#so I had to re-write the first 3 paragraphs

[v3nusxsky]

So I'm asking as me as not anon only because I'm sure you know it's me from my comment, but also still want to be anon after this paragraph (if that makes sense) ❤️

I literally am obsessed with your writing, it is so freaking good I could just curl up and re read everything you've posted (and I may have done that, ngl) especially for Larissa. That woman has an absolute chokehold on me.

Is there any chance you could do a lactation/breeding/mommy/shapeshifting dick with dom Larissa and sub r, and can the r be a short masc with short hair?

You are amazing in every way and lovely beyond compare!

Breed me mommy 18+

*authors note~ wrote this with a massive headache after my first long distance drive so I apologise if it’s bad! This is for all my people who have massive crushes on Larissa Weems coupled with a huge breeding kink. On my knees for the 6 foot 3 goddess Larissa Weems*

Trigger warnings~ breeding kink, lactation kink, mommy kink, shapeshifting cock and ability to lactate, dom Larissa/ sub masc, dirty talk, oral sex, praise kink, soft dominant, thigh riding, slight choking, missionary, doggy, oral fixation, hints of emotional sub after the act

Prompt~ see ask^^^

•••••••Banner is coming soon•••••••••

It was your idea to watch The Devil Wears Prada with your lover Larissa Weems. Your intent was to create a calming atmosphere for her after a long stressful day. A nice meal, some cuddles while you watch the film and then head to bed together. Peaceful. Happy. It started all going to plan, your beautiful candlelight dinner that just so happened to be the exact favourite dish of your lover. The wine was plentiful and the conversation flowed effortlessly.

“I’ll take good care of you. I promise” you murmured to the principal as she delicately folded her long legs to sit on the sofa with you before patting her hardly clothed thigh twice. A silent command. “Let mommy hold you tonight darling” she whispered before shifting your pliant body onto her lap and pressing play on the already set up film.

It all started innocently. Her slender fingers trailing over your clothed arms, legs and stomach. Every time you’d tilt your head to catch her obvious teasing acts she would be laser focused on the screen. But slowly Larissa had more on her mind. She couldn’t help but press her ruby lips to the column of your throat as you chuckled. The way your pulse beat against her gentle kisses caused her to smile in your skin. It’s just never been easy for her to keep her hands for herself when you’re in the same room as she is. Let alone sat on her lap, so innocently nibbling on your lip as you fought to concentrate. She’d be your undoing, that much she knew, but how much of her obvious teasing you could take wasn’t.

It wasn’t long before you began to absentmindedly search to find purchase on Larissa’s wrists and guide them where you desperately needed them. Only she wasn’t done yet, pulling her hands from you as you whined unhappily. “Behave darling” she tutted as if you were a disobedient puppy, “Mommys trying to watch this.”

How long was this damn film? You couldn’t help but curse yourself for not picking a shorter film. So just about the half way point you snapped, turning yourself around in her lap to attack her lips with desperate sloppy kisses. Instantly, she reciprocated with just the right amount of enthusiasm to subconsciously encourage your growing arousal. Before you knew it, you were tugging at the pins holding her beautiful in place as your hips began to grind downward. “God darling, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted you to be a mess in my lap. Such a sweet thing for me” she praised happily before moving her hands to grip your hips hard enough to leave marks.

Larissa was known for her passion and patience. But here and now she was most definitely not a patient woman. As soon as your arousal began to seep through your shorts onto her stockings she lost control. Effortlessly scooping you up into her arms, carrying you into your shared room as your lips battled for a dominance you didn’t truly want. Being tossed around by your older lover was something you’d never get bored of. The way she tossed you on the bed like you weighed no more than a pillow was such a turn on.

Squirming on the bed you allowed Larissa to strip you bare minus your sports bra, knowing how it helped you feel more masculine in these moments before stepping back and admiring your beautiful self. Subconsciously, you began to curl up into yourself, effectively hiding your body from her only to be reprimanded, “don’t be embarrassed darling. God you turn me on so much my love. I just need to be inside you now. To touch you now. Can mommy touch you? Please baby?” You stuttered in mild shock “I-inside me?” You’ve spoke about your future and likes/ dislikes and what you would like to explore together, and apparently tonight was the night for her to try and shift. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to watch you be a good slut and take mommys cock. Every. Single. Inch.”

“Please mommy, just touch me please I don’t care how” you whimpered reaching out to pull her to you and free her from her dress. Her beautiful tits on display along with a now very generous member trying to strain from her lace panties. “You wanna help take this off darling? They are rather uncomfortable” she mumbled before stealing a couple of kisses that lingered a touch too long. Eagerly manoeuvring your body closer to her and your shaky hands reached to her waist to tug at the lace and accidentally resulted in tearing it from the shifters body. “That was so fucking hot darling” she gasped as you tried to wriggle closer.

“Wanna taste mommy” doe eyes looked up at the principal and you tried to tug her new appendage closer to your mouth. Her manicured hand helped guide her shaft to your awaiting lips. “I’ll be gentle love, remember you can tap out” was all she managed to get out before you happily sucked the head of her cock into your mouth. It took some adjusting and working to find a rhythm. It was taking all her restraint to not harshly fuck into your warmth. If this was how your sweet mouth felt then your other hole would be heavenly. With a tug to your hair she pulled you off her dick with a little whine of protest coming from you. Clearly this would be something she needs to work on her stamina for.

“Your turn darling” she murmured before pushing you back on the bed and attacking your body with nips and kisses. “Wann feel you inside me please mommy” you pleaded innocently. “I don’t want to hurt you love” she started only to be cut off with your frantic begging, “I want you to fuck me mommy. Please. Please let me feel you.”

“I’ll be gentle” she stated as a matter of fact before lining herself up with your soaking cunt and slowly pushing in. There was a sting in some places and a stretch in others but when she sunk into you to the hilt you couldn’t help the ungodly loud moan that ripped itself from your throat. “You sound so pretty darling, tell me when I can move” Larissa murmured using the height difference to her advantage to smother your neck in pretty little marks. Hers.

“Move, please god mommy move” you whined encouraging her to finally give you what you wanted. The first few thrusts of her hips were slow and gentle. Experimental. Loving how snug you wrapped around her. The feeling of her cock stroking your inner walls was most definitely become addictive. “Fuck, darling we have to change positions. You’re gonna make me cum” Larissa groaned trying to convince herself to pull out of your warmth.

It was now you were thanking whatever god existed that your lover could shift her anatomy, meaning she could lift you whenever she felt like. “On your knees” she gravely whispered, her fingers gripping tightly into your hips as she helped you position yourself. Like a starving woman she immediately began to work herself into your pussy and picking up her pace and accuracy of her thrusts. Getting the angle just right to hit your G spot.

“Want to cum in you darling. Let mommy cum inside your pretty pussy darling? Oh god you’d look so beautiful all swollen and pregnant for me. Please darling I won’t last too long if you keep squeezing me like that” she moaned without thinking. “Mommy please, please, I need more. Please want to feel it mommy. Want to be mommy’s forever” you mewled, your hands clawing at any skin you could reach as she pleaded you to come with her. To be so good for her and take all her cum. Stilling with the sheer amount of sticky goods that were filling your womb up to the brim as your walls spasamed around her dick, milking her of everything she was offering.

It was in the blissful moments where Larissa had shifted her anatomy back to normal and gathered you into her embrace, that you began to process what she’d said. “Mommy?” You muttered still thick in your subspace, “do you really want to have a baby with me?” Silence was all that filled the room before she pressed a sweet kiss to your head and replied honestly, “of course my darling. I love you so much and would love to start a family with you if you want to? I didn’t realise just how much I’d want to get you pregnant until that moment. God, you’d be the best mother in the world. In fact you would look so gorgeous pregnant that I might just have to keep you pregnant forever.” Little did Larissa know that night you spent crying and planning to try for a family, that she’d already succeeded on the first baby.

“I love you so much darling” she mumbled as you finally settled down for the night, your fuzzy head resting on her bare breasts. You couldn’t help but tease her perky nipples by blowing cool air on them before sucking them into your lips on instinct. “Mine” you mumbled contentedly as your light suckling continued. “All yours baby, all yours. Just your mommy darling” she reassured running her hands through your short hair and scratching soothingly at your scalp until your suckles stopped. Indicating you’d finally sipped off to sleep.

Word count~ 1594

[rqbossman]

Hello Mr Bossman! (and possibly anyone else who reads this)

Its an honour to be here, I have a few questions. First i appologise for the long paragraph, you may dismiss it for the questions at the bottom. For context, i am here after finishing TMA and being up to date with TMAP, i then went over and listened to RQG, and have just finished listening to Epilogue 3 and might i just say, good sir I am grateful for your podcasts. I am currently just a few months away from my final exams of High School, and as someone who even just 1 year ago was very lost, struggling with school and being just overwhelmed. TMA isnt exactly comforting, but the characters and plot managed to serve as a good form of escapism while sorting myself out. I found my self engaging more in creative things that i had originally put aside in favour of maths and science (which i hated but thought i needed to do). I started drawing again, even if just fanart. and i found things going well. By finding podcasts, story telling and these communities have helped me in my own understanding of what i want in life. I got an ADHD diagnosis earlier this year, and almost directly after started RQG and as my first hyperfixation (that i was aware of as an hyperfixation) gosh dang it hit hard. (in a good way). Ive been able to do so much more creative writing and drawings, and got re-involved with a small dnd group with some friends who i played one game with almost 4 years ago now. So overall, inspirational sounds cringe, but it was. Im doing my best with the upcoming exams, but trying to get in to Medicine is not my only prority, and the fact ive been re-introduced to my first love (Literature and story telling), im planning to go do an Arts degree and i know i wouldnt have been able to confidently make this decision, or even have survived this long in the school system without the work you and your coworkers do. Now the sap is out of the way, Question time! (if you could answer even just one of these questions it would be so cool)(they go in order of RQ relevant to random stuff)(dont feel pressured to answer all/any. i know i wrote alot): 1. what would you say is the best way to draft out a long-form story. (with "Erasing the Line" as an example) Did you start at the end, with the links to the overarching plot.

2. When working with the players (in a form of TTRPG), what did you do to make sure you didnt miss relevant timing of plot points/ avoid creating spoilers while still giving enough detail?

3. What are good places to start with making a job out of storytelling/voice acting/audio etc. In the case of RQ, how is this a job and where do i sign up please! /j (what i mean is, how is best way/how did you find all the people involved and was there a common path that you were all on before getting to where you are now?) 4. Do you have recommendations for Terry Pratchett Books, i may be an literary-leaning student, but it seems i have never actually properly read any of his books. so where is best place to start?/What did you read first?

5. Similar authors or similar inspirations? Did you have a favourite podcast you listen to in your free time that you havnt had a hand in producing/directing/working on. 6. Favourite song/album/artist. And more specifically, what you like listening to in background when doing either writing or (for ttrpg) character research/game planing. 7. Since the olympics are on at the moment, what has been your favourite sport to watch, if you have been watching at all. Thank you for your time :)

Thankyou for all the kind words. Knowing our work is helping people really keeps our engines fired up. Let's see if I can't answer your questions: 1. I "sandbox" which is where I just shove everything I can think of into an unorganised bullet point list. Characters, setting, plot, all of it in one big mess. Then I decide what type of story you want to tell, copy and paste to a new document and then start to organise the thoughts (with the sandbox on standby if new stuff comes in I don't know what to do with). I think of it like scultping, you cut away bits and reshape until something comes out the other end that is story shaped. Only then do I attempt to build the sandcastle and put something coherant together like a synopsis or scratch draft etc.

2. Very tricky. I did a complete review and update of all notes after each recording session and don't forget the audio eas edited. I made lots of gaffs that you never heard as audience.

