#so I've basically been shaking and crying and thinking i was having a heart attack all day

[battywitch]

🙃✌️

[planete777]

꒰ RED LINES .:. LN4 ꒱

( lando norris x fem!reader )

IN WHICH. y/n finds her fate hidden within two red lines, and fears the demise of her and lando's relationship. [based on this ask]

pt. 2 .:. 'red hearts'!

WARNINGS. pregnant!reader, both her and lando aren't ready so there are discussions about potential abortions, mental break downs (i.e panic attacks, crying, you know the drill), angst, mentions of throwing up (no one does it i promise), attachment issues (like me fr), a little bit of fluff (because im not that evil >:])

NOTE. first non-high!lando fic!! i've never written a pregnancy fic, so like, forgive me if it's bad haha 🥲 i put so much effort into my banner, like i'm so proud of it lmao. anyways, enjoy reading luvs 💗

SIDENOTE. my askbox is open! feel free to send in any high!lando thoughts, scenarios and requests, or any other trope too 🤍

edited to add tag in banner

y/n is almost blinded by it.

two bold, red lines.

she finds it completely comical how she didn't know it sooner, for the ink that runs down the result window is so palpable, it might as well have been written with a permanent marker.

the test taunts and mocks her as she stares at it in complete despair and confusion as she so sure that they had been careful. but now, she lets herself cry over spilt milk because having a baby, on top of mountainous piles of stress that came hand-in-hand with uni, was not a checkbox she would've liked to tick off amidst her status quo.

the bathroom pounds with an deafeningly eerie silence, as she stares, and stares, then blinks as tears flow, then stares again. her ears are swallowed by loud static and her vision fuzzes around the edges, making the test in her hand seem further away than it actually is, and she allows herself to completely fade out.

she feel utterly sick. like she wants to throw up, but the upcoming bile, instead, remains dislodged in her throat and presses immense weight into her chest. it shortens her breaths, she's hyperventilating as if she's been strangled, then panic completely overwhelms her. everything before her zooms in and out like a malfunctioning camera and the pregnancy test clatters to the ground as she digs the heels of her palms into her eyes.

she doesn't remember the last time she had a panic attack this severe, and neither does she know if she'll get over it solus. yearn for a presence beside her devours her brain and she wishes that lando–

lando.

the way her heart seems to squeeze in her chest is almost too animalistic to be normal, and it arrives at the thought of him being unacceptable of the baby. he's barely situated in one place, fuck, he basically travels for a living, and all her mind conjures is how he won't be there when she needs him most. she tries to wish it away, because just thinking about her makes her spiral even more and she knows she cannot survive with a child whose father decides to be absent.

codependency isn't great, that she's thoroughly aware of, but lando's presence brings a wave of comfort braided in the brightness of his smiles and the warmth of his embrace, and it has become her whole lifeline.

yet, the bathroom she's in feels too small and too cold to be anything other than unbearable, and her body feels to weak to remain upright, sliding down to the tiled floor. she sobbing and spluttering so much that lando can hear it from two rooms down, and he rushes into the en suite without a thought in mind.

he crouches down in front of her, hands flush against the skin of her cheeks. he's shaking, fucking terrified out of his wits, and his words are enunciated with a tremble.

"hey, hey, y/n breathe with me," he desperately takes her hands into his, and places it on his own chest, making exaggerated breaths as y/n's start to simmer. it feel like hours stretch by, the air surrounding feels tense with fear and devastation, and by the time she settles, y/n senses nothing but exhaustion.

"what's wrong, love? you're scaring me," lando gently asks, and she struggles to respond, mouth rid of any moisture as if it had been scraped dry. lando takes the initiative to look around in hopes that anything would give him a clue to his girlfriend's break down.

then he freezes.

the white stick lays there, gleaming and glowing like it's fucking sent from heaven, and he feels his heart plummet into the depths of his guts. he knows he can deny it all he wants, but it's undeniable, what he's seeing, yet prays like a grieving mother that what he thinks is not true as his quivering hands reaches for it.

two bold, red lines.

"oh fuck," it punches out of him, every inch of energy disperses like fleeing birds, "you're pregnant?"

it's so small, so timid that he almost doesn't see it, but she nods, and his arms fall like he's been shot and the test leaves his fingers. he swears he's drenched in ice cold water and he remains silent, bound by stunned numbness. his lack of response spurs y/n again, and she begins sobbing, pressing her face into her arms and wiping it furiously. all she thinks is that he doesn't want it, and out of sheer terror, she starts rambling utter shit.

"i can get rid of it, if you want, lando, just please i'm begging you, don't leave me."

he's crying himself now, doesn't know what to feel at the suggestion, but it makes him gag.

"get rid of it if i want to? fucking hell y/n, i'm not a prick like that," he fumbles out, words wet and hardly cohesive, "as long as you want to keep it, i want the baby too."

she looks up at him, eyes so full of hope that he immediately takes her into his arms.

"you sure, lando?" she's still hesitant, burying her head into his chest, and as further reassurance, he kisses her forehead, "as sure as i'll ever be."

[amourrs]

Some sick!reader + Ellie headcanons I've been thinking about for you Ani <3

• You aren't too sure if it's a coincidence or Ellie is really just That girlfriend, but when you're feeling unwell, all her plans get cancelled out of the blue for her to lay on the bed next to you on her phone quietly glancing towards you from time to time to make sure you're happily enjoying the drink she fixed for you.

• She also goes above and beyond to distract you from the pain,- physical or mental; and probably talks to you to a point where you have to attack her with kisses all over her face for her to stop infodumping for a second and just enjoy the show y'all are watching

• Back rubs.. belly rubs.. arm caresses.. temple kisses.. small pecks.. knuckle kisses.. and boob holding for comfort??? Ellie-

• If you start to feel better by the evening, she tells you not to frown about the missed date and hand crafts a blanket fort "Girls night" as she likes to ironically call it and laugh about it(I'm a sucker for Ellie being traditionally girly dont look at me) She basically makes you watch old movies, does your hair and lets you paint her nails.

you don’t understand how happy this ask made me like omg. 18+ only due to suggestive content under the cut! expansion below (also featuring a couple of sneaky ai audios right at the end…) cw for vomit.

this is so cute i’m gonna cry you just understand all my daydreams!!! she’s so gf i love her… btw it’s canon that cups of watery, kind of awful tea ABOUND in your household when you’re sick and you don’t have the heart to tell ellie they’re bad. she’s looking at you and prompting you with her eyes to take a sip and you have to conceal your wince as you do it. “it’s good tea, right? dunno if i left the teabag in for long enough… google said two minutes. was that right? it’s good, right???” you wait for her to stop but she just keeps rambling and you feel so bad for her that you just have to nod along and swallow down the tea 😭😭

the infodumping… god, the infodumping. you’re just trying to focus on a show through your thumping headache as ellie drones “honestly, i think taissa did do it to allie on purpose, even if she doesn’t realise it-” until it gets to the point where you thwack her with a pillow and she pouts at you before pecking your forehead with her lips and snuggling down next to you.

also i see your boob holding and raise you tit sucking… because yes you’re sick but, well, ellie’s still ellie, and so of course she still wants to do horny things. she’d spring it on you right as you’re waking up from your mid morning nap, eyes all soft as she looks down at you all curled up in the little cosy nest of blankets she meticulously arranged for you.

“hey baby. you just wake up? i can make you another cup of tea if you want,” ellie offers happily. she must see the slightly apprehensive look on your face because her eyebrow crooks up as she continues: “or, well… i was thinking… what if i, like, sucked your tits? just a little? think it might help ease some of the aching… after all, my mouth is kinda magical, if i do say so myself.” you’re unable to contain your splutter at the terrible joke. ellie grins and keeps pushing it. “in fact, this might be a miracle cure!” she says with all the drama of someone announcing they discovered a new planet in the solar system. “you might never get sick again!” comes her next line, hands gesticulating wildly in the air as your chest begins shaking with unbridled giggles.

a fake depressive look turns your girlfriend’s lips down as she dramatically sweeps a hand across her forehead. “okay, maybe that’s a bit far… stop laughing at me. you’re gonna make yourself throw up again,” she teases, except you both seem to realise at the same moment that her last statement was probably true. your eyes lock as ellie dives for the sick bucket and you do in fact puke, her calloused hands holding back your hair from your face <3

as for girl’s night- i feel like she would probably make you a little mocktail because even though you’re not well enough to be drinking, cranberry juice is really good for you and lemonade is almost one of your five a day if you really think about it… and “mint’s basically a vegetable. like, it’s green enough, right?” when you’re forced to take the opposing side on the is-mint-really-a-vegetable debate she acts like you’ve just hit her with a hammer and insists on calling jesse to settle the matter.

“ok, i need your help with a super important decision,” ellie says, a stern expression on her face. the way her eyebrows are wrinkled in the middle looks extra cute, you think, and lean forward to kiss her. instead you’re met with a hand to the sternum and an angry glare. “damn. okay, important decision,” you agree, eyes lifting to hers in curiosity. your girlfriend sucks in a deep breath and you brace yourself… “should i paint my toenails green or pink?” ellie asks innocently. you feel like thumping her- why do i ever take her seriously?? you think, heart slowing back to its normal pace as you throw her a dirty side eye.

“wait, actually… that yellow looks kind of cool-” you cut her off with a thump to the head with your pillow. “OW!” comes her pained response, your lips tilting up into a smug smile as ellie shoots you a look of pure betrayal. “ok… OK!” THUMP! “i get it! no yellow…” the pillow lifts again as if to drive your point home for a final time and… THUMP! “ow! fuck! wait, why is your pillow so fucking solid?”

+ as promised, the ai audios… as i mentioned on my blog before, my bot isn’t anywhere near perfect yet so please excuse if these happen to sound a little funky!

[poppadom0912]

Her father's daughter

Warnings: Kidnapping, crying, canon-typical injuries, blood

Summary: When all is well, someone just has to barge in and ruin Will and Faith's lives.

A/N: Soo, I am back more than a month later. I didn't mean to disappear for so long... It will happen again i am sorry. This Ramadan has come with more work and I have exams in two weeks that i refuse to fail. I will most likely return at the end of april/beginning of May.

i've been thinking about writing this for a while because of how much I love Faith but I didn't want to hurt her but then I thought, no one can turn down some good old angst. Sorry again for being mia for nearly another month but randomly wrote this all in one sitting after doing some psychology and having an existential crisis soooo. This is going to be a little longer than usual, happy reading!!

Will was at work when it happened.

He was getting ready to assist Connor in a surgery when he got a call as they were scrubbing in.

The part-time nanny he hired was now basically considered family over the two years she'd been looking after Faith whenever she wasn't in school and Will was at work. So to have her calling him at work was odd but when he answered her call and was immediately met with tears and gasping and hyperventilating, Will felt his heart stop.

Will wasted no time. simply telling her he was on his way before hanging up.

Connor, without hesitation, encouraged Will to leave, saying he'd find Goodwin and tell her himself.

As soon as Will was in his car, the first person he called was a no brainer.

Whenever Will called, Jay would always come running, day or night for his older brother and niece, consequences be damned.

Will found himself struggling when Jay answered, grappling for words he couldn't muster.

"What's wrong Will?"

"Faith's gone Jay... Someone's taken her."

*****

The brothers met up at Faith's school, Will arriving before Jay.

The second Will got there, Allison, the nanny, found him instantly. She ran up to him in tears, hysterically crying as if it was her own child that was taken.

"Will I'm so sorry." She gasped, on the edge of a panic attack, eyes impossibly red as she hyperventilated, tears showing no sign of stopping any time soon.

"They- Reception said a woman picked her up in Maggie's name three hours ago-" She cut herself off with a sob. Poor women was a mess, seeing her so distraught made Will want to cry along with her.

"Allison, please listen." Will said sternly, holding her shoulder so she would pay attention to him. "None of this is your fault, okay? If it wasn't for you, it would've been another two hours before someone found out."

She exhaled shakily, nodding fervently when Will pressed her to stop apologising and accept she was at no fault, there was no reason for her to take any blame.

Before either could say anything more, the sound of sirens scared them, making both of them jump at the sudden loud sound.

At the sight of familiar cars, Will wasn't too sure if he felt relief or impending doom.

"Intelligence Will need to take a statement but after that you can go home." Will told Allison, squeezing her bicep with a timid smile for reassurance.

"As soon as they find Faith, you'll be the first to know, I promise."

*****

Jay was struggling to concentrate on the CCTV footage him and Adam were meant to be watching.

He could say with 100 percent confidence the he never thought he'd find himself in such a situation.

intelligence have been involved with numerous kidnappings. So many in fact that it was usually what they would be expecting to be called in for every day.

But, this was his niece's kidnapping. This wasn't the norm for him let alone the rest of them. A five year olds kidnapping was something they'd never want to deal with, especially someone who was family.

"Here it is." Adam said, clicking the mouse a few more times before settling on a frame, the scene being the reception of Faith's school.

Shaking any deprecating thoughts away, Jay pushed his chair forward, looking closely and minimising his blinks as to not miss a single second of valuable footage. Footage that would show the final moments of Faith being alive and safe.

The halls were empty for the most of it, bar the occasional janitor or teacher walking by. Two minutes passed when a woman in a black trench coat walked up to the desk. Her brown hair obscuring her face from the camera's view along with the thick scarf wrapped around her neck.

She spoke to the receptionist, signing a sheet of paper before a lady walked away, soon returning with a small familiar bundle.

Faith was in her little purple puffer jacket, bobble hat covering her ears and mitten on her little hands. She wore little winter boots, her my little pony backpack sat nicely on her shoulders and Will's old scarf held in her hands. Unconsciously, Jay thought about how she always complained about the itchiness of the scarf that Will would always wrap around her masterfully, his method luring out the most wonderful sound to mankind; Faith's laughter.

Faith looked perfect, just like her fathers carbon copy and even from the shitty camera footage, Jay could see the pep in her step and the twinkle that never extinguished from her eyes.

Jay's thoughts trailed back to earlier this morning when he was still fast asleep in bed but his brother had messaged him, sending him a picture of Faith in all her adorableness. Nothing had changed from that picture and it warmed his heart slightly.

Usually, whoever picked her up was met with the biggest hello, the widest smile and incessant talking and she retold the adventures of her day but this time, Faith's steps faltered at the sight of the stranger.

Jay struggled to watch the rest.

*****

All Will could hear was his baby girls cries echoing in his ears.

He'd heard her cry plentiful, he raised her since birth for goodness sakes but this cry was different. It was like he could hear just how scared she was and it felt like a literal stab in the heart.

