#slowly killing him while ellie was forced to watch

[bits-and-babs]

✦ 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ✦

– KINKTOBER DAY 5: CLOTHES ON

joel miller x reader | smut, 18+ | 1.1k words

summary: trapped inside a wardrobe whilst hiding from infected, joel ups the ante of survival.

cw: f!reader, forced proximity, threat to life, mentions of gore, quiet or die kind of vibe, unprotected sex, p in v sex, cream pie, autassassinophilia – arousal in the fear of being killed.

⇽ KINKTOBER MLIST | DAY 6: NIPPLE PIERCINGS ⇾

The curve at the base of your skull cracks against the decaying wall of the wardrobe as Joel smothers your startled gasp with his palm. His life-line stifles your heaving, fearful breaths as the croaks and moans of the infected seep beneath the rotten door. Shuffling feet stumble down the corridor, bodies bumping into each other and snarling as they chase the promise of a pulse. Joel forces your eyes to focus on him, silently urging you not to look at the hoard slowly staggering by.

You can make out the image of your horrified expression reflected in his glassy eyes, see the way you shudder and flinch when a body bumps into the door. Joel leans his bodyweight against you, crushing your chest with his own and offers you a stiff shake of his head; a wordless ❝don’t❞. In truth, you don’t need his caution. You wouldn’t dream of it. 

Still, fear continues to coagulate in your gut, the awful stench of the infected creeps between hinges of the wardrobe you had both frantically crammed into in a desperate attempt to avoid the advancing numbers of animated corpses. They weren’t quite like the smell of the rotten carcass of Bill’s friend, Frank, hanging by his neck and emanating a putrid odour that threatened to bring up the rations that you had halved and then halved again – precious calories and nutrients so hard to come by now. No, the infected had a base scent of something similar, but mostly reeked of damp-mould, as though wood had absorbed water and had begun to rot from the inside out. It wasn’t quite retch-inducing, but what they lacked in rancid scent they made up for in threatening numbers and horrifying looks. 

Joel breathes deeply, and the sound wrenches you from your spiralling desire for survival. You watch as his eyes mutate, shift into something much darker. It’s thrilling and horrifying, sets your arm hair on end as you feel him lean forwards, the tip of his nose brushing your temple. 

Stranglers of the hoard of infected runners continue to lumber down the hallway, rasping and snapping at anything that moves– but the chilling sounds are drowned out by the thumping of your pulse in your ears when Joel’s teeth scrape at the curve of your neck. 

“J-Joel,” you squeak, the single syllable barely audible. Fingertips bury into the flesh of your hip, brand your skin with purple, blotchy bruises in warning. He wants you to be silent. An image flashes in your mind's eye; the museum, Joel’s index finger pressed to his lips as the ticking echolocation of a Clicker pulsed through the room. You’d hardly survived then. Tess hadn’t. 

Squeezing your eyes shut, you feel your heart leap when he takes the flesh above your pulse-point between his teeth. He bares down on it, tendrils of pain sparking out across the nerves in your neck– enough to mark. A precarious round of Would-I-Lie-To-You when you inevitably stumble upon other survivors who would demand to know where the bite came from. How would you even begin to explain? “Oh, well, me and my partner were chased by a hoard of hundreds of runners into a hotel where we hunkered down in a wardrobe and he decided he wanted to take the chance to fuck me while the runners passed by.” 

Yeah, you wouldn’t believe you either. 

You’d seen Joel before the hospital in Salt Lake. Before he lost Ellie to a lie. Seen the ruthless, immovable survivor who did everything by the book and never once flirted with danger for the sake of a ridiculous thrill– just to feel something. But that was before “I swear.” Before “Okay.” 

The clink of your belt between Joel’s fingertips is the crank of a gun’s hammer pulling back. His own, slow suicide. 

The blunt head of his cock spears your cunt slowly, a shuddering breath buried in the crook of your neck as he sinks into your velvet heat. Thighs crushing his ribs, you rock your head back against the wall of the wardrobe and swallow down the wail that bubbles in your throat. 

Then he’s grasping the backs of your legs, just below the crook of your knees and folds them back against your chest. Joel’s practically folding you in half, exposing your glistening cunt before beginning a pace so devastating that it obliterates the primal fear settled deep within your gut and reinstates a carnal arousal that has you clawing at his shoulders. 

Again, his palm smothers your shrieks before you manage to ring the dinner bell. Joel, however, works in utter silence. Easing back before cracking his hips back into you, the most he offers in return is a soft groan of relief. Perhaps the jolting thrusts of his pelvis had shaken your very being from your body, but you’re almost certain you feel a smirk dance against your pulse. 

Dampness clings to your skin, fear and delight, horror and bliss drawing the perspiration from your pores. Joel loves it– lathes his tongue against your throat to taste the salt of you as he buries his cock deep inside of you. He’s bruising you. 

You try to say his name, but it dies in your throat before you even mouth it. Joel hears it anyway– he always does. Listens to the tremor in your thighs, pays attention to the tightening of your abdomen beneath his palm, takes heed of the strain of your leather boots when your toes curl. He responds likewise, roughly pushing his thumb into the throbbing swell of your clit.

It rocks through you, materialising so quickly there’s no way to halt the faint cry of bliss swallowed by Joel’s palm. He halts his thrusts suddenly, each muscle in his body stalling in fear as you come apart around his fat, throbbing dick. Tears well and stream from your eyes, bleeding into your hairline as you thrash against the seering pleasure. 

“F-Fuck–” Joel chokes quietly in your ear, and suddenly he’s pulsing, painting your pretty pussy with his cum. There’s so much of it, seeping from your folds and streaming down the inside of your thighs as he fucks it into you, face contorting with bliss as he overstimulates himself through his orgasm just to draw out the sensation a little longer. 

When the dust settles, no infected claw at the door. There’s no runners who have heard your cries, silence falling on the corridors of the hotel beyond the hinges of the wardrobe. Instead, an altogether different monster rears its ugly head and sinks its teeth into your flesh. Neither of you will admit it– can admit that the fear of being found, of being torn limb from limb and devoured had been enough to force a mind-shattering orgasm from Joel. No, you can’t admit it, but you can’t forget either. 

The cum leaking from between your legs as you both continue your journey back to Boston makes sure of it. 

pedro pascal/kinktober masterlist:

@xwing-baby , @mybugboy , @pansa-1-san , @pedrosprincess , @cosm1c-babe , @lil-stark , @heart-atttack @crybaby-blue-blog, @ssimelttilgniht @2pacacabra @pauldanosgf @leithatnight @kirsteng42 @dindjarinsmut @s0ftgabby @milly-louise @aynsleywalker @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @uncassettodiricordi @howellatme @mortallyuniquepeach @maviee @eatingtheworldsoffanfiction @stvrlights-world @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @girlofchaos @s-u-t @pintsizedsunshine @djarin-dreams @solidly-indulgent @bii-aan-ckaa @casa-boiardi @maelstrom007 @nikisfwn @levi-llama @haunt3dh3art @lundenloves @rentaldarling @cyberpr1m3 @jedi-in-crocs @yunggoblin @spideyman-peter @iaur @cool-iguana @paleidiot

@bloodmoon-bites @wiltedwonderland @doggydale @limegreenbabx @namelesshumanperson @ninahhh-brahh

[not-neverland06]

Alone and Forsaken

one-shot

Joel Miller x fem!reader

A/N: I got COVID and haven't had a coherent thought in five days, so if this doesn't make sense it's not my fault, it's the virus. (Thank you @benkeibear for the dividers)

Summary: You're aren't anything to Joel Miller. You're a comfort, habit, and necessity. But you've never been anything more. It gets to you and you do what you always do, you run. When you make the permanent move to Jackson you've got no choice but to face the truth of what you are to each other.

WC: 9.4K

Part two here

You glanced down at Ellie, sweat was beading on her forehead and she was shivering in her sleeping bag. You glanced towards Joel, he was staring down at his gun, he’d been cleaning it for the past ten minutes. 

“We’re right near Jack-”

“No,” his voice was rough, a command rather than an interruption. You sighed and went back to crafting some arrows for Ellie. “We’ll find some medicine tomorrow.”

You gave a noncommittal hum, you could hear him sigh from across the fire. You’d managed to clean out an old office today, you were camping out on the roof. Joel had determined the fog provided enough cover to not have to worry about others seeing the smoke. 

He placed his gun down and leaned his elbows on his knees, you could feel his stare boring into you but you refused to give in. He wasn’t the only one who could be a stubborn bastard. “Y/N-”

“You’re acting like an old fool.”

He scoffed, “I’m not that old.”

“Joel,” you finally glanced up. “Ellie needs medicine, we’re right near your brother’s we might as well see if he’s got anything.” He stared at you for a long moment, not saying anything, until his shoulders slumped and he shrugged. He went back to cleaning his gun and you could tell he had conceded. 

You’d made it to Jackson a year ago after the Firefly incident at the hospital. But it had been too much for all three of you. Years of killing, fighting to keep yourself alive, all on your own, it was too jarring to be in such a quaint little place. 

You couldn’t wake up every morning to a “Howdy, neighbor!” like nothing had changed. There were too many people and it was too forceful a transition from fighting for every last resource to suddenly having everything willingly handed to you. 

Eventually, when it became too tiring to keep fighting, you were sure you would move back to Jackson. For now, each of you enjoyed the freedom of not having to fight for anyone but yourselves. It was an occasional pit stop for supplies and a dose of normalcy. 

You’d been on the road for about six months now, it was time to cycle back onto the path towards Tommy. 

Good timing too, about two days ago Ellie had a sore throat and now she’s pretty much deadweight behind you both. “We’ll head out at dawn.” Joel stood up, nothing more to say, and took first watch. You tucked your arrows away and laid down, hoping to get some sleep before you were on the move again. 

“How much further?”

“Another few miles,” Joel glanced over his shoulder at you. “How’s she doing?”

“I’m doing fine,” Ellie interrupted. But it was hard to believe her when her voice was a barely audible croak and she was leaning against you for support. 

Joel sighed and glanced towards his right, there was a creek and a sunny patch of grass. He started towards it, dropping his pack on a rock and coming to a stop. “We’ll stop here for a break.”

“I said I’m fin-” 

She interrupted herself with a cough that was so jarring you winced. It sounded like her throat was being ripped apart. When she finally caught her breath she reluctantly followed you towards the creek next to Joel. “I’ll check out the area, we shouldn’t be out here long.”

Joel nodded, standing guard next to Ellie while she wheezed trying to catch her breath. You moved away from them, going to check the surrounding area. Just when you deemed too much time had passed and were about to turn around you could feel something cold pressing into the back of your head. 

“Don’t move.”

You slowly dropped your rifle to the forest floor, raising your hands in surrender as the person behind you pulled back the hammer of their gun. “Okay, it’s okay, we can talk about this.” The gun pulled back abruptly and then they were in front of you. 

“Y/N! Damn girl, almost killed you.” Tommy tucked his gun into his holster and pulled you into a brief hug. You sighed and picked your gun back up. 

“The hell are you doing this far out?”

“Been seeing a lot of infected, had to start patrolling out further.” Tommy peered around you, looking for something. “Joel with you?”

You nodded, leading him back to Joel. There was a brief reunion, nothing much considering they’ve been seeing each other a lot more than they used to. Tommy took Ellie on his horse back to Jackson, said it would be faster that way. 

You and Joel still had a few more miles left, walking in silence side by side. 

The silence, as always, had you contemplating your something with Joel. Because you wouldn’t say you and Joel were in a relationship. You’d both loved and lost too much in your life to ever truly be open to something like that again. 

But you granted each other a softness you didn’t offer anyone else. There was an unspoken connection between the two of you that never went acknowledged. You glanced over at him, nudging his arm with your elbow. “More excited about coffee or a shower?”

“More excited about you finally showering.”

You scoffed in faux offense and shoved him lightly. His eyes crinkled, the crow’s feet becoming more prominent as he smirked at you. “Jerk. I smell amazing,” that was a blatant lie. Neither of you smelled great. It’d been about a week since you’d had a chance to really freshen up. Still, it was always fun to mess with him a little bit. 

When you finally made it to Jackson you moved quickly through the inspection station, showing the medics your bite-free body and then headed towards Ellie. 

She was already knocked out, whatever flu medicine they’d managed to scrounge up had done its job quickly. Maria led you to a house at the far end of town, you watched as Joel entered the one across from you. 

You showered, enjoying the foreign feeling of fresh, hot, water running over your skin. You used the clothes Maria provided you, but after an hour of just wandering around the house you were starting to feel restless. 

You had sat on the couch, stared at the black screen of the TV, and gotten back up about three times. You huffed out an irritated breath and headed towards the door. You weren’t sure where you were going but the quiet was starting to feel suffocating. 

The pristine, cozy house, was overwhelming you with memories of a past best left forgotten. You opened the door-

“Why!”

“Shit,” Joel grimaced, offering you an awkward pat on the shoulder instead of an apology. You rubbed your forehead, pain radiating from where he’d hit you. “I was trying to knock, didn’t think you’d open the door.”

You sighed, glancing up at him and shrugging. “I can’t stand being in here. House is too…”

“Big,” he finished. You nodded, stepping outside and joining him on the porch. You both started walking, heading towards his house, the one that actually had chairs on the patio. Luckily the houses you were staying in this time around were farther away from everyone else. 

People walking with their families was a distant noise that was barely discernible. 

Families

The thought made you want to scoff. Families in the apocalypse, fucking ridiculous. “It’s peaceful here.”

“For them,” you glanced at Joel and he seemed to share the same thought as you. You’d changed too much, spilled too much blood to ever let yourself be fully comfortable in a place like this. 

“Do you think you could ever be happy here?” 

You glanced across the street at the large looming house you had just been in. “Not in there, it’s too big for one person.” He nodded, his fingers drumming a soundless tune against his jeans while he sat with you. 

“Went down and saw Ellie while you were cleaning up. She’s making friends.”

You looked at him in astonishment. Hard to believe she was bedridden and being pleasant. He laughed a little and shook his head. “Well, I suppose they were interrogating her more than anything.”

You smiled slightly, “That’s more like it.” 

He was looking off at the town, viewing the few distant people you could see. “She’s been asking to come back a lot more. I think she likes movie nights.” You sighed, knowing where this was going. You supposed the change was inevitable, you had just really hoped that you could push it off a little while longer. 

You just weren’t ready. 

“House is too big for me, too. Maybe it needs two people.” He was already looking at you when you turned to face him. His face didn’t betray anything but a type of tiredness that was set deep in someone’s bones. 

You could say no, go off on your own. You’d make it a little while longer but the loneliness would get to you and eventually you’d slip up. Be torn apart or turned. 

Besides, you weren’t ready to leave them, leave him. Not yet. 

“Yeah, maybe.”

One Year Later

“Morning.”

You groaned at the sound of Joel’s voice, rolling over and covering your head with a pillow. He laughed and you could feel it reverberate through your back where his chest was resting on you. 

“Come on, darling. It’s noon, you have to take care of the sheep today.” 

You weren’t exactly verbal when you’re woken up abruptly. So you just grumbled-most likely something incredibly rude-under your breath and curled up into a ball.

Joel chuckled again, his arms wrapped around your waist and rolled you over. He dragged you out of the warmth of the blankets and directly back into the sunlit room. “Joel,” you groaned. “Five more minutes.”

“Nope.” He stood up, you still slightly in his arms. He half carried and half dragged you out of bed. You held onto the blankets and kept your eyes closed as long as you could. But when your feet touched the cool wood you conceded that your day had started. Whether you wanted it to or not. “Ugh, you’re a real piece of work. You know that?”

Joel let out a surprised scoff as you walked past him into the bathroom. You could hear him muttering under his breath about who was really the piece of work in this home. But he didn’t say anything to you, just joined you at the sink to brush his teeth.

Sometimes the normalcy was nice. You’d wake up and most days Joel was there next to you. Or he was making you both breakfast, or occasionally a note left next to a plate of food telling you he was out on patrol. 

You spent most of your time together, sharing the big old house while Ellie slept in the converted shed out back. But days like today, where he tried to joke with you while he brushed his teeth but his voice was too thick with sleep and you couldn’t understand his accent, they made you ache. 

Your heart would pulse painfully and you’d have to look away from him. You shared the same bed, lived in the same house. But you didn’t mean anything to him. You were just an old friend there to keep him warm at night. 

You’re pretty sure you’d both been traveling together for so long that it was habit and necessity that kept you together more than anything. You wished, yearned for more from him, but you knew he could never give it to you. You knew it was an impossible ask. 

Which made staying with him start to feel more suffocating. You feel like another part of his routine. Something akin to brushing his teeth rather than genuinely wanting you around, a chore. And you couldn’t handle that feeling anymore. 

You were drowning in the comfort of Jackson. But you were too much of a coward to ever fully leave him. Too hopeful to let go of that one fleeting feeling that maybe one day you could be more to him.

Joel smiled at you as you made your way downstairs. “I got your lunch, you should probably head out now. You’re already late.”

You took the bag from him, thanking him and left for the sheep. And that night when your shift was over you’d look over at Joel’s house. You’d see him strumming lightly on his guitar as he waited for you and you’d slip out of Jackson’s walls. Unwilling to face another night of heartache that made you feel so ridiculous. 

2 Years Later

“Y/N in here? Jesse’s looking for her.”

Joel glanced up from his guitar, he had been tuning it when Ellie’s head popped over his porch rail. “No, haven’t seen her in a couple days.”

He’d known being in Jackson was too much for you. Sometimes when he was getting a drink at the bar he could feel his skin crawling with how many people were surrounding him. His instinct to always be on guard, always be alert, was not easily lost after so many years. 

There was the siren’s call of peace here in this town, but he still had to patrol. Still had you, Ellie, and himself to look out for. He could never afford to let himself fully settle into the calm reprieve of Jackson. It would end up screwing him over only when he was outside the safety of the walls. 

So he sat, always a curling, burning feeling in his stomach as he tried to untense his shoulders. Join his brother for a ‘family’ dinner. Plaster on as friendly a grimace as he could when his neighbors would wave in the morning. 

You were not the same. You didn’t bother with pretending to be happy for Ellie’s comfort. You patrolled near constantly, outside the walls more than you were in. Which set him even more on edge. You’d be gone for days at a time before mysteriously appearing in his bed one morning. 

You’d smile then, as genuine a smile you could manage. Every time he’d ask where you’d gone and you would tell him you needed some air. He never asked what you did on the outside, where the bruises came from or what you’d done to earn them. 

You would eat breakfast, listen to him strum on his guitar and in a few more days disappear again. He thinks one of these days, now that Ellie’s grown, he might just disappear alongside you. Ellie sighed, “What’s Jesse want with her?” Joel asked. 

“He was gonna have her patrol with him today,” she had a shit-eating grin on her face as she propped her head in her hand. “I think he’s got a crush on her.”

Joel barked out a laugh, imagining Jesse pining after someone as disinterested as you. He’s sure he just admires you like he admires Joel. He looks up to you, probably just presents differently. “I’d love to see him try something,” he said through laughter.

Ellie shook her head, walking up the stairs and sitting next to him. “I’m pretty sure he’s terrified of her.”

He shook his head, “Rough combo.” Poor kid probably didn’t realize you weren’t mean, you just had a real bad resting face. “Ya know, I gotta head out soon. I can see if I can find her.”

Ellie perked up, crossing her legs as she leaned back in the rocking chair. “Would you?”

“Sure,” Joel went to place his guitar down but Ellie stopped him. 

“What’re you working on?”

“Oh,” he glanced at the instrument and shrugged. He wasn’t sure, really. He’d had to step back from patrolling as much as he used to. The cold was fucking with his back and knees. Made it harder for him to be as fast as he should be. You liked to tease him about it, call him an old man, but he caught you rubbing your shoulder every time it was about to rain. 

But without the ability to go on rides or kill infected, he was beginning to feel restless again. An uncomfortable thrumming under his skin that screamed at him to move, do something. So he screwed around with the guitar, tried to sing something, but nothing came out. 

He passed it over to Ellie, she immediately propped it on her lap, strumming something soft. “Nothing really, just needed something to do.” He sat with her a little while longer, giving her pointers as she went over some songs she’d been writing. 

He groaned as he got off the old rocking chair, saying goodbye to Ellie and heading to the stables. He was sure you were nearby, somewhere in a three mile perimeter of town. You’d been gone about four days, usually you’d be coming back by now. 

Tommy was waiting for him as he got his horse. “Partnering up today.”

“Alright,” Joel rode up to the barred gate of Jackson, waiting for the doors to open. “Ellie wanted me to look for Y/N while we’re out here.”

Tommy’s brows furrowed as he glanced at him. “She still gone?”

Joel hummed an affirmative, brushing the hair out of his eyes in irritation. You’d have to cut it again, it had gotten too damn long. He felt like one of the stupid teenage boys in town, always blowing his damn hair out of his face. 

“Where’d ya wanna head first?”

“She likes lurking around that old ski resort. We’ll see if she’s there first. If not, I’m sure she’ll pop up soon.” 

They rode in silence for a little while before Tommy sighed. Clearly growing bored with the lack of conversation. Joel let his brother suffer, watching in amusement as he shifted back and forth in his saddle and tried to think of what to say. 

He finally broke, showing Tommy some mercy. “Jesus, boy, spit it out.”

“It’s just,” Tommy paused, slowing down his mare to match Joel’s slow pace. “It doesn’t bother you?”

“What?”

“Her being out her on her own all the time. I mean, if Maria left as often as Y/N does I’d be losing my mind.”

“Well,” Joel sighed, “I’m a lot tougher than you are.”

Tommy scoffed, glaring at him. “Whatever smartass, I wasn’t screwing around, I want to know.”

“Fine. Don’t know why you’re so damn interested.” Joel shrugged, thinking about it before finally answering. “Yeah, I guess it bothers me, a little. I mean, I’ve known her a long time. I know she can handle herself, I’m not really worried about her dying or nothing. I’m more worried about her just deciding she wants to be gone for good and leaving.”

Tommy was quiet for a bit, leaving Joel uncomfortable. The answer wasn’t very deep. It didn’t share a lot, but it left him feeling a particular shade of vulnerable that had him shifting around. He rolled his shoulders back, focusing on the feeling of snow nipping at his cheeks rather than his younger brother’s nosy stare. 

“I woudln’t worry about that.”

“Yeah,” Joel’s voice was curt, snappier than usual. “Why’s that?”

“Well, I don’t fucking know why, but she likes you. Likes Ellie, she might not love Jackson, but she wouldn’t just leave you guys.”

“Since when the hell are you an expert?”

