#snow day showed a LITTLE but damn a full ep would have been amazing

[turtleblogatlast]

Listens to Ben Schwartz’s “Three Dots From Stardom” and sobs in being robbed out of a musical episode

[yoshimickster]

RWBY Vol. 6 “Stealing from the Elderly” Micksterecap: Anyone else feel like watching season 4 of Legend of Korra?

HEY NOW-wasn’t today’s episode so cool and crazy and shipworthy? Well if you wanna talk about it-HERE’S THE WRONG PLACE-its about LAST week’s episode-MICKSTERECAP STARTS NOW!

OUR EP STARTS OFF-

-with an UTTERLY pristine naval base that I’m SURE is gonna stay that way!

Here we see everyone’s favorite lady to hate Caroline Cordovin guiding Weiss and her giant suitcase that’s TOTALLY not smuggling a bionic old woman, while Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum goosestep behind them, which considering how racist Cordelia is REALLY says something abou the Atlas military!

Caroline: I’m sending two of my BEST guards to escort you.

Weiss: Oh that’s nice of you, what are their names?

Nubuck1: WE-don’t have names!

Nubuck2: We can’t afford them in this economy!

Weiss: That’s fine, just LET GO OF MY BAG!

Nubuck1: NEVER-it was all I was PROGRAMMED TO DO!

BUT-Cordelia starts to catch on-

Weiss: I can take care of it by myself.

Caroline:(A rich person...NOT wanting help from...the HELP?! NONSENSE!)

BUT LUCKILY FOR TEAM RWBYJNRQOM-they had the ultimate disrupting agent of ALL time with them!

3:03

A CRYING INFANT-using its distraction powers for GOOD instead of EVIL like interupting the sound at a movie theater, and then you just gotta SIT there because you know there’s no polite way you can ask the mother to take the baby outside, because DAMMIT-they just want to watch a movie but still have a child to take care of!

EITHER WAY-greatest baby actor of all time Adrien Terra-Cotta’s ruse works Prompting the Nubucks-

-TO STRIKE POSES-before attempting to console him! I’ma just ask, do Nubuck guards go through Ginyu pose training before serving? Because it LOOKS like they do. ALSO-what the fuck’s a Nubuck?

Weiss and obviously Maria in a bag sneak theyselves on board, all while Ruby gives the troops the lowdown-WHILE QROW-

-stands against a tree like a goth teen trying to look cool, because he’s SAD old man.

Terra also gives Yang and Blake the lowdown on how to mess with the radio for their plan, because she is HELPFUL!

Blake: Man, for someone whose job is repairing a radio tower, you’re SURE happy to help us mess with it.

Terra: After being constantly being blamed for it breaking despite NOT being my fault, I want to give that leather bitch Cordovin some REAL grief!

Yang and Blake then split up in the CUTEST way possible-

Blake:[To Yang]-besides, stealth isn’t exactly your um-

Pouty Yang is pouty.

Blake: I mean...your great, and I’ll hurry back!

Yang:(She’s god damned lucky she’s cute, I can be a stealth...apparatus at times).

Sure ya can Yang.

Blake than runs to the radio tower, everything seems to be going to plan-

4:38 But that STILL does not impress anime legs uncle, the curmudgeon he is.

A THEN CUT TO-

-WEISS’S PHONE-where its revealed that either A.)Weiss hasn’t changed her friend’s pictures since Volume 1 or B.)They didn’t change their pictures and it just looks like that when they call her. EITHER WAY-mix it up whoever, nothin’ wrong with a little change!

But I know what you’re all thinking-WHAT ABOUT THE NUBULUCKS ON THE PLANE?!

Weiss: OFF the plane you go!

Nubuck1: DAMMIT-knocked out by a teenager.

Nubuck2: We are PROFESSIONAL soldiers, how could the both of us not take her?

Weiss: BECAUSE I’M SNOW WEISS BITCHES-enjoy the parachute!

Nubucks: THANK YOU WE WILL!

Love it.

Maria after apparently unzipping herself from the bag off panel-JACKS INTO THE PLANE-

Weiss:...wait, wasn’t there all ready a dongle on your eyes? Where did it g-

Maria: SILENCE FOR I AM THE GRIMM REAPER!

Usually not one to point out continuity errors but THERE ya go! ALSO-a few continuity errors doesn’t mean the show is bad, SUCK A DICK RWDE TAG-you Cinemasins copycats.

After Weiss reminds Maria that her eyes are broke as shit to which Maria rebuffs with a silly finger wagging, EVERYTHING is fine-

Ruby: Blake your up...Blake...

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE?!

-and by fine I mean fine for their standards, which is utterly chaotic and full of terror.

Ruby: YANG YO GIRL AIN’T PICKING UP THE PHONE!

Yang: Did you try texting her instead?

Ruby: OF COURSE I DIDN’T WE’RE BASICALLY ON WALKY TALKIES RIGHT NOW!

Yang: I KNOW I JUST USE HUMOR TO SHIELD MYSELF!

ALSO-

YUP-everyone’s kept their same phone pic since season 1, bunch of LAZY huntspeople they is.

A CUT TO-

6:27 Every command room in every science fiction thing-EVER-because television!

Obviously they figure out the plane is flying back into their own airspace, forcing Maria to use the old HUNTRESS CHARM-

Nubuck: What's going on up there? Come in!

Maria: Uh, everything is under control. Situation normal.

Nubuck: What happened?

Maria: Uh, had a slight weapons malfunction. But, uh, everything's perfectly all right now. We're fine. We're all fine here, now, thank you. How are you?

Caroline: YOU BITCH-that’s from Star Wars!

Maria: Shit, I figured you’d be too dumb to remember.

Caroline: YOU TURN AROUND THIS MINUT...what’s that sound?

Maria: Oh that sound? That’s the sound of-

Maria: DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE NUTS!

Weiss: WHY IS EVERY OLD PERSON I KNOW INSANE?!

So quick recap...in a recap, Cordo is onto them, Blake is STILL not responding...and that’s it. What, you expect a joke about some sort of dance being the day after today? NO LONGER!

Either way, Yang and Bumblebee are in FULL chase!

Yang: I’M COMING ALMOST GIRLFRIEND-whom I’m not sure if we’re official or not-BUT THE SUB-TEXT IS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVERYWHERE!

In times like this, its ALWAYS good to gain advice from our elders-

8:15

Qrow: Everything’s fucked, its all my fault, we’re all gonna die.

...okay maybe not AAAAAAAAAAAAALWAYS good.

Ruby then tells Qrow to shut the fuck up in the politest way she can, even saying she still wants him on their side (lord knows I’d bench Mr.Sadpants here) and that everyone there is there by choice and will do everything in their power to help out.

Qrow: Hmph...how did you grow up so fast?

Ruby: *Cute Pause* I had good rolemodels.

Qrow:...okay that’s Tai and...uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...Summer?

Ruby: Yes but also you, I obviously also meant you.

Jaune: We’re willing to accept this has just been a bad season for you given how cool you looked in the last three seasons.

Qrow: *SNIFF* Youse is some good kids.

