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i-literally-cant-with-this · 11 months ago

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A/N ♕ This is gaudy as shit and I don't care. Idk. There may be inconsistencies with the story, so, sorry. I've been working on this all day. 8 pages on Google Docs so you're in for a read. Good stuff starts at page 3 (mind you, this is from Google Docs perspective.) I read, reread, rereread, rerereread, rererereread .... until I couldn't. This is a little headcanon-y and a little fic-y. It's just what I was feeling. I know you know what to do if there's anything horribly wrong. For real, though. This is so fucking long I never want to see my laptop again.

C/W ♕ Unprotected P->V, F->M & M->F Oral, M->eating his cum (sorta) from F, kinda rough sex but they like it. I'm so brain dead right now that I can't remember everything. Soft broken Hanma eventually. I like you, no shit? I like you too. Kiss kiss. Snooze snooze. Happy happy.

Funsies ♕ A link of the playlist I made while I was writing this in case anyone wants to check it out. I don't think the read will exhaust the playlist so pick any song you want and it should, theoretically work at any point?

WC ♕ 3,915 (ISH - I change things once I get it here on Tumblr, but it's around that.

♕ You'll never forget the first time you rode on the back of Hanma's bike with him.

♕ He wasn't really keen on the idea of taking you home. You weren't even his responsibility.

♕ But it was a favor for one of his captains.

♕ Hanma put his helmet on you, tightening the strap under your chin carefully so he wouldn't pinch your delicate skin.

♕ He was so pissed when he noticed how pretty your eyes were, staring so intently back into his. He had to shake himself out of the distraction.

♕ "You're not wearing a helmet, Shuji?" You asked.

♕ "This's the only one I have, obviously. And you're going to wear it, got it?" He was so adamant about that.

♕ He got you settled in the helmet and threw his leg over his bike. Looking at you impatiently, waiting for you to get on, he put his hand out and you took it.

♕ You hopped on behind him and wrapped your arms around his straight waistline. And you're not sure if your heart skipped a beat because you were so nervous about being on the back of a motorcycle with him for the first time or if it was how you felt with your cheek pressed to his back

♕ He also noticed how nice your arms felt wrapped around him. He turned his head before he took off and told you you'd better hold on tighter, he doesn't drive like a 30 year old.

♕ Hanma thought he turned his head enough from your line of vision before he smiled. But you saw it.

♕ So you did what he asked and squeezed him tighter, pressing your chest harder against his back.

♕ He started the engine and the vibrations sent shockwaves throughout your cunt body like you've never experienced.

♕ Both you and Hanma thought it wasn't possible for you to get any closer to him, but you both somehow managed to impress the other.

♕ He was at a stoplight about 3 blocks from your house and he reached back to give your thigh a little pat.

♕ "Hold on to me, hana. I'm gonna go like hell when I see that light turn green."

♕ His hand stayed on your thigh even after he took off. Stayed there for so long, actually, that you were getting concerned about the upcoming turn in the road. But he pulled his hand forward just in time to take it with ease.

♕ The wind against your face that carried his scent - which you could NOT place, (Sandlewood? Cedar? It was DELICIOUS to say the least) was starting to make you feel drunk.

♕ You could just barely hear the music playing through the small (but strangely loud) speakers --- Be Quiet and Drive (Far Away), Deftones. You had heard the song before and liked it but now it held a certain heaviness over you. Everything about this moment felt right. The night was warm. The stars were out.

♕ How the fuck had you not realized this before?

♕ Hanma is ... he's fucking sexy.

♕ He pulled up to your place and he stopped the bike, letting it idle while sitting in your driveway.

♕ "Ok, you have arrived at your destination. You're welcome, for the ride of your life." He seemed a little more lighthearted now than when he first was roped into taking you home.

♕ "Yeah. Yeah, thanks. Um, thanks. Do you - maybe ... want some ..." you just couldn't fucking talk. He looked so handsome in the soft yellow lights that lined the street.

♕ "You got some food? I could eat, yeah." He kicked the bike stand out and turned it off and reached up to remove his helmet from your head.

♕ If he missed the blush that washed over your face he'd have to be a blind man. But you noticed a faint smile on him, too. So you think he caught it.

♕ "What do you feel like? I just went shopping and I'm fully stocked." You stood with your back to him, he was in the living room looking around at the shit you had all over your walls. Weird art that made him feel things. Stuff he's never thought himself capable of feeling - not bad things, either. But new things.

♕ And you felt comfortable with all of this. Knowing he was in another room than you. Except, he wasn't in the living room anymore. He was right fucking behind you. You stopped to look up into the cupboard you stood in front of to see what was there, if it was easy and quick to fix up.

♕ He reached out and traced the curve of your waist and leaned in, putting his face to the back of your head. "You going to feed me, y/n?"

♕ Your first thought was who's going to perform CPR on your right now because you're about to die. His breath was so hot on the back of your neck you were able to document the time that your heart actually stopped beating for a second.

♕ Hanma put his hands on your shoulders and ran them down your arms. When he got to your wrists, he pulled them behind your back more roughly than you've ever been touched by any man before.

♕ And he's so much taller than you, so he has to bend over so he can talk right into your ear.

♕ "I'm sure it's ready for me to eat right now. Not much prep is going to be required. I guess, in a way, you could almost call it fast food?" He yanked you so you were standing up straight and your back was flush with his front.

♕ You didn't know what to do with your hands so you just left them where he placed them. He had his free hand back on your waist, squeezing and exploring.

♕ "I don't think I've ever wanted something so bad as I do right now, hana." He said, letting his fingers dip lower and lower. You threw your head back and it fit into the dip between his neck and shoulder.

♕ You couldn't help but think he was such a fucking gentleman, waiting for your permission before he took anything. You leaned back against his chest and turned your head to kiss him. "Then take ... take it. Take what you want, Shuji. Take it all."

♕ Hanma's hand went back up to your throat and squeezed just enough to make you gasp.

♕ He leaned around and pressed his mouth to the corners of your lips, teasing you into giving yourself fully over to the kiss and sliding his tongue down your jawline to your neck. Ending up at your ear once more.

♕ "Good girl, hana. You're so wet for me right now, I can fucking smell it. Tell me what you want me to take. Hm? You want me to take you? You're going to be so good for me. Or maybe not? Maybe you're just going to be a nasty ... little ... bitch. I think I'd like to see that. This sweet girl act you put on. I've seen you walking around like you're just the best thing around here. Well? You going to prove that to me, hana? Huh?" He said, his voice dropping an octave as he ran his hand down your stomach and dipped his fingers into your panties.

♕ He moaned into your ear, "Oh fuck, hana. You're dripping for me. I'm going to fucking ruin you."

♕ He turned you around more roughly than he had to and hoisted you onto the counter, yanking your pants down and kneeling down before you, inhaling your scent. Deeply.

♕ Hanma looked up at you with such fire in his eyes, you couldn't help but feel a little intimidated. He traced his finger over your pussy, feeling your wetness before leaning forward and dragging his tongue over the same invisible line his finger forged on your trembling skin.

♕ You arched your back and gasped as he brushed his lips against your thighs. You could feel how heavy his breathing had gotten. He pushed one finger passed your folds, then two, and you could feel yourself tightening around him.

♕ "Shu, f-fuck. Please, I need ... I need ..."

♕ He looked up at you with his eyebrows raised. "What do you need, hana. Use your words."

♕ You reached down and grabbed him by the ears, pulling him up to your face. "I ... fuck me, Shuji." You kissed him, tasting yourself on him.

♕ Hanma didn't waste a second. He pulled you off the counter and dragged you into your bedroom. You turned around and yanked at his belt buckle, pulling it from the loops all at once and threw it across the room, unzipping his pants and pulling them down.

♕ He leaned you over the bed, spreading your legs and reaching up to squeeze your ass. You looked back at him, wanting him to fill you up.

♕ Hanma rubbed his tip up and down your slit, teasing you. "Shuji just ... just fuck me."

♕ You were so whiny and needy. It was making him so hard. He wanted to fuck you right then and there. To give you what you were so desperately and metaphorically, on your knees for.

♕ But the sadist in him, found it hard to acknowledge your pleas so soon. He didn't want you to work for this, per se. But he wanted to make good and damn sure you wanted him as much as he wanted you. So what if he had to deny himself instant gratification. The look on your sweet, flushed face was already worth having to drag this out.

