#so I really truly don't have a good answer qwq

[starrysnowdrop]

Heyo! So I happened to see your recent ask response regarding Zenos randomly, and, honestly, I'm kind of curious on what people miss about his character! I'm not a personal big fan of him(ngl he kind of creeped me out with his, projecting himself on the wol it felt like? Note I say that as a WHM main who plays as truly heroic WoL(s) most of the time admittedly, so most of his stuff made me go no? alot XD I don't mind people who do like him tho! They're cool!), but I'm interested in understanding him better if possible, cause I know I miss things that others don't and I don't think I've seen anyone explain his intricacies without being somewhat rude about it, but you explained what you did without coming off as that. So I'm kind of curious on that essay you almost wrote if you'd be alright writing it XD (Sorry for being on anon, I am, very shy qwq)

In case you’re not familiar with what this anon is asking about, this is in response to my answer to this ask HERE. Feel free to go read that one and come back!

So, I first want to say thank you for being brave enough to reach out to me about this, even on anon!! I’m really glad that you didn’t find my comments to be rude, as that is the very last thing that I would want! If anyone did find me too abrasive in my previous post above, then I wholeheartedly apologize for that. I would never want anyone to be afraid to reach out to me because I came off as rude at some point, so I appreciate you letting me know that you didn’t think I was. 💖

Alright, now let’s get to the topic at hand: Zenos, and why I truly think that he is the most misunderstood character in FFXIV.

Zenos: The Most Misunderstood Character in FFXIV

((I wrote way too much, so it’s under the cut.))

Alright, so let’s start with what I have seen as the popular take on Zenos that I see as wrong: A lot of players see Zenos as a one dimensional character that has no depth, and doesn’t have a character arc in which he grows as a character. They see him as the annoying antagonist who has a battle boner for the WoL and that’s it. They only see his bloodlust and nothing else. They don’t think there is anything else to him, and that’s where I must strongly disagree.

So, how is he not a one dimensional character? Well, that’s because he really is a complex character, but you need to be paying close attention to what Zenos is actually saying and what his actions are throughout the story.

One can piece together Zenos’ complexity purely from watching the cutscenes, but just in case anyone is curious about going into more depth on his backstory, then I highly recommend that you go read his side story from the Chronicles of Light book entitled “The Hunt Begins”. It shows how Zenos was raised, and it reinforces why he thinks the way that he does.

Without going into his backstory too much, for brevity's sake, Zenos is actually a prodigy, someone who was born with not only incredible strength, but also incredible intelligence, and you know what happens when gifted kids don't get enough of a challenge? Yup, they get easily bored. So keep that in mind as we move along. Now, mix that boredom with a good dose of Anhedonia, or the inability to experience pleasure or joy. Now we aren't sure if he was born with Anhedonia, or if he acquired it through some mental health condition, such as PTSD, depression, etc. I'm no psychologist whatsoever, so I'm not here to diagnose Zenos with any particular disorder, but it is clear that he suffers from the lack of feeling joy or pleasure in his life.

This is actually what characterizes Zenos the most when we first are introduced to him in 4.0; he is suffering from Anhedonia AND Ennui, which according to Webster's Dictionary, is not just a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction, but its a profound sense of boredom that arises from feeling jaded with one's life.

Zenos is suffering from a lack of joy and pleasure in his life, seeing the world as meaningless and dull, and he has found only one sole pleasure in all of it: The Hunt*. But what he means by The Hunt, is that he wants to fight the most challenging foes, challenging enough that he must put his all into the battle and be pushed to the brink of death. Only this kind of challenging battle will give him any sense of joy at all. For him at this point, there has been nothing else which has brought him joy, so he seeks out this sole pleasure.

And THAT is what Zenos' motivation is. He is not mindless in his pursuit of battle. His bloodlust stems from the desire to feel some kind of happiness at all, and unlike what some might think, not any foe will do. Zenos does not fight mindlessly against anyone at any time. That is not true. If an enemy is no threat to him, unless they purposely get in his way, he will not fight them.

