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youvebeenlivingfictional · 10 days ago

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Bateman Begins Part 43

Previous Part | Masterlist | Next Part

Notes: I’m aiming to have 2-3 more chapters before wrapping this up.

Pairing: Nathan Bateman x Reader

Rating: M

"You're late."

You are. That had not been the plan.

In fact, for most of the evening, nothing has gone to plan.

The modulator had been such a finicky little fucker to get right.

You had spent so much time fiddling with it to nail Nathan's pitch and timbre.

His tone and pace, that was down to you to get right.

The kevlar had also been more difficult to manipulate than you'd anticipated.

It's lighter and more flexible, just like you wanted, but conforming it to your body and needs is so foreign to you.

And after all of the time that you had taken to get the voice box right—

It doesn't matter.

You're finally there, hugging to the shadows as you eye. Commissioner Jim Gordon standing at the other end of the roof.

You've seen him on the news all day, and you'd had some inkling that Nathan was working with the cops while you'd both been in Gotham.

"I've got questions," Gordon takes a step closer, and it's a fight not to just turn and run.

Instead you tip your chin up, the night splitting with Nathan's voice: "I came here for answers. You said your information was too sensitive to send."

"Where the hell have you been?"

And isn't that the million dollar question.

"Busy."

"Look, I know we don't exactly have a solid relationship, but you can't just disappear on me like that, man. We've been drowning without you out there."

"...Information," You reiterate. "Who, where, what. Details."

Gordon shakes his head, huffing.

"You've seen this clown shit?"

"Here and there."

"Well, it's all over the fucking place."

"You said you had a lead."

"The name Jack White mean anything to you?"

Not a damn thing.

Gordon's eyes narrow at your silence before he fishes into his pocket, drawing out a USB stick.

He holds it out, and waits.

But you don't dare get any closer, not as you are. Not like this.

"...Look, I don't know what the fuck is going on with you," Gordon says after a moment, "Or with Bateman. The department's up my ass about it. Once we clear up this clown gang, if he hasn't resurfaced and if you don't volunteer that information...It's not looking good for you."

"Nothing to volunteer."

"Why were you at his manor, then?"

"...Had a tip."

"About what?"

"Can't say."

"Christ," Gordon hisses. "I thought you were a shit before. What's crawled up your ass?"

"Give me the information. I do my job, you do yours."

Gordon huffs a flat laugh, tossing the stick just enough for you to catch it.

"I'll see what I can find," You add.

"Work fast, and keep your head down. Anyone in the department catches you with that information, it's both of us on the line."

"I understand."

You shouldn't have taken it.

You stare at the USB drive, damning yourself as the screens flicker in front of you.

You can't look into this.

Your thing is the tech, Nathan's thing is the digging.

At least, it was until Vicki sunk her claws into—

No, no. Not now.

You know that Nathan has access to a vast array of information.

You won't go after the guy, you can just...Give Gordon some insight on his leads to get him off your back.

And then you can dig back into whatever the hell happened to Nathan.

You heave in a deep breath, straightening up with a groan.

Getting home had been hell.

You'd doubled back to make sure Gordon wasn't following you. It had taken you four times as long to get back to the mansion.

It's nearly three in the morning, and you don't have Nathan's stamina.

Alright.

You'll take a short nap, have a snack, and then get going on this.

"Activity report, Master Bateman."

Nathan doesn't answer right away.

It's been like this for the last week and a half—Alfred running at half-power, focusing on security tasks as Nathan tries to identify the faulty wiring that's causing the facility to lock down.

He's been running as his own skeleton crew, working at half-speed and half-power as he tries to pinpoint the problem.

Whatever it is, wherever it is, it's giving him a helluva runaround.

Every time he thinks he's got it nailed, something else rears its ugly fucking head.

And with Alfred running at diminished capacity, Nathan has narrowed his task focuses mean—namely activity reports for the properties connected to his systems.

"Go on," Nathan waves a hand before returning both to the keyboard.

"Facility occupants: two."

"Technically one," Nathan mutters.

"I take umbridge with that. Manor occupants—"

"None, I know, move on—"

"One—"

"What?" Nathan twists in his chair, brow furrowing deeply. "The fuck do you mean, one occupant in the Manor?"

"Entry, exit, kitchen, and Blue Room sensors have been triggered repeatedly."

It can't just be the police, there's no way they'd start sniffing around there after so many weeks, let alone take up residence.

It could be a wild animal that's gotten in, is enjoying having the run of the place.

"Cave sensors?"

"Triggered."

His stomach swoops.

"Why the hell didn't you start with that? How many times?"

"Nine times in the last forty-eight hours."

Nathan twists back to his laptop, minimizing his work.

"Is that the only activity for the cave?" He asks.

"The sensors have been triggered routinely for the last week."

Nathan's hands curl and flex over his keyboard, fingers beginning to tingle with nerves.

Vicki had been on his trail when he left town, but he didn't think that she'd gotten that close.

Could she have found the cave, worked out how to get in?

And if it is her, what the fuck is she doing, going down there, over and over? Taking photos? Collecting evidence?

Nathan hisses a curse as he receives an error message for the cameras at the Manor.

Son of a bitch—it can't be that the power had been shut down, or off.

If that was the case, the sensors wouldn't be working.

He considers for a few moments, eyes searching the error screen.

"Alfred."

"Sir."

"How many times have the sensors in the Blue Room been triggered?"

"In the last forty-eight hours?"

"In the last week."

"Fifty-three, sir."

Nathan's mind zips to a place it shouldn't go.

You're in Metropolis. You're in a shitty apartent with your grass-green avocados and stubbornness.

Even if you are back in Gotham...No.

Nathan shakes his head, swallowing thickly.

He's been toying with the idea of a return, first as Batman, and then as himself—an ease back into public life coupled with an excuse that things had gotten too chaotic, that he didn't plan his little break to cause such a stir.

But if someone is in his Manor, sniffing around the cave, poking around his truths—

Hell.

Nathan is going to have to get back to Gotham—the sooner, the better.

