#so I'm making myself put a book in between each opera

[avibero]

So I read Das Rheingold this week. And yes, I have Der Walküre lined up and ready to go already. Never expected myself to be excited to read more opera, but here I am.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: june 2023

as promised (to myself) I spent all of gay months reading books by and/or about the gays, no exceptions! (unless you count the heaps of old Batman comics I was reading, but come on. it's all pretty fruity.) the trend will be continuing into July as well because I overshot and still have book I need to finish, so in the immortal words of Janelle Monáe: happy pride forever!

anyway, what have I actually been reading?

Empress of Forever (Max Gladstone, 2019) - man, I've been meaning to read this FOREVER! and I'm glad I finally did. Gladstone's space opera follows ultrawealthy tech genius Vivian Liao, a sort of dykey Lex Luthor who's CERTAIN that she's the good guy. okay, yes, she's trying to get control of the nukes, but she's not going to use them. it's just that the world's a mess and she needs to be in charge. unfortunately our girl Vivian doesn't get far in her master plan before she's transported across the galaxy and finds herself on the run from the all-powerful Empress in the company of a cybernetic monk named Hong and the legendary space pirate Zanj, the Empress' greatest enemy. from there our heroes are off on a slow, messy quest across the galaxy as they make new friends, grow as people, and strive to bring the Empress down. it's a very long book and can feel slow in places, but all of the time devoted to fleshing out the characters ultimately pays off as their stories converge into a resonant narrative about the notion of identity and what it means to be yourself. if you like Becky Chambers' Wayfarer books of the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, get on this shit.

also hey listen Max Gladstone is having a bit of a Moment rn; the book he coauthored with Amal El-Mohtar, This Is How You Lose the Time War, is getting a huge boost thanks to the Trigun (????) fandom??? over on Twitter, and you should definitely go check it out

Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men (Jane Ward, 2016) - Ward is a brilliant queer feminist writer; rigorous and insightful while keeping her work imminently readable. while the title may sound facetious, Ward actually takes entirely at face value that there are men having sex with each other an engaging in otherwise homoerotic activities - mutual jerkoffs, hazing rituals that involve anal penetration - that sincerely aren't stemming from a place of gay desire and asks us what the fuck we're supposed to make of that. what results is a fascinating look at masculinity and the intricate rituals that both subvert and maintain it. shockingly thought provoking for a book that contains so many transcribed craigslist posts of men looking for straight guys to have totally normal hetero dudesex with!

The Latinos of Asia: How Filipinos Break the Rules of Race (Anthony Christian Ocampo, 2016) - I was lucky enough to get to see Ocampo (who is gay) speaking at the National Conference on Race and Ethnicity this year, and naturally I had to buy one of his books while I was there. I strongly suspect he's about to become one of my new favorite nonfiction writers, because the Latinos of Asia was a brilliant read that I really couldn't put down. Ocampo (who's also Filipino!) delves into the formation of Filipino-Americans' racial identity, and finds that many feel caught between the most conventionally accepted racial categories - feeling alienated from the idea of Asian identity, which is often perceived as pertaining to East Asians like Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans, and instead relating much more firmly to Mexican-Americans and other Latinos. it's a FASCINATING study on race and one (of many!) loopholes that exists in this very large, messy, totally made up construct of race.

A Lady for a Duke (Alexis Hall, 2022) - for my pride month romance novel I wanted to read something that I might actually like. I've previously adored Hall's genre-fucking ultra-queer Sherlock Holmes pastiche, the Affair of the Mysterious Letter, and Lady for a Duke was really well-reviewed, so my hopes were high! and you know what? I fucking loved this. it was like cotton candy, perfectly sweet and made to be inhaled without a second thought. Our Heroine Viola was the heir to an estate who faked her death at Waterloo so that she could run away and be herself - that's right baby, this is a 19th century trans lady romance! she reconnects with her old BFF the Duke of Gracewood, who's been catatonically depressed since losing his best friend in the war, and reader, you will not believe what happens next. just kidding, you totally will: they want to kiss each other so bad! they're yearning so bad and it's great. it's a very silly book and Gracewood is the most unexpectedly forward-thinking 19th century duke EVER who is instantly down to accept Viola entirely as a woman and thinks that having biological children is overrated, and you know what? that rules. I'm not reading this book for historical accuracy I'm reading it to watch a man beg his girlfriend to fuck him tenderly in the ass. and she does!!! if I'm being honest everything after they finally hook up is kind of nonsense and the book probably is too long, but god it's a delightful time.

Chlorine (Jade Song, 2023) - back in the days of twitter I started following Jade Song as soon as they announced selling this book, the story of a competitive high school swimmer succumbing to obsession as she fantasizes about becoming a mermaid. finally getting to pick up the book from the library and actually read it felt crazy after existing in potentia for so long! while Song's novel is a little rough in some places in exactly the way I expect from a debut, it's still gripping and visceral. our protagonist lives in an intense and demanding world, striving to please an overly handsy coach, wanting to please the immigrant parents she can barely speak to, stumbling through sex with boys on her team while longing for her female best friend. through it all she fixates on mermaids, and the story is told in flashbacks building up to a drastic act of self-mutilation at a swim meet. it's definitely not the right book for the faint of heart or anyone looking for feel-good fluff, but it's harrowing in the best way.