This is true from the first time you see Zenos on the battlefield. At Rhalgr's Reach, Zenos sought out only the strongest fighters there, and two of them (Lyse and Y'shtola) got in his way first, and he defeated them easily. When he fights the WoL, the one who he has heard so much about, and definitely the strongest opponent among them, he becomes curious and hopes that we will give him what he wants. But in that first battle with him, he swats the WoL away like a fly, and they pose no challenge to him at all, to which he calls them "Pathetic", and then he immediately leaves, ultimately disappointed.

Note that Zenos had every opportunity to kill Lyse, Y’shtola, and the WoL if he wanted to, but he doesn’t. He leaves them alone after he defeats them. That’s not the sign of someone who is so sadistic that he’s only out for blood. The fact of the matter here is that Zenos is trying to feel something from battle, something that he has never experienced before: pure joy.

Zenos doesn’t experience this joy until he fights the WoL again several times; first he gets just a hint of it, a tiny spark, when the WoL breaks a piece of his helmet off, and he feels it even more later on when Zenos fights the WoL in the Ala Mhigan throne room. This is when Zenos goes into his monologue before he releases and takes over Shinryu, and note that the joy and pleasure he is describing seems to have a sexual tone to it, which I promise I have a point to make about that in a bit.

After the battle with Zenos as Shinryu, he finally feels the joy that he has never felt in his entire life, and because he doesn’t think he’ll ever feel anything like it ever again, Zenos takes his own life, happy to have played a bit part in the story of his “first friend”.

But as we know, Zenos doesn’t stay dead. He finds himself alive once more, and he has a singular goal: to feel that pure bliss, that overwhelming joy that he felt when he fought the WoL in the Royal Menagerie in Ala Mhigo. From ShB through EW, Zenos’ goal doesn’t change, but he does change in his understanding of what it means to have a “friend” and how he can feel happiness.

During EW, Zenos has several scenes where his understanding of his feelings seems to grow, and though that sexual tone to his descriptions of what he’s feeling towards his battle with the WoL is still there, I would argue that over time, it seems to have more and more of a romantic tone to it as well. And with this shift in his tone when describing his feelings, he also seems to question his understanding of it all.

Zenos’ character growth is the whole point of two very important scenes: the Scions and Jullus encountering Zenos in Garlemald while fighting the blasphemies, and later when Zenos goes to the Royal Menagerie alone. The first of these scenes reinforces the themes of EW with Zenos’ philosophy of life, but it is also the first time that someone says something that makes Zenos question his beliefs.

Alisaie’s words to Zenos hit him hard, and Zenos goes back to the Royal Menagerie, to the scene of where he had his one transcendent moment, his one time in his life when he felt joy, pleasure, and happiness. He realizes in this moment that, whatever you believe Zenos’ true feelings are for the WoL, which I personally argue that it is love that he feels for them, but regardless, Zenos cannot continue to be selfish and only think about his own wants and desires. He must act selflessly, and assist in the WoL’s battle against the Endsinger and stop the Final Days, in order for the WoL to give him what he wants in return. He finally realizes that it’s this give and take, this reciprocation between people, is the key to building bonds with others… Zenos finally learns what it is to be a “friend” to someone. After this moment, Zenos goes to Sharlayan to find a way to help out the WoL in their mission to save the star, and to finally be a friend to them.

And you know what that is? That’s growth. That’s having a character arc. That’s Zenos in all of his complexity. Which I still say that it’s perfectly fine to not like his character, but I only wish that people would not like him with a clear understanding of what he really is, and not what others think he is.