Tommy smirked, “Since I got married.” Joel rolled his eyes, his brother had gotten entirely too smug when he married Maria. Suddenly, being married, made him an expert in anything and everything. He certaintly didn’t know a damn thing about Joel’s love life. 

Or lack thereof. 

Because you’d never talked about what you were, if you even were anything. That’s probably why it set him on edge so much when you left. You weren’t his to love or keep-honestly he wasn’t sure he was capable of that type of love anymore. 

You were friends. Allies more than anything, which was arguably more important in this world. There was nothing to tie you to him or encourage you to stay. 

He wasn’t deluded enough to believe you’d stay for Ellie. She was pretty much an adult now, and you’d never been a parent before. You didn’t know what the pain of losing a child was, she wasn’t as important to you as she was to him. 

He had no damn idea what had kept you here for so long. But he knew you were getting restless and he didn’t know how to help. 

They made it to the ski lodge and immediately leapt off their horses. There were screams coming from inside, screams that sounded a lot like yours. Joel ran for the doors, finger already on the trigger when the doors blew open. 

You looked up at him in surprise, “Joel! What’re you doing out here?” He drew back, stopping himself from slamming into you. 

His eyes scanned your form, you were covered head to toe in gore. The bandanna pushing your hair back had been a light blue, but now it was completely dyed red. Your jacket was in shreds. But you were still smiling up at him, then Tommy. 

“Jesus H Christ woman,” Tommy muttered behind him. 

You looked down at yourself, “Oh, yeah.” You sighed and once again were staring at Joel. “Fucking clickers, weren’t here before.”

“Are you alright? Were you bit?”

You waved off Joel’s concern like he was being dramatic. Like you weren’t standing before him covered head to toe in guts. “I’m fine.”

“Dammit,” you jumped slightly at the sound of his voice. He was getting a little louder, voice a little deeper as his frustration grew. He hated when you were this flippant about basic safety. “I told you to stop coming out so much, that we’d been-”

“Seeing more hordes. I know, sorry Joel, I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’ll,” you trailed off, your eyes darting around before reluctantly landing back on his. “I promise I’ll stop leaving.”

Joel glanced behind himself, but Tommy had wandered back over to the horses. He was the opposite of subtle as he whistled, clearly giving you as much privacy as he could. Joel turned back towards you and took a step closer. 

“I’m not telling you to stop coming out here completely. I don’t want to take that from you.”

You shook your head, stepping closer as you shivered. Joel figured your jacket was in tatters and you were probably freezing your ass off. He took off one of his own coats and draped it over you. “I’m being reckless, risking infecting you and Ellie by coming out so much. Besides, it’s starting to get a little lonely.”

“Well,” Joel gave you a brief smile, “maybe one of these days you should wake me up when you slip away. I’ll come out here with you.”

You grinned, “Think you’d be able to keep up, old man?”

He scoffed, slinging an arm over your shoulder and leading you back to his horse. “Could you?”

You laughed, “With you? Probably not.” He was just about to join you up on Sunny when all three of you heard a strange noise coming up towards the lifts. You had cleared out the resort. So, what could it be?

You hopped off Sunny quickly, pulling out one of your guns and following Tommy and Joel as they went back through the clicker infested hellhole you’d just cleared. The noises got louder, it sounded a lot like feet pounding up the mountain. 

You made it outside, near the resort's old supply sheds. You were checking out the area, double checking you didn’t miss any infected. You were about to turn back around when you heard a scream. 

You ran towards the source of the noise, watching as a woman was crushed under a swarming body of infested. The only thing separating her from them was a flimsy metal gate. Tommy rushed forward before either you or Joel could stop him. Grabbing her and dragging her out from the bodies. 

“Fuck!”

“Tommy!”

Both of you wanted to scream at him. That was such an unbelievably stupid thing to do. She’d had at least fifty infected on top of her, there’s no way she wasn’t bit. But beyond that she was a stranger, you had no idea if she was a piece of shit that would lead raiders right back to Jackson or not. 

You didn’t have time to scold him, though, the swarm was screaming, racing towards you all. You ran back into the resort, heart racing as you slammed the doors to the lift closed behind you. “Tommy!” Joel called out, “Help me move this!”

They worked on wheeling a broke down lift towards an open window. You turned towards the hulking woman, “Got a gun?”

She nodded and you tossed her some ammo, “Good. Don’t fucking miss.” You raced throughout the station, trying to keep infected off Tommy and Joel while they moved the lift. But there was only so much you could do. Your rifle had jammed and you had used most of your supplies taking the clickers out earlier. 

And these bastards were fast, they seemed faster than normal. Maybe the cold irritated them or something. 

You screamed, taken off your feet as a runner threw itself at you. You rolled over, shoving your gun in its mouth and pulling the trigger. Brains splattered onto your face and before you could even roll it off of you there was another one leaping at you. 

Before it could sink its teeth in your neck there was the warm feeling of blood trailing down your chest. Joel stood over you, machete buried in the infected’s back as he yanked you to your feet. He didn’t let you walk, grabbing you and practically sending you flying towards Tommy. 

You scrambled up the lift and through the window, running towards the horses and mounting Sunny. You grabbed Tommy’s mare and rode the horses back to the open window. You watched the others spill out, keeping an eye out for any more infected and letting Joel hop up in front of you. 

Tommy and the woman shared a horse as she screamed out instructions to head towards the old mansion at the top of the mountain. You were too busy keeping infected away from your group to fully realize where you were going until it was too late. 

You were already through the gates of the mansion, infected being set on fire behind you when you grasped the situation at hand. 

You’d just wandered into some stranger’s camp, nearly completely empty on ammo, battered and tired. You didn’t know who she was or who her people were. Joel and Tommy seemed to be realizing that too, each of them tensing up as they got off the horses. 

“Thanks for the help back there. I’m Abby.”

Joel offered you a hand down, you hopped off Sunny and glanced around the garage. You were definitely fucking outnumbered and they had way more ammo than you. 

You hid slightly behind Joel, taking in the amount of people and trying to gauge how many guns were in the garage. Your eye snagged on a lone shotgun on a workstation and the bullets surrounding it. 

“I’m Tommy, this is my brother Joel…” Tommy’s voice trailed off before he could introduce you. Instantly everyone in the room had turned to stare at Joel, and every single one of them looked hostile. Like he’d punched each of them in the face at one point. 

And honestly with the amount of people he’s screwed over you wouldn’t be surprised. Still, this was not promising. 

Joel tensed up in front of you, nudging you slightly behind Sunny. You ducked behind her, hoping to go unnoticed by the rest of them and praying that Sunny didn’t buck out at you. 

Abby sucked on her teeth. She stared at Joel for a long minute before nodding her head towards the door and heading up the stairs. “Joel,” you whispered.

He shook his head, subtly waving you back into place as he was forced to follow the others up the stairs. You watched them herd him and Tommy out, one of the men in the back checked his ammo was loaded and you felt your throat seize in panic. 

Shit shitshitshitshitshit

Okay, this turned into a clusterfuck so insanely fast. You waited until every set of footsteps was a distant echo to move out from behind the horses. You were nearly out the door when you double backed for the shotgun. 

You heard a shout from upstairs, your head whipping towards the open door. You raced up the stairs, “Tommy!” It was Joel shouting, panic lacing his voice. 

You can never say what happened next exactly. You made it up the stairs, heard the sound of a shotgun being cocked and you’d never run that fast in your life. 

The door to the room was open, all you could see was Abby with a gun in hand, pointing it towards Joel. Your finger was on the trigger before you could even aim properly. The shot missed, hitting the wall behind her, grazing her back slightly. 

But it caused enough of a distraction, Joel wrenched the gun from her grasp, using the butt of it to knock her out. You shot at one of the men pinning Tommy down, it caught him in the side and he dropped to the ground. Crimson pooling out around him. 

The room went quiet, each of them staring at their dead comrade. “You cunt,” the woman leapt at you, knife raised in the air. You didn’t notice her protruding stomach until you had pulled the trigger. Her legs flew out from under her, nearly completely blown off from the shotgun blast. 

There was a primal sound of pain. One you’d heard many times in your life. It came from two directions, the pregnant woman bleeding out on the ground and the man who was now  flying at you. 

He knocked you to the ground. You wrestled for control of the shotgun, his hips pinning your pelvis painfully to the floor. You groaned out in pain and panic, shoving all your weight into the gun, bringing it up to catch him in the jaw. His head knocked to the side and you shoved him off of you. 

Shots were firing all around you, different screams and insults flying past your head. You were tuning in and out, ears ringing as you wrapped your arms around the man’s neck. You pulled until it snapped. When you were done you swiped his pistol from his holster, stepping over the twitching woman below you. 

There were only three people left when you walked back into the room, Tommy and Joel disposed of them quickly while you grabbed some rope and tied up Abby. She was still knocked out, a bad bruise forming on her head. You can imagine her day was going to get a lot worse when she woke up and saw the carnage around her. 

It was a slaughter, each of her friend’s lay brutally destroyed at her feet. 

But, it was their own damn fault. They shouldn’t have tried and fucked with you all. 

“Are you okay?” It was your turn to fuss over Joel. He had clearly been their target. It had to have been someone you’d screwed over, Joel had screwed over. But the list was too long and you’d never seen this woman before. 

Joel nodded, but there was blood soaking through his jacket. You ignored his protests, ripping the jacket off and inspecting the wound. It wasn’t anything too bad, a bullet must have just skimmed his bicep. You wrapped it up pretty quickly, then you let your head fall to his chest. 

He chuckled slightly, his hand coming behind you to rest on your back. “You okay?”

“I was scared.”

Your voice was quiet, quiet enough that you almost hoped he had missed your small confession. “What?”

His hand had stilled before it moved up your back and lightly cupped your neck. He tilted your head back so you had to look at him, had to make eye contact. “I was scared.” You huffed out, nearly ashamed at presenting yourself like this to him. 

You didn’t get scared, the entire time you’ve known him you’ve each been fighting for your lives. This wasn’t anything new. But something about this really got to you. It felt more final this time. “They were after you, Joel. Had a gun pointed to your head.”

“I always have a gun pointed at my head, darling. Comes with the territory.” You rolled your eyes and stepped away from him, ignoring the way his hand lingered on your cheek for a moment before it dropped to his side. 

The door behind you all flew open and all three guns were pointed at the intruder. Ellie raised her hands and stumbled back in shock at the sight of the dead bodies around you all. “Holy shit. What the fuck happened?”

You sighed and lowered your gun, Tommy and Joel doing the same. “Ellie, head back to Dina,” you instructed. You were going to have to get some information from Abby, you were sure Joel didn’t want her to see the methods about to be used. 

Ellie opened her mouth to argue but Joel cut her off. “Do as she says, Ellie. Head back to the others and say everything’s fine and that we’ll be back soon.”

She seemed like she wanted to stay, desperately. Instead she conceded and closed the door behind her as she left. You, Joel, and Tommy each shared a look before you got to work. 

Abby was tied up in a chair, you’d wrapped her up more than you would have with anyone else, mainly because her biceps were the size of your head. 

When she finally woke up, she immediately started screaming. You’d moved the bodies of her friends, propping them up in front of her so they were the first thing she saw when she woke up. 

Tommy had left for Jackson, made sure no one would suspect why you and Joel were gone for so long. Now you were sitting on a table behind Abby while Joel started. “What are you doing here?”

“Fuck you,” she spat. 

Joel sighed and tried again, “Does anyone else know you’re here?”

Same response. It happened a few more times, she was unphased by anything Joel did to her. Just telling him to fuck off more times than you could count. You got sick of it after a while. 

You hadn’t had to torture anyone in a couple years, you were hoping to just get this over with as quickly as possible. You stood up and Joel let go of Abby’s chair, backing away from her. 

“My partner,” you started, “prefers brute force to get the answers he wants. Me,” you stood in front of Abby and pulled out your hunting knife. “I’m a little more creative.”

You dug the knife into her skin, peeling back a layer or two of epidermis and ignoring the way she screamed. Twenty years ago, you might have felt guilty for this. Now, she’d tried to hurt Joel, she’d brought this on herself. 

Five pulled nails and a lot of skin later she finally squealed. No one knew they were out here. They were stationed in Seattle and wouldn’t come looking. Joel had killed her father, the doctor from the hospital, and she wanted revenge. 

You rolled your eyes, pointing out the hypocrisy of her actions. How many fathers had she killed on her way here to get to Joel. How many lives had she taken to protect someone she loved. When she tried to argue you slit her throat and dragged the bodies to be put in the pile of burned infested. 

“Damn.” You sat behind Joel on Sunny, watching the bodies go up in flames. He turned her around, heading back towards Jackson. “What a way to start the day.”

The bed was empty when Joel woke up. He felt surprised, usually you gave him a few days before you left again. But before he could linger on the thought for too long the door to the bedroom was opening and you were walking in. Your back was to him, you were carrying something in your hands. 

When you turned around you frowned when you saw him already waiting for you. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”

“What are you doing?”

You swatted him away when he stood and tried to help you carry the tray in the room. You put it on the nightstand and shoved him back in bed. He could have resisted, pushed against you, but he let himself fall as he chuckled at the determined look on your face. 

You hummed and shrugged your shoulders, placing the tray in his lap. “Thought I’d bring you breakfast.” He glanced down, a plate with a stack of pancakes, bacon, and eggs. Most importantly; coffee. 

“Where the hell’d you get all this?” You didn’t answer, just had a mischievous little smirk on your face while you tidied up the room. Joel caught your wrist as you passed him, he tugged you into bed next to him, careful not to spill the tray. “Come on, help me out with all this. Can’t eat it all on my own.”

He could, and would do so eagerly. But it had been a while since he’d eaten breakfast without you rushing out the door. And for once, he was feeling domestic without the crushing weight of guilt turning the taste of your pancakes bitter in his mouth. He wanted to enjoy this, however long it lasted. 

You didn’t bother arguing, picking off some of his food while you both sat in contented silence. Eventually you broke it, sitting at the end of the bed so you could face him while he sipped on his coffee. 

Lord, he had missed the taste of caffeine. 

“Where are you working today?”

“Promised Bob I’d help him out with shoeing the horses today. You?”

“Helping Maria with fixing up that new classroom in school.”

“You're not leaving? You've been hangin’ around here a lot.”

He knew instantly he shouldn’t have opened his mouth. 

What once had been easy silence instantly turned tense. The warm sun that had filtered through the blinds was right in his eyes and causing a headache. The sheets were scratchy and that blank look on your face was oppressive. 

Your easygoing smile, one he hadn’t seen in a long time, dropped from your face and you shifted uncomfortably on top of the comforter. “Yeah, guess you're right.”

“Didn’t mean it like-”

You stood up, patting his leg with an awkward stiltedness and moved to the closet. “I should head out, promised Maria we’d get it done by end of day.” 

He knew what he said had been wrong, but he wasn’t completely sure what about it was so wrong. He watched you leave without another word and sighed to himself, getting out of bed and forcing himself from the comfort of the house. 

He’d only had a moment, one singular moment, where he’d finally been able to relax for once. And he didn’t feel restless, or anxious, or guilty about it. He’d felt at ease, a feeling so foreign it was halfway through the day before he’d finally been able to identify it. 

He was in the middle of cleaning Sunny’s hoof and he’d nearly gotten kicked in the face with his distraction. 

But he didn’t have any sort of epiphany over what could have possibly upset you so much. 

A normal person, not you apparently, would be completely unbothered by Joel’s question. Because that’s all it was. A question, a simple, understandable, inquiry about why someone as flighty as you had been in one place for so long. 

Still it stung. He’d said with a tone like ‘Why the hell are you still in my house?’ And in a crazy, uber-paranoid-lady way, it was confirmation of what you were to him. You were a daily task, necessity, and required comfort, but you were not something permanent. And you’d deluded yourself into believing you were something more. Your own fault, not something to place on Joel’s shoulders. 

Still, the bitter taste of rejection was a hard one to get off the tongue. 

“God, I’m insane.”

“What was that?”

You glanced up at Maria, momentarily having forgotten you weren’t alone. “Um, nothing, sorry.” You let yourself get lost in the repetitive motion of painting the walls of the classroom. Using old stencils they’d found or created to do a row of ABC’s and numbers along the perimeter of the wall. 

How is this what you turned into? 

You’d gone from a deadbeat smuggler who’d kill without a second thought to someone painting an elementary classroom worrying about boys. 

Well, men, you supposed. Seemed unfair to put Joel in the same category as someone like Jesse. 

Even though you were sure that Jesse would never make you feel like a chore instead of a person. 

Annnnnd… new low reached, considering Jesse as a viable option for dating. Damn, you needed a hobby or something. 

Around noon Tommy stopped by, he had sandwiches from Seth and you didn’t want to think about the lengths he’d gone through to get them from the cantankerous old asshole. 

“So,” there was a certain tone of voice Tommy would get when he was about to meddle in someone’s business. You stopped midchew to stare at him in suspicion while he smirked. Maria eyed her husband and simply sighed, resigned to let him interrogate you. “You and Joel.”

You huffed, swallowing the rest of your food and throwing the sandwich down on the plate next to you. “This was a bribe wasn’t it?”

He laughed, “Yep.” 

It was interesting to you how different Joel and Tommy were. Joel’s accent was gruff, commanding, most times hard to understand. Especially when he was pissed off. Tommy had a lightness to him the both of you lacked. You assumed it came from Jackson, he’d been here a lot longer than either of you. And he’d also found Maria. 

He also didn’t know how to butt out. A skill Joel, thankfully, understood. “Just curious about you two. You know, Joel’s seemed a lot happier in Jackson now that you’ve been around longer than a week.”

“Well, I think he’s getting a little sick of me.”

Tommy frowned, “Why’s that?”

You shrugged, taking another bite before answering. “I don’t know, just something he said this morning.”

“What’d he say?”

“Damn, Tommy, I can’t remember. It was how he said it, I guess.” You huffed and glared at him, “Look we’re not your new version of the bachelor, alright. Butt out.”

Maria opened her mouth, probably to scold you for being a bitch. Tommy held up a hand and shook his head. “Alright, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“That’s it?” You asked, watching as he finished his sandwich and wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Yep,” he leaned over to kiss Maria on the cheek and gave you a strong pat on the back. “That’s it. Message received, I’ll just butt out now.”

Both you and Maria watched him go, a suspicious look on both of your faces as he went. Tommy never gave up that easy, ever. “You know he’s up to something, right?”

You glanced over at Maria, sighing as you picked up your paintbrush again. “I know.”

The answer to what exactly he’d been planning came three days later. 

Despite yourself and your feelings of rejection, you’d stayed in Jackson. You’d been paranoid since the run in with Abby and her people. It was dangerous for Joel to stay in one place, word would spread and old enemies would know where to find him. 

That thought plagued you every time you glanced at the door out of Jackson. If something happened while you were gone and pouting over something petty, you’d never forgive yourself. 

But you did put some distance between you and Joel. Staying in the guest room instead of his, not bringing him breakfast like some wife from the fifties. You’d put up boundaries where there weren’t any before, determined not to be used as some sort of daily comfort. 

And if Joel had anything against these new unsaid rules, he didn’t react. Which kind of pissed you off more. Trust, if there was a therapist you would see one. You’re aware your train of thinking isn’t what most would consider healthy. 

But there isn’t, so you just force yourself to push it down everyday and keep going. Like you always have. It wasn’t until you got here that rejections or emotions meant anything to you. This place was making you too damn soft. 

Tommy dropped by one night and invited both you and Joel over to his for dinner and Joel had accepted before you could say no. 

There wasn’t much you could bring over, you couldn’t cook and didn’t feel like burning down the kitchen trying. So you stole some flowers from the garden of the mean old lady that lived next to you while Joel kept watch. 

Maria and Tommy’s house wasn’t too far from you and Joel, but god, walking next to him you’d think they lived a mile away. 

“You know, foods gonna be gone by the time we get there.”

Joel huffed out a short laugh. “We got time. Feel like you’re always tryna rush off lately.” You didn’t have an answer for him, not one that wouldn’t reveal why you didn’t want to be alone with him. So you just shrugged. 

You could feel him staring at you, eyes drilling holes in the back of your head, but you refused to say anything. “How’s the guest room?”

The question caught you off guard, you stumbled over your own feet for a second before turning around to face him. ��Uh, fine. Bed’s smaller, I guess. But I don’t have a giant hogging the sheets,” you attempted to smile at him. But he didn’t seem to find anything funny about your response. 

His brows were furrowed, lips set in a pissy sort of line. You finally caught on to the undertones of anger in his voice. The special sort of gruffness that only comes out when he’s pissed off. 

“Why?”

He shrugged, “Just wondering.” And that was it. He brushed past where you’d stopped walking to face him. His shoulder clipping you as he did and was walking off to Tommy’s, leaving you behind. 

You scoffed at the attitude. Not entirely sure what you’d done to deserve it and followed after him. The both of you finished the walk in angered silence, neither one of you aware why the other was so angry. You just were. 

When Tommy opened the door the smile on his face quickly turned into a smirk. “There you two are. Trouble in paradise?”

You shoved the flowers into his chest and stormed past him. “For Maria.”

You heard Joel mutter the same thing you’d told Tommy a few days ago. “Butt out.”

Maria was in the kitchen, finishing off whatever meat she’d decided to cook for you all tonight. You’d gotten so used to the QZ’s strange square ration bars, sometimes you struggled  actually identifying real food. 

You helped her set the table, ignoring the stares of both men on your back and were about to sit down… When Tommy literally dove under you to force you to sit next to Joel. 

You glared at him while you circled the table, throwing yourself down into the chair and sighing at the self-satisfied look on his face. “Your brother’s insufferable.”

Joel grumbled but didn’t say anything. So you were getting the silent treatment now. Really? 

Fucking child. 

“Alright, dinner is served.” Maria placed the roast on the table and took a seat beside Tommy, smiling at you all. She either didn’t notice or didn’t care how tense it was on your and Joel’s side. 

“Thank you, Maria.”

You forced a smile, not one to let Joel be the only one with manners. “Yes, thank you, Maria.” She hummed, carving into the roast and taking a slice for herself and Tommy. You reached for the knife and fork but Joel beat you to it. 

He cut off a portion and dropped it down on your plate, the mash potatoes spreading slightly at the impact. You sighed, muttering a belligerent thank you and took a bite. 

Couldn’t help himself could he? Always the Texan gentleman. 

It was infuriating. 

For a few minutes there was only the sound of metal scraping porcelain. And you felt bad, honestly, Maria and Tommy invited you both over for a nice dinner and you were pouting like toddlers. 

You weren’t even sure why you were upset with each other!

Obviously, you were still stinging from Joel’s use of your “relationship.” But you had no clue what had crawled up his ass and died. “Can you pass the bread?”

