#slooooowly removing them

[jojo-schmo]

Okay hear me out- when Dedede and Meta Knight get to the point after they confess and are figuring things out, it takes a while for Meta to ever fully remove his mask. Hiding his face is not something that changes right away, even with Dedede’s endless compliments and reassurances and other forms of love.

With proper communication and being satisfied with mask kissies for a while, Meta slooooowly lets his guard down to return the affection, but in his way. And it’s an emotional and lovely experience for both of them. :’)

[linkito]

What's this au that watcher/vex art was similar to? Tell me all the things? -🎀

It’s less of an au and more of just an idea for a start of something? Either way~

It begins with young Watcher-in-training Grian fleeing from the Watchers, finding refuge in a cave that draws him in with some kind of powerful magical aura. He hopes it can mask his trace.

Unfortunately for him, it’s the home of a large, monstrous vex (Scar). He’s very feral and scraggly looking, and he has some awful magic-locked cage muzzle/gag on, leaving his teeth constantly bared and preventing him from speaking. (It doesn't make him safe by any means; he still has claws and various weapons of past attackers scattered around.)

But he’s not attacking Grian. Not yet. Not on sight. He mostly just...watches with narrowed slitted eyes, waiting for something that doesn’t seem to be coming. 

Grian is frightened, has no weapon, and he’s significantly smaller. The vex should be able to take him down easily.

So eventually they reach this sort of neutral state of neither of them moving any closer. Grian creeps along the walls and eventually, slowly, settles himself down to sit to rest his poor shaking legs. Scar stares for a moment longer, then also sits, still watching.

Grian figures maybe as long as he doesn’t provoke this beast, he’ll be safe.

(And it's true. Scar is used to people coming in here to steal and demand to make deals with him. Grian clearly didn't mean to be here though. But he's keeping a watchful eye. He doesn't trust it.)

Eventually, Grian thinks maybe the vex is asleep. So he takes this time to meditate. His real eyes close, and hee opens his Eyes to try to determine if the Watchers are on his trail yet, reaching out as far as he can to Look.

When he opens his real eyes again, Scar is directly in front of him, staring more curiously, sort of like he’s wondering if his intruder just died whilst sitting up straight.

Grian yelps and bonks his head on the wall trying to scramble backward.

But Scar also yelps (although muffled) and flails back as well.

And despite everything... Grian can’t help but laugh at that? Because why is he startled? 

Now that he’s closer, though, he can make out the Watcher’s symbol on the lock of the cage on Scar’s head. And being spiteful of anything the Watchers might do, he reaches out without even really thinking about it. 

Scar freezes.

He lets Grian touch the trap around him, but he still doesn't know for sure this isn’t an elaborate trick? Something to get close and take him down? It would have been Grian's only way of winning, truly. So Scar places a clawed hand close to Grian's neck. He's slow and soft with the touch, but it’s undeniably threatening. If Grian was going for some kind of trap here, surely he'd flinch back?

But Grian swallows nervously and tries his best to reassure the vex that he wants to help.

And, eventually, Scar removes his hand and cranes his head to help Grian look at the contraption, also baring his neck, tentatively trusting.

Grian breaks the seal and slooooowly pulls the thing off of Scar, and oh Scar is so happy.

He grins, big and toothy (full of sharp edges, but it's still so oddly charming?) and grabs Grian to spin him excitedly.

He speaks now, (and oh if his voice isn't also so charming) and he lifts Grian up, looks up at him, lips far too close. "Oooh my gosh, I swear I could kiss you right now!" he exclaims, but he doesn't, a shame, really, and instead puts Grian back down and just starts excitedly introducing himself.

In this case, Vexes have like unlimited magical potential. But they are limited by only being able to use it under the direction of someone else. (thinking like how evokers summon them and direct them) The catch is, vexes are tricky creatures. They can and will warp your instructions to their liking if you leave any room for loopholes or leeway. That’s part of the reason Scar was gagged. To prevent him from swindling you into a bad deal.

So normally Scar would do whatever he could to bend the rules and screw over his master, but he’s so overwhelmingly happy at being freed that he says to Grian, “Anything you want! It’s yours. Anything at all, no tricks, no nothing.” And he means it, too.

And that’s all I really came up with! Like I said, just a beginning.

I think Grian should ask about that kiss.

[walpu]

Aventurine and Ratio hcs of their s/o performing a lap dance to them...👀 (separately)

oh 👀👀👀👀

sorry it's a bit short I'm writing this in between flights 😭a really hope I didn't mess up with Ratio's characterization since it's my first time writing for him

performing a lap dance to them

characters - Aventurine, dr. Ratio notes - gn!reader, a bit suggestive, no beta

Aventurine

Ngl he would adore it.

Having you so close to him, giving him your undivided attention while performing something just for him? Yeah.

He's greedy for your attention in general so of course he would like you doing something so intimate for him.

He's a patient man so he would not jump into actions, allowing you to tease him while his eyes linger on your partly exposed body.

May try to seek your touch, hugging your waist or unbuttoning your shirt for you. It's up for you to decide if he's allowed to touch you during the prosses tho 🤭

If you tell him that he's allowed only to watch then he'll do just that.

"My, so strict~ Will I at least be rewarded for my patience? It's no fun if there is no reward~"

He's bluffing, seeing you like that is already a reward.

He's seen you naked before so it shouldn't be a big deal anyway just some fun but damn. You, on hid lap, slooooowly removing your clothes while grinding against his hips?

Okay maybe he's not so patient actually.

He'll let you finish but as soon as you're done with the dance he's all over you, kissing you as if he's been starving for it for months, his hands caressing your body anywhere he can reach.

Don't try to play hard to get with him or he'll turn into a needy and whining mess I'm so serious. You promised him the reward for his patience after all.

dr. Ratio

lmao this man

I know a lot of people see him as a repressed virgin but I really don't think that's the case. MAYBE he's a virgin. But I he's not repulsed/embarrassed when it comes to the topic of sex or kinky stuff.

He is, however, a man with priorities. And right now his priority is to rate his students' homework.

So can you stop distracting him? You can't.

He scolds you and rolls his eyes when you laugh, trying to focus on the papers and not on the way your shirt slides down your shoulders. And differently not on the way you keep grinding against his hips. And surely not on the way you put your arms around his neck, whispering god knows what into his ear.

He could easily try to push you away if he wanted to. Don't point this out to him, he's aware.

It's so embarrassing to him because he knows he should focus but he just can't, not when you're doing this. And he needs to be fully focused if he wants to cure his students from "the persistent disease named ignorance". So dramatic and for what

Maybe if you remind him that body and mind need rest to function properly he'll relax just a bit.

Eventually his focus fully shifts to you, his hands, while not persistent, find their way to your hips, pulling you closer.

May or may not give come remarks about your technic.

Ask him to grade your performance and he actually will lol

"Zero points for your behavior" "Aw :(" "...but seven points for the technic and emotional involvement".

Now why the fuck it's only seven.

Now you just have to do it again. You know, to show your improvement.

[ellieaelious]

If the devils truly wears Prada, then I guess I know who I’m giving my soul to...

@daddycable-pool @mercuryblake @ask-taneleer-tivan @iintheend @benicioqueen @politespacethief

[bougiebutchbitch]

I love platonic kakashi and yamato! Do you have any headcanons?

TOO MANY TO CONTAIN IN MY LITTLE HEAD

I love the idea that Kakashi introduced Yamato to so much! He really helped him grow as a person, and showed him that there was more to life - and to being a shinobi - than becoming a mindless tool for your superiors.

But having Yamato on his team really helped Kakashi, too.

[discussion of dark stuff under cut. TW: self harm, mentions of suicide]

Like, obviously, Kakashi met Tenzou in the midst of his bad PTSD/depression phase, and that didn't magically go away because he had a kohai to care for. He was in a pretty messed up place when they booted him from ANBU.

He might not have been willing to take his own life, after what happened to his father, but he is deeeefinitely willing to die unnecessarily on a mission. He takes the hardest, most suicidal solos; he dives in front of every blade that flies at any member of his team... He's big on self-sacrifice to the point where it becomes suicidal ideation and self harm.

And Yamato sees that. Up close and personal.

He's fucked up in the head, too. He still struggles to make his own choices. He's uncomfortable with selecting his own food at restaurants for years, and has to slooooowly build up his own opinions on simple things like clothing or favourite colours.

Sidenote: I like to think Kakashi randomly springs questions on him that he's never had cause to think about before, like 'what's your favourite animal?', just to help him gain more ownership over his own personality🥺 Maybe Yamato copies the copy ninja a lot at first?? But then he tries to read Icha Icha one time and goes 'LOLNOPE THIS IS A BAD IDEA' and starts defining himself instead sdlkfgjhsdfkg

Point is, he's no therapist. And Kakashi's the team leader - he looks after them. Yamato doesn’t know how to stage an intervation without breaking the chain of command.

But after months of dancing around the issue, pretending not to see how Kakashi flings himself into every fight like he doesn't care if he comes out the other side, how he's twisted his philosophy of protect your friends (a philosophy Yamato still struggles to understand) into this strange delusion that his life is worth inherently less...

Well. Fate conspires to ensure that Yamato can't ignore Kakashi’s self-destruction any longer.

He sits by Kakashi's hospital bed. Watching him breathe.

In, out. In, out. Each rise of his chest a tiny miracle.

Yamato slows his own breaths to match. They're considerably less obstructed, given the lack of a plastic tube shoved down his throat.

Bandages bulk sempai's chest, filling out his shape under the sheets like he's still strapped into his ANBU armour. He took a kunai to the lung for Yamato. A kunai that could've easily been deflected with Mokuton - at least, so Yamato thinks. Still, he had a solid chance, and sempai knows him well enough - has fought him enough - to know that.

Point is, there was no need for Kakashi to get hurt. But he got hurt anyway.

And here they are again, in a familiar room that Yamato suspects has Kakashi's name on the door, treated by a doctor who refers to sempai by his surname, not his ANBU code. In familiar positions too: Kakashi on the bed, nursed back from the brink and undoubtedly mad about it. Yamato on the chair, mad at him.

