#sleepy boof

[blackbackedjackal]

Blue was cursed by her anime name because she really does act like Blue from Wolf's Rain

[challahbread]

i have feelingsssss for him so much and i want to hit the boof passed by him

[palm-top-tiger]

boofing progesterone is still one of the hottest things ever to me. youre telling me if i finger myself and push this pill in itll make my tits grow more, make me hornier AND sleepy? how is prog real

[itstimewehavesomesoliddick]

Let me tell you, folks, no one rolls a blunt like me. No one. Sleepy Joe always forgets the filter, but I don't, do you know why? Because I don't smoke mids, that's right, only loud and let me tell you, there's no one that packs a boof like I do, no one, believe me, they tried, they looked for someone that rolled a better one but they couldn't find one, which is not surprising, of course. The other day, Joe comes to me and, get this, he says, here Donald, try this loud, this is some real good zaza, feel it, and you know what folks? It was mid, it was mid as it can be, unbelievable! Never have I puffed on weed as mid as that one was, and trust me, I've smoked plenty of weed, all kinds, so I would know. No wonder he's so sleepy if that's what he calls loud. But not me, folks, no mids for me, that's right. When people think of me, they think "wow that Trump guy smokes some great weed!" Do you know why? Because I do, folks! I do, it's true, everyone knows this. In fact, my official Trump™ grade weed is so loud, highest quality, folks, terrific stuff, the best, that you'll get tired of how good it is! You'll be saying, Donald, this is too good! It's so good you'll be wanting dirt, pure brick, just to remember the sort of weak boofs Loser Joe used to roll! That's right! They're as bad as the economy when he's in charge, he turned the dime bag into a dollar bag! That's how bad it is! But not if I was in charge, if I was in charge, a dime bag would be a dime bag, and not dirt either, folks. That's right! We're going to take back the White House and we're to make American weed loud again!

[fanfoolishness]

Patching Up

After the events of The Return, Crosshair realizes Batcher's in need of patching up. It turns out she's not the only one.

Spoilers for 3x05 The Return and 2x12 The Outpost, Crosshair, Batcher, and Hunter, angst and family feels. <3 2770 words. Illustrated!

-

It was well before sunrise when the Remora arrived back to Pabu.  Crosshair shook off the nap he’d settled into and got to his feet for landing, tucking his helmet beneath his arm.  On the bunk across the way, Omega and Batcher lay snoring, curled up together.  He smiled faintly at the sight.  

“Come on, kid,” Wrecker said softly, scooping Omega into his arms.  She yawned, wrapping her arms around his neck, but still kept her eyes firmly squeezed shut.  “Let’s get you to bed.”  

Crosshair watched them go.  He had the sense that this was something that had happened many times before; Omega small and sleepy, Wrecker there to carry her to bed.  It had looked like such a familiar action for them both.  Something in him panged at the thought.

There was a small boof noise beside him.  He glanced down in time to see Batcher nudge his hand with her muzzle, wagging her tiny tail as she eased into a vast stretch.  He patted her nose obligingly.  It was the least he could do.

He passed Hunter and Echo, deep in conversation still in the cockpit, and made his way back out into the predawn air beneath the glinting stars and swinging moon.  He took a deep breath of the fresh ocean breeze.  He was still getting used to it, the taste and smell of the clean sea air so different from Tantiss’ stale recycled scent.  His hand flinched, and he jammed his hand against his leg, willing it to still.

He clicked under his tongue for Batcher, but she didn’t attend.  He turned around.  She was sitting on the ground several feet away in an awkward pose, chewing aggressively at one of her front paws.  He clicked his tongue again, and she came this time, clearly limping.  

“What have you gotten into?” Crosshair asked, concerned.  She sat down beside him, then immediately turned to lick at her other front paw.  “Uh-uh,” he said firmly, and she stopped to give him a guilty look.

He sighed under his breath, then made up his mind.  “Stay here.”  He headed back into the ship, interrupting Echo and Hunter and their poring over the data retrieved from the datapad.  “I need a medpac.  I think the hound is wounded.  Nothing serious, but I can check her over.”

Echo nodded.  “Of course.  Back near the bunks, third crate.”

“AZI might be able to take a look at her, too,” said Hunter.  “You could ask him --”

“The medpac will do,” said Crosshair shortly.  I’m sure AZI could look at your hand for you…  No.  He didn’t need the droid for this.  

Crosshair followed Echo’s instructions, collecting a kit with basic supplies.  He left out the diagnostic scanner -- he doubted it had been calibrated to lurca hounds -- but took the bandage materials, hyposprays and splints, wondering if he would need to make a human wrist splint work for the hound’s blocky leg.  

He headed back outside… and the damn hound was gone.

Of course.  Try to help the creature, and it had taken off.  He scanned the mesa for movement beneath the stars and the solar lamps, eyes flicking across the landscape, but came up short; only a few moon-yos scampered across the ground, their dark shadows clear in the dim light.  He put his helmet on, toggling on thermal vision.  Ah.  A chunky heat signature was nudging open the gate at the little house they’d been taking meals at.  She was nothing if not predictable.  

He caught up with her in a few minutes, closing the gate quietly behind him.  Batcher was laying down, curled up defensively, chewing at her feet again with an appalling licking sound.  He set down his helmet on the table and slowly approached.

“Stop that,” said Crosshair evenly.  “You’ll only make it worse.”  He knelt beside her with the medical supplies and she hunkered into herself, giving him a wary expression.  He gave her a skeptical look, then averted his gaze until she relaxed again.  “Don’t bite me.”

She licked his face instead, and he scrubbed off the saliva vigorously with his gloved hand.  “No.”  She sat there panting, looking perfectly pleased with herself.  He reached for the closest paw, tugging it out from beneath her.  She tensed, but let him turn her paw over.  

Even in the starlight and lamplight, it was easy to see the issue; while her paws didn’t seem to be swollen and nothing felt broken, her pads were scraped raw, swollen and dotted with specks of beading blood.  Carefully he checked them all.  The front left was the worst, with a thick slice of skin hanging torn from the edge of the pad, but all were affected in some way.  The sight pained him.

“The ice,” he murmured.  “You weren’t made for it.”  She whined, laying down and pulling her paw away from him.  Of course a beast meant to survive the jungles around Tantiss wouldn’t have the protection against the cold needed for Barton IV.

He and Mayday hadn’t, either.

The bitter wind shearing his exposed face, fingers locked and frozen around the Firepuncher, desperately dragging Mayday closer to keep him warm --

Crosshair shook the memory off and took a packet of numbing gel out of the medpac, rubbing it cautiously on the paw with the lacerated pad.  She tolerated it surprisingly well.  He wasn’t sure how she’d take the next step, though.

He pulled out the sterilization spray canister and affixed it to the hypospray, but hesitated before using it.  He knew from experience in the field that it stung like a wyyyschokk’s bite, even if it was effective.  He had reluctantly accepted that Batcher liked him -- he couldn’t fathom why -- but he was skeptical of her ability to not bite him while using it.

He sighed.  Omega talked to the hound constantly, and she did seem to understand much of what Omega said to her.  Perhaps it was worth a try.  Might distract the beast, anyway.

“Hold still.  This’ll sting, but it helps.”  Batcher let him take her paw in his hands, but jerked it away as the mist settled onto the torn surface of the pad.  Crosshair rolled his eyes.  “What did I just say?  The wounds need cleaning.  I know it stings, but it’s temporary.”  He tried to take her paw again, and she let him do it, though her beady eyes stared warily at him.  

“There,” he said, spraying the paw.  This time she let him hold it under the full duration of the spray, though she anxiously licked his face several times.  He blinked, but kept going until he had treated all four paws, the saliva drying sticky on his face.  “Good.”  She wagged her tail.