Alright, I think I have blabbed on long enough, but I hope that I have answered your question anon! If you need me to clarify anything further, please don’t hesitate to ask me! Thank you so much for your ask anon, and thank you to all who have read this! 💖

[ardenrabbit]

i am a little embarrassed to talk about this openly so i am doing it anon,,, but holy shit you have no idea how much your fic means to me. last year i was diagnosed with a life-altering illness in my bone marrow, and i've lost so much since then. i used to be muscular, and love my body, and just. augh. i've lost nearly 60 pounds to the date and all my muscle. some days my bones hurt so bad from the inside out that i feel like how you've written xie lian--pushing through every screaming fiber in my body to take just one more step forward. i can't recover fast enough. some days i feel strong and then get reminded that just vacuuming my floor leaves me a trembling, sweating mess. it's so frustrating.

you don't have to publish this but. being able to read something that feels so? accurate? so,,, i'm not sure how to describe it. i just feel seen, with the added bonus of your portrayal being written so beautifully and featuring my favorite little guys right now. i love it so much and i just wanted you to know that. not to be dramatic but your writing just. feels like home. qwq

Anon, I hope it's okay with you if I do answer this, because damn, I really want to try and give this a worthy response.

I'm so sorry that you've had to go through so much, and I hope that things get easier for you in any ways that they can. I'm not going to say I know what it's like, because everyone's experience with chronic illness, pain, and fatigue is different. I sincerely wish you the best in your recovery and ongoing management of your condition.

I'm so truly grateful that you've been able to find something cathartic in what I'm writing. Most of my fics end up as self-therapy projects, so I try to be realistic and compassionate about the topics at hand in case someone else relates to it. I know one of the big differences between this fic and real life is that Xie Lian is eventually going to make a relatively full recovery, where people with chronic conditions will usually have to manage them for the rest of their lives, so I worry that the ending might feel frustrating or like wishful thinking to some people. Most of us don't get that kind of closure. But I really hope that this story can offer some sense of relief and validation to people who are going through their own recoveries or learning how to manage chronic conditions.

I really had no idea that so many people would find the story so relatable, so I really hope that I can do a decent job of helping people feel acknowledged and that they're not alone. Maybe most importantly, I hope that I can help offer some hope to people going through this sort of thing, because things do tend to gradually become more manageable as they navigate their conditions. There is a grieving process involved with diagnoses of chronic conditions, but it is a process in the end. 

I truly believe in the hope that life can still be full and fulfilling even if the illness or injury won't go away. That might sound ominous, but it's important to remember, wherever you're at.

Thank you for telling me what it means to you. I've learned that fics can have a marked impact on people's lives (my first big fic got me a wife, who is the coolest person who's ever lived; writing has helped me manage my own mental health like nothing else possibly could; I've made amazing friends and been able to share mutual support with them) so I take this seriously. I hope this makes sense and doesn't come off as patronizing (I would be the worst kind of liar if I said everything's going to be okay for everyone, and the "you're so strong and brave, I could never handle going through that" stuff makes me wanna scream) and I just. It means everything to me if I've successfully offered some comfort. Thank you.

I hope you have a really good year, anon. 💜

[sirenjose]

maybe quite easy question, but what is your opinion about gertrude in eli's lore? most people believe she is nice and loves eli back, but something doesn't seem right for me... there's not much info about her feelings towards eli as far as i could find, so i doubt she thinks about him as a lover at all qwq

I agree, there isn't much info on her beyond Eli's deductions and letters, and we only hear her actually speak in 2 of Eli's deductions. So it really would be nice to learn more about her to give all of us a better idea about who she is. But I don't think there's enough info to say she has bad intentions yet.

It's clear Eli loves her a lot. His deductions and letters to her make that abundantly clear. At least from what we have, there are no hints that she was trying to attract him or force him to do anything. It's not like she could've known about his ability before he helped her out and broke his oath in deduction 8. He had been trying his best to keep it secret and follow his promise until then, and based on how deducion 7 describes it as if he's been seeing her several times already, I doubt she'd continue to see him if she truly didn't care. That means she had to have had some interest or friendly relations with him until then.

I'd like to think Eli, considering who he is and is personality and actions in his deductions, is a good person and a good judge of character. So if she were bad, I'd like to think he would've been able to tell. Not to mention we don't know how much of the future he's seen, so if she were intending to betray him, it's possible he would've found out and potentially would've changed how things played out.

