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vaguely-gestures-to-the-void · 3 years ago

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Hindsight: My thoughts on Loki (2021)

Welcome back! Spoilers below!

I need to clarify that I watch Loki purely as an escape. I've got a biased perspective in that regard because I don’t actively try to find fault with the show, though there are definitely things I’m not so inclined to. This is more of what I noticed and think things mean and it’s something I’m doing for fun. Anyways, here's my thoughts on episode 2 my loves.

Episode 2: THE VARIANT

Pre-title scene

Miss Minutes’ monologue in the recap is different to the one last ep.

1985 Oshkosh, Wisconsin

C-20!

“Today’s guest performances” on a board. Don’t really know if it means anything tho.

The Iconic (TM) I Need A Hero scene.

Pony.

The green tent - the lair of Loki.

I know not everyone’s a fan of the lighting, but it made sense to me. They’re still in the dark about who Sylvie is.

Why does C-20 take off her helmet? For the drama?

I hope Sylvie cleaned her blade. Narnia taught me well.

The Time Samsung (I can’t remember what it’s called right now) says that the date’s 04/12/1985.

Loki’s first mission (?)

‘Volume 26’ - how many of these does Mobius have?? #giveMobiusajetski

“ONLY at your LOCAL AUTHORIZED DEALER” - subtext about the TVA being control freaks? Jet ski safety?

I googled Wake Magazine. They’re up to volume 20 from what I saw, whilst Loki is reading volume 26, so I guess that’s something

Loki and Miss Minutes lmaooo.

Behind Loki’s elbow is the taxidermy something from the last episode. Also confirms that Loki threatened Casey at Mobius’ desk lol.

The thing has an egg?? What the hell is Mobius collecting? (He’s a Harry Hart variant lmao).

There are little twitches in Miss Minnutes’ hands. That’s so cool!

The egg timer’s a nice easter egg (I’m a comedian).

Mobius! B-15! :)

Is it just me or do the minutemen look similar, but not exactly the same. Makes sense if they’re variants.

I just realised the lights are built into the ceiling. Whoops.

What’s Mobius’ favourite?

Couple of things:

The racks full of identical uniforms/ones just hung up on doors.

The music has started to pick up the pace, but not in the way we see later on in the episode.

There’s a sign saying ‘FARE THEE WELL’ on it. Google tells me that it’s ‘used to express good wishes on parting’. Dang that was some good foreshadowing!

The person that looks like Agatha is still present.

I wonder whether it was supposed to be colder or whether the weather was just like that when they filmed.

The pony’s still around.

I think B-15 certainty that “a Loki couldn’t have gotten the jump of C-20” comes from her experience with them. She constantly tries to make it clear that because she’s not a variant, she’d know Loki better than he would, which (personally) makes the revelation that she’s a variant feel more devastating.

Again with the lighting, they’re still in partial darkness, constantly moving in and out of the light. Whilst what Loki says about the variant setting a trap is true, it isn’t in the context that he says it. Sylvie whoops their asses later.

The black and red-orange flags remind me of tomb markers. It’s a stretch, ik.

B-15 only has tally marks on one side of her helmet.

Mobius has fake pockets in his suit jacket. They’re the worst.

The ticking increasing in tempo as they approach red line - great for setting up tension.

I believe that Loki uses personal space like a weapon - slowly approaching them from the front, and then going behind Mobius’ back when he wants his way. It would make anyone uncomfortable, especially on a subconscious level because there’s a threat behind you.

Or maybe it’s that I have different personal space boundaries, not everyone likes being approached from behind. Loki’s movement felt intentional at least.

Getting Mobius to physically turn his way because of that might have been very subtle manipulation?

Loki looking back and forth trying to judge their reactions lol.

I liked the music in this scene, it sets up tension for Loki’s first attempt at betraying Mobius but then doesn’t completely dismiss it when it’s resolved.

Ravonna Renslayer’s office

The music here is 18 morceaux, Op. 72, No. 2. Berceuse. 18 morceaux, Op. 72: No. 2, Berceuse (Arr. For Theremin and piano) by Clara Rockmore for anyone that’s curious. I found out through Natalie Holt’s Twitter (I think).

The score is, and always will be, perfection.

Mobius’ small talk amuses me.

“Why do you get to keep all the trophies from my cases in here, you don’t think I’d love having that roller skate?” Mobius, what about the thing on the shelf behind your desk????

Ravonna seems like she’s answered these questions before, but she has a fondness for him that makes me think they’re good friends.

Also does Ravonna have multiple complete collections of the Encyclopaedia Britannica in her office? What are those books??

��I hope it’s a double.” Me too Mobius, me too (drink responsibly).

I don’t get how people think Mobius doesn’t remember leaving the stains. It sounded like Ravonna was chiding him for a bad habit and Mobius just made up a remark, not confusion.

Although he does place the cup at a different spot to the rings.

The ship flying past in the windows is a wonderful detail.

“The variant likes to stall for time.” It's very satisfying to me how everything stays relevant. Every detail advances the plot/contributes to it.

“Look, I know you have a soft spot for broken things.”

“I don’t think so-”

“Yes you do.”

Both Mobius and Ravonna only look at the middle figure when referring to the time Keepers. Either the other two are side-lined or don’t contribute at all.

“I’ll delete him myself.” At this point in time, I think Mobius is serious. As the episode progresses, his status may have changed, especially after the Jet Ski philosophy session.

Ravonna’s sash on the peg reminds me of the ones the people talking to Casey were wearing in episode 1.

Man those doors are so cool.

Peak sitting outside the principal’s office energy.

Mobius whistles at Loki as opposed to talking to him like he does later.

Any screen shot from the following scene is pristine chaotic disaster bi Loki energy featuring tired-of-your-tomfoolery Mobius.

“Isn’t that precisely why I’m here?” This marked a change in Loki to me. Up until that point, he’d tried to use what he’d known, who he’d been by scheming his way to the Time Keepers. By admitting he wasn’t sure of his purpose, we’re back with the person at the end of the last episode. It’s very Loki to try all avenues to get what he wants, and after having his world turned upside-down a few times in a short period, maybe he just wanted the familiarity of his old tricks, who he thinks he is.

Loki tensing up and then trying to assert control again reaffirms what I just said.

Man, give Mobius a holiday after all of this. Loki really tested him, huh?

Loki definitely likes validation on some level.

TVA archives (a.k.a the Salad Scene)

I can’t believe that place really exists. The looks combined with the music are just *chef kisses*.

I’m not sure if I’m thinking of the right progression, but the music reminds me of a plagal cadence. Google examples and play it side-by-side, you’ll get what I mean, maybe someone knows what it really is?

On either side of the elevators near the Time Keeper statues are the signs TVA archives.

The symmetry pleases my goblin brain.

I believe the entire show was just flexing the skills of the Loki crew and I couldn’t be happier.

“Pretend your life depends on it. I’m gonna get a snack.” This was so funny in the trailers but Mobius is dead serious (delete him myself comment). And he couldn’t even enjoy his salad.

Love that the end of credits takes from some of the scenes in episode 2.

The archivist has neat glasses.

I want some TVA stationary y’all.

It’s that moment fam.

I can’t be the only one curious by the ‘DISPLACED by 000:000:002:162’. Is that in Units? It would explain why the time line looks slightly bendy whenever we see it, especially if Apocalypses are so frequent.

IT’S THE SALAD LADS!

Mobius is reading the magazine that Loki was looking at earlier. Jet skis are Mobius’ comfort character.

“Don’t set fire to the palace.”

Tom Hiddleston has so much energy, he can move so fast.

“Oh God.” - Mobius, Null Time Zone

“YOU.” - Casey, Null Time Zone

Casey!

No thoughts, head empty, the Salad (TM).

But seriously, people only seem to be at their tables with others that work in a similar section. Not hunters and analysts eating in tandem to me, folks.

Oh Casey. Please don’t hurt him.

Aw, Mobius’ little giggle warmed my heart. Owen Wilson’s giving me whiplash with Mobius. My heart can’t take this y’all.

79 AD Pompeii, Italy

They’re both so giddy, Your Honour, I love them.

Mobius snuck them out lol.

“Bird noises?”

“BE FREE MY HORNED FRIENDS, BE FREE!” The post wouldn’t be complete without this.

Loki just throwing food at people and telling them “...enjoy your last meal while you can” is top tier comedy to me.

This is the first time we see Loki openly say nothing matters. I feel like the case file on the destruction of Asgard really pushed him to treat fate as unchangeable.

LXXIX is 79. Nice one Loki crew!

Mobius’ eye twitching as he checks the variance is a nice touch.

Loki throws away the stick that was holding the goat pen closed at the end.

TVA Archives, TVA cafeteria

Mobius picked up those files so smoothly I had to re-watch it.

Their position reflected what they were talking about - when Loki thinks it’s his individual contribution, he’s walking separately to Mobius, but they meet up when working together. I loved the blocking in that little moment.

I seriously thought that Loki was unconscious when I first saw him asleep around Mobius. I’ll admit it, it felt out-of-character for someone with such bad trust issues. Both of them seem pretty tired tho.

It’s the Jet Ski conversation comrades!

I’m beaming. Mobius talking about Jet Skis was the only time I’ve really remembered it’s Owen Wilson talking. It’s such a fun line to think about!

Loki’s smile. Adorable.

Just go watch the scene, it’ll give you good brain juices.

Mobius does it all for the Jet Skis and nothing else. I don’t make the rules, the Time Keepers do.

“My own glorious purpose.” This is a recurring theme in the season. Ultimately, I think that Loki is going to run for as long as it brings in money/until Loki gets killed again. However, I do like to think that in following seasons we’ll move beyond setting up Phase 4 Marvel stuff and just get deep dives into Loki’s character, though it may happen in the later eps or not be as interesting. Part of what made this show so interesting is the new setting in the Marvel universe but it’s hard to make predictions as to whether it will last in a show featuring the God of Mischief. Whatever happens, I’m happy that we got to see Loki’s existential crisis together, lads.