You looked up from your plate, staring at the side of Joel’s head. He continued to shovel food in his face. “Joel?” Nothing, not even a twitch. 

You reached across from him, purposefully shoving your arm in front of him so he couldn’t eat the bite on his fork and grabbed the bread basket. “Ain’t got manners, now?” He growled at you, his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Says you,” you hissed back. This was devolving into childish anger so quickly. And you didn’t know why! 

God, what was his problem?

“So,” Tommy started and you were startled out of your glaring match with Joel. “Y/N, you know Bob?”

You slowly turned away from Joel and nodded. “Yeah, the horse guy.”

“Yeah, he’s been asking about you.” Tommy took another bite of food and shrugged, “Told him you were free this Saturday.”

You ignored Joel’s fork clanking loudly against his plate and shook your head. “No I’m not. I’m patrolling with Joel.”

Tommy waved you off, “Nah, don’t worry about it. You need to get out more anyway. Socialize some.”

“Tommy,” Joel started. His voice was low, an unspoken warning lacing it. “You need to stop meddling.”

“What? You’ve got a problem with a little date, Joel?”

You glanced between the two, hidden in their stares was a secret language only the brothers were privy to. There was a tense silence before Joel was picking his fork back up and eating, refusing to make eye contact with anyone at the table. 

“Not interested, Tommy. Thanks though.” It would feel wrong going on some blind date like you weren’t currently pining over the man you lived with. Besides, you were past the period of life where you wanted to ‘date.’ About one apocalypse past it. 

“Too bad, you’re going.” You opened your mouth to argue but both Tommy and Maria were leveling you with glares that allowed no room for negotiation. Since when did Maria join him in these ridiculous schemes?

“We’re having our harvest festival this weekend,” Maria stated. “Bob will accompany you.”

The rest of dinner was spent with Tommy and Maria blabbering away while you and Joel fumed in your seats. You didn’t know his reason but you were pretty pissed off you were being forced into a date. 

One, you were planning on skipping the stupid fucking harvest thing. It was a waste of resources and you didn’t understand why they clung to old traditions so desperately. 

Two, you didn’t want to go on a date. The only man you wanted to be with was sitting next to you and currently taking his anger out on a piece of bread. 

You let your mind fade into the background. Your eyes tracked the movements of Joel’s hands while he ate, no longer hearing Tommy and Maria. Until you blinked and dinner was over and Joel was waiting for you by the door. 

You nearly jumped at how loudly Joel slammed the door closed. You toed your boots off, watching him throw his jacket on the kitchen chair and reach for the bottle of whiskey on the counter. He ignored you, heading up the stairs and into his office. 

You took in a deep breath, trying to shake off the funk from the last couple of days. Slowly you made your way up the stairs, knocking on the doorframe to his office. 

He was just sitting in his chair, staring at the guitar on his desk. There was a glass of amber liquor in his hand, but he wasn’t making any moves to drink more. “Wanna talk?”

“‘Bout what?” He placed the glass on the table and picked up the new strings for his guitar. 

“I don’t know,” you walked in and sat down on the stool next to him. “You’ve seemed off since we left for Tommy’s.” 

His finger drummed across the denim of his jeans. He stared through the window, the lights of Jackson casting a warm glow over his face. 

If you tilted your head just right it softened him. The scars faded, the only wrinkles you could see were smile lines and you could see a shadow of the man he once was. The father, brother, contractor, someone long lost to the cruelties of time and the world outside these walls. 

“A date,” he scoffed. “My brother never knows when to stop, does he?” You didn’t bother answering. You know he wasn’t talking to you, just thinking out loud. 

You propped your elbow on his desk, resting your head while you waited for him to collect his thoughts. He let out a long sigh, his eyes on the guitar while he addressed you. 

“You drive me insane, you know that?”

“I’m aware.”

He cracked, his lips lifting slightly at the corners. Barely a smile, but it was better than nothing. “I think I’ve got you figured out. Think I finally understand how this,” he gestures between the two of you, “works. Then you disappear, or bring me breakfast, or you suddenly leave and start sleeping in another bed and I’m lost all over again.”

You shifted in your seat, fiddling with your nails, trying to figure out what he meant. If either of you were confused, it was you. “What’re you talking ‘bout, Joel?”

He sighed and finally looked at you, “Talkin’ about us. I’m talking about how infuriating you are.”

Your brows furrowed, scoffing slightly at the tone of his voice. He was still angry, for no damn reason. You stood up, ready to leave, when his hand wrapped around your wrist. “Didn’t say I was done, sweetheart.”

You gasped when he tugged you down. You landed in his lap, his legs spreading to accommodate you. “Joel what’re you doing?”

“Something I’ve been putting off for too damn long.”

Fireworks don’t go off somewhere in the distance and the world doesn’t stop. But your heart races and your body tingles when you taste the whiskey on his lips. You become hyper aware of each individual strand when his hand comes up to bury itself in your hair. 

And when your lips part to let him in you swear you’ve never felt like this before. Your body is working like you’re running from something, getting ready to fight something off, but it’s the first time in a while your mind is completely calm. 

You shift, your legs wrapping around his waist as a blanket of calm drapes itself over you. It rushes through you like a raging river, shutting everything unnecessary down. 

You don’t worry if you’re too out of practice, not having kissed anyone in a long while. You don’t think about if you're too stiff on his lap. You run your hands over his chest, squeezing the muscles of his arms and then letting them delve into his hair. 

At a certain point, you’ll have to breathe. You’ll have to talk about what this means for the two of you. But for right now you’re content, at ease, happy to just live the rest of your days in this moment. 

Kissing Joel Miller like there’s nothing outside these walls, no other purpose but to be with him.

part two

end. — I do not own the characters or the game The Last Of Us, but this writing is my own all rights reserved © not-neverland06 2024. do not copy, repost, translate & recommend elsewhere.

TAGLIST: @chrysanthemum-00 @marimarvelfan

[love-toxin]

ELLIE!! SO happy that totk finally released bc there's a chance you might hyperfixate and give me the yandere link content that sustains my life force. oh and uh, cuz we waited so long for this game too, of course!

prrrrr i really do love yan Link! so many potential avenues! i was replaying totk recently (bc i was so excited for it i literally blazed thru the whole gam 8 days after release LOL) and some gems really cropped up:

1. Link makes you a little dream house in Tarrey Town to keep you safe and to take advantage of your inherent housewifery. He's so feral you don't even think about leaving even when he's gone for long stretches of time, because you know he'll track you down and drag you back home because you're not the hero silly! :) you stay home :) where it's safe :)

2. Yiga clan member reader who is constantly being hunted down and "rehabilitated" by the Hylian hero. Which is incredibly frustrating to you because a.) ur trying to kill him and b.) the other yiga quickly lose respect for you/shun you when they find out you're practically Link's little playtoy. Especially when he goes x2 as feral on the other yiga in battle when you're around cause he's bricked up at the very sight of you, and you end up getting chewed out by Kohga for letting him hit it and just escape afterwards.

3. You work at one of the stables or the little inn at Hateno village and Link falls so hard for you he's downright creepy. He's constantly hanging around and bringing you gifts and stuff you didn't ask for but you can't just tell him to go away cause...he's the hero. So you kinda just have to deal with his awkward stare and the fumbled kisses he steals behind the barn and try not to hurt his feelings because what are you gonna do if the hero of time decides to quit saving Hyrule because he got rejected?

4. You're part of the Gerudo/live in Gerudo town and Link is undeterred in his attempts to woo you, even though he can't step foot in town or he'll get locked up. So he either dresses up in the vai outfit or just lies in wait for you to leave the city for one reason or another, and then ambushes you and follows you around like a weird little stalker until you love him. Bonus if he scares off another suitor or saves you from a Molduga or--my personal favourite--your sand seal gets spooked and takes you far out into the desert and strands you by accident, and you're forced to accept Link's help when he comes to save you. And now, you owe him.

5. Much like Link, you're a fellow adventurer/wanderer/merchant/etc. and bump into him out in the wild. Maybe you share a campfire for a night and swap stories, or you give him directions, or you just wave at him in passing, and now Link is completely obsessed with you. He stalks you through the wild areas of Hyrule and never lets any harm befall you, be it monsters or gloom pits or pools of malice or just general unluckiness, and while you don't realize it's him you slowly feel less and less alone when you're out in the field. You swear you can even feel some kind of warmth when you lay down in your tent to sleep, like someone's curled up right next to you....

6. Link kidnaps you and takes you to Hyrule castle where he forcibly makes you pretend to be a princess. He dresses you up in pretty gowns and kills all the monsters lurking around so you'll always be safe, and he acts like you're his damsel in distress that he's constantly saving even though you're just some farmer girl he picked up off the side of the road and fell in love with. You're the pretty princess, he's your loyal knight, and if he does a really good job at "saving" you, maybe you'll let him stay in your room for the night when he keeps watch...?

[guess-my-next-obsession]

Same Old, Same Old

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: M (so much angst, no happy ending really, alcohol consumption/abuse, talks of killing/death, arguments/breakups)

wc: 1k

a/n: this whole album by the civil wars is joel core but this song specifically made me yearn for angsty joel. hope you’re just as sad as i am!! 🫶🏼

joel masterlist

'Cause do I love you // Oh, I do // And I'm going to 'til I'm gone // But if you think that I can stay in this // Same old, same old // Well, I don't

It was cold this morning, the body laying beside you in your dusty, threadbare sheets doing little to add any warmth.

Joel had retreated internally again, something during one of his trips outside the confines of Jackson apparently striking a tender nerve that he refused to let you attempt to soothe.

You knew who he was when you met him in the town bar, his dark eyes hiding an even darker soul behind them, but you didn’t care, you liked him not in spite of his past, but because of it. He was not a man you worried you’d lose to the monsters, both infected and not—he’d fought plenty to get this far and you knew he’d fight again if he had to. You liked the way he only spoke when he had something of value to say, never being one for small talk yourself. And when Joel smiled—not that it was a common occurrence, at least not lately—it almost felt as though he was taking you back in time, to somewhere safer, somewhere more fit for something as luxurious as the love you felt for him since the first time he spoke to you.

Now, after a year of sharing his bed and trying to crack the code to his head, you struggled more and more to find a reason to stay here in this cold house that he never decorated, it’s dark walls closing in on you day after day.

Perhaps it was the past that you stayed for.

Joel hadn’t always been this cold and distant. In the early days, he was shy and hesitant to make a friend, but he carried a new-found hope inside that allowed you to get your foot in the door. Maybe it was the newness of Jackson, or the little girl he’d adopted as his own that gave him the courage to pursue something with you, taking initiative to find you out around town, always under the guise of lending a helping hand. You welcomed him with open arms, having waited a lifetime to find a man like him—strong and protective and soft when you needed him to be, but only for you.

The two of you were attached at the hip for a long time, always pawing at each other and sneaking off to whatever private room you could find. Tommy liked to joke that it must be you doing all the work because he doubted Joel could manage anything at 56, but it couldn’t have been further from the truth. Joel was a capable man in every aspect of the word, putting every other man you’d ever had to shame with the simple touch of his hand.

Joel used to be present, he used to laugh and kiss and talk to you. But these days, the only person he spoke to was his brother and Ellie, and even they’d come to you with worries over his sudden change in attitude.

You believe it all started when he began going out on patrol as a request from Maria—a request you tried not to hate her for making. The changes didn’t happen overnight, either. Slowly, he started to pull away, choosing to stay out drinking with Tommy after a long shift rather than coming home for the dinner you and Ellie prepared together. Then, he started not to come home at all, instead choosing to crash on Tommy’s couch while you sat up all night in your lonely bed worrying if he found someone else, someone with the shine of newness that he could find comfort in.

Sitting up, you ran your palms over your exhausted and sleep-deprived face before turning to look at his back, watching him as he snored, unbothered and at peace. You began to resent him for not caring, for not being torn to shreds but the wedge he forced between the two of you. After all, there was only one explanation for his peace in all of this turbulence—he simply must not care about this relationship the way you did.

Thinking yourself sick, you climbed out of bed and made no effort to quiet your movements as you got ready for a shift at the garden, allowing your boots to clunk against the hard wood, the door to slam as you walked in and out of the bathroom, the pans to clank as you prepared yourself breakfast. If you weren’t going to be well rested because of this, neither was he.

It seemed to work, Joel’s heavy footsteps descending the staircase to find you eating alone at the kitchen table, no food or coffee left over for him.

“I’m sorry, did I wake you?” you asked, feigning ignorance. Joel narrowed his sleep-crusted eyes on you before shaking his head and rubbing a palm over his face.

“You startin’ this early?” he replied, walking over to brew a fresh pot of coffee and put some bread in the toaster. “Ever think it’d be nice for us to have a mornin’ without you pickin’ a fight?”

“No,” you replied, letting your fork clank against your plate as you immediately lost your appetite. “Fighting is the only time you fucking speak to me anymore, so I’m going to continue to pick these little fucking fights, Joel.”

“Jesus,” he sighed, turning back around to face you, his frame leaning against the counter behind him. “I’ve just been…stressed. No need to get your feelin’s hurt over it. It’s got nothin’ to do with us.”

“Doesn’t it?” you shouted. “I’m supposed to be your person, Joel. I’m supposed to be here for you—I’m trying to be here for you. But you’d rather drink yourself unconscious than speak to me.”

“And what am I supposed to say?” he shouted back, his voice booming off the walls in a way that yours never could. “I kill people. Every day. How am I supposed to come to you with that? How am I supposed to lay that down in your lap and ask you to untangle the goddamn knots in my mind?”

“I want to help!” you cried, your anger now turning to tears. “I want to share the burden! I don’t have half the weight holding me down that you do. Let me take some of your hurt and carry it with me…please.”

“I’m not gonna do that to you,” he shook his head, voice quieter but no less harsh. You stared at him blankly, the only solution running through your mind being leaving him, and you weren’t sure you could manage that. “I told you when we met I didn’t want a wife. I didn’t—you’re not my—“ He huffed a sigh at his inability to put his feelings into words. “You don’t need to worry about me like this.”

“I know I’m not your fucking wife, Joel.” You stood up and walked over to the sink, carelessly dropping the plate inside before turning back to face him. “And you know what? You’re right. I don’t need to worry like this over a man that won’t even claim me. So I’m done with this same old, same old bullshit.”

“What do you mean you’re done—“

“I mean I’m fucking leaving!” you shouted. “I mean you’ve gotten what you want. I won’t sit around here and wait for you, I won’t watch you drink yourself to death, I won’t lay in a cold fucking bed when I can find someone who wants to hold me at night.”

You saw how the thought of you with someone else struck him in the chest.

“I’m going. I’m going back to my own house, because as lonely and cold as it is there, it’s a million times warmer than the bed we’ve been sharing.” Joel swallowed thickly and forced his expression into indifference. “Ellie knows where to find me if she needs me.”

Joel called your name as you walked out of the house without another word, figuring you’d come back once he left for patrol to pack what few things you kept at his place. You had to fight yourself to not turn around as he continued to call out your name until the front door closed and drowned it out.

Maybe in time he’d realize his mistake and come back for you, for the love you were offering and still deeply yearn to keep offering, and maybe then you’d have the man you fell in love with back. Or, maybe this story didn’t have a happy ending. Maybe you’d move on, find someone new, avoiding his eyes as you walked through town hand in hand with someone you could only love halfway. Maybe he wouldn’t even notice you’d even walked past him.

Time could only tell.

[youwouldntdownloadapizza]

The Gates of Jackson | Joel Miller x F!Reader | Chapter 2 - Patrol

masterlist | ao3 | follow @youwouldntdownloadapizza and turn on notifications for updates

You showed up at the gates of Jackson with hands covered in blood and no memory of how you got there. That was two years ago. Since then, you've become Maria's right-hand woman and the person in charge of Jackson's logistical backend. Patrol schedules, inventory—all your purview. When a patrol gone wrong forces you to get to know Joel, memories of your past begin resurfacing—along with their consequences.

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pairing: joel miller x f!reader

rating: 18+, minors DNI

word count: 1.0k

tags: no use of y/n, eventual smut, no beta we die like sarah, jackson era, other additional tags to be added, slow burn, ellie needs a hug, joel lives, good parent joel, reader-insert, reader insert, forced proximity, only one bed trope, nightmares, childbirth, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, soft joel, cuddling & snuggling, fluff, masturbation, pining, joel falls first, possibly demisexual reader (tbd), ptsd, ptsd flashbacks, panic attacks, amnesia, sexual braiding

chapter warnings: childbirth (mentioned)

chapter summary: A detour finds you and Joel lost in the woods and in need of shelter for the night.

Chapter 2 - Patrol

It was foggy today. Cold and foggy. You resented the low visibility, but Joel didn’t seem to mind. He followed behind you on Chestnut, an older mare named for her lovely, dark coat. While you focused on the trail, he watched the trees. Even if infected were rare out here, he wasn’t about to be caught off guard.

You made it about four miles before dust began to mix with the fog, making you cough until you pulled your shirt over your mouth and nose to block out the debris.

“Rockslide,” you called back to Joel, the sound of pebbles still clattering to the ground confirming your assessment. “We need to find an alternate route. I usually send patrols up this way three times a week, but no one’s come up this way since last Thursday. It’s overdue for a checkup.”

Joel was unfazed. “The river narrows to a stream about a mile back. We can cross over, loop around.”

You nodded, “Lead the way, Miller.”

Letting Joel lead was a mistake. Between the detour and the fog, you were hopelessly, utterly lost.

“If we die out here, I’m gonna kill you,” you told him, your annoyance beginning to slip towards downright anger.

“We’re not gonna die out here, Doe. Calm down.”

“We need to find high ground—figure out where we are, get above all this fog,” you said.

Luckily, you were headed uphill. But uphill didn’t last. Just as the fog began to thin, you reached a lake. Beside it stood a cabin, one you hadn’t seen on your patrols before.

The siding had once been painted a bright, cheery yellow, but time and the elements had stripped away much of the color. There were no signs of life, no broken windows. It had probably been abandoned long before the outbreak. Either that, or occupied by people who knew how to keep a low profile.

You eyed Joel, and with a sharp nod, he dismounted. You tied the horses just inside the treeline and approached, slowly and quietly climbing the stairs to the enclosed porch.

You squatted down to pull out your lock pick, but before you could even retrieve it, Joel was winding up to kick the door down. You stopped him with a gentle hand on his thigh. He looked down at you, eyes wide, and you answered his unspoken question by raising your lock pick. 

You made quick work of the lock, standing to push the door open. You motioned for Joel to head inside, but he opted to hold the door for you instead. “After you, ma’am.”

You were tempted to roll your eyes at that, but honestly, you kind of liked it. You led the way, clicking on your flashlight to investigate.

It wasn’t untouched, like you had initially suspected. There were signs of past occupants between the outbreak and now, but whoever it was hadn’t stayed long. The cabinets were still mostly stocked, though none of the cans were of your preferred variety. The curtains were drawn and dusty, having been left that way for some time. You opened them, letting in a dull beam of late-afternoon light. It glinted off liquor bottles strewn across the carpet by the couch.

“Looks like somebody hunkered down here for a bender,” Joel said, toeing a half-empty bottle with his boot.

“You got all that from liquor bottles and a carpet covered in dried vomit? Very observant, Miller,” you teased, taking a seat on an old barstool.

“I’m surprised they didn’t start breaking shit.”

“Not every drunk’s a violent one, Joel. Some of them just get sad. Or horny.”

“Or both.”

You huffed at that. He wasn’t wrong. You were stretching your neck when Joel made the call.

“It’s getting late,” he said. “We should settle in here for the night.”

“That’s not–” you started, before realizing he was probably right. If you kept going, you’d likely end up going in circles, just getting more lost than you already were. And even with all the floor vomit, that couch looked comfy. “Fine,” you sighed. “Get a fire going, figure out some food. I’m gonna head up to the roof, see if I can get a radio signal.”

Joel nodded, setting his pack down by the fireplace. You climbed the ladder up to the small loft space, looking for roof access. There was a small skylight, and with luck, it pushed open.

You crawled out onto the roof, leaning back against a weathered gable. You could just barely get a signal on your long-range radio.

“Doe to base camp, come in,” you spoke into the mouthpiece.

“Copy, Doe. This is Mike at the main gate. Over,” a voice crackled through the speaker.

“Joel and I hit a rockslide along the Mountain View lodge trail earlier. We took a detour and got lost in all the fog. We’re at a cabin near some lake up here. Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for the night. Over.”

“But you’re alright otherwise? No injuries or anything? Over.”

“Fine, Mike. We’re fine. Should probably get a group out this way soon, though. The place is well-stocked, practically untouched. We’ll probably be back sometime tomorrow afternoon, assuming this fog clears and we can get our bearings. Over.”

“Copy that, Doe. All good over here.”

“Copy. Over and out.”

“Over and out.”

You scrubbed a hand over your face, your bones heavy with exhaustion. It had been a very long day.

“Soup’s on!” Joel called up from the living room.

“Be right there!”

You gathered your things, starting your haphazard slide back toward the skylight when a thought hit you.

“Hey, Mike?” you asked into the radio.

“Yeah?”

“How’s Maria?” 

You waited anxiously for his reply. Childbirth had never been without its risks, but in the apocalypse, it was easy for things to go wrong.

“She’s good,” Mike said, “Delivery went smoothly.”

Good, you thought, letting out a sigh of relief. That’s good.

The radio crackled back on, and Mike added one last detail to his report.

“It’s a girl.”

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[ranna-alga]

I think about this conversation between Ellie and Tommy in TLOU2 a lot, particularly this line, because what if it was Ellie that died instead of Joel?

(Disclaimer: this text will make absolutely zero sense probably since I put very little thought into it and there are likely some plot holes. You can choose to dislike it or not but this is all hypothetical so let me have my depressingly whimsical wonders here)

Imagine it this way: Joel's death scene pretty much plays out the same way as it does canonically, except that the roles are reversed: Joel is the one who is pinned down and forced to watch Ellie be brutally murdered in front of him. Perhaps, in whatever way, Abby's group discover that she's The Immune Girl™ that Joel killed almost the entire Saint Mary's hospital for - the reason why Abby's father was murdered. If she's here, and is still as close with Joel as Abby may assume, then he couldn't be that far (say that members of the group saw Joel and Ellie moving together for a while before taking separate directions for whatever reason or something). The plan was to originally kill Joel, but Abby can't help but think: why do they get to live a picture-perfect life with each other as father and daughter, when he was the one who robbed me and my actual father of that life and she was the reason my father was in that position in the first place? How can he commit the sin and live without consequence after? Knowing that Joel would be looking for Ellie, the attack on her would start and continue even when Joel finds her and is made to watch - a sort of 'you took away the thing I cared about the most in this world, so now I will do the same to you and make you feel the pain I felt' message to Joel from Abby.