♕ "You've been so good for me, hana. I'm going to give you exactly what you need. But I don't want you to come too soon." He said, smirking as he pulled you back to your feet and turned you around, pressing his hands into your shoulders until you were on your knees.

♕ Hanma reached down and pulled his cock out of his boxers and he patted your chin a few times. Urging your mouth to open so he could slap it on your tongue before pushing his tip into your mouth. You let him guide you as you took him down your throat. He kept his eyes on you, watching as you struggled to take him all the way in.

♕ "Fuck, y/n. Look at you. Taking me like a good little slut. I knew you were going to act like a little bitch in heat. Choking down my cock like that." He praised you through gritted teeth. Despite sounding so volatile, it made you feel so good to be used by him this way.

♕ He pulled out of your mouth and pushed you back onto the bed, flipping you over onto your stomach. He pulled your hips up and guided his tip into you, slowly pushing himself in until he was all the way inside you.

♕ Hanma held himself there for a minute, feeling you tighten around him. He started moving again, in and out of you.

♕ You felt like you were on the edge of an orgasm with every thrust. The disgusting way he used you for his own pleasure and the way he spoke to you was driving you mad.

♕ "Shuji, fuck ... I'm gonna cum."

♕ He pulled out and turned you onto your back. He spread your legs apart and leaned over you, pushing himself back inside you and pressing his lips to yours.

♕ "Yeah? How close? How close are you?" He dragged his teeth over your ear and on down to your visibly beating pulse point and left a purple mark in his wake. You clenched up around his cock so hard when he did this that he had to stop moving and pull himself together. "Fuck! Hana! Keep that shit up and this is over. I'm fucking finished."

♕ He thrust into you harder, his balls slapping against your ass wasn't helping you hold off cumming all over him. You felt your orgasm building up inside you. You reached down to rub your clit, but he saw where your fingers were aiming and he brushed your hand aside and started rubbing soft circles on it for you. It made you moan - the most whorish, slutty sound you have ever let out.

♕ It was out of your control at this point. His dick pounding inside of you, hitting all the right spots at all the right times was making you more cock-drunk than you have ever felt. If you could even consider yourself aware of anything other than his golden eyes burning holes into yours and the rise and fall of his hips against your spread legs.

♕ Your cunt swallowed his cock so perfectly. The thought crossed your mind that you were made for each other. But that's ridiculous. Hanma hates you. Right? He didn't even want to take you home. So why, then, is he balls deep inside of you right now. Don't fucking ask, you thought to yourself. Doing any and every little thing you could to stave off your imminent crash.

♕ He could see your eyes start to roll back and he knew what was happening. He pressed his thumb harder against your clit and started circling it faster.

♕ "Cum for me, hana. Show me how much you wanted this, how much you wanted my cock inside of you." He sucked on your nipple as he fucked you. Balancing over you on his left hand, his right hand still trifling with your pulsing clit. You tried to buck up against him for any extra stimulation but he only pulled back. "Aht! I make you cum. You ... you let me. Understand, hana? I ... make ... you ... cum." He growled through his clenched jaw directly into your ear. Punctuating each word with driving his hips harder and harder against you.

♕ You couldn't hold it in anymore. You came so hard and you didn't even care that he was watching you so closely. You let your body relax and gave in to the moment. You'd pretty much checked out mentally, but whatever connection remained between your brain and your body was otherworldly. You felt his cock sliding in and out of your soaked cunt. It was so thick and long. Nothing like you imagined it would be by just looking at his tall, thin frame. (But aren't those guys always the wildcard?) It was all you could focus on.

♕ Hanma was ready to cum, too. He pulled out of you and turned you over onto your stomach again. He slapped his wet cock against your ass before pushing back into your pussy, making you moan into the sheets.

♕ You were still twitching against him. As close as he was to blowing his sticky load of cum inside of you, as hard as his cock was twitching, he was so transfixed by how you felt around him. So fucking hot. So fucking soft. So fucking beautiful. Like a goddamn flower. Your pussy made him think of the most beautiful flower and nothing would ever change his mind about that. (And he would never figure out why - but he wondered if it had to do with the weird art in your living room).

♕ "Fuck, hana. Fuck!Fuck!Fuck! You want me to cum inside this pussy? Want me to cum in my pussy, huh? Yeah? Fuck, cumming so fuck- hard, holy shit. Fuck!" Hanma came with such force, you could feel his cum pouring into you. And soon after, seeping out of you from around his cock still inside of your stretched hole. He collapsed on top of you, both of you breathing heavily. He didn't want to move, not yet.

♕ And he felt like it should bother him that he was still here with you. Still, physically, a part of you, as much as you were a part of him. But he couldn't think of a single reason why he should leave. Let alone why he'd want to leave.

♕ "Shu, you ... I ... well," you tried to speak but couldn't form a coherent thought just yet. "Um," it was useless. You couldn't think. So you just laid there underneath him. Feeling more and more empty with each passing second as the sadness of this being over filled you instead feeling full from Hanma. It was not a good placeholder for him. It was not feeling nearly as good as he did. And you felt like crying.

♕ Whether because it was just too much for you or it was just nothing to him. What if it were both? Shit. You're starting to cry.

♕ He felt you tremble underneath him and he rolled off of you, turning you over to face him.

♕ "Hey, what's wrong? Hana? Look at me, now. Did I hurt you? Did I do something?" He looked more concerned that irritated. And that's probably what surprised you the most. You tried to hide your face, but he grabbed your chin and pulled you back.

♕ "No, it's ... it's nothing. I just ... it was too much. You were too good." You said, laughing hard through the tears, wholly embarrassed by your generous assessment.

♕ "Oh, what now?" Hanma smiled and kissed you on the forehead. He reached down and grabbed your hand, bringing it to his mouth and kissing it. "You say I was too good? Were you even here? I mean ... I guess it's impossible for you to feel yourself. But, I guess ... I guess I'm only as good as who I'm with? And, hana," he cupped your face in his rough, slightly grease stained and scarred hand, "you were good, too."

♕ You laughed again, shaking your head. "Don't ... don't be nice to me. I can't handle it. And that's not even ... you don't have to say that to me. I know you don't like me. You can't fucking stand me. I knew all of this when I asked your captain to make you give me a ride. How embarrassing is that. I fucking am so pathetic sometimes." You rubbed your eyes with the heel of your palm. "God. You can go. You don't have to stay. It's alright. I'm ... I'll be ... fine. I always am."

♕ Hanma sat up on his elbow, looking down at you with his brow furrowed. "Hana. I can't believe you're this stupid." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked out into the hallway.

♕ "Shuji! Who the fuck is Hana? And why do you keep calling me that? My name is-" great, now you look sad and insane.

♕ "Chill, crazy. Hana means blossom. And I think, ffffuck. Ithinkyou'reprettylikeaflowerplusyourpussyispretty." His words ran together but you heard every single separate syllable. You're pretty sure you fell in love with him a little bit, too. The fucker.

♕ He leaned over you again, pressing his lips to yours. You moaned against his mouth and reached to grab his cock, but he stopped you. "No. I wanna make you feel good. It's your turn." He kissed your neck and made his way down to your pussy, licking up his own cum that had dripped out of you. You bucked your hips up into his face, reaching down to grab a fistful of his hair.

♕ He looked up at you with wide eyes, smirking. "Hold on, hana. I got you." He sucked your clit between his lips, pressing his tongue against it and making you cry out in pleasure. He pushed two fingers into your pussy and started pumping them in and out of you, hitting your g-spot while he circled your clit with the tip of his tongue.

♕ "Fuck, Shu! Fuck me!" You screamed.

♕ He looked up at you with his eyelids still heavy. "That's what I'm trying to do, baby." He said, chuckling. "Just this time, it's with my mouth. Ok? So sit back and enjoy the ride." He leaned back down and continued sucking and licking and pumping you until you couldn't hold on anymore. You came for him, all over his face. And he didn't seem to mind one bit.

♕ He crawled up to you and laid beside you again. You looked over at him and smiled. "You're such an asshole. But I kind of like you."

