#snackfic

[londonfoginacup]

Charm Your Pants Off | 4ureyesonly28 / @evilovesyou Harry/Louis | 2k

When Harry hurt himself in front of all of his coworkers, he thought his Christmas Eve couldn’t get any worse. That was, until he ended up in an actual ambulance. Perhaps the gentle and ridiculously attractive doctor he meets at the hospital can make his trip (pun absolutely intended) worth it?

It’s your classic love story! Boy meets boy because boy fell down and got stabbed in the groin! Nothing could possibly be more Christmassy!

☕️ Pairing suggestion: This is a GREAT little snackfic to read when you’re on your way from one place to another! Pair with a handful of rolos that you grabbed from the break room desk and you THINK are from this holiday season!

For more Christmas fic recs: 2022; 2021; 2020;2019;2018;2017

[marigoldvance]

            Thorin’s Thirteen

a scene from the Ocean’s Eleven AU sandbox i like to play in 

Fíli could practically hear the upbeat jazz streaming from a scene of some comedic heist movie when he spied the man in the jewelry store window. The man was lingering a little too long over the display cases, looking around the space over the frames of his sunglasses instead of at the pieces themselves. His back was to the manager, mouth moving, the manager responding in turn – somewhat stiff and on-guard – as he kept an easy pace around the floor.

Fíli watched with mild curiosity, crumpling up his napkin and tossing it on his empty plate. The café was deserted apart from himself and the waitress and she was busy aggressively typing on her phone behind the counter. His coffee was full – two cream, two sugar – and his appointment was delayed so he indulged himself in the show transpiring across the street.

Leaning back in his chair, Fíli made himself comfortable as he waited for the inevitable; legs stretched under the table and crossed at the ankles, arms folded over his middle. Crescent-moon smirk spreading like a water stain as the scene unfolded.

The manager removed a piece the man had asked to see, placing it with absurd gentleness on the surface of the display case between them. The man nodded at whatever the manager was explaining, maintaining an air of sharp interest as the manager gestured at the piece’s various elements.

Even from where he sat, Fíli could see the million-dollar sparkle when the light struck it just right.

It was over exactly two minutes later; a handshake, a tilt of the head and a smile that promised a future transaction. The manager looked immensely pleased.

Fíli felt the smallest twinge of pity for him.  

A glance at his watch told Fíli it was three-fifty-two. The bell above the door chimed when a new patron entered, and the waitress sprung into action as if she’d been caught by a parent watching porn. Maybe she had been, Fíli didn’t know. But she was altogether ignored as her new client made a beeline for the chair opposite Fíli, pulling it out with a scrape and a quick, offhand order for an espresso – short – flung into the air with expectation.

           “Twenty-two minutes.” Fíli said, eyebrow raised in bemusement.

Hands flew up in submission, “I know, I know, I’m sorry—”

           “You’re not sorry, you’re late.”

           “I was looking for investors.”

Fíli snorted and turned his gaze to the jewelry store. “You were doing recon.”

           “I.” There was a pause and then a reluctant, “I may have been.”

Fíli’s mouth twisted into the faintest shadow of a grin. He didn’t want to encourage his uncle’s behavior, but he could hardly help it when Thorin was being amusing.

           “Is that why you chose this place?” Fíli waved to encompass the whole of the café.

           “It’s a nice place.”

           “It isn’t bad. Good coffee.”

Thorin melted into his chair, a casual arm thrown over the backrest, ankle over his knee. “Ah, you haven’t tried the pie.”

           “You didn’t bring me here for pie.” Fíli said flatly.

Thorin didn’t falter, simply kept smiling as if they’d been chatting about wives they didn’t have driving them crazy with dinner plans or curtains or whatever wives drove their husbands crazy with (Fíli wasn’t familiar). “I didn’t bring you here for pie.” He acquiesced with a flourish of his hand.

           “I doubt you brought me here to rob a jewelry store either,” Fíli heaved a breath, sat up straight and clapped and then settled forward with his hands folded on the table in front of him. “So. Why am I here?”

They both leaned away from the table when the waitress delivered Thorin’s espresso, dismissing her with a charming wink (Fíli) and a provocative smile (Thorin). She blushed and excused herself to return behind the counter.

Thorin leaned back in, elbow on the table, encouraging Fíli to follow suit with a subtle nod. “I have a job.”

           “Right.” Fíli said because it was obvious from the subtext of the collect call he’d received at four in the morning that Thorin had a job.

           “A big one.”

           “Okay.”

           “And I need you with me on this.”

Fíli uncurled himself and sunk back into his chair, taking a moment to sip his coffee while he considered Thorin’s request. Or, what would be considered a request by Thorin-standards. It sounded more like a demand, but Fíli knew he wasn’t obligated to do anything he didn’t feel completely certain was a good idea. The problem? Thorin’s ideas were never good but they always, somehow, someway, worked out for the richer.