Tag list: @blueeyesatnight ; @massivecolorspygiant ; @foxilayde @danniburg ; @brandyllyn ;

@missredherring ; @the-feckless-wonder ; @ew-erin ; @xocalliexo ; @youngkenobilove ;

@chattychell ; @lorecraft ; @thembosapphicclown ; @kmc1989

#Nathan Bateman x Reader #Nathan Bateman x You #Nathan Bateman/Reader #Nathan Bateman/You #Nathan Bateman fic #Bateman Begins

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emilythedog661-tf2 · 5 months ago

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The RED Mercs and The BLU Mercs

This is my version of what the RED Team Mercs are compacted it the BLU Team Mercs

First off, We have the RED and BLU Scout

Red Scout

Annoying

is 25 years old

Talks a lot

ADHD

Dyslexia

loves baseball

grew up with 8 brothers and Spy is his dad but he thinks it's Tom Jones

Adores Miss.Pauling even is she's a Lesbian and flirts with Pyro now and again knowing he has a crush on him just to see his reaction

BLU Scout

Reserved

is 24 years old

Mute

AuDHD

Very Smart

loves Soccor/Football

grew up knowing he had 8 Sisters and spy raised him as a single father as he mother didn't want him as he was a boy

is gay and is dating Sniper

RED and BLU Soldier

RED Soldier

Loves North America

is 46 years old

not very bright

goofy yet cute smile

might be autistic

owns raccoons but loves all animals

used to be roommates with marasmus before he kicked him out and now lives with Engineer who loves having him

is gay and is dating Engineer since they started working for mann co and now act like a old married couple

Surprisingly a good father figure to RED Scout and RED Pyro

BLU Soldier

Loves South America

is 44 years old

super smart but extremely lazy

never smiles and is always grumpy

is not autistic

isn't really a animals person but tolerates them

roommates with BLU demoman who likes his company

is straight and is dating Zhanna also best friend with the BLU Demoman

RED and BLU Pyro

RED Pyro

is a child in a adult body

sees RED Engineer and Soldier as his parents

adores scout having a huge crush on him

loves fire

see pyroland everywhere

is hydrophobic

BLU Pyro

Is the green blob controlling the pyro suit

likes BLU Medic and Spy

sees scout as his next victim for his body

uses fire but prefers water

doesn't see pyro land and is the serious pyro

is pyrophobic

RED and BLU Demoman

Red Demo

Loves to drink

is 36 years old

very social with the others being called a party animal

never really taken seriously

is a bomb expert

lost his eye to the bombinomicon

is straight and has got laid by many woman even BLU Medic's ex-wife

is best friends with RED Soldier seeing him as a brother

BLU Demo

isn't a drinker

is 35 years old

hangs around with some people as he is picky who he likes

is always serious

is a gun expert

lost his eye to the loch ness monster

is gay and has been to many gay bars with some of the other BLUs

Buddies and roommates with BLU Soldier

RED and BLU Heavy

RED Heavy

Loves his Miniguns

is 55 years old

loves eating Sandviches

sees RED Medic as a Brother

is very smart with some PhDs in russia literature

hates robots

grew up with a single mom and 2 sisters

is straight but can't find a relationship as he's expecting it to be like his love for sasha and the other miniguns

BLU Heavy

loves his guns

is 54 years old

loves eating sweets and chocolate

is gay and BLU Medic is his boyfriend

is some intelligents and has a PhD in history

loves aliens

grew with with a mom, dad and a sister, Zhanna

is wolfie main caretaker

RED and BLU Engineer

RED Engineer

His dad and grandfather worked for mann co in the past

is 44 years old

Has many PhDs in Engineering

built all his buildings

from texas being from beecave and is a big fan of cowboys

loves cooking

is gay and dating RED Soldier loving him very much

being a good father figure to RED Scout and RED Pyro

BLU Engineer

Hired as he was a engineer of trains

is 43 years old

has some PhDs in Engineering

Copied the buildings from RED Engineer

from Canada and loves maple syrup

hates cooking

is straight and has a wife but it's a struggling relationship

doesn't like the others very much

RED and BLU Medic

RED Medic

is insane

is 40 years old

had lost his medical licence after taking a skeleton out of someone's body

has a infirmary where he keeps loads of animal organs

has done countless experiments on RED Pyro, RED Demo, RED Heavy, RED Scout and some of the BLU Team

is gay and dating RED Sniper a year after working for mann co

is best friends with RED Engineer and see RED Heavy as a brother

has a entire room full of doves that he stole from the president of germany

BLU Medic

is sane

is 39 years old

still has his medical licence and still works as a hospital

has a tidy infirmary where he checks that everyone is healthy

the only operation he has done on his team was to put the uber plug in their hearts

was straight as he had a wife but she had been cheating on him with the RED Demoman so now he's gay and dating the BLU Heavy

has no pets as they are unhygienic

RED and BLU Sniper

RED Sniper

Born in new zealand and raised in australia

is 30 years old

is a introvert but he's also very chatty when he gets use to people

used to be a wildlife ranger before deciding to be a mercenary

loves his 'adopted' parents even if he argues with his dad a lot

is gay and dating RED Medic loving the love and attention he has for him

buddies with RED Scout, RED Pyro and has a nice friendship with the others

BLU Sniper

both born and raised in australia

is 28 years old

is a bit of a extrovert but is also very quiet

never left the house until his mom had to end up kicking him out

hates his parents as they wanted him to be a girl

is gay and is dating BLU scout

can't get on with the others well other then wolfie

RED and BLY Spy

RED Spy

is very introverted

is 48 years old

has sercertly been in Scout's life since he was a baby but hid from him as he was busy and he stated one time he hated him so he stayed hidden

smokes a lot

is from france but knows a lot of different languages

is a voice mimic

acts serious but he's really a big softy

is straight and is still dating scout's mom on his off days which scout doesn't like

BLU Spy

Is a bit of a extrovert and loves going to parties

is 47 years old

raised BLU Scout since he was a baby and has been a good father to him

doesn't smoke as much but still smoke

raised in france but born in mexico

uses a tape recording of the others mercenaries

is a gay man who acts gay

has a big crush on RED Engineer and doesn't everything to try and get him even if he's dating RED Soldier

RED and BLU Pets

Emily

is really smart and clever

is from a alternate universe future of 2024 that can teleport to this world whenever she wants

uses both electricity and magic

has wings to fly

uses telepathy to talk

hates robots

is the sanest out of all the mercenaries

is a little scared of saxton hale

best friends with Wolfie and her owner are Sniper, Medic, Soldier, Engineer and Scout

Wolfie

is clever but he's can be easily fooled

has a talking collar that the RED Engineer made him as the BLU Engineer didn't know how to

very fast

is a husky so he's very vocal

also hate robots

is the calmest out of all the mercenaries

also scared by saxton hale

is best friends with Emily and his owner is heavy

That's all for now, i will add more when i think of anything and i'll see you all next time 😋

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imagineitdearies · 5 months ago

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Battle Log for Chapter 37/38 of Perfect Slaughter!

**Warning! Spoilers for ch37 and 38 ahead!**

If you guys haven't noticed yet what a total nerd I am, this will make it abundantly clear. I showed Cazador's monster stats a couple months ago that I homebrewed/crossed from BG3 and our classic D&D vampire, but I hope you didn't think I stopped there. If you like battle logs and getting into the nitty gritty of D&D mechanics, please enjoy this breakdown below the cut!