♕ He leaned over and kissed you, letting you taste yourself on him. Again. "No shit? I've liked you for a while. But I ... hell, I don't know. I guess I thought you were too good for me or something." He put his head against your chest, subconsciously counting the heartbeats coming from your body. "That's usually what people tell me. The guys and stuff. They always give me shit about anyone I like. Except ... except for you. They respect you."

♕ You nodded slowly, spacing out on the chunk of blond hair above his forehead. "Yeah, it helps having a cousin who's a captain. But Shuji, I do. I really do like you. I just wanted you to know that."

♕ Hanma looked up at you with a softness in his eyes you had never seen before. "I know, hana. I know." He kissed you again, pulling the sheet over both of you. He didn't want you to see him get worked up. Not over you. Not emotionally. Not just yet. But he was pretty sure he was starting to fall in love with you. And that was just something he wasn't prepared for. Though he'd have to face up to it. Sooner, rather than later, he thought.

♕ He turned over onto his back and let you snuggle up next to him, throwing your arm over his chest. He closed his eyes, thinking about how much he'd like to do this again. Just like this. Just you.

♕ You reached over and turned off the lamp, laying your head against his chest and simply being in the darkened room with him. It was so easy, you thought. And you hoped it would always be that way, though you knew better than to believe that. Because Hanma was a very complicated man on the outside and inside. And you wanted to be the one who could be there to understand him. The one who could get to know him. The one who could make him laugh and cry and feel any and everything he ever wanted to feel. You wanted to be the one who'd be there to listen to anything he had to say. Softly spoken or screamed out.

♕ And that's all you wanted. To be there for him. And with him. And with him.

♕ "Good night, little hana." He said, pulling you tighter against him.

♕ "Good night, beautiful Shuji." You smiled in the darkness and drifted off to sleep.

♕ And you didn't care how much you'd regret saying it or how much you'd try to deny it. It was true. You were in love with him. And you knew it would be some time before he could admit he felt the same way. But you would give him whatever amount of time he needed.

♕ He hoped he would be worth it. Hanma wasn't necessarily a good man. He has never been called a good man. Never has he ever really felt like one.

♕ But he heard you talking to him in the morning before you got out of bed to fix the coffee. Telling him how you'd be there for him as best you could. No matter what.

♕ He thought to himself that he hoped he'd never disappoint you. No matter what.

Taglist ::: @katkitkats @darkstarlight82 @arlerts-angel @viburnt @kazutora-kurokawa

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resident-sean-expert · 11 days ago

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my 'love letter' to Sean Rinaldi :

disclaimer || the cheesiest post in history

As a "last" post for the community, I decided to express in one-go the love I have for this character and why I love him so much.

3 years of talking about him literally non-stop, that deserves some explanation, doesn't it ?

Thank you Sean Rinaldi for making me laugh.

If there's one quality you can't take away from this character, it's that he's one of the show's most hilarious, with countless iconic quotes that resonate in my mind every day.

Thank you for introducing me to an incredible actor.

It's probably thanks to this that you saved me, introducing me to an incredible actor who, with his podcast "The Phoney & Call-y Show", saved me from one of the darkest periods of my life.

Thank you for introducing me to such a wonderful community.

It's nice to see that in three years, I've always been supported, I've met some incredible people, that despite having yapped about this character that basically nobody gives a flying fuck about tbh, I've been peacefully observed in my little corner and even encouraged. I really appreciate that. Thank you my mutuals, and those who have liked and reblogged my posts over the years and also those who have read my fics and left kudos.

Thank you because I found the love of my life thanks to you.

Isn't that crazy ? To think that I met the love of my life thanks to Sean fucking Rinaldi, when I think about it I find it to be the shittiest origin love story ever, but it's mine lmao

I posted incessantly on tumblr, and one person in particular was always reblogging my posts, always leaving long reblogs that made me so happy because finally, I had someone to share my passion with.

I approached her the first time in private, correcting her about a thing she posted, saying "it's Laszlo and not Lazlo 🤓☝️", and we've been talking almost every day since.

She became my best friend, and then I developed a romantic attraction to her (despite the fact that I'm not normally attracted to women), but above all I fell in love with her soul.

She accepted me for who I was, including my more annoying sides, and for that, I'll never thank her enough for letting me taste this freedom, the freedom to live as you are.

I like to compare our relationship with Seanzlo, because I find it has developed a similar trajectory.

In short, I love you @godfuckingnamehelp ❤️

Thank you Sean Rinaldi for guiding me in my career.

I drew this character non-stop for three years, to the point where I could now draw the actor with my eyes closed in any style.

And by drawing him every day, I progressed like never before, and one thing led to another and I realized that I wanted to become a tattoo artist. Will I succeed ? Idk. But at least it's enabled me to make monstrous progress in drawing.

Thank you for helping me through my grief.

That's why my attachment to you is so visceral.

You were my emotional crutch when I was alone, during the nine months following his death and even before I met my girlfriend, you were the only thing that allowed me to forget reality.

I talk about this character as if he were real here, because deep down he's just a projection. I'm talking about the Sean I've been crafting in my head all these years, the one who helped me move forward.

Thank you for all these beautiful moments.

My vision of this character must be super twisted, probably out-of-character at this level, but this little guy has allowed me to experience so many beautiful things in my life.

I'm going to get a tattoo of you as a tribute because you've made such an impact on my life that you deserve to leave a mark on my skin.

I'm glad you had an open ending, that despite everything if I'm feeling bad, I can dive back into this fictional world knowing that you will have been left in the status quo.

There are so many mysteries about you still, but just enough content about you to smoke my brain with ideas, thanks for being the perfect character.

Thank you Seanie but especially thank you, this fandom, for supporting me in this madness.

¦| it's a cringe post, but we're on the cringe platform |¦

#wwdits sean #sean rinaldi #wwdits spoilers #wwdits s6 #kztpost

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stilljuststardust · 21 days ago

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Hey

Idk if you remember me but I sent you an ask before. Unfortunately i'm still miserable. I feel like the "you already have it" advice doesn't work for me, at least for shifting, and gives me mental breakdowns instead. There's so much stuff i'm sad about and idk how to get over the attitude that being sad = your manifestation won't happen.

I cry to myself about how much life sucks like once a week. I'm disappointed in myself that i've been on loa tumblr for like a year and seemingly learned nothing since I haven't gotten anything I wanted. Idk what the ppl that manifest easily are doing differently than me, or how to make what they do work for me. Idk what to do I feel like all the mainstream advice

I try to follow like "imagine it and chill out" or "you already have it" just give me mental breakdowns instead of success. Idk what to do i'm really tired. Please help

Hello again, I do remember you.

My perspective has changed a bit over this past year. I'm sorry that it wasn't what you needed then. You don't have to feel great, you don't have to feel anything.

It's not about doing everything right, you're just repeating something till your subconscious manifests it. You don't have to jump through hoops or suppress your emotions you just have to saturate your mind.

This is sloppier than I'd like. It's 3 am and though I've been thinking of what I'd like to say I'm a bit too out of it for it to come out how I need it. I don't want you to wait longer though so I'll post it anyways.

Similar post where I said all of this better

Also, I know you've read this before but you really should again:

It's ok to feel like shit

Your emotions don't manifest. If you just need to be told that I can say it as many times as you like. Half the stuff I've manifested I was cranky or anxious or mad when I did it. Half the time I didn't believe it'd happen and then it did. Half the time I felt how you do. You can do it. I promise.

I don't use fulfilment for the same reason you mentioned, stressed me out. For me personally it was vague and didn't allow me to anchor myself.

It's ok that you feel like shit. It's ok that you're scared. It's ok that you're hurting. You can still do this and I promise you don't have to magically defy your emotions to do it.

In terms of how to change the actual belief you just affirm the opposite. You learned it through repetition it's unlearned the same way. Anti-climatic I know. I used to have a rule that if I said something bad about myself I would repeat three things good. Maybe when you have that belief come up your repeat three reasons why you can feel like shit and still manifest.

Stop punishing yourself for having emotions. Suppressing emotions has never made them go away and I can tell you from experience it is a losing battle. You can feel them, it's ok.

In my opinion you need to take a break. Take that pressure off. Right now it's a burden of its own and it's just piling onto everything else you're feeling.

You need to take a couple days where you don't push yourself so hard. No methods or law or anything. Process your emotions and let yourself breathe for a bit.

