#so I’m not gonna ruin it now
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Doodle of this by @xpau-official (absolutely baller art btw)
Also I am absolutely balling rn ignore anything that looks funky my style is doing something
#i am deciding this xmas is gonna be absolutely fantastic#i decree it#man I’m feeling great at 9pm#xmas#ig#this au is sooooo silly I love it sm#i have no idea if I make sense but fuck it man I’m just a silly guy#epic sans#epictale sans#cross sans#xtale sans#xtale cross#i love how many cross tags there are unironically like yasssss boy you got so many names 😍😍😍😍😍#uhhhhhhhh#xpaufanart#idk if that’s the right tag but it’s there now 😋#wait no i forgot to colour cross’s x purple day ruined /j#ermmmmmm i Hope u like it bye
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I wish people could tag stuff better:( Like damn I was just like 76% through a 120,000 word andreil fic and it was so good but then they threw in a past andrew/kevin storyline and I couldn’t finish it. I’m all for people liking what they like and i’m not mad that they wrote that or whatever bc it’s not my place but I just wish it had been tagged bc then I would have just skipped it.
#god I wish I could just like kandrew stuff but it turns my stomach#i tried so hard to get into it a few years ago but instead i just realized how much i don’t care for kevin#platonic kevin and andrew is just such a better dynamic to me and i hate seeing it ruined#then again i’m just weird about andrew in general like I hate him in any ship that isn’t andreil#but i can do neil ships with other people lol#anyways best friends andrew and kevin are supreme and making it anything else feels so extremely out of character to me#i’m gonna shut up now#ignore all this i know it’s a mess and stupid but i’m a little drunk and bored#all for the game#aftg#andreil#the foxhole court
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OCD will literally remove your brain's ability to register when a task is Complete and then create 10,000 incredibly ridiculous and extremely specific rules for you to follow in every single aspect of your life (to keep you safe, of course, it tells you.) and then tells you that if you don’t do them Correctly and Completely every single time it tells you to (it tells you countless times per day) then the Entire Fucking World Will End and then it’ll do this fucked up thing where it makes you believe that nonsense.
and then people that don’t have it will make silly little jokes about being soooooo OCD and make t-shirts with fun little acronyms on them like Obsessive Coffee Disorder and tell you how much they like it when things are organized and clean, too!!
and then you’re supposed to just. laugh. like you haven’t been robbed of your entire being and potential and been taken over by a mind and life altering disability
#PSA: don’t fucking tell me to Seek Therapy or Try Medication. i am Aware. i have Tried. it isn’t that fucking simple#and this is my blog. i’ll complain about my illnesses all i want to. if you don’t like it i strongly encourage you to unfollow me#ocd#actually ocd#cw ocd#cw mental illness#mental health stuff#Seven.txt#Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is actually SO goddamn insidious. and only ppl that have lived with it will understand that#it’s a terrible terrible thing. to have something ruin your entire life under the guise of keeping you safe#it’s like being abused by your own mind and i don’t say that lightly#okay. stopped crying long enough to get this post out of my brain and onto my blog#gonna put Walking Disaster on loop and return to my Mental Illness Floor Time now#if no one hears from me for a little while it’s not personal i just. need to not be a Person right now. i’m so tired
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All those people with the ‘Mikey’s gonna get bodied’ theories need to shut up bc I’m starting to believe them look at this
Why does it always feel like he’s further away from his brothers, what does this mean, I’m gonna go all Pepe Silva if y’all don’t start chilling the f out
#mutant mayhem#tmnt#tmnt mutant mayhem#tmnt mm#mutant mayhem mikey#i always felt it was weird that Mikey was taking up focus with a lot of the promo material#like even before the Movie was released Mikey was either infront of or right beside Leo when it game to promo things#and now It’s sticking out like a sore thum everywhere and it worries me#i know Mikey was the favorite turtle for a lot of people working on this project and well#yknow what happens when the writers have a favorite they’re gonna ruin this poor kid probably#at first I was like ‘ha ha that’s a cool theory but I they all have reasons nothing bags gonna happen to mikey my little baby’#‘my little pebble will be fine he’s fine’ and then I see stuff like this and I’m like ‘why he so far why are you singling him out to us-‘#guys help if he gets ran over by a car what do we do like as a fandom#what’s the contingency plan here bc I don’t know
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It’s probably not a great sign that I’m starting to again listen to the kind of music I used to use cope with feeling like an incompetent, inhuman, lonely freak.
