#so I'm going to try queue up some stuff while I'm gone

[soaps-mohawk]

So...

I've been doing some thinking about a couple of things.

This blog has grown considerably, even from its start and I appreciate each and every one of you so much. Your support never ceases to amaze me and I owe all of you a lot for giving me something to focus on this year instead of spiraling into insanity.

But

Things have gotten a tad bit overwhelming recently between trying to run the blog and trying to write. I find myself either having to ignore the blog to get writing done, or sacrifice writing time and energy to spend time on the blog and keep up with all the replies/reblogs/asks etc. Definitely not complaining, you all never cease to amaze me.

But, I am just one person and my brain only has so much power right now. So, I'm planning to take some (more) time off each week right now while I focus on writing and planning since we're getting into some serious plot stuff soon. So I'm planning to be on the blog three days a week for a while: Saturday, Sunday, and Thursday. That gives me some time to get some writing done as well as some time to rest my brain.

Saturday and Sunday of course to post the chapter and respond to replies and reblogs so I don't get super behind. Monday I'll have some asks queued up as well as maybe a few reblogs. I'll still use the queue Tuesday and Wednesday for reblogs/asks with spoilers as usual. Thursday I'll be on the blog answering asks from Monday - Wednesday as well as things I get that day. I'll queue up a few things for Friday since that day gives me a little break between to prepare for the weekend and posting the chapter.

I'll probably add more days as time goes on. You can still send in asks on the days I'm gone, but just know I won't see them or respond to them until later in the week. I already get behind by a couple days on asks anyway so that's not much of a change.

Don't feel bad for sending them either, I love getting all these asks, I just tend to get behind on days I spend more time writing.

The second order of business

has to do with my taglist. Most of you probably haven't noticed (which I don't blame you lol) but my taglist has gotten very big. Very, very big. It's just over 230 people right now, and I'm sure there will be others asking to join. It's quite time consuming to do all of these tags for every chapter (especially since we can't tag in blocks anymore) so I've been doing some thinking into how I can make it easier for me, and for you.

I know there's at least one blog I've heard of, though I'm sure there's more, that have made side blogs that they have people follow and turn on notifications for and just make a post on that blog when they post a chapter or fic, etc. I've been considering doing that since the taglist is a lot of work and time.

I've also seen blogs that have side blogs that just post chapters/fics and nothing else. I know quite a few of you only follow for the fic, so if anyone is interested, I could put together a side blog like that as well that you can follow and get notifications from instead of having to follow this blog and having to go through the probably 100 posts that I make a day 😂 (at least it feels that way for me)

Having a separate blog for the taglist too would allow me to schedule posts so I can have them come out a bit earlier than I get up for those of you across the world who stay up to read and have to wait for me to post in the morning when I get up (or later like today because I slept in). Of course Ao3 will get posted later because I can't schedule posts there, but at least for Tumblr I can have things post earlier.

So let me know what you think about the taglist side blog and the possible just chapters/fics side blog. Feel free to send in asks (anonymously or not) with your opinion. I might not answer them all (not tonight because my brain is fried and honestly i'm not sure if this is even comprehensible English) but I will at least use them to make the decision (or make a post with all of them and answer it as just one).

[cruisingforcruiserweights]

okay so here is the post about the fuckshit I witnessed at the final night of eurotour 24 (Amsterdam 2), I've already heard about the nonsense being pulled by people in the first and second rows at barricade, but I wasn't able to queue that early so imagine I'm around the first quarter of the way back from the stage, maybe row 7/8?

a couple of mid-40's parents (I didn't say the age to discriminate, just to point out that they should know better) decided that they would run the middle of the room like their own personal kingdom, with themselves and their incredibly mouthy teenage daughters screaming and cussing out anyone who even dared brush up against them. and I mean not try and move past or shove them, merely BRUSH AGAINST THEIR ARMS.

at one point, around 10 minutes before the show was about to start, the teenage daughters decided it was a genius idea to SIT in the middle of the room and play with their phones. this resulted in a woman who was trying to make her way through the crowd to bring drinks back to her boyfriend tripping over one of them as she tried to move through the crowd, because guess what!!! if you're sitting on the ground surrounded by people, in the dark, no one can see you there!!! and although she apologised, the whole family then proceeded to go off on her, screaming and bellowing insults at her.

this behaviour continued through the ENTIRE show. anytime the crowd moved due to dancing, bouncing, normal stuff that happens at a gig that resulted in one of said family members being touched, said person would get screamed at, and I would ended up looking over my shoulder every time to just see the father and mother going off on someone who had clearly not meant it and was trying to apologise (even though they had likely been pushed along with the crowd themselves).

the worst incident came when, I can't remember what song it was in the middle of unfortunately, a woman was moving through the crowd for whatever reason and bumped into one of them, I can't remember if it was into the man or one of the girls, but the father decided that the appropriate response was to get up in that woman's face and bellow and physically THREATEN TO PUNCH HER with his fist centimetres away from her face while she was PROFUSELY apologising and trying to explain that she had been bumped by someone next to her and hadn't meant to shove anyone.

now I'm fucking sorry, but have you never gone to a fucking gig before?? the crowd MOVES. people dance, people jump, people move. it is 100% expected that you are going to end up being touched to some degree, often completely by accident because that's what happens when large amounts of people are together to see MUSIC. not ONCE did I witness anyone trying to shove past this family or cut in line or ANYTHING that would justify this appalling behaviour, if anything people were giving them a WIDE fucking berth once they'd witnessed their bad tempers the first few times, in fact from what I experienced this was probably the gig where I've had my personal space respected THE MOST in my life, I'm so used to being crushed against the people next to me, I could practically do yoga in all the space I had to myself lmao.

but apparently that wasn't enough for these people .