Its at this point that Caroline Cordovine being the responsible specialist she is, would send in fighters to take down Weiss and Maria’s plane-

Caroline: PREPARE TO FACE MY LOVE, MY PAIN, AND ALL OF MY ANGER!

Maria: Oh yeah because G Gundam quotes are JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUST as timely! 

Caroline: FUCK YOU I HAVE A LASER GUN!

*MEANWHILE IN ATLAS HQ*

Winter: Um...General Ironwood sir...I have news from Argus-

James: Please tell me that crazy lady we stuck there didn’t activate the doom mech to take out ONE small plane.

Winter:...well...I won’t tell you then.

James: DAMMIT-that thing costs MONEY!

At this point the PLAN has changed, Ruby’s gonna need Weiss on the ground to take down this boss-mech from Starfox 64. And WHERE is Blake you might ask?

STEPPING ON HER SCROLL LIKE A CLUTS-although I AM amazed after being bent like that, it only has a small crack and a RIDICULOUSLY intact picture....I want a scroll. EITHER WAY-I hope Blake has an excuse for being so carele-

SHIT-its crazy pants, keep running Blake, stomp on SIX scrolls if you have to!

11:45

Adam: THIS IS MY REVENGE FOR DUMPING ME AT PROM!

Blake: A.) It wasn’t prom, it was a terrorist attack, B.) Your nuts, and C.) WE WERE NEVER OFFICIAL!

And then CLING-CLANG-CLUNG-swordfight between our beloved Faunus princess, and one CREEPY ass bull man-CLOSING IT OUT-

-with one HELL of a stand off!

DAMN good episode, outside of that continuity ep I pointed out, an utterly great mix of action and humor. With that, SEE YOU NEXT WEEK-on Micksterecap! And if you liked what you read, message me if you wanna donate to my paypal or Kofi!

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 26/12/2020 (LadBaby, Boris Johnson, Ed Sheeran)

It’s Boxing Day in the UK as I write this and I’m pretty tired but we still have to review those charts regardless, especially this chart as this is the Christmas chart – at least it’s being paraded around as such – and hence we have a Christmas #1. For the third year in a row, family vlogger, pseudo-comedian and amateur musician, not to be confused with DaBaby, Mark Ian Hoyle – more commonly known as “LadBaby”, has bagged the #1 for the holiday season. Every time I’ve covered the Christmas #1 it has been this guy and, yeah, I’m tired of it. At least this year he felt some stiff competition, and hey, the songs’ proceeds do go to charity. Oh, yeah, and this guy is the third act to have three Christmas #1s in a row, putting this nobody from Nottingham with a barebones Wikipedia page and a couple million YouTube subscribers on the level of the Beatles and Spice Girls. God, the UK Singles Chart never fails to amaze me. Anyway, that’s arguably not even the biggest story here so let’s start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

As I said before, this is the “Christmas week” so throughout the UK Top 75 there are a lot of holiday songs re-peaking or reaching new peaks, before dropping off entirely the next week. Let’s start as we always do by listing the drop-outs from the chart, of which there are quite a few notable ones. Most of our top 40 debuts from last week are gone, like Taylor Swift’s “champagne problems” and “no body, no crime” featuring HAIM, as well as “Show Out” by Kid Cudi, the late Pop Smoke and Skepta. We can also say goodbye to “Sunflower (Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse)” by Post Malone and Swae Lee, finally after 54 weeks and a surprise return earlier this month, in addition to other top 10 hits like “you broke me first” by Tate McRae, “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio and “What You Know Bout Love” also by Pop Smoke, as well as some more minor hits like “Wonder” by Shawn Mendes, “Lonely” by Justin Bieber and benny blanco, “Train Wreck” by James Arthur, “Golden” by Harry Styles and “Plugged in Freestyle” by A92 and Fumez the Engineer, but I can see almost all of these rebounding hard next week so I don’t think there’s much to worry about here. For fallers, since Christmas has really consumed everything about this chart this week, we have some big ones that’ll find themselves back in the top 10 or at least top 20 next week like “positions” by Ariana Grande at #19 (the first non-Christmas non-debut song to appear on the chart, by the way), “Sweet Melody” by Little Mix at #20, “Whoopty” by CJ at #22, “34+35” by Ariana Grande at #28, “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI at #31, “Prisoner” by Miley Cyrus and Dua Lipa at #35 alongside “Midnight Sky” also by Miley at #36, “willow” by Taylor Swift off the debut to #37, “Get Out My Head” by Shane Codd at #38 and “Paradise” by MEDUZA and Dermot Kennedy. We also have “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish at #43, “Really Love” by KSI featuring Craig David and Digital Farm Animals at #45, even “HOLIDAY” by Lil Nas X at #49, “Mood” by 24kGoldn featuring iann dior at #54, “Loading” by Central Cee at #59, “Head & Heart” by Joel Corry and MNEK at #60, “Monster” by Shawn Mendes and Justin Bieber at #64, “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd at #66, “Dynamite” by BTS at #67, “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring Don Toliver and NAV at #72, “Levitating” by Dua Lipa with the biggest fall down to #73 and finally “No Time for Tears” by Nathan Dawe and Little Mix at #74. To put the dominance of holiday music on the charts in perspective, if we take the songs that are not either explicitly Christmas-related or a clear Christmas #1 campaign (i.e. LadBaby), the song at #38 would be at #10 and our #1 would be “positions” by Ariana Grande at #19. “Whoopty” by CJ, that entered the top 10 last week and dropped to #22 this week, would be at #3. There are 11 songs in the top 40 that never made an effort to take advantage of the holiday season. When we get into some of our debuts, it’ll be even clearer how big Christmas is in British pop music. Anyway, let’s skim through our gains and returning entries, most of which are Christmas or Christmas-related. For returning entries, we have the comically awful “Lonely this Christmas” by Mud at #71, last year’s scam attempt at a Christmas #1, “River” by Ellie Goulding at #69, “The Christmas Song (A Merry Christmas to You)” by Nat King Cole at #63 (which I’d appreciate more in the top 20 like it is in the US every year – this is a classic), “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders at #62 (again, incredible song that deserves a higher holiday peak each year), “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” by Darlene Love at #58, “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia at #55, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Sam Smith at #53 and for whatever reason, “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper at #41. In terms of notable gains – and I stress notable, since a lot of higher-up Christmas songs had small gains but still good performance - we have “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by the Jackson 5 at #57, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Frank Sinatra at #56, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby at #52, “Baby it’s Cold Outside” by Brett Eldredge and Meghan Trainor at #51, “Forever Young” by Becky Hill at #50 (both off of the debut), “Baby it’s Cold Outside” AGAIN by Michael Bublé and Idina Menzel at #47, “Love is a Compass” by Griff at #46, “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano at #44, “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry at #42, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” AGAIN by Dean Martin at #39, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #34, “Christmas Lights” by Coldplay at #33, “Santa Baby” by Kylie Minogue at #32, “Mistletoe” by Justin Bieber at #29, “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bobby Helms at #27, “Wonderful Christmastime” by Paul McCartney at #26, “Holly Jolly Christmas” by Michael Bublé at #25, “All You’re Dreaming Of” by Liam Gallagher at #24 (thanks to a Christmas #1 campaign that crashed and failed), “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” by Andy Williams at #23, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by John Lennon and Yoko Ono with the Plastic Ono Band featuring the Harlem Community Choir at #21, “One More Sleep” by Leona Lewis at #18, “Merry Xmas Everybody” by Slade at #17, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson at #15, and finally, “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Justin Bieber illegitimately notching a spot in the top 10 at #8. Finally, we can get onto the new arrivals, although something about this next one tells me that we won’t be in line for anything all that good.