#ugh. posting about being depressed and lonely feels so much more embarrassing now that people follow me. not gonna stop me though#one of the worst times of my life was the year before coming out. I listened to so much glass beach and Sidney gish back then#and look who is finding herself wanting to listen to imposter syndrome on repeat agai#every other day I’m wondering what’s a human being gotta be like#what’s it take to just be competent#these sweet instincts. ruin my life
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“Tenderness and Passion are the only weapons which will save man from self-destruction” -D.H. Lawrence
The Order of Death
#I wasn’t gonna post this bc posting Star Wars edits never do anything here but this still isn’t doing great on tiktok so fuck it#I’m still broken up with Star Wars but now that I’m not in the fandom anymore I’m just gonna say it#I hate how they ripped gentle Luke Skywalker from my hands and I don’t like what the sequels did to him#sorry not sorry#I hope one day we can critically engage with the sequels without incels ruining the conversation but that’s one element I didn’t fuck with#he was so gentle and kind and then they did all that to him I hated that#star wars tlj#Star Wars#star wars edit#luke skywalker edit#luke skywalker#star wars anh#star wars esb#star wars rotj#star wars a new hope#star wars empire strikes back#star wars return of the jedi#star wars the last jedi#star wars original trilogy#star wars sequel trilogy
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ok the sotr news has been really affecting me and i think it honestly might have to do w the weather 😭😭 like no way would i be in this bad of a mood if it was actually sunny outside
#i looked at the weather and was like “74 degrees and cloudy? yeah a jacket and crop top will do the trick”#and now i’m mad that i’m fucking freezing#i’m wearing pants btw sorry not to make it sound like i’m just raw dogging it with a jacket and shirt#also if i can have a misandry moment one time it was 38 degrees and there were rumors it was gonna SNOW#and for context it NEVER snows here (well… it did almost 100 years ago but i won’t get into it)#so seeing all the guys at school wearing shorts kinda did annoy me i thought they were all doing it for attention#but also i was in high school so everything annoyed me#but omg i’m so scared for halloween every year i am like i cannot be slutty in these conditions#and every year i persevere B)#i complained about that to my mom recently and she told me where SHE grew up as a teenager she had to wear tights under her costume#cos it was so fuckin cold (like frost bite levels of cold) (actually idk that fs im just making things up)#i was sad for her that would so ruin the vibe!
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Steel Wool seriously dropped the most banger fnaf designs possible
#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf sb#fnaf sb ruin#fnaf ruin#fnaf mxes#fnaf m.x.e.s#fnaf cassie#fnaf fanart#five nights at freddy’s fanart#fnaf sb fanart#fnaf sb ruin fanart#m.x.e.s.#m.x.e.s fanart#sb and ruin have the most scrumptious designs ever :3#hes so cool looking fr#I spent 2 hours on these drawings#i’m tired#I’m gonna go nap now 😴
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Ough as the end draws near I’m seeing more and more comments that are making me nervous that the ending won’t live up to all the hype & expectations aaaa aa
#ask#for example#there’s a few notes I’ve forgotten about that we’re gonna be important but now make no sense in the story#so I’ve gotta figure out how to work them in#without it feeling forced#and at the same time#continuing with the idea I’ve been married to for a few weeks about what the ending is gonna be#but now I’m so nervous that people won’t like the ending#and I’ll have ruined this fic#sobs#ik most of you will hopefully enjoy it!! but even seeing a few be like ‘aw :( I hoped something else would happen’ is gonna be ROUGH#but honestly#thank you all for the amazing experience you’ve given me writing this#I never realized just how much I enjoy writing until I started writing this fic#and all the love has been so sos o life changing#so thank you all <3#one person specifically said I was ‘stalling’ but like :( I’m drawing out the tension. if I do things too quickly it won’t have any umph.#I just haven’t been able to stop thinking abt that comment sigh#personal
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I’ve been thoroughly roped into the portal fandom now
All I know right now is the song “Mr. Blue Sky” by Electric Light Orchestra is fucking magical what the hell-
Why it doin that, more importantly how??