The music picks up, signalling that this quiet moment is about to end.

“No one bad is ever truly bad. And no one good is every truly good.”

“Scared little boy.”

These lines mean a lot to me. Loki perceives Mobius as an equal, similar to himself but not completely identical. The TVA’s whole aesthetic is Kafkaesque (Disney+ used that word), the imperfections keeping the place from looking mechanical and orderly like what the TVA promotes itself to be. Loki wants Mobius to acknowledge it, but Mobius is in the past, not addressing what’s right in front of him, surrounding him. That’s probably because Mobius doesn’t believe, he accepts what he’s been told though Loki wants to change that. He’s still focused on his job, the variant. I don’t think Mobius will struggle against change in the ‘belief’ part as long as things are rational.

Kate Herron (director) said that the Kablooie scene was improv which makes me wish we had more B roll of Owen and Tom. They seem so professional, invested and fun on set.

“No wonder you’re so bitter.” I’m sorry Mobius you sound as salty as your salad.

‘Artificially flavoured chewing gum’ Has something happened causing artificial flavouring to be preferred?

‘Blue’ has canonically changed to ‘Bloo’ by 2050 in America in the MCU. I blame capitalism.

Why does Mobius look so tiny? I say that like Owen Wilson wouldn’t look like a giant next to me lol.

Owen Wilson is 3.5 inches (9 centimetres) shorter than Tom Hiddleston. Yet he is dwarfed as Mobius. I need to stop talking about this and move on.

There’s no ‘variance energy detected’ line in the report.

“You’re gonna take my job if I’m not careful.” Loki looks so chuffed.

One day, I’ll properly address my thoughts on the shipping. Until then, I just want no one to die.

“Yeah, he’s doing great.” Mobius is so hyped. Good for him.

Owen Wilson has dimples.

Ravonna’s screen doesn’t show the timeline like it does later.

Ravonna is the done mom friend. Sane, undeserving of this, please give her a jet ski moment.

Buckle up folks because the last twenty minutes of this episode are my favourite so far.

At 34 minutes in, we get the music fading in with “Okay. But Mobius...” and a transition to my favourite composition so far. Natalie Holt outdid herself. The soundtrack is nearly constant, there’s no break for a moment of clarity anymore. The progression of events is inevitable, tying the bow on a plot line created in an hour and a half. The little embellishment from the strings (possibly) as Mobius and Loki exit is perfect. Combined with Loki’s raised fist leading to a pan to the ceiling, it prepared the audience for everything being turned upside down.

The changing camera angles and shot lengths (the continuous shot when B-15 takes the knives, the circling behind as the briefing occurs) keep viewers on their toes. The continuous shot is fluid, B-15 doesn’t look at Loki or Mobius, her reaction is natural and that just proves that the timing on that scene was impeccable. The circling behind reminded me of Loki positioning himself behind Mobius as he did earlier, but now he’s on the same side, part of the team though he continues to distinguish between himself and the variant. The building sensation that change is coming is met by the incredible swell in the music as we watch the picturesque Haven Hills get destroyed by modern technology and face the terrifying reality that is the Roxxcart store. There’s a close up on the Roxxcart storefront with school buses with the words ‘Evacuation shuttle’ in the background as we see the TVA’s minutemen come out reinforcing that even when the end is nigh, large corporations will loom over. A storm is raging with worse to come. I can go on and on, but you get the point.

2050 Roxxcart Disaster

I love that y’all are calling this the Alabama supermarket breakup. Makes me chuckle, that’s for sure.

I too hate when people can hear my footsteps. Someone that gets the struggle.

Sylvie places the TVA Samsung over a Roxxcart Security manual. She’s overridden both and is in control.

The date is 03/15/2050.

I think that the way the Hunters and minutemen hold their baton things is so that they don’t get yeeted. Neat.

As always, the beats are slick yo.

I hope the Azaleas guy gets some Azaleas wherever he ended up.

I love the way Loki says “In this storm.” It’s so satisfying for no real reason.

The wonderful Wunmi Mosaku does not get the recognition she deserves for this scene. She switched from B-15 to Sylvie so effortlessly. They’re two distinct characters, her facial expressions, body language everything changed in that instant. Even from the one line, “No, they usually survive,” her delivery had changed in a way that was noticeable. It’s uncanny, exactly what was needed when facing a foe that remained unseen. And the smile? It’s before we know the variant as Sylvie, so naturally it’s that signature Loki smile with a hint of malice we associate with the variant. Damn y’all, Wunmi’s incredible! I really hope she’s recognised for being so talented in this series, if not in all her other work!

Mobius really cares about those people. I really want his redemption (?) arc.

It’s been pointed out that even in those conditions, Roxxcart were selling blankets and water. I think it means that by 2050, cash would be defunct. If only electronic payment existed, as long as there’s electricity they can run a business. Chew on that.

If the man they speak to is 50 to 60, he was a 90s kid.

There must be a difference in the reprogramming or kind of variant selected to be a hunter as compared to an analyst. The Hunters look after their own, but the analysts (or Mobius) go as far as empathising with variants.

C-20 is sitting in front of safety standards.

“A bit amateurish.” Loki knows that the variant isn’t as skilled with magic as he is.

As Loki and the possessed people walk, the lighting becomes brighter. He’s moving out of the shadows.

Me too Loki, I’m worried about B-15 too.

Sylvie unironically saying bless is hilarious.

Randy must be hella tall.

There’s a low angle shot as Loki and Randy face off with the flickering light above with a sign hanging above them like a sword of Damocles and a physical separation. Terror is nearly constant in Loki's life now, but he responds by letting go of his drive to survive.

The subtle swells in the music just add to my rising blood pressure.

C-20’s voice over is sad lads.

“I wanna go home,” we know she’s not referring to the TVA.

Mobius seems like a caring person.

When B-15 sits up and searches the room, I think it’s her realisation. Her shiver was from fear and shock, the music wasn’t about her not seeing Loki, it was about the TVA and what had happened to her.

The head snap and the score timing matching. So satisfying.

“I would never treat me like this. Hi.” I think that’s Loki realising that his foe is not willing to talk their way through conflict.

This fight scene contradicts all the magic we see later ik, but if he didn’t want to hurt anyone and was trying to draw out the real enemy it made sense.

Some of Sylvie’s powers must come into the people she possesses. The guy punched a glass screen and didn’t even bleed.

“I have shit to do.” Sylvie wasn’t raised with court etiquette (from what we know) and her lexical choice reflects that.

Dell computers survive into 2050 in the MCU. So do those robot dogs and Roombas. I am only happy about the Roombas. Where did the real dogs go? :(

“Mobius.”

“Where is he?”

“I lost him.”

“What happened?”

“I...”

Until now, B-15’s delivery has felt slightly rhythmic, like she was used to having the same arguments, particularly with Mobius. When she trails off however, I think it’s her trying to rationalise what she’s been through with Sylvie’s possession. Her devotion to the TVA was rooted in the fact that she wasn’t a variant, her life had a purpose and it was intentional. This must have rocked her, I’m invested in where she’ll go.

THE CUT TO BLACK OH GOOD GOSH.

Sylvie, my queen. I’d roll off a cliff for her.

The person with the moustache (you know the one) has pure fear on his face.

Ravonna knows what’s up.

And so do you, yes it’s the music, go listen to it.

THE RED LIGHTING

The zoom out to that incredible hallway shot and then stopping behind the time door. It was never about him after all, he was in the background of her plans.

Sylvie’s wave in Roxxcart vs. Loki’s on the train. Discuss.

The blackout, thunder and Loki’s pause under the flickering red and white light, do y’all really want me to talk about the s y m b o l i s m????

He’s conflicted, you know it, I know it, Mobius knows it.

Speaking of Mobius, there he is, we cut back to Loki and see him make his decision, zooming back in on him.

And with that final flourish in the score, we are done with episode 2!

Cue the most amazing end credits score you’ll ever hear.

Do yourself a favour, listen to all of it, including the part after the main credits, both are Works. Of. Art.

Ep 2 review

In case you didn’t notice, this is my favourite episode so far. There are parts I didn’t take to as much, but details from the previous episode being used in the plot as well as others being explained by Sylvie in episode 3. Rewatching it was easier than episode 1 though it left me wanting more. It will get more interesting from here, but until then, that was a fun romp.

See y'all next time. I hope whoever's reading this has a wonderful day!

Part 1, Episode 1 extend review link:

#spoilers #loki review #Loki spoilers #my respect for people that write scripts/analysis of any kind has increased immensely.#opinion #things i've noticed #sorry if they're not original #b-15 deserves love #the analysts (mobius) the hunters the minutemen casey every one of them deserves love #here's to everyone who worked so hard and put so much into this series #WUNMI MOSAKU IS AMAZING #I love Ravonna #It's great

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taetaesbaebaepsae · 5 years ago

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Monsta X during Sex

A/n: @ddaengbaepsae basically cowrote this, bless her thotty brain

Warnings: Just pure filth, kinda soft though shut up I’m soft for them

Word Count: 2656

Son Hyunwoo (Shownu)

Welp he’s big all over folks

Stay safe, use lube

It’ll be fine he’s a big teddy bear

He might hurt you but he’d never mean to

He’s not the type to fuck around he’s definitely a one woman man

He’d be slow to initiate a physical relationship, too, he’s a shy baby under all those muscles

Not at all the jealous type you could thirst over another member right in front of his salad and he’d be like “You’re right, Jooheon does have juicy thighs”

Only very specific situations would make him feel possessive

For example if he comes home and you’re wearing Hoseok’s hoodie

His ears start turning red and you have no idea why

Rips it off you all hungry kisses hands everywhere

You’re shook when he gets a little rough with you, bites your shoulder when he comes

While you’re getting dressed after he puts his hoodie on you with a kiss and a sheepish smile

Missionary, lots of slow strokes, kissing

He’s a hard worker tho if you know what I mean 👀👀

Worries about your pleasure over his

High-key oblivious to you seducing him

You can suck chocolate off his fingers and he’s like “Jagi I can buy more chocolate, relax.”