He took a slow breath and then another before he decided to ask, “What did you have in mind?”

The expression that seeped over Thorin’s face was enough to make Fíli think about calling his mother because he may never see her again.

Jesus, he didn’t have the complexion to pull off orange.  

[silentwalrus1]

me and @skellerbvvt had a mild episode in chat and then @quietnighty took bets on how fast we could make it into a fic

[musette22]

Hey! Can you please recommend some really funny evanstan/stucky fics. I just finished reading a very emotional story and just need something light-hearted and funny now. Also, love the blog, as always.

Hello sweetie!! I’m sorry you’re feeling emotional :( I totally get that you’re in need of something more lighthearted now! I hope these help and you feel better soon!! 😘😘

You're a Peach by Deisderium (so lovely and sweet and funny!)

rohkeutta’s fics are often very funny, check these out if you haven’t already:

backs treat boys by rohkeutta

Moosebumps by rohkeutta

a friend with seed is a friend indeed by rohkeutta

Leave Those Umbrellas At Home by rohkeutta

And silentwalrus is also incredibly funny:

all systems snot by galwednesday, silentwalrus

sneeze disease by silentwalrus

and most of their snackfic’s

And a couple of my own that I think might fit the bill:

Intervention 

From Brooklyn, With Love

Maybe Baby (I'll Have You)

[ao3feed-stucky]

by galwednesday, silentwalrus

Captain America, the Winter Soldier, the Black Widow and the Falcon walk into - look, it really should have been a bar.

Words: 1907, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 9 of snackfic

Fandoms: Captain America (Movies)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen, M/M

Characters: Sam Wilson (Marvel), Natasha Romanov (Marvel)

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Ambiguous Barbershop Quartet

Additional Tags: four off duty soldiers get invited to the literal opposite of a kegger, Rich People Food

[aseriesofunfortunatetexts]

Limey Snackfic

Now that one is actually quite clever, we need more of those.

ETA: I’m still working on it btw, more Lemolaf bullshit (my phone autocorrected to LEMOLAF, because it knows me), a wonderful ‘17 year old idiots getting up to naughty shit in a Prufrock dormitory’ fic that’s currently 9000 words long and counting.

At some point I swear I will break new ground and do a Reader fic. For science.

[ao3feed-stevebucky]

merry crisis

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2PZVOyd

by galwednesday, silentwalrus

Captain America, the Winter Soldier, the Black Widow and the Falcon walk into - look, it really should have been a bar.

Words: 1907, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 9 of snackfic

Fandoms: Captain America (Movies)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen, M/M

Characters: Sam Wilson (Marvel), Natasha Romanov (Marvel)

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Ambiguous Barbershop Quartet

Additional Tags: four off duty soldiers get invited to the literal opposite of a kegger, Rich People Food

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2PZVOyd

[dumdumdrawstumtums]

hungryciel replied to your post: hungryciel replied to your post: Either one of...

Also it could be that that Bokuto was eating like that and bumping his belly against them on purpose so even if he did it on accident, he might play it up on purpose after. Do you think he’d intentionally like shove his belly in their faces or like sit on them to tease them or would Bokuto just end up doing that unintentionally and making it worse?

GOOD POINT~ Honestly with him it can go either way, since he can range between good-natured to totally trolling. Like it could be that, as they’re trying to help him get out of the seat, Kuroo waits for the opportune moment to "lose his grip” on pulling Bokuto up.. right as Hinata’s behind him// And then that just riles the uber-stuffed ace up into pulling the same on both of them

hungryciel replied to your post: hungryciel replied to your post: Either one of...

What about after all that food for Kouga that he was then expected to eat a “snackfice” to top it all off to make sure that the God was appeased? Would he be eager or try to bat it away or have to be fed?

OOOO I was hoping this’d be taken to that level HAHAH WELL... if he’s already at that “oh god I’m fit to burst” the “snackrifice” would probably try to get turned down. Like he’s already said he won’t eat any more people in canon, but he’s not in much of a position to argue his point here. So resilience will quickly give way to a resigned “FINE dammit get over here.. whatever your name is - screw it, let’s just call you ‘Dessert’... *maw shot*” Might still need help pushing them down his gullet, or not if he’s ticked at them all and hellbent on doing this himself now. Either way, afterwards he’s gonna be OUT OF IT. “*HIC* guh.. stick a fork in me... I’m *URRPP* done...”

[poonamcmi]

Protein Bar Market Size Worth $79.3 Billion, Globally, at 4.3% CAGR

By 2027, the worldwide protein bar industry is anticipated to be worth USD 79.3 billion.