I'm conflicted about bringing your children to a high energy gig, if I'm honest. it just doesn't seem responsible to me. but if you absolutely MUST, if youre so fucking territorial about the prospect of your precious angels getting bumped into, why would you not take them up to the balcony?? I saw parents with kids up there having a great time! you get a great view and they're perfectly safe the whole time!! and why would you let them SIT ON THE FUCKING GROUND IN THE DARK so someone walking through the crowd can trip over them?? jesus christ!!

it was the fact that the man and woman seemed to think that towering over a much smaller woman, barking in her face and threatening to PHYSICALLY ASSAULT her was also appropriate behaviour to display in front of said children too. I could already see the girls taking after their parents with the way they also screamed and pushed people every time they dared come too close, and I know they're just teenagers and I shouldn't judge them because it's obvious where they learned that behaviour, but jesus christ was I happy when the trafik moshpit started to form DIRECTLY AROUND THEM and they were forced to move to the side or risk being in the center of it. can't deny I got a kick out of that.

what truly shocked me honestly was the idea that these people came to a KÄÄRIJÄ gig, were supposedly kä FANS, and you behave LIKE THAT? jere is such a caring, sweet person who showed nothing but love and appreciation for everyone who came, who talked profusely about how important it was that everyone had a good time, and laid down safety rules for the pit too and seemed genuinely concerned that no one got hurt in the process... and these people apparently thought that none of that applied to them. as far as they were concerned, this was THEIR concert.

honestly fuck those trashy people, and fuck their nasty kids. i hope they spent the entirety of trafik getting bounced around like pinballs and seething the entire time.

[craetor]

So if Angel Bill has no great, evil plans, does he and Ford still have their falling out? Or do they stay together?

I'm kind of thinking of a plot point where Bill asks Ford to invent something that could sever their tie to their original plane (Heaven) so he gets to do what he wants (not, in fact, explore the universe but experience what it would be like if he took down the most followed faith on earth (Christianity) and, like, blow up galaxies and stuff)

Ford realizes Bill is a haughty, selfish prick after moving to Gravity Falls to study its anomalies. Bill gets really jealous and they have a falling out, after which Bill leaves indefinitely.

Bill, however, quickly notices how fond he's become of Ford. In a sense, they're both wide-eyed explorers, and he's always been loyal and devoted to them, which Bill, as a holy entity without the faith of its creator, craves more than anything. He also has trouble finding any revering scientist able to replicate what Ford had achieved on the unbinding them topic.

Bill slowly goes insane while Ford's life improves more and more the longer Bill is gone. He almost immediately invites Fiddleford to Gravity Falls to help study and experiment around all the reality bending phenomena the town has to offer, abandoning Bill's commission in the basement. Fidds encourages Ford to get back in touch with his brother as well, and when they find out he isn't well, Fiddleford is the only one ready to drive a few days cross-states to fetch him.

Ford's unforgiving stubbornness gets him into double trouble. During Fiddleford's absence, Bill returns to Ford completely in shambles. Ford states hesitantly that he's not on speaking terms with them, ignoring their pleads, attempts at sweetening the deal and bursts of rage. Bill begins to terrorize Ford in his dreams, also making sure he can't differentiate between dream and reality anymore, telekinetically dislocates and twists his limbs on several occasions and sets fire to items around the house, between which they appear to Ford physically, hoping he'll beg them to stop and talk or at least let them seduce him in the wake of stress relief.

When Fidd returns with Stan, Ford is in the same state he is at Stan's arrival in canon. Some interpersonal drama ensues and yeah, Bill is too hesitant to try fucking with Ford to the same extent after he's enlightened Fiddleford and Stanley about what exactly Bill is, but he'll find a way. Queue "He may be a god, but I'm a scientist", quote. Of course Bill decides that, when not if he reaches his goal, Ford will be given the chance to join him in the chaos or be the last thing in the mortal universe to go out.

Orrr you could assume that the two stay in a plain toxic domestic relationship for the rest of Ford's life, but if you want a plot line ^ there it is.

[iamyouknow-yours]

It's been over a year since I got my mobility scooter and longer since I got my cane. So... Mobility Aid Appreciation Post!

Put your own mobility aid appreciation in the notes, I would like to read!

Wheelchair edition:

I can go on fun adventures with friends, spontaneously as well!

I have gone to various parks, to get snacks, and the other day I scooted from university all the way to my friend's house! I went on the side of a small motorway which was a little bit terrifying but it was fun and I was safe.

I can get around campus so speedily. Well apart from that the accessible routes are a little backwards. But I can go fast to them and arrive before people ambling between classes.

Part of the reason is because people just jump out of my way when they see me coming. They move so fast to not be in my way, it is very funny.

Part 2 of that is that I can go through crowds quite easily. It's a little annoying bc people aren't expecting to look down to see people trying to move. But once they see me they move. And they tell other people to move.

People let me sit at the front of things. I got to sit right at the front of a convention panel and I was so near Kat Graham!!

People open doors for me.

I hardly ever have to wait in line for things, I get put in the front and get to skip the queue.

I can be out of the house for much, much longer.

I am way more patient about my friends wanting to take their time doing things and looking in shops because I don't have to stand, I can sit while they do that.

I have way more stamina for being hungry or cold or tired or sore because I can be sitting while experiencing those things.

The battery has only started Running Out one time and even then she did get me home.

It's helped with learning to drive a car because I am better at understanding the turning circle and how reversing while turning works.

I have gotten better at using my scooter! I am pretty good at maneuvering and judging her distance and stuff. I only bump into corners if I'm in a hurry and in my house ie not making an effort to not hit people's walls.

I've had interesting conversations with people who have come up to me to ask about getting one for a family member. This may be not a perk to some people! So keep that in mind. But I think it's also about my vibe, I usually give off the vibe of "you can come talk to me".

Cane edition:

People give up their seats for me. Especially on the train. If there are no seats, then the old women will squish together and then we all sit next to each other. People are really nice about giving me a seat.

I can climb stairs so much easier!

I haven't lost my balance or fallen or twisted my ankle once while using it.

I can lean on it when I get tired which means I can stay out for a bit longer.

I can use it to get up so so much more easily.

I have a built in fidget toy with the strap.

It folds up and so I can put it in my bag to have just in case.

I hurt my leg one time and boom I already had a mobility aid.

I can use it to walk when my tummy hurts and I can't stand up straight.

And to alleviate your fears, no one has asked me why I switch hands when I use it.

Reminder that it is fully allowed and okay to lie to people when they ask why you're using a mobility aid. You can also say, "It's really difficult to talk about."

Or a funny/brave response like "I didn't read the terms and conditions." and "none of your business".