He reached for the bandages, but frowned.  They were all pre-cut, in shapes that wouldn’t fit the irregularities of Batcher’s huge paws.  He rummaged around in the medpac, coming out with a sealant spray instead.

“We should have checked your feet after the mission,” Crosshair muttered to the hound, taking up one of her back paws and applying a thin layer of sealant.  She trembled but let him do it.  

He thought of the time Hunter had hidden a poisonous bite on some backwater world in the midst of one of their first field missions, and had nearly passed out in a field of battle droids before Tech had been able to render emergency first aid.  They’d yelled at him for ten minutes solid after the battle, furious and scared both.  His mouth quirked to one side at the memory, the squabbling, the relief.  

“Feeling better?”

She looked up at him, whimpering.  

“Not yet?  Hm.”  He reached for her next paw, shaking his head.  “That ice…  It’s brutal.”

She woofed softly, almost in agreement, as he worked on her foot.  “At least it wasn’t a blizzard,” he said.  He went very still except for his hand, which trembled against her paw.  “Mayday never had a chance.”

Batcher rumbled, rolling away from him onto her back, scratching herself on the patio floor.  She rolled back up to her side and sniffed the air, looking alert and attentive, before nudging his arm with the great crest on her head.  

“He saved my life, you know.”  He finished with the second back paw, moving to the less severely affected front paw.  The words dripped out of him, slow and difficult to speak but just as difficult to stop, now that he’d started.  “I stepped on a pressure mine.  I’d have been killed.  He could have gone on without me.”  He paused.  It was suddenly hard to breathe, despite the clean ocean air surrounding them.  He scanned the sky above him, making out the lightening of the coming dawn. 

What unit were you with?  A simple question.  One he’d heard regs ask each other a thousand times.  It was the first time one had ever asked him.

It doesn’t matter.  (Except it did.  It always had.)

Humor me.  I could use the distraction.  

Clone Force 99.  He’d been frozen, not with the cold, not even with the threat of certain death.  Answering the question had been somehow more difficult than standing perfectly still.

What happened to them?  

They’re… gone.  It had felt like a lie even as he said it.  Were they gone?

Was he?

Crosshair shivered, coming back to himself.  “It never occurred to him to leave a man behind.  Even though I told him I’d leave him in a heartbeat.”  He reached out, scratching Batcher on the spot on her neck she liked.  She leaned into it, tail wagging furiously.  Short spiky blue-gray hair clung to his glove, poking uncomfortably in spots through the fabric, but he only scratched harder.  

He finished the third paw.  “Almost done.  Worst for last.”  She wiggled away, panting, but he fixed her with a sharp look.  “Give it.”  He took the last paw, the one with the deep tear, and hoped the numbing gel had done its work.  He pulled out a vial of tissue glue.  Batcher sniffed it and growled.  “It’s this or a bandage.  Trust me, you’ll prefer this.”  

He carefully daubed the glue at the edges of the torn pad, hoping it would take.  She’d be less irritated if the torn pad could cover the wound, and there was a chance it could reattach and heal more quickly that way.  He wished they’d found it earlier; the edges of the pad were extra dry, and he wasn’t sure if they were still vital or not.  

Well, he’d have to keep checking it.  This would do for now.

Batcher sat quietly, only fidgeting a little.  Around them, the sky continued lightening, hints of color -- gold and orange -- starting up on the horizon.  Birds began to stir.  Focused on the wound, Crosshair found himself talking again.

“We were trapped in an avalanche,” he murmured.  “Mayday shoved me out of the way… saved me again.  I tried to save him.”  

He’d tried.  Oh, how he’d tried.  For a moment the gentle cool air of Pabu was a raging blizzard, the gold-edged sky a flare of blue-white mist.  The chill sank into his bones, and he shivered again, trying to hold her paw steady.  Even now he could only half-remember the terrible journey back to the outpost, the day and night of vicious, unending cold, Mayday heavy and wounded against him.  His breath came too fast, his chest searing.

“I couldn’t,” he whispered.  “I didn’t.”  He hung his head, dropping the hound’s patched-up paw, and rested his hand on her shoulder.

His neck prickled.  It’s about knowing when you’ve got eyes on you.  His shoulders slumped, and without turning around, he raised his voice.  “How long have you been there?”

Hunter’s voice, expected, familiar.  Of course.  “... a few minutes.”

“Still spying on me?” Crosshair asked, but without any real venom.  He didn’t have it in him, not after the fight with the ice wyrm, not after their talk earlier.  He heard the gate open behind him, and Hunter’s quiet footsteps approached closer until his brother sat down beside him.

“Not intentionally,” said Hunter, shrugging.  “Echo will be heading out soon.  Figured I’d come back here to get some sleep.”  He nodded to the hound, stretching out his hand.  “Everything all right?”  Batcher sniffed his hand, then licked it enthusiastically.  Hunter scratched her chin.

“The hound should be fine,” Crosshair said.  “Hurt her paws on the ice.”

“Omega will be glad you fixed her up,” Hunter said.  “You and Tech were always handiest with the medpacs.”

Crosshair sniffed.  “Except Tech actually knew what he was doing.”  They both fell quiet.  Tech always knew what he was doing.  Until --

He only knew the barest details of what happened.  He still wasn’t sure he would ever be able to ask for more, not when every mention of his brother still made his gut clench.  The birdsong swelled around them as the sky blushed gold, and he and Hunter sat with the silence, with the missing space.  

The quiet stretched, weighing on both of them.  Crosshair knew he could say nothing.  Could pretend Hunter hadn’t snuck up on him, could assume he hadn’t heard a thing about what he’d muttered to the hound, could get up and go inside and grab some sleep.  But he had to know.  

“What did you hear?” Crosshair asked quietly, looking down at his hands, at the tremor starting.  He slid his right hand behind him, where Hunter couldn’t see.

Hunter looked away.  He hadn’t seen.  Had he?  “Back at the outpost, I saw you with those helmets.  I wondered.  This Mayday… was he one of them?”

“Commander Mayday,” Crosshair said automatically.  It was important to say it.

“You lost him.”  It wasn’t a question.  Crosshair braced for it, the look of judgment, the disapproval.  But Hunter turned his gaze back to him, his dark eyes merely thoughtful. 

“It didn’t have to be that way.”  It was too painful to explain the cruelty of it all to Hunter, the guarded crates, the men’s patched armor, their loyalty discarded like another broken piece of equipment, the hiss of “clone.”  He didn’t try.  He just reached out and petted Batcher again, his hand shaking against her fur.  He hoped Hunter wouldn’t notice.  “He was a good soldier.  I tried to --”  He let out a long breath, ducking his head.  “I did everything I could.  The lieutenant could have helped him.  But he wasn’t worth the resources.”  Hatred burned the back of his throat with the word.

Hunter nodded, reaching up to clasp his shoulder.  Crosshair closed his eyes, the weight of his brother’s hand on his shoulder both utterly alien, and yet as natural as breathing.  He leaned into it, and Hunter’s hand was steady, solid, trusting.

For a moment, it felt like the old days.

He looked back at Hunter, and his brother’s face softened, a flicker of sadness shifting through his eyes like a passing shadow.  “I know this isn’t easy.  Talking’s not --”

“My strong suit?” Crosshair cracked, managing a short huff of a laugh.  “Mhm.”  It had come easier than he’d thought it would, though.  Something in his chest seemed to have loosened, like he could breathe more freely.

Hunter chuckled.  “Right.  Not always mine, either.  But hey.  We managed not to kill each other out there.”  

“True.”

He dropped his hand from Crosshair’s shoulder, reaching out and petting Batcher, who had curled up and falling asleep.  She kicked her foot contentedly as he scratched.  His voice was rough.  “I wish things had been different.  For Commander Mayday.  For all of us.”

Crosshair nodded slowly.  There were too many things to count -- Tantiss, Tech, Barton IV.  Further back, Desix, Kamino, Bracca, Kaller.  He could take none of it back.  