But as I said, she could've have known about his ability and tried to woo him just because of it. It also means Eli voluntarily chose to break his oath by helping her family. In the same vein, it doesn't look like she forced him to go to the manor either. He chose to do so.

I also find it interesting his dislikes is stated to include (essentially) mechants aka businessmen, which might include Gertrude's father considering what we hear about him from Gertrude in Eli's deduction 8 after he helps them out. This potentially could've swayed him away from Gertrude, but he loves her anyways, which could mean the 2 truly did love each other enough for him to push past that dislike.

She was also the one to help him try to get his ability back by sewing Brooke's right eye closed. This is based on Eli's deduction 6, which says "Whether the owl opens or closes its eyes, the words of the holy spirit shall not be recorded in tangible things." And Gertrude in Eli's deduction 10 did talk about needing to find a "trick to solving things like this". She didn't have to help him. Eli had already helped her father find success.

I also feel, if Netease was going to have her essentially betray Eli, they would've already revealed it by now. Similar to how they did with revealing Annie's fiance to be bad in Annie's deductions, for example. I don't see why else they'd not at least hint at this by now if so.

I partially wonder if Gertrude could eventually become a playable character considering Eli sends Brooke to her after his game in his 4th letter. If so, this would at least give us a good chance to hopefully hear about her own feelings for Eli and/or what she's been doing.

Apologies if this wasn't a straight forward answer enough, but I hope it helped at least somewhat.

[haryuwu]

🪞 Twisted Wonderland | Le Mirage

Author's Note: I have decided to skip chapter 1 to make a cg for it since there are too many characters involved. I'll just draw where Lulu might be involved in the future chapters I'll be posting here! I hope the first chapter wasn't so boring to read. I'll post chapters separately instead of reblogging this time. So sorry for the inconvience qwq

"Sorry to ruin your parade, but the Ball of the Evening next weekend…won't be including the dance." With that said, everyone stopped chatting and arguing as silence took over the tea garden.

"...Eh?" Confusion was written all over their faces. A Ball is nothing without including the dance. It is the main event of the said celebration. How come it is not part of the event? The students who were present nearby the round table asked for clarifications from the headmage.

"Pardon me, but I must've heard it wrong. Headmage…a Ball without the dance? That doesn't make any sense," a loud clunk startled them when Riddle placed his tea cup down.

"You heard me right. There will be no dancing involved," he crossed his arms while saying so. "You must have misunderstood what I meant about the Ball but it is also my mistake for not explaining the whole detail of this event," he cleared his throat once more before pulling out a parchment from his pocket, unfolding it, and began reading the contents out loud.

"Good day to Headmage of Night Raven College, Dire Crowley. I am truly ecstatic that you have accepted this request for the sake of our daughter, the new Saintess of the Land of Pyroxene."

"You may have heard that her birthday was already held within our premises. It wasn't as grand as the upcoming Ball of the Evening, so I hope your preparations will go as planned."

"However, I must add that there will be no dancing involved in this event as I do not wish our daughter to be too physically involved with your students. I do not intend to make this an unenjoyable celebration for my daughter with your boys, so please heed our simple request."

“Their protective nature is really something…It reminds me of someone.” Riddle mumbled as the headmage continued.

"Well, there are more things written after that but it was too long of a list for you guys to follow…" folding the parchment back into his pocket, a chilling smile was already on the headmage's face.

"Anywho! Do you young lads understand what the Mirages request you to do?" The boys nodded in unison. But some remained bothered by the protective nature of the Mirage family towards their new Saintess.

They wanted to argue further about the request but the headmage must leave to check other matters within the school.

"...Does the Saintess have serious health conditions? What's with the 'no physical contact' during the event?" Scratching the back of his head, Deuce still couldn't guess what was wrong with interacting physically even without bad intentions.

Ace let out an exasperated sigh before answering Deuce's question. He, too, doesn't understand such a request exists but he just accepted it as it's still a big deal for the family. "Maybe they do. I mean, why wouldn't they request it if it's something serious?"