It takes him embarrassingly long to realise sempai isn't asleep - just feigning it, waiting for him to go away. Like he doesn't want to face him. Like he's ashamed.

Good, thinks Yamato. Sempai should be.

He sinks lower on his chair and glowers through the eyeholes of his porcelain mask.

The medics care little for ANBU eccentricities; they've removed both of Kakashi's own masks in order to intubate. The longer Yamato stares, the more Kakashi shifts, until he's not even pretending to sleep anymore. He makes a feeble attempt to pull the covers up over his nose.

Right. Sempai hates it when people stare at his face.

Yamato crosses his arms and refuses to blink.

"You," he says, "are very cruel, you know."

Kakashi's dark eye flicks to him. The other twitches behind its scarred lid, but stays shut. Pale lashes cast shadows on his cheeks. He makes a gurgly noise around the tube that might be a denial or an apology. Either way, Yamato doesn't want to hear it.

"How many people have died for you?" he demands.

Kakashi looks away. Too many.

Yamato squeezes his thumbs at the centre of his fists until they ache. It's the wrong way to throw a punch, but right now, they're only sparring with words - and it's a one-sided match.

That's for the best. Sempai can sweet-talk his way out of anything. Right now, Yamato needs him to shut up and listen.

"So, you know what it feels like. And you would inflict that on me? You'd make me watch you die for me?"

Kakashi's shoulders stiffen. Then, slowly, slump. He slackens against his bed like he's finally given up the ghost, staring dully at the ceiling. No more gurgles. It seems that, for once in his life, he has nothing clever to say.

Yamato leans over him. His expression is wooden as ever, under his mask, but all the churning emotions inside him - anger sempai would put himself in this position, relief that he made it, absolute terror that he'll do this again - manifest in the tremble in his hand, as he grips Kakashi's wrist.

"Don't," he says. Though it's not the subordinate's place to question a taichou, he pushes as much authority into the word as he can muster. "Don't you fucking dare, sempai. Don't leave me like that."

ANBU die. It's practically in the job description. Yamato has made his peace with it: his own death, and that of his comrades. What he cannot accept - what he cannot abide - is that Kakashi, who helped him to give his life meaning, might throw his own away. Like it means nothing. Like he means nothing.

"Don't," Yamato repeats.

Kakashi still doesn't look at him. But he nods once, order accepted.

Yamato trusts him implicitly in the field. They've trained together for years, and fought together too, taking down foes back-to-back and side-to-side. He knows Kakashi as well as the balance on his own knives.

He wishes he could trust him right now.

[journeysintowebcomics]

Worm - Looking Back

Some time ago I started reading a webserial named Worm. I admit at the time I had a lot of doubts – my website was for webcomics, and a webserial was bound to take more time to read and write for. It was going to be a bigger investment of energy and time, and it most likely would last longer than any regular webcomic liveblog. Still, I figured giving a try would be okay. I’d see how it would go, how it was received, and if I had fun with it.

Now, after a hundred updates, I can say with confidence starting this liveblog is something I don’t regret. Reading Worm has been a fun experience and I’m looking forward to reading more in the future.

I admit Worm is a tad darker than what I was used to reading. Not only the atmosphere and situations were darker, the characters also keep getting beaten down and down over and over. I kind of think you’d need some tolerance to dark stuff in order to enjoy Worm or otherwise you’d get burnt out. Still, Mr. Wildbow has a way of making it interesting to read. I find his style very descriptive, and the first-person narration flows naturally. If it wasn’t for those two factors, I think Worm would be a slog to read through.

Needless to say, it’s far from a perfect work. Sometimes it’s too dark, I believe I once had to stop for a while and continue later because I was so furious on Taylor’s behalf I just needed time to calm down. Other times it’s simply depressing or it seems like the characters have no option but to suffer. Still, I believe the good points outweigh the bad ones.

I have nooooo idea how many words I have read in the fourteen or fifteen arcs I have read so far, but they have been a lot. Every update covers one chapter, usually, because ever since Worm started the chapters have gotten longer and longer. Which I’m okay with, although I have to admit the number of chapters I have yet to read is kind of intimidating. I don’t think the author uses filler in the chapters, and usually there’s nothing I’d remove from them, so I think he’s using the right amount of words in his work.

What do I expect for the future...hm, it’s a bit hard to say because there are so many chapters left. By now there are so many plotlines to use, so the enigma is how he’ll use them. The end of the world is the elephant in the room. Jack got away, therefore the world will end. How will it happen? Can it even be stopped? If not, how will the story end? Wouldn’t be surprised if it ends with a depressing final chapter of the planet exploding and reality being obliterated.

Overall I just hope the characters will get a break every once in a while. They sure get in all kind of trouble all the time, and while it’s impressive there are stakes in pretty much every arc, I’m pretty sure almost anyone under those circumstances would have fallen apart under the pressure already. I feel bad for so many of these characters I wish they would get thrown a bone at some point.

Oh well. The current plot point is about defeating Coil and rescuing Dinah. Maybe it will go well, but then what? What new adventure will happen? Because it’s rather doubtful dealing with the end of the world is what’s left in Worm, hah!

So, may as well talk about the characters. Let’s start with the Undersiders, our merry band of protagonists.

Taylor Hebert, AKA Skitter. She controls bugs and is pretty damn good at it. Coming from a background with a very, very heavy amount of suffering due to being a bullying victim, she gets her powers and her life gets turned upside-down because the Undersiders stumbled upon her while she was out in her first attempt to be a hero. Attempt that almost got her killed, may I add. Back then I sure never expected Taylor would turn into the character she is right now.

For the most part she has stayed true to her moral principles, I believe. She still cares about people and she refuses to let civilians get injured or die because of the capes’ shenanigans. I must say, though, I feel she’s slooooowly slipping towards abandoning said principles? Like, every arc she strays a little further away. Every time she does something a bit worse, and now in the latest arc I read she intimidated and threatened someone’s family, and almost killed a superhero. Not intentionally because she didn’t do all that with the intention to kill him, but she sure came damn close to taking his life as a consequence of her actions. It’s only matter of time before she does something she’ll bitterly regret.

I’m afraid for when that moment comes, honestly. I’m convinced it’ll happen. The only thing that’s stopping Taylor from turning into a major threat to everyone is her own moral code. If it continues eroding little by little, well, it won’t be pretty at all.

Overall she’s a pretty well-written character, but I really hope Mr. Wildbow stops using her narration to remind the reader she’s feeling guilty about stuff. I feel it happens a tad too often, and by now it’s a given she feels guilty about pretty much all of her actions. At some point it stopped being relatable and started feeling like she was trying to convince herself she regretted all of that. Which may be the writer’s intention, for all I know...but yeah. If that’s not his intention, then something’s going wrong with the writing. Also, she deserves a break, goodness.

Brian AKA Grue was the leader of the Undersiders before he was kidnapped by the Slaughterhouse Nine and things went wrong, giving the spot to Skitter. I think Grue wasn’t a bad leader, he managed to keep the group together and was okay with getting Skitter in. Also, he may be in a relationship with Skitter. Things sure are starting to heat up on that regard!

I think his power is rather interesting, and now that he had a second awakening it only got even better. His mental health, though, is getting worse, and for obvious reasons. Who’s going to be okay when you get gutted by someone and you’re conscious in every moment? I think he’ll get better. He’s strong and he has the rest’s support.

Grue is someone I like, yeah. I think he’ll be around for quite some time, if not as the leader of the Undersiders. Skitter’s going to need reliable people around her, and Grue is reliable.

Lisa AKA Tattletale is the character I like the most from the Undersiders right now. Well, kind of a blanket statement: I like all of the Undersiders. But yeah, Lisa’s the one I like the most. She’s so smug, which shows a lot and with good reasons, but that’s pretty much reserved for the enemies. For her friends she shows redeeming qualities, one of them being her willingness to be Taylor’s friend even when she’s trying to betray everyone. I have to say that made me like Tattletale a lot.

I also like that she’s not infallible. True, her power more often than not works and is able to inform accurately what’s going on, but lately I have needed to stop and wonder if what she’s getting is correct or if maybe she’s getting to the wrong conclusion. It’s a power that can be manipulated, as Coil proved. I like that her power isn’t...overpowered.

That said, I don’t think she has gotten much development so far? Like, she’s been around, but in terms of development she’s kind of static. Maybe it’s partially because out of everyone in the Undersiders, she’s the only one I know nothing about – or at least nothing comes to mind when I try to think what I know about Tattletale’s past. Taylor’s past is widely known, for obvious reasons. Grue has her sister and how he’s adopting her, Heckpuppy has so much in her past it’s hard to define it in a few words, and Regent has his father and Cherish, for the time she was around. Compared to them, not much has been revealed about Tattletale – again, from what I can remember. I suppose she’ll get her turn later!

Rachel AKA Bitch may be the character with the most development other than Taylor. The reasons behind her behavior have been analyzed a lot in the story, and her situation before arriving to the Undersiders is gripping and memorable. Her relationship with Taylor may have gotten more attention than anything else in the team – at least until Taylor and Grue started turning into a couple. Overall I really like Heckpuppy, won’t lie.

I don’t think the character has much potential for change because her past and everything she is is so ingrained into her it’s hard to picture her changing at all, so I don’t really have any expectations for her. She’s quite the force to be reckoned, both as an enemy and as a...co-worker, hah! Yeah, I don’t think Taylor has quite reached the status of friend again. Most likely won’t ever again, what after the betrayal. Things are getting better on the friendship front, but I doubt Heckpuppy will ever forget the betrayal.

I wonder what Mr. Wildbow plans to do with her. Should be fun to see her work with the rest of the Undersiders, because that’s where I think her best quality as a character is at: her relationships with the rest of the team. Hoping to see some great stuff!

Alec AKA Regent is...hm. It’s a bit hard to talk about him, not because he’s spoilery or anything like that, it’s more because he’s one of the two minor characters in the group alongside Imp. Like, even after this long it feels like a bit of an afterthought. It doesn’t mean he hasn’t received any attention, though! Despite this kind of feeling I have about him, he’s still a vital part of the team in many ways, both with his powers and with his overall cooperative demeanor.