First, if you want to reach peak nerd about it with me, take a look at all the details for our main three! (*Note: I did mix Astarion and Tyrus's BG3 stats with a vampire spawn's ability scores, considering it's canon that Astarion lost a lot of things like strength and healing ability after being tadpoled)

Monster Stats: Cazador Szarr

Tyrus Aman'del's Character Sheet

Astarion Ancunin's Character Sheet

Or otherwise, as you look over the battle log, just keep in mind a few things:

"Legendary Actions" are special actions available to powerful monsters in 5e combat, such as vampires. Besides his normal actions, Cazador can take three legendary actions between turns, but only at the end of another creature’s turn.

Cazador has "Legendary Resistance" as well, which is simple but quite powerful: when he fails a saving throw, he can choose to succeed instead, three times per long rest.

At the top of each round, Cazador receives 10 temporary HP per ritual source.

Thanks to Magic Circle, all of Cazador's attacks are rolled with disadvantage.

In his diseased condition, Tyrus rolls with disadvantage on attacks and saving throws, and his movement speed is reduced by half.

Pre-Round

Cazador: 270 HP Tyrus: 100 HP Astarion: 115 HP Ghouls: 35 HP each (four) Skeletons: 27 HP each (thirteen) Chatterteeth: 74 HP Godey: 74 HP

Cazador steps onto trap and speaks the words to trigger it ("Ecce Dominus!") All at once: Glyph of Warding (7th level) - 43 fire damage (succeeded saving throw, only takes 21 damage) Glyph of Warding: Magic Circle Glyph of Warding: Silence Glyph of Warding: Sunbeam - 38 radiant damage *Cazador spends his first legendary resistance to succeed saving throw, only takes 19 damage) Glyph of Warding: Phantasmal Killer (7th level) - 49 psychic damage

Round 1

Cazador: 181 HP +70 temp HP Tyrus: 100 HP Astarion: 115 HP Ghouls: 35 HP each Skeletons: 27 HP each Chatterteeth: 74 HP Godey: 74 HP

Ritual Circle: 29 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray Cazador: Two unarmed strikes, 5 bludgeoning damage on second hit *Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam **Fails save for Phantasmal Killer again so spends his second legendary resistance to succeed it Tyrus: Dash to Astarion *Cazador Legendary Action at the end of his turn, Bite attack for 18 total damage on ghoul Astarion: Paralyzed Ghouls collective hits: 26 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 13) Skeletons: Dash into range of battle *Cazador Legendary Action, Move without opportunity attacks Godey: 13 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 6) Chatterteeth: Casts Eyebite: Frightened on Cazador

Round 2

Cazador: 183 HP +70 temp HP Tyrus: 100 HP Astarion: 115 HP Ghouls: three have 35 HP, one has 13 HP Skeletons: 27 HP each Chatterteeth: 74 HP Godey: 74 HP

Ritual Circle: 30 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray (succeeds saving throw; takes 15) Cazador: Calls three swarms of rats (arrive in 4 rounds) *Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam Tyrus: Help action to rescue Astarion *Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 21 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw 10 piercing damage; Cazador heals 21 HP Astarion: Casts Expeditious Retreat and pulls Tyrus out of radius Ghouls collective hits: 21 slashing damage on Cazador(resistant; takes 10) Skeleton collective hits: 44 piercing damage on Cazador(resistant; takes 22) Godey: 16 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 8) *Cazador Legendary Action, fails to Bite Godey Chatterteeth: Casts Chill Touch for 13 necrotic damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 6), Cazador can't regain hit points until the start of her next turn

Round 3

Cazador: 193 HP +60 temp HP Tyrus: 79 HP Astarion: 105 HP Ghouls: three have 25 HP (one dead) Skeletons: ten have 17 HP, three have 6 HP Chatterteeth: 53 HP Godey: 64 HP

Ritual Circle: 23 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray Cazador: One failed unarmed attack, one failed bite *Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam Tyrus: Removes the glyphs from the nearest spawn/ritual source *Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration Astarion: Removes the glyphs from another spawn/ritual source *Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration *Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 16 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 8 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal Ghouls collective hits: 14 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 7) *Cazador Legendary Action, fails to Bite a ghoul Skeleton collective hits: 34 piercing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 17) Godey: 15 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 7) Chatterteeth: Casts Chill Touch for 21 necrotic damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 10), Cazador can't regain hit points until the start of her next turn

Round 4

Cazador: 169 HP +40 temp HP Tyrus: 73 HP Astarion: 107 HP Ghouls: four have 17 HP, one has 9 HP (one dead) Skeletons: three have 9 HP, seven have 1 HP (three dead) Chatterteeth: 45 HP Godey: 56 HP

Ritual Circle: 26 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray Cazador: Two unarmed strikes, 5 bludgeoning damage on second hit *Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam Tyrus: Removes the glyphs from another spawn/ritual source *Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration *Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 20 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 10 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal Astarion: Removes the glyphs from another spawn/ritual source *Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration *Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 10 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 5 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal Ghouls collective hits: 0 slashing damage Skeleton collective hits: (dead) Godey: 15 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 7) Chatterteeth: Casts Chill Touch (crit!) for 29 necrotic damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 14), Cazador can't regain hit points until the start of her next turn

Round 5

Cazador: 142 HP +20 temp HP Tyrus: 53 HP Astarion: 92 HP Ghouls: one has 2 HP (three dead) Skeletons: (all dead) Chatterteeth: 25 HP Godey: 36 HP

Ritual Circle: 21 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray (succeeds saving throw; takes 10) Cazador: Hits magic circle barrier for 0 damage *Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam Tyrus: Removes the glyphs from another spawn/ritual source *Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration *Bonus action takes a healing potion at Astarion’s insistence (13 HP) *Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 18 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 9 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal Astarion: Removes the last glyphs from another spawn/ritual source *Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration Ghouls collective hits: 8 slashing damage (resistant; takes 4) *Cazador Legendary Action, Bites last ghoul for a total 14 damage Godey: Fails to hit Chatterteeth: Fails to hit with Chill Touch

Round 6

Cazador: 128 HP + 10 temp HP Tyrus: 57 HP Astarion: 92 HP Chatterteeth: 25 HP Godey: 36 HP

Ritual Circle: 24 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray Cazador: Hits magic circle barrier for 0 damage *Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam Rat swarm 1: Fail to bite Chatterteeth Rat swarm 2: Fail to bite Astarion Rat swarm 3: Bite Tyrus for 8 piercing damage Tyrus: Casts Message and speaks to Chatterteeth *Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration *Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 18 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 9 piercing damage; Cazador heals 18 HP Astarion: Kills rat swarm 3 with 31 total damage, bonus action Bite for 7 HP healing *Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration *Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 6 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 3 piercing damage; Cazador heals 6 HP Godey: 12 slashing damage on Cazador (resistant; takes 6) Chatterteeth: Casts Chill Touch for 17 necrotic damage on Cazador (resistant, takes 8), Cazador can't regain hit points until the start of her next turn