3. I contacted anyone I could convince to take part and just proved I was serious by overworking. I don't reccomend that route. Unfortunately it really is "who" you know. That doesn't mean chase established professionals as much as it means you need to get out there and associate with other up-and-comers who match your vibe. For me the route was long and windy and not a particularly good example. 4. I normally recommend people do not read his books in publication order. Don't get me wrong, its wonderful watching his craft grow from one title to the next but I would recommend new readers tip their toe into his later works to see if they like where he ended up before committing the time. I often recommend 'Monstrous Regiment' as people's first one. My favourite though is 'Thief of Time.'

5. I don't get much time to listen to podcasts in the last couple of years. I used to listen to a lot of non fiction. 'Stuff you Should Know' and that ilk. I also read a fair amount of classic YA fiction to unwind (Windinsger trilogy, Bartimeous, stuff like that.) 6. Paul Simon's Graceland but when working I assemble a playlist for each seperate project that is tonally appropriate. If I really need to focus I listen to Classical Minimalism. Or the Old School Runescape soundtrack. I'm allowed to be ecclectic. 7. I am actually in an incredibly busy work crunch at the moment so haven't seen any of it!

[frostfire-17]

What is cuneiform?

@ipsomaniac asked if I could explain the cuneiform system, and so I am going to give it a shot. Here goes! (Update: it got long! But there's pictures!)

Part I: What does it look like? How do we work with it?

This is the cuneiform script:

This is a first-millennium BC text of Sargon II, in Akkadian (specifically Neo-Assyrian). My user icon is a much older Sumerian text. In a second we'll see some Hittite. Just like the Latin script is used for English, French, Turkish, and many other languages today, the cuneiform script was used for lots of languages in the ancient world. It changed a bit over three thousand years of constant use, but it remains pretty recognizable because of the wedges. "Cuneiform" is just Latin for "wedge-shaped," because scholars love giving things banal names and then translating them into Latin or Greek so no one can tell.

This is a Hittite tablet:

This particular tablet is part of the royal funerary ritual (which has many many MANY tablets, many of which are way more broken than this one, and/or missing entirely). It's been pieced together from lots of fragments, all excavated separately. (You can see their excavation numbers written on the fragments, e.g. 39/c.) It's written on clay, like most of their texts were. This is a pretty good amount of preservation for a tablet this size - many are more fragmentary. I wish the picture were better, but tablets are not catalogued by how good the pictures are and it would have taken a million years to find a really hi-res one suitable for our purposes.

You can see that each symbol is made up of a bunch of wedges. These were pressed into the clay with a stylus while it was still wet. If you look closely, you can also spot spaces between words (more obvious at the end of a paragraph).

Here's a little slice of our tablet:

And here's a drawing of that same little slice. This is how scholars usually interact with texts on a day-to-day basis, because taking readable photos of tablets is difficult and going to see the tablets is more difficult. Drawings are made by experts in the presence of the tablets and published so that everyone can look at them.

Here the scholar who did this drawing (published in Keilschrifturkunden aus Boghazköi vol. 39, text no. 4) was working with only some of the fragments, and so has written in the transliteration of the left half, which they weren't copying. So you can see how each cuneiform sign corresponds to a written syllable, sometimes in lowercase, sometimes in all caps, and sometimes in superscript.

What does all this mean? How does it work? Okay. Cuneiform is a really difficult and frustrating writing system to read, for a few reasons. 1) It grew organically from a time before writing existed, so people were just kind of slowly figuring out how to use pictures to represent words; 2) it lasted for thousands of years, so there were all sorts of innovations tacked on without necessarily jettisoning any of the old stuff; and 3) it was borrowed through quite a few languages, almost none of which were related to one another, so it had to twist around and adapt to totally different sounds and word structures. So it's weird! And hard to learn, especially for us, because we are not native speakers of any of the languages that used it, and also we're not a single person existing in a snapshot of time, where cuneiform had a specific form and iteration - we're looking at its whole span of three thousand years.

THAT SAID. I can explain some stuff about it and how it worked! Here goes!

Part 2: How does it work as a writing system?

We start with a picture. Let's use a star. Like this: 𒀭

Or this:

(this is a student text copying the star sign over and over - ignore the leftmost column. I got it from this excellent thread here)

This is the cuneiform sign for the sky, or for a god. In Sumerian, the language that first used cuneiform, the word for "sky" is AN. The word for "god" is DINGIR. So this sign could be pronounced either AN, and mean sky, or DINGIR, and mean god. This sort of usage is called "logographic" - a sign equals a word. It started as just a picture of a star, and came to mean a couple of things associated with the stars.

Eventually, there reaches a point where it doesn't just only mean the word "sky," it also means the syllable "an." That is, you could use it to represent a part of a word, or a grammatical element, that was pronounced "an." (E.g., ma-ah-ha-an: mahhan, which is a Hittite word that means "when," and which is written with four signs, including our an.) This is called the rebus principle: like a rebus puzzle, a picture of an eye can also mean "I" because they sound the same. This usage supplements the logograms rather than replacing them: you could still use "an" to mean "sky." You know which usage is in play based on context. (Or at this stage, maybe you don't. Sumerian is real hard and we don't understand it perfectly.)

You can also use signs a third way, which is designed to make reading easier: as what's called a "determinative." A determinative tells you what type of thing a word is. So if you use the star symbol as a determinative, it comes before a word and indicates that upcoming is a god's name. It's not pronounced when it's used like that. Other determinatives include: male and female markers, plural markers, markers to indicate what something is made of, what kind of animal it is, etc.

So any sign you see could potentially be a word (logogram), a sound (syllable), or a soundless classifier (determinative). In practice, only some signs take on all three of these functions.

When we transcribe signs now, we write them in Latin script based on which function they're serving. That's why, in the above Hittite texts, some of the signs were written in all-caps (for logograms), some of them in lowercase (for syllables), and some of them in superscript (for determinatives).

So then Akkadian borrows the system. They like to spell words out a lot more than the Sumerians do, so more and more signs are used primarily for their syllables, rather than their meaning. The signs also take on more syllabic meanings, because Akkadian has different words behind the logograms, and also has different sounds than Sumerian. A lot of signs end up doing double, triple or even-more-ple duty (e.g. the sign for "ag" can also be read "ak" or "aq" in an Akkadian text). Once again, you know how to read a sign from context, and in Akkadian you usually actually do know, because Akkadian is a Semitic language rather than an isolate like Sumerian, so we understand it way, way better.

Akkadian keeps using the symbols as logograms, though, too. Sometimes they'll spell out a word, but sometimes they'll just use the logographic symbol for it - like how sometimes we write out "two," and sometimes just write "2". Sometimes there are full Sumerian words or combinations of words that have become logograms: that is, they're not loanwords. They're not pronounced in Sumerian. They're written as a symbol (like 2), and the Akkadian word would be pronounced underneath (like "two.") The Akkadians also keep using determinatives.

At this point, most signs at least have a logographic value and a few syllabic values. Also (to make it extra difficult) plenty of syllables have a couple of different signs that could be used to represent them. In total there's a bit over a thousand cuneiform signs, incidentally, but usually only a few hundred were in use at any given time and place.

Then Hittite borrows it! They actually overall reduce the number of signs used, and the number of signs doing double duty, so it's generally simpler to read. Hittite's sound system is totally different from Akkadian's, though - which is totally different from Sumerian's - so they do some weird stuff with which signs represent which sounds. (The result of this is that our understanding of Hittite phonetics is somewhat imperfect.) They do use a ton of logograms whenever they're talking about physical objects, especially ritual offerings. Ritual texts are A PAIN IN THE ASS to read because they're full up with obscure logograms, and so you pore over a signlist trying to work out what the bonkers twelve-wedge sign you've never seen before is, and then when you finally find it you're like, "oh ANOTHER kind of bread. cool cool."

Part 3: Let's Read Hittite! (This is probably excessive.)

So finally, let's read some together! This is two lines from the Ten-Year Annals of Mursili II, an account of the first ten years of that king's reign. It's mostly conquering, but this bit is calmer.

(ANNOYINGLY, Tumblr will not do superscript, or I cannot make it anyway, so I will put determinatives in parentheses.)

nam-ma (URU)Ha-at-tu-ši ú-wa-nu-un nu (URU)Ha-at-tu-ši

gi-im-ma-an-da-ri-nu-un nu-za EZEN4.HI.A ŠA MU.6.KAM i-ya-nu-un

That's the text rendered sign-by-sign. Everything that is separated by a dash, a period, a space, or a parenthesis is a separate sign. Words are separated with spaces. Here's a more normalized rendition of the words (still with the logograms, though).

namma (URU)Hattusi uwanun nu (URU)Hattusi gimmandarinun nu=za EZEN4.HI.A ŠA MU.6.KAM iyanun

"Then I went to Hattusa, and I spent the winter in Hattusa and performed the festivals of the sixth year."

The ú in uwanun in the first line is written with an accent because there are several signs that can mean "u" and this is the second one. Similar for EZEN4: there's more than one sign for EZEN, and this is the fourth. Scholars always write logograms and determinatives in Sumerian, because that's where the meanings were fixed. URU, used before Hattusa, is both the determinative for "city" and the Sumerian word meaning the same. ŠA in the last line is italicized and capitalized because it's a logogram that comes from Akkadian: "ša" means "of" in Akkadian, and the Hittites used Akkadian words as logograms just like the Akkadians used Sumerian words.

Anyway, that's how cuneiform works! If you made it this far you're a hero! <3

[k-s-morgan]

Hey, I was re-reading ATLWETD when I noticed something so obvious in this paragraph that I stupidly didn't notice the first time.

"Riddle was taller than him, so now his lips were almost brushing against Harry’s forehead. 

“I don’t need to live in a Muggle world to own someone,” he murmured. Belatedly, Harry realised why he was standing so close — he didn’t want others to overhear his outrageous statements. “You should know this. After all, you know me better than anyone.”"

He wasn't gloating only about the death eaters, like Harry thought, he was mostly referring to the Horocrux situation and their own really unique relationship (also, the fact he almost kisses the scar as he speaks made me scream).

Will we see more moments like this in the next chapters?? (If you don't want to spoil us, just ignore this part.)

This all brings me to the actual question: Harry replies:"It’s because I know you that I’m not going to entertain your disturbing fantasies,” he said. Somehow, he managed to sound less harsh than he intended. “No matter what loyalty anyone promises you, it is not infinite. If you treat people who pledged themselves to you cruelly, they are not going to stay. I saw it happen. And by the rate you’re going, I think it might happen again.”

What the hell did Tom assume from this reply? And most importantly, what assumptions did he make about the connection between Harry and fake!Tom based on this answer?

Hoping the best for you and your loved ones in these hard times <333

Hi! Thank you <3 I'm glad that you saw the second meaning of Tom's words. It was related to how Tom envisions their relationship and to the Horcruxes both.

The more Tom imagines what life he and Harry might have had, the more feelings and desires are born in him. He's certain that Harry was his in every way and that he had absolute control over him because in his eyes, that's the only possibility for them to have a relationship. This is what he began to want now, so he's sure that any other version of him must have wanted the same. Harry cannot relate to it, ownership doesn't interest him, so he didn't fully comprehend what Tom meant.

I cannot say specifically what kind of moments of closeness and possessiveness we'll get because I never plan these things, they pop up by themselves as I write! But there will definitely be a lot of them))

As for your second question, Tom and Harry are having somewhat different conversations here. Harry is talking purely about Tom's followers, Tom is talking about them and about his bond with Harry at the same time. Harry's words made him think that he lost the devotion of some of his Death Eaters in that other reality, but most importantly, he contemplates the fact that his attitude cost him Harry. He doesn't know the specifics, but he thinks that his insanity pushed Harry away and resulted in him being snatched into some other world. Harry doesn't seem to be actively trying to go back to it, which Tom considers as another proof of their broken bond. In his mind, with their connection, Harry would have to be obsessed with reuniting with 'his' Tom. Since he isn't, it means that the other Tom failed him so much that Harry is now more interested in building something new with his other version.