Will forced Allison home twenty minutes ago after Hailey took her statement and was told everything. She was still very torn and upset, she refused to leave Will for several reasons but before she started blaming herself again, Will forced her to leave, promising once again to call her later.

Jay had shown Will the footage of the woman who never showed her face, maybe there was some chance Will could recognise the back of her. Somehow, she knew the exact school Faith went to as well as knowing the list of very few people that were allowed to pick her up. The list consisted of Will obviously, Jay, Allison and Maggie.

Somehow, whoever this person was, they knew who was on the emergency contact list, information that only the school and said people were privy to.

That small bit of information made Will want to be sick.

They had tried other means to try identify the woman but they were coming up with nothing. Another hour had passed, now being give hours since Faith had been taken and Will was slowly losing the plot.

"I've contacted a bunch on my CI's." Jay said, face set in stone as he finished presenting. "Still waiting to hear back."

"I have several CI's in that area." Antonio added, Kevin nodding to also confirm. "Waiting for a call any time now."

Voight hummed, giving no indication of what he was thinking or feeling. But not too long ago, he had taken Will aside and promised they would bring Faith back to him, no matter the cost.

No matter the cost. Ethically, Will wasn't too sure what to feel but emotionally, he felt relieved.

Will must've zoned out for a bit because the next thing he knew, only him, Jay and Antonio remained in the bullpen. Everyone else seemingly disappeared.

Wow, he really needed to fix up.

"Hey, how are you-"

Just as Jay opened his mouth, he was cut off by a phone ringing.

*****

Jay wasn't allowed to accompany Antonio to his CI, instead taking Kevin with him. The Latino was never once persuaded by Jay, even when he promised to stay in the car.

The sun was now starting to set and there was a clear shift in the atmosphere as the sky grew darker. To ease broth his own and his brothers fears, Jay sat with Will, sitting together in a silence neither could stand.

This was an uncommon occurrence since Will had returned from New York, the two brothers being alone together. Since coming back, it had always been the three of them. So to be in this moment, both Halstead's would rather die than to have to repeat this again.

"You want a coffee?" Jay asked, eyeing up the half empty coffee pot. At the rate this investigation was going, they'd be needing more than just coffee to help them stay up.

"Sure." Will hadn't meant for his answers to be monosyllabic, Jay had done nothing but right now, he had not much left in him to continue being so forth coming.

The silence enveloping their space, Will usually relished in any moments of silence he could get but this was just uncomfortable. Never did he ever want his little girl to be causing such a ruckus.

"Maggie called me back." Will said, watching Jays' back, following his actions as he made both their coffee's. "She doesn't recognise the woman nor has she told anyone outside the ED's staff about Faith - that's all people I know and none of them know that woman."

Jay hummed as he stirred the tiniest bit of sugar when his tasted a little too bitter for his liking. "That's good but it does mean we have even less of an idea as to who this is."

Will didn't reply, only mumbling a small thanks as he took the mug from Jay's outstretched hand and sipping the lukewarm drink.

"Have you butted heads with anyone at work recently?" Jay asked, knowing his brothers stubbornness very well.

"No." Will rolled his eyes. "I've been under Goodwin's strong scrutiny after the last stunt. Go ask anyone, I've been good."

And for a second, nothing felt as heavy but such a feeling didn't last.

"Antonio and Kevin are back." Trudy suddenly appeared in the doorway of the breakroom causing both of them to flinch. "Go see them downstairs."

*****

"My CI works in a restaurant. When I reached out, his story matched up with ours." Antonio started, standing tall besides the computer screen where Kevin was trying to connect it to the USB they were given.

"At the same time Will called us, a different woman came and ordered a takeaway with a kid he said looks a lot like Faith."

Will felt his heart rate picking up the more Antonio spoke. Hearing all of this felt like a fever dream, he didn't want to get his hopes up just in case they reached another dead end.

The camera footage started to play, Kevin skipping it when nothing was happening, only to abruptly replay it when someone walked in.

All they could see was the back of the woman, her black hair in a braid, scarf wrapped around her neck with a long jacket on. As Will's eyes studied the stranger, he followed her outstretched arm to-

Faith

Will's breath hitched at the sight of his little girl who hadn't seen since the early hours of the morning when he dropped her off to school. He held his breath, watching closely to see if a single hair was misplaced on her body or to try and see what she was feeling from either her scrunched up eyebrows or her quivering lips.

But he couldn't see anything.

The woman went to the counter, ordered her food and stood there for however long it took for the food to be made. Only when she was handed a carrier bag with several containers did she finally turn around and show her face.

Will's face paled in recognition instantly.

"What's wrong Will?" Jay noticed his change immediately, his question causing everyone in the room to turn and look at him. "Do you recognise her?"

Will swallowed harshly, blinking repeatedly to bring himself out of shock.

"Yeah, it's Faith's mum."

*****

With this newfound information, it didn't take Intelligence long to track her down.

Stephanie Brooks, 'Steph' was what she insisted everyone call her. For just over a year, she was Will's girlfriend and as of five years ago, she was Faiths absent mother.

Ever since that night five years ago, Will never thought he'd see his ex again but here he was, sitting in the back of his brothers truck as he waited for Intelligence to get his daughter back.

Once they had her name, they found the car she had under her name in Chicago and the place she was renting out as of three months ago. Three months of which she had been watching them under a microscope.

Will actually had to go be sick in the toilet when Kim turned around with all of Stephanie's activities since she arrived in Chicago, all of which suspiciously looked very familiar and aligned with everything he and Faith did recently.

That aside, all Will had to do now was wait.

Jay and Kevin stood in front, Kevin ready to kick the door down before Jay could go in first. All they were waiting for was for Voight's signal.

"Now!"

Within seconds, they were all entering the bungalow, guns out and pointed in any direction, covering all corners as they searched for Stephanie.

"Clear!"

"Clear!"

They all went separate directions, covering every room in search of any life and soon enough, they found their culprit.

She screamed.

"Stephanie Brooks, your under arrest..." Adam went on, reciting the words they all had memorised for years now, his gun lowered slightly as Antonio went forward to handcuff her.

"What, no! You're crazy!" She shouted, struggling against Antonio's grip. Despite the cheap bungalow she rented, she was dressed as if ready for a night out. Her hair was curled, makeup perfect, heels and a tight fitted dress on.

"Kidnapping?" She scoffed, continuing to struggle as she was forced onto her feet. "She's my child, my daughter!"

"You can't take her from me." She told them, getting more riled up when she saw Adam rolling his eyes at her. "I want my lawyer, you have no right to take my daughter from me."

On the other side of the bungalow, Jay heard nothing but thundering in his ears as he frantically looked up and down for his niece. Nearly every room had been covered and they hadn't found her yet-

Jay felt his heart break the second Faith was in his sight.

He found her stuffed in the bathtub shivering. He had to kick down the door, finding her with zip ties around her wrists and ankles, sat in the bathtub with on her knickers and vest on.

Faith started crying.

Without another thought, Jay dropped his gun and rushed forward, kneeling at the edge of the bathtub before picking her up and dropping her into his lap.

"Oh Faith." Jay sighed, wrapping his arms around her as she curled into him. "It's okay, your safe, Jay Jay's got you now."

As sobs racked her little body, Jay took out his knife and carefully cut the zip ties off. As soon as the were chucked to the side, she wrapped her arms as far as they could around his torso.

Standing up, Jay took strides out the bathroom and made his way outside. Hailey found him on the way, taking her scarf off with Kim not too far behind taking her jacket off.

Both garments swaddled Faith, protecting her bare limbs from the torturous snow but she continued to shiver.

Jay felt himself breathing easier with her in his arms but Will was firmly on his mind.

Only a metre away from the premises did Jay find Will who was already bounding towards them.

"Faith, look." Jay gently poked her, watching her carefully pick her head up and turn in the direction Jay was pointing.

The cry she let out, it would forever haunt him.

"Faith."

Jay handed her over to his older brother who's arms encased her small body. Will dipped his face in her hair, inhaling the comforting smell that he never wanted to forget.

"Oh baby. It's okay, it's okay." Will repeated as she sobbed, showing no signs of stopping any time soon. "Daddy's got you."

Will pressed several kisses wherever he could: in her hair, her forehead, her ear poking out from her curls, her cheek anywhere. His arms tightened in their embrace and if it wasn't for Jay who was supporting him, he would fallen into the snow as soon as he lost all feeling in his legs.

Will could barely hear his own thoughts over Faith's gut wrenching cries. Somehow, her tears weren't running dry. To see her in such a state but to have her back and safe with him, Will finally let his emotions get the better of him.

He sniffled, hiding his face in her wild curls he always struggled to tame, his tears dropping like rain but his cries were muffled. Screwing his eyes shut, he tried to even out his breathing, Jay's hand on his back comfortingly rubbing circles kept him somewhat sane.

"We're driving to Med." Jay told him, directing the father-daughter duo towards his truck.

Sitting in the back, the outside world no longer existed, his entire universe was sat in his lap. Will had lost track of time, she had been continuously crying but Faith was silent now as she was knocked out, crying herself to sleep, that's how tired she was. All he could hear was the occasional soft snore, but he could feel everything from her rising chest against his own, her curls that needed to be brushed, her skin that was slowly warming up from both his own body heat and the garments wrapped around her and the tears that were drying on his shirt.

Will felt like he could finally start to relax.

*****

Faith remained in Will's arms at Med, even when he woke her up, neither of them made any move of letting go.

As soon as they got to the hospital, Will was surrounded by all his colleagues, all riddled with stress that was slowly disappearing when they saw Faith.

Currently, Natalie was doing the standard tests, letting Will do all the convincing which wasn't a lot. As soon as he asked, Faith complied.

"I'll go grab some heating blankets." Natalie said, stepping back as she finished off. "I'll make sure to put a rush on these."

"Thanks Nat." Will said, letting Faith curl back into his embrace.

"It's no problem." She smiled, her eyes looking down at the little girl, the sight of father and daughter making her think of Owen. "We're all just glad she's safe and mostly unharmed."

Will tried not to think of the scrapes and clotting up scabs that littered her body. He hadn't seen any of them till they got to Med, his chest restricting to know she had been hurt and he wasn't there to relieve her of the pain.

"Thank Ethan for me." Will added when Natalie was about to leave. "Faith loves the my little pony band aids."

And with that, they were left alone for the first time surrounded by the muffled sounds of the bustling department and the occasional beeps of machinery and the faint drips of the iv.

Despite being a doctor for years, Will found it difficult to see the iv needle in Faith. To have two worlds collide, Will would never wish this upon any parent.

Small pokes to his collarbone caught his attention, Faith poking it ever so gently as she stared up at him imploringly with the widest eyes that still glistened, their colour identical to the woman who was going behind bars.

"Missed you." She whispered, voice breaking towards the end. It was the first time she had spoken since she found her and the two words made his eyes water.

"I missed you too. Missed you so much baby." Will replied, tucking her hair behind her ears so he could see her whole face. "I'm so sorry baby. Daddy loves you so much."

A smile appeared on her cherry lips, her dimples not too far behind. Seeing them made it feel like nothing was wrong with the world and only the two of them mattered.

"Home?" She asked, her voice filled with so much innocence and hope that Will has to give himself some time before replying.

"Not yet, I'm sorry bubbles." He apologised, rubbing circles into her back. "Jay Jay still needs to come back and Maggie needs to bring you some medicine. She might even ask you to sleepover."

For once, Will was glad she was so eager to stay at his workplace. She had such wonderment surrounding his job, the thought of sleeping over at his work was almost a dream come true.

To finally see her mood pick up, her eyes glistening now with newfound happiness at the prospect of a sleepover, unaware of the connotations it had, Will allowed himself to feel good.

For now, all that mattered was that his daughter was rightfully back with her father and surrounded by family that would do anything for her.

[73647e]

hey it's piano anon here to rant about life 😔 (it is all piano related though)

Just my brain short circuited lmao it's actually been more than 10 years I've been doing piano.

I hate playing piano so much I honestly can't imagine how you enjoy it. I mean, it's good you enjoy it, but it's been constant misery for me for as long as I can remember. When I was little I would fight with my parents about it nearly every day and now I force myself to practice but I hate it so much. Pretty much the only reason I can force myself is that I got permission to practice in a local church, so it's a way to get out of the house.

I have to be good at it because I'm pressured into doing the exams every year and I have to pass them. But I would be way better if I actually liked playing. I'm basically "bare minimum for my level" good but I'm in level 9 now :/ (I know that means nothing lol since there's so many different level systems but. trust me on this one)

My teacher is. complicated. She's the best teacher in the area but she's not good at being nice to her students lol. She would routinely make me cry until I stopped being capable of crying (which. 😬😬). I still want to cry tho

My older brother picked piano to learn when he was little and when I was old enough to have basic motor skills my mom signed me up too. Notice: my brother got to pick, I did not. My parents like to laugh how they had to bribe 3-year-old me to sit down and practice but basically that they forced me to play it because it's my mom's favorite instrument and also my brother picked it.

My brother is actually really good. Because he loves it. When he was 10 and I was 8 he played Wedding Day at Troldhaugen (and won international prizes for it) and I remember mostly being secretly upset about it because I wanted to be able to play it (and feeling really bad about being kind of jealous). (Whenever I hear that piece even now I nearly have a heart attack.) I tried so hard to like piano so many times over the years, but I just hate playing it. I've got nothing against other people playing it, I like quite a lot of piano music (except the overplayed ones lmao, I hate fur elise).

And like obviously the worst parts are learning new stuff and practicing but I hate performing too. I'm shaking the whole time and have to think about not only the million different things to play well but also like my facial expressions and stuff and like all the examiners and my teacher say i'm very Musical but piano does Not come naturally to me. I've improved at sight reading lately but my brain works in melodies, not chords and two separate hands and stuff. And I can't just learn how to make my brain work like that.

When I was 9 we played recorder at school. It's usually kind of an infamous childhood experience but I LOVED it. Long story short I was really good at it and loved it and since then I've badly wanted to play a woodwind. Flute specifically. But my mom makes fun of (pretty viciously) literally every other musician. Strings, because it's "squeaky". Brass, because it's "goofy". Drums, because she thinks they have dumb jobs. etc, etc. She's like that about everything though. I used to do piano competitions (my brother still does) and like everyone is a piano player there but 90% of the kids there are asian (we're not) and she's extremely racist about it and i'm just there trying to be grateful that at least she's not saying stuff like that in english.

Last year I tried to learn guitar. At zero cost to my parents. I found some pretty good free online lessons and used my dad's old guitar. Which was absolutely huge on me. I had to bend over it weirdly to reach the strings and it was so big on me it was hard to stretch my fingers to the chords lol. I tried to hide what I was doing but it's kind of hard to hide a whole large guitar. My dad was fine with it initially but my mom got really mad at me for wasting time and that I should be focusing on school and stuff and then my dad got mad at me too. I haven't touched it since.