This would have been the second time he watched his daughter die. The second time he lost the one thing he lived for. The second time he's failed - as a protector, as a survivor, as a father. He had only four years with her, two of which was lost due to her anger towards him for what he did at Salt Lake City. And only the night before her murder did she confide in him about possible forgiveness, only for that to be taken from him? For her to be taken from him? After everything he did for her to ensure her safety, even if it meant the cost of her trust in him. Every part of him that died alongside Sarah was brought back to life slowly but surely thanks to this girl who stole his heart in only one year after two decades of being an empty shell of violence and resentment towards the world and himself.

His biggest fear came true - losing Ellie, failing her too - and it happened right in front of his eyes, just like Sarah.

Remember when it was heavily implied that both Tommy and Joel had a very violent and vicious past during the early years of the apocalypse where they were their darkest selves? Joel would have likely reverted back to that in this scenario. Absolutely nobody in Seattle will be safe. That man would turn that militarised city into a fucking ghost town, no doubt about it.

As for Tommy... Would he have been the same? Would he also want vengeance for Ellie as much as Joel did? Or would the pain of having another niece die + watching his brother descend into bloodlust and resentment again be simply too much to bare? Could he tolerate losing his brother and not get him back this time ever again?

It took twenty years after Sarah's death to find solace in life thanks to Ellie. He can't wait another twenty for another one - he can never go back, never again. He failed to save the lives of those he cared for (Sarah, Tess, Sam/Henry) and he feared the same for Ellie. But at least they made it into Jackson, their new home, alive and safe. But now? What more does he have to live for? How much more stronger would his self-hatred become for failing again and again and again where he can no longer see the light Ellie brought to him?

Knowing now that the surgeon he killed was Abby's father, he probably thinks it was an error to kill him instead of just knocking him out so that this WLF ambush costing Ellie's life wouldn't happen. But one thing he's certain he doesn't regret? Dooming humanity of a cure, because taking both of his daughters away from him proved Joel's decision to save Ellie from the Fireflies: to him, humanity didn't deserve to be saved, not anymore.

TLDR; I may be aromantic asexual but I'm still a proud Joel Miller simp who loves the thought of Joel in the bloody Santa Barbara appearance Ellie had in the canon TLOU2. No shame.

[heckcareoxytwit]

Ellie Camacho, Princess the Symbiote dog and Taskmaster do their mercenary job while Deadpool watches them through the screens in the hideout. Since his unfortunate encounter with Death Grip, Deadpool is badly-wounded and is missing two of his limbs as he lost his healing factor. However, as Ellie was away fighting criminals alongside Princess, Deadpool was left all alone in his home, allowing Death Grip to ambush him. Deadpool attempts to fight him, but due to being unable to regenerate himself, he was left at Death Grip's mercy, and soon his life-force was drained, seemingly killing him. Once Death Grip leaves the room, poor Deadpool is left lying on the floor, slowly dying and thinking about Ellie.

Deadpool v10 #6, 2024

-------

I have mixed feelings about his death. Although it's heartbreaking when he thinks about Ellie in this death scene, I still have a feeling that Deadpool might come back from the dead in a few issues later since he's an A-List character. Also, Deadpool is still appearing in other comics under different writers.

[otome-obsessions]

Fairytale Keeper Archives - Madam Beryl

At the request of Her Majesty Victoria, Queen of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland, I have enclosed a series of summations regarding the personal opinions, recollections, and experiences of the members of the covert organization Crown. Each member was interviewed in regards to their developing relationship with the newest additions to Crown's assemblage in an effort to ascertain the efficacy of expanding Great Britain's cursed forces. With great humility, I submit my findings for your consideration.

Signed:

Kate, Her Majesty's Royal Fairytale Keeper

1. To the Members of Crown, what do you think about Beryl? William: I'd say we've become friends in our short time together. We share many of the same goals and passions, and she's a formidable ally. It's a pity that she continues to suffocate her true desires, but I have a feeling that will change soon Harrison: The Madam's a crafty woman. It's impressive how many ears she has throughout London now. Seems like I'm always running into one of her birds when we're on a mission. Liam: Beryl's always kind to me, even when I make mistakes. She's even become a regular at the Scala to watch me perform! Elbert: I regret how we met, but she says that 'the scales were balanced.' Even so, she doesn't seem to trust me... I can't blame her for feeling as she does. Alfons: Her establishments have become a favored getaway for me and my friends. Though, I must say I find it strange that she's never seen indulging herself. Roger: She's a beautiful lady, but we're not compatible. Oh, you meant how i thought about her as a member of Crown? She's efficient. Ruthless, even. That's about all I know since she refuses to visit me or my clinic. Jude: Heh. That uppity bird loves to act all proper and prim, but she goes mad the moment you ruffle her feathers. I'll never get tired of takin' the piss out of her. Ellis: I respect her, even though we misunderstood each other at first. I don't know if I agree with her methods, but I believe she wants to protect the happiness of others. Victor: I value her contribution to expanding our information network, but I'm most impressed by her tenacity. She rejects the inevitability of her fate with everything she has... It's as beautiful as it is tragic. ━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━

2. To Beryl, what you think about the members of Crown? William: Oh, Will is simply lovely. A phenomenal pianist, a passionate philanthropist, and a poetic butcher when is suits him. What's not to admire? I do feel a bit, shall we say, perturbed by the keenness of his insight at times, but that simply speaks to his cunning. Harrison: Harry is a clever boy and quite the asset. His cursed power would prove most meddlesome if not for his outstanding discretion. Once you get a sense of him, his lies are fairly simple to decipher. Liam: Poor, tormented thing... His fans always liken him to a star, but he seems to me like a candle slowly burning away. I do hope that one day he'll find the strength to bear his pain and move forward, but until then I can only support him. Elbert: Hm. How do I put this kindly? Considering the nature of our curses, it's best that Lord Greetia and I maintain a professional distance... I'd hate to have to kill him. Alfons: We've started to run in the same circles around the city, and he's fantastic at driving business. That said, on a more personal note I find that our fundamental philosophies are direct opposites. Roger: I appreciate Roger's dedication to his craft and convictions. I'm not overly concerned about his propensity for betrayal as it seems that he has a good grasp of how to mitigate his cursed tendencies. It's nice to find another individual who believes in defying fate. Jude: Ugh, that man. While I fully understand the cause of his initial poor impression of me, the uncouth cur insists on continuing to be a thorn in my side! I find him acerbic, arrogant, uncivil, ill-tempered, loathsome, and, most of all, short. Though, I must admit I love how much of a sore loser he is. The look on his face when he realizes I've bested him is simply priceless. Ellis: I've yet to place where his pathological people pleasing comes from, so I find it difficult to accept his kindness at face value. That said, he's pleasant company and an excellent bodyguard. Victor: Vic is an outstanding ally and a terrifying enemy. Honestly, I'm grateful he chose to negotiate with me when I first encountered Crown. I hesitate to say I wouldn't be here otherwise, but in the very least an extended conflict between Crown and my network would have been a bloodbath of the tragic variety. As opposed to the fun sort, of course.

━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━

Part 2

Author's Note: I'll be writing up answers for my other OCs and other questions as they pop into my head. If you vibe with this idea and want to do something similar for your own OC(s), please tag me! I think this is a fun way to get the big picture of a character without writing a standard intro.

[geralallfandoms]

°If I lose you, I lose myself°

Joel Miller x F!reader

TW: Shot, blood, death of a family member, trauma⚠️

Part 1 (If you like it, I can make a second part)

Ellie and Jonny were like two drops of water.From the first day they had met, they had gotten along wonderfully.Ellie told bad jokes and Jonny laughed at them, then told a worse one.They hung out in Jackson together, Ellie helped Jonny with the horses in the stable and they even used to stay up all night talking about girls in Joel's living room.

Joel and I had become close thanks to the two of them. When Ellie invited Jonny to lunch, she forced him to take me with him because she wanted to meet me, since she only know me for the photo that he always kept in his jacket from when we were little.

From that day on, Joel caught my attention, and it was impossible for me to refuse every time they invited me to dinner or any other activity, knowing that *he* would be there.

That's why, like many other times, he had agreed that the three of us would go on a patrol. We had done it a lot of times, the four of us together and we had never had a problem.

But everything has a first time.

From the moment my horse had refused to leave the stable, I should have realized that it was a sign that we shouldn't leave.That Jumpy wasn't being childish, but rather he was sensing that something would go wrong.

I should have realized the moment it started snowing minutes before we walked through the gates, but Ellie and Jonny had only gotten more excited.

There were many signs I had ignored, and now we had to pay the consequences.

"You're very down today..." Joel told me from his horse, without taking his eyes off Ellie who was walking with my brother in front of us.

But time had already run out and destiny got tired of sending signals.

Just at the moment when I was about to tell him what was happening to me, the feeling I had had early on, two shots were fired in our direction.

The first hit me directly in the right side of the chest, the force of the bullet causing me to fall from the horse quickly.

While on the floor, face down, the second shot seemed to be in the air, but when Jonny's voice was interrupted by a scream, I knew they had hit him too.

Maybe the adrenaline of the moment gave me the strength to get up and run towards my brother, who was sitting a few meters away from me, with his hand on his neck, trying to stop the blood coming out of his neck from the small bullet hole.

"I-I'm...s-sorry..."He was trying to say as blood started to come out of his mouth. My hands quickly went to his neck, trying to help him even knowing that I couldn't do anything.

"No...N-no...you-you're okay...shhh" I told him as I watched Joel finish killing one of the men and quickly approach us with Ellie. "J-Joel...he's going to help you...have-can you help us? We...we have to-" I said desperately as I looked at Joel, who just looked at me and didn't move.Ellie cried as she stroked Jonny's hand.

"Lea-leave..."Jonny said with a smile on his face, slowly closing his eyes. At his words, Joe put his hands on my shoulder.

I began to shake my head quickly while ignoring my tears of pain. "No-shut up. You have to...you have to get up-we have to get back to-to Jack..." I responded while trying to take off my coat with which I planned to cover his wound, but when I looked up, I saw how his eyes were still closed and now his hand was resting on Ellie's, without moving.

"We have to go... there are still men hanging around..." Joel said as he caressed my back. My eyes were open and focused on my brother, on how his chest had stopped rising and falling, on how his color had become as pale as the snow that I loved so much, how his life had gone so quickly and I hadn't realized it. How my brother had just died in front of me, and I hadn't even been able to say goodbye.

"Shit...is that your blood?" Ellie said looking at the wound on my chest. Joel quickly turned around and crouched next to me.

"Damn, we have to go. Ellie get on the horse. NOW!" And just as Joel was finishing speaking, two more men appeared and started running towards us, shooting "Darling we have to leave now." Joel said as he took me under the arms.

"N-no...can-can't leave him...Joel..."I said, trying to get out of his grip.

I couldn't leave it there. I couldn't leave my brother lying around like he was a simple piece of meat...although that was him now.

Joel didn't say anything, he just held me tighter and started leading me to the horse. The men were getting closer.

Ellie had started shooting at the men, giving them time to get on the horse. Joel got on the horse, without letting go of my arm, and once he was on top, he began to pull me up.

"Come on...come on love, please make an effort." And at his words, ignoring the pain, I got on the horse, behind Joel.

Once up there, Joel yelled at the horse, which started running, just like Ellie's.

Maybe it had been minutes, hours or a whole day, but since I had rested my head on Joel's back, I couldn't stay awake. The only thing keeping me awake was Joel's hand on my knee, and the ever-increasing pain.

"Are you still with me darling?...Ellie stop." Joel said after seeing that I was no longer responding to his calls, not even with moans.

Ellie stopped the horse and quickly got off, approaching our horse. "I will help her..." She said. Ellie took my arm and helped me down, waiting for Joel to come down too, trying to hold me up.

"Take out the sleeping bag." Joel indicated.

Once the bag was on the ground, in front of a tree, he slowly sat me down and went to get the bandages.

Ellie was standing next to me, looking around, nervous and a little shocked by everything that had just happened.

"What if they find us? How are we going to get out so quickly? "She can't even walk-" The girl said whispering.

"Run...go-go...home..."I said interrupting the girl. She was right, I could hardly move, I was losing blood quickly and after Jonny...I didn't want to go back.

"Ellie stop it. You too, I won't leave you here. Take off your vest." Joell said angrily, making the two of us remain silent.

As Joel approached again, he saw how I couldn't move my arm from the side where he had shot me. "We have to get back as soon as possible...or find a cabin for you to rest.You can't stay out in the open-" Joel stopped talking when he saw that I was looking at his shirt full of blood, my eyes unfocused. "I'm so sorry darling..."

After dressing my wound as best he could, He helped me lie down in a position that didn't hurt. After a few minutes, when I had fallen asleep (probably due to the adrenaline leaving my body)Joel and Ellie sat watching.

"Will she be okay?" the girl asked.

"Of course. In Jackson they will be able to help her. She just has to endure the journey." The man said, looking back in my direction.

When Ellie didn't respond and just stared into space, Joel knew that Jonny's death hadn't just affected me. Joel put his arm over the girl's shoulder, who instinctively leaned on his shoulder.

"I couldn't even say goodbye...that i loved him..we shouldn't have left him there..."She said trying not to cry.

"I know kid...I'm sorry...I'm sure he knew, And he loved you too, don't doubt that..." Joel said, caressing Ellie's back.

_________________________________________

Hello hello!

Long time without seeing☠️ i'm sorry

I'd love to know what you thought! It's not the ending I planned, I wanted more angst, but the chapter would be too long.

Tell me if you would like a second part!

[silentsockfeet]

tlou hbo s1 ep2 thoughts (w/ spoilers)

the opener for this ep was honestly scarier than the first imo, seeing the woman inspect the dead body and find all the signs of infected were SO creepy, and then the slow dawning of fear in her throughout the scene, the quickness with which she both proposed bombing the city and accepted her death. such a good building of suspense throughout

and then also the way her bomb suggestion was a lead into the later conversation with joel tess and ellie about how the cities were bombed. i love that we don’t actually know if jakarta was bombed or not, the idea that everyone came to the same conclusion without following from example is even more harrowing of a reality

ellie all curled up in the grass comfy and asleep i would kill for her i would die for her i want to hold her in my hands and protect her from the world

“fine i’ll just throw a fuckin sandwich at them” I LOVE THIS GODDAMN KID

joel and ellie’s back and forth throughout the ep is so fun i think it does such a good job of setting up their chemistry without getting them to connect to early

the little giraffe toy in the weeds :’(((

tess basically immediately adopting ellie im obsessed. i love that we get to see a bit more of their dynamic than the game bc it really highlights that tess is a good person at heart even if she says otherwise. she connects with ellie quickly, and the way her empathy and hope slowly starts shining through as the ep progresses (and even as she begins to accept her fate) really says so much about her character

“there’s no boyfriend that’ll come after you?” “…..no.”

the foreshadowing of ellie guessing at the infected types is awesome, i love the fact that she technically got them both right. related but i wonder how they’re gonna do infected types like the shamblers if spores aren’t gonna be a thing

that little frog vibin on the piano what a talented little guy

THE HOTEL SCENE IS TOO EARLY i wonder if they’re gonna have a hotel basement scene now?? probably not which kinda makes sense, it’s a scene better played than watched. but it would’ve been cool to see how they did it

love the expansion of the fungus lore, the interconnected-ness of the tendrils is so cool and so goddamn creepy

the entire clicker sequence was SO GODDAMN GOOD. the way tess and joel don’t tell ellie (or the audience) anything about what’s going on really forces us to put ourselves in ellie’s shoes so that we’re as terrified as her. and the fact that there doesn’t need to be a word of dialogue said to get us to figure out how the clickers work is so goddamn impressive, a shining example of ‘show don’t tell’ i think

am sad that no bricks or bottles were thrown tho

the rooftop scene. i could cry with how faithful this show is

the change in dialogue at the capital building,, “i never asked you for anything… not to feel the way i felt…” i am in so much pain.

on that note it’s scenes like these that really make me love this show bc there really is something for everyone. connecting back to the infected lore from earlier was so fucking cool and felt like such a natural change and the changes to tess’s dialogue make the scene so fresh and still impactful for people that already know the game

i love the specific line “save who you can save” because i feel like it does the perfect job of emphasizing how much tess buys into the cure while also setting the stage for joel’s decision down the road. like at the end of the game, joel really does save who he can save, it just isn’t in the way tess intended. it’s a way for him to still hear her words and connect with them but also have the intention twisted

okay bear with me but i actually liked the inclusion of the cordyceps kiss, it takes something that is so normal and even beautiful to us but then perverts it like that’s textbook horror baby!

general overview: how in the hell was this ep even better than the first

[happymeishappylife]

Movies I Watched in 2023

1. Tu Me Manques

The premise of this movie and its subsequent is both beautiful and absolutely heartbreaking. Based on a play and a true story, the idea is that an estranged father who didn't understand his son because of his sexual orientation, finds his phone after his death and wants to learn about his life. This leads him to connect to his son's boyfriend who shows him, teaches him, and pours his heart out to this stranger because their relation is what leads his lover to commit suicide. And that in itself is promising, until you get to the end of the movie and find out that these are the actors of the play, showing what would be the better ending to such a heartbreaking story. Instead, that father wanted nothing to do with Sebastian and never goes to find out about his life.

2. Spirited Away: Live on Stage Production

I'm so glad they filmed this live show and made a movie. It's such an incredible production and just as enchanting as the movie itself. The puppetry, scenery, and staging to bring this animated film to life is a delight and so well done, that honestly it felt like watching the original movie. And honestly, with a caliber this high, I would love to see more of Studio Ghibli's works brought to life.

3. The Best of Enemies

This was an incredible movie and had amazing performances by Taraji P Henson and Sam Rockwell. What rocked me though is this is a true historical story from my home state and it happened 50 years ago. 50 years ago!!! And yet here in North Carolina we were still fighting the segregation movement, even if it was technically illegal. But watching the people of Durham clash because of the destruction of the 'black' school and watching how the clan tried to intimidate black and white folk for supporting segregation was wild. But watching Ann Atwater fight and then also help the new Klansleader C. P. Ellis with the caring of his son was an absolutely fantastic moment to prove to the audience and I'm sure the people of Durham, that change can happen. Which is why that ending scene, while tense, is so hopeful and a cheer worthy moment.

4. Tick, Tick... Boom

Rent has always been one of my favorite musicals, and the story of its creator has always been so bittersweet. Andrew Garfield deserves the world for such a brilliant portrayal of a man who struggle so much to make his dreams come true, and sadly never saw them thrive. Sure Jonathan Larson's obsession with his musical and the alienation of his friends and responsibilities is hard to watch, but that also influenced his art so much. And while we may never see a full production of Superbia, I applaud his risks to create amazing music.

5. First They Killed My Father

The story of Cambodia's Civil War is gut wrenching and guilt ridden, as I'm aware that we caused it. When I watched Funan a couple years ago, I was absolutely grief stricken by the way people were treated and how much they suffered. So while I had more background going into this, it didn't lessen the impact or the pain. The way its directed from the eyes of Loung Ung, a child at the time that the Khmer Rouge forces her family to leave Khmer Republic. She then watches as her family is forced to leave everything behind, be compelled to do hard manual labor and starve, and watch slowly by slowly as her family is torn from her, treated badly and killed. Plus watching her be trained as a child soldier and then having to walk through a mine field that she understands how it was created is just absolutely gut-punching as other people around her hit mine after mine. Just an incredibly powerful movie.

6. Free Guy

One of the more lighthearted movies on my list, I really enjoyed this movie because it twists the general conception of video games. I would love if some random NPC like Guy just decided to go rogue and do his own thing in a game. How beautiful would that be? And why would anyone try to terminate that? (I don't care if they are played hilariously by Taika Watiti). But I also love the understory of these two indie developers trying to reclaim their original build and preserve it from a giant game company who only wants profits.

7. Nope

Watched this during Spooktober this year and I wasn't that scared by it, even with the one true horror-esque scene of the blood and guts pouring down the farm house. Instead, I was super intrigued and loved this brilliant sci-fi movie because it envisioned a truly unique alien. I mean we don't know what's up there and of course there could be life who don't act like humans so why not a giant creature that's just eating people? I love OJ's calm collective approach to discovering what the alien is and what it wants and that he pulls from his long years of horse training to understand it. Plus, paired up with Em's hilarious and charismatic approach to trying to get famous off this footage it makes for a great partnership.

8. Marshall

Rest in Power, Chadwick, but you were so incredible. And in another movie where he gets to play one of the legends he absolutely shines. Seeing his portrayal of Thurgood Marshall on this case against a black man accused of harming a white women, we see his absolute relentless dedication to defend this man's innocence against the racist judge and jury, but we also see his compassion as he helps guide and show Sam Friedman that this more than just a trial. This is about civil rights. And as Sam has to deal with the pressure of our racist systems, he eventually comes around to become a civil rights fighter of his own.

9. Welcome to Chechnya

I happened to watch this documentary a couple days after Russia's supreme court ruled that the LGBTQIA+ community as a terrorist organism which is just devastating. But watching this and seeing how the problems first started gaining more attention because of Chechnya's horrific violations of human rights, made all the people featured in this documentary even more heroic. I can't even imagine going through anything like this and its so tragic that where more of the world is slowly making gains, its getting so much worse in Russia. But kudos to Maxim Lupanov who took the step to try and bring attention to the issue and take the persecutors to court. While it may not have changed the situation in Russia, it brought attention to the issue and raised the voices of that community which needs our help right now.

10. Liz and the Blue Bird

This was such an interesting story because at the heart of it, was the exploration and showcase of a relationship between Mizore and Nozomi. Mizore is a talented and introverted oboist who is getting ready to move on in her life, but rather than focusing on what's best for her, she only wants to be with Nozomi. But Nozomi is an extrovert and while she plays flute, she's not a star like Mizore is. So she doesn't have the opportunity to go to a star school. As the two figure it out, the background is the story of the new musical piece they are learning, which is about a lonely girl who rescues a blue bird that turns out to be a magical young girl that then makes it hard for either to let go.

