#snack heist humor

[dazzlesizzle]

Raccoon Snack Bandit

A mischievous raccoon wearing a bandana, grinning cheekily while holding a sack full of stolen snacks. The raccoon is depicted in a playful sprint, as if it's escaping with its delicious loot. The bold text “Snack Bandit” complements the design, emphasizing the raccoon's cheeky nature and love for snacks. This fun, lighthearted design is perfect for foodies, snack lovers, and raccoon fans, capturing the playful side of our favorite trash panda.

[killerplink]

I told y'all I got more Nightwing ones lined up. This one's just fluff but I NEED HIM.

Pairing: Dick Grayson x Female Reader

Plot: What was supposed to be a simple grocery run turns into a full-blown snack heist, with Dick pulling every trick in the book.

Words: 2,3k

CW: established relationship, fluff, humor, domestic shenanigans, grocery store chaos, snack heist, playful banter, mild tickling, slice of life, Dick being a menace, reader suffering (affectionately)

You should've known bringing Dick to the grocery store was a mistake. You should've known.

But when he offered to drive, flashing you that easy, boyish grin, promising he'd be good, you figured, what's the worst that could happen? A quick, responsible trip—grab the essentials, stick to the list, avoid distractions. Simple.

Except, somewhere deep in your soul, you knew. You knew better than to trust him in a place with this many snack aisles.

Your gut warned you. Your instincts screamed. You had years of experience dealing with this exact brand of nonsense, and still—you let him waltz through those automatic doors with zero supervision, like you weren't escorting a six-foot-tall toddler into a candy wonderland.

Really, this one's on you.

And yet, here you are, standing by the cart, listening to the unmistakable crinkle of plastic, feeling your eye twitch as you turn around—

Only to find Dick caught red-handed, a giant bag of sour gummy worms frozen mid-air, halfway to the cart, like he thought he could sneak them in undetected.

There's a fraction of a second where he looks genuinely offended at getting caught, like the audacity of your observational skills is the real crime here. You can see his soul leave his body as he freezes mid-action, standing so still it's almost admirable. Like a goddamn deer in headlights.

If you weren't so busy glaring at him, you'd be impressed.

"... Dick."

He doesn't move. Doesn't blink.

Just stands there, completely still, as if that might somehow undo the fact that he was just caught trying to be sneaky. His hand is still half-stretched, and you can see his fingers twitch slightly, like he's debating whether to keep the bag or drop it and pretend it never happened.

His lips part slightly, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head, desperately trying to figure out an escape plan. His eyes flick left, then right, like he's searching for an out, but when his gaze locks with yours, his expression falls back into the innocent act, lips curling into a soft, unconvincing smile.

And then—ever so slowly—he tries to place the bag in the cart anyway.

Oh, the audacity. He does it so carefully, so deliberately, like maybe—just maybe—you won't notice if he moves slow enough. Like he's testing some bullshit theory about your depth perception, just casually lowering the bag with all the grace of a malfunctioning vending machine.

And for a second—just a split second—you almost let him. Because honestly? The sheer commitment is impressive, but you snatch it before it even touches the groceries.

He gasps.

Like you just mortally wounded him. Like you personally reached into his chest and stole his soul. He clutches at his heart with both hands, his face the very picture of betrayal. "Baby!"

You narrow your eyes. "What is this?"

He blinks at you, the picture of innocence. "A necessary expense?"

You let out a slow, measured breath, trying to keep your patience intact. "We don't need this," you say, shaking the bag pointedly.

His face immediately shifts into the most exaggerated pout, eyes big and impossibly blue, practically dripping with fake heartbreak. "We do need them."

"Dick."

"Baby."

You don't break eye contact. Neither does he. But he's relentless—turning up the puppy-dog eyes, tilting his head just so, lips parting in that soft, pleading way that always, always makes you weak.

But not this time. You won't cave.

You exhale sharply, turning back to the shelves. "We're here for groceries. Real food. Not—"

Thump. Your head snaps around, and time slows. You swear you hear the sound of a judge slamming a gavel somewhere in the distance.

Dick—this absolute menace—has just placed a second bag of gummy worms in the cart like it's a normal transaction. Like it's a given that you'll just let it slide.

And the worst part? He looks proud of himself.

Your jaw drops. "Dick."

He grins, hands outstretched like he's just completed an Olympic feat. "Well, baby, you were distracted."

You snatch the second bag just as fast as the first. "No."

His hands go to his hips, his face twisting in mock offense. "You're so mean to me."

You roll your eyes. "We're shopping for food, not junk."

"Then why are we here?"

You fix him with a flat look, holding up the shopping list like it's evidence in court. "For the things on this very specific list."

He leans in, peering at it like it's some kind of ancient text, lips pressing together in deep, exaggerated concentration. "Hmmm. I don't see eggs."

You flip the list around, pointing directly at eggs.

"Oh," he hums. "I don't see—"

"Dick."

"Okay, fine," he grins, backing up toward the cart, hands raised in surrender. "I'll push."

You narrow your eyes at him, suspicious.

That is not a selfless offer. That is strategy.

You know this game. You've played this game. This is not about "helping". This is about controlling the terrain. He's taken cart duty as a strategic advantage—gaining full possession of the moving target so he can execute his bullshit snack heist while you're distracted.

You sigh, rubbing your temples. You're dealing with a professional. But you let him, still eyeing him carefully as you push into the next aisle.

And for a little while, he behaves. He actually follows along, doesn't stray too far, occasionally even reaching for things that are actually on the list.

It almost makes you think you might've won this round. Until you hear it again.

That quiet, telltale rustle of plastic, and you whip around so fast you almost knock over a display.

Oh, no you don't. Not again. You snap your head so fast it's a miracle you don't get whiplash, fully prepared to catch him in the act—

And sure enough—

There he is. Mid-drop.

Your grown ass boyfriend—fully aware of his actions—has paused in real time, two chocolate bars hovering over the cart like he's conducting a goddamn séance.

Your eyes widen. "Richard."

For a moment, neither of you move.

Then? He gasps, deeply scandalized, like you just hurt his feelings. "You never call me that unless I'm in trouble."

"Oh, you are," you mutter. You snatch the candy from his hands before he can even think about dropping them in the cart. "No snacks."

His shoulders slump like a petulant child. "No fun."

"I heard that."

"Good."

He sticks his tongue out for good measure, crossing his arms over his chest like a grumpy kid who just got his recess privileges revoked. It's so ridiculously dramatic that you have to physically stop yourself from laughing.

You shake your head, exhaling through your nose, and for a little while, he actually seems to accept defeat. Until you make the mistake of looking away for five fucking seconds. You're focused on checking labels, making sure you grab the right thing, and when you finally turn back—

Your cart is filled with snacks. Not just one or two things, but an entire stash. Oh, this is premeditated. This is organized crime.

He didn't just grab things—he curated this stash. The items are neatly arranged in a ridiculously methodical way: sweet snacks in one corner, salty snacks in another, a fucking theme emerging like he's opening a concession stand.

Like he actually took the time to plan this.

The worst part? You don't know when the fuck it happened. How long was your back turned? Ten seconds? Fifteen? That's all he needed?

"Dick!"

"What?" he says, all casual, as if he's not standing there like a gremlin who just pulled off a successful heist.

You gesture wildly at the cart. "What the fuck is all this?"

"Uhm... necessities?"

You groan, rubbing your temples. "We are not here for snacks!"

"Why not?"

"Because—" you let out another exasperated sigh. "Because we don't need them!"

He raises an eyebrow, smug. "Don't we?"

"DICK."

"Okay, okay," he laughs, leaning in to press a sweet little kiss to your temple, like that's going to magically make you forget he's being a total pain in the ass. "C'mon, baby. Just a few things? A little treat for your handsome, hardworking boyfriend?"

Your lips press together. Damn it. Your shoulders slump, and the second you sigh, his entire face lights up because he knows he's got you right where he wants you.

"Fine," you sigh, holding up one finger. "One."

His brows shoot up. "One type of snack?"

"One thing of snacks."

"Oh, baby." His grin stretches impossibly wide. "That's a challenge. Not for me, though."

And somehow, you already know what's coming. Sure enough—he takes full advantage of the loophole, grabbing a huge box of mixed candies, one of those ridiculous variety packs with every type of chocolate, and a party-size bag of chips—

All in one. All technically counting as one item. You look at the absurdly large variety pack sitting in the cart, then back at Dick.

He is positively beaming. Like he just won something. Like he calculated the loophole the second you gave in and set you up for this outcome, smiling so sweetly as if he didn't just blatantly manipulate the terms of the agreement.

This was a heist from the beginning.

You close your eyes, inhale slow, and mutter under your breath—

"I hate you."

"No, you don't." His grin is positively criminal, fully unbothered as he drops the massive box into the cart. "Besides, I followed the rules."

"You're unbelievable," you sigh, placing some pasta in the cart.

"I love you," he says with the most boyish grin he can muster, all sweet and soft and giggly.

"You are so annoying."

"And handsome," he adds, stealing another kiss as he proudly wheels the cart toward checkout, so pleased with himself.

You huff, shaking your head, but you don't argue. Because, yeah, he's an absolute menace. But he's your menace, and honestly? You wouldn't trade him for the world.

Later, you're curled up against his chest on the couch, munching on one of his snacks—he'd left them out, after all. You're doing nothing wrong.

He notices and suddenly sits up straight, eyes narrowing. "You've got to be kidding me."

You innocently glance at him, chips still in hand. "What?" you ask, playing dumb, your lip jutting out in the softest of pouts.

He leans back, crossing his arms. "You're really gonna just steal my snacks now? After all that?"

"Steal? I'm just... sharing in your success," you reply, smiling sweetly as you pop another chip in your mouth.

Dick's eyes narrow as if he's sizing you up, the moment of triumph slipping away from him. He reaches for the bag, but you pull it closer, feigning innocence.

"What's wrong, baby? Are you gonna deny me the pleasure of your snacks?"

You raise an eyebrow, letting your fingers hover over the chip bag like you're waiting for permission.

He grumbles, leaning forward, his hand still hovering over the bag like he's ready to strike. "That's my snack, sweetheart."

You give him a look, matching his smirk as you dramatically look at the chip in your hand and back at him. "What snack? This one?"

You take another one, slowly, teasing him as if you weren't completely aware of how worked up he's getting.

You yelp and pull the bag back, holding it over your head like a goddamn champion. "Nope, too slow!"

He groans, flopping back against the couch with a defeated sigh. "You're so evil."

You grin, sitting up a little to settle back into your spot on his chest, casually enjoying his chips. "You started it," you tease, eyes sparkling with mischief. "Besides, I'm just following the rules."

His lips curl into an exaggerated frown, but there's a gleam in his eye as he lets out a quiet chuckle. "You're lucky you're cute. But just wait. I'll get them back."

"Maybe," you reply, pulling another chip from the bag, "but I've got the high ground."

You settle back into your comfy position, leaning into him. For now, it's your turn to be the snack thief—and you'll enjoy every minute of it. Or so you think.

One second, you're smugly crunching on a chip, reveling in your stolen prize, and the next—Dick moves.

Fast.

Before you can react, his hands are on you, fingers digging into your sides in a ruthless, practiced attack. A shriek bursts from your lips as you're ambushed, his laughter mixing with yours as you squirm, trying and failing to escape his grip.

"NO—DICK—" you gasp between giggles, thrashing as he mercilessly tickles your ribs.

"Thought you could just steal my snacks and get away with it, huh?"

His voice is smug, teasing, as he effortlessly pries the bag from your grasp and tosses it onto the coffee table.

You let out an exaggerated gasp, scandalized. "How dare you."

"How dare you," he counters, grinning as he shifts above you, effortlessly pinning you against the couch. His hands settle on either side of your head, his weight warm and solid as he hovers over you.

You blink up at him, breathless from laughter, your heart racing for a very different reason now. His smile softens, that playful glint in his eyes melting into something warmer, something that makes your stomach flip.

"You're a menace," you huff, but there's no real bite to it.

Before you can argue—not that you were going to—he closes the space between you. His lips press against yours, slow and deliberate, his weight keeping you deliciously trapped beneath him.

He kisses you like he has all the time in the world, deepening it just enough to make your toes curl, his hand slipping up to cup your cheek.

And just like that, any thoughts of revenge, of stolen snacks, of anything that isn't him—disappear.

When he finally pulls away, his lips are still curved in a smirk, his forehead resting against yours.

"Mine," he murmurs, thumb brushing over your lower lip. "Both the snacks and you."

"Fine," you sigh dramatically. "But I'm still stealing your fries next time."

He groans, flopping onto you with a laugh. "Baby, no—"

But you just grin, wrapping your arms around him. Because, honestly? You've already won.

[jellofish-plant]

Batfamily Relationship & Platonic Headcanons

Pairing: Romantic Bruce Wayne (Batman), Dick Grayson (Nightwing), Jason Todd (Red Hood), and Selina Kyle (Catwoman) x Reader, Batgirl Oracle, Platonic: Red Robin, Spoiler, Batgirl (platonic and romantic interpretations available!)

Master List

Warnings:

Mentions of crime-fighting and Gotham’s usual dangers.

Light angst as characters navigate emotional walls.

Fluff and found-family vibes!

Romantic Headcanons

Selina Kyle (Catwoman)

Selina loves teasing you, but it’s always playful and never crosses a line. She’s the type to call you a ridiculous nickname just to see you blush.

Despite her free-spirited nature, she craves stability with you. She might not admit it outright, but she loves coming home to you after a heist or patrol.

She’s incredibly intuitive about your emotions. If you’re having a bad day, she’ll whisk you away for a night of stargazing on Gotham’s rooftops or a private dinner with candles and wine.

Selina has a soft spot for spoiling you. Expect surprise gifts, from rare collectibles to something shiny she “borrowed” during her escapades.

You’re the only person she trusts enough to see her vulnerable side—her fears, her past, and her dreams for a future she never thought she could have.

Bruce Wayne (Batman)

Bruce might struggle with verbal affection, but his actions speak louder than words. He’ll repair something you mentioned in passing or ensure your favorite tea is always stocked.

He loves seeing you in his world. Whether you’re sparring in the Batcave or offering insight on a mission, your presence grounds him.

Late nights often find the two of you sitting in silence by the fire, Bruce reading while you relax nearby. He treasures the calm you bring to his chaotic life.

Bruce surprises you with heartfelt gestures, like handwritten notes or rare books he remembers you admiring. He’s a hopeless romantic in the most understated way.

His protective nature can sometimes border on overbearing, but he always respects your boundaries when you call him out on it.

Barbara Gordon (Batgirl/Oracle)

Barbara loves sharing her passions with you. She’ll invite you to the clocktower to watch her work or teach you something new, like coding or self-defense.

She’s a planner and loves organizing dates, whether it’s an escape room adventure, a concert, or a quiet movie night at home.

Barbara finds comfort in knowing you’re there to lean on when she’s overwhelmed. You remind her it’s okay to take breaks and prioritize herself.

She’s incredibly thoughtful—remembering every little detail about you, like your favorite snacks or the exact way you take your coffee.

She has a playful, competitive streak, challenging you to games or races just to see you laugh when she inevitably wins.

Dick Grayson (Nightwing)

Dick’s love language is physical touch. Whether it’s holding your hand, giving you a back hug, or ruffling your hair, he thrives on closeness.

He loves planning adventurous dates, like trapeze lessons, rooftop picnics, or carnival nights where he insists on winning you the biggest prize.

Dick writes you notes and hides them in unexpected places—your bag, your jacket pocket, or even under your pillow.

He’s open about his feelings, often showering you with compliments and affirmations. He wants you to feel loved and appreciated every single day.

Dick adores quiet, domestic moments with you—cooking breakfast together, falling asleep on the couch, or dancing in the kitchen to old songs.

Jason Todd (Red Hood)

Jason is initially guarded, but once he opens up, he loves with everything he has. His affection is intense and unwavering.

He’s a sucker for quiet nights, like reading together in comfortable silence or sharing coffee on the balcony while the city wakes up.

Jason loves surprising you with heartfelt gifts, from a book he thinks you’ll love to a jacket that matches his.

He has a dry, sarcastic sense of humor that meshes perfectly with yours, leading to playful banter and inside jokes.

Jason is fiercely protective, sometimes to a fault, but he trusts you enough to let you take care of yourself. He’ll always be there to back you up, no questions asked.

Platonic Headcanons

Tim Drake (Robin/Red Robin)

Tim loves having late-night brainstorming sessions with you. Whether it’s about missions or life in general, he values your input and trusts your perspective.

He’s the friend who’ll text you random facts at 3 a.m. or call to share a new conspiracy theory he’s working on.

Tim is surprisingly thoughtful when it comes to birthdays or celebrations, always getting you the perfect gift.

If you’re feeling down, Tim will sit with you in quiet solidarity, offering support in whatever way you need.

He appreciates your ability to pull him out of his workaholic tendencies, often joking that you’re his "scheduled distraction."

Damian Wayne (Robin)

Damian might act aloof at first, but he quickly grows to respect and admire you, especially if you show competence in your field.

He loves teaching you about his interests, like sword fighting, art, or animal care. You’ll often find him talking passionately about his pets.

Damian is protective in his own way, subtly ensuring you’re safe and warning others to treat you with respect.

He’ll never admit it, but he enjoys your company during quiet moments, like reading side by side or working on individual projects in the same room.

Damian has a sarcastic wit that you can match, leading to playful (and surprisingly affectionate) banter.

Cassandra Cain (Batgirl)

Cassandra is quiet but incredibly perceptive. She knows when you’re upset or stressed and offers comfort through small gestures—a hand on your shoulder, a gentle smile.