If my parents would actually support it I'd definitely ask to try flute since I've wanted to for the last 4 years BUT not only would they probably not let me, if it didn't go well they would never let me do anything again and constantly use it against me. Also they would probably make me drop piano to do it (which yes i hate it buuuut I love music and piano is all I have since they also made me stop the singing lessons I was allowed to take for like 1 month and I've also been doing it forever so I'm kind of scared to lose it. if that makes sense.)

(disclaimer by the way. I am aware my writing tone in this whole thing is awful but I'm too tired to go edit it I'm so sorry )

hey piano anon!

from what you’ve said, you’re an amazing pianist and i am thoroughly impressed. i don’t perform or have fancy levels to categorize my playing, i just play for myself most of the time, and that’s enough.

but from what you’ve said, i don’t think you hate piano, but that you hate the environment in which you were raised with piano. first off, your mom kinda sucks, ngl. like i don’t like her. any parent that tells their kid that their hobby or experimentation (like your guitar playing, keep it up btw!) is useless, futile, a waste of time etc., just sucks all around. not to mention the stuff you said about the racism. rancid! but i think the competitive and rigid environment that you grew up in with your brother is the reason why you don’t like piano. from what you’ve told me anon, these issues run deeper than, “i hate piano”, and i would advise doing some reflecting and getting some psychiatric help if it’s available. it’s nice to talk to someone about stuff like this rather than deflecting it with not like piano.

as for your other musical forays, i say keep them up to the best of your ability! keep practicing that guitar, and maybe even ask your dad for help with it if it’s possible! i actually play flute as well, so i was pleasantly surprised to see that you’re attached to that specific woodwind! being a flutist is the music world equivalent of being a horse girl, and it’s absolutely wonderful. i’ve been playing flute since 5th grade, and out of all the instruments i know, it’s been the easiest to master once you get a feel for the technique. perhaps your church has someone who knows how to play and wouldn’t mind showing you some stuff?

anyway, keep everything musical up! always! music is one of the ways that people are able to stay sane, and it saddens me whenever someone violently doesn’t like one aspect of it, for whatever reason. take care anon! and you’re welcome to talk about piano with me literally anytime!

[j-queeni3]

So, I had the worst day ever.

I had a drama monologue to memorise, which I did not do since I've been sick. Miraculously, I managed to memorise it before school and remembered it the whole day. Come to period four and I start to get nervous.

I'm trembling, itching (this happens when I'm really nervous or angry) and I don't realise that I'm about to have an anxiety attack (never had one I my life, anxiety yes, anxiety attack no). I wasn't first to do my monologue so I think the painful anticipation made it worse. When it was my turn my heart was beating really fast and my whole body was shaking.

I went up on stage and forgot my lines and what I was doing, I think everyone could tell how I was feeling because there was a supervisor in the class and she said for me to take a break, go over my lines and I can go again after. While this is happening I'm on the verge of tears and one of the girls in the class saw. She never said anything, but when I sat back down she was encouraging me to make me feel better (everyone surrounding me was but she was the most) and I revised my lines. I managed to say my lines properly and I was ready to go back up. The second I'm back on stage more anxiety. So I did the first half of my monologue and forgot the rest and basically wanted to die.

I'm so happy that everyone was so nice and supportive. I think most people in my class know that I suffer from anxiety but just didn't know how severe it was and could get because when I was on stage the second time everyone cheered me on and clapped for me and one boy started singing "You can do it". Other times when I do drama, which is really good if I say so myself, people always complement me. So that was my day.

I want to ignore today and just start my week fresh on tomorrow since the week just began. I think part of the reason for today was because I was already having a bad day, I was on my period and one of my main friends weren't in so it was bound to end badly.

I want to clarify that I'm writing this as a (somewhat?) motivator to do better in the future and to show how anxiety can be a bitch. I know sometimes people say things about anxiety and make it seem more extreme than it is by their experience or some people think it's not real (my mother used to think that u till I had to do a speech for my class and she saw me crying and staying in bed like a month before it was due but I honestlythink that was just the Caribbean in her). But this and genuinely never happened to me (I mean this badly having and anxiety attack in school infront of a class) so I just wanted to share.

-J-Queeni3

[secretwritingbullshit]

salvation

I was "saved" on 12/11/2023, at 29 years old. I put it in quotation marks as that's the date when I said the prayer and starting changing my habits, however I think Jesus has been in my heart since about May.

I've suffered with anxiety for as long as I can remember. Sometimes, it's nothing more than the basic "what if" scenario running through my head. Other times, though, I'm shaking, crying, and my body feels like it's actually processing premature death.

While on a charter bus with my husband and 50 strangers going an hour and a half into the middle of the jungle in Mexico, I had one of the bad kinds of anxiety attack. I sat in my seat desperately trying not to draw attention to myself, discretely wiping the contact tears and sitting on my hands so no one could see them shaking. Head down, I counted every fiber in my tennis shoe laces to try to ground myself again. It wasn't working. The fire in my chest was demanding to be seen. I also, however, wanted more than anything to not ruin this trip for my husband. We were on our way to see the Mayan Ruins and it was a bucket list activity for him.

I started praying. I don't go to church, I don't pray before meals or bedtime or read the bible at all. I never have. But i don't know what else to do to stop this feeling in my heart, so I pray. "Jesus, please help me. Jesus, please bring me peace in your name. Jesus, please come into my heart for my husband's sake. Please heal me. Please help me. If I am fearfully and wonderfully made, please help me live in this moment and not in the tormented world my head creates for me."

I stopped shaking. I stopped crying. I stopped feeling like I was going to die. The fire in my chest was doused with water. I laughed. I felt peace. My heart felt full. My husband and I climbed up the Mayan Ruins, walked around the jungle, and got followed by spider monkeys. It was truly one of the most amazing experiences. I knew my prayer worked, but I didn't realize how much it had worked.

Not much changed in my life after that, except I thought about God and Jesus a little more. A couple of months later, we were planning a trip to Ireland. I had a nicotine habit that dated back about 12 years. I had quit for a week, a month, even up to a year.. but always wound up with a cigarette or a vape back in my hands eventually. I was nervous about this Ireland trip as I didn't think I was capable of going nine hours on a plane with no nicotine.

Why don't I just see how long I can go today before I cave? I can start gathering data about my addiction, soo how many hours I'm at now, and hopefully work up to going 9 hours by September when we leave. Queue the immediate craving. So I start thinking, how am I going to do this? Praying worked in Mexico- maybe every time I get the craving for nicotine, I think of Jesus instead, God wouldn't want me to be damaging my lungs, maybe I can give this burden to him.

I haven't felt the need to ingest nicotine since. I was delivered from this habit by Him with more ease than I ever imagined happening. My first try just to see how many hours I could go hasn't ended yet, 172 days later.

After I realized those cravings were not coming back, I realized how impactful Jesus had been in my life. Then I had panic set in. Am I only believing Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior because it's benefiting me to do so? Is He serving my needs or am I serving His? I've now had two nearly impossible situations end in the best possible outcome for me, am I really saved? Or just selfish? Will I stop believing once my prayers stop being answered?

A few weeks later, I found myself mindlessly scrolling through facebook reels while I was supposed to be sleeping. Out of nowhere, almost all of those reels were Christian's talking about Jesus. "Micro-learning" they called it. Learning things in minute long videos to hold your attention span. I started talking to my sister about it, who is a Christian, and she told me "Jesus is seeking you out. He's surrounding you with His word, and answering your prayers. He's making an effort to be in your life. You can accept Him, He is seeking you."

That got me. He is seeking me? Is that what this is? I used to say when people asked me about religion that I couldn't choose what I believed. I just didn't believe it all and I WANTED to, but I couldn't help it. He made me believe.

Then I went to a church function with my sister. A women's study Christmas learning event. This was the night I said the prayer and got saved. A few days later- I met with my sister's pastor, Pastor Scott. He asked me about my story and I told him. He asked me very plainly- if Jesus was to come back today- would you be going to heaven or to hell?

This took me back a little, as I still had self deprecating thoughts, I still struggled to forgive myself for all that I had done in my life, and I didn't know how Jesus or God could forgive me for it. I told him yes anyway, as I knew being saved meant I was going to heaven. The FEELING of it just wasn't there yet. He told me to start reading the bible, and to start with John.

I actually started reading- I'm very bad at discipline, but I started reading. I then understood I wasn't only believing in Him because my prayers were being answered. Jesus was showing me He is the son of Father God the same way He showed everyone when He walked on earth. He was leaving the 99 to come get me. He was helping me believe the things I couldn't choose to believe. He was giving me my salvation, and I now FEEL hat it's like to be saved.

I feel the Holy Spirit in me all the time. Pointing out to me when I commit sins that I don't think about. Reminding me to love everyone the way Jesus loves me. Taking care of my body, keeping in His word, and fighting His fight. I have discipline I never had before. I have peace I never had before. It's growing.

So even if you don't believe. Even if you don't feel it, it doesn't make sense, or you are out of escapes. Pray anyway. Over and over, as many times as it takes. And I believe Jesus will change the unchangeable things in your life too. Nothing is too big for him.

[batlingsstuff]

|| DREAM SMP HEADCANON|| Ranboo with Dementia

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

AYYY WHAT'S UP GUYS it's me :) i'm sorry this took so long to make, school is fxcking me over

okay okay now onto the headcanon

this will be pure angst, so be ready boys ;)

also, this is completely platonic.

insp: Everywhere at the End of Time - The Caretaker

TW/CW // anxiety, death, panic attacks, hallucinations, dementia

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

┌────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┐

GENDER NEUTRAL

└────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┘

✦ - STAGE ONE

at first everything was normal, you two were best friends and did basically everything together

he ocassionally forgot little things, like where he left his pickaxe and other stuff

it was harder for him to concentrate so you always were there for him to help him with everythimg, even just little things

and he appreciates it so much

then the behaviour changes, like suddenly getting more angry and/or impatient

and being more cheerful than usual

then the anxiety, he was always scared and one time he had a really bad panic attack

you were absolutely concerned about him and decided to take care of him

you never left his side

he always talked about how scared he was

and ranted for hours

until he forgot about his problems

✦ - STAGE TWO

everything stayed like that for two years, then he started forgetting major things, like people's names

one day you two went to visit your friend, jack manifold

he couldn't remember his name or who he was

you noticed there was something wrong with him, and decided to take him to several hospitals and clinics

after several check-ups you got the results

he was diagnosed with dementia

you cried for hours while he was sitting next to you patting your back, constantly asking why you were crying

he would ask the same question several times, making you cry harder

you moved in with him to make sure he was taking his meds

"why am i taking these, (y/n)?"

'for your own sake'

one day you took him to a walk around snowchester and he looked disorientated, not knowing what was that place

✦ - STAGE THREE

everything was worse, so much worse

he lost his memory book because he misplaced it somewhere, but you don't know where

he had trouble with speaking and stumbled with his words most of the time

tubbo, his platonical husband, came to visit every now and then to check up on ranboo

but ranboo forgot who was him

"your husband? haha oh no, i don't rem...ember getting engaged, i'm sorry."

"why are you crying?"

tubbo stopped visiting after that

he often had problem differentiating colours

one day he was so depressed that he couldn't get out of the bed for two days

after that, he seemed to have trouble recognizing you

'ranboo, it's me, your best friend (y/n)! don't you remember me ranboo? please remember.'

"i... don't know who you are... i'm sorry. i don't even r...ecall having a b-best friend."

you couldn't stop crying

your best friend was slowly losing his memories, and you couldn't do anything about it

i guess it's over, isn't it?

✦ - STAGE FOUR

his memory problems got so much worse, he forgot that water could actually damage him

he was curious about the rain, so he got out one day when it was raining and put out his hand to reach the droplets

he hissed in pain when the water damaged his skin and stormed back inside

hopefully you treated his wounds quickly and told him that it was better if he stayed in bed for now

while he was in bed and you were trying to get some rest besides him, he allucinated about a whole ass wave drowning him and he started to scream, like if he was in pain

you woke up due to the screaming and tried to calm him down, hugging him tightly and shushing him

he calmed down after a few minutes, sobbing loudly and returning the hug

he was scared, he didn't want to die

he couldn't talk at this point, every noise that came out of his mouth was incomprehensible, he was unable to communicate with others normally

you couldn't understand him, he couldn't understand you

your friendship was falling apart with the time

but afterall, you were there for him.

and that warmed his heart, even if he wasn't aware of that.

✦ - STAGE FIVE

he stayed up late multiple times, just watching you sleep or looking at the window, not able to think about anything

he felt like he was disconnecting from reality, like if his soul was slowly leaving his body

everything was foggy in his mind as he started to forget who was he, what was his name and occupation, who were his friends

who were his friends? is a question that he often asked himself

he looked at you one more time while he repeated that question simultaneously

"they're my friend."

he repeated that sentence several times, like if he was reassuring himself so he wouldn't forget that you were his friend.

he wrapped his arms around you while you slept, pulling you in a gentle hug

"thank you."

why was he thanking you? he felt like you were doing something important for him

but he couldn't remember what it was.

and that frustrated him, so he started sobbing uncontrollably

but he managed to calm himself down thanks to the relaxing sound of your heartbeat

he felt like he was dying slowly, but he didn't care about that

he had a friend who cared about him, and that's what matters to him.

✦ - STAGE SIX

ranboo was worse than ever, he forgot how to eat food properly and the basic movements of the mouth to do so

so you had to help him by gently moving his jaw up and down so he could munch the food

deep down his heart, he was thankful.

he didn't understand what was happening to him or who you were, but he knew that you were his friend.

he would randomly start crying, but it wasn't out of sadness

they were tears of joy

he was thankful that you were his friend

as no one else came to visit anymore

so he spend up his last years snuggling with you, always trying to remind himself that you were special.

and he loved you dearly, platonically speaking

✦ - STAGE SEVEN

ranboo couldn't even get out of bed as he forgot how to use his legs properly, not being able to walk

so you brought him food to his bedroom and started talking with him everyday and you didn't care anymore if he didn't answer you

you knew he wasn't able to speak anymore

you even stopped caring about your life, like work and friends

you wanted to spend every single minute with ranboo so he wouldn't be alone in his last days of life.

the days passed by slowly and one day everything ended abruptly.

ranboo forgot how to breathe, his body reacted roughly to the lack of oxygen and started moving his hand uncontrollably

you were beside him scared and paralyzed, watching how the life drained slowly from him

after what seemed to be like a few minutes, he stopped moving

he gasped loudly as he remembered everything; his name, his friends, his origins, his house, his cats, his crown, his husband, l'manberg, his memory book, you.

after that, he whispered his last words:

"(y/n)?"

and boom, he was gone.

gone from this world, forever.

you shaked him in horror, screaming his name multiple times as you cried.

your best friend was gone, and you couldn't do anything about it

so i guess this is it, huh?