[piningpercussionist]

I’m shocked that the fandom is alive enough for you to post multiple times a day. My dash is nearly dry of anything sp related (besides this blog)

To be entirely fair, it is, like. Bursts of activity. That I try to prolong with the queue. And lately I've been having to fold back in older posts, try (painfully) to sort through my drafts, or make the content myself lol. I've also been trying to like.. loosen up on what I will and won't post, I suppose, 'cause in the past I've DEFINITELY passed some stuff up based on vibes or too loose an association, in my mind at least. If I see it these days, odds are fairly high it ends up here though! (Even if I am Grinding My Teeth as I do so /j)

But, yeah, people are still very much into Scott Pilgrim! People get in and out of things in waves; I've even seen some people post about just now getting around to Takes Off (without further context to know if that's their introduction or not, not that it really matters much I suppose.)

I think a lot of fandom discussion has possibly moved away from tumblr and more into discord communities, which is why you'll find a bit of a post shortage. (I base this on an. Apparently five hour argument that happened in a discord my friend's in about Scott Pilgrim characters. You don't want to know what about, probably 💀 but that's still 5 hours of Passionate Stances from more than two people! And that wasn’t even a SP specific discord, so far as I'm aware!)

That or people aren't taggin' their stuff ¯\_(･･)_/¯ which is always a possibility. I actually didn't follow a lot of people back in the initial Burst of fandom activity, so untagged/oddly tagged posts that might have been made that I otherwise would love to have here, are unlikely to end up here, most unfortunately. (This is part of why I encourage sending me stuff!)

But like, even just in the discords I am in, there's still activity. I know one person who is currently working on a new AU, for something more specific! And they're also still putting out headcanons now and again. And I'm personally still working on fics and more ask answers in the background, even if you might not see some of that for a while ^^'

(Don't mind me; I'm using the bottom of my answer here to remind people that requests are still very open! I put in tags recently asking if anyone's seen bi or trans pride Scott icons yet, so if those don't exist, I am Politely Begging someone to request them and give me the excuse-)

((Also I still haven't gone back into Scott's tag yet. Can anyone tell me if I'm going to pop a blood vessel, or is it safe?))

(((... ALSO. I don't know that I've ever stated it anywhere, but like... to anyone who's ever been afraid to post something: I'm pretty sure submissions for this blog are open? So I've always been willing and able to post, like, memes, theories, just general thoughts or confessions for people- whatever you want, dude! If you want to do it entirely anonymously, just be sure to sign out before you submit stuff. It should let you 👍)))

[manonamora-if]

June Check-In

My time as a benevolent tropical dictator has ended... time for some resource management retirement.

Bouncing for the summer. ✌️ I may or may not be online during that time. I'm not going in too much details, because it is IRL stuff that doesn't involve just me. I should still have some free time, but not as much as now. You may (probably will) catch random drops on itch.

Onto the usual index:

Recap of last month’s progress

Plan for the next month

The mega to-do-list tm that hasn't really changed.

Still long post under the break. If you want a mini version, head on over to itch.io as usual!

May Progress

Pulling out THE LIST from last month and checking the progress:

Play more games ✅

It's always a check because... there's always a jam we're doing with the @neointeractives, so there's always something to play. Anyways... this month fed be real good. Between the SpringThing (still not done reviewing), the Text Adventure Literacy Jam (have to queue my reviews - I placed third!!), the Dialogue Jam (you can read my thoughts here), the Locus Jam (lookie here), and the REALLY BAD IF jam (it's going to take me a while still)... there was a lot! But also a lot of fun!it also, unfortunately, gave me way too many new ideas...

Oh. It's also been one full year since I started writing reviews! And I've reached the 2nd spot on the IFDB ranking! Over 500 reviews to get there...

Code Chapter 6/Endings❌

MelS is still working on those, chipping away at the pages bit by bit, trying make that last chapter the best final chapter possible. But there are a lot of pages to go through... he's doing his best!

Fixing an older games. ❌

I mean, I bug-fixed my TALP entry, but I don't think that count (and there's some more stuff I could edit too). I've been too busy/all over the place to sit down and go back at it.

Write the next Chapter/Scene of a WIP✅❌

Well, yes and no. I've been revisiting Exquisite Cadaver in the hope of finishing it for real (but I got distracted...), and re-reading it... I've CRINGED SO HARD AT THE WRITING. Like :/ it's so not great.

So before we can make substantial progress in the missing rounds, I will:

re-write the already coded rounds (and fix the insane amount of typos

re-code them (duh)

edit the Interface (the template is a bit all over the place)

fix some other code

other stuff I'm forgetting for sure.

The prologue is completely done, and I've started on the rounds. I think I'll update the game when the re-writes are done. Then do an Interface/code uphaul. Then add more rounds (or switch 1 and 2).

I'm trying to keep this for this summer. That would be good. I think I could even finish it (knock on wood and what not).

What else happened this month????

Well, the organisation of the Locus Jam and the REALLY BAD IF, and setting up Neo-Twiny once again (@neo-twiny-jam). That's... a lot more work than just pressing some buttons 😅

On the writing side, I've written a novel as a Post-Mortem for Jeangille. You can find it here.

More writing... Well, I've mentioned being distracted a few times already this month? That's because... I've gone a bit overboard with tiny stuff. Here's what you may have missed:

I PROMISE I AM WORKING ON THE GAME (Locus/RBIF - binksi)

the 500 rooms game (RBIF - Inform)

Tomato Tomato (RBVN/bitsy jam - binksi - will be made better)

Cloak of Darkness (porting to multiple IF programs -> source code included to see how an engine works)

So hum... yeah. Not super great on the plan. The more I push it, the less I manage... But also I made fun stuff so...

Maybe on really cool thing coming out of this month is... GETTING THIRD PLACE FOR Lysidice and the Minotaur! With a strong average of 4!!! Which is SO MUCH BETTER THAN LAST YEAR!!!

The PLANtm for June

I won't have Tropico or most of my Steam Library to distract me in the next month. I actually will have a lot of IRL stuff to deal with. Aside from dealing with the Neo-Twiny Jam and Anti-Romance Jam organisation, you will probably not hear much from me.

Still, during down time, I would try to:

Play more games: I need to finish my RBIF thread, and start the Neo-Twiny one (if it's like last year, better start early!). And finish the reviews to the previous comps too.