She loves training with you, often encouraging you to push your limits. Her silent pride in your progress is evident in her approving nods.

Cass enjoys sharing moments of peace with you, like sitting on a rooftop and watching the city lights or walking through Gotham’s quieter streets.

She doesn’t use words much, but her actions like cooking for you or fixing something of yours speak volumes about her care.

Cassandra appreciates your patience with her and feels safe being herself around you, even on days when she struggles to express her emotions.

Stephanie Brown (Spoiler)

Steph is the ultimate hype friend, always cheering you on and boosting your confidence. She believes in you even when you don’t.

She’s the friend who drags you out for spontaneous adventures, like midnight snacks or goofy photo shoots in Gotham’s less dangerous spots.

Steph is fiercely loyal and will defend you against anyone who tries to mess with you, often with her signature sass.

She loves sharing her favorite memes and jokes with you, often laughing harder at your reaction than the punchline.

Stephanie sees you as an equal partner in crime (figuratively, of course!) and values your input on everything, from missions to life decisions.

Author’s Note: Here’s an expanded set of headcanons for some of Gotham’s best and brightest! Whether you imagine romantic relationships or cherish platonic bonds, there’s something magical about being part of the Batfamily’s world. 💕

Let me know if there’s someone else you’d like added, or if you’d like a specific tone or direction for these headcanons! 😊

[niyana-the-ambiguous-mobian]

Since you did the angst headcanons for Movie Shadow, do you have any sweet and wholesome ones, to even the scale?

Even the scale, you say? Challenge accepted.

Link to the angst headcanons if anyone is interested: LINK

Pre-Sonic 3

Before Maria had met him, Shadow had only used nonverbal expressions to communicate with Gerald and the other scientists. She helped him learn basic letters and numbers and even taught him how to speak by teaching how to say "yes" or "no" to questions, asking how he feels about an activity they did together, even finding his favorite type of music he likes to listen to with him humming along with the beat and singing the lyrics.

The start of Shadow’s addiction to coffee beans was completely on accident. Basically, Gerald left his unbrewed coffee on the counter, Shadow got curious, took a few of them, and nibbled on them. Next thing you know, the entire can was empty, and he was sitting on the floor trying to tear open the already empty can to get to the crumbs.

One of the reasons why the blanket tent was always up in the main room of Gerald's quarters was because Shadow liked to sleep underneath it whenever he would feel the need to sleep. The little nest of blankets and warm color glow of the lights brought him relaxing comfort to where he'll actually sleep soundly for a while. You'll just walk past it, and you could hear soft snoring and seeing his air shoes sticking out on the floor.

He used to go with the random dance sessions because it made Maria happy, but he actually did find the fun in it once they started dancing more and more as time went on.

Due to knowing how much being in the lab and being experimented on makes him feel depressed, Maria will try to get him out of them each time with her own plan. They wouldn't always work, but he was grateful when they would

After the notorious drawing Maria drew on his lab tube, he wanted to try and draw it as well and would practice drawing the shape and other details over and over until he matched Maria's drawing. Best to say, a lot of paper was used.

He absolutely dislikes laser pointers. Maria could never figure out why, but she tried to see what he thought, pointed the laser at the ground, and it sent him running away at near Mach speed to get away from it. Gerald tossed it out immediately afterward.

Even though he's not much of an eater for food in general, he will partake in Maria's annual snack heist. They would go and sneak into the kitchens when it's quiet and snatch whatever interests them and rush back to her room. Most of the stuff he would get was for her since he knew what her favorites were.

Shadow was the one who made the friendship bracelets Maria wears in the flashbacks. It took some difficulty due to his fingers being bigger, but he managed to get it down and gave it to her as a gift.

He is the #1 hide and seek champion on the base. Finding Maria was always easy and quick, but she always had trouble finding him due to him being able to hide pretty much anywhere. Although, there were times he would just walk closely in the back of her and move around her whenever she would move just because he found it humorous.

He is a bit of a cuddle bug, not too bad, but once Maria introduced him to the art of snuggles and cuddles, he will seek them out if he is touchstarved enough.

As much as he doesn't want to admit it, he loves it when Maria gives him forehead kisses. Whether it's in a tender way or an over-the-top goofy fashion, he likes the affection. Based on the artwork made by @butterflyscribbles

Another thing he likes to do is listen to the sounds of rain. Whenever he gets near the entrance of the facility or goes to a part of the site where he can hear it easily and would listen to it for as long as the rain would fall.

One of Shadow’s weaknesses that only Maria fortunately knew about was that he is pretty ticklish on his sides. She found out on complete accident, helping him try to brush his fur after he had trouble doing it himself.

He was confused about how it worked until she explained to the best of her ability on how it worked, with Gerald filling in the rest for him. Although she had successfully launched a few surprise attacks on him, he would launch a counterattack thanks to Gerald giving him some pointers if she ever tried to tickle him randomly.

Speaking of counterattacks, he totally raged waged war via popcorn after that one time she flicked a piece at him during their movie watch.

Post-Sonic 3

When he eventually recovers after the events of Sonic 3, he wanders around the countryside. Looking at landscapes of nature, watching the animals as they live in the environments and stargazing.

There were times he came upon small towns as he wandered and contemplated exposing himself to the humans, but decided against it due to him still not trusting anyone he fully knew from before.

He eventually makes his way into the state of Idaho and stays there for a while.

During this time, he ends up accidentally befriending a little stray cat after he sees it in an alley and swipes some meat from a nearby deli to give it some food. Due to this action, the kitty imprints on him almost instantly and doesn't leave him alone.

He tries to get it to leave him alone, even teleporting a far distance away from it so he doesn't have to harm it, but somehow the kitty ends up tracking him down and constantly stays by him.

Much to his genuine surprise, Shadow actually gets accustomed to the cat's company and decides to care for her at the best of his ability, even giving her the nickname of "Motor" due to her purring reminding him of a motorcycle engine.

[nathandrakeisabottom]

Yesss please sam drake food/eating hcs?? Fave meals, hated meals, etc

It is with great joy and great belatedness that I post my first Uncharted piece in ages. Thank you for the lovely ask, anon. :)

⋆ Sam Drake - Eating Headcanons ⋆

Two words: scarcity mindset.

After running away from Saint Frances’s, to claim money was tight is to be telling some humorous bit, Money was borderline non-existent. And as such, came what the Drake boys do best: theft. 

Liquor stores were their easiest, and most consistent source. Sam still takes great pride in telling his many stories revolving around ‘cashier meet-cutes’ disguising their proudest heist to date: a 12-year-old Nathan smuggling canned goods under a moth-holed hoodie. 

Because of this, gas station snacks: twinkies, Lays chips, slurpees, etc. all tend to give him this simultaneous sense of nostalgia and nausea. Like when you’re eating eggs and all of a sudden, your body gags on the next bite.

But on an especially shitty day, expect him to be gobbling a Big Gulp and a half-frozen hot dog on the nearest street corner, with a half-smoked cigarette still sunken between his lips. It’s the way he wallows. 

Secretly wants you to tell him how bad that shit is for him so he has an excuse to snottily spat back “who the ‘ell cares?”. He finds pride in not caring about anything. (He cares about everything.)

Getting fast food at the drive-thru? Man waves you off a total of three times claiming he doesn’t want nothing before proceeding to eat half of your McNuggets without asking. He loves BBQ sauce and needs Tabasco on everything like it’s his will to live.

Big fan of spicy, sour, and tart, anything that makes your mouth pucker. Pretzels, salt and vinegar chips, cottage cheese, pickles, pineapple (😉). “What can I say? I admire a fruit that fights back!” — he snorts before taking a raw bite of a lemon, just to squirm you out.

Maybe a bit of the masochist in him. 

When he and Nate were able to get proper gigs (12-year-old Nathan: illegally, of course), they were able to progress to the simplest of grocery outlet options. Eggs, instant ramen packets, canned vegetables that were 9 out of 10 times eaten raw out of the can with a fork, and more nothing-but-toast-for-dinner than they’d want to admit).

Sam and Nate spent most of their childhood eating their dad’s scrambled eggs and microwaved peas. When their mom passed, and dad released them to the state, Sam decided he’d only ever eat over-easy again.

Nate still chooses scrambled. He asks for cheese and green onions to split the difference, but always ends up only eating half of it before the memories come too strong and he has to push his plate away. 

QUICK eater. MESSY eater. And I mean quick and messy. 

Will use as minimal cutlery as possible, and if disposable, even better.

A scooper. Tends to be a chronic careless spiller with how frequently he tries to funnel all the last crumbs into his mouth, how quickly he chugs even a glass of water. (Most shirts of his are stained as a result.)

Tends to wait till the last possible moment to eat or drink anything. Breakfast basically doesn’t exist to him. 

Spills more beverage down his chin and shirt than his mouth (but a wet t-shirt certainly isn’t the worst thing to happen. Especially not to Samuel Drake. ;)

Pizza order: Meat Lover’s with extra sausage. Maybe some green bell peppers when he finally compromises with Nate during movie night.

Never, ever orders (well, non-alcoholic) drinks when eating out. And only water when he finally lets himself cave. Otherwise, he’s stealing sips from the nearest patron’s Jarrito bottle (his favorite is Tamarind).

Doesn’t bother cleaning up his fruit peels or peanut shells, even around others. That shit’s going on the floor without a second look.

Surprisingly, a king and natural on the BBQ. Despite having so little in their childhood, Sam still tried to go hard on the holidays for Nathan’s sake. Fourth of July is still Nate’s favorite holiday exclusively because of Sam’s public park-smoked ribs and the long, bumpy motorcycle ride up the highest hill in whatever city they were currently loitering in, just to see the fireworks. 

A dive bar master. Nate always orders whatever grease-covered appetizer they got in the back. Sam purposely keeps his stomach empty so there’s more room for whiskey. (Since nobody asked, incredible at pool, and will offer any woman in a twenty foot circumference a lesson. Cue the leaning chest over back, cue stick fantasy.)

A love language that was a total surprise to him is his partner cooking/baking something just for him, especially if it’s from scratch. Gets that rare, soft look in his eyes as he watches them carefully place each steaming plate onto the table. And trust, he’s not looking at the food when it happens.

Loves his partner in an apron. Like… loves his partner in an apron.

Make him food, and as soon as it’s eaten, he’s eating you after. ;)

When he finally settles down post-Madagascar, it’s a fucking struggle to get him to go grocery shopping at all for the first few months. 

Self-punishment, maybe. 

Nathan buys them himself instead and leaves them on the porch of Sam’s trailer park home when he’s too depressed to answer the door. 

Basically has to be forced to eat actual meat and vegetables. For the first few months, he reverts and eats only familiar prison food. The same single pot of chili/beans for a whole week, half portions only for each meal. Uncooked canned carrots. Microwave popcorn when Nathan calls him asking if he’s eaten, and when Sam lies, it sounds more believable with the microwave droning in the background.

However, when he finally starts to pick himself back up, when he gets his first day job since prison, finally lets Nate buy him a used truck to get around, his first solo call from Sully, that’s when he finally starts to eat.

And when he finally feels like himself again, when he finally lets himself want to live again, the first hobby that Sam Drake takes up is cooking.

[idkaguyorsomething]

This might sound odd but while Jodio get's a lot of deserved flak why do a lot of Jojo fans seem to overlook Dragonna's sketchy deeds, such as helping his brother commit crimes?

jodio and dragona have a very understandable dynamic from what we’ve been shown so far. they’re both relatively chill people in a normal day-to-day-listening-to-dua-lipa situation and siblings, with dragona as the older sibling taking on a more responsible leadership position while jodio as the younger brother being more impulsive and somewhat… well, naive would be a harsh word, but he has a lot of trouble with the consequences of his actions and he actually fell for the “cops have to tell you if they’re working undercover” trick. it’s a classic dynamic that works well in a lot of stories because the characters balance each other out this way.

but dragona does do a lot of crime shit. arguably, as the older sibling, they’re even more guilty than jodio since eldest children are expected to know what they’re doing and set a good example for the rest of their family, and in the most recent chapter, we see them completely misread a situation in a way that causes them to fall victim to the enemy stand user’s trap. they’re not as different as some people might think.

imho, there’s two main culprits at play here:

number one is the fact that we haven’t gotten a lot of dragona themself’s perspective on their motivations. we’ve seen them in business mode, working through problems and trying to corral paco and usagi, but it hasn’t been revealed to us why exactly they got into organized crime and how they feel about this lifestyle. the first thing that jodio does is let us know that he’s in it for the money and has very few problems with any of this as long as he doesn’t get caught and nobody he cares about gets hurt. additionally, we’ve been shown parts of his day where he sells drugs to his classmates and has to dodge the police. none of what dragona usually does when they’re not on diamond heists has really been shown, so when they’re not really seen committing crimes outside of a group, i think it can be easy for people to forget that they do that by themself as well as when others are watching.

number two is fandom. jodio and dragona have a relationship where you can draw a lot of parallels between giorno and bruno, and the fandom seems to have gone in a similar direction with them. there’s a lot of archetypes that fans tend to pigeonhole characters into even when it does a disservice to the many complexities they may have in their writing (not saying that all fans do this, but it is a pattern that repeats itself enough to be worth examining) such as the disaster gremlin, the team mom, the uwu soft baby, etc. bruno’s fan characterization ended up getting shoved into the team mom archetype pretty hard, and i think we’re seeing something similar play out with dragona. they’re both the de facto leaders of their team with somewhat tough but fair attitudes who really care about their team members, so having them take on a somewhat parental role is far from unreasonable, exaggerating that role for comedy is good humor, and running with it until you get a soccer mom who packed snacks for the local organized crime members is pretty much an unavoidable side effect at this point.

[what-gs-watching]

"Why is no one having a good time? I specifically requested it."

Here’s a thing: my husband used to watch a ton of tv, all the time. Always had something on in the background. But then he got sucked into TikTok and his attention span broke, so I’ve been watching most things myself.

He just put together a snack to wind down from his work day, and came back in for a glass of milk. I’m on the couch and as he swished by he said “I just turned on Brooklyn Nine-Nine”, which in and of itself was surprising, only to continue “and remembered he’s dead…” and I let out a wail I’ve been mostly ignoring. 

Andre Braugher, I’m so sad that you’re gone. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is one of my absolute favorite comfort shows, and I’m not sure how I’m going to stand it now, for a while. Captain Holt is iconic, you can’t watch that show and not fall in love with him. 

And now it’s just…sad.

Nine-Nine is another one of those shows I started watching religiously while it was airing on cable, the entirety of the reason being Andy mother-effing Samberg. I have been in love with him (and the Lonely Island, which we should talk about eventually) since that crazy man joined SNL and so nothing was going to tear me away from his randon sitcom. I came for him, obviously, but I stayed for everyone else.

Including, and mostly, Captain Raymond Holt. 

I’m not gonna lie, he might be the most realized, well-defined character on the show. The man has layers. Gay, black cop who finally becomes captain of his own squad. Deadly serious, married to a professor, proud dog dad, lover of rules, hard grudge-holder, extremely literal and blunt, with the weirdest sense of humor. 

Most of the best moments of this show involve Holt. There’s an entire scene wherein the squad is put on the night shift and it’s fucking with everyone’s relationships and someone suggests his bad mood is because he needs to  bone down with his husband. His reaction has me crying every single time.

He has a dance-off with a kid on the street. He goes undercover as a straight person and does it hilariously. He gets incredibly, heavily, disturbingly invested in the Halloween heist game Jake sets up each year. He creates a ridiculous balloon arch for a wedding and gets deeply attached to it, and is infuriated by the fact that everyone thinks it’s weird as hell. He has the most fantastic arch rival relationship with an old partner, to the point where he plans to deliver a scathing eulogy when she unexpectedly dies. He learns the choreography set to Salt ‘N Peppa’s “Push It” and performs it to distract Amy while she’s giving birth. 

It feels like a lot of characters on tv are two-dimensional, but good lord, Holt was in full technicolor, and it’s obvious the reason it works so well is because Andre Braugher was a master of his craft. He WAS Holt, for a lot of people, including me. No one else could have stepped in and created that man. 

Throughout the show, Jake treated him like a surrogate dad because his own father (lol at Bradley Whitford in that role) was a dumpster fire, and it was really sweet. He just wanted validation, and acceptance.

In the finale, he tells Jake, "On my first day here, I asked Jeffords to tell me about everyone, He told me you were a great detective, but the one thing you couldn’t figure out was how to grow up. Well, I think you’ve finally figured it out. Over the years, you’ve sometimes referred to me as something of a father figure, but I want you to know, if I had had a son, and he had turned out like you, I would be very proud of him.”

I have a dad of my own, he’s wonderful and I love him and we have a great relationship, but y’all, Holt can be a surrogate dad for me too. He can be one for everyone. He always had a pearl of wisdom and he supported the entire squad in absolutely everything, and he was just an excellent human. Who was FUNNY and multidimensional and just…dope. 

He’s one of those perfect characters. And they don’t come along that often. So I guess the point is, thank you, Andre Braugher, for bringing him to life, and giving us the gift that is Captain Raymond Holt. I’m glad we still have him, even if we don’t have you.