✦ - AFTER RANBOO // BONUS

you hosted his funeral and everyone except dream was invited

everyone cried for him, they felt guilty as no one except you were there for him when he most needed it

tubbo was heartbroken, he was in denial and left the funeral early, probably gone to spend time with michael, his son

after that, everyone went home and you noticed that a strange book was lying in your house's entrance

you went to inspect what was it and noticed the book was dusty so you cleaned it to read what the title was

the title was 'DO NOT READ'', you recognized that book as ranboo's memory book

you gasped and stormed inside the house to read it

you sat on a couch and flipped the first page, reading carefully every single page and making sure you didn't skip anything

while you were reading, a small note was found in one of the pages and you started reading it, noticing that his handwriting was more messy than usual

it read: "Hello, if you're reading this then this is embarrassing. I wanted to write out my feelings in this small note because I was scared to talk out this with (Y/N). The thing is: I'm scared. I've been losing my memories and it's scary, I'm scared of forgetting who am I or who are my friends, I don't want to lose them. I know I promised Tubbo and Michael that I would protect them, but I'm not sure if I can keep that promise anymore. Tubbo if you're reading this, I'm sorry, for everything. Things seem to go downhill everytime I forget about things, even if they're just small things like forgetting where is my crown, and I'm scared that I will eventually forget who are my friends. I don't want to lose (Y/N), they're my best friend and I'm not ready to lose them yet. I know it sounds stupid but I just wanted to write about how I feel, goodbye forever Memory Book."

oh no, you were sobbing again.

"why didn't you tell me sooner, ranboo?"

"why?"

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

IT'S FINISHED, FINALLYYyyY Yy YY yes i love angst i love making people suffer

ANYWAYS thank you if you readed all of that shit, also big thanks to my friend moony for helping me with the grammar since i don't do english

moony if you're seeing this i love you /p

ANYWAYS THANK YOU ALL FOR THE SUPPORT!! I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!!!

[morgans-cowbaby]

Hey cowbabies this is for the @rdr-secret-cupid @charlessmithhasmyheart this is for you :)

I really hope you like this one. this is my first time writing for rdr and writing something in another language :O (i will double check my spelling but i apologize in advance if there’s some nonsense down below)

RELATIONSHIP: Lenny Summers X f!Reader

WORD COUNT: 1,549

WARNINGS: A LIGHT MENTION OF BLOOD/WOUND.

fluff with a soft touch of angst (honestly guys i don’t know)

All this running from the law, pinkertons and now this Angelo Bronte guy did you no good. You were tired, Miss Grimshaw had you working non-stop for days since the gang moved, you needed some peace. The swamp air is thick and you're covered in sweat, but still, all you could think about was him. You knew that talking to him would wash all of your worries away. So you sit on a log sewing a pair of old jeans, roaming your eyes around in hope to find him. There he was, sitting in the main room at the old manor house planning a coach robbery with Arthur, Lenny Summers. You were good friends since you joined the gang, he could always tell when you were not feeling ok and he would do anything to cheer you up. One night you woke up having a panic attack, shaking and crying, trying to scream but nothing came out. Lenny was on guard duty but he left it immediately when he saw your situation. Poor boy, he knew nothing about anxiety crises but he did his best to calm you down, and it was that night you finally realised, you are in love with him. Since that night, you’ve been trying to approach him in a flirty and romantic way, but you saw it, you were no dummy. The way he talked with her, you saw every subtle move he made towards Jenny Kirk, and the worse of all, you remember how devastated he got after the blackwater incident.

You didn't hate her, you couldn't. She was so young and you were sure that Lenny would be more than happy to have her by his side right now, but oh well, you can help wishing you were the one he dreamt of.

Suddenly you feel a soft touch on your left shoulder

“They will be fine. I'm sure they have a good plan, and Arthur is our best gunslinger, he will bring your boy back” It was Hosea.

Oh no you were so lost in thought that you didn't notice you've been staring at him for way too long. Did he noticed?

“M-my boy? whatchu' mean Mr. Matthews?” Was it that obvious?

“C'mon now dear, I've seen the way you look at each other. Just like me and Bessie used to do” He says “And you are not very good at hiding it”

“I'm sorry but I don't know whatchu' talking about Mr. Matthews" You can feel your face burn with shame.

“Lenny got his heart broken after what happened, he would never be interested in another relationship" You think to yourself

“Sure you don't”. He says with a soft smile on his lips.

“But I'd tell you, if my Bessie was alive, I wouldn't waste any time” He says while walking into the manor to check that stagecoach robbery plan.

You try to focus again on sewing the jeans in your hands but you just can’t stop thinking about what Hosea just said to you. After all, having a relationship and taking the risk of ending with a broken heart was something you could not afford, not right now. By now, you’ve finished all your chores of the day and decided to watch the beautiful dusk from the balcony, from up there you could see Lenny and Arthur getting ready to leave camp. You have a weird feeling in your gut, like when something bad is about to happen, “What could go wrong? Lenny and Arthur can handle a simple stagecoach robbery” you thought as you walk back to your tent “and besides, they have planned it thoroughly” As you’re getting ready to sleep that weird gut feeling strikes again but you just brush it off, slowly closing your eyes.

Suddenly you wake up to the familiar sound of horse hooves hitting the soft mud, but something is wrong, that gut feeling is back and it’s stronger. You head off your tent expecting the worst but you see them, Arthur and Lenny, getting off from their horses with some cash and valuables in hand. “Well, everything is fine” You thought as your eyes roamed over Lenny’s body and then you finally found out why you had the weird feeling in your gut. Lenny was shot, you froze in place when you saw the big blood stain on his right arm. You ran to him.

“Lenny oh my! What happened to your arm” You said loudly, but not loud enough to wake the camp

"The boy’s gonna be ok Miss Y/N” Arthur said heading inside the manor, leaving both of you alone.

"Yeah, that’s nothing to worry about. I was grazed by a bullet, I’m not feeling any pain” Lenny said gently, while making his way to his tent.

"Please let me take a look. You said grabbing his hand lightly and guiding him to your tent”

"It’s ok Y/N, I’m telling you”. He protests but still, he follows you.

“I don’t want to bother you this late at night”, he says while standing at the opening of your tent.

"Nonsense” You said motioning for him to sit on your cot. He slowly makes his way to your thin cot and starts to roll up the blood soaked white sleeves from his shirt.

"Oh no, this is bad”. You say grabbing the little first-aid kit you kept next to your clothes. “But luckily you won’t be needing stitches”. With iodine and a clean gauze in hands, you lean forward and start cleaning his arm.

"Hey that hurts!" Lenny said as he flinched

"If you keep moving it’s gonna take longer to finish it”. You said holding his arm down

“It’s easy to talk when you’re not the one with medicine on your wound” He says jokingly

“I would never hurt you Lenny” You said while cutting a piece of the gauze to make the final bandage. “I love you actually”. You freeze, you can’t believe you just said that, but you did. And worse comes next.

Lenny had a confused look in his face, his mouth was open but he didn’t say a word. You look away and start to have a panic attack “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT OH LORD WHAT DO I DO NOW?” You thought while wrapping the gauze around his arm as fast as you could, without looking at his face.

“Well, we’re done!” You said basically screaming “You can go to your tent now Lenny, if you need anything I’ll be here” Your legs were shaking but you managed to stand up and walk to the front of your tent.

“Y/N…” Lenny touched your shoulder “You serious?” He asked

“I’m so sorry Lenny I don’t know why I said that. I shouldn't, you’re still in love with Jenny and I’m sorry about what happened to her. But please don’t be mad at me it’s ok you can leave and we’ll never talk about this again” You talked so fast that it felt like the words were pouring off your mouth.

“Y/N calm down… look at me please” He spoke to you so softly, it was almost a whisper. You lift your head up, eyes feeling heavy with tears and cheeks burning like fire.

“It’s true, I loved Jenny and to be honest… I still do, even after what happened in Blackwater.” Your heart sinks as he speaks, the feeling of guilt running freely through your body.

“But she’s gone now”. The sadness in his eyes is slowly fading away. “Y/N, I like you too” Your body is finally relaxing, his reaction wasn’t so bad, was it? He didn’t say i love you back to you, but at least he wasn’t angry.

“And…. umm…” Lenny was the nervous one now “I like you enough to have you as my partner”

“REALLY?” Your heart jumps with joy only to be interrupted as he continues to speak

“But not right now, we have the law and pinkertons on our neck, I just can’t afford to lose another loved one”.

Now what? Your body is burning from embarrassment, eyes feeling heavy with tears again while you open your mouth to say something but your brain is not cooperating, your mind is blank. Lenny cups your face with his calloused fingers and lays his rough lips against yours, kissing you. You were surprised at first, but you kissed him back.

“It’s ok Y/N, you don’t have to say a word. I know you’re feeling confused right now but we will soon be out of this mess” He says as he caresses your face

“Yeah, I heard Hosea talking about a bank robbery, it seems like a good score.” You said while sitting back on your cot

“It better be” Lenny says as he sits by your side and pulls you for a hug “With that amount of money on our hands, we can leave this whole mess” He pulls you again for a passionate kiss, this time you open your mouth and let his tongue in.

“I think we’re going to Tahiti,” You say while letting out a soft chuckle and he slides his fingers through your hair.

“Honestly, I’d be happy anywhere.” Lenny says “As long I have no worries and you by my side”.

[secret-engima]

So I've recently discovered your ffxv aus. I haven't played the game, and it will be at least two weeks until I can play the game because I will be visiting family and away from my ps4, but I adore all of your aus I've read so far. And due to the fact that I've been reading up on them, basically one after the other, and you have all kinds of xovers happening. And I'm curious, how do you think the Galahdians from thrown to the wolves verse would react to Nox and his uncle?

Oooohhhh I hope you have a nice visit with your family and YES GOOD. TRY THE GAME IT’S GOOD.

*cracks knuckles* this is gonna be FUN (and probably long, and probably way angsty).

Short version- TOTAL HORROR.

Long version:

-they- they have no idea how to react. Here is an Ardyn who is, well, on the SURFACE he’s fine, but their Ardyn isn’t that flamboyant and his smiles aren’t that sharp unless he doesn’t feel SAFE and that means this one doesn’t feel safe around them, doesn’t RECOGNIZE THEM as family. He has no braids in his hair and his clothes are not Lazarus make and he calls himself IZUNIA rather than ULRIC or even Lucis Caelum. He stares at them with sharp eyes, his shoulders just a shade too tense to be normal and they- they KNOW Ardyn. Better than this Ardyn knows himself at this point. They can see that he’s a half-step away from drawing his armiger on them if they prove to be a threat.

-And Nox- oh NOX. They do not understand who he is at first. That he is supposed to be REGIS’S child because he’s- idk probably 15 in this mini x-over and so physically only about 8 years younger than the Regis currently staring at him with wide eyes. They don’t understand why he calls Ardyn Uncle and not Grandfather or Sage, but they can see the Arra braid in his hair that is not a marriage braid and that- that makes no sense. Adopted LCs are always given to the Ulrics???

-What do you mean you weren’t rescued as a child, are you not one of those abandoned by the Kinslayers??

-What do you mean you weren’t born in the Citadel or with royal knowledge? You’re an illegitimate? Oh .... okay so who is your father and why is Ardyn your Uncle.

-WHAT DO YOU //MEAN// YOUR FATHER IS REGIS AND HE DOESN’T KNOW YOU EXIST AND THAT YOUR MOTHER WAS ARDYN’S SISTER????????????

-There is- a LOT of rage and grief and horror as they drag the (cover) story out in bits and pieces from Nox and Ardyn even as they bundle them up in the nearest safe place and fuss like crazy over them. The Galahdians know Ardyn’s secret, even if they politely don’t tell this Ardyn that, so they come to believe an adapted version of the cover story.

-They think that Ardyn was never freed. That- that either the Vitae never managed to free him, or WORSE, judging by Nox’s answers to a few of their questions, Vitae, the first Vitae, Ardyn’s child, never survived to reach Galahd. Galahd had no magic. No one was left to Remember Ardyn. No one was left to SAVE HIM. They think that he was LEFT THERE for centuries upon centuries until NIFLHEIM found him, dragged him free and tormented him, used him. Forced some unknown name on him and humiliated him. Their Grandfather, their Sage, the heart of their history, Forgotten and stolen away, driven mad by the Kinslayer’s cruelties and Niflheim’s lies.

-They believe that Ardyn ... found Nox, an illegitimate LC child who was unknown to both Clan and Kinslayers, that even in his madness, the Sage’s Heart reached out to the boy and took him in, even if he treated him horribly at first because of his own traumas. They believe (not ... totally incorrectly) that Ardyn made up the story of Nox being his sister’s son so he’d have an excuse to keep Nox around, keep him SAFE and teach him magic. That it was Nox who tore Ardyn free of Niflheim’s web and has helped patch him together into the man they are meeting today.

-They internally seethe at Nox’s scars, his soft voice and wary flinches, because that leads to a lot of other theories on JUST WHAT his blood family was like to him before Ardyn Claimed him.

-Then Nox whispers of the refugee that took him into the Arra Clan, of a people scattered to the winds and forced to unite under the Kinslayer’s banner and service and all of Galahd WAILS at the realization that they HAD NO MAGIC WHEN NIFLHEIM CAME. THAT GALAHD IN THAT WORLD IS FALLEN because Mors pulled back the Wall and THEY HAD NO MAGIC TO RAISE THEIR OWN. 

 -Regis and Co hover in a nearby corner and Clarus has to physically hold Regis upright because his legs are jello and his heart is SCREAMING at the sight of a son who doesn’t know him, who glances at him with some sort of ... primal fear and regret and longing yet never dares come close or look at him for more than a minute. This child of HIS who wears an Arra braid but is so new to the Clan he barely knows what it means to be adopted. This boy who is covered in scars and underweight, who speaks softly and sometimes stares vacantly into the distance like he’s gotten lost inside his own head and can’t find his way back out.

-This boy who huddles into Ardyn’s side and calls him Uncle, clings to him like he is the only trusted anchor (and in another world, that is understandable, but this doesn’t look like a reaction to being in another world, this looks like HABIT and that means both Nox and Ardyn are so very, very alone.)