I think it could be said there’s been some sporadic bursts of focus on him. For example, what he did to Shadow Stalker because he wanted to. That did a lot to build upon his character, and I don’t mean just because it was from his point of view. The mere fact he performed those actions said a lot about him. Then Cherish came along, and that brought forth another tidbits and situations in which Alec showed what kind of person he was.

It’s weird, he’s both out of the spotlight and developed as a character. I’m not sure how Mr. Wildbow managed to do such a thing, he just did. Kind of impressive, I’d say. I have no idea what kind of plans he has for Alec, though. Maybe there will be more chapters where he gets some focus in some manner.

Aisha AKA Imp is...well, she’s not really a character I like very much. I think it’s because her personality isn’t really one I’m fond of, so when she’s in the chapter I kind of dislike her lines and scenes. Still, despite that, I can see why she was brought into the story and what kind of role she has in the team. From what I can tell, Imp as a character was introduced because she’d be important for future adventures, mostly thanks to her power. She gives the Undersiders an edge, so with her power they will be able to fight and win more than they would otherwise. That’s why I think she was introduced, because without her it’d be much more difficult to make the Undersiders win.

Still, I’m not really that interested in her so far? Maybe in the future she’ll grow on me. Who knows.

That covers the Undersiders. Let’s see who else is worth talking about...

So, in general the heroes aren’t really very heroic, which I think is rather realistic. Humans are very imperfect. Even though they’re in the side of order and want the civilians to be safe, in their personal lives they’re like any other person, and that means they all have flaws and are tempted. Armsmaster is the biggest example, really.

Armsmaster was a very respected hero and known in Brockton Bay. He was good at his job and had good odds of leading the team someday. He was one of the first antagonists in Worm, letting his pride and ambition take a hold of him and leading him to break the unspoken rules between capes. This led to his fall, pretty much, even though it was largely swept under the rug, in many ways. Honestly, this all sounds like something I can imagine happening if powers existed.

Doesn’t mean the rest of the heroes are bad or immoral, though! Some of them are more heroic than others, but they do their job. As far as everyone’s concerned, they’re heroes. Still, it was a bit of a shock to realize things weren’t as clear-cut as you’d think they’d be in such a setting, heroes and villains being divided clearly in pretty much every way.

From what I can tell, the Wards are far closer to the usual concept of heroes, with some very notorious exceptions such as Shadow Stalker and Chariot. Heck, Weld himself is what I picture when I think of a hero. He’s powerful, he’s considerate, and he seems truly invested in the wellbeing of the city, even though he’s from somewhere else. Not that the Wards don’t have their own problems and troublesome opinions, though! It was shown very well when they were confronting each other in the interlude. I’m still kind of in a shock about how Vista was on the side that supported doing a preemptive attack, honestly!

Glory Girl and Panacea are the only ones from that other hero group that are worth mentioning, I think. I don’t even remember what that group’s name was. New Wardens? Anyway, theirs was quite the tragic tale, like a subplot in Worm. They were introduced rather early in the story, in the second interlude if I recall correctly, and their personalities were established right away in a manner that wasn’t really very sympathetic or likable. Despite that, they have grown on me a lot. Glory Girl is forceful, brash and zealous when it’s about her work, but she has shown redeeming qualities. Panacea, on the other hand, showed a lot of internal conflict, so much for one person! Not only because of the part about having a crush on her adoptive sister, but also because of the burden of being a healer everyone has high expectations of.

I admit I never expected the end they got, what with Glory Girl being...weeeell...whatever she is now – still shuddering when I vaguely remember the description – and Panacea in jail for most likely the rest of her life. But when I think about it, it makes sense it ended like that, as depressing as it may be. Happy endings don’t happen to everyone, after all. To this point Panacea still is one of my favorite characters because for some reason I really like the depiction of all the pressure on her. I think it was pretty good writing from Mr. Wildbow, and I’m kind of sad Panacea is unlikely to appear ever again. Oh well.

Finally about the villains – or more like the antagonists of this story. Sometimes it’s the heroes, sometimes it’s other villain factions. As I mentioned before, Armsmaster could be considered the first antagonist, given he stayed around for longer than Lung did and did more to oppose Skitter and the Undersiders than Lung or Bakuda did. After him came the other villain groups.

The Empire 88 characters are quite despicable people, of course, but I like how Mr. Wildbow took the time to write them as more than a bunch of superpowered bigots. They had personality, they cared about things, they hated other things besides minorities...true, most of them aren’t really prominent and are little more than characters to fight – shown on how I spent like 50% of Cricket’s appearances so far making bad jokes about how she spends her time injured gravely, for example –- but even then I feel like they’re more tridimensional than you’d expect them to be. That’s why I’m singling this group among the others, because their white supremacy goals are important while not overtaking absolutely everything about their characters.

Too bad the same thing can’t be said of the other groups. So far the ABB gang Lung led – I don’t even remember the meaning of the acronym or if I even got it right – and the Merchants weren’t really anything worth writing home about. Heck, the Merchants’ characters had more time to shine than the ABB characters did, yet I can hardly remember anything other than the debauchery. Maybe that’s why the E88 characters stand out more, because I can actually recall individual traits from them.

Now that E88 is divided, though, I’m not sure what direction they will take. Doesn’t seem to me like either group’s going to be very relevant anymore. Hookwolf’s group is now without Hookwolf, and he’s with the Slaughterhouse Nine. Do they even have a new leader? I don’t think I know. Purity’s group hasn’t been very involved so far, either, except for when Purity and others wrecked Brockton Bay looking for her daughter. Was that before or after Kaiser died? I don’t remember that either. Boy, I have spent so long reading this story my memory’s getting foggy. But yeah, I don’t expect any of the splinter groups to have any notable parts in Worm anymore.

The Slaughterhouse Nine, though, they seem to be the big antagonists of the story. They came, they made quite the impression on the reader, and although more than half of them died, their actions not only left an impact on the story, they also kickstarted future plot points and affected the characters in ways that can’t be taken back. Their relevance isn’t contained to just their arcs, and I’m also rather sure they will appear in the story again, both because of Dinah’s world end prophecy and because Armsmaster – oh, sorry, Defiant is hunting them. Both are great ways to place them back into this tale.

Even though many of them were rather short-lived, they were rather interesting and intimidating villains. Burnscar is technically the one I was the least interested in, but Mr Wildbow still took the time to show some of her backstory in a way that made her sympathetic without forgetting she’s a mass murderer. I despised her for being a mass murderer, yet felt sorry for her when she died. There was also Mannequin’s rather interesting and dynamic fights with Skitter, Crawler’s...well, he was there but he had a lot of intimidating aspects such as his thirst for fights, the Siberian being an immovable obstacle who turns out not to be as invincible as they thought her/him to be, Cherish being a complete mess and half-competent, and Shatterbird being captured and used for her powers in ways that surely are making her seethe to no end.

Jack Slash and Bonesaw are the ones that matter the most, though. Jack Slash is a rather good foe. He doesn’t have an incredibly overpowered skill, but it’s dangerous enough to make it impossible to approach without a plan. He’s smart, and he’s not afraid of getting his hands dirty. Villains who face the protagonists directly are great, in my opinion. I wonder how exactly he’ll cause or be a big part in the end of the world!

Bonesaw, on the other hand, is fearsome for different reasons. Her complete lack of remorse, proficiency in messing with bodies, the way she augmented the rest to make them far more difficult to kill, and how she’s so young...it all makes her quite the character. Honestly I’m looking forward to seeing more of her, because wherever Jack Slash goes, it’s very likely Bonesaw will be there too, so I’m sure there’s a good chance she will be back again.

So, let’s see what can be said about the Travelers...since they’re affiliated to Coil they will be antagonists, I guess? They sure have been taking a more antagonistic role in the recent arcs, at least. Their friction with the Undersiders, especially with Skitter, is notable. I don’t think there’s any chance of them joining the Undersiders in fighting against Coil, because there’s something they want and only Coil can give it to them. It most likely is about Noelle down in the vaults.

Noelle seems to be the big cornerstone of their existence, though. What’s up with Noelle, why is she so powerful, and why is she locked down in a vault? I think it’s because she can’t control her powers well, that’d explain a lot, but what kind of powers does she have? From what I can guess Noelle will be the big influence in the Travelers’ development. So far they have received a lot of focus, but for some reason I don’t find myself interested in them that much? Except in Sundancer. I wonder if my opinion of them will change much in the future, if they will join the Undersiders against Coil. Time will tell!

The last villain worth noting is Coil. He’s the threat to deal with right now, and although until now he was on Skitter’s side, he was never really someone to trust. He’s a tough person to tackle because of his power. He has influence, he has mooooooney, he has a private army and the means to eliminate anyone who gets in his way if he feels it’s the right thing to do for the sake of his goals. How will he be stopped? Can’t wait to see!

He’s quite the mystery, too. What’s his role in Cauldron’s machinations – besides being a wealthy client? What would he do after conquering Brockton Bay? Is he really planning to kill Skitter? If he even succeeded at that, what’d he do next? Although his motivations and goals have been explained well so far, both through Taylor’s narration and through one interlude, if I recall correctly, he’s still a mystery in many ways. Fitting for a supervillain like him, I’d say! But yeah, I’m sure he’ll be the big focus of the next couple arcs or something.

Finally, I’m not sure where to place Cauldron in terms of alignment, but they’re shaping up to be important players in this world. They make serums for people to acquire and get powers with, and their prices are preeeetty high, especially if they’re good powers. They have created both heroes and villains, and although it seems their intentions aren’t really that bad, their role in the creation of the Protectorate’s top brass and in many villains – including Slaughterhouse Nine members – would shake the foundations of the world, both in perception and trust of capes. For the sake of world order they better have good intentions!

Not that good intentions justify horrible actions, but yeah.

Still, if I had to decide what I’m looking forward the most in Worm it’d be to find out more about Cauldron. They’re shaping up to be quite the interesting group! And they have their gnarly claws all over the parahuman world, so no matter what they do it’s bound to have a lot of consequences. Fun!

--------------

So yes, those are pretty much my expectations for the story and the characters. I have greatly enjoyed Worm so far, so I hope what’s left of the story will be enjoyable too. Thank you very much for reading, and I hope the liveblog for the rest of Worm is up to standards!