Code Chapter 6/Endings: Still on MelS. Though I still could do some stuff... I've been putting it off since he's not made as much progress as we'd hoped.

Fixing an older games. Well, I'm re-writing Exquisite Cadaver, if I manage that and the Interface, that goal will be filled. Or the Tomato Tomato one.

Write the next Chapter/Scene of a WIP. And if I could manage to write one more game round for EC, we'll be golden!

Let's have a boring month! For realsies.

I'm also planning on just... logging off from the internet for long periods of time (the IRL stuff).

~

The 2024 To-Do List:

And now we're back at the start... SIGH

The hopefully maybe easy to handle To-Do:

fix the bugs in EDOC + overall the French version to match (waiting for Adventuron to get the French language)

fix the bugs of TRNT + find a way to add the missing pieces (giving up on the translation)

fixing the interface of LPM and the popups + check animal interactions

figure out the One-Button JavaScrip/jQuery issue...

edit the loading screens of the completed tiny games to include the program/format logo at least.

The 'Need a Bunch of Content to update but it's planned!' To-Do:

Update my website (bunch new title - also I don't think the logo clicky thing work...) + redo my itch page (un-stricking cause I need to update it)

Finish TTATEH (MelS dependent)

Finish Exquisite Cadaver (half-way mark by this summer - manif)

Finish P-Rix - Space Trucker (main path at least)

Update CRWL (it's been almost two years... I'm ashamed)

The Unlikely But it Would be Dope To-Do

Finish The Dinner as it was planned (and translate)

Finish In the Blink of an Eye as it was planned (and retranslate)

Finish The Rye in the Dark City

Fixing TTTT (at least fixing, maybe try adding some storylets)

And finally The 'It's impossible, but one can wish' TO-DO:

Remaster SPS IH (if I managed to start this after completing the rest... I'm going to eat a whole sheet cake).

Start the IFComp project (2025? Might end up being a ST?)

[avpdvoidspace]

I have avpd and I don’t trust myself regarding relationships. I have so much yearning for love and affection, because I feel lonely and I’m so touch starved. And with avpd making me feel unlovable, I often fantasize about the cliche of being saved. So I’m afraid that I’ll be too blind when I meet someone. And I often hear how I should love myself before someone else can love me. And how love won’t make my life better or make me happy, I need to make myself happy. Stuff like that. So now when I’m yearning I’m feeling stupid, and I’m wondering if it’s bad to yearn for love when it doesn’t exist in my life and hope that it would make me more satisfied with life. I have never known it, so I can’t compare it to anything. Is it stupid to try to find love and then it’ll just feel worse when I know what to miss when it’s gone? At least the pain I feel now is not based on anything real. Why can’t I just be content with my own little life? I try to keep myself busy and do things I like but it’s just so empty and I just wish I had someone to hold me once in a while. Is it stupid and delusional to have that yearning? How do I stop it?

"And I often hear how I should love myself before someone else can love me. And how love won’t make my life better or make me happy, I need to make myself happy." Honestly I think these sentiments hurt a lot of people who struggle with mental health, and the first one in particular has caused me a lot of fear, pain, and feelings of worthlessness. As far as I'm concerned, it's just not true that you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. For many people, they are loved before they even have a sense of self. The people who raise them give them love, which helps to build a foundation of self that they in turn can love. So the typical experience of being human is being loves before you can love yourself. Some of us don't get that. We might be cared for well enough to survive infancy but treated badly by guardians who resent our existence. We can't learn to love ourselves if we're treated with disdain from birth. And maybe we go a long time before someone shows us genuine love. A person like that could have a hard time loving themselves for the rest of their life. Do they not deserve to be loved? Would it not benefit them? That's the situation I find myself in. And it's more than just not loving myself. I often have hatred and contempt for myself. Being loved by other people actually helps me quite a bit in that regard. It's not easy, and I often feel undeserving of them or like they'd be better off without me, but the loving relationships I have do make my life much much better. I think you bring up a very valid issue--of feeling 'blind' when you meet someone. I've definitely been in a position where I think someone is one of my best friends and cares for me deeply only to find out they were using me or taking advantage of me (and queue a period of extreme self hatred for being 'stupid enough' to let someone in). Unfortunately that's a risk. My best advice for that is to give relationships time before you commit to them. A lot of time. Like two years at least, and at that point, reflect on the relationship. Don't be afraid to move on if it's not working for you, and if it is, that's great. And that goes for friendships as well as romantic relationships imo. Anyway, I definitely think people with avpd are deserving and worthy of relationships, even if we can never love ourselves. I resent the whole "you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you" thing. I think it's an incredibly damaging belief forced on us, often by people who haven't experienced growing up without love. And it's just absolutely not true.

[dollsonmain]

Work stuff

I had hoped that Owner would still be on the register in the mornings so I could do Tasks and he hasn't been.

Turns out that's because he's now closing the store at night. He shows up right around the time that I'm trying to get my lunch.

I've been left alone all week, mostly.

I'm still bad at it. She had said to have fewer sandwiches in the cold case because there are fewer people coming in when it's colder out, so I did, and then she was like "Hey, make more sandwiches...." and I was like "..... ok"

I'm going to have to ask her for more information about the counts being "wrong". She didn't say which way.

I'm also confused as to how counts are kept since there's all this weird swapping of money going on. Money can be swapped between the lottery and regular register but always equal (I ran out of $20 bills one day and she swapped a $100 from my register to the lottery register, taking 5x$20 from the lottery register and putting it in mine), and large bills or if there are too many of a certain kind of bills (like if there are $300 in ones which happens sometimes and makes it difficult to deal with the $1 bills in the bin) are stashed away elsewhere so they can't be grabbed in a robbery. Now and then I come back to the register and need to stash another big bill and all of them are gone because Manager has come out while I was doing Tasks and taken them. Or she'll reach into the register and take the big stack of $20s sometimes and I'm like "Ok......." I ASSUME she's putting them in a money bag in the back office to count later, but I don't know, and I don't think the office is being monitored like the rest of the store.

If it was short, it's possible that I forgot to hit the "clear" button between people on the lottery register and accidentally paid out one ticket twice. That's something that happens now and then, she's said. One employee did that for a full day so the total kept going up and up for each person that came in, accidentally giving out hundreds of dollars.