#istg it tells me exactly what’s happening at any given moment#I can’t do this guys#blue sky is gonna ruin me#earlier today I asked myself so when does he become human?#and now I’m over here sitting like what the hell did I just read#I’m literally only on chapter 4#and not a lot of things can chill me to the bone istg but#the stuff I read today was so freaking good and bone chilling like what the hell#just take a sec to imagine you’re fleeing from imminent doom#end up dying#and then are revived into a different body and have to hold your dead corpse???#like pause. that was a level of like mental anguish a character can show that I was NOT prepared for#anyways it’s good real good fic guys#I’m not going insane definitely totally#ari rambles#portal 2#blue sky portal
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Alright, time to make the Jace and Porter sims 🥵✌️
#I’m pretty sure I have hairs for the both of them#idk if I have Porter’s beard in my game but that’s a problem for me in 30 minutes#now the question is do I add the Jace clones#I have 3 spellcaster in my save and it’s time for another~#I’m gonna put Jace in so many cute outfits and release him#they’re gonna ruin my legacy family’s lives like 🤧#they’re done for#jkjk I just wanna see’em around when my sims travel
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Had a very rude patron who unfortunately had valid complaints but was just. So mean to me when all I did was try to help
#hate it when a rude patron has a point.#not gonna lie though dealing with her kind of ruined my day#I was in a very good mood before and now I’m just. meh#I get really really stressed in confrontations and she made the stress chemicals flow#but the thing is that everything she complained about was not something I have the authority to change. even my boss doesn’t.#it’s admin level issues. so like while I agree some changes need to be made putting your frustrations on me is not going to fix anything.#and I have workarounds for these problems but she wasn’t willing to do any of them.#like okay I’m sorry we don’t have these authors in stock right now but I can order them through our very fast inter library courier system#but no. I had some in stock in large print (easier to read and the author she wants!) but no she’s not interested.#my thoughts
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I need to be put in a waffle iron or something
#i am. really stressed!!#i hate being online i keep losing friends#Majority of them did shitty stuff to me and it makes me so sad#I already have trust problems so when people come and say theyll always be here for me and then the next thing i know im blocked because i#Expressed my discomfort about something shitty they did it makes those trust issues even worse#We were pretty close and now i regret telling him shit because he could use it against me#And im starting to fall out with my “best friend” irl. Everything is making me sick#I can’t do this anymore I really want to disappear#There has to be something about me so repulsive to people#That i just turn them away#its gonna be like that for the rest of my life isnt it? I probably wont even get a partner in the future#I just don’t know why I fuck up every friendship so bad even if it wasnt. My fault#I shouldve kept my mouth shut even if i was uncomfortable#my last friendships ended like this too#I caused a huge server fight by saying I was uncomfy and I’m pretty sure everyone hates me now because of it#even though some said they werent#I am just really lonely and feel like a piece of shit#Because I am one#I don’t really know if I want to keep being here anymore#I genuinely think nobody likes me#Even when I was in school nobody liked me#I was the “weird girl”#I just wish I was normal and likeable and then maybe I’d have friends irl#I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I’ve considered suicide over it multiple times#I ruin everything#My friendships. My life. My parents marriage. My art. Everything.#I doubt anyone will read this or gaf so just. ignore me
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thw more I think about them the worse it gets
#I should have never made the effort to understand Kusuo and Kuusuke’s deal now I’m never gonna be happy again#FUCJJCJCJCKCKKKK#did you know? The realization that Kuusuke genuinely loves his brother makes the catgun arc so much worse? It makes it so much more painful#It also makes the time travel arc so much worse#It actually just ruins your life forever and you’re just walking to the store and you think “he’s loving him like a god and not a brother”#And you can’t be normal ever again#Someone sedate me
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james baldwin you sick son of a bitch </3
#I LOVE THIS BOOK SO MUCH i’m not even halfway through…. oh my godddd it’s so good#I’M SAD THOUGH BC :(((( i tried annotating it a bit and i ruined it . sniffle#i hate it so much why does my brain always act like this :’3 hhhhhhhhhh it genuinely stresses me out#i’m just gonna. read it w/o annotating…. maybe i will on some lines but only the ones i wanna post here#sniffle sniffle i’m so sorry you beautiful beautiful book…..#kinda wanna buy a new copy so i can annotate properly but that feels too mean to the book i have now#…. s … sigh…….#anyway. THIS BOOK IS VERY WONDERFUL it’s gonna ruin me i just know it….. and baldwin’s writing is so unbelievably pretty#ari noises ✩
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ohoho boy tomorrow is gonna be so bad but yanno what I’m gonna be a brave little guy and I’m gonna treat myself to back to back bath days so it’s all gonna be good in the end. Today was so bad today was fucking dreadful but there will be a way !!!!! I have to remember the small joys I have to stay strong
#I hate driving lessons. I’m sick of pretending that I don’t dread them every week. The guy who teaches me can tell and it pisses him off but#I HAVE to learn to drive I just have to and I WANT to be able to drive I just don’t wanna have to do it.#Plus idk what I’m gonna do bc it snowed today and if it’s still snowy out where I drive it’s gonna be cold asf and I’m gonna hate it !!!!#It’ll be fucking SCARY I’m already scared driving normally#And then I have psychology which isn’t even bad but I had a really bad consolidation task and ever since I haven’t been able to delete that#Connotation between the two in my brain.#I’m gonna create plans tho im gonna decide what im wearing for the next three days and a couple fun things that are going into my schedule#So I can look forward without worrying about offsetting the routine which is what ruined today (fuck snow)#I’m gonna try and read more and spend less money!!!!#Now I’m happy because I’ve got a bit of chill time tonight and then Friday’s horrors will fly pass effortlessly I’m sure and then before I#Know it it’ll be Saturday and the worries will be gone especially as now I know work bestie hasn’t like. Died (work bestie was like really#bad sick last week)
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