The only path remaining was forward.  

Crosshair clambered to his feet, reaching down and giving Hunter a hand.  Hunter took it without a beat, letting himself be helped up.  

“Come on,” Crosshair said, squinting into the dawn.  “It’s late.”

“Early.”

“Whatever.”

Hunter laughed.  “All right then.  Coming?” he asked the hound.  Batcher rolled up to her feet, frisking around them, no sign now of a limp.  “Looks like you did good work.”

Crosshair watched her prance, painless and happy.  “Just doing my part,” he said.  She nuzzled his hand, then bounded toward the building, sitting patiently by the door.  He crossed the yard to join her, passing Hunter.

“Crosshair?”

“Yes?”  

“It’s good to have you back.”

“Uh-huh,” he said, but more warmly than usual.  The door opened for him, and Crosshair stepped inside, a half-smile tugging at his face.  

It was good to be back.

[konigsblog]

Can u pls write stoner König and Simon lazy fucking and having you cock warm them 🛐🛐 I can just imagine them both fucking Y/N while sharing a joint or two (a lot) and pushing a boof past Y/Ns lips to push her high to a diff level😫😫😫

// somnophillia...

your body pressed between to large, brute men, squeezing you with their bodyweight. simon thrusts into your wet pussy while you cockwarm könig's hard, stiff cock, whining and whimpering when he blows smoke into your face, stinking of weed :( you take drags from the shared joint, könig behind you taking hits from his glass bong, one that looks miniature in his large, calloused hands.

sleepy sex with them is so agayafaufajaat :( their girths stretching you out, holding your hips with a firm grasp and not letting you fuck yourself back onto them. your chest rising and falling, könig's fingers squeezing your sore, hardened nipples while muttering out german praises into your ear.

stoner!simon lovessss piercings, having a few metal balls on his shaft and scrotum that drag against your gummy walls. stoner!könig adores sleepy sex with you, especially while you're asleep, all wet and sticky as he rubs his tip against your clit, teasing your sensitive nub with his drooly head :(

mm', i just know they stink of that light BO and musk, the smell of weed sticking to their clothes, barely showering and forcing your face into their pits or crotch, huffing and sniffing at them while they record and humilate you.

[crazylittlejester]

Warriors would be convinced that Twilight as Wolfie smelled out the truth a while ago, but Twilight was the most surprised of everyone. Warriors was baffled that no one figured out the truth.

I’m not sure if this was for the mini fic thing or not but I made it a mini fic anyway I hope that’s okay 😭 Here you go!! (438 words):

Warriors thought for sure that Twilight would’ve figured it out by now, having a wolf form and all, but it shocked him greatly to learn that somehow none of his traveling companions (except for Time) had figured out he had chronic low blood sugar. Granted he did do his absolute best to try to push through and ignore the nausea and dizziness, but sometimes he got knocked flat on his ass, unable to see clearly and feeling so horrible he thought he’d certainly pass out.

He was having an awful morning, having woken up already dizzy and nauseous, and it had gotten to the point where he didn’t think he’d be able to stand or do anything more than curl up in a tighter ball on the ground. It didn’t help that he was still exhausted from yesterday and he was still in a sleepy place where he could easily just close his eyes and go back to bed. A concerned snort followed by a ‘boof’ sounded overhead, and that was Warriors’s only warning before Wolfie smacked him lightly with his paw. He groaned weakly, using all his energy to stay conscious. He should’ve eaten more for dinner the previous night, and he should’ve found a way to get SOMETHING in him before his blood sugar got this low.

A cold nose pressed against his neck, a soft whine coming from the wolf before a panicked series of barks. Warriors winced at the volume, but was grateful that the barking had quickly woken all the others.

“Captain??” Sky asked, kneeling down by his head. “Wars, can you hear me? You don’t look good.”

“Here,” Time said as he stepped into view, peeled orange in hand. “You’re looking a bit gray there.”

Warriors made no effort to sit up, he just popped an orange slice in his mouth while laying down, chewing slowly and keeping his eyes closed. The sight of all the others moving around so much was making him even more dizzy. Wolfie curled up by his head, occasionally smacking him with a paw and making worried snorts if Warriors was too still for too long.

Eventually he felt well enough to try sitting up, thankful that the nausea seemed to have left him.

“What was that??” Legend demanded once Warriors was upright.

“Low blood sugar,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “I’m fine, I just didn’t eat enough yesterday.”

“You looked AWFUL a few minutes ago,” Wind frowned. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Warriors smiled at him, reaching over to ruffle the kid’s hair. “I should probably eat something else though.”

[sunnydayaoe]

in regards to the post w the caption "Whole one of those big ineffectual sleepy dogs with those droopy eyes that look like they're about to cry at all times. 2 injured 1 dead," I HAVE A QUESTION, TUMBLR USER SUNNYDAYAOE. does your petre!whole know what particular kind of wouppy he regresses to, and for your consideration may i offer:

WOLFDOG WHOLE. LOOKA THAT BIG OL FELLA. is that not the most big ineffectual sleepy dog you have ever seen. im pretty sure i left a tag on one of your posts (MY APOLOGIES I AM A CHRONIC YAPPER and my memory is bad) along the lines of this ask but also i beg you to consider. whole doing a little wruff. a boof, even. a biiiig sigh. slam his 'paw' against the mattress. WOULDNT SOUL JUST HAVE AN ANEURYSM AND DIE RIGHT THEN AND THERE many such cases

AND LOOK

THIS IS YOUR SOUL AND PETRE!WHOLE REAL NO FAKE NOT CLICKBAIT/IJ. IS THAT NOT THEM.

my condolences for my yappage i just do not see enough stuff about petre that isnt "ohhh tiny little puppy" and wouppywhole brings me so much joy. okay scampers away

really fucking funny I was having THIS conversation before you dropped this ask. really good. realllly good

that is to say Yep I like wolf dog whole I think it is Very good I like it lots :] also writing a whole petre fic .. next up.. so glad you gave me aspeciifc type of dog to give him X] I am bad at picking stuff like that [all of them are just general . erm kitty. erm. puppy. erm. erm. I unno... usually HAHA]

[chandravess]

im too sleepy to boof my progesterone…will u do it for me?

[boatemlag]

the sleepy peeper seems to boof at night

[breannasfluff]

Contented Rest

“Champion!” Sky’s call brings a sleepy rise of his head. “Won’t you join us?”

As designated group cuddler, he’s got Four, Hyrule, and Wind piled around him. Legend, Warriors, and Time sit in their own group, soft conversation ebbing and flowing comfortably. Twilight is gone for a walk and the safe surroundings mean no watch is needed.

Wild is the odd one out, but he still shakes his head with a smile at Sky. ‘I’m good,’ he signs.

The pile of bodies looks both comforting and terrifying in equal measure. To be in physical contact with so many people at once raises warning bells from long-ago instincts he can’t ignore.

Sky frowns but doesn’t push and Wild settles back into the blanket he’s wrapped around his shoulders. The fire crackles and pops, one stick crumbling into embers.

A soft woof announces Wolfie’s entrance to the camp. Wild gives an answering sound and wiggles as attention swings his way. The Champion can’t help but preen at his notice.

Loping over, Wolfie sniffs his face and laps at his cheek. Wild wiggles and rolls, excited yips asking for attention.

Silly, Wolfie says, but he heaves a great sigh and settles next to him anyway.

Packmate excited, Wild returns, wiggling closer. Happy relax rest?

Wolfie rolls his eyes, a non-animal motion, but sprawls on his side obligingly with a boof.

Returning the boof, Wild rolls into Wolfie's belly and buries his face in warm fur. His friend smells like the woods and wilderness; familiar and settling. He loops an arm over the chest and tucks himself closer.

Time rises from the fire and walks over to observe them with a smile. “You look comfortable.” It’s unclear if he’s talking to Wolfie or Wild, but the Champion gives a happy grin anyway.

