone else and rather to take it slow because everyone has a different pace and to let go of the disappointment that comes with taking your own road was important to hear especially during 2020.

i have heard most or all of these of these groups and i do have a very large kpop playlist that i keep meaning to arrange properly into other playlists, but i keep forgetting😭

skz, twice , enhypen i do try to follow them and i like a lot of their songs especially fever by enhypen and literally twice has soo many bangers likey one of the best gg songs ever imo. loona and dreamcatcher have really cool themes and they execute it pretty well!! i started following rolling quartz after finding out that theyre a rock band and what more reason did i need akfhsdklfhs

i haven been following holland and wonho for a lot of time!! i heard about his bl show and i cant wait!!

i already started them jjk and ons and im thinking of taking it slow and finishing the god of high school first cause the premise sounds very very interesting

dont worry about the amount of recs lol i love content [and u💜]

ur a dear friend to me too🥺🥺 giving u 3 monster hugs today!!!

also just realized i havent given you a song rec in a while so: heavy by yonaka

staying drank !! hope ur safe and hydrated as well

[shoot-me-with-a-crayon]

for the number ask one, 1-50

ooh, anon. you are one curious piece of shit.

1. I have one, but it’s pretty stupid and I've only had it like idk 3 or 4 times? But basically its set in a setting that kinda reminds me of the city on Tatooine in star wars. and me and my bro(in the dream we always look how we looked when we were like 6-7 lmao), and we’re just running around apparently being chased by a t-rex? I'm not sure bc i could never turn around to look but my bro seemed adamant about it being a t-rex,  we run into a building and it has this weird fucker who idk how to describe(I just looked it up and the weird thing in my dream kinda looked like Watto from star wars, aka this fucker:

) anyways we go into a building with this fucker in it and he’s just like “Hey stay here and you’ll be safe ;)” and me and my bro are just like “OK WE TRUST U” and then he proceeds to try and feed us to some fuckin raptor or something and then me and my bro run away. And then we continue to run and run through his building being snapped at by raptor lookin fuckers when we run through. Then at some point we see our mom, and we run towards her but we can never reach her. The dream just ends when we’re like 5 feet away from her. ??? the first time i had this dream i was fuckin 6 or 7 and i fell asleep in my bed and woke up sitting at the counter in our kitchen at the time and in one of those tall stools, with a glass of water in front of me, the kitchen light was on , and i was alone??? How did i get there?? How did i get the milk?? How did I turn on the light?? Who knows.

2. Apples or bananas.

3. Definitely Sweet

4. This sounds stupid, but I'm only moderately spooked of the dark tbh(and that's why i have two nightlights in my room ;D)

5. Uh according to google a pickle is both a fruit and vegetable, but ima just say my least favorite vegetable is a pickle.

6. Uuuhhhhhhh probably Pop Art(i had to look up art movements for this shit)

7. Yes, i do drink milk.

8. I’m assuming I'm not allowed to include fanfics so lemme go grab the last book i read(which i read 2 months ago.. whoops) fuck the last book i read was The Twisted Ones,,, “ ”That’s not Charlie.” ”

9. Depends

10. Hm.. I’d have to say probably learning that my mom’s dad, GPa(aka what we call him) died four days after i was born..

11. Honestly, my Dad. and honestly, as sad as this sounds, he probably affected me in the worst way possible.

12. Oohhhh, I actually thought about this last night lmao. For dogs, probably either a Husky, a Black Lab, or an Australian Shephard. And for cats, probably a Siamese, a Turkish Angora, or a Japanese Bobtail. :)

13. Awwww!! Ok ok ok, so 5-Yertle, 4-Turt, 3-Turtie, 2- dudeski/rainbow(my girlfriend has a turtle and she named him rainbow, but she renamed him to be dudeski now, and honestly i just love those names), 1-Crush.

14. Probably an art teacher tbh.

15. Dakota and Frank. I just really hate those names and all the people I've met with those names suck so far. And i just slightly dislike anybody with the names Andrew and Katherine, idk why tho lmao.