Tom is confident that he'll be a better partner. At the same time, while he places Harry above everyone else, he doesn't see him as his equal, and he cannot imagine a relationship without any violence and control in it. He thinks Harry mostly accepts it, only that 'his' Tom overdid it because of the Horcruxes. So after Harry's reply, Tom's trying to assure him him that some violence is an inherent part of a relationship, and that he's in his right mind, so he'll know how to keep a balance between violence and fondness - basically, that he'll succeed in being a leader that Harry (and the others) would be glad to respect and follow both in 'professional' and personal capacities.

This probably sounds a little messy, but Tom's mind is still reeling from all the (fake) revelations, so he cannot always settle on a specific picture) It keeps changing.

[josphitia]

Josie's Cow HRT Journey, part 4 - The Endo

It has been a rough few weeks since my interaction with that “therapist.” I withdrew into myself, into reading stories of girls getting their bodily wishes fulfilled through magical means. If I couldn't achieve this in real life, I could at least live it vicariously. Jojer was comforting me best he could; and he bought me prosthetic horns to wear around the house. As nice a gesture as it was, any shifting in their positions just signaled to my brain in flashing neon what it was I lacked.

I found a group online, an old school IRC chat mostly for girls to commiserate on what they felt denied to them. I learned all sorts of new terms, a myriad of words to describe ourselves, that only had one real objective: To pick at our emotional scabs. To promote a bleeding of the heart, a pain that reminded us of what we longed for and convinced ourselves we would never be. We were a commune of depression.

I logged on one day to the sight of a well-trodden series of texts. The same handful of sentences each beginning with the same 3 letter word: Why. “Why can't my body be like hers?” “Why can't I have the right hormones?” “Why can't society let us be who we are?” Etc, etc. The only thing I didn't see was a person who was the closest thing to a friend I had there. I assumed it was just another particularly bad day for her and began to write my own melancholic diatribes to the chat.

But, another day went by. The space was lonelier without her, the one true connection I had made even in a corner of the internet as dour as this. And then another day, and a week. Another week. I began to fear the worst. That she had taken a journey so many of us considered or had even attempted. We had exchanged emails once, for plans that would fall through like so many others. I wanted, needed to know if she was safe. I opened my client and wrote three simple, impossible to misinterpret words: “Are you okay?”

Silence.

Silence.

Silence.

*Beep*

“RE: Hey” was the name of the email I received. She was okay! My heart felt the first pangs of relief in weeks. Her message had apologies sprawled throughout, but there was also a sense of contentment in her words. She was excited, she was hopeful, and she soon disclosed the reason why: She had found a new therapist. Not the man who had taken away my very hope for the future, but a woman who actually listened. Who offered genuine advice. A woman who was not a barrier to treatment but rather a guide TO that treatment.

In the final paragraph, as if answering my eager question prophetically, she wrote the therapist’s email. The last thing my friend wrote was yet another apology, but this one for something she was going to do, not a past infraction. She wanted to start her new life without the cumbersomes of her current. That she was performing a purge of her online identity, and that despite our camaraderie, I was being purged as well.

As much as the feeling of abandonment stung, I felt that I had gained something far greater: A second chance at the future I longed for. The future I desperately needed. The future that had already been snatched away from me once. I had hope again.

I emailed the therapist the next morning and stalked my email account for any activity. Finally, after a day at work of checking my phone every minute, I received her reply. While she was not in my state, she would be able to counsel me through a Telehealth appointment. She gave me her days of availability and I chose the soonest one, giving no regard to the fact I would have to leave work early. Like a stubborn bandaid, I needed this to be over quickly and with one decisive action. I would know tomorrow whether I had finally found my path towards happiness or if the waves of my future would crash violently against the shore.

The appointment had started off like so many of my online chats did: The unloading of emotions regarding men who wronged us. While these men had different names and faces, their profession was the same: Therapist, if in name only. My new doctor asked about my previous experiences trying to get onto AnimalHRT and like a flood the emotions rushed forth. When I stopped, she had but one thing to say: “Yeah, that guy sounds like a prick. He's woefully outdated on standards and practices. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.”

She understood. A medical professional not only understood the pain I was going through but was sympathetic. She wanted to help me. It was a foreign experience, but one I welcomed wholeheartedly.

“So, tell me about yourself. I need to assess you but I want to stress this is merely a formal process. There are no wrong answers. When did you first feel that you were a cow?”

“I don't know… I learned it was a possibility only recently, but it feels disingenuous to say I only wanted to be a cow a few months ago… I've known I was different from other girls… different from boys… ever since I was a child. I thought it was just because I'm trans. But I don't know if I ever had the thought ‘I’m a cow’ before this year. I can point to a number of habits and signs I've noticed. That I always want something on my head, such as sunglasses, where my horns should be. That shoes have never fit right. That I've been vegan for years… But it feels insulting to cows themselves to say these things make me a cow… I'm sorry, I'm wasting your time…”

“Hey, hey. It's okay. You're not wasting anything, let alone my time. I promise, there are no wrong answers. What you describe is very similar to many girls, and boys, and others, have confided in me. Especially the diet part, you'd be surprised how many Otherkin and/or Therian have diets similar to their species before they start their transition.”

I wiped the liquid growing at either sides of my eyes with my shirt sleeve: “Really?”

“Really. You're normal, Josie. You may not be a normal that people think about every day, but you are doing nothing wrong. You're feeling nothing wrong. You are who you are; and it's my duty, my privilege, to help you realize this and to help you along whatever path your transition takes. I want to help you.”

“Thank you… And, what were those names you used for people like me?”

“Oh, Otherkin and Therian?”

“Yeah”

“They're the umbrella terms used for people who are a nonhuman species either physically, mentally, or spiritually. In the broad strokes, Therian are people who are a species of nonhuman animal. Otherkin are people who are a species of nonhuman animal, or creature, which is usually more mythological. There's a lot of overlap between the two. While many people are one or the other, it's also very common for people to be a mix or blending of the two.”

And again, realization. Like a strike of lightning in the back of my mind: There's words for people like me. Not a derogative or a slur, but actual, genuine medical terms.

“I think I have enough to write your official diagnosis and letter for hormones, Josie.”

“Wait, really?? I don't need to do anything else? I don't need to… prepare for my future…?”

“We are preparing for your future. You've clearly thought about this and like I said, there were no wrong answers. It's not my job to gatekeep but to guide you. I practice informed consent, and you're informed and consenting. I'll begin writing your letter and you should receive it in your email by tomorrow, with a physical copy arriving in about a week’s time. Now, do you have an Endocrinologist lined up?”

“No… I thought it would be premature to do so before knowing how this appointment would go…”

“I understand, I'll send you the information of Endocrinologists that handle AnimalHRT.”

“Thank you so much, I don't know what to say other than thank you… This appointment went so much better than I ever dreamed it could! Thank you!”

“You're welcome, Josie. Now, when would you like to schedule your next appointment?”

_________________________________

“Josie? The doctor will see you now. Right this way.”

I walked through the sterile hallway of the endocrinologist’s office. I was guided into a private room when, before I could sit, a tall woman in a lab coat opened the door. “Hi Miss Josie, it's a pleasure to meet you. We have the letter that your therapist faxed us. It says here you're interested in AnimalHRT? That's no problem. And by the looks of it you've already been on Bovinesterone. How can I help, are you looking into Dragon, or Wolf, or-”

“Uhm! I'm actually not on any AnimalHRT yet… I was hoping to get on Bovinesterone.”

“...Oh! My apologies.”

“No, no, I think you've actually given me the best compliment I've ever received…”

“Heh, okay. Bovinesterone it is. Now I just need to list off the possible effects of this medication. I'm sure you already know, but it's law. Here goes:

Creation and increase of keratin deposits on the top of the skull.

Fusing of the toes and increased keratin production of the feet, as well as realignment of the Fibula, Tibia, and Calcaneus.

Increase in keratin production of the fingernails.

Increase in growth of the tailbone.

Increase in mammary tissue.

Elongation and stretching of the skull, as well as realignment and blunting of the patient’s teeth.

Increase in hair production over the entirety of the body.”

It was as if she was reading off a list of everything I wished was different about my body.

“Do you understand and accept the risks inherent with this medication?”

“Yes, I do!” I said too eagerly.

“Okay. I'll send it into your pharmacy. I'll walk you out.”

_________________________________

I kept a hand on the bag I acquired from the pharmacy, holding it in my lap. I wanted, needed, to safeguard it's trip to my home. I was almost there, to the future that I was awaiting with bated breath.

I ran up the stairs to my apartment and filled a glass of water. In my hands were two small, light blue pills. As I swallowed them eagerly, a single thought repeated in my head: “It's happening!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Josie's Cow HRT Journey

First|Previous|Next

[mylordshesacactus]

Tag Game - Writing Patterns

List the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern.

1.Smoke and the sharp tang of blood drifted over Teldrassil. (Reunification, Warcraft)

2. It was a nameless backwater moon in a nameless backwater system, and Ahsoka had never wanted to be anywhere less in her life. (Riposte, Star Wars)

3. Padawan learner Barriss Offee scuffed her heel idly against the duracrete. (When These Moments Have Passed, Star Wars/Fox and the Hound fusion)

4. “Going somewhere, Lady Crowley?” (Shadows and Goldclover, Warcraft, E)

5. It’s a good place for an ambush. (some desperate small creature, Warcraft)

6. Sunrise on Rannoch was—Tali’s chest constricted painfully. (Housewarming, Mass Effect)

7. “Again,” the instructor ordered, voice crisp. (Quicksilver, BG3)

8. The world grows quiet. And their time grows short. (Truesilver, BG3)

9. A boy dreams of a wolf’s whelp. (an unkindness of ravens, Assassin's Creed: Valhalla)

10. FOREWORD (By Miranda Lawson) | In 2196, a young asari named Ashethe Matolis was granted asylum by the Alliance. (257 Years Of Unanswered Correspondence With An Ardat-Yakshi Monastery, Mass Effect)

-

I think the most prominent pattern here is that I definitely have a strong preference for opening "with two feet down", as my high school mentor and creative-writing teacher put it. Not necessarily in medias res, though I do love doing that--but immediately grounded, placing the reader IN the scene from the first sentence.

As such a lot of these involve sensory details, an immediate touchstone for the character's physical location or surroundings, or both. The worst thing you can do for immersion is have your reader spend several hundred words either unable to picture the characters in context, or THINKING they're picturing the context correctly and then out of the blue dropping that they're actually somewhere completely different.

(Unless you're deliberately misleading the reader in order to deliver a punchline, obviously, but I think that should go without saying.)

I also tend to make my opening lines direct and to the point, and rarely open a fic with a full paragraph. In order to give the reader that sense of standing on solid ground--essentially of "landing with two feet down," falling into the fic and looking around to see where they are--you gotta give that opening line a little room to breathe.

The only exceptions on this list are 4, 9, and 10, and honestly, only 9 really counts!

-> The structure of 257 Years is an epistolary fic, so it actually IS serving as that immediate sensory grounding--It's establishing from the very beginning the sense that you are, in-universe, picking up a book and opening it to the front page.

