#skzfic

[laurenkmyers]

rough ride, hold on tight.

A self-indulgent Hyunchan 'Railway' fic that no one asked for. aka, Hyunjin has been in love with Chan the entire time- with an omegaverse twist. ao3

Hyunjin has been holding a flame of fierce desire for his alpha leader for as long as he can remember. 

From the very beginning his omega took one whiff of Chan’s power and said ‘mine.’ 

But much to the utter horror and dismay of his omega, he never actually acts upon it. 

+++

Sadly, being Chan’s omega while pursuing his dreams of becoming an idol is a pipe dream he can’t afford to indulge in. So he buries his deepest desires and takes it day by day. 

In the earlier years he’s so determined to succeed in his debut journey that he’s able to mask his mood shifts, his lingering eyes, and his wandering thoughts behind hard work and dedication to his craft. Hyunjin works himself to the bone. As the sweat pours down his face, his legs ache from over-exertion, his throat croaks out the final lyrics of the song, it all seems worth it when Chan’s determined eyes follow his every move. It excites him, and all Jinnie wants is to keep Bang Chan’s eyes firmly on him. 

Because as long as he has Chan’s gaze, he'll be able to debut with Chan, and their journey together can really begin. 

When the day finally comes, and Chan choses him to be part of his group, Hyunjin’s heart soars. 

He made it. 

A Stray Kid at last, he tells himself as he cries into his pillow that night, exhaustion finally taking him. 

It eases the yearning slightly knowing that Chan wants him, not necessarily in the way his inner wolf needs to be wanted, but he was chosen by their new leader. And that makes the aches and pains he put his body through worth it. 

Hyunjin loves being an idol, and he loves being a Stray Kid.

But his elation, sadly, doesn’t last long. 

Being around Chan as often as he is becomes increasingly harder day after day. Some days are far worse than others. And the reminders get lost in a sea of dark, heavy waves that crash into the shore. 

Sometimes his desires trickle over and make themselves known. And when Hyunjin cracks, it’s with pitiful desperation. 

+++

Bang Chan has been on suppressants for almost as long as Hyunjin has known him. Hyunjin still has mixed feelings about them. On the one hand Jinnie is grateful, he thinks he only made it as far as he did because his alpha has no distinct smell to entice and distract him, but his wolf despises it, craves  only the sandalwood and lime that once invaded his entire body and which he’d immediately recognised as his. It rages a constant back and forth. 

But Chan’s suppressants come with one major flaw. They might suppress his inner alpha for the majority of the year, but his lack of ruts throughout the rest of the year make his annual one even more ferocious, and this, in turn, makes their leader far too dangerous to be around. 

So Chan’s annual rut is a major event that Hyunjin is forced to disappear for.

The company unanimously decides that the pack’s omega’s- Hyunjin, Felix, and Jisung, - are all to be cautiously kept out of Chan’s vicinity when his rut hits. It physically pains Hyunjin to be away from his alpha when he needs him the most, but there’s nothing he can do or say that will allow him into the dorm when the time comes. 

No one knows that Hyunjin’s wolf has laid claim on their leader. No one can know. So Hyunjin hides himself away and silently cries out for Chan every year. 

The only upside to Chan’s rut steadily approaching is that all schedules are suspended for the entire month until it’s over. The biology of Chan’s ruts isn’t an exact science, and it can hit at any moment. Better to be safe than sorry, the managers would say. 

Despite the way he misses his own bed, and the comfort of having Chan so close, Hyunjin does enjoy the time off to relax his mind and his body. Though he gets bored more often than not. Keeping himself occupied with instagram lives with STAY and painting is something he loves to indulge in. 

Hyunjin has pretty chill plans for the evening. He plans to take a long, hot soak in the bath, paint one of the new canvases that Chan conveniently bought him, and potentially talk to STAY on live. He’s so content at the cozy thought alone that he doesn’t even bother checking his phone until it’s too late.

Hyunjin smells him the moment he steps into their shared home. 

His alpha, his leader, his mate.  

Chan’s sandalwood and lime scent is overwhelmingly potent. He smells so fucking good that Hyunjin’s wolf knows it was made just for him. It invades his senses and sends a wild fire frenzy of lust and fury and possessiveness ravaging through his body. The groans and growls and the low whimpers of need call to Hyunjin like a siren's call. Chan needs him, is calling out for him, he can hear the desperation in his alpha’s voice. 

Hyunjin needs to get to his alpha. Present himself for his alpha. Mate with his alpha. 

“Jinnie?” 

Changbin stands outside Chan’s room, a look of confusion and a hint of fear crosses his face as he tries to process Hyunjin’s presence. “What are you doing here?” 

But Hyunjin hears Chan cry out again, and he tunnelvisions, feet moving before he can stop himself, all rationality flies from his body. He beelines for Chan’s door and tries to barrel through Changbin to do it.

If it weren’t for Binnie’s quick reflexes and brick-shit house stance, Hyunjin might have gotten in, stripped himself bare and sat on Chan’s knot in seconds. 

But Changbin is on guard tonight, ever watchful, always loyal, and fiercely protective of his hyung. So before Hyunjin can even think about undoing the button of his pants and giving himself to Chan to use and breed, he’s being yanked bodily away from the scene of his mate’s pained pleasure and taken to the other dorm where a worked-up and devastated Hyunjin weeps a desperate confession into Binnie’s arms.

“He needs me, Bin.” Hyunjin wails, “Alpha needs me.” Tears stream down his face faster than he can wipe them away. 

Binnie smiles kindly, brushing Hyunjin’s hair away from his eyes, “Channie-hyung will be fine after a few days.” 

“NO!” Hyunjin snaps, pushing Changbin away, “Alpha needs me.” He growls.

Hyunjin struggles in Binnie’s arms, wrestling against him in a fight he knows he won’t win. All Binnie does is coo, trying to soothe the agitated wolf. “Jinnie, calm down. It’s okay. Chan is going to be okay.” 

“B-but I need him.”  Hyunjin chokes out weakly, “He’s mine.” 

A flurry of anxiety trickles across his chest as a litany of possessive mineminemine echoes round the room until all Jinnie can think to say is the truth.

Binnie grabs Hyunjin’s face and holds him up with both palms,“That’s just his rut talking, Jinnie. Your hormones are all over the place right now. It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.” 

Hyunjin forcibly shakes his head and laughs darkly. “You don’t get it, Binnie.” 

“What’s there to get? Your omega saw our alpha leader in pain and wanted to help. It’s only natural to feel this way. It’s instinct.” 

“I’m in love with him, Binnie.” 

That shuts Changbin right up. 

The silence is deafening, until Binnie’s breath hitches in his chest, like he’s forcing himself to hide his initial response. 

“You’re-”

The fog in Hyunjin’s vision clears as he nods in an almost sedated relief as his confession lays bare before them. There’s no holding back now. May as well give Changbin the rest too. 

“He’s my alpha. I belong to him in every way that matters. Consciously and instinctually I’m his. I don’t want anyone else. Being forced to stay away from him when he needs me the most has almost destroyed me every year since the day he had his first rut. I love him, Bin.” 

“Jesus, Jinnie.” Changbin replies in utter shock, “Does Chan know?” 

Hyunjin lets out a dark cackle that moulds quickly into a hiccup, “He can’t know. You can’t tell him.” 

Changbin sighs quietly, nods in understanding, and opens his arms with a quiet ‘c’mere’ and catches  Hyunjin as he falls carelessly into them. 

“It’ll be okay, Jinnie. I'll protect you.” 

+++

Ever since that night, Changbin has kept a close eye on him. Checking in when he can, and always providing comfort when Channie-hyung is being especially flirty with other omega’s. Which happens far too often than either of them would like.

Chan has always been the biggest flirt of the group. He flirts with other idols, gender non-specific, as his cheeks blush and his laughter rings out. He flirts with STAY most of all, teasing them in person and over socials. Relentlessly. 

And hell, Chan even flirts with other members of their pack, pulling Felix into his lap and nuzzling his face into his fellow omega’s scent gland without realising he’s doing it. Hyunjin watches Lixie’s eyes cloud over and waits for the purring to start before he has to look away. 

Every scenario Hyunjin has to witness where Chan’s eyes and hands are fixed on someone else is like a punch to the gut. No matter how hard he tries to forget to act like it doesn’t tear him up inside, it always does. It tears him apart.

Hyunjin tries to keep things casual, burying his emotions deep down, but every time he purposefully keeps  his distance, Chan will unknowingly force his sandalwood and lime scented body back into his space. Hyunjin simply isn’t strong enough to resist. He doesn’t possess the strength to fight what his heart, his mind, and his inner wolf longs for. So he forgives Chan’s ignorance and his wandering hands and falls into easy submission whenever his alpha gives him any kind of attention. 

Changbin really is his only saving grace sometimes. His best friend. His protector. He honestly doesn’t know what he would have done over the years without him. And when they all make the collective decision to split the dorms into pairs, it's with gleeful clarity that Hyunjin choses to live with Binnie, despite Chan’s pouty lips and sad, disappointed eyes searching the moment the decision is made public. 

Hyunjin definitely doesn’t weep for a week straight about it. 

And Changbin never utters a word. 

He’s thankful for it. 

But even with Binnie now having his back, the man can only do so much. There’s been too many close calls that both of them struggle to keep his inner wolf at bay. The longing gets so bad sometimes, that even when Chan isn’t physically around it’s a struggle.

One of the worst incidents actually occurs during Hyunjin’s hiatus. All it takes is one video from the group's Wolfgang Kingdom stage, with Chan in all his oiled up, scratched up, shirtless glory and it’s as if a kill switch in Hyunjin’s brain is violently triggered. His omega goes wild and forces him into one of the worst heats of his entire life.

Luckily Chan isn’t there to witness the way Hyunjin whines for him. 

Confidential conversations are had after Kingdom, and appointments with his doctor are made to ensure he’s protected from all sides, forcibly drowning out the sounds of his lonely, desperate omega with little white pills. But sadly, the meds only seem to suppress the physical effects of his body's longing. They don’t fight the emotional toll it takes every time Chan looks at him with even just a hint of something more. 

Hyunjin has had many lucky escapes over the years. 

Red Lights era is one of the best and worst times of his life. He thanks god every day for his new miracle suppressants, because there are several moments while shooting together that Hyunjin feels the push and pull of fierce ownership from his inner wolf. 

Being able to work with his alpha one on one, is both a blessing and a curse. Expressing scarily similar desires through their unit song, a song that they created together, only solidifies how perfectly matched they are as mates. The constant string of praise that falls from his hyung's lips as he waxes poetically about Hyunjin’s lyrics, and then as he coaxes the flames of Hyunjin’s want into slightly more sultry, subtle lines of his own damnation. 

When filming starts and he’s forced to endure having his alpha’s loose grip wrapped around his throat, he prays that Chan doesn’t notice how rapidly his pulse is rabbiting beneath his palm. The exhilaration, the fear, the giddy joy, the anguish, Hyunjin fine-tunes those emotions and pushes even further to make sure it comes across as nothing more than good acting. He almost gets away with it too. It’s only when Chan’s fingers tighten around Hyunjin’s neck that he fears his facade might crack. But the director is calling ‘cut’ and Chan’s hand immediately drops from its chokehold, and Hyunjin lets out the longest breath, hungrily gasping for air. 

Hyunjin excuses himself to the private bathroom, locks the door quickly, closes his eyes, and wraps his own hand round his throat. He imagines it’s Chan’s firm grip as he unzips his trousers, pulls himself out, and pumps his incredibly slick cock to completion in a matter of minutes. 

No one even blinks an eye when he saunters back onto set moments later with an air of fresh haze. If Bang Chan notices anything different about his behaviour he never mentions it directly, but his touches does linger, and there is a constant stream of compliments every time Hyunjin suggests something new they could try, and the praise makes him quiver inside and out.  

Then it’s the choreography that gets Hyunjin riled up hours later, the feeling of his leader’s ever-steady palms holding him up as Hyunjin arches his back mid-dance. The moaning and writhing beneath the towering figure of his darkest fantasy, a vision in white, come to life.

Yeah. 

Hyunjin is all kinds of fucked up. Not even Binnie’s solid comfort can pull him out of this one unscathed.

Hyunjin is probably solely responsible for at least half the views on their unit music video, and even now whenever the song is played it’s instinctual the way his cock hardens the moment he hears the laboured breaths of his alpha through his headphones. He locks himself away most evenings, loses count how many times he’s fucked himself on his favourite toy to that final memory of Chan towering over him. 

He’s pretty much tugged himself raw to the sound of every Chan verse in their discography by now, and he’s stupidly fucked his way through half the male dance crew just to satiate the hunger buried not quite as deep as he’d hoped it would be by now. Nothing seems to quench the deep-rooted need he has for his missing mate. 

At this rate Hyunjin is convinced nothing ever will. 

But he takes it day by day. 

***

Hyunjin has heard rumblings of excitement surrounding Chan’s solo stage for weeks now leading up to their first world tour date. He’s been desperately holding back from peeking into the rehearsal space just to catch a glimpse, because Hyunjin knows better than to tempt fate.

Witnessing forced glimpses of Chan's solo from its conception to the stage is a journey of much required patience, composure, and most importantly, restraint. 

Changbin has expressly forbidden him from watching Chan’s first solo stage until he himself has seen it performed in full, and then after he has, he makes it very clear that Hyunjin is to avoid the set entirely.

The exhilarating buzz from STAY, crew, other idols, and everyone alike makes it increasingly difficult to avoid, so that evening when they’re all back in their own beds, and the adrenaline still coursing through him from tonight’s show lingers, Hyunjin does the inevitable. He takes a quick glimpse through his burner accounts on social media. Only when he does, he’s immediately bombarded with image after image after image of his alpha’s very bare, very sweaty, and very marked up chest and back. 

Hyunjin spends the rest of the night panting, moaning, sweating, and riding his newest dildo, begging his absent alpha for more, please.  

+++

Day two of the show comes around far quicker than he’d like. Hyunjin barely has his rampant hormones under control after devouring scenes of his alpha taking centre stage and putting on an incredibly unhinged viral performance. A performance that is only to be repeated later this evening. 

It’s as he’s fingering himself open in the shower that morning that Hyunjin decides it’s time to take the plunge. Maybe a little bit of exposure therapy to Chan’s solo stage might help him ease the tension he can feel continually building inside him. This is his first mistake. 

He leaves his room in such a rush to get to the venue that his very important, solitary white pill labelled with today’s date flings itself to the floor and rolls under the bed, not swallowed. 

Hyunjin’s nerves for the show are overshadowed with excitement as he changes into his first outfit of the night. The adrenaline rush of endorphins he earns tearing up the stage in his own solo performance is a completely different kind of hype to what he’s feeling right now as he watches Chan step out towards centre stage, where the buzz of the crowd as they roar with burning passion, makes Hyunjin’s entire body jittery with anticipation. 

The performance starts in a haze of darkness, until a singular spotlight hits the back of Chan’s figure as he drags his steel throne up onto the podium through a throng of bodies that wait patiently to worship their leader. 

The music builds and swells, reaching its peak the moment Chan sits down, and his powerhouse vocals burst through with the melody: 

“Tunnel vision, got my eyes on you.” 

Hyunjin’s legs tremble.

 “Trapped in every single line, and every move. ” 

Sweat drips down the back of Hyunjin’s spine.

“Heart is racing day and night, for you.” 

Hyunjin’s own heart mimics the lyrics, beat for beat, racing.

“Don’t hold back, enjoy the ride, let it loose.” 

And by his alpha’s command, Hyunjin’s trembling limbs loosen and he sinks to the floor in a perfect kneel, waiting for his next command. 

The sirens keep on screaming, that's a warning

We're staring at the ticket that says "one trip."

No turning back, hold tight onto the railings.

The lack of physical railings doesn’t stop Hyunjin’s arms from tucking behind his back to hold on tight. 

It's only us but something's saying "more, please."

Hyunjin bites his lip, and as Chan falls forward, he arches his back and whimpers.

Yeah, this train never sleeps.

Brace yourself, take a seat.

Don't you care about the casualties, casualties,

'Cause it's safe when it's just you and me, you and me.

Baby, I feel our heartbeats,

Shaking, trembling,

Rough ride, hold on tight.

Yeah, this train never sleeps.”

Hyunjin’s brain supplies only two thoughts:

Him and Chan. 

Omega and Alpha. 

He settles back into submission and waits for Chan’s voice to wash over him once more. 

As the song progresses, Chan’s lyrics stay as unhinged as you can expect from the man who wrote Drive and Red Lights, but when he pairs them with his sultry tone and bedroom eyes directed into the camera, it sends Hyunjin spiralling further into pleasured torment. He sits and waits, panting like a dog on a leash, choking down gulps of tainted air the longer he stares at this version of Chan on the big screen. 

And when the finale rolls in, with a slick, clawed up chest, falling into his own pit of despair after teasing and goading and riding the wave of his success, Hyunjin’s brain completely short-circuits. His wolf starts howling, rattling ferociously at the cage he’s been locked in for years until it splits the bars wide open. 

Hyunjin’s body, no longer his to control, starts presenting in every way an omega in heat needs to for their alpha. His scent spikes, he knows it does, because he can hear the tell-tale sound of alpha’s raising their noses to the air to single him out. At the first sign of potential recognition from his crew, Hyunjin runs, as swiftly and as quietly as he can, to the side of the stage. He needs to get to Chan before anyone else smells him, because this is his one chance to make sure his alpha knows, finally, who he belongs to. 

Hyunjin has no mind of his own anymore, he’s completely driven by instinct, and his entire being is telling him to get to Chan. 

Claim him, mark him, bite him. Make him yours. 

Chan stumbles through the backstage curtain in a haze of red smoke and Hyunjin is on him like a moth to an open flame, grabbing him by the wrist, tugging him down a darkened corridor and pushing him up against the wall so fiercely he feels his teeth rattle inside his head. Hyunjin presses himself against Chan’s sweat soaked body and runs both hands across the marks on the alpha’s exposed chest, whining openly that they’re not his marks. 

Hyunjin is so enthralled by the way the sweat drips down each ridge of Chan’s perfect body that he barely hears the soft, breathless: “Jinnie, are you okay?” coming from his alpha’s lips. 

His mind and body are far too hazy with lust right now to focus on what he should be doing as opposed to what he wants to be doing, that he doesn’t even realise how being this close to Chan is affecting him. Hearing his alpha’s rough voice in his ear has him leaking slick for the first time in years. It has him moaning out Chan’s name and throwing all caution, patience, restraint, composure, everything he’s ever left hidden, to the fucking wind. 

Hyunjin lunges forward with a soft, desperate mewl and buries himself in Chan’s scent gland, licking, nibbling, sucking, lapping, anything for a taste of the one person he craves most in this world. And when his alpha’s scent spikes the moment he takes his first real bite, it sends a shockwave of scorching electricity zipping up his spine. 

Suddenly, his mouth on Chan’s neck isn’t enough and he craves morepleasemorepleasemoreplease. He licks a slick path up Chan’s neck and over his chin and locks eyes with his alpha. The one eye not obscured by a white contact lens is pitch black, pupil blown wider than the black holes you find in the depth of the milky way, dark and full of mystery, but scorching hot, like a meteor bound straight for his heart.

Hyunjin’s own gaze turns foggy, eyes drooping to half mast as he licks his lips and watches Chan do the same. Stuck in a moment of tense suspension that feels crucial between them, they both lean in and wait. So close to closing that final step, sharing the same air, leaning in and letting the universe decide their fate. 

But Hyunjin’s sick of waiting for the goddamn stars to align.

He stumbles into the abyss and takes what belongs to him, licking his way into Chan’s mouth with a devastating groan. Chan’s beautifully plump lips slip and slide against his own, but they kiss back with equal passion and devour him whole. The push and pull of possession between them is tangible and real and so fucking hot Hyunjin can barely keep his limbs from melting.  

Their hands are everywhere, grabbing, pulling, shoving, pinching, gripping, forcing slightly elongated nails into warm, hardened flesh, making sure to create real marks- his marks- along the perfect lines of his alpha’s abs.  

Chan responds beautifully, humming into his mouth, wrapping him in his perfect arms, pulling him tight against his slick body. 

Hyunjin’s wolf purrs; happy, elated, content now that he’s finally being fed. He arches the moment his alpha’s hands move to his hair, to caress, to tug, to soothe. 

It’s everything he’s dreamed of and more. 

Hyunjin hums a sweet melody into Chan’s mouth and only pulls back when he absolutely can’t fucking breathe . He takes the quickest, deepest breath and dives back in with even more enthusiasm. But when Chan's excitement only pumps out more pheromones, his scent turning sweeter by the second, it hits Hyunjin’s nose and the immediate need to taste takes over. He tugs on Chan’s bottom lip one last time before working his mouth back down to Chan’s scent gland, sucking a deep and possessive mark into his alpha’s neck. He feels a single, happy tear drip down his face when Chan bares his neck and his vulnerabilities in a contented, deep groan of approval. 

Acceptance. 

Reciprocation. 

Maybe not unrequited after all. 

His alpha wants him back. 

It feels like coming home.

Chan’s chest vibrates with soft rumblings of intense affection, and when their hard cocks rub together he rumbles out a deep, ‘Jinnie, please.’ followed by a firm grip on Hyunjin’s ass cheeks, pulling them apart to release more slick. And when Chan drags him even closer, grinding his solid cock into him harder and reaffirming his reciprocation tenfold, Hyunjin’s already wobbly legs almost buckle beneath him. 