“You sure you aren’t part animal, too?”

Wolfie tenses beneath his arm and Wild is instantly on an alert, popping up to scan the campsite for danger. Nothing stands out and Time is still smirking at Wolfie like he’s in on a secret.

Grumbling, Wild settles, but he rolls to tuck his belly to the ground. For his part, Wolfie lifts his lips to show teeth in a silent growl. Go away, he signals.

Time raises his hands and backs off. “Far be it from me to interrupt you two.”

The comfortable atmosphere is broken, though, and Wild can’t settle. He keeps sitting up to scan the campsite and dart looks at Time. Is the Old Man judging him for how he interacts with the wolf? None of the others copy his sounds, resorting to spoken hylian.

Peace, Wolfie says. Rest.

Alert, he responds, still looking around. On edge.

Rest! This comes with an instant nudge Wild ignores. With a huff of annoyance, Wolfie rises and joins Sky’s cuddle group, curling next to Four.

Wild whines at the loss, metaphoric hackles rising at being ditched.

Safe, Wolfie says. Rest. Come!

It’s not safe, though, even with Wolfie there. Too many people, too much touching, and too many ways for it all to go wrong. Judgment throbs a baseline behind their looks.

Wild sadly shakes his head and pulls his blanket around him, eyes still scanning the darkness for a danger that doesn’t exist.

Read the rest here!

[ferallester]

okay I no longer have the energy to finish this, pls enjoy a third of pinof react #3 and my rereaction

oh wow immediate smack with literally zebras and conclussy— DAN

when they said dapwe pinof my reaction was ‘nobody’s called it that’ and then I think someone did so

I fucking love their conversation about the algorithm

their outfits do in fact suck in pinof 7

nose pressure <3

“Spock sideburns” FUCK OFFFFF YOU’RE RIGHT BUT NOW I WANT TO KNOW YOUR TREK OPINIONS (I have already said this but I reiterate it anyway)

“oi!!” *Phil laughs in the background*

I’ve paused on a very Dan derp of his I’m way too tired for this

Phil: *attempts to explain himself and gives up* (dork)

what the fuck is going on in the bottom of Google

grass hair babey!!!!

Dan’s hair evolution apparently boils down to side parting straight to side parting curly

what even were those boxers Phil

piss mention

Phil fails at the singing but not entirely the Scottish accent, nice

fuck the stress mushroom!!!! I’ve never seen how truly gross it was until now tho ewwwww

they make fun of them moving to Dan’s room and then their only reaction to it is that the lighting sucks, okay

wish they’d reacted to the king of the universe moment

Dan fails maths, and worse, I believed him in that second because I was sleepy and on my way to work LMAO

god bless the John Cena memes

phulge 🙄

rubber chicken scream my beloved!!!!

LADDERS YEAHHHHHHHHHH

SOUND BARRIER I keep referencing it in my fics help, it’s up there alongside ‘stay still’ ‘stencil’ from the bloopers

the fucking heart hole— 😭

the nacho fic makes me incredibly uncomfortable

Phil shut the FUCK UP we KNOW you’re touching (affectionate)

I’m trying to read their reactions to Phil saying exhaust pipe sexily and currently I’m just getting gay disgust

Phil’s Grandma’s Lore is fucking iconic

hand thing

boys shut the fuck up

I cannot fucking believe their window was open

I also can’t believe Dan actually trusted Phil enough to do a trust fall

old merch talk!!!!

sneeze fetish 😭

love that the sneeze fetish site is not only in New Zealand, but that it’s a government site

pinof 8!! my first pinof!! their haircuts are fucking awful

ADORE the outfits tho

they say that haircuts make them look startled— yeah that tracks

fucking cowards, Bork and Boof are both heckin valid

did we even fucking realise that they were probably trying to get that ad bc I distinctly remember we were just excited to get so much content

Phil can’t spell <3

weird soft launch

pokescream

YAS CAT!!!! YAS CAT!!!!!!!!!!

violence, ��we touch very early in this one” shut the FUCK UP

tiny dan on Dan’s thumb is so fucking funny

C H O M P

WHY DIDNT THEY REACT TO THE INHALE A KOALA QUESTION AAAAAAUGH

Dan is INCREDIBLY violent as a lawnmower

can’t believe Phil said yaoi

Dan meanwhile is just a horny mess who likes Wang™️ (and can I blame him? nah)

the boys, upon hating the mannequin challenge: fuck it we sleuthing

I am too tired to figure out what film posters are hanging up

the weird water edit leading into the boys talking about how they used to edit together 🥺

also fuck I’m only a third through and it’s a quarter past one in the morning, I’m doing the rest of this tomorrow

[levelzeo]

Level Zeo's Brilliant Diamond Nuzlocke - Part 4

It’s Nuzlocke time again baby.  I took a break for a few days and had a great time with my loved ones, but now I’m back and better than ever!  If you are just joining me for my journey, where I talk about what happens in my Nuzlocke while also telling you about what personalities I think my Pokemon have, then you need to go catch up on the other parts.  You can read parts 1-3 HERE, HERE, and HERE.  It’s okay, I’ll wait for you to come back.  If you’re all caught up, then let’s get into things.

Current Team

Simmer the Monferno

Boof the Bibarel

Doc the Zubat

Petard the Geodude

Orion the Luxio

Puddle the Psyduck

Boxed Pokemon: 3

Deaths: 1

Badges: 1

When I last updated, I mentioned that I spread honey on a couple of trees.  Doing so means that it's time to get my encounters for Floaroma Meadow and Route 205.  Checking on the trees, I ended up with Dex the Aipom from Floaroma, and Silk the Wurmple from 205.

Dex has a Relaxed nature and is Somewhat Stubborn.  She’s a dextrous little monkey who doesn’t take anything seriously.  She sees battling as nothing more than a weird complicated game, even as others like Simmer or Puddle try to tell her otherwise.  It seems like putting her on the team at this moment wouldn’t be a good idea, so it is off to the box she goes.

Silk has a Quiet nature and Likes to Relax.  She’s a sleepy little Wurmple.  Unless something goes very wrong, or I desperately need her specific move coverage, she will probably stay in the box, which is perfectly okay with her.  While others in the box run around and play (Snek, Bonny, and Dex), she just takes naps.  Before I let her sleep though, I leave her on the team for a couple of wild encounters just to see what she will evolve into.  Orion keeps a watchful eye while Doc drains the life from some wild Buizel.  After gaining one level, Silk becomes a Silcoon.  And then she gets put in the box to nap.

Before I make my way further down Route 205, I decide to circle back to Jubilife.  I want to get more apps for my watch and stop at the TV center to do the lottery.  While there, I make the mistake of talking to a random clown, who pulls out a Mr Mime to attack me without mercy.  Orion sees the danger and stands between the team and the murderous mime.  He does what he can, but gets beaten down hard by the clown’s attacks.  Boof jumps in to take an attack that would have probably killed Orion, and hits Headbutt after Headbutt into the Mr Mime.  Eventually, both combatants are in the red.  Despite the fears of both myself and Simmer, the Monferno enters battle to hopefully end this before we lose anyone.  Luckily, the mime only uses Pound, and Simmer can land a Mach Punch on the next turn to win.

That was terrifying.  What is it with this city and clowns?  If I was even a little less lucky, Orion, Boof, or even Simmer could have died.  Somehow we survived though, and it will take a lot to make me come back to Jubilife.  I run all the way back to Route 205, and continue with my Pokemon journey.

The team fights the many trainers on Route 205.  Puddle is more and more becoming an excellent member of the team, easily destroying the rock and fighting types being thrown against us, proving her psychic abilities.  And if she can’t handle it, then Boof and Petard are always more than happy to get in there and fight together.

