shoptildeath-blog

[kor0kke]

Monolith Love 🫀

(04-08-2024) "Love your GF even if a monolith from unknown origin corrupted her into a demoniatic goat with teeth everywhere (be careful they bite)"

I feel like share one of my favorite illustrations of one of my fav mods! (Monday Dusk Monolith) I STILL SOOO DAMN OBSSESED WITH THEM!! Besides mod being dead with a cancelled revival, I still enjoy draw them cause they have a special place on my heart 🫶 (lie I dont have heart but if I had im sure they would have place)

Some people know I'm addicted to this au so they show me time to time fanarts they do (AND IF YOU DO YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO SHOW ME AND TAG ME TOO ISTG I LOVE THEM SM) they were one of the reasons I did this lol

I've talked too much now how I end up this uhhh look at this: 𓆏

Btw Here's some alts cause I think my ass got a lil too much excited with the fx lol

[ddarianne]

Oh god I overindulged, my back hurts and I should be sleeping. Good news is, becasue I'm so fed up with tf2 I will be able to do work peacefully. I've been obssesed with tf2, but now I've had enough, like cheese you can have enough. The au belongs to @lenny-link vonderful au (artowrk from here GO CLICK IF YOU HAVEN'T THEIR DESIGNS ARE PRETTY DOPE!) just had fun taking on their designs while putting a spin on my own and then I just had even more fun thinking about the guns and just thinking WITH SHAPES, IT'S ALL ABOUT THE SHAPES PEOPLE. Do think of these versions as more TF2 than SU because I wanted to keep the og palette to the best of my abilities. also had to do research on gems but i might have to do a more general search because colour palette =/= gem that exists lol. now that my lil' fun is over and evrything hurts, idk if to do the others, maybe this is it and I just dissapear for 4 years heh. Anyways I also have other social media *wink wonk*

[another-delta-lover]

Didn't turn out how I wanted it to, imma fix the lights tomorrow

OH GOD IT TURNED OUT WORSE THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD ABAHSVHAHD, The poses r ok but OH GOD THE LIGHTNING IS SO BADDD, Heavy's head fault btw.

Anyway I deeply apologize for this (me when I lie), won't happen again (me when I lie)

[ Stuff I learnt: ]

Call me william afton bc

I LOVE THE MEDIBOT DESIGN ALQOWNSLABDKABBGAND

I HATE LIGHTNING

Call me william afton bc

I'm obssesed with being able to turn off the lights of the map 😋

I can change the lights to do interesting stuff, idk how to describe it

I like making Heavy just a lil bit taller than he is with the scale tool😔

Callmewilliamaftonbc

Guess what map is this btw

[endofmatthews]

somebody said that to other people shauna may not look as the angry/possesive type of person, because it doesn't match her appareance and now i'm obssesed. any hcs about pre-crash shauna who looks nerdy and chill from the outside but with reader she is the opposite and kind of (very) possesive?

shauna. 😍😜 possessive shauna. 🥰🥰 she’s so cutesy!

i think she’d be into casual dominance — telling you to sleep on time for that stupid event at school tomorrow, picking your outfits and keeping her hands on you whenever you were out in public. shes too shy to do it around the girls, of course, so she’s just holding your pinky with hers and it’s so #gorga!

also! imagine that lil party they go to where shauna wears the boob dress! she can see you staring and you’re like, hooked to her. shed death glare anyone who even slightly looks at you too hard, because i think between whatever jackie was asking her to take a hit of and this.. jungle juice, she’s feeling a little bold tonight. the first prick who tried to hit on you was met with her glaring at them and her sticking her tongue down your throat in a passionate kiss that has you weak in the knees. she deeeefinitely makes you get under her dress to eat her out while you’re pulled over on the side of some road near her house because you thought she looked insatiable.

[self-indulgentmanic]

Who is your most favorite character and who is your least favorite in the spirit hunter series?

Oh God I always struggle choosing for these kinda things For favorite is easy, I'm obviously going for Yashiki, he ticks off everything in my checklist for my type in fictional men [Goatee, medium hair, glasses, middle aged, looks like they hadnt showered in a while] And also hes just a fun character in general, traumatized, depressed, and stressed, but also a very silly middle aged man. Everything about him is so interesting from his backstory, to how his amnesia is handled is cool af Im so obssesed with him

LEAST FAVORITE THO?? Thats a tough one, aside from the bad guys, I cant really pinpoint which character I dont like most.... but if I had to say then probably Konoe? Idk I dont hate him or even dislike him a lil, hes just incomparable to the rest of the cast soooo

I like his suit and hair tho

These asks are so fun I love talking about Death Mark dsadusajdkrsf

how bout you guys? Whos y'alls favorite and least favorite DM character?