Vagabonds! (Eloghosa Osunde, 2022) - gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous! Osunde celebrates queer life - those called vagabonds, society's outliers - in Lagos, Nigeria, slipping between the real world of social stigma, oppressive religion, judgmental family, and dangerous politics, and the world of magic, gods, and the unreal, blending the two together in an effortlessly dizzying effect. the ultrawealthy hide behind layers of flawless masks to conceal their identities, a lonely woman dying of cancer summons up a daughter than only she can see, and a young man channels the devil to raise his murdered lover. while the stories start bleak, firmly establishing the danger of life on the margins, they gather speed with increasing warmth and love as the story progresses, eventually bringing all of our protagonists together in glorious, life-affirming celebration of vagabonds and all who love them. Nigeria, in Osunde's hands, reads much like family - imperfect, sometimes even awful, but also capable of harboring tremendous love, surprising tenderness, and still worth holding out hope for. I think measuring books in terms of relatability is a fool's game, but as an American queer watching more and more legislation and persecution roll out against my people each day, it was hard not to feel a cord being struck. Vagabonds! is a beautiful reminder that queer resilience is eternal, and reader, I did cry.

Quietly Hostile (Samantha Irby, 2023) - I was a ride or die bitch for Sam Irby even before she picked up and moved to my small Michigan city, effectively becoming my neighbor. (not really, but she is married to the mother of a friend of a friend, so.) despite this, I will freely admit that I was a little underwhelmed by her last release, 2020's Wow, No Thank You. it's possible that WNTY was damned by its March 2020 release, putting it in the awkward position of being a humorous essay collection creeping out into the world at a time when everyone was paranoid and nothing was funny; maybe on a reread I would receive it a bit more warmly. Quietly Hostile, on the other hand, is just stupid funny right out of the gate. Sam Irby is old (see: in her early 40s) and going downhill, writing candidly about peeing her pants everywhere, adopting a rancid little dog, getting sent to the hospital with a severe allergic reaction, and jacking off to plot-heavy porn of elderly lesbian nuns. it takes a little bit of work to get me to actually laugh out loud at a book but man, I was chortling. if you don't already know her work, this is a sign from god (me) to check Samantha Irby out now.

what am I reading now?

Black Water Sister (Zen Cho, 2021) - the was one of the oldest queer novels(TM) on my list and I really wanted to knock it out for pride month. the Malaysian setting and culture is a welcome addition to contemporary urban fantasy, but I'm not sure I'm crazy about the story overall. and yet, I'm over 200 pages deep and don't want to give up, so ? I guess I'm persisting.

Giovanni's Room (James Baldwin, 1956) - my local library lost their copy just in time for pride month, so I bought one on ebay for all of nine dollars. haven't started yet, but I'm really excited to finally pop that proverbial Baldwin cherry!

[benkyoutobentou]

31 Days of Productivity Reading: Day six

Before: Last day of job related testing! By the way, remember how I said I was only gonna rehash my goals for the month that one time? Yeah, I lied. Like badly. Here they are again

Finish No. 6 volume 3

Read 憎らしい彼

Read another novel (still probably gonna be 独り舞)

Read at least ten volumes of manga

Read at least an hour per day (still on track!)

Today I'm planning on shifting my focus a little bit. I love the library, but one of my main issues with it is that I always feel pressured to read my library books Immediately and that's not how I roll with my reading (that was probably obvious just by me doing this challenge at all). So, for the next few days, I think I'll be trying to read a volume of manga each day (typically at least an hour of reading, so we're okay there) and then reading Natural Beauty by Ling Ling Huang, so that I can return it to the library right away. It's in English, but my hold came in, so here we are. This is indeed the book that I picked up in my first update.

After: I'm done with testing! *Confetti* I'm so ready to get back to reading and studying and studying and reading. I still have rehearsals (and shows) until Sunday and next weekend too, but at least now I at least have the other half of my day back.

I feel like it’s been a while since I’ve read a volume of manga, and the font size difference between ぼくちき and No. 6 felt like some sort of culture shock. I felt like I had to put the book right up to my nose to be able to read the little words. I had also forgotten that ぼくちき has furigana so that was a nice surprise.

The cafe was bustling today compared to yesterday and I almost had to sit outside (thank god I didn’t, it started raining, and yes the book raincoat returned).