Chill. Not as a method or a tool but just genuine mental health advice. I know taking a break won't solve the issues in your life but neither will beating yourself up every day. Ground yourself and let out everything you're pushing down because it is clearly weighing on you.

You have been putting near constant pressure on yourself for a year. In my experience the pressure you're putting on yourself is more suffocating than your actual feelings. The most painful thing is usually our refusal to feel it.

When I would suppress my emotions it felt like constantly running away from my life. I didn't feel better, the suppression just became an additional burden. We let out emotions because that's how they leave us. If we hold them in that's where they'll stay, inside of us.

Cry for an hour, throw a fit, write in a burn book. Give yourself permission to fucking feel. (You can do this even when manifesting something btw)

When you're ready to come back to manifestation don't return to emotional suppression. Feel what you feel just don't repeat the old story to yourself. What I mean by that is you are 100% allowed to feel like absolute shit just don't affirm for anything you don't want.

Get off Tumblr and get away from all the noise telling you what to do or shaming you for mistakes.

Stick to robotic affirmations instead of fulfillment . The only goal is to repeat a sentence/thought that implies you have it and avoid repeating anything that implies you don't.

Feel whatever you want, it's robotic because feeling is not a factor. It's a definable goal so you don't have to be constantly asking if you're doing it right.

10 minutes whenever you can just repeat what you want. That's your only goal do not add anything else to it. Don't try something new when you get anxious, stick to a schedule and take care of yourself. I say this because I think what you need is something solid to ground yourself with instead of a less defined goal.

Don't ignore your mental health in the name of living in the end. Living in the end is just refusing to affirm shit you don't want.

Your biggest obstacle is your self hatred. This is speculation but it sounds to me like when you waver or give into the 3D you respond to it by chastising yourself.

Maybe you have an unconscious belief that self discipline = scolding yourself or this is just your knee jerk reaction to mistakes. You can recognize the need for change without berrating yourself. Sometimes healing isn't linear, sometimes we slip up, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.

From a different post but I honestly don't think I can rephrase this better:

You cannot shame yourself better. Hating yourself, comparing yourself to others, being cruel to yourself because you "aren't doing good enough" has never helped you. If you only have one person in your corner it should be you. If you have only one person telling you to keep going it should be you.

On days when everything seems out of your control you can control how you treat yourself. You deserve kindness and patience too. It's ok if you have setbacks. It's ok if you got off track.

It's ok to trust yourself. It's ok to tell yourself you're good enough and that what you're doing is enough. It's ok to tell yourself that you're good at this.

You feel things very deeply and there is nothing wrong with that. Shame will not push you out of it.

You are consistently reinforcing the beliefs that you:

1. Are not good enough to manifest

2. Cannot change and

3. Will fail if you try again

Self defacing behavior is doing NOTHING but further a negative self concept/make you feel like shit.

You are good enough. There is nothing wrong with you. You do not have to become someone else to get what you want because you are enough.

Links

Manifest with anger subliminal

Manifest with sadness subliminal

Manifest with impatience subliminal

Success stories with robotic affirmations (aka without emotion)

My favorite manifestation video "you only have one limiting belief"

#shiftblr #loa tumblr #shifting antis dni #loa blog #reality shifting #loassumption #shifting community #loablr #shifting #loassblog

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tears-grow-gardens · 4 months ago

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TW- ed rant

This is my first ever tumblr post. Normally I'm just a wall flower, sitting quietly in the tumblr corner reading other peoples posts and thoughts hoping to feel less alone in my own mind. I'm not even sure what I want to say but for the past 4 years I have struggled with my eating, some days are really bad and other days it's just like an itch, like I know all the rules, fear and guilt that has stained me but I feel stronger not to let it win. 2-3 years ago I was at my worst, I was in my 3rd year of University, I had lost all hope and drive in my life and I let everything crumble through my fingers, I was failing classes, isolating from everyone, loosing sight of my dreams and what mattered to me. I don't know who was holding the wheel to my life but I felt I had lost control with all of it. I didn't know how to change or help myself, I was so tired of always feeling like a failure to myself and everyone around me. I had been dealing with depression and anxiety for so long and serious case of undiagnosed ADHD and all these feeling felt so permanent, like they would never go away, so I turned to something I felt I could control, which was food. There was nothing I hated more in the world than myself, my body, my face, the way that I believed people saw me. I hated every inch of who I was. I thought that if i could control what went in i would get the results I've always wanted and maybe even get to like the way I look. And the results came, it felt so good to be able to get something right, like for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a complete failure. The feeling of hunger gave me power, how I didn't have to say words to people that I was hurting inside because they could see it from the outside. Wake up, look in the mirror, walk, workout, coffee, walk, coffee, porridge, starve, walk, mirror, bed. This was my life but fortunately or unfortunately I was sniffed out like a rat from one of my house mates who confronted me, it felt like I was standing there naked and exposed with all my secrets written on my skin. After that I felt I had to change, I felt watched and analysed with every move I made. My weight goals put into a box, I tried to make amends with my body and mind but from the years to follow the voices never left my head. Sometimes the voices are merely a whisper and other days the voices are so loud it feels like everyone else can hear them too. Now here I am on tumblr 4 years later writing to say I have relapsed, not that I think I ever recovered but more I was idle with temptation to destroy myself and now I'm back, born again to hack my body to pieces. Ive found myself almost everyday purging in the bathroom, even if its been a normal, healthy meal. I just want to crawl out of my skin and shrink into nothing. I don't want to die and I don't want to live like this but i feel years of rage within me of unnoticed pain that I want to scream to the world and let them know. I have dreams and I want them to exist one day as true but I don't know how I'll ever rid myself of these dark paralysing thoughts. I'm so tired of feeling unloved and lonely, in my 22 years of life I have never known what it is or what it feels like when someone choses to love you. Im so convinced by my own hatred for myself that I believe everyone else sees me the way I do. The toxic thing is, is that I want this for myself, I want the hunger in sanctuary of starving, I want to feel small and fragile and i want people to worry, i want them to say "she's lost weight", while they ponder on how hurt I must be to have lost myself this far.

Anyway enough for one day. idk if anyone reads these long word vomit tumblr posts but thank you if you've read this far and welcome to my fkd up mind.

#@tw edd #tw ed ana #tw ana bløg #tw ana rant #bulim14 #tw depressing stuff #eating disoder trigger warning #tw 3d vent #disordered eating mention #bingepurge #ed story #3d relapse #ana rexx #ed but not ed sheeran #ed d!et #thinspø

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chenkari · 15 days ago

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Haven't made a personal post in a long time. I don't use tumblr like I used to, haha. I've been using it a little more lately though.

Bitchin' under the cut. Tw for depression, suicide, whatever.

I'm at a really low point in my life right now. We moved homes and it's been very hard on me. I lived in my old house for 24 years (since i was 5) and it's just very difficult for me to let go. I cry like every night about it, I miss my old house so bad. I'm thankful that I have a place to live and everything but it's just. So fucking hard. I know it'll get better with time but right now is so difficult. Thankfully we're still in the same state, initially my parents wanted to move out of state, so that's a plus. But regardless, we moved further away from my friends and work. My old commute to work was about 10 minutes, now it's 35-45. I hate my job, so having to drive further is like. So fucking annoying. Right now I'm off work on a medical leave, thankfully. I don't think I'd be able to function. I'm farther away from my best friend and while it isn't unmanageable, it's just.... idk frustrating. We've lived close together our whole lives.

I feel so isolated out here, it's further from the cities, there isn't a lot out here. I went on doordash and there were only 3 restaurants and a gift shop lmao. (major gripe: there is no target. im going to KILL MYSELF.)

I contemplated killing myself a lot. I'm so unhappy. I thought about doing it before we left the house. Like, so in a way so I wouldn't have to go. But I'm still alive. I still think about killing myself like every day though, especially at night. I think at night I become more emotional and shit. I'm alone with my thoughts in bed I guess, so I just think about it. I feel like this might be the most suicidal I've ever been in my life, and I've been trying to manage it but i'm struggling. I feel like I'm not even living. I'm just like. Surviving.