[mj4eva]

★·ɪɴᴛʀᴏ·★

hey guyss || welcome <33,

about me:

my name is tori, im 17 from melb, aus. I have been a fan of MJ since 2015 and literally have been in love w him since. I love music in general, it acts as my escape and a place where i can really feel safe and not judged. I love the 60's , like if there was a time machine that could send me back, SEND ME BACK ASAP. idk jus smth about that era makes me so happy and the music (ugh don't even get me started). I'm a taurus (lol random). lastly, i absolutely adore singing, like girl there ain't a millisecond of the day that you won't find me mindlessly singing a tune (most deff it'll be mj).

I started this page outta love for mj. like a lot of you, ik we all miss him a lot and this page is souly based on keeping his soul alive. he is an angel. he gave his soul to the world and the world just wouldn’t let him be, he wanted to live forever but the world wouldn’t let him, so I really wanna be here to help keep his spirit and love for the world alive.

i am a strong defender of mj and literally vow to make his innocence known. this page is also for educating people on what MJ went through and the horrible pain and suffering he went through due to the false allegations bound upon him. our poor baby was brutally misunderstood and treated like such a monster, in no way would i ever wish for anyone to endure the suffering he went through. Michael Jackson was not some fictional character from a book or movie, he was a human being with emotions and feelings.

So, if you strongly disagree with this please don't bother to comment or make any nasty remarks, it's not needed as this page is meant to educate. ty mls. <33

before you continue:

i'll be posting lil rants here and there cus like (omfg he's the hottest man to ever walk the earth)

I might start doin some writing, mainly on michael x readers and maybe some sad stories from his perspective of his life. whatever I write comes out of pure love and adoration for the man ( i mean how could u not love him). BUT, under no circumstances will any of my pieces include violence or harm to him or readers in any way.

please, if you feel uncomfy at all on this page just feel free to block me or ignore my posts. this blog isn't intended to make you feel upset or uncomfy so just leave if u find it's not ur cup of tea. any negativity or rudeness will be deleted.

socials:

tiktok: mj4eva__

my tag system:

for my writing: tori's pieces

for thirst posts: the girl is so dangerous

for answering asks: liberian girl

for reblogs: reblogs

lastly:

i wanna make sure this is a safe environment for everyone. no matter what, EVERYONE is welcomed here and is free to share there thoughts in a non-judgemental environment. even if they're dirty. (i mean c'mon it's hard not to think abt that when you're obssesing over the most perfect man ever.)

please feel so free to send me literally anything in my inbox. (questions, queries, requests or if you just simply wanna rant about michael FEEL FREE TO DO SO!!) I would absolutely love to make some new friends and talk w you moonwalkers!

don't hesitate at all to reach out even if u jus need someone to talk to about anything, i'm here. <33

tysm for reading! u are loved xx

© mj4eva 2024

[jdeanmorgan]

I totally shipped SPN from the start too. Actually before it aired I knew about it because I was obssesed with Alias and a friend in the U.S who was just as obssesed (obvsly way before streaming) was all I'll let u watch the ep with me live thru my webcam on MSN!

But then there was no sound and in ad breaks she had to tell me if anything big happened. lol. But then it was over and she forgot to turn it off and someone in her family changed it to The WB and there was an ad for SPN and I was all "hey, is it that guy from Gilmore Girls and Alec from Dark Angel?" lmao.

I looooved Alec in Dark Angel which is why I decided to check out that Supernatural show. lol. But in my head sometimes Padalecki is still Dean. XD And ugh, I couldn't stand him on Gilmore Girls. XD

Ackles/Dean all the way XD

JDM as their dad. Ooof, what a piece of work. lol. Tho I wish we had gotten more of him, tbh. But her blew up just after that with Grey's and all that.

Omg I've heard of alias but never watched it! I have a bunch of it on DVD though bc I found it at ABC in Kópavogur. I collect dvds so thrift shops are my go to, though I'm a lil mad góði hirðirinn raised their prices AGAIN. Smh.