Okay, somehow I ended up wasting all my time this evening (but you bet your ass I found the time to watch this week's Cherry Magic episode!!!) so I'm just gonna wrap up my day because whoops it's one am. Today I read 120 pages over an hour and fourteen minutes. That's 1.6 pages per minute, or in the ballpark of about forty seconds per page, if my quick mental math is correct (don't make fun of me I didn't have to take any math classes in university), and I'm just over halfway through this volume. I feel like my reading pace was a little bit slower than usual with manga because the cafe was super busy and there were two people a few seats down from me talking super loudly, so I had a bit of trouble focusing. There were definitely times where I had to read the same thing three times because it just was not sinking in. I like to be able to hear a little bit of my surroundings so I don't usually take my noise canceling headphones places, but it's time like this that make me regret it. Especially when I'm listening to Beijing opera, it just doesn't drown out outside noise.

Also, I started reading Natural Beauty during rehearsal today and it made rehearsal feel like five minutes. In the entirety of last year, I felt like I only had one really great read out of all the English novels I read. I already found a really great read last month and hopefully I'll be able to do it again. I'm considering preordering the paperback and I'm less than a hundred pages in. I am hoping to high heavens that I haven't just jinxed myself.

[jisssooyah]

Hi you... if you were going to curate a little season of films for me, which ones would you choose and why? They don't need to be horror, I'm just curious what you would choose 🌸

I don’t know if you’ll like these movies, or if you’ve already watched them, but after i watched these films, i felt like they might need to belong to you now. i hope they make you smile, roll your eyes, and cry just as much as i did.

1. city of god (2002): this is one of the most immersive and gorgeously shot films i’ve ever seen. it’s set in rio de janeiro during the 60s and spans decades exploring the drug culture in the slums and how this can affect kids just as they are trying to figure their own selves out. the way this film is shot, feels like you were at the sea with them as the sand crunched underneath your feet. but the way that the director captures these individuals, makes you so fucking relieved that you don’t live through any of the circumstances that they go through. 

2. the dreamers (2004): set in 1968, this film follows three students in Paris who come of age and explore one another and their limits during the revolution. while these students prop themselves up as individuals obsessed with sex, running underneath themselves is a current of jealousy, obsession, and blurred familial relationships that made me increasingly uncomfortable. you find yourself feeling bad for the children, and ultimately upset at their upbringing because of their parents. 

3. if beale street could talk (2018): this movie is based off of james baldwin’s titular 1974 novel. in it, the director expertly and vigorously explores love: a love that feels so real that it hurts. the cast is what sold this film to me. the way they talk, laugh, cry, and smile at one another is achingly beautiful and terrifyingly sad. i wanted to transport myself back to their time period and watch the main characters fall in love because the film didn’t seem like enough. 

4. the neon demon (2016): this film follows an emerging model who sacrifices herself to the demands of the industry in order to be attractive and beautiful. there are so many stunning colors in this film that it makes you dizzy, like you’re in a trance and that’s what this world is for the main character: a trance. as she oscillates between reality and fantasy, her world and the characters in it, increasingly seek out to alter her personality. 

5. death becomes her (1992): a deliberately ultra-campy parody of trashy, pandering "women's pictures," soap operas and paperbacks from the '80s and '90s. The three leads all do some of their best work - it's hilarious watching Meryl Streep play a terrible actress, Goldie Hawn is particularly hilarious during her character's cat lady phase, and all around just a really fun and eccentric film. 

6. princess cyd (2017): i can’t think of anything to write for this but i just wanna say that this is literally one of the most pleasant movie experiences i’ve ever had. so much light and genuine interaction in warm sun rays radiating positive energy and an openness that is far too uncommon in movies nowadays. people talk, people connect, people grow bonds and are allowed to be sexual or intimate or personal without an air of shame or judgement. just pure kind and curious human association. 

7. spiderman: into the spiderverse (2018): the message of Spider-Verse is not "gentrify yourself! stop expressing your personality and just conform to what society wants you to be!" After all, what makes you different makes you Spider-Man, and Miles' final expression of himself as a superhero still retains much of his personality and individuality...they're just being used in more productive and fulfilling ways. It's the little things that drive the point home, like noticing that the title page for Miles' finished Great Expectations essay has been stylistically doodled and colored like street art. Rather than seeing his artistic gifts as an opposition to his schoolwork, Miles infuses them together to make the best of the hand he's been dealt.

8. my life as a zucchini (2016): initially heartbreaking and sad, but slowly becoming more joyful and heartwarming as the plot moves along. The film really feels like it captures the essence and child like wonder of these kids, all of them going through hardships but managing to find something to help each other out. It’s so refreshing to see the actual orphanage portrayed in a more positive light, not the usual horrid dump that a lot of lesser movies play them out as. The animation is stunning. One of the best uses of stop motion I’ve seen, everything is so colourful and detailed. There’s some moments set in snowy mountains and these look incredible. There’s clearly been so much love and care put into each and every scene here. The music too, sounds spectacular, it really works well with each scene. 

9. lovesong (2016): Mindy and Sarah have that type of relationship where they don't need words because they speak in a language made out of glances and touches. This movie is about the fear of ruining a meaningful friendship and losing an important person, about love that is so complicated that one might not even try because the outcome seems to be so obvious.