We eventually make it to Eterna Forest, where we both meet and agree to chaperone Cheryl.  Her ability to keep all of my pokemon healthy is highly valuable, and I make good use of it in order to train the team in preparation for the next Gym.

While we bumble about in the forest, I encounter a Murkrow who I name Corva.  She is Rash and Quick Tempered.  An ex-mob boss who was deposed by her former second-in-command, Corva is the kind of Pokemon who would plot someone’s death for even a perceived slight.  She is looking to form a new criminal empire and to use it to exact her revenge.  I send her to the box, hoping she doesn’t turn any of the other Pokemon in there to a life of crime.

Knowing that the next Gym is going to be grass type, I focus on training Doc and Simmer, probably my two Pokemon who would get along the least.  They are both very particular and like things being done in a certain way, so their wants and needs often clash.  Simmer finds Doc to be a dangerous, evil, selfish little bat.  On the other side, Doc sees Simmer as a cowardly fool, and still somewhat blames the Monferno for our Nuzlocke’s first death.  In fact, his desire to show up my starter causes Doc to train himself to evolution, evolving into a Golbat!

With our training done, we say goodbye to Cheryl and leave Eterna Forest.  Orion fights off some fishermen who try to bother us, and we enter Eterna City.  Apparently Team Galactic has been kidnapping Pokemon and bike salesmen, but we have no time to focus on that, we have a Gym to defeat!  The Gym trainers are easily defeated, so let’s skip right to the main event, the fight against Gardenia.  Second Gym battle, start!

Round 1 is against Cherubi.  Doc looms large about the grass type in his now evolved form, and he easily defeats them with a single Poison Fang.  Round 2 brings out a Turtwig, and Doc stays in, confident that his superior intellect and abilities will allow him to defeat this Gym by himself.

Unfortunately, Doc is a little too confident.  His Poison Fang is not enough to kill this time, and the Turtwig is able to set up a Reflect.  Doc knows that brute strength won’t be enough now, so as Turtwig gets healed with a potion, Doc is able to confuse it with Supersonic.  With his foe debilitated by confusion, Doc goes back on the offensive with Poison Fang, dealing a little less than half as Turtwig uses Work Up.  That Reflect will make this somewhat more difficult.  Fortunately for us, Doc’s attack also inflicts poison, dealing a little more damage.  Another attack from Doc puts the Turtwig into the red, but the grass type breaks out of its confusion and lands a Critical Razor Leaf before succumbing to poison damage.  Doc’s ego must take a blow here.  He is not stupid enough to risk himself against Gardenia’s ace after that Razor Leaf.  With a sigh and a sneer, he switches out for Simmer.

Final Round.  Simmer vs Roserade.  The grass type begins with a Stun Spore, an attack that could potentially cripple us and lose us this battle, but Simmer is able to dodge effortlessly and hit a Flame Wheel, leaving the Roserade with a nasty burn.  The opponent eats their berry, but the extra health will not be enough to save them, especially as the Reflect that had been set up finally runs out.  Grass Knot does about a quarter of Simmer’s health, while my Monferno hits with a Critical Flame Wheel, knocking out the Roserade for good, and winning us our Second Gym Badge!

Forest Badge Obtained!

Two Badges down, and no new losses!  The team is riding high despite Doc’s distaste at not being the one to bring down the final opponent.  We gain access to Cut, which will allow us to finally take care of this city’s pesky Galactic problem.  A problem I will take care of next time.  Also on my list of things to do next time is to enter the Grand Underground.  I think I will probably give myself one encounter for each Zone, giving me a total of six encounters from the underground.  Something to look forward to as the journey continues.

[bluepenguinstories]

Remoras Full Chapter LXXXI: Human After All

My week was spent with Tigershark after she came home Sunday night. I wanted to say that nothing went wrong during that week, other than the difficulties that came with communicating with 10 and 11-year-old children. As in, what I was supposed to be counted as.

Gardening with grandpa helped teach me about the importance of maintaining a healthy environment for flora. Watering, fertilizer, where seeds should be planted. Cooking with grandma helped teach me the importance of planning ahead, following recipes, and what ingredients go well with what.

I’d like to say I knew a little more about gardening than Tigershark, but she probably still had me beat on cooking.

“Boof!” Fetch liked to make those noises sometimes. They were different than a ‘woof’ or a ‘whoo’ or a ‘arf’ sound. Fetch didn’t make ‘arf’ sounds, as ‘arf’ sounds were reserved for smaller dogs, unless those smaller dogs had laryngitis or even bronchitis (I knew about those things, generally speaking).

As for Tigershark, we...or, I, felt the distance setting in. We didn’t walk as close. We didn’t hang out as much during lunch or recess. I had Celeste, and made friends with another, Ronnie. Tigershark had Hammond, and recently met a girl named Rhubarb. We had our groups, and that was fine. At least we still spent plenty of time together at home.

Really, as much as the distance might have pained me (had I felt pain for anything), it felt rather normal. That’s what life was starting to feel like in general: nothing magical, just school, home, school, home, ad nauseam.

That was the most painful of all: how ordinary it all had become. I had not long ago worried that I had run out of anything interesting to discover. That ambiguity has run its course and I was stuck having to face absolutes.

No, that wasn’t fair; there were always many ways things could have gone.

That things had gone more or less in my favor from the start wasn’t a coincidence, but there was still wiggle room where events could have gone any number of ways. That was the problem, wasn’t it? My favor was also working against me. It always has, as I knew the universe was just as tricky as I, and just as well, didn’t take kindly to being tricked.

I understand now that’s what brought the distance between Tigershark and I.

We could see into each other’s heads, as we were connected, but I was still able to keep secrets of my own. And she knew it, too. Even if she didn’t know the cause, she no doubt felt my constant feeling of dread. That I would have to go soon.

Did I want to leave? No. But it was necessary in order to even things out with the universe. That’s what it all came down to, right?

Still, nothing like that happened.

The week passed as normal.

The dread didn’t end, but neither did the sense of normalcy. Both feelings battled for dominance over the other, and so far, neither had won out.

So Friday night, after playing some video games, Tigershark climbed up to the top bunk of the bunk bed. I put my Nintendo Switch away under my pillow.

“Goodnight, Tigershark,” I said into the ether.

“Goodnight Astraea,” she said back. She sounded exhausted. Maybe it was just being sleepy, but it could have just as likely have been from the wrestling club she recently joined (Hammond and Rhubarb were in that club as well, and in fact, that’s where Tigershark met Rhubarb).

I closed my eyes. I knew I wouldn’t sleep, as I never did, but I still wanted to try getting into the act. If I could one day understand the process, maybe I could have willed my way to sleep. Alas.

Instead, I thought about the week. How I could have made more precious memories. Left a stronger impression. Over the course of a week, or at least five or six days, it was possible to make many precious memories. Or at least one or two.

When I opened my eyes, I was met with total darkness. I tried standing up, but hit my head against a wall. As it turns out, I must have been inside some kind of box. Metallic, perhaps?

I felt around the walls in front of me.

Sturdy, cold. Definitely metallic.

I tried banging my fists against it. Whatever this place was, I just got the feeling that I was never meant to be there. I pounded away, but it didn’t seem to make so much of a dent.

My small, human fists with their small, human fingers throbbed and its flesh felt tender. If I could see, maybe I would have found them bruised. That wasn’t right, was it? That I was able to feel such pain.

But I already knew what that meant. I was beaten up already. I couldn’t find an explanation for the pain, but I figured, this must be how the universe does me in.

“Please. Please,” I bit my lip and begged. The pain on my fists was sharp and it burned. As if the very notion of having them attached to me was painful.

“This isn’t right. This isn’t how I should go. I should at least say goodbye, I –”

A latch clicked and I fell onto a bright, golden floor as the wall opened. I looked back: indeed, it had been a box. More like a large, leathery suitcase, but a box nonetheless.