My first introduction to those actors was supernatural. I used to watch s1 on skj��reinn on like reruns when I was 7. (I'm a '98 mdl) but I did try to watch Gilmore Girls at one point and I hated it lol it was so boring to me. I dislike padalecki a lot, I think he's a total manbaby but I LOVE Sam the character lol

Also yeah John's a piece of work but I love him anyway. I used to hate him as a teen though 😂 but yeah wish we had gotten more of him if he hadn't been busy with greys and then watchmen.

Yeah Jensen is FINE. Like. He's so hot and charming lol I love him. Loved seeing him on The Boys. Am looking forward to seeing JDM on the boys s4 too. It's gonna be great.

Also MSN. Talk about a blast from the past 😂😂😂 I used to use that all the time.

[milyoasis]

Little Intro!

I've seen a lot of fellas doing intros to their blogs, thought why not. -You can call me Mily or Nik. Either is fine! -She/Her, but I don't mind They/Them if unsure -Digital Artist, I mostly draw fanart of whatever I'm obssesed with -currently. And very rarely, I throw some OC from time to time.

-I can talk both Spanish (native) and English (fluent)

My current obssesion is ITGR and Class of 09, but do not expect it to last forever. I'm always moving on. So I understand if people do so by consequence ^^ For now, let's enjoy the time together ! :D

Lil pic of my sona :) Commissioned artwork by Fayee_o (twitter!)

[cconfusedkat]

Hi it's me again!! The Comet ask anon!!

When I saw your art about the musical I got so curious I decided to look it up, and got time to finally listen to the soundtrack like 2 days ago and lemme tell you- I GOT OBSSESED!! AND I ALSO CHOSE THE SAME ROLES FOR BUBBA AND KICKIN!!!

I got super obssesed with Natasha and Anatole's song especially, the one that you made art for-- and now whenever I listen to it I cannot stop thinking about Catnap when Anatole sings didkdkdksk

(I literally downloaded your comic and looked at it when they sung the specific lines as I heard it the first time ekekwi)

But now i'm sad cause,,, I thought Anatole was the male lead but the way things are going at the Sonya and Natasha song I'm so scared for Dogday/Natasha :((

(Will continue to listen ofc, I love the music-)

Will you ever be sharing more about the au?? And if not, can I make fanart??

HEHE!! IM HAPPY TO HEAR THAT YOU LOVE THE MUSICAL!! Its my favorite musical of all time (along with starlight express and cats)

And that is absolutely so sweet to hear!! 😭 the time around when i made the art i was more hyperfixated on dognap (i still am but its like a regular hyperfix now) so i thought itd be cute to make natasha and anatole as dognap- realisticly, bobby should be natasha instead and dogday being dolokhov—but i thought itd be a lil funny to make DogDay as natasha instead (plus pretty dress for a dog)

Anatole is not the male lead, no! Basically anatole is 10 years older than natasha, being a bad influence on her, thus why they didnt get together in the musical. I wanted to sorta separate from that plotline, and instead surround it by the prototype from the main game; dogday wants to marry catnap, but he "cheats" and gets caught up with the prototype, causing his death and leaving dogday to become very ill. (referencing 'natasha very ill' here) dogday did all he could to save catnap from the persuasion of the prototype but it all went to hell, but he grew a stronger bond with bubba and kissy :'-) you win some you lose some, i guess! Dogday and catnap would be the same age here to make it less creepy just like the musical 😭

I might rethink the roles a little bit now that you've brought them up again in this ask, SORRY FOR THE LONG TEXT BTW HAHA,,, id absolutely love to make more art for it! Im currently working on a short comic series for cotl but i might be able to fit in great comet au stuff hehe,,, AND YES YES !! You can make fanart!!! Feel free to show me or tag me id love to see it 🥹🥹

[demonstars]

found out about ur dsmpsona(s) literally just today and i'm already obssesed like wow, also ofc ur lil guy is a fallen star, it's so fitting. also the canon event artwork... OMG

OMGMGGGG THIS MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME OUR LITTLE GUYS OUR BABIES 😭💖💞🌟 Yassssss cnunki's concept had to relate to their name and stars bczu. Like this is ME we'retalking about...!!;@, i love them so bad theyre so useless and bratty. he's My baby my little star prince of nothing. LUXX REALLY WENT OFF WITH THAT PIECE LIKE FUCK NOT EVEN I PICTURED CNUNKI'S FIRST CANON DEATH AS DRAMATIC AND BEAUTIFUL AS THAT. I LOVEERHER