[themovieblogonline]

Bobby Deol has been a beloved name in Bollywood for decades. On his birthday, we look back at his journey through memorable films that showcase his talent and versatility. From heartfelt romances to thrilling action and laugh-out-loud comedies, Bobby has given audiences countless reasons to cheer. You can now relive these iconic performances exclusively on ZEE5 Global. Must-Watch Bobby Deol Movies on ZEE5 Global 1. Barsaat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TnudLtApsZo In Barsaat, Bobby Deol stars as Arav, a man caught between ambition and love. The film explores his relationships with Anna, played by Bipasha Basu, and his childhood sweetheart Kajal, played by Priyanka Chopra Jonas. The emotional depth of this drama, combined with its soulful music, makes it a must-watch. 2. Yamla Pagla Deewana https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4DJraX2-FU This comedy classic brings Bobby Deol together with his real-life father Dharmendra and brother Sunny Deol. As Gajodhar, Bobby charms audiences with his wit and humor while navigating a hilarious family reunion. 3. Bobby Deol in Players https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2_tC_V722I In this high-stakes heist drama, Bobby plays Ronnie, a tech-savvy magician who’s as clever as he is charming. Featuring an ensemble cast including Abhishek Bachchan and Sonam Kapoor, Players keeps you on the edge of your seat with its twists and betrayals. 4. Yamla Pagla Deewana Phir Se https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCPez-21X3U The sequel to the original comedy takes hilarity to new heights. Bobby plays Kala, who teams up with his brother and father to protect their ancestral treasure from greedy corporations. The film’s comedic timing ensures nonstop entertainment. 5. Shakalaka Boom Boom starring Bobby Deol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXpaA55AIA0 In this gripping musical drama, Bobby plays AJ, a successful yet insecure musician battling a younger rival. The film highlights themes of jealousy and ambition, with Bobby delivering a standout performance. Why Watch Bobby Deol Movies on ZEE5 Global? ZEE5 Global offers an incredible library of Bollywood hits, including Bobby Deol’s most iconic films. With its user-friendly platform and high-quality streaming, ZEE5 makes it easy to celebrate Bobby’s birthday with a binge-worthy movie marathon. The platform supports over 18 languages and works seamlessly across devices like Roku, Amazon Fire TV, and Samsung Smart TVs. Whether you’re revisiting classics or discovering Bobby’s performances for the first time, ZEE5 Global has you covered. Celebrate Bobby Deol’s Legacy Bobby Deol’s career showcases his versatility, from dramatic roles to comedic timing and action-packed performances. This birthday, honor his contributions to Indian cinema by streaming his iconic films on ZEE5 Global. Whether you’re a longtime fan or new to his work, these movies promise to entertain and inspire. So grab your favorite snacks, fire up ZEE5, and let Bobby Deol take you on a cinematic journey you’ll never forget. Read the full article

[global-education]

Winged Wonders: Hilarious Bird Antics That'll Tickle Your Funny Bone

Have you ever wondered what goes on in the avian world that leaves us in stitches? Birds, those feathered marvels of nature, are not only known for their grace and beauty but also for their quirky and comical behaviors. From dance-offs to cunning heists and melodious mishaps, the world of birds is a treasure trove of laughter-inducing antics. In this feathered feature, we'll take a lighthearted flight through the hilarious world of birds, showcasing some of their most side-splitting moments.

Dancing Cockatoo - Cockatoos are known for their striking plumage and engaging personalities, but one particular cockatoo took the internet by storm with its impressive dance moves. From headbanging to twirls, this feathered friend knows how to groove!

Penguin Proposals - In the world of penguins, courtship is a serious business, but it can also be incredibly amusing. Witness the heartwarming and humorous rituals that penguins engage in to find their perfect mates.

Owl Photobombs - Owls have a knack for showing up in the most unexpected places. Explore the world of owl photobombs, where these enigmatic birds add an extra layer of hilarity to tourist snapshots.

Seagull Shenanigans - Seagulls may be notorious for their scavenging habits, but their audacious antics at the beach and boardwalks are equally entertaining. Discover how these feathered daredevils steal snacks and hearts.

Puffin Parades - Puffins, with their colorful beaks and distinctive walk, create a comical spectacle as they waddle around their nesting colonies. Join in the puffin parade and witness their charming awkwardness.

Cocky Cockatoos - Cockatoos are not just excellent dancers; they are also masters of mimicry. Get ready for a laugh as you hear their hilarious impersonations of human sounds and other animals.

The Mating Dance of the Birds of Paradise - The birds of paradise are renowned for their elaborate courtship rituals, where males go to great lengths to impress potential mates. Their extravagant displays are not only visually stunning but also amusing to watch.

Preening Peacocks - Peacocks are famous for their vibrant plumage, but it's their vain and flamboyant behavior that truly steals the show. Watch as they strut their stuff and try to outshine each other.

Eagle Eyebrow Lifts - Eagles are majestic birds of prey, but they also have a humorous side. Learn about their peculiar habit of lifting one eyebrow, which gives them a perpetually surprised expression.

Robin Hood Robins - Robins have a knack for "stealing" shiny objects and incorporating them into their nests. Follow the adventures of these thieving songbirds as they become the neighborhood's most charming bandits.

Duckling Dash - Ducklings are adorable bundles of energy, and their enthusiasm for racing to water can turn into a hilarious spectacle. Get ready to chuckle as they stumble and tumble on their way to a splashdown.

The Pigeon Parade - Pigeons may be considered urban pests, but their synchronized flying formations and sudden takeoffs can be oddly mesmerizing and comical.

Woodpecker Drum Solos - Woodpeckers are nature's percussionists, and their rhythmic drumming on trees can provide a symphony of sound in the forest. Discover the comedic side of woodpeckers as they drum to their own beat.

Egret Elegance - Great egrets are known for their grace and poise while hunting for fish, but their regal appearance can sometimes be undermined by their clumsy moments. Watch them wade through water with both elegance and hilarious mishaps.

Sparrow Staredowns - Sparrows may seem unassuming, but they have a knack for getting into territorial disputes that escalate into comical staredowns and tiny feuds.

Toucan Tango - Toucans are renowned for their oversized beaks, which they use to grasp and toss fruits into their mouths. Witness their amusing acrobatics as they enjoy their favorite snacks.

Pelican Pouches - Pelicans have a unique way of catching fish by scooping them up in their expandable pouches. Their method may be effective, but it's undeniably comical to watch them swallow their catch whole.

Flamingo Follies - Flamingos are famous for their vibrant pink plumage and long legs, but it's their synchronized group activities, such as filter-feeding and nesting, that provide endless amusement.

Potoo's Poker Face - The common potoo is a master of camouflage with its ability to blend seamlessly into tree branches. Its unassuming appearance and stoic demeanor make for a hilarious juxtaposition.

Crows and Their Pranks - Crows are highly intelligent birds, and they often engage in playful and mischievous behavior. From stealing shiny objects to imitating human voices, crows are the jesters of the bird world.

Swan Serenades - Swans are known for their elegant necks and romantic courtship rituals. However, their trumpeting calls can be unexpectedly loud and humorous, especially when they get into vocal duels.

Parrot Comedians - Parrots are not only skilled at mimicking sounds but also at mimicking human laughter. Get ready for a laugh as these feathered comedians mimic your chuckles.

Peregrine Falcon Speed Demons - Peregrine falcons are the fastest birds in the world, and their hunting dives can reach breathtaking speeds. Witness their lightning-fast aerial pursuits as they chase down their prey.

Hawk Hovering - While hawks are renowned for their predatory skills, they also have a playful side. Watch them hover in the wind with their wings outstretched, looking like they're surfing the skies.

Spoonbill Spectacles - Roseate spoonbills are known for their vibrant pink plumage and distinctively shaped bills. Their feeding technique involves sweeping their bills back and forth in the water, creating a comical spectacle reminiscent of a synchronized dance.

These hilarious bird antics remind us that the natural world is full of surprises and laughter. So, the next time you encounter a feathered friend, take a moment to appreciate their quirky behaviors and the joy they bring to our lives.

[more-than-a-princess]

There were only two certainties in life, Sonia had learned from her father. Death, and that the Novosonian people would always pay taxes in order to keep the country funded and running. The former she was determined to have happen on her own terms. "The only way one can feel safe against a threatening foe is to extinguish them permanently," She replied. For as peaceful as her country was, its borders having never been breached in over five centuries, it was not without its hardships. "Rest assured that as soon as the terrorists are caught, they will suffer the consequences."

Probably not fitting for her own little Lego character: Sally was a dreamer, someone who imagined a more fruitful and happier life than the one she was created into, and who was wooed by someone who dared to try something different than the status quo. Sonia understood that well, but she also had an affinity for those who wouldn't back down from a challenge, or from others who dared to oppress them. "Perhaps it is obvious, but I liked Princess Leia best," She interjected as Lupin spoke of his fondness for Luke. "She was a diplomat, fighting for her planet even in the most dire of circumstances. And when she lost everything, she still supported the resistance in any way she could. She did not need a planet to be a leader, just a vision for a better future and the strength of her own convictions." And sass. Even as a young princess, Sonia had been enamored of how Leia could snap back against those who wished to subdue her. Disney Princess she wasn't, no matter what the licensing agreements entailed.

Sonia smirked then, bringing her teacup to her lips for the last few sips of her tea. It was her snack between lunch and dinner: a habit she did not prescribe to at home but since arriving in Japan and coordinating with other schedules more pressing than her own, she'd learned to embrace it. "Still, while Luke's journey of understanding the importance of family and his own inner strength are compelling, I must confess I prefer Han Solo to Luke Skywalker," She admitted. Anyone with an inclination towards men, it seemed, preferred Han to Luke in the original films. Even her cousin Liam had vastly preferred Han Solo, insisting Like was 'whiny' and 'boring' through most of the original trilogy. Something they had in common: their taste in men. "He begins his journey in Star Wars cynical and alone, using humor and scraping by to get through life, only relying upon a single friend. After meeting Luke and his friends, he understands the importance of being part of a group and wanting to aid the greater good as opposed to only his self-interest."

She paused, looking down into her empty cup with a small smile. "There is something beautiful about that, how his character changes," She continued quietly, as if she were embarrassed to admit her preferences in fictional men. For once. "How he wishes to be part of something bigger than himself, that he wishes to belong in a family. Of course, it also helps that his witty retorts and confidence make him the more devastatingly handsome option in the Star Wars universe." She looked up at him then, grinning before setting the teacup and saucer back down on the tray it had been brought in on. Sonia soon added her book to the assortment. He'd asked about the sort of person who could marry a princess. Perhaps it was a little fun, and a little telling, to remind him that legendary smuggler and rogue Han Solo had done precisely that.

"I should return this to the kitchen and not bother you any longer as you create the plans for this heist," She remarked, getting to her feet. "I know I should ask you to err on the side of caution where my safety is concerned, but I do wonder where the fun is in that. Come, Sisi: you do not want to bother Mr. Lupin while he is working. As there are no more biscuits left." The dog seemed to understand Sonia's reasoning perfectly, getting up from where he'd been lying at two pairs of feet. Besides: if Lupin was more inclined to work than bestow belly scratches, Sisi was better off in Sonia's company. She was unable to resist his pleading eyes and soft paws. "I am not sure what I am looking forward to more: a party, for the first time after what feels like ages, or breaking into my own condo for an appropriate outfit."

“I quite don’t mind it, where I favor obscurity you favor certainty that your foe never see the light of day again. Different tactics to broaden both of our understandings and philosophy might make for a good conversation one day.” Lupin spoke with a smile on his face. Then his mind registered that the lego character to represent her would be Sally from a nightmare before Christmas. A fine movie that he’s had the honor of seeing many times, once he even snuck into the theater to view it once his ‘objective’ had been carried out, during those times where cinemas would replay past classics for children and adults alike.

Then came the question of his love for Star Wars, a science fiction piece. “Purposely so, It was merely for a moment to enlighten you on why I adore it in the first place. I will state that upon first viewing I was never hooked onto it as I am now. There were days however that it would just so carelessly play on the television as I’m working on certain objectives for various jobs and in time I’ve gotten to know the characters..Luke for instance. A boy trapped on a planet but his eyes were always skybound, he fancies himself an adventurer one day however, he still had a moral obligation to take care of his elderly family. He grows stronger and they will eventually grow weaker with age. That same boy with dreams of adventure did get a taste for it once circumstances presented themselves. Having lost his family he sets out to the galaxy to learn more about his mentor, his mentor’s mission and the ways of ‘the force’.” 

Ah, reminiscing of it even now brought a smile to his face, these were fond memories he has of the series and they were memories he will not forget. “Luke eventually lost his mentor only to find out that his killer is his own father, after more hardships and proper training he finally confronts the tyrant but instead of fighting like most heroes would have done..Luke vouches for peace. He sees the struggle within the depth of his father’s soul and never gives up to reach that slither of good within him. Then it hit me, that’s what brought me to love Star Wars. It was not the mysteries surrounding the force, the cool lightsabers and their duels..it was a movie series about the importance of family and perhaps how far one can go with strength of character. Years following those three movies we’ve gotten prequels that really broaden the rich story.”

continue from here / @more-than-a-princess

[crispy-chan]

Christmas EveL: The Heist | 2

a collaboration of : @hyunnows​ @crispy-chan @pufflix for the HOI ficmas event

summary: you’ve always had a strange affinity for the outlawed holiday known as christmas. chris, your boyfriend, never understood your dangerous fascination with something so incredibly illegal. now, when you’ve decided to hold a christmas party that could very likely get you killed, will he and his friends help you? successfully pulling off this insanely risky heist will mean you get to host the party of the century. But if one thing goes wrong, the government will come for you all…

pairing: bang chan x f.reader

genre: fluff, very mild angst; action, romance, humor, heist!au

wc: 6.2k

warnings: language, heists, mentions of oppressive government and guns, mild innuendos (PG-13)

a/n: hello. this is a repost of the second chapter of Christmas EveL. we got full permission to repost this chapter from the op (who deactivated). if you knew them, you likely know what happened, so if this makes you uncomfortable, don't read. our goal is to not allow the series that we worked hard on and had so much fun writing go to waste. nothing more, nothing less. that being said, if you enjoy the series, do let us know :))

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"How are we even going to do this?" Chris demands, all but wringing his hands with worry now that Jisung and his friend had arrived. 

At that moment, Minho yanks out a chair at the table with an obnoxiously loud scrape, plopping down into the seat with a satisfied smirk. "I've got a plan."

"You've got a plan?" you deadpan, disbelief dripping from your voice. "How is that even possible?" 

"We literally just started talking about this, like, yesterday!" Chris adds incredulously. 

With a nonchalant shrug, Minho says, "What can I say? I'm experienced with this sort of thing."

There's a beat of silence. 

"We're breaking into a government facility," you say slowly, very much questioning whether Jisung is hanging out with the right kind of people.

"Don't ask."

"I don't know about you guys," Jisung suddenly interrupts, plopping into the seat beside his best friend, "but I'm curious about this plan."

Chris lets out a sigh that sounds much too world-weary to be coming from a man of his age. "Fine. Let's hear it."

***

"First of all, Felix is our getaway driver."

"Felix? He doesn't seem like the kind of person to stay cool under that sort of pressure…"

"Just trust me."

It's dark when Felix pulls up in his black van. The city is quiet except for the howling wind, which makes the snowflakes whirl like a tornado of white. It's practically a blizzard outside. The perfect cover. 

"Guys, are you sure you want to go through with this?" 

"Yes, Chris," you sigh for the millionth time. 

You have to admit, you all look like characters out of some super spy action flick. Decked out all in black. Ski masks pulled over your faces. You can all but see Chan cringing at himself internally. 

Jisung, peering between the blinds of the window, straightens and turns to face the three of you. His face is white, but bright with excitement. "That's the signal."

"He'll drive us up to the barbed wire fence around the facility. It's supposed to snow that night, so hopefully no one will see us."

"'Hopefully'?" you echoed, a nervous edge to your voice. 

"Don't overthink it."

"I brought snacks!" Felix chirps as Minho yanks open the door and you all pile inside. 

"That's great, Lix!" You try to keep your voice upbeat for the sake of your own sanity. And try not to think about how a metaphorical six-year-old is your designated get-away driver. 

"I'm just a genius like that," the blonde says smugly, adjusting his black beanie on his fluffy head. "Now, who wants the Oreos?"

"Felix, maybe we should start driving now and pass out snacks later," Minho cuts in. 

With a pout, Felix shifts the gear into drive. "Rude."

"I'd like the Oreos, please," mutters Jisung. 

"Once we're at the fence, Ji will do his thing."

"Be annoying?" you snorted, only to be pinned by a hurt glare from the boy in question. 

"Uncalled for!" 

Chris wavered, looking torn between remaining aloof from the whole escapade and keeping everyone on track. "I suppose 'his thing' is hacking?"  

The grin that came to Minho's face was almost feral. "You know it."

Jisung sighs with pure bliss, laptop perched on his lap as you feed him Oreos. "I don't think there's anything more satisfying than bypassing government firewalls."

"I can think of something," Felix chortles, wiggling his eyebrows. Minho delivers a quick smack to the back of his head. "Ow!"

"How's it coming?" you wonder, poking your head in front of the screen. Lines upon lines of code flash by, hurting your eyes almost as badly as strobe lights. How Jisung could look at this mess of numbers and gibberish for hours on end, you had no idea.

"Move your head outta the way," whines your friend. "I can't see anything."

Oops. Sheepishly, you move back, placing another Oreo on his tongue to compensate for the inconvenience. 

"Mm, thank you," he hums, wiggling happily. 

Minutes pass, and they feel like years as you repeatedly glance out the window towards the government facility. It's the giant complex where they take all the confiscated items to be recorded, processed, examined, sorted, and then exported to the burning site. It's hidden by the swirling snow storm outside, but that doesn't stop you from anxiously wondering if they can see you. The entire van goes quiet, the only sounds being the humming of the heater, howling of the wind, and clacking of Jisung's fingers on the keyboard. 