Other Movies I Watched:

11. My Father’s Violin

12. Everybody’s Talking About Jamie

13. Judas and the Black Messiah

14. Miss Saigon: 25th Anniversary Performance

15. Over the Moon

16. Prayers for the Stolen

17. Dance of the 41

18. Homestay

19. Railroad Tigers

20. Shazam 2: Fury of the Gods

21. Saw

22. Parasite

23. Once Upon a Time in China 2

24. Needle in a Timestack

25. The Giver

26. Les Miserables

27. Tell it to the Bees

28. Amaraica

29. Real Women Have Curves

30. The Last Emperor

31. Te Ata

32. Funny Boy

33. The Death and Life of Martha P Johnson

34. Predator

35. The Sorcerer and the White Snake

36. West Side Story

36. The Wailing

38. Drive My Car

39. Saving Face

40. Confirmation

41. The Farewell

42. Son of Monarchs

43. Rosemary’s Baby

44. Weathering With You

45. Beginners

46. Passing

47. Please Don’t Save Me

48. One Night in Miami

49. I’ll Follow You Down

50. The Royal Treatment

51. My Name is Pauli Murray

52. The Harder They Fall

53. Mogul Mowgli

54. Mur Murs

Movies I rewatched in 2023:

1. Doctor Who: The Movie

2. Phantom of the Opera

3. Rent

4. Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat

5. Hairspray

6. The Muppet Christmas Carol

7. It's a Wonderful Life

[cakesexuality]

I know you said you weren't assuming anything but you wouldn't be wrong to. I won't get into it just bc I don't think this thread is the place for that, but maybe there is something there about David and a few experiences in my past, idk. Those particular events weren't really traumatizing for me but they're still connected to a person who very much did traumatise me in other ways.

But maybe me liking David is just about the game's themes of morality. Like, the game ends with it being revealed that Ellie has to die in order for them to make a cure/vaccine for the zombie fungus (and Ellie knew the whole time that she would likely die), her godmother greenlit the surgery for it, but her pseudo-adopted dad killed the doctor who was going to do it bc he'd already had his biological daughter die and refused to go through that again, which creates a question of who the bad guy is -- Joel, who stopped something that could potentially save humanity? Or Marlene, who promised Ellie's mom to keep her safe but was letting her die anyway? (I think there's no real right side here bc I don't think there was a guarantee of a cure/vaccine so her death could have been for nothing but it's also what Ellie wanted and she was okay with dying if it meant saving everyone else)

And the second game asks the same questions, by having you watch a cutscene where a woman brutally murders a beloved character (elaborating in the tags bc spoilers) and then you spend several hours playing as that woman, to make her motivations sympathetic and let her redeem herself by showing her be a big sister figure to two kids who've been chased out of a religious cult after one came out as trans. You even get into a boss fight where you play as her while fighting Ellie.

Maybe capital-G Gamers just don't like redemption arcs or something bc the response to the fact you have to play as someone framed as a villain was piss poor and there are absolutely things to criticise the game for but that's Not It and I feel like a lot of those people are the same people who were being transphobic about Abby bc she's a woman with lots of muscle and about Lev bc he actually is trans and oh my god I could go on about the controversies around this game for a very long time

"You like villains bc you see something of yourself in them and use them to vicariously imagine yourself doing bad things you wouldn't be able to bring yourself to do irl"

Well then please explain why I love Habit from EMH and David from TLOU bc I see nothing of myself in them

[guess-my-next-obsession]

Breaking Up Slowly: Chapter Three

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

chapter rating: E (18+ ONLY, guns, mild violence, arguments, big angst, making up, tender!joel, oral sex (m!receiving), unprotected piv, creampie, brief talks of risk of pregnancy, soft ending)

word count: 6.8k

series masterlist

“Can’t believe you and Tommy are gonna be in the same room after all these years,” you commented as you, Ellie, and Joel walked through the woods near Jackson, the location of his younger brother’s new settlement.

“Me neither,” Joel mumbled under his breath, clearly anxious about the reunion after the fight that went down between them four years ago.

“Should we be worried?” Ellie asked, watching as both of you shook your head.

“Tommy’s a good man. He might try to kill Joel, but he won’t hurt us,” you assured.

“What happened between you two?” Ellie turned to Joel, earning a sigh.

“We just had a disagreement, s’all,” he glanced over at you, the fact that you were actually there to witness the explosive argument forcing him into honesty. “Tommy saw the world one way, I saw it the other.”

“And that’s why he joined the fireflies,” Ellie concluded from behind the two of you.

“Yeah, your friend Marlene promised him hope and that kept him busy for a while, but just like Tommy, he eventually quit that too,” Joel replied, almost sounding…normal? The way you remembered him, at least.

There was no anger in his tone anymore, not after the night in Somerset. Instead, Joel had slowly returned to the man you knew before your relationship. Civil, polite, occasionally playful and flirty, but to say things had gotten back to the way they used to be would be a lie.

Joel hadn’t touched you—not in the way you craved—since Somerset, nearly a month ago. That wasn’t to say the two of you were strictly platonic.

He’d kissed you. Every morning and every night, in the privacy of your shared sleeping bag. He slept beside you every night, holding you so close you feared you’d suffocate, but that was just how you liked it. But no matter the amount of quick pecks and reassuring glances, you missed that one specific part of your relationship so much you could cry.

And last night, you actually did.

You laid practically underneath him, Ellie fast asleep on the other side of the campfire, her snores loud enough to keep both of you awake well into the night. Joel’s hands rested on your hips, stilling them as they tried to roll against him, seeking out relief from the building ache between your thighs. He kissed you soft and slow, trying to keep it tame but your lips sought something deeper, filthier.

“Joel,” you whispered against his lips in a whine, stroking tour hand over his face. “I need you.”

“Baby…Ellie’s right there. We can’t.” His lips moved against yours as he spoke, unwilling to part from you even if it meant his words would be muffled and near inaudible.

“Take me into the woods,” you suggested, more than desperate. “Bend me over a fucking tree, I don’t care. I just…I need to feel you. It’s about more than just sex, Joel. I…need to be with you again. So that this feels real.”

“Baby…” he cooed, finally pulling away to stare down at you, stroking your hair back as he studied you with reverence. “We’re here. This is real.”

His reassurance didn’t satisfy you, tears falling down your cheeks and onto his thumb as he preemptively stroked them away.

“I promise…once we get to Tommy’s and we’re all safe enough, you and I will get some time alone.” He kissed each of your cheeks, tasting the salt of your tears. “You have no idea how much I want to, darlin’, but we can’t tonight.”

“I know,” you sighed, finally tired enough to swallow your need down for the night. Joel placed a tender kiss onto your lips like a promise, his nose nuzzling into yours as you combed your fingers through his hair.

“Get some sleep, pretty girl,” he ordered in a whisper, giving your cheek one last kiss before he was nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck, your arms crossed over his shoulders as he laid on top of you, his warmth lulling you to sleep.

Cut to this morning, the three of you now famished and exhausted, having spent the last four hours hiking through the Wyoming woods in search of Jackson.

“Woah, what’s that?” Ellie pointed ahead at the small man-made dam used to generate electricity through the river.

“That right there is a hydroelectric power plant,” Joel responded, impressing you.

“A hydro-who?” she questioned with her face scrunched up, making you laugh.

“It uses the river’s movement, and turns it into electricity,” he elaborated, glancing over at you with an amused half-grin.

“How’s it do that?”

“Look, I know what it is, I don’t know how it does it,” he replied in a short tone as the three of you walked up the stairs leading to the top of the damn.

You and Joel took a look around, trying to find a way to cross the river, but the only safe bet was to open the dam, providing a platform for them to walk across. The only issue was that one of you would need to sacrifice your dry clothes and swim in the fifty-three degree water to get to the other side first, so that you could rotate the dam to open it.

“I’ll do it,” you begrudgingly volunteered, Joel’s brows furrowing in protest but before he could open his mouth to speak, you were already headed towards the water. Sucking in a few quick breaths of courage, you stepped in, shivering at the icy cold of the fall Wyoming air and water surrounding you. You swam quickly over to the cement ledge, tugging yourself out of the water and hissing at the breeze against your drenched clothes. “Fuck…”

“Just work on openin’ it, darlin,” Joel encouraged from across the running river, clearly worried for you but not wanting to show it. You gathered the strength to rotate the wheel until your side of the dam was opened, Joel and Ellie quick to run across it to you. Joel set down his backpack and pulled out a flannel, handing it to you. “S’all I got, but it’s better than nothin’.”

You nodded, grateful for the warm material. Joel ordered Ellie to turn around to give you some privacy and did the same, although the fidgeting of his hand against his thigh told you he was having to fight the urge to take a peek. You shucked off your thermal long sleeve and sports bra, let them slap against the cement with a wet squelch before tugging on his flannel. You opened your backpack that dangled off Joel’s shoulder, his body tensing as he felt you so closely behind him.

“I have a dry pair of jeans,” you clarified in a soft, near whisper as you zipped your bag up and stepped back to shimmy out of your wet jeans and into the dry pair, forgoing underwear. You couldn’t do anything about your wet socks and boots, but with Joel’s scent now wrapped around you, it was hard to find anything to complain about. “Alright, I’m good.”

Joel and Ellie turned around, and you couldn’t help but notice how pleased he looked seeing you in his flannel. You allowed yourself to wonder whether or not his mind flipped back to the memories of you padding around his apartment in his button-downs after spending the night like yours was. Judging by his fluster, you were pretty certain it was.

“A-alright, let’s hurry up,” he ordered, walking off to lead the two of you. With a subtle smirk on your face you followed him, Ellie grumbling from beside you.

“I’m hungry.”

“I know, I am too,” Joel groaned back as you reached an old power plant, the thought of having to overcome another obstacle to get to Jackson making your body ache with exhaustion.

“Great,” you sighed, earning Joel’s attention. “How are we supposed to get around this?”

“Just go through it,” he suggested, reaching for the large metal gate doors but quickly realizing they were locked from the inside.

The sound of guns cocking from the watchtowers above the gate had the three of you looking up with wide eyes, three guns pointed at you.

“Don’t even think about reaching for your gun. Tell the girl to drop hers. Now!” A blonde woman commanded from your right, both you and Joel sticking your hands up in surrender while Ellie continued pointing her pistol at the woman.

“Ellie…do as the lady says,” Joel ordered and Ellie begrudgingly obeyed.

“Please tell me you’re lost,” the woman spoke more calmly now, your eyes turning to Joel, hoping that he’d do the talking.

“We didn’t know the place was occupied,” he replied. “We’re just trying to make our way through.”

“Through to where?” she was quick to question, her eyes scanning both you and Ellie, seemingly intrigued by the three of you.

“They’re alright,” a husky voice with an accent similar to Joel’s announced as he unlocked and opened the metal gate. Your eyes softened as you took in the familiar face of Tommy Miller, Joel’s little brother.

“Wait, you know these people?”

“Know him,” Tommy replied as he eyed Joel, not appearing to remember you. “That’s my goddamn brother.”

You watched as Joel and Tommy squeezed each other in a tight embrace, the kind that seemed to wash all their bad history away. It made you smile, the sight of the men together after the way they left it four years ago.

“And you…I remember you,” Tommy turned to you with a half-smile. “Nice to see you and my brother finally realized y’all were in love.”

Joel rubbed the back of his neck as he glanced at you with a blush, the sight making you chuckle.

“This is Maria,” Tommy introduced you to the woman that had the three of you at gunpoint just a minute ago as she joined you all in front of the gate. “Be nice to her, she sorta runs things ‘round here.”

“Ma’am,” Joel started, obviously still a bit cautious of the woman. “Thanks for not blowin’ my head off.”

“Would’ve been embarrassing…considering you’re my brother-in-law,” she looked to Tommy with the an almost undetectable smirk. Joel’s surprised eyes turned to Tommy, the younger Miller shrugging.

“We all gotta get wrangled up at some point,” Tommy added before nudging his head towards you. “I see y’all two went and adopted a love child.”

“Yeah, somethin’ like that,” Joel glanced at you with a flicker of a smile, his eyes soft as he watched you chuckle.

“Ellie, right?” Maria looked at her, Ellie nodding in confirmation. When Maria’s eyes met yours, you gave her your name, earning a smile from the mildly-intimidating woman. “Hungry?”

“Starving,” you and Ellie said at the same time.

Your eyes scanned the inside of the plant as Maria and Tommy led the three of you, showing you around, both of them clearly and rightfully proud of the progress they’d made so far.

Ellie spotted a horse being saddled and looked at you with hopeful eyes, your shoulders shrugging as you gestured to Tommy and Maria.

“Woah! You guys got horses.” She beamed at the sight.

“We gotta whole lot of ‘em,” Tommy confirmed. Ellie skipped over to the horse and started to stroke it’s mane while the four of you watched her. A guy working on applying a horse shoe off to the side called out for Tommy to come give him a hand, leaving you, Joel, and Maria to watch as Ellie admired the mare.

“Can I?” she asked before reaching to pet the horse, Maria nodding with a smile.

“Of course. He likes when you pet his ears,” she added. “Ever ride one?”

“I actually have,” she replied cooly, as though she were a pro.

“When have you ridden a horse?” Joel asked as the two of you stood side by side, his hand resting on your lower back to rub gentle back and forth motions against it. The rest of the conversation became mute as your body lit up from his warm touch, your mind turning to mush.

“Alright, let’s continue the tour,” Tommy announced as he returned, leading the three of you with Maria into the actual plant building.

As you walked past him, Joel couldn’t resist whispering to you, “You look good in my shirt.”

“Do I?” You chuckled, pinching at the material that you felt was the least flattering thing you’d worn in years, but somehow also your favorite. Joel nodded, one corner of his mouth curling up as he followed you further into the building.

“Maria,” Maria’s walkie went off before the five of you could get far, making her sigh.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“We’re in the control room,” the man on the other side of the walkie chirped. “Steve’s about to start it back up. You wanna come check it out?”

She sighed again, looking to Tommy. “I’d rather go eat with the girls.”

“It’s my turn anyways, I’ll go,” he offered.

“I’ll come with you,” Joel interjected, earning a pout from Ellie. “Go get some food in ya.”

“Joel,” she groaned.

“C’mon, El. Let’s give them some space,” you wrapped your arm around her shoulder and walked her off with Maria leading the two of you, Joel tipping his head at you before leaving with Tommy.

Though you wanted to protest to his absence as well, you knew how much the two of them needed some time alone right now. They had so much to talk about, so much to address, and they deserved to do it privately.

“So…you and Joel, huh?” Maria spoke as she led you all to the plant’s kitchen, ladling some stew into three bowls for each of you. “He seems like a real peach.”

“I think you know full well what it’s like to love a Miller,” you joked as you pulled up a seat at the table beside Ellie, Maria setting your bowls down.

“You knew Tommy back in the day?” she asked as she sat herself down, your head nodding in response since your mouth was busy scarfing down the maybe too-hot stew. “Was he the ladies man he claims to be?”

“Oh, they were too cool for me back then. I wouldn’t know,” you chuckled, wiping your mouth. “I just remember him as being the more outgoing one of the two.”

“What was Joel like?” Ellie asked, earning a nod of interest from Maria, both of their eyes on you.

“Polite, I guess. Sort of how he is with you, I guess,” you gestured to Maria. “Took three years for us to go from acquaintances to whatever we were.”

“Were?” Maria asked with a crease of her brow, her head tilted to the side.

“Were, are…who knows,” you chuckled again, this time more nervously and busied yourself with another spoonful.

“They’re totally in love,” Ellie chimed in and watched as your eyes rolled. “Sleep in the same sleeping bag every night, cuddled up like two teenagers—“

“Ellie,” you gently scolded through a chuckle, embarrassed that she not only noticed your new sleeping arrangement but also made it public knowledge.

“Well, he looks at you like you’re the only person around,” Maria commented with a smirk. “I don’t know him too well, but I can guess pretty confidently that he doesn’t go around handing out smiles like that with everybody.”

“Nope,” Ellie confirmed. “Still like pulling teeth trying to get him to laugh at my jokes, and I’m fucking hilarious.”

You and Maria laughed at her confidence before your mind started to travel back to thoughts of him.

He still hadn’t come close to saying he loved you, and although you appreciated the observation, a part of you worried that talking about it too much would only jinx everything. After all, it had been two years of waiting and three months of traveling together and nothing. Maybe it wasn’t you reading it wrong, maybe it was him. Maybe he was just oblivious to the implications of his affections, not realizing the way you, or anyone around you would perceive his gentleness towards you.

After your meal, Maria resumed the tour of the grounds, but before the three of you could even get out out of the room that looked like it used to be an office area, sirens sounded in the plant.

“God, must be bandits,” she sighed and frantically reached for her walkie while pointing to one of the offices. “There, we can lock ourselves inside!”

You rushed Ellie into the room with Maria behind you, your heart pounding with adrenaline and concern over Joel.

“Tommy, bandits broke into the building!” Maria hurried into the walkie as gunshots rang outside the walls. As Tommy tried to answer, the walkie cut out, earning a frustrated grunt from Maria as she tapped it against her palm in hopes of fixing it. When it was clear it wasn’t working, she turned her focus to Ellie, pointing at the locker. “Ellie, hide!”

Ellie willingly obeyed, shutting herself in the locker while you and Maria cowered and hid underneath a desk, pistols drawn in case someone managed to break through the locked door.

Thankfully, within ten or fifteen minutes, the gunshots had ceased and Tommy was calling out from the other side of the door. Maria was quick to open it, Ellie stepping out of the locker room and rushing ahead of you to Joel with a look of pure excitement.

“Joel!” She practically ran right into him as she started to speak frantically, his hands resting on her shoulders to calm her as his eyes flitted to your shaken ones, the scare clearly rattling you. Her retelling of the events went largely unheard by Joel as he split his attention between the two of you, but he continued to nod at her anyways.

“Slow down,” he finally managed to interrupt her. “Are you hurt?”

Your attention was pulled to Tommy, his head shaking as he whispered something to Maria, the two of them walking outside together.

“What’s that about?” you asked in a small voice as you finally got your feet to move from the spot they were planted in, reaching Joel and Ellie. Joel rubbed the back of his neck, his only tell, and shrugged. “Joel.”

“El, why don’t you go on and have a look at the other horses. We’re right behind ya,” Joel ordered and Ellie glanced at you before obeying, heading outside.

“Whats going on?” Your brows creased, watching him as he shifted his weight from one hip to the other, tucking his thumbs in his belt.

“Tommy’s taking Ellie the rest of the way,” he finally spoke, his eyes on the ground. The crease in your brows deepened at you stared at him in pure confusion. This wasn’t the plan.

“What?” you snapped, crossing your arms over your chest. “What the fuck do you mean Tommy’s taking Ellie?”

“Calm down—“

“Calm down?” You scoffed at him and shook your head as you looked around the room, pointing at the dead bandits in the hallway. “Nothing about the past thirty minutes has given me a reason to be calm, Joel. And now you’re telling me that the girl I’ve spent the last three months risking my life to protect, the girl that I’ve grown to see as a daughter—you’re handing her off to your little brother? Where the fuck are you going? Where the fuck am I going in all this?”

“You don’t have any idea—“

“No! I don’t! You make damn sure of that, don’t you?” You shook your head and chuckled darkly at his audacity, walking away but stopping short of the door. “You want to abandon her? Go ahead. But I will not. That girl means the world to me—and you know what, it’s my fault for ever mistakingly thinking that she meant the same to you. All these years spent by your side…I should’ve known better to think you could care about any fucking one but yourself.”

“Hey!” He called out to you but you ignored him, walking out into the yard to see Tommy and Maria also in a fight, though theirs seemed less relationship-ending.

“Everything okay?” Ellie approached you gently, ever the emotionally aware little girl. You nodded, though the redness of your eyes surely told a different story.

When Joel joined the two of you, you purposely turned your head in the opposite direction, too angry to look him in the eyes.

“What’s that all about?” she asked Joel, his eyes turning to look at his younger brother and sister-in-law mid-argument, a sigh being his only acknowledgment that she’d spoken. “That have anything to do with me?”

“We’ll talk about it later,” he snapped. You chuckled and shook your head, looking down at your lap. It went unseen by you, but Joel shot you a warning glare, begging you to keep your opinions to yourself for the time being.

“Did he tell you where the lab was?” She continued her inquiry, the entire conversation making you sick to your stomach knowing that by tomorrow, he’d be gone.

“We’ll talk about it later.” His voice was slow and stern, repeating what he’d just said.

“Later…” she scoffed, shaking her head. “Right.”

You watched as she walked away, but were too consumed by the argument happening only a few yards away to keep watch over her. After a few more quiet exchanges, Maria was stomping over to Joel, pointing her finger into his chest.

“You,” she started, nearly as angry as you were. “Anything happens to him and it’s on you.”

Joel nodded, his eyes flickering to your teary ones.

“I’ll take that girl of y’all’s to the Fireflies,” Tommy announced in a defeated tone. “You don’t have to worry ‘bout it.”

“I’m going with,” you declared confidently, though your hands still shook with emotion. Tommy gave you a strange look before turning to Joel, seemingly expecting him to interject but he didn’t, his eyes still locked on the dirt beneath his feet.

“Well, alright the—“ Tommy’s walkie cut him off with a crackle. “What? Say that again, I didn’t hear ya.”

You and Joel started off towards the building but Tommy called out before you could get even a foot away.

“Joel, that girl of yours took a horse and ran off.”

Your wide eyes met Joel’s and he sighed.

“Damn it, which way?” You watched as him and Tommy ran towards the horses, Joel ordering you to stay put when you tried to join them. “Don’t wanna lose both of y’all out there.”

“Whatever,” you scoffed and watched as he rode off, practically shaking from all the fear and insecurity boiling inside you.

Not only was he abandoning the two of you, but now because of his treachery, Ellie was out there all alone with god knows what lurking.

“Hey,” Maria approached you as you stood frozen, staring at the gate Joel just rode through. “C’mon. I got a room for you at our house in Jackson.” You looked reluctant but she persisted, nudging your side. “Us Miller women gotta stick together.”

“I’m not Joel’s wife. I’m not Joel’s anything, apparently,” you mumbled, forcing a frown onto her face.

“C’mon, it’s getting dark soon. It’s a warm bed, a shower, food…privacy,” she offered, her sincerity finally winning you over. You nodded your head and earned a small, quick smile from her, her hand pointing at a couple ATVs across the yard. “You know how to work one?”

“Yeah,” you croaked, following her towards the two quads and hopping on one.

“Good. Faster we get there, the faster we can cry.”

“Alright,” Maria clapped her hands as she opened the door to her and Tommy’s renovated two-story home. You admired the first non-run down place you’d seen in years as Maria led you down the hallway of the first floor, pointing out the bathroom before opening the door right across from it. “This will be y’all’s room,” she watched as you reacted to the thought of sharing a bed with Joel after what he did. “Or yours. Whichever.”

“Thanks, Maria. Seriously. You’ve been so kind to me—to all of us,” you gestured around at the bedroom. “It means a lot.”