NEW ARRIVALS

#70 – “I’ll be Home” – Meghan Trainor

Produced by Meghan Trainor

...for Christmas. She’ll be home for Christmas. I guess she just can’t finish sentences, even though her cover art has the full title. Anyway, this is a 2014 original Christmas song that went nowhere except Sweden. It’s not anything like the Bing Crosby and wasn’t nearly as successful, mostly because it’s a jingly, inoffensive ballad tacked onto a silly Christmas EP that also features Fifth Harmony and Fiona Apple of all people – who probably should have charted her track instead – as well as the deluxe edition of that debut record Title that nobody liked. At least in this, she’s not going for a faux-retro style, or at least one that I can find the inspiration for, and is just singing over this oddly jaunty piano melody – which sounds pretty albeit bland – as well as some swells of strings and acoustic guitar that do work sonically. The content implies that Meghan Trainor is in contact with Santa Claus personally, and that he gave her the advice to be home with her lover this Christmas and... that’s why this charted, isn’t it? Well, it’s not her fault – it’s not a “stuck with u” moment, but it is dodgy that she decided to put this on her own Christmas record that was released in October of this year, which can’t seem unintentional. I’d be lying to say this isn’t a pretty little tune from Trainor and her voice does fit this instrumental, but a jazzy rendition from someone with a deeper, smoother voice, would work wonders with the content. Oh, and that Christmas record features guest appearances from both Earth, Wind & Fire and Seth MacFarlane, as well as her dad, because, you know, sure, 2020.

#65 – “Gnat” – Eminem

Produced by d.a. got that dope

I can’t tell if I’m underestimating Christmas or overestimating Eminem when I say I expected an album bomb – or whatever that equivalent would be in the UK and our land of silly chart rules – from the deluxe edition of his pretty damn terrible album, Music to be Murdered By. This 3/10 trainwreck consists of two hours I’ll never get back of either great beats wasted by Eminem’s corny, stiff flows and painfully unlikeable delivery or obnoxious, unlistenable beats that are dated enough for Eminem to start going on his Relapse “killing women in funny accents” shtick, which was awful then and even worse now when he tries to replicate it. Marshall, you’re 48, and I know that you’re just “messing around” but if you’re going to treat the album as a cinematic masterpiece within the album and its thematic Alfred Hitchcock interludes, you have to understand that the audience will see it as that way as well, so you having fun and being painfully unfunny in the process over cutting-room-floor trap instrumentals cannot slide. At least Kamikaze had some genuine anger and dare I say some actual balls in how it tackled controversy and dissed everyone he could think of off the top of his head. The last record was angry and bitter, this one’s just tired and lazy, and that’s before we get into some of the ugliest bars, instrumentals and cadences Slim Shady’s ever put on record, which is especially present on “Gnat”, a lightweight trap banger with some acoustic guitars not dissimilar to those that would appear on a Lil Baby mixtape, complete with questionable bass mixing and really bad hooks. On the verses, he sends a death threat to Mike Pence, but on the chorus, his bars are “like COVID” because “you get them right off the bat”. I don’t know about you, but in 2020, I don’t want to hear Eminem harmonising with producer tags, making topical and insensitive pandemic references, or spitting sex bars with coughing ad-libs. Before the beat switch, his flows are some of the sloppiest and drawn-out he’s ever used, and yes, I’ll admit, that second beat is a lot better and Em kills it over that instrumental – but only for a brief moment before we have a third beat, which Eminem is pretty great over, especially with that sax and sweet piano keys overlaid with hard 808s and Eminem’s rapid-pace, quick fire flow... and then he raps the chorus again and I want the song to end as quickly as it started – thankfully, it does end rather abruptly. Just wasted potential all throughout – if that beat switch and flow was a guest verse on damn near anyone else’s record (Em has made tracks with Don Toliver of all people, and he could work), this could be great. For now, Em, you know Kris Kristofferson? I think you should Piss Pissofferson. Forever. Look that up, by the way, that’s a lyric on the record because of course it is.

#61 – “In the Bleak Midwinter” – Jamie Cullum

Produced by ???

I had only briefly heard the name “Jamie Cullum” before this, but he is an English jazz-pop singer and pianist who’s basically useless and uninteresting but, hey, at least he has a radio show on BBC Radio 2. Sure, I mean that might have been the reason that Amazon Music picked him up for an exclusive project for which this is the biggest single. It’s not on Spotify, it’s not even on Genius, and it’s barely on YouTube but since it is, I should tell you that this is his first charting single since 2009 and it’s a remarkably uninteresting rendition of a Christmas carol done a lot better by Jacob Collier – and that one’s on Spotify – so yeah, your sleepy piano arrangement and tone that makes you sound like Robbie Williams half the time and Beck the other, doesn’t interest me. Goodbye.

#30 – “Afterglow” – Ed Sheeran

Produced by PARISI, Fred Again and Ed Sheeran

If we inexplicably remove everything Christmas-related on the chart, Eminem’s “Gnat” would have debuted at #20, and this new track from Ed Sheeran, already stunted from being released on an unconventional day, would have hit #5. Regardless of chart position, Ed Sheeran’s back with his first solo single since Divide. Yes, I’m purposefully ignoring that collaborative project he put out in 2019 because as far as I know, it doesn’t exist. At the end of the year, when things are looking as if he could start touring again, Sheeran predictably releases his lead-off single. This song in particular is a heartfelt ballad from Ed to his wife, who he wishes to be there forever and even if they aren’t together at any moment, whether he’s touring or they separate for whatever reason, he’ll “hold on to the afterglow”. I won’t lie, it’s a really sweet and convincingly sold love song from Ed, even if it’s not anything new, it does feel like a different approach since he’s a newly-wed man now. Although I’m not a fan of this somewhat muddy mixing that somehow messes up just a guy and his acoustic guitar, making what should be a really pretty, ethereal and mellow track sound almost ugly, which doesn’t flatter Ed and his limited delivery at all, especially when he starts getting multi-tracked in the second verse and whooshing sound effects of strings pop up in the mix, and, yeah, it just sounds cheap and gross at this point, which is really a waste of incredible content and a great performance from Ed, who sells everything as well as he can. I understand how this is supposed to be down to Earth, so a perfect mix wouldn’t make sense, but if you’re going to make him harmonise with his own background vocals and even show signs of belting, give him some more grandiosity and go full out instead of restraining him so that it just sounds jarring. With a different mix this could be one of Ed’s best tracks since the melodies are on point, the song feels really heart-warming and sincere, especially coming from Ed to his wife, but we won’t get a remaster anytime soon, I imagine, so for now this is just pretty damn good. I love the cover art as well, painted by Ed himself, and released alongside the single as a bit of a Christmas gift to fans, as well as the start of what I’m pretty sure will be a promo cycle. If this is a good peek into what that album will sound like, it’s safe to say I’m more than excited than ever to hear from Ed Sheeran.