Round 7

Cazador: 104 HP Rat swarm: two have 24 HP (one dead) Tyrus: 42 HP Astarion: 81 HP Chatterteeth: 1 HP Godey: 36 HP

Ritual Circle: 24 radiant damage from Sunbeam ray Cazador: Arcana Check to find Sunbeam rune in the ritual circle *Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam Rat swarm 1: Fail to bite Chatterteeth Rat swarm 2: Fail to bite Astarion Tyrus: Reanimates all thirteen skeletons with Animate Dead, 7th level *Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration *Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 14 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 7 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal Astarion: Kills rat swarm 2 with 28 total damage *Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration Skeleton collective hits: 33 piercing damage (resistant; takes 16)*Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 21 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 10 piercing damage; Cazador does not heal Godey: 0 slashing damage Chatterteeth: (dead)

Round 8

Cazador: 44 HP Rat swarm: one has 24 HP (two dead) Tyrus: 14 HP Skeletons: four have 10 HP, two have 3 HP (six dead) Astarion: 74 HP Godey: 36 HP

Ritual Circle: 22 radiant damage on Cazador from Sunbeam ray Cazador: Successfully finds Sunbeam rune in the ritual circle and removes it *Takes 20 radiant damage at start of turn because of Sunbeam Rat swarm 1: Bite Astarion for 3 piercing damage Tyrus: Reanimates six skeletons with Animate Dead, 4th level *Cazador Legendary Action, Vampiric Bat Swarm!! All take either 14 piercing damage or if they succeed the dex saving throw, 7 piercing damage; Cazador heals 14 HP (Three skeletons go down, Tyrus goes unconscious and gets thrown off the edge of the platform) Astarion: Grabs Tyrus's hands before he's too out of reach, lifts him back up from the platform *Regains 10 HP at the start of his turn due to vampiric regeneration Skeleton collective hits: 33 piercing damage on Cazador(resistant; takes 16) *Cazador drops to 0 hit points, which activates Misty Escape to his coffin

Bonus Round

Astarion: Throws Cazador out of coffin Tyrus: Uses class feature "Command Undead" on Cazador(see Tyrus character sheet or necromancy subclass for details) *Cazador fails the saving throw, but spends his last legendary resistance to succeed) --after a bit of angsty dialogue and commands-- Tyrus: Uses class feature "Command Undead" on Astarion *Astarion does not resist/chooses to automatic fail on saving throw Astarion: Slashy slashy dagger dagger!!! (All it took was 1 point of damage, Cazador had not healed yet) Tyrus & Astarion: Hug 🩵🩵🩵

#fic: perfect slaughter #PS: Extras!#bg3 fanfiction #d&d fanfiction #wouldn't be surprised if only a small niche of my followers care about this stuff #but I figured why not #I already had most of this written for myself!#so enjoy ultra nerds 🥰#note: there’s quite a few inaccuracies when it comes to Tyrus’s magical abilities according to RAW d&d mechanics #I have a list of them actually lol #but we’ll just say he has main character syndrome and gets special treatment 😂#or if ppl are interested I can also provide a list of rules I’ve fudged for shits & giggles lol

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petra-creat0r · 3 months ago

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Deltarune: Fool's Fate - Choral Chapel

The final area. The final destination on this journey where you will finally face off against the Priestess herself. (With her trusty right hand, the Magician.) However first you must make your way up the floors of the Choral Chapel. A pristine building with blue walls, purple halls, and plenty of rehearsal rooms. Not to mention a mysterious floor found beneath the dungeon...

A bit before fighting the Priestess, you'll find the Magician has himself a little shop somewhere before the second miniboss fight, similar to Rouxls. A certain picture on his wall of a castle in a land far away may even be used as a hint to find that which unlocks the mysterious room below. However that mystery isn't for here. Instead, a riddle.

41. I can push and prod in any direction, on wall paper, flowers, or ideas. And upon that all, report on that too. What am I?

The two types of enemies you face in the Choral Chapel are Tuxman and Fouetette. (They can also be NPCs in the Dungeon.) Tuxman, a dapper fellow, is based on a tuxedo. Tuxmen are the baritones of the Choir. Fouetette is an upgraded version of Pirolette, and its a ballerina figurine. Fouetette, alone with Pirolette, are the sopranos of the choir.

42. My word is gospel yet I’m not god, I speak for the heavens yet I can be flawed. I am a father yet I have no sons, I have brothers and sisters yet my mother is a virgin. What am I?

All of the NPCs besides Ariana are mostly encountered in the Dungeon, though some Oddball can still be found on the Baritone/Bass floor with the Tuxmen. They're based on magic 8-balls. Lintmouse is a mouse made of lint. You can find three of them in the Dungeon to get a new title. Locked Nick is a locked up skeleton, and based on a skeleton key.

Ariana is the Choir's music accompanist, and based off a piano. You encounter her during various piano puzzles spread out through out the upper floors of the Chapel. She's also accompanied by Tolle, which I'll get to a moment.

43. My brother and I can open doors for you for the rest of your life? Both our names begin with the same two letters. His name ends in -sh. What is my name?

Mocking Jay is the first minibosses encountered in the Choral Chapel, and is fought right after CK escapes his cell. Asides from being a literal mocking bird, mocking and making fun of everyone, they are based on a cuckoo clock. MJ's neck can extend out like a cuckoo clock's bird. They are the Tenor lead of the Choir

44. If you're running a race and past the guy in 2nd place, what place does that put you now?

Tolle is the second miniboss encountered in this area, shortly after passing Magician's shop. She's encountered with Ariana, after one of her piano puzzles. If it isn't obvious, Tolle is a bell. For whom the bell doth Tolle. She is the Alto lead for the Choir, and sort of an upgrade/boss for the Chim-Chimes.

45. If you don’t maintain them, bonds and ties become me. Add an E and I'll become quite drastic, add an A and L instead and I become many. What am I?

46. I have four legs but never walk. I may be covered in flowers but have no soil. I hold food three times a day but never eat a meal. What am I?

47. I can go any direction I please, North, South, East, or West, however, the way I start never matches my end. What am I?

48. You can throw me but you can not feel me, you can look me but you can not see me, you can hold me but you can not cradle me. What am I?

49. I pass before the sun, yet make no shadow. You can feel me through your hair yet I'm only air. What am I?

50. A letter and a person, I am self, yet I’m not me. What do they call I?

You should have all the riddles you need. If some seem missing, seek the pond beneath the frog.

Once all are solved, go back to the snake's page and solve the cipher.