Something that has been really hard is like, my dad doesn't give a fuck. I can't be upset about moving in front of him cause he's like, oh my gooood, just get over iiiit. And like, I'm trying. But I'm allowed to be sad and miss my home too. Idk i want to be comforted by my family I guess. He's also just been more mean to me in general and idk why. Like I'll ask something totally... Normal. And he gets all pissed. Like I asked if he could pick up ramen noodles when he went to the store, and he got all pissed off. Like damn, sorry. And the thing is, I don't ask for much. I usually just ask my parents for like. A food item. I did ask recently for one of those mirror cabinets cause the new bathroom here does not have a lot of space. I asked about it again cause he never replied to my text and he yelled at me about that. Like, you can just say no. I just ended up buying it myself. Idk, i just wish he would say no instead of launching into yelling at me about it.

Idk I've just been so depressed lately, I can't bring myself to do anything productive. I just lay in bed. Even things I enjoy. I don't feel like playing games, I don't feel like talking to my friends, I don't feel like drawing. I just lay there doom scrolling on twitter. I've been a little better lately, I've been able to get out of bed and get on the computer for a bit. But still I have days where I just lay there.

I don't think i mentioned it on tumblr, but I'm a streamer now, (cringe ass vtuber. very small, not a big deal.) and while I normally like streaming, I can't bring myself to get back into my routine. My streams don't do so well too, so it's a bit disheartening. I'm not the most entertaining, it's my fault. Idk I'm just not very good at chatting about things going on cause I don't really have a lot going on. It's easier when people come watch and talk with me, but I can't expect that of people. I have to be better.

I'm scared about returning to work. I feel like I can't take it anymore. I hate my job so much, it's so fucking much. It's non stop work, no downtime, everything is always broken, and we don't have any appointments for people. (I make dr appointments for my job) All the appointments are like at least a week out and everyone is like "what the fuck" and I can't do shit about it. It's so stressful and idk. I don't want to go back. I've been looking for new jobs but I'm not having a lot of luck.

Tbh though I'm kinda in a tough financial situation right now so if anyone feels up to it, my paypal is https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/chenkari, I could use gas/grocery money. I would appreciate it.

I had to take Venus to the vet, she had an aural hematoma. They drained it, but her ear swelled up again. It is slowly going down now. I wonder how long until she'll be all better. I hope it isn't hurting her anymore. The cats have been good about the move. Sometimes Venus hides though and I can't find her anywhere :C I don't know where her hiding spot is wehh.

Anyways. Guess I just wanted to talk about what I was up to these days. Get it off my chest. Later.

#shut up chenkari

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stellarwaffles · 2 months ago

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Ooooo you wanna talk about your ocs you wanna talk about them so bad ooooooo

Sorry for taking 381 days to answer ummmmm hi I want to talk about Ari

I don't think I've really posted about Ari on tumblr so I'll include basic info

Ari uses she/it/him pronoun and is a lesbian. She is a lion lava monster + is 6ft tall

Ari Sunfall is the oldest of the Sunfall siblings (Ari, Ziva, Leo, Daniel, Cherry*, Talya, Dasi)

When Ari was 13 her parents had to go be at war they weren't allowed to stay at home + raise their kids anymore so as the oldest Ari had to take care of her siblings

If you've ever heard Surface Pressure from Encanto that's the only song on my Ari playlist

Anyway um when Ari was 16 she got a girlfriend yaaaaaaay they were t4t :3

they dated for an amount of months before Ari's gf broke up w her bc taking care of 5 siblings was clearly stressful for Ari + gf was worried dealing w that and also a relationship was too much for Ari. Ummm she had good intentions but this made Ari put more effort into hiding when she's stressed

When Ari was 18 she had to be in the army </3 fuck Monstrox we all hate that guy

Ari got to see his parents for the first time in 5 years so that was nice

Ari also got a girlfriend while in the army! When Ari was 20 she dated Kirsten. They dated for an amount of months

Kirsten broke up w Ari </3

so um ye when the lava monsters got trapped in the Book of Monsters Ari was also trapped. Bc she's a lava monster

S1 nexo knight Ari is one of the background lava monsters

At some point in s1 the lava monsters attack a town called Kneadton + during the attack Ari gets distracted by the smell of freshly baked bread and goes into the bakery where Feather works

Feather is Rather Frightened and as a panic response. Acts friendly + normal as if Ari was a regular customer instead of part of the army attacking the town

Ari is thown off by Feather acting friendly + instead of stealing or destroying anything like she's supposed to he politely pays for a box of cookies

Feather + Ari are friends now. You can't escape being friends with Feather

At the end of s2! When Monstrox is trying to possess Clay or whatever + the knights save him + there's like an explosion or smth + they think Monstrox is dead fr fr. The explosion throws Ari into the rocky wall + she gets a bad injury

But um hey good news the lava monsters all want nothing to do with Monstrox + go build a town so they can chill + just live their lives

Ari takes a while to recover from his injury + has to get used to sometimes relying on others instead of always being the one people can rely on

Ari also has a back brace now. I haven't done enough research to say much about this

Once Ari is doing well enough to get a job she starts working at a bar in Burningham. He works a late shift + so she sleeps in late in the morning

This is around s3 btw + also Ari is 23

At some point Eva is adventuring around, as one does, and accidentally finds Burningham. She wanders around town perceiving + goes into the bar + this is how she meets Ari!! Yay!!

Eva is big gay for Ari. Eva + Ari become friends yay yay friendship

Ari starts getting feelings for Eva but she's in denial about it. They're just friends! Ari totally doesn't wanna kiss Eva or anything!

Teehee time for s5 (Ari is 24/25 now. I'm less sure on the ages here bc s5 + s6 were never made)

So um there's the apocalypse going on. Fun! (It's not fun)

I haven't brained much abt what exactly happens around Burningham during the apocalypse I'll be honest so some of this might change idk. I've mostly just rotated the angst in my mind

Burningham got swarmed by cyberbugs + people had to either try and fight them off or run away

The Sunfalls have safely escaped a bunch of cyberbugs + are in the woods. They're worried about Talya bc none of them have been able to contact it at all, but the rest of them are all safe and accounted for at least

Ari faintly hears something deeper in the woods + goes to investigate. A smart decision, surely. You should always go alone to investigate voices you hear in the woods

Ari finds Eva sitting by a tree calling for help. Eva says she was injured while running from cyberbugs + she needs help just come closer walk forward come just a bit closer please

Something seems off to Ari, and rightfully so bc this is a trap. Eva is infected

A bunch of cyberbugs were hiding around the nearby trees. Eva + the cyberbugs attack Ari and Eva tries to convince Ari to be evil being infected is great actually she's totally not being forced to say this

Ari doesn't want to fight Eva so she's trying to fight defensively. At one point in the fight Ari takes Eva's scythe from her hands and without thinking impales Eva, killing her

Ari stares at Eva's body for a moment, realizing what she just did, before running away (the cyberbugs are still there. They chase after her)

So you know how I mentioned Ari likes Eva but is in denial. Yeah so sometimes you realize things at very inconvenient times. Sometimes you're processing that you just killed the person you're in love with and wait a minute in love? Oh fuck

Ari doesn't really have time to focus on that or on grief bc she's gotta focus on making sure him + its family survive the apocalypse

Daniel gets separated from the rest of the family for a bit which has all of them worried but this isn't about him so don't worry about it

After the apocalypse ends the Sunfalls go back to Burningham + Ziva is sent to pick up Talya from school. Ari finally has time to process the everything + breaks down crying

*shoutout to anyone that remembered I put an asterisk next to Cherry's name! She was not part of the family before this point

Ziva returns w Talya + Cherry, Talya says Cherry is part of their family now. Everyone immediately assumes that means Cherry's parents are dead. Everyone also immediately accepts Cherry into the family. New sibling!