#5 – “Boris Johnson is a Fricking Jerk” – Kool & the Gang

Produced by ???

Okay, so the song’s calling Boris Johnson something stronger than a “fricking jerk”, and the song is decidedly not by soul legends Kool & the Gang, although I’d love for that to happen sometime. This is a family show, of course, so we have to take some liberties. This track originates from a comedian from Basildon, Essex of all places, and whilst we don’t know his name, the songwriting credit on Spotify is given to contemporary British poet Wayne Clements so maybe he’s behind this, who knows? Whether he is or not, I can tell you the history behind this comedian’s music, as he has been making crude short singles about controversial topics in British society and politics for a while, including some about Nick Clegg that charted, although never higher than #63. He retired in 2016 but after writing an autobiography, the guy’s back and he released a compilation of punk rock tracks, all of which are small and profane, with a “band” of puppets that I also can’t name. State-controlled Russian television networks – because, sure, again, it’s 2020 – say that he will start touring in 2021, mostly because he’s finally reached that mainstream audience with this family-friendly tune about Boris Johnson. Here’s how Vick Hope and Katie Thistleton introduced it live on air during the mid-week chart reveal.

Now at #19, we've got a track about Boris Johnson that has so many bad words in it, we can't play it on daytime Radio 1.

Ah, you cowards. Wait... Anyway, I’m pretty happy that the British public can stick it to Boris and the heartless Tories that follow him and currently rule the country, even if it is all a bloody stupid joke from an anonymous punk rocker. We can dig into Boris for his failures on Brexit, mishandling of the pandemic, disgraceful reality-star-esque personal life, that he wasn’t even born in the UK yet is basically a nationalist, his history of Islamophobic commentary, his crap excuses for journalism back in the 2000s or even his clown-nose, blonde bowl-cut “hair style” he adopts whilst addressing us on live television feeding us lies and misleading statements that turn into retcons the next time he has to address the nation, whether it be on Brexit or COVID-19 tiers and regulations, both of which are a confusing mess to both sides of Europe that exist to drift us away from where we should be going as a nation, and further into the realm of political party tribalism that we know absolutely does not work in the States and that we mock the Yanks for. We’re more than the sick man of Europe, we are the America of Europe. I guess you could say Ireland is our Canada, but we don’t even have a Mexico to make us look better, we just have other western, central and northern European countries that may be flawed but are far ahead of whatever the hell this shell of a union is in 2020, less than 80 years after the creation of our National Health Service. People will look to pundits and newsreaders like Piers Morgan, entertainers like Phillip Schofield, war veterans and charity-givers like Captain Tom Moore, and even politicians like Boris Johnson, as the “heroes” of Britain’s 2020 but it’s increasingly clear that absolutely no-one is a hero, and it’s the people’s right to be upset. Hence, nearly exactly a year after Boris Johnson cheated his way into power by smear campaigns and elitism, we have this song debuting at #5. Unfortunately, the song doesn’t go into any of that. It just repeats the title in an anthemic – and considerably agreeable – refrain that is an undeniable punk hook. The riffs and guitar work here isn’t of any interest, but the guy’s delivery is powerful and furious, so I’ll give the song credit: it’s not just correct but it’s really good, especially for a one minute runtime. He also released some satirical MIDI-level synth-pop remix with gross Christmas sleigh bells and hi-hat skitters, because, say it with me, it’s 2020. I wouldn’t recommend the album though, it overstays its welcome by the time you get to “Jesus Died of a Stranglewank”.

#1 – “Don’t Stop Me Eatin’” – LadBaby

Produced by who cares?

I can’t get mad at this lazy “parody” of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’” about sausage rolls, or even its Ronan Keating remix, which is LadBaby doing a favour to Ronan Keating, if anything. Sure, my blood boils with the idea that this incompetent Internet personality from the East Midlands – which I think I’m sadly also able to describe myself as – got the #1 over Mariah Carey, or even that Boris Johnson diss track, but it’s going to the Trussell Trust and it’s ultimately an inoffensive, vaguely happy track that even gets the vegans involved. I, for one, prefer “Boris Johnson is a Sausage Roll”, a version of our #5 you can – and should – play on the radio even after Christmas. I don’t have anything more to say about this guy so piss off, LadBaby, you can’t even get the album cover right to the song you’re parodying, thrice in a row.

Conclusion

Best of the Week is definitely going to the Somethings for “Boris Johnson is a Something Something”, with an Honourable Mention to Ed Sheeran’s “Afterglow”. I can’t bring myself to give a charity single Worst of the Week so I’ll spare LadBaby the honour and grant it to Jamie Cullum for his greedy Amazon exclusive trite, with a Dishonourable Mention for “Gnat” by Eminem, for just being wasted potential all across the board. Next week, everything Christmas-related will be gone and we’ll get a bunch of returns and hopefully some new, interesting returning entries. We might even get the impact of Playboi Carti’s long-anticipated album – and I hope so because it’s fantastic – but that’s wishful thinking. Anyways, I hope everyone had a happy holiday season. Here’s our top 10:

Thank you for reading. You can follow me @cactusinthebank for more rambling about pop music and occasionally politics, and I’ll see you next year.

[doomedandstoned]

Coffin Torture Bring Hell To Earth In ‘Dismal Planet’

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

If it's sludgy doom you're after, have I got a pick for you. No doubt, you've met South Carolina heavyweights COFFIN TORTURE in these pages or on our podcast before. The Westminster duo of Jim McMillan (aka Blind Samson) and Patrick Alex Thorfinn have been gigging for a solid decade now, last summer releasing the proof by way of a monster compilation of their three EPs and singles called, 'Slithering Through Your Dreams' (2017). The big news that brings them back to these pages, however, is their first full-on full-length, ‘Dismal Planet' (2018).

As the name implies, this LP is dank, dirty, and really delivers on the dismal. From the opening moments of "Bull Of Minos" to the closing moments of "Trench Hog," Coffin Torture seize control of your mind and heart, offering up a pulse-pounding beat, harsh vox, and some devilish riff-making. Thorfinn and Blind Sampson know their death-doom, alright, and present us with seven tracks that go straight for the jugular. A fuzzy, toxic sheen accompanies us throughout the record, which amp worshippers will go ape for.

It's worth noting that the colorful album art is the doing Coffin Torture's Thorfinn, who is a talented artist in more than just the real of music. In past years, he has contributed a number of his pieces to accompany the dark poetry of Lara Noel's dark poetry series for Doomed & Stoned.

Look for Dismal Planet to release this Friday, February 16th, via Sludgelord Records. You can pick it up in digital or CD formats here or here. Whenever we can, we try to give you an advance listen, so for the next 36 hours or so, you can get your fill of Coffin Torture right here, right now, on our bitchin' lil blog!

DISMAL PLANET by COFFIN TORTURE

An Interview with Coffin Torture's Blind Sampson

By Shawn Gibson

You have a new record coming out?

Yeah, we recorded 'Dismal Planet' down at the Jam Room with Jay Matheson and Phillip Cope of Kylesa.