You can strip off your clothes and he’ll be like “oh should I run you a bath?”

You’ll have to deadass put your hand on his dick for him to get it

He’ll be all blushy at first but then he’ll kiss you hard

So good at oral look at those lips sis. Won’t even ask you to reciprocate but would be so grateful if you do, stroking your hair, a little praise “You’re so good to me, Jagi.”

He’s so shy about asking for what he wants in general but if you do something he likes once, he’ll ket you know by his body language, throw his head back and buck those dancer’s hips

He isn’t very vocal at first but he’ll get a little more comfortable he’s never actually loud

Unless you sit on his face

Don’t @me Nunu loves it

This is when he’s loud, all deep throated moans and he’ll go hard, you’re gonna forget your own name, sis

He loves curves, loves you in white and lace

He is not a one night stand guy he’s a serial monogamist for sure

If he’s fucking you he’s in love I don’t make the rules

He’s fairly vanilla and he’d be highkey worried he’d hurt you if you were into choking or something like that

He would try anything for the person he loves but he’d be uncomfortable if it were something rough

He knows how to move, we all know that, so in any case you’re a very happy girl

Yoo Kihyun

So Ki wants you a lady in the streets

You start dating him thinking you got this traditional boy from a conservative household

But behind closed doors…

“Why are you wearing panties? You don’t need those here.”

He’ll buy you expensive lingerie just to fucking RUIN it

Look you leave his place sweaty and sticky and covered in hickeys

It’s a real walk of shame

He wants you a MESS the first few times he won’t even fuck you because he wants you hooked on him before he ever puts it in

You gotta beg for it every fucking time

But when he finally does you best be ready

He’ll have you ass up on all fours trying to blow out your back

Saying shit like “This is what you wanted, yeah? Wanted me to fuck you like my pretty little whore?”

You’re fucking SHOOK

Also he IS low-key a nice boy like in public he’s making you cover up your marks and shit

But the minute you get a little chummy with one of the other boys he’s ripping off your scarf like “oops”

He’s not that loud bc he’s focused on making you loud af

But he’s a real dirty talker he’ll whisper some shit to you at a restaurant that’ll make your legs shake

He’s the type to make you take off your panties in the bathroom and when you come back he’s talking intently with the boys while he just runs one hand along your inner thighs to tease you

He will be loud if you let him fuck your mouth tho (and you will please who are we kidding?)

“That’s my good girl. My sweet whore.” Throaty moans

Low-key kinky he’ll just randomly buy a riding crop and ship it to your house with a note like “tonight?”

He would love you in a diamond collar

Nothing even remotely submissive about this man

He’s a good time but you better be ready he doesn’t play if you’re his you’re his no questions no complaints

Lee Jooheon

What a fun time

But also such a fucking tease

Another one who wants you messy and keening

Acts all innocent when you beg all wide eyed “What do you mean, princess, I’m barely touching you? You’re so needy today.” All dimpled smirk

But he’ll fuck the life outta you right after

Also just a sidenote he’s got a fast tongue you know that vibrating thing? King of that

He sends you texts all day at work 50% sexts 50% sweet like “when are you coming to see me? I miss you.”

He is a s w i t c h you can’t change my mind

But he’s a brat if he lets you top, so whiny and desperate and he’ll know exactly what will make you give in.

Has a bit of a praise kink tbh so he might be a good boy just for that

When he doms he’s soft tho all praise all the time

He’ll praise you for being a brat be like “oh, I love it when you’re feisty. Do that again.”

Jooheon likes ass sis the more the better if you got cake and wear tight jeans around him you won’t be wearing them long

You gonna have handprints on that booty like at all times

Loves doggy style so much

Adventurous he would definitely fuck you somewhere public like a parking garage or a public bathroom he gets off on adrenaline for sure

High sex drive, all over you when you’re busy working from home and when you’re finally like “ok ok I’m done let’s do this” he’s barely touching you skating his mouth over your skin just to give you chills

Loves to show you off wants you looking like a bad bitch when he takes you out he loves it when you make heads turn

He’s not exactly possessive but he does want all your attention at first he’ll use aegyo and be pouty to try and get you to pay attention to him

If that doesn’t work then he’ll use that Libra seductiveness

LOUD AF

Particularly during blowjobs he will wake the dead “Please please please…” So desperate and whiny

Unironically refers to you as “his girl” like you meet his friends and he’s like “this is my girl”

Down for anything he’ll make all your kinks and fantasies a reality

Loves you wearing something revealing kisses all your exposed skin big open mouthed kisses

Softest sweetest cuddler afterward

Would be the BEST fwb

Chae Hyungwon

He strikes me as the the type to have a fwb for a real long time or be a serial monogamist

King of the long, deep, slow stroke game

You can beg him to go faster all you want but his patience will end you

Lots of stamina we’re talking all night y'all every single time

No quickies here you gotta carve out 2 hours in your schedule minimum

Look at that mouth phew you’re gonna need a good two hours to recover after he goes down on you too

It’ll take a while he can breathe through his ears you feel me

He’s pretty vanilla at heart but he’ll choke the shit outta you if that’s what you want, tie you up, whatever he ain’t scared

King of morning sex I just know it

Sleepy, slow, sweet morning sex

Have you in your feelings when the sun is barely up

SUCH a good kisser, wow

Mostly dominant in bed but he loves you on top

You have fingerprint bruises on your hips at all times

He doesn’t get possessive much at all he’s confident he’s got you on lock

If he does he’ll just throw shade at the dude you’re flirting with and fuck you an hour longer that night to remind you why you’re with him

One of those shuts the kitty down for two full days types, tbh he’s low-key BIG

Big big praise during blowjobs if you give the good succ he gonna fall in love

“Your tongue is sinful, you know that? You look so beautiful with your mouth full.”

Like before you fuck him the first time you’re worries he’ll be boring in bed because he’s quiet and sweet on dates

Then one night he kisses you goodnight and suddenly presses you against the wall, lips right by your ear: “You’re inviting me in, yeah?”

You’re like “Yes SIR”

After about an hour and a half you’re exhausted and sweating, muscles sore and he’s deadass asleep with one arm thrown around you

He’s full of surprises

Lee Hosoek (Wonho)

You first see him and your instincts tell you to run he’s gotta be a whole fuckboy

He wants to be and he’ll try but he’s s o f t

He would do a one night stand and then take you to breakfast and text you two hours later asking if you wanna hang out again

You’re absolutely shocked when he calls you the next day because the sex is definitely not soft

At least not at first

At first he’s throwing you up against walls, pulling your hair, all whiny moans and praises “God, look at you, all spread out like a whore for me.”

And he’ll keep it up but he gets low-key sweet as he inevitably catches feelings

Starts going down on you all the time, being a real tease, slow licks, two fingers in and out

Moans against you it makes him so hard to taste you

The cuddliest baby afterward

High-key possessive don’t even think about flirting he’ll have you backed into a corner marking your throat and breasts up in front of God and everybody

Wants a lot of attention but mostly wants to give you a lot of attention

I don’t know if a louder boy exists tbh

Good luck keeping any of your private times private he’s such a moaner, pleads with you, dirty talker esp when you give him head

“You’re gonna make me come so hard, will you open your mouth and let me see it on your tongue?”

He’ll want so many nudes of you

He strikes me as a real ass man just like Joo

He WILL eat the booty like groceries

He’ll try to wife you if you like anal but sis bring a lot of lube

BIG BIG BIG

Like he knows he’s big but he doesn’t realize how big

Scary big

“You wanna put that where?” Big

He’d sub he’s a switch he’s a good boy too

He is not too proud to beg and he’ll wear your hickies like a badge of honor

He’s strong he loves to manhandle you, throw you over his shoulder and smack your ass, standing sex in the shower holding on to your hips as he bucks up into you

Proud of his body and never wears a shirt around you if he doesn’t have to

Big boyfriend material though despite his fuckboy charm he is loyal and sweet

Lee Minhyuk

He might be a fuckboy look I know he seems soft but there’s a strong demon in there

I feel like he lives to make women fall for him but may or may not catch feelings himself

He’s the type to woo you hard and then kind of ghost you because he’s in too deep

Down for anything sexually a big switch

He’ll be excited to try new things and beg to hear your dirtiest fantasies

Sexually manipulative, he’ll talk you into anything

He’s so much fun but what a wildcard one night will be just missionary and kissing the next y'all are trying out every position in the Kama sutra

Talks a lot, praise, especially when you are on top

Whiny moans, bucking his hips but trying to be a good boy

He👏 loves 👏curves I cannot emphasize this enough

He’s fucking you from behind waxing poetic

“You’re so sexy. The curve of your spine, the way your lower back dips just before…” Skating his hands along your ass before he grabs a handful

He’s always touching you during, hands and mouth everywhere, soft open mouthed kisses on your throat, your breast, your thighs

King of foreplay

He’ll just touch you everywhere, run his hands along your things as he kisses you, your back, your arms, has you trembling before he ever gets to a sweet spot

Loves to overstimulate you but he’ll let you to it to him, too, he loves making you a mess but he’ll love being a mess for you too

Would love you to tie him up he’s a good boy

If he so desires he’ll turn the tables so quick it’s scary, though, he can talk you into anything, remember?