If it weren’t for Chan’s arm around him he’d surely crumble.  

Chaos, it seems, ensues far quicker than either one of them would have liked.

Hyunjin bares his teeth to sink them deep into Chan’s neck, where Hyunjin hopes to finally lay claim on his chosen mate, but before he’s able to make contact his hair is being pulled and his body is cruelly ripped away by hands far more fierce and in control than the ones holding him close. His inner wolf howls, growling ferociously at the intruder, lashing out to bite and scratch and tear his way back to his alpha.

Hyunjin thinks he hears his alpha cry out for him, and it pains him to know that Chan is just as desperate for him too. He also thinks he hears Chan begging the intruders to release him, trying desperately to convince them all that he’s ‘got it under control ’, that ‘he’s fine’, and that most importantly, ‘Jinnie needs me.’  

Chan’s desperate pleas for their freedom make Hyunjin feel crazy. But it's only when he looks up to try and soothe his distressed alpha to see Minho holding him pinned to the wall by the neck that Hyunjin feels truly feral. 

“Let me GO!” Hyunjin roars, as fury topples over all rationality.  

Changbin chuckles sweetly, “I don’t think so, princess. You can’t just fuck and mate our leader mid-show, Jinnie. I know it’s been a rough couple of years for you, but this isn’t the way you want to do this, okay?” 

Hyunjin tries in vain to haul his lithe body out of Changbin’s iron-clad grip, and even though he’s never been able to do it before, despite his best efforts, he still attempts one last ditch effort to free himself, struggling and whining, hoping to earn some sympathy through his own distress. 

“But I need him.” 

Changbin hums against his ear in a tone that Hyunjin thinks is meant to be soothing, “I know you do, darling, but not like this.” 

And before he can utter another word, Changbin has him hauled up and over his shoulder and is storming away at a pace Hyunjin’s fuzzy brain can’t comprehend. He looks up at Chan one last time before they turn the corner to see he’s still pinned to the wall by Minho and now also Seungmin, though it looks as if they’re both struggling to keep his alpha put, and that makes Hyunjin smile, if only for a second, before he loses sight of Chan completely, and it’s all over. 

Hyunjin crumbles, sagging against Changbin and letting out the most heart wrenching cry. 

+++

Hyunjin refuses to even acknowledge his best friend the entire journey home, pushing away any physical affections and scoffing at the attempts to soothe with fanciful words of comfort.

Binnie somehow manages to get him home in one piece, physically unscathed, but emotionally… he’s wrecked. His heart longs only for his alpha’s touch. He feels empty without Chan. His heat pumps nothing but agonising poison through his veins as the cramps knock him sideways. It isn’t until Binnie manages to get him into his bed that Jinnie really lashes out.

“Get out.” He says, as forcibly as he’s able to. 

Changbin sighs. “I’m not leaving until you’ve made your nest, Jinnie. I know it’s been a while, but I know you still know how. Let me help.” 

Hyunjin’s fury spits flames of acid through his teeth. He doesn’t want Changbin anywhere near his fucking nest. Not after what he’s done. 

“Get. The Fuck. Out.” 

Changbin holds firm. “No. Someone needs to help get you through this.” 

Hyunjin huffs out a cruel laugh, “You can’t help me, Bin. Are you going to knot me till my heat is satisfied? Gonna pump me full of your come till I’m begging for you to breed me? Keep me knotted until you fill me with your pups, huh?” Hyunjin scoffs, and he knows he’s going to regret every damn word that comes out of his spiteful mouth, but his anger is so blinding he can hardly stop them from gushing out. “Because last I heard you were still just a beta . You’ll never be my alpha, Changbin.” 

Changbin laughs cooly, taking everything with a fresh pinch of salt. “Put the claws away, kitten. I know I’m not your alpha, but what I am is your best friend. And I know this is just your heat talking, but just a beta ? That hurts, Jin.” Binnie says with an over-exaggerated pout and a dramatic slap to his tit. “You’d be lucky to get my cock inside you, minus the knot of course. Because you and I both know it’s knot what you have, but what you do with it that counts.” 

And despite the rage still bubbling inside him, Jinnie chokes out a half crazed laugh. His stupid, ridiculous, beautiful bestie. Always making him laugh and bringing him back down to earth when he’s being an insufferable little bitch. Binnie’s already continuing, though, despite the interruption, “Besides, your alpha- our fearless, yet rule-abiding leader- was about to fuck all consequences and ravage you backstage at our concert because your scent is so fucking potent right now that even I, a lowly beta , can smell your lust from here.”

Hyunjin falters. “You can smell me?” 

Changbin cackles, “Yeah, babe, I can. You stink. No wonder Chan was ready to fuck your brains out in front of everyone, JYP and management be damned. Half the alpha’s in the arena would have taken a piece of you if I hadn’t gotten you out of there.” 

Hyunjin’s breath hitches, his cramps kick him squarely in the gut, and his heart cracks at the implications.

“So, you’re telling me the only reason Chan responded to me the way he did is because he couldn’t help himself? Not because…he wanted me back?”  

The sigh of defeat from Changbin and the silence that follows speaks volumes.

It fractures Hyunjin’s heart. He chokes out a dry sob that physically hurts when it reaches the surface.

“He’ll never love me back, will he?” His omega mourns. 

“I don’t have the answer to that question, Jin. You’re gonna have to ask him. He knows too much now for you to continue hiding, they all do.” Changbin says, striking the final blow. The pack were bound to have questions. 

Hyunjin’s perfectly crafted cover is officially in tatters. Life as he knows it is over. Jinnie’s fragile heart starts to shatter. But only one thought rattles in his head. 

“I-I can’t lose him.”  

Hyunjin hangs his head in defeat. 

A hitched breath, a whiff of sandalwood and lime, and a soft but firm, “I’m not going anywhere, Hyunjin.” is all it takes to bring Hyunjin back to life. 

His head whips across the room to find his beautiful, softly dimpled alpha leaning up against its frame. 

Hyunjin immediately tries to move to him, but Binnie is much too quick, pushing Hyunjin behind him and halfway across the room standing between them before they’ve even managed to blink. 

“You need to leave.” Changbin warns with a hint of a growl. 

Chan doesn’t even acknowledge Binnie, his eyes are fixed longingly on Hyunjin, which very much helps ease the pain in his heart and abdomen greatly. Chan takes a deliberate step forward when Hyunjin mewls.

“Now.” Binnie warns, also stepping forward.

The danger in Binnie’s voice finally gets a reaction from Chan. But when he does eventually drop their fiery gaze he does so with an air of dominance. He turns his head to look Changbin clear in the eye. 

“I’m not leaving him, Bin. Please get out of my way.”

Changbin stands his ground. “Or what? You’ll use your Alpha voice to force your way in here? It’s not gonna happen, Chan. You may be my leader and one of my best friends, but Jinnie’s safety is my top priority. I’ve seen what you’re like during your rut… you’ll break him.” 

“I want him to break me.” Hyunjin yelps, stating the fucking obvious, like it hasn’t been exactly what he’s wanted from the very moment he laid eyes on Chan. 

He can take it. Whatever Chan wants to give. Hyunjin’s body is ready. Made for it. Made for Chan.

Changbin laughs and turns back to Hyunjin, “ Cute, princess, but your emotions are way too horned up for your opinions to be considered consensual in this debate.” 

Hyunjin sighs dramatically, “This isn’t a debate you have any right to be in, Bin. I’m not far gone enough yet that I don’t know the difference between wanting to sit on my alpha’s knot because it’s everything I’ve ever wanted and being so deliriously out of my mind that I only want to be bred and fucked full of pups.” 

“You’re in heat, Jinnie.” 

“I’m in pre-heat. My mind is still clear. I know what I want.”

“But you-”

“-I’m not going to break him, Binnie.” Chan interrupts, reminding them both that he’s still very much in the room as his eyes once again pierce through the veil of thickening fog and linger on Hyunjin’s flat, pupless stomach with want, very blatantly visualising the idea.

Hyunjin’s awareness of how close his alpha is sizzles under the surface of his skin, but he whines in protest of his words. Chan’s gaze snaps back to meet him as he instinctively moves closer again at the sound of his distress. 

“If you tell me to leave, Jinnie, I will. But I’m here because I want you.” Hyunjin whimpers, but Chan continues his confession with passion, “I want us. I’m so in love with you. Think I always have been.” He says, with an air of truth and finality. 

Hyunjin’s heart pounds beneath his ribcage, stuttering, quaking, quivering as he stares at Chan for longer than he cares to admit, basking in the reality of his wildest dreams springing to life before his very eyes, eyes that well up in protest of his refusal to close them, to keep looking at Chan for that little bit longer. Eventually they do close, and the traitorous tears that dangle delicately from his lashes fall, cascading down his cheeks as he lets out a choked sob. 

When he opens his eyes again he sees the way Chan’s entire body vibrates with the need to reach out and comfort him. He knows that if he were to ask, Chan would be by his side and on his knees in seconds.

Hyunjin forces himself to look away, to turn his head towards his best friend to tell him plainly, “I want Chan to stay.”

Changbin smiles, sighs, and drops his head in inevitable defeat, he knew this was coming. But when he looks back up it’s with a smile so bright. “I know.” He giggles, “Just had to be sure.”  

Hyunjin smiles back at him. “I’m sure.” He turns to look back at his alpha and says, “This is what I want.” 

The tension bubbles beneath the surface, Hyunjin’s entire body feels like a live wire, sparks of lust fly and Chan’s gaze darkens the longer they look at each other in the open space, still so far away. 

“Alright, well…” Changbin glances between the two of them and awkwardly shuffles towards the door, neither one of them drops their gaze to look at him, but he still continues, “I’m gonna head out. Don’t wreck the place, okay? And we all eat on that kitchen counter, so keep it clean, yeah?” 

And just before he closes the door he pops his head back in and says, “Oh, and Chan?”

Chan hums in acknowledgement but keeps his fiery eyes firmly on Hyunjin. 

“Leader or not, I will hunt you down if you hurt him, we clear?” 

Chan hums again and nods. “Loud and clear, Bin.” 

Changbin cackles awkwardly and as he's closing the door he lets out a final: “Don’t pounce on him till I leave please.” 

Chan laughs darkly, “Then you better leave quickly.” 

But Hyunjin is done waiting, he’s already up and out of bed, barrelling Chan back into the closed door and slamming their lips and hips together, grinding his painfully hard cock into Chan’s toned abs and moaning out his name like it holds the key to his destruction. 

Binnie squeals from the other side of the door, and the sound of his feet running through the dorm makes Chan chuckle into his mouth. Hyunjin’s tongue silences the laughter quickly though, and soon enough neither one of them is thinking about Changbin anymore. 

Chan’s hands snake their way down his body and land firmly on Hyunjin’s ass and before he knows what’s happening he’s being lifted up Chan’s body like he weighs nothing at all, spun around so quickly Hyunjin feels slightly dizzy, and then slammed back into the door as Chan’s lips collide with his neck, spreading his scent all over him.

“Fuck, Jinnie.” He groans into Hyunjin’s neck. “You smell so good.” He nips and sucks and licks again, rubbing his face into his scent gland, claiming him. “You smell like you’re mine.” 

Hyunjin bares his neck, rolls his body and arches away from the door and further into Chan before confessing into the air, “Always been yours, hyung.” 

Chan's mouth slows, his lips close over Hyunjin’s beating pulse in one final kiss before he lifts his head and uses his hand to pull Hyunjin’s face towards him by the chin. He makes sure Hyunjin’s eyes flutter open before he asks, “How long have you known?” 

Hyunjin tries to look away, but Chan’s hand holds him firm. 

 “Since the day we met.”

Hyunjin runs both hands through Chan’s hair and coaxes a low groan from Chan’s throat as he whispers back a slightly pained but sincere, “I’m sorry for making you wait so long.” 

Hyunjin smiles, “I would have waited forever.” 

But Chan is shaking his head and kissing the next words against his lips, “No more waiting, Jinnie. I’m here. I’m yours. I’ve got you.” 

Chan hikes Hyunjin further into his arms and walks them both over towards the bed where he throws Hyunjin down. He uses his skillful knee to spread Hyunjin’s long dancer's legs, slotting himself between his open thighs and crawls the rest of his way up Hyunjin’s body until their lips collide once more. 

Hyunjin’s omega is so content right now, surrounded by his alpha’s scent, his taste, his weight keeping him deliciously warm, but his heat really starts to kick in the moment Chan starts pulling him apart. Slick gushes out of him, coating his pants in hot, sweet liquid, and the smell of it becomes so overwhelming that Chan rips his lips from Hyunjin’s and begs him for a taste. Hyunjin nods, struggling to form actual words as his mind fogs into submission the moment Chan strips him bare, his back arches and his legs fall even further apart, presenting for his alpha. 

Chan takes a moment and simply stares, basking in the view, admiring him as if he were a priceless piece of art hung at the Louvre. His hand reaches forward, but stutters as if his touch might taint the canvas. Hyunjin mewls and rolls his hips, letting Chan know he needs his touch. Chan’s breath hitches in his chest and his hands immediately grab Hyunjin’s hips to hold him down. Only when Hyunjin settles does he start a determined caress all over Hyunjin’s trembling body.  

“You’re so beautiful, Jinnie.” Chan sighs, “Look at you.” He praises, lightly rubbing one pebbled nipple with his thumb and then trailing the tip of another finger along the soft ridges of delicate abs. 

The body worship continues as Bang Chan leans forward and licks a hot, wet path along Hyunjin’s collarbone, down his sternum, over his pec and circles his nipple several times before latching on and biting down. He blows on it, watches it harden into a perfect little bud and then bites down harder. Hyunjin cries out. 

“So responsive.” Chan croons. 

When he’s done teasing his sensitive nipples, Chan slides further down Hyunjin’s body and pushes one of his legs into a deep bend, while the other he moves onto his shoulder where he now lays completely splayed bare for Chan’s hungry eyes. 

It doesn’t take long at all for Chan to fall into his heat, he wastes no time getting his tongue deep inside Hyunjin’s fluttering hole, lapping at him like a starving man. The noises Chan makes when he gets his first real taste, plus the feeling of his alpha’s claiming tongue so deep, makes Hyunjin writhe, eyes rolling back into his skull the more Chan swirls his tongue inside. When Chan adds his first finger and curls it up into Hyunjin’s prostate he almost screams, throat feeling raw and used. 

Chan takes his time, coaxing mewls and moans and high-pitched sighs as he adds two more fingers, spreading them inside and stretching Hyunjin out, preparing him to take his alpha’s knot. 

But Hyunin’s ready, his omega has been waiting for this moment for so long he thinks he might vibrate right out of his skin if he doesn’t get his alpha’s cock inside him now.  

“Alpha...”  

Chan lifts his head, swollen lips glistening he asks, “Yes, baby?” 

The sight of Chan between his legs licking Hyunjin’s taste from his lips has him panting and whimpering his desire.

“Want you.” 

Bang Chan continues to look up at him from under his lashes with the dirtiest smirk on his face.

 “Say please.”

Hyunjin cries out a quick concession of “pleasepleaseplease” as Chan hooks his fingers directly into his prostate. Hyunjin's wolf begs. 

“Fuck- Alpha, please- want you inside me.” 

Chan curls his fingers again and chuckles menacingly, “I am inside you, Jinnie.” 

Hyunjin’s fist slams into the sheets in frustration, “Nooo…” he whines, “...need your cock. Want alpha’s knot. Feel so empty. Want you to fill me up…please?” 

“There he is. There’s my good boy.” Chan croons, “You’ve been so good for me, baby.” He crooks his fingers one final time, a relentless tease, before pulling out completely, leaving Hyunjin despairingly empty. The emptiness makes Hyunjin want to cry. Chan moving off the bed distracts him momentarily as Hyunjin watches through half-lidded eyes the way Chan tears his shirt from his perfect body, the rest of his clothes follow suit, scattered somewhere around the room. 

When Chan is finally, blessedly, naked, Hyunjin's eyes drop down to his alpha’s cock, which stands tall and thick and hard, dripping pre-come down his glistening abs. Hyunjin leaks even more slick, and his teeth bite into his plump bottom lip as he lets himself look, imagining his alpha’s taste on his tongue. 

“You ready for me?” Chan smiles, dimples popping so distinctly when Hyunjin starts immediately spreading his legs. 

 “Flip over for me, gorgeous. Want you on your hands and knees. Let me see that hole. Gonna fill you up so good.”  

Hyunjin’s body has never moved so fast in his life, not to be dramatic, but it’s almost like everything he’s ever done has been leading to this very moment. He settles on his knees, leans down onto his forearms into the perfect arch and sticks his ass shamelessly into the air. 

He hears the groan behind him and smiles, turning his head to try and catch a glimpse of Chan’s face. He feels the bed dip, and Chan’s palms pull him apart to lean down to lick over him once more.

“You taste so good, Jinnie. Next time I’m gonna eat you out till you cry.” He slaps his palm across Hyunjin’s ass in promise, manhandling his hips closer so that he can rub his cock head across Jinnie’s rim, teasing, ready to drive home. Hyunjin cries out the moment he feels his alpha’s bare cock so close to where he needs him the most. 

“Where do you keep your condoms, baby?” Chan asks abruptly, almost as an afterthought. 

Hyunjin croaks out a forceful, “No condom. We’re both clean. Want it raw. Want to feel you.” 

As idols they’re tested regularly, so Chan knows Jinnie’s statement to be true, but he still smoothes his hands down Jinnie’s body and asks him if he’s sure. 

Hyunjin nods.

They enthusiastically decide to go without. 

Before Hyunjin has even had the chance to beg, Chan is sliding home, inch by devastating inch, until he’s bottoming out and falling onto Hyunjin’s back to settle them both. He rolls his hips and grinds, slowly, achinging deep. There’s a feeling of desperation as all the air is punched out of him from how full he suddenly feels, wild and grasping at the bedsheets. His inner wolf howls. 

Chan waits for Hyunjin to let him know when to start moving, which doesn’t take long at all, as his body is so painfully ready he’s drooling into his pillow.

“Please…” He begs, “... Alpha.”

Chan’s alpha growls out a possessive ‘mine’ followed very quickly with a ‘my omega’ as he pulls all the way out, just to sink back in a little deeper. Hyunjin takes it all, preening mostly at Chan’s claim of ownership. They both let instinct control the pace, Hyunjin takes and takes and takes Chan’s cock till he can feel his stomach bulge every time Chan drives forward and stays there. Hyunjin’s vision blurs with unshed tears that teeter on the edge. 

Chan fucks into him so hard, and so deep he knows he’ll be able to feel him for days. Hyunjin’s back arch deepens after each thrust, and he can feel himself start to drift away from his body. If it weren’t for Chan’s bruising grip on his hips he’s pretty sure he might drift completely, but his alpha’s hands keep him grounded, pushing him deeper and deeper into the mattress. 

The slick sound of skin against skin almost drowns out his own whimpers, and that’s apparently an issue for Chan because he grabs a handful of his hair and tugs Hyunjin’s face out of the pillow.

“Let me hear you, baby.” He growls, leaning over Hyunjin’s back, now grinding his hips in slow circles and whispering, “Tell me how good it feels, Jinnie.” 

Chan keeps angling his perfect cock right into Hyunjin’s prostate and he doesn’t know how much more he can take.

Before Hyunjin has time to come up with a coherent response, he’s being lifted bodily up off the mattress, one hand anchored on his stomach, and the other across his chest as he’s pulled up and into Chan’s body. The move forces his alpha’s cock deeper. Hyunjin lets out the throatiest whine, which in turn prompts a deep chuckle from Chan in his ear. 

Hyunjin turns his head to messily steal the laughter from his lips, and then suddenly Chan is the one making noises, punched-out little uh uh’s as he pistons his hips and licks his way back into Hyunjin’s mouth despite the odd angle.  

Hyunjin tries to keep kissing Chan, but the angle is all wrong and it frustrates him enough to produce some kind of verbal response about it, “Want to see you, alpha.”

Bang Chan’s strength has always been impressive, and one of the many things Hyunjin has secretly obsessed over for years, so to be subjected to that strength, as he’s manhandled and flipped effortlessly onto his back without a second thought is truly something to scream about. He doesn't scream, but he does rock his hips up like the dancer he is and beg Chan to put his cock back inside him. 

“Fuck…” Chan sighs deeply, unable to help himself as he grabs a handful of Hyunjin’s ass, spreads him wide, and sinks back home. 

Hyunjin loves the way the new position gives him more freedom. He takes advantage of it by rolling his hips and pulling Chan further into him. 

Chan’s hungry eyes follow every ripple of Hyunjin’s hips. He tongues his cheek and fucks forward enthusiastically. 

“I’ve always been in awe of the way you move your body. Watching you on stage is a thing of beauty, but this?” Chan sucks in a hitched breath, “getting to watch you move on my cock?”

Hyunjin undulates his hips to drive home Chan's point, his alpha's head flings back, eyes rolling into his skull as he chokes out a desperate, “So fucking good. ”

Chan pants, glancing back down to where they’re connected, “You take me so well, Jinnie. Like you were made just for me.”

Hyunjin’s wolf slurs out happy responses, mainly words like ‘yours’, ‘mine’, and a near constant slew of Chan’s name wrapped in a possessive cloud above them both. 

As Hyunjin’s body falls deeper into his heat he has a hard time keeping himself grounded in the reality of the moment because his head is so far up in the clouds he can hardly think much beyond the instinctual need to be filled and kept and bred and the feeling of Chan’s hips pumping rhythmically into his body, giving him everything he’s ever wanted. 