-> Shadows & Goldclover is my fun little Tess/Lorna porn, and the setup is in fact that Tess is startling her in the garden. So the initial brief disorientation (I do immediately give some setting details in the next paragraph) is exactly the sensory experience I want my readers to have, it puts them in the same headspace as Lorna

-> Unkindness Of Ravens is, genuinely, one of the best stories I've ever written and I hope people are willing to give it a chance even if they're not really asscreed people--it stands on its own just fine as an exploration of fictional Norse queerness. And in that case, the deliberate sense of....an unmoored, vague, disoriented lack of any solid physical setting, is exactly what I was going for! It's a prophetic vision; it should feel otherworldly. I deliberately avoid giving the reader ANY solid ground until after the scenebreak..at which point they are IMMEDIATELY given sensory details and a place name, because the whole thematic point of the fic is Valka being brought in from the cold and finding acceptance, security, and a place to belong.

[cordeliawhohung]

Soft Spot Dissection (Blood Soaked Cotton)

soft spot master list | links to answered asks | major spoilers for the series if you haven't read it, this is me picking apart my writing as a personal project <3

Welcome! First, I’d like to mention that I have no idea what I’m doing with this dissection. I’m attempting to put it in an essay-like format for ease of reading, but trying not to make it too essay-like so that it’s boring, ya know? A lot of this is going to be me just… copying and pasting paragraphs and then talking about it. So, just pretend that this is some really thought out opening paragraph and that I’ve got a killer thesis sentence and that this isn’t just some half-cracked author venting about her work. Capiche? Thanks. 

Anyway, we come to the first installment of Soft Spot: Blood Soaked Cotton. I’ve mentioned this a few times before, but this whole series actually started out as a one shot. Hence the rather… odd name. Believe it or not, but I actually really dislike the title Soft Spot. It’s just… not me. Not how I like naming things. It was a title I panic chose when I realized I wanted to write more. If I had the opportunity to change it, I’d honestly go with Everything You Touch. Fits the vibe more, in my opinion. But that’s beside the point. 

Anyway, it’s so jarring to read this story. I haven’t really actually sat down and read any of the parts after I posted them, and it’s crazy to start out with Simon and Spook not knowing one another. Just… strangers. Had I known this was going to be a longer series, I wouldn’t have started it out the way I did. With the little internal monologue with Simon. It works, in a way, and I don’t know what I would’ve changed it to, but it wouldn’t have been this. 

“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Really, it wasn’t supposed to happen at all. But things never exactly work out how we think they will, and Simon Riley wasn’t a stranger to surprises.”

Just sounds… so flat, compared to how I started every other part lmao. 

Have a good one. It was always the same farewell you gave him. Of course the factitious answer that came to mind was ‘have a good one what?’ but he knew better than to be a smart ass. But really, the question truly was a valid one in his mind. Have a good what? Day? Afternoon? Life? He was too far gone for that. 

I based Simon’s facetious answer off of something my old co-worker’s husband used to say. I hated him. He was a prick. But it’s the type of bluntness I thought Simon would hold lmao. But then Simon’s thought, of him being too far gone for a good life, was sorta done intentionally when I wrote it. Because he’s supposed to see that he can have a good life when he meets Spook (: 

It tore the delicate skin of your bottom lip vertically, nearing the corner of your mouth. Dark, crunchy scabs clogged the wound up, and he could tell by the way your tongue kept prodding at it that it smarted something fierce. But it didn’t stop there. A slight bruise on the back part of your cheekbone, an even deeper bruise peeking out from underneath your blouse on your collarbone, a broken nail that chipped off uncomfortably close to your nail bed. 

Re: Referencing Spook’s injuries. I wish I had referred back to this, her wounds, in Everything You Touch. I think the parallels would’ve been heartbreaking. Hindsight is 20/20 or whatever. Especially because in this first installment, Simon is haunted by Spook. Constantly sees her injuries, and it chases after him worse than anything he’s seen in the field sorta thing. Oh well. 

It used to be white, but had been stained by various things over the years he had it, and it even sported some fraying on the edges. It was clean, at least. Because of this, he was extremely surprised to hear your response to him.  “I’ll ruin it.” 

Re: Simon giving Spook his handkerchief when her lip started to bleed. Her comment here, I’ll ruin it. Although unintentional, it gives the impression that she’s always, in some sort of way, been afraid of filth. She’s always feared the rot inside of her and of transferring it to someone else, like she’s sick with some disease. Sort of makes her obsession with being clean later in the series a bit more understandable. These were just the very first few hints of it. 

“Figured you’d need another one after I ruined the one you gave me,” you said, wiggling it in your hands for him to take. “You also strike me as a dog person, so this seemed fitting.”

Re: Spook giving Simon a new handkerchief a few weeks/days/whatever later. This is so funny to me. You also strike me as a dog person. Be so for real right now. As if you didn’t bring home a gooey pile of cat a few years later. As if that weird freak doesn’t grow into being Simon’s best bud. I love them. 

October brought in a sharp chill to the air that had you wearing a nice knitted sweater to help stave off the draft in the building. Its dark background with popping jack-o-lantern theme matched perfectly with your area of the bank. Despite it only being halfway through the month you had already prepared for Halloween with a bowl of candy sitting on the counter and themed jelly stickers on the window behind you. 

Though it was never explicitly said, Halloween is Spook’s favorite holiday (: Which is unfortunate. Keep this in mind.

“Must be neat,” you said in awe. “Despite all the military stuff, anyway. I bet you get to travel the world and see so many neat things. I’d kill for an opportunity like that… no pun intended.” 

I wrote this pun on accident and then reread the sentence and was like wow. A bit on the nose but I’m keeping this. 

“Thanks for coming with me tonight,” you said softly, head returning to lean against your hand as you looked up at him. Even sitting next to him he was still so much bigger than you. “Honestly, I thought you were going to say no. Doesn’t really seem like your type of place so… just know I appreciate it.”  What gave that impression? His tense shoulders? Or his eyes flickering around the room at least twenty times every minute like he was constantly on edge?  “Don’t mention it,” he said, his voice low and rumbly.  You smiled something soft, something fleeting as your eyes dropped down to look at his hands clasped around the cup of water. He hadn’t taken a single sip of it the entire time the two of you sat there. Not that you had expected him to, anyway. Certainly not with that mask of his. Maybe some time in the future you’d ask him about it, but that moment wasn’t the right time. 

Rereading this, I think Spook has a love for broken things just as much as Simon does. Which is why she’s so drawn to him, despite his appearances. Which is why he lets her get close even though he knows it’s not a good idea. They’re both sad, broken people. And in a way, they’ve been sort of disconnected from “normal” people. It’s hard for Spook to find a partner who understands her situation. It’s hard for Simon to find a partner who can handle his aloofness. So when they find each other? It’s only natural that they’re so impossibly drawn to one another. 

You slipped away before he could protest that idea, and he grumbled as he pushed his cup of water towards the end of the bar. Shitty music filled his ears as he sat there waiting for you, and without your voice to drown out the commotion around him, it consumed him. Sharp crack of the billiard balls crashing together, the scent of greasy pub pizza, the ringing of a bell as the door opened, the chilling October breeze bleeding into the building, the stale scent of cigarettes. 

Though it’s only hinted at minorly, Eric, Spook’s ex, was a smoker. Hence the smell of cigarettes that’s mentioned here as the door opens. This is where Eric enters and starts to make a fuss. Etc etc etc. 

Then came the sound of flesh crashing against flesh as the palm of your hand slapped the man across the face. It was enough to grab the attention of everyone in the surrounding area, including the bartender who looked like he was one bad comment away from dialing 999.  “Get your fucking hands off of me,” you seethed. Unfortunately for you, the slap hardly seemed to phase him, and his grip only tightened. The man’s jaw set taut as his other hand came up and grabbed your waist with bruising force, drawing you closer to him as he bared his teeth in a snarling grin. 

Okay. OKAY. Everyone listen up!!! The entire story? Yeah? And Spook’s trauma? There’s this whole motif that I — quite frankly — abused the fuck out of. It’s violence. This whole, trying to break the cycle, of knowing violence, of experiencing violence, things of that sort. And then what do we get? Spook being violent. Spook is the first character throughout the entire series to ever show violence. To hit someone. To demand something of them. Sure, Eric fucking deserves it, and she was obviously beaten before, but that doesn’t change the fact she is the first character to be explicitly violent. (:

This was done by accident. Something that I came across while re-reading and it just hits so hard. Almost like it’s hinting at something terrible. That no matter how hard she tries to distance herself from her abusive past, it’s too ingrained in her DNA for her to escape it. 

It was disgusting. The very sight of that man with his hands on you like he had won a prize. Greedy fingers digging into your flesh like he planned to take, and take, and take. Simon had seen it all before. Seen it in his own flesh as unwanted hands clawed at him. Felt it on his face in the form of a vile, wet tongue swiping around his mouth. It was in the screams he couldn’t hold back as the hook tore through his flesh. It was in the blood that spilled down his body as he hung there while they laughed. It was in the maggots that he sat in as he was buried alive. It was- It was the pain he felt in his hand as his knuckles collided with the man’s jaw, snapping his head to an uncomfortable angle. In an instant his body went rigid and then limp. Those revolting hands fell away from you as his body collided with the floor beneath him, and the only sound he was able to make was a fit of air leaving his lungs upon impact. 

Here we have Simon essentially blacking out. Of seeing Spook’s trauma and realizing that they aren’t so different. I think that’s what ultimately attracted him to her in the first place. The fact that she wasn’t just broken, but she was like him. Even if he didn’t fully know it yet. Their pasts had been intertwined in some disgusting, twisted way this entire time, and I think this is the moment he starts to realize it. 

Never before had he been so glad to harm someone. Any other time it was a necessity. Saving himself. Saving a comrade. Nothing that he ever took pleasure or joy in. It was just work. But that? Hurting that man the way he did? He took joy in that.

Another accidental thing I did here, but I totally forgot about this paragraph. Of Simon enjoying what he did to Eric (kicking his ass). Makes the conversation Spook and Bukin have later in the series all the more terrifying. Specifically: 

“I think he likes the blood and the gore of violence. There is something comforting about spilling blood knowing that it lessens the chance of your own being poured. He finds safety in death. And while I can appreciate the sentiment, I never really had the stomach for blood. No, I prefer to watch things squirm.” 

Once again, this started off as a one shot, and I never reread this fucking part while writing so this is all by accident but it makes my stomach churn in a way I can’t describe lmao. 

“See you next week, Simon.”  That was the moment that he decided he liked the way his name sounded when you said it. You never barked it like an order, or screamed it in anger. He had hated his name for a long while, hated being called anything other than his callsign for work. But when it came from your lips, well, maybe it wasn’t all that terrible.  “Yeah,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. The band-aids pulled awkwardly at his skin as he paused on the porch of your apartment. “See you next week.” 

There’s something to be said about this farewell. It’s why I referenced it again in the epilogue in the synopsis. I think it’s the first goodbye that they say to one another that they don’t really want to say. Because they — whether they realize it or not — are already so terribly attached to one another. And honestly, I wish I had ended the part here rather than going further into detail. I felt like I was over explaining it. Everything is already right here. 

Anyway; that’s about everything I have for this part. I know it’s not a whole lot, but like I mentioned before, this was supposed to be a one shot, so this part doesn’t have a whole lot of… meaning behind it. Besides the few accidents that I found, anyway lmao. As always, feel free to send any questions about the work my way! Things I didn’t cover in this part that you’re still curious about, things of that sort!

[hees-mine]

hey bookie, just wanted to lyk u write the most toe curling smut ive ever read😻i wish i could write as good as you, like you really capture the image in the readers head!! do u have advice on writing dialogue? like how to make it realistic, how do u find so many good alternatives instead of saying “he said” or “she said” if you know what i mean? i think the word is dialogue tags😭or just writing advice in general, how to not make the smut awkward!