[satoru-el-maz-poderozo]

INTRO SOBRE MI !! ☆⌒(≧▽​° )

Mi nombre es Satoru Gojo, soy un introjecto / Fictive del anime Jujutsu Kaisen !! Tengo 16 años, no soy el Satoru que ustedes conocen!! YO ZOY MAZ GUAPO ┐(︶▽︶)┌ mi apariencia exacta no puedo darles ahorita por los problemas que atraviesa el sistema ahora ya que solo posee una compu, aunq puedo darles un aproximado de mi belleza y apariencia MUCHO mejor que el canon

¡¡ Gender Fluid and Bisexual # Xenogenders # Hypersex, Autista + TDAH y Obssesive love disorder / O. L. D. !! ~

Pronouns: She/Her + He/Him + They/Them + Xe/Xem +🎀+ Slut/sluts ~ ¿Estado civil? ¡¡Casado con Suguru!! y noviazgo con Toji Fushiguro ~

Ideas de mi apariencia: Todo es igual al canon exceptuando mi piel, ya que yo tengo vitiligo, piel bronceada con manchas mas blancas!! ¡¡¡REFERENCIA!!! (¬‿¬) (Creditoz a: emp0rios En pinterest!!)

¡¿COSAS QUE AMO?! a Suguru, a Toji, el gyaru, bimbo style, ¡si, soy femenino! ¿y? ☆ｏ(＞＜；)○ Amo mi source, adoro frontear, no me importa interactuar con otros introyectos de jujutsu <3

BOUNDARIES:

Touch: Ask

Flirting: Maybe

Nick/Petnames: Yez

Affection: Only friends

FAV SONGS:

.- Slumber party - Ashnikko 

.- Hi, I'm a Slut - Lil Mariko

.- Bimbodoll - Tila Tsola

.- Shoulder Boulders - S3RL

.- So Wet - Elita Harkov

GRACIAZ POR SU ATENCIÓN!!

EXTRA / User Box

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

4.16.24 Tuesday

8:09 am

Still,have windblow....

After 2 days will bring my son-dog to clinic for his annual shots update... We will be commuting... How I wish I can buy my van but I don't know how coz whenever I tried to work, some Filipino's are smashing me, they always had have the reasons to remove me for 17 years, since I got this windblow...

I feel HURT and WORRY so much everyday... But I still keep the FAITH that everything is a learning process but sometimes I feel HOPELESS... Don't you think 17 years, too much of waiting, too much of trying to comprehend things why or why and why... Why am I stuck??? I didn't harm people or smash people unfairly??? I feel BETRAYED... PAINFUL...

I feel SELF-PITY....I feel LOW for not having those CLEANING MATERIALS, no! It is not about CRIME!

It simply about CLEANING.. KILLING mites, removing dust and killing BUGS.I have super sensitive skin... It is so FRUSTRATING in my part that I can't afford it, those are just for middle-class worker, why I can't have it... I know that I DESERVE it...

I need those CLEANING MATERIALS, the STEAMER AND VACUUM STEAMER... It is OC ( obssesive-compulsive ) sometimes, I want it that way...

8:54 am

Am I not OC??? Is it bad??? Angels???

11:24 am

I still have windblow...

I feel bitter... I wanna leave this place, I'm super self-pitying here... I feel ugly,fat and old... Some unknown Filipino's unfair to me angels...

Still, wanna get frownies and botox... I don't wanba be like this forever here... Flatten without a FAIR FIGHT!

12:04 noon

I hate this kind of life...My 2 fake Uncle's thought I have many money... Uncle DD must give the fundings for here like food and toiletries and wifi and dog food and cleaning materials...

The wifi supposed to be shouldered by Uncle Jun but then he said he can't pay for it coz of his borrowed food from different carinderiaz...

Uncle Jun should cover for lunch and dinner, coz I don't have extra money now... The money I have is really for John this is savings from my last job... I can't use this on anything here coz the last time I spent 5k and more than 5k here it came from my job and I didn't ask them to return it to me though Uncle DD is handling and receieving fundings from my Aunt Teresa, still...

I feel bitter here... I have on-going credit on my friend Ely that 254 pesoses on bulbs and some coffee....

I really wanna leave Cavite, they smash me for 17 years, well-organized to damage my entire future..

12:13 noon

My S-bones are still in pain... I badly need to maintain my exercise since I can't go to chiro these days... I need an X-Ray but still a fighter for love on my super crush Pilot Garret and my superman Chef Cedrick..