Yeah? Wow!

It's awesome man! It was really an experience! The reason we went down there, we were going to be recording with Jay, and Phillip was there. Jay had been working for like a month straight, recording every single day! He said, “You know what guys? I want to get Phillip in here and record the second guitar track and the vocals. Is that cool with you guys?”

Um, yeah.

Absolutely! (laughs) It was surreal, it really was.

I've seen Kylesa in Savannah. My god, they put on a hell of a show! Kylesa, Wet Socks, and Bag Lady at The Wormhole, bad-ass show!

I bet that was awesome! Phillip's got a new band called Oakskin. They have a really cool psychedelic sound like that of Kylesa, mixed in with a bunch of different stuff.

So where are you at, upstate South Carolina?

We're both from Westminster, SC. It's right in the corner, Oconee County. We grew up on the state line in between Georgia and South Carolina. I'm actually from Toccoa, Georgia, right across the state line. We both went to West Oak High School in Westminster, about an hour and thirty minutes from Greenville.

I've got a pretty good idea where that is. Is it snowing there?

No, not right now. There getting snow where you guys are, I think.

Yeah we got three or four inches in Savannah GA! It's crazy! Wow! I got some family in Brunswick.

Yep, further south. You guys never get snow! (laughs)

Parts of northern Florida got snow, man!

That's wild! Yeah!

We are all doomed when it's snowing in Florida! (laughs)

It might be!

Who else is in the band with you and what do they're doing Coffin Torture? You play drums, right?

I do. It's just me and Alex Thorfinn on guitar. It's just guitar and drums. Alex does vocals.

Well, you guys have some heavy ass music.

Thanks, man, thanks! We've had two bass players in the past, our friends Jeremy Bishop and Dustin Holiday played with us. They were really good bass players. When we play live it's kinda a loose feeling. We might do one riff as twice as long, then the next time do it as half as long. Being on drums, it frees you up to do a lot more jamming, you know if you want to extend a part out. We've been playing together since 2005, not as Coffin Torture, but that's when we started playing music together. We've got to where we can jam pretty well together on the fly.

You guys have something there: chemistry. To be able to do that, especially on stage, just riff and go to town and switch it up a bit, keeps it fresh!

Sometimes it's unintentional, sometimes by mistake, but we'll do something different. I might say, “Hey, you, remember what we did last time? Well, let’s do that every time.” Being only two people in the band it’s easy to make changes like that.

That's great that happens spontaneously and takes both of you guys for a ride.

When it happens live, in front of people it adds like an extra level of excitement. You’re already nervous playing in front of people, but when something like that happens, it's cool. It makes it like, almost like a Grateful Dead kinda mind set, you know?

They would jam and riff forever. One song almost turns into 'Dopesmoker.' (laughs)

Yeah, we don't get that extreme with it. Sometimes when we practice, we'll play for three hours just jamming on something seeing what happens ya know.

So what are some influences for both of you guys?

Well, shared influences would definitely be bands like Neurosis, Weedeater, Buzzov-en, Sourvein, obvious sludge influences. A lot of funeral doom, bands like Ahab Tyranny, Catacombs. I lean more towards stuff like Pentagram, Saint Vitus, and older stuff. The Obsessed, Spirit Caravan, you know Earthride, all that kind of stuff. Alex, he's more into extreme, like more death metal. He likes Disma and Coffins.

Yeah, I lean that way myself -- really heavy, really hard stuff. I do appreciate bands like Beyond Belief, Trouble, Pentagram, definitely.

Together, we're into stuff like Type O Negative, Queens Of The Stone Age, Butthole Surfers.

I Love Butthole Surfers! “I Saw An X Ray Of A Girl Passing Gas” is one of my favorites. That and 'Kuntz.”

Oh, yeah! (laughs). Off of ' Locust Abortion Technician.'

They re-released it!

I saw that! I got that album when I was thirteen and it warped me forever! I got into more strange stuff, I guess. I'm into Sisters Of Mercy, hardcore punk, some of the less heavy stuff. Alex is more into the straight up heaviest stuff around, that's what he likes.

You guys balance each other. (laughs)

I'll try and put something in that's maybe a little too out there and he'll reign in there, “Let’s keep it heavy!" Sometimes I get ideas and I go off into the stratosphere. We have all these influences, with a shared vision. What we're looking for is something as heavy as we can make it but still mixing it up as well.

That's good having some range and depth to it. Mixing in progression and keeping it fresh for both of you as well as your listeners.

Man, we try our best!

I want to talk about the “Web of Piss” cover of Iron Monkey's song, from your recent compilation, ‘Slithering Through Your Dreams.’ That thing is slow and low, man! Iron Monkey does “Web of Piss” as mid-tempo sludge, but you guys slowed it down and made it damn near death-doom metal and it's heavy as shit.

Thanks man! (laughs) We recorded that, I guess around 2012 when we did that for the 'Cave Dweller' EP. We would play that riff for fun ya know .We recorded that actually in my parent’s basement, the whole EP. We were like, “Let’s just record it!” We did and I think I actually laid down the vocals for that and we did it in one go, pretty much. We listened to the song a hundred times previous to that anyway so we pretty much had it down. We just jammed it out and put the vocals over it. We did a cover of “Tales Of Brave Ulysses” by Cream. We also did a cover of “Bedroom Thang,” stuff to have fun with. Thanks, glad you like it! Iron Monkey rules!

It's amazing, after all these years, they just released '9-13' on Relapse in October. I’d like to ask Billy if he can ask Relapse if we could get an interview with Iron Monkey for Doomed and Stoned.

That would be awesome!

What!? You bet your ass!

It'd be hard to do. I know back in the day they didn't do a bunch of interviews. They might do it now, you never know.

There’re newer bands out I like. Spectral Voice, have you heard of them?

No, I haven't heard of them yet.

They've been around awhile; they had their debut 'Eroded Corridors of Unbeing' out on Dark Descent last year. I think you'll dig em. They're death-doom.

Yeah man, I'll check em out. I love that stuff like Cyanide, Disma, and Coffins.

I love Disma's sound!

You ever listen to any Cyanide?

I’ve read reviews and interviews about them but haven't really listened to the music yet.

Check out an album they did in the late '80s, early ‘90s. It's called, ‘The Dying Truth.’ That album influenced us both a lot -- them and Coffins’ 'Mortuary in Darkness.’ I think that that album shaped how we founded, starting off more than any other.

Have you heard of Father Befouled?

Oh yeah! It's the same guys from Encoffination. They're really, really heavy!

Incantation worship!

Even the logo looks like it a little bit. I don't listen to that stuff as much as I used to. I guess I wouldn't say the lighter side of it, but the groovier side of it.

With that being said, what are some SC/NC doom/sludge bands that you like and or have played with?

Oh man, there's a ton of ‘em! If we start with the upstate, man: Waft, Tar Hag, and friends in Black Hand Thrown, Legba. Legba is on the Doom Charts.

I've sent some questions to Todd from Legba for an interview.