“It’s no problem,” she assured with a smile before pointing her thumb back towards the hallway. “I’ve gotta go check on the builders working on the town’s newest project—a tavern, believe it or not. But feel free to make yourself at home. Regardless of you and Joel’s situation, you’re welcome here. Alright?”

You nodded your head, wishing that you could give her a better smile but truthfully, all you wanted to do right now was scream and cry, Joel’s dark cloud of a decision crushing what little joy you had left inside.

The minute you heard the front door close, your tears all came to surface in a breathless sob, your eyes squeezing shut as you sat down on the mattress, your head falling into your hands as you finally let out a gasp for air.

Why was this man so dead set on pushing everyone away? And why did you still love him anyway?

Reaching for the pillow, your sadness turned to frustration. You pressed the pillow to your face and screamed into it, thankful for the opportunity to have the tantrum you’d been meaning to have for the last three months.

This was what loving him did to you. It was seemingly all it did.

Flopping over onto the mattress, you punched it like you so desperately wanted to punch sense into him. You don’t have to abandon everything good for you, you wanted to scream at him until his ears bled, you can let us love you.

It was an hour or so later, your voice now nearly gone after screaming for so long, the rage gone as well. Now, you sat in the living room, staring at the TV playing an old western that brought you a bit of comfort, the gruff cowboy on the screen reminding you of your own.

When the door clicked open, you expected it to be Maria, but instead heard the chuckles of Joel, Ellie, and Tommy, the three discussing an apparent clicker ambush they must’ve encountered out there in the thick of it. Your brows creased at the sight of Joel so unabashedly happy, unsure of how or why things changed in the hours since you’d last seen him. The sight of him and Ellie happy made you happy, but…it also made you feel incredibly out of the loop.

“Hey,” Ellie greeted you, her smile faltering as she took in your swollen eyes. “Joel and I talked it through.”

“Oh yeah?” you replied, your eyes flickering to Joel’s as he stood behind her, both of them looking shocked by your hoarse rasp.

“Yeah,” he nodded, sitting down beside you. “The three of us are headin’ to Utah in the mornin.”

“You’re…you’re coming?” you asked, unabashed in your shock. Joel’s mouth curled up as he looked to Ellie, her eyes glued to the TV.

“Yeah,” he turned to you with a nod, his hand reaching over to rest on your thigh. “That alright with you?”

You rolled your eyes at him, mildly irritated that he thought he could come back with a smile and all would be forgiven…and mildly irritated that he was right.

“El, why don’t you go with Tommy for a little so we can talk,” Joel suggested, earning a pout from the teenager.

“C’mon,” Tommy called. “If you hurry, we might be able to get. few shots up at the gun range.”

“Oh hell yeah!” She practically ran out the door with him, Joel chuckling as he watched them leave. When the door clicked shut, he turned to you, his finger reaching to brush across your jaw. “You alright?”

You nodded, swallowing the truth. But in all honesty, sitting here beside him, his smile and the fireplace warming you up, you were alright. Regardless of the fight you had or the crying fit that occurred afterwards, you’d always be alright when he was with you like this. When he allowed himself to be the Joel you knew and loved.

“Come on,” he tipped his head towards the bathroom. “Let’s get cleaned up. Been a hard few weeks.”

You slipped your hand into his, allowing him to walk you to the bathroom.

He took his time in undressing you, his rough hands soft in nature against your skin as he slid his flannel that you’d been wearing since earlier off your shoulders, his eyes combing over your naked form for the first time since your breakup back in Boston. His hands touched you reverently, as though he was trying to memorize you by heart.

“I’m still upset,” you announced in a hoarse whisper, Joel’s head nodding in acknowledgment.

“As you should,” he husked, his hands now working on your jeans unbuttoning them before lowering to his knees to tug them down your hips and legs. You stepped out of them before tugging him back up, your hand resting on his cheek. He lifted it off, kissing your palm and looking into your eyes. “I was an ass.”

“And?”

Joel chuckled and started on his own clothes, peeling them off much quicker and gracelessly than he did yours.

“And an idiot.”

“And?”

Joel pulled you into the running shower, the two of you surprised by the not-quite hot but not far from cold water. He held you close from behind, his hands hesitant but desperate nonetheless as they hugged your waist. You let your eyes drift closed as his beard scratched against the back of your neck, the tickle quickly followed by the soft press of his lips.

“And I’m sorry,” he husked. “Should’ve talked to you first. I just…it’s hard for me…bein’ around her.”

“Because she’s a kid? Can’t protect herself?” you questioned, reaching for the bar of soap and turning around to lather it against his chest. Joel watched your face as you watched the suds form under your palm on his scarred skin, your fingertips reacquainting themselves with the topography of his body.

“Because she reminds me of Sarah.” His sincerity forced your eyes to his, your lashes batting at him as you watched him closely, trying to read his mind for the words he left unspoken.

“That’s not a bad thing, Joel.” His hazel eyes closed, his forehead leaning to rest against yours as your hands traveled lower, scrubbing off the dirt and sweat that had accumulated in the weeks since his last shower. “She looks up to you like a dad, too, you know?”

“That just scares even more,” he confessed in a whisper.

“That’s why I’m here,” you reminded him, and Joel pulled back enough to watch your sudsy fists pump his half-hard cock, stroking him to full hardness. “To help.”

“Gimme the soap. I gotta get you clean before we end up forgettin’ why we came in here in the first place.”

You chuckled and handed the bar over, Joel’s eyes locked on your breasts as he lathered the soap in his hands before massaging the suds into your skin, devoting special attention to your breasts. You hummed as he cradled their weight in his hands, his eyes lifting to yours to give you a smile.

“I wish you’d just realize how much we care about you,” you confessed, reaching for his face. “How much we want you around.”

“I ain’t goin’ anywhere,” he promised, lowering his hands to your waist and stomach to clean the rest of your torso before he was turning you around his lips pressing against your pulse as his hands slid up your back, massaging your tense muscles until you were spilling soft moans into the shower. “Feel good, baby?”

“Mmhm,” you confirmed lazily, reaching for the bar of soap again to lather some onto your hands so that you could clean the more delicate areas while Joel did the same for himself.

A few minutes later, the water now frigid, you and Joel stepped out of the tub and wrapped yourselves up in towels. He held his hand out for you and walked you across the hall into the bedroom.

“Wait—“ You froze as Joel stood right beside the bed, causing his brow to furrow. “I need a second. I’m…nervous.”

“Why?” he asked softly, stroking his thumb over your cheek.

“Today has been a whirlwind, and on top of that…it’s been so long for us,” you croaked. “I’ve dreamt about this for…half a fucking year, Joel.”

“So have I.” He placed one hand on your waist, the other cradling your face. “We don’t have to—“

“No, I want to. I really want to. I just…can we take it slow?” Joel smiled softly, just a flicker, at you and nodded, his thumb stroking over your skin.

Breathing in a breath of courage you undid your towel and let it fall the the floor, the air cold around you causing your nipples to pebble. Joel sucked in sharply at the sight, his hands reaching to hold the weight of your breasts again, eyes flickering to yours to make sure what he was doing was okay. Your brows creased from the pleasure of his rough thumbs over your nipples, a soft moan slipping from your lips and into the air. Joel’s towel began to form a tent as he watched your lips part, imagining them wrapped around his girth.

“Can I…” He moved to slide his hand lower, down your stomach to the patch of hair above your center. You nodded eagerly, lowering your eyes to watch his hand slowly sink down to your wetness, an exhaled groan falling from his lips at the feeling of your slick warmth. “Fuck…missed how wet you get for me.”

You whimpered at his confession, finally finding the old confidence you used to possess in the bedroom and walked him back until he was sitting on the mattress. Joel’s breath hitched as you sank to the floor in front of him, sitting between his open thighs and unfolding his towel to unveil his cock.

“Baby,” he choked out, his neck straining as your gripped him with both hands, pumping his velvet smooth length to full hardness before dribbling spit onto it. Joel groaned, tossing his head back as your spit lubricated your strokes, his hands finding your hair and gathering it in his fist. “That’s it, baby…just like that. Feels so good.”

You couldn’t help but grin as you listened to him, your mind flipping back in time to all the nights spent beside him in Boston. All of the hurt since then, all the pain and rejection and insecurity floated away into nothingness as you watched his face screw in pleasure, his hips bucking into your fists to meet your slow strokes.

“I love you, Joel,” you confessed, earning his gaze. “And it’s okay if you can’t say it back. I…know you love me in your own way.”

Joel shook his head, leaning forward to cup your face with both hands, his lips only a few inches from yours.

“I love you. I love you more than anything in this world, darlin. I’m…sorry it took so long for me to say it. But I do. I love you.” You let out a strangled chuckle, overwhelmed by the words you so longed to hear finally coming out of his mouth. Pushing him back again, you used one hand to hold him in place while your lips wrapped around him, Joel’s moan threatening to shake the walls as he laid all the way back, your free hand intertwining with his on his thigh. “Fuck…fuck, it’s so good, baby.”

You hummed against him as you sucked him in time with your fist, stroking him until you felt his precum dribble onto your tongue. Joel gently tugged you off and helped you onto his lap, cradling your face with one hand while gripping your hip with the other, his lips finding yours for a sloppy, desperate kiss.

“I need to feel you,” you whispered against his mouth, earning a groan as you reached back to line him up with your dripping heat, Joel looking into your eyes as you sank down onto him. Both of you shivered at the feeling of being joined again, his hands gripping at your hips once you were fully seated. You wrapped your arms around his neck and scratched at his damp scalp, smiling down at him. “You’re so beautiful, Joel.”

“I love you,” he whispered, his arms sliding around your waist to hug you close, pulling you back with him as he laid against the mattress, your chest pressed into his. “So perfect.”

You didn’t say anything in response, choosing to kiss him soft and slow while you lifted your hips, Joel’s moans being caught by your lips as you sank back down onto him, the head of his cock hitting something devastating inside of you.

“You feel so good,” you mumbled against him in a whimper, Joel’s hands moving to grip the flesh of your ass to help guide your motions. “You always make me cum so fast.”

“God, I miss feelin’ how you squeeze me,” he mumbled back, using his strength to slam you up and down onto his cock.

“Fuck,” you whined, burying your face in his neck. Joel hummed against you, stilling your hips so that he could piston up into your dripping pussy, sinful squelching sounds filling the room as he targeted your g-spot like an expert. You reached down in between your bodies and rubbed your clit, your eyes screwed shut as the pleasure verged on too much. “Joel, fuck. I think I’m gonna squirt.”

Joel growled at your warning, slamming into that same spot harder and faster until you were crying out into his neck, your screams being muffled by his skin.

“Go on, baby. Soak me. Make me smell like you for days,” he urged, the pure animalistic request being all that you needed to finally let go. You shook in top of him, your pussy soaking his lap as you came for him. “There you go…so tight I can’t even pull out.”

“Then don’t,” you pled, lost in the euphoria of your climax.

Joel had never came inside of you before. It was too risky in this world. There was no room for a baby with all of this violence and carnage, no space for a family in all of this desolation and dread. But much to your surprise, and admittedly your delight, Joel did as you asked, spearing into you all the way one last time before he was cumming, his teeth biting a mark into your shoulder to quiet his cries of pleasure, his arms squeezing so tightly around your waist you almost worried he’d crush you.

“Fuck…” he panted, soothing the bite marks on your skin with his kisses. “Haven’t done that since…since a long time ago.”

“I’m surprised you actually did it,” you chuckled, kissing his neck and bearded jaw.

“You alright with it?”

“Of course,” you lifted your head, looking down at him with a lazy grin. “You’re the only person I’d risk that for.”

“Same here,” he smiled back before rolling you onto your back and pulling out of you. “Stay put, I’ll get a rag.”

You nodded in agreement and laid there with a goofy smile, completely content in every sense of the word. Joel was yours again, and you were his. No matter what happened for the rest of your life, you could die happy knowing that he loved you.

“Probably should go fetch Ellie,” Joel spoke softly as he returned with a washcloth and cleaned up the mess between your thighs before doing the same to himself.

You were half asleep when he returned from tossing the rag, making him chuckle. He readjusted you so that you were laying on the mattress the right way, gently laying your head on a pillow before tugging his flannel onto your body.

“I’ll be right back, sweet thing,” he whispered into your hairline as he placed a kiss there, your head nodding in a show of comprehension. “Sweet dreams, baby.”

“Come back soon.”

“I will,” he pecked your lips and gave you one last lingering look before heading back out into the world with a new spring in his step.

Perhaps it was possible to be happy in love in this world after all. Either way, he’d long given up trying to fight it. He loved you, and he’d spend the rest of his life trying to make up for all the lost time he spent pushing you away.

taglist: @uselsshuman @joelmillerscoffee @wildemaven @axshadows @sherala007 @browneyes-issac @kimm4710 @stxrrylunatic @sara-alonso @paulalikestuff @chxpsi @auberosier @mashomasho @harriedandharassed @trickstersp8 @trinkets01 @jlmaddinson @laureliciousdefinition @oh-no-a-whovian @buoyfriend @chorraich @extraneous-trip @oliviajdjarin @wumpsquill @love-affair-with-fandoms @graciexmarvel @amb11 @t0fudaddy @reigndropss @wondeerfull @multifand0m-gal0re @bfences @hypnoash @chronic-aly @wheresarizona @pedropascalsx @xocalliexo @myswficlist @untitledarea @lexloon @bbyanarchist @alwayslurkinginthebackground @rocketrhap3000 (please let me know if you’d like to be added/removed!)

[sullina]

For the switched curses au, how do you think Meliodas is going to cope with his father being captured, Veronica being aligned with the holy knights, Margaret being locked in the dungeon and the whole being on the run thing?

Cuz most of the holy knights hunting him, he’s worked together with and was even friends with them at some point. He seeing the corruption head on when sir Twigo tries to straight up murder him

And I wonder if at the start he would’ve agreed with Veronica that these things were necessary to protect the kingdom and then slowly realises that they were wrong. The final nail in the coffin was when Margaret, his older sister, heir to the throne, royal battle strategist was locked away in the dungeons by Gilthunder, the knight that had sworn to protect her.

Also Meliodas crushing on Elizabeth would be so fucking hilarious for the sins to watch, cuz he would be so fucking deep in denial about it. (Ban would try to give him the talk lol-)

But I also see him being heavily distrustful of her even after they find Diane, cuz he’s probably been on the run for, like, a while. Everyone he thought he could trust is now hunting him down, a couple of people have probably tried to kill him or sell him out, so his guard will be up 24/7 even after travelling with her for a few days.

Meliodas had no idea when the sins would betray him and when they did he would be ready for it.

(The prince’s eyes, or eye technically, would remind all of them of a caged wild animal, ready to maim you the moment you step to close or try to reach through the bars)

+ bonus thoughts!!

I wonder what Elizabeth’s stance on Mel underage drinking would be. He probably sneaks down some nights to sneak a few drinks to get the buzz going, Elizabeth heads down the next morning to find Meliodas drunk and passed out behind the bar counter.

She’d probably limit him after that.

And the tavern uniform she gives him is probably gonna be the same one he wore in season 2, and Elizabeth wears smthn similar (matching outfits!) but to be a bit cruel, Elizabeth makes him try on a more revealing version of the outfit first as a practical joke to give him a heart attack before handing him the real one.

He flushed bright red, snatches it out of her hands and storms back upstairs to change as Ellie giggles.

Meliodas was absolutely distraught. He didn't want to leave his fathers side as the two great holy knights knocked on the door. He already found it odd of Hendi and Dreyfus to bang on the door with such force and when his father told him to take the secret passage and get out of the capital, he knew something was up.

He listened through the secret door. After hearing the knights declare their father arrested, tears welled up in his eyes, where they blurred his vision as he made his way through the many many passages.

He couldn't go as he was. People would recognize him immediately. So when he came by the armory, he put on the oldest and biggest armor that he could find and still walk in. Thankfully, the night came soon and with the cover of darkness on his side, he left the castle and capital, not uttering a single word to anyone. Only when he was far enough away, on a distant hillside having passed by many towns and villages, did he dare to look back.

He avoided any and all human contact as he walked, eventually starting to whisper to himself just to hear a voice, even if it was just his own. "The Seven Deadly Sins... I have to find them...", he panted. His mouth was dry and his stomach was rumbling. How long had it been since he last had a meal? Next thing he knew, he woke up in a bed in a room he didn't recognize with someone touching his chest.

That person was Elizabeth, who assessed that his heart rate was okay. Beside her with a shocked expression and a shrill voice was a talking pig that, for the sake of his mind, Meliodas mostly ignored for now.

Elizabeth cooked for him. It didn’t taste very good, but his cooking never exactly turned out any better if he was being honest. Besides, the taste reminded him of something, but he couldn’t remember what.

They were interrupted soon after by loud banging on the door, demanding they hand over the criminal they’re harboring, and Meliodas’ stomach dropped. He was so careful! He never showed his face, much less talked to anyone besides this Elizabeth, whom he met like an hour ago!

Before he can apologize and leave though, Elizabeth has already answered the door, having piled up a few pieces of his armor onto Hawk. Meliodas takes his chance and makes a run for it into the forest. But a few hours of sleep and half a meal aren’t exactly enough to recover, and he’s seen. The knights aren’t a problem thanks to Elizabeth and Hawk saving him, but when the entire forest is suddenly cut down at once, Meliodas gets a bad feeling.

Meliodas feels a sharp pain in his heart when Twigo doesn’t even hesitate to kill him upon recognizing who he is. Granted, him and Twigo weren’t really close, but it’s not like they were on bad terms.

Meliodas went to bed that night and was unable to sleep for a long time. He had heard many rumors and stories about the holy knights doing bad things and didn’t want to believe it. He knew these knights and the ones who taught them the values of the kingdom!

Margaret was captured by Gilthunder, to whom Mel himself looked up and was extremely close to. Veronica asked questions, but was sold lies by Hendrickson and Dreyfus, and Griamor was too stubborn to listen to anyone that wasn't Veronica.

All in all, Meliodas was on his own.

He knew he probably couldn’t trust any holy knights, which stung, but with his closest friends and family, the people who he grew up with, unable or unwilling to help him... he felt like his heart ripped in two everytime he thought about it.

Then, on his mission, he finally found the first person who didn’t seem corrupted by the holy knights: Elizabeth. She seemed trustworthy, but then again, so did all the holy knights. Plus, the Seven Deadly Sins were branded as criminals for a reason, right? (He doesn’t actually know their crimes) Could he really trust criminals that were exiled from the very kingdom that raised him?

Needless to say, he had no idea. He didn’t even know if they would help him. His father said they would, but it should’ve been a long time since he’s last seen them. What if they changed? Well, thinking about it logically, if they didn’t want to help him, he might at least be able to convince them to get revenge on the kingdom that exiled them. Maybe... One thing’s for sure though, if they wanted him dead, then Elizabeth, the captain of them all, already would have killed him for sure. After all, the Sins weren’t known for beating around the bush.

The next day, Elizabeth presents him with clothes to wear so he can work as a waiter. In all honesty, he didn’t expect to ever work as a waiter of all things, but with Elizabeths explanation that he’ll help gather info on the other sins, he just shrugged and put on the uniform. It made sense that he would help. He wasn’t about to shove off all the work onto someone else that he barely even knew.

The uniform on the other hand... well, let’s just say that just his underwear would probably cover more. “It’s a little... okay, it’s very short. But if this helps finding information about the other Sins, I’ll wear it”, he told Elizabeth as he blushed. To his confusion, she just badly held back her laughter. “In that case, I’ll- I’ll go ahead and get rid of this other uniform I was considering for you to t-try, pfft-”, she said as she held out another outfit that looked similar to the one he was wearing already. He snatched it from her hands and upon realizing that this one WASN’T ridiculously short, he just glared at her as he went back up to his room to change.

Later on in the Forest of White Dreams, they found Diane after beating up some prankster imps. Surprisingly, it was Meliodas who took them on alone. He was mostly confused, but also kinda pissed off at pretty much everything and needed to let off some steam, so he might’ve hit them harder than needed. Hawk and Elizabeth just watched him go ham.

After Elizbaeth established and her and Meliodas were not in any kind of romantic relationship, the three (four if you count Hawk) were ambushed by Gilthunder. Meliodas froze when he saw him. Not only were his eyes cold, he barely even looked at Meliodas, even though he should be under orders to either bring the prince back or kill him. Considering that, Melioda was glad his attention wasn’t on him, but it still hurt to be ignored by the person he viewed as both an older brother and mentor. Enraged, Meliodas threw himself at the holy knight, only for him to knock him back to the ground, knocking the wind out of him. As he watched Gilthunder approach him, he would have loved to spit a thing or two in his face, but Elizabeth had freed herself and punched Gilthunder out of hearing range before he could. “I’m going after him. Diane, watch over Meliodas” she commanded the new Sin. “Gotcha”, Diane replied, less than enthusiastic about being left alone by her captain. And with that, Elizabeth disappeared into the fog.

Meliodas coughed as he sat up to catch his breath. “Are you okay?” Diane asked him, leaning over him. Meliodas stood and took off running. Before he got anywhere though, he was picked up. “Let me go! We need to go after them!” Meliodas yelled, squirming in the giants’ grip. “Captain is taking care of him. Besides, she said to watch you, so that’s what I’m doing.” “I’m not some defenseless little boy that needs to be watched! I can take care of myself!” He told her. “U-huh”, Diane said, not impressed. Meliodas glared at her. “He got lucky!”

The demon kept struggling until Elizabeth returned. Diane dropped carelessly dropped Meliodas, who would love to have had Diane had it if it weren’t for Elizabeth annoucing their next destination of Baste Dungeon. (If you’re wondering why Elizabeth isn’t wounded, she also tricked Gil into revealing the other Sins’ locations like Mel in canon, but healed herself before coming back)

But that night, Meliodas couldn’t sleep. He wanted to scream or cry or something, just anything that wasn’t nothing. At a loss for what to do, he snuck downstairs into the bar and grabbed the first bottle that found its way into his hands.

Elizabeth, being the natural early bird that she was, found Meliodas hours later, passed out and surrounded by a handful of bottles. Meliodas fell from the stool he was sitting on even before she could touch him, startled and wild-eyed. “Are you alright, Meliodas?” Elizabeth asked him, offering him a hand to get up. Meliodas avoided her eyes. “I’m fine. Please excuse me.” Before he could leave, Elizabeth grabbed him by the arms, forcing him to look at her. He was obviously afraid. Whether of her or just in general, she didn’t know, but she could feel his muscles tense where her hands were. Neither said anything until Elizabeth sighed. “Go upstairs and take a shower”, she said and let him go. Meliodas hurried upstairs without saying a word as Elizabeth got started on cleaning up the empty bottles. Later on, Meliodas laid on his bed, still wet from the shower and just staring at the ceiling when he heard a knock on the door. “Yeah?” Elizabeth came in and Meliodas, only now remembering that he was only wearing a towel, quickly covered himself with the blanket.