After idk a few days Ari goes back into the woods to get Eva + take her to a mechanic. Ari is worried sick that she did irreparable damage, but is hoping Eva will be fine

Ari is not very good w tech + things of the sort, she doesn't understand all this new tech that's been invented in the past 100 years. Squirebots weren't a thing back when he was growing up, so she doesn't know anything about squirebot anatomy. Ari has no clue if she killed Eva permanently or if Eva can be repaired

Eva is repaired yay yippee yay she doesn't have any permanent damage, her brain's all fine, etc etc

After checking approximately 1 million times that Eva is in fact alright + no longer injured, Ari apologies for killing her + Eva assures Ari it's ok she doesn't even remember it honestly so truely it's chill dw. Everything from when she was infected is kinda foggy, actually. She doesn't remember much of being infected

Anyway moving on Ari also confesses to being in love w Eva yay yippee yay they can kiss now I love when girlfriends

A few weeks after the apocalypse has ended!! Ok so remember Kirsten? There's something I didn't mention. Before she broke up w Ari she got pregnant, but neither of them knew

So as I said a few weeks after the apocalypse ended- Kirsten + her girlfriend (she has a girlfriend btw) go on a date at a bar. Which just so happens to be where Ari works. Wait I forgot to say Kirsten's girlfriend is Ari's first ex

Ye so Kirsten tells Ari she's got something important to tell her but like if it can wait til later that'd be nice bc she's on a date rn. So she gets Ari's phone number + address

Kirsten shows up to the Sunfall house the next day w her + Ari's daughter, Sunny

Ari didn't know what to expect when Kirsten said she had something important to tell her, but she certainly had not been expecting a kid

Sunny is 4 btw Ari was 21 when Sunny was born

Kirsten wants Ari to take full custody of Sunny she didn't want to be a mom she wanted Ari to take care of Sunny from the start, she just didn't know how to contact Ari. Phones were invented after they broke up

Umm I made up Sunny recently so I'm still working on this lore but at some point Eva calls Ari a milf

Misc info!! Yay!!

Ari is a nickname for Arson, the name Arson has been passed down in the family for generations Ari is Arson V (Arson the fifth) (Sunny is also a nickname for Arson, Sunny is Arson VI)

I mentioned this when Eva died but Ari isn't good w phones or tech or anything like that she's kinda a boomer L L L skill issue

Ari spent so much of his life focusing on taking care of her family and being personally responsible for everyone's safety that she never. Got any hobbies (on this topic Ari + Talya have parallels. Talya stole the bad mentality and the lack of hobbies + some other stuff)

At some point Eva gets Ari into hiking! This idea brought to you by the bestie Milkisvibin803

At some point when they're dating, Eva finds out Ari wants to be more feminine but doesn't know what exactly to do about that. So Eva takes her dress shopping to see if maybe that'll help (it does) :)

#nexo knights #stellar ocs ♡#☆ ari sunfall #should i tag any of the other ocs this was ari focused idk #☆ evari ♡#i think that was eva and aris ship tag #ill check

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gallawitchxx · 7 months ago

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weekly tag wednesday thursday <3

omg how is it wednesday thursday again already?! where has this week gone? i've basically been MIA here since the last one lol so thank you to @jrooc @creepkinginc @energievie @deedala @gardenerian

@blue-disco-lights @sgtmickeyslaughter @vintagelacerosette for the tags! i love you all! i love this place! i'm so happy we get to scream about it today!

- - - - OKAY LET'S GET INTO IT - - - -

how did you get into the fandom? i fully fell into gallavich in the spring of 2021 & starting shoving fics in my face faster than ian & mickey took their clothes off when ian went to get the gun back, mickey. then i started noticing that people were linking their tumblrs in the end notes & so i lurked suuuper hard through the summer until i finally made my own blog!

how long have you been here? almost three glorious years <3

what’s the first fandom channel you found? (Youtube, Reddit, Tumblr, Insta, Twitter, FB, other?) i suppose youtube is correct because i watched a bunch of edits that really cemented my obsession, but tumblr was the first place i interacted with fandom friends :)

what’s your favourite now? i'm a tumblrina for life!

which mutual have you known the longest in the fandom? this will always make me so fucking emotional -- my first mutual was @metalheadmickey & now i've been to their wedding *sobs forever*

which tumblerino’s did you have your first fandom crush(es) on and wanted to get to know? oooohalskfj this is a hard one! there have been so many! when i first showed up, i started collecting beloved mutuals like pokemon... but to steal from mel, there was a real HUZZAH moment around getting a message from @whatwouldmickeydo & now i'm gonna go to their wedding *continues sobbing forever*

first Gallavich fan fic you read (or that blew you away that you remember) the holy trinity of my early fandom days were absolutely like real people do by grayola, restoration by @palepinkgoat & the increasingly poor decisions of ian gallagher by @goodkwuestion

first fan art that blew your mind? yooo we are so blessed around these parts & at the beginning it was another trilogy lol - @steorie @psychicskulldamage & @darthvaders-wife

fanfic trope that you were sure wasn’t for you but now you low key (or high key) love? a/b/o! truly shocking to discover & then love & then WRITE A WHOLE MULTI-CHAP FIC OF

What surprised you most about this fandom? omg how smushy soft everyone is! halskfjalfj - like, it's a pretty hard show to watch at times & the characters are all so messy & not saying we have it altogether over here or anything, but everyone's just a kind little marshmallow! :)

moment in the show (or YT vids if you’re one of those) that you fell in hyperfixation with Gallavich? the first one was probably s3 "not everybody gets to blurt out how they fucking feel every minute!" because i was like, OHHH OH THIS IS GONNA HURT ME & then it just kept getting worse....

Ian or Mickey? mickey baby ily so much. but to echo others, they really are two halves of the same brain cell & they've fought so hard to be together. so idk how you choose!

Which Gallagher or Milkovich are you? jeeeez, maybe fiona? lip? liam? hahaha probably none of them tbh, but i love 'em like family!

- - - - -

tagging @thisdivorce @rereadanon @sickness-health-all-that-shit @crossmydna & @heymrspatel if you wanna play! if not, i'm smooching you on your nose <3

#i love this tag game & i love this fandom!#WHAT A GIFT IT IS TO BE HERE PLAYING WITH ALL OF YOU #making shit #loving on each other #yeah. it's just a good good group #& some good good boy dolls #thank god #weekly tag wednesday

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eemamminy-art · 11 days ago

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hi! 5, 6, & 8 for the fandom ask game!

These are long ass answers so... under the cut they go!!

Fandom/fanfic asks

5. Favorite platonic pairing?

Okay so this might be just a thing between me and my friend, but we have this AU where Emet-selch hid away Ryne/"Minfilia" to keep her away from Hydaelyn's influence, but then he still dies as normal and Zenos is the one to find her alone and rescue her? 🥺 And long story short she's now his little sister who is single-handedly saving him from himself and all the trauma his father had inflicted upon him while trying to give her the childhood he never had. I…… am SO emotional about it!! 😭😭😭 They are THE found family siblings, I just get so soft thinking about them 🥺 Genuinely…!!!

I think the only other one that comes to mind, which idk how much this counts since one half of it is my OC, but I'm thinking very much all the time lately about the friendship between my OC Mal and Sebastian!! If you've been reading my fic you might say, "what friendship? Sebastian is a total dickhead to him!" But!! Trust me!!! It's gonna get there eventually!!!!! They are gonna be talking about their feelings and watching frogs together in no time (it will actually be. A long time. But you'll see!!) I haven't really talked about it much because I don't want someone to be like "ehehehe and maybe they are into each other? 👀" but they are strictly just friends and it is going to stay that way!! 😤 One day I'm gonna cave and draw something cute with them hanging out, just wait and see lol

6. Favorite headcanon?

I think the one I've been lingering on most lately is the one you brought up recently, of Zenos being autistic! It makes so much sense, and I already subscribed to it before but I've been thinking about it more since you brought it up! Thinking about him laying in the wol's lap in the royal menagerie, and they're counting the petals on the flowers together to calm him down. :3 Idk, little things like this!

8. Fandom you're a part of that's the most obscure?

Mmm here's where I wanna split hairs on terminology sorry haha okay so to me "fandom" is like, a community, a place of active participation with other fans: whether that's sharing fan works, looking at/reading fan works, or discussing the canon material. That to me is fandom!

So like, to me I would say something like utapri feels obscure, because I'm very passionate about it and don't really have people to talk to about it in much detail, I'm picking up little crumbs about it from pixiv or tumblr, but it feels so tiny to me. But I know it is a big series in Japan! It was popular in western spaces for a time too, like a decade ago-- is that obscure? I don't know, I don't think so, but it feels obscure in the sense of like, I don't feel as if there is all that much community for me to connect with about it.