Hello!! First tysm! 🩵

I mean tmi but like I really have to be in a mood to write smut I think that’s why it seems so realistic cause I really imagine that scene in my head as I write it

Another thing like you were saying with he “he said” “she said” is that you learn from trial and error I do a lot of re reading before posting just to make sure it all sounds right and put together so review your writing also if you can lengthen your vocabulary that will help a lot

I don’t have advice on how to do that cause I can just do it naturally but if I had to I’d say just say you’re wanting to use a word but you already used it so you want to use something else like a different variation

Let’s say the word is “sighed” so instead of saying he sighed you could say “he breathed out” “he exhaled a deep breath” he exhaled” or exasperated sigh”

Or it could be like instead of saying “he sighed” you could say

“Heeseung sighed in annoyance”

“heeseung let out an annoyed sigh”

Or

“Sighing in annoyance heeseung replied”

You feel me?

So it’s kinda just using the words backwards almost which helps a lot to not sound like you’re saying the same thing over and over

Here’s another example for words like “and”

So let’s do a quick lil smutty scene

Example 1

Heeseung’s hands traveled down your waist softly squeezing the flesh and his lips met your neck with wet kisses and he sucked on that spot and you knew there would definitely be marks by tomorrow morning

So now let’s get rid of the “and” and make it sound a bit smoother as you read it I like to make paragraphs as seamless as possible and make them a bit longer so the reader can really feel what’s going on and also I don’t use a lot of big words cause we’re reading for entertainment not to Learn💀

Okay now here’s example number 2

Heeseung’s hands slowly made their way to your hips finger tips digging into the soft flesh causing a desperate moan to fall from your lips that still tingled in excitement from his rough kisses just moments prior his soft lips trail open mouthed kisses along the length of your neck as he leaves soft little love bites for you to remember him the morning after

See the difference? It’s not that the first example was so bad but by using a lot of “ands” it makes it feel like you have to stop and start where if you use “as” all the sudden it becomes smooth and seamless

And an alternative to “as” you could use “while”

Example number 3

Heeseung pinned you against the wall a gasp leaving your lips giving him the perfect opening to slip his tongue inside your mouth tangling it with yours as his cold fingers slip underneath your shirt sending chills down your spine his lips roamed every inch of your neck his supple kisses leave you wanting more as you tangle your hands in his hair black hair a groan transfers from his throat to your mouth the room feels hot as his kisses grow hungrier he tightens his grip on your waist making you moan and throw your head back in pleasure causing you to break the kiss but he doesn’t stop too intoxicated by your scent and your feel that his lips need to be on every inch of you your neck being the next best option as he zeros in on your pulse point kissing sucking and leaving marks that you have to cover in the morning

So boom there you have it those are like three different variations and styles of writing pretty much the same scene

So i hope that helps if you have anymore questions I happy to answer them 🩵

[prettyoddfever]

One of my favorite parts of following the Fever-era band was watching where they got inspiration, and how they’d build on an idea to make it their own. 

Motley Crue did their Carnival of Sins tour shortly before Panic started touring. And P!ATD didn’t even pretend like that didn’t influence them when it came time to plan their national headlining tours. Some reviews for P!ATD’s summer tour (which was the Moulin-Rouge-inspired one) had said that the band pulled off what Motley Crue had been trying to do... and that was before the Nothing Rhymes With Circus tour even existed. 

It became a well-known fact that the band had tried to borrow Motley Crue’s circus tent, so the Panic guys had to answer quite a few questions about that (here’s a random example from early October once the band already had their NRWC plans).

The pictures at the top of this post are from Panic’s Nothing Rhymes With Circus tour, which felt like the finale of the Fever era. And then the screenshots below are from Motley Crue’s Carnival of Sins tour:

They had acrobats, fire breathers, and other circus-type stuff:

Here’s Tommy Lee’s makeup:

In hindsight, it’s pretty funny to look at all of the things that P!ATD talked about wanting to do (that they weren’t allowed to do)... but Motley Crue had been able to do those things. Brendon and Spencer especially talked about wanting to get fire breathers, trapeze performers, and ANY type of pyrotechnics, get Brendon shot out of a cannon, etc. 

It’s hard to tell in this screenshot, but Tommy Lee is flying across the stage on wires (he’s above the “T” in the name):

he landed on a platform and started playing while a pyrotechnic mess happened:

Spencer & Brendon would have loved to have this amount of fire...

and after grabbing those screenshots, I think I can spot some moments that answer why some people were claiming in late 2006 that their sister/friend/whatever went to P!ATD’s tour and saw the female performers doing some very specific sexual stuff... and the rest of us were like wtf show did they go to because that’s not what everyone else in the arena talked about seeing. So maybe those people legit thought that the two tours were the same thing. I also think that some journalists subconsciously lumped both tours together because they’d write about Panic having trapeze artists, fire-breathers, “dwarves,” and/or other things that were actually from Motley Crue’s tour. 

I could ramble for a long time about how the two tours were very different, but I suppose that’s not the point of this post. Basically, the Panic guys were open about being inspired by some aspects of Motley Crue’s stage show. 

The video was released during the season when Panic was planning their first national headlining tour. Here’s an ad from spring 2006:

update: sometimes I switch tracks in the middle of writing a thought and then go back and rearrange stuff because I have learned to roll with my ADHD buuuuut I totally failed in this post. So sorry. I just re-read this and the second paragraph was a hot mess that made it sound like the summer tour was in arenas (I could spot like 3 different approaches I had been trying to start with lol). I fixed it now! 

[moonyinpisces]

Hi! I finally read HDWTOTL after seeing the cover art submissions on my dash for days. I won’t be emotionally the same ever again. Thank you, genuinely. But anyway, I was wondering if I could get some general writing advice?

I haven’t ever finished a story, and my problem is this: I can’t propel it forward. I have ideas for the beginning or middle of a story, but they’re just vague, disconnected scenes or emotions. I can never bring it to an end. And I can’t seem to bring people from location to location in a way that doesn’t feel very awkward.

Sometimes I look back at the writing I’ve done in a day and I realize it’s nearly all dialogue. Is this just my sign to be a screenwriter?

Or is there another angle to telling a story I’m not seeing?

How does one go from being a shit storyteller to a good one?

Thank you❤️

oh my gosh, thank you for reading hdwtotl and reaching out!! and yes, i can absolutely help you out, i'll throw my thoughts + advice down under the cut <3

i've always struggled with exactly what you're describing until relatively recently. i could get the barebone structure of a story down (beginning, end, vague plot points, dialogue-only scenes, etc.) luckily you mentioned you have disconnected emotions as one of the building blocks, which is, imo the most important thing you can have as a writer.

all that writing is is having an emotion and using all the tools in your arsenal to make someone else experience that same emotion.

that's all it is. what you're describing re: pacing and progression are all valid concerns, but i think you should remove that from the equation for now and just focus on what certain plot ideas make you feel, and how to evoke that feeling in others. personally, i struggle with properly explaining myself UNLESS i'm writing fiction. like, i can't tell you what i'm feeling, but i can make you feel the same way, and in the end we're now on the same wavelength. i don't think that's THE way to write, but it's the way i approach it and i couldn't do it any other way.

as to how to grow/push past what you're specifically struggling with: i think what helped me the most to develop myself as a writer is write the world around you. if you saw a sunset over farm hills in late october, how would you describe that to depict the feeling it evoked in you? the chilliness, perhaps spookiness, the beauty WITH the context that it's ushering in darkness, the dying plants, the cows huddling for warmth, the sound of a passing train. both the material and the immaterial work together in tandem in fiction -- what does the narrator sense from both? do that until it becomes second nature; if i see something incredible irl, you best believe my mental typewriter is going nuts. (the bentley scene in chapter 11 of hdwtotl had existed in my brain for MONTHS sentence-by-sentence WITH paragraph breaks before i finally got it down lol)

so if i were you, that's what i'd work on first before trying to bring it bigger picture with a beginning-middle-end as i think your pacing will naturally develop from it as well. what do you see, how do you feel, and how can the reader come away with both of those things without having been where you are themselves. also single scene oneshots to get in some practice translating that to fictional spaces.

good luck, i hope you break past this!! we need more storytellers out there

[redstringraven]

TMNT’s 40th anniversary ask game ~ May I ask for number 22) , 26) and 35) ? Lots of love <3

TuT!!!! THANK u, cherry. loves of love to you, too 💜✨

(please excuse that this ask is visually a bit more of a mess. i wrote too much again for tumblr to be chill with my usual formatting. why am i like this.)

TMNT's 40th anniversary ask game!

22.) what is your favorite kind of pizza?

terrible news, everyone: i'm a pro-pineapple bitch. you may block and unfollow me now; i forgive you for being incorrect (/lh). i tend to be pescatarian if i can help it (i'm flexible due to money, and also i hate inconveniencing others especially if i'm a guest), so i prefer pizza without meats. i'm happy to eat any kind of veggie combination with the exception of banana peppers. never liked those for some reason. i also really like mushroom and eggs as pizza toppings. i'm kind of just an egg fiend in general; i love the taste of a well-made egg.

26.) what is one of your favorite pieces of TMNT fan art?

these things keep asking for one, but i'm gonna continue responding with however many i feel like. because it's not my dad. the scarf, by @hamsterandturtlesoup weakness is a sickness and a virtue, by @tatortart various candid illustrations by richard chen vis dev by kellan jett

35.) which character relationships are your favorite to write/draw?

...since we're both OC people, i'm gonna take this as an opportunity to gush about canon and OC relationships: two of my favorite brotps. because they're character relationships i adore writing with all my heart and soul.

mikey, gwyn & ash i mentioned previously that @plantdonutwrites (jenn) writes for mikey in our RPs, so i consulted her for mikey's perspective on this brot3. i will paraphrase her answer in this paragraph:

"all his life, mikey's been used to only having his bros as company; they're family in a way that puts the rest of us to shame. but as they grew older they met all sorts of people, some became an extension of that family. raph has casey or maybe angel when he wants to dip for a bit. don has leatherhead or the professor (bree, too), and leo has usagi even if he's not 'as regular' (and min-ji, too). his brothers have their separate circles of friends, but, against all odds, mikey doesn't seem to have that (at least not until cassia shoved her foot in the loneliness door). then he bonded with gwyn and ash... but then they left. he realized that it wasn't just that they didn't treat him like 'the annoying brother who tags along' but because they'd actually become friends, and they were friends who didn't humor him. they liked the comics he talked about, they love klunk, and they're interested in his art and ideas. it meant a lot to him to have that--to know what it was like--and when they weren't around, he really felt the difference. in an odd way they helped him become a more empathetic person, too."

it's harder to answer in ash's perspective because she has a lot less agency than gwyn and, because gwyn's paranoid/won't let ash out of her own hands much less her line of sight, ash doesn't get a lot of one-on-one time with mikey. she's interacted with him a LOT more than she's interacted with most people--which absofuckinglutely means something--but since she does consider herself 'dead' and is at peace with the possibility she'll be a literal shapeshifting weapon for the rest of her sentience, i think a lot of his meaning to her (right now) is very rooted in what he means for gwyn. THAT being said.

mikey is gwyn's first real friend. like. ever. in all the time she's been alive. very much in the same way that the brothers only had each other for most of their lives, gwyn only ever had ash. her community considered her a parasite and an omen, so she was essentially outcast. gwyn grew up feeling she wasn't wanted, had to earn any love she received, and when ash died and became trapped in the weapon, all that transpired and followed afterward re-enforced that. i haven't talked about darach a lot--deliberately--but know that he's a masterful manipulator in more ways than one. if ch'rell was brute force and intimidation, darach is more like the pot you put a frog in and slowly turn up the heat. you don't realize you're being boiled alive until it's too late. thanks to his influence, gwyn's been tricked, back-stabbed, cornered, and watched people suffer 'because of her' countless times. when i said she was paranoid, i wasn't really being hyperbolic. she has SEVERE trust issues. ...then came mikey. someone who, unknowingly, had already given them a taste of his character.