The other register has apparently been counting up wrong, too. She says "We can't figure out when it's happening..." which is like ok.... I'm going to assume it's been happening since I started working there or she wouldn't keep bringing it up, but I don't know when it's happening, either. I do know they're watching me closely and can see that I'm not stealing but it is very likely that I'm counting change wrong.

I have done the "I see a different money than I am holding" thing two times, and I have caught myself putting money in the wrong slot on the register a couple times, which I would hope the fact that I noticed that when I did do it means that I noticed EVERY time I did it.

There was ONE time that a customer gave me a $100 an I counted out her nearly $80 in change then she said I'd shorted her $5 and I had been watching so I knew she didn't hide it and sure enough, I owed her another $5. That was easy to fix.

I appreciate the patient customers.

That Guy was like "Why don't you make some sort of verbal queue?" and I was like "I DO!!!"

When a cash transaction happens, I say out loud "That'll be Five Sixty Seven, please. Out of 10? That's Four Thirty Three. 1. 2. 3. 4. 25. 30. 31. 32. 33. Four Dollars and Thirty Three Cents (while placing it in their hand). Thank you! Have a good day!"

EVERY TIME.

OUT LOUD.

NO SHAME.

[thessalian]

Thess vs MCM Comic Con, Day 1

Well, first of all was yesterday, with Marion (one of my D&D players) arriving in London. She settled in nicely, I sat her down in front of Honour Among Thieves and Nimona, and the first few episodes of The Sandman, and we did some basic prep for the upcoming con. Only down sides involved the kitchen sink, which decided to back up on us. That still hasn't been entirely fixed but I'm working on it in stages.

This morning, we got up and headed for the convention, which ironically went a lot easier for me than for Marion - first she forgot to get her ticket verified at the same time as I was getting mine, and then she offered him the wrong confirmation email (she went to a smaller con here a few weeks ago). But we got it sorted out and headed in to see the things.

Good news is that they learned their lesson from the 2018 Critical Role panel and will be streaming it to every stage in the building. Bad news is that they underestimated the popularity of Baldur's Gate 3 and we couldn't even get near the queue for their panel. Apparently they're doing another one tomorrow but honestly, we might not bother. The stream's bound to end up on YouTube at some point anyway.

We wandered. I bought a set of dice (Scanlan-themed, mostly because I like purple), and picked up a lot of business cards. There's some neat stuff that I'll go over when there's not someone trying to sleep in the next room. I also threw axes because ... why not? Apparently my form was perfect and I would have done better than three out of eight if I'd put a bit more power behind my throws. Honestly, given the fibromyalgia, I'm surprised I did as well as I did. There are pictures - another one for later.

Then we went home via the big Sainsbury's, and I picked up drain cleaner (which has not really helped) and eventually put some dinner together. More Sandman and various other bits of fun.

Tomorrow is autograph and picture day. That's mainly what we're both there for, but we're happy to see a few panels if the mood takes us. Having to be a little careful about the spending this time around, though, because apparently my overtime pay has not gone through. Again. So I'm going to have to email Scruffman about that. But being on a budget isn't so bad. Although oddly, one of the three purchases I made today wasn't at the con at all. There was a bin of Squishmallows at the big Sainsbury's and while most of them were green dragons, there was one purple manatee. All by itself. Purple. Manatee. Squishmallow. It was like it was put there just for me.

Right. I'mma go crash. Tomorrow's a big day and I should be well-rested for it.

[bonesandthebees]

Weird question and also no pressure to answer this at all!! But uhh i was wondering if like u and firesnap and all those ppl youve gone to lovejoy gigs were like irls or like... hm how do i phrase this

Ig what I'm trying to say is, how did you meetup safely with someone you met online?

Because I have someone I trust with my life, like I've literally given them . Probably too much information about me shfngkfk but the thought of meeting up with them, while i absolutely want to. So so badly. It's also... really scary now that im thinking about seriously?

Ive actually met up w someone online before and we did it super safely but that was bc they were already visiting close to where i lived so their plans didnt Rely on that. But this would be me flying to where they live, solely to meetup with them. And that thought is terrifying and . Yeah sorry if this is a weird ask shfkf i just thought that since youve (possibly?) done it before that it might be a good place to ask. But if this is like weird or too heavy or anything then uh dont answer!! Shfkgk help im so awkward at this and am maybe regretting this but im also literally not sure who else to ask so 😭😭

But also i recognize that ur literally just here for fic n stuff so i dont wanna put any pressure on u!!

Im so sorry if this made you uncomfy, pls just delete this from ur inbox if it did FHFJFK

this is a really good question, I don't mind answering it at all! I'd say when you're meeting up with an online friend irl, you have to consider specific details to figure out the safest way to go about it

firstly, if you're a minor you need to be extra cautious. this isn't to say you turn 18 and you're magically safe now, but as a minor you are much more likely to be targeted by creeps wanting to meet up with you irl.

when I've met internet friends irl, I've done it in a few different ways. by far the dumbest and riskiest way I ever met a friend that turned out fine but I look back at and cringe on was when I was 19 and I straight up just drove to a friend's house (she was 27 at the time for reference) when I found out she lived an hour away from me. I'd never met her in person before but we'd been talking for several months and I'd seen pictures of her, but just straight up going to a stranger's house was really stupid on my end. I sent the address to my mom before I left along with my friend's name and number so I took some precautions, but still that was very risky. it turned out totally fine and she's still a really close friend of mine to this day, but yeah uhh don't do that unless you're REALLY confident in whoever you're meeting up with

as for my more recent meetups, I met roxy eli and meri for the first time last year when we all agreed to go to twitchcon san diego together (though actually I'd met meri a month before bc they happened to be visiting a city close to me for a few days, so I drove over and picked them up at their airbnb and we got dinner it was very fun). for me I was the least at risk with twitchcon because I'm from southern california, so if things got weird I literally could've just driven home. it was more risky on roxy, eli, and meri's ends because they all had to fly out for the trip. it helped though that we were all staying at an airbnb instead of someone's house. we'd all seen plenty of pictures of each other at that point, and we were all in our 20s so I think that's why we all felt more comfortable with it as well, but no matter what meeting up with people you meet online carries a level of risk to it