Cool! Todd's a really good guy. I used to play keyboards in Legba on their first self-titled album. They're great and they got a really good sound. Then you've got Fall Of An Empire. They kinda remind me of Sasquatch, that kinda sound; good vocals, really good band. If you go down to Charleston you got Hooded Eagle and Tripping The Mechanism, they're really good sludge band. Hooded Eagle is more a black metal/funeral doom kinda band. Then you got around Florence, you got Heathen Bastard, they're awesome; them and Thieving Coyote. Thieving Coyote kinda remind me of Clutch, but way heavier; they’re a good band. Compel from Florence, two-man band. We were going to play a show with them at Gottrocks in Greenville. It's been a couple years back. I think Joe or Tim got sick and couldn't make it. I hate we missed playing with them, it was a good show. In North Carolina, you got Temptation’s Wings.

I know those guys! I’ve been to their shows in Asheville at The Get Down, now The Odditorium. Hail Cronk! They were on my show at least three times.

Yeah, really nice guys. We played with them actually in Greenville at the Radio Room. It's been awhile back. In Asheville you got Broad River Nightmare.

Bobby Lamar Seay!

He's a nice guy, man!

He really is. It's some crazy music.

I'll see him when we go to the Mothlight, I've seen him at the Orange Peel a few times. The only show we played out of state, we played at The Odditorium.

I love that place.

Yeah, that place is cool. I’ve wanted to play there for a long time, but we never had the chance. Bobby set up that show, it was Pallor. They were really heavy, it was just bass and drums. You got Horseflesh up there, there really good.

Jaime Ward, yeah.

I saw them open up from Weedeater. I saw them at The Mothlight. They opened up another show, I think it was Big Business. It’s all kinda rusty.

I did see Big Business played in Asheville and I missed it! I know one of the local bands opened for them, just can’t remember.

It was Power Takeoff. Man, that was awesome. If you haven't checked them out, Power Takeoff from Concord, NC. I mean loud. We got to play with Jucifer a few times at Ground Zero. We opened for up for ‘em, too. I don't know Power Takeoff might be louder! (laughs) It was crazy loud.

Nice!

There's so many bands man. That's as many as I can think of right now, off hand.

It’s all good.

We've got a lot of good grindcore, power violence, and thrash.

Awesome, well-rounded scene.

Yeah, man. Upstate SC, we've got this band WVRM -- those guys, they are awesome. They just recorded with Kurt from Converge. They did a single or it might have been an EP with him. They toured with The Grind Mother, Funeral Chic, The Drip. You heard of The Drip on Relapse?

I’ve heard of them, but I haven't heard their music yet.

They toured with them and, actually, Waft was on the tour, as well.

Nice lineup.

If something doesn't happen with that band, I'll be surprised. They're really awesome! There's a lot going on right now, a lot of house shows. There's a place in Columbia, SC, called the Sludge Gutter that's really cool, like a house venue. They get a lot of shows.

That's great. I need to get my ass out to a show!

Man, did you catch West End Motel? They played The Jinx, in Savannah.

Oh, man. No.

I thought about driving down for that, when it was their CD release show. I kinda like that. I like Brent Hinds, Fiends Without a Face, West End Motel. Tell you the truth, I like that stuff more than the newer Mastodon stuff, but I still like it, its great music. I'm more into like, 'Remission,' 'Leviathan,' 'Blood Mountain.'

Yes. I got to see Mastodon live at the Orange Peel in Asheville, sold-out show with Dillinger Escape Plan and Red Fang in 2011. The entire crowd was singing along to every Mastodon song, I'll never forget it. After the show we got on the tour bus with Brent, Trey, his wife, and their son.

Oh, wow, that's cool. I was talking to a friend of mine on Facebook; he was at that show too! I found a Mastodon tour poster and it has that Orange Peel show on it!

Damn!

It’s actually signed by those dudes. I found it in Seneca for like thirty dollars.

What!

A friend of mine, he's got that same poster. I asked him if he was at that Orange Peel show. Mastodon’s awesome, man! You know what I've been trying to track down? I actually have two copies of Troy's old band Knuckle, back before he was in Four Hour Fogger. I've got to copies of 'Sixteen Penny Nails.’ I think it was the only Knuckle album. I've got one Four Hour Fogger seven-inch, the one that's got the cow on the cover. It's got “Road to Tibor” and “Marsha's Birthday” on it.

Holy shit!

I cannot find ‘Dollars for Red Books.’ That's the only full length album Four Hour Fogger did. They might have done another one, but I don't know. I know a lot of people that have it.

Yeah, nobody willing to part with it.

Yeah, man, I'd even settle for a burned copy of it.

At least.

The only place you can listen to that album, on YouTube, a guy named Sir Runt uploaded like six tracks off it and it's got like twelve or thirteen tracks on the album. That's the only place you can listen to that album! You can’t download it anywhere!

Damn, man.

I know man, I actually talked to Gary Lindsey, the singer from Four Hour Fogger. He did vocals for Hank III, Assjack -- you heard of that band?

Oh, yeah.

I actually messaged him on Facebook. I was like, “Man, do you have a copy of that? Is there any way I can get one?” He said, “No, man. They’re out of print. You just got to get lucky and find one!” The search continues! I found two copies of Knuckle and I bought both of ‘em! I've been looking online. There’s no Knuckle on YouTube. You can't hear what it sounds like. I gotta at least like upload a track or something, so if someone wants to hear it. I don't know how that works. I don't want to do it without their permission.

Right.

I just wanted to hear it. It’s really cool, too!

I bet!

It's kinda like Alice In Chains, maybe a little more sludgy.

Cool. What's a damn good book you've read?

I'm reading 'Contract Killer' right now. It's the autobiography of Donald “Tony The Greek” Frankos, a mafia hit man. He was Greek, so he couldn't be “made” into the mafia, you have to be 100 % Italian. He did hits for like almost all the families, the five major families. According to the book, he was in on the Jimmy Hoffa murder.

What!?

Yeah, I just got to that chapter. I'm just reading that now. He said that Tony Cilano “Fat Tony” ordered the hit on Hoffa. You know, Hoffa was big in the Teamsters, so they had all this stuff happen, so they had to get rid of him. They had to make him disappear forever and that's one of the most mysterious mob murders ever. Nobody knows exactly what happened. I've read some stuff online that they say now, “Tony The Greek, that that was bull-crap, what he said. He wasn't there.” Some people say he was there and he was in on the whole thing, you know, it's one of those mysteries. I've been reading The Misfits biography, ‘This Music Leaves Stains.’ It's really good. Also, ‘Let's Go to Hell: Scattered Memories of the Butthole Surfers.’

I definitely need to get that. I wouldn't put it down, ‘till it was done. Gibby Haynes is nuts! You've heard of him, right?

(laughs) Yeah, he and Al Jourgensen stayed actually lived with Timothy Leary. You've heard of Timothy Leary?

Oh, yeah. The acid guru from the '60s.

They lived with him!

Makes sense for a lot of their music!

I can’t remember exactly for sure it’s been awhile since I read, it's not in that book. I saw a documentary about it. That biography is all over the place. It skips around -- now you’re at this point, then it skips ahead, then you're here.You gotta read it from beginning to end, you can’t skip around with it. It's crazy! It talks about when they started out, they would go on never-ending tours. They would just go and ping-pong from coast to coast. They would actually take half hits of acid to stay awake, take like small doses.