10. her (2013): Heartbreak is formative: it changes you heart side out, and leaves your muscles a little stronger, your skin a little thicker, your bones easier to repair. Before this film, I’d never seen anything constructive in having your insides pulled apart by the seams by another person, but this film taught me how. Being in love and then being forced out of it is an experience that changes you fundamentally, but Her taught me its purpose – you don’t need them to leave you so that you can find someone who’s a better fit, because perhaps you never will. You need it to participate in humanity. The common denominator is being hurt, and without it, you’re barely alive.

11. shoplifters (2018): bittersweet and richly transportive, Shoplifters is a film that nonchalantly eases you into its tragic beauty in a way that doesn't punch you hard until the end. It simultaneously made me want to be part of the film's world and also very glad that I'm not. The setting the characters live in is messy and cluttered and full of dysfunction and lies, but it's also got family, and laughter, and fist-bumps, and slurping warm noodles while rain pings on the tin rooftop. So nuanced, so many tiny moments of delicate beauty and unassuming heartbreak, so many people making terrible decisions with good intentions.

12. god’s own country (2017): though it is a love story between two men, this aspect is only addressed briefly in a single scene. Rather, the film is about finding someone who makes you want to be a better person, someone who comes into your life just when you needed it most. Gheorghe helps Johnny open up and realize the beauty of the simple life. From this relationship, Johnny begins to feel comfortable with expressing himself, and his love and gratitude towards others. He also begins to appreciate life in the country, surrounded by stunning landscapes and the beauty of simplicity. Addressing the Yorkshire countryside, Gheorghe says "It is beautiful, but lonely." Johnny is presented with the notion that he doesn't have to be cold and miserable, slaving and drinking his days away. He is presented with the possibility of no longer being alone and finally finding happiness and contentment - and it is more than gratifying to see him accept it.

13. disobedience (2017): a tender star-crossed daydream. the three main character dynamics are special enough on their own, but the romance that blooms at the center is cathartically intimate and even magical: a reunion that feels so inevitable. catching glimpses of a past life, details we aren’t privy to. all the stolen kisses and whispers and promises. a bond so strong that they fall back in sync with each other like second nature, even if they try to fight against it. even if it won’t work. and yet they choose each other, even if for a few minutes.

14. raw (2016): this film is so gross and I like that. There is tons of blood and unique body horror and it all works perfectly for the tone the film is attempting to set. The use of color, specifically neons, creates a constant feeling that you are traveling through some sort of weird ghost world, which I really like. Overall, it's a very well put together film with flashes of brilliance.

15. the night is short, walk on girl (2017): what an absolutely magical adventure of a film. Essentially this is a heavily episodic look at a night in the lives of several people, centered on a woman and a man as she gleefully floats from event to event while he neurotically obsesses over how to "coincidentally" talk to her. The storytelling is incredible; while the overarching narrative is simple there are countless threads woven together to connect everyone in the story to each other. That in itself is a big theme: connections between people, how everything is interrelated, and what a large impact seemingly insignificant things people do can have an impact on everyone around them.

16. coraline (2009): Coraline is the best stop motion movie ever made in my opinion. Before the film released in 2009, I read the book and was completely blown away by its creativity and story. It’s a pretty dark tale featuring many scenes of fright that work well in both a horror setting and an animated kids setting. On surface value, this film is quite horrifying, which is something I’ve always loved about it. While it does make a few minor changes to the book, it improves upon a piece of art that was already jaw-droppingly good. Coraline feels like a real little girl with some real problems. She’s selfish but likable which is something most films cannot translate well. Of course, she has a pretty awesome arc as well which brings this movie to a perfect close for her character. The other-mother is also perfectly done. She is almost exactly how I imagined her in the book and the animation on her is spookily gorgeous. There is not one dull moment in this film. It is literally a perfect piece of cinema.

17. the third wife (2019): haven’t seen a film this visually delicate in a while. Ash Mayfair works with the looming mountain surroundings to make her characters —these women, these girls— as small as possible, as isolated as possible. Uneasiest of all is the protagonist May, so young and so weighed by responsibility, her position blurs between being one of the wives and being one of the daughters. It’s an extremely bleak tale of circumstance. An old tale, certainly, but so beautifully crafted it doesn’t matter. Mayfair holds a fearful tension throughout, and it only ever shatters in the cruelest of ways.The abundance of women and display of sisterhood begin as a comfort, but horror takes over as we realize how conditional and fragile that comfort is. Even the daughters are subconsciously aware, one of them praying to the gods to grow up and become a man, shearing her hair off in naive triumph. It’s a doomed cycle of girls performing roles which are unfortunately their best option, right up until the final scene of May with her daughter, still in their mourning clothes. She, like the older wives, finally realizes they’re the same as the cattle laying on their side for too many days.