firesnap was one of the least risky meetups I've done lol. she had an extra ticket to see lovejoy in NY, I already had been planning a trip to new york to visit a childhood friend of mine who lived there, so we just met up while I was over there. I stayed at my friend's place, firesnap had her own hotel, and we just met up at the lovejoy venue and hung out in the queue all day. that was easy because I had my own place I was staying at, firesnap her own place she was staying, we weren't relying on each other for any of that so if something had been weird we both would've been able to dip. so I was far less cautious with that one and didn't even see a picture of firesnap until literally the day before we met up

overall, I think if you want to fly out solely to meet a friend, you need to take a few steps to make sure you're safe. first off, see if you can do a video call with them at one point to confirm that your friend is really who they say they are. get their real name, phone number, and address and give it to someone you know so if things go wrong someone knows where you are. and when you fly out, make sure you have a backup plan to get out if things get weird. see if you have any family or friends you've already met in person that live nearby who can get you if things aren't feeling right, and if not, find a hotel near where your friend lives and make sure you have enough money to stay at it in case of an emergency. and if your phone has a tracking ability on it (like find my iphone) make sure someone you know has access to that. keep your irls updated on where you are and what you're doing, and if you're really paranoid, establish a safeword that you can text family or friends back home to let them know something has gone wrong and you need help.

I hope that helps! just take precautions and always make sure you have a way to get out if you need. communicate with people you know back home and have a plan in place with them so they can help you get out if you need. but I'm sure you'll have a good time. I've had a great time meeting up with online friends so I'm hoping you have the same luck!

[rabbiteclair]

after I mentioned it last night multiple people expressed interest in my thoughts on Lobotomy Corp so here we go.

(cut for various minor spoilers)

This is the kind of game where my friends who've already beaten it are gathered around me like a pack of hyenas watching a wounded gazelle, asking me questions like "so, what do you think of this character?" and then huddling up to whisper amongst themselves, presumably eagerly waiting for me to hit the scene where, I dunno, Hod vivisects and eats a baby while looking directly into the camera or whatever.

People really looked at what happened to the word Sephirot(h) and went 'listen, we're just getting started' huh.

If Hod wants to eat a baby though, I think that's her right. I wanna hug Hod.

Netzach can have one too. A hug, I mean. Eating a baby would probably just make him more depressed.

Yesod is in the 'fucked up, but I can see how he got there' tier. If the game gave me true managerial oversight, I'd make Netzach share half his drugs with Yesod. I think it'd be good for both of them.

Malkuth is kinda scary, but I like her anyway.

Angela is just scary and at this point I'm 90% sure that there's some 'the PC is [important thing here] and she is fucking with your memory/perception to hide it' stuff going on. If I had to guess, that blank is 'actually B' or 'actually A', but I'm going on pretty scant and indirect clues so far.

This game is going to be forever warring with Arknights in my mind for the rights to define the word 'Enkephalin.'

Judging by my friends, I've had pretty horrible luck so far, including the game skipping me directly from Teth to Waw and then giving me some of the roughest Waws to boot. I only got He ones later.

As of last night I'm currently around day 20 and getting ready to make my first rewind back to day 1, because hoo boy am I not prepared for Alephs.

I was dreading rewinding, because I am very attached to my pro super agents Max and Yum-Yum, and then I realized. I also have the fucking... iron maiden thing. The one that you can only use/research by letting it murder people. The one that I haven't researched at all, because I don't have people to feed to it. But if I'm rewinding anyway... Thanks for your hard work, everyone, I'm just gonna need you to leave your gear at home today, form a queue, and step through this door one at a time. Don't mind the screams.

I might still spare Max and Yum-Yum though. Go free, my friends. I have no quarrel with you. Try not to get blood on your shoes, there's gonna be a lot of it.

One Sin, Fragment of the Universe, and Scorched Girl are my friends.

The first time Meat Lantern escaped I went 'okay, I don't know what this guy is capable of, so let's round up everyone I have and send them in to pummel it with their best weapons.' It killed literally every agent except like two who had guns, in one gigantic bloodsplosion. I've discovered some ways for Meat Lantern to kill people that my friends didn't know was possible.

Old Lady, Child of the Galaxy, and Naked Nest aren't friends exactly, but they're generally well-behaved energy-printing machines. My friends insist that Naked Nest isn't, but my kid Max has that thing locked down. (Sorry again if I do torture you to death in an electronic iron maiden, Max.) Every Zayin I haven't mentioned basically falls in this category, except they don't actually make meaningful levels of energy at this point.

FUCK Alriune, all my homies hate Alriune.

CENSORED is pointedly not my friend, but it's so funny that I can't dislike it. To a lesser extent this also includes Grave of Cherry Blossoms, because every time it's gone off, it's killed some clerk while I watch and go 'eh, this is fine.'

[glam-hutchence]

This jsnt the post you want to read but.. tonight was not good :(

I have currently been awake for 37 hours (minus a barely half an hour sleep before I had to get up)

The queueing was fine, I made some friends and we played many games of uno, and they were so nice and caring (suggesting I put sunscreen on bc I'm so pale but I thought I'd be fine. I wasn't. At all. 😭😭 I am very burnt on arms/legs/NOSE 😭) I Forgot to put it on this morning big sad

Waiting to be let into the venue was fine, getting to the barrier was fine

Jimmy eat World were great again, got excited for the middle bc it's the only one I know, and another one it sounded like I knew it but idk the name rn

I was having a good time with the ppl around me while we waited, we joked and played 20 questions but guessing an animal

MCR came on. So excited, so ready for night 2. But hard to see but I was managing during foundations.

Sigh.

But as soon as na na na started, ppl went fucking feral. Like full on purposely pushing and shoving to the point where no one could move or even fucking breathe properly. It was so dangerous we couldn't keep both feet on the ground firmly.

I couldn't even focus on the music, I just was trapped in between ppl and couldn't move. This vile person behind me said "I'll make my way to the front and I'll take you with me" so she was basically thrusting and pushing hard and it was so horrible. I didn't want to get out bc I didn't want her to get to my place, but I couldn't take.it anymore. I lasted maybe twenty minutes to half an hour at best and I just had to fucking get out of there.