gwyn and ash had heard of mikey's rematch with kluh during their travels--that the match was made mortal, that mikey had not only won but had spared kluh's life when he had every reason not to. darach wouldn't approach someone like him, they figured. and as time passed, mikey continued to not just be open and kind with them, but again and again he's emphasized to gwyn that they just... CARE. to quote him "we don't keep you guys around for any benefits other than being able to know you". which, in so many ways, is unheard of for gwyn. she still struggles to believe him sometimes, but she trusts him. mikey is her first and best friend, he's someone she admires, and he's proven time and time again that ash isn't the only person capable of loving her, and that she's worthy of that love by just being herself. i had to spend a lot of this answer on exposition because OC, but... i earnestly can't emphasize enough how much mikey's come to mean to gwyn. he asked her not to leave again without them, and she promised she wouldn't. that promise to him has kept her from running away and isolating. even though she's terrified--for herself, for ash, for them--she trusts him. writing them makes me so happy. it's been such a delight to see their relationship evolve and the influences they've had on each other and their worldviews. i love this brot3 so goshdang much.

min-ji & raph min-ji belongs to jenn and, oh my god, i love her relationship with raph so, SO much. when we rp, jenn's obviously writing for min, and i write for raph.

again! consulted jenn! her answer paraphrased below:

"raph's pretty much the first assertive person in her life that had her back early on? her home life is complex; her family DOES love her but sometimes that love can veer controlling and toxic (responsibilities/obligations). raph was a type of personality she'd never been around before, and he cared about her well-being in a way that was unconditional. hanging out with him more helped her become more assertive and in touch with parts of herself she was forced to suppress to be more palatable to her family. she's found that being angry about something that happened to her, or something that was said to her, doesn't make her bad or a burden. raph doesn't expect her to shy away from her flaws or nuances. he lets her be a person."

as for raph's end, it's kind of hard to put into words. but i love that min-ji has become one of the very few people he will allow himself moments of vulnerability around. like. instead of it just happening, he makes the choice to let a wall or six down. they've created a mutual safe space between each other.

i think this has cultivated from a lot of things. min was much more timid when they met--raph even made a bit of a point, initially, to not interact with her so much because she was skittish and on-edge thanks to surrounding events. but through the events of our writing, he's watched her grow in self-confidence, be more open, and allow herself to 'take up' more space. she's also survived two major threats to her life, now, both of which have scarred her physically and emotionally, yet she persists and continues to extend kindness to people who, in his opinion, don't deserve it. but that's HER business (while he makes his feelings known, he stays out of it unless she signals him otherwise). she may not be a fighter in a literal sense, but he sees her as an equal. like, he's still protective of her in dangerous situations since she's not trained to fight--obviously--but... i dunno, i guess it's more like "i've been through shit; you've been through shit; if i say things look bad right now, you won't like it but you also won't give up". he doesn't feel a pull to coddle her if things are looking grim, i guess is what i'm trying to say?; he'll shoot straight with her because he knows she IS a fighter. even if she doesn't fight. does THAT make sense?

like i said, it's hard to put into words. but i think it's a combination of min-ji's emotional strength and kindness as a person, as well as the fact she's not an immediate family member, that make it easier for him to let those barriers down around her and have severely needed moments of vulnerability where he doesn't dismiss pain or fear or anything else he might be feeling. he knows min would never lash out at him, physically, emotionally, or however else. min-ji is kind, and she's strong, and she's safe. he trusts her, values and respects her judgment and input. much in the same way his presence lets her feel like a person, she's extended that grace to him. just in a different way. i love getting to write interactions between them. there's always something warm and comforting in their exchanges, light-hearted or more melancholic. it's nice. the love is very much there.

[ninadove]

watching character ai lukadrien create the most heart wrenching debilitatingly angsty love story to ever love story ever

Hey, I can tell there’s no malice behind your ask, but — don’t do that.

I write fanfiction myself, and a lot goes into it:

1. Unreasonable amounts of ✨ Time and Effort ✨

Just the other day, my WIP kept me up until 2 AM, because I wanted it to be neatly polished before even sending it to my beta readers (@paracosmicfawn and @dragongutsixofficial). The first thing I did the following morning was re-read it again, to correct any typos and inconsistencies my tired brain might have missed the night prior.

2. Research and analysis

For a cute little Lukadrien scene I wrote with my ✨ awesome girlfriend ✨ — something that was never even going to be published — I went through a dozen different sources trying to get a better understanding of what meditation actually is and to capture the philosophy behind it accurately. This does not make me special — all authors do it out of dedication and love for their craft, but it’s energy that could be spent doing literally anything else, especially when you consider how horrifyingly lonely the writing process can be (see point 1).

Also, there’s a reason I spend so much time making analysis posts on Silly Little Blorbos who do not exist! It gets my brain running and allows me to sharpen my understanding of the characters, so I can write them properly in my works.

3. A unique perspective on the characters, the source media, and life in general

Which gives all the flavour to my favourite AO3 works out there.

Like, yes, that extract you sent in your follow-up ask is cute, I guess, but it’s also incredibly generic:

When actual living breathing human (or Senti) beings share their work with you, they’re inviting you to a special part of their brain that they’ve decorated with their own experiences, references and visuals — things that they love and passed onto their favourite characters, so they can hopefully reach you. For instance, Character AI would never have had the genius idea to compare Felix’s eyes to an aurora borealis; this could have only sparked from @wackus-bonkus-maximus’ brain. Similarly, my version of Felix will often reference works of art and literature that left a strong impact on me as a child — an impact I’m sure can also be sensed in my approach to storytelling and even in the way I structure sentences and paragraphs.

Which leads me to my final and most important point:

4. EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE™

Because let’s be real — there’s a reason our brains latch onto certain characters, and said reasons aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. I’ve cried more writing about the Senticousins than over the loss of certain people or relationships in my own life. Long before that, I latched onto Clive and gave him everything I felt was missing from my life as a teenager, so I could live vicariously through him. And of course, I always make my characters some flavour of queer, because for a long time this was the only outlet I got for my own feelings and identity.

It takes a lot of vulnerability to put all of this on the Internet for others to read and judge, and it’s very disheartening to see that people would rather ask a machine to spit out some easily digestible but impersonal interactions than give your work a chance.

I can guarantee there are beautiful pieces of fanwork out there that will cater to your tastes and haunt you for years in a way Character AI or Chat GPT never could. And the good news is — if you don’t find anything, it means it’s time to write it yourself!

And of course, I cannot end this post without encouraging everyone to read about the writers’ and actors’ strike currently unfolding in the US.

[itz-pandora]

Have I ever told you how much I love you? Just you, not your art...

all my love for you/p⬇️

Full essay coming in!/j

Hello Pandora! As you know, I'm Val, just some random person on the internet that you talked with for probably 5 months at least. We started talking around last year, honestly don't remember how we started talking, but you just up and randomly joined my discord server, and we followed each other after I found out that you were the one working on Tales of Green Hills--might have gotten the name wrong--Which I loved, and still do, might re-read the comics after writing this! You're one of the main reasons I even headed back into the Sonic fandom, well one of the three main reasons! The thing that drew me into following you at first was your art, but as I gotten too know you, I realized you had an amazing personality to go with your wonderful and beautiful art. They match each other so well aswell! Both are fun to witness/see, both wonderful, and pleasant! And I'm glad to have helped you with what you needed when making your AUs, mainly your Main Sonic AU, had fun with giving you ideas aswell! You're a good friend, an awsome at that, the people who go hating on you in the future(or now), don't know how much they are missing out. I feel like I'm repeating some words, but oh well, I just wanted you too know how much I and others appreciate you! If I could, I would reach through this device and give you a big fat hug, you need one! Nsndjehdjssbsj I LOVE YOUUUUUU♡♡♡♡♡😭

I hope you have a great day/night, and know that I appreciate not just your art, but you!!<3

Sorry for the long paragraph-

OUUUGGHH??? VAL?????!!??!??!!!!!¡?? ??! WHAT?? MAKING MY EYES ALL WET.... AWE....

YOU'RE SO NICE TO ME AND KNOW THAT I OWE SO MUCH TO YOU. I DON'T KNOW IF ID HAVE GOTTEN THIS FAR WITHOUT YOU.

I remember how we met! You booped my TOGH blog on April Fools day, and I booped you back from main. Boops exchanged, moots obtained, and the rest is history.

I cannot even think of any words to say, all my thoughts are an incoherent humbled mess and I love you 😭😭😭😭 like WAAAAHHHHH

[borderlinebox]

Sup! hope you’re having a great day 😮💗 having childhood best friend brainrot- “you have my back right?” x “lmao probably” cheesy but I eat that shit up every time

could you write a oneshot or headcannon

for chishiya? He’s gotten/done something that’s worth celebrating (maybe it’s his birthday, got first place or a hundred on his test, got into the college that he applied to) he’s never been told by someone that they’re proud of him not even from his old man so he went on with his day expecting nothing special

But but BUT chishiya hears the familiar patterned knocks on his window, how they managed to get up there without his father knowing is beyond him but he’s relieved considering his old man isn’t all that fond with them (In this scenario id imagine that chishiya’s father wouldn’t really like us bc of our shortcomings? something like that...and if he isn’t friends with our parents)

they sneak (more like drag) him out with a lot of convincing and celebrate by going into places he would tolerate or enjoy,,rip his friend’s allowance 💸 At the end of the night they both end up on a park bench with store bought cake with messy written icing “I’m so pr he I did it bitch!!” done by yours truly. they do say it to him and give him a short side hug before he gets back home tho

Feel free to decline this! take care ⭐️

Celebrate With Me!

Summary: Reader acknowledges Chishiya's accomplishments.

Pairing: Chishiya x Reader

Warning: That good cliche shit, FLUFF, cuteness overload, not proofread!!!, changed a few things up!

A/N: ISTG I'm boutta make a Chishiya X Bestfriend! Reader bundle because these requests are too cute!! Hope you have a great day as well and take care too ^^ <3 I am incredibly happy and proud on how this turned out!!! Spent a literal 2 hours straight on it because I lost some progress and I'm gonna have my ass whooped later but this should cover the blow LOVE YALL AND THIS REQQQ ♥

Feedback is highly appreciated!!!

Chishiya sat upon his desk chair, currently finishing up some notes. Just things he's learnt or felt like he found interesting. He could use it in the future. Distant music playing from his favorite band echoed softly in his room.

There wasn't much to do. He'd recently gotten a letter from a university he had applied to - which he was successfully accepted in. He could say he was happy for himself but it just wasn't that exciting or celebration-worthy to him.

He continuously tapped the tip of the pen against the table in a rhythm, re-reading the paragraphs of various words.

SMACK

The sudden noise caught Chishiya's attention as he quickly twisted his head towards the loud noise. There, on his window, a handprint was seen as it was slowly sliding down the window, failing to stick.

Its fingers soon danced on the window, creating multiple and small taps across the glass pane without a proper flow of beat.

Chishiya sighed and stood up and opened the window to reveal his friend struggling to hold onto his window's support,

"Y/N, What are you doing here?" He wasn't at all surprised. He was just more so concerned why you were currently hanging by a thread on his window.

"I'll tell you when I get inside. Right now let's focus on the part where you shoULD BRING ME INSIDE." You flailed your legs around as you struggled to even breathe properly.

He hissed at you to stay quiet and helped you up to sneak inside.