There's also games like Omori, where the fandom is largely minors so I haven't wanted to interact with the larger fandom space and thus it feels small-- or games that I am deeply fascinated with like Dead Plate that I have no clue if there's any fandom at all and am a bit scared to look for one because it's a very small indie game and thus feels like any fandom would feel too intimate, somehow-- or games that are so old and obscure that I would love to draw art for (and even have in the past!) but finding anyone who has played them is like a needle in a haystack, like my favorite game of all time, Arcanum!

Is a fandom just "things I like that I like"? Or "things I make fanworks for"? Or "a community where I interact with others about this shared interest"? What's obscure in one of those definitions wouldn't be in another definition! Sorry this is a total non-answer but I can't find a way to answer the question in a satisfying way because the question varies based on how you would define fandom!!

#ask meme answers

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okifyouinsist · 3 months ago

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tagged by @killerandhealerqueen (i just keep forgetting abt this one SIGH but i have free time rn and im committed)

1. why did you choose your url?

growing up, i just wasn't a social media girl purely bc of the fact that my parents were super strict and I assumed they wouldn't allow me to have it and I just never really saw the appeal anyways. Then later a few friends basically forced me to make my first account and because i wasn't very creative and thought i was the funniest bitch ever i made my first user 'ifyouinsist' and it just kinda stuck ig

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

nope. i fear if i had a sideblog id end up neglecting it and forget abt it or make it my new main blog and neglect this blog and this blog is literally my baby

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

well i've had an account since like end of 2019, beginning of 2020???? (im pretty sure) i didnt like use my account tho i just had it to look at other ppls blogs not my own, i only acc recently made up my blog up properly and started posting this year when it was like 2 am and i was on holiday to visit my home country and my mum and my aunts were gossiping and i was like whatever who tf cares how late i am to a fandom and the rest was history

4. do you have a queue tag?

nope, my drafts are a terrifying place and if they ever saw light id die

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

to reblog pretty art and to compliment writers on ao3 AND on tumblr bc they deserve everything and more

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

logan sargeant. need i say any more???? hes my bsf in spirit

7. why did you choose your header?

loscar. LOSCAR. loscar. i am very much totally normal abt them i swear (lying through my teeth rn). they're just my everything unfortunately and sometimes i like to say the fist bump is their version of intertwining their fingers together

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

ik this bc it was the first i myself made and it was abt loscar obviously and i thought i was SO funny (im not) and its lowk still such a flop post but its MY flop post so here it is :)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

idk man im shy (scared of rejection) so i dont have a lot, like genuinely let me go see acc, oh ig its me and my 14 moots against the world i love you guys fr

10. how many followers do you have?

BYE my 26 followers are my 4 lifers fr (im such a flop this is hilarious)

11. how many people do you follow?

37 (sigh need to follow more ppl RN)

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

im gonna be so real idk what defines as a shit post but most probably yeah

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

idk im acc really inconsistent like ill be MIA for 2 whole days and the next week ill be on tumblr like for most of my day when i can its very confusing like today ive not been on it a lot im academically locking in and all that

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

ummm no. like. if i see someone i follow getting hate ill send them a supportive ask and then at the end of it be like anon ur such a loser get a life but other than that. nope.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

im very much neutral abt them, like idc if i need to reblog it yk if i want to i will if i dont then i wont

16. do you like tag games?

YES (said in a very normal voice)

17. do you like ask games

YES. i love getting asks id cry if someone sent an ask (i have one rotting away from a moot rn i WILL answer it i swear)

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

can i say all my moots. i wanna say all my moots they're all famous in my eyes guys, i start tagging its gonna end with all my moots being tagged but like @killerandhealerqueen and @dwarvenchords were the first 2 ppl to come to my mind theyre both just the coolest fr

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

nah. i have FRIEND crushes on literally all of them tho. wanna be their friends SO bad

20. what is the last song you listened to?

Mamichula- Bizarrap

21. what are you currently watching?

in my docuseries era rn watching breakpoint (STILL)(i only have time on the weekends rn SIGH)

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy?

sweet. im such a 'lets skip the dinner and just get dessert' kinda girl

23. what is your current relationship status?

this is SUCH a complicated question to answer but heavily leaning more towards single

24. what is your current obsession?

sports. like just sports in general. like ive always been a casual fan of sports but i never used to take a deep dive into it but this year i decided to dive, and i dived VERY deep, so like motorsports, tennis, football, cricket, trying to get into hocky rn im collecting them atp. also. documentaries. like when i get time ill be binge watching like 5 documentaries i just love them sm

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

wish i could tell you fr, i mean, rn im re listening to SOUR by Olivia Rodriguez AGAIN bc thats the way my life is going SIGH, Olivia is my favourite basic artist fr, nothing compares to listening to SOUR for the first time in 2021

ANYWAYS, thanks again for the tag i really appreciate it, im gonna tag @ezisregrettinglifedecisions @fabeong @whatssthepooiintt

#tag game #these are so fun im such a yapper #i love talking abt myself #sass i really appreciate u tagging me it means the world to me fr #also punctuation who????#need to fix up so bad im so bad at typing with punctuation this is AWFUL

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rohirric-hunter · 4 months ago

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Tagged by @a-lonely-dunedain to plug OC names into this heacanon generator and see if it fits.

Léonys:

Léonys doesn't own a single pair of matching socks.

Okay, so in actuality no, Léonys has lots of pairs of matching socks and is actually pretty neat about her clothes and stuff when she's at home. BUT I can see this becoming one of those annoying widely-accepted fanon headcanons in direct contradiction to canon because 95% of the time the reader is exposed to her in a, "Has been living in the woods for 3-8 business days, has not spoken to another human being in almost a week, ate bark that was still attached to the tree, laid flat on her back with her mouth open while it was raining to get a drink (for fun)," kind of state, or the many stages of breakdown I dragged her through in Léonys of Rohan. I think if my stuff had a bigger following a lot of people would have trouble reconciling that Léonys with the way she acts when she's, like, in a house.

Léonys does not know what sleep is.

She really does not LMAO. Take a nap, girl

Léonys is smart but also very stupid.

I mean this one's vague enough that it could apply to basically anyone I think. Which means it's a winner! Léonys figured out, on her own, within a few days of properly meeting him, that Aragorn was the heir of the old kings. She also got involved in all that because she saw brigands with hostages and was like, "Go and get help? Tell the town guard? Involve the other hunters? Nah! I'll just follow them! :) and take care of it myself :)."

Léonys crashed a riding lawn mower into their fence.

Absolutely not the ride-on lawnmower goes nowhere except where she told it to go. The ✨🌟🤗🐎💖bond ✨🌟🤗🐎💖 that exists between the Rohirrim and their horses ride-on lawnmowers

Hathellang:

Hathellang is a cry baby.

I mean I guess it depends on what about. This also sort of sounds like a headcanon made up by someone who doesn't actually like the character, so, you know. Subjective. I don't think so. But there's not a lot I would label crybaby anyway.

Hathellang has a roblox account.

Disclaimer: I've never played Roblox. But yeah, I feel like he has one. He used to play a lot more than he does now. But that was years ago. These days no one knows he has it except for Léonys. But sometimes when one of the other kids complains that someone was too mean to them on Roblox he logs on and, well, see,,, if the offender didn't have bannable offenses to work with already then suddenly,,,,, mysteriously,,,,,,,,, they start committing bannable offenses. For literally no reason whatsoever, they must have just felt like it, suddenly. Who knows! Anyway, reported.

(I.E. Hathellang would be a holy terror on the internet, somehow able to talk the trolls into getting themselves banned while only barely toeing the line himself. A power that could be used for good or evil. He uses it to back up his kid siblings on disagreements over the Walmartland makeup obby.)

Hathellang believes in Santa.

He does not! But he's really dedicated to keeping the Santa Experience alive for the younger kids. Also I feel like in a modern AU he'd be super into the Santa Clause movies.

Belharen:

Belharen is afraid of doing anything without their parent's permission.

Belharen is involved in the plot because she ran away from home. Without her parents' permission. That doesn't mean she's not afraid of doing things without her parents' permission. But she still does them.

Ferelin:

Ferelin is tumblr famous.