They'd stay dosed for months.

It's crazy! Then it talks about the legendary show at Danceteria in New York that people say it was the craziest Butthole Surfers show ever, They say that Gibby and Kathleen had sex on stage -- they say. At the end of the show they found out they were only getting half their money. Paul Leary started destroying speakers with a screwdriver, stabbing holes in the speakers with a screwdriver. They say they were all high on acid, the whole band. They started dosing the crowd! It's one of those shows that like if everybody was there that said they were there, there would be like a thousand people at that show. “Oh, I saw them at Danceteria!” Really, there would be like forty people.

Exactly -- at the most.

The book gets sad towards the end. I never thought about it, you know. The Butthole Surfers broke through with 'Electriclarryland,' become a big band. They were on Lollapalooza. They were scheduled to do a tour with Motley Crue, believe it or not.

That is crazy to think about.

Yeah, it fell through, thankfully. Towards the end, they sued Corey from Touch and Go Records, because the handshake agreement when they first got on Touch and Go was 50/50 agreement. As the years rolled on and became a big band, the sale of their back catalog exploded. Everybody wanted as much as they could get. Corey was getting 50% of all that and he wasn't being forthcoming with the money, so they decided to sue him. What happens when they decide to sue him, the whole underground turned on the Butthole Surfers. Never mind that the Butthole Surfers toured and lived in a van for all these years, just barely surviving. Everybody was like, “Oh they've gone corporate,” even though they didn’t.

I say that's fighting for what’s yours.

Yeah, that's what it was about, but it was like this big band was attacking this small label. I had no idea any of that happened, I just learned about it reading this book. It was nuts! They recorded the album, ‘After The Astronaut.’ Long story short, it got bastardized and turned into their worst album which is 'Weird Revolution.' Have you heard that one?

No, I haven’t.

It's got that song “The Shame of Life,” like their dance song. It was like a club hit. It's got an electric drum beat. ‘After The Astronaut' is supposed to be one of their best albums, but it got remixed and stopped by the label and turned into ‘Weird Revolution.’

Pretty much after 'Independent Worm Saloon’ I got off that ride.

You don't like 'Electriclarryland'?

I do, I had it on CD. I thought it was amazing because I thought, man these guys “made it,” finally. The Butthole Surfers are a big influence on me, the whole psychedelic thing turned me on at the time.

Oh man, the Butthole Surfers and Scratch Acid, a lot of those bands from back then I can get into, the Jesus Lizard.

What's something that makes you laugh uncontrollably?

A lot of stuff! Thinking about one time -- Alex and I fish a lot, there’s a lot of lakes and ponds where we live. I was at this pond and fishing with him and Alex was on the other side and I was over here and all of a sudden, this beautiful girl came down. It was like out of a movie. Of course, her boyfriend walked out of the woods behind her. He was walking to the pond too. We thought it was going to be like one of those, “Dear Penthouse” letters.

They're going to start going at it. What the hell?

In our weird teenage minds, that's what we thought, I guess. Obviously nothing like that would happen in a million years. So anyway, my tackle box was at the top of the bank. I had it up there and I caught on something and I was pulling my line and I snapped my line. It was right then the couple walked out of the woods and we saw em and we were like, “This is the hottest girl that's ever been here!” We freaked out a little bit, then I turned around and I was walking up the hill and I got caught up on an ivy vine and bam! Face-first right into the bank and just rolled back down it.

Damn! (laughs)

I look over, the girl was laughing and Alex was laughing at me. Anytime I need a good laugh, I think of that! (laughs)

I have had several instances like that.

It's always more embarrassing when a girl’s there. Always.

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[allthegirlsanddboys]

Female Artists We’re Sleepin’ On

Hi all!

So I know I never post anything personal on this page. I usually just come on here, reblog a few things and I’m out but I want to start something new.

My favorite thing, in the entire world, to talk about is music. I’m an avid music fan with a lot of knowledge about the industry. I love music and it’s industry so much that I’m actually going to school for it. In December, I’ll be graduating from my University with a B.S. in Recording Industry and a concentration in Music Business.

One topic I’ve been dying to share my opinion on are female artists. I’ve always wanted to write a piece listing the female artists I feel are being overlooked or artists who haven’t necessarily been overlooked but may be on the rise at the moment.

My obsession with female voices and artists began when I was young. For whatever reason, I have always gravitated towards female artists and what they bring to the table regardless of genre. The first albums I ever owned were Norah Jones’ Come Away With Me, The Dixie Chicks’ Home and JoJo’s self-titled debut album. All very different albums and artists, yet inherently female.

So here I am still listening and supporting female artists when it sort of feels like no one else is. I don’t know if any of you have seen this article by Andrew Unterberger for Billboard. It’s titled, “Where Are the Female Pop Stars at the Top of the Charts?” and in this article, Unterberger points out that the last female artist to bow at No.1 was back in November when Lady Gaga released Joanne. It’s taken 31 weeks for another female artist to reign at No. 1 (shoutout to Halsey) on the Billboard 200. This is the first time in 33 YEARS that there have been NO female artists in the Hot 100′s Top 10. A damn shame.

So instead of marinating in my irritation, I’ve decided to write a lil’ something something for y’all in hopes that I can maybe highlight a few female artists worthy of that top spot on the Hot 100. This is my list of Female Artist’s We’re Sleepin’ On at the moment. I encourage you to take a listen to each and every artist and if you find an artist you like, make sure to stream, purchase and support! #GIRLPOWER

1. Zara Larsson

Favorite Tune: Ain’t My Fault, So Good, Lush Life

When I try to describe Zara Larsson to people who don’t know her, I describe her as our next big pop star. Zara already has a significant following in Europe and I think it will only be a matter of time before she starts to gain traction here in America. In my opinion, Zara has exactly what it takes to be one of the world’s “long-term pop stars”  and it’s pretty obviously (at least to me) that her ‘people’ are prepping her for just that.

Zara’s most successful release to date, is a single she released with British singer MNEK, “Never Forget You”. The song is certified 2x platinum in the US and peaked at #13 on The Billboard Hot 100.

Zara released her debut album So Good on March 17, 2017. The album is certified Gold in the US.

You can stream “So Good” on streaming services as well as purchase the album on iTunes and on her official website HERE.

2. Little Mix

Favorite Tunes: Black Magic, Touch (Acoustic), Move

I’m not gonna lie to y’all, I used to be a dedicated Little Mix hater. Granted - I was a HUGE One Direction fan and one of the things I’m most embarrassed about was hating Little Mix because they had ties to one of my favorite bands. Thankfully, I’ve matured a lot since then and when I decided to go ahead and give Little Mix a proper listen, I was very glad I did.

Little Mix got their start on the seventh season of The X-Factor (UK) in 2011. They entered the competition as solo artists and were put into a girl group by Simon Cowell - 1D-style. Little Mix went on to be the only group in X-Factor history to win the competition and are now one of the most successful female acts in contemporary British popular culture. Of course, America hasn’t caught on yet.