Absolutely an angel in aftercare, sweetest boy, bring you water and snacks to prepare for round two

Im Changkyun (i.m)

The biggest fucking tease

Will dirty talk you until you are weak in the knees

Sexts you in the middle of the day

“Remember when you rode me from behind? Let’s do that again tonight.”

He doesn’t forget a single moment because he’s watching everything, how your face looks when you’re close, the sounds you make

Inside a week he knows exactly what you’re weak for and will use it to his advantage

Teases you mercilessly when he goes down on you, but when you do come it’s overstimulation city he’s moaning against you and coaxing a second orgasm right after the first

He loves to bite you, oh boy, your inner thighs are covered

But that moan he lets out when you bite his neck? He loves to be marked

Cocky, arrogant in bed at first “I know what you like.”

But as he catches feelings he’s more open with you when he’s inside you than he ever is outside of bed

Emotionally attached to sex so when he starts to fall in love it gets even better

He starts to praise you instead of talking shit

Loves you on top, the awe on his face

Breathy, low moans instead of those usual grunts and growls

“Honey, you kill me, you know that? You were made to fit around my cock, yeah?”

He tries out every position but always ends up in missionary, looking in your eyes, kissing you hard and hungry

He memorizes every curve of your body, every face you pull when you’re coming apart because he wants to be able to call it up when he’s away

Low-key body worship when he’s in his feelings

His praise is very personal, too, he’ll talk about how the freckles on your shoulders are constellations, kiss everyone while he’s fucking you from behind

He makes sure you know what he sees in you

If you want to top him he’ll agree and let you but pretend he’s not into it until you really get going

You’ll break him the first time, he’ll beg you, hips bucking, so loud

He needs a girl who can do both

If you’re bad bitch down for anything he’ll fall in love on sight

So soft in the mornings, Eskimo kisses, murmured praise

2K notes · View notes

ittybittypbandj · 6 years ago

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The Internship - Chapter 1

Trying my hand at a multi-chapter Bittyparse fic! 5 chapters, weekly updates. Also on ao3. <3

Summary:

Eric Bittle arrived in New York two weeks ago, newly single and ready for a fresh start. This internship was just what he needed to jumpstart his life.

Kent Parson loved his life in New York. He was at the peak of his NHL career. He had friends, the world's greatest cat, and everything he thought he needed.

He never expected a small Southern blonde to burst into his life and turn everything on its head.

Bitty frowned hard at the red bowtie. He twisted away from the mirror, tugging it off as he reached for the lavender one. Lordy, lavender was just as bad. How had all his favorite ties had become gauche overnight?

His mama had reassured him over Skype last night, "Don't worry, Dicky. You'll do great. You'll charm the socks off 'em. Before you know it, they'll be movin' you over to that food magazine you love so much." And he was gonna prove her right. He just needed to put in a little time, show them what he could do.

But how could he do it in a tie that screamed I don't know what I'm doing and by the way I’m bad with animals?

Okay fine, maybe it wasn't the tie's fault. If this were Jack’s first game of the season, Bitty would be reminding him to breathe right about now. He would be alright. He was Eric Richard Bittle. He could land a double Axel with his eyes closed and bake a flourless chocolate cake in Georgia in July. He could do this.

Bitty had moved to Brooklyn two weeks ago, eager to start his new internship in Manhattan. For the next three months he would be a Social Media Associate for Fancy Feline cat food. The job paid a stipend - not much, but enough to finance his matchbook-sized bedroom and name-brand butter - and there was a possibility at the end to extend his contract. It wasn't exactly his dream job, but what was a boy supposed to do? A year out of college, a degree in American Studies, and no experience? Employers weren't exactly banging down his door with offers.

A year ago, Bitty thought Jack was his future. At graduation, he had plans of moving in with Jack, finding a job in Providence, and settling down into their shared life.

After Bitty moved to Providence, he’d sent resume after resume to employers but couldn’t find a job. Jack was out of town frequently and Bitty didn’t have any local friends – Lardo and Shitty and Holster and Ransom were all in Boston, which was just far enough away to be logistically difficult – and he found himself more isolated than he expected.

Bitty also realized that he’d only experienced Jack’s intensity and anxiety through the rosy lens of infatuation. They both struggled with the shift in their living situation, lord knows it was as hard on Jack as it was on him. In April when Jack’s playoff run ended abruptly from a wrist injury and an eight-week recovery, Bitty’d been ready to poke out his own eye rather than face another day of both of them at home, dancing around the fact that this just wasn’t working.

And so, after they’d finally talked and cried and shared a joint session with Jack’s therapist, Bitty and Jack called it quits and Bitty tearfully phoned Lardo to break the news. He’d stayed on her and Shitty’s lumpy couch in Boston for two months while Shitty called in a family favor and helped him land this internship.

Even after everything, Bitty was feeling hopeful. All he needed was a few months' experience and a job on his resume more substantial than ‘running a baking vlog’. He took a deep breath and released it, checked his hair one last time, queued up Queen Bey on his headphones, and headed for the subway.

_/_/_/ \_\_\_

Bitty’s first day at the office was a whirlwind of new faces and information. Meesha, Bitty’s fellow intern and apparently the person in charge, led him on a brisk tour through the office and he practically skip-jogged to keep up with her. While they walked, she peppered him with information about the department.

"You’ll coordinate the images and story for all the social media platforms, and you’ll directly manage the endorsement relationships." Meesha glanced over her shoulder to check that he was keeping up. "I do all the site and ad placement, and Tito runs the admin side. We're all a hot mess this week prepping for Kit, but don’t worry - we'll get you settled in just fine."

"Kit?" Bitty asked.

"Oh yeah, Kit Purrson. She's launching as the face of Fancy Feline in, like, three weeks. Totes adorbs and has a crazy-ass following. We've got, like, a zillion things to do to get ready. I'm sure you'll jump right in. You've used Visio, right?"

By lunch, Bitty’s head was swirling with acronyms and spreadsheets. It felt a little like in figure skating when he’d come out of a scratch spin too fast - the world was wobbly and the colors were spinning, but he was confident it would right itself if he grinned and skated through it.

"Heeeey, how's our new boy doin'?" someone yelled as they passed his and Meesha’s cubicle. Bitty spied styled black hair over the cubicle wall.

"Hey Tito!” Meesha called back. “He's great!"

Tito appeared from around the corner, eight coffees in two to-go containers balanced masterfully on one arm. He read the lids and carefully passed one to Meesha. "You guys ready for our guest today? I’m totally having him sign something.”

Meesha rolled her eyes as she inhaled the fragrant coffee. “You are seriously the lamest. Sports are a consumerist construct and the guy is basically, like, Kit’s chaperone. She’s the real star.”

Tito laughed and offered a cup to Bitty, “Hey Eric, I wasn’t sure what to get you. How’s a vanilla sugar oat milk latte? It’s the special across the street.”

Bitty grinned. “Thanks, hon!” His first day was turning out pretty great.

Meesha steered Bitty into a large conference room. Tito ran to his desk for a hat and marker before joining the people assembling around the conference table. Lordy, he hadn’t been lying about an autograph. Who was this guy?

A dozen folks chatted quietly around the table. Their guest was apparently running late, and Meesha took the opportunity to fill Bitty in on launch plans. As she was explaining the finer points of multi-platform synchronization, Bitty heard a man’s laughter down the hall. His ears perked up. Did he know that voice? Surely it couldn’t be –

Bitty’s head jerked up as an effortlessly well-dressed man in a royal blue snapback stepped into the room. Their eyes locked.

Oh lord. Kent Parson.

_/_/_/ \_\_\_

Kent scowled at Kit, his chin resting on his hands on the cold hardwood.

“C’mon, baby, you’ve got to eat it.”

Kit sniffed the dish daintily, nonplussed.

“I know, princess,” he wheedled, “but daddy’s going to make you the most famous li’l furbaby on the internet. You’ll pass grumpy cat like he forgot how to frown. All you have to do is eat the gross food.”

Kit mrowled in disapproval and Kent rearranged his awkward limbs. So this is what his adulthood had come to, he mused. Two condos, three sports cars, a slew of hockey awards, and apparently a cat too picky to eat the goddamn food she was paid a shitload of money to represent.

Tonight’s standoff had lasted an hour, and Kent would be damned if he let Kit win again.

He scratched his nose. He probably should be doing the prep work the Fancy Feline team needed before Kit’s photo shoot. At the meeting today, they’d given him a to-do list that rivaled his off-season training goals. He was supposed to check with Eric Bittle if he had any questions.

Speaking of which, why had Eric Blast-from-the-Past Bittle even been there today? Kent would have appreciated a goddamn heads-up, that’s for sure.

Eric looked good, he thought. A little taller and sharper than he remembered. His hair game was on point. Kent had only seen him a couple times in the four years since the Samwell party where they first met, and of course Eric had grown up, but seriously – he was hot now.

But why the hell was he in New York City? And was this related to the charming, old-man text messages Jack had started to send Kent out of the blue a month ago?

Kent debated texting Jack to ask, but it was a horrible idea. Either Jack and Eric were still together and Jack would send awkward Canadian nonsense about how great Eric was, or they weren’t together and Jack would get pissed and shut Kent out of his life again.

Kent sighed and climbed to his feet, heading to the refrigerator for Kit’s specialty wet food and a glass of white wine to wash down the bitter taste of defeat. He would fight the cat food battle another day. As Kit scarfed down hand-seared filet mignon, Kent sipped his wine and fiddled with his phone.

Kent: hey dude what’s up? I saw your boy today.

Jack: Hey Kent.

Jack: What?

Well shitballs, this was already turning out to be a terrible idea. No turning back now, Kent reasoned.