Hyunjin’s so overwhelmed about finally having his alpha inside him, heart, body, and soul, that when his first orgasm rolls round, it hits so aggressively that it sends him hurtling towards the second in a matter of minutes. His cock pumping out a near constant stream of come that glistens across his body like freshly squeezed paint on a new canvas. 

Chan’s fingers find their way onto his stomach and slide the come up and over the soft lines of his skin, creating his own artwork on Hyunjin’s trembling flesh. When he brings a heavily coated finger to his own lips and sucks it clean, Hyunjin nearly passes out. 

Chan leans down till his breath is ghosting over Hyunjin’s lips. He kisses the salty sweetness into his mouth and asks, “Think you can take your alpha’s knot now, baby? I’m close.” 

The nod Hyunjin’s whole body gives is instantaneous, but words feel thick and gooey in his mouth as he struggles through a verbal response. He thinks he manages an enthusiastic yesyesyes though, because he can feel Chan's laughter bubble in his throat as he kisses him. And when his alpha snaps his hips and drives harder into him, the swell at the base of his cock grows rapidly, settling deep inside him. 

Chan’s come is an endless stream of warmth as it fills him up, and Hyunjin is just aware enough to know that his wolf is purring in delight, entirely sated. 

When the fog starts to clear, and Hyunjin’s ears stop ringing, his head stops fizzing, and his eyes flutter open, he sees the look in Chan’s eyes as he coaxes him back into his body. Hyunjin has never felt more loved in his entire life. All he wants to do is stay here forever. 

“Love you, Chris.” Hyunjin croons sweetly, lulled into Chan’s loving embrace as he comes back down to earth, not quite functioning enough to realise this is the first time he’s said the words out loud to Chan before. But when Chan smiles, his dimples popping as he wipes a stray tear that falls traitorously down Hyunjin’s cheek, he thinks he could definitely get used to this feeling. 

Chan leans down, presses his lips to Hyunjin’s and whispers, “I love you too, Jinnie.” 

+++

As they lay together, still connected, Chan humming sweetly into Hyunjin’s neck as Hyunjin purrs in contented silence, Chan suddenly pulls back and abruptly breaks the peace of the moment.

“So, what did you think of my solo stage?”

Hyunjin barks out a loud laugh and coaxes a confused looking Chan back into his neck, still cackling. 

[kangaracha]

After an accident splits apart the group, Felix is left alone in the world, wishing for better days to return (little does he know, that dreams come to those who truly want them).

---

a/n: for @kokinu09, our beloved zom mother and dedicated supporter of all that we do. happy birthday!

---

LEAVE - PART 1

---

Once upon a time, after a terrible accident, a boy came from another world and stayed in this one and lived quite happily for several years longer.

This is not that story.

---

"Hey, Yongbok!" that voice calls behind him, and his breath catches in his throat.

He doesn't want to turn around. In fact, he doesn't; not when he can tuck his chin into his collar and fix his eyes on the pavement and walk as fast as he can away, as if he hadn't heard anything at all. Maybe this time, if he pretends that everything is just the same as it used to be and someone will be waiting for him just around that corner, it will come true.

But that won't happen, of course. How could it, when he deserves everything he gets? When he was the one that ruined it all? No, wishes don't come true for people like him. Instead, he will run without letting on that he's running, and they will catch up to him, and it will all play out just like it does every day-

"Yongbok! Hey, lucky boy! Where are you going?"

Felix's eyes betray him, glancing back towards the mocking calls that only grow louder. The sun catches in them for their trouble, sweet golden light from the low horizon, burning at the rings around them and their bloodshot interior. He can only make out the shape of the boys behind him around its glare, the vague features that differentiate them from one another; he couldn't possibly miss Hyunjin amongst their ranks, slinking along at the back like he knows he shouldn't be here.

That's how they catch him; Hyunjin, trying to hide behind another boy. Trying to pretend that he doesn't know what he's doing, right up until the moment Jinyoung's hand wraps around Felix's arm and stops him several metres short of safety.

"You should have waited," Jinyoung says, conversational even though they both know better than to think they are friends. "We wanted to walk with you."

Felix tugs at his arm, trying to wheedle his way out of his grip, but the other boy won't let go, hand wrapped around his arm in an iron grip. "I like walking alone," he lies. "I always go alone."

"I know," Jinyoung says, and gives him a smile that's full of teeth. "It makes me sad. That's why I wanted to walk with you."

"Oh."

"I feel like I never see you with anyone at all, actually," he continues, as if Felix's jaw hasn't screwed itself to the roof of his mouth, as if his skin doesn't turn clammy in the boy's grip and his hand doesn't curl into a fist, tingling from the constriction in his arm above. "Ever since Minho-"

"Shouldn't we get to class, Jinyoung?" Hyunjin asks from somewhere in the back of the gaggle of boys that surrounds them. "The bell is going to ring soon, and we haven't even made it to the gate."

"You used to know Minho, didn't you, Hyunjin?" Jinyoung says instead of answering, swinging around to look at him. "Weren't you two friends?"

Hyunjin hesitates, his face like a rabbit trapped in a corner as he looks for a way to turn, and then shrugs. "I guess so," he says, like he doesn't really know. Or care. "It was a long time ago."

Felix stares at him, the iron-tight grip of Jinyoung's hand on his arm momentarily forgotten in the way that Hyunjin stands there and tips his chin up and pretends that Minho never meant anything to him at all, his eyes turned carefully away to avoid Felix's gaze. Coward, he thinks, and, liar. His gaze sweeps over the boys, sizing them up.

It's a silly thing to do, when there is seven of them and one of him, and no one waiting around the corner to come and pick him up when he doesn't arrive on time...but the way they spit out Minho's name on the pavement like that, the way Hyunjin stands up ramrod straight and stony-faced in their midst and pretends to be one of them, stirs at the hot anger that coils in the bottom of his stomach, goading it into rearing its black, ugly head. And so what if they beat him to a pulp, if they call him names and spread vicious rumours throughout his class? For Minho, it's worth it. For Minho, it's the least he could do, after all the evil he has already caused.

His eyes slide past them, to the street beyond, the alley that darts between two houses. His shadow is not there, his ghost that normally follows on his heels. It's a shame - some days, he might curse at it, others ignore it, but at these kind of times, he thinks he might find a little comfort in looking at that face again.

He doesn't deserve comfort anyway. He deserves what's coming to him, when he tips his chin up and says, "You can't talk about Minho like that."

The way Jinyoung looks at him is dangerous, eyes glittering with a dark kind of intent, an irritation at being questioned when he has so carefully built this troupe of boys who would never dare to. "Yeah?" he replies, eyebrows raised. "Why not?"

All of the breath catches in Felix's chest. He grabs it tight and tries to still the racing of his wild heart. "Because it's disrespectful. And he was my friend."

"You think he wasn't my friend too?" Jinyoung throws back. His grip tightens, his fingernails pressing half-moons into the constellations of Felix's skin. "It's the day that you did it, you know. If you even remember. Or care."

All of a sudden, everything stills. His rabbit-beat heart, the scrape of his throat, the heat of the blood running through his veins. Even the world around him - the sharp chill of autumn, the fog rolling at the feet, the slide of Hyunjin's eyes away from any place where he might have to witness what happens because of his cowardice. Because of Felix's stupidity, because of Minho's stubborn, mule-headed-

"He was not your friend," Felix bites, and then he launches forward, his fist cutting itself open on the yawn of the boy's teeth.

It feels good, for a moment; the sharp split of bloody knuckles, the crack of his jaw under the force of his arm. The way Jinyoung's grip slides from his arm as he stumbles back into the wall, one hand clutching at his face. Felix feels himself smile, wide and wild, in the wake of that disbelief, feels the sting of pain as he shakes out his fist. 

And then a hand finds his stomach, driving all the air from his lungs, and his back finds the pavement, and all he can see is faces and fists, blocking out the morning sky. None of them want to be left out, savage as a pack of wolves upon fallen prey, and Jinyoung isn't inclined to stop them - not that he could, with his jaw cracked in half, blood dribbling from the corner of his mouth.

Not that Felix can see that. He is curled on the ground, barely a prayer able to slide its way past his lips. The world narrows to this; impact, and the expectation of impact, and the memory of the impact even after it is gone, radiating down through his bones into the scar tissue he's already wound around his heart. He doesn't know when they started, or when it will end. Maybe it won't end at all, like those myths where a single moment of time continues to recur, over and over again. Maybe they won't think to stop until he is-

"Hey!" 

The voice that shouts out isn't Jinyoung, or Hyunjin, or any of the few boys that might think to save him if they happened to pass by. It's too loud and too grating, its edges too sharp. Felix doesn't recognise it, but somehow, he still feels something sad when he hears it; a great sense of longing, or the ache of a time long past or once missed the indulgence of. Whatever it is, fists follow it, grunts of effort and yelps of pain. Boys scatter in every direction, their circle widening. A black shadow stands over Felix, hiding the sun in its shape.

"You wanna go again?" it growls, and as if by magic, every opponent scatters, lost to the whisper of the breeze.

The shadow turns, one pale hand reaching out to help Felix up. Its fingers are slender and long, its forefinger encased in gold; a ring, achingly familiar. Felix stares at it for a moment too long. 

"Are you coming, or do you want to lie there all day?" that voice asks, and the shadow shifts, the sunlight falling in shafts of gold across its face. His face - Minho, his ghost, just as he had been the last time Felix had checked on his heels. Except for the dark bruise that's blooming on his jaw, the split of skin across his cheekbone. The scrape of his knuckles, oozing blood even as he offers that hand. The ghost had never looked like that, not in the five years since he'd first appeared. 

The ghost had never offered him a hand up from the ground either. Mostly, he just stood in the background and judged. Felix is used to it by now.

"Hello-o," Minho says, his voice sing-song in the way it lifts the word and turns it playfully in the air. "Earth to Felix. Are you coming?"

Like he's in a dream, Felix reaches up and takes that hand. Its palm is warm in his, its grip strong as it hauls him to his feet, ignorant of the sharp pain in his chest as he climbs to his feet, Minho a rock against the sway of his body when it protests being upright. Like he's real, like it's possible that he is standing here on the sidewalk in full view of the blazing sun, like he had never gone away at all-

"Come on," he says, their hands sliding apart so that he can throw his arm around Felix's neck instead. The way he drags him forward is relentless, so insistent that any of the words Felix might have said catch in his throat as his focus turns to propelling his feet forwards instead - words like how is this possible and why could they see you and why aren't you dead. Just normal, everyday questions that he'd definitely been prepared to ask when he dragged himself out of bed this morning. Questions every sane person found themselves asking at that point in their lives where their imaginary friend became real, which was a normal and everyday occurance, of course.

He'd spent so much time on that man's couch, being told this was all in his head until he'd learnt to lie about seeing Minho at all. And now...what? All of that had been for nothing? Or he really had lost his mind this time?

Minho walks too fast for him to figure it out, spilling them through the school gates and into the long grey building that waits beyond them, weaving through the crowd of students. Minho makes a beeline for the lockers, following the same path Felix walks every morning, shouldering aside the same kids and shying away from the same beady eyes of teachers. For a minute, Felix thinks it is because he has followed and remembered where to go, hanging off his coattails every day - but then they stop at the locker, and Minho punches in a different combination to the one he's memorised, and-

The locker swings open, and it isn't his locker.

Well, it is his locker. It's the same location, the same 4-1-2 painted on the door; but the untidy pile of books and paper and pens isn't there anymore, the leftover wrappers from snacks, the bits and pieces he has stashed away in the back corner to save for a day he might need them. Instead, everything is organised in a neat row, a jacket folded at the bottom and the rubbish cleaned out and thrown away. Minho's bag swings off his shoulder and slides into its spot on one side, his coat folded over the top of it. 

Felix doesn't realise he's staring, wide-eyed and uncomprehending, until Minho turns his gaze on him. "What's wrong?" he asks, like he can't possibly comprehend how anything out of the ordinary is happening.

Felix shakes his head, his mouth opening and closing as he searches for the words to describe what he's seeing. "How did you-" 

"Lee Minho!" a voice calls over the top of him, loud enough to ring out over the noise of the crowd in the hallway. Their heads swing around at the same time; and there is the principal, her face thunderous and a finger crooked to beckon them toward her. Minho sighs and turns back, slamming the locker closed.

"What did you do?" Felix asks; and suddenly, this feels familiar, like he has fallen into a day in the past that he had just stepped out of for a moment.

Minho gives him a withering look, just the edge of it cut and curved to spare him. "Well, there was the fight outside the school gates," he suggests, so mildly that it circles back around to disparaging.

"Oh," Felix says, and takes stock again of the ache in his ribs, the scrape and bruise of his knuckles. "Right."

Minho laughs and grabs his hand, dragging him further and further into the world.

---

"Do you want to tell me what happened, Minho?" the principal asks, sinking slowly into the chair behind her desk.

Felix shifts uncomfortably under the gaze of her eyes, piercing blue and unyielding. Minho sits quietly, his spine ramrod straight. "They were hitting my friend," he says, without even a breath to steady himself first, "so I hit them back."

Felix has never understood how someone could be as brave as Minho, whose porcelain veneer has never once cracked. Even when they were kids he was like this, unbending and unbreakable, calm in the face of any storm, including the one that darkens the face of the woman before them. Felix has always been the coward, in comparison, hiding behind Minho until Minho was no longer there to be hidden behind. 

"Jinyoung tells me that you were the one who started the fight," the principal says, and lays a hand flat on the desk before her. "Is that not true?"

"Why would I start a fight?" Minho asks. "He's the one that's always getting into arguments. I've never done anything wrong."

The principal isn't fazed, her gaze and her voice steady as she says, "I was hoping that you would be able to answer that for me."

Minho shrugs. "He started it. I finished it. And it wasn't at school, so it doesn't matter anyway."

"Oh, really?" Her eyebrows raise, shooting towards the ceiling. "You think that you can fight on the street in school uniform, and it doesn't have any effect on us here?"

Felix swallows hard and tries not to breathe in - too full a breath will set his chest to aching, and he doesn't want to feel that. He'd like to just run away from here and forget about the whole thing, really. 

Minho doesn't seem to feel the same way. "I'm going to be late to class," he says, and then dips his head as if that makes it less disrespectful to talk back to an adult like that. "If you want to punish me for protecting someone, then just give me detention."

Her eyes narrow, staring at him like she's trying to see past the barrier of his skin and bone to his soul beyond; like she can tell if he's lying if she only looks hard enough to see it written there on his face. "I'll let you off with a warning this time," she says eventually, and leans back in her chair. It's the first time Felix has seen her blink in the last minute. "A warning, Minho. On your file. Permanently. And I'll be contacting your parents."

"Okay," Minho says, shrugging like it doesn't matter. Maybe it doesn't, to him; Minho has good parents. Kind, generous people that had always taken Felix home with them when his parents were still at work or busy with his sisters, who he'd never once seen raise their voices except for the day that-

"And I need the name of the other boy involved," the principal says, a pen poised over a scrap of paper.

"Lee Felix," Minho says, his eyes straying to where Felix sits next to him. Their gaze meets for just a moment - Felix feels like he is clueless, his eyes begging for answers and his mouth hanging open as if to ask the thousand questions that haunt his mind, but Minho's face is blank, his thoughts hiding behind a mask. 

The principal's pen pauses. "Felix?" she questions, the foreign name uncomfortable on her tongue. "We don't have anyone here by that name. You said he was a student?"

Minho glances over again. Felix can't catch his eye this time; it is there, and then gone again, whatever thought he has had calculating itself in his mind before Felix can even catch on. "He goes to a different school," he says, and pretends that his eye doesn't flick down to catch the tightening of Felix's grip on the arm of his chair. 

The principal's face creases, her mouth pressing itself into a thin line. "Okay," she says eventually, her pen tapping unhappily against the table. "I'll look into it. You can go."

Minho lifts himself up out of his chair without another word, turning on his heel and striding out to the door. Felix has to scramble to catch up, nearly knocking his chair over in the process - it teeters on two legs, caught between standing and falling, and then rocks back to its upright position, the impact swallowed by the carpet.

"Don't knock my things over, please, Minho," the principal says, and when she looks up, her eyes stare straight through Felix, to the pause of Minho's receding back ahead of him. A chill runs down Felix's spine at that blank stare, the way her eyes never seem to focus on him, no matter how close they get to seeing. 

"Sorry, seonsaengnim," Minho says, as if it really was him that knocked the chair over, and slips out the door.

---

He's pretty sure, as the day wears on, that Minho is only pretending that everything is normal and nothing is wrong and if Felix brought it up, he wouldn't possibly be able to understand what he is talking about.

It's not the way that he makes no comment except for mindless small talk about things that don't seem to matter, things Felix hasn't talked about with anyone since it was normal all those years ago. It's not the charging forward through the day, from one class to the next and then to sit and eat lunch on a hard metal bench in the tall, glassy cafeteria, and then back to class again. Minho has always been the decisive one, throwing himself forward into life. He'd lived like that, and he'd died like that too, and that's how Felix had always remembered him. 

No, it's not that, but rather...the sidelong glances when he doesn't think that Felix is looking. The way that he picks and twists at that golden ring on his finger, his thumb rubbing back and forth incessantly over the tiny inscription on its surface. It's the way that he's so bent on pretending to be normal that it isn't normal at all, all the tension bunched between his shoulders and twisted around the steel of his spine, tightening and tightening and tightening. 

Even when the day ends, when the bell rings and they circle back to that locker and Minho throws his bag over one shoulder and Felix's arm over the other and drags them all out the gate and back onto the streets, he won't stop and admit that anything is wrong, squinting against the sunlight as he follows the same path home that they've been taking since they were old enough to walk themselves, hand in sweaty hand. 

"Today was so boring," he says, as if he can read the spiral of Felix's thoughts and the questions that are bubbling close to the roof of his mouth. As if he has to say something before Felix can blurt them out, or else he won't be able to live with himself. 

Felix's head swings around, staring at him like he is crazy. "Boring?" he asks, like he can't believe what he is hearing. 

The patchwork of Minho's face stares at him in return; red bruises overlapping pale skin, and the clean split of that cut on his cheek, swabbed and dressed by the school nurse. Minho had refused to let her put anything on it, for whatever reason. Felix didn't think that he was the sort of boy who would try to let it scar just because he thought it was cool, but maybe...

"Yeah," Minho says. "All of our classes were boring. What did we even do all day? Just sit around?"

Felix can't think - even when he tries, casting his mind back to each class in turn, he can't remember a single thing they were supposed to have learnt. There's more important things going on than a little schoolwork. "What about this morning?" he questions. "The fight? The-"

"Boring," Minho cuts across him, quick as a whip. "What's Jinyoung's problem, anyway? He knows better than to mess with me."

He's still angry that you died, Felix doesn't say, his mouth screwing shut. He's still angry that it was my fault. Like Hyunjin, hanging off the coattails of those cruel boys; like Jeongin and Seungmin, transferred to other schools, like Jisung, hiding in the film club room with his head buried in the sand. But he can't say that, not to Minho. Not like this. To acknowledge that he used to be a ghost, and now suddenly he is real, that is one thing, but to tell him outright that he shouldn't be here?

What if he doesn't know?

"I think he was just looking for someone to fight," Felix says. "I don't think he cares who."

"Still," Minho insists. "He should know better."

Felix falls quiet, the words drying in the back of his throat. They're rounding that corner anyway, the one that he hates; off the main road and onto that neat, tree-lined street he'd spent his childhood playing in. He doesn't usually walk this way anymore; he goes to the next street instead and doubles back at the other end, an extra ten minute walk better than having to walk past that house and pretend not to see the eyes that peer out from the windows, watching and watching and waiting for something he cannot-

The house.

Minho stops, his arm around Felix's neck pulling him to a halt too; and here they are, standing in that well-worn place on the pavement that his feet haven't dared to touch in so many years. The house stares back at him, red-brick veneer and cream windowsills silently judging him, its windows eyes that never close and its door the frowning line of a mouth. 

Felix shivers under its gaze, shying away instictively, but Minho doesn't seem to notice, his arm sliding away as he turns to face Felix. "Do you want to come in?" he asks, like it is any day of that last summer they'd spent together, wasting away every hour of sunshine in each other's company. "You could stay for dinner. Or stay over, if you want." 

Yes, Felix's chest says, moments before his throat catches the word short. He hesitates, looking between Minho and that house that he's learnt to detest so much, and finds that he can't think clearly around the ache in his chest, the rise of his heart at the thought of all those days returned again, like nothing had ever happened. And it's easy, standing here and looking at this house, unchanged since the first time he'd lain eyes on it, to pretend that nothing had happened - not this weird day, not the worst one of his life, not all the days in between where Minho had been a ghost at his side, an absence that even the warm air couldn't fill.

"You don't want to stay over?" Minho teases gently, shoving his bag further up his shoulder and swinging open the garden gate. It's an invitation he knows Felix can't refuse; not any day in their childhood, when he'd been in trouble so often for being home late, and certainly not now.

"Of course I do," Felix answers, and follows him down the garden path, closing that neat little white gate behind him.

Stepping into the house is like entering one of the dreams that haunts him night after night, right down to the coats that hang on the rack inside the door, the pile of mail dropped on the side table next to them. Minho toes his shoes off and leaves them stacked neatly at the end of the line, just like he always does, pads down the hall on light feet that make just as little noise as they ever did. 