There was a voice, somewhere in his mind where he actually wanted to leave you hanging for a while to amuse himself but that would have been a bad idea.

Once you had both your feet on the floor of his bedroom, you dusted yourself off and took a much needed breather. You had been running to his house since 45 minutes ago. It was hard with the troublesome traffic and people yelling at you as you swerved your way through them, you're just glad you've finally reached his humble abode.

"Right, Explain." He said bluntly, doing his signature move; placing his hands into his pockets. "How did you even get up here?"

You shaked your hand profusely, deflecting the topic. "Never mind that-, guess who found out when your birthday iiiisss?" You looked up at him with a tired yet mischievous grin.

"I'm guessing you."

"Me," You announced proudly while facing your thumb towards yourself, chest up in victory. "And you wanna know what I'm gonna do about it?"

"Please don't." Chishiya sighed, point-blankly. Unfortunately, there was no hope of changing the situation's circumstances because he knew when you were hooked on something, it's sure that you'll be hell-bent on getting it, no matter how stupidly dangerous or ridiculous it may seem.

You laughed before dropping down to the carpeted floor of his room and picking up your sling bag. "Now, as I was saying," Your finger dramatically pointed towards the bag. "We gotta celebrate! So we're going out and hang!"

"I really rather not." He stood his ground, stubbornly declining your offer.

"Come on, you're gonna celebrate your birthday with me!" You teased with the same playful grin you gave him. He was always so stubborn when it came to things he accomplished or failed - whether you wanna celebrate it or cheer him up. Either way, you were going to be even more stubborn than him this time.

"No." He muttered out sternly.

"Yes," You pushed with determination. "We are."

"No."

"Yes."

"No"

"Yes"

"No-"

"Why not??" You broke the repetitive, single-worded debate and gave him a sad look. "You never celebrate anything. Don't you want me to show you how happy and proud I am for you, Chishiya?"

Chishiya seemed to be broken from his train of thought at his words. He was silent, but you could tell that he was processing your words and calculating a response as if he was some kind of robot. You'd have to be honest, he kind of is one sometimes-

"Fine, I'll go and celebrate my birthday." Was all he said, his condescending look seeming to have disappeared - replaced with an unreadable expression.

It didn't feel like an answer at all - you felt disappointed. But you decided to push away those feelings for later because you were still ecstatic about your achievement and that's what mattered.

"W-Wonderful! You go get prepared or something!" You told him in a panic frenzy and opened the window from where you cam from. "I'll wait for you to climb out the window!"

And before waiting for his response, the last thing Chishiya saw of you was you already dipping out of the window and landed on the lush grass, in pain - as he presumed. He quickly changed and made his way down the stairs, being granted the permission to leave.

Chishiya would probably be lying if he said he wasn't at least a little bit concerned for your well being when you jumped out of that window.

To his surprise, when he went outside, he saw you standing proudly with a little dirt in your hair and face.

"You goof??" He asked, eyeing you up and down.

"Perfect, Great! I didn't get hurt, totally didn't - I think I sprained my wrist but that's totally fixed now." You spoke quickly, not even giving him a chance to say another word since you had grabbed him by his wrist. "Now come on! We don't have all day."

-

"Was this necessary?" Chishiya mutters blankly as he takes in the view of the park. It was a rather quiet, and less populated park wherever you and Chishiya both lived. Not many people visited everyday but there were still some who came often. Parks that were more widely known had a bigger crowd and you know Chishiya enough to know that he doesn't like big crowds. Especially the noise that comes with it.

"It was either this or the carnival next place." You turned to him and raised your brow.

"I think I prefer the park." He shrugged. It wasn't a bad place at all - Fairly clean and a decent view. You would sometimes come here alone and think, maybe even attempt to bring Chishiya over. But he was either busy or too stubborn to go. Thankfully, you managed to corner him.

Even though Chishiya let you take him here this time.

Both of you took your time there, having deep talks which mostly started off with why he hadn't really celebrated many past birthdays, which made you frown a lot. Chishiya thought it was half a mistake to give you that information after you had told him that you were gonna celebrate his birthday for him every year instead.

He may be lying if he didn't appreciate it.

The rest of the time, both of you walked and talked on the more philosophical topics. Just the precious quality time between two great lov friends, walking underneath the cloudy weather with strands of sunlight pushing through and landing on the cobblestone pavements.

It didn't seem much as a birthday celebration to the regular human etiquette but you could care less because both of you were having. swell time. Even if neither of you said it. It was a bonding time that didn't need the use of an explanation and more of a feeling.

Your eye was caught by a flock of ducks roaming around a side of a pond next to a woman selling duck food or pieces of bread. Chishiya must've noticed this since you had fully stopped walking and stood in place, staring at them.

"You wanna feed the ducks?" His voice brought you out of your mini daydream, he had his natural high charm evident in his face and voice.

"I, well, if you want to. It's your birthday, not mine.." You mumbled out, it was a bit low for anyone to actually process your words, seeing that you would be a little upset that you didn't feed those ducks.

"Okay then," He lightly smiles and walks his way past you with a bored yet slightly amused expression. "Let's go feed those ducks."

Like a little kid who had been given permission to sleep over at his friend's house, you giddily smiled and practically swooshed right on past him and over to the woman selling the small bits of food.

You quickly bought two small bags and handed one over to Chishiya. He took the bag filled with small, multiple pieces of duckfeed into his hands and looked back up at you. "If I'm gonna feed the ducks, you've gotta feed them too." You told him with a bright smile before kneeling down to the ducks.

Chishiya opened the bag and shook around its contents before taking out a handful and throwing it onto the ground the ducks stood upon with a blank face.

However, you had a cute and dorky smile on your face while you handfed them all equally. Some of them bit you by accident but it was no more painful than a light pinch. Your smile was bright enough to light up a whole room, Chishiya thought as he held back the urge to smile at your antics.

A chuckle from the old vendor caught both of your attention. When she noticed she sighed softly, "Sorry,"

You smiled, "No worries! It's absolutely fine! Why were you chuckling anyway?" Hand finding its way to the bag full of duck feed to gather some more and hand over the pieces to the ducks.

She grinned at the both of you. "Both of you are so cute, are you a couple?"

The question caught both of you off guard. You could quite literally feel the tension rise in the atmosphere. You felt your breath hitch and your lungs close as it denied you to breath from the sudden question.

"No! No, heh, we're just friends." You shot up with an awkward smile at the lady who had understood the tension between her and you both. You look back up at Chishiya with a nervous look on your face. "Isn't that right, Chi?"

He appeared to have froze due to your question. Or was he just standing still and silent because he had zoned out? Was he deeply immersed in his thoughts?

"No, we're friends." Chishiya confirmed. You expected that answer but you couldn't help but feel the pang in your heart when he actually said it.

The vendor nodded and apologized once again for asking such a question. She went back to her small stand to mind her own business instead.

Now you and Chishiya kept on feeding the ducks until both your bags were completely empty, all in awkward silence. Not one of you tried to break the ice since it appeared that no one had anything to say after that question.

You turned to thank the lady before leaving with Chishiya without a word.

Upon arriving back at the park's entrance Chishiya decided to finally break the silence. "Well? Where are you dragging me off to next?" He asked, raising a brow at you. You had almost completely forgotten the reason why you had went out in the first place.

"Oh, yeah. I forgot." Slipping your hand into your slingbag, you pulled out a small crumpled paper and unfolded it.Chishiya tried to lean in and read but you pulled the paper closer to you. "Hey! Don't peek on the surprise." You pouted, forgetting all about the question for a moment.

He put his hand up defensively but it was no more than a sarcastic tease. "No peeking." He repeats before shoving his hands into his pockets once again. Chishiya was almost never seen with his hands outside his pockets outside of his home. It was almoat natural and expected.

Once you were sure he wouldn't peek again, you opened up the piece of paper before folding it once more.

"I got an idea."

"You looked at the paper which most likely had the idea.

"I have an idea." You repeated, dismissing his smart assness. "Follow me!" And once again, you boldly took a hold of his wrist and started to dash to whatever place you were dragging him to next.

-

The warm light of the welcome sign greeted the both of you as you stood outside a relatively new, and decently small café. And sketchy enough, the stores it was between in was a shady dentist's office and a run-down, forever closed drug store.

"This is the new coffee shop that opened last week." Chishiya noticed, looking up at the hangout's name to remember it. "It certainly has a sketchy location."

"That's cause this was the only place the owner could afford. In fact, they're actually quite creeped out by the stores beside it. I feel bad." You explained briefly, glancing at the side shops. "But that's not what we're here for, dear friend."

You pushed him inside the cafe and it was definitely much better on the inside than the out. It had relatively creamy walls and warm lights. You were surprised that the place wasn't filled with people. Tempting enough to keep this place as a secret, all to yourself.

"Sit the hell down." You brought Chishiya to a corner seat - which is, in a natural rule, one of the best seats a restaurant or any place could ask for - and sitting in front of him.

"It isn't a bad place, I'll give it that." Your bleach haired friend admitted, his eyes still roaming around. "What gave you the idea?"

A giggle escaped your lips, "I wanted to try it out. I actually visited the place a few days ago. It was completely different than now. They changed it a lot." You shrugged, "And I thought of you when I stepped in here. I thought you'd like the place."

Chishiya smiled lightly, which was again; rare. "It's good."

"Better than-"

"I haven't decided yet." He cut you off before you could finish which resulted in you giving him a cheeky smirk.

He couldn't help but feel good about himself when you admitted that you thought of him when you found this place. It felt truly honorable than his straight A's and cards with that big ol' red 'Accepted' on it. It was something near to a foreign feeling.

"About what that vendor said-" You were immediately cut off by a waiter coming up, asking for your orders. You coughed into your arm at the sudden surprise and ordered your preferred drink.

Chishiya glanced at you and the waiter, what was with the question? He quickly ordered his own drink as you thanked the waiter before they left.

Another set of an awkward silence filled between the both of you. He was curious about your earlier question but didn't want to push you, you looked embarassed enough after choking on your own spit.

"Don't think about it. She just made a mistake, it's fine." Chishiya wanted to say something else but decided to take matters into his own hands instead. "It's not that uncommon. Sometimes expected."

You nodded at his words. "Right.. I forgot, they have board games here! You wanna play?" You beamed up, changing the subject. He glanced his eyes to the side, finding the board games that you were talking about.

All of them were stacked on a small bookshelf that had a good amount of books on it as well.

"Sure, we'll play." He shrugged without a care. "Why don't you choose the game, Y/N?"

You hummed out a yes and took your time; reading all the board game labels. There were many of them but you wanted to try out something bold, something Chishiya would actuallu want to play with you. "Ah! Chess."

Why Chess? You finally processed your declaration.

"Oh, Chess?" Chishiya looked back at you. What a bold declaration of war. "Sure, why not."

You felt yourself gulp and begin to pray for your mistakes and for your well being, choosing a game like this against a guy like Chishiya. You've already made a decision and stood up and made your walk of shame towards the small chess board.

Bringing the board to your table, you gathered yourself the confidence and smacked the board down.

"Bring it on, Shuntaro." A smirk appeared on your face, a bold glimmer in your eyes.

-

"I think I'm gonna be sick." You burp out, watching your side of the chess board with bored and tired eyes. You've already accepted your death wish an hour ago.

Now you were here with two empty cups, 3 hours that passed by and found yourself with only a King and a Pawn against Chishiya's fucking army. You've paid for your drinks an hour ago and you were still here, suffering.

"You chose the game." He defended. He looked unchanged - just the same guy three hours ago. Meanwhile you sat in front of him, a hand in your hair and tired eyes.

You weren't sleepy, you were just tired of watching your entire empire fall.