Kent: Eric was at a business meeting today. all suited up and shit.

Kent: what’s he doing in NYC? u guys ok?

Jack: Oh.

Jack: We broke up in April.

Kent: shit Zimms, that really blows. he seemed like a cool guy

Jack: Yeah.

Kent: sometimes it just doesn’t work out, y’know? i’m sure you’ll find somebody great

Jack: How was the meeting?

Kent: oh

Kent: it was good. boring as watching ice melt but productive I guess

Kent: eric looks good, I mean not in a weird creepy way but he looks like he’s doing ok?

[Jack is typing…]

[Last message received 8:54pm]

Kent: hey, did you see the new netflix show where ordinary people recreate fancy cakes and that crazy lady yells at everybody?

Kent: it’s the tits

Jack: No, but I’ll check it out.

Kent: dooo iiit

Jack: What’s the name?

Kent: fuck if I know. it’s the one with the previews of nasty looking cakes and ppl getting screamed at. you can’t miss it. it’s a goddamn gem.

Jack: Sounds like it.

Jack: And, thanks Parse. I’m glad he’s doing OK.

Kent: no problem man

Kent: any time

_/_/_/ \_\_\_

Bitty paced all eight feet of his bedroom, back and forth, back and forth.

He was supposed to be starting a new life! In a city of eight million people, how had he stumbled upon the one person connected to his life with Jack? And how was he supposed to be professional and work with said person, when everyone (well, maybe just Bitty) knew that he was secretly a manipulative asshole?

Good gracious, he might be freaking out just a little. He needed reassurance. Who could he talk to that knew the situation and would be supportive and not weird?

Bitty: LARDOOOOO

Lardo: BITTTYYYY

Lardo: Why the yelling, Bits?

Bitty: I am coordinating a photo shoot at Kent Parson’s house next week. KENT PARSON’S HOUSE

Lardo: That’s sick bro.

Lardo: They’re giving you a lot of responsibility right away. Nice.

Bitty: -_-;

Bitty: I think you’re missing the point

Bitty: KENT PARSON KENT PARSON KENT PARSON

Lardo: Lol Bitty cool your jets. He’s been pretty chill lately, hasn’t he?

Bitty: If you mean ‘not making my boyfriend have any more panic attacks’, then yes he’s been chill

Bitty: But I’d say that’s a VERY low bar to hurdle

Lardo: Have you met him yet? How was it?

Lardo: Does he know you and Jack broke up?

Bitty: I’m pretty sure he didn’t know who I WAS

Bitty: Period.

Lardo: No way, dude. You’ve meet him multiple times, right?

Bitty: twice, 3 times if you count the disaster at the Haus

Lardo: He totally remembers you, dude. You’re unforgettable.

Lardo: You’re like a delightful minor superhero.

Lardo: You’re Antman.

Bitty: Ugggghhh this is the worst

Bitty: and Antman, seriously? We are SO gonna talk about that later

Lardo: Bitty, bro of my heart, it’s truth time. You sitting down?

Bitty: *sits*

Lardo: Good.

Lardo: Here’s the thing. Kent Parson is just a dude. A dude with some fucked-up history respective to one JLZ, but still just a dude.

Bitty: I know, but…

Lardo: Hush, Padawan.

Bitty: -_- *hushes*

Lardo: He’s probs not an evil person. You’ve only ever seen him in relation to J, and they went thru some messed up shit as kids. When he’s not dealing with that, he’s probably a boring-ass adult with a job and a cat. You can’t judge him forever based on the 3 times you’ve met.

Lardo: Was he awful the other times?

Bitty: Well no, mostly just at Epikegster

Bitty: But he was Really Bad that time

Lardo: I get it Bits, but if that’s his only awful moment, then the dude already has like a 67% not-awful rate.

Bitty: So you’re saying I’m all worked up over nothin?

Lardo: Maybe? Give him a chance.

Lardo: You don’t have to be BFFs. Just be professional and friendly until he gives you a reason not to be. If it turns out he’s a dickhead, you have my blessing to fuck up his shit.

Bitty: Thanks Lards. Mind if I snap you outfit choices later?

Lardo: Do it. Matching polish?

Bitty: Yes’m but toes only. I miss your help with fingers. It gets all smudgy when I do it

Lardo: I miss you, bro.

Bitty: You too :-*

_/_/_/ \_\_\_

Kent pressed the center button on his phone again…8:51am. This was officially the longest morning in the history of time.

So far he’d gone for a run, made a smoothie, showered, arranged the throw pillows, hidden the dopey photo of him and his sis at Disneyland, brushed Kit. Now he was sitting on the couch, running shoes bouncing on the marble coffee table as he waited for the Fancy Feline team to arrive. Maybe he should make coffee? He hopped up, re-fluffed the pillows, and headed to the kitchen.

The crew arrived promptly at nine, accepting the hot mugs of coffee Kent passed around. Eric shook his hand and started up a pleasant and professional stream of small talk as the photographer set up tripods and the assistant unfolded white umbrellas.

Unfortunately, Kit decided this was her party and she could hide if she wanted to. She spent the first hour perched on the bookcase, refusing to budge for treats or catnip.

Kent couldn’t blame her. Usually it was just her and him in the apartment, and even when he had people over, she generally ignored them and slept in the bedroom on the Monsieur Taco pillow he won her at Coney Island. Having a half-dozen strangers in her space, hovering over her with cameras and lights? He’d probably peace out too, if he were her.

After thirty minutes and no success, Kent relinquished the catnip to the assistant and excused himself to start a fresh pot of coffee. From the kitchen counter, he found himself watching Eric.

Eric was frowning as the drama unfolded, his lean torso hunched in concentration. His right foot tapped impatiently on the rug. It wasn’t Eric’s job to get Kit to participate. Eric had explained this to Kent while they were setting up, that his role today was to make sure they got all the shots they needed for the campaign.

As Kent watched him now, Eric nodded to himself like he’d made a decision and marched over to the bookcase. He began talking animatedly with the photographer and gesturing rapidly, taking charge of the situation like a tiny major general. Kent was impressed. Hell, even Kit watched him with interest.

Kent felt a little like a jerk – he’d always thought Eric was childish and annoying, based on their past brief interactions and Eric’s animated Twitter feed (not that he’d internet stalked him, pssh). But maybe Kent had it wrong. This version of Eric seemed full-to-bursting with charisma and natural leadership. Hell, even Queen Kit respected it.

As Eric directed the strategy to coax Kit off her perch and over to the windowsill, Kent couldn’t help but stare. Eric glowed warm and golden, like Southern sunlight was radiating from his pores. He looked good in control.

Kent’s stomach did a pleasant swoop as he thought about Eric taking control in other ways. Or what it would take to convince Eric to give up that control, to go soft and pliant and let Kent – or someone, whatever – do the controlling.

His chest tingled warmly. This probably wasn’t the best train of thought for a professional gathering; nothing like sporting a quarter chub at ten a.m. with people here to photograph your cat. He sighed, rearranged his junk, and headed back into the living room with the coffee pot.

The rest of the shoot ran smoothly. Kit, once she felt comfortable, totally hammed it up for the camera. Eric took behind-the-scenes videos and sent the best ones to Kent. They all shared high-fives when a video Kent tweeted of himself ineptly juggling cat toys got retweeted by George Takei. In celebration of their good social media fortune, Kent poured everyone mimosas.

Before Kent knew it, it was late afternoon and the photographer’s assistant started to disassemble the equipment. Eric herded everyone to the sofa where he handed out packets of instructions and debriefed them on next steps, and then the crew shook hands and headed out one by one.

As Kent shut the door after the last person, he wandered into the kitchen to find Eric still in the apartment, loading the dishwasher.

“Dude, you really don’t need to do that. I can do it after you go.”

“Kent Parson,” Eric scolded, “my mama would never forgive me if I left a host with a mess to clean up. It’s nothin’, really.”

“Thanks, man,” Kent replied. It was cool of Eric to offer and, if Kent was being honest, he probably would have left it a mess until his housecleaner came tomorrow. He started to consolidate cardboard containers of Chinese food.

They worked in silence in the spacious kitchen, making quick work of the cleanup. Kent caught Eric humming to himself. He recognized the tune – All For You by Janet Jackson – and sang along to Eric’s humming.

Eric let out a surprised huff, his cheeks pink. “Oh lordy! Was I singing that out loud?”

Kent just laughed and pulled out his phone, and one of his favorite pop mixes began playing from hidden speakers. Eric bopped his head to Janelle Monae as he dried the glasses. Kent lip-synced into a bottle of soy sauce like it was a microphone.

As Kent reached around Eric’s shoulder to place the wine glasses on a high shelf, their eyes met and Kent winked. He’d enjoyed a few mimosas and Eric was cute, so sue him. He just thought it’d be fun to make Eric blush, and his efforts were thoroughly rewarded. Eric’s blush spread from his face down his neck, reddening the soft skin at the base of his throat.

Kent felt the warm tingly feelings in his chest again. Shit, Eric was cute.

Abruptly, Eric turned and said, “I really should get going. We’ve got the kitchen under control and I need to upload these videos before tomorrow.”

Kent felt oddly deflated, although of course Eric was going to leave when they finished cleaning. He should probably apologize in case his wink had made Eric uncomfortable. Kent spent his days around gross hockey players, maybe he’d just committed some corporate sexual harassment shit and he didn’t even know it. Kent fished around for something to say that didn’t make him sound like a creeper.

He smiled and tried, “Kit really enjoyed having you here today. You’re good with cats.”

“Ha, thanks.” Bitty twisted the dishtowel in his hands. “I’m not really a cat person, but Kit’s great. Y’all’ve got a really special bond.”

“Maybe you could come over and get some more candid shots sometime?” Kent made a face. For Christ’s sake, he sounded ridiculous. “I mean, the ones today were really good.”