Consumers are becoming more interested in convenience foods. Convenience food allows consumers to spend less time cooking and organising meals in today's hurried world. The convenience food demand is being driven by an increase in snackfication, particularly in North America, Western Europe, and Australia. Furthermore, the protein bar market is likely to be driven by increased demand for a healthy lifestyle paired with a requirement for protein intake.

COVID-19: Protein Intake Is Required

The COVID-19 pandemic has had an impact on a variety of sectors around the world. Protein Bars Market consumption has suffered as a result of the increased limitations imposed by the epidemic. The protein bar supply was hampered by the lack of machines, personnel, and raw ingredients. Exports of snacks and confectionary to CAFTA-DR and Panama, for example, have decreased by roughly 10%.

Read More @ https://cmiinfopiece.blogspot.com/2022/01/protein-bars-market-with-report-in.html

[marigoldvance]

           The Crooked Shadow

They inherited it, Thorin told them, from some distant relative in their grandfather’s circle. Fíli was feeling less sure by the second that there was any truth behind the claim. The gravel crunched under the tires as he pulled to a stop in front of the wide stone staircase, its balustrade entirely consumed by falls of ivy and its steps weathered and cracked. 

Beneath the dark, overcast sky, the house look transplanted from Bram Stoker’s Transylvania; like something out of a nightmare, left to rot with its secrets. The place was being cared for in the most casual sense: If a pipe burst, it was mended; if a tree branch shattered a window, it was replaced. Otherwise, the grounds were left untouched for what seemed to be more decades than Fíli had been alive. 

            “Jesus, we should’ve called a priest.” Kíli said, sounding very uncertain about being there. He sunk back into the passanger seat after leaning across Fíli for another moment, shaking his head in disbelief. “Are you sure this is the address?”

Fíli spared his brother a look that told Kíli exactly how Fíli felt about Kíli’s question. 

            “Of course it is,” Kíli sighed through his nose, “Because aren’t we lucky enough to inherit a fucking haunted house.” 

            “Manor.” Fíli corrected, distracted by the eerie façade. 

There were black stains licked up around some of the windows and into the eaves; dead, brown vines spilling over either side of the balcony above that rustled like dead hair in the wind, framing the grand oak doors on either side as curtains. No light came from inside, natural or otherwise, as if Fíli was peering into the void of Hell itself. 

A shudder overcame him from the toes up, clutching in his gut as he took it all in. The drive through town was enough to give him the creeps but now, being here, he felt ill. A squirmy, cold-wet feeling clawed up his spine the way it would when he’d been a child and saw a shadow flicker the wrong way in his room at night. 

Fíli swallowed the dread that thickened in his throat like sludge. 

            “I think we should reconsider the inn in town.” Kíli uttered, clearly faring no better, his brow clammy and the whites of his eyes too big. 

Fíli grabbed his brother’s hand and took a breath, clenching once to reassure Kíli that they were together, that nothing could hurt them. Besides, “It’s just a house, Kee.”

Kíli snatched Fíli’s gaze and held it fiercely, “Say it like you mean it and I’ll believe you.”

Unable to give the words shape on his tongue, Fíli simply clutched Kíli’s hand harder. 

-*-

AO3

[silentwalrus1]

i wrote a bunch of short ficlets over the past two weeks while in transit - here’s number 5

[smidnite]

@pretty-well-funded Fucking SCREAMING. Look, I just came here after reading your update on "Financial Backing" and I'm about to LOSE MY SHIT off of all the tasty snackfic you have going on on your Tumblr.

Prostitute/John AU: Peter has just turned 18, and as a joke, his friend Ned calls up an escort service and requests the oldest, most experienced slut they have as a birthday gift. Well, joke's on Ned. Peter has always had a thing for inappropriately-older men. Bonus: Tony asks for ID because he doesn't believe the kid is older than 15, and he's not going to jail... again. Prison orange is just not his color, and the food sucks.

At 7:57pm on Peter’s birthday, he gets a text from from his best friend. “Enjoy your birthday present,” with like 12 laughing crying emoji afterwards.  He’s in the middle of responding with a big fat “wtf” when there’s a knock on his door.

Through the peephole, he sees a very attractive man in his…Peter’s bad with adult ages.  Forties?  standing in the hallway looking casual in a three-piece suit.

Peter frantically starts texting.  “WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?!”

He stares back out into the hallway again while he waits for Ned to respond.  

Ned: You want to tell me it isn’t what you wanted?  

It’s followed by a series of emojis that make Peter blush.

“Oh my god, I’m going to kill him.”  

Peter chucks the phone across the room and runs his fingers through his hair.  He wasn’t expecting company - he’s wearing an Midtown decathlon shirt with Spider-Man boxers and he doesn’t have time to change. Fuck his life.

He quickly unlocks the door and tries to look…if not cool, then like he’s not about to hyperventilate. 

The man on the other side of the door is…if possible…even more gorgeous than the peephole led Peter to believe. “H-hi, um.  Are you….?”