[edelgoth]

hello! could i have a dragon age 2/inquisition matchup? i'm bi and nonbinary. i'm a 6w5 ennea and an infp last i checked. i've had a lot of different hobbies over the years (long story) but opera singing and boxing were the biggest aside from video games. i'm extremely devoted to my friends and happiest and safest when i'm with them. i'm not very smart, so i try to be helpful, and i'm told i give pretty good advice. i Could win a fight, but i'd rather just defuse it. thank you so much!!

yay, another dragon age matchup!! also, can i just say, the line “i Could win a fight, but i’d rather just defuse it” is Powerful 

so for dragon age 2, i match you with…

merrill!!

a precious angel,,, must protect,,, 

merrill is curious by nature, and i think she’d really enjoy getting involved with your hobbies. boxing? sounds interesting!! maybe it’ll give her a good melee trick or two. opera singing? oh wonderful!! she was wondering what it might be like to give singing a proper go 

you say you’re not very smart, and merrill can be delightfully naive, and i think that’d make a precious (and hilarious) combination 

varric has a particular fondness for your relationship bc the two of you just come out with the best (and unintentionally funny) comments, which he often plans to put in one of his novels 

i think merrill would really value your advice, and would often check in with you and ask you what you thought; she might be someone who sticks to her own convictions, but she’d genuinely appreciate and consider your counsel 

i feel like you two would always find little ways to help each other, as well as the people around you? whether it’s you tidying up her bedroom, or her organizing your music sheets, or the two of you picking up rubbish from around the alienage… 

i don’t know if you like animals or not, but i can easily imagine the two of you having like,,, a large number of avian friends that popped by from time to time, expecting a little treat? the two of you just accidentally befriend the Entire Bird Population of kirkwall hhhhhh

i think merrill would really appreciate how you’d stick up for her. you say you could win a fight, and i think merrill is worth fighting for. she gets picked on a lot, and treated like a child far too often, but i can’t see you standing by and letting that happen 

you two are always hosting your friends!! i can see merrill enjoying planning little parties and get-togethers, and everyone comments on how you two just glow when you get to be amongst your those you hold dearest, sharing chats and having light conversation

you’re both ixfps (not totally sure on merrill’s exact type, but,,,) which means the two of you probably have similar ways of handling and expressing your emotions, which would help communication flow easily between the two of you!!

it also mean that chances are, you have similar worldviews, and i think that’d be pretty invaluable to merrill; she’d love that you were able to understand her and how she saw things, and that you made it so easy

you guys would just be so cute? please look after my darling daughter? 

 alternative matchups

varric: understandably, this relationship would be quite different from the one described above. there’d be much more teasing with varric, and he’s less likely to say his feelings outright. but, i think you share a devotion to your friends, and a curiosity for the world around you that’d really bond the two of you together. think of all the situations the two of you would get into together. he’d consider writing them down in his books, but he eventually figures that nobody would think it was real. it may figure as more of a friendship than a relationship for a while (and it would take a long time for either of you to realize that your feelings were romantic), but… you’d get there.

anders: i think anders would be a very different relationship again, one which is more somber overall, but punctuated with moments of levity. anders is more likely than the other two to seek your counsel, wanting to talk through his thoughts and ideas with you. i can see you helping out around his clinic, something he’d be very thankful for. and honestly, i think the line “i could win a fight but i’d rather just defuse it” describes anders’ ideal partner lmao

inquisition under the cut! 

and for dragon age inquisition, i match you with… 

josephine montilyet!!

another perfect angel,,, you are,,, so lucky,,, also another bi-conic pair that was awful i’ll take myself out

ANYWAY, the first thing i want to touch on is: opera singing!! josephine would love it when you sung for her, and every so often, she might like to join in

she might not get as involved with the boxing, but i think she’s the type who’d end up getting super into it? she’s being The Most Supportive Partner ever on the sidelines, cheering for you at the top of her lungs 

i think she’d just find your variety of hobbies and your adventurousness quite charming, and she’d enjoy coming up with fun dates the two of you to go on; usually based around a new hobby she’d think you’d like to try

i feel like you and josephine would have quite a wide social circle (seeing as she knows everyone), so you guys would also be constantly hosting your friends; whether it be symposiums or afternoon tea or an intimate dinner

i feel like josephine would also give pretty good advice, so you two would have an excellent back-and-forth with each other; you’d always be able to come to each other and ask for advice, knowing that you’l be heard 

please look after her when she’s having to deal with Obnoxious Nobles and an endless stack of paperwork… bringing her tea or snacks, or even just giving her a lil kiss on the cheek and reminding her to take breaks!

i can also imagine her sending you on like... little errands? nothing huge, but just little jobs that you can do around skyhold or wherever you happen to be that’ll help out everyone else. it’s a bit like she’s giving you little side-quests, just because she knows you like helping out

i feel like you’d be something of a power couple, tbh… that’s just the Vibe i get, you know? you’re both more interested in defusing conflict, and you’d be this great diplomatic tag-team 

i just think you’d have really nice chats. can’t really justify why, but you strike me as a fairly laid-back person (correct me if i’m wrong), and that’d help you both relax and just... air off all your thoughts and feelings after a long day. and that’s probably something josephine desperately needs 

leliana is pretty quick to accept you (by her standards), simply because there’s no possible way you could be harbouring ill intent,,, just look at the two of you together,,, it’s too Pure,,,