Next time: in two updates

[caronte-recipe-book-from-web]

Iced Coffee Crème Brûlée Pie

1. DIY Dulce de Leche

INGREDIENTS ½ cup of dulce de leche

METHOD

STEP 1 - Fully submerge an unopened can of sweetened condensed milk on its side, label removed, in a large pot of water.

STEP 2 - Bring water to a boil, then simmer for 2 1/2 hours - maintaining 2 inches of water above the can at all times.

STEP 3 - Cool completely - I’m serious, completely - before opening.

2. Coffee Crème

INGREDIENTS 2 cups heavy cream ¾ cup sugar 9 egg yolks 2 Tbsp instant coffee 2 tsp water 1 tsp vanilla extract

METHOD

STEP 1 - Preheat the oven to 325f.

STEP 2 - Separate your egg yolks from egg whites, adding the yolks to a large bowl and reserving the whites for a future use (I like to make meringues with my leftovers.)

STEP 3 - In the same bowl that holds the yolks, add the sugar. Whisk everything together until sugar is fully saturated by the yolks and no dry spots remain. Then, continue to whisk vigorously for 30 or so seconds, you want the yolks to lighten a bit and easily stream off your whisk when lifted from the bowl. Set bowl aside.

STEP 4 - In a small bowl, add 2 tsp of water, then the instant coffee. Mix together until coffee is dissolved and no lumps remain, set this coffee concentrate aside.

STEP 5 - Tip: this next part requires some multitasking, so make sure the bowl the sugar/yolk mixture is in is secure. On the counter, coil a damp kitchen towel into a ring about the circumference of the base of your mixing bowl, then, nestle the bowl into the towel ring. The bowl shouldn’t touch the counter, but should be secured inside the ring. Now, your bowl should be much more stable and should allow you to whisk vigorously without having to stabilize the bowl with your other hand.

STEP 6 - Add heavy cream to a small saucepan and set over medium heat. Bring to a boil, mixing with a spatula regularly to prevent cream scorching on the bottom of the pan.

STEP 7 - Once the cream reaches a boil, turn off the heat and carry your saucepan over to the sugar/yolk bowl.

STEP 8 - Temper the egg yolks: Slooooowly stream your hot cream into your egg yolk mixture while whisking constantly and vigorously. Start by adding it tablespoon by tablespoon to slowly raise the temperature of the yolks without scrambling them. As you add more cream you can increase the speed at which you stream it in, but don’t rush it.

STEP 9 - Once all of your cream has been added and the mixture is fully homogenous, add your coffee concentrate and vanilla. Whisk to combine.

STEP 10 - Strain coffee crème through a fine mesh strainer so if there are any lumps they don’t make it into your pie.

STEP 11 - Proceed to assembly and baking.

3. Cookie Crust

INGREDIENTS 2cups of crushed cookie crumbs (from biscoff cookies) 4tbsp unsalted butter (melted) ¼cup heavy cream 1Tbsp sugar ½tsp salt

SPECIAL EQUIPMENT: 9.5x9.5x2inch pie dish

METHOD

STEP 1 - A food processor will make this a quick and easy job, so pulse your cookies into a fine sand until no large pieces remain and crumb size is uniform.If you aren’t using a food processor you can place your cookies into a ziploc bag and crush them into fine crumbs using a rolling pin. This will take more time and elbow grease but it’ll get the job done. Take care to check your crumbs to ensure you crush any large pieces you may have missed, any large leftover pieces in the mix may lead to the creme seeping through the crust while baking, and we don’t want that!

STEP 2 - Transfer cookie sand to a large bowl and add melted butter, salt, and sugar. Mix with hands until butter has saturated all of the cookies.

STEP 3 - Next slowly add your heavy cream tablespoon by tablespoon. You just need enough to bind your sand together so when pressed into a ball in your hand it holds its shape, but NOT so it gets sticky. So if you find your crust has reached this stage, don’t add any more cream.

STEP 4 - Remove about 2 tablespoons of your crust from the bowl and set aside. This is your emergency crust fund, if you end up with any gaps or holes when pressing your crust into the dish, you’ll be glad you set aside a little bit to seal them up.

STEP 5 - Transfer the rest of your crust to your dish and begin to press the crumbs into an even layer along the bottom and sides of the dish. I find it’s easiest to get the basic shape of the crust in with my hands, then use the back of a measuring cup to really press it down and create those crisp edges.Make sure to bring your crust all the way to the top edge of your dish. If you’ve made your crust right it should be sticky enough to hold its shape in the dish without being hard to handle. If using an oven safe glass pie dish like I do, I like to hold my pressed-in crust up to the light to make sure there are no holes where the light peaks through (if light comes through, so too will the custard). Use your emergency crust fund to seal, if any holes appear.

STEP 6 - Place the crust, uncovered, in the fridge while you preheat your oven to 350f.

STEP 7 - Once preheated, bake for 15 - 20 minutes, until crust has slightly puffed and surface looks dry.

STEP 8 - Remove from oven and cool to room temperature before using. I like to take the back of a spoon and press the crust into the walls and bottom of the dish while it’s still hot to smooth it out, and help combat any slumping that may have happened in the oven.

NOTE

Depending on the type of cookie it may affect the proportions of ingredients, see note on heavy cream within the recipe above.

Crust can be made several days ahead of time, stored well wrapped in the fridge.

4. Assemble & Bake

STEP 1 - Place cooled blind baked crust in its tin onto a baking sheet for ease of transfer to the oven.

STEP 2 - Spread ½ cup of dulce de leche along the bottom of your blind baked cookie crust, then, using a measuring cup to transfer (or pouring carefully from the bowl) pour your coffee crème over the top of the dulce, filling your crust to the brim. Since you’ve filled your crust to the tippy top the transfer to the oven may be tricky, so take your time.

STEP 3 - Place sheet and pie in oven to bake at 325 for 40 - 50 minutes, but, since ovens can vary wildly in their true temperature, don’t be scared if you end up baking your pie for closer to an hour. You will know your pie is done when the edges of your crème are barely set, but the middle still has some jiggle to it when you shake the pan. It’s a veeerryy specific jiggle we’re looking for, it shouldn’t look like there’s a molten lake of custard just beneath the surface of the creme, but it should still have some wobble. Think jello, not water balloon.

STEP 4 - Remove from oven once ideal jiggle is reached.

STEP 5 - Allow to cool on wire rack until totally room temperature (if you rush the cooling at this stage the creme may crack.)

STEP 6 - Then, cover entire pie well with plastic wrap and transfer to fridge to fully set, at least 6 hours but ideally overnight.

5. Brûlée

INGREDIENTS 3-4 tbsp sugar kitchen torch or broiler

METHOD

STEP 1 - Remove your well-chilled pie from the fridge, then sprinkle 2 tbsp of sugar evenly over the surface of the pie, avoiding the crust, where possible.

STEP 2 - Fire up that kitchen torch and begin to melt the sugar. Hold the torch 2 - 3 inches away from surface to get a sense for how strong the flame is, then move it closer to begin melting the sugar evenly across the surface.I like to melt the first 2 Tbsp of sugar but not let it take on a super dark color, then sprinkle an additional 2 Tbsp over top of that melted sugar, then let it rip and begin to caramelize the sugar all over until a uniform deep golden brown color is reached.

STEP 3 - After brûlée-ing, the top layer of your crème may have melted a little bit, so return pie to the fridge for 15 - 20 minutes before slicing and serving.

BROILER INSTRUCTIONS

Alternatively, you can use your broiler to caramelize the top: Sprinkle 3 Tbsp of sugar evenly over the top of your pie. Broilers are tricky and can vary in levels of heat, so to prevent scorching the crust cover the edges of the pie with tin foil, leaving the center creme exposed to the heat of your broiler. Turn your broiler on and ensure the rack is positioned so your pie will be at least 3 inches away from the heat. Place foil-ed pie onto rack and broil for 4 - 5 minutes, until sugar has caramelized all over.

Source: https://milkbarstore.com/blogs/recipes/iced-coffee-creme-brulee-pie#!

[agatharights]

Daily reminder that dice are friends not food. 👍

.....

*slooooowly removes dice from mouth* i....i wasn’t...eating them.........

.....much.....

[ouraidengray4]

13 Ways to Get Rid of FUPA That Don’t Require Surgery (and 4 That Do!)

Loose skin and belly pooch are two of the last bits to smooth out after major weight loss. Maybe you’re like Beyoncé, who vocally cherishes her postpregnancy FUPA. Or maybe you’re on a quest to get rid of it.

No matter where you stand, don’t forget what really matters on your weight loss journey: your physical and mental well-being.

Getty Images

WTF is FUPA?

FUPA = “fat upper pubic area.”

Medically known as “panniculus,” FUPA is the dense, jiggly fat right around or above your panty line. Fat often gathers in this area after pregnancy, abdominal surgery, or rapid weight loss. You might also notice some FUPA as you get older.

Some folks are more genetically prone to FUPA. Maybe you’ve got a curvy body, or maybe your upper pubic area is just where you gain weight first. 

All the ways to get rid of FUPA

Here’s the lowdown. Keep scrolling for the deets!

Try forearm planks.

Bicycle crunch your way to flatter abs.

Raise your legs.

Try body roll-ups.

Do the Superman.

Do more burpees.

Pelvic tilt toward a stronger core.

Do “The Hundred.”

Step up your cardio.

Shake up your eating habits.

De-stress.

Try CoolSculpting (nonsurgical fat reduction).

Get a pubic lift.

Try liposuction.

Get a tummy tuck.

Get a panniculectomy.

As with any other area of your body, there’s no way to “spot target” FUPA. When your bod gets more calories than it needs, the extra gets tucked away for later. Melting FUPA requires a good old-fashioned calorie deficit.

Let’s dive into some strategies to help you tighten up all over, lose body fat, and get rid of FUPA for good. 

8 FUPA-blasting exercises

The best way to get rid of FUPA is to reduce your overall body fat with a calorie deficit. But you can accelerate your progress by also exercising your lower abs on the reg.