-They take the two to their Ardyn, because of course they do. Who better to figure out how to undo the dimensional travel (who best to know how to help these two lost souls who need family and are unaware of all they could have had but lost)?

-Nox and his Ardyn take one look at Sage Ardyn and freeze. They can feel the Scourge still lingering under his skin, weak as it is. Nox’s Ardyn recoils, something like primal terror in his gaze (don’t let it close don’t let it infect not-again-please-not-again) but Nox lunges, ripping free of his uncle’s grip to crash into the startled Sage, grabbing his hands and pulling with his magic. White starfire unspools from his soul, pushes against his skin until it turns to the color of ash and cracks form along his hands-arms-neck-face, like jagged lines of a poorly repaired piece of pottery, his magic gleaming through the cracks like he’s going to come apart under the strain.

-The Sage screams as Nox wraps his magic around what is left of the Scourge in his not-Uncle’s blood and burns it.

-Nox’s scream mingles with the Sage’s as the Scourge writhes into the air, seeking an escape, any escape, and fails. Black dissolves into nothing and Nox crumples, wheezing and shaking as his Ardyn finally snaps out of his horror and catches him before he can hit the ground. Sage Ardyn staggers, wild-eyed and in shock, but ... free. Cured. Clear. All of Galahd surges forward with a cry, worried for their Sage and outraged at the Kinslayer Child who attacked him but Sage Ardyn holds up a hand and they still.

-He stares, in terrible grief and knowing and understanding down at Nox, who isn’t entirely coherent anymore as he shakes and shivers in his Uncle’s arms, and whispers, “Chosen King of Crystal, Bringer of Dawn, Lost Child and Last of his Line.”

-”No,” snaps Nox’s uncle from where he clings to Nox, something desperate as blue eyes meet former-gold-now-blue, “No. He is Nox. Nox Izunia of the blood of Lucis Caelum. Eldest, but not only, son of Regis Lucis Caelum.” There’s something wild in Nox’s uncle’s gaze as he looks up at the Sage, like he’s trying to convey something without actually saying it in front of the assembled Clans, “He is my nephew. No more. No less.”

-And Sage Ardyn, who is suddenly purified, Sage Ardyn, who FELT all of Nox’s power and age and regrets and stubborn, fragile soul in those moments were the Scourge burned away from his veins, Sage Ardyn who saw time unspool and unwind in Nox’s soul and realized this boy is so much more than an illegitimate child (not illegitimate at all, just displaced, lost and cast out of his own fate and time by the power of his own stubbornness and a lot of magic) ... understands what his counterpart is saying.

-Don’t tell them.

-Let us stay secret. Let us stay safe.

-He bows his head in acquiescence and instructs the Clans to house them in the best lodgings they have to offer. To let Nox rest in privacy and peace with his Uncle, as thanks for what he just did. He looks Regis and then Aulea in eye, as if seeing something about them they cannot fathom, then smiles for the Clans and tells them He Is Free. Nox has finished what the Clans started.

-All the Clans celebrate for their Sage, but at the same time they Mourn for the two displaced souls they know they cannot keep. That they must return to their lonely dimension of fractured Clans and too-heavy secrets.

-Regis spends the week it takes them to return lingering nearby Nox and Ardyn, and two days in Ardyn rolls his eyes and invites the man to sit down with them already. Nox eyes this younger, earnest, unbroken Regis warily, but drinks in the time spent with him and Aulea (Nox’s mother, this woman is his MOTHER, if from another time and place).

-After they return home, Regis ... Regis spends a very long time walking the cliffs of Galahd, listening to the wind and ... thinking.

-”Your kid,” Nox had blurted right before they disappeared, his gaze snapping to Aulea and Regis with a strange sort of gleam in his eyes, “If- if you have a son- can you- name him Noctis?”

-”Not Nox?” Aulea had asked while clinging to Regis’s hand.

-Nox had smiled, too sad and fragile for someone so unbelievably strong in magic, “No,” he had answered “I don’t think Nox is going to exist in your world.” As as he faded from that reality, Regis just barely heard him finish-

-”And I hope he never has to.”

-Eventually Regis goes home, eventually he and Aulea do have a son. They name him Noctis.

-And a few years later, when Noctis is still just a child, Ramuh comes to Regis and Aulea while they watch their son sleep and tells them, soft and neutral, that Noctis will be the Chosen King.

-And they both stop breathing as they think of that moment, where the Sage named Nox King of Crystal and Bringer of Dawn. They think of a boy too old for his skin and with magic so strong it threatened to crack him open and turn him to ash and endlessly ropes of scars.

-They think of the words “And I hope he never has to.”

-And suddenly they understand.

-Regis turns to Ramuh, eyes glittering with magic and power and all the towering Rage of a father who has already seen the fate of his child, and rumbles with the power of the Storm, “No. Not my son.”

-Ramuh merely tilts his head, watching placidly as Bahamut’s chains of prophecy shudder and shake before his eyes, “The Scourge must be purified.”

-”Then we will do it. The Clans will rise for War,” snaps Aulea with static in her curls and lightning on her tongue, “The Clans will Rise and Rage and we will purify the Taint together. But Bahamut cannot have our son.”

-And Ramuh laughs softly, as the chains snap and dissolve into nothing before his Sight, and he feels Prophecy come unwound, “Then you have my Blessing to try. You and all who walk the Isles.”

(welp this got stupid long, but hope you enjoy!)

[megthemewlingquim]

Doubts

Summary: You and Loki have a serious conversation about what you believe in.

Pairing: Loki x Christian!Reader

Warnings: Christian beliefs, absolute blasphemy, mentions of God, feelings of inadequacy and doubt, one or two thoughts related to suicide, hurt/comfort

Prompt: Drown by Tyler Joseph. Lyrics from the song will be in bold.

A/N: This is for @kitkatd7 's writing challenge! She's such a sweetheart. The prompt is listed above — it's honestly one of the saddest songs I've ever listened to, and it certainly was a challenge to write this. I can identify and relate to the reader. I basically put you in my shoes. I hope you like this!

All is quiet, but you want to scream.

You feel like you can't breathe, your breath caught in your throat and your wet eyes shut tight, tight, tight —

Though the world around you, including the lover by your side, is silent, your own thoughts attack you. They are not loud but they are frequent.

Do you really think God cares about you? He left you a long time ago. He likes to see you suffer from loneliness and anxiety. He likes it. You don't matter to Him, not at all. Your sinfulness is too great for Him to forgive.

You bite down on your hand to silence your sobs. You barely make a sound — you don't want to make a sound.

You want to die.

You don't want to kill yourself. Dear God, no.

But, hey, if you died right now, and you could escape from your doubts and fears, that'd be fine —

"Don't. Don't say that. Don't even think it."

Oh. He's up. And, even better, he's listening to your thoughts.

"I thought I told you not to do that," you say weakly, not looking over at him.

"They were too loud. Too desperate," Loki whispers. "Turn around, love, let me see you." He's pleading with you.

You comply, turning over in one fast, almost careless motion to look your lover in the face.

"Why — why — why are you thinking like this?" Loki's dumbfounded, stunned. Teary eyed, he tugs you to him, and suddenly you can't keep your sobs away or your arms from gripping onto him for dear life, your knuckles white. You shatter in his embrace, sobbing helplessly.

Loki makes a sound in his throat, a combination of a sigh and a whimper. He grips you to him as well. "What's the matter, my heart? Tell me everything..."

You can't, though you want to. You can't find your breath. All you do for a while is cry as Loki holds you, grateful that he is there.

"Whatever you're thinking," he says quietly, his voice causing low, comforting vibrations in his chest, "all I want you to know is that I love you. I adore you, sweetheart, and if you left..." He draws in a shaky breath. "God, I wouldn't know what I would do... But for now, I will listen to you. All you have to do is talk to me. I can't help you if you don't do that."

You nod, your sniffles becoming more frequent than your cries.

"Now, can we dry those lovely eyes? I can't stand to see you cry." Loki strokes your head, your shaking torso. "Take deep breaths now, love. That's it... Can you talk to me now?"

"Yeah — yeah," you stammer. You're calming down a little, your breaths becoming more even and your thoughts becoming less loud and crushing. It helps some to have Loki's embrace, his kind words and his gentle touches. It helps you know that you're not alone right now, it helps you to know that there's someone next to you to love.

"Okay. Go on. What's the matter with my darling, hmm?" Loki lets go of you a little, holds you a little less tightly. His body remains just as close to yours, though. You, in turn, let your hands fall to the mattress and raise your head a little to look into Loki's eyes.

"I've... I've been having some tr—trouble praying. And — and sleeping. Mostly praying..."

Loki's face softens then.

You were the one to try to help him believe in a God bigger than his world's. Yes, the Nine Realms existed, and they came into being the way he knew, but to you, Earth was created by your God — Who would also have existed as some form of Norse god that Loki knew.

Which is what you tried to tell Loki. Tried.

(Yes, it's confusing, but it's not the issue here...)

Loki was open to believing almost anything, so he listened to your versions of the Bible stories you remembered. He admired the fact that you believed in a very personal God, one that came to Earth to suffer and die for humanity, then defy death and rise again. Fully God and fully man, that's a concept that Loki never understood. But bless him, he tried.

"Oh..." Loki muses. "Why's that?"

"Er — it's just that... on some days... I feel. I feel... lost. I feel... I feel like —" You take a sharp breath. "I feel like God doesn't want to hear from me."

There's a pause. A very uncomfortable one.

"Why — why would that be?" he asks, and he sounds genuinely confused, concerned.

"I don't know," you mutter. "I just think it. I just think that God has turned away, that He doesn't want to be with me and that he doesn't forgive me for anything I've done."

"That's — that's awful," Loki says sadly. "And... I'm sure that's not true... But go on. Anything else that's bothering you?"

"It's just that I do so much, I try so hard to be better, to be what He wants me to be. I wanna be a lot of things. And I fail. I feel like I'm failing miserably, drastically. And then I crash dramatically into a wall I've hit a hundred times before. I fall back into the same mistakes. Then I go to God when I've failed with my choices.

It feels like He doesn't want to forgive me. And I've read stories about how sinning physically hurts God. Like I'm causing him pain. I draw blood. I still ignore the dark red blood stains on the floor. But... I want to go up to Him and ask, "Is the blood mine or Yours?" I'm confused and lost and scared..."

You say all of this slowly, trying to make this as descriptive as possible, for both of your sakes. So that you can better process it and so that Loki can better understand it.

"I don't want to do this anymore," you say blankly.

"It's the guilt," Loki says. "The guilt of sinning."

You nod. "I've just been feeling so alone, so distant from God lately. A part of me just... isn't there. I'm hollow."

"Well, isn't God always with you? That's a thing you told me... He told his followers, 'I am always with you, until the end of the age.'"

"Yeah," you say. "But that's not how I feel. Not all of the time. Sometimes, I'm alright. Other times, I feel so numb and that everything around me is so dark. I'm screaming submission and I don't know if I am dying or living."

"You're speaking in metaphors, love. But I understand. You feel empty. Depressed. Alone."

You sniff, his words sinking in again. The tears resurface.

"All I want is — I want Him to drown me. Dr—drown me in His love. But I never — I never feel worthy of it."

"Oh, no, no, love... No more tears," Loki whispers. "Please, no..." He grips you tighter again. "Sweetheart, I need you to understand something.

"God is with you always, and He sees your pain, okay? You're never alone. Never. And I think what He'd want you to do is talk to Him about it. And... it's good that you feel like you're not worthy, because you're not."

Those words are not what you are expecting to hear. You look up at him, shocked and hurt. "What?!" Your voice tremble.

He gasps, guilt crossing his face. "I didn't mean it like that. What I meant was... you're not worthy, but God doesn't care. Because He died for you. He gave you his grace by that act of love — suffering and dying at the hands of the Romans and the Jews, yeah? He did that for you."

"There's — there's a quote by C.S Lewis that I remember," you say, regaining your mind and emotions. You're starting to feel better, calmer, more helpful. "'When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you'd been the only man in the world.'"

"That's a wonderful thought, my love. Take heart in that. Believe it."

He draws you closer then, kissing your temple. "You're going to be alright. All God wants is to be with you. Don't let your thoughts tell you otherwise. He loves you. He loves you, He loves you, He loves you. And I love you. Oh, my darling, I love you to the ends of the earth. And that is all you need to know."

You sigh, drowsiness suddenly taking you over. "Thank you," you whisper, feeling much better.

"You're absolutely welcome, dear heart. Remember... you're never alone. And God would want you to keep living. Stay alive, because He has better plans for you than this. I promise."

[lavender-lotion]

Heyooo this is too long for the message in the commission but I'm Dani who just bought you two coffees :) , I've been reading your fics and I really like them so instead of just sending a prompt I thought "I'll buy two coffees so can share with someone" ;) so here it goes! Married peter/ned (so around 24 yrs old?) , with NED being presumed dead (most or all of the fics have peter injured but never Ned which really? He's a soft human) so basically angst angst angst hehe (to be continued)

hehe idk maybe the world almost ended and lots of buildings destroyed (including their apartment) and/or the last time someone saw Ned was before tragedy happened idk i'm not really creative. But basically for a few days (or lots of hours) Peter thinks his husband is dead and he can't process/can't deal with the grief. Happy ending tho cause Ned was somewhere or just injured enough he couldn't contact him. Plus Tony/May being his support and maybe finding Ned in a hospital or whatever (tobecont) Anyways long prompt hehe I dont have any social media so just post it to your tumblr/ao3 and I'll check it out :) thank you! Love u lots 

***

and here it is! thank you for the prompt and thank you even more for the coffees! i am Struggling financially lmao so every little bit means so much

***

not all tears are an evil

Teen And Up Audiences | Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings | M/M | Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) | Ned Leeds/Peter Parker | Peter Parker, (Mentioned Ned Leeds), Tony Stark, May Parker (Spider-Man) | Established Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, Grief/Mourning

“Peter, buddy, we found him.”

Read here on AO3 or continue below the cut!

His hands are shaking. He can’t get them to stop. Tony and May have made sure he keeps his sugars up, filling him with fruit and water every few hours. Peter eats and drinks whatever they give him, too numb to protest. He’s—he’s too numb for anything. He tucks his hands deeper into the too-long sleeves of the hoodie he’s wearing, nosing at the collar and taking a deep breath of the familiar scent. 

The last time he’d caught the gleam of metal on his left hand, he’d had a panic attack. 

The monitor in front of him plays the same footage over again. Peter doesn’t notice anything new. He’s been watching the apartment's security feed for...Peter isn’t very good with time right now, but his eyes sting every time he closes them to blink. Probably a while, then. His eyes flick to the other monitor when the video of his building exploding restarts again.