#deltarune #deltarune fan character #Deltarune: Fool's Fate #dr atticworld #dr:ff atticworld #deltarune oc #petra's deltarune take #deltarune au #petra art #fool's fate

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a-whispering-echo · 26 days ago

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More UE copy paste stuff:

'BACKGROUND' CHARACTERS

Aliza - she/her ~ [ Earth ] Human, 4'3, abandoned by her birth parents at age 10 - more told in Horrors story

Honey - she/her ~ [ Air ] half- halfling (quartarling??) 2'1 (due to her partial human blood, will grow slightly taller than most halflings - around 3'5) half sister to horror; they share the same father, age 12 - More in Horrors story

Nüu - /ɲʉɜː/ - meaning "Mist" in Dûvan - Dusts brother - he/him ~ [ Fire ] half-elf, fighter - An Actual Spirit - More in Dusts story

Xgaster - he/him Lawful Evil [ Ice ] Dragonborn, head of the dragonborn tribe, a fierce and manipulative ruler - Cross's dad

Giidù -they/them ~ true neutral (Xfrisk - /ˈgiːdʌ/ ) [ Water ] Dragonborn, 17, youngest of Xgasters, 2nd in line to the throne

Bii -he/him ~ neutral evil (Xpaps - /βiː/) [ Air ] Dragonborn, 19, 2nd oldest of Xgasters, Heir to the throne

Chùhts " Chù " -he/they ~ True neutral (Xchara - /ˈʧʌʕʊʦ/) [ Ice ] Dragonborn, 17, 2nd youngest of Xgasters, ran away with Cross, removed from the line of succession.

Buttercup- she/they ~ Chaotic evil [ Dark ] Tiefling (Something new Chara) Made killer work for her, abused him mentally and physically

Lust - he/she (AMAB) ~ [ Air ] Tiefling, Bard ( dance and flute) Age 20 6'1 (while a main character, there isn't much focus on him, sorry) worked in a brothel from the same area killers from, they were close before killer left.

Ink - any pronouns ~ chaotic neutral [Air] Gnome, Bard - painter Age 26 3'2 (Once again, a main character with not much focus) A traveling artist renowned for their skills, sketches everything out in his sketch book. She hopes to one day make a book on every creature in the land.

Error - it/they ~ [Earth] Dwarf (Duergar), Artificer Age 32 4'11 (you get the picture, main character, no focus.) Ran away from its home in the mountains, doesn't let anything near it, apart from their dear friend, Ink

Blue (Vothød naŋ̤ø) - He/they ~ Lawful good [ice] half elf, fighter Age 38 (around 19-20 in human years) 5'10 (Main, more focus that ink and error, but not a lot, he has an arc, but its not large) Looking for the traitor.

Rusty "Red" - he/him neutral evil [fire] Dwarf Age 43 5'2 Runs a tavern (the one the mtt met in) with his husband, Comic. Its been in his family for years.

Comic - he/him chaotic neutral [water] Gnome Age 39 5'0 Works in his husbands bar, spends the rest of his time selling slightly dodgy knickknacks and prank items.

Shinu - aka Reaper - he/it/them chaotic neutral [Light] Age N/A 6'0 Well known necromancer. People go to him if they cant find any other way, because he charges a lot to actually raise someone

Genocide - he/they true neutral [water] Risen - half human half skeleton Age at death 32 - now N/A 5'2 Risen by his husband, Reaper, who thought he was cute. A sacrifice in a past life. Lives in a hidden cottage in neutral territory with Reaper.

ŋ̤ojo Nûdene (Queen Sorrow) [Air] Hight Elf 200 years old 5'7 {Deceased} Queen of Thuva

Kris [Dark] "human" [changeling] 16 years [180 years] 5'5 Heir to the throne of Thuva

Fresh exists, he's just jarringly the exact same

#the ~ ean i have art of them somewhere publicly #probably on the fic but might be here too #undertale au #undertale #ue #ue!au #unrivalled elementals #unrivalled elementals au #dnd au #sans aus

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snailcatgenloss · 5 months ago

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its gloopy time

okay so like I have had this theory for a while but I had to rewatch the first and second episode of genloss to fully explain it

okay so like gl!slimecicle is OBSESSED with slime right?

he has a ‘secret stash’ gl!ranboo finds in the fridge and gl!slimecicle goes “dont tell anyone I dont like rats!”

why wouldnt he want anyone to know?

well you know how the slime=blood in genloss? (which is canon because of the parallel in the ep.2 episode cover and the operation scene)

what if gl!slimecicle wanted to warn gl!ranboo behind showfalls backs?

he also had skulls and teeth hidden around the basement. he even had an urn (WHICH HE MIGHTVE KNOCKED OVER TO GET RANBOOS ATTENTION !!), and yes its supposed to be a silly joke but what if gl!slimecicle gained consciousness for a bit (or he may have done it subconsciously with the information that the contestants real minds can subtly communicate) and scattered the remains of old contestants to warn them about the gameshows real malicious intent? all of the ‘slime’ was just the blood and guts of the contestants. gl!ranboo didnt realize any of this. this could be a stretch but couldnt frank also have been a skeleton of a past contestant? what if showfall media realized what gl!slimecicle was doing and just made ‘frank’ a part of the show as a joke to distract gl!ranboo? honestly it mightve also been to try and warn himself and or to snap out of it, and it also couldve been to warn and untrance as many people as possible.

gl!sneeg was locked down in the basement for saying no to the game. do you think that gl!slimecicle put him there after saying no because there was a chance he mightve still been a bit conscious and could warn the next contestant? or did he put him there because starving/death of malnutrition is better than getting turned into a showfall slave?

showfall media mightve seen what gl!slimecicle was doing and made him be the operation victim as a form of punishment, and we all know that wasnt just slime. (googoobie 🤯)

alrighty thats one of my few theories about genloss lol

(I wrote this at 4:43 am Im going to finish the second episode and the third then go to sleep)

#gl!sneegsnag #gl!slimecicle #gl!charlie #genlosers #gen loss #gl!ranboo #genloss #generation loss #ranboo #niki nihachu #slimecicle #dsmp #snails theories #fan theory #generation loss theory

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frankendykes-monster · 10 days ago

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Countdown to Halloween 2024 ranked

54. The Willies (1990)

53. Hell High (1987)

52. Face of The Screaming Werewolf (1964)

51. Terrifier (2016)

50. The Last Halloween (1991)

49. Cathy's Curse (1977)

48. The Last Shark (1981)

47. Godzilla × Kong: The New Empire (2024)

46. Creepozoids (1987)

45. The Horror of Frankenstein (1970)

44. Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks (1974)