I Love Her, what a woman,,, and she’d love YOU (pls cherish her)

alternative matchups

iron bull: idk i just feel like you’d click really well. he’s an incredibly different person to josephine, and i think he’d bring out a different side to you. first of all? boxing. he loves it. he keeps trying to get you to box with him. the chargers are already betting on it. bull, despite how he talks sometimes, is quite devoted to the chargers, so you better be ready to adopt All Of Them. i feel like bull would tease you a lot, but i you’re more than capable of standing up for yourself. the main reason i didn’t choose him over josephine is that he’s not as emotionally open as she is. otherwise, i think it’s a pretty good match! 

blackwall: i’m love him,,, he’s a bit more somber than the other two, but i think there’s a spark in him that’d help the two of you connect. like josephine, he’d find the berth of your hobbies charming (he’d always be asking you how you stumbled into them), and i think he’d be very supportive of them. while most people think he’s gruff and broody, blackwall actually goes out of his way to help others (such as making toys for the local children), and he cares a lot for those close to him. i just think he’d be a good fit, tbh. 

[making-my-escape]

The Outlander «Deep Heart’s Core» reaction

Please, someone talk to me, I'm properly frustrated. I find this particular episode bitterly disappointing. For me it's the weakest one of the whole show (plot-wise). I do understand when show-runners have no other choice but to change the original material (if it's too complicated to put on screen unedited or too expensive to film). But with «Deep heart's core» (respective book chapters) it was entirely possible to keep considerable part of vital dialogs without exceeding episode's time limit, so everything would be fine. Nevertheless Starz chose to «reinvent the wheel». And look what's happened. 

We didn't get to see: a) How The Fraser's learnt their way to be a family. We jumped almost right into the domestic bliss instead. While the story could have become more believable if we had seen that it took actual time and effort to establish the relationship, even when everyone was willing.   

b) How Jamie ached to be a Father, but yet Brianna wasn't ready to meet his expectations. She genuinely tried to please Jamie, being fond of him, but at the same time she didn't want to betray Frank. At the start Jamie & Brianna didn't even communicate directly. Claire helped them. It would have been so sweet to see their small steps toward each other. 

c) How it was not Bree, who brought up Frank Randall a lot, but Jamie himself. Isn't it a more interesting angle? Fraser can't stop comparing himself to Randal, can't let him go. He sees that Frank had a huge impact on his women and this feeling bothers Jamie. It makes us see that JAMMF is just a man, and not an irreproachable being (as he's at least partly portrayed in the show). 

So «behind the scenes» of this episode contains huge chunk of small but important stuff that didn't make it to the screen. And I dare to say, for a lot of people the special magic of The Outlander is right in these tiny details described above. Why all of a sudden Starz decided to leave them out? They managed to get through 3 seasons without unnecessary alterations well enough. I can't remember any other episode violated so much (well, In fact I can, but as I said, if it's impossible to shoot, I'm totally ok with shortcuts and changes). 

What I really don't like about «Deep heart's core» it's how the first part of the episode is all about things going very wrong very fast (too wrong and too fast, if it comes to that) while the second part is awfully stuck in pointless «plastic» out-of-character conversations and behavior. 

They've even changed the way Jamie «found out» about Brianna's pregnancy. That is another miss. From Jamie's perspective his wife and daughter had betrayed him, keeping the rape a secret. He's boiling with rage, but also helpless, heartbroken, and devastated. Still he keeps all these unpleasant feelings in. No matter what. 'Cause he knows what it's like to be raped, and he needs to be there for his daughter. It took all his strength but he was as gentle with Brianna as it was possible. Read this, you'll enjoy the scene. And don’t forget to delete «Unwed-pregnant-daughter-can’t-be-what-you-hoped-for» bullshit from your memory. Such lame stuff belongs with cheap soap operas, which The Outlander is not. 

Also there's Claire, who's in deep distress. Torn between her love for Jamie and her motherly bond with Brianna. There's no peace between her and her husband. And that's the whole different level of the story, though let's not get into that. @holdhertightandsayhername wrote it better here

What I'm trying to say is that for me reading these pages was like playing Minesweeper (do you remember the game?). Every next move is harder to make, because it's more likely to cause an explosion. So by the time characters got into the huge «revelation fight» I felt like a tightly coiled spring myself. But watching this episode was nowhere near that. All we saw was Jamie's injured hand in a «wee accident», and literary just one phrase «Your mother told me what happened». Followed by tonnes of incoherent shouting.  

And why make such an idiot of Ian? Whether we remember it or not, Jamie was a man of 18th century. That added up to the existing tension. He naturally saw things not like Bree or Claire. Even made several intrusive efforts to arrange Brianna's future for her (including Ian's proposal), which gradually infuriated his daughter more and more. All good intentions notwithstanding. 