There was this kind and sweet soul who asked if I was okay before I left and when I had enough I tapped her shoulder and pointed out and she got securitys attention. It was hard to get out, I couldn't even turn around for them to grab me :( and the same girl literally grabbed my leg to help lift me up bc I just couldn't jump. I know it's their job but the security leading me to the chill out area, and the lady there were so nice. When she asked if I was okay I just couldn't stop crying. Tears had come out in the pit and when I was getting out bc it was just too much. I was all hot and shaking and she kept giving me water and offer first aid stuff if i wanted them to come.

I know how pits are. I know they can get rough and ppl get pushed around. But not like this. Even the ppl in the discord group said so many ppl were dangerous and horrible and that tonight was rougher than last night.

I stayed in that area for twenty minutes and I missed four songs. I was so upset and cried half bc of what happened and half bc of missing out. When I did leave the room, she gave me double the amount of water in the cup and I went to the back of the pit. I think the Panadol I had helped calm me down (she had also offered me some)

I was so sad bc I was barely meters away from my favourite band, to being on the other side. I couldn't focus properly on the songs after that. There was half an hour left and I tried taking photos. I just wasn't into it like I wanted to be, like yesterday:( I rmr Helena and the kids from yesterday most properly if I have to be honest. I can't rmr much at all which is so fucking disappointing. This would have been the only show I would have gone to if I didn't get a seat for last night. Fucking lucky I did bc that was the best night I could have asked for. I'm just sad. Tonight didn't go as I hoped it would and I deserved so much better. :( </3

Also, side note: this is the third time I've smelt weed. First was rhcp night 1, and once during the lining up today and again in the pit. And for me, it smells bloody awful. I don't ever want to try it at all. (fucking disclaimer bc idc if you love it and have it all the time and that it helps you. It's very clear that it is not for me based on this).

After it ended as I was walking to the car I saw a doughnut truck and got six chocolate sprinkle ones and it was so yummy and slightly made me feel better.

When I told the discord frens what happened they were so nice and supportive and understood bc they experienced the horrible-ness as well. I tried to stand my ground but it was too much for me. 8ve never had to leave general admission before, I feel like I failed myself, even tho I literally did the right thing to protect myself. I did notice a small cut on my forehead. So that's all you need to know.

When I got home, I ate (got some maccas on the way) and then I had a quick shower to wash away those bad vibes. Now I'm going to go the fuck to sleep

[jekyll2life]

A Formal Apology for my Sudden Disappearance (10/18/24)

Hello everyone! It's Jester.

After a very extended break, I wanted to come back here and re-invigorate some life into this blog. But first, I believe I owe all of you an apology and an explanation for why I disappeared so suddenly and for so long.

At the beginning of this year, I found myself at a new job. And while I found my work very fun and fulfilling, it also left me significantly busier than I was before. I tried my best to keep uploading at my regular pace, but within three months I was burnt out. Maintaining the schedule on one platform was barely manageable, let alone two. So unfortunately, I decided to drop Tumblr first. Since I only use Tumblr on desktop (I don't have the Tumblr app on my phone because the version on the Apple app store censors certain tags. And trying to upload through browser causes it to crash), uploading pictures takes more time than uploading to Instagram directly from my phone.

As I've said though, I only managed to keep the schedule on Instagram for three months before burning out. Between March and July, I spent more of my time prioritizing my duties at my new job. Then once my tenure was over, I ended up moving to a different place, which was a hectic process all on its own.

As time passed, I became interested in other things, and debated about quitting altogether. The thing that ended up bringing me back was, quite fittingly, Jackson. With more free time after the move, I made Jackson a new outfit that I wanted to show off. And that ended up getting me to take pictures again. XD

Even so, it took me some time to find a new schedule that was actually sustainable for me. I've been getting more into drawing lately, and I wanted to find a balance between taking pictures and my other interests.

Which leads us to October. I've found a schedule that works for me now, and I believe I'm ready to go back to posting on two platforms.

Upon logging in again though, I found that I received multiple messages worrying about my whereabouts. It warms my heart that you all care about Jackson and his humble clown human so much. I'm really sorry I made you all worry. Tbh, I didn't think my online presence had much of an impact, so I didn't think about any possible consequences of just up and vanishing the way I did.

Thank you to everyone who sent me messages of concern while I was gone. I'm sorry I vanished for so long without saying anything, and I promise next time I take a break I'll say something before leaving.

In the meantime, I've loaded up the queue with all the photos I've take over the past few months. Lots of new pictures are coming.

Additionally, I've closed my Etsy shop in favor of getting a Ko-Fi. All the sewing patterns I've had before are there now, as well as some physical doll clothes and stickers I've drawn myself. Feel free to check it out if you'd like.

As always, I hope you all look forward to the continuation of Jackson's adventures. 💛

Sincerely,

The Clown Behind the Camera 🤡

TLDR: I disappeared from the internet because I was overwhelmed with irl stuff. But I'm back now.

[tiikerikani]

All aboard the time machine

2024 Aug 18 – Utran Uittoareena, Joensuu

Funnily, 2 years ago, on this same mid-August weekend, I also saw Rautiainen on Friday and Vesterinen on Sunday. But that's not the only parallel, as you will soon find out...

The usual shore pic:

I cut short my traditional listen-through of Sorni Nai because I heard music coming over from the theatre already at like 4:15. I went over to the yard there and sat on the usual steps facing the restaurant. Turns out the audio techs were setting up their stuff using tapes from previous performances, which ... really confused me at first.

Regular Groupie drives through the yard at 4:25, followed immediately by Merch Table Guy and Merch Lady. Regular Groupie walks over to me a bit later to say hi (she'd ended up parking the car in the other lot outside). At this point (about 4:45) the band van shows up and the guests who had purchased the pre-show dinner go inside the restaurant.

When I went inside to get my usual mug of coffee, I noticed that there was a stack of paper tickets by the till. So they did exist, despite not having really needed to use them. Anyway, I found out on Friday that they do actually scan the ticket QR codes now (they might have switched to this last year, since my paper ticket then had a unique alphanumeric code printed on it), so I'd printed out the ticket email at the library the day before.

The same (I think) two fangirls who blocked me in the queue last year started the queue again this time, but I remembered from Friday that there would be a second lane so I took up position there instead. I was first to be let in at 5:55 (yay for QR code on paper) and casually jogged to my normal first row seat. The girls took the other side of the centre aisle.