"You're enjoying this, I know it. Behind those blank eyes of yours? You're enjoying this." An almost pathetically dramatic voice of sulking came from you as you connected your forehead onto the table.

You could feel him shrug in front of you.

"But alas!" You rose dramatically, "That was my plan all along!" You moved your king to the line of sight of his queen, making yourself lose. "I forfeit. Besides, we're gonna miss the best part of today!"

Chishiya watched as you obliterated yourself and throwing the chess pieces off the board and clean up. "Fun game." He responded to your actions.

"It was not at all fair." You pushed and closed the board up when you finished counting off the chess pieces and went off to put it back in respect. "You're far smarter than me and you know it."

"You chose th-"

"Yeah, Yeah. 'I chose the game' and whatnot, I get it." You echoed him in an immature tone of voice, but you'd never deny his intelligence. He technically carried you through physics and math.

He stood up and walked out beside you, hearing the same waiter who served you both give their thanks.

"The last stop shouldn't be too far from here." You were looking at that old crumpled piece of paper you had a while ago.

After just a few minutes, maybe 10, of walking, you found both yourselves in front of a popular convenience store joint that you and Chishiya always went to for a quick lunch or snack break when you were both in highschool.

You lead him to a black bench right across the small store and placed your things down, taking your wallet out your bag.

"Stay here." You smiled before running into the building.

Chishiya stared at the all too familiar black bench. No, he didn't sit, the black bench gave him an overflow of memories when you both hung out here. You and Chishiya would buy anything you both wanted and were able to buy from the store and sit out here, exchanging notes and occasionally jokes. He smiled at the thought.

"I told you to sit!" You pointed at him accusingly as you held a brown paper bag in your other arm. The sounds of the bells on the doors clinged together when you exited the building.

"I was." Chishiya turned his way to you.

"After almost 10 minutes of me being in there? Come on." You chuckled and decided to sit down on the black bench yourself. He followed right after you. "Check out what I got!"

You ruffled your hand into the paper bag with joy, tongue sticking out and biting softly on the muscle. "Boom!" You cheered when you took it out.

It was a small almost medium, cute pink cake - which was his favorite whipped strawberry flavor - with Chishiya's favorite cookies decorated on the outer curve.

You handed it to chishiya with the same dorky smile you had when you were feeding the ducks at the park. He observed the writing on the cake with narrow eyes.

'Hapi'

'You de'

'Congratatulations!!!'

Despite the spelling error, and the very messy writing, you still smiled like an idiot and Chishiya couldn't help but appreciate the fucked up cake. He actually showed you his smile that time.

Can you believe it? Making Chishiya smile 3 maybe even 4 times today?

It made yourself smile even wider that you had to put your chin on your hands.

"You spelled 'Congra-"

"I'm aware of my mistake Chishiya but there's clearly no more room for anymore mistakes on that cake." You pointed at the cake which really did have no more room for anymore icing.

He exhaled with a smile, his way of laughing or chuckling at you genuinely at best, before opening the plastic lid.

"Oh and, if you want anymore of your bland ass cookies, there's more in the bag. Can't understand why you like that crap." You jokingly gave him a cringed look and stuck your tongue out in disgusted exaggeration. But, you got it for him.

"Fork?" Chishiya asked, looking back up at you.

"Oh shit, yeah I forgot." You opened up your sling and pulled out two plastic forks. "I figured that there wasn't going to be any free forks in the store so I decided to bring some."

Handing him one, you were more than ready to eat the cake with him.

As both of you dipped in for the first bite, you both heard the sounds of popping in the sky which caught Chishiya off his guard.

Fireworks were in the sky. All different colors, blending in so well in the night sky.

"Would you look at that." You said in awe through the cake in your mouth. "I wonder who put that there."

"You did something, didn't you?" Chishiya looked at you, unamused but still appreciative. You could tell it through the way how soft his eyes looked. It was much softer and quite happier than usual, and you were proud.

"I may have asked some friends." You shrugged, meeting his gaze.

Both of you had not only the warm light emitting from the convenience store, but the different colors of the fireworks that temporarily glowed on both of your faces.

You thought he looked so pretty in all of the colored sparks of light. You could get used to his eyes if it were like this.

"I'm really happy and proud of you, Chish." You said all full of truth, hitting his shoulder playfully. "You need to hear it sometimes, no?"

"I guess." Chishiya answered with a shrug again, lifting another fork full of cake near his mouth. "Thanks, I think."

You chuckled, finally hearing those words come out of his mouth felt so satisfying to you. You were even sure he never really said it all to anyone. The sparks in the sky continued to flash in the sky all so beautifully. "Don't mention it."

Maybe he could get used to this, having someone like you. It made him feel all warm and proud for once.

[corviiids]

8, 18, 23, and all the other numbers you haven't answered yet

ooohoho really enabling me there thank you very much. answered 23 in the last one! i wont do all of them or this'll get super long but ill put a few more under the cut!!

8. if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

tbh ive been contemplating a silly oneshot sequel to as you like it but i do have to actually finish the damn thing before i even think about that so ill leave it there.

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

im actually notoriously bad at killing my darlings so i didn't think i'd have that many deleted scenes, but i did find a few older versions of the makoto&ren scene in chapter 6 of as you like it that i had completely forgotten about. looking back on these i actually still like them

v1.0 of the grounding sequence ren goes through after his nightmares. i think i cut this because it was too long and didn't flow well in context, but im sort of fond of it in isolation:

this was from an alternate version of the scene altogether, where they go to harajuku instead of inokashira so ren can find some featherman merch futaba wanted. i dont like this version as much as the final but i am fond of the extremely long spiralled potato:

then a completely unrelated ren/akc date that i cut because it wasn't doing any work and i didn't think it was fun enough to be kept in:

...

a few more answers for fun (1-5)

writer asks

the last sentence you wrote

i cant remember which line i actually last wrote so here's the last line in current wip

He laughs again. In the silence where Ren tries to re-examine his own complexes, Akechi draws ahead on the wall.

2. a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

ren! i think he's fun because he's the player character and the protags are generally designed to be pretty malleable (or personalityless if you're feeling uncharitable... or wrong) so obviously there's a temptation to just make him whatever your story needs him to be, but i think he's a really tempting and interesting opportunity to really get your claws into a guy who has a personality but refuses to show it and have that be one of his character traits. he's so adaptable to every situation but there are so many moments where his stubbornness and inner values shine through in his limited dialogue, so the challenge becomes like, how do you deduce the rest of a character's hidden personality based on the little they show you? how do you unpack someone whose character is that he wants to be whoever you want him to be? what's going on in his mind? how do you understand him and fill in the gaps in a way that's consistent with what he does in canon when he gives you so little to work with? this is an irresistible challenge to me so he just lives in my brain. he's not even renting he owns the place and he doesnt have a mortgage

3. how you feel about your current WIP

i think palacefic is the project that ignites the most personal passion and excitement in me so im really so excited to finish writing it so i can share it and also so i can read it instead of reading my own chickenscratch notes and think about how excited i am to write it

4. a story idea you haven’t written yet

i keep coming back to circle this idea of postcanon akeshu and how they navigate a relationship (word used free of connotation) where they are constantly circling each other and obviously cant do without each other but also like. are so codependent and not at all functional enough to really have a normal romantic relationship or even friendship. i wrote like a short scene of this which i put on twitter a while back i might actually post it here. and i also started a short fic just to get some thoughts down but never had any plans for how to continue it

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

im self conscious about how much of this has been about palacefic, so have a line from my death note longfic instead (i cheated this is like the tenth paragraph because the first paragraph is introductory and none of the lines make sense in isolation or they're too spoilery)

Well, when you eliminate the impossible.

[astradyke]

Hi!!! No worries if not but do you have any other 2009/2010 era fics recs? Your other recommendations were so wonderful :)

hiya! certainly :P though i warn you that 2009/2010 era pieces are not my strong suit :c these may not have that much variation in them, but i tried to snag some of my faves for you <3

what stranger miracles by iihappydaysii (E, 4k, 1/1)

this work is a re-telling of the 2009 weekend in Manchester; it includes sex in one scene, but overall is structured as tied-together linear scenes of the different parts of their first date together. it includes both POVs which allows you to understand the contrasting yet compatible headspaces they both had at the time, and is overall very sweet and endearing in the way most 2009-2010 pieces are. it also has one dialogue line about Dan’s height that i’m relentlessly endeared to, it’s the end of that scene you’ll see it.

that one knows me by iihappydaysii (E, 2.8k, 1/1)

if you liked the previous recommendation this one is very similar in nature— not entirely explicit, but contains a singular explicit scene, and is dedicated to describing snippets of Dan and Phil’s Skype calls. it’s a really sweet fic, the first scene is the closest to my heart out of it all, and it’s kind of just nice if you want to read young dumbasses in love. i use this word all the time, but it really holds meaning especially with early content-- and it is a skill: this fic feels incredibly earnest.

where this takes me by dandrogynous (T, 4k, 1/1)

i really adore the way that this particular author writes love altogether; this is a really enjoyable Phil-centric piece about navigating the experience of being in love for the first time. i think it can be really comforting to read pieces in which two people are on pace with each other, but are walking with different strides— or, where two people love each other, but both of them have slightly different relationships with that experience of love. really excellent piece if you’re emotional thinking about not only how young Dan was in 2010, but how young Phil was, too. (honorary note: this author also has a piece written about 2009 in which Dan is a trans man; it’s called Let The Salt Dry if you’re interested in reading that as well!)

boys they wanna paint me by chickenfree (T, 6k, 1/1)

including this because while it’s not constrained by any era and does extend out past the 2009-2010 period presumably, it does begin in that time period and i believe it only carries to a few years after that. it still feels worth considering in that era since i think it has a really interesting interpretation of it. basically, this is a piece exploring Dan’s mental health from Phil’s perspective, and it tackles quite a nuanced part of the psychological experience i feel is under-discussed. highly recommend if you want something to sit with for a while. as i've said before, i really do love this author's writing style.

brand new colony by lestered (clonetrobed) (E, 2.4k, 1/1)

this is first-time porn with minimal/no plot, but it is very sweetly written and does take some dedicated time to glance into Dan’s headspace and emotions as the scene carries on. honestly less of a hot read for me as much as it’s like a very sweet, attractive read? does that make sense? explicit PWP might not be what you're aiming for, but i do recommend this piece if that is something you'd like <3

chez nous by cityofphanchester (G, 5k, 1/1)

excellent piece if you’re yearning for 2010 era hurt/comfort. this author chooses to use some very large paragraph blocks at times, though not throughout the whole piece; i say that because it might be hard to read at points for some individuals (myself being one of them), but i do also think there is a lot of value embedded in those chunks that makes me think it was a stylistic decision. the dialogue is very sweet here, made me fall a little in love with 2010 Phil; just a nice little comforting read. also i think depicts a slice-of-life about how they navigated the Manchester solo flat/the dorm residence split at that period of time.

would it be enough if i could never give you peace? by orphan_account (T, 5.3k, 4/4)

this is a quick read piece that has four chapters split across four different time periods; i think this is like, quintessential hurt/comfort. the first chapter is set in the 2009 period which is why i recommend it, and it’s just some sweet early-days typical hurt/comfort that i think does a really good job at characterizing both Phil’s perspective and Dan’s through dialogue. again, it’s not exclusively a 2009 fic, but i do think if you’re looking in that era that this is a solid read nevertheless.

i know this isn't the biggest display of pure 2009/2010 content but i still hope at least one of them is to your liking! i don't know if there's a concrete tag on AO3 for content in that era, but many fic authors who have large bodies of work will inevitably have a few things from the early days to examine (iihappydaysii is a good example of this). if anyone else has recs, please feel free to add onto this post <3