But that part was also left off-screen. As well as other dialogs that showed Jamie's perspective (his deep concern for Brianna's reputation — because public opinion was a huge thing in 1700s — his wish for another child of his blood, etc.). So when Brianna hit (!) her Da screaming «You are self-righteous bastard», it did seem to me a little bit too far-fetched. But not as over-the-top far-fetched as when a second later Jamie lost his shit, sounding almost panicked «I'll-make-it-up-to-you-please-just-don't-be-mad». Man, really, what could be more out of character?   

Finally, the last third of the episode in general, the heck was that? Fellow bookreaders, am I the only one who doesn't get it? And what all these long scenes with Roger walking nearly-dead with Indians were for? They could have cut it in half and still be able to make their point. The lad horribly suffered «for nothing» and was determined to escape. I want to hear more from Roger, but only when he really has something «to tell». Besides, dear Indians, why to buy a man only to exhaust him to death on the road? Doesn't make much sense. 

3 more episodes are totally enough to conclude the season. But it depends on how to tell the story. So haters gonna hate, lovers gonna love, readers gonna read, and I just gonna hope the narrative gets better. The Outlander is a truly amazing story. It deserves to be directed accordingly. 

P.S. Please, forgive my messed-up grammar and overdramatic way of describing things. English is not my native language, I've never written such a long text before.

Also all these pretty GIFs aren’t mine. I took them here. Please follow @outlander-online for more amazing content. 

[the-lavender-creator]

Well I'm about to achieve some high levels of chaos

1. I honestly don't think I've watched any

2. Anything that aired on Boomerang and Cartoon Network

3. Good Luck Charlie

4. I liked the girl Zendaya played in Euphoria

5. Fuck you it's Todoroki (rn)

6. According to my diary from 2015, Austin and Ally

7. Any soap opera bc I feel like it would take a lifetime's worth of time to watch the entirety of one and I'm intrigued

8. Not TV but I'm a slut for the Twilight soundtrack

9. iVictorious

10. Grape boy

11. Tie between Todoroki, Kirishima, Denki, Froppy and Deku

12. Edward Tulane being thrown off the boat (book)

13. I've never been sad by a death scene because it was always spoiled for me but Cedric Diggory's death pissed me off so much I threw Goblet of Fire at the wall

14. My Hero Academia, I wanna have a quirk and use it for chaos

15. How To Train Your Dragon: Race To The Edge

16. & 17. Twilight

18. Haruhi in Wonderland

19. Season 2 of Death Note

20. No

21. Jane the Virgin: I looked to see how many total episodes there were and spoiled myself smh

22. Yuri on Ice is a piece of my very being

23. Miraculous Ladybug

24. Miraculous Ladybug

25. MHA's League of Villians. All of them. Each and every one.

26. Miraculous Ladybug, mostly against my will

27. Jessie. She should've married the rich guy and I WILL throw hands over that.

28. Heathers

29. Heathers (idk what decade it came out in)

30. Cadet Kelly

31. Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2

32. MHA has movies. See number 25.

33. J. D. From Heathers

34. Coraline

35. How To Train Your Dragon

36. The lady who made Jennifer's Body seems cool

37. Fuck you it's Twilight

38. Pokémon pre gen 6

39. I don't watch Marvel shit

40. Fuck Disney I don't keep track of the shit they make

41. Coco or Inside Out (I had to Google Pixar movies)

42. Specify a form of animation

43. Idfk

44. Heathers

45. Don't have one

46. Don't have one

47. TURNING RED

48. Yes

49. Thrillers

50. Yes

51. Wonder

52. No

53. No

54. & 55. What's an Oscar

56. Mother fucking Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2

57. Transmasc vibes guy from Fear Street Part 1

58. Pokémon Hoopa movie

59. Still dunno what an Oscar is

60. I don't think I've ever hated a movie

61. Nah

62. I dunno I don't pay attention to dates

63. I dunno

64. I've seen Heathers like 4 times

65. Only 3 specific movies

66. My mom keeps whimping out of taking me to a midnight screening of Rocky Horror Picture Show

67. Nope

68. Idfk

69. Idfk. Also haha noice.

70. I don't remember what I put as my favorite movie uhhh it's cool ig

71. Fiction

72. Fluff?

73. I haven't made a movie yet so uh

74. Hush, Don't Breathe, A Quiet Place, I'm Thinking of Ending Things- litterally any horror of psychological movie I've seen that isn't IT or Split

75. Indoor movie theater

76. Ye

77. Middle back

78. Sweeny Todd

79. The first Twilight movie

80. I dunno

81. Mentally I'm clinging to How To Train Your Dragon 2

82. Twilight but only the part of the movie before she starts dating Edward

83. The Order of the Phoenix adaptation. It was a derogatory wow.

84. I would say dialogue but I'm bad at hearing them talking so

85. Depends

86. Nope

87. Love, Simon. I saw it with my homophobic dad.

88. I dunno

89. No

90. The Pokémon Celebi movie

91. Celebi being revived

92. I dunno time

93. Yes

94. The children in the first 2 HP movies

95. Scott Pilgrim, the opening scene talking about his relationship with Knives

96. Depends on where I'm watching the movie

97. Watching Dolphin Tale 2 with my cousin. Looking back I can tell she despised having to see it with me but I looked up to her despite her really not caring for me.