It's also my tradition to read something sociology/philosophy-related while queuing/waiting.

The woman and her husband on the other side of me were local. They weren't able to snag tickets last year but were on the ball this year. I think they must be newer fans because they didn't know about my cape. She was really excited to practise speaking English with me (it happens, I don't really mind). She'd recently lost a family member, so she was in tears the whole time. Not to trivialise her grief but certain songs trigger a grief-like mood in me as well and I also wanted to cry but sometimes I just can't. It makes these posts really hard to write.

Pictures part, I guess:

These people in the boat hung around a bit. There were also some people sitting on the dock on the other side of the river almost the whole time. Hey, free entertainment.

People more proficient with their cameras or whatever can go ahead and take their portrait photos of his infectious happy face. I'll be in this corner trying to capture his other, less common, expressions. My pictures don't win any popularity contests and that's OK.

Oh hey got a good picture of Markus and his grin again (he was not wearing fun socks)

I tried to get a few more of these reaction shots but I need more practice with the iPhone:

Why is he gesturing at me again after a [checks notes] 15-month break? (I'm not complaining but I thought he was over it.)

The two fangirls hung around after and wanted the set list signed by whoever they were able to catch, such as Jukka-Pekka. Markus was talking with some couple, and the fangirls and I hovered trying to find a gap in the conversation. It just didn't feel like it was happening so when I did get a moment I just said "Thank you" and shook hands and went on my way.

Maybe it's because it was Sunday, but the place cleared out really quickly. Like all the guests had either disappeared into the bar or (more likely) gone away within at most 20 minutes. Even Regular Groupie had to jet because she had work the following morning and needed to drive like 6 hours to get home. (She's told me once but I don't remember where she's from.)

Merch update: In addition to the denim jackets with the back patch, they'd also printed the design on the backs of t-shirts. Which, in my opinion, is less fun because it isn't as self-referential that way. They were also selling the patch separately so people could sew it onto their own things, but they'd already sold all they'd brought with them this weekend. I'm not really sure where I'd sew it. Like it looks quite large but is it the same size as the big Nightwish patch on the bottom of my party overalls? It'd take up a huge chunk of the apron I got for Vappu this year, which I'd hoped would give me at least a couple years' worth of space...

Maailma palaa

Kohti sydänpeltoja

Samaan mutkaan kaatunut

Jamesin takki

Kolme hyvää vinkkiä

Ilman mua

Tummilla teillä

Rodeo

Turisti [intermission]

Exodus

Valot eteiseen

Kiljut riemusta

Faarao

Kanto (yes the guitar solo is improvised.)

Kukaan ei koskaan

Nuoriherra

Hetken ikuinen

// Arlandan portailla

[Concert write-up archive and master calendar]

[argentumcor]

Paracausal Refit Future

This series has lived in my head for a long time, ideas bouncing about, but I wanted to badly to keep it to canon that I put a lot of them on the backburner. (Oooh, that's numerous mixed metaphors, I'm almost proud.)

I find, generally, canon is more a gift than a restriction. Writers, especially pros, who complain about it are pussies and/or egotists. Art needs limits and discipline, because otherwise it gets out of hand...and the artist might be tempted to even greater self-indulgence than he or she already endures by nature of being an artist.

However, Destiny just...I don't know, since Stasis was introduced as a power Guardians could get, kind of going in directions I found I didn't like. The underpinnings of the Light and Darkness conflict, as well as the interesting ideas involved in how paracausality worked, were being abandoned. (Knowing what I do of the development and watching the writing, I think there was a lot of philosophical conflict in the writers' room for this game, applying to both the overarching story and characters). I'd say Plunder was the real start of the true downward swing, though. Just a lot of wasted potential, from Spider's heel-face turn to the lackluster fight between Eramis and Mithrax to the effing Nezcafe, just slapped together. Others have gone at length upon the issues with Lightfall's story, I have nothing of note to add there.

It all feels so perfunctory. It feels like these epic, interesting, fun setups and just no...funds or time or interest or skill to finish them off properly.

Seraph so transparently existed only to tie up Rasputin's loose ends. As well as the loss of the potential of a mortal Exo Rasputin, what else is there for Ana to do? She's just some other Hunter with a tech interest as far as the story cares with Rasputin utterly gone. I don't like her, but people do, and she is there, but what is she left to do? Live a life out of one of those boring modern Marvel comics? (The answer, I am 99% certain, is yes.)

Someone must have lobbied to tie up Asher's long-dangling plot thread and promised it would be done in as cheap a way as possible. There was an exotic mission with some fun stuff, but we didn't learn anything much, and then Asher- the fighter against all odds, the man so irritated that he refuses to die- just offs himself because the odds look hopeless. We don't even learn anything about the Veil, Osiris did that with no connection to that questline at all. (I know they could bring him back, but that thing with Ikora and Mithrax felt final).

I think Savathun is going to really die at the end of this season as part of Eris' plan, which will wrap that up and waste a brilliant character.

I am sure The Final Shape will be fun. I'm not sure it will be a satisfying story. Going to the Cayde memberberries well makes me very apprehensive. There's interesting potential there, for sure, but I doubt it will be properly explored.

This is a very long way of saying I'm not really satisfied with the way canon has been handled. Dissatisfied to the extent that I feel driven to do something about it, which isn't often. I'm dissatisfied with the lack of a follow-up to Dredd (2012), but am not driven to write a sequel. I found The Mandalorian Season 3 deeply dissatisfying, but I have no desire to try to fix it in fic.

I find myself driven to tackle Destiny's story in Paracausal Refit, in much the same way I was driven to write an admittedly very strange (and long, how did that happen) work following up on Cyberpunk 2077. I should use the time and ideas for my own work- I've got a novel to write and more in the mental queue- but I will add this to the mix anyway, and not scrub the serial numbers off. There's a sense of writing it being the right thing to do, a sort of righting of a creative wrong, while Orpehus After the Fall was, hm, a commentary that needed to be made.

It's so far from purely that, I enjoy writing and I enjoy having fun with the characters and worlds, but the motive is not just that. It's not to get off, either, literally (I will never write a sex scene; among other things, it would be badly written) or in an ego sense.

I have some ideas to organize, I guess.

[salamispots]

blue banded goby merm from instagram