Felix stares at the row for a moment, his own shoes abandoned on the floor in front of him where he would usually leave them when he was young and still ignorant of things like good manners. In the dreams, he doesn't even notice such a small thing as tossing his shoes in a corner on his way through the door; he supposes that he still does everything the same as he had when he was ten years old, his mind skipping over the details that hadn't seemed important to him back then. The focus of the dreams is always Minho, anyway, not his shoes, or the wind of the pavement that brings him here, or whatever his teachers were talking about in the lessons he sits through with Minho by his side.

(Is this all a dream?)

He picks up his shoes, and adds them to the neat row, side by side with Minho's.

The smell of food cooking wafts through the house, sharp spice and roasting pork, the pot that it sits in warming the air. Minho follows the hum of voices talking with the ease of someone who has grown in the house and never left; in the kitchen, he ducks around the arms of his mother with a deftness that sets a stone in Felix's throat and slips over to the fridge, stealing two apples from within its depths.

"Your school called me today," his father says, leaning over the stove to check a particular pot. Rice, Felix realises when he stirs it, the kernals sticking to the spoon when he lifts it out. "It's not like you to get into fights."

"Mm," his mother agrees. "When I told you to make some friends, this is not what I meant."

"I have friends," Minho says, the fridge closing softly behind him. "I only got into the fight because he was beating up my friend."

His father looks up sharply, his brow furrowed in confusion. "Which friend?"

"Felix," Minho says, and points towards the doorway in which Felix hovers, too afraid to enter the room. 

"Who's Felix?" his mother asks without even a glance towards the door.

A chill creeps down Felix's spine, the blank stare of the principal as she looked right through him replaying in his mind. Surely, it could not be happening again - but then, why would the Lee's ever let him inside their house, after all that had happened? How would they not notice him standing here, waiting to be thrown out on the street? It seems inconceivable, just the way that standing in this house again is.

Minho looks at him, his mind slowly calculating behind those clever eyes. "One of my friends," he says, deadpan, and saunters back across the kitchen to Felix, ignoring the way his mother rolls her eyes at him.

"Where are you going?" she asks his retreating back. "Dinner is almost ready."

"I'm going to lie down," Minho answers. He doesn't even pause as he passes through the doorway - Felix is forced to step back, socks shuffling against the cold tile of the floor, to avoid being run into. He stops in his tracks one step past the doorway, turning back as if he's forgotten something. "I'm sorry about the fight. I'll come and get dinner later."

His mother softens immediately - too kind, too forgiving to her only child. Or maybe not, seeing as he was as trustworthy as she thought he was. "Are you going to sit with us later too? There's a movie on tonight."

Minho's brow furrows. "What movie?"

"Oh, I don't know." She turns to look at his father, gesturing for him to help her. "Some American movie."

"Back to the Future," his father supplies without turning around, busy measuring out a particular ingredient over the pot on the stove.

All at once, Felix's heart stops and his chest constricts, all of the air vacating his lungs at once. He can't draw it back in, can't get his blood beating again; how could this be happening and hasn't this all happened before and-

Minho doesn't seem to notice, his mouth twisting as he considers it. "Sounds boring," he says eventually, shrugging his shoulders. "Maybe I'll just do my homework."

His parents seem unbothered by the declaration, wishing him well on his journey. Minho climbs the stairs without any hesitation, stopping only to drag Felix along with him when he lingers by the kitchen door, his feet screwed to the ground while his mind races ahead, trying to figure out what it means if Minho doesn't remember enough, and he remembers too much.

---

"You're no fun, Yongbok," Minho says in the dead of the night, the carpet rustling as he wriggles around restlessly next to him.

"What?" Felix questions, his eyebrows drawing together. Hadn't they just been talking about school, and plans for the future? Minho had been describing the ideal life of a rock, arms flung lifelessly across the carpet in demonstration. Between pangs of guilt at the sound of this boy he's never seen as a living, breathing teenager talking as if he has a future, Felix had been thinking he should aspire more to be a cat, like the two currently pinning down his right arm, strategically slumped over his wrist and his upper arm to prevent any untoward movement. And then-

"You're so quiet." There's a quiet meow, a protest as he attempts to slide his wrist out from under cat #1. "You're not supposed to be that quiet."

"Not supposed to be..." Felix's eyes move from the cat to the ceiling, turning the words over again in his mind. Studying them from every angle; you're not funny, you shouldn't be this quiet. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Minho pauses his disagreement with the cat, turning to stare at him with dark, unreadable eyes. "The last time you were here," he says, like it's obvious, "you were louder. Omma had to tell you to be quiet because she was on the phone."

His heart in his throat, Felix sits bolt upright, his mouth hanging open as if to ask a question he can't remember the words to. Damp hair falls in his eyes, blinding him; he pushes it back with one impatient hand, slicking his fringe back along the top of his head. From the look on Minho's face, he is sure that it sticks straight up in the air. He doesn't have time to worry about it.

Minho knows something, and he has spent the entire day avoiding saying anything about it at all. Because he wanted to enjoy one last day together, or because he thought it was something Felix wouldn't want to hear? Felix doubts it is because he's scared to say it; Minho isn't scared of asking anything, usually.

You knew him a long time ago though. Maybe things have changed.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," Minho says, and Felix only knows he's joking because they've been friends long enough for him to learn how to read the tone of his voice. Minho grins, a sly upturn of his mouth like a Cheshire cat, but Felix can't find the presence of mind to return the gesture. If anything, he's sure his face gets paler, his head starting to spin at the pressure that builds in his chest, the fear that clutches at his throat with cold hands and won't let go.

"Do you know what happened?" he blurts out all at once, the words spilling over the carpet, and then covers his mouth with one hand as if that will stop him from saying anything else stupid. Hadn't his plan been to not freak Minho out? To approach this with all the finesse he is clearly not capable of?

Best laid plans, and all that. He might as well have just given up the moment he saw Minho step into the sun this morning, if he wasn't going to try any harder than that.

Minho sits up, resting on one crooked elbow around the mass of a disgruntled cat. His gaze is calm in comparison to the jackrabbit of Felix's heart, hammering away in his chest. "Right now?" Minho asks. "Nothing happened right now." He pauses, and then adds, "You look like you're about to pass out."

"Not right now," Felix gasps, trying to ignore how the second part makes him realise that his head is kind of spinning, his vision kind of blurred. "Years ago. When you went away."

"On vacation?" Minho questions (how is he so calm?). "What happened then? We were bored the whole time."

"No, before that-" Felix stops suddenly, realising that he doesn't even know what vacation Minho is talking about. He can't remember any vacation, not from before he died, and certainly not after. "Five years ago. When you-"

Died. He's gotten used to thinking it by now, after long hours sat on a man's couch and longer still looking at the ghost of the boy following him around, always there but never seen by anyone else - but to look him in the eye and say it is a new challenge entirely, a task he cannot rise to the bar for. Instead, he drowns, and gladly. He's never seen Minho so happy as he is right now, grown and content and talking about the future like there is an entire life ahead of him and nothing could ever happen to break them apart.

"When I first saw you?" Minho questions, and everything stops.

Felix frowns. "When you-"

"When you appeared," Minho insists. "That was five years ago. I remember what grade I was in at school."

"I've only been here for one day," Felix says. 

Minho's head shakes, his fringe falling across his eyes. "You've been here for five years. Do ghosts not have very good memories?"

"What?"

Felix stares at him, not computing. Minho blinks. Nobody speaks.

"You're a ghost," Minho tells him again, when it's clear he isn't going to say anything more.

Still, Felix stares. "No I'm not," he replies dumbly, rattling the words off like a machine. "You're a ghost. I'm alive."

For the first time since they started talking, Minho looks upset, his mouth twisting in consternation. "Felix," he says gently, and reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder, not minding the cats as they tumble off his arm, stretching and shooting him dirty looks in compensation for their dignity. "No one else can see you. I don't know what happened to you, but-"

"The boys this morning could see me," Felix says abruptly, cutting him off. "Jinyoung and that."

Minho pauses, curiousity colouring his eyes. "That was weird," he agrees. "How did they do that?"

"How did they see you?" Felix throws back. "No one has been able to see you since-"

Minho waits, and waits, but the words stick in Felix's throat, the confession he hasn't been able to make out loud to himself or to the ghost in the five years since it became a reality. He'd come too close to saying it just now, despite all the time he'd spent convincing himself that this was the worst place to say it. 

"Since what?" Minho questions anyway, nothing if not relentless.

Felix feels it welling up inside him, the confession. The truth that wants to come out, no matter how he tries to chain it down. He's always been a bad liar, even in far more favourable circumstances than this, and Minho knows that. He'd spotted it from the first day that they'd met, as boys in a schoolyard - and he'd learnt to play off it, too, to sit there expectantly and watch him twist himself inside out until he broke. 

Not that there had ever been anything Felix wanted to keep from him anyway. The world had been simpler back then, just school and the walk there and the walk home, and all of the time they could steal from their parents. He'd been an open book before Minho had gone away; he was too soft-hearted to be anything else, too willing to please to ever try undermining.

But this...

You can't tell him, he thinks, over and over again, his fingers digging into the soft ream of the carpet; and yet, he can't think of anything else to say. What could he say, when yesterday one was a ghost, and today he is, and Minho seems to know what happened, but he has no idea, and he's never in his life been able to lie anyway, and-

"You died," he gasps, long moments of silence followed by every syllable all at once. 

Minho stares at him. And then laughs. 

"No I didn't," he says. "How could I have died? I'm right here?"

"You fell on the road," Felix says, his fingers picking at the carpet. "And there was a car - you died, Minho. You died a long time ago."

Slowly, the amusement fades from Minho's face. "But I'm still here," he says again, an argument he can't let go of. "I've never even been close to being hit by a car."

Felix shakes his head. "You've been...you're just a figment of my imagination. I made you up in my head, and you wouldn't go away."

"No," Minho insists. "That's you. I made you up in my head, and now you just follow me around." He pauses, matching the confused frown that draws Felix's eyebrows together, and then adds, "You didn't die though. You just appeared one day...or maybe you moved away when you were little. There used to be a kid called Felix in our class a long time ago."

Felix pauses, several movies coming to mind. Bodyswaps, alternate universes, time travel and what-ifs...except none of that had happened, had it? This morning, everything had been normal, and Jinyoung had apprehended him on the street, and then they'd gone to school and-

No one had been able to see him after they hit him. After Minho stepped in, after he chased them away when Felix was too weak to get up off the ground, no matter how many medals he's won or how much better he knows than to pick a fight he can't win (or to pick a fight at all; he might enjoy it as a sport, but he's no street rat, scuffling in the dirt over some petty bygone).

"It doesn't make any sense," Minho says, stretching out like a cat and laying back down on the floor again. Unconcerned; but then again, if he thinks this is how it has always been, then nothing has changed for him. It is only Felix whose world has turned upside down, who was alive and now is only a thought in someone else's head, a ghost in a place that does not want him.

It's kind of poetic, he supposes, that all those years ago he would have given his life for Minho to come back, and now Minho is alive and he is dead, or not here, or just a visitor until he isn't needed anymore. It's kind of deserved. Maybe this is what the universe had been waiting for, throughout all those years of seeing Minho following him out of the corner of his eye, here to him and yet not to anyone else.

"Hey, Felix," Minho says, just as the spiral of his thoughts steps too far into the dark - and maybe he can see it on his face, echoing there in the lines of the frown etching itself above his eyebrows. Felix turns to look at him questioningly, and finds him staring at the ceiling, one hand patting the cat that is busy settling itself down on his stomach. 

"Why did you make me up inside your head?" the older boy asks.

Felix swallows hard, the lump in his throat like a rock he's lodged there to catch all the words he's still trying not to say. Things like because it was my fault, and I couldn't let you go, which is only the truth, but if Minho didn't like him anymore because of it-

"Because I missed you," he answers - the truth, and yet not really the truth at all. He pauses, and then asks, "Why did you make me up inside your head?"

"Hm." Minho hums, his fingers worming their way deeper into the fur on his cat's back. "Because I was lonely, and you were nice to me in my dreams. I never had a friend like that."

"Oh." The word stutters out of Felix's mouth, the rest of its sentence lost in the corners of his stomach. He'd never heard Minho say anything like that, not when they were just boys. Not when he was a ghost, quietly following him around because he had no other choice. It squeezes at his heart - in pleasure, at being Minho's friend when for so long, so many people would tell him that he wasn't any kind of friend at all, but also in cold pain, because-

How could he be any kind of friend, when he had done what he'd done? 

"You should make more friends," he says eventually, forcing the words out between his teeth that want to say don't be anyone else's friend but mine. 

"That's what omma always says," Minho snorts. "And that therapist."

"They sent you to see him too?" Felix asks.

"Yeah," and he can hear the curve of a smile in Minho's voice, carving the words into sharp edges and flat planes. "Because I see dead people."

"I'm not dead," Felix says.

"But I am?" Minho questions. "That doesn't seem fair."

No, Felix's mouth doesn't say. It isn't fair at all.

---

There's nothing else to do on the second day of being a ghost, so Felix follows Minho to school.

"We could have just skipped," Minho says again as they weave through the traffic in the hallway, his books tucked securely under his arm. "I don't want to go to school anyway."

His heart still in his throat, Felix shakes his head. "I want to go to school," he lies, the same way he had the first time this had happened. "We'll just get into trouble if we skip."

"I'll get into trouble," Minho amends. "You're a ghost."

The reminder doesn't help with the tightness in his chest, nor does the clever smile that plays on Minho's lips even as he takes his hand, dragging him over to their locker. First, the movie playing on TV, now this same day playing out again, just like it had when they were boys...

What was he really doing here? Alive one day, non-existant the next, following around Minho's memory as they relived days of the past? Unless he was just imagining it, or it was all a coincidence, his mind reading too much into what was already an unbelieveable situation.

Just as the thought settles his stomach, he sees the poster, stuck onto the end of the lockers.

SKZ Film Club, it reads, and his mouth turns dry and his blood runs cold.

It's all going to happen again.

"What are you looking at?" Minho asks, realising that Felix isn't listening to whatever it is he is saying, and looms behind him, reading over his shoulder. "The flim club? You want to make a film?"

"You're not in the club?" Felix questions in return, his whole body turning to look at Minho, who just shrugs.

"I know the boys that are in it," he says, "but they're all best friends. I don't want to be the odd one out in a group like that."

Felix is reminded suddenly of the first time he'd seen this poster, hung on a wall in just the next hall over, directing interested parties to a classroom several rooms further away than the one listed on here, and the boys that they had found there when he'd convinced Minho to go; six of them, sat in a circle on desks and chairs, laughing at something Changbin had said just before they'd walked in the room. He's reminded too, of the days that came after they'd made that leap, the friends he'd thought he would keep forever, the summer and winter days they'd clung to each other through.

"Maybe you'd be one of their best friends too," Felix says, like they're ten again and fitting in is all that matters. "You always wanted to be an actor."

"Hm," Minho hums, like he doesn't believe him. "People don't like me like that. Except you."

Felix is so surprised that for a moment he forgets how this story ends, his back turning on the poster. "What are you talking about?" he asks; Minho, seeing what is written on his face, retreats to the locker, burying his head in the open doorway as if that will hide him from the reality he's just created for himself. "Lots of people would like you, if you tried to make some friends."

"Are you trying to say you don't want to be friends with me anymore?" Minho jokes, defensive. "You could just tell me. Float away on the wind or something."

"No!" Felix replies, aghast. "I'm just saying - I don't think they would hate you. I think they'd like being your friends a lot."

Slowly, Minho retracts from the locker, watching him from around the open door. His gaze is sharp, judging - looking for something Felix isn't sure he'll find, down below his skin and bones. "Okay," he says after a moment, slamming the locker closed so hard that it makes Felix jump. "I'll join the club, then."

Felix pauses, long enough for Minho to stand up and stalk away down the hall, sliding between groups of other kids. "Wait," he says, reaching out. "I didn't mean-"

The bell rings, drowning out his voice. Minho doesn't look back, not even to check if he is following - he just keeps walking, charting a direct, determined path towards the open door that leads to the film club, so close that Felix couldn't stop him if he tried. 

This is how it all starts. This is how it all ends.

He should stop him, should run through that hall and shut that door and send him on his way to a safe, lonely existance with no one but a boy no one else can see for company. That would be the safe option - if he did that, wouldn't it stop this chain of repeating events? Wouldn't it stop leading down the same path that it had before? 

And yet, his feet don't move. His hands hesitate. Minho's retreating back is swallowed by the crowd.

He thinks again of those boys, and that endless summer, the happy days that had begun and ended with Minho, that he'd wished so hard and so long to go back to, and...he can't stop him. Can't take that away from him, even though he knows where this road might lead. And even so; does his fear of the ending mean that he should never even let it begin? Hadn't this been part of the wish too - not just that Minho comes back, but that the other boys return too? Hadn't he missed them just as much?

His breath catches in his throat when he gets to the door and looks inside and there they all are, strewn across the desks just like they would have been when they were younger. Even the sight of Hyunjin, the boy that hid within their bullies rather than standing and facing what he knew had happened, lifts his heart; here, he does not frown or suffer. Here, he smiles, the light catching on his face in a way that Felix hasn't seen for several years.

Seungmin is here again, and Jeongin, sitting there side by side the way that they sit side by side in the school across town in his world. Jisung laughs loudly, clinging to Chan's arm to avoid slipping off the desk that he's sitting on, legs dangling in the space between his seat and the ground. Changbin's eyes rove around the room, passing by the door but never focusing in on Felix's pale face peeking in.

Filling in the circle, his back turned to the door, Minho takes a hesitant seat within their group, the light of the windows catching on the smile that slips across his face, and it seems right somehow. Like something that was always meant to happen; a peace that wasn't there before settles into Felix's chest, a certainty that he's done something right rather than something wrong. 

A feeling that maybe he was here to do a job, and this was only the beginning.

[hansomeskz]

Devil Like Me Epilogue

Han Jisung is the devil of the music industry, but he’s tired of being alone.

Read on Ao3 | Read on Wattpad | Talk to me on Twitter | Chat on retrospring

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Epilogue

NOTE: I am trying to decide which fic I want to post next!! I was going to post a fic I have inspired by Ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine but I also have one ready to go inspired by The 30th by Billie Eilish!! let me know which you would prefer :’)

If you had told Han Jisung ten years ago that he would still be alive, he never would’ve believed you. That means that everything else is just gravy.

Everything that went down for the few years he was used and abused is so far out of his mind now. He has more important things to worry about, like running his own label with his best friends and which preschool is going to be more beneficial for his daughter.

He could fret about how he almost drank himself to death under the supervision of his old management team, or he could celebrate five years of sobriety with his husband.

Today, he’s choosing to celebrate with his husband.

“Honey,” Minho calls from the sliding glass door connecting their house to their backyard. “Yes, my love?”

“Did you remember to pick up hot dog buns on your way home last night?”

“… Baby, tell me again how much you love me.” Jisung faces Minho with wide, innocent eyes. Batting his eyelashes only earns him a pained cry. “You’re useless!”

“But you still love me.” Jisung grins, drawing an exasperated sigh from Minho. “Only on the weekends.”

“Good thing it’s Saturday, or I’d be in trouble.” He stands from where he was testing the temperature of the pool, wiping his hands on his jeans. “I can go get them now.”

“No, I’ll just text Hyunjin. They’re leaving in ten anyway.” Minho smiles at Jisung as he approaches him. The blond is met with a scoff as he puckers his lips. “Kisses are for husbands who remember to pick up the hot dog buns. Where’s Dae?” Jisung’s eyes go wide, “I thought you had her?”

“ Jisung! ” Minho gasps, but he realizes the blond is kidding before he can start to panic. The younger boy pulls her out of her swing, jiggling her gently.

“Don’t shake her,” Minho whines, going over to her and plucking her right from Jisung’s grasp. The blond just laughs, following Minho inside.

“Dada,” their daughter says, grabbing at Minho’s face desperately. “Hungry.”

“We can eat soon, sweetheart.” Minho ruffles her hair, earning an angry squeal as she tries to bat his hands away. “We’re just waiting for our guests,” Jisung adds, kissing the top of her head.

They sit Dae in her chair at the table while the two of them chop vegetables. Jisung listens happily as Minho hums a song he’s had stuck in his head. The blond recognizes it as one of his own. “You’re like, obsessed with me,” he teases, smiling at him.

“Yeah,” the older boy sighs. “I am.”

Jisung goes to kiss Minho, but they’re interrupted by the sound of six pocket-sized men letting themselves in through their front door.

Changbin is yelling something about a band they’re trying to sign as Felix whines about how hard making the choreo for their music would be. Jisung rolls his eyes playfully, scooping up Dae as he goes to say hi.

“Oh my god, my favourite niece!” Chan holds his hands out as Jisung hands her over. She smiles brightly and hugs Chan’s neck. “Seungmin-“

“Don’t get any ideas, Chan. I thought we agreed to be cool uncles.”

“I’m the wine aunt,” Hyunjin chips in, handing Jisung two bags of hot dog buns before joining Minho in the kitchen.

Jeongin promptly plucks the bags out of his hands again. Heading for the backyard. “I’m going to start the grill. I don’t trust you at all,” he says simply. Jisung would argue if he had any counterpoints but he knows he’s right.

Minho and Hyunjin carry any toppings for the food out to the backyard, the group of boys all trailing behind.

Surrounded by his best friends, the summer sun beating down in his face, Jisung feels so alive. Minho presses a kiss to the back of his neck as he wraps his arms around the younger boy from behind. Jisung sighs happily, enjoying the feeling of existing surrounded by his favourite people.