1. Forearm plank

Gifs by Dima Bazak

This deceptively simple move will ignite your abs (oh, you’ll feel it) and strengthen your core. 

Here’s how it’s done:

Kneel on the floor.

Lower your upper body onto your forearm, fists closed.

Lift knees until your weight is distributed evenly between toes and forearms. You should basically be level with the floor.

Tighten those abs!

 Hold for at least 30 seconds.

Rest for a few secs in the starting position, rinse, and repeat. 

2. Bicycle crunch

Gifs by Dima Bazak

Abs might be made in the kitchen, but they turn to steel with bicycle crunches. Also, you won’t strain your back!

Do them like this:

Lie on your back with knees bent at a 90-degree angle above your hips.

Press lower back into the floor and try to keep it anchored there for the entire move.

Put hands behind your head and lift shoulders slightly off the floor.

While keeping right knee at a 90-degree angle, straighten left leg as you twist left elbow toward right knee. Try to keep right knee directly above your hip rather than pulling it closer to your chest.

Repeat on the other side, then continue to alternate sides. 

3. Leg raise

Gifs by Dima Bazak

Similar to flutter kicks, leg raises cinch your inner abs while strengthening your core.

Follow these steps:

Lie on your back with arms by your sides, palms facing down. 

Squeeze legs together and flex toes so they’re pointed to the ceiling.

Slowly raise your legs until they’re at a right angle with the floor. (If you’re craving more challenge, use your abs to pulse legs and pelvis up toward the ceiling.)

Slooooowly lower your legs while firmly pressing lower back into the floor.

Stop lowering legs once you feel like your back is about to lift off the floor, and then begin lifting legs back up toward the ceiling.

4. Body rollup

Yep, this move is just a high-key version of sitting up. But you’ll feel the burn if you perfect your form! Here’s how:

Sit on the floor with legs out straight in front of you.

Lift arms straight in front of you too.

Slooooowly roll back, 1 inch at a time, until you’re lying flat.

Reverse the movement, rolling up slooooowly into a sitting position (with arms held out straight!).

Repeat with hand weights when you’re ready to take it up a notch.

5. Superman

Gifs by Dima Bazak

The Superman will have your FUPA lookin’ fly in no time.

5 steps to superhero:

Lie facedown with arms stretched out in front of you.

Tighten abs as you slowly raise your arms and legs.

Keep those limbs lifted! 

Raise and lower arms and legs for 30 seconds without touching the floor.

Lower, rest, repeat.

6. Burpee

Gifs by Dima Bazak

Cardio burns calories, and burpees jack up your cardio.

It goes like this:

Stand with feet shoulder-width apart.

Lower your butt into a squat.

As you drop hands to the floor, kick legs behind you so you land in a plank position (power move FTW!).

Lower yourself into a push up…

…then push back up into a plank.

Jump feet up toward hands and stand up.

Rinse and repeat.

7. Bridge, aka pelvic tilt

Gifs by Dima Bazak

New mamas use this one to gently strengthen their abs after giving birth. 

Give it a whirl:

Lie on your back, with arms by your sides.

Bend your knees.

Lift off! Press into your feet to slowly lift butt toward the ceiling. Tilt pelvis so you can feel your abs clenching. That’s the sweet spot.

Lift hips as high as you can and hold for several seconds.

Slowly lower until your back is flat on the floor.

Repeat.

8. The Hundred

Gifs by Dima Bazak

This classic Pilates move will make your FUPA feel the burn. 🔥

Here’s how to do it:

Lie on your back on a yoga mat or the floor.

Curl head up toward chest until you feel your abs tense. Hold it there.

Straighten arms at your sides, breathe deeply, and raise legs so shins are parallel to the floor.

Ready? Pump your arms up and down 100 times (don’t forget to breathe!).

Tips for losing body fat to get rid of FUPA

Tightening up your lower abs is a great way to get rid of FUPA, but you’ll also need a strategy for losing fat overall. 

Ready? It’s easy as one, two, three.

Move it, move it

Doing ab work once in a blue moon isn’t going to help you lose weight. Healthy fat loss is slow and steady. The number-one way to tone your FUPA and melt away the jiggle is exercise.

Since most of the exercises above aren’t cardio, they won’t help you create a calorie deficit. Pair them with running, swimming, biking, or dancing a few times a week to maximize your moves.

Change up your food game

Another way to create a calorie deficit? Ding ding! Eat more nutrient-dense foods!

It takes a deficit of about 3,500 calories to burn a pound of fat. Noshing on healthy, filling foods will help you eat fewer calories without missing important macronutrients, vitamins, and minerals. 

Also, avoid foods that cause inflammation and bloating. When you smash bags of candy or salty chips, you’re making it that much harder to see your FUPA progress.

Bonus: Don’t forget your bevvies! Drink lots of H2O to stay hydrated during your new workout routine. And put the kibosh on sugary sips. That includes booze — according to a 2003 study, alcohol can contribute to belly fat.

Find your Zen

Research suggests that stress can cause some folks to gain belly fat, including FUPA. That’s because cortisol, a hormone linked to stress, makes your body hold on to stubborn fat.

In a small 2018 study, folks who completed an 8-week stress management program while trying to lose weight had greater reductions in BMI and weight than those who only changed their diet and exercise habits.

Stress is tricky because you don’t want to get stressed about your stress. Find a few stress relievers that work for you and stick to them. Whether you’re into yoga, meditation, or screaming into the void (er, venting to your therapist?), stress relief could help you lose body fat.

Are there other nonsurgical methods for getting rid of FUPA?

Yep. These procedures are nonsurgical but still target your FUPA.

CoolSculpting

CoolSculpting, aka cryolipolysis, kills fat cells by freezing them into oblivion. There’s way less downtime than with lipo, and fans say it still tightens their FUPA.

Medspa fat reduction methods

The American Society of Plastic Surgeons says heat therapy and radio frequencies can shrink or melt fat cells. 

Here’s the rub: Noninvasive fat reduction can be time consuming AF. You’ll need to go to multiple appointments, and you should expect subtler results than you’d get by going under the knife. 

The good news? These treatments come with many fewer risks and side effects than surgical procedures do.

Surgical methods to get rid of FUPA

There are surgical treatments available for folks who aren’t happy with their results after exercising and changing their diets. Just beware of the risks and side effects.

Pubic lift

Technically called a monsplasty, this procedure cuts out excess tissue — including fat — from your pubic mound. A pubic lift is pretty much the same procedure whether you have a penis or a vagina.

Liposuction

Liposuction works by sucking out fat through small incisions in your FUPA. Because lipo is so targeted, it’s best for peeps who are generally happy with the size and shape of their bodies.

Tummy tuck

Abdominoplasty (say that 10 times fast) removes fat tissue *and* loose skin from your FUPA. Tummy tucks are most common after pregnancy or gastric bypass surgery.

Tummy tuck specifics, including recovery times, vary wildly from person to person. Opt for a surgeon who takes time to discuss all your options.

Panniculectomy

This surgery removes *only* sagging skin. It’s a good option for peeps who have excess skin after losing a ton of weight.

FYI, some people opt for a tummy tuck and panniculectomy at the same time. 

The gist

It’s hella frustrating to try to lose fat in one very specific part of your body. But by reducing your overall body fat and tightening your lower abs, you can wave goodbye to FUPA.

Remember, though — FUPA won’t be felled in a day. Healthy fat loss is slow and steady. If you feel like your healthy diet and exercise routine aren’t budging the FUPA, schedule a time to chat with your doc about other options. 

from Greatist Health RSS Feed https://ift.tt/3osUM0f 13 Ways to Get Rid of FUPA That Don’t Require Surgery (and 4 That Do!) Greatist Health RSS Feed from HEALTH BUZZ https://ift.tt/34tnJB4

[lizardrosen]

Les Misérables at the Cadillac Palace Theater (October 17)

I saw Les Mis live for the first time ever, last night and boy oh BOY do I have a lot of thoughts!

Act I

Very dark, except when it was bright on a specific person for emotional impact

THAT TRIANGLE OF THE SHIP with the rowers and then Javert standing and looking over all of them!

Specific light on each person singing their bit “I know she’ll wait, I know that she’ll be true” etc.

So many beautiful little moments as Valjean is on parole! A little girl falls down and he tries to help her, but her parents whisk her away :(

A perfect Bishop Myriel, and the literal mob that brings Valjean back with torches, and then he sends Baptistine in to get the candlesticks, so good!

The stormclouds during Valjean’s Soliloquy, the light, the way he turns away and then back, and his very real struggle

I like this Fantine a LOT, especially how quiet and despairing “I Dreamed A Dream” starts out, ah!

So DARK, ugh, is this necessary

Love the courtroom in Arras, love the confrontation!

Valjean is so gentle with Fantine and then later so playful with Cosette, good dad, A+

Thenardiers were an appropriate level of silly, but also had that dark underbelly of humanity side to them

Moving buildings! Gavroche is such a presence from the start. Also, he was absolutely teeny

Enjolras looks like a young god, and has a strong voice to match

Marius had the perfect curly black hair, and a fitting air of melancholy

The Robbery is much better onstage than the soundtrack or movie made it

at the end of the robbery when Javert's like "clear this garbage off the street," Gavroche chases the people off too and says like "you heard the man, get out of here, we don't have all day" and meanwhile the buildings are rolling off, so it's just him and Javert looking at each other, and Gavroche smiles and slooooowly raises his hand in a salute

STARS! The way there’s more of them little by little and they get brighter, and the light on him gets brighter by the end. At one point he kneels down (and this Javert played it like he honestly believed he was praying and faithful in the name of the Law), and the shadow hit the posts of the bridge in a very cool way. Very good. (And Gavroche, watching, because of course he is)

This Eponine is amazing and powerful and has good chemistry with Marius, poor baby.

The Amis have a good group dynamic but I can’t tell them apart — I did figure out who Courfeyrac and Combeferre are by the end of the play

Gavroche screaming to get their attention to tell them Lamarque is dead, and then absolute silence and he gets a little nervous, but says it anyway!!