Nothing. There’s nothing there. No one leaves the building for the entire hour before the explosions begin, and no one leaves right before it’s hit and crumples into a pile of useless debris. Ned was at home, studying for a final he had coming up and begging off from the lunch date Peter had asked him on. Peter was only out because his internship with Tony had become official a few years ago, and he had to put in hours when he could. 

They had been in the workshop, him and Tony, when the alarms had sounded. Peter wonders if he’ll ever be absolved of the guilt he feels for not being there, for not being in the apartment, for not being able to protect him when he needed him. 

He doesn’t think so. Peter, Spider-Man, has failed before but...never like this. He’s never lost the one that means the most to him, more than Tony and May and his whole existence as Spider-Man. May’s worried about him even if she doesn’t say it. She hasn’t left him alone yet, not since they all got the threat under control and Peter had swung back to his apartment only to find it gone. 

The next breath he takes shudders through him, but he doesn’t cry. Not after the night he spent sobbing into sheets that didn’t smell right in a bed that was too big and too empty. It hurts, everywhere, a crushing weight over his heart that feels like it’s going to swallow him whole until he’s nothing but grief and despair and longing. 

He deserves it, he thinks idly. He should have been there. He should have gone home for lunch instead of grabbing something with Tony when Ned said he was going to stay in. In his vows, he had promised to protect him till death do they part, but he never would have thought...

Fuck, they’re only twenty-four. 

Peter takes another deep breath and wonders when he’ll stop. It doesn’t feel right for him to be sitting there, heart pumping and lungs filling with oxygen when the only reason he has for waking up every morning is gone. 

“Peter?” Tony’s voice cackles through the comm that is still tucked into Peter’s ear. He hums something in answer, watching the third screen that shows the alleyway behind his apartment as it gets filled with chunks of concrete and broken glass: the remains of his home. “Peter, buddy, we found him.”

“You...you did?” his voice cracks. The words seem far away, distorted. Peter can barely make sense of them. 

“Yeah, Pete, and he’s alive we’re—” The rest is white noise that doesn’t matter as a sob bubbles out of his chest, a loud, broken noise that tears through his throat. May is there in an instant, hurrying into the room and tucking Peter to her chest, and she takes the comm out of his ear while Peter babbles something that doesn’t make much sense. He doesn’t try to listen to what she says, focusing on the familiar smell of her and the strong arm holding him close. 

When she pulls away, Peter looks at her through eyes blurred with tears, gasping for breath as his chest splits back open wide enough to fit an entire lifetime worth of love he thought he’d lost. 

“Peter, baby, they found Ned and he’s alive,” May tells him, hands holding his cheeks and staring into his eyes and Peter breaks down, another cry scratching out of his throat as he gives up and his body slumps forward into May’s arms. Peter doesn’t know anything but the crushing elation in his chest, and three simple words rolling over and over in his mind as he clutches to the only family he had for so long until he got down on one knee and asked for more. 

They found Ned.

***

buy me a coffee for a fic?

[jiwonsssi]

— stress relief, pt. 1

The difference with dealing with that stress is that he smokes, and she cries.

Warnings: smoking, swearing.

Characters: Eun Jiwon/Sandara Park.

Jiwon thinks that all these fashion events are so fucked up. He has been there for two hours and he's already exhausted like hell.

Eyes are blurry from all the of cameras that are everywhere. Everyone has that fucking thing. And everyone thinks that it's their own proud duty to stuck it in his face.

It is his first time attending these kind of meetings and the last. He doesn't even remember why he agreed. Maybe it wasn't even Jiwon who did that; there are too many people who can say 'yes' for him without asking his opinion in the first place.

He suddenly goes back to old days; Jiwon hates it. It was all fun being famous until they started being slaves for a shitty company. And it's nothing different.

He pulls out a pack of Marlboro and sighs.

There is no way he can quit smoking; otherwise he might kill someone out of nerves. He already has that reputation, it's enough fame of being crazy for one person. Although he likes it. It's so much easier that way.

Lightning a cigarette, he leans on a wall not caring about expensive designed jacket. It's just an ordinary black suit. He has something around ten of them. He's even sure that if he would change that one with one that he has at home - nobody would ever notice. And that's the most annoying shit about everyone whos out there trying to make themselves experts.

Fake.

Feeling how the smoke is going down the throat, Jiwon puts his hand in a pocket and looks at the nights skies. He just wants to get home and sleep. Moral exhaustion is taking all the good from him; he's not even tired physically.

Only God knows how much he abhors days like this.

Trying to make himself better in front of people he doesn't even know. It's his work, right?

The music from the afterparty that is still goes on suddenly becomes loud and he looks to the back door in front of him, being a little bit curious. At the end it's not even a place to smoke, he just found the most empty place which happen to be behind fire escape door. Jiwon just got prepare to bicker with anyone who would try to kick him out.

To what he wasn't prepared is for seeing crying woman appearing and then disappearing after noticing him right at that particular door.

His brain proceeds information slowly at first; he even forgets to exhale the smoke and when he coughs a few times, realisation becomes clear - that was Sandara Park and he's in rather, how to say, difficult situation at that exact moment; he's fucked up.

Jiwon hates seeing people cry. It's not about women, but in general. What should he do now? Go after her? Or stay here? Or.. what? She clearly went here to not to 'breath some fresh air', she wanted to be alone. Just like him.

Though she was in tears and that is the most tricky part about the whole thing.

Jiwon curses under his breath and throws unfinished cigarette at the concrete floor. Of course he would follow her. Like hell he would.

He clearly has a soft spot for her.

Just when his hand touches a door knob, metal cracks open, filling almost complete night silence with muffled music. And her sobs.

Jiwon tries his best to not panic. What should he do now? Saying 'wazzup hows it going' is not really a way to go, but he doesn't want to disturb her with that pathetic 'what's wrong? Can I help you?'. The struggle is written on his face when Dara passes him and stops a few meters away.

He should leave her alone. He would more of a disaster than a help. And so he does. Ignoring the increase of her sobs right after he closes the door behind him.

And than Jiwon is standing inside the crowded bar, filled with kind of music that makes him want to throw up with a persistent thought that he hates that place. Everything about it. All that chatting that has zero sense that goes on a loop around him; all the loud fucking music that gives him head-aches; all the people who only cares about image. It's sick.

There is one way for him and he's willing to follow it. Free bar. He's here to enjoy the alcohol and to get wasted. So he guides himself to the holy place when his brain proceeds better than him.

- Can I have a glass of water? And tissues.

He can't let her cry there all alone. Right? Jiwon doesn't think that he would be able to calm Dara down, but offering her some help is a reasonable act of being a nice man.

Jiwon receives what he asked for and goes straight to the back door, passing security guy who gives him a suspicious look and opens that door that now is more like hell-gates again.

- Hey, I..

He stops mid-sentence, seeing her on her hunkers with face covered by palms, while her bare shoulders are shaking violently. He doesn't even hear her sobs at this point; she's just shaking and.. it breaks his heart.

Putting a glass on the floor and tissues in a pocket, Jiwon is beside her in a second, getting down as well.

- Are you in pain? Sandara, come on, stand up, I'll help you, - he's not even sure if he can call her by her name. She reacts quickly with putting her hand in palm that he offered to help her ro stand up.

He really though that she was crying because she was hurt. But now, when he can see her trying to wipe her tears, he realises that she, in fact, isn't. Dara is exhausted. Again, just like him.

The difference with dealing with it is that he smokes, and she cries.

- I'm okay, - voice turns out to be crooked and unstable. Somehow Jiwon sees her in a perfectly new way now.

He doesn't like her crying, of course, he's not that kind of crazy. Jiwon remembers her as smiling and always hyped-up woman who invited him to one of the best dates he had ever been. It was so distant for him - thinking, that she really likes him and his hobbys just as they truly are. They, other women, always try to change him; his life-style and interests. So when she planned the perfect food and activities for him, he was.. more than impressed. Touched, even. And she enjoyed it as much as he did. Jiwon would never forget how happy she was.

And now he sees her crying her heart out because of stress. It breaks his heart as well.

Basically that is the thing that he finds the most troublesome.

- If you say so, - persuasion is not going to end well and so it's better to stuck with keeping a distance right now. He doesn't want to invade her space more than he already did.

- I'm sorry, I.. I didn't know you were here and thank you also, I just.. - she even tries to bow to him and Jiwon stops her immediately, being as gentle as he can let himself to be, putting his hands on her shoulders. Touching her now might be really offensive. Crying people - really hates it.

- It's alright, no worries. I've got you something, - he goes for a glass that he left on a floor and puts it right in her hand, making sure it won't slip, - You look like you are going to have a badass photoshoot with all that mascara situation on your face..

Jiwon finds it funny and adorable. Dara doesn't.

And so the glass she was holding of course slips out of her fingers and with a loud crack it breaks, water splashes, Jiwon curses and Dara closes her face with hands and cries again. Just ten times harder.

- I'm sorry, oh my fucking God, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it, please, I'm an idiot, please, - he continues to repeat the same things over and over again and he's panicking. He looks like a monkey now, desperately trying to make her look at him without touching her hands. He's in a scariest panic he had ever been for a past few years.

He's in a full panic mode, yes, but he didn't want anybody to interrupt them. Jiwon is not sure how to accept that he wants to deal with it only by himself now.

- Come on, I've got tissues if you didn't like the glass, - he pulls out some and steps on broken pieces, - See? Bad glass. Never gonna give you any glasses anymore.

He does it again a few times and she softly giggles through sobs and did that feel like a heart attack? Because he surely had one.

- Yeah, glass was kinda gross, - she jokes back and he doesn't bother to hide his smile. He's happy for no reason and it right after he made a woman cry. Crazy one, indeed.

Dara calms down just a little and then takes tissues out of his palm and he clearly can see tears streaming down her face.

He's so used to see her smiling. Jiwon just hasn't ever had an idea that she can be sad too.

- I didn't want to hurt you, for real. I'm sorry, - Jiwon feels bad. He really does. It's even funny how he nearly shitted his pants when she continued crying after his stupid joke.

- It's not you, it's okay, - she wipes her face carefully trying not to ruin that was left from make up that she had and Jiwon traces all of her movements, feeling like he's under some spell. It's almost soothing, - I just thought about how it's funny that I was trying to talk to you the whole event and end up ugly crying right in front of you.

Her smile is so sad and Jiwon is just silent. He doesn't know what to do, nor say. There is emptiness in his head and he tries to inhale fresh air deeper to make his brain work already.

He takes one of the tissues and slowly puts her hands down, with that strange dazing feeling inside still being present. Like all the smoke is now moved to his head.

Carefully wiping her cheeks, he follows now his fingers with a gaze and his main mistake is giving zero fucks about how shaking is she.

And she's going crazy.

- You look stunning, - he looks her in the eyes to finally realise that one of his hands is on the side of her neck, pressing firmly against now warm skin and with the other he tries to wipe mascara from her face.

And she blushes so fucking hard, he doesn't know what to do with himself.

Jiwon has enough experience to say that that's where the kiss is happening. But judging by expression on Dara's face if he would even try to do it, she would fain.

First of all, he finds it shitless cute.

Second of all, what the fuck he's even thinking about?

Because he's suddenly not exhausted anymore. He forgot when he stopped thinking about himself and started caring about her.

- Thank you, - her tone is high-pitched and Jiwon smiles like crazy looking at her chin, nodding, silently saying that is no need to be thankful. It's an absolute truth.

Another tuth needs to be relieved - Jiwon is a sucker for moments like this. Yet he stopped paying attention to relationships quite a time ago, so now that long forgotten sensation is impossible to ignore.

He feels twenty years younger. And he was wild during that time.

- How can you still look attractive while crying? - making her blush is basically his favorite thing now. It's natural to be attracted to someone like her.

- Don't say that, oh my God, - Jiwon laughs when she turns her head on the side to not to look at him and smiles just so brightly, yet shy and.. happy. After seeing her drowning in tears, it feels amazing. And his hand still on her soft skin; her heart beat is erratic. Violent. Because of him.

Another heart attack for him.

- It's true tho, - she looks perfect. She was shining in front all that lights before; in front of everyone. It's not about expensive dress or make up. He knows that it's about her attitude. She's naturally beautiful. From the inside, as they like to describe it.

- You too, - she turns again to look at him and her lips are slightly pursed and.. He's going to die, how can a woman be looking that hot, stunning and pure at the same time? And she cried, like, two minutes before and now not even in her best state, - You also is very handsome today. I know that you don't like hearing it, but.. I'm..

She's panicking and Jiwon, being his bastard self, doesn't want to help her. Even tho he feels like his hands are getting colder like he's some teenager.

- You..? - he looks directly in her eyes, stepping a little bit closer, so close he can feel her breath on his skin; now looking at her with curiosity and open adoration. Jiwon adores her. And he didn't even drink today to have that type of feeling.

- I didn't mean that you look nice only today, you always do! - her embarrassment is written on confused flushing red face. Has he squeaked? Hopefully not.

- Okay, - smirk spreads by it's own will and he licks his lips, not caring about what's going on. Or how it looks. The only thing that's important for now is how she looks at him; he can swear no other woman had never had that pure interest in him in her eyes.

He's gone for. Thoroughly.

- Want me to give you a ride? - he proceeds what he said just after a moment she understands what he had just, in fact, said and now it's his turn to be in panic, - Fuck, no! Oh God.. home. I want to drive you home.

Or not.

Oh, God.

Dara giggles after a moment of silence and wide open shocked eyes; the next thing he feels is her tiny hand on top of his. Her delicate touch got him growling inside and he feels something that he wasn't actually physically ready to feel.

- I'd love to, - and she's elegant all of sudden. Dara plans a murderous assault on him or what? It's illegal, - Ask me that question again when we get home.

Because now she's gone for.

[myguccifiedwig]

•° In a tribe, 1270. °•

She's walking around the tribe, fulfilling her duty as a leader and making sure everything is going where it must be, pushing down every ounce of pain from the past month and letting life do its thing. Something like that.

"Mrs. Diana!"

She heard from her back. Oh god, what now?

"Hey! Um, how have you been?" The combatants' leader, Timothy, said with his best friend, Ben, at his heels.

"Um, could be worse," She replied truthfully, "how's the training going? Hopefully our little heroes are gaining their strength!"

"Oh, yeah, they're doing wonderfully! Big men, they are," He said, almost... Guardedly?

Her suspicions were answered when Tim started scratching the back of his neck and gave a quick glance at Ben, who hasn't spoken a word, Diana noticed.

"Um, are you free at the moment?" Tim asked slowly.