“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Min.”

“Yeah, well, you’ll never have to think about that.”

[dreaming-medium]

Pssst, can I ask u🫵 something?

Do you have any rec for skzfic? Since you're a good writer so I think you a good taste in fics

Omg hey! You can absolutely ask me this, sorry it took so long for me to get around to! SO I read most (all) of my fics on Ao3! I'm still getting used to Tumblr lmao I can try to curate some Tumblr fics but that would take me a hot minute But here are some good ones I have bookmarked, I think most, if not all, are smutty 18+, but I'll tag them nontheless: Not gunna lie, 99% of the fics I read have smut just cause of what I like, so

Multi-chap fics:

Close Your Eyes (... And Count To Seven) by MysteryBird (18+) Ot8 x reader Word Count: 117,144 Mafia AU where the reader hooks up with each member of the gang. HIGHLY SMUTTY, has some extreme kinks in it. Definitely a Dead Dove Do Not Eat on the tags. But my god it is so well written and has plot, idk how it doesn't have more attention.

Stray Gods by DollyStuart (18+) Poly!Ot8 x reader Word Count: 171,475 (WIP, not finished) All of the members are gods of different powers and the reader is their guide throughout godhood. Has some good smut!

Tangled by ThisPeachIsDirty (18+) Poly!Ot8 x reader Word Count: 199,549 Reader is a tour photographer for the group and all of them use her to relieve... tension in various ways.

Instinct by fizzydrink698 (18+) Bang Chan x reader Word Count: 53,405 ABO where the reader is an alpha and Chan is the omega, it is definitely one of my fav SKZ ABO fics

Friends with Benefits by starrgaziingg (18+) Lee Know x reader Word Count: 67,847 "Lee Minho is a legacy at your university. He received an honorary award when he graduated, got a position as a dancer in a company a week after receiving his diploma...and was renowned as the schools famous ice-cold fuckboy." SO good

What You Deserve by 2chopsticks2eyes (18+) This is another author that I devour any of their work Lee Know x reader Word Count: 67,284 "You meet your best friend's group from college and find yourself spending more and more time with Minho. Sexual tension ensues." I think I re-read this fic 10 times already One Shots:

Strike the match, burn me down till I'm nothing by lemonhopia (18+) Kim Seungmin x reader Word Count: 5,290 enemies to lovers (sort of) Seungmin is reader's childhood best friend's brother who has been nothing but a thorn in her side since they were little. He's tasked with picking you up from the airport for your best friend's wedding.

conflict, conceal, confess by fizzydrink698 (18+) TBH anything by this author is AMAZING. I stalk their page so often. Lee Know x reader Word Count: 18,239 "minho and reader have been academic rivals for nearly a decade. now they have to put aside their differences, call a truce and finally admit they're ridiculously attracted to each other."

The Duke and I by lordseok (18+) Hwang Hyunjin x reader Word Count: 32,289 Bridgerton AU "Wishing to be a successful writer in the regency period seemed next to impossible for the sole daughter of a dead earl. With arising pressures from your mother to tie the knot, you turn to your dearest friend, Hwang Hyunjin, Duke of Hastings and the most eligible, scandalous bachelor of the season, for assistance. When he suggests the insane of idea of marrying each other to help each other, you agree to the proposal, unaware of how much the duke can teach you of the wonders of matrimony." I. Ate. This. UP. It is SO WELL WRITTEN.

[alexis-reads-fics]

Lex's Fav Writers 🖤

New to the skzfic world? Don't know what accounts/writers to follow? Take a look!

Please read the stories tags so you know what you are getting into! - These are writers that I love! I recommend pretty much anything they write 🖤 Their works are also scattered throughout the other masterlists, these are honourable writer mentions!

Tasteleeknow - First writer I ever read/followed! Horror House was my first fic and is the fav that I re-read to this day 🖤

j-0ne25 - The first writer that blocked me when I had a generic account 😂 Here's your sign to make sure your age is listed on your page and to actually have a name and pfp! Every. Piece. I. Love. So talented

therhythmafterthesummer - Is likely the reason I am now obsessed with Werewolf!AU. Is also a super nice person!! Werewolf!AU aside, I also love their other pieces

[skztword]

Wait wow wait wait can I request 39 with Lee Seungmin and ler Minho? ❤️

Say it now!

Line="Say it"

As the both of them are known for their cat and mouse relationship, Seungmin tends to be the one who provokes the so called evil cat out of boredom.But one day Lee Know decides that the poor puppy needs to learn a lesson.

As every other day, Seungmin has decided to bother the older member who seemed to be busy on his phone talking to stays on an app called bubble.Minho was too busy to notice the younger approaching him since he was focused on typing and sending voice messages to his fans.

"Hi guys~ what are you doing??" Minho recorded as he sent the voice message to his fans.Seungmin smiled as he seemed to come up with a oh so evil idea to embarrass his hyung while he was sending his messages to their fans.

Seungmin slowly and quietly approached the dancer from behind to not get noticed by the older member while he reached his arm out towards his sides.Minho didn't seem to notice as he was still recording another message to stays.

"I ate bibimbap tod-AH!" Minho shrieked as he jumped up from the sudden squeeze he felt on his sides while accidentally pressing the send button on bubble, which now meant that all stays could hear the embarrassing shriek Minho yelled out.He quickly unseeded the message but already few of the stays seemed to hear it.His face flushed red while reading the messages he received from stays. 『Aw~ that was cute!』『What was that shriek? that was so cute~!』and so on.

Seungmin laughed triumphantly as he saw the evil bunny easily turn into a literal tomato within seconds.But soon his laughter stopped as he was talked down by the dancer to the ground.

"Why did you do that!?" Minho yelled still with faint blush on his face as he glared down at the younger member."What? it was fun" Seungmin cheekily commented as he smirked back at the older member."Apologize!" Minho replied as he raised his eyebrows towards Seungmin indicating that he was angry.Seungmin on the other didn't seem to care still triumph about his little accomplishment.

"Why are you still smiling Seungmin?" Minho asked with a glare.Seungmin shrugged as he replied "It was funny, and hey stays seemed to like it too!"The comment seemed to make the evil bunny flustered again wich caused the puppy's smile to grow bigger.

"You know what you need to get punished until you apologize." The dance commented as he pulled up the vocalist's arms up easily."Oh? what are you going to do? Yell at me?" Seungmin replied cockily as he rolled his eyes."Come on you know I'm not going to apologize."The older member just smirked at the younger member's reaction as he freed one of his arms using one arm to pin both of the vocalists arm up."I knew you were going to say that Minnie, unfortunately for you I have the perfect punishment for you~".

Minho smirked as he dug into the vocalist's ribs causing him to burst into a fit of giggles as he tried to pull aways from the older's fingers."Wahahait! Nohoho! pleaheahse!"Seungmin's giggles sound turned into laughter as the dancer started to lightly squeeze his sides while going under his shirt."Please what Minnie? If you want me to stop you know what to do~"

Now it was Minho's turn to smirk as Seungmin blushed still trying to desperately wiggle aways from the unbearable sensation that he could get aways from.Seungmin knew that Lee Know was one of the most skilled lers in Straykids since he used to "punish" the other younger members by using this method but it actually has been a while since Lee Know has done that to him after Seungmin started to be more independent.

As if Minho read Seungmin's mind he commented, "Been a while since I tickled you shitless huh?I guess it's been too long since you've been bugging me all the time, I guess I got to do this more often... not that I really mind." If it was possible Seungmin blushed deeper now trying to hide his face with his arms as he laughed his head off.

"ShUHUHUT UHUHUP!!" Seungmin laughed as he tried to push off the dancer's hand now attacking his hips wich seemed to drive him crazy." Come on Minnie~ Say it!".

"FIHIHIHINE! I'M SOHOHOHOHORY NOHOHOW STHAHAP!" Seungmin yelled as he was now unable to bear the tickling sensation from the older member.Minho smirked triumphantly as he stopped and got off the younger member.

"Learned a lesson Seungmin~?" Minho asked as he smiled looking down to the younger member now curled up still lightly giggling."Yeah yeah... now leave me alone...." 

"Hm...you could bug me all you want I won't mind tickling you shitless again" Minho commented as he smirked and walked back to his original spot to talk to stays again now trying to explain why he has shrieked in the first place.

On the other hand Seungmin was still a flustered mess from both the tickling and the comment that the dancer has made.From the so called "punishment" Minho gave to Seungmin, the vocalist decided to get a little break and go back to his room but then again he came up with another brilliant idea to bother the evil bunny.Obviously no "punishment" from Minho was going to stop the sneaky puppy to bother poor bunny, not that he minded the punishment though.....

[tokkibbang00]

New K-Pop Tumblr User & Writer

Hi~ I'm tokkibbang but you can call me tokki or bun! I've been a fanfic writer (in general) for about 9-10 years now.

I usually post my stuff in wattpad but I often read fics from tumblr and ao3 too. Now I just want to try posting my stories here in tumblr too. I know there's a lot of good people out here where I can reach out for help too :) I'll probably mostly write and post bts, txt, and stray kids fics at the moment because I'm most comfortable with it, but I can try writing for other groups too :)

I'll post some of my stuff soon, but for now I wanted to say hi and maybe make new friends here!! If you read through everything, thank you so much!! I hope we can talk and have fun here!

[laurenkmyers]

The self-indulgent Hyunchan 'Railway' fic that no one asked for. aka, Hyunjin has been in love with Chan the entire time- with an omegaverse twist. ao3

Hyunjin has been holding a flame of fierce desire for his alpha leader for as long as he can remember. 

From the very beginning his omega took one whiff of Chan’s power and said ‘mine.’ 

But much to the utter horror and dismay of his omega, he never actually acts upon it. 

+++

Sadly, being Chan’s omega while pursuing his dreams of becoming an idol is a pipe dream he can’t afford to indulge in. So he buries his deepest desires and takes it day by day. 

In the earlier years he’s so determined to succeed in his debut journey that he’s able to mask his mood shifts, his lingering eyes, and his wandering thoughts behind hard work and dedication to his craft. Hyunjin works himself to the bone. As the sweat pours down his face, his legs ache from over-exertion, his throat croaks out the final lyrics of the song, it all seems worth it when Chan’s determined eyes follow his every move. It excites him, and all Jinnie wants is to keep Bang Chan’s eyes firmly on him. 

Because as long as he has Chan’s gaze, he'll be able to debut with Chan, and their journey together can really begin. 

When the day finally comes, and Chan choses him to be part of his group, Hyunjin’s heart soars. 

He made it. 

A Stray Kid at last, he tells himself as he cries into his pillow that night, exhaustion finally taking him. 

It eases the yearning slightly knowing that Chan wants him, not necessarily in the way his inner wolf needs to be wanted, but he was chosen by their new leader. And that makes the aches and pains he put his body through worth it. 

Hyunjin loves being an idol, and he loves being a Stray Kid.

But his elation, sadly, doesn’t last long. 

Being around Chan as often as he is becomes increasingly harder day after day. Some days are far worse than others. And the reminders get lost in a sea of dark, heavy waves that crash into the shore. 

Sometimes his desires trickle over and make themselves known. And when Hyunjin cracks, it’s with pitiful desperation. 

+++

Bang Chan has been on suppressants for almost as long as Hyunjin has known him. Hyunjin still has mixed feelings about them. On the one hand Jinnie is grateful, he thinks he only made it as far as he did because his alpha has no distinct smell to entice and distract him, but his wolf despises it, craves  only the sandalwood and lime that once invaded his entire body and which he’d immediately recognised as his. It rages a constant back and forth. 

But Chan’s suppressants come with one major flaw. They might suppress his inner alpha for the majority of the year, but his lack of ruts throughout the rest of the year make his annual one even more ferocious, and this, in turn, makes their leader far too dangerous to be around. 

So Chan’s annual rut is a major event that Hyunjin is forced to disappear for.

The company unanimously decides that the pack’s omega’s- Hyunjin, Felix, and Jisung, - are all to be cautiously kept out of Chan’s vicinity when his rut hits. It physically pains Hyunjin to be away from his alpha when he needs him the most, but there’s nothing he can do or say that will allow him into the dorm when the time comes. 

No one knows that Hyunjin’s wolf has laid claim on their leader. No one can know. So Hyunjin hides himself away and silently cries out for Chan every year. 

The only upside to Chan’s rut steadily approaching is that all schedules are suspended for the entire month until it’s over. The biology of Chan’s ruts isn’t an exact science, and it can hit at any moment. Better to be safe than sorry, the managers would say. 

Despite the way he misses his own bed, and the comfort of having Chan so close, Hyunjin does enjoy the time off to relax his mind and his body. Though he gets bored more often than not. Keeping himself occupied with instagram lives with STAY and painting is something he loves to indulge in. 

Hyunjin has pretty chill plans for the evening. He plans to take a long, hot soak in the bath, paint one of the new canvases that Chan conveniently bought him, and potentially talk to STAY on live. He’s so content at the cozy thought alone that he doesn’t even bother checking his phone until it’s too late.

Hyunjin smells him the moment he steps into their shared home. 

His alpha, his leader, his mate.  

Chan’s sandalwood and lime scent is overwhelmingly potent. He smells so fucking good that Hyunjin’s wolf knows it was made just for him. It invades his senses and sends a wild fire frenzy of lust and fury and possessiveness ravaging through his body. The groans and growls and the low whimpers of need call to Hyunjin like a siren's call. Chan needs him, is calling out for him, he can hear the desperation in his alpha’s voice. 

Hyunjin needs to get to his alpha. Present himself for his alpha. Mate with his alpha. 

“Jinnie?” 

Changbin stands outside Chan’s room, a look of confusion and a hint of fear crosses his face as he tries to process Hyunjin’s presence. “What are you doing here?” 

But Hyunjin hears Chan cry out again, and he tunnelvisions, feet moving before he can stop himself, all rationality flies from his body. He beelines for Chan’s door and tries to barrel through Changbin to do it.

If it weren’t for Binnie’s quick reflexes and brick-shit house stance, Hyunjin might have gotten in, stripped himself bare and sat on Chan’s knot in seconds. 

But Changbin is on guard tonight, ever watchful, always loyal, and fiercely protective of his hyung. So before Hyunjin can even think about undoing the button of his pants and giving himself to Chan to use and breed, he’s being yanked bodily away from the scene of his mate’s pained pleasure and taken to the other dorm where a worked-up and devastated Hyunjin weeps a desperate confession into Binnie’s arms.

“He needs me, Bin.” Hyunjin wails, “Alpha needs me.” Tears stream down his face faster than he can wipe them away. 

Binnie smiles kindly, brushing Hyunjin’s hair away from his eyes, “Channie-hyung will be fine after a few days.” 

“NO!” Hyunjin snaps, pushing Changbin away, “Alpha needs me.” He growls.

Hyunjin struggles in Binnie’s arms, wrestling against him in a fight he knows he won’t win. All Binnie does is coo, trying to soothe the agitated wolf. “Jinnie, calm down. It’s okay. Chan is going to be okay.” 

“B-but I need him.”  Hyunjin chokes out weakly, “He’s mine.” 

A flurry of anxiety trickles across his chest as a litany of possessive mineminemine echoes round the room until all Jinnie can think to say is the truth.

Binnie grabs Hyunjin’s face and holds him up with both palms,“That’s just his rut talking, Jinnie. Your hormones are all over the place right now. It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.” 

Hyunjin forcibly shakes his head and laughs darkly. “You don’t get it, Binnie.” 

“What’s there to get? Your omega saw our alpha leader in pain and wanted to help. It’s only natural to feel this way. It’s instinct.” 

“I’m in love with him, Binnie.” 

That shuts Changbin right up. 

The silence is deafening, until Binnie’s breath hitches in his chest, like he’s forcing himself to hide his initial response. 

“You’re-”

The fog in Hyunjin’s vision clears as he nods in an almost sedated relief as his confession lays bare before them. There’s no holding back now. May as well give Changbin the rest too. 

“He’s my alpha. I belong to him in every way that matters. Consciously and instinctually I’m his. I don’t want anyone else. Being forced to stay away from him when he needs me the most has almost destroyed me every year since the day he had his first rut. I love him, Bin.” 

“Jesus, Jinnie.” Changbin replies in utter shock, “Does Chan know?” 

Hyunjin lets out a dark cackle that moulds quickly into a hiccup, “He can’t know. You can’t tell him.” 

Changbin sighs quietly, nods in understanding, and opens his arms with a quiet ‘c’mere’ and catches  Hyunjin as he falls carelessly into them. 

“It’ll be okay, Jinnie. I'll protect you.” 

+++

Ever since that night, Changbin has kept a close eye on him. Checking in when he can, and always providing comfort when Channie-hyung is being especially flirty with other omega’s. Which happens far too often than either of them would like.

Chan has always been the biggest flirt of the group. He flirts with other idols, gender non-specific, as his cheeks blush and his laughter rings out. He flirts with STAY most of all, teasing them in person and over socials. Relentlessly. 

And hell, Chan even flirts with other members of their pack, pulling Felix into his lap and nuzzling his face into his fellow omega’s scent gland without realising he’s doing it. Hyunjin watches Lixie’s eyes cloud over and waits for the purring to start before he has to look away. 

Every scenario Hyunjin has to witness where Chan’s eyes and hands are fixed on someone else is like a punch to the gut. No matter how hard he tries to forget to act like it doesn’t tear him up inside, it always does. It tears him apart.

Hyunjin tries to keep things casual, burying his emotions deep down, but every time he purposefully keeps  his distance, Chan will unknowingly force his sandalwood and lime scented body back into his space. Hyunjin simply isn’t strong enough to resist. He doesn’t possess the strength to fight what his heart, his mind, and his inner wolf longs for. So he forgives Chan’s ignorance and his wandering hands and falls into easy submission whenever his alpha gives him any kind of attention. 

Changbin really is his only saving grace sometimes. His best friend. His protector. He honestly doesn’t know what he would have done over the years without him. And when they all make the collective decision to split the dorms into pairs, it's with gleeful clarity that Hyunjin choses to live with Binnie, despite Chan’s pouty lips and sad, disappointed eyes searching the moment the decision is made public. 

Hyunjin definitely doesn’t weep for a week straight about it. 

And Changbin never utters a word. 

He’s thankful for it. 

But even with Binnie now having his back, the man can only do so much. There’s been too many close calls that both of them struggle to keep his inner wolf at bay. The longing gets so bad sometimes, that even when Chan isn’t physically around it’s a struggle.

One of the worst incidents actually occurs during Hyunjin’s hiatus. All it takes is one video from the group's Wolfgang Kingdom stage, with Chan in all his oiled up, scratched up, shirtless glory and it’s as if a kill switch in Hyunjin’s brain is violently triggered. His omega goes wild and forces him into one of the worst heats of his entire life.

Luckily Chan isn’t there to witness the way Hyunjin whines for him. 

Confidential conversations are had after Kingdom, and appointments with his doctor are made to ensure he’s protected from all sides, forcibly drowning out the sounds of his lonely, desperate omega with little white pills. But sadly, the meds only seem to suppress the physical effects of his body's longing. They don’t fight the emotional toll it takes every time Chan looks at him with even just a hint of something more. 

Hyunjin has had many lucky escapes over the years. 

Red Lights era is one of the best and worst times of his life. He thanks god every day for his new miracle suppressants, because there are several moments while shooting together that Hyunjin feels the push and pull of fierce ownership from his inner wolf. 

Being able to work with his alpha one on one, is both a blessing and a curse. Expressing scarily similar desires through their unit song, a song that they created together, only solidifies how perfectly matched they are as mates. The constant string of praise that falls from his hyung's lips as he waxes poetically about Hyunjin’s lyrics, and then as he coaxes the flames of Hyunjin’s want into slightly more sultry, subtle lines of his own damnation. 

When filming starts and he’s forced to endure having his alpha’s loose grip wrapped around his throat, he prays that Chan doesn’t notice how rapidly his pulse is rabbiting beneath his palm. The exhilaration, the fear, the giddy joy, the anguish, Hyunjin fine-tunes those emotions and pushes even further to make sure it comes across as nothing more than good acting. He almost gets away with it too. It’s only when Chan’s fingers tighten around Hyunjin’s neck that he fears his facade might crack. But the director is calling ‘cut’ and Chan’s hand immediately drops from its chokehold, and Hyunjin lets out the longest breath, hungrily gasping for air. 

Hyunjin excuses himself to the private bathroom, locks the door quickly, closes his eyes, and wraps his own hand round his throat. He imagines it’s Chan’s firm grip as he unzips his trousers, pulls himself out, and pumps his incredibly slick cock to completion in a matter of minutes. 

No one even blinks an eye when he saunters back onto set moments later with an air of fresh haze. If Bang Chan notices anything different about his behaviour he never mentions it directly, but his touches does linger, and there is a constant stream of compliments every time Hyunjin suggests something new they could try, and the praise makes him quiver inside and out.  

Then it’s the choreography that gets Hyunjin riled up hours later, the feeling of his leader’s ever-steady palms holding him up as Hyunjin arches his back mid-dance. The moaning and writhing beneath the towering figure of his darkest fantasy, a vision in white, come to life.

Yeah. 

Hyunjin is all kinds of fucked up. Not even Binnie’s solid comfort can pull him out of this one unscathed.

Hyunjin is probably solely responsible for at least half the views on their unit music video, and even now whenever the song is played it’s instinctual the way his cock hardens the moment he hears the laboured breaths of his alpha through his headphones. He locks himself away most evenings, loses count how many times he’s fucked himself on his favourite toy to that final memory of Chan towering over him. 