43. Man Beast (1956)

42. Tourist Trap (1979)

41. Daughter of Dr. Jekyll (1957)

40. Fiend (1980)

39. Vampyros Lesbos (1971)

38. Devil Girl From Mars (1954)

37. Halloween Hall o' Fame (1977)

36. Nightmare (1981)

35. The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (2001)

34. Peeping Tom (1960)

33. Violent Shit (1989)

32. Invaders From Mars (1986)

31. Eggshells (1969)

30. Night of The Ghouls (1959)

29. Scream, Blacula, Scream (1973)

28. The Strange World of Planet X (1958)

27. The Colossus of New York (1958)

26. The Scooby-Doo Project (1999)

25. Night of The Living Doo (2001)

24. Scooby-Doo! and The Reluctant Werewolf (1988)

23. The Great Bear Scare (1983)

22. The Wasp Woman (1995)

21. The Cyclops (1957)

20. Frankenstein and The Monster from Hell (1974)

19. The Tingler (1959)

18. The Boogey Man (1980)

17. The Dragon Lives Again (1977)

16. Quatermass and The Pit (1967)

15. The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962)

14. Mad Love (1935)

13. The Alien Factor (1978)

12. The Walking Dead (1935)

11. Dr. Caligari (1989)

10. The Deadly Spawn (1983)

9. Invaders From Mars (1953)

8. Alucarda (1977)

7. Uzumaki (2024)

6. Sole Survivor (1984)

5. Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)

4. Shock Waves (1977)

3. Frankenhooker (1990)

2. Invasion of The Body Snatchers (1978)

1. Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla (1974)

What a productive year. October lasts all of 30 seconds which is why I have to start watching these in July if I want to make any decent headway (31 films is not enough). I desperately tried to make this a year of "have not seens" after last year's top spots being flooded with films I already loved; we mostly did it, mostly. Another top heavy year with relatively few abysmal entries, let's get started.

The Willies is the grand shitshow for this year. It feels like it's an evolutionary precursor to something like Goosebumps or Are You Afraid of The Dark?, but it mostly plays to gross out rather than scares. I don't normally care for anthology horror films to begin so to start off a film with brief segments like a woman eating a deep fried rat or a little white dog being microwave exploded and then doing extended stories on monsters hiding in the school bathroom does not do it for me. The most minimal points possible for some decent lighting and special effects but they are not enough by any means to make this worth watching. Stay away.

Onto the 1980's horror: Hell High is what happens when a film crew asks "what if we put a woman into a situation and didn't stop". I want to call it misogynistic torture porn, but I don't want to devalue that phrase for when I use it for a film later on here, but suffice to say a woman is tortured. Emotionally. For very little reason. Universal was right to block The Last Shark from US theatrical distribution. Not because it's a very blatant Jaws ripoff and they wanted to protect their copyright, but because it's abysmal and nobody should have to pay money to see this. I think the stock footage of sharks juxtaposed with the unmoving props between shots is funny, and some of the soundtrack elevates the experience, like the high shrill drones when the shark attacks a helicopter. Creepozoids is an odd one because 1987 was a bit late for a Mad Max/Escape from New York/Alien knockoff but also too early for some Full Moon tier/softcore porn adjacent 1990's production, so it loses out on both fronts. Fiend I'm struggling to even recall, I feel like Don Dohler had one movie in him (see: his plethora of alien invasion films) and him trying to branch out did him no favors. Nightmare is one I want to enjoy because it's beautifully shot but I feel like I've seen one too many slasher adjacent films at this point that include plot points like the killer having a troubled relationship with his mother or him moonlighting as a regular guy (still better than Pieces mind you). Same with Violent Shit. I feel like my tastes are pretty attuned to films that are just gore effects showcases but this one doesn't have any zany concepts to justify or compliment it, so it just falls flat.

The Boogey Man belongs to that tirade of Halloween knockoffs that flooded theaters up till about 1984 or so, but it puts in some extra effort like having a ghost be the main antagonist and a symbolic interest in mirrors, which is much more than could be asked of films like Terror Train which came out the same year. Dr. Caligari is the obligatory "this is what Tim Burton thinks he's doing" film of this year; its sets and its performances are perfectly otherworldly to a humorous degree. It's something of a quasi-sequel to the 1920 film but its relationship with logic is attuned to such a frequency that it's not a hindrance. Very hard to objectively quantify, you're either in the target audience or you aren't, so of all films here take its tier placement the least seriously. The Deadly Spawn is such a gloriously gross film. The house it's shot in isn't supposed to be disgusting on purpose, it's just one of those century's old buildings where I feel like I'd revulse if I had to touch any surface, and that's before fleshy alien monsters break in and start shredding people to bits. Sole Survivor is one of those magical "missing link" horror films, we've finally found what comes between Carnival of Souls and Final Destination. The actual scares in this film are incredibly minimal as it prioritizes atmosphere that balances between comfort and unease, something incredibly rare for films of virtually any genre. Don't go in expecting ghosts and you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Taking a brief-ish detour to the 1960's, Face of The Screaming Werewolf is one of those films I'm more angry at than anything because it's one of those films that's just the combined stray footage of multiple previous films. Rare for these to be produced in the western market (most of the examples I think of are from (south)east Asia) but it's infuriating nonetheless to see something only to discover it's a worse version of multiple better things you could be seeing. Peeping Tom is our "most overrated" entry winner, I don't know why so many people applaud this one, I feel like barely anything of substance happens to such a degree that any ounce of suspense you could draw from this just disappears, and what a shame with the concept at play here that feels as if it would take another decade for everyone else to catch up. Eggshells is the directorial debut of Tobe Hooper and while cohesive narrative is virtually nonexistent here, the amount of experimental editing keeps this going throughout the entire runtime, you can definitely see where The Texas Chainsaw Massacre came from down the line. I feel like I'm somewhat disappointed with Quatermass and The Pit (not sure what "The Pit" refers to now that I think of it) mostly becasue the first two Quatermass films are among the best 1950's science fiction films. All three are theatrical remakes of television mini-series and that's most felt here with how so much of the film takes place in the single location of an unearthed Martian ship in the heart of London. I do love that we have a science fiction film positing that humans are partly the genetic ancestors of aliens prior to people taking that seriously with books like Chariot of The Gods. The Brain That Wouldn't Die is magical, sometimes those oft hated 1950's/1960's science fiction films have something to give back to the rest of us. Here it's a man so obsessed with his own work that he sees his wife's death as an opportunity to try and kill other women so that he can use their bodies as grounds to bring her back. Which sounds like something else I watched...

...said film being Frankenhooker, which has largely the same plot but now functions as a dark comedy. God. I hate so much that the capitalist enclosure on the production and distribution of film prevented us from getting so much more from Frank Henenlotter. The man is one of the best to ever direct horror, and anyone who thinks this film or any of his other work are "bad movies" just flat out do not know what they're talking about. I think compared to Basket Case and Brain Damage however, Frankenhooker is the one that "keeps giving". You think you've seen everything the film has to offer and then something like a hotel room full of women combusts as they succumb to the effects of exploding crack or Elizabeth (the titular character) has her head punched back and starts spewing smoke and electricity everywhere. Film is a magical medium of art.