For Pilot Garret, can you be my Daddy???

This is for my Super man Chef Cedrick...

12:58 noon

Uncle Jun didn't bring food but left us a Tocino Pampangga and Eggs... Lots of eggs for more energy and flexibility....

Can I do an entrap marriage on Pilot Garret??? Or get Superman Chef Cedrick??

But where is Mark and Mitch, Mitch did you give me a "simple battery"?

I hope my 2 uncle understand that my super crush now is Pilot Garret then this Superman... Mark is a different story.... Mark is an old friend and someone and he did something and I don't have any guilty emotion... Why he is not appearing.... But I still want my botox and my future...

If I'm gonna be flatten this way? How will I entrap Pilot Garret or steal Chef Cedrick??? I have a different case... I want those kind of bf's...

2:15 pm

No ac... I'm trying to fix my butt... I feel conscious....

It is super hot... I'm deteriorating... Will be zombie in a lil while...

9:16 pm

Thanks Ely for the back-up today these 72 plus 254= 326

Still far from 10k pesoses... 1 sachet coffee, 1 smal evap. milk, 1/4 washed sugar & 2 downy's.

I'm not mean angels or whatever... My song if I can't pay is really 10k coz give credit on me as I was a choir member, I wasn't guilty at all to the point I didn't harm anyone directly that I'm not sure that she or he did something on me...

I had yaya's, my upbringing was different was really middle-class good girl... I'm not tagging myself as "expensive" but I had have need like my vanity coz it was me, it was really my uprbringing... I miss my derma and my other expensive toiletries... This windblow or people who judged me since 2007 or people made a plan are very smart to press or smash me unfairly without a fair fight...

17 years they gave a different version of me... They never introduced me correctly...

Now, I have complex and emotional disturbance, how can these men will like me, Pilot Garret my super2x crush and my superman Chef Cedrick. How can I reach them? Is it correct to simply drop my number and telling my ugly situation which I did... I don't know if it is correct... But I truly like HIM!

[jalgajalga]

JUNE

I intend to write post monthly, but now i'm two month behind hmmmmmmm. Even if it's late. Still i'm gonna post my June-life. As I write them down, turn out there are so many exciting event happened in month of June

June 1st-2nd June started with long-five-days-weekend. And i proudly say that I spent it by moving my body a lot. For the first time in maybe five years, i picked my badminton racket again and hit the court.

As I expected my whole body was screaming loudly the next day. But I promised my other friend that i would accompany her swimming and no way i could back off. Aaaaah and one of the reason to still go was because we planed to eat Mie goreng in a lunch box after swimming, like a child used to be. Shout out to the core memories !!! It was a happy week!!!

June 5 My friend said there was a food bazaar in a mall on her way back from work. Asian bazzar food? some kind of that. We went there but nothing catched our interest. So we went for the safest choice, what's said to be the best ramen in town. My friend paid for our food, we usually split our bills. I assumed because she's the one who asked us for a meet up. But turned out it was her birthday soon. Hahaha I'm bad at remembering dates. Sorry

June 14 This month's art exhibition was Memanen Angin by by Lully tutus. It gave feeling of children's book ilustration. Remind me of magazine i subscribed when i was a child.

June 18 There is a curated market selling local artisan food and craft near my house. I would go there every week if i weren't a lazy person. But i am, so i only stop by when i actually need to leave my house. This week, i take my lil bro to buy new phone, therefore I look in to find a lunch. My choice is nasi berkat wrapped in teak leaf from jiwa jawi resto. I already knew the taste, my expectation was fulfilled, it was as good as i thought.

++ Food discovery of June ++

Ice cream Haku Tokyo Cheese Delight

It smells so cheesy, but the only cheese taste is from the cone. I forgot what flavour the ice cream was.

And for the very first time i tried Mi gacoan but ate it dine in. It's true what people say about it. It tastes waaaay better

June 25 This June I had a chance to join europe on screen, european movie screening, then meeting up with firends. We chatted from afternoon till the cafe bout to close. Because we waited for one friend who just started her semester as a medical school specialist student. It's a nice catch up.

I watched a lot of movies this month. I obssesed with japanese movie adapted from books. Warm story kind of movie. I will talk about them in separated post. Also a movie that left deep impression for me, i watched at screening events.