"I'm in!" 

His sudden shout makes you jump in your seat, but the others only move in closer, excitement written on their faces. Even Chris doesn't look paranoid out of his mind for once…

Minho grins, staring over Jisung's shoulder at the screen. "You know what to do."

"Aye aye, captain." With a sarcastic chuckle, Jisung goes to work on the security systems, fingers flying across the keys. 

"This is the central security hub," he explains, nodding his head at the screen. "I hacked into a back door and essentially tricked the system into giving me admin privileges."

"Whoa…"

As you crowd around him, Jisung programs the security camera to play a four hour loop of footage taken just before you all had arrived. 

"All the security monitors are going to be playing these recordings rather than live footage," he smirks. "This is too easy."

He digs deep into the system, pulling out blueprints of the complex, security guard rotations, door pass codes – everything you need to get in and out as quickly and quietly as possible without getting caught. 

"So what do I do?" Felix wonders, popping a strawberry Pocky stick into his mouth. 

"You're the getaway driver," Minho says blankly. "What do you think you're supposed to do?" 

Felix hesitates. "Drive away?" 

Sighing, Minho questions further. "Do you remember when you're supposed to drive away?" 

"At the signal," the blonde states confidently. 

Chris groans out loud. 

"Don't you groan at me!"

"No, Felix," Minho says slowly, looking anxious for the first time since… well, since ever. "You're supposed to start the engine at the signal. You drive away as soon as we get into the van."

"Oh, right." The boy flushes bright red, and if you weren't so incredibly nervous, you probably would smile. 

"Okay, we're set." Jisung swivels toward you, handing earpieces to you, Minho, and Chris. “You guys know what to do, right?” 

“Listen to you at all times and never second-guess your judgment–”

“I still feel anxious about that part,” Chris grumbles. 

“And wait for you and Lee Know to break into the control room…”

“I’ll have to go in first,” Lee Know said somberly. “I’m more comfortable with this sort of thing.” 

You nodded, leaning on the table with both your hands. “What will you do?”

That iconic smirk grows across his face as he replies, “I have to steal uniforms for you guys.” 

“As disguises?” Felix demands excitedly. “I love disguises!” 

The older man gives the blonde a skeptical once-over. “How old are you again?”

Felix bristles. “Why does that matter?”

With a disinterested hum, Minho glaces away again to continue explaining his plan. “I’ll leave the uniforms by the cargo boxes outside the processing building of the complex. This is where Felix comes in.” 

At the sound of his name, the young man wiggles with eagerness. “This is gonna be so cool.” 

You, Chris, and Jisung are hiding in the same large, wooden boxes that the confiscators always pack Christmas memorabilia in for processing. There are three boxes; two empty ones for you, Ji, and Chris to squat in, and another filled with ornaments and decorations in case a security guard demands to inspect the cargo. Originally, the plan was for Ji and Chris to share a box, but upon hearing that idea, the former went into what could be loosely described as a tantrum. 

“He might crush my hardware!” he protested indignantly. “Giant, clumsy brute that he is.”

“I take offense to that.” 

The solution was to stick Jisung and his precious electronics in one box while you and Chris squished into the second. You aren’t exactly complaining, though. His breath is sweet-smelling, and he looks very, very kissable this close. Although the both of you are too nervous to speak as Felix drives around to the delivery gate, your eyes speak volumes, boring into each other’s. If we get out of this alive, he seems to say, I am never going to let you go.

It’s a sentiment you can very much live with. 

“Driving up to the gate now.” Felix’s deep voice crackles to life through your earpiece, and you nod despite the fact that he can’t see you. 

“It baffles me how he can have the face of a literal four-year-old and the voice of fucking Smaug,” Chris mutters, bracing his hand against the side of the wooden wall as the van jolts over a particularly large divot in the snow-smothered road. 

“I heard that.” Funny how Felix sounds more gleeful than offended. 

“By the time our getaway driver gets to the delivery gate, I’ll be at the checkpoint station in uniform. For appearances sake, I’ll have to pretend to inspect the cargo in his hold before waving you all through. Once you’re in, wait until I radio that the coast is clear.” With that Minho took a long, luxurious sip of his hot chocolate. He hummed with satisfaction upon swallowing, right before diving back into the mug. “This has got to be the best cocoa I’ve ever had.” 

You blinked. “Minho, the plan.” 

“Patience, little grasshopper, I’m getting to it.” 

“Did you just call me a bug?” You bristled, but Minho just rolled his eyes.

“Technically, it’s an insect. And I wasn’t actually calling you a bug, it’s a saying.” 

“Okay, okay,” Chris interrupted. “Just get on with the plan already.” 

“Right.” The thief cleared his throat several times, and your impatience got the best of you. Your leg started bouncing with aggravation as he took his sweet time. “Where was I again?”

“The coast is clear,” you prodded impatiently. 

“Oh, right.” Minho’s eyes narrowed as a sly grin bloomed across his face, making him look for all the world like a fox about to break into a chicken coop. “Once the coast is clear, you guys can jump out of the back of the van and behind the cargo boxes by the side of the building. You’ll find the uniforms there.”

“Where do we change?” you demand. “Excuse me?” 

“You heard me.” 

Minho blinked. “Behind the boxes, stupid.”

“You expect me to strip in front of two men?"

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” Chris protested indignantly. At that, the two youngest started complaining, making gagging noises as they whined loudly about how that was way too much information and incredibly gross and could you please get a room. 

Minho simply rolled his eyes, looking like a total diva as he sipped snootily at the cocoa. “Just have them look away. And do it fast, guys. It’ll be cold.”

Cold, your foot. It’s utterly freezing. As you slip on the uniform, it’s all you can do to stop your teeth from chattering so loudly that they reveal your position to any nearby guards. And what a position you’re in. Half-naked. You would snort with laughter if you weren’t so incredibly frozen. 

“Are you snails dressed yet?” hisses Minho’s voice over your earpieces. 

“Yes, calm down,” you mumble, shivering as you yank on the combat boots. 

“Great. We’ll let you know when we’re in the attic.” 

“Phase two starts with me and Jisung,” Minho continued, now swishing his mug as though he were Dumbledore or something. “And it’s the most dangerous part.” 

Jisung shrank the tiniest amount, looking both intrigued and intimidated. 

You snorted as you realized that Felix was pouting, obviously put off by the fact that he hadn’t been assigned something extremely dangerous. 

“Once we’re all in uniform, he and I will walk inside the complex to the restroom on the east wall. There’s a large grate there where we can access the air ducts and climb to the attic on the third floor.” 

“Why the attic?” Jisung whined. "It's dusty up there, and I have a sensitive nose!" 

"Because it's the only place where you can speak freely to the others on the headset without getting caught," snapped Minho. 

He turned towards you again, missing out on the petulant grimace Jisung aimed at his back. “Once we’re up in the attic, we’ll be able to guide you through the complex. Jisung will have already hacked into the live feeds to make sure they’re playing a recording from earlier, so the security guards in the camera room won’t even know we’re there. Only Ji will be able to access the live footage.” “So, just to clarify,” Chris interrupted anxiously, “Jisung will be able to see people coming, right? And warn us?”

Minho rolled his eyes again – you were starting to wonder if it was his personal hobby. “You’ll be wearing uniforms, so you should be fine. But yes, Jisung will warn you.” 

Jisung’s voice crackles to life in your ear as you strode through the hallway, trying desperately to look like you belonged in this high-security complex. “There’s a higher-up coming around the corner up ahead in ten seconds,” he warns over the earpiece. “She’s wearing the badge of Lieutenant, so get out of there.”

You have all already established that being seen by officers is too risky. Their wider range of permissions on-site means that if they suspect anything is amiss, they can arrest you and dig up your citizen profiles. You don’t even want to think about what would happen to you and your family if the government caught you breaking into a high-security complex. 

I could be hanged for terrorism. Before you can start to freak out too much, you push the thought down as far as it can go. 

“There are bathrooms on your right,” hisses Jisung. 

A split second before the officer comes around the corner into view, Chris veers into the men’s bathroom. You’re just about to slip inside the women’s room when the lieutenant appears around the corner, her sharp eyes meeting yours. Upon hearing Jisung’s low gasp in your ear, you almost lose your cool. Somehow, though, you manage to keep your head on straight, and you turn crisply towards the opposite wall, eyes straight ahead, saluting as the officer passes. 

She nods. “As you were.” 

Heart pounding, you step into the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind you.

“That was terrifying,” says Ji shakily. 

“You’re telling me.” With slow breaths, you calm your wildly galloping heart. 

"Okay, Chris is waiting for you in the hall." His voice still sounds a bit trembly, but at least it’s a little less so. 

You take a deep breath, straighten your uniform jacket, and join your boyfriend outside.

"Jisung will guide you to the room where the ornaments and decorations are taken to be processed. Then, with a sack I'll leave behind the door, you can steal whatever you want and shove it into the air duct on the south wall of the room. I'll be waiting in the vent to take the bag."

"Do you have to use the word 'steal'?" protested Chris. "It makes me feel like such a bad person."

With an unsympathetic shrug, the thief replied, "I mean, you're the one wanting to break into a government facility."

"It wasn't my idea!" 

"One, six, five, nine, zero, two," Jisung recites in your ear, as Chris carefully types the code into the door's electronic lock. 

With a loud, drawn-out click, the heavy metal door unbolts, and he turns the handle to swing it wide open. 

“We’re in.” You just have time to whisper it before you’re knocked speechless by the sight before you. 

The room is filled with Christmas. It is Christmas. Crates upon crates of beautiful glass ornaments, boxes of red and green stockings, bags full of bubble-wrapped Santa figures, rows of painted metal reindeer and snowmen to put in your yard. Everything seems to sparkle or glitter or shimmer or shine, vibrant reds, lovely greens, pure whites, and beautiful golds coating nearly every surface. 

As you stare, awestruck at the incredible visage, you vaguely register a warmth spreading from your head to your toes, stemming from the giant smile on your face. 

“Whoa,” Chris breathes. 

“There’s no time to marvel,” Jisung says quickly. “Minho’s already on his way through the air vents. Hurry up and fill the bag.” 

It takes everything in you not to whoop with excitement as you grab the giant sack behind the closed door, take Chris’s hand, and sprint for the nearest crate. 

His jaw is slack as his hands hesitantly hover over the shining ornaments. "What do we take?"

When he looks at you, his face visibly softens at the stars in your beaming eyes. "All of it."

Giggling quietly, you grab everything in sight, from ribbons to tinsel to boughs of holly to Christmas tree ornaments. You scamper from box to box, practically vibrating with excitement while Chris helps you collect the goodies. Although you’re too busy cooing over stuffed animals that look like reindeer to notice, he’s enjoying himself. More than he ever expected he would. He can't help the way his heart flutters upon seeing the absolute purity in your eyes. The gleaming smile on your face could make him melt right there. And, oh, when you look up at him, eyes shining like he's the most beautiful ornament of all, he can't help but lean forward. As his eyes flutter shut and his lips reach for yours, his heart begins to race. Somehow, even after all this time, even the simple act of kissing you feels–

"Chris, now is not the time!" Jisung's voice crackles to life in Chris's earpiece, startling him out of the moment. 

Confused, you blink. All you were doing was reaching for a Frosty the Snowman statuette when Chris suddenly closed his eyes. 

"Jisung," you say sternly, "you can't expect Chris to be able to hold back a sneeze just because you think it's not the right time."

For some reason, your boyfriend flushes as red as the Christmas decorations surrounding you, turning away to shove a few last items into the sack. 

"Right." Jisung's voice is sarcastic. "Because that's what he was gonna do. Sneeze."

"I'm here," interrupts Minho's voice. You can hear the tiniest echo of it from behind the grate on the air duct on the opposite wall. "Aren't you guys done yet?" 

"Just one more thing," you plead.

"Dude!" 

But you're already running for a crate on the other side of the giant room, to something that caught your eye the moment you walked in. 

"Babe, wait!" Chris runs after you, panting as he screeches to a stop in front of the giant box. 

All you can do is gape. You thought it was beautiful from across the room, but up close–

It’s a tiny pine tree, about the size of your head, and made entirely of emeralds. The detail is exquisite, with each miniscule pine needle being a thin, sparkling prism of green. Welded to the top of the metal trunk is a golden star trimmed in red garnets, and it practically glows with a light all its own. The little ornaments hanging from the little branches are actually welded into place, but the metalwork looks almost too delicate for welding to have been possible. You smile, intrigued, as you lean forward to inspect the tiny ornaments themselves. They’re itty-bitty golden picture frames, also trimmed in bright garnet gems. You blink.

“Guys, hurry up,” hisses Jisung. “I want to get the hell out of–”

“That’s me,” you say blankly. “Why am I in these frames?”  

A beat of silence follows your sudden statement, and Chris leans forward to stare at the little pictures hanging from the emerald branches. “Are these your baby pictures?” 

“Yes,” you say. Too many emotions for you to identify whirl through you. You think there’s a little bit of confusion and shock. Or maybe that’s fear. 

Why do they still have your baby pictures? Shouldn’t they have already been burned all those years ago? 

Each of the frames on the tree is occupied by a different shot: there's one of you in elf pajamas, one with your family, one with you sitting on the lap of a man who looked oddly like Santa. 

"Put it in the bag," you say quietly. 

Chris asks no questions, instead carefully placing the treasure into the sack. 

"I'd like to know why they have stuff from years ago," he murmurs, slinging the bag carefully over his shoulder. 

He says your name questioningly when you don't respond, but you're too engrossed by the label on the crate. 

"Look," you whisper. "It says 'extermination quota'." 

"What?"

Your mind is going a hundred miles per hour, and you don't think to answer Chris's question. Like a caged tiger, you stalk along the crates pushed up against the wall. 

"They all say the same thing," you mumble. "What on earth is the 'extermination quota'?" 

"Babe, look," Chris calls, pointing at the large wooden boxes not lined up on the wall, instead scattered around the room in groups. "These labels are different."

Your brows furrow as you walk towards the crates at which he's pointing. "Ship to China," you read out loud. "What–?"

Chris is already looking at the other boxes in this group, reading the labels out loud. "Ship to Japan, Ship to North Korea, Ship to Mongolia," he says. 

Jisung and Minho have fallen into a stunned silence, and you assume they simply watch as you jog over to the next group of crates. 

"Ship to the Philippines," you read. "And Vietnam, Cambodia, Thailand, Indonesia…"

"This group lists all the Eastern European countries," calls your boyfriend, crouching down to study the labels of a third group. 

"And this one is all the Western ones," you call back, moving to yet another cluster of crates. 

"What does it mean?" whispers Ji. 

Chris seems just as perplexed as the younger, but the gears in your head are slowly turning, starting to click the pieces into place. 

"They're selling them," you say quietly. 

The responding quiet is heavy with something ominous. 

"Think about it. Those boxes by the wall are filled with unharmed artifacts from years ago. And they say 'extermination quota'."

There's a slight hesitation.

"I don't get it," admits Jisung, voice sounding rather abashed. 

But Minho pushes out a long, low exhalation of disbelief. "It's a queue."

You nod, already beginning to tremble with anger. 

"A queue for the dump?" Chris asks slowly. 

You nod. 

Millions of your countrymen had their heirlooms taken from them. Christmas ornaments and statues passed down through their family lines. But when the government took them away to be burned, they didn't destroy them all at once. They queued them up to be burned periodically over a matter of years according to a minimum quota. For the sake of appearances. Because the rest of the things they stole are being sold to other countries for a profit, countries that are free to celebrate Christmas. What a hypocrite is President Venier Garland, the man who banned Christmas in your country. All because he disagreed with what it represented, what it promoted.

Enraged tears fill your eyes. "This is too far."

"What do we do?" Chris asks, rising from his crouched position. The look in his eyes is steely, and it spurs you on in the decision you were reluctant to make. 

"We tell everyone." Your chin lifts with a rigid defiance, the glint in your eyes striking a sense of pure awe and admiration in your boyfriend's chest. "They deserve to know."

"Already on it," mutters Jisung. Over the earpiece, you can hear his fingers clacking away at the keys of his computer. "I'm hacking into their reports now."

"Download all the files you can find," you tell him. You turn to Chris. "Let's go."

"Finally," Minho sighs. "I've already loosened the bolts on the grate, so just lift it off and shove the sack inside."

While Chris passes the heavy bag inside the vent to Minho, who's crouched impatiently on the metal duct, you glance over your shoulder. So much beauty going to waste. Your throat constricts as you feel angered tears collecting on your lower lash line. 

"You got it?" Chris asks Minho.

The latter hefts the bag slightly, testing its weight. "Yeah, I got it. Put the grate back on now, and I'll meet you guys outside."

Chris bends, reaching for the grate and giving you a very nice view of his butt. 

You pretend not to notice the slightly disgusted glare Minho is sending in your direction. 

"Hey!" 

The protest comes from behind you, and you feel all the blood drain from your face as you whirl. As you stare at the two shocked security guards, you hear Chris curse behind you. 

"What are you doing?" demands the taller of the two. 

The shorter, more muscular one glares from you to Chris, as he spits, "They're stealing." 

Before you can cry out, he sprints for a clear glass box on the wall, flipping open the lid to expose a glowing red button. It's the alarm. 

"Changbin!" Minho barks the name, leaping down from the air vent with the agility of a panther. 

The small, brawny guard freezes at his voice, fingers a centimeter from the button. 

The taller guard, his slender, cat-like eyes widening in shock, takes a hesitant step forward. 

"Minho? What are you doing here?" 

