#so I'm SHOCKED

[getvalentined]

My sister has just discovered that like nobody in her friendgroup knows what a goathead is and I'm flabbergasted.

People can just walk around outside and not get these fuckers all themselves? I understand folks are who in less arid climates or more industrialized areas, but we're talking friends from neighboring states with no concept of the existence of horrible evil spiky seeds of death.

Absolutely fucking wild. Tell me more about this wonderland where you live.

[zarla-s]

Valve went through and banned a whole bunch of bots yesterday and when I last checked a couple hours ago, the Casual servers are still 99% actual people! If you want to try out TF2 DO IT NOW while you have the chance! Believe me when I say that having matches this clear of bots is RARE. They'll be back in force inevitably in probably a couple days so the window of opportunity here is small. Take the chance to play a normal round of TF2 Casual while you can!

[aur0raaura]

Yknow what- you're so right...

[egophiliac]

he did it! 🐍 and it only took...uhhh...well, there probably could've been less punches, but why hold back!

PUNCHES FOR EVERYONE

[captainjonnitkessler]

MBMBAM Question Asker: I'm an electrician, what can I say that's cooler than "Fuck!" when I get shocked? I get shocked a few times a year.

Griffin: Hey, that's pretty goo-

Travis, the only brother to work in a trades-adjacent job to my knowledge: turn off the power before you work on it

[crystallizedtwilight]

Do lock shock and barrel ever do that thing where after you go clothes shopping you do a little fashion show to your friends to show off the new clothes? Also would shocks girlfriend join?

No fashion shows but we have noticed we've been looking...cooler lately 😎

[hazel2468]

Seems like a good time to remind people that the phrase "from the river to the sea" - while apparently popular on this hellsite, is basically a call for the total eradication of not just the Israeli state (and by that I don't mean the government, I mean EVERYTHING) but of every Jew in that area.

SO. If I see it on your blog? Bye. I do not trust you to have anything even remotely approaching a nuanced take to this fucking tragedy.

[latimeria-fell-from-heaven]

can’t believe that the FNAF movie single-handedly multiplied and reawakened the thirst and everyone’s crushes on josh hutcherson. bro played the part of a traumatized pathetic man so good that now we all collectively want him.

[uruwashi-no-nightingale]

update was literally devastating

[vegetadaily]

Rest in peace Akira Toriyama-sensei. Thank you for creating and sharing your art and stories. They will forever be in our hearts as will you. May your light continue to shine on us. Thank you for everything.

[hailsatanacab]

A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

[the-pobble-terrarium]

Ever heard of a wife guy?

[gazspookiebear]

Ugh I'm so sleepy. Eepy man. Enjoy this shit I cooked up in ten minutes.

You wake up, only to find yourself just as tired as you were a few hours ago. Your eyelids are heavy, and you're fighting back sleep with every blink. Exhaustion wracking your body with every movement.

You feel Simon groan and sit up next to you.

"Mmm... five more minutes?" You mumble sleepily, shivering at the sudden lack of warmth.

"'M sorry love, we've gotta get up"

"Please? I'm so tired..." You whine quietly

"Negative," he says, chuckling at your miserable pout.

"Please, Si?" You say it so sweetly. The nickname you rarely used. His weakness.

A moment passes before you finally hear a response.

"Fine."

You grin, knowing that you've won. He lays back down and wraps his arm around you, pulling your back to his chest. You close your eyes and sleep quickly overtakes you.

Of course, it was never just 'five more minutes'. Simon called your work shortly after and informed them that you wouldn't be coming in today. However that works.

[egophiliac]

do skully have pokemon?

Pumpkaboo is the obvious one, but y'know, sometimes the obvious one is the right one! (we'll say SUPER SIZE Pumpkaboo, just for fun. big pumpkin for big skeleton boy.) and another person actually also suggested Greavard, which I somehow hadn't considered, but feels so perfect that I feel like I should have. dangit.

(they can also have little Nightmare Suit costumes :D)

[hhongsami]

auuuuhhhhhh curly's reluctance/inability to actually Do Anything about jimmy and his assaulting anya beyond "talking it out" and "we can fix this together" is sooo. so realistic. its so realistic. its so human. its exactly how abusive people remain at large. "he's been my friend for years, i know him, he would never do something like that, we can talk through it, i'm sure it was just a lapse in judgement and a one-time thing." and yet look at where it landed you. look at where that passiveness landed your entire crew. curly continued to be willingly passive in favor of not rocking the boat, and when it was too late, he was forced to be passive as his crew got picked off one by one.

[larrylimericks]

16Oct24

He took the stage first, just a boy, Now the first one to leave, just a boy. Nothing’s right, hearts are torn, For Liam, we mourn — Knowing Payne means we got to know joy.