16. Either F or Y

17. Piano, ukulele, and anything percussion related lmao.

18. Maggie(

19. A spoopy ghost >:D

20. Of the three I've only ever had fish, but id fuckin LOVE to have a snake :0

21. Both.

22. Atm i really like Forget Me Nots :)

23. Neither.

24. Uh not really lmao

25. Uhm kinda.

26. There's been a lot dude

27. I collect gemstones and pins :)

28. 4.

29. I once slept all day and woke up at around 11:40 PM :)

30. In my room alone(and not including the stickers on my walls, uhh 6(technically 7)

31. Never. I still do. ;)

32. Skittles, Starbursts, and Airheads.

33. Either pie or brownies.

34. Yeah, i haven't really used it tho.. But it’s a Canon EOS Rebel Gii i think? Whatever it’s this thing:

35. Ye, currently I have a necklace w/ a golden Freddy dog tag on it one of my brothers bought me, i have a hair tie on my left wrist(i count it as jewelry >:|), a cute lil bracelet on my right arm, and a cute lil silver ring on my left ring finger(it refuses to fit on any other finger, even on my right hand. It fuckin refuses and idk why lmao)

36. Sunset

37. With headphones

38. Well my fav show rn(since im still a kid lmao) is definitely Queer Eye

39. I have two fav spots. The first is in my room, and it’s at the head of my “bed”(im sleeping on a mattress on the floor until we can afford to get me an actual bed lol), where my desk is and i sit on the floor with my feet under the desk while I lean back into my pillows. The other spot is on our couch in the living room, on one end of the couch there isn't a back or an arm rest, and almost right next to it is a window with a fan in it that we always keep on(sitting there is especially comfy bc it’s been sat on so much there's a giant soft indent there and the fan blows in cool air and it’s just great.)

40. cold(only bc when i’m cold i have an excuse to wear my hoodie and wrap my blanket around myself lol)

41. I… i dont have any good jokes :(

42. Well it’s not the weirdest thing but once i saw two boys naruto running past me while at school.

43. CD.

44. My girlfriend and my friend Antonio :(

45. Japan and my shitty fuckin household ;D.

46. We had one who would sub for almost every fuckin class i think. And she had a kid who went to the middle school i was going to at the time(she was in my grade and was really nice tbh), but she really sucked? Liked she would sub for our choir class and basically ignore us the entire time, and she subbed for my science class for an entire quarter of the school year last year, and she basically fucked up our entire routine in hat class and when our teacher came back we couldn't even fix our shit while the actual fuckin teacher was back. Jfc, i just don't like that sub tbh,,

47. Not really

48. Idk, but i believe in ghosts so uh,

49. I’ll describe BOTH! >:D ok so first, family.

My oldest bro, he’s 20 and borderline autistic, we get in fights a lot but he can actually be real nice(never tell him i said that tho).

My second oldest bro, hes 18(turning 19 in 14 days), really nice and fuckin hilarious, and probably my fav of my brothers, also he works at McDonalds :).

My third oldest bro, he’s 15(turning 16 in 5 days :0) kinda mean, ok no really mean, and very bratty, very annoying, and very dramatic, he is good at writing tho.

My dad(ew), he’s in his 50s, a huge dick, deserves nothing but sadness(in my opinion), yells a lot, just an overall asshole.

My mom(yay), in her 40s, really nice :D, really funny!, a huge dork, deserves nothing but love and happiness, she’s basically our best friend while also bein a strict and good mom

Now my pETS!! :DDDD.

Pepper, a very fluffy black and white adult kitty boye, can be v angry, but also can be v nice, you never know which he is until you pet him.

Dirty, a gray and white adult kitty boye, very nice and deserves all the pets and cuddles.

Smokie, gray kitten boye, very sneaky, very annoying, i hardly ever see him nowadays :(.

Mama, a black(with a lil bit of white) adult kitty, not an actual mom, just really fat and has worms, easily spooked(it’s sad lmao), loves to be pet but also loves to bite u when u pet her.

Runner,(my fav) a black adult kitty who’s really sweet and deserves the fuckin universe, he learned to run before he learned to walk, v nice and sweet

Anyways

50. HAHAHAHAH. No.

OK IM DONE! This took too long lmao whoops