She looked at him quizzically before answering, "I'm just walking around, so, yes,"

"We have somewhere we want to take you," this time it was Ben who spoke up, "have to,"

"Oh..." She studied their faces for a second. Tim and Ben were um... Louis' best friends. Her now dead husband. Ex husband. Who no one knows where his corpse is, some believing that he was burnt to ashes while on a mission, which... Isn't something she necessarily likes to think about. They only found his ring, which she has now worn every single day of those two months of him being gone.

She trusts Tim and Ben. How could she not? They're what she likes to think as what she has left from Louis. So she follows her heart.

"Um, alright," she nods to herself and snaps up at them, "yeah, where do you want to take me?"

Timothy looks around with a serious look on his face before turning back to her, "We kind of can not tell you, you'll have to find out for yourself,"

"Should I be worried...?" She started getting very suspicious.

"We really have no time, this is really important, just get yourself and your horse ready, we're leaving in ten minutes," Tim excludes impatiently and throws his giant axe, that she has no idea how he lifts, over his shoulder and the two start walking towards horse stable.

She's left staring after them before she sighs,

"Okay..."

••••••••••••••••••••

"Guys, we have been on the road for three hours, where the fuck are you taking me?!"

She's getting impatient, if you can't tell.

"Nearly there, Di, just be patient," Ben answers with another frustrated sigh.

"Since when have I been So?!" She furrows her eyebrows at him.

"Louis never told me how annoying you are..." Ben whispers.

"Hey!" She quickly got riled up, "he-"

"we're here!" Timothy announces loudly, cutting them off.

"Um..." Diana looks around confusedly, "where?"

They ignore her question and get off their horses, to which she huffs exasperatedly before following their steps.

They tie their horses to a tree before Timothy turns to her.

"This is it, just go inside that cave over there." He points to where it is exactly.

"What, why?! Where are you guys going?!" She stares at them incredulously.

"Can you just go already?" Ben asks fake-sweetly.

She glowers at him before turning to Timothy, who was watching them tiredly before talking.

"we'll be right out here, we're not going anywhere."

"How do I know I'm not going to be killed?"

"Because you trust us,"

"No, I don't"

"What's going on here?"

A new voice joins in.

Ben grins, Diana freezes.

"Hey, man, she's right here. Tough to handle, that one is, don't know how you do it," Ben comments.

She doesn't have time to think of a comeback because the laugh she hears is so familiar.

So, so familiar.

She abruptly turns around and stares.

"Who is that?" She asks slowly. "Stop fucking with me, why am I here?"

"What do you mean, you don't know who that is?" It was Ben's turn to be confused.

She is fuming.

"You guys brought me all the way here, just to make me see a man who looks like my dead fucking husband? For what? Do you even know how cruel it is to-"

"Dee," The man frowns, "It's me, Louis,"

She looks around at everyone and tears pool in her eyes.

"Get away from me, who is this, it's not fair to play with someone's feelings like that,"

The guy finally comes close enough for her to see his features. Man, he looks just like Lou, she thinks.

She shakes her head and takes a step back when he got too close for her liking.

"Who are you?" She steadily keeps the eye contact.

A hand on her shoulder abruptly shakes her out of her trance, and she turns around to see Tim's pitying eyes,

"Trust him, trust us,"

She looks back ahead distrustfully and doesn't move when the man takes another step closer.

Not when he gets close enough to raise his hand and caress her cheek carefully.

To the point where she got cross eyed trying to keep eye contact.

"Figured it out yet?" He whispers.

She feels woozy.

Her once confused teary expression turns into an angry one in a split second and she abruptly moves away.

"You... How could you?!" She's mad.

"You made me think you were dead... You made us think you were dead! You know how much crying I've done these past two months?! They've all been for absolutely nothing! My heart feels like it's torn in half you bloody dick!" She gives his chest a strong push to express her anger even further.

"You have to listen to me, Dee, just give me a chance to-"

"You think you have the right?! I've been trying to manage double the work all on my own while you're hanging out in your bloody cave?!"

He sighs frustratedly.

"No, I've not just been hanging out in here, there's a lot to explain, just... Can I just hug you? I missed you an awful lot,"

Her face falls and she stands there limply before hugging him tightly, "of course I missed you, I just really hate you right now,"

He laughs and kisses the crown of her head before she adds, "But like, you told them but didn't tell me?! I have no idea how you even like that Ben guy, he's insufferable!"

"Hey, I'm right here!" Ben crosses his arms and huffs, but Tim was too busy grinning at the scene while patting Ben's back a little too hard.

"Let's go inside, there's a lot to explain to this feisty one," Louis smiles and beckons all of them inside.

"Nah, I'm saying here, I'm not gonna be close to her any longer," Ben refuses.

"We'll just go back, you guys make up for the missed time," Tim winks at Louis unsubtly, to which he laughs at.

"Alright, lads, see you tonight," He waves them good-bye while Diana stands there confused.

"Tonight?"

"Get inside, I have to clarify a lot of things."

•••••••••••••••••••••

"So they basically left my ring to make you guys believe I'm dead, which would obviously cause havoc,"

"I know we're in war, but... What do they get from that?"

"Me,"

She snorted, "Yeah, 'cause you're the best one out there, huh?"

He made an affronted noise and hit her shoulder jokingly, "You make me sound so selfish,"

She laughed at him and gestured for him to continue from her place next to him on the ground.

"They um..." He raised his right hand, "did this,"

She reached out to hold his bandaged hand but immediately retracted it when he winced.

"What did they do?" She frowned.

"Um..." He hesitated for a moment, "it doesn't matter,"

"Lou," she looked at him pointedly.

"They hit a nail into the middle of my palm," he squeezed his eyes and said it in one quick breath.

It was silent for a while.

"What...?" Tears pooled in her eyes as she picked up his hand, a lot more gingerly this time, "Lou, that's... I can't imagine that, I don't want to,"

He sighed, "You really wouldn't,"

"When was it?" She asked after giving it a little peck.

"About... Three weeks ago? I still need to reach out to Chris to make me something that can help me hold a sword without it hurting, that's Ben's mission for today, trying to get him to get him all this stuff without him knowing I'm still alive,"

"Why are you still hiding, love? I don't see the point,"

"I'm running away from them, still, I kind of escaped from the place with the help of another victim, they might have attacked the entire tribe if they knew I was there," he explained.

"Right..." She sighed.

He leaned his head back against the wall and smiled warmly at her.

"You okay?"

"I missed you..." She looks up at him, "Your mum is heartbroken, you sisters, everyone is, they think our tribe is going nowhere with just me in charge,"

"I know it could've went just fine if I were to pass away,"

"Shut up," she looked up from his hand on her lap to look him in the eye, "don't mention you dying anymore, I hate it,"

"Okay," he smiles before turning a little more sad, "and uhm, about my family, I miss them a whole lot and I feel so bad for doing this, but I can't have you telling anyone just yet. We need to keep this a secret until the coast is clear, we're going to attack their base tonight, Ben, Tim and I,"

"With this hand?!" She looked at him like he had two heads, "Lou, you can't just hold a sword with it,"

"I really wanna go home as soon as possible," he looked at her guiltily, "it's why Ben's getting me something to keep my hand in tact,"

"And if it doesn't work?"

"I... Guess I'll have to wait until it's safe to hold a sword,"

She thought silently for a moment and made a decision.

"I'll go instead of you,"

"What?! No! No way! This is my problem, I'm gonna fix it!"

"Ours, love, ours. I do know how to use a sword, you know that right?! It's what made you fall for me," she smiles.

"I fell for you because of so many things," he says, "either way, no,"

"It's safer, Lou, they don't know who I am, we could finish them off and none of them would know we're with you,"

"I made up my mind, it's a no," he looked to his side with a serious look on his face.

She sighed.

••••••••••••••••••••

"Alright, stay safe,"

"You're one to say,"

He sighs.

"I promise, we just need to finish off the big guy," he makes quotes with his hands, "then I'll be right back home,"

Her expression softens, "promise?"

"pinky promise," he loops his pinky around hers, a small gesture at which makes both of them smile wide.

"Horses are ready!"

"That's my cue, I guess," she gives him a disappointed smile.

He gives her forehead a small peck just because.

"Love you, don't do anything stupid," he gives her an accusatory finger but quickly retracts it because of course she's going to try to bite it.

"Love you more," she gives him a lopsided smile behind her back and heads off home with Ben and Tim, much to her dismay.

An hour into the trip, she turns to Ben.

"Hey, Ben?"

He keeps looking ahead, "Hm?"

"I want to ask something,"

"As long as it's not about tonight, sure,"

"Well..." She trails off, "what if it is?"

"Then I wouldn't really answer your question, anyway,"

"Ben," she whines, "I could help,"

"Louis gave us strict orders not to talk to you about it," he recites sternly.

"Look, I won't come on my own, I'm not that stupid," she explains, "I'll gather a good amount of combatants and we'll come as reinforcement,"

He seems to consider it for a moment, "I don't know..."

"Just tell me the base number, I promise, I won't do anything dumb," she insisted.

"Main base," he says after a moment and purses his lips when Tim gives him an unsure look, "Main base, just... Please don't get us in trouble for this,"

"You really think the three of you could attack a whole base? The main base? With Louis's fucked up hand?"

"We talked to him about it, stubborn as a mule, he is," Ben mutters.

She laughs knowingly, "The one trait we share,"

"Don't know how the two of you get along so well,"

"I still have no idea,"

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

"You ready lads?" Louis announces.

"We sure are," Tim answers, "How're you and your hand doing?"

"Not the best," he purses his lips and tries to stretch his fingers out, "But we can do this, we have to,"

"Lou, you said you'd wait if it weren't healed enough," Tim tries, "you know this won't be easy,"

"It's not impossible to use it, so we're going for it," Louis becomes impatient, "I miss my tribe, gotta get back to my people,"

Tim sighs and heads towards his horse, "yeah, alright,"

He really hopes Diana stays to her word.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Alright, most of them are asleep, we can take them guards down," Louis whispers to his friends from where they're crouching down behind some bushes.

"What happens after that?" Ben whispers back.

"We just have to get to Noah's tent and do what we have to do,"

"Wow, great plan, Lou," Ben deadpans, "we won't kill him in his sleep, right?"

"If we have to, yeah, but I'd prefer not to either,"

"Alright," Tim looks at both of them, "Ben and I will take those two down, they're blocking the main entrance. We take them down and get in disguise with their clothes, it'll make it easier for us to blend in,"

"That's what I call a plan!" Ben grins.

"Yeah, yeah, sure," Louis waves them off, "Just do everything without me,"

"You can't fight with this hand Lou," Tim explains quietly, "you will if we need you to, yeah?"

"Yeah, now go, we have no time,"

Ben and Tim share a nod and approach the guards from each side, elbowing the backs of their necks and succeeding in making them pass out.

They go through the process of changing into their clothes and hiding their bodies before turning back to Louis.

"We don't know what to expect behind that gate," Tim points out.

"We'll just have to find out, then," Louis stands up.

"Wait!" Ben grabs him behind, "You can't just get in like that, you don't even have the clothes on, they're gonna recognise straight away,"

"Right..." He realises, "Well you go in before me, I suppose, and call for me when the coast is clear,"

They nod before finally standing up and going inside.

It's been five minutes. Louis counted. He's worried.

That's why he stands up and peeks behind the gate doors.

"So what might two Turkish idiots want from a place like this, huh?"

Ben and Tim are cornered. Fuck.

"Answer me!"

"I'm not saying a word,"

"Now's not the time to act all heroic, Tim, please, you literally could've made up a good lie right here,"

Louis sighs. Idiots.

And so he does what a fellow idiot would do and joins them inside. They pretty much have nothing to lose, literally every guard is there.

He steps inside and immediately grabs all the attention, but what grabs all of his is the person standing on the side that he didn't see.

"Well, well, well, look who we have here,"

He narrows his eyes, "Noah,"

A guard grabbed him straight away and there he stood next to his friends with a sword to his neck. This isn't going well.

"I sometimes really question you Turks' stupidity, and honestly, this answers my question," Noah grins and steps forward until he's right in front of Louis, to the point where Louis had to cross his eyes to look at him.

"How dare you dishonour my people like that," Louis glares at him the best he could, considering the proximity of their faces.

Instead of an answer, Louis receives a kick to his stomach.

"How's you hand?" Noah smirks.

"Shut up," Louis just focuses on not crying out loud from the pain.

Noah takes a step back to pick Louis's limp hand covered in iron and laughs loud, "Wow, so efficient,"

He drops it to the floor next to where Louis is sat, which causes it to start throbbing bad.

It doesn't help that he steps on it after that. Louis screams from the agonising pain.

"Tie them to the gallows!" Noah walks back and forth, "It's been a while since we've had a party,"

Louis thinks hears everyone cheer, but he's too busy focusing on the crippling pain while being dragged to the bloody gallows.

••••••••••••••••••

"Fast guys, we have no time to waste! Tie you horses to the trees and move fast!"

Diana manages to gather thirty combatants I'm total without getting caught, although her mother in law was a bit suspicious.

"Where have you been dear? I haven't seen much of you today,"

"I have some work to do outside the tribe, I'll be back before you know it!"

She didn't actually lie, did she?

She's worried sick. They're forty minutes late for the time Tim and Ben gave her, and the possibilities are endless.

"Go, go, go!" She whisper-yells and beckons them on by one to surround the different gates and be ready to get inside as one.

She looks around to check, but she doesn't see anyone outside. That's not necessarily a good thing.

She sighs and turns to everyone around her.

"On the count of three, and soon as I put my hand into a fist, everyone with swords is going to jump out behind me and get in there. The ones with bows are gonna stay behind the bushes to cover us, have we got a deal?"

Everyone nods. That's enough, she guesses.

"Three... Two... One... Go!"

And the mission starts.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

All three of them are tied to gallows. How did they reach this point.

"The one and only, Louis William Tomlinson, the hero of the Turkish empire! Tied to gallows," Noah walks back and forth and Louis's eyes follow his moves coldly, "All because of me!"

Louis turns to his boys to find them watching the entrance nervously. Weird.

"Psst,"

"Hm?" Tim hums back.

"You waiting for someone? You didn't tell anyone did you?"

Tim snorts, "I wish I did,"

"Then-

Louis was cut off by Noah's words.

"Why let's start," He gets close to Louis's face again, always gets on his nerves, "shall we?"

Everyone cheers and Louis swallows nervously. Guess it was the right thing to make them think he was dead, then.

Pull! Pull! Pull! Pull!

He pulled.

He was losing consciousness. This was it, then.

Except, was it?

He saw... A flying sword?

He's definitely dying.

Cut.

In one swift move he falls to the ground with a thud.

"Go!"