The thief rises from the crouch into which he'd landed, smirking. "You know me. Always got to keep the govvie on its toes."

"First of all," snarls Changbin, turning to stare at all of you – although his fingers never leave the button –"'govvie' is not a thing."

Minho shrugs. 

"And second of all, do you have any idea how much trouble you'll be in once I hit this alarm?" 

"Come on, babe," Chris whispers nervously. With a subtle kick of his head, he gestures to the grate. "I'll boost you out."

"I'm not leaving without you," you hiss from the corner of your mouth.

"None of you are leaving," Changbin barks. He turns to face the button again, fingers tensing as they begin to press. 

"Changbin!" Minho overtakes the muscular guard with a few long strides, his hand wrapping around the man's wrist. "Don't."

"I have to," he growls. "If anyone finds out we allowed you to escape, Hyunjin and I will be blacklisted. Our families will be in danger."

The tall, slender guard -- Hyunjin, you assume -- fidgets anxiously. "He's right, Minho."  His face looks conflicted and more than a little scared as his gaze flickers towards the cameras on the ceiling. 

"They're not rolling," you interject gently.

The men's reactions are vastly different. 

Hyunjin visibly relaxed. "Alright."

Changbin glares at you. "They're always rolling." 

And then he slams the button. 

Minho cusses out loud as red lights begin to flash overhead, sirens breaking into a wail. 

"You idiot!" he yells at Changbin. "Jisung hacked into the cameras so they'd play a recording instead of live footage!"

"Jisung's here, too?" Changbin and Hyunjin demand simultaneously. 

"Yes!" 

The short, buff security guard starts wringing his hands, the tough guy facade abruptly vanishing.

"Why didn't you tell me he'd changed the cameras?!"

"WE WERE TRYING TO, BUT YOU HIT THE ALARM."

"Guys!" shouts Chris. "We need to get out of here!" 

"He's right!" Jisung says anxiously. "There's a squadron of officers headed in your direction!"

"How soon until they get here?" you shout over the sirens.

"Sixty seconds!" 

Chris and Minho curse again, both sprinting for the entrance to the air vent. Biceps flexing, they heft themselves up into the duct. 

"Come on, babe," yells Chris. While Minho grabs him by the ankles, your boyfriend dangles over the edge, his large hands reaching for you. 

With a huge jump, you grab his forearms, and he grunts, squeezing his eyes shut, clenching his teeth, desperately struggling to pull you up. Muscles bulge under skin, veins pop into view, but he's not strong enough to quickly pull you into the duct.

Suddenly, warm hands wrap around your waist, tightening as Changbin helps Chris heave you up into the metal duct. 

"Thanks, mate," Chris nods at the man below. 

"Get out of here," Hyunjin urges, shooing you away. 

Hastily, Changbin passes up the grate, which Chris hooks into place just as the officers burst into the room. 

"What's going on?" demands the Lieutenant you saw in front of the bathroom earlier. 

Before you, Chris, and Minho crawl around the corner of the tunnel and out of earshot, you hear Changbin's voice. 

"We're not sure. We just arrived a few seconds before you did."

Your heart is pounding as you scamper after Minho, who carries the huge, quietly jingling sack on his back as he shuffles through the maze. 

"Jisung, have you made it out?" Minho hisses. 

The boy's voice crackles to life in your ear. "Yeah, I'm in the van with Felix already."

"Hi, guys!" chirps Felix through his earpiece. 

Minho pauses at a fork, and at first, you wildly think he's lost. But then he sighs with irritation, and you realize his moment of hesitation is simply the result of hearing the cheerful blonde.

"Felix, do you remember what we said?" 

There's a moment of sullen silence before he sulkily replies, "No talking on the headset while you guys are on a mission."

"And do you remember why?"

You can practically see Felix's pout. "Because I'm too distracting."

"Exactly."

Jisung snickers quietly, and you hear a loud thump through your earpiece. 

"Ow!" Ji whines. "What did I do?" 

"Shut up, Han." 

Minho sighs again, and you're willing to bet a million dollars that he's rolling his eyes. "Can you guys please just shut up and behave until we get back?" 

"Rude," mutters Felix. 

You can hear the sirens echoing below as you crawl through the metal space, making lefts and rights and lefts and rights in the maze. It's a miracle that Minho managed to memorize the routes. Or maybe this isn't his first time breaking into the complex…

It's not until your knees are numb that Minho finally leads you out of the ducts, helping you jump down into an empty stairwell. 

"Almost out," he whispers, somehow still audible over those oppressive sirens.

Up the stairs, there's a large metal door, a glowing green EXIT sign hanging over it. At just the prospect of making it out of this, your heart starts pounding wildly. 

You've almost made it. 

When Minho throws open the door with one hand, the freezing winter air slaps you in the face. But it's a welcome feeling, a feeling that's synonymous with freedom. It takes everything in you not to shout giddily as you run out onto the roof. White snow whirls around you, enveloping you like a blanket, and it's difficult even to see Chris and Minho beside you. 

"What now?" you shout. 

"We jump!" 

You splutter. "What?!" 

"I don't remember this being part of the plan!" Chris protests over the howling wind. 

"That's because I didn't tell you. For obvious reasons!" 

"If by 'obvious reasons', you mean there was no way we'd okay with jumping off a fucking building, then yes!"

"Just trust me," yells Minho, squinting through the snow. And then, bag held securely between his arms, he leaps off three stories. 

A loud scream tears out of your throat as you watch him get swallowed up by the blizzard, falling, falling, falling. You keep squinting even after he's out of sight, lost in the suffocating white snow. 

"He's dead, isn't he," Chris says quietly, his voice an emotionless monotone. And that's how you know he's on the edge of a mental breakdown. 

"He must be." Distraught, you wipe your streaming eyes. 

"Don't cry," your boyfriend orders, pulling you into his arms. "It'll make you colder."

"What are we going to do? The guards will be up here any minute, Chris. We're dead."

His face is stricken, eyes red with emotion, nose red with cold. But as his mouth opens to comfort you, a ghostly wail wafts up from below. 

"Fucking jump, you pussies!" 

"What the–"

You sprint to the edge of the building so recklessly that you would fall over the edge if not for Chris grabbing your arm. 

"Minho's ghost?" you call down, "Please don't hurt us, we really did try to warn him–"

"I'm not dead, you idiots! Now jump!"

Bemused, you and Chris lock eyes. As muffled shouts echo from the stairwell, pounding footsteps growing imminently closer, you grab his hand. 

"On three?" you whisper. 

"I love you," he answers, squeezing your fingers. 

The tears blur your eyes as you count. "One... two..." 

"Three!" yells Chris, and you both leap over the edge of the roof. 

For a second, it feels like you're hovering, arms and legs wheeling as you desperately try to swim through the freezing air. 

And then you're falling so fast, the wind screams in your ears, snowflakes stinging your face like thousands of needles. You're both screaming as you tumble down, down, down, only Chris's death grip on your hand keeping you from losing your mind. It lasts for only a few seconds, but they're a wild, terrifying, thrilling, exhilarating few seconds that make you feel simultaneously stone dead and heart-pumpingly alive. 

And then you're crashing down into a giant crate filled with stuffed reindeer and snowmen and Santas, breathing heavily. 

"Took you long enough," snips Minho. 

Batting the stuffed toys out of your face, you look up. He's balanced on the edge of the box, one hand on his hip while the other holds the neck of the sack hanging over his shoulder. 

"You're alive!" you yelp, swimming through the toys towards the thief. 

He only raises an eyebrow, sidestepping the relieved hugs you and Chris aim at him. 

"Were you hoping for otherwise?" He tosses you a teasing smirk as he hops off the box onto the roof of a diesel truck. His steps are light, his movements fluid when he slides down the windshield onto the hood and then off onto the snow-smothered concrete. 

"He makes it look so easy," grumbles Chris. 

"Come on, slowpokes," Minho shouts. "Felix is just around the cor-"

Sure enough, the telltale shriek of tires speeding over asphalt cuts through the howling blizzard, and the black van looms out of the snow. 

"Come on, Chris!" Your cry is gleeful, filled with victory as you jump onto the diesel, shooting down the windshield and onto the ground with your boyfriend on your heels. 

With a flurry of snow spraying behind it, the van squeals to a stop, Felix poking his blonde head out of the window to yell, "Get in!" 

Jisung throws open the side door, and the three of you lunge into the vehicle. 

"Go, go, go!" Minho's voice is louder than the slamming of the door, more obnoxious than the shrill grinding of the tires over the snow as Felix slams pedal to the metal. 

The van careens through the complex alleys, screeching around all the corners as Felix outraces the red sirens wailing to life behind you. 

"Come on, Lixie," you whisper, clenching your fists and leaning forward. If he can make it out before the gates go into lockdown, you'll be free. 

The slender blonde yanks the wheel harshly to the right, sending you all veering around a last corner. The huge gates appear out of the white storm. They're already beginning to close. 

"Faster!" 

The van explodes with shouts and yells as you all urge Felix onward, and he grits his teeth, pushing himself against the seat as his foot presses the pedal to its very limit. 

"We're gonna make it!" Minho shouts.

"We're not going to make it!" shrieks Jisung, throwing his hands over his eyes. 

The guards in the checkpoint beside the gates sprint out into the snow as they catch sight of you speeding their way, waving their hands and shouting angrily.

"Hold on to your asses!" Felix shouts. 

And then he's roaring past the officers, screaming through the gates, narrowly avoiding being crushed by the metal. 

He pants as you drive out into the night, a single bead of sweat rolling down his face. 

The inside of the vehicle is silent for a second as the truth slowly begins to sink in. You've made it out. 

"We did it!" exclaims Chris, grabbing the hair on both sides of his head. "I can't believe it!" 

You let out a shriek of pure excitement, flinging your hands over your head. "We did it!" 

Cheers are all you can hear as you meet Chris's eyes. They're wide and sparkling, filled with a bright vividness you've never seen there before. 

"Have I told you that I'm in love with you?" he breathes, blinking those starry eyes like he holds whole galaxies within them. 

Grinning, you squeeze his hand. "You have now."

Felix whoops as he barrels through the snow, the taste of sweet victory fresh on all your tongues.

[alby-rei]

Masterlist

Some links for quick navigation to my posts! 

Legend: 🌸 Fluff, ⭐ Humor, 🎭 Hurt/Comfort, 🥀 Angst, 💕 Established relationship

~ 🕹 Play Ikemen Vampire RPG

Twisted Wonderland x Reader [One-shots]

Just a Little Longer [Floyd, Rook)  🎭💕

Ikemen Vampire

⭐ Comte’s Ghost Mansion (Series, Ghostbuster!Reader)

Part 1 [Sebastian]

Part 2 [Mozart]

Part 3 [Dazai]

Part 4 [Arthur]

Part 5 [Vincent & Theo]

⭐ Pranking the Mansion Residents (Standalones, Prankster!Reader)

Piano Heist [Mozart, Arthur]

Sorry, Not Sorry [Theo]

What Goes Up, Must Come Down [Dazai]

⭐ IkeVamp plays Mafia

IkeVamp plays Mafia (part 1) [Multi-suitor]

IkeVamp plays Mafia (part 2) [Multi-suitor]

⭐ Miscellaneous

IkeVamp Bloopers and Outtakes [Multi-suitor]

Finding Vincent™ [Vincent, Theo, Shakespeare, Comte]

Class is in Session [Isaac, Napoleon]

Stranger Dreams [Isaac, Napoleon]

Ikemen Vampire x Reader [One-shots]

~Leonardo da Vinci 🐈

Sharing is Caring and that includes Naps  🌸💕

Keep your Eyes on Me  🌸💕

Hugs and Guessing Games  🌸⭐💕

Protect You  🌸🎭

My Snowman and Me  🌸💕

In Your Loving Embrace (I almost died)  🌸🎭💕

Cat Naps  🌸💕

The Scent of Home  🌸💕

Whatever It Takes  🌸🎭🥀

On Cloud Nine  🌸💕

~Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart 🎶

Late Night Lullaby 🌸💕

A Quarter Rest  🎭

~Arthur Conan Doyle 📘

Midnight Snacks  🌸⭐

Arthur’s Pillow  🌸⭐

Blind dating game  🌸⭐

~Vincent van Gogh 🌻

Paint My World in Shades of You  🌸💕

Painting on Buttercream Cake  🌸💕

The Wandering Painter  🌸💕

~Theodorus van Gogh 💼

A Spoonful of Sugar  🌸💕

A Moment of Peace  🌸💕

~Isaac Newton 🌌

Defender of Your Dreams  🌸💕

The Shy & Clumsy Physicist  🌸

~Osamu Dazai 💜

Hold on Tight (unless you want to fall)  🌸

~William Shakespeare 🎭

Intermission  🌸💕

~Le Comte de Saint-Germain 🥖

Moonlight Waltz  🌸💕

Getting Ready Together  🌸💕

~Sebastian/Akihiko Satou 🤍

Growing Pains  🎭

Growing Pains: Hand-washing clothes ⭐  

~Vlad 🌹

Dessert for Two  🌸

Tears of Themis x Reader

When You Wish Upon a Lucky Star  🌸

Warmth in Your Hands, Warmth in My Heart  🌸

Memes

Who’s beefy, dumb, AND kind in IkeVamp?    

Jean’s New Groove 

Ikevamp reacting to the Lion King 

Puns ft. Dazai, Mozart, Comte, and Jean 

Breaking spaghetti breaks Leonardo’s heart 

Doodles & Gifts for friends

Portrait of the English Bois [Arthur and Isaac]

Portrait of the Big Bambino [Leonardo]

Portrait of Sir Naps-a-lot [Napoleon]

Pikachu Gasp™ [Vlad] 

Isaac and James Newton [for Shookspearewrites’ story]

Chibi Vlad + Strawberries [Vlad; Bday gift]

Kiss the Cook [Masamune; Ikesen]

Do it for Them [Naruto; Secret Santa]

Nobunaga & Mitsuhide as Tokaido travelers [Ikesen; Bday gift]

Darius Morgan SR [Tears of Themis; Bday gift]

Tobirama & Kakashi [Naruto; Bday gift]

Chibi Inumaki [JJK; Bday gift] 

[hiccanna-tidbits]

The RotBTD+ Gang Plays DnD! (Feat. my ships, sorry not sorry XD)

So highkey I’ve actually been wanting to do a “The Gang Plays DnD” type post for AGES now, but then I saw @hobie-brown and @ohlooksheswriting-wips do DnD AU posts for RotBTD, and then I was like “Ah shit, I really should finish mine, eh?” So thank you to both of you for inspiring me to get off my ass and actually write the post!!!

Hiccup DMs. He comes up with this super complex plot revolving around dragons (because of course) where the party has to dismantle this society ruled by evil knights who want to genocide all of the dragons. Imagine his chagrin when the party wants to do nothing but fuck around in towns and aggravate NPCs 90% of the time.

They usually end up playing at Jack’s apartment, mainly because Hiccup’s dad doesn’t really want a bunch of loud nerds yelling about 20-sided dice in his household while he’s trying to work, if he can at all help it. Jack’s sister regularly barges into their living room and roasts the fuck out of Jack and his friends for being such damn nerds and eats all of their DnD snacks they’ve set out. If they’re in the middle of a combat session, she always gleefully proclaims that they’re all going to die. While Jack is annoyed by this, the rest of the party finds it deeply hilarious.

Jack Overland plays the absolute mayhem warlock Jack Frost, who got his powers through making a deal with the archfey Prince of Frost and has absolutely no qualms about being an evil god’s mortal Sower of Chaos. He spends the vast majority of the campaign doing such useful things as creating ice slicks under annoying NPCs and freezing people’s drinks. He also plays a Tiefling because absolutely no one can talk this boy out of playing the creepy demon race.

Rapunzel plays a woodland nymph druid who is also the party healer (because of course she is). Her name is probably Sunlily or something else suitably hippie-esque. Whenever there’s downtime (or whenever the rest of the party is also dicking around, and she can get away with it), Rapunzel likes to go into the nearest forest and pick the best berries and nuts for the rest of the party. She also loves baking fruit pies and cooking the best nymph food for her companions when given the chance. Definitely the party Cinnamon Roll (every party has one!). She often will turn into cute animals to distract the guards while the party infiltrates a building.

Merida’s character is the party archer and general ranged weapon master, as well as a raging lesbian. Hiccup learns very quickly that any male NPC who tries to flirt with her will very quickly get impaled with an arrow. She can’t ever decide if she wants to be a ranger or a rogue, so she multiclasses in both for flare. She also plays a Tiefling, and continually insists that her character is both scarier and sexier than Jack’s. In combat, she either Leeroy Jenkins her way in with a sword and just starts slashing every which way, or just shoots 90% of the enemies with arrows before the fight even starts. There’s really no in between. She can get away with this because she’s highkey one of the party tanks, and consistently deals a shitton of damage.

Anna plays a human bard, basically having read over the class options and going “Wait, in this one I get to make stylish medieval music??? And wear dramatic and garish outfits and a dumb hat??? And cast wacky illusion spells??? And do silly little magic tricks??? And INSPIRE EVERYONE??? Hell yeah, I’m in!!!” She mostly uses magic attacks in combat (definitely favors Tasha’s Hideous Laughter), but occasionally when she’s out of spell slots she’ll just take to slamming enemies in the face with her lute. She also has WAY too much fun with Vicious Mockery, let’s be real.