Terrifier is what I held onto "misogynistic torture porn" for. No narrative, no character work, just opportunities to show Art the Clown dismember and murder women in revolting ways. It's one of those films that vindicates everyone that doesn't like this genre and makes me wonder what I'm doing sitting side by side with people that like this shit. I think Art cutting off a woman's breasts and scalp and attaching them to his nude body to disguise himself as another prior female victim of his is when my mouth went agape and audibly asked what the fuck am I watching, cannot stress enough how much it takes to get that reaction out of me. There's an upfront showcase that Terrifier knows that it's trash and revels in it, I mean there's an early scene where we see Art has spelled out his name in his own shit, and I'm not sure how to interpret that other than I feel like I might be landing in a Duchamp's Urinal trap. For reasons that allude even me I am still eyeing the prospect of watching both sequels.

I think my overall reaction to Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is one of "whatever". A passably bad film is a definite improvement from the abomination that was Godzilla vs. Kong but it's admittedly easy to rise up when you start from the bottom. Adam Wingard more or less sucked all the joy I could muster out of the Monsterverse, I truly do not care anymore. If anything can be gleaned from this film it's that this is a film made to reconfirm people's existing biases of "I hate the boring human scenes, I'm only watching this for the monsters." Kong is the best actor in this film because the special effects team have to have him actually emote in response to a given situation, which is more than could be asked of anyone actually on the set, apparently. It's a miracle that this came out in the shadow of Godzilla Minus One than on its own terms.

The glut of 1950's science fiction films are a perennial staple of the Halloween countdown but they don't have a huge showing this year. Man Beast is one I'm going to confuse with all the other yeti movies of the decade though having a main antagonist that's actually a human hybrid gets it some points for originality. Daughter of Dr. Jekyll infuriates me because women who become monsters in film never get to be "hideous" and "scary" like their male counterparts, I'm throwing tomatoes at this one. Devil Girl From Mars is mostly memorable for having a giant clunky robot a la Gort, but the actual titular antagonist doesn't "serve cunt" enough to warrant interest, she should have taken notes from The Astounding She-Monster. The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra is an honorable mention because it's a feature-length pastiche of the z-grade films of this era. I don't think it's particularly funny and I kind of wish they lampooned a "good" film of this type rather than make something that fits in line with the middling genre efforts. Night of The Ghouls is the last horror film directed by Ed Wood and I feel like I enjoy it slightly more than Plan 9 From Outer Space. It's far more competent in producing that lulling insomniac reaction than Wood's prior efforts but I still don't "get" the attention his work consistently gets. The Strange World of Planet X gets a special pass from me just because the finale has a bunch of giant bugs attacking stuff. Moving on.

The Colossus of New York is an oddball modern Frankenstein of sorts with a guy being transformed into a giant robot and struggling to maintain some attachment to his former life. It doesn't always work but once again giant clunky robots are giant clunky robots. I'm something of a Bert I. Gordon apologist so something like The Cyclops is going to hit harder for me than it does for most people. I just like people wandering around Bronson Cave and poor matte shots of giant animals moving in and out of frame, okay? The Tingler was the oddest revisit I've had in a while. I don't think I fully "get" William Castle's approach to film but what stuck out to me is how this one takes place in largely two locations and how Vincent Price's character is kind of the antagonist, experimenting on animals, himself, and other people (resulting in a murder) to get at the Tingler. Much like in House on Haunted Hill I'm not wholly sure how some of the spooky things in this film actually work and I don't think I'm meant to, adding to the bizarre nature of the entire series of affairs here.

Invaders From Mars...oh yes. One of the absolute best 1950's science fiction films is also the most lyrical and dreamlike. It reads at times like a Soviet parody of an American child's story would be like; a boy sees every institution designed to protect him as a child and as an American turn against him on account of some nefarious foreign invader, so his only course of action is to get the US military involved. It plays out so well because it's a POV piece from a young boy, which eases over any leaps in logic both in terms of form and content of this film. Which is more than can be said of the remake, part of the diminishing returns of Tobe Hooper's then contract with Cannon. The film largely follows the same plot structure but decenters the frame through which we see it unfold giving it a "the military is legit" vibe. It also is just a bit more mean-spirited in ways that are designed to taunt the audience versus the original film's more hardened edge to it. I think a great summation of the difference between the two is that the 1953 film had Martian bodyguards that are clearly guys in fuzzy green pajama suits, but they're more threatening than the ones in the 1986 film which are giant quadruped Stan Winston monsters. I digress. Had this come out 20 years later it would be classified as part of the wave of "why are they remaking everything?"

Speaking of remakes, briefly want to mention the 1995 Wasp Woman. It's The Wasp Woman for the 1990's, now with explosions and softcore sex scenes. I can't wholly defend the original 1959 film despite my affinity for it, so let's just say this one is of comparable quality.

The 1930's are a delightful treasure trove for horror but sadly we only have two up for offer. Mad Love makes me curious as to how other adaptations of The Hands of Orlac handle the material; I was convinced a guy got his head surgically reattached and with artificial hands to boot. Always good to see Colin Clive and Peter Lorre. The Walking Dead feels like a dry run for what Boris Karloff would do later that decade in the much better The Man They Could Not Hang, just with him as the victim here and not the mastermind. Truly some of his best work as an actor as he has to float through the world not being allowed to live or die, that shit sticks with you.

We watched a scant few Halloween specials proper, I always feel like I want to watch every Halloween special possible but sometimes the enthusiasm leaves me. The Last Halloween is trash, but that's on me for thinking something made for very small children would appeal to me as an adult. It crams far too much into its brief 22 minute runtime, so the only thing that manages to escape into the zone of interest is that the CGI aliens are actually very well done for a 1991 television production, had this been all about them (voiced by Hanna Barbara stalwarts such as Frank Welker and Don Messick, along with Paul Williams), this would have been far more tolerable. Halloween Hall o' Fame is the first of apparently several Disney television specials that repackaged their theatrical shorts inside a live-action framing device. It's quaint but this format would live and die by the quality of the shorts included; I'm not intimately familiar with Disney's back catalogue solely because they've barely released anything on home media but I absolutely adore the one where Pluto goes to Hell and is put in a kangaroo court with cats on the jury. I feel like the novelty of The Scooby-Doo Project and Night of The Living Doo have carried them along further than their actual quality have, stray artifacts from when Warner Bros was briefly testing to see if Scooby could be an adult property now, doomed to the same fate as Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law. The latter of these two specials made me come to terms with the fact that David Cross was "a big deal" at some point. The Great Bear Scare is the winner here. How could you not like an animated special where bears have to stand up and be brave against an oncoming horde of Halloween monsters? What makes this an oddity (sort of an obligation for me and Halloween specials) is that this is animated 100% without in-betweens, so every character in every scene cross-dissolves in real time between their keyframes. Depending on who you are it could be ridiculously distracting or make you step back and appreciate how hard animation is.