What is going on?

He looks up to see Tim cutting the rope around his neck hastily with a knife and in seconds he felt the relief of it being off his neck.

He looked up and blinked a few times to try and figure out what's going on, and god damn it, that little shit.

He grins.

"Lou? You alright?"

"Yeah, Tim, I'm good, let me just," he tries to stand up, but putting the weight of his body on his hand failed him miserably as he fell right back to the ground, "yeah,"

"I'm gonna carry you out of here, just wait for us to be done with this, we'll be done in no time,"

"No!" Louis refuses, "no, I wanna help, just... Just help me up, please?"

"I don't think-"

"Fucking lift me up, Timothy, I chose to be here and I'm gonna fight,"

Tim sighs after a moment and helps him up.

"Please don't make me regret this,"

"You won't," Louis assures while looking at the scene in front of him with dark eyes. He missed this.

He opens and closes his hand around his sword handle, he can do this.

One last breath, and he's pulling it out of its scabbard.

And he fights. He kills two people but his hand feels tired so he stands to rest it, but-

"Watch out!"

He looks ahead and that same flying sword comes hitting a guy's skull.

[inlovewithmobtom]

Tainted Love (Ver. 2) - Chapter 6 ~ Part 1

Pairing: Mob!Tom x OC Reader AU

Word Count: 2.2k

Credit to: @thwiparkers who made the awesome moodboard to go with the Selene version perfectly. Love ya Rae and thanks so much!

———————————————————————————————————

Selene’s P.O.V.

The next week…

As Selene woke up every morning, noticing that Tom's presence was always missing, meaning he didn't plan on coming back to the apartment the night before everyday.

Selene slowly got out of bed tiredly and made her way to the bathroom turning on the lights to see the state she was in.

Her eyes were dark and puffy having cried every night. Her face and body were incredibly pale from not seeing the sun for many days. But she always took a shower and brushed her teeth everyday because she couldn't let herself not do so.

After taking a shower and brushing her teeth, she dried off and got dressed. She then made her way into the kitchen and made herself some breakfast.

All of a sudden as she was making breakfast, she heard the front door open to see a disheveled Tom stumble in.

“Hi Babygirl! I've missed you so much.” Tom whispers softly as he attacks her in a bone-crushing hug and inhales her scent through her hair.

Selene immediately tenses up and stares at him in tears of frustration then sniffles and slowly removes herself from him.

Selene immediately felt repulsed by Tom. She couldn't even stand to look at him. “Where the fuck have you been Holland?” Selene looks at Tom in anger and frustration as tears stream down her cheeks.

“I had important stuff to do, I'm sorry I left you baby without telling you, I just didn't want to overwhelm you. Can you forgive me?” Tom wraps his arms around her waist and pouts playfully as he gazes his bloodshot eyes into her red eyes.

“Come on baby I don't want to fight, I wanna spend the whole day with you. What do you say?” Tom presses gentle kisses on the back of her neck tenderly and lays his head on her shoulder tiredly. Selene closes her eyes as she tries not to lose control of her emotions and nods quietly as tears stream down her face in anguish.

“You’re giving into his lies again, my love. What makes you think he means it this time? He’s only gonna hurt you even further.” Devlin whispers in Selene’s ear coldly causing her spine to shiver as Devlin gazes at him darkly then stares back at her.

Selene sighs softly shaking her away as she serves him in silence and then they both eat quietly on the couch watching tv.

Tom then finishes eating and sets his plate down on the coffee table before sitting back against the couch. He then begins to scoot closer to Selene and trace lines in her skin before he slowly starts to kiss her neck seductively.

“Tommy what are you doing?” Selene asked with a slight hint of annoyance as she gazed into the tv trying to concentrate.

“Nothing… unless you want me to go further.” Tom whispers seductively and begins to kiss her jawline as he watched her for a reaction.

Selene sighed and moaned in relief then immediately snapped out of it and pushed him lightly off her. “Not right now Tommy, we're supposed to be watching a movie.” Selene sighs softly as she ran her fingers through her hair then stared back at him.

Tom nodded then faced back towards the tv and went back to watching the movie.

In the middle of the movie, Tom gets up and stands behind the couch above Selene and begins massaging her shoulders and neck.

Selene moans lightly in pleasure as he massages her neck and shoulders. As she closing her eyes, she slowly feels his hands immediately go to her chest which causes her to gasp and pull away.

“Thomas! What is up with you?!” Selene shakes her head at him and crosses her arms over her chest.

“Baby I'm hungry please.” Tom whimpers as he comes over to her on the couch.

“Then go get something from the fridge. There's plenty of food here.” Selene points to the kitchen.

“That's not what I'm hungry for babygirl. Feel how hard I am for you baby.” Tom whimpers and grabs Selene’s hand, putting it on his massive hard-on which only causes her to blush hard.

“Oh my god, why?!” Selene groans and sighs in frustration. “Babygirl please, I need you so bad I'm gonna burst.” Tom whimpers more and begins to slide her into his pants as his eyes roll back in relief.

Selene gasped softly as she realized her hand was on his hard member and felt it twitch ever so often.

“Sellie, just fuck him and get it over with. My fucking god this guy is needy.” Devlin lights a cigarette and inhales deeply before blowing the smoke out in annoyance.

“Devlin don't pressure her!” Angelina growls at Devlin while Devlin blows smoke back into her face.

“My love if you don't want to do anything with him, don't. Have sex when you want to. You have sex when you feel more comfortable honey.” Angelina whispers gently as she caresses Selene’s cheek and holds it gently.

“Cut the shit Angelina! Selene do what you want, and I have a feeling that you wanna fuck him so just do it!” Devlin laughs as she smokes.

Selene snaps back into reality and decides to give into him by kissing him deeply and heatedly as she begins pumping him.

“Mmmm, babygirl keep going.” Tom breathes out and moans as he throws his head back in delight.

Selene smirks devilishly and continues to do so as she kisses his neck, but little did Tom know that her enticing vixen act was all a facade. Selene wanted sex, but not the way he wanted it.

She kept going acting like the sultry seductress she wished she could be until she eventually down on him. As she was taking him in, she acted like how she imagined what Ginger would act like but she hated doing this. But it got him off.

After going down on Tom till he eventually came in her mouth, Selene swallowed with no feeling. Soon after, they became naked and ended up fucking on the couch roughly and animalistic, but deep down Selene felt disgusted with herself and Tom by doing this. It didn’t feel natural and she didn’t love it.

Once they had finished, Tom was of course in awe of her “changed ways” and cherished her for the rest of the week....

———————————————————————————————————

Tom’s P.O.V.

Tom before coming back to Selene spent the week with Ginger, his ever so present vice that cripples him as much as the alcohol and drugs do regularly.

The funny thing is that it wasn't that Tom didn't mind or care about not seeing Selene… all he saw was the addictions he needed to just keep him going.

In all honesty, Tom knew he couldn't settle down, especially with Selene. Ginger was his perfect obedient girl who would stand by his side no matter what whereas with Selene, she was stronger than Tom and that scared him…

———————————————————————————————————

Tom slowly got up from Selene’s bed trying not to wake her as he quickly and quietly put on his clothes trying to leave as quickly as possible.

Tom’s guilt was slowly eating at him but on the darker side of him, he didn't care. He didn't care leaving her. It was always only him in his mind. His will to survive.

And before he knew it… He was right where he was a week ago, drunk and high as a kite fucking his sweet little redhead Ginger. Not caring about the consequences of his actions.

———————————————————————————————————

Seven weeks later...

Selene’s P.O.V.

Selene barely left the apartment for she was brought into a very dark place by Tom. She never thought she would ever return back to this place again after the last time. Selene barely ate nowadays to the point where all she did was shower and sleep.

Selene began to slowly hate and despise Tom as the days went by. Just the mention of his name made her blood boil and stomach churn.

At this point, he had been wiped off the face of the earth and not even Jamie or Harrison knew where he was. No one knew where he was and eventually everyone gave up.

As for Jamie and Harrison, they never gave up on Selene. Basically they were hawks on Selene watching over her making sure she didn't harm herself. But they saw how tarnished she was from him and that's what broke their hearts.

———————————————————————————————————

Selene immediately shot up out of bed as she felt herself drool which caused her to sprint in the bathroom and vomit harshly into the toilet. After she finished emptying her stomach, she began to cry hard knowing exactly what was up.

She was pregnant with Tom’s baby from their last intimate encounter. She had noticed her slowly growing belly and she didn't know what to do or how to feel. She knew she was gonna keep the baby but she knew she wanted her baby away from Tom and his toxicity.

“Oh my darling! I'm here my love. I'm here.” Angelina ran over to Selene and held her close as she wiped her mouth then stroked her hair.

Selene cried into Angelina chest gripping her close as she shook in fear and in pain.

“Words cannot express how sorry I am my love. You deserved so much better and do deserve better. But my love, you've been given a gift that'll change your life for the better. This baby is an absolute miracle. Because once you have this baby, you'll have and feel a love you've never had before.” Angelina whispers softly as she strokes Selene’s hair gently.

“I don't want him to ever see me again. I don't ever want him near me or my baby ever again. He'll only bring us pain.” Selene cried out rubbing her belly that would soon grow.

“You're better off without him love. He never deserved your heart or time of day. And he doesn't deserve to get to know your baby.” Angelina caresses Selene’s cheek tenderly and lovingly as Selene tearfully nods quietly.

“How am I gonna tell Jamie or Harrison. Or even Tom's family? What am I gonna do? I'm gonna be raising my baby all on my own.” Selene gasps and cries hard covering her face. “What am I gonna do Angelina?” She shook uncontrollably while tears ran down her face.

“You're so incredibly strong my love and you have people who love you. Don't worry my love. Help will be with you along the way.” Angelina whispers softly as she holds Selene close into her.”

Selene nodded in tears as she slowly got up to her cabinet to get a pregnancy test out and decided to use it to make sure. Even though she knew she was pregnant for sure.

After she pees on the test, she sets the timer and waits till it goes off. As it goes off, she picks up the test and right off the bat, it said what she already knew. Pregnant. This only made her cry even harder because knowing that if and when she brought her baby into this world, there's only one of two ways as to how their life will go. Running away from the mob life, or living within the mob life.

———————————————————————————————————

A few hours later…

Selene stared at her phone for a straight 5 minutes at Jamie's number, contemplating on calling him or not.

Selene had distanced herself somewhat from them all as her depression worsened from Tom's actions.

But out of nowhere, suddenly her phone began to ring and she saw that it was Sam. Selene was immediately hesitant to answer the call but she picked it up and breathed out shakily.

“Hello?” Selene asks shakily into the phone as she begins to feel her body tremble in anxiety.

“Selene love how are you? It's been so long since I've last heard your voice. I barely heard what happened and I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you sooner.” Sam breathes out into the phone which causes Selene to stifle a cry as tears streamed down her face.

“It's alright my love. At least you still called.” Selene sniffles softly and wipes her tears.

“What's wrong love? Is there something else?” Sam asks curiously with a gentle voice.

“Sammie I'm scared.” Selene whispers shakily into the phone as tears stream down her face.

“Why love? What's wrong?” Sam presses in concern as he becomes worried.

“I-I'm pregnant Sammie...and I'm so scared for my baby.” Selene whispers shakily then breaks down crying into the phone.

Sam on the other end becomes shell-shocked and speechless.

“Sammie how am I gonna tell Harry, Nikki and Dom? Or even Paddy? Even Jamie, Wendy and Harrison?” Selene cries into the phone as she trembles.

“Love, we're gonna be there for you every step of the way. We're not gonna abandon you like that fucker did. You deserve all the love in world, including your baby. So I promise you Sel, you're not alone.” Sam whispers softly through the phone and Selene instantly felt comforted.

Taglist for Tainted Love:  @hazhasmycoffee @superholland @lolpeterparker @fairydustparker @lilyholland  @tom-hollands-eyelash @thwiparkers @hollanderwritings

[ratilyn]

I had such a wonderful night last night but I couldn't sleep. Lately, I've been having these.. I dunno? Panic attacks in my sleep? I can't explain it. My body twitches and basically has a fit. And my heart skips beats every second and it makes me think I'm going to die. I didn't want to wake them up but I couldn't stop panicking. I was so tired, I'd fall asleep and then wake up seconds later, twitching. Apparently they didn't notice but I definitely did. It was so horrible. I used to have nights like these when I was stressed about school and my living situation but now I'm stressed about so much more and the twitches are so much worse. They're actually painful and I didn't get to sleep until 5:30am this morning. And when I did, I had the most awful dreams... I dreamt I was with Caspian and he was just trying to use me, then I dreamt I lost my job because last week (in reality) I only went in for a few hours each day because I was so fucking unwell. Hopefully this week will be better. I had the best weekend. But anyways, then I dreamt a guy was following me in the street and I went to punch him but he pulled out a gun and then his partner in crime had a Minigun and started shooting up the entire place. I was in Rundle mall leaving a bar or something... And I had to jump through a window and I got a bunch of glass stuck in my arms and they were bleeding like crazy so I ran down the street to get to safety and the person who I was staying with in reality was somehow a doctor??? And he said he'd help me pick out all the glass and bandage my arms up but instead we went and got hot chips with these alternative people (who I obviously took a huge disliking to, y'know the ones who roam around Rundle mall and bark at people...) And my dream ended and I woke up to the sun shining through the window and I was so glad I didn't die in my sleep because I seriously have never felt so worried about me dying. Not because I didn't want to do, I did not care. I just didn't want to traumatize this poor person who's bed I was in. Imagine waking up to a dead body who you took out drinking that night. I would feel so fucking horrible. Anyway, I didn't die but currently, at 9:44pm, I am shaking and I know I'm going to twitch and shake and stop breathing in my sleep tonight and I'll feel so fucking shitty for work tomorrow and I swear to god if I get fired, that is it. I've been through SO much shit in my life. This was the best it's been, even after the hospital and... Yeah... I still had a job. And if that's gone, nobody else will want to hire me so I might as well end it all and I'm okay with that. Buddha's say that the reason why the baby comes out crying, is because it just died and remembers it's death and it's old life. We're new again. I learn that last night. I learnt so many beautiful things last night and I am so okay with dying. Living is hell. Like, I finally know what I believe. We are all in purgatory. This is why everyone has a shitty life. That's why karma exists. They're points to get you into heaven, or maybe this is hell and we're trying to redeem ourselves. I know this doesn't make sense but one needs to be at a busy, loud bar with a few drinks in to discuss this with me. It's fucking brilliant. I'm so glad things have happened but I'm also not. I was so happy. Now I don't know what to expect. I guess we'll see. If I die, maybe that might be the best thing.