“On the contrary. This is exactly how you should go,” crooned a slick voice. Though I had never heard him speak before, I met him several times. I knew him even before I was born. I looked up, past the box I had been stuffed in and saw him clad in a purple, three-piece suit: Aion Eterna.

He stood with a slanted, cold smile. After getting a good look at him, he walked back up the stairs of the stage and sat atop its edge, his legs folded. Behind him was a thick, red curtain.

I looked around and saw the bronze, marble pillars along the sides of the hall which stretched out to whatt I thought was an impossible distance. Behind the pillars were the back walls with their yellow bricks. That next led me to stare down at the floor, and that was when I noticed that the floor was not gold at all, but contained the same yellow bricks.

“How am I here?” I asked.

“Luck, mainly,” he rested his arm on his knee and spread out his palm. “You wouldn’t believe how easily this could have gone wrong. First, I traveled to the town your friend’s grandparents live with my own plane that I got stashed away. Just a small, private helicopter. Nothing fancy. I pretty much had five days to twiddle my thumbs. But I didn’t do that, did I?”

“Of course not. It’s not like you,” I felt a little more ease, but that was in spite of his presence, not because of it. “So go on.”

“As you wish. Next, I scoped out where you were staying at. It didn’t take me long to find it, and I passed by the window to your bedroom a few nights just to be sure. Do you know how uncomfortable that made me? Do you know the optics of an old man like me creeping in on a child’s room?”

“Have you ever felt discomfort?” I sure was uncomfortable, but that was a different matter.

“I wonder. So, Friday night, I had to pick through the lock on the window. I was lucky once again that the child in the room didn’t stir awake. You were, of course, awake, but your eyes were closed, and were they to have opened, I’m sure you wouldn’t have come willingly.”

“No. Even if I knew it was going to happen sooner or later.”

“You did? Of course you did. Really, I don’t know if that makes this easier or harder for me.”

“So what comes next? You stole me away in the middle of the night? But how could you have done that without me noticing?”

“Sedative. I injected one into your neck. It knocked you right out. The next day, you were deep in sleep. That child tried to wake you to tell you that she was going back up to see Ray, but you didn’t stir awake. So she wrote you a letter, because she still wanted to say goodbye, but she didn’t want to wake you. After she left, I had a short period where her grandparents wouldn’t check in on you. I crept back in, stole you away, and placed you in the box as I flew back here.”

“That shouldn’t be possible. I would have felt that. Not to mention, it shouldn’t have affected me. I can’t go numb and I can’t fall asleep.”

He drew a labored breath. As if he was the one who should have been exhausted.

“What ever gave you that idea?” He shook his head. “You were asleep before you even came to life.”

Those words didn’t sit well with me, but I couldn’t figure out why. It made sense, but at the same time, it left me with questions, how could I be asleep before being alive?

Ignoring the potential questions I had on that subject, I asked a separate one:

“Why did you bring me here?”

His mouth opened, almost to release a gasp, but he closed it again before he said:

“You already know the answer to that. I brought you here because you brought me here. I had my suspicion already, but meeting Cronus and traveling to the Hall of Memories confirmed it.”

My eyes widened with worry.

It really had worked in my favor. Both Rhea and Remora were alive. Nemesis lived, too. But I…

“I changed my mind,” I told him, “You can find another scheme to pull, but I’m done.”

He shook his head with his head down and a heavy frown placed upon him. He looked mournful, and maybe it was the first genuine emotion I ever felt from him.

“It doesn’t work that way.”

“I want to go home! I want to see grandma and grandpa again!”

“What home? The home you had no longer exists.”

“What do you mean? Did you do something to grandma and grandpa?”

“Not at all,” he closed his eyes. He still didn’t show any smile, “that was never your home. That was the child’s. Your home was in a secret base of operations, out in the stars. That base no longer exists. I’m sure you know why.”

Remora.

I didn’t have strong feelings about her, but I knew others cared about her. She should have thrived. For all the destruction she may have caused, she still deserved a life.

“I wouldn’t want to go back there, anyway! That place had nothing for me! I want to stay on Earth! I want to have friends and go to school! Life here is interesting!”

“Like it or not, you served a purpose there. Here, you are only a hindrance. I’m sure you’re aware of that, otherwise you wouldn’t have brought me here.

“Well…” I stuck out my tongue. “I don’t want you anymore! I never liked you, anyway! I’m leaving!”

He pressed his palm into his face.

“You’re welcome to try,” he mumbled.

“You’re not going to attack me?”

“Not yet.”

I eyed him, but he didn’t move. If push came to shove, I could always warp out of there. Going between past and present was as simple as walking forward or backward.

So I turned from him and walked forward. I managed to walk past the first set of pillars, but as I tried walking further, I hit a wall and fell back.

“Oww...my nose,” I rubbed it.

I looked ahead of me and still saw the rows of pillars and the hallway which should have led outside, but as I stood up and felt around, I found myself unable to walk any further.

“I have a bounded field set up,” he said from afar, “others may enter, but you’re stuck in here with me. Only I could bring it down.”

I stomped back toward him.

“So do it!”

He said nothing. Didn’t even shake his head.

“I can still warp out of here! You can’t stop me!” I yelled into his face.

But as I tried to close my eyes and focus, I found I couldn’t move. It was like my mind was blocked from thinking of any other place to go.

“It’s not like you’re powerless, but the barrier I erected has weakened you some,” he explained.

No. Maybe I wasn’t powerless. But I couldn’t imagine what power would help. I knew it would happen, I just never knew how, and I had been anticipating it for a while. I even wished for it.

“So why haven’t you killed me already?” I sat down next to the box I was smuggled in, “That is why you’re here, isn’t it? So go ahead and do it.”

He looked to his right, away from me, and bore an absentminded expression.

“I think I’m just hesitating. You have no idea how hard this is on me. I don’t enjoy killing, you know. I always have someone else do it for me. Even if it’s an easy task for me, it doesn’t bring me the same thrill that it does for others. It just feels wasteful. People are more useful alive than dead, and although you aren’t what I would consider a person, the act itself is the same.”

“If you’re this broken up about it, then why go through with it?” I scowled at him.

“Because unlike you, I don’t back out of a deal. I see it through to the end and just hope that there’s a silver lining. Usually, I come out on top, but I’m used to failure, as well. In big ways, too. But even then, I’ve had to accept the consequences and cut my losses.”

I pursed my lip.

So this is regret, I thought.

There was much more to regret, and would probably come to regret if I lived long enough to do so.

“Do you know what will happen when I do this? Ray and his friends will come to hate me. If I was never brought here to do this, I could have kept my mouth shut about my past affiliations. Maybe I could have made friends with some of them, but that time has long passed. I’ve made sure to act out the part of a villain so that it will at least soften the blow, but it doesn’t make this any easier; do you know how much I hate being in the spotlight?”

“I don’t care. You are a villain. That’s why I brought you here.”

He raised his head and his brows raised along with it.

“Do you really see me as a villain?” He asked.

“Yes. You’re my villain.”

“I read about the conversation you had with Marco. Still, I can’t help but be hurt. It may be true that I have no conscience, and no doubt, I’ve committed many heartless acts for my own gain, but why would you, who up until recently, had no concept of morality, see me as a villain?”

“You already know why.”

He nodded slowly.

“I suppose I do. I treated you like cattle and harvested you. Prevented you from having a life.”

He nodded again, this time faster, as if to the tune of a jazz song.

“I won’t apologize for that,” he shrugged his shoulders. “That was your purpose. That’s how you should have stayed.”

I don’t know what I expected. That he would be sorry? No. I knew better than that. Still, it ate at me.

We may have both been in this predicament, but he was going to ensure it was seen through and afterward, he would see it as another simple, heartless act. Meanwhile, I betrayed everyone who ever knew me. After all, it was my plan, not his. He just worked out the details.