Clearing out our remaining animated showings, I felt like I would really get back into Scooby-Doo and The Reluctant Werewolf. In the mid-late 2000's when Cartoon Network was desperately trying to excise showing anything from their backlogs, this is one of those films that was on repeat constantly as midday viewings especially over summer. It's just so far removed from what Scooby-Doo "proper" is that it's an enigma, I go to bat to defend each of the "red shirt Shaggy" movies but this is brain melting at times, there is no mystery to solve, monsters are real, Fred/Daphne/Velma are completely absent, half the film is dedicated to a drag race, it goes on and on and on that I feel numb after a bit. Uzumaki...it's good. I feel like the fact that this was in production hell for five years following the first trailer release made me stop caring so all the shenanigans regarding the reaction to the animation dropping off (the production team got screwed over, how the fuck do studios not have the money for FOUR EPISODES, David Zlasv strikes again) brushed off of me. Regardless of that I think the actual pacing would have restricted this given how much sequential material from the manga now has to occur concurrently. It gets by solely because it's Uzumaki and as such it channels such a foreboding sense of dread and despair that is unreal. This more than anything is the true epitome of cosmic horror because there is no "source" or "identity" behind the threat that is warping reality around you, there is nothing to oppose and be defiant against, which was true of the manga and it remains true here. Bravo.

The 1970's prove to be another sporadic decade for horror. Cathy's Curse proves that no matter how good technical effects are, do not watch any Carrie knockoffs. Blah. Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks...you took a movie where a Frankenstein monster fights a caveman and made it boring, congratulations. In the interim between 2021's viewing of Curse of Frankenstein and now, I've made the effort to watch the entirety of the Hammer Frankenstein series. They make for a brilliant reinterpretation of the source material with Frankenstein effectively being antagonist: he kills consistently for his experiments, which often time warp and alter people's identities along with their bodies. The "holy triumvirate" of the series as referred to by me would be The Revenge of Frankenstein, Frankenstein Created Woman, and Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed, all for showcasing new stuff that can be done with the character and any prior influences such as the Universal films being absent. Then comes The Horror of Frankenstein, a soft remake of Curse of Frankenstein, with Terence Fischer and Peter Cushing both absent. It's a dry and tedious affair that just rehashes what Curse already did, just now with a black comedic angle and no real consequences for Frankenstein himself. It's easily the worst of the series and why I'm glad Hammer backtracked for Frankenstein and The Monster From Hell. This is probably the first instance in film history where a sequel has consciously ignored a preceding remake, and while it's not wholly original either, it's comfort food for fans of this series, and now employs a darker more claustrophobic setting in an ~insane asylum~. Not the best ending for the series, but Hammer, along with Toho and Ray Harryhausen's efforts with Columbia, sort of represented the "old" styles of horror that were pretty quickly being replaced as the decade went on. This film specifically came out the same year as the likes of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it was a transitional period where what horror once was was cast away. Still not sure why the monster in this film looks like a Neanderthal man but that's just me.

Tourist Trap desperately tries to be one part Psycho and one part Texas Chainsaw, and it admittedly starts off with a nice hook of animatronic puppets being the main focus of the film, but it falls through the cracks and just becomes another random 1970's horror film. Vampyros Lesbos makes me realize that my infatuation with Zombi 3 last year did not mean I'm suddenly infatuated with Lucio Fulci's overall filmography, exceptions are not the rule. Come to think I don't think I've seen a single lesbian vampire film that I'm smitten with, how do you make this boring and not sexy at all, fuck you. Scream, Blacula, Scream is the obligatory Blacula cash-in sequel, nothing worthwhile to see here and none of the charm and significance of the first film is carried forward here, sigh. "DEDICATED TO THE MILLIONS THAT LOVE BRUCE LEE," The Dragon Lives Again is one of the plethora of films featuring Lee impersonators following his death, showing Lee in Hell as he has to find a way back to Earth while also fighting off The Godfather, Dracula, The Man with No Name, Emanuele, Zatoichi, and James Bond while allying himself with Popeye and Dr. Who. No I am not making any of this up, yes, this film was made with very little money so it sounds far more interesting than it actually ends up being, but it's a cute film, I can't be mad at a film made for me, nor can a movie showing Popeye eat spinach to fight mummies or Bruce Lee knocking out Dracula with his "third leg" be something you don't go out of your way to watch.

The Alien Factor is Don Dohler's first and best film. I love the fact that a dozen people made a small scale alien invasion/slasher film in their backyards with actually solid special effects for something that was probably made on the weekends. You can't hate this film, it's made from pure love for what was already decades old genre material. Had some of the script and acting been tightened up this could have become one of the more widely recognized independent films of the decade. Oh...Alucarda. I hate when they make a lesbian devil worshiper film between girls coming to terms with theirs sexual orientation and then they aren't the heroes of the story. We've come a long way since then.

Given that the Eggers film is still a few months out, I'd say Nosferatu the Vampyre is my preferred interpretation of the story (not my favorite Dracula adaptation overall mind you). Let me say that I think remaking Nosferatu is ridiculous solely because you're just doing Dracula, again, just with some stylistic details brought on from a specific prior Dracula. But this film goes all out. It's one of those times where I'm reminded of why slowly paced films with shots that last minutes at a time are so great. It relies very little on narrative (the extent/nature of Dracula's power of the geographic barriers between Wismar and Transylvania go unexplained) but you get so thoroughly sucked into the setting and the characters that you can't complain. This has undeniably the best portrayal of Mina in any Dracula film, she's effectively the protagonist by the second half and each of her encounters with Dracula are on her terms, he's effectively powerless against her even if she ensures they both die in the end. Also, rats. So many rats. Everywhere. The plague is in town.

Shock Waves is just great 1970's horror. Shoot on location, hold the camera in hand the entire time, do it cheap, have a dreamy distant narrator, and make it grisly. I do find the concept of Nazis engineering platoons of super soldiers and we only seeing just the one in this film is probably the scariest thing about it, it invites you to think about what else is happening out of sight. My favorite first watch of the year.

1978's Invasion of The Body Snatchers is also a phenomenal remake. This one is difficult for me to talk about because it just pushes all my buttons, I felt like I wanted to cry throughout the duration of this viewing, it is an incredibly mean film. Someone you know just one day turns on you, and then everyone else follows suit. You think you know your surroundings and your city but everything is flipped upside down and you can't even describe why. From the very start when you see the premature pods land on Earth it's made immediately clear that no one is making it out of here, it was too late as soon as it started.

But there can only be one #1, and this year it's Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla. Another instance of "nothing is going to beat this" as soon as I rewatched it. I feel like I'm alone in considering this one of the absolute best in the series, I feel like between the espionage and exploration and blood and laser fights that this is just one of the films that reminds you of why we make and why we watch movies, you get to have some semblance of every possible human emotion watching this. There's not much more you can ask for.

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