He’s pretty much tugged himself raw to the sound of every Chan verse in their discography by now, and he’s stupidly fucked his way through half the male dance crew just to satiate the hunger buried not quite as deep as he’d hoped it would be by now. Nothing seems to quench the deep-rooted need he has for his missing mate. 

At this rate Hyunjin is convinced nothing ever will. 

But he takes it day by day. 

+++

Hyunjin has heard rumblings of excitement surrounding Chan’s solo stage for weeks now leading up to their first world tour date. He’s been desperately holding back from peeking into the rehearsal space just to catch a glimpse, because Hyunjin knows better than to tempt fate.

Witnessing forced glimpses of Chan's solo from its conception to the stage is a journey of much required patience, composure, and most importantly, restraint. 

Changbin has expressly forbidden him from watching Chan’s first solo stage until he himself has seen it performed in full, and then after he has, he makes it very clear that Hyunjin is to avoid the set entirely.

The exhilarating buzz from STAY, crew, other idols, and everyone alike makes it increasingly difficult to avoid, so that evening when they’re all back in their own beds, and the adrenaline still coursing through him from tonight’s show lingers, Hyunjin does the inevitable. He takes a quick glimpse through his burner accounts on social media. Only when he does, he’s immediately bombarded with image after image after image of his alpha’s very bare, very sweaty, and very marked up chest and back. 

Hyunjin spends the rest of the night panting, moaning, sweating, and riding his newest dildo, begging his absent alpha for more, please.  

+++

Day two of the show comes around far quicker than he’d like. Hyunjin barely has his rampant hormones under control after devouring scenes of his alpha taking centre stage and putting on an incredibly unhinged viral performance. A performance that is only to be repeated later this evening. 

It’s as he’s fingering himself open in the shower that morning that Hyunjin decides it’s time to take the plunge. Maybe a little bit of exposure therapy to Chan’s solo stage might help him ease the tension he can feel continually building inside him. This is his first mistake. 

He leaves his room in such a rush to get to the venue that his very important, solitary white pill labelled with today’s date flings itself to the floor and rolls under the bed, not swallowed. 

Hyunjin’s nerves for the show are overshadowed with excitement as he changes into his first outfit of the night. The adrenaline rush of endorphins he earns tearing up the stage in his own solo performance is a completely different kind of hype to what he’s feeling right now as he watches Chan step out towards centre stage, where the buzz of the crowd as they roar with burning passion, makes Hyunjin’s entire body jittery with anticipation. 

The performance starts in a haze of darkness, until a singular spotlight hits the back of Chan’s figure as he drags his steel throne up onto the podium through a throng of bodies that wait patiently to worship their leader. 

The music builds and swells, reaching its peak the moment Chan sits down, and his powerhouse vocals burst through with the melody: 

“Tunnel vision, got my eyes on you.” 

Hyunjin’s legs tremble.

 “Trapped in every single line, and every move. ” 

Sweat drips down the back of Hyunjin’s spine.

“Heart is racing day and night, for you.” 

Hyunjin’s own heart mimics the lyrics, beat for beat, racing.

“Don’t hold back, enjoy the ride, let it loose.” 

And by his alpha’s command, Hyunjin’s trembling limbs loosen and he sinks to the floor in a perfect kneel, waiting for his next command. 

The sirens keep on screaming, that's a warning

We're staring at the ticket that says "one trip."

No turning back, hold tight onto the railings.

The lack of physical railings doesn’t stop Hyunjin’s arms from tucking behind his back to hold on tight. 

It's only us but something's saying "more, please."

Hyunjin bites his lip, and as Chan falls forward, he arches his back and whimpers.

Yeah, this train never sleeps.

Brace yourself, take a seat.

Don't you care about the casualties, casualties,

'Cause it's safe when it's just you and me, you and me.

Baby, I feel our heartbeats,

Shaking, trembling,

Rough ride, hold on tight.

Yeah, this train never sleeps.”

Hyunjin’s brain supplies only two thoughts:

Him and Chan. 

Omega and Alpha. 

He settles back into submission and waits for Chan’s voice to wash over him once more. 

As the song progresses, Chan’s lyrics stay as unhinged as you can expect from the man who wrote Drive and Red Lights, but when he pairs them with his sultry tone and bedroom eyes directed into the camera, it sends Hyunjin spiralling further into pleasured torment. He sits and waits, panting like a dog on a leash, choking down gulps of tainted air the longer he stares at this version of Chan on the big screen. 

And when the finale rolls in, with a slick, clawed up chest, falling into his own pit of despair after teasing and goading and riding the wave of his success, Hyunjin’s brain completely short-circuits. His wolf starts howling, rattling ferociously at the cage he’s been locked in for years until it splits the bars wide open. 

Hyunjin’s body, no longer his to control, starts presenting in every way an omega in heat needs to for their alpha. His scent spikes, he knows it does, because he can hear the tell-tale sound of alpha’s raising their noses to the air to single him out. At the first sign of potential recognition from his crew, Hyunjin runs, as swiftly and as quietly as he can, to the side of the stage. He needs to get to Chan before anyone else smells him, because this is his one chance to make sure his alpha knows, finally, who he belongs to. 

Hyunjin has no mind of his own anymore, he’s completely driven by instinct, and his entire being is telling him to get to Chan. 

Claim him, mark him, bite him. Make him yours. 

Chan stumbles through the backstage curtain in a haze of red smoke and Hyunjin is on him like a moth to an open flame, grabbing him by the wrist, tugging him down a darkened corridor and pushing him up against the wall so fiercely he feels his teeth rattle inside his head. Hyunjin presses himself against Chan’s sweat soaked body and runs both hands across the marks on the alpha’s exposed chest, whining openly that they’re not his marks. 

Hyunjin is so enthralled by the way the sweat drips down each ridge of Chan’s perfect body that he barely hears the soft, breathless: “Jinnie, are you okay?” coming from his alpha’s lips. 

His mind and body are far too hazy with lust right now to focus on what he should be doing as opposed to what he wants to be doing, that he doesn’t even realise how being this close to Chan is affecting him. Hearing his alpha’s rough voice in his ear has him leaking slick for the first time in years. It has him moaning out Chan’s name and throwing all caution, patience, restraint, composure, everything he’s ever left hidden, to the fucking wind. 

Hyunjin lunges forward with a soft, desperate mewl and buries himself in Chan’s scent gland, licking, nibbling, sucking, lapping, anything for a taste of the one person he craves most in this world. And when his alpha’s scent spikes the moment he takes his first real bite, it sends a shockwave of scorching electricity zipping up his spine. 

Suddenly, his mouth on Chan’s neck isn’t enough and he craves morepleasemorepleasemoreplease. He licks a slick path up Chan’s neck and over his chin and locks eyes with his alpha. The one eye not obscured by a white contact lens is pitch black, pupil blown wider than the black holes you find in the depth of the milky way, dark and full of mystery, but scorching hot, like a meteor bound straight for his heart.

Hyunjin’s own gaze turns foggy, eyes drooping to half mast as he licks his lips and watches Chan do the same. Stuck in a moment of tense suspension that feels crucial between them, they both lean in and wait. So close to closing that final step, sharing the same air, leaning in and letting the universe decide their fate. 

But Hyunjin’s sick of waiting for the goddamn stars to align.

He stumbles into the abyss and takes what belongs to him, licking his way into Chan’s mouth with a devastating groan. Chan’s beautifully plump lips slip and slide against his own, but they kiss back with equal passion and devour him whole. The push and pull of possession between them is tangible and real and so fucking hot Hyunjin can barely keep his limbs from melting.  

Their hands are everywhere, grabbing, pulling, shoving, pinching, gripping, forcing slightly elongated nails into warm, hardened flesh, making sure to create real marks- his marks- along the perfect lines of his alpha’s abs.  

Chan responds beautifully, humming into his mouth, wrapping him in his perfect arms, pulling him tight against his slick body. 

Hyunjin’s wolf purrs; happy, elated, content now that he’s finally being fed. He arches the moment his alpha’s hands move to his hair, to caress, to tug, to soothe. 

It’s everything he’s dreamed of and more. 

Hyunjin hums a sweet melody into Chan’s mouth and only pulls back when he absolutely can’t fucking breathe . He takes the quickest, deepest breath and dives back in with even more enthusiasm. But when Chan's excitement only pumps out more pheromones, his scent turning sweeter by the second, it hits Hyunjin’s nose and the immediate need to taste takes over. He tugs on Chan’s bottom lip one last time before working his mouth back down to Chan’s scent gland, sucking a deep and possessive mark into his alpha’s neck. He feels a single, happy tear drip down his face when Chan bares his neck and his vulnerabilities in a contented, deep groan of approval. 

Acceptance. 

Reciprocation. 

Maybe not unrequited after all. 

His alpha wants him back. 

It feels like coming home.

Chan’s chest vibrates with soft rumblings of intense affection, and when their hard cocks rub together he rumbles out a deep, ‘Jinnie, please.’ followed by a firm grip on Hyunjin’s ass cheeks, pulling them apart to release more slick. And when Chan drags him even closer, grinding his solid cock into him harder and reaffirming his reciprocation tenfold, Hyunjin’s already wobbly legs almost buckle beneath him. 

If it weren’t for Chan’s arm around him he’d surely crumble.  

Chaos, it seems, ensues far quicker than either one of them would have liked.

Hyunjin bares his teeth to sink them deep into Chan’s neck, where Hyunjin hopes to finally lay claim on his chosen mate, but before he’s able to make contact his hair is being pulled and his body is cruelly ripped away by hands far more fierce and in control than the ones holding him close. His inner wolf howls, growling ferociously at the intruder, lashing out to bite and scratch and tear his way back to his alpha.

Hyunjin thinks he hears his alpha cry out for him, and it pains him to know that Chan is just as desperate for him too. He also thinks he hears Chan begging the intruders to release him, trying desperately to convince them all that he’s ‘got it under control ’, that ‘he’s fine’, and that most importantly, ‘Jinnie needs me.’  

Chan’s desperate pleas for their freedom make Hyunjin feel crazy. But it's only when he looks up to try and soothe his distressed alpha to see Minho holding him pinned to the wall by the neck that Hyunjin feels truly feral. 

“Let me GO!” Hyunjin roars, as fury topples over all rationality.  

Changbin chuckles sweetly, “I don’t think so, princess. You can’t just fuck and mate our leader mid-show, Jinnie. I know it’s been a rough couple of years for you, but this isn’t the way you want to do this, okay?” 

Hyunjin tries in vain to haul his lithe body out of Changbin’s iron-clad grip, and even though he’s never been able to do it before, despite his best efforts, he still attempts one last ditch effort to free himself, struggling and whining, hoping to earn some sympathy through his own distress. 

“But I need him.” 

Changbin hums against his ear in a tone that Hyunjin thinks is meant to be soothing, “I know you do, darling, but not like this.” 

And before he can utter another word, Changbin has him hauled up and over his shoulder and is storming away at a pace Hyunjin’s fuzzy brain can’t comprehend. He looks up at Chan one last time before they turn the corner to see he’s still pinned to the wall by Minho and now also Seungmin, though it looks as if they’re both struggling to keep his alpha put, and that makes Hyunjin smile, if only for a second, before he loses sight of Chan completely, and it’s all over. 

Hyunjin crumbles, sagging against Changbin and letting out the most heart wrenching cry. 

+++

Hyunjin refuses to even acknowledge his best friend the entire journey home, pushing away any physical affections and scoffing at the attempts to soothe with fanciful words of comfort.

Binnie somehow manages to get him home in one piece, physically unscathed, but emotionally… he’s wrecked. His heart longs only for his alpha’s touch. He feels empty without Chan. His heat pumps nothing but agonising poison through his veins as the cramps knock him sideways. It isn’t until Binnie manages to get him into his bed that Jinnie really lashes out.

“Get out.” He says, as forcibly as he’s able to. 

Changbin sighs. “I’m not leaving until you’ve made your nest, Jinnie. I know it’s been a while, but I know you still know how. Let me help.” 

Hyunjin’s fury spits flames of acid through his teeth. He doesn’t want Changbin anywhere near his fucking nest. Not after what he’s done. 

“Get. The Fuck. Out.” 

Changbin holds firm. “No. Someone needs to help get you through this.” 

Hyunjin huffs out a cruel laugh, “You can’t help me, Bin. Are you going to knot me till my heat is satisfied? Gonna pump me full of your come till I’m begging for you to breed me? Keep me knotted until you fill me with your pups, huh?” Hyunjin scoffs, and he knows he’s going to regret every damn word that comes out of his spiteful mouth, but his anger is so blinding he can hardly stop them from gushing out. “Because last I heard you were still just a beta . You’ll never be my alpha, Changbin.” 

Changbin laughs cooly, taking everything with a fresh pinch of salt. “Put the claws away, kitten. I know I’m not your alpha, but what I am is your best friend. And I know this is just your heat talking, but just a beta ? That hurts, Jin.” Binnie says with an over-exaggerated pout and a dramatic slap to his tit. “You’d be lucky to get my cock inside you, minus the knot of course. Because you and I both know it’s knot what you have, but what you do with it that counts.” 

And despite the rage still bubbling inside him, Jinnie chokes out a half crazed laugh. His stupid, ridiculous, beautiful bestie. Always making him laugh and bringing him back down to earth when he’s being an insufferable little bitch. Binnie’s already continuing, though, despite the interruption, “Besides, your alpha- our fearless, yet rule-abiding leader- was about to fuck all consequences and ravage you backstage at our concert because your scent is so fucking potent right now that even I, a lowly beta , can smell your lust from here.”

Hyunjin falters. “You can smell me?” 

Changbin cackles, “Yeah, babe, I can. You stink. No wonder Chan was ready to fuck your brains out in front of everyone, JYP and management be damned. Half the alpha’s in the arena would have taken a piece of you if I hadn’t gotten you out of there.” 

Hyunjin’s breath hitches, his cramps kick him squarely in the gut, and his heart cracks at the implications.

“So, you’re telling me the only reason Chan responded to me the way he did is because he couldn’t help himself? Not because…he wanted me back?”  

The sigh of defeat from Changbin and the silence that follows speaks volumes.

It fractures Hyunjin’s heart. He chokes out a dry sob that physically hurts when it reaches the surface.

“He’ll never love me back, will he?” His omega mourns. 

“I don’t have the answer to that question, Jin. You’re gonna have to ask him. He knows too much now for you to continue hiding, they all do.” Changbin says, striking the final blow. The pack were bound to have questions. 

Hyunjin’s perfectly crafted cover is officially in tatters. Life as he knows it is over. Jinnie’s fragile heart starts to shatter. But only one thought rattles in his head. 

“I-I can’t lose him.”  

Hyunjin hangs his head in defeat. 

A hitched breath, a whiff of sandalwood and lime, and a soft but firm, “I’m not going anywhere, Hyunjin.” is all it takes to bring Hyunjin back to life. 

His head whips across the room to find his beautiful, softly dimpled alpha leaning up against its frame. 

Hyunjin immediately tries to move to him, but Binnie is much too quick, pushing Hyunjin behind him and halfway across the room standing between them before they’ve even managed to blink. 

“You need to leave.” Changbin warns with a hint of a growl. 

Chan doesn’t even acknowledge Binnie, his eyes are fixed longingly on Hyunjin, which very much helps ease the pain in his heart and abdomen greatly. Chan takes a deliberate step forward when Hyunjin mewls.

“Now.” Binnie warns, also stepping forward.

The danger in Binnie’s voice finally gets a reaction from Chan. But when he does eventually drop their fiery gaze he does so with an air of dominance. He turns his head to look Changbin clear in the eye. 

“I’m not leaving him, Bin. Please get out of my way.”

Changbin stands his ground. “Or what? You’ll use your Alpha voice to force your way in here? It’s not gonna happen, Chan. You may be my leader and one of my best friends, but Jinnie’s safety is my top priority. I’ve seen what you’re like during your rut… you’ll break him.” 

“I want him to break me.” Hyunjin yelps, stating the fucking obvious, like it hasn’t been exactly what he’s wanted from the very moment he laid eyes on Chan. 

He can take it. Whatever Chan wants to give. Hyunjin’s body is ready. Made for it. Made for Chan.

Changbin laughs and turns back to Hyunjin, “ Cute, princess, but your emotions are way too horned up for your opinions to be considered consensual in this debate.” 

Hyunjin sighs dramatically, “This isn’t a debate you have any right to be in, Bin. I’m not far gone enough yet that I don’t know the difference between wanting to sit on my alpha’s knot because it’s everything I’ve ever wanted and being so deliriously out of my mind that I only want to be bred and fucked full of pups.” 

“You’re in heat, Jinnie.” 

“I’m in pre-heat. My mind is still clear. I know what I want.”

“But you-”

“-I’m not going to break him, Binnie.” Chan interrupts, reminding them both that he’s still very much in the room as his eyes once again pierce through the veil of thickening fog and linger on Hyunjin’s flat, pupless stomach with want, very blatantly visualising the idea.

Hyunjin’s awareness of how close his alpha is sizzles under the surface of his skin, but he whines in protest of his words. Chan’s gaze snaps back to meet him as he instinctively moves closer again at the sound of his distress. 

“If you tell me to leave, Jinnie, I will. But I’m here because I want you.” Hyunjin whimpers, but Chan continues his confession with passion, “I want us. I’m so in love with you. Think I always have been.” He says, with an air of truth and finality. 

Hyunjin’s heart pounds beneath his ribcage, stuttering, quaking, quivering as he stares at Chan for longer than he cares to admit, basking in the reality of his wildest dreams springing to life before his very eyes, eyes that well up in protest of his refusal to close them, to keep looking at Chan for that little bit longer. Eventually they do close, and the traitorous tears that dangle delicately from his lashes fall, cascading down his cheeks as he lets out a choked sob. 

When he opens his eyes again he sees the way Chan’s entire body vibrates with the need to reach out and comfort him. He knows that if he were to ask, Chan would be by his side and on his knees in seconds.

Hyunjin forces himself to look away, to turn his head towards his best friend to tell him plainly, “I want Chan to stay.”

Changbin smiles, sighs, and drops his head in inevitable defeat, he knew this was coming. But when he looks back up it’s with a smile so bright. “I know.” He giggles, “Just had to be sure.”  

Hyunjin smiles back at him. “I’m sure.” He turns to look back at his alpha and says, “This is what I want.” 

The tension bubbles beneath the surface, Hyunjin’s entire body feels like a live wire, sparks of lust fly and Chan’s gaze darkens the longer they look at each other in the open space, still so far away. 

“Alright, well…” Changbin glances between the two of them and awkwardly shuffles towards the door, neither one of them drops their gaze to look at him, but he still continues, “I’m gonna head out. Don’t wreck the place, okay? And we all eat on that kitchen counter, so keep it clean, yeah?” 

And just before he closes the door he pops his head back in and says, “Oh, and Chan?”

Chan hums in acknowledgement but keeps his fiery eyes firmly on Hyunjin. 

“Leader or not, I will hunt you down if you hurt him, we clear?” 

Chan hums again and nods. “Loud and clear, Bin.” 

Changbin cackles awkwardly and as he's closing the door he lets out a final: “Don’t pounce on him till I leave please.” 

Chan laughs darkly, “Then you better leave quickly.” 

But Hyunjin is done waiting, he’s already up and out of bed, barrelling Chan back into the closed door and slamming their lips and hips together, grinding his painfully hard cock into Chan’s toned abs and moaning out his name like it holds the key to his destruction. 

Binnie squeals from the other side of the door, and the sound of his feet running through the dorm makes Chan chuckle into his mouth. Hyunjin’s tongue silences the laughter quickly though, and soon enough neither one of them is thinking about Changbin anymore. 

Chan’s hands snake their way down his body and land firmly on Hyunjin’s ass and before he knows what’s happening he’s being lifted up Chan’s body like he weighs nothing at all, spun around so quickly Hyunjin feels slightly dizzy, and then slammed back into the door as Chan’s lips collide with his neck, spreading his scent all over him.

“Fuck, Jinnie.” He groans into Hyunjin’s neck. “You smell so good.” He nips and sucks and licks again, rubbing his face into his scent gland, claiming him. “You smell like you’re mine.” 

Hyunjin bares his neck, rolls his body and arches away from the door and further into Chan before confessing into the air, “Always been yours, hyung.” 

Chan's mouth slows, his lips close over Hyunjin’s beating pulse in one final kiss before he lifts his head and uses his hand to pull Hyunjin’s face towards him by the chin. He makes sure Hyunjin’s eyes flutter open before he asks, “How long have you known?” 

Hyunjin tries to look away, but Chan’s hand holds him firm. 

 “Since the day we met.”

Hyunjin runs both hands through Chan’s hair and coaxes a low groan from Chan’s throat as he whispers back a slightly pained but sincere, “I’m sorry for making you wait so long.” 

Hyunjin smiles, “I would have waited forever.” 

But Chan is shaking his head and kissing the next words against his lips, “No more waiting, Jinnie. I’m here. I’m yours. I’ve got you.” 

Chan hikes Hyunjin further into his arms and walks them both over towards the bed where he throws Hyunjin down. He uses his skillful knee to spread Hyunjin’s long dancer's legs, slotting himself between his open thighs and crawls the rest of his way up Hyunjin’s body until their lips collide once more. 