Elsa, upon hearing Jack’s character concept, rolls her eyes so far up in her head she can see her damn brain, and vows to play his concept, but serious–solely out of spite. She rolls up a super OP elf Chaos Sorcerer, filled with lots of brooding angst about how uncontrollable her winter powers can get if she isn’t careful. She combines it a bit with Storm Sorcerer so she can create literal blizzards, and Hiccup ends up allowing it just because he thinks it’s cool. Although Elsa’s character is undoubtedly aggravated by the rest of the party’s antics, she starts becoming grudgingly protective of these idiots and can deal some pretty crazy damage when her companions are threatened. She also contains one of the party’s only brain cells.

Eugene of course plays dashing rogue master thief Flynn Rider. Although his high deception and lockpicking skills certainly come in handy, he’s the most chaotic neutral fucker you’ve ever met and will take any excuse to rob NPCs blind or cheat them out of every cent they have in a tavern card game. It’s nigh impossible to get him to cooperate with the rest of the party much of the time, and often Elsa’s character has to either bribe him with some of her family’s gold or threaten to freeze him to stop him backstabbing one or more party members. Eugene’s character forces Hiccup to add in many more heist plotlines than he originally intended. This delights Eugene immensely, and sometimes he goes a bit crazy planning elaborate heists.

Moana plays a sorcerer water genasi. She can control any body of water, but she has a special affinity for controlling saltwater (i.e. the ocean lol). She also requests an animal handling bonus, but only with marine animals, solely because she thought it would be funny. She’s also an ex-pirate who robbed a lot of wealthy merchant ships and freed their slaves back in the day, which Merida thinks is incredibly badass. Moana tends to get bored and unengaged when there are no bodies of water to play around with, so Hiccup ends up having to add a lot more lakes, rivers, and oceans to the campaign than he originally planned on. Moana also takes a sailing skill, and thus the party often ends up traveling by boat. Typically Eugene and Rapunzel will infiltrate and hijack it, and Moana will sail it. Moana probably contains the party’s only other brain cell.

Astrid plays a gigantic berserker orc barbarian who is never without his trusty axe. Astrid is hands down the party’s top tank, and unquestionably deals the most damage every combat session. Much like Merida’s character, Astrid’s character is absolutely a shameless power fantasy. Hiccup pretty easily picks up on this, but is too polite to say anything about it. Jack also picks up on this, but is hardly as courteous as their DM, and teases Astrid mercilessly. Astrid is not amused.

Rapunzel requests that her weapon of choice be a frying pan, her justification being that her character found a discarded one at the edge of a human village outside her woods and mistaked it for a highly-dangerous human weapon. Hiccup is like “…you know what? Fuck it” and rolls up stats for a goddamn frying pan. Jack has nigh-endless admiration for Rapunzel for choosing such a goddamn memey, absurd, yet oddly effective weapon and it definitely makes the poor boy even more smitten with her than he already is.

Eugene and Merida have a bet going on who can sleep with more sexy barmaids. Merida is currently winning, much to Eugene’s chagrin. She’s not even inherently better at seducing NPCs, she and Eugene have the same charisma stat–she just consistently rolls better than Eugene. Eugene is incredibly salty about this.

Anna and Elsa want to be sisters in-game as well, but neither want to change their race–so Anna decides her character was adopted. Hiccup and the rest of the party go along with it, mainly because there’s something deeply hilarious about a regular human bard being adopted and raised by a family of high-powered elf ice mages.

Astrid is absolutely the sort of player who tends to get bored and restless outside of fights, and tends to fidget and twiddle her thumbs waiting for the next combat session. Jack picks up on this, and purposely does more roleplay for longer just to piss her off. He’s also just a very dramatic fucker and highkey loves roleplay.

When she’s not causing mayhem around the town or sleeping with hot women, Merida tries to entertain Astrid between combat sessions by offering to spar with her. Unfortunately, this does not usually end well for poor Merida, as even the most hardcore and badass of tieflings is prone to getting dumpstered by an 8-foot-tall barbarian orc with an axe. Astrid is, nonetheless, grateful to have someone to fight.

Rapunzel, Elsa, and Moana will humor Hiccup and attempt to actually play the main plot. Meanwhile, Jack, Merida, and Eugene are a DM’s worst nightmare. They constantly derail the damn campaign to fuck around, cause mayhem, and do inane shenanigans in every. Damn. Town. They go to. Anna is kind of a wildcard–she’ll typically go with whatever group looks like they’re going to be doing something more interesting. Astrid will go along with whichever group is more likely to get into a fight–which, often as not, is Jack and his posse of terrible Chaotic Neutrals (who have definitely pissed off a number of NPCs into attacking them).

As the campaign goes on, Elsa and Eugene become the beleaguered Party Mom and Dad. Both are quite aggravated by this–especially poor Eugene, who just wanted to play a morally-gray charming rogue who stole everything and got away with it and then accidentally ended up caring about these idiots he got stuck with.

Anna initially joins the campaign because she has a planet-size crush on Hiccup, and inevitably is the one who dragged Elsa into it too. Being the hopeless romantic that she is, Anna writes a love interest into her backstory. Hiccup eventually has the party run into said love interest, and Anna is overjoyed. He starts flirting with her as the love interest, and it’s easily the best 30 minutes of Anna’s life.

Moana and Elsa also give Hiccup pretty detailed backstories, and he works in little subplots for them. Moana gets to bring water back to a dying part of the jungle in the middle of a draught, while Elsa gets to go on a whole sidequest to explore her family history and how they came to be sorcerers.

Jack, Merida, and Eugene also give Hiccup fairly elaborate backstories, but Jack’s and Merida’s are like 99% memes and Dumb Shit. Hiccup tries to give all of them backstory-related plot hooks, but inevitably any hooks he provides are either stabbed, robbed, or frozen. Honestly any plot hook offered to these 3 will be all but spat in the face of and tossed off a cliff.

The one relevant part of Eugene’s backstory is that he and Rapunzel decide they used to be partners in crime before the campaign started. Rapunzel would infiltrate and scout out places he wanted to rob as small, unobtrusive animals (her preferred Wild Shape is a chameleon) and later distract the guards as a bunny or kitten while he went in and took every gold coin in sight. In return, Flynn Rider would bribe builders to not develop into Sunlily’s forest. Rapunzel and Eugene partly came up with this For Funsies, but also it was Rapunzel’s sneaky way of tricking Eugene into having prior connections in the party so he’d be less likely to betray them. It works pretty well–although the entire party is protective of Cinnamon Roll Sunlily, Flynn is certainly especially protective of her.

Astrid does the absolute bare minimum as far as backstories go. She is literally just here to smash stuff, slice people, and beat some fuckers up.

Rapunzel has a backstory, but she’s typically so invested in the main plot and the other party members that Hiccup rarely needs to bring it in to keep her engaged. She’s highkey the party emotional rock, and probably the only one keeping them all together.

On that note, Rapunzel’s character is the ONLY one who can get Jack’s character to take the plot even REMOTELY seriously. Like he’ll be dicking around in the nearest tavern challenging the nearest orc to a drinking game, and Rapunzel will come in and ask him to help them on a Main Plot Quest. And he’ll be like “come onnnnn I’m having funnn” and she’ll be like “Jack pleeeeeease?” and you just. Can’t resist Sunlily’s puppy dog eyes. At all. Also, whenever Sunlily is genuinely threatened, any silliness immediately goes out the window and Jack Frost is OUT FOR BLOOD.

For better or for worse, Rapunzel is not immune to being looped into Jack’s shenanigans. Occasionally if either Merida or Eugene have a particularly hare-brained scheme she’ll go along with it, but by and large Jack is the most successful in convincing her to temporarily abandon the plot and cause mild mischief with him. They once wasted half a session creating an elaborate “ice theme park” for some squirrels in the forest.

Hiccup tries to get Merida to play the main plot by eventually having there be no more sexy female NPCs to seduce in the towns they go to. Unfortunately, this backfires–Merida just hooks up with Moana’s character instead. When asked to roll for how good the lay is, Merida gets a nat 20–and thus her character and Moana’s character end up hooking up regularly throughout the rest of the campaign.

Hiccup introduces a few Wise Old Mentor-type NPCs to guide the party throughout the campaign. While Rapunzel, Elsa, Moana, and Anna actually try to listen to them and take their advice, Merida, Jack, and Eugene absolutely refuse to take them seriously and mercilessly play pranks on them.

At one point, Hiccup gives the party the option to attempt to tame a group of wild dragons and use them as mounts. They all have to make animal handling checks. Anna, Rapunzel, Elsa, and Moana pass. The rest of the party fails, with Jack and Eugene crit-failing. Hilarity ensues.

Hiccup ends up bringing back Anna’s backstory love interest as an NPC regular. Anna thinks he’s just being a good friend and a good DM and trying to incorporate her backstory as much as he can, but really, he just wants an excuse to regularly flirt with her. He hardly has the balls to out-of-game.

Merida comes out as gay toward the end of the campaign. Everyone in the group is extremely supportive, of course, but everyone is also like “Merida…with the amount of barmaids you’ve banged…and the amount of times you and Moana’s character hooked up…this isn’t exactly surprising.”

Hiccup actually finds a way to use Jack and Elsa’s same-concept-opposite-execution characters to the plot’s advantage. He decides one of the main villains will have a prophecy saying he’ll be taken down by a powerful ice mage. The party manages to fool this guy into thinking this ice mage is Jack, and sends Jack to fight him. As soon as the villain sees Jack, he’s like “WHAT??? THIS clown???” (word has absolutely spread throughout the land of Jack not using his ice powers for anything besides mildly annoying trolling). Naturally, the bad guy lets his guard down after thinking he’s going to fight this literal joke, and then Elsa crashes in from the side and absolutely dumpsters him.

Jack tries to defeat the final boss by just annoying him so much that he leaves. Unfortunately, he just annoys him so much that he attacks Rapunzel’s character. Jack’s just like “oh HELL no” and attacks with absolutely nothing held back. Turns out he’s pretty terrifying when he’s not using his magic for Dumb Antics.

During the final boss of the campaign, the Big Bad tries to one-shot Moana’s character, and Merida’s character super theatrically jumps in front of her to take the blow instead. Rapunzel just barely manages to heal Merida’s character, but it’s a really close call. During all this, Merida is like “ah shit...maybe I’m NOT just in this to get fantasy-laid.” After the fight’s over, her and Moana’s characters have a big dramatic love confession and share a Big Damn Kiss in front of everyone. It’s pretty epic.

After the final session of the campaign, Merida drags Moana outside Jack’s apartment and sputters and trips over her words for a solid minute before she finally gets out that through all this nonsense...well...maybe it’s not just in the game that she thinks Moana is hot. Moana just gets this HUGE grin on her face and says “c’mere, Leeroy Jenkins” and just pulls Merida in and kisses her. Cue the rest of the party barging in on them. Merida and Moana freeze, and there’s a moment of terrified silence...and then the entire party starts cheering them on like “took you long enough!”

The entire rest of the party could detect the sexual tension. Literally all of them.

But Eugene is like “HA, THIS MEANS IF WE DO A SEQUEL CAMPAIGN I’M WINNING THAT BET! BECAUSE YOU’RE GONNA BE DATING MO’S CHAR AND THUS NOT ABLE TO SLEEP WITH ANY MORE BARMAIDS!”

By the epilogue session, Jack and Rapunzel are dating. Merida and Moana are also dating. Hiccup and Anna STILL haven’t figured out why they’re so prone to spending half the session flirting when Anna’s love interest shows up, and Hiccup STILL hasn’t figured out why he likes to have Anna’s love interest show up so often. Bless their souls. Maybe they’ll figure it out next campaign...?

Damn I actually really like this...maybe if people like it I’ll do some incorrect quotes or a drabble or something??? Or maybe some HCs from next campaign???

[sir-subpar]

His Translator Part 13

Burt woke up with a yawn, rubbing his eyes. He attempted to get up but realized that there was something weighing him down a bit. Burt opened his eyes, blinking the sleep away. Now it all made sense. Henry was sleeping right next to him. His arm was wrapped around Burt, and their legs were tangled together. How could Burt forget that he had fallen asleep on his boss's shoulder the previous night? 

Burt wasn't sure what to do. So he just… didn't do anything. It was easier to just stay. Wrapped up in Henry's warmth. Even in his sleep Henry was cuddly. Burt rested his head on his pillow. He probably wasn't gonna get back to sleep anytime soon, so he just decided to enjoy this moment as much as he could. It wasn't like Henry was bothered by this, if he was he would've left while Burt was sleeping. Besides, this wasn't the first time they had fallen asleep together, but it was the first they slept so… close together. Burt felt so comfortable like this, yet so nervous. He knew why. He was confident that he had feelings for Henry. He knew he did. He just… wasn't sure what to do with them. Would it be better to just remain friends? Or should he take a chance with a relationship? Would Henry want a relationship? Burt let out a quiet sigh. He could worry about that later, right now he just wanted to enjoy this.

Burt buried his face into Henry’s chest, listening to the sounds of his breathing and his heartbeat. His breathing was steady, and deep. Just a simple in and out pattern, but it was so relaxed. This wasn’t like last time when Henry was tense and fearful. He was still, sleeping in tranquility. Burt listened to Henry's heartbeat. It was rhythmic. Burt smiled a bit and let out a content sigh. Suddenly, Henry shifted.

"Mmmmngh." Henry hummed. Slowly waking up.

Well, the cuddling was nice while it lasted, but Burt knew he and Henry had things to do. They had jobs and needed to get up anyway. Henry's eyes fluttered open, immediately locking on Burt's own eyes. "Hey Henry." Burt greeted gently, doing his best to not be nervous or get embarrassed. This was just a nice moment between the two of them. No need to be embarrassed. 

Henry smiled, then his eyes wandered. He realized the unintentional cuddling that had happened. Honestly, he thought it was nice. Holding Burt in his arms felt… nice. Henry dismissed his desire to cuddle Burt more. They had to go to work. Henry gently unwrapped himself from Burt, figuring that he would like to not be unconsciously held down anymore. When the two separated from the embrace, Henry signed a "good morning" to Burt, then got up to get ready for the day in his own room. Henry waved at Burt and flashed a smile before leaving.

Burt too, got ready for the day. Doing all those mundane morning routine things. He held the little topaz tophat Henry had given him the previous day. He would treasure it. Burt set the beautiful little gem on his drawing desk, then, he left. It was time for work.

…

Burt sat with Sven at lunch that day. Henry was busy and Sven was on break for once (Henry and Reginald had banned him from doing any work until he ate lunch). Sven was grumbling about how he didn’t have time for breaks while eating his lunch. “It is inefficient for me to do this,” Sven murmured. “Pretty sure it’s less efficient to have you face plant at your desk from lack of energy than it is to just take a break once in a while” Burt replied in his usual blunt tone. Sven stayed quiet for a moment. “I don’t like how right you are.” Sven said, avoiding eye contact. “Just try not to keel over from stress, Sven.” Burt half joked, teasing his workaholic friend. It was nice to hang out with Sven again, they hadn’t done so in a while. “Other than being a grump, how are you?” Burt asked, taking a bite of his sandwich. “Fine I guess. The paperwork is tedious, but it is my job to get it done.” Sven sighed. “Would you rather go on a heist or something? I’m sure Henry would let you if you asked him about it.” Burt suggested. He knew Henry loved teaming up with people on missions, it could be good for Sven to get out more. “Not everyone is all buddy-buddy with the boss like you are Burt” “So?” Burt asked. "He doesn't bite, just talk to him." 

Sven seemed hesitant, not sure what to say. "Trust me Sven, it'll be fine." Sven smiled a little at Burt's reassurance, he kind of needed to hear it that day.  "I'll think about it… Speaking of the boss, I've been hearing some… rumors about you and him lately." Burt rolled his eyes at the blonde. "Since when were you so interested in random rumors and gossip?" Burt asked with a slight hint of annoyance in his tone, it just seemed silly to listen to random gossip. "I wasn't until they were about you" Sven replied curly. Burt only hummed dismissively in response. "Will you just listen!?" Sven asked impatiently.

Burt sighed. "Alright fine. What are these rumors you're so obsessed about?" he asked, deciding to humor his friend. “There is this rumor that you and the boss are… together?” Sven got a little quieter towards the end of his sentence, seemingly growing more awkward. Burt’s cheeks turned a little pink. He wasn’t ashamed of the fact that he was attracted to his boss, but it was weird to know that people were talking about the possibility of him being in a relationship with Henry. “Are.. these rumors true?” Sven asked, he didn’t want to make Burt uncomfortable, but he was curious. He had never seen Burt really be attracted to anyone. However, he had noticed changes in Burt’s behavior; he saw how Burt seemed to work harder whenever Henry asked him to do something in contrast to how he usually would half-ass whatever was asked of him. He noticed how Burt spent a lot of time practically following the boss when he wasn’t working. He noticed that Burt stopped referring to Henry as “boss” and instead referred to him by name. And he noticed the change of color on Burt’s face…

Burt avoided making eye contact with Sven, but still answered the question. “No.. Henry and I aren’t dating. We just hang out sometimes.” Burt replied shyly. Sven tilted his head in curiosity. Did Burt sound disappointed? He seemed a bit sad all of the sudden. “Burt. Are you alright?” Sven asked, feeling a little concerned. “Yeah? Why?” Burt replied, a little unsure.