98. Someone tell me what the fuck an Oscar is

99. TWILIGHT IT'S TWILIGHT THAT SOUNDTRACK IS SO GOOD IT FUCKS

100. What's a block-buster

yes im on my tab, yes i tried to copy one question, it was the villain question, but all posted and i have a headache so i'm choosing chaos UwU

1. What is your favourite television show from the 80′s?

2. Favourite television show from the early 2000′s?

3. Favourite television show from the 2010′s +?

4. Who is your favourite female television character of all time?

5. Who is your favourite male television character of all time?

6. Favourite television show of all time?

7. If you could watch one t.v. show for the rest of your life, what would it be?

8. Favourite television soundtrack?

9. Favourite guest-star appearance on a television show?

10. Least favourite character on your favourite television show?

11. Favourite character on your favourite television show?

12. Best cliff-hanger?

13. Saddest death scene?

14. What television show would you like to be a regular on?

15. What television show would you like to guest-star on?

16. A show that you hate to love?

17. A show that you love to hate?

18. Name an episode from a show that you will always remember?

19. Name an episode from a show that you wish didn’t happen?

20. Spin-offs: yes or no?

21. A show that you started watching but then stopped? What was the reason?

22. Name a show that means something to you, and why?

23. A show that you find relatable to your life?

24. A show that makes your cringe?

25. Favourite television villian?

26. A show that you will continue to re-watch over and over again?

27. Name a show that had the worst series finale, in your opinion?

28. What is your favourite movie from the 80′s?

29. Favourite movie from the 90′s?

30. Favourite movie from the early 2000′s?

31. Favourite movie from the 2010′s +?

32. Favourite movie villian?

33. Who is your favourite male movie character of all time?

34. Who is your favourite female movie character of all time?

35. What is your favourite movie of all time?

36. Favourite director?

37. Favourite series/saga/triology, etc.?

38. What’s your favourite universe?

39. Favourite comic-book movie?

40. What’s your favourite disney movie?

41. Favourite pixar movie?

42. What’s your favourite animated movie?

43. Best voice-casting, in your opinion?

44. Is there a movie that you could watch over and over again and not get tired?

45. Name a movie that made you cry uncontrollably?

46. A movie that had you laughing throughout it’s entirety?

47. A preview/trailer of a movie you saw and thought “I HAVE to see that!”?

48. Rom-com’s or drama?

49. Thriller’s or comedies?

50. Horror or psychological?

51. Your favourite book adaptation turned movie?

52. Your favourite actor?

53. Favourite actress?

54. In your opinion, a well deserved Oscar win?

55. Favourite Oscar speech?

56. Most memorable movie ending?

57. A movie death that shocked you?

58. A movie you thought was going to be good, but wasn’t?

59. Biggest Oscar upset, in your opinion?

60. A movie you hated but everyone else loves?

61. Do you cry during movies? 

62. Do you prefer classic movies, or new movies?

63. In your opinion, the best character casting?

64. Think of a movie you really love, how many times have you seen it?

65. Do you like to re-watch movies you’ve seen before?

66. Have you ever been to a midnight screening of a movie?

67. Ever attended a movie premiere?

68. An actor you love that nails it in both television & film?

69. An actress you love that nails it in both television & film?

70. Why is your favourite movie, your favourite movie?

71. Movies based on real life/facts or made-up stories?

72. Your favourite movie genre?

73. A movie that made you feel proud?

74. A movie that scared you/made you paranoid?

75. An Indoor movie theatre or outside drive-in?

76. Are you a snacker/drinker during movies?

77. Where abouts in a theatre do you prefer to sit (front, middle, back)?

78. If you could have a role in any movie ever made, which movie would it be?

79. An underrated movie, in your opinion?

80. An overrated movie?

81. A movie you felt attached to after watching it?

82. A movie that was relatable to you and your life?

83. Name a movie that made you go “wow” after watching it?

84. Action-packed movies or lots of dialogue?

85. Fantasy movies to normal life movies?

86. Have you ever walked out of a theatre mid-movie? What was the movie?

87. Tell us about your worst movie experience?

88. Have you ever spoiled a movie for someone by accident?

89. Ever spoiled a movie for someone on purpose?

90. Tell us about a movie that made you feel all the feels?

91. Pick a movie, any movie. Now tell us your favourite scene?

92. What’s the perfect movie time/length? 

93. Do you get bored easily during movies?

94. The worst acting you’ve ever seen in a movie?

95. Can you think of a movie where one scene had ruined the whole thing?

96. Are you a “tommy texter” during movies, or a “shhh-ing susan”?

97. Think of a positive movie experience you will never forget?

98. A movie or performance you thought deserved an Oscar nomination?

99. Best movie soundtrack?

100. A block-buster movie that deserved all of the hype & more?

Cloud what the fuck

Give me a minute