Hyunjin’s omega is so content right now, surrounded by his alpha’s scent, his taste, his weight keeping him deliciously warm, but his heat really starts to kick in the moment Chan starts pulling him apart. Slick gushes out of him, coating his pants in hot, sweet liquid, and the smell of it becomes so overwhelming that Chan rips his lips from Hyunjin’s and begs him for a taste. Hyunjin nods, struggling to form actual words as his mind fogs into submission the moment Chan strips him bare, his back arches and his legs fall even further apart, presenting for his alpha. 

Chan takes a moment and simply stares, basking in the view, admiring him as if he were a priceless piece of art hung at the Louvre. His hand reaches forward, but stutters as if his touch might taint the canvas. Hyunjin mewls and rolls his hips, letting Chan know he needs his touch. Chan’s breath hitches in his chest and his hands immediately grab Hyunjin’s hips to hold him down. Only when Hyunjin settles does he start a determined caress all over Hyunjin’s trembling body.  

“You’re so beautiful, Jinnie.” Chan sighs, “Look at you.” He praises, lightly rubbing one pebbled nipple with his thumb and then trailing the tip of another finger along the soft ridges of delicate abs. 

The body worship continues as Bang Chan leans forward and licks a hot, wet path along Hyunjin’s collarbone, down his sternum, over his pec and circles his nipple several times before latching on and biting down. He blows on it, watches it harden into a perfect little bud and then bites down harder. Hyunjin cries out. 

“So responsive.” Chan croons. 

When he’s done teasing his sensitive nipples, Chan slides further down Hyunjin’s body and pushes one of his legs into a deep bend, while the other he moves onto his shoulder where he now lays completely splayed bare for Chan’s hungry eyes. 

It doesn’t take long at all for Chan to fall into his heat, he wastes no time getting his tongue deep inside Hyunjin’s fluttering hole, lapping at him like a starving man. The noises Chan makes when he gets his first real taste, plus the feeling of his alpha’s claiming tongue so deep, makes Hyunjin writhe, eyes rolling back into his skull the more Chan swirls his tongue inside. When Chan adds his first finger and curls it up into Hyunjin’s prostate he almost screams, throat feeling raw and used. 

Chan takes his time, coaxing mewls and moans and high-pitched sighs as he adds two more fingers, spreading them inside and stretching Hyunjin out, preparing him to take his alpha’s knot. 

But Hyunin’s ready, his omega has been waiting for this moment for so long he thinks he might vibrate right out of his skin if he doesn’t get his alpha’s cock inside him now.  

“Alpha...”  

Chan lifts his head, swollen lips glistening he asks, “Yes, baby?” 

The sight of Chan between his legs licking Hyunjin’s taste from his lips has him panting and whimpering his desire.

“Want you.” 

Bang Chan continues to look up at him from under his lashes with the dirtiest smirk on his face.

 “Say please.”

Hyunjin cries out a quick concession of “pleasepleaseplease” as Chan hooks his fingers directly into his prostate. Hyunjin's wolf begs. 

“Fuck- Alpha, please- want you inside me.” 

Chan curls his fingers again and chuckles menacingly, “I am inside you, Jinnie.” 

Hyunjin’s fist slams into the sheets in frustration, “Nooo…” he whines, “...need your cock. Want alpha’s knot. Feel so empty. Want you to fill me up…please?” 

“There he is. There’s my good boy.” Chan croons, “You’ve been so good for me, baby.” He crooks his fingers one final time, a relentless tease, before pulling out completely, leaving Hyunjin despairingly empty. The emptiness makes Hyunjin want to cry. Chan moving off the bed distracts him momentarily as Hyunjin watches through half-lidded eyes the way Chan tears his shirt from his perfect body, the rest of his clothes follow suit, scattered somewhere around the room. 

When Chan is finally, blessedly, naked, Hyunjin's eyes drop down to his alpha’s cock, which stands tall and thick and hard, dripping pre-come down his glistening abs. Hyunjin leaks even more slick, and his teeth bite into his plump bottom lip as he lets himself look, imagining his alpha’s taste on his tongue. 

“You ready for me?” Chan smiles, dimples popping so distinctly when Hyunjin starts immediately spreading his legs. 

 “Flip over for me, gorgeous. Want you on your hands and knees. Let me see that hole. Gonna fill you up so good.”  

Hyunjin’s body has never moved so fast in his life, not to be dramatic, but it’s almost like everything he’s ever done has been leading to this very moment. He settles on his knees, leans down onto his forearms into the perfect arch and sticks his ass shamelessly into the air. 

He hears the groan behind him and smiles, turning his head to try and catch a glimpse of Chan’s face. He feels the bed dip, and Chan’s palms pull him apart to lean down to lick over him once more.

“You taste so good, Jinnie. Next time I’m gonna eat you out till you cry.” He slaps his palm across Hyunjin’s ass in promise, manhandling his hips closer so that he can rub his cock head across Jinnie’s rim, teasing, ready to drive home. Hyunjin cries out the moment he feels his alpha’s bare cock so close to where he needs him the most. 

“Where do you keep your condoms, baby?” Chan asks abruptly, almost as an afterthought. 

Hyunjin croaks out a forceful, “No condom. We’re both clean. Want it raw. Want to feel you.” 

As idols they’re tested regularly, so Chan knows Jinnie’s statement to be true, but he still smoothes his hands down Jinnie’s body and asks him if he’s sure. 

Hyunjin nods.

They enthusiastically decide to go without. 

Before Hyunjin has even had the chance to beg, Chan is sliding home, inch by devastating inch, until he’s bottoming out and falling onto Hyunjin’s back to settle them both. He rolls his hips and grinds, slowly, achinging deep. There’s a feeling of desperation as all the air is punched out of him from how full he suddenly feels, wild and grasping at the bedsheets. His inner wolf howls. 

Chan waits for Hyunjin to let him know when to start moving, which doesn’t take long at all, as his body is so painfully ready he’s drooling into his pillow.

“Please…” He begs, “... Alpha.”

Chan’s alpha growls out a possessive ‘mine’ followed very quickly with a ‘my omega’ as he pulls all the way out, just to sink back in a little deeper. Hyunjin takes it all, preening mostly at Chan’s claim of ownership. They both let instinct control the pace, Hyunjin takes and takes and takes Chan’s cock till he can feel his stomach bulge every time Chan drives forward and stays there. Hyunjin’s vision blurs with unshed tears that teeter on the edge. 

Chan fucks into him so hard, and so deep he knows he’ll be able to feel him for days. Hyunjin’s back arch deepens after each thrust, and he can feel himself start to drift away from his body. If it weren’t for Chan’s bruising grip on his hips he’s pretty sure he might drift completely, but his alpha’s hands keep him grounded, pushing him deeper and deeper into the mattress. 

The slick sound of skin against skin almost drowns out his own whimpers, and that’s apparently an issue for Chan because he grabs a handful of his hair and tugs Hyunjin’s face out of the pillow.

“Let me hear you, baby.” He growls, leaning over Hyunjin’s back, now grinding his hips in slow circles and whispering, “Tell me how good it feels, Jinnie.” 

Chan keeps angling his perfect cock right into Hyunjin’s prostate and he doesn’t know how much more he can take.

Before Hyunjin has time to come up with a coherent response, he’s being lifted bodily up off the mattress, one hand anchored on his stomach, and the other across his chest as he’s pulled up and into Chan’s body. The move forces his alpha’s cock deeper. Hyunjin lets out the throatiest whine, which in turn prompts a deep chuckle from Chan in his ear. 

Hyunjin turns his head to messily steal the laughter from his lips, and then suddenly Chan is the one making noises, punched-out little uh uh’s as he pistons his hips and licks his way back into Hyunjin’s mouth despite the odd angle.  

Hyunjin tries to keep kissing Chan, but the angle is all wrong and it frustrates him enough to produce some kind of verbal response about it, “Want to see you, alpha.”

Bang Chan’s strength has always been impressive, and one of the many things Hyunjin has secretly obsessed over for years, so to be subjected to that strength, as he’s manhandled and flipped effortlessly onto his back without a second thought is truly something to scream about. He doesn't scream, but he does rock his hips up like the dancer he is and beg Chan to put his cock back inside him. 

“Fuck…” Chan sighs deeply, unable to help himself as he grabs a handful of Hyunjin’s ass, spreads him wide, and sinks back home. 

Hyunjin loves the way the new position gives him more freedom. He takes advantage of it by rolling his hips and pulling Chan further into him. 

Chan’s hungry eyes follow every ripple of Hyunjin’s hips. He tongues his cheek and fucks forward enthusiastically. 

“I’ve always been in awe of the way you move your body. Watching you on stage is a thing of beauty, but this?” Chan sucks in a hitched breath, “getting to watch you move on my cock?”

Hyunjin undulates his hips to drive home Chan's point, his alpha's head flings back, eyes rolling into his skull as he chokes out a desperate, “So fucking good. ”

Chan pants, glancing back down to where they’re connected, “You take me so well, Jinnie. Like you were made just for me.”

Hyunjin’s wolf slurs out happy responses, mainly words like ‘yours’, ‘mine’, and a near constant slew of Chan’s name wrapped in a possessive cloud above them both. 

As Hyunjin’s body falls deeper into his heat he has a hard time keeping himself grounded in the reality of the moment because his head is so far up in the clouds he can hardly think much beyond the instinctual need to be filled and kept and bred and the feeling of Chan’s hips pumping rhythmically into his body, giving him everything he’s ever wanted. 

Hyunjin’s so overwhelmed about finally having his alpha inside him, heart, body, and soul, that when his first orgasm rolls round, it hits so aggressively that it sends him hurtling towards the second in a matter of minutes. His cock pumping out a near constant stream of come that glistens across his body like freshly squeezed paint on a new canvas. 

Chan’s fingers find their way onto his stomach and slide the come up and over the soft lines of his skin, creating his own artwork on Hyunjin’s trembling flesh. When he brings a heavily coated finger to his own lips and sucks it clean, Hyunjin nearly passes out. 

Chan leans down till his breath is ghosting over Hyunjin’s lips. He kisses the salty sweetness into his mouth and asks, “Think you can take your alpha’s knot now, baby? I’m close.” 

The nod Hyunjin’s whole body gives is instantaneous, but words feel thick and gooey in his mouth as he struggles through a verbal response. He thinks he manages an enthusiastic yesyesyes though, because he can feel Chan's laughter bubble in his throat as he kisses him. And when his alpha snaps his hips and drives harder into him, the swell at the base of his cock grows rapidly, settling deep inside him. 

Chan’s come is an endless stream of warmth as it fills him up, and Hyunjin is just aware enough to know that his wolf is purring in delight, entirely sated. 

When the fog starts to clear, and Hyunjin’s ears stop ringing, his head stops fizzing, and his eyes flutter open, he sees the look in Chan’s eyes as he coaxes him back into his body. Hyunjin has never felt more loved in his entire life. All he wants to do is stay here forever. 

“Love you, Chris.” Hyunjin croons sweetly, lulled into Chan’s loving embrace as he comes back down to earth, not quite functioning enough to realise this is the first time he’s said the words out loud to Chan before. But when Chan smiles, his dimples popping as he wipes a stray tear that falls traitorously down Hyunjin’s cheek, he thinks he could definitely get used to this feeling. 

Chan leans down, presses his lips to Hyunjin’s and whispers, “I love you too, Jinnie.” 

+++

As they lay together, still connected, Chan humming sweetly into Hyunjin’s neck as Hyunjin purrs in contented silence, Chan suddenly pulls back and abruptly breaks the peace of the moment.

“So, what did you think of my solo stage?”

Hyunjin barks out a loud laugh and coaxes a confused looking Chan back into his neck, still cackling. 

[armyhome]

Power Over Me

pairing: Bang Chan x Seo Changbin

genre: mafia, enemies to lovers

warnings: +18 (!!!)

word count: 1.6k words

synopsis: Changbin is the elegant leader of the Korean mafia who controls the drug cartel and organ trafficking across the seas of East Asia, while Bang Chan, on the other hand, is the leader of a police unit that's working with Interpol to bring down the empire Seo Changbin built.

Everything in life for me was 8 or 80, evil or good, me or him, and was always like this, since I wasn't on command and he was just a regular investigator, I'm not hypocrite enough to say that I'm the decent person between us two, there's no way when I'm the boss of all drug traffic on east Asian ocean, and everything that I made to get here, putting down empires, making seas made of blood, and didn't regret at all, to be honest, I'm really proud of myself.

"That guy that is working with Interpol, Bang Chan agent, on the front door again hyung…" Seungmin says from his desk without blinking in front of his computer screen "He is walking in circles like a crazy person" I take a deep breath and start to massage my temple.

"He is becoming a pain in the ass hyungnim" Hyunjin complain like I didn't realize that already, was me that was losing money "Last night I saw his co-worker near my apartment, that unless having any proof against us?" Minho laughs on the other side of the room.

"They had nothing, I hacked their computers last night, not a single thing they could use on-court… Just that idiot feeling like it says the emails they send to each other" Minho stop his laughing abruptly and his voice tone became serious "But is really pissing me off, we delay or meetings too much this will show weakness to others, Yuan is getting impatient about the deal…" 

"We gonna lose too much money if we keep this way hyung," Once more Hyunjin says the obvious,

"I think we should charge them for persecution if they don't have anything against us, why do they keep the investigation?" Seungmin concluded, he wasn't wrong, but this could feed Bang Chan's determination.

"I'll try to talk with him one last time, charges can make him even more determined, but if it doesn't work, we go with your plan…" I get up fixing my tie and suit "Hyunjin asks to Jeongin stay prepared, if this is an ambush he had a green light to put everyone with Bang Chan down, including him."

Walking to the elevator, the rest of the building keep working normally, most of them didn't know that they were working for a paper company, and they truly believe they work in one of the biggest companies in the country, in the end, we really were at the end. When I get to the first floor everyone that works there bows to me, and this calls Bang Chan's attention, so I pretend to be surprised to see him and force a smile to appear on my face.

"Agent Bang, what a nice surprise," I offered my hand to him which ignores completely my gesture, my patience with him was slowly edging "How can I help you?" 

"Where's Felix?" Oh he definitely loses his mind, deep breath Changbin, take a deep breath.

"Who is Felix, and why should I know where he is?" So he holds me by my shirt collar, so I arch my left eyebrow, "Be careful with what you about to say agent, I'm about to press charges against you for persecution don't make me include slander and defamation…" And a punch in your face.

"Felix always answers his phone on the second ring, he doesn't answer my calls since last night and you are the only one that could make him disappear Seo Changbin, and you know that…." So his phone starts to ring. 

"You should answer, can be important, otherwise maybe the freaking Korean army appears on my door accusing me of your kidnapping…" He let me go of his hands and pick up the phone.

"Where the fuck are you Felix…Since when?... Do you imagine how worried I was about you?" They were a couple how cute, and I'm a little disappointed about how clichê Bang Chan's taste of men "I'm at Changbin's office because of you! Shit! I can't talk with you right now I'm too angry…bye" I sigh at the moment he turns off the phone.

"Are we done now? I'm on my way to lunch, and I'm tired of your face agent…" Not completely true, I could stare at him for feeling more minutes.

"Let me pay for a meal for you, as an apology for my behave…" I laugh, he couldn't afford any place that I like poor him.

"That's no need, your  payment is not that good, but let's end this here, from now on let me and my people alone deal?" Bang Chan bites his bottom lip.

"I can afford any place you like, just lead the way" He moves his chin in the street direction, the smile on my face is genuine this time.

"Later, don't tell me I didn't warn you…" So I drive us to my favorite restaurant, everyone that works there was trained to guide me to my favorite table at the moment they saw me, not a single word was most to be said: "If you think you will discover something more about me agent Bang, I not sorry on disappointed you, but you were a great actor early…"

"How do you…" Bang Chan's face became red.

"Was too much coincidence, his call right after you met me, too obvious, but you make such effort to this, even gonna pay my meal, I wanna hear what you had to say…" My favorite plate is served at our table "You can talk I'm listening…"

"Jisung warned me that you wouldn't fall that easy…"He starts to eat as well.

"Who is Jisung? Ah, the guy in the office, nice body…" I get closer making my face only centimeters from his, and Bang Chan froze "If you are listening to this Sir Jisung, you should know that if you weren't pursuing me we could be making things so much more fun together…" so Bang Chan's face assumes a beautiful scarlet tone.

"He is a married man…" Bang Chan answers fast. 

"I don't ask about that agent Bang" And he laughs.

"Of course, you don't, what moral means to someone like you at the end right Sir Seo Changbin…" I smile at his childish attack, take off my shoe under the table, and touch his leg with my foot, slowly up and down, "Stop.."

"Moral to me as you were saying, means prison, " I press his tight with my foot "little and big lies society keeps repeating to each other, pretending they are what they don't can even dream of being…" Putting my feet between his strong tights I promise myself that I would fuck that man so hard and after that he… was so ready to me if I press enough he would come right here on the restaurant, where everyone could see that he come to me, maybe was this that makes him so hard right now "Lies, that's whats moral means to me," I take of my foot from him, but Bang Chang hold me there, against him, pulsing, begging for things I would need weeks to finish.

"You're not even my type Changbin, what are you doing with me?" I laugh.

"Of course, I'm not, you're probably that kind of guy that only like the petite type…" I bite my beef, "Let me guess you're the kind that thinks sex is playing roles, and you are always the active part? I'm wrong?" He doesn't answer "Being honest,"

"When you aren't honest Changbin?" His hands start to touch my heel, his thumb making circles on my skin.

"I wouldn't mind being fucked by you, but the idea of being the first fucking you… drives me crazy and I end up in places in my mind I never imagined existed, and look I already fuck a lot of people, and they fuck me as well," I bite my bottom lip "Maybe, I'm like  this because you are a cop, maybe I have fetich for uniforms…" So I close my eyes imagining Chan using uniform, on his knees, waiting to put my dick on his mouth, my mind could be so graphic I open my eyes "Maybe after your team finishes their mission in my office, with that fake mandate, we should make this true… Before you go to jail I mean…" So I come back to eat. 

"You're unbelievable Seo Changbin…" He sighs and punches the table. 

"I wasn't born yesterday, and fortunately for me Hyunjin has the same taste as you," I drink my glass of wine in one sip "And that petit boy you put on his back, is his favorite type, wasn't easy… But Minho is an amazing lawyer you know, and this was your last chance, to end up this investigation, my moral standard is low as I explained before, even if you became an ex-convict I still will fuck you, and if you be a good boy I'll let you fuck me too " I blink to him, so my cellphone rings.

"All done," Jeongin's voice says "We have enough to put them out for a long time, and free us from doubts too" I smile at his words.

"Great job my boy, you work hard today, I'm coming back soon" So I put my foot back inside my shoe, was sad, but business was business, I clean my lips, "You say that you were paying this time, please let me know when your discipline orders end, I'll pay you a meal…"

"Fuck you Seo Changbin" He cursed, such a pretty dirty mouth.

"Not yet" I get up and walk to his side of the table "You gonna have to beg more to have this…" I whisper in his ear "Bye for now agent Bang Chan"

The End.

[hansomeskz]

Devil Like Me Chapter 4

Han Jisung is the devil of the music industry, but he’s tired of being alone.

Read on Ao3 | Read on Wattpad | Talk to me on Twitter | Chat on retrospring

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | Epilogue

NOTE: I am trying to decide which fic I want to post next!! I was going to post a fic I have inspired by Ceilings by Lizzy McAlpine but I also have one ready to go inspired by The 30th by Billie Eilish!! let me know which you would prefer :’)

The three of them keep their word, plotting when Jisung is not around. They spend spare time between 3Racha events whispering, huddled together. Jisung chooses to mind his business, carrying out any tasks handed to him by their manager.

He hears a lot from Chan about how he should just give up the act but the idea of angering their team any further when things are already so bad for them makes him feel sick. In the wake of the boardroom showdown, their schedule has become a living hell, especially for Jisung.

They seem to be trying to keep him busy so he has less energy to fight back, and it really is working. Each day is hours of rehearsal or recording sessions, followed closely by appearance after appearance. Jisung has done more interviews and attended more parties in the past few weeks than he has in his entire career.

He’s so exhausted that when his manager points out Chan across the room, suggesting Jisung goes and starts something, he does it without a second thought. He approaches Chan, shoving him harder than he’d intended.

Chan looks at him, completely unbothered. “What’s up?”

“I don’t… I don’t know.” Jisung wears the angry face that everyone around them expects, but he has no fight left in him. “She told me to start a fight but I don’t… I don’t have anything to be angry about,” he says simply. Chan’s face morphs into fake hurt to match Jisung’s act. “You threw a drink at me once because my shirt was ‘too expensive’, there’s nothing you’re upset about here?”

“Your shoes are fucking stupid, but you love them.” Jisung grabs Chan’s collar, pulling him close to sneer in his face. “I can’t find a single thing to even pretend to be mad about.”

Chan pushes at Jisung in fake desperation until he finally lets go. “That’s good, Ji. Do you get to go after this?”

“I don’t think so,” he says quietly, scowling as Chan takes a step back, scoffing at him for appearances. “I hope you get to leave soon, man. How many shots have you even had?”

“I stopped counting forty minutes ago.”

“Fuck, dude.” He flinches when Jisung gives him one last shove. “If you hit me hard enough, I bet they’d let me go,” he jokes. Chan seems to consider it before he turns and stalks off, a sour look on his face.

Jisung watches him as he heads to security. He sees Chan point towards him and speak angrily to the man before the security guard starts to approach him.

Their manager and his bodyguard are quick to roll up behind him when they realize this is going to foil any plans they had tonight, but it’s no use.