 “You look sad,” “I’m not sad. I’m just… I don’t really know what to do right now" Burt gave up on the excuses. There was no point. “Don’t know what to do? About what?” Sven asked. "The boss and I… we aren't together, but I… guess I want us to be?" There it was. He finally said it out loud… and it wasn't even to Henry. "Oh… wait, really?" Sven asked, surprised. Since when had Burt started feeling romantic towards anything?? He really missed out on a lot when they didn't talk. "Yeah. I like him." Burt admitted, in his slightly embarrassed but mostly blunt tone. "Does the chief know about this? Like, at all??" Sven questioned, how did he miss this? He really missed a lot when he was working. "I mean, probably not? I've never said anything about it but.. there are moments where I wonder if he feels the same way or if he's just being friendly. I'm honestly not sure." Burt shrugged. Henry's behavior was a mystery sometimes. "I've thought about asking him, but I guess I'm just not sure how I want to." Burt avoided eye contact with Sven. He felt so silly talking about this. It wasn't the worst situation to be in, but it was a bit tricky. 

"Huh." Was all Sven could manage. He didn't necessarily have a problem with this. He was more surprised by the fact that Burt liked someone at all. Not to mention Henry of all people. It's not that Sven disliked Henry or anything, but it seemed odd that he was the object of Burt's affection. What was the draw there? Sure, Henry's nice and all, but that couldn't just be it. Regardless of the reason though, he couldn't argue the fact that Henry made Burt happy, and Sven wanted him to be happy. But how could he help? He wasn't some sort of matchmaker. The two had sat there in silence for a minute when Sven got an idea. 

"What do you like about the chief?" Sven asked. Maybe if he could help Burt put how he felt into words, he could tell the boss the same thing. "I uh… I dunno..er.." Burt seemed to grow shyer by the minute. He was never really that open of a person when it came to feelings except when he was around Henry. Wait.

 "I uh.. I like how he makes me feel...safe? Like I can just be who I am and he'll just be who he is and it's comfortable between us." Sven smiled a bit. That was a good start! "What else?" 

Burt fidgeted with the microphone on his headset, a small nervous habit of his. "I like.. How he visits me when I work, and how he'll bring me snacks or meals. And he'll just hang out for a bit." Burt started smiling as he continued to think about Henry. "I like it when he comforts me, and I like being there to comfort him. I like how he trusts me enough to be vulnerable around me." Burt felt a bittersweet sensation when he recalled Henry's nightmare after spending so much time in recovery. How broken Henry looked, and how much better he felt when Burt was there for him. He remembered how Henry was there to celebrate his birthday when no one else did. "I like his dedication." Henry was always so determined to help the clan even when he could barely stand. "I like how affectionate he is. Even if it took some getting used to." Henry's hugs were always so warm and welcoming. "I like how when a situation gets awkward, he'll do whatever he can to make people feel comfortable again." Burt almost cringed at the memory of when Henry showed him his scars and put his hand on his scarred chest, but he also felt a little amused at how Henry did the same thing to him so that they would be even. "I like a lot about him." Burt smiled, his cheeks were definitely pink but he didn't care this time. "He just makes me happy to be around him." 

"That's what you should tell him!" Sven nearly yelled in excitement. "Huh?" Burt jumped a bit then tilted his head to the side, it wasn't often that Sven yelled like that. "You should tell the chief everything you just told me. There's no better confession than an earnest one like that." Sven reached across the table and held Burt's hand supportively. "If that would make you happy, why not do it?" Sven gave his friend an encouraging smile. Burt stared at Sven for a moment before nodding.

 "Thanks Sven…." Burt smiled, gripping Sven's hand gently, before pulling away. Burt stood up, the two of them nodded to each other in acknowledgment. Burt took a deep breath. He felt nervous, but encouraged at the same time. He could do this. 

"I will."

[viastro]

three times a charm | lee jihoon

ミ★ synopsis: in which it takes three attempts for jihoon to finally tell you he loves you.

ミ★ genre: fluff, humor, first confessions!

ミ★ warnings: none!

ミ★ word count: 3,713

ミ★ pairings: jihoon x female reader

ミ★ notes: hi! finally wrote something for my love woozi! i wrote this while sobbing listening to sweet night on repeat so I hope you enjoy it LMAFKPWNG also! change up woozi,,, truly a cultural reset luv x

You know how they say three times a charm? Well, I suppose you could say that in this circumstance, it wasn’t true at all. It took three attempts for Jihoon to finally confess and tell you that he loves you. Yes, that’s right.

Three attempts.

Three. Fucking. Attempts.

You and Jihoon have been friends for a while, both having an intense love for music. You actually met through a performance class you each had to take due to your major. You noticed how serious he was when it came to his work, and how much passion and energy he put into each performance. It truly amazed you.

Unlike Jihoon, who didn’t notice you until you sang for your performance test. He could say that right then and there, is when he first fell in love with something about you. He fell in love with your voice that day, and that’s when his interest in you began. You both didn’t speak until a few weeks later when you mustered up the courage to ask him to go get a coffee with you. That day, you discussed your passions, what inspires you, why you both chose Seoul University. A beautiful friendship began that day.

However, Jihoon was slowly falling in love with you the closer you both got. He would take notice in the way you’d cover your mouth as you’d laugh, afraid that there’s food in your teeth. The way you’d continuously run your hand through your hair when it’d fall in your face rather than put it in a ponytail. The way you’d offer him the first bite of whatever food you guys would order, or how you would always give him small gifts simply because you thought he’d like it.

Lee Jihoon, the man who rejects hugs when he doesn't initiate them, the man who hates skinship in general, would let you cling to him like a small koala. Whenever you two were together, you’re either holding his arm, squishing his face in your hands, or wrapping your arms around him from behind. There is no in between. 

The moment he knew he was in love with you was the day you cried on his lap at three in the morning. You were crying over a dog dying in the movie you both watched. Earlier in your guys’ friendship, he would’ve laughed at you. However, he just pat your head, giving you a small smile, but his heart was pounding against his chest. It was when you wiped your tears away and rolled over so that you were looking up at him, that he took notice of the way your eyes were sparkling. 

Jihoon fell in love with you that night because you held the whole galaxy in your eyes.

Here comes the mentally and physically exhausting part to this. Jihoon’s confession of his love for you. The first attempt was the most casual out of the three, but it failed rather horribly.

━━━━━━ ☁️━━━━━━

“You’re crazy.” You giggle as you fold the chocolate chips into the batter. Jihoon rolls his eyes playfully, feeling his heart twinge at the thought of what he’s planning to tell you today.

Jihoon is gonna tell you he loves you today. He’s gonna fucking do it. 

“Oh yeah? Says the one who thinks it’d be cool to conduct a heist.” He retaliates, making you nudge him with your shoulder.

“And what of it? It’d be pretty epic. I watched Buzzfeed Unsolved’s episode on the museum heist, and I’ve watched plenty of the show Money Heist.” You explain, stealing a chocolate chip and placing it into your mouth. You take out another one, poking Jihoon so that he’d look at you. Jihoon looks up from rolling the second batch of cookies, glancing at you.

“Aahh..” You sound out, opening your mouth for Jihoon to copy. He rolls his eyes, opening his mouth for you to place a chocolate chip right on his tongue. 

“You watched like, one episode of Money Heist, and you fell asleep in the second half of that episode. I wouldn’t say you’ve watched plenty.” Jihoon tells you as he gets back to placing the balls of cookie dough onto the greased pan. 

“Okay first of all, I watched three episodes. Second of all, I was really tired that day cause you made me go on a run at six am.” Jihoon giggles at the memory, making you giggle back at him. He turns so that he’s facing you, and you look at him. His expression is a bit serious now, making you raise an eyebrow.

Now’s the time. Tell her you love her. 

“Yn, I l-”

“What’s that smell?” You interrupt, sniffing the air as you smell something… burning?

“Oh my god yn, the COOKIES ARE BURNING!” Jihoon shouts, turning off the oven immediately. You screech, grabbing the oven mitts and taking out your first batch of now black chocolate chip cookies that are emitting smoke. Jihoon grabs the other set of oven mitts, taking the pan out of your hands and rushing to your balcony and leaving it on the ground. 

He lets out a small sigh, now unable to go through with his plan because your house smells like smoke. 

“Sorry Ji, forgot to set a timer.” You apologize, poking your head out the balcony door. Jihoon looks up at you, feeling himself calm down at the sight of your smile.

“Just make sure to set the timer for the two other batches or else we won’t have a movie night snack.” He responds, stepping back into your apartment to roll the other batches.

Safe to say, he did not end up confessing to you that night. With your apartment smelling like burnt chocolate chips, he decided it’s best to do it another day with a set plan. You both just watched Itaewon Class for the rest of the night, snacking on the two successful batches of cookies.

The second time Jihoon tried to confess, he had a plan. It was a simple plan, but he couldn’t see where it could fail. Alas, we must remember that it took three tries before he finally was able to tell you his true feelings. 

━━━━━━ ☁️━━━━━━

“Where did Hoshi go?” You ask Jihoon as you walk around the mall, looking through shop windows to see what could potentially be a good gift. The three of you planned to go to the mall to go Christmas shopping, but what you don’t know is that Jihoon secretly planned to confess to you today. 

“He told me he had to go to the restroom and will catch up with us later. You know how his stomach gets when he eats pretzels.” Jihoon responds, making you giggle at the thought. You fail to notice the affectionate look in your best friend’s eyes as he watches you smile, but you’ve always been incredibly oblivious.

In reality, Hoshi ran off to go and pick up the bouquet of chrysanthemums at the flower shop, but of course you don’t know that. Jihoon’s plan is to go to the section of the mall where the christmas lights are up, and tell you he loves you, holding out the chrysanthemums to you. You’re both almost to the Christmas lights, when Jihoon’s phone rings. 

“Ah, give me a sec yn.” Jihoon tells you and you nod, waiting by the wall as he walks off to answer his phone. You look into the shopping bag you’re holding, taking a glance at Jihoon’s gift you sneakily picked up. You ordered it a week earlier, deciding that today was a good day to get it since the three of you were going to the mall. It’s a silver band with his initials in it, you knew how much he loved rings so you decided to get him a special one. 

“What do you mean the flower shop is closed?” Jihoon whisper-shouts into the phone, to which Soonyoung flinches on the other end.

“They’re not open! They closed at 12 in the afternoon.” Soonyoung says, and Jihoon lets out a loud sigh. He checks his watch, seeing that it’s literally 8:00 at night. 

“I fucking hate it here, okay. I’ll just confess without the flowers and give her them tomorrow or something.” Jihoon says, and Soonyoung agrees on the other end. Only for all the lights to shut off a second later. Those in the mall let out a loud scream, making Jihoon cringe.

“EEK! There’s a blackout!” Soonyoung yells, and Jihoon’s eyes widen once he remembers that he left you alone.

You’re scared of being alone in the dark.

“I need to go back to yn, turn on your flashlight. I’ll find you in a sec.” Jihoon says quickly, ending the call and turning on his flashlight. He walks over to where he last saw you, only for you to not be there. His eyes widen, not caring about the chaos that’s going on around him. He walks a bit further, only to see you sitting in the corner, face hidden in your arms. You’re not moving or flinching at the sound of those freaking out around you, but he can see the way your shoulders are shaking that you’re crying.

“Yn.” Jihoon breathes out, and you look up at the sound of his voice.

“Ji.” You mutter, standing up and running to him, wrapping your arms around his middle.

“You stinky bitch, how could you leave me alone like that.” You cry, making him tighten his hold around you.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. It’s okay, I’m here.” Jihoon reassures you, making you squeeze him tighter, shutting your eyes and breathing him in, letting his presence calm you down.

Jihoon did not confess that night either, knowing you were too frightened by the mall blackout. Instead, you both found Soonyoung when the lights turned back on, and went and got boba. Jihoon was feeling discouraged at this point, but he knew the third try would work. As the saying goes, three times a charm! Incorrect lee jihoon.

Incorrect.

━━━━━━ ☁️━━━━━━

Jihoon had your favorite boba in hand, along with a bouquet of strawberries that he spent the time making with Soonyoung and Seokmin. He knows how much you love strawberries, and he saw the idea on Instagram, so he thought this was the move. It took one day to complete, but it looks great now. Today is the day he will tell you he loves you, today is the goddamn motherfucking DAY.

There’s no way I’ll fail a third time, three times a charm bitch! Jihoon tells himself as he enters the elevator of your apartment building. His hands are shaking as the elevator climbs up to the eighth floor. Once the elevator makes it to your floor, he steps out, making his way to your apartment only to freeze. There’s a man standing in front of your door, handing you a bouquet of pink roses. You smile widely, accepting them with a bow. 

The man is tall, much taller than Jihoon. He’s also handsome, hair slicked back, showing off his perfect eyebrows god damn it. Jihoon feels his heart sink, realizing that he’s too late. He slowly inches back, walking towards the elevator with a broken heart and a stupid strawberry bouquet that he’s gonna force Soonyoung to eat. 

What he fails to hear though, is you thanking your neighbor for bringing you the roses you ordered for your sister’s birthday. “Thank you so much for bringing them to me Mingyu! You know I could’ve just gone and picked them up at your shop.” You tell him, smiling widely at the flowers you bought.

“It’s no biggie, you’re my neighbor anyways. I don’t have a problem with it, it’s easier this way. I hope your sister likes them by the way! Make sure to keep them in your fridge until the day you drop them off.” He instructs and you nod, waving bye happily as he walks off in the direction of his apartment.

“These are so pretty, she’s gonna love them.” You mutter as you close the door, letting out a smile. You take a photo of the flowers, sending them to Jihoon.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

“Hey! How’d it go-” Soonyoung stops once he sees Jihoon slouching as he steps through the door. He places the strawberry bouquet on the table, along with the now half-empty boba. He walks into his room, locking the door behind him. 

“Awe man..” Soonyoung says disappointedly, sitting back down at the dining table. 

Jihoon belly flops onto his bed, curling up and forcing himself to fall asleep.

Now obviously, the third attempt did not work because Jihoon is stupid and just assumed what the situation was without asking. It could’ve worked out if he stayed for a second longer, but he didn’t. Instead, he spent the rest of his day taking a depression nap, with Soonyoung peeking his head in to place food inside.

The fourth, and final attempt, was successful.

━━━━━━ ☁️━━━━━━

Jihoon wakes up the next day, groaning at the light pouring in through his curtains. He reaches out, grabbing his phone from his dresser. He sees the unread message you left him the day before, feeling his heart break a little more once he realizes there’s an image attached. He opens the message, seeing the pink bouquet in a vase in your fridge. 

“She doesn’t have to rub it in my face-”

Yn: look how pretty the roses are! Mina is gonna love them!! If you’re ever gonna buy flowers, go and check out Mingyu’s flower shop, he’s my neighbor! 

Jihoon sits up in bed immediately, eyes widening at the message, heart filling up with hope.

“Oh my fucking God. They’re for her sister.” Jihoon mutters, getting out of bed and walking out of his room.

“Hey Ji, I’m sorry about-”

“The flowers weren’t for her, they’re for her sister. I forgot she buys her flowers every Christmas.” Jihoon mumbles quickly, currently preoccupied with the fact that he no longer has boba for you and the strawberries are already turning bad. Well he did leave the strawberry bouquet on the table. 

“Fuck. How am I supposed to give her this?!” Jihoon yells, running a hand frustratedly through his hair. 

“I mean, you don’t have to? You can just give her that bracelet you bought-” Jihoon shoots Soonyoung a death glare, making him stop.

“Or not.” He says, slowly retracting himself from the situation. Jihoon’s phone rings, and he reaches into his pocket, taking it out to see you’re calling him.

“Hey yn.” Jihoon greets into the phone, and he hears you giggle excitedly.

“Let’s hangout! I have a gift for you.” You say, staring at the small box you wrapped. Jihoon feels himself freeze once he realizes he’ll have to give you the bracelet he got for you earlier than expected.

He was hoping to give you the bracelet on your birthday, which is in a couple weeks, but this will have to do.

“Me too, I’ll head over after my shower.” Jihoon motions for Soonyoung to go and grab the bracelet from his room. Soonyoung nods, rushing over into Jihoon’s room to snatch the gift.

“Okey! Be safe Ji.” You end the call, heading over to take out the brownies you made in the oven.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

“Merry Christmas!” You squeal once Jihoon enters your apartment, making him laugh.

“Merry Christmas Eve yn.” Jihoon corrects, giving you a pat on the head. He sniffs the air, heading straight to your kitchen once the scent of brownies hits his nostrils. He takes the corner piece, shoving it into his mouth.

“Hey! I wanted to have that one.” You pout, hitting his shoulder. Jihoon chuckles, taking the other corner piece and placing it in your hand.

“That’s why there’s four corner pieces, duh.” You roll your eyes, eating the brownie in one bite. 

“You wanna order chicken for dinner?” You ask as you and Jihoon head over to your living room, sitting down by your small christmas tree.

“Chicken and beer? The classic duo.” Jihoon says, which you take as a yes, I would like fried chicken for dinner. 

You fail to notice how nervous Jihoon is, but he’s currently shitting fucking bricks right now. He’s fumbling with the small box in the pocket of his sweatshirt, wondering when would be a good time to give it to you.

“Alright! The food is ordered, let’s watch Christmas movies until it arrives.” You take the remote, turning on the TV and going onto Netflix. 

I’ll do it after we eat, Jihoon thinks to himself.

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

“Ah, I’m full.” You mumble, letting a burp escape your mouth as you lean back into the couch. Jihoon chuckles, letting out a small burp himself. 

“Okay so Ji, I have a gift for you.” You tell him after a beat of silence. You walk over to your small christmas tree and pick up the tiny box. You sit back down on the couch, and turn towards Jihoon.

His black hair is a bit messy, and his cheeks are tinged a pretty shade of pink. You’re curious as to whether he’s tipsy already, but he only had a sip of his beer. His mouth is partially open, and you glance down at your hands once you realize you’ve been staring for too long.