Elizabeth sat down in front of him, just... looking at him. Studying him, perhaps? Meliodas stared back.

“Do you.. need something?” He asked her. “I can tell when something is up with someone, Meliodas.” Meliodas swallowed nervously. “What’s up with who?” She gave him an unimpressed look. “Wh- ME?!” “I found you with half the taverns booze empty and crying.” “I was not crying-!” “Then why are your eyes so red?” Meliodas crossed his arms. “I just couldn’t sleep last night.” “U-huh. You wanna tell me what’s wrong?” “Nothing! Is! Wrong!” Elizabeth stood, crossing her own arms. “If you don’t tell me, I will forbid you from drinking even a single drop of alcohol.”

It was silent as Meliodas glared at her, then turned away.

He heard her sigh.

“If that’s how it’s gonna be. I’ll let it go this time, but if I catch you drinking alcohol again, you’re getting punished” and then she left. She didn’t see him biting his lip or the tears welling up in his eyes. Truth be told, he wanted to tell her. How scared he was, not just for himself but everyone else as well. Something is wrong and he had no idea what, just that it was bad. Everyone he thought he could trust was out for his head.

Everyone.

Even Gilthunder.

He didn’t know about the other two, but they couldn’t be much different. Especially Griamor with his blind loyalty to Veronica. Howzer... well, he often slacked off, who knows if he was as blindly loyal as most holy knights.

Right now, he couldn’t trust anyone.

So he rolled over and cried into his pillow.

LINEBREAK

So that’s it for the angst for now! This took very long to write due to several circumstances in my life, but I hope you’ll still like it^^ Now on to the more fun stuff^^

Meliodas crushing on Eli would be the most hilarious thing ever because he has literally never showed any kind of romantic interest in anyone. Totally indifferent. Where other kids would stare or blush (or the absolute worst variation of seeing PDA: go “EWWW!” Seriously, what’s up with that?) he would be impatiently tapping his foot like “can we get a move on already? I wanna get home. I’m hungry.” And then as soon as he’s home he’ll look for Eli XD

And then (10 years later) later as he gets to know and trust her, he’s the first to volunteer whenever Eli says she needs anything. The others catch on quickly, but Gowther is the first to say it out loud.

Ban teases Mel endlessly, less over his crush on Eli (Ban is actually a little bit jealous bc Mel gets more attention from his Captain than he does) and more over the fact that Mel is, ya know, a prince.

And as such, he knows how to conduct himself around his ‘subjects’ (yes, he still sees the sins as his subjects, as in, “I represent the kingdom of Liones around these people and need to behave accordingly”. I guess you could also assume it’s a kind of panic response to having his entire life uprooted in an instant. He clings to the rules he was taught.) Part of “acting like a prince” is also no swearing. At all. Which sucks for him because he loves swearing.

So anyway, Ban teases him once again because he assumes he’s some pampered little prince who can’t even protect himself (he doesn’t know better yet). “With all those fancy little words you always use, I bet you don’t even know how to swear!”

And then Meliodas looks him dead in the eyes. And goes: “Mother. Fucker.”

Immediately after, Mel hides himself and his red face in shame because he’s not really supposed to use those kinds of words. Elizabeth is comforting her prince while Ban HOWLS with laughter.

Also after Ban joins the team, he takes up what was Meliodas’ room. Mel tries to sleep in the same room, but Ban snores to loudly that Mel can’t hear his own thoughts. So he goes to Elizabeth, who offers the solution of sleeping in the same bed as her, which, after considering his options, Meliodas takes. At least for this one night. He’s tired, and sleeping in the same room as a snoring Ban is an impossible task.

But despite Elizabeth sleeping quietly beside him, he still can’t sleep. He’s literally in the same bed as the enemy. Well, not enemy, but definitely future backstabber. There’s no way he can trust her. Who says she won’t tie him up in the middle of the night and sell him to the holy knights of the kingdom for a hefty price? Or a cheap price? (Though if she DOES capture and sell him, it better be for a high price.)

So after a sleepless night, Meliodas goes downstairs into the tavern in the early morning, taking his sword with him like always, and thinks of stuff to do. He briefly glances at what must be hundreds of bottles of alcohol, but shakes the idea out of his head. Once he starts drinking, he won’t stop and then Elizabeth will find him and do who knows what to him. So instead he opts to go outside and train a little. He can’t afford to get out of practice.

The next night, Meliodas excuses himself early bc he’s extremely tired. Due to muscle memory, he goes to the upstairs room and just falls into bed, barely bothering to take his clothes off, and falls asleep instantly. Later on, he’s awoken by Bans drunken stumbling and mumbling and can look up just in time to see Ban falling on top of him. Trying to get out from the Fox’ Sin proved pointless and only resulted in Ban actually clinging to Meliodas.

No matter how much Meliodas wrestled with the sleeping Sin, there was no getting out. And so, too tired to try something else, Meliodas just accepted his fate for the night. He relaxed in Bans iron grip, gratefully noting that Ban wasn’t snoring, and closed his eyes. He also noted that the Fox’ Sin was actually very attractive, but that’s something to worry about later. The next morning, he awoke more well rested than any other night since his family was taken captive.

A few weeks later, Meliodas had gotten used to living with the Seven Deadly Sins. The ones that him and Elizabeth had managed to gather up until now at least. Despite being branded criminals, now that he knew them up close and not just from legends and stories, he actually had a hard time really seeing that. Sure, some of them weren’t exactly nice per se, but they all had a certain kindness that was impossible to overlook.

And with that, came a new problem.

See, Meliodas switched between sleeping with Elizabeth and sleeping with Ban. That first night with Ban had been completely on accident. Every other night with Ban had been a sort of rivalry to get his room back. Sleeping with Elizabeth wasn’t bad, but Meliodas still preferred his own room and bed. The issue: Ban doesn’t care. In fact, Ban relished in the fact that Meliodas fights him every night despite not once winning. And everytime that Ban grabs him before he can run away, Mel blushes in the cutest way. Mel of course insists that he doesn’t like it, but the way his heart beats a little quicker and the fact that the bags under his eyes seem to get a little bit smaller after every night speak otherwise. (Yes I’m sprinkling MelBan in this au bc 1) it’s adorable and 2) Mel can have more than one romantic partner)

As for why Meliodas doesn’t just sleep with Elizabeth? Now that he mostly got over his paranoia about her selling him, he noticed that he was not only close enough to smell her, but also that she smelled extremely comforting and familiar. And that kind of freaked him out, because he was developing feelings for her (romantic ones) but he has no idea that those are romantic feelings. And while his kingdom is in trouble, he’d rather not touch that because honestly his life is complicated enough as it is.

---

And honestly that’s all i have on that. I hope you like it^^ If you want to know anything else or more about something I didn’t cover as much, feel free to send me another ask, even if it might take a while for me to answer^^”

[somewhatgreatexpectations]

As It Was (Wanda Maximoff/ Reader)

Hello, everyone!

Summary: Everything has fallen apart in Westview, will Wanda be able to piece it back together? Will you be there to help her through it? With some surprise guests.

Song used: "As It Was" by Hozier (2019)

The anxiety in Wanda’s chest grew as she watched the twins struggle under Agatha’s magical hold. Despite the anxiety and fear clawing at her chest, Wanda kept her expression calm. She refused to let the twins think they were in danger and she'd be damned if she let Agatha see her fear.

“My powers work out here, or did you forget?” Wanda sneered.

Agatha smiled menacingly. “No, dear. I’m counting it.” The twins quickly attempted to escape only to be pulled back and thrown to the floor by their necks under Agatha's hold.

Wanda’s eyes widened in horror as she immediately sent a blast of energy at Agatha’s chest. The force of the blow sent the witch flying back and away from the twins. “Go home!” She shouted to the two as the red energy flared around her hands.

Billy and Charlie rushed over to their mother's side.

“We’re staying!” Charlie insisted.

Billy nodded in agreement. “Mom we can help!”

Before Wanda could utter a word, Agatha rose from where she had been thrown. A smirk growing on the other woman’s face. “Yeah, Wanda. Let the kiddos help.”

“Now!” Wanda shouted, leaving no room for argument. Charlie wearily took Billy by the arm and flew away, both of the twin's eyes wide with worry. Wanda’s shoulder dropped slightly in relief knowing that at the very least the twins would be safe.

As Agatha approached, Wanda sent another blast of energy at her. She was stopped in her tracks when Agatha seemingly absorbed the energy. Her blood ran cold at the sight as her nerves grew.

The unease she felt fill her bones caused an unexpected spike of nervous energy to burst from the tips of her fingers and run a gap into the sky above her and into the far distance. After realizing what she had done, Wanda took a calming breath and the gap was repaired immediately.

“I take power from the undeserving. It’s kind of my thing.” Agatha explained mockingly when she saw Wanda scramble. “And you are the definition of undeserving.”

The red energy faded fully into Agatha’s hands and Wanda felt weakness appear in her own hand. She watched in horror as the color was drained. Almost as if the hand itself was dying out. Before she could fully process it, she felt a force push her chest and heave her down the street. Her body skidded to a stop, but the energy continued to linger around her.

“Look, Wanda, sweetheart. You have no idea what you’re doing. Clearly.” Agatha taunted as she moved closer. “So, why don’t you just surrender your magic to someone who actually deserves it. Like me. And I’ll let you keep this sick little fantasy all to yourself… What do you say?”

Wanda rose to her feet, her jaw clenched as the red wisps danced angrily around her fingers. With a small waggle of her fingers, a car was summoned and thrown into Agatha.

Breathing heavily, Wanda made her way over to the car to inspect only to find Agatha missing from the scene. The weary feeling in her chest grew.

Until she looked into the reflection in the cracked glass of the window to see you approaching from the distance. The fist that was clenched around her heart loosened at the sight. “Y/n.” She breathed out as she made her way over to you. “I was so worried about you.”

Silence was all she received as you continued to stare blankly back at her. Wanda fidgeted nervously. “You're upset. I-… I will tell you everything, I promise. But first, I love you, Y/n.” Wanda whispered, tears shining brightly in her eyes.

Your hand rose slowly to caress her cheek. “Wanda.” Her eyes fluttered shut as she easily leaned into the touch, her own hand rising to rest over yours. Desperate to disappear into the comfort you represented.

Wanda felt your fingers flex slightly on her cheek before the energy from your hand threw her into the street. You slowly walked over to her and her eyes widened in fear when she saw empty eyes staring back at her.

Something was obviously very, very wrong.

“Y/n. Y/n, it’s me.” Her words were shaky as you hovered over her. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t lose you. If she lost you, you there would be no point in fighting.

Amelia suddenly appeared at your side, a smirk on her face. “And I thought you were powerful.” She turned away from Wanda. “Y/n. Finish her off. I don’t think she’ll fight back.”

“What did you do to her?” Wanda demanded as she attempted to stand. Amelia nudged you and you waved your hand, the earth moving to manipulate itself around Wanda’s legs, effectively pining her down.

Amelia tutted. “I’m just helping her back on the right track, Wanda. With me she’d be so powerful. We would be unstoppable.”

Wanda’s eyes never strayed from you, nervously observing the way you stood without emotion. A stark contrast to the woman who had always been so expressive. “You mean with you she’d be a puppet.” She gritted out through clenched teeth.

Ellie laughed. “Oh, please. You mean like she isn’t already one now? Like you didn’t make her your perfect little house wife? She shouldn’t even be anything other than a shell if it weren’t for your manipulation.”

“That’s not true.”

As Ellie opened her mouth to respond, a voice suddenly appeared in the distance. “Y/N! WANDA!” Wanda turned her head, surprised to see Steve and Natasha running over.

Ellie groaned in annoyance. “Y/n, deal with them. I’ll deal with her.” Wordlessly you walked off, your hands rising at your sides as pieces of the street began floating in the air before you flicked your wrist and threw the objects at the two running Avengers.

Wanda closed her eyes and allowed the energy to destroy the strong earth that was wrapped around her as she leaped to her feet to chase after you.

“Leaving so soon, Little Red?” Agatha called out as she reappeared. Wanda stopped in her tracks and turned to see Agatha smirking back at her. “Everything is going according to plan.”

Wanda nervously watched Steve and Natasha get closer to you out of the corner of her eye. “What plan?” She demanded.

“That’s nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about. I think Amelia here will take care of you.” The woman replied cryptically. In the blink of an eye Agatha disappeared into a purple haze once more.

“I think you should be more worried about the fact that I’m taking your wife.” Amelia taunted before her fist connected to Wanda’s jaw, sending her sprawling out on the lawn.

The pain in her jaw went unnoticed. Wanda’s eyes began to glow angrily as she got to her feet at the mention of you. “You won’t touch her.”

“I think it’s a little too late for that.” Amelia winked suggestively, and Wanda’s hands clenched at the implication.

If looks could kill, Amelia would be six feet under. “Tell me what you did to her.”

Amelia didn’t even flinch. “You see, working with a powerful witch and a vengeful director of S.W.O.R.D has its perks. Agatha gave me a little magic to distract Y/n while I used some new technology to make her ours.”

“Why are you doing this?”

There was a tense moment of silence. “Because you don’t deserve her. If it weren’t for you she would still be with me.”

Wanda shook her head. “We weren’t even together when she left you.”

“She left me because she could only love you.” Amelia’s eyes flashed with anger. “Now that I have her under my control all I have to do is get rid of you and we can finally be together like we always should have. Hayward will take care of the rest.”

The red wisps floating around Wanda’s hands sparked. “She will never love you. Whether she’s with me or not. And I will not let you hurt her or control her.”

Amelia began running at Wanda but before she could get close Wanda flicked her hand and Amelia rose in the air, flailing about angrily as she became encased in the red energy. “It’s too late, Wanda! You can’t stop us.”

Wanda’s eyes flashed. “Nothing you say will ever stop me from protecting her. And I’ll start with you.” Her hand flicked to the side slightly and Amelia went into the house down the street. Wanda flicked her wrist again and the house glowed brightly before returning to its original color. “Let’s see what damage you can do when you’re locked in this house.”

Down the street Steve and Natasha were avoiding the various objects you were firing at them. “What the hell is going on?” Natasha shouted as she narrowly avoided being hit by a piece of concrete.

“I have no idea.” Steve called back as he ducked under a lamp post that was thrown directly at him. “There’s something wrong here. Where’s Wanda?”

As Natasha was distracted by looking for the red-headed witch she was hit with a piece of concrete. A groan fell from her lips as she rolled away. Steve took the opportunity of distraction to close the distance between you both. “Y/n! Enough!” He shouted.

A chill ran down his spine when he met your blank stare. “No.” You replied simply before sweeping his legs out from under him. He quickly sprung to his feet when he felt the earth quickly begin to crawl up his body. Steve was familiar with this fighting tactic of yours.

Your hands clenched slightly in anger as he avoided your trap and you began swinging your fists at him calculatingly, just like he spent years teaching you. All Steve could do was avoid every hit you directed at him. He wouldn’t fight you. He couldn’t.

All he could see when he looked at you was the scared girl he found in the ruble all those years ago. The girl he swore to protect until his dying breath. He couldn’t hurt you even if he wanted to.

As you caught one of his legs in the earth, Steve shut his eyes to prepare for what was to come. Except nothing happened. His eyes opened again to see you on the floor with Natasha standing over you with her stun gun. “What did you do?” He asked worriedly as he scrambled over to you.

“It’s not her Steve. I had to.” Natasha said cautiously. “She’ll wake up in a few minutes.”

“Y/n!” They heard from down the street as Wanda used her powers to propel herself forward, immediately falling to her knees at your side. “Is she okay?”

Natasha nodded solemnly. “She’s fine. I just stunned her. What the hell is going on, Wanda?”

“I-I don’t know entirely. I didn’t mean to-… I just-…” Wanda’s breath became ragged as her hand instinctively found yours, the comfort of the warmth against her skin easing her mind. “I just wanted to protect her. I didn’t want to hurt anyone.”

Steve placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “We know, Wanda. We’re on your side. I should have told you that the last time I saw you... There’s something you should know though.”

Wanda tensed slightly. “What is it?”

Everyone watched with bated breath as you stirred slightly but didn’t wake up. “It’s about Hayward. He’s gone rogue.”

“You mean you’re not here because of Hayward?” Wanda questioned in surprise, her grip against your hand tightening slightly.

“We’re here to stop Hayward from using Y/n as a weapon. He messed with her mind when she was in S.W.O.R.D. He’s the reason she wasn’t going to wake up.” Natasha explained.

The information made an anger Wanda had never felt flare within herself. She quickly controlled it though. She knew it wasn’t the time. “He won’t touch her. Ever again.” She gritted out.

Steve’s jaw set. “I agree.”

“That’s something we can all agree with.” Natasha added.

“I thought you were here to fight me.” Wanda admitted, her head falling slightly.

Both Steve and Natasha exchanged looks. It was clear how much pain Wanda was in. Pain that they didn’t even realize. “Of course not, Wanda. We’re a family. We are going to fight with you. With Y/nn.” Natasha said softly.

Tears began glistening in Wanda’s eyes. “You’ll help me protect her then?”

“Of course. I made her a promise. I made you a promise.” Steve replied without hesitation, squeezing Wanda’s shoulder lightly.

Natasha placed her own hand on Wanda’s other shoulder. “We’ve been outside the law before. For Y/n, I’d gladly do it a hundred times more.” Wanda gave a watery smile. “What do you need from us?”

A heavy sigh heaved from her lips as her eyes fell on you. “I don’t know. Everything is falling apart.”

“Wanda.” Steve said suddenly. She looked up at him cautiously, the worry shining brightly in her eyes. “This is your home?”

For a moment she hesitated. “It was supposed to be. Before Y/n-… Before she-”

“Stop.” Steve interrupted, his eyes flashing with determination. “This is the home you built with Y/n. Who you love. So, I ask again, this is your home... Right?”

Wanda nodded, the determination contagious. “This is my home.” She repeated.

Steve smiled slightly. “Then protect it. Nat and I will get Y/n back. You take care of the rest.”

The relief Wanda felt at the words was the final push she needed. She worriedly took another glance at you. “I will. Keep her safe.”

Steve nodded. “That’s a promise. Now go.” Wanda placed a gentle kiss to your forehead before she propelled herself forward in search of the other witch who was an ever-present danger to the town and her own happiness.

Not a moment after Wanda had left, you spring to your feet. Steve tried not to be proud of how you automatically fell into a defensive stance.

Natasha slightly nudged Steve out of his thoughts. “Look at her neck.”

Almost immediately his eyes fell to the small, almost undetectable piece of metal flashing under the light of the sun. “That son of a bitch.” Steve muttered under his breath.

“Language.” Natasha quickly chided on reflex.

Steve pressed his lips in a line. “Really? Now?”

You tilted your head slightly as you watched them speak, seemingly debating the need to attack or not. Natasha fell into her own defensive stance. “Sorry, force of habit.” She smirked. “New plan?”

“You distract, I’ll pin her, and you get whatever the hell they put on her off.” Steve explained.

Natasha nodded. “Sounds simple enough. Let’s see if she learned any new tricks.” Before Steve could say anything else, she sprinted over to you, catching you off guard and sweeping your legs out from under you. A small huff fell from your lips as you looked up at her in disbelief. “Who do you think taught you that move, kid?” Natasha teased lightly.

You leapt to your feet, your hands clenched angrily as you kicked Natasha in the side. She groaned at the impact.

The satisfied smirk that appeared on your face nearly caused Steve to forget the mission. You were typically calm in fights, but you never got satisfaction from causing others pain. The sight of it made his blood boil. To see the aftermath of what Hayward wanted to make you.

“Steve-… a little… help.” Natasha grunted breathlessly as she strained to keep up with you.

Springing into action, Steve took advantage of your focus on Natasha to grab you from behind pinning your arms to your sides. He winced slightly as he felt the earth crawl up his legs under your manipulation. “Natasha, get it now!”

“This isn’t going to feel good.” Natasha muttered before forming her hand into a fist and punching the side of your neck. The sound of the metal that had attached itself to you falling to the floor was deafening.

Steve winced at the sound of the force of her hit, but you stopped struggling in his arms when the object was gone. “What-Where’s Wanda?” You shouted beginning to struggle in Steve’s arms again. He just tightened his hold.

“Y/n! Y/n stop!” He roared, and you froze.

“STOP!” The shout reverberated through the training room. “That is enough!”

You grimaced as you looked around at the destroyed room. “I-… I’m sorry. I just started thinking of everything and then… And then this happened.”

Your eyes fell to the floor and you could feel a comforting arm wrap around you. “Hey, I'm sorry for yelling... It’s okay. Just how about next time you talk to me instead of destroying the training room?” You nodded, leaning into the man’s side. “I’m here for you, Y/n. Always.”

Tears burned your eyes as you allowed yourself to accept the comforting presence. “Thank you, Steve. For everything.”

You stopped thrashing in Steve’s arms. “Steve?” You whispered. “Steve, I’m sorry.”

Natasha eyes softened slightly. “I think you can let her go now.”

A moment later the arms around you loosened as you looked between the two people in front of you. There were several questions racing through your mind, but only one mattered to you. “Where’s Wanda?”

“She went to go deal with the witch.” Steve explained, and your eyes widened.

Your breathing became heavy. “I have to go help her. Will you two be-”

Natasha quickly interrupted you. “We’ll be okay. Go protect your girl.”

You looked over at Steve who gave you an affirming nod. “We’ll catch up.”

With their assurance you quickly took to the air in search of the woman you loved.

After a few minutes of flying over Westview, a beam of red energy shot into the sky, splitting open the invisible walls that surrounded the town. That could only mean one thing. Wanda.

As you began flying closer, you felt gaps make their presence known in your mind as familiar pain began coursing through your veins.

The sudden appearance of the pain made your vision go spotty as you crash landed in the town square a few feet away from Wanda. Her eyes found you immediately as the red energy continued to burst from her chest.

“N-no.” Wanda stuttered out brokenly as she watched you weakly crawl towards her, your eyes threatening to shut.

“Wanda.” You mumbled out through pained gasps as your vision became even more precarious.

As Wanda was watching you Billy and Charlie crash landed by your side, pieces of them chipping away into the red energy. “Billy! Charlie!” You desperately shouted, feebly crawling over to the twins.

“Momma! Help, Mom!” The twins cried out.