Little Mix’s latest gig was being one of the opening acts on Ariana Grande’s Dangerous Woman Tour this past year where they were absolutely incredible. I’m hoping this bit of American exposure will give Little Mix the push and recognition they deserve.

You can stream Little Mix’s latest release “Glory Days” on streaming services, purchase on iTunes or on their official website HERE.

3. Hayley Kiyoko

Favorite Tunes: Girls Like Girls, Gravel To Tempo, Sleepover

If I had to choose one word to describe Hayley Kiyoko and her music, it would simply be: cool.

One of the best things about Hayley (besides her music) is how open she is with her fans. She’s a member of the LGBTQ community and uses her platform to speak out and encourage her fans to be their truest selves. Hayley uses her music as well as her videos to share her own struggles with her sexuality and the struggles other members of the LGBTQ community may also be facing. Her most popular videos “Girls Like Girls” and “Sleepover” (she directed both) have over 72 million views combined.

I recently had the privilege of seeing Hayley live and throughout the show she was full of energy and was one of the most personable artists I’ve seen live. She spoke to her audience like we were a room full of friends she’d known for years rather than fans who paid money to see her.

Hayley’s latest single, “Sleepover” is a song about unrequited love - dedicated to a girl friend who only wants to be friends and to cope, Hayley daydreams about the relationship they could have. The video features model Christina Santini as Hayley’s love interest and has been praised for being “queer-affirmative”.

You can stream Hayley’s latest release “Sleepover” on streaming services as well as purchase the single on iTunes or on her official store HERE.

4. Christine and the Queens

Favorite Tunes: Tilted, iT, Sorry (Beyoncé cover on BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge)

Héloïse Letissier is such a cool girl, OMG. Every time I listen to Christine and the Queens I feel like the coolest person on this planet. I discovered Christine and the Queens while browsing through BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge sessions on YouTube. If you’ve ever wasted away while searching through Live Lounge sessions, you know what it’s like to look around and come across a Beyoncé cover. To keep it short and sweet, it’s usually not even worth your time to watch another artist cover Beyoncé. But things changed when I came across Christine and the Queens’ rendition of “Sorry”. I HAD to know more about this artist.

Christine and the Queens is another artist who has found tons of success outside of the U.S. and I’m hoping to see some of that success translate over to America.

I encourage you all to listen to Christine and the Queens’ debut self-titled album. You can stream the album on all streaming services as well as purchase the album on iTunes or on Christine and the Queens’ official website HERE.

5. Maggie Rogers

Favorite Tunes: Alaska, Color Song, On + Off

Maggie Rogers is another effortlessly cool girl who I aspire to be. If you feel like the name ‘Maggie Rogers’ sounds a bit familiar that might be because Maggie was a part of a viral video where she had the opportunity to play Pharrell her demo for a song called, “Alaska” during a class at The Clive Davis Institute at NYU. In the video, Pharrell tells Maggie, “I have zero, zero, zero notes for that. I’ve never heard anyone like you before.” That’s a compliment if I’ve ever heard one before and from Pharrell at that? Crazy.

Maggie went on to graduate from NYU and sign with Capitol Records and recently released her debut EP “Now That the Light Is Fading”. You can stream Maggie’s EP on streaming services or purchase on iTunes.

6. Icona Pop

Favorite Tunes: Manners, Good for You, Windows (Felix Snow feat. Icona Pop)

I got one question for y’all - why are y’all still sleepin’ on Icona Pop?

At this point I’ve given up hope that Icona Pop will ever catch on and get the attention they so rightfully deserve. They’ve had SO many amazing opportunities for exposure and recognition and still NOTHING.

In 2012 Icona Pop released smash hit, “I Love It” with Charli XCX and what came of it? NOTHING. Icona Pop has opened for some of the biggest artists in the world - One Direction, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus - and what has come of it? NOTHING.

Truthfully, I’m not really sure what Icona Pop could do to secure a spot on y’all’s playlists but I want the public to give Icona Pop a second chance!

Caroline and Aino deserve that second chance - do it for them!

You can stream Icona Pop’s latest release “GIRLS GIRLS” on streaming services as well as purchase on iTunes or on Icona Pop’s official website HERE.

7. Kacey Musgraves

Favorite Tunes: Late to the Party, Fine, waves - Remix (Miguel feat. Kacey Musgraves)

Y’all, I love Kacey Musgraves. I don’t think I can even go into detail about how much I love Kacey because I’ll end up writing a 10,000 word essay on why I think Kacey Musgraves is so amazing and so worthy of being our #1 Country princess.

If you’re someone who actively shies away from anything Country music related - that’s okay, but I think you’ll make an exception for Kacey Musgraves. As someone who doesn’t know much about Country music, I consider Kacey to be more of an Alternative/Indie Country artist. I say this because Kacey tends to lean more towards “Texas Country” rather than your typical traditional Country sound. Does that make sense? No? Anyways...

One of my favorite things about Kacey is how she works with artists you would never expect her to and I think that’s because she has fans of all different types and from all different places because of her unconventional style. Kacey has worked with Miguel on a remix of his 2016 single “waves” which Country fans and non-Country fans alike loved. Kacey was also announced as the supporting act on the American leg of Harry Styles’ 2018 Arena Tour in support of his debut album. Honestly, my dream concert.

Another thing about Kacey is how she tends to talk about topics that are considered taboo in the conservative Country world. On Kacey’s Grammy award winning debut album, her lyrics spoke on homosexuality, sex and marijuana. Super taboo.

Check out Kacey’s 2015 album “Pageant Material” which is available on streaming services and for purchase on iTunes and on her official website HERE.

8. The Aces

Favorite Tunes: Stuck, Physical, Baby Who

I rarely discover artists who don’t already have an album, a successful single, and a dedicated following already in tact - I’m not that cool, sorry. But I was lucky enough to discover The Aces when they only had one single under their belt, literally NOTHING else.

I’ll go ahead and give all props to Nylon for this, who wrote an article about their first single, “Stuck” and described the song as “unpretentious, dreamy fun”. The Aces have since gone on to sign with Red Bull Records, release two official music videos and three new singles.

I usually hate comparing bands to one another but The Aces give me huge Haim/The 1975 vibes so if you’re a fan of either band, I would go ahead and give The Aces your full attention.

I’m so excited to see what The Aces have in store for us over the next year or so - I expect great things!

You can stream The Aces’ latest single, “Touch” on streaming services or purchase on iTunes or on The Aces’ official website HERE.

9. Hinds

Favorite Tunes: Bamboo, Davey Crockett, Castigadas En El Granero

My Madrid BABES. Just to give a bit of an idea of how long I’ve been following Hinds - I’ve been following Hinds since before they were even called Hinds, okay. I’ve gotten to see them prosper into this perfect all-girl, garage rock band that I love oh so much.

My favorite thing about Hinds is when Hinds releases a song, you never know what you’re gonna get. Sometimes they’re super mellow and chill and other times they’re screaming the entire song.

I have nothing else to say about them - just TRUST ME. If you’re someone who’s into bands that sound like Best Coast or Chastity Belt than you’ll love Hinds. TRUST ME.

Stream Hinds 2016 debut album “Leave Me Alone” on streaming services or purchase on iTunes or on their official website HERE.