“I have a gift for you too yn.” Jihoon tells you and you look back up to see him reach into his sweatshirt pocket, now holding a small box in his hand. You both look into each other's eyes, and smile, handing each other your gifts.

“I have to tell you something-” You both start, bursting out into a fit of giggles after.

“You go first.” You say, pretending to pass him the mic. 

“I’ve tried to tell you this three times already.” Jihoon says with a nervous laugh, refusing to look into your eyes. You cock your head to the side, a small smile popping up on your face.

“Yn, you’re so precious to me.” You bite the inside of your cheek to try and stop yourself from audibly awe-ing out loud. 

“I uh, oh God I’m so nervous.” Jihoon laughs, looking up into your eyes. Your cheeks turn red at the intense stare he gives you, and he wants to reach up and cup your face, but he holds back.

“I love you yn, I really do.” Jihoon confesses, and you smile.

“I know, I love you too Ji.” You say casually, glancing back down at your hands, and Jihoon almost slaps himself in the face at the realization that you thought it was just him saying it in a friendly way.

“No, yn.” Jihoon reaches up and rests his hand on your cheek, making you suck in a breath. “Look at me, please?” You look back up into his eyes to see him staring at you with an expression you’ve seen before, but never was able to tell what it meant. 

It’s the look he’d give you when he thought you weren’t looking. The way he stares at you when you dance in the kitchen as you wait for the food to bake. The one he’d give you when you laugh and turn to glance at him.

“I’m in love with you, yn. I’ve been trying to tell you this for a month.” Jihoon says quietly, and you look down at your hands. You remove his hand from your cheek, picking up the gift from your lap and his, placing it onto the coffee table so that you don’t ruin it with what you’re about to do next. 

“Excuse me.” You mumble, cheeks burning with warmth, you climb onto his lap. Jihoon stares at you with wide eyes, leaving his hands resting by his sides, he notes the incredibly close proximity between you two.

“I never thought you’d finally confess.” You mutter, leaning in and pressing a short kiss to his lips. It’s like a switch goes off, and Jihoon finally wraps his arms around your waist, returning the kiss gratefully. You feel your stomach flip because woah. You end up smiling during the kiss, making Jihoon giggle against your lips. He pulls away to look at you with a big silly smile.

“Does that mean you feel the same way? I mean, you are on my lap right now.” Jihoon teases and you feel your cheeks turn bright red again, choosing to slap his shoulder as your answer. 

“Open your gift Ji, I think you’ll like it.” You whisper, getting ready to move off his lap, only for him to pull you closer with one arm as he reaches over to grab his gift off the coffee table with the other. 

“Small box, did you get me another flash drive for my songs again?” He asks and you giggle, shaking your head no. He opens the box, his eyes widening as the silver band reflects back at him. 

“I know how much you like rings, so I got this for you. It has your initials on the inside.” You explain as he lifts the ring carefully out of the box. Jihoon smiles at you, placing the ring on his pointer finger. 

“I love it, thank you yn.” He says, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek. You squeak, feeling shy all of a sudden and he laughs.

“You’re the one who climbed onto my lap after my confession!” He exclaims and you laugh, hitting his shoulder again. “Stop, I’m shy now.” You tell him, reaching over and grabbing his gift. 

He watches you as you open it, and you let out a small gasp. It’s a silver bracelet with a heart charm in the middle. It also has your initials in it, and you smile widely. “So you copied my gift, huh?” You ask and he gasps.

“How dare you! I ordered that gift for you last month so technically, you copied me.” Jihoon fake argues with you, and you roll your eyes. 

“I love you, even though you did copy me.” Jihoon says and you giggle, nuzzling your head into his neck. 

“I love you too Ji, I’ve loved you for a long time.”

━━━━━━ ☁️━━━━━━

And that is how our dear Lee Jihoon finally confessed his love for you after three attempts. I guess we could say...

third time’s the charm ?

eh.

[cookie-cutter-communications]

It has taken quite some time for Aloe to muster up enough strength to wander through the unfamiliar halls of the mansion that they were forced to call home for the time being. Their chest- or lack thereof- still ached when they exerted themself too much, but it was better than passing out in the agony that they were in however long ago. As their steps carried them through the halls to one of the only familiar rooms in this place, Aloe would place a hand against the cloth that had been sewn for them, feeling an indentation where their injury remained. The indent was deep, and though they didn't wish to believe in something that sounded so ridiculous, it felt like there was still an entire hole through them. "How does one's anatomy last like this...?" They would murmur to themself.

And though they wished to push further amid their wandering, something- well, someone- bumped into them, knocking them into a stumble more than they would like to have admitted. "Ah, apologies-!" The thief would quickly state in light of their swiftness being more clumsy than smooth. Aloe felt a grip on their arm and, sure enough, Roguefort was holding them to ensure they didn't fall over in the clothes that had made just as clumsily as they had acted. The hold was a kind gesture, but one that the scientist was not all too sure on accepting, considering who Aloe themself was. And still somewhat is, in some regard. "Uh, I am unsure if you have heard, but I am going to scout out a place for me and Cyborg to have our next heist. I assume you won't be coming with?"

There was some expectant, worried look in their eyes that Aloe couldn't recognize. It was almost as if Rogue wanted them to come with for one reason or another... but with a sigh and the shake of the head, they would reject the offer. "I am not nearly as swift as the both of you. Not only that, but you do understand that your crimes are both illegal by the legality of the law and of the way this world runs, yes?" A smile would grow on the procurer of gems' face as they gave a breathy laugh. "Do you truly believe that we care for the law at this point? You could have just said no, you know!"

"When have I ever been short and to the point?" "I mean considering your height, I would say-" "I would say you should get going before you say something you regret."

Despite how bitter the scientist could be, there was something about the rudeness that fell more towards the side of endearing and playful. Is this why Cyborg and themself seemed to get along despite their bickering in recent days? Was that their means of entertaining each other? Either way, Roguefort would find humor in such just this once. "If you say so, but do not expect me to let up on using your height as a point of humor." "You only state that considering you are the tallest individual to exist for now..." "Hmm?" "What?" "You said-" "I said nothing in particular. Now get going."

Rogue would narrow their eyes at the shorter, though wouldn't say anything more and turn away to continue. They'd take a few steps forward, trying to process what Aloe could have possibly meant until perking up and turning back to see the other lost in thought. Seems like they weren't the only one who got lost in whatever their mind brought them if they were recognizing things correctly. "Erm, I know you stated for me to leave, but..." Roguefort would pause, making sure that Aloe was paying attention and not still lost. The scientist seemed surprised, as if they thought they were already alone. "I do have one request, if I may ask..." A silent nod was all they were given in response. "Well, since I will likely be gone for an hour or so to find a proper place full of preciously glinting gemstones... Could you look after Cyborg? Make sure they do not do something that could harm them?"

"I was planning on doing such anyways, but I will keep an extra close eye on them without you here to quell their antics." Rogue's expression would soften upon being reassured. "Thank you. Sincerely." They'd speak with as much of a genuine tone as they could give before turning and continuing on their way, just as quick as before. Aloe wondered how the thief felt wearing that new set of clothes. They hoped that there was no unluckiness brought upon by its design. At least those ribbons that they added did seem to suit the aesthetic appeal, as much as they didn't care for how things looked so long as they were efficient.

Speaking of efficiency, why were they so caught up in another's dressings when they had an assignment to complete? Find Cyborg and make sure they, for lack of a better word, didn't do anything stupid. Knowing the half-bot, that would either be the easiest or most difficult task they've had in a long while, leaning towards the latter of the two. With a sigh, the plant would depart for one of the more familiar places of the mansion. More than likely, they were in the kitchen eating stolen ice cream from some unthinking vendor, or perhaps they were just blasting around as they always did. How much change had their living work gone through?

Ah, here they go, wandering through thought after thought with no clear answers or goal. With their steps steady, they'd let their mind take the wheel, something that they had gotten used to entirely yet not at all. The nature of thought, what exactly was wrong with it? Well, it was irrational. Imperfect. It could lead to misunderstanding and fights, fear and destruction... A far cry from the joy that those naturally felt, especially when left uncontrolled. It was trains of thought like this that tugged Aloe's mind back towards where they were before. Their thoughts had become audible murmurs, though they stopped and immediately looked behind them as some sort of instinctual paranoia had kicked in for them. They'd turn around, spotting one of their wires protruding from the ceiling. They'd glare at such a thing, watching it retract. "Best be more careful with what exactly is thought of in terms of thoughtlessness, then..."

Strings of thought would continue to dwell and wrap around Aloe's mind, though with no clear ties or ends to any of them. The only thing that brought them away from such thoughts was some sort of clinking noise. And as they stepped forward, it would get louder and louder, interrupting more of their thoughts until it became the only thing they could hear in what was otherwise silence and their own footsteps. "What is that racket...?" They'd grumble. Raising their gaze, the plant would see that they were right next to a door, with Cyborg being seen flying just above a windowsill in that room, blaster clinking on the glass. So, this is where they were.

"Cyborg, what are you doing?" The scientist would incredulously inquire while entering, idly recognizing this room as the one they had spent most of their time resting in. Their chest cavity ached at such a thought. "I'm trying to count how many people are outside! There are so many of them! I don't think we'd be able to give them all snacks to leave us alone!" "You believe snacks will ward them off?" Though the two of them haven't spoken of it, there was no way one living in this place could go without seeing the large crowd that had gathered outside. Tens, perhaps even a hundred if counted by Cyborg and how faulty their math was at times, just... Crowding around the front of the place. They had no thoughts on how to deal with them, which is surprising considering how much they'd think on other topics. "I mean, you think we could just ask them to leave?" Cy would turn away from the unreadable number of smiling faces to curiously stare at Aloe. "Our fridge isn't big enough for all of them! And all their eyes being on us all the time is creepy! It's like we're some kinda show put on for other's entertainment and they're the audience just waiting for our next appearance!"

Aloe would stare dumbfounded at the other, hand raising as if they wanted to make a point but... Any words they could have had died in their mouth. "What?" Cyborg would ask with a cock of their head, "I was just saying it meta... phh... fffforri... Not realistically! Either way, I wanna pay a visit to them and get them to go away!" It took a few moments for Loe to process what had been spoken, shaking their head to bring themself back to reality. "Right, well, if you are going to do something that is honestly incredibly... For lack of a better word, utterly idiotic... I am going to accompany you. I have been tasked to take care of you, after all, and I intend on completing this as smoothly as possible."

"Ughhhh, what are you, my Nanny? Whatever," Cyborg rolled their eye lights, though they wound up rolling their entire head along with it. "At least you're actually letting me do something! This is an improvement! Hehe, c'mon, let's go say hi and get them to leave us alone!" And before Aloe would speak another word, their hand was grabbed and they were being dragged along. It wouldn't be too bad if they both walked, but Cyborg was keen on continuing to float despite how awkward it made holding their hand. "Wait a moment- aren't you- ack- going to wait until Roguefort returns before doing this? Just in case we need their aid?" "We'll be fiiiine! Besides, I don't wait on anyone!" "It is unfortunate how true that statement is..."

There wasn't even a time to prepare before Cyborg would burst that front door open, bringing them both face to face with who knows how many husks. Did the half-bot not realize how much danger they were throwing them both into!? "Stay- stay in your 'character' so they don't act suspicious of us-!" Was all they could get out before Cy had started striking up a conversation with them. Well, with how energetic Cyborg was before all of this mess, they should hopefully prove to be fine. Now all they needed to do is act as they did when not being the one in contr-

"Hello, Aloe!" A husk would greet, causing them to jump. As much as that was an accident, it was entirely 'in-character' for them- though it did cause their injury to pain them. They had to stifle a wince as they turned to one of the many husks- the one that had spoken to them. "Yes, hello, you... You and your group need to disperse from here-" Straight and to the point, but it didn't help that there were so many here to retort against them. "But we are here to help you two!" Another one of them would say, having Aloe whip back around to address it. Ugh, all this turning and twisting didn't bode well on their still-recovering body. "We are perfectly fine! Do you not realize how many germs are being spread through the air between all of you? This is highly unsanitary! Disgustingly dangerous, even! Air purification outside is harder than you think!" "Is that why your breathing is so weird, Aloe?" "Is that why you're holding your chest, Aloe?" "Is that why, is that why?"

The plant's pupils shrank as they felt hands reach and grab at them. Their body trembled against the touches, knowing that this meant that they were found out. They looked to Cyborg, who had already been snagged up, and seeing their blaster light up for a moment but die down as distress would cover their expression. "H-hey! Can we please be let go? Weh- You guys are holding a-a bit tight!" They... Didn't want to fight these? The scientist couldn't blame them- they didn't wish to use their wires against these things, either, if they even knew how to control them well without being 'in-line'. Aloe would heave an uneven breath, desperately trying to address the crowd despite how they didn't seem to listen to anyone. "I-I did not say you could touch me! Let me- Let us go! Unhand us! Have any of you even washed your hands today?!" Despite their farce, these things seemed to be more cunning than they let on.

"We can't have any impurities in someone as important as you!" "Yes, yes! We are going to fix you right up!" "You're both going to a place full of sunshine and rainbows, we promise!" "You'll be perfectly happy, just like all of us!"

Their chattering would go on and on as the two of them were dragged. As much as they struggled, there were too many hands and too many bodies keeping them from escaping. "How could you all possibly fix us? I am the only one who can do so in this area! I am the only Controller that-" "Not anymore!" "Wh... What?" There was a collective giggle from the ones that surrounded them. It sent a chill down Aloe's spine listening to these things be so unnaturally happy. "Since you were the only one, and you were compromised, it's only fair that there would be another one made to keep us in check! You won't need to worry about it, though, since you won't remember any of this! No more pain, no more hate between you guys, just happiness!" "But we don't-" "But we really don't actually-"

The similar retort caused the two to look at each other in some sort of strangely desperate surprise. Seems like the two of them truly didn't despise each other... That was a relief on both of their ends, though it didn't help in the fact that there was an eye-bleedingly bright building in the distance they seemed to be headed straight towards. Cyborg's struggling kicked up a few notches then, whining with their engines whirring. "Even if I love rainbows, I'm pretty sure I am going to hate that place! And I don't wanna forget everything that I've had with Aloe and Roguefuck! Especially Roguey!!" And yet, their words would go unheard.

"We are going to make you into your best selves!" "We see the tension between you two, and we're gonna help you not have it anymore!" "You're both imperfect, and that just won't do!" "You both want to forget, you just won't admit it!" "No worries, we're almost at the door!"

There was a small sound of disgust from the plant as they contemplated if this is how they sounded when they were just as much of a husk as the others. Sure, they had a few benefits, but all this talk the duo heard was... Cultish and abnormal, unnerving at best.

"The only thing I wanna forget is your stupid faces!" Cyborg would chime, still struggling despite how Aloe had somewhat resigned to their fate. Well, less resignation and more knowing that they would pass out if they put too much effort into this. "Good one, Cyborg," They would state without attempting to hide their sarcasm. And yet, despite that- "Wow, thanks!" "..." "Hey, wait a minu-!"

And with that realization, the two were practically chucked into the building with the both of them shrieking and bracing for the worst. Shrowded in the dark and unknown, there was no telling what would await them in here. At least entering the place didn't seem to fix them instantly, so... There was that saving grace. And despite the danger they were both in, Cyborg would use an abnormally quiet voice as they laid on the floor after being essentially thrown in. "I hope Roguey is okay..."

~

Deftly exiting their home from one of the windows, since the front exit clearly wasn't safe with the hoard that was just outside of their door, Roguefort would lift themself atop the building and onto the roof. It was quick work, made even quicker with how light their clothing was. They adored this new set of cloth, reminding them of how they were no longer what they were- just some thoughtless thief of fine arts. Instead, fine gemstones called to them. And that's exactly what they would be on the search for.

Once atop their building, they would take leap after leap onto trees and whatever buildings surrounded their home. There was mostly vegetation, considering a 'lonely' thief would need a just as 'lonely' home- not that it was anything akin to that anymore. From branches to roofs to whatever else they could scale and climb- the thief took their due diligence not to slip up and get caught in any manner and only using their cane's hook when it was safest. They were a little out of practice with it, to say the least. They'd scale until they were able to get to some sort of vantage point in the form of a building's spire, peering out and squinting to try and spot any jeweler buildings from where they stood.

Instead, they spotted a very colorful and large crowd. What was all that commotion about? They'd give up their place of observation, sliding down the side of the building they were on and doing the same as they did before to try and see what was going on with this mass of husks. The only other time they've seen a crowd this big was before their own home, and if it was the same, then...

A deeply disturbing sensation filled Roguefort's chest as they darted faster than ever, attempting to get a good look at the crowd. They scanned over for purples and greens, perhaps some silver and white, anything to alert them if the two they were caring for were in any sort of trouble. And- to their horror- they were able to faintly hear Cyborg's voice crying out as they approached nearer. Closer and closer they would get, remaining hidden amongst rooftops, to be shaken to their core seeing both of them- Cyborg and Aloe- caught up and being forcefully towed along by the very husks they wished to avoid. "This- this can't be-" They spoke with bated breath, frozen still for just a moment before vigorously shaking themself out of it. Their eyes flickered between the crowd and their cane. If... If they had to do something brash, so be it.

They just prayed that if they were to commit something heinous against these thoughtless freaks... Cyborg wouldn't hate them. Their legs carried them onward, but their mind remained in the same place. Keep them both safe. Keep them away from danger. No cost too great for their safety. There was no sacrifice too heavy for these two to continue living as freely as they are.