Tears rushed down Wanda’s cheeks as she watched her world slip away before her very eyes. “Now do you see, Wanda? You tied the ones you love most to this twisted reality and now one can’t exist without the other.” Agatha called out, a dark edge to her words. The twins continued to cry out as you strained to get to them. “Save Westview or save your family.”

As the pain was intensifying in your veins you heard a pained scream burst past Wanda’s lips. Your heart broke at the despairing sound.

As quickly as it came, the pain disappeared from your veins as you jumped up and rushed over to Wanda who was crumpled on the floor. You gently helped her up and immediately took her into your arms, pressing your lips into the side of her head as the twins rushed over.

“Mom! Are you okay?” Billy asked anxiously.

The four of you stood in a large embrace for a second before you saw a burst of purple light fly directly towards you all. “No!” Wanda cried as she jumped in front of you and the twins, a forcefield forming around her.

You gathered the twins in your arms as you braced for impact only to open your eyes again to see Wanda straining against a force you didn’t understand.

The life seemingly draining from her hands.

You heart thudded against your chest as you worriedly watched her. “Wanda. Are you okay?”

The twin’s eyes were wide with fear as Wanda nodded faintly. Agatha interrupting before she could properly answer. “How sweet. Good thing my reinforcements have arrived.”

The sound of tires screeching pulled into the town hall just as Amelia flew in. The four of you took matching defensive stances. “Billy, Charlie, your mother and I never prepared you for this but-”

“But you were born for it.” Wanda finished your thought. You both shared a brief smile.

The moment ended when Amelia lunged at Wanda. Before she could touch her, you flew at the other woman, tackling her into the building down the street. You rolled out of the crash landing and raised your fists. “Why are you doing this?” You shouted as you both stared at one another.

“Because you belong to me! It was supposed to be us and then she ruined it!”

You shook your head. “Amelia, this isn’t you. We were friends.”

“We were never friends.” She countered coldly.

You cautiously took a step forward, dropping your arms. “We were. I’ve seen it in my mind. Even after we dated.” There was no response in her eyes which made a thought form in your mind. “We were friends.” You repeated.

Her lips pursed. “No. We weren’t.” Her hand fiddled with a thin scrap of leather that hung around her neck. The action caught your attention and further confirmed your suspicions.

“Amelia. You used to trust me. You can still trust me now.” You said cautiously, your hands raised in the air slightly.

Her eyes narrowed. “There’s only one way you can gain my trust again.”

“And what’s that?”

She smirked. “Leave Wanda.”

“Okay.” You replied.

Amelia faltered slightly at your words, obviously expecting more resistance. “What?”

“Okay. I’ll leave her.” You offered your hand. “Let’s go tell her.”

The skepticism never faded from her expression, but she slowly approached you and took your hand. You tugged her closer so that you were face-to-face.

Before she could react, you quickly ripped the necklace off her neck. “Amelia?” You asked wearily when you noticed her expression shift.

“Y/n?” She mumbled. You nodded in relief. “What happened? Did I-… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Her watering eyes made you feel for the other woman. She wasn’t in control. “It’s okay. It wasn’t you.”

“Agatha. She took me when I was vulnerable. It’s like I was here, but I wasn’t me.” She mumbled brokenly and rubbed the place on her neck where the necklace used lay. “I would never try to come between you and Wanda. I know how much you loved her.”

You nodded slightly. “I know. It’s okay, Amelia.”

She shook her head, the conflict clear in her eyes. “I should go. I’m sorry.” Before you could react, she ran out of the room. You frowned slightly, wishing there was a way you could have helped her more. There was no time to allow yourself to dwell though because your family needed you.

Without hesitation you flew back to the center of the town square, noticing Billy and Charlie now with Monica and Natasha.

You landed by their side and Billy and Charlie rushed into your arms. You soothingly stroked their hair. “Are you two okay?” You felt them nod into your side. “Where’s Steve?”

Natasha tilted her head slightly. “Making sure Hayward doesn’t go anywhere.”

You followed her eyes to see Steve standing menacingly over Hayward, his fists clenched angrily. Almost as if he was daring him to make one wrong move. To give him a reason.

Just as you were about to ask about Wanda, bright flashes of red and purple collided in the sky as Wanda continued her fight with Agatha. You rushed to fly up to help Wanda in whatever way you could. You couldn’t let her fight alone.

When you got closer one of Wanda’s hands shifted as she created a barrier of red energy. The strength of it forcing you back down to the ground rapidly. “Wanda! Wanda, what are you doing?” You called, meeting her eyes briefly before she turned her attention back to Agatha.

Back on the ground you rushed back over to the twins again, wrapping a protective arm around each of them as you all worriedly watched bursts of red energy hit the no longer invisible walls that surrounded Westview. The clouds that hung over the city made the situation feel even more grim.

The worry expanding in your chest the longer Wanda continued fighting alone.

Suddenly, the flashes stopped and all you saw was Wanda limply floating in the sky, the fight seemingly gone from her system. Your stomach dropped as the twins cried out for her. You quickly tucked their heads into your side to shield them from the terrifying sight. It took every ounce of strength in your being to force back the onslaught of tears that filled your eyes. You had to be strong. For the twins. For Wanda.

Your heart leapt into your throat when a bright burst of red energy suddenly appeared from your wife. Almost as soon as the energy appeared, the storms clouds disappeared and were replaced by a beautiful day in Westview. You smiled at the sight of your wife slowly floating back down to earth. Back to you.

When your gaze finally fell on Wanda up close, your mouth ran dry. She was glowing. The sight of her alone was enough to take your breath away daily, but seeing her now… You were certain you’d never remember how to breath properly again. Your brain had short-circuited and the only cognitive thoughts that remained were of how unbelievably beautiful Wanda was.

You were vaguely aware of her having a conversation with Agatha, but you couldn’t process anything that was said. It was like the world around Wanda faded. Like you were seeing her again for the first time. Before you knew it, she was walking back over to you, her every move appearing in slow motion in your mind. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from her if you wanted to. And you certainly didn’t want to.

The twins rushed out of your arms and into her waiting ones.

“Are you okay?” Charlie asked as she looked up at Wanda anxiously. You slowly made your way over as well.

“I’m okay.” Wanda assured them, pressing a kiss to each of their heads.

Her eyes met yours and you were sure your heart could burst out of your chest at any moment. Everything was so clear now. Wanda was so clear now. As she always should have been. “It looks like the city might need a few renovations.” You said cheekily, your smile faltering when you met Wanda’s sad stare. “I know you’ll make everything right though... Just not for us.” You added quietly as to not worry the twins.

Wanda smiled sadly back at you and the pain in her eyes made your heart lurch into your throat. “No, not for us.”

You nodded solemnly, quirking your lips up slightly so that the twins wouldn’t see your pain. So that Wanda wouldn’t see your pain. “Then it’s time. Let’s go home.” You looked over Wanda’s shoulder to meet Steve’s eyes, his expression fell when he met your stare. A silent look of understanding past between you as he nodded.

He mouthed what looked like “I’m proud of you.” and you could have sworn you saw tears in his eyes before you looked away to prevent the tears from building up in your own.

You wrapped your arm lovingly around Wanda’s shoulder as you began the trek back to the house with your family. Both you and Wanda nodded at Monica and Natasha before you continued onward. There were no words spoken on the way back, it wasn't a time for words. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from her though.

Memorizing every freckle, every shade of green in her eyes. Staring at her as if it would be the last time you ever saw her. Because it just might have been.

The smile that formed on her face each time she caught you made it all more than worth it. When you walked through the doors of the home you felt the comforting energy wash over you once more.

You settled on Charlie’s bed, tucking the blanket around her as Wanda did the same for Billy. “Today was certainly a big day and your mother and I…” You trailed off as you looked over at Wanda who was watching you with a small smile. “We are proud of you both.”

Her smile grew as she nodded in agreement. “Very proud.” You melted at the sight. “You know, a family is forever. We could never truly leave each other, even if we tried. You know, that right?” Both Billy and Charlie nodded with small smiles.

You lightly brushed Charlie’s hair back and pressed a loving kiss to her forehead as Wanda did the same for Billy before you both switched. “Goodnight, my loves.” You said quietly as you walked to the door of the room.

“Goodnight, Momma.” They said in unison. “Goodnight, Mom.”

Wanda stopped by your side at the doorway and you could see the pain in her eyes as she turned to take one last look at the twins. You wished that you could take the pain and bear the burden for her, but you couldn’t. You were in the same pain as you watched your children for a final time. The red energy closing in on the home faster than you could have anticipated. Closing in on the world the love of your life had created with you.

“Billy, Charlie…” Wanda’s voice wavered slightly. You placed a comforting hand on the small of her back and she pushed through. “Thank you for choosing us to be your moms.”

The way that they both smiled back at you and Wanda made your heart break even more as she shut off the light and closed the door behind herself. Wanda walked down the stairs as you were collecting your emotions.

When you finally gathered your emotions and met Wanda downstairs you were confused to find her shutting off all the lights around the house. You turned a lamp back on.

Wanda turned to face you in surprise. “My love, don’t you know it’s bad luck to say goodbye in the dark?” You said in a playful manner, hoping that the words came out lighter than how you actually felt.

For a moment Wanda just stared at you until a small smile overtook her features. It was clear she saw through your attempts. “No, it’s not.”

You smiled slightly as you spun the ring on your finger anxiously. “You're right. It’s not. I just-… I just wanted to be able to see you.”

Her breath hitched slightly. “And?”

Your heart faltered in your chest when she looked at you like that. “And you’ve never looked more beautiful.”

The smile she gave you was small and short lived because the sight of the red energy pressing even closer drew the focus. Wanda took your hand and you hoped she didn’t notice the way it shook.

Unsteadily you turned to face her. “Before I go, I feel I would like to know… Am I still me? What am I now?”

Wanda caressed your cheek and you leaned into her touch. “You, Y/n… are the love of my life. The one person that has kept me above water when I felt like I would drown… Your mind may fragmented and broken and running on pieces of memories that I could never let go. Running on dreams of the future I always envisioned for us... But you're still you.” A tear fell slowly down her cheek and your chest tightened at the sight. “You are my sadness and my hope. But mostly... You are my love.”

Feeling that words would not suffice, you leaned in and connected your lips in loving embrace. Pouring out all the love you had ever felt for the woman before you. Desperately trying to convey the inner workings of your heart. When you pulled away you felt Wanda’s thumb brush lightly over your cheek bone as your tears became impossible to choke down any longer.

“We have found a love when we thought it was all gone from the world. We have found love when we thought we weren’t meant to be. We found love in the future we should have had. Who knows what you’ll find next?” You whispered with a small smile, knowing that even if it wasn’t with you, you wanted Wanda to find love and happiness.

The light from the red energy filled the room and Wanda gently cupped your cheeks as desperation grew in her eyes. The tears now streaming steadily from her eyes. “We’ve said goodbye before, so it only makes sense-” She began.

“That we will say hello again.” You finished the thought quietly as you rested your forehead against hers, bracing yourself for the impact. “Until we meet again, my love.”

As the energy washed over the home, you never let your eyes falter from Wanda’s as the fire-like pain raced into your veins again. You were able to fight it for a moment until the agony forced you to your knees, and your vision became spotty.

“And in a few days, I would be there, love. Ever here that's lived in me is yours just as it was”

You squeezed Wanda’s hand lightly and she hummed so you knew you had her attention. “I like that lyric.”

She shifted her head slightly to look at you, her eyes glimmering curiously. “Why?”

You lifted yourself onto your elbows so you could hover over her, a loving smile on your face. You lightly brushed away a strand of her hair. “Because everything that’s lived in me is yours and that’s as it was. From now until my heart stops beating.”

For a moment she just stared at you, her eyes shining brightly up at you. Your heart soared.

When she yanked you down by the collar to meet her lips, the memory fragmented and suddenly everything was black. All you felt was a searing pain coursing through your veins.

“With this we can keep her vitals low enough to where that freak will think she’s gone. Then we can extract the DNA.” You wanted to scream but no sound came out, the burning just became more intense until-

Your eyes burst open as you struggled to take in small gasps of air. When your breathing evened out, you took in the empty plot of land you were in the middle of. Arms were quickly wrapped around you, pulling you as close as humanly possible and you looked up to meet emerald eyes. “Y/n? Is this really happening right now?”

You nodded slightly. “That pain. That pain that made me black out... It was a memory. It wasn’t because I couldn’t exist outside of your energy. It was the memory of what they did to me and how much it hurt. Your powers are helping me piece everything together in my mind after they scrambled it, Wanda.”

Wanda quickly buried her head into the crook of your neck. “I can’t believe your awake.” She whispered. “Don’t worry. I will make him pay for what he did to you.”

You pressed a kiss to the side of her head. “All that matters is that we’re together. He’s not worth it.”

“Do you-… Can you remember everything?” Her words were hesitant, almost as if she was scared to know the answer.

You tilted your head slightly. “I don’t know. Ask me something.”

“What happened when you tried to cook at the compound?”

You shut your eyes for a moment before you recalled the memory. “I almost burned it down. You admitted that you wanted to live with me that day.”

Her cheeks flushed. “Yes. When did we first admit we love each other?”

Again, you closed your eyes as you attempted to recall the memory only to come up blank. “I don’t… I don’t remember.” You admitted dejectedly.

Wanda’s gently tilted your head up. “It’s okay. All that matters is you’re here. And in my arms.” She smiled as tears fell down her cheeks. “We can always work on getting back the rest of your memories.”

“And we can finally have that happy ending I promised you... I told you we were a happy ending.”

A watery laugh fell from her lips as she nodded and pressed her lips to yours once again. “I missed you so much.” She mumbled against your mouth, the smiles on both of your faces making it almost impossible to continue but you didn’t let it stop you.

With the help of Natasha and Steve, (who cried tears of happiness when he saw you alive and well), both you and Wanda were able to escape the prying eyes of the public. The seclusion working to strengthen your bond, work on your memory, and help Wanda understand her new power. Each day showed process and neither of you could have been happier.

There was a lot to work on, but as far as you were concerned, everything was perfect. As it was.

And there we have it folks! The conclusion of "As It Was" the spin off of my baby "Love Goes". For some reason, it took me so long to be able to write this conclusion even though I knew everything I wanted to happen. And you will all be pleased to know I had always intended a (Semi) happy ending for Wanda here!

It was been a journey and I truly thank you all for sticking around. I sincerely hope you all enjoyed. As always thoughts and comments are always welcome. :)

Tag list:

@theofficialzivadavid // @tquick99 // @marrymemcgrath // @afuckingshituniverse // @pxterstrk // @aimezvousbrahms // @ensorcellme // @sapphicshots // @daisybri7

[cigarettesandslushies]

destress // jd x stressed!reader

jd helps you destress from studying for midterms 

word count: 1,700 

tw: language, smut, ambiguous gender but was written for a female!reader in mind

requests & questions

Note: Hello! I’m a new writing blog! I am an aspiring writer and thought it would be fun to get in some practice by writing for some of my favorite fandoms. I’ve been wanting to write JD x Reader fics for a while so I’m happy to finally be doing that. Please feel free to send in requests! This is my first-time writing smut so be gentle with me (even if JD isn’t being gentle with you). -Ellie

“Shit, did a fucking tornado hit your room?”

You didn’t acknowledge the intruder that entered through your bedroom window. You didn’t have the time to. With multiple midterms coming up that you weren’t the least bit prepared for, every second from now until then was precious.

“Not even a hello, darling?”

You could tell that a brow of his was quirked, teasing. He very well knew that midterms were next week. Though, compared to you, he couldn’t give less of a shit. How you wish you could do the same.

“JD, not now.” You warned.

He stood, appraising your midterm wrecked room quietly. Notes, textbooks, and wrappers galore decorated various surfaces, from the floor to the bed to your vanity.

He walked, watching each step as he made his way towards you. You were hunched over your desk, nose deep in one of your textbooks. Your highlighter was tapping against the wood of your desk, keeping time with the anxious bounce of your leg.

He was behind you in the next moment, resting his head against yours. He placed his hands on your thighs firmly, slowing your movements. You took a deep breath, setting your book down. Your head titled up, moving his head from yours in order to meet his gaze.

A slight smile tugged at the corner of your lips upon seeing him. God, he was such a better sight than statistics.

“Hello.” You murmured.

He matched your smile, dropping his volume to yours. “See? Now was that so hard?” He pressed his lips against your forehead. “Hello, darling. How are you? Did you miss me?”

You rested your head back against him. Your eyes fluttered closed, enjoying the warmth of his body. “No. Not even a little bit. Statistics has been the best company.”

“Oh, really? I’m going to wager that stats is fucking you pretty hard.” You could hear the smirk in his voice.

“Maybe even harder than you.”

“Are you challenging me? You know I always win.”

You took a deep breath. The slight smile gone from your face and replaced with a deep frown. Your eyebrows pulled together, your face scrunching to meet the stress headache growing.

“JD, you know on any other day I would want you to win. I can’t.”

“Come on, give me just an hour.”

“Bullshit.” You were quick to reply. Your eyes flew open to stare up at him. “Like we’ve ever gone just an hour. You keep me for multiple hours which I don’t have. I’m already losing sleep as it is. I promise you can keep me up some other night but tonight-“

He stepped back, grabbing the back of your chair, and spinning you to face him. “Darling,” he drawled slowly. “You’re losing it.”

You blinked once, your gaze falling into your lap as you processed his words. Your hands met your head, elbows resting on your knees as you curled up into yourself. “I know.” You spoke into your hands. “God, JD, I’m so fucking stressed. I have so many midterms to study for without enough hours in the day. I can’t fail these. They’re worth so much of my grade. It will ruin my GPA if I get anything less than-”

“Sh, sh…” he crouched, leveling himself with you. “How about we round up your teachers in an abandoned building and blow it up, hm? Would that make this all better?”

You would have laughed if you didn’t know that he was completely serious. This boy would do anything for you. He’s proved that time and time again. “Getting rid of the teachers wouldn’t get rid of the classes themselves. I’d still have to take the midterms eventually.”

“You’d at least get more time.”

“True.” You agreed. Another deep breath and you lifted your head from your hands. “I think it would just be easier for me to study. It would take time and planning to pull it off and anyway, do you want to go through a whole grieve fest at school?”

“It would make for an interesting week.”

“You aren’t funny.”

“No, I’m hilarious.” He took your hands in his, pulling you up from your seat. “Fine, no offing the teachers, but you know the more that you try to cram all that shit in your head, the more it will spill out. Breaks are healthy, recommended even.”

A finger under your chin, a thumb resting below your lip, he brought his face closer to yours. He was close, too close. You smelled his last cigarette and a cherry slushie lingering in his breath.

“Let me help you destress.” He ghosted the words over your lips. How could you ever think that you could deny him? How could you ever think that he wouldn’t get his way?

All it took was a quiet please and his hands were everywhere.

With one swift movement, JD knocked the contents of your desk onto the floor. With another, you were sitting on top of it, legs wrapped tightly around his waist. He caught your lips with his, too slow, too gentle.

You didn’t have the patience for his teasing.

You intertwined your fingers in his hair, tugging him closer. You pressed your lips harder against his, showing him your eagerness to have him, just as he wanted.

You could feel him smirk against your lips, his hands moving to undress you from the waist down.

“Well, would you look at that? For someone who didn’t want to even acknowledge me, you sure are eager to have me inside of you.”

You bit back a moan, his words touching you before he even laid a hand between your legs.

Fucking asshole and his way with dirty talk.

“Jason Dean, you’re a pain in my ass.” You replied breathlessly.

A low chuckle followed as you dragged your lips across his jawline in a sporadic series of kisses. You bucked your hips up towards him, a sign for him to hurry the hell up and take you already.

You would have been surprised if he actually took the sign instead of ignoring it and taking another direction.

“Nu uh, darling. I can’t shove my cock in you and fuck you into the desk until the wood chips just yet. With how stressed you are over midterms, I’m not sure if you can handle it. So let me loosen you up first, hm?”

He didn’t wait to slip a finger inside of you, then two, and then three. You leaned back along the desk, your elbows barely keeping you up and steady. He set a rhythm, relishing the sounds that you made for him and him alone. Whimpers, gasps, and moans alike were all tangled with his name.

He felt you were getting close. He could always tell, sometimes before you even knew. You never quite knew how close you were to falling off the edge until he was pulling away from you, leaving you empty and longing for him to fill you again.

Just like he liked it.

“JD,” you breathed shakily. You didn’t realize that your elbows had failed you early on and you were lying completely flat against the desk. You shifted your weight, lifting yourself back up and onto your elbows once more. Your eyes narrowed when you caught his gaze.

“What? Did you not want to cum on my cock after all?” He asked innocently, a contrast to the words that came from his mouth.

“God, I could kill you.”

“There can be only one killer in this relationship, darling.” He drawled, undoing his jeans. He was hard and so ready to fuck you until you couldn’t remember the population versus the sample. He hesitated, almost expecting another retort, another “you’re not funny”, but no. You weren’t going to drag this out any longer. You wanted him now.

You needed him now.

“JD, please. For the love of god, fuck me.”

He didn’t even have to ask for a please. He knew that meant there was nothing else in your head but wanting him to fuck you.

Would there ever come a time that he wouldn’t get exactly what he wanted?

“Only because you asked so nicely.” It only took a single beat, a single thrust before he was inside of you completely, barely giving you a chance to adjust to him. You let yourself fall back onto the desk, crying out his name.

The rhythm he set was faster, rougher. His fingers curled over your shoulders. His hands pushed you down as his hips pushed you up. Every thrust was met with force. He never let you move. He did the moving for you. He was in full control, using your body for his pleasure which just so happened to cause you pleasure.

A perfect match, that’s what he said, and you believed it. He knew exactly where to hit the tip of his cock to make you-

“JD, I’m getting-”

“Mmm, I can feel that. I didn’t think you could get any tighter.”

“JD-”

His lips caught the rest of your whine. His movements were sloppier now, his hands messily tangling themselves in your hair. He was close too.

As he pulled back ever so slightly, he uttered three words. “Cum for me.”

With that, you came undone and he followed closely behind. Screams and moans of ecstasy were muffled against one another’s lips. It took a few moments for the both of you to catch your breath. He waited until your breathing steadied to pull out.

He pressed his lips against your forehead. “There. That should get you through stats.”

You laughed. “It should, but is it going to get me through French?”

“Finish studying for stats and we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. Let’s get you cleaned up and while you finish studying, I’ll go get you some real food. No more of this granola shit.”

He began walking towards the bathroom but stopped halfway across your room. He didn’t turn to look at you when he said:

“You’re one of the smartest people I know. I know it’s not much coming from a town full of slaves and blanks but if there’s anyone who can pass these midterms it’s you.”

He continued walking.