Oh my god yes. Spot on. IDK what I can add. His shitposts are legendary. Made a new friend. Have informed him that I do not know what a roof is. Think he has little enough knowledge of the Shire that this should fly with him. Eager to see how this plays out. Update: Friend in question visiting my house right now as we speak. Made comment about the roof. Think he remembers what I told him when we first met. Except funnier, probably, IDK. I wonder what his URL would be. He casually refers to his improbable and near-miraculous ability to heal basically anything by singing to it very stubbornly and people think it's some kind of extended bit. He lets them think so because they started to come up with theories about it and it's kind of funny.

Dahlia:

Dahlia knows fnaf lore.

Probably, lol. I feel like she wouldn't play the games, though. I've never played them, this is vibes-based. She just knows the lore. For some reason. Maybe she watches hour-long YouTube videos breaking it down to relax.

And because I've been thinking about her recently some Pegweneth:

Pegweneth instinctively cleans messes in their own house as well as other peoples.

Pegweneth judges people for having messes in their houses TBH. Privately. In her head. She does not clean them. Her house is not clean.

Pegweneth knocks people over by hugging them.

If she knows them very well and is confident they're okay with it.

Pegweneth is not good with social cues.

She knows what they are. She just thinks they're stupid she's above them she responded to them appropriately when she really didn't.

Hmmm, seems like a lot of people I would normally tag in these things have been tagged already. I know many people with OCs and I know that many of them dislike this sort of fandom/headcanon stuff. Open invitation to do it if you want to?

#the wind will set me racing #tag game

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starleska · 5 months ago

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Huzzah! Art Fight nears its end, I think. I have survived! As have you!…I hope. I’m pretty sure you survived. <3 I know a lot happened there, but we both did ArtFight stuff! You did stuff! I did stuff! You fought hard! Idk if you’re doing any better or worse than before, and idk if you feel bad about any kind of inactivity, but there’s no need to! You’re alive and that’s what matters! If you want or need to take time away a little longer, you can take as much as you need! I’m sure we all love you and will be here when you’re ready <3

Also, since the “war” is over, or ending, we can go back to drawing whatever we want of whatever quality forever again without any pressure or self-imposed pressure to draw something else goodly! Woe! Art be upon ye!

(…I couldn’t remember where I saw your full lil persona before so I’ve been referencing your tumblr pfp and ArtFight pfp and going by memory sorry-)

…love toaster quality art…Ig that proves my point! Though sending this to myself on discord and screenshotting it may not be a good idea…post art fight delirium my beloved. uh let me just-

SCREAMING!!!! okay okay i have been mulling over how to reply to this for days because i was so just. delighted and overwhelmed with this little blorbo-processing universe you've invented for us!!!! F/O Inc...oh man, what a delightful place to work!!! that really is what it feels like logging into Tumblr Dot Com to yell about some new idiot 😂💖💖💖

but now i'm thinking...what exactly are our jobs? do we do fieldwork? certainly you and i are collectors of f/os, hunting down potential obscure characters for people to get obsessed with...what's the corporate hierarchy here? are our clients other selfshippers, or are they the f/os themselves? i'm cracking up at the idea of it being like one of those matchmaking dating services crossed with a crime drama...Ace Attorney style, people bringing in their woes and desperately hunting for an f/o who'll match them perfectly...!!! 😂😂😂 Client, visibly sweating: "Gosh, I-I never usually do this sort of thing, but...it's been so lonely on my dash recently, and I...I was wondering if you had any new, um...Tumblr Sexymen...to recommend?" You, chain-smoking cigarettes with three hanging out of your mouth: "Sweetheart, you've come to the right place. Take a look at these puppies." You yank a thick file from your drawer and slap it down, open, on the desk. "Now, keep an open mind, toots...but you ever hear about this Once-ler fella?" all of the DETAILS in this art are killing me 🙈🙈🙈 your countless cups of coffee, as if you've been trying to cope with the new freaks i've brought into the office 😭💖💖 the little Employee of the Month photo too, oh my gosh!!! i'm honoured :3c and oh my god the TINY Piers, Ramón and Maxime...!!!!!! FUCK the second i get a new laptop and can draw again i need to add to this universe, thank you for coming up with something so brilliant 🥺💖💖💖 accepting new hires for F/O Inc. today! 😉 and HUGE CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU FOR GETTING TO THE END OF ARTFIGHT FRIEND!!!! 😭💖💖💖 so sorry that July decided to kick me in the metaphorical nuts and i wasn't able to attack you back, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for the wonderful art you made me which i treasure so much 🙈💖💖💖 shortly i'll be compiling all the lovely art i received into a little chart, and i can't wait to show off your work!!! i owe you big time 😉 thank you as well for such a lovely pep talk and all the niceness you've thrown my way 🫂 of course i do feel a bit guilty about needing to take a step back and being so open about the burnout, but it's been a busy month for all of us, haven't it? i think August is going to be really nice and fun :3c anyway this is kickass and i'm so glad to be your colleague at F/O Inc. bahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣

#f/o inc #f/o incorporated #selfship #oc x canon #artfight #artfight 2024 #team seafoam #maxime le mal #ramón salazar #piers #starleskasks #long post

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trilobi-te · 1 year ago

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Chipspeech Twitter Archive Update

Hi I should have done this months ago.. I do not know when (or if) I am going to finish that website lmao. So I am just going to share my notes from Google Docs. Should be easier to read than the original posts and helpful as a starting point if anyone else decides to make a website :3

The documents are all on commenting mode so feel free to make comments to bookmark things for yourself or write your thoughts or whatever. Under the cut I have put some formatting notes.

It's a folder, each year of Twitter posts is its own document (I tried to compile them into one but it lagged too much). There is also a document with all of the original Tumblr posts (from the accounts I could find, no tags yet but I will go back and get them eventually, also no dates but they're all from 2015), and one with the bios from the official website for ease of access.

The formatting is a little (a lot) weird and there are probably pictures that need resizing/transcription but I figured it's better to give people access now. The text is small (to keep the page count as low as possible) so you will have to zoom in.

It goes by day, organized with a bulleted list. The top level bullets are each character that tweeted that day. The second level bullets are original tweets/retweets by that character. The third+ level bullets are comment threads under that tweet, the organization here is inconsistent but imo still readable (if you think something needs an edit for clarity let me know and I'll fix it).

For each character's section of the list, normal text is that character's tweets/comments. Italicized text is anyone who is not that character. If it is labeled with unitalicized text, it is that character/important account (e.g. the official Chipspeech account), otherwise it is a fan. I also included some labels and/or clarifying comments for Vocaloid producers I like, they're not central to the story though

I got rid of the line breaks within the tweets when copying them down because it was easier to format. Sorry about that. Idk how to fix it other than going through everything again but it doesn't take away from the story so I'm leaving it for now.

If something came from a website other than Twitter, I tried to provide the link (unless its content was deleted). I did my best to transcribe the Clyp posts that were not deleted.

If something is a text-only retweet, it is marked with [retweet]. If it includes an image, it's probably a screenshot of the whole thing. I only included retweets that felt story-relevant (so no miscellaneous cat pictures, Apple-related aesthetic images, etc.), but if people really want it I can go back and add the rest.

Deleted tweets are noted with [deleted tweet], with the characters they came from if applicable. Idk how Twitter works but it the person in the thread is replying to the username of a certain character, I assumed it was that character's tweet that had been deleted. If something says [deleted Dandy thread], assume there is a deleted Dandy tweet in between each of the listed tweets (or another character, but it's usually Dandy). That was meant to be a temporary time-saver and I've gone back and fixed the ones I've found, but there's probably more I accidentally skipped.

Anything not in English is translated in a comment. Except the X-Sampa (I will fix that sometime but there's not much of it). Also it was done with the built-in Google Translate feature so it may be a little incorrect. Unclear pictures and whatnot also have clarifying comments. I can add more clarifying comments (or image IDs) if anyone needs them.

I tried not to include any unattributed fanart but there are some that I forgot to copy the handle for (I am also fixing these when I find them).

As for any future updates to this folder as a whole, I kind of want to go back through each account's liked tweets to see if there's anything funny in there but idk when that will be. That would probably be its own document.

Honestly I should have given everyone access back in June.. oops. If you have any questions you can put them in a comment on this post (or reach out to me another way, idk). As I mentioned before, feel free to use all of this as a starting point if you're making your own website.

I'll pin this post so it's findable in the future. Also sorry for disappearing for several months (it will happen again).

#chipspeech #chipspeech archive #posts by the bug

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