Eric’s face did something complicated. Kent watched him bite his bottom lip.

“Thanks,” Eric replied finally, “but no. I should go.”

“Oh,” Kent exhaled, “Yeah, of course. Sure thing, man.”

Kent helped Eric retrieve his things and walked him to the entryway. As Kent shut the door behind him, he rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

He was so fucked.

#bittyparse #eric bittle #kent parson #kit purrson #omgcp #omgcp fanfic #omgcp fic #kent plays for the rangers #and kit purrson is queen of the world #well queen of my heart #hope you like it!#this is my first time posting tumblr fic #pls tell me if I'm doing it wrong!

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deliverydefresas · 7 years ago

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masters of the scene

I know this is super shocking bc this is probs the soonest (?) ive posted between parts lmao

I did want to hurry things up before saturday, tho, so here we have it, friendsss. if you’ve missed a part:

1 | 2 | 3 | 4

AU: Matteo Balsano is a famous singer who has been crushing on this one girl he saw every day behind a window many years ago, back when he first started recording his debut album and inspired his first big hit, “Princesa”. Luna Valente, professional Olympic skater turned actress is at a local (and very popular) talk show to promote her breakout movie. This is where it all starts.

BREAKING: OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALLIST SAYS GOODBYE TO SKATING

SOL BENSON, 24, recently known for her role as skating legend Marissa Mint in “SHATTERED WINGS”, announced this morning she wouldn’t return to training, or to any competition as a participant again. The announcement was posted on all her social media accounts, reading: “I can proudly say it’s time. Today, a new chapter in my life begins. I’m officially retiring from professional skating.”

Benson also took the chance to thanks her fans, saying: “The last ten years have been an unforgettable experience. A lifetime wouldn’t be enough to thank everyone who has been by my side helping, supporting, and cheering on me on this journey. I’ve done everything I could and wanted, and I hope you’re all as proud of me as I am of myself and the accomplishments we’ve done. I love you all very much.” The now ex-skater didn’t specify why she was leaving, but she affirmed it wasn’t anything but a personal choice: “I know many of you are shocked, or confused as to why I’m doing this now, that’s the reason I want to point out it’s not because of my health or a change of careers, as I know some might be thinking. Simply, this is me acknowledging my heart’s desires.”

Opinions and critics were instantaneous from the fans.

@ Sol_Benson: Thank you. pic.tw.com/3747829

@ solnation: @ Sol_Benson please tell me this is an early april fools joke I’m crying

@ sol_fan73937: @ Sol_Benson THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT, THIS IS NOT WHAT I PLANNED, AND I JUST WANT TO SAY I DO NOT UNDERSTAND

@ SolMiReina56: @ Sol_Benson on one hand I’m happy you’re doing this in your terms but on the other I just want to scream whAT THE FORK BENSON

Benson’s famous friends, however, showed nothing but support for her.

@ Simon_RB: today the sun goes down and the moon rises! So proud of you @ Sol_Benson

@ JimM: Working with you, one of the greatest skaters of our time, was a privilege. Being your friend, and share all these memories, is an honor. Your talent will shine bright like your soul no matter what ♥ @ Sol_Benson

@ TheAmbarSmith: An absolute star. @ Sol_Benson

The news broke amid rumors of the skating star dating Italian heartthrob, Matteo Balsano, leading some fans and theorist that her new relationship was linked to her decision.

@ SolecitoDeMadrugada: I don’t wanna start sh*t here, folks, but Sol said she’s acknowledging ‘her heart’s desires’…. What if Balsano convinced her to quit????

@ SolBonita: If Matteo Balsano had anything to do with this I will cut that bitch in half just sayin’

@ soltteoforever: omg what if sol quit to form a duet with matteo???!!! #relationshipgoals

@ elbalsanito: if y’all really think MATTEO BALSANO would make his two minute long girlfriend quit her career for him y’all are batsh*t crazy don’t even look at me

So far Benson and her team have offered no comment to the critics, choosing silence over explanations, and only time will tell what she’s planned for herself next.

Is this really her end in skating? Will she approach a musical career with her beau? For more Sol Benson, click here!

He was a coward.

And an idiot.

An idiotic coward, really, because he hung up on her as fast as his brain and hand could do it. He could’ve lied, told her it was only a guessing. Or he could’ve come clean about his stalker-ish ways and freak her out. Or come clean and skip the stalker-ish ways. But, no, he’d hung up and now when she saw him she’d demand an explanation and probably give him crap for hanging up on her and then creating a lame excuse as to why.

Because so far, he could only come up with his phone dying in that exact moment and him forgetting to call her back. For two weeks.

Again, an idiotic coward he was.

“Are you listening to me, Matteo?” he’d been lost in his thoughts again, unsurprisingly. It was something he’d been repeating lately, and usually blamed it on him ‘mentally’ writing his songs. Sometimes, it was the truth; but most of the time it was an excuse to get Gastón and his mom off his back. Today was Delfi’s turn at enduring this lost lapse. “Matteo! This is a serious matter, you dick!” he’d laugh at the insult if it weren’t for her aggravated look. He was used to the annoyed, yet knowing look of his friend and his birther, but Delfi looked nothing but stressed. “Can you focus on what I’m telling you?”

Matteo threw her an apologetic smile. “Sorry, Delfi. I was just-”

“I don’t even want to hear it! I just need to listen to me and tell me what the fuck is happening between you and Sol Benson!” Well, shit. She was even cursing now.

“What do you mean?” he asked, genuinely confused now. Delfi knew better than anyone that he wasn’t dating, and even if he was, she never cared about it before. His manager sighed exasperated, throwing a newspaper across the table, pointing to him to read it.

The sole headline was enough to make his blood run cold.

“Read it till the end.”

“She’s retiring?” Matteo couldn’t believe it. A million questions came to his head as he read the article, ‘why’ being the loudest. “I just- what?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t care about her, Matteo.” She sighed again, passing her fingers through her head. “What I do care about is that they’re mentioning you as the responsible.” Delfi raised her hand when he opened his mouth to protest. “I know you aren’t. And I’d like to think a woman like her is strong enough to not let an idiot like you convince her to give up her career. However, this is bad because you’ll be crossed as a chauvinistic pig, and could seriously hurt the image the older fans have of you. We need to counterattack, fast, and I need you to tell me just exactly how close you are to Sol.”

“What for?” He was getting defensive, and Delfi could tell so, too. She softened her look.

“This is not about you being a heartthrob, Matt. This is about people judging you wrongly-”

“Are you listening to yourself? They already judge me wrongly!” Delfi pursed her lips.

“Okay, bad wording. Still, we can’t let them think you’re that kind of person either.”

“Can’t you talk to Gastón about it? Maybe he can-”

“We agreed to break the contract with most of the magazines and the heartthrob stories, but you can’t just sue someone for linking you as someone’s boyfriend. If this was an article solely about you, we could make an agreement with them but since it’s about her-”

Matteo frowned. “Can’t you talk about it with her team? You said you knew them, maybe you can work on something together-” Now she looked offended.

“What do you think I’m doing? This is why I citied you here, we’re meeting them in ten minutes to discuss it! And first I needed your stupid ass to explain your situation to me so we could have some ground but all you’ve done is daydream about God knows what!”

“Wait, what?!” he looked down at his sweatpants, and the semi-sweated t-shirt he’d worn to go to gym before the meeting, and he just knew his hair was a dishevel mess. He hadn’t even bothered with his contacts, so his glasses were stuck on his head unless he wanted to be as blind as a mole. He’d thought he’d only be meeting Delfi, and now- “she’s not coming, is she?”

“Who is ‘she’?” Delfi air-quoted, not getting why he was getting freaked out.

“Luna – Sol, she isn’t coming, right?”

Delfi scoffed. “Of course, she is! This is all about her, why wouldn’t she be here?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he almost whined, jumping out of his chair to get his gym bag, and spray the shit out of his deodorant on his body. He didn’t have any hair gel, so his hair had to stay the same. He was really regretting not taking the time to fully showering before coming.

“Oh, so now you care about how you look at meetings?” He didn’t answer her, still busy with his gym bag. He was sure he had mints buried somewhere. “I take that you like this girl?” Matteo said nothing, but nodded the slightest. “I know the rumors aren’t true right now, but I really need you to tell me if you think they will. The earliest Gastón and I can come up with counterattacks to protect your privacy and hers, the better. Especially since her contract with her team will drop soon.” Delfi asked, her tone a lot softer and less teasing. She’d taken his wishes seriously, and he was very grateful about it. He was in good hands if shit ever hit the fan.

Matteo dropped his bag, and sighed a quiet ‘yes’. And then turned to her, louder this time, “I don’t want anything hurtful, insulting or degrading to be said about her. The less she’s mentioned, the better. If it means we must re-sign with them, and have them write me off as a playboy, then so be it. But not a bad word about her, Delfi.”

She smiled, her words comforting him a little. “If it’s in my hands both of you will be protected. Now, go tame your hair before your little star runs away from seeing it and turns into stone, medusa-boy.”

She was this close to picking up her phone.

The urge of checking her phone was eating her up but Luna was trying her best to avoid any type of interaction with social media in the last two nights, but it was proving to be harder than she imagined. After the news were out in the open she’d turned everything off; her phone, laptop, and tablet, burying them deep in one of Nina’s photography drawers so she wouldn’t be tempted to read her fan’s comments, or the articles magazines and newspapers were publishing on the web.

When her team called her early in the morning for a meeting, though, she knew something else had happened. They’d already discussed everything related to her retirement, and weren’t meant for another meeting for another three weeks, when she’d sign the remaining papers to break most of her commitments and contracts, with only the bigger ones left until she could find another lawyer outside of her management. Not that she didn’t trust them, but Mariano was more a “making business only” instead of “breaking business” type of lawyer.