"Or maybe they thought you guys are carrying something contagious. But that's absurd even for me," Grim shared his thoughts while eating the last piece of sweets. "You…washed your hands before eating Trey's sweets, right?" With a judging glance, Ace is growing more annoyed with Grim.

"What are you talking about? I always wash my hands before grabbing food!"

"I've heard about some girls not wanting to interact with the boys. But it might be something really personal that we mustn't pry on it further…" With no more protests about the Mirage's request, Trey started placing the empty plates back to the tray before leaving with Riddle.

"Man, I don't know why they had to request such a thing. But I'll get the reason why soon. Shall we check on other dorms now? Let's tell them what the headmage told us."

Everyone went back to work and so the Prefect of Ramshackle dorm proceeded to check on the other dorms with Grim.

"Huh?" A tall man with his lion ears twitching reacted negatively to what the prefect had shared to them regarding the letter from the Mirage. He couldn't contain his relaxed composure as soon as he heard such an absurd request.

"You herbivores sure have the strangest ways to say that you're afraid that we might do something despicable... " Leona Kingscholar, the housewarden of Savanaclaw dorm, could not believe this is how human nobles treat them despite being born in royalty himself. He placed his palm against his temple in disbelief upon hearing this news from them.

"If it was their daughter who requested it to be that way, I wouldn't be finding it more troublesome. These pesky herbivores have the audacity to demand me, a prince?" As he muttered those words under his breath, a loud thumping on the floor was heard as it grew closer to their location. And then, another one of Leona's kind approached them with a sour look on their face.

"And here I thought you said decorating the dorm is more troublesome!" Ruggie Bucchi, the current aide of the housewarden of Savanaclasw, is so close to smacking Leona with a broom as he's been lazing around contributing nothing for garnishing the lounge area. "Aaaaah seriously, it's only the lounge to be decorated and you still complain!"

"The only one I hear complaining is you. So shut up and just get the work done," With nothing more to say between the two, Ruggie stormed off after requesting a larger payment for his service. Leona glanced back at the Prefect and Grim as he prepared to get things over with and rest.

"Is that the only thing you have to say to me? If you have no other business here, scram. You're interrupting my sleep," lying down on the sofa, Leona yawned before shutting his eyes in hopes of getting himself fast asleep. They couldn't do anything more than just deliver the message to each of the housewardens.

"Seriously, him and his sleep against the world…" sighing in disbelief, Grim shook his head before getting back on their assigned task. "We should get going and visit Azul next," said Grim as he started sprinting back to the Hall of Mirrors before entering the Octavinelle dorm.

"Ah," Upon stepping into the Monstro lounge, two much taller figures approached the prefect and Grim. One whose hands are occupied with drinks, handing it to them as a welcoming greeting and one is lifting sofas to sweep the floor under it.

"Shrimpy and Baby Seal, you arrived early~" Floyd Leech, one of the tallest yet moody students, went to them first with his arms wide open. This approach doesn't seem to be a welcoming gesture. So to prevent him from causing injury to their visitors, Jade Leech, his twin brother, stopped him by grabbing the back of his collar.

"Floyd, we must behave in front of our guests. Azul wouldn't tolerate this behavior if our special guests arrived and caught you in such an act," He lectured his brother in such a calm manner. “Pardon me, we’ve been too busy preparing for the event. If you’re looking for Azul, he’s currently inside the VIP room.”

“I see. We were actually told to pass this message from the headmage. But since Azul’s busy, would you mind telling him…” The Prefect and Grim explained what the headmage had told them that was written from the letter. Jade listened intently, nodding to every word they’ve said regarding this additional condition from the Mirages.

“Very well, I’ll make sure to pass this on to Azul,” once Jade had agreed to these terms that the headmage commanded them to follow, Floyd who’s done sweeping the floor walked towards them with a perplexed expression.

“Eeh? I don’t get it. How are we supposed to serve the Saintess without getting close to her? It's not like I'm going to squeeze her,” Floyd scratched the back of his head and soon got a response from their housewarden who just got out of the VIP room.