June 29

June end with another holiday and another meet up with friends. Friends who work outside the town were coming home. It's almost full squad. That day also was one of my friend's birthday. We rarely celebrate it with cake and surprises. But we asked for birthday treat from the cafe, we got mini pastry so we had blow candle ceremonial.

Over all June was actually pretty fun. Nothing special in fact, it was just my ordinary days. But when I read this post again, I can feel the excitement and happiness I felt at that moment. Thankyou June

[quincyhorst]

25/09/22 + 26/09/22

More than a repost; this is more of a mashup between two Twitter threads connected thematically.

To give context, on the original thread I discussed that Quincy looked a lot like a platypus, perhaps way too much for his original seahorse motif.

----

...At least this makes up for a cute HC. Maybe Clark or Reef one day point out his similarities with the animal, making the blondie curious...

Where I HC him to live, Western Australia, platypus sadly do not exist. That's why he wants to make sure that if one day he goes to Sydney or any other eastern city, he will make sure to see one in person! ...Maybe post-FFI, one of his new friends could take him to a zoo...

(2nd thread put under the cut as to not make the post take too much space)

Honestly tho... I'd love to see Quincy wanting to adopt a platypus as a pet. After hearing about them/seeing one he just became obssesed and now deeply wishes to have one- Plus, some cartoon he saw showed one as a pet, so... It hooked him onto the idea.

During family convos he tried to suggest this idea and convince them about it, but he's sadly unsuccessful. ...I mean, can you blame the Horst? Their household funds have to be used to raise properly 7 children, the elder members, a dog, and a whole seahorse tank.

So yeah, Quincy had no option but throw away that idea as a teen... But it does return in adulthood. Whoever gets to live with him will have to endure being asked one day "Can we bring a platypus home!?".

The answer depends between person... But it's usually a no.

Quincy having Clark's contact is a huge blessing yet also a curse; because while he helps him get a definitive answer on the matter... It also isn't one of his liking.

Clark: "Mate, those animals are endangered! You just can't have one as a pet! And they have venom, too."

-----

Lil addon to talk about locations and stuff. Quincy living in Western Australia (Esperance) is typically my main headcanon; but I've been thinking too he could be with Sydney too, just like the "Main BW trio" do (Nice, Jean, Reef), but in a different neighbourhood. I'm so and so with the idea, I think the city could fit Quincy and all (And it could make his little rivarly with Jinbei hit a bit more) but not sure. I can't see him connecting with neither Nice or Reef honestly, so he feels kind of apart.

[nostomannia-archive]

We're not actually mutuals but I really wanna say hello one day, but may as well ask, what do you think of/know about Fate/?

I really, really enjoy the franchise.

Apparently, it’s a thing in my family to have a passion for history, so I can actually talk to my family about certain aspects of the series, and all that jazz.

I had seen screenshots of the 2004 fate/stay night and thought it looked interesting (tho I still have not watched it yet, oops). And that was about it for a couple years. I later came across fate/zero, and it is still standing as my favorite storyline of the fate series.

Since then I have been very into the series.

Also, even if we aren’t mutuals I’m totally open for talking! I’m a super-shy doofus, and I don’t bite! 

[its-lee-again]

!!SPOILER FOR HOUTD EP 10!!

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What if after the "accident" Aemond becomes just a bit afraid of Vhagar?

You know, the kid who wanted a dragon so bad, was obssesed and fascinated by them. The one that risked his life to claim one.

I bet he was blinded by the fact that he has his own dragon and she's so big and beautiful and they fly together and she listens to him, that he forgot how really dangerous the creatures are and what they are capable of.

Because everything was fine, until there was a reason it wasn't, and he wasn't prepared. He forgot Vhagar doesn't need to listen to him - she has her own mind and she makes her own decisions.

And her decision was to kill lil annoying kid of a dragon that dared to attack her.

She does so ignoring her rider, because she can. She's not a tool, she's a living being.

So now I can see how Aemond's world view crumbles, because he thought he's in control. He can't admit that he "lost" it. It would show that he's incompetent rider and after everything he's done to be taken seriously it's just unacceptable. He has to act like that was his decision, that it was what he wanted.

And now, every time he goes to Vhagar he's hesitant. He goes if he must. He had lost the joy he felt while flying.

He's scared of another "accident".

(I'm talking only about the series version. The book version, if I'm not wrong, explicitly states that it was intentional. I don't want to argue the sense of the decision the screenwriters did, I'm only wondering what effect this version can have on the character's state.)