“Still no news from Tamara?” She asked Nina beside her. Nina shook her head.

“She said she’d be meeting us there, to ask for Alzamendi and to not talk until Mariano and she were present.”

“Alzamendi?” She repeated, “does that sound familiar to you?”

“I think I might have an idea.” Nina admitted. Luna looked expectantly at her, urging her to tell her. “Pedro’s girlfriend, Delfina Alzamendi, is a head manager here.”

She frowned. “But she’s in the entertainment business, not in sports. Why would she cite us here?” Her eyes widened, “you don’t think…”

Nina shook her head rapidly. “No, no, no. Tamara’s better than that, she knows you don’t want to enter acting, she wouldn’t do that to you. I was thinking more that maybe one of Delfina’s clients could be involved.”

“But why would Ámbar contact me vía my manager? She has our house number, and Simón’s and yours.” Nina looked at her funny, confusing her. “What?”

“I’m not talking about Ámbar, L. I think this is about Matteo.”

His name made her scowl. She still hadn’t forgiven him for hanging up on her without an explanation, or a goodbye, and the guy had sent her to voice mail after she tried calling him back.

“He has my number too.” Not that he cared to use it again. Boys were stupid.

By now Nina looked amused, but grimaced after a moment. “You haven’t seen it, have you?”

“Seen what?”

Nina took her phone out of her purse, typed in her code and opened her phone’s browser. She was about to protest when she saw her type ‘sol benson matteo balsano’, but was quietened when Nina clicked on an article about Matteo being the reason she was retiring from skating.

“This. It started the morning you posted the news on Twitter and a fan replied saying you meant Matteo when you said you were following your heart. I think that’s why Delfina wants to talk to you and Tamara, because Matteo wasn’t left in the best position. People are crossing him as a controlling chauvinist.”

Luna was feeling dizzy. She had meant for the news to affect her only, but now she was dragging Matteo too. “People are saying this?”

“Mostly your fans, and uninvited activists, but yes.”

“He must hate me now, Nina.” She groaned, hiding her face with her hands. By now they were almost by the entrance desk, and a few of the people there stared her way.

“He couldn’t even if he tried, Luna, don’t worry.” Her friend cooed, squeezing her hand in comfort.

“His manager contacted mine, Nina. People don’t do that unless they’re strangers or you hate the other person.”

“I think you’re exaggerating a bit.”

“He at least has to be mad. If anyone said I’m the reason they’re quitting their career I’d be too.”

“Maybe, but not mad at you. The people saying this are mostly gossipers and fans you have no control over, Luna, don’t worry.” She nodded a couple times, trying to calm herself and the unnecessary guilt she was feeling in that moment.

When she finally felt calm enough, she dragged her feet to the lady behind the desk, asking her politely where she was supposed to go. The lady’s eyes shone with recognition, before asking her who she was meeting with; as soon as she said ‘Alzamendi’, the woman’s grin could have rivaled the Cheshire cat.

“Miss Alzamendi and Mr. Balsano are waiting in room 7. Go straight that hallway and turn left on the first corner, it should be easy to spot it, the numbers are big enough; they’re still waiting for Mr. Périda, and your team, though. Is there anything I can get you both to drink? We have black coffee – black, decaf, with milk, vanilla latte and moka, tea – chamomile, green, lemon ginger and berry sangria, hot chocolate – sweet, bitter, Spanish, Mexican, white and raw, lemonades – strawberry, mango and mint, sodas-”

Luna blinked a couple times, surprised that a) they had so many options and b) they made their receptionist learn all of them.

“Uh, do you have water?” Nina asked, interrupting the woman before she went on to list all their available sodas. The receptionist shut up immediately, pursing her lips at Nina for a second before nodding, then she looked at her, expectantly.

“A Mexican hot chocolate would be nice, thank you.”

“Anything to eat? We have a couple of restaurants delivered to us, if you’re hungry.” Before she could refuse, Tamara’s voice was heard behind them.

“Luna!” She smiled politely at her manager, nodding in greeting to Mariano. “I’ll have a latte and the sir will have black coffee, no sugar, please.” The older woman addressed the receptionist, who simply wrote it down on a little notepad. Tamara didn’t bother to thank her before she was dragging Luna – and Nina, who was grabbing her hand- towards the hallway the lady had pointed out before. “Okay, so; Matteo Balsano’s manager called me yesterday and requested to have a meeting as soon as we possibly could, that’s why I called you last minute, sorry. Are you aware of the rumors going around of you two?” Luna begrudgingly nodded, “good, I don’t have to explain it, then. Alzamendi didn’t specify why she was requesting us, but my bet is on the news hurting Balsano’s image of the perfect guy.”

“That’s what Nina told me, too.” Tamara’s eyes flickered to Nina’s.

“Good.” That’s all she said before going back to explaining. “More likely than not, they’re pissed. It could be the boy, it could be his manager, it could be the label. Or a mix of all. We already broke all magazine deals, so there’s not much we can offer to clean his name. We’re betting on his team acting up and choosing to clean it up themselves, while praying they don’t leave you dirty at all. Mariano can make up an agreement with his lawyer to even out and make it fair for both.”

“Do you think Matteo’s capable of going as far as dirtying up Luna’s name?” She could tell Nina was worried, and already feeling protective of her. Tamara shook her head.

“He doesn’t strike me as the type, but we need to be prepared for the worst-case scenario.” She told them honestly, finally stopped walking in front of a door. Before they entered, though, she looked at Luna straight on. “Listen, munchkin, when you enter that door you need to forget whatever relationship you have with the guy.” She was about to protest, but Tamara shook her head. “Just until we know where we stand. And who we stand against, okay?” She merely nodded. “Good. Are we ready?”

Matteo was sure those had been the longest – yet quickest, because he spent most of them rushing to make himself more presentable- ten minutes of his life.

The door opened, and the corner of his mouth went up at the knowing he’d see her in seconds. When she didn’t acknowledge him, the smile fell. When she sat down on one of the chairs and kept her eyes on the table, he frowned.

Was she mad at him, at the situation they were in? Was she sad? What if it hadn’t been her decision? Could that be why she looked so… not herself?

He was about to go to her when Delfi stopped him. Matteo looked at her, questioning why she’d done it, but she sent him a look that said ‘quiet’.

“Delfina,” the woman – who was part of Luna’s team, if his guess was correct- greeted his manager, a tight smile on her face. Then she turned to him. “Mr. Balsano, nice to meet you.”

Delfi sent her a polite smile. “Tamara, Mariano, it’s always nice to see you again.” He could’ve sworn he heard the man say, ‘is it?’ under his breath. “Miss Benson, Miss Simonetti, long time no see.” Wait, she knew them?

Luna looked up from the table, throwing a quick ‘hello’ to her; her eyes flickering for the shortest time to his face, before turning down again. His frown deepened as Nina’s friend answered Delfi’s greeting, more enthusiast. “Hi, Delfi, it’s good to see you again, too. I wish it were under, uh, better circumstances, though.”

He could tell Delfina was amused at her words, if her mouth twitch was any indication. “Straight to the point, huh? Sadly, we’re waiting for Matteo’s lawyer to get here first.”

“Why isn’t he here yet?” the man asked rudely, disdain clear as water on his face. Matteo felt attacked by his tone, and jumped at Gaston’s defense.

“I’m not his only client, sorry not all of us can afford to have a clear schedule twenty-four-seven.”

Mariano raised his brows. “Ah, yes, you’re right. Real jobs keep you busy. My bad.”

Matteo scowled at him. “How would you know? You’re jobless now that your client is quitting her not so ‘real’ job, no?”

“Matteo.” Delfina warned him in a hiss, pinching his arm to keep him quiet. He noticed Luna’s blank look turning into a small grimace.

Mariano was about to retort when Luna’s manager grabbed his arm. “Don’t.” Then she turned to Delfi, “I think’s it’s for the better to start discussing the elephant in the room, sweetheart. You can always update your lawyer when he comes.”

Delfi pursed her lips at the nickname, but stood up with a nod. “Fine. I don’t think I have to explain why we’re here exactly.”

“You understand this is not Miss Benson’s fault, right? This was a matter taken out of context by their fans and the media.” The man’s tone wasn’t exactly condescending, but even Matteo felt like he was trying to teach Delfi how to do her job.

Still, Delfi remained as calm as she could. “We do, as I’m sure you understand your client’s choices shouldn’t taint my client’s image, no?”

“He’s as tainted as you can get them. Aren’t ‘playboy’, ‘heartthrob’, and ‘ladies man’ nice ways of saying man-whore?” Matteo heard small gasps around him, but he was too shocked at the insult to notice whose gasps were from. Mariano looked smug. “If anything, he is the reason they assume conclusions. If your client didn’t have the image he has, our client wouldn’t have linked to him in the first place.”

That was enough for his friend to snap. “If your client had been properly trained to do interviews without making a mess we wouldn’t be in this situation at all!”

“Those articles had died down until both your clients chose to approach ours at a public event knowing there would be photographers all over the place! How’s that for trained?”

“Enough, Mariano!” His partner shut him up. The woman had the decency of looking ashamed. Delfi and him, though? They were pissed. “I’m really sorry, guys. This is not at all what we came here for and I apologize for my-”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Tamara.” Delfi interrupted her, “he does.”

Mariano pursed his lips, but spit out the apology anyway. “I’m sorry for the way I behaved just now.” Matteo clenched his jaw, moving his gaze to Luna, who looked mad, too. At whom, though, he didn’t know.

“As you know, all our news deals are broken. We have no control, or stance to negotiate with them anymore. So-”

“So, you want us to fix it for you? Is that it? Why should we, after the stunt your team just pulled?” Matteo almost growled, his anger rolling in waves through his body.