When Enjolras says “they will come when we call!” most of the Amis are in a group around him, and Grantaire stands close by, almost a part of them, but removed, still. Marius is even further back, torn but turning towards the doorway (and Cosette). Grantaire grabs Gavroche before “Do You Hear The People Sing” starts, but the kid is still devoted to the cause, despite his efforts

This was honestly the first time I’ve truly understood and liked “In My Life” which just goes to show how good this Cosette is

MARIUS is such a DORK when he meets Cosette! There’s a part where his voice goes really high, a part where he’s still knocking on the door but she’s already snuck outside and is behind him, and he did the “I don’t know what to say” just perfectly and adorably.

EPONINE, daughter of a wolf, what a good moment, and you truly believe she will do anything to defend this house against her father!

Then when Valjean comes out to see what’s going on, Marius is still trying to talk to Cosette, and Eponine has to shove him behind a pillar so he won’t be seen. It was a short moment but very nicely done

During One Day More, everyone had their own pools of different colored light, and it was very cool

THE RED FLAG CATCHING THE LIGHT AS THEY WAVE IT!!!!

Act II

Valjean and Cosette leaving Rue Plumet and Eponine meeting Valjean

The Barricade comes back into place behind her as she finishes “On My Own,” and she just starts handing off chairs as if she belongs there

Javert fought back a little after he was caught but at least he didn’t punch anyone

So DARK and everyone blended into the background, bleh!

Good “Little Fall of Rain” Eponine had very convincing death rattles, and everyone in the background, close enough for solidarity, but not intruding. GRANTAIRE pulling Gavroche away so he doesn’t need to look, sad babies!

There was a bit after Little Fall, where Marius and one other person have their guns at the ready, and Enjolras just touches his arm and says "Marius. Get some rest." A quiet and good moment.

During Grantaire’s part of “Drink With Me,” everyone grabs him to get him to shut up, but Enjolras just walks slowly down to his level, grabs the bottle and stares at him until he retreats to his wall, and Gavroche comforts him but he slowly sinks down to the floor

THE LIGHTING when Gavroche dies — he's singing the Little People song, and then you hear the shot, and everything freezes, and then he sings the next verse faster, like he's trying to get away, and THEN he climbs over the top and raises the cartridge box over his head victoriously, and then there's two streams of light in an X just as he's shot and falls into Enjolras' arms

The moment with the wagon at the end of the shooting, and Javert makes a cross over Gavroche, but still has him tossed in with the rest, unceremoniously. As it should be

DOG EAT DOG was perfect. He’s truly evil and horrible, and glories in it!

The projections as Valjean carries Marius through the sewers could have been corny and lame, but it worked!

The lighting as Valjean and Javert meet

JAVERT’S SUICIDE

I REALLY liked how he did this one

when he's first singing, he almost sounds like he's about to CRY because his world's been upturned, not because he's sad

and then it's like a rubberband stretching and he flips to being completely unhinged, and it was gorgeous in a horrible kind of way

and he's pacing across the stage trying to convince someone who isn't there that he knows what he's talking about, needing to justify *any* decision

At “the world I have known is lost in shadow” (maybe) there was a percussion bit that sounded like marimba or something just swelling underneath his existential crisis

People make fun of the effect where the bridge flies up to look like he’s falling down, but they SHOULDN’T because it was AWESOME and sad, especially as the darkness swallows him up and we’re left with the haunting reprise of Stars

The candles used in “Turning” are later picked up by the Amis as Marius sings “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables” and then they blow out the candles all at once. Marius hit a perfect combination of sad and angry and lost, and then Enjolras is the last one to leave, and they share this look, both so sorry for what’s happened, but not quite hopeless, and they hold their candles out to each other. Finally Marius blows out his candle and raises it up as the darkness grows around him.

Valjean’s Confession was really good, and Marius trying so hard to understand and help and make things better

The Wedding was unremarkable (and one of the brightest things in this production, but still SO dark, whyyy?) but the Thenardiers were an appropriate level of ridiculous, and I adored Mme. Thenardier’s purple dress with the lace and the FEATHERS.

I cried my eyes out at the Epilogue, which I often find a little boring, but in this case the dim light REALLY worked to get across Valjean’s despair and isolation. And then Fantine and Cosette’s white dresses really shone out to bring light back into his world.

“To love another person is to see the face of God” literally gave me chills, and then “Do You Hear The People Sing” was SO GOOD

[adcraball-a]

tm1o​:

          seeing her smile is enough to lift his spirit, even if just a little. the world gets a bit brighter, whenever her lips curl up.   he sighs ever so gently, letting her hand rest on his own; when her other palm rest on his cheek, he can’t hold back a new, soft sigh of relief, turning slightly his head to press gently on her fingers, following the movements of her hand with eyes heavy and closing. he hears her talk  ——  he just follows her words with delay, weary mind processing with difficulty over the burden of sleep.

« well… technically steelixes are very solitary pokémons, so… they tend to, uh… avoid interactions, especially when weaker… »   he begins, only to stop halfway through his discourse, pushing away his knowledge of steelixes that came out of nowhere at the sole mention of them.   « … oh. wait. metaphor. »   he snorts weakly.   « sorry. yes. i guess they do. »

there is a pause, after that. a long, heavy pause of silence, broken just by a short cough. thoughts begin to crowd his mind, too worn out by the fever to fight them back. they push for space and begin to scream, making his smile fade. he attempts to pretend that it’s nothing, that nothing is happening inside of him, but his entire body is the first to protest to his efforts. he has a FEVER, damn it  ——  just the latest of the consequences that he forced on himself, over and over again, to pay a debt that everyone says he shouldn’t, that he doesn’t even have.

he attempts to pretend. but keeping his eyes closed becomes a forced act, and his breath forceful as he tries to hold back the sobs, just to miserably fail.

not a single right thing, he can’t but think to himself. not a damn right thing.

« … s-steelixes don’t betray their friends, though. th-they don’t leave them back. they’re not cowards, th-they… they… ».   a flood of words just want to push out of his lips, yet they come to an abrupt halt at a stronger sob. kukui’s free hand covers his eyes almost in a rush, as if attempting to not make her see the tears that just began escaping effortlessly. he tries to stop himself for a second, maybe  ——  but he realizes quickly he’s just… too tired. too tired to think, too tired to pretend, too tired of… himself. of the situation. of everything.   « g-gods… i-i’m sorry, i… oh, gods, i-i c-can’t do this anymore…! »

“Aw, stop that!! Turn off the professor brain for five minutes!” she jokes in response, giving him the softest, tiniest little pat on his head as he slooooowly realizes that she wasn’t being literal.

As silence falls, she leans closer to give him yet another kiss on his nose, backing off only when yet another coughing fit made his whole body tremble.

She’s just about to stand when Kukui talks again.

When he sobs, finally decides to drop the act, and breaks her heart in half.

“Honey--!”

A hand goes for her own mouth, staring at him under her, and... unsure of what to do.

It isn’t the first time he breaks. It isn’t the first time he’s so hurt he couldn’t keep up his usual act. 

Part of her wonders if she should be used to it; another, a much stronger one, the part that loves him dearly, knows that she never will.

That she has to do something to fix this, to make him stop hurting, but... not now.

Not yet. Not while the same part of her who loves him dearly burns.

She has to keep in a sob of her own as she finally moves, still remaining on the bed, yet not on him anymore; words are usueless in moments like these, so she just lies down, by his side.

A hand goes for his own, gently removing it from his eyes to look at him - to silently tell him that it’s okay, he doesn’t have to hide from her -, while the other holds him into a tight hug, pressing their foreheads together.

It’s okay. Let it all out.

[litttle-flock]

i have so many emotions i dont even know what to do with them. he has been here 9 days now and it is so hard to find sanity in all of this crazy, stressful, beautiful, sweaty, messy love that i feel.

i am constantly wondering about him. wondering if he is okay, wondering if he is going to wake up again, did i feed him enough? is he warm enough? too cold? he poops, i change him, he poops again, i change him, and one more time. 3 diapers in 20 minutes??

my breasts are hurting so badly. they bleed, they crack, then he latches and it hurts, and again, i cant tell if he is getting enough. but then i feed him the bottle, and its constant spit up, and he is never done. i pump and i pump and i pump but i fear he will never have enough.

i NEVER thought that”mom life” stuff was real, but wow do i get it now. everyone asks if youre okay, everyone wants to make sure you know support is there. but all i wanna do is be alone. im not even sad. i am so happy actually, but just so stressed that i will never figure this out and paul goes back to work in just 5 days...terrifying.

thats the other huge thing, paul. my sweet, sweet sweet paul. hes taken the most amazing care of me and our son, yet i feel so far away and removed from him. i try to feel close but i just feel like the only thing that matters in the world is Gabe. everything and every way i have ever felt about paul is still inside me, but its like its trapped inside this bubble that doesnt want to pop. i know this is all “normal” but i miss our love. our late night cuddles where he would wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tight in his sleep. now all i can do is manage to push him away. i feel so so lucky because i think he understands...he is always reassuring me and making sure i know he is there. but man are we both going through it.

i had to go back to the hospital not even a day after giving birth because i broke out into a rash all over my body. in the hospital we were there for hours with a brand new baby we had no idea how to take care of. it felt like my body was 100% no longer mine, it belonged to this new beautiful being who honestly deserves it more than me anyways. paul had to walk to labor and delivery from the er and luckily they gave him some donor milk and it was fine but i was miserable. i cant imagine how hard that was for him, or how terrifying. i am so proud of paul, he works so hard and i know he will ALWAYS put Gabe and i first, even if that means exhaustion and stress for him. i hope he can open up to me about it more.

my body is still experiencing some of the breaking out and i am out of the pills the hospital gave me, but i really think it has to do with the anxiety and the stress of this all, i am slooooowly learning how to make this all a balancing act, i just wish that balancing act did not have to go 24/7.

i am really going to try and write all my feelies down and make sure i am taking care of my brain and my body. i share it now, so it seems only fair.

on the flip side, mama life is the most amazing, fulfilling, loving feeling i have ever ever had. i feel like the grinch when his heart grows 10 sizes. i am so over the moon and back in love with my son. i wish i could hold him all day every day 24/7 and never have to worry. lord please help with the worry, because you know the day that comes when any tiny thing goes wrong with him i am going to F R E A K.

i am sharing these photos so i can remember this first CRAZY week. the good, the bad, and the ugly.

i love you gabriel david duncan. you have my heart. you are my entire world now. mama will do anything and everything for you. sleep deprived or not, we are in this together. forever, for always. i love you i love you i love you.