Yeah, there’s really no smooth way to ask if someone is a hooker or just a conspirator in a really epic prank.

The man gives him a small smile as his eyes skip down Peter’s body. God. Then he holds out his hand.  “Tony.  Are you Peter?”

“Um. Yeah. Yeah, that’s me.  Come in.”

Tony wanders in like he owns the place, and Peter puts his back to the room as he locks up, trying to regain his composure.  When he turns around, Tony’s watching him, casually rocking on his heels.

“So, don’t take this the wrong way, kiddo, but I need to see some ID.  Orange jumpsuits do not flatter my complexion.”

He’s smiling, but it takes Peter a moment to catch on.  “Oh!  Yeah. Um. No, that’s a good….” Peter starts frantically digging through his backpack.  “Uh. That’s…a really good policy, sir.  Here you go.”

Tony is biting his lip to keep from laughing as he takes the ID and carefully looks it over.  He whistles. “Barely legal.  Am I your present, Pete?”

Boxers are not designed to hide an erection.

“Y- uh, yeah. I was….” Peter gestures to himself. “Sorry, I wasn’t expecting…. My friend Ned - “

Tony hands the ID back.  “This wasn’t a prank, was it?  Do you want me here?”

The speed and vehemence with which Peter says “yes” makes him want to crawl under his bed and die.

“Good.” Tony comes closer, hands in his suit trouser pockets, until Peter is penned in against the dining table.  “So, now that you’ve got me here, what do you want from me?”

The salt in Tony’s salt and pepper hair catches a little in the light from the table. A little voice in his head says, ‘actual daddy,’ and then Peter feels his face grow even more red than it already was. Tony’s just watching him, but his lips quirk just a bit.

“Um….”

Tony eases just a little closer, hands brushing Peter’s sides through his shirt.  “Okay, let’s do it this way.  I’m getting that you like that I’m older. Am I right?”

Oh God.  Peter closes his eyes and nods his head.  He jolts a little when knuckles brush over his superheated cheek.

“You want me to be in control?”

Peter swallows around the thick knot in his throat and bobs his head.

“Open your eyes, Pete.”

He does, even though it costs him. Tony’s eyes, though, are dark and gorgeous and worth the effort.

“Are you a good boy or a bad boy, Peter?”

Peter’s breath hitches in.  “Good.”

“Rough or gentle?”

Oh God. “In…in between?”

Tony smiles and nods. “I can do that.  You want my mouth on your dick?”

“God, please,” Peter blurts, and then actually buries his face in his hands.

Tony chuckles, and pulls Peter forward to lean into him.  It’s…so nice.  That deep voice is closer and deeper when asks,“Want to put your mouth on mine?”

“Yes,” Peter whispers. Tony eases away a little bit.

“What was that?”

Peter opens his eyes. “Yes, sir.”

Tony thumbs over Peter’s bottom lip. When Peter’s lips part just a little, his tongue accidentally touches Tony’s fingertip and he’s mortified.  “You are a good boy.”

Oh, that’s…yeah, that sounds even better than all the times he’s jerked off to it.

“Do you want me to fuck you?”

Peter’s mouth goes dry. He nods.

He has to gasp for air when Tony gets down on one knee and then the other, lifting Peter’s shirt up and pressing a kiss to his belly.  “You ready, kiddo?”

Somehow, Peter manages to croak “Yes.”

A smile spreads across Tony’s face, with a flash of teeth. It looks genuine, like he actually wants to do this.  “Excellent. Hang on to the table when your knees buckle.”

*

….there will be more of this, I have IDEAS, bless you, anon.

there’s one more prompt in my inbox I won’t get to tonight, fyi. if you want to feed the beast more, here’s my wishlist for prompts. I’ll be back at it tomorrow.

[ao3feed-stucky]

by galwednesday, silentwalrus, skellerbvvt

Conning your way into cohabitation: a primer and how-to guide by S.G. Rogers

Words: 1080, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 8 of snackfic

Fandoms: Captain America (Movies)

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen, M/M

Characters: Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Sam Wilson (Marvel)

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Ambiguous Barbershop Quartet

Additional Tags: The Give Bucky Twelve Dogs Campaign run by J.B. Barnes, Natasha lives in the moment, Accidental Mortgage Acquisition, Sam is never making breakfast again in his life

[thesnackrificialcult-blog]

These are the core deities of Dungeons and Dragons, feel free to watch the video to learn a little. More videos will added at later points.

[ao3feed-stevebucky]

pre flight check

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2IBQr4F

by silentwalrus

Steve and Bucky: getting to the airport.

Words: 1007, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of snackfic

Fandoms: Captain America (Movies)

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers

Additional Tags: Airplanes, Steve Rogers Is A Working Professional, Getting To The Airport

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2IBQr4F