Aion and I were connected in ways I could have never been connected to with Tigershark. In a Frankenstein sense, he and I were like father and daughter. Even if I came from the stars, that connection wouldn’t be severed. I knew I shouldn’t fear the end of Astraea; when it was time, I would return to the stars where I belonged.

Fear wasn’t in my nature. It wasn’t the emotion I was born as. If I was ever born at all.

“What emotion am I?” I asked. It occurred to me that I never did have a name for it. Only analogies, which didn’t do me any good in my predicament.

“I don’t know. Maybe that’s the point.”

He smiled now, and fished into the pocket of his suit until he pulled out a cigarette and lighter.

“Do you smoke?” He offered.

“I’m a kid.”

He scoffed.

“Suit yourself. But for the record, that form you’re wearing is just a matter of convenience for you. You’re much older than that, maybe almost as Ananke and I.”

“Shouldn’t I be older?”

“Aha, there you go.”

He flicked his lighter and held the cigarette between his teeth. They were awfully white, but also looked rotten in a way I would call a house void of bacteria. As he lit the cigarette, he kept his head turned away from me and blew out a cloud of smoke.

“Ah. You know, whenever I smoke, it’s like I’m putting a gun to my mouth. When I light it up, it’s like I’m pulling the trigger. But when I take a puff, I find that I’ve been shooting blanks this whole time. Do you know what I mean?”

“No.”

“These chemicals don’t seem to have an effect on me. The nicotine doesn’t have a hold over me, nor do any of the other substances they load into these things. It’s like the tar that should have covered my lungs fades away into dust every time. There’s no stimulating effect, either; I feel neither low nor high.”

“Don’t you only do things that are useful for you?”

“That’s a misconception: I’d rather do whatever I can make use of, but I don’t find killing you to be much use for me. As I said, I see deals through to the end. Some may see me as a handsome devil, but I really am Dr. Faust. Learn to accept the cards that have been dealt.”

“So why do you smoke, then?”

“Call it an oral fixation.”

“I don’t understand.”

He took another puff. I expected him to say more. To fill the silence. It fit his image, somehow, to keep talking just to hear himself talk. But he didn’t do any of those things. He just continued to take puff after puff, blowing smoke along the way.

Maybe it’s me that wants the silence to be filled, I thought.

My thoughts were answered with the voice of another. But it didn’t come from Aion.

ASTRAEA! It was a high-pitched call. I knew that call anywhere: Tigershark. Astraea, where did you go? Grandma and Grandpa said you weren’t at home, and they don’t know where you went! I’m back at the diner, so I can’t come back home, but please tell me you’re there!

I tried to block out any thoughts of my own. Whatever answer I gave would have brought harm to her.

Please answer! If you can hear this, please...just a hint. Anything. Where are you?

I couldn’t see her, but the voice that echoed in my head sounded close to tears. Even still, I knew better than to answer.

...It’s a golden? Yellow? Place. There’s pillars. I don’t know where at, exactly, I heard myself reply to her, as if against all warnings, my mind wouldn’t allow me to go without answering her.

Do I even have a mind? I wondered.

Of course you do! Um...golden place...I don’t know, but I’ll tell Ray what you said! Came Tigershark’s answer.

I was ready to curse myself out. I didn’t mean to ask her whether or not I had a mind.

Aion stood up and held the drained cigarette butt between his fingers. He walked over to the far wall of the stage, near the curtains, and walked behind them. It only took a few seconds before he emerged. He walked out with his cane.

“There’s an ashtray in the back. It’s bad manners to litter, you know,” he pointed his thumb behind him.

I nodded.

I needed no explanation, but there was a sort of mystery about what could have resided behind that curtain. Saying that could have been his way of humoring me.

More time passed. Whether a few minutes or an hour, it wasn’t clear. Only that there was silence between us in that time.

At last, his face contorted into a resolute expression. He unsheathed the blade that resided under his cane, and tossed the sheath aside.

“I’ve stalled long enough,” he stated with a flat tone. No sense of humor to him, nor a grave seriousness. It reminded me a little more of Rhea’s voice than Ray’s. How I wish he was either of them rather than who he was.

He leaped down from the stage and closed the distance between us. I backed away. I should have stayed still and accepted it, but my legs betrayed me, as if they still hoped there was some way of backing out.

Still, I was no fool: it would have only taken one swift strike for it all to end.

Before he could strike, I felt a sharp, black line, fly past me and in his direction. He held one hand over his face, caught the object between his index and middle finger, and I saw blood trickle down his hand from the space that held the object in place. His blood was red, but darkened, slick, and murky, to the point that it reminded me more of motor oil.

Between his fingers was a small, thin throwing knife.

Aion spread his lips into a toothy grin.

“Looks like I stalled too long,” he muttered, before looking past me and flicking the knife onto the floor.

“ASTRAEA!”

I turned my head and saw Tigershark running from afar, as well as Demetria, Remora, Ray, and Nemesis.

What are you all doing here? I wanted to shout, but I already knew the answer.

“So, Demetria, I presume?” He called out. “I heard about your exploits. You’ve pulled some amazing feats. However, seeing you now, I’m a little disappointed.”

“Ugh! I wish I paid better attention! I should have known you were trouble!” Demetria snarled, and her face was red and twisted in rage. She looked angrier than Nemesis who wasn’t far behind her.

“Yes, well, hindsight and all that,” he dismissed.

Ray tossed a rifle over to Remora. I knew it wasn’t her old, signature rifle. All the same, she readied it in Aion’s direction.

“You may have lived a long life, but you can still bleed,” Remora said, almost as if a warning.

“My poor, pitiful janitor,” his eyes fluttered as his lips lowered to a face of displeasure.

“Let her go and I’ll spare you.”

“Yeah! Let my friend go!” Tigershark shouted.

He chuckled.

“You are all so ridiculous, it hurts. Do you really think you can bargain with me? Be honest,” he began walking toward me once again, his cane-blade readied in one hand.

Remora took the shot.

It was over in an instant: one little swing of his cane-blade and the bullet landed on the floor.

“What? How can that be so?” Remora’s eyes darted between him and the floor.

“It’s not that I was fast. I just got lucky,” he explained. Before I could get any brief relief, his focus shifted back to me. A remote of sorts fell out from his left sleeve and I noticed many yellow buttons set against the dull gray that made up the remote.

Despite looking down, I could tell what he was about to say wasn’t meant for me:

“You know what they say about third time being the charm?”

He pressed one of the buttons.

“That’s why you’re not getting a third chance.”

Tigershark was the first to bump into the invisible wall. She fell over, and Nemesis helped her back up.

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Set up another bounded field, of course. This time in their direction. Now no one can come between us.”

“Why are you doing this?!” Tigershark cried.

“I think I stand for everyone when I say that we’d all like to know,” Ray joined in. “She’s a child. Powerless. Explain yourself. You owe us that much.”

Aion stopped. I continued to back away, and although I still wasn’t close to the others, I wasn’t far from being close, either.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Ray: this thing is not a child. Nor are they powerless. They are infinitely older and more powerful than anyone here,” Aion said.

“That’s my friend you’re talking about!” Tigershark shouted.

His gaze shifted toward her.

“That is not something you can be friends with. They are not human. Never were.”

“Yes she is!”

“No. Some have called the kind of creature this is a cosmic entity, while others have referred to them as angels. I find both to be too broad of statements. But what’s a better term? ‘Emotives’? No, that still doesn’t work.”

“I already know all that! She’s still my friend!” She began banging her hammer, the same one I once made for her, against the invisible wall. I knew it wouldn’t shatter. That was the worst part of all.

“Fine. It’s useless as it is to argue with a child, but let me try: you can consider yourself friends with this thing if you’d like, but you can’t befriend them the way a person can befriend a person. This thing is infinitely larger than you. If anything, if they see you as a friend at all, it’s in the same way that an owner would see their pet as a friend. You two were incompatible from the start.”

“That’s not true! It’s never been true!”