[purrrplepjs]

Pearl and Apollo - no. 48?

Okay yes I am still doing these slooooowly 

This was fun to write

Pearl, ApolloPost AA6

Pearl lounged in Apollo’s office chair, propping her feet up on his desk as she picked absently at her fingernails. Apollo was out of the office at the moment and she’d been waiting close to an hour for him to return.

“Maybe I’ll just call him… to see when he’s coming back,” Pearl muttered to herself, pulling out her phone. She froze as she selected his contact, debating about whether or not she should hit call.“Slow it down there a minute, Pearly.” she reprimanded herself. “The last thing you want to do is to come off too needy.”She sighed and dropped the phone back on his desk. She’d wait a bit longer. Then when he came back she could act all cool and casual like she’d only just got here.Pearl had been in Khura'in for a little over six months now, undertaking the same spiritual training that Maya had. It was a long road ahead and a very long time before she’d see Kurain again. She missed home terribly, and the adjustment to living overseas hadn’t been easy on her. Thankfully, Apollo had been around to make the transition a little easier.He was thoughtful, kind and accommodating, even if he was a little bit dorky (a trait which she had grown to find endearing), but the best thing about him in her eyes was the fact that he didn’t treat her like a little kid. She knew she was of diminutive stature, and wasn’t what any man would describe as sexy, but Pearl was getting tired of people consistently assuming she was younger than she was and dismissing her with a pat on the head. A strange feeling had started to blossom within her when she started spending time with Apollo after arriving in Khura'in. It only intensified when to her surprise he had treated her like an adult. An equal.Maybe it was the homesickness… or maybe something else entirely… but his kind eyes and ready smile had the young woman’s heart all aflutter in the recent weeks. Never one to sit idly by in the presence of love, she had decided to make her move.She would talk to him today.If he ever got back to the office, that is.Picking up her phone again, she exhaled heavily. Maybe she could text Maya. What time was it in LA anyway?’Stop. Drop. SELFIE!’ she typed into her phone and hit send. It had been her and Maya’s way of asking what the other was up to for years now. Seconds passed before grey dots appeared, signifying that Maya was sending a text. Moments later, a picture appeared of Maya and Phoenix - she was smiling and holding up a peace sign while Phoenix had a mouthful of burger. Clearly Maya had snapped the photo without warning. Responding with a laughter emoji, Pearl chuckled to herself and dropped the phone back down and crossed her arms.Suddenly, the office door flung open and Apollo barged through, talking on his phone. Pearl jumped in surprise, removing her feet from Apollo’s desk and sitting up straight in his chair.“Ma'am, please. Slow down.” he frowned. “I can assure you we are doing everything we can. Just let me look into it some more and I promise I will call you as soon as I have more information.”He moved across the room slipping out of his jacket and dumping it across the back of the couch. “Yes. Yes. I promise.” he pleaded with the woman on the phone. “Give me two days.”With a sigh, he hung up the phone, slipping it into his pocket. He rubbed his hand over his face, sighing again. He had his back to his desk. He probably hadn’t even noticed she was there yet.“Need to me to slap someone for you? Because I’ll do it.”Apollo spun around, surprised to see Pearl sitting behind his desk.“Pearl, you scared the crap out of me. How long have you been here?” he asked.“Not long,” Pearl lied. “You look like you’ve had a rough day.”Apollo groaned, flopping back on the couch where he had deposited his jacket moments before. He stared at the ceiling.“You can’t even begin to imagine. Everyone seems to want to hire a lawyer but they’re still all scared to become one. So I’m in high demand with very little help.” Apollo explained. “How about you, Pearl. You want to give up a life of mysticism and come be my partner?”Pearl blushed as her brain immediately started creating scenarios where they ran a law firm together and raised little lawyer babies. They’d name them Maya and Nick and they’d have the cutest little suits. She’d teach them how to point and yell ‘Objection!’…“Hello?” Apollo interrupted. “Earth to Pearl? That was a joke by the way.”Pearl shook her head quickly, bringing herself back to reality. She thought for a moment, her eyes narrowing as the perfect idea formed in her mind.“Okay, now you’re scaring me.” Apollo said, watching Pearl think silently.“But what if…” she began. “It wasn’t a joke.”Apollo frowned.“What do you mean? Of course it’s a joke. You’re not going to quit spiritual training and go to law school.” he stammered.“Of course I’m not.” Pearl said, shaking her head. “But what you do need, is an assistant. And that assistant…”Pearl stood, moving around in front of Apollo’s desk. She motioned to herself with a twirl and a flourish. “…is me!”“Now just hold on a diddly darn minute.” Apollo sputtered, standing and moving towards the young spirit medium. “Have you forgotten about your training? It’s the entire reason you’re here and Maya will KILL me if you get distracted from it." Pearl shrugged. "I don’t train every day. I’ll just make sure I’m here when I’m not training.”“And what if I can’t afford to pay you?” Apollo countered, raising and eyebrow. Because that was a very real probability.“I’ll work for free.” Pearl responded. “You need the help and I need to learn other things besides channeling and meditating.”They stared at each other for a moment, each questioning the other with silence. Pearl smiled meekly at him, mouthing the word ’Please...’ Apollo gave in, letting his shoulders slump.“Okay, fine. But you do everything I say and keep quiet when I say to keep quiet and learn everything I teach you, okay?”Pearl jumped up and down on the spot. “Yes, yes of course! You won’t regret this, I promise.” she grinned.Pearl knew that Mystic Maya had won Mister Nick’s heart by first becoming his assistant. If Pearl wanted Apollo to notice her, this was definitely a step in the right direction. They’d fall in love just like Maya and Phoenix did, she was sure of it.Moving closer to Apollo, she reached out and grabbed his tie, pulling his face closer to hers, just as she had seen Maya do to Phoenix many a time. He sputtered and blushed, just like Phoenix always did - especially back in the old days. Pearl smiled wickedly.“Okay boss. First order of business is a lunch break. I’m starving.” she smirked, letting the tie slip through her fingers before sauntering over to the office door. She stopped, looking back at Apollo as she waited for him to follow.Apollo swallowed heavily. Did… Did Pearl just make him blush?Just what had he gotten himself into?

[casualarsonist]

Steep review (PC)

If you’ve ever dreamt of killing yourself by hurling your body into a tree at fifty miles an hour, then Steep is here to satisfy that desire. Developed by Ubisoft’s Annecy studio, the game is their first lead-developer credit after a career of working on the multiplayer portions of some of their parent’s most notable single-player franchises - Splinter Cell and Assassin’s Creed. And it shows. Because while the passion for X-Games, and for the beautiful French Alps is evident, the developer’s skill at realising their intentions is not. 

When you think of X-Games, you think of a thrill, right? Hurtling down picturesque yet treacherous terrain in the world’s most remote and unspoiled wilderness. Skin-of-your-teeth weaving through trees and over cliffs. Mastery over mind and body, as a peak physical form is pushed to its limits. You don’t think about people fighting with their own feet to get themselves to go where they want, and slamming head-first into fences and houses again and again because their body isn’t doing what you’re telling it to. Well...bad news. Because the latter is the experience you’re going to primarily indulge in Steep as you wrestle with the unintuitive and uncustomisable control system that Annecy have forced down your throat. 

Somehow both twitchy and unresponsive at the same time, the controls are the game’s biggest flaw, if, for nothing else, than the fact that this is a god-damn sports game. On the ground you’ll try to steer away from obstacles and the character either won’t move fast enough, or simply won’t move at all, and in the air a mosquito’s fart on your joystick will cause you to initiate a spinning or flipping trick for which there is no clear indicator as to when it will stop, sending you crashing into the ground, or slowing you down and knocking you off balance and leaving you vulnerable to being knocked off your feet at even the slightest jostle thereon. There is a certain learning curve that can make you ‘better', but there’s no way to make you good, because the game’s course and mission design prevent you from being able to finish the majority of the courses the first time round. This is often due to the lack of direct camera control - a nightmare if you’re heading over a steep drop in which unknown peril awaits. And if you move into the first-person view, brace yourself for the motion sickness. Your head whips hard into the direction you’re intending to steer your character, which is problematic given the fact that your character often won’t travel in the direction you point them. That, combined with the incessant bumping and jostling, makes you wonder why they implemented it in the first place. It’s not like I go for a jog in real life and have to stop and retch because the head-bobbing has made me sick. Your brain corrects for the movements of your body - so why would anyone think that a go-pro-eye view is the right kind of ‘realism’ for their game? Outside of the core design, the courses are severely wanting in quality as well, and this is almost entirely due to the fact that at least half the runs require you to hit extremely specific markers in order to finish them. You can ski through this little mountain town if you want, but to *win* you’ll need to follow this exact path to the letter, because if you miss a single checkpoint, you gotta start again. Yes, instead of just hitting you with a time penalty or something equivalent, Steep instead opts simply to fail you outright for not hitting each check point on the money. And if it’s not doing that, it’s telling you to complete one single trick worth a certain amount of points. And if it’s not doing that it’s telling you to knock down some snowmen which, for some reason, don’t lie on a single path to be linked together, but are scattered around all sides of the mountain and can’t ever be toppled in less than 4-5 separate runs. Because that’s why people go snowboarding. To do a single trick, or to take round-trips down a mountain and back to collect all the snowmen. I can see that it’s an attempt to give some sense of narrative to an otherwise borderless, open gaming experience, but the point of X-Games is to slide down a mountain. Give me a decent path to slide down and I’ll slide down it happily and thank you for the privilege. There’s no need for this to be an open world. There’s no need for narrative. Give me a proper career mode if you’re so desperate for a story. There is no functional benefit to the XP system. There is no functional benefit to the ability to walk the map - the drop-zones are kilometres away from one-another and you trudge through the snow at a crawl, so it’s never a practical feature worth using. I admire the fact that they’ve tried to make a ‘modern’ X-Games experience, but the word ‘modern’ as it exists in Ubisoft’s lexicon is far-removed from anything one can define positively. Ubisoft’s ‘modern’ is shorthand for ‘trope’. And the trope here is the open world - a genre in which Ubisoft has consistently demonstrated they lack the chops to fill.  And for all its faults, I think it’s the lack of room for spontaneity that really sucks the soul out of the experience. While limiting the breadth of activities might have rustled some feathers, replacing all the boring ‘follow this NPC’ missions and all the checkpoint garbage with free-style time trials would have been far more fun and far more replayable than a course that requires you to restart again and again in order to learn the exact path you need to follow to hit certain markers - a course you don’t want or need to repeat once you’ve done it already. For a game that is trying to buy into the whole ‘open world’ deal, it rarely lets you simply go and see what lies ahead and tackle it as it comes - you have to tackle everything as the game wants you to, and if you don’t, restart, restart, restart. You’ll clip the top of a tree and have to restart. You’ll fall too hard and have to restart. There’s no option to adjust your footing mid-air, so you’ll drift off your axis and have to restart. Errors at speed send you plummeting down the mountain for 15-20 seconds before you grind to a halt and your character slowly, slooooowly, climbs to his feet, and you may as well have restarted when you took the first hit. You’ll try, fail, and either figure out a way to cheat the system, or give up annoyed and move onto more open-ended and enjoyable activities. 