"That's probably because the Saintess' still doesn't have the authority to herself," Azul Ashengrotto, the housewarden of Octavinelle, stepped into their conversation nonchalantly.

"Azul!" Grim called out his name as he stood between the Leech twins with matching grins. "What do you mean about her not having self-authority?"

"Well it was only a guess, but I could still be 97% right about this assumption," Azul explained as he adjusted his fedora hat, eyes gleaming under its shade. "Although I may have most of the information you needed, I cannot guarantee you that I have the accurate details regarding the new Saintess."

"After all…every information about her has been deemed confidential. I couldn't get my hands on this information," Azul gestured a shrug before suggesting to seek someone else for a more detailed story about the new Saintess of the Mirage family.

"You may ask the housewarden of Ignihyde, Idia Shroud. He may have something to provide to you about her. Yet perhaps you could also ask Sir Rook Hunt in Pomefiore? I believe Vil wouldn’t be willing to share…such a personal information," Jade said with a suspicious grin as the two looked at each other before reconsidering their suggestion. Azul could only let out a sigh as he could not offer anything and get something from them as an exchange like he used to.

"My services may be limited to some, but if you still need our assistance don't hesitate to visit Monstro and get your signatures written on the contract…"

"We'll be waiting, Shrimpy~" Leaving the Octavinelle dorm, a chill went down their spines as they recalled those three's mischievous smiles and their faint snickering. It's much more preferable if they move onto the next dorm and seek a different way to gather information. Someone who can be of help to know about the Saintess of the Mirages.

"I'm not sure if we should check on Idia. He might not be in a mood to accept other guests right now, too…"

"Then let's go see Rook first. I wonder why they suggested him, though," as the two go through the mirror back to the hall of mirrors, they've decided to hop into the Pomefiore dorm where the vice housewarden of this very dorm is residing.

Inside a luxurious yet gloomy room stays a beautiful lass whose features were unmistakably one of the fairest of all at the Land of Pyroxene. Her locks still glitter when it's caught by a single ray of light, skin as almost white as a ghost's, yet her eyes remained shimmering like a true diamond.

She couldn't utter a word or two due to her being under probation. Does this have to do with her recent task as the future administrator of their Beau Company? An unfulfilled duty—of course, how could she miss such an important task.

"I should've gotten his approval by now…Why does he keep refusing my pleas…?" She began to gnaw on her nails as she grew anxious about what might happen to her if this reaches her parents. Her bangs slowly crawled onto its way to hide her eyes, yet she could still see through any of them.

"I'll find a way to free myself…I just need to be a little more careful…” stopping in her tracks, a piece of long cloth covering a standing object caught her eyes. She bit her lower lip, jaw trembling in fear of hurting herself whilst approaching this covered object warily.

“...Will this ever work for me?” The young maiden attempts to reach for the covers. Alas, she couldn’t get herself to take a peek of what was behind it. Perhaps she does not have the courage to unravel what she was about to witness.

She's afraid of what might be looming under its covers. But what exactly was she afraid of?

"My lady. Mrs. Mirage would like to seek an audience with you," announced her personal maid who has been standing at the corner of the room. What bothers the young maiden was that why does meeting her have to be formal. She's only meeting her daughter who is currently under probation within her chamber.

"Didn't Father tell her I am not allowed to see anyone other than my maids while I'm locked up here?" She asked and yet the answer she received was only silence.

"…Tell her I'm not feeling well. We'll talk once my probation has been lifted." The maid scurried out of her room to deliver her message. Exhaustion soon took over her body because of the heavy feeling that has been weighing both her mind and heart. She couldn't tolerate this treatment any longer and must make haste of her plan.

"...I must escape as soon as possible. I'll stay anywhere, but here."

To Be Continued Previous Chapter ➵ Next Chapter

[bibiana112]

1 on the ask game because i dont know what to call you skksh

Oh god neither do I actually akjska I'm awful with names, whatever you have on your head already is probably fine by me lol