#slytherpuffrelationships

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

In the boys’ dormitory

Sirius: Telling someone “You’re shit” and “You ain’t shit” are both insults.

James: “You are not shit” is reassurance, but “You are not the shit” is an insult.

Sirius: “You are the shit” is a compliment.

Remus: Guys, it’s 3 am.

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

Slytherin: Did you like the food I made?

Gryffindor: No, not really.

Slytherin: But I put my heart and soul into it!

Gryffindor: No wonder it tastes so cold and dead.

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

James, nudging Lily awake at 4 A.M. : Do you like me?

Lily: I married you.

James: Yes, but did you marry me as a friend, or like, a husband? Unclear.

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

Slytherin: :(

Hufflepuff: Turn That frown upside down!

Slytherin: ):

Hufflepuff: You listen here you little shit

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

Remus: Are you sober?

Sirius: No, Aquarius.

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

Slytherin: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is; a look around the room and a casual “haven’t decided yet” is usually good response.

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

Ravenclaw: You’re driving a car and then you you see Hufflepuff and Slytherin in the middle of the road. Which do you hit?

Gryffindor: Easy.Definitely Slytherin.I could never hurt Hufflepuff.

Ravenclaw: The breaks, Gryffindor.You hit the breaks!

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

Remus: Sirius,don’t you think you’ve had enough to drink?

Sirius: I’m just helping the kids!

Remus: How’s you drinking helping the kids?

Sirius: Because the more I drink, the less there is for the kids to drink.

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

Sirius: James’ first suspension. I am so proud!

Peter: No way.Back up. Why’d he get suspended?

Lily: Because he’s stupid.

Peter: *surprised* They can do that?

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

Slytherin: I will sleep soon, do you have anything to say?

Hufflepuff: I love you

Slytherin: Yeah you are right, I am a person to be loved. Who doesn’t love me?

Gryffindor and Ravenclaw: *raises their hands up*

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

After a tiny break-up

James: Not only did we go out,we did it 298 times!

Lily: James! Oh my-ugh! You kept count!? You are such a loser!

James: A loser you did it with 298 times!

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

Slytherin: Compliment me

Hufflepuff: You’re amazing

Slytherin: I know I am. Say something different

Hufflepuff: I love you

Slytherin: Better

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

James: Is Harry awake yet?

Lily: It’s still nap time but he’ll be awake soon

James: And where’s Sirius?

Lily: I said it’s still nap time

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

random person: Why would anyone name their child "Sirius" ? Isn't it kinda dumb ?

Sirius: Actually it is a name of a star. Dumb cunt.

The person: Where is it then?

Remus appears out of thin air: *puts his finger on his chest* IN MY HEARTH

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

Sirius: Look at this little plant that I bought. It is so cute and fluffy. *rubs his face on it*

Remus: You know that it is poisonous right?

James: *across the room* Awesome!

[m-a-r-a-u-d-e-e-r-s]

James: Do you think my hair looks good?

Sirius: Just as bad as yesterday's

Remus: *mutters under his breath* maybe it is because it has the same style as yesterdays

Sirius: Is this a very complicated way to say bad?