Which is a real shame, because they’re trying something different here and I wish it was a winner. Cool Boarders and the SSX series defined much of my childhood, and I’d been watching Steep for a while, hoping for enough of a discount to justify buying what I knew to be a game that had had mixed reactions. I’m always keen to try out new genres, but the level of inexperience here, coupled with Ubisoft’s usual dirty tricks (money-grubbing corporate tie-ins, invasive advertisements for DLC, and obnoxious, cloying writing that tries too hard to appeal to dudebros), leaves it feeling deeply unsatisfying. Of course, there’s always a chance that you might find it a simple guilty pleasure - it’s easy to pick up and play. It’s just not that much fun in the playing. Get it dirt-cheap or not at all. 4/10

[semenguine]

hello darling, i say. i close the room door behind me and sit in the chair beside eden’s bed. oh hey, eden says casually, with a bit of strain in her tone. lots of traffic? not too bad, i reply. how are you doing? horny, eden says truthfully. real horny. 

poor baby, i say sympathetically. nurse hasn’t come yet? nah. not while i’ve been awake at least, eden says. i reach out and try to comb through her hair with my fingers but she jerks at my touch and turns red. she grabs my hand tightly. n- no touching, she says. 

i let her hold my hand and ponder over how the atmosphere feels exactly like what i always imagine while reading SU heatfics. they always tend to start off a lot like this. my dick hurts, eden mumbles. like pain hurts or neglected hurts? i say. pain hurts, eden says. i frown. where it was reattached? no, she says. all over. how long have you had that boner? i ask.

i dunno, eden says. an hour. i think. i was awake for an hour. so maybe a lil longer than that because i don’t remember but i’m pretty sure i had a- like, a dream. i pull out my phone and google how long is safe to have an erection. the answer is four hours = ER - but prolonged erections are usually progressively painful and caused by changes in bloodflow. which makes things a little suspect.

well are you actually turned on by anything or is it just.. there? i ask. i’m turned on, i keep, she covers her face with her hands and looks stressed and embarrassed. daydreaming. do you want me to get a nurs- i start. NO, eden says quickly. no i just, imma wait for this to pass.

they’ve been dealing with your dick the whole time, i say. but not like this, eden points out.

and i can’t argue with that, so i just nod. i guess that’s true. is it still bandaged? i ask. no, eden says. i get up. what are you doing, eden asks warily. looking, i say. is that ok? i guess, eden says. i peek under her hospital gown. im surprised by how normal it looks. it’s a little red near where it was cut off and there’s a visible indent all around. but otherwise, it’s eden’s dick, just how it was.  

s’it ugly, eden asks, trying to sound nonchalant but obviously caring about it. no, it’s perfect, i say. tears form in my eyes abruptly. you’re so strong, i say. and you’ve been through so much. and- are you crying? eden asks incredulously. is it that ugly? is it crooked? not at all, i sob. it’s perfect, you’re perfect. then why the hell is you crying, she says, sounding concerned. and stop breathing on it please, not helping my situation.

i blow on it in rebellion. it twitches and so does eden. sierra, eden scolds. i do it again. eden’s hips twitch. there’s a damp spot on the bed and i can see from what, from eden just dripping pre-cum. even now it trickles slowly. i look up at her. i, i say. 

how long’s it been? two weeks? two weeks without eden in my bed and without touching eden and without eden touching me? my hands shake. i lower her hospital gown. i tell myself that if i waited two weeks i can wait a little more. i sit in the chair again. i touch her neck. ah- she jerks and bites her lip hard. please, sierra, eden says. 

please what? i ask. eden closes her eyes. i don’t know, she says. i softly touch her scalp and she squirms, then i pull her hair, she moans and her hips jerk again, then she quickly falls silent, looking embarrassed. sierra please, she says again. i can feel my heart thumping wildly in my chest, my desire swells and grows within me. i want to unravel her. i want to be in control. i want her to shake and moan and gasp just for me. i’ve missed her. i feel unhinged. i wanna fuck her like i used to fuck her when we were in college.

the place between my legs starts to tingle. i cross my legs. i drag my nails down her arm. slooooowly. her back arches. she bites her hand. sierra, she whimpers. i run my hands over her hospital gown and rub her nipples. her hips jerk. sierra, please, sierra, she gasps, she’s beautiful, warm and red in the face, and present, and desperate. she’s already out of breath. 

yes, my love? i whisper in her ear, hotly. she closes her eyes again, and then opens them, like she can’t decide between real life and fantasy. i’ve- i’m, she says. you ain’t helping. i think that depends on what you want help with, i say. i reach into my purse. i brought you something, i whisper. wanna see what it is?

eden swallows and turns her head to look at me. i hold out her butt vibrator. she gasps. i- she starts. why don’t we fix this little problem of yours, i say. hm? she’s bright red. bright, bright red. she watches me as i lube it up. i hold it out for her to take. she takes it shyly. her hand disappears under her hospital gown. i can tell when she inserts it from the look of pleasure that briefly crosses her face. 

where’s the uh, remote? she asks. don’t be ridiculous, i say. the remote isn’t for you. it’s for me. eden’s eyes go wide. i pull out the remote. i start off with it in the middle setting, eden throws her head back and gasps and her hips push and move and she moans, i drop the setting slowly, no, she says. no no no no no no, sierra, she begs. she grabs the sheets. fuck, she swears. please. please, i need- i wanna- please i’m so damn close it hurts sierra i fuckin- ah- 

i start increasing the setting again, eden’s in the throes of pleasure, jerking and contorting and making raw, filthy, beautiful noises- but i shush her because she’s so wanton about it i genuinely fear she’ll be overheard- she keeps her hand in her mouth to muffle the sounds- as she gets quieter i look idly to her stats monitor and notice her heart rate climbing.

i’m close, eden gasps. i’m so close i’m so fucking close, i’m g- ng! her cumming is magical to see. the culmination of an hour of frustration and another half-hour of buildup- she gives a loud, long moan before dropping back onto the bed where she lies looking like she died. 

i just look curiously at the stats monitor, and then frown when it starts to beep. eden, give me the vibrator, i whisper urgently, but she merely squints at me and smiles, fully lost in the one of the most intense afterglows i’ve ever seen her in. 

a nurse comes in like a few minutes later. she looks at the stats monitor and then looks at eden lying limp on the bed and looks at me. did you notice anything unusual within the past few minutes? her heart rate seems to have elevated, the nurse explains. is she going to be okay? i ask, elegantly dodging the question. most likely, the nurse assures. i just- huh? eden says blearily, cutting her off. the nurse blinks and then looks at eden and says hey hon, how are you feeling? feeling great, eden slurs. she gives a lopsided smile. can you speak a little clearer for me, please hon? the nurse says. eden says, huh?

she’s tired, probably, i say. just woke up after all. come get a nurse if she doesn’t seem even a little bit more alert in 10 minutes, okay? everything else is normal so it may just have been a bit of active sleeping, but we wanna be sure, the nurse says to me seriously. i nod. i’m just gonna check on how you’re healing, ok hon? i cringe internally. eden stares dumbly and then looks vaguely alarmed when she realizes. um- she starts slowly, just as the nurse lifts her hospital gown.

eden goes red again. the nurse looks at the stats monitor and then me and then eden like she’s just solved the worst puzzle in the entire world. oh. she says. i do not make eye contact. she startles me and eden by exclaiming well, that’s good news! your penis is working!

huh, eden says, clearly mortified. i’m going to collect some of your semen so that we can test it, okay hon? kay, eden croaks. while the nurse is logging something in the computer, eden gingerly removes the vibrator and gives it to me. i silently put it in a ziplock and stuff it back in my purse. 

i’m gonna give you a bedpan so you can pee, okay? uh, i don’t know if i have to go like- like right now, eden says. i-i’ll go when sierra leaves. you should always pee after sex, says the nurse. well, i- i mean, i just, can’t that wait til sierra’s gone? i don’t think i’d get a uti that fast, eden says. 

you two have kids together and she’s never seen you pee before? the nurse asks. no, s- she’s seen me pee before, eden stammers. i just. okay then, the nurse says. she brings the bedpan and a big sheet thing over. kay hon, lift your hips in 3, 2, she says. eden lifts her hips and the nurse slides the sheet under her and then carefully places the bedpan under eden. lie flat, the nurse says. eden obeys. i’ll be back in 5 minutes, says the nurse.

m’kay, eden peeps. the nurse leaves. stupid, i bop eden gently on the head. i told you to give me the vibrator. well i didnt hear you, eden defends. my mind was.. somewhere else. yeah, you were in lala land, i quip. whatever. just go pee. well i can’t if you’re watching me! eden exclaims. you’ve peed in front of me before, i say. this is different though, eden says. 

fine, i lean over and kiss her on the cheek and close my eyes and cover them with my hands. i’m not looking.