They spend well over twenty minutes arguing to keep Jisung at the party. While his manager’s shrill voice carries through the party, Minho texts Jisung to let him know that he’s waiting in his car outside. Jisung tells him he won’t be long.

Ultimately security wins, forcefully removing the three of them from the party.

When Jisung quickly approaches Minho’s car and slides in, the doors locking behind him, his manager starts screaming at him. He chooses not to listen, instead stealing a kiss from Minho over the centre console.

“How did you know I was getting kicked out?”

“Chan texted me. I thought you’d want a getaway car.” Minho smiles lightly, glancing at him before looking back to the road.

“You always come through when I need you, Min.”

“I hope I always will,” he says quietly, placing a hand on Jisung’s thigh. “You stink, baby. You smell like my parents’ liquor cabinet.”

“I did an unholy amount of tequila shots, don’t ask.”

“Tequila? And you’re not crying?” Minho squeezes his thigh gently and Jisung is actually a little surprised. “Huh, I guess not.”

“It sounds like this is all helping,” the older boy says, smiling to himself. Jisung smiles too, warmth spreading through his chest.

He does have to admit now that he has Minho, Chan, and Changbin in his corner, things have gotten a lot easier. He’s glad he isn’t alone anymore.

They go back to the dorms this time and as they step into Jisung’s room, he can’t help but notice all of the mail is missing.

“Chan gave me a key,” Minho starts. “We thought maybe you’d want them gone.”

Jisung nods softly, turning to look at him. “Thank you, Minho. I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

The brunet just kisses his forehead and finds them both a change of clothes, helping Jisung out of his party wear and into a pair of sweats before he changes, too.

They crawl under the covers together, curling close. Jisung’s body is exhausted but his mind is racing, thinking of what’s next.

Minho dozes next to him, making small humming noises every time Jisung shifts positions. The blond feels very lucky that things turned out this way, even if it was a hard road for him. He thinks that even if they can’t escape their contract, he could live the next few years like this.

Changbin and Chan enter the apartment not too much later, giggling on their way through the living room and down the hall. Jisung hears them stall outside his door, whispers not quite reaching his ears.

When Chan quietly peeks inside through the cracked door, Jisung turns his head to look at him. They exchange sleepy smiles before Minho pulls Jisung closer, grumbling about how Jisung should be asleep by now.

Chan laughs softly before he disappears from the doorway, making his way to his own room. Jisung buries his face into Minho’s neck.

“Why are you still awake?” The Minho whines, hands slipping under the younger boy’s shirt to try and pull him somehow closer.

“I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Wanna share?”

“I’m just… happy. I’m fucking tired, but I’m happy,” Jisung says quietly, curling his fingers against Minho’s chest.

The brunet hums happily, giving him a squeeze. “I’m happy to hear it, baby. You deserve it.”

“I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“You would’ve reached your limit eventually. I’m just glad I was there to make sure somebody was taking care of you.” Minho presses a kiss to the top of Jisung’s head, shifting so he’s half on top of the blond.

Jisung takes in Minho’s warmth, exhaustion starting to take over. While he can’t make out what the older boy says as he drifts off, it makes him feel loved.

The real war between them and the company starts when Chan’s tell-all comes out. The interview is 20 minutes long with Chan exposing all of the things he knows of that the company has done to Jisung.

The part that surprises Jisung the most is that Chan tries to take the blame for Jisung’s public persona, too. He and Minho are curled up on the couch in Minho’s apartment, watching everything unfold.

“The worst part is, it’s kind of my fault,” Chan says to the interviewer. Jisung gasps, shaking his head.

“I knew Han really well when we started out, and I just assumed that after debut he’d let the popularity get to his head. I wish I’d known better than to let them portray him as a monster when he was just doing what our management told him would help the group.” Chan sounds choked up, swallowing hard as the interviewer asks him another question.

“It’s not his fault,” Jisung says to Minho, furrowing his brows. Minho is frowning at the TV, the arm he has around the younger boy tightening its grip.

“No, that’s the worst part,” Chan says to the question Jisung missed. “The label knew about all of this, the death threats, the damage it was doing to our Hannie. They just didn’t care. It was doing numbers so why bother, I guess.”

“How does Han feel about telling everyone about this?”

“He’s scared out of his mind. Hell, I’m scared too. He just couldn’t keep living like that, it was going to drive him to…” Chan trails off but the interviewer nods in understanding.

“So why isn’t he the one telling everyone this?” The interviewer asks this as he leans forward. The blank expression he is sending to Chan makes Jisung’s blood run cold.

“Like I said, he’s scared. Ever since it came out to us that he was doing all of this we’ve been begging him to drop the act, but he doesn’t want to go against the company. I just… I had to do something to get him out of the situation. Maybe this will help. I hope if nothing else, this helps him be himself.”

Jisung blinks back tears as the interviewer starts to wrap up the show. Minho gives him a little squeeze, looking at him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fucking terrified, Minho.”

“I know, but you’re free now. It’s all out in the open. No more being somebody else,” Minho says quietly.

“What if I’m not? What if we’ve done everything we have and I still have to be the same guy I was before all of this?”

“Don’t let it happen, Ji. Han is dead, okay? Just… be Jisung.” Minho presses a kiss to the side of his head, smiling reassuringly.

Jisung opens his mouth to say something else but is cut off by the sound of his ringtone. Chan’s name is displayed over a picture of them from pre-debut. He hesitates, but he does answer the call. “Hello?”

“It’s done, Han-ah. It’s all out there. Are you at Minhos? Changbin and I are on our way.”

“You’re coming here?”

“I think if the label calls, it’d be best for us all to be together,” Chan says quietly.

“Okay, yeah. Thank you.” Jisung’s heart is hammering against his rib cage, sweat gathering on his hairline. He’s not sure if he’s ever felt so scared.

Chan and Changbin arrive quickly and the four of them sit together in silence.

When Jisung starts to fidget, picking at the skin on his hands, Minho puts on a show to fill the silence and laces their fingers together.

She takes her sweet time, but their manager does call them that night.

Before Chan can even say hello, she’s screaming down the phone line. “Do you have any idea what you’ve just done? Do you have any idea how much damage you’ve just caused?”

“I do,” he says simply, hands clasped in front of him. They all huddle around the phone to listen. “Then you must be fucking stupid! We are losing money as we speak, our investors-“

“Let us out of the contract,” Chan demands, voice firm. Jisung admires Chan’s composure, his own hands shaking. “Oh, no, Bang. You’re stuck until you make back every penny we just fucking lost.”

“We aren’t playing your games anymore. Let us out or we’ll only make it worse.” He hears their manager huffing and puffing on the other side of the phone. “Meet me tomorrow at nine in my office. I don’t want to hear another peep from you until then.” The line clicks as she hangs up, and the four of them fall back into silence.

Jisung knows they don’t have to say anything else tonight. The story is already on the internet and will blow itself up without any help at all. The weight of the silence around them suggests the others know this, too.

“We should play scrabble,” Minho says quietly. The absurdity of the statement makes Jisung laugh, which prompts smiles from Chan and Changbin.

“Fuck it, let’s play scrabble,” Changbin agrees. Minho goes and gets the game and they all gather around the board. This moment of normalcy before their lives change forever is completely welcome, Jisung thinks.

Minho breaks out some bottles of wine too, and they spend the night pretending everything is fine. The cats trample the board regularly, all four of them giggling about it.

Jisung feels good, he thinks. This is one of the scariest times of his life, but with these people around him, he feels like he can handle what’s about to come.

Several bottles in, late into the night with Chan and Changbin are asleep on the couch, Jisung and Minho are tangled together in Minho’s armchair, whispering to each other.

“How are you feeling, Ji?” The older boy asks him, running his hands through his blond hair.

“I feel good. I don’t know what it is, Minho, but I feel like everything’s going to be okay.” Jisung smiles at Minho, and he returns it quickly. “I think it will be. Even if it doesn’t go how we all want it to, I think we’ll all be just fine.”

“I think so too,” Jisung says, burying his face in the burnet’s neck. He doesn’t move after that, knowing he has to be up early for the scariest meeting of his life. Minho holds him tight while he falls asleep, keeping him close through the night.

Minho comes with them in the morning, Chan stepping into their manager’s office at exactly 9am. The three of them trail behind their leader, nervous.

Jisung admires how fearless Chan is as he steps right up to her desk. She stares up at him, arms crossed. “You have created the most intense PR crisis I have ever seen in my life,” she says, cocking her head to the side.

“We didn’t do a thing, this was all your shit that caused this,” Chan barks at her. “We want out of the contract.”

“Well,” their manager starts, sneering at him. “If it were up to me I’d keep you stuck here for the next few years. I’d make you work off every penny you just cost us. Lucky for you, it isn’t up to me and the investors want you gone, so we’ve drafted an agreement.” She slides a folder across her desk to Chan. “But we need an answer by Monday.”

Jisung’s shocked, if he’s honest. None of them crack a smile, knowing anything could lie in the pages of the agreement, but he feels a little lighter knowing he’s got a chance to get out of this.

When they turn to leave, their manager speaks up again. “Oh, Han? Keeping your mouth shut is much easier than what you’ll have to go through to clear your name after all of the dust has settled.”

Han shrugs lightly, offering her a small smile. “At least it’ll be my choice to do it.” He turns and follows Minho out of the room.

The next few days are a blur while they go over the terms of the contract and make new demands. By Monday night they’re huddled around a table with the people who used to make up their team and all parties are signing, agreeing to all the terms to separate 3Racha from the label. The notice about it is posted before they’ve even left the building.

Changbin and Chan’s phones start to blow up right away, but not one of them misses how Jisung’s phone stays silent.

“I’m happy you’re out now,” Minho tells him once all four of them are curled up on his couches. Chan and Changbin are texting back all the people wishing them well as Jisung scrolls through Netflix. “Me too. I’m just scared about what it means for all of us, you know? Where do we go from here?”

“A million other labels would love to have you,” the brunet says quietly. “Or we could start our own,” Chan says, and the other three turn to stare.

“Our own?” Changbin asks, frowning. “Yeah, I mean… we can do everything ourselves anyway. The writing and producing we have on lock, and I know choreographers, directors, creatives…” Chan trails off, thinking for a moment. “Yeah. We could do it.”

They all fall quiet, looking at each other. Jisung thinks about how he would usually panic in a scenario like this, but with his thigh pressed firmly against Minho’s and his two best friends by his side, he feels like maybe he can do anything. “I think we should,” he says, eyes sparkling.

“Yeah?” Asks Chan, smiling at him. “Yeah.”

So they do. Weeks turn into months and before they know it, it’s nearly been a year since they split from their label. All four of them are sitting around a table at their favourite bar. They’ve turned this place into their official hangout spot over the past few months, so the waiters know to keep the drinks coming. A few faces have joined their crew, members of the team they’ve built for 3Racha Entertainment.

Jisung finds himself seated across from Felix, head choreographer, and Changbin. They’ve been lip-locked for what feels like hours and he and Minho are trying to break it up by throwing napkins at the two of them. It isn’t working.

“I can’t keep going like this, Ji. If I have to watch this for another second I’m going to combust,” Minho whines, burying his face in his hands. Jisung hears Seungmin, the head of PR, laugh from somewhere down the table. When he looks over, he sees the younger boy lean against Chan, a hand on his thigh.

Hyunjin, their head stylist, elbows him roughly to grab his attention. “Are you going to finish your drink? Jeongin disappeared, I don’t think we’ll ever get another drink again.” Jisung slides his cup towards Hyunjin, laughing. “Last I saw, he went to change so he can come to hang out,” Minho says, voice still muffled by his hands. Jisung curls his fingers around Minho’s wrist, tugging gently.

Jeongin, their favourite bartender, slides into the seat at the head of the table. “There he is!” Chan grins, standing. “Now that we’re all here, I want to raise a toast.” The eldest boy holds up his drink and the seven other boys crowding the table do the same.

“To a brand new beginning! And to the family we’ve built along the way. I can’t wait to do this with all of you.” Chan smiles proudly at all of them, and Jisung’s chest swells. “Cheers to that,” he says, clinking his glass against Minho’s.

The sound of everyone’s glasses knocking together has Jisung’s eyes watering. “Everything okay, Ji?” Minho asks, curling an arm around him. “Too much tequila,” he lies, face growing hotter. “Mmm, my crybaby,” the older coos, kissing Jisung’s temple.

“I’m gonna get some air before I start bawling,” he laughs as he stands. Minho stands, too. “I’m coming with. I don’t want to see Changbin sucking on Felix’s tongue anymore.”

The two of them head outside the bar, sitting on the curb. “Really, are you alright?” Minho cups his cheek, rubbing it gently with his thumb. Jisung leans into his touch, nodding a little. “Overwhelmed,” he mumbles, scooting closer.

The brunet nods, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. “Wanna go home?”

“Nah, I’m just…happy. If you’d told me last year that things would end up like this, I don’t think I would’ve believed you.”

Minho laughs lightly at that. “I did tell you, baby.”

“And I didn’t believe you!” Jisung shoots back, giggling. The older boy pulls him closer, grinning. “You didn’t, that’s true.”

They steal kisses from each other in their few moments of peace, only pulling apart when a girl approaches them. “Excuse me, I’m so sorry to bother you… Are you Han Jisung?”

He looks up at her with wide eyes. “Uh, yeah, that’s me.”

“Do you think I could get a picture with you? I’m a huge fan.” She’s trembling slightly, a shy smile on her face. He buffers for a moment before his brain registers what she said.  “A picture? Of course.”

He stands shakily, smiling brightly at her. “What’s your name?” He asks, curling an arm around her shoulders for the picture. She tells him before leaning in a little closer, smiling and snapping a photo. Jisung is reeling as she thanks him again and scurries away. “Did she say she’s a big fan?” He asks, looking down at Minho.

The older boy has his phone out, having taken dozens of pictures of the interaction. “She did! Your very first fan interaction, huh?”

“My first good one, at least…” He holds his hand out to Minho to help him up, smiling brightly. “That was so exciting, I can’t believe it.”

Jisung gushes about it for the rest of the night. Nobody at the table teases him for it, knowing what he’s had to go through to get to this moment.

As Minho loads the last boxes of his things into Jisung’s living room, the blond gets a call from an unknown number. He would ignore a call like this on any other day but something in his gut tells him this call might be an important one.

His feeling is confirmed when a shaky voice on the other end answers his greeting. “Jisung, sweetheart, I am so sorry.”

His heart hammers against his ribcage, his face going pale. “Mom?”

“I didn’t know, and I should've. I’m sorry I fell for it, I thought I knew you better than that.” His mom is crying into the phone, voice breaking. Minho is watching him with wide eyes.

“No, Mom… It’s not your fault. It all happened the way they designed it. I didn’t want to drag you into it, so I just pushed you away.”

“I should’ve known. I should’ve known that wasn’t you.” He can hear her gasping for breath between words and his stomach twists. “There was no way you could’ve known…”

“I just called to say I love you and that I’m sorry. I should’ve been there. I should’ve known.” Jisung can feel her shuddering breaths in his bones, tears pricking at his eyes. “I don’t blame you for a second. Thank you, Mom.”

“I love you, sweetheart. I miss you, come home soon?”

“Yeah. I love you too…” His throat closes around the words, his lower lip trembling. “Mom, I have to go, I’m in the middle of moving. We’ll talk soon, alright?”

“Okay. Talk soon.” She sniffs right before she hangs up, leaving Jisung stunned.

“That was your mom?” Minho asks, biting his lip nervously.  “It was. She called to apologize for not being there while everything was happening, but…”

“But what? Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“I don’t know, I think so, but I’m kind of hurt, I think.” Jisung blinks a couple times, trying to get his thoughts to settle.

Minho approaches him slowly, slipping his arms around his waist. “I think you earned a little hurt in all of this, no?” He presses tender kisses to both sides of the younger boy’s face.

Jisung tries to hide the smile tugging at his lips but it’s no use. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“You can accept her apology without jumping right back in. Especially considering how long it took her to reach out, I think that would be okay.” Minho looks at him so tenderly, causing Jisung’s heart to hammer against his rib cage. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“I know.” Minho steals one last kiss from him before pulling away. “Now help me move the books, they’re too heavy.” Minho gestures vaguely towards the boxes he packed far too full of books.

Jisung gets to work, feeling grateful he has somebody like Minho to help him through all of this.

As the younger boy slides the books onto his bookshelf, slotted between his own CD collection, the brunet wraps his arms around him from behind.

Jisung smiles lightly, leaning into his touch a little. “I’m happy you’re moving in,” he says quietly. Minho hums in acknowledgment, pressing a kiss to Jisung’s shoulder. “Me the fuck too.”

“I’m also glad this means I get 24/7 access to the cats.”

“Soonie will keep himself out of reach at all times still, baby.”

“Yeah, well, I can dream, can’t I?” Minho laughs in response, giving him a squeeze. “I guess so. I’m gonna order us some dinner, keep working hard.”

Jisung misses his touch the second he disappears to make the order.

All eight of them find themselves crouched around Chan’s laptop the day they announce their new venture. Hyunjin is carrying on about how nervous he is as Chan publishes the official announcement of the launch of 3Racha Entertainment.

Minho has his arms wrapped tightly around Jisung, chin hooked over his shoulder. The younger boy has his hands clasped over Minho’s around his middle, leaning back against him. Jisung lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding as his friends erupt into excited chatter around him.

He can’t hear a thing except for Minho’s voice in his ear. “I’m so proud of you, Ji,” he says quietly. The blond’s skin heats up quickly, the tips of his ears turning bright red.

“I never could’ve done it without you.” He turns in Minho’s arms, curlings his fingers into the older boy’s shirt and pressing chaste kisses to his lips. “You could’ve, but I’m glad you didn’t have to.”

“Yeah, me too.”

They savour the few moments that they get to themselves before their friends start demanding their attention. Chan pulls Jisung aside as the rest of the group absorbs Minho into their conversation.

“How are you feeling, Jisung-ah?” He smiles lightly at Jisung, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I’m nervous, maybe even shitting myself, but I’m ready for this.”

Chan laughs, nodding. “Yeah, me too. Are you happy you did it, though?”

“I couldn’t be happier. Thank you, Chan.” Jisung smiles brightly at the older boy who shrugs lightly. “I’m glad you let me in, Ji. I missed my best friend.” Chan pinches his cheek gently, a fond look in his eyes. “I missed you too, man. You know-”

“Jisungie! Can you vouch for my sick beatboxing skills?” Jeongin yells from the huddle a few feet away. Jisung grimaces and pats Chan’s shoulder before joining the group. “I could but I’d be a filthy liar,” he says, earning a good laugh from his friends. Warmth spreads throughout his chest at the sound.

He locks eyes with Minho across the huddle and smiles lightly. Minho smiles back, slipping out of his spot so he can stand next to Jisung instead. He thinks about how lucky he is to have found his people.

A year ago, Jisung had been at his lowest. He’d been completely alone and entirely afraid of what was in store for him. He’s shocked that now he’s surrounded by people he loves, who love him back unconditionally.

Minho’s thumb brushes his cheek as he leans in to whisper into his ear. “Is everything okay, baby?”

“I’ve never been better,” Jisung says quietly. His face is hot, tears pricking at his eyes, but he sends Minho his brightest smile. Minho smiles back, knowing he means it.

Felix’s hand finds his back, too. “Are you crying? That’s a bit much, don’t you think?” He grins as he teases him, and the jab draws the attention of the other boys standing around them.

They all coo and pinch at Jisung, teasing relentlessly about the tears now finding their way down his cheeks. He whines, smacking at their hands. “Leave him alone you vultures,” Minho snaps playfully, pulling Jisung in close.

The younger boy laughs against his skin, embarrassed he’s been caught. Chan squeezes into the huddle between Felix and Jisung, patting his back. “We’re happy you’re here, Ji.”

“I am too,” he mumbles. Minho holds him a little tighter as Changbin punches Jisung’s side gently. “We love you, dude.”

“I know.” And he does. He could spend forever with these people, he thinks.

[bxngchxn]

bxngchxn’s masterlist

Stray Kids

skzfic!  taglist: no one yet! dm me to be on the taglist (:

bang chan:

nothing yet 

lee minho:

Strawberries and Red Wine (dilf!skz)

Genre: Fluff | Smut | Dilf!Minho |

When you catch Minho’s eye, a summer romance soars

Home Run (ongoing)

Genre: Fluff | Smut | College!Skz

College is about finding yourself; early adulthood being one of the most important times of your life. Can you make it through while trying to ignore your unrequited feelings for your best friend? Or will you finally step up to the plate and swing?

Chapter 1

seo changbin:

[6:42pm]

Mr. Big Shot

Genre: Smut | College!Skz

You run into the hot shot producer on campus at a frat party, who seems to take a liking to you, the only person who doesn’t care.

hwang hyunjin:

Mutual

Genre: Smut | friends to lovers!hyunjin

When a movie night with your best friend takes an interesting turn

han jisung:

Elevated

Genre: Smut | College!Skz

Stuck in an elevator with the cute boy from science class? you’re curious as to how the situation will escalate.

Cupid’s Arrow

Genre: Fluff | Cupid!Jisung

every cupid has one job: shoot the arrow at your assigned human. What happens when someone misses?

Friend’s Don’t

Genre: Smut | Fluff | friends to lovers!Jisung

When you think about it, the idea of being with Jisung for the long haul isn’t the worst thing in the world

felix lee:

nothing yet

kim seungmin:

nothing yet

yang jeongin:

nothing yet

[skfics]

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