Aion raised an eyebrow.

“You were the one who tried to argue that angels weren’t evil. I can reason with that, actually: they have no concept of good or evil. They simply are. But there’s no doubt how dangerous they are. Their very existence is akin to a natural disaster. Tell me something: if you had a chance to stop a hurricane from happening, wouldn’t you take that chance?”

“I...I don’t know.”

“It’s true that natural disasters are dangerous, but they still play a vital role in our ecosystem. They’re as important to the world as anything else,” Ray cut in.

“Goddamn it, Ray. Can’t you wait your turn like a good boy?” He growled. Rather than return his attention to Tigershark, he changed over to Demetria. “And you, didn’t you say that if this creature hurt Tigershark, you would do anything in your power to kill them?”

Demetria clenched her fists.

“That...that may be so, but Tigershark is happy with her. Astraea hasn’t hurt her, or anyone. There’s no reason to go after something that means us no harm,” Demetria argued. “The only one who means harm here is you.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Again. This being has brought harm to all of you this whole time. They’ve just been using surrogates. Cronus? That was all them. They brought Nemesis here, with the sole purpose of bringing harm to your precious Remora. They even brought me here for the purpose of bringing about more conflict. Don’t tell me those actions were harmless.”

“What?” Nemesis gasped. Demetria went silent.

“I didn’t mean to hurt anyone! I never wanted Cronus to exist!” I cried.

“But if it wasn’t for you, he wouldn’t have been a threat.”

“She didn’t know any better!” Tigershark shouted while continuing to pound her hammer against the wall.

“Irrelevant. Ideas of ‘good’ and ‘evil’ may not exist for ‘her’, but creating conflict is still in ‘her’ nature. Even if it worked out in the end, it’s not going to stop. It’s only going to grow bigger until this planet is no more. Do you really think ‘she’ can resist ‘her’ nature?”

“Yes! And I will help her!”

“Grow up,” he scoffed. “Learn to help yourself first.”

“So you fully intend to kill this angel?” Remora asked.

“Of course. I’ll do what you or Demetria couldn’t. Because I don’t have such sentimentality. Have you heard about one of the tests they did at witch trials? They would tie the witch to a log and throw her into the river. If she lived, she was a witch, and there may be no helping the townsfolk then. But if she died, she wasn’t a witch, and was instead human. Maybe an innocent life was taken and the ones who tied her up were now the evil ones, but at least the town was safe. It’s not a method I agree with, especially one which is contingent on witches not being real. Because if they existed, well...there would be no saving those townsfolk.”

“So you intend to do something similar?”

He gave a solemn nod.

“Do you know the true purpose of the janitors?”

“We were tasked with defending from or eliminating any potential threat to humanity.”

“Broad strokes. Over time, the original meaning and intention became blurred, but never truly erased. There was an external threat, discovered long ago: these celestial beings. That was the true threat to humanity.”

“I get that. Our weapons were created to harm byproducts of them or people who were infected, even possessed by them. Most of us never encountered one, but we all heard about them. But we all knew that we couldn’t harm the actual thing.”

“Those weapons were merely experiments as it was. It was theorized once that an angel could be harmed by using one of their parts against them. As it turns out, the weapons made from their parts could harm their creations, but it still couldn’t harm the main body.”

“So what makes you think your effort will be any different?”

“Because my weapon is like the opposite: I can kill an angel at their source, but I cannot kill their byproducts. I tested it out once before, as the angel of anger is no more, yet I couldn’t keep the damn thing from procreating. Anger still lives on through its offspring. I just have to accept that the universe is a safer place, even if its influence is still vast.”

“What if you’re wrong, then? What if Astraea isn’t the main body, but another byproduct? Then all this scheming, all this effort –”

“All these questions. Does nobody ever trust the method? This is the main body. It’s only condensed down and contorted until it took the shape of a little girl. But within that imitation human lies an endless web. Some would call it the cosmos itself.”

Something welled up in me.

It was a feeling of how wrong everything was.

Not just everything, but everyone, and that included myself. I should have agreed with him, that I had this vast power. That I was dangerous. That I deserved to be taken out. But I also wanted to be friends with Tigershark. I still wanted to experience the life of a human, no matter how mundane or ordinary. Taking that away…

It didn’t matter. Because I already knew what I was.

“SOMEONE! HELP ME!” Tigershark yelled and the others joined in banging at the wall. Demetria used her scythe, Remora used her pole, Nemesis had her curved sword. They were all trying to save this thing that should have disgusted them.

I turned, looked Tigershark in the eye.

“I’m sorry. For everything,” I said to her. My voice was choked up. My mouth was dry. All of it was wrong because I shouldn’t have known what it meant to be choked up, nor should my mouth had dried.

“Don’t say that! We’ll get you out of here!” Tigershark pleaded. Tears began to take form around the lids of her eyes.

“Do you have any last words?” Aion asked, his blade pointed in my direction.

“Yes,” I nodded. This time with a smile on my face. I should have had enough power. I didn’t know why any of them were panicking. I could form a barrier of my own. I could still block his attack.

I held my hands out in front of me.

“I’m not what you think I am. I’m not an angel after all,” I recited.

“Oh really? And what are you?” He readied his blade and ran toward me. If I had any power left in me, I could do this, it would…

...pass right through my hands and into my chest.

I felt the poke before it went in. Sharp, heavy.

I didn’t scream, I only gasped as the air escaped me.

Looking down, I noticed the blood drip onto my white dress, staining it. Worse, it seeped onto his blade and slid from there as well. My vision began to blur, and my eyes were having trouble staying open. Everything felt slow, fast, heavy, weightless. Numb. Feeling only pain.

“NO!” Tigershark screamed.

A streak of tears ran down my face, and I uttered what would be my last words:

“I’m human.”

Amen.

[dreadfutures]

so cute so cozy so sleepy

seconds later he's standing on his long stilty legs, blanket thrown off, face raised to the heavens to bay like it is judgement day and he is Gabriel's horn, the force of every boof and wail propels him in little jolts and jumps where his front paws lift from the ground.

curse of living on the first floor with windows facing the path on all sides 🙃

[indicaeverywhere]

White Tahoe Cookies - Flower

Indica

Disclaimer: I know, I know, at this point there’s really no straightforward divide between the sleepy/energized type of high we associate with indicas/sativas. As someone with anxiety I still stick to indicas and indica-heavy hybrids to prevent Freakouts, and I’ve been successful so far! Consider it a superstition if you must.

———

TL;DR: Good shit, chill high, wish I had more.

———

THC: 18.16%

CBD: 0.04%

Terpenes: Unspecified

Boofed it? No, packed it into RAW cones and smoked it

———

Flower appearance: Bought two 3.5 gram packages, and they did come in sealed and zippered packs. The buds were small and dense but broke apart easily. Very green flower, no purples or oranges really, and fairly sticky. Easy to grind, hard to get out of the grinder. That grinder might go in some hot milk.

Taste: Tastes like weed. Idk, I smoked it. I’ll let you know if I drink warm weed milk. Has what I imagine is a “gassy” type of smell, VERY pungent.

Effects: I used this flower most effectively when I also took 20 mg of THC in the form of edibles and then smoked one joint. However, just with White Tahoe Cookies, it took two (which granted, were shared around so I didn’t just pound those) to feel appreciably high and one just to myself to get where I wanted. Which was like… in the stratosphere. Probably would’ve gotten more out of this flower if I had a dry herb vape. If your tolerance is high, like. It’s 18% THC.

Anyway, I felt great when I smoked White Tahoe Cookies. It was a more lively and energetic high than most of the oil pen carts I’ve tried, but still fairly sleepy. Interestingly, it was only when I combined smoking with edibles that I got the munchies. Otherwise I just felt chill and had a good time watching YouTube videos.

Verdict: I want more of this damn weed but I cannot have it because of reasons.