Tamara grimaced. “I was hoping we could make an agreement. I know we-” she pointed to Mariano and herself, “-haven’t behaved as we should. But this isn’t about us only.” She looked at Luna, whose frown and pursed lips were more evident now than before.

At last, she fixated her eyes on his.

“I’m not asking you to do anything for me.”

Matteo sighed out, “Luna-”

“No. Listen, if your image-” she scowled at the word, “- is so important to you I can ask Jazmín or someone else to interview me and I’ll tell them the truth.” Matteo almost choked up. Where was she getting at?

“The truth?” Delfi repeated, expectant.

Luna’s friend looked worried, now. “Lu- Sol, please-”

She looked at him, her eyes not wavering for a moment. “Y’know, that you’re not the reason of my decision. I’m sure your fans will be shocked to hear you’re not the center of my universe.”

“Luna, plea-” Nina tried to gain her attention, but she still didn’t move her gaze from him.

“And I’m sure they’ll be glad to know we’re not dating, much less friends.”

Had he been punched? He felt himself getting his breath knocked out of him. He barely heard her friend warning her. “Luna, stop. This isn’t you talking.”

“No, let her talk.” Matteo was proud he didn’t sound as hurt as he was feeling.

“Oh, so you’re talking to me now?” her sarcasm was throwing him off. Why was she mad about him not talking to her when she basically ignored him too? “Or do I have to wait another two weeks for you to answer me again?” Oh.

Oh.

“You’re mad abou-”

“Dude, no.” Was that…? When had Gastón arrived that he didn’t even notice? He felt his friend squeeze his shoulder, before palming it a couple times. “Don’t answer that, you’ll never win that argument.” He whispered, shaking his head in Luna’s direction. Then he turned to everyone in the room. “So, what did I miss?”

#soy luna #lutteo #luna valente #matteo balsano #my sl ff #my lutteo ff #soltteo #my sl au #queued bc uni

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luxxhart-blog · 8 years ago

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Atlanta: Week 4

As the weeks past by this little New York girl seemingly is understanding more and more about Georgia. From the people to what's popular. Obviously being in the south you automatically think country will be the main topic of music, which don't get my wrong southern culture is very for Americana and folk but being out in the city I've come to find hip-hop is it’s main point. As far as fashion goes I don't think I've had enough time to really grasp it yet. Most people just dress very normal, nothing out of the ordinary like you'd find on the streets of Manhattan. A place in particular that has really won my heart so far is a place downtown called the Little Five Points. The colors on the walls, the skate culture, the obscure shops.. UGH! The first place that caught my eye was Vortex (a bar and grill restaurant) A huge skull with hypnotizing eyes protruding out of the building which happen to be the front doors. Along side of the building is a gitchy little shop with horror and goth type clothing and knickknacks that being said this place made me feel at home very fast. Also another really cool place which is apparently pretty famous downtown is criminal records. This really dope music and comic shop, the people are extremely nice and some of the best dressed people I've come across so far.

Now the hiking. Oh the hiking. First place I went to is a place called Stone Mountain. Take that shit literally. I went thinking it wouldn't be any different from the places I've hiked in upstate New York but dear LORT. The entire mountain was concrete and the elevation was so steep at one point I saw my death flash before me. Picture this: slippery smooth concrete, me in clunky ass heels (yes I hike in heels) holding on for dear life on the railing as children are zooming past me. My worst nightmare. All together it was probably one of the most beautiful sights that overlooked the city and was a great workout.

The people here have been really great as well. It takes a lot getting used to coming from New York because..

1. People are much nicer. So when people grab me to ask me about my tattoos or piercings or hair my first initially instinct is to put my hands up. Growing up in the ghetto does that to you BUT DONT WORRY THEY MEAN NO HARM THEYRE JUST CURIOUS.

2. Guns are a thing. I was walking into a store and I open the door and this man has a gun strapped to his hip so me being me basically death dropped to the floor and screamed “WHAT THE HELL!” And the man just looked at me like I was insane and carried on with is day. Yes, I am not the brightest crayon in the box.

3. To everyone I am probably the most extra person they've ever seen. And I accept that. You should see my friends. For example I don't wear white often and the one day I did.. well I decide to eat a burrito while ordering coffee in a drive through. So I pull up to the window and the girl is super nice and as shes handing me my drink in slow motion a bean falls down my shirt and I then burst out “MOTHER FUCKER THIS IS WHY I DONT WEAR WHITE!” Leaving the girl very confused and shamelessly drive away.

So basically the first month of me being here has consisted of me doing nothing but make a fool of myself.

Love Always,

Luxx

#atlanta #blog #fashion #muisc #hiking #littlefivepoints #stonemountain

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automatismoateo · 5 years ago

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Yom kippur - One of the most hypocritical days of the year via /r/atheism

Submitted October 08, 2019 at 12:57PM by throawayforthings (Via reddit https://ift.tt/2LW663x) Yom kippur - One of the most hypocritical days of the year

Today is the evening of Yom Kippur. Yom kippur is the day of the final judgement of a person.

And so, to prepare for it, jews have to ask for forgiveness from both god and people. Now, I dont care if they ask for forgiveness from their god, it doesnt affect me. But they do rounds among people to ask for their forgiveness, so here's what I have against that:

▪️It enables bad behaviour - Since this day is the endgame of the 10 day period of forgiveness, a lot of people allow themselves to act like absolute trash to everyone and anyone for the whole year and then ask for forgiveness.

You'd figure you can choose to not forgive, but not really, a lot of people take that stuff very personally and you are basically expected to forgive, and if you dont then you're the asshole. Even if they hurt you so deep you're emotionally scarred from them, YOU need to forgive them, so that they can cover their own ass and get benefits from god this year.

I dont forgive those people when they ask me for it now on yom kippur, you had all this time to not be an asshole to me and you start caring when it involves your own ass.

▪️All traffic is ceased and most businesses are closed - Here's the most annoying part practically. It is socially unacceptable to not publically indulge in the traditions of this day. If you are not religious/jewish/willing to participate and use your car then say hello to being stoned.

My brother got a blackeye once on yom kippur while skating(bicycles and skates are acceptable by the masses, not religious people tho), he needed to be driven to the hospital so my grandfather drove him, you bet your ass his car got stoned by religious folks.

▪️Fasting is absolutley important for everyone here(if you are jewish) - If you even think of eating in public then again, be prepared to be yelled at and publically shamed by a bunch of hangry religious folk. So much for "forgiveness". Many argue that that isnt behaviour that is acceptable by the jewish faith either but if it always ends up happening then who takes the resposibility?

I really had to rant somewhere, ive been getting a shit ton of messages from people who really deeply hurt me, and all of their messages are phrased in the same cold, uncaring, unspecific and not really apolegetic manner and it really got on my nerves.

"Hey its -----. Yom kippur is almost here and I wanted to ask you to forgive me if I did something to you this past year. I really do care."

Every time. No matter what they do to me, humiliate me, make fun of my suicidal thoughts(back when I still had them), say that I dont am weird and dumb and look at me funny until I cry, it all doesnt matter.

Posted from a throwaway account, since my regular one has a name that is mutual with an ig account that my religious friends know.

#reddit

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romanishin · 8 years ago

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sunday (retreat)

What is your fear? Panic? The moment of unknown immediate future. Being lost in your own vision of what will happen to you. That is a solid fear. You are sitting in your quite state, where everything is nice and predictable, and in the next moment your body starts acting on its own, shaking and twitching, eyes darting searching the space for information to calm the brain down. Panic is the lack of the ability to react to the outside influence, be it intended or accidental. Being lonely? It is so easy to slip through the cracks. it seems that life is an ice rink, where groups of people are holding on for dear life. One wrong move and you are on your ass. Some lucky folks are holding each other's hands tight enough to make the blood disappear. They are going slowly in circles, tentatively moving their feet; they are happy, feeling secure watching the few daredevils whistle past by them at bone breaking speeds. Some of the fast skaters crash and burn, some survive, and are admired by the scared insecure groups who live vicariously through them. They would clap if they could unclench their fingers. Fewer still, some cannot hold hands because they have no one to do it with. They might have come in too late and roles have been already assigned while they were buying shoes and trying them on, or they have started on the wrong foot, tip-toeing on their own just to see if they can do it. Or they liked to watch the skaters to learn, maybe afraid of the looks they would get if they jump right into it. It's easy to slip through the open entrance door when you are not paying attention and are worried about the laughing mouths with fearful eyes of faces in the crowds. "But look at that fast skater that managed to avoid running over the kid?" Lonely is a very easy thing to accomplish. Ice is an unforgiving substance. Is it the fear of wasted time? The panic in the thought of realization that while you were collecting data to live by, life has skated by you? Only one chance to do something, and, trust me, my wide eyes friend that I talk to inside, time makes the ice less smooth and rental skates dull. This fear shows up later in life. If you make it that far. Regret? No. Guilt. That could the ultimate fear. We all live our lives with that fear. It is always present underneath our actions. Take the obvious case. The guilt of taking an innocent life. Who could ever live well with that thought? We avoid danger to a great degree for our safety and to a big degree for the protection of our feelings. Guilt. It will throw the other fears together into the pot and cook them to a stench that you can't avoid. Fear is not what you should look at, but what it all comes from. Loneliness; not being accepted as an equal or someone worthy of attention and admiration. Wasted time; not doing what you should have done. Panic; fear of not having control of your situation. And guilt, The feeling of a deed so unforgivable that all your other actions pale and evaporate in the heat. All of your fears come down to one thing - validation of yourself. Validation of your existence, which you did not ask for and have no idea where it came from. The illusion of possession only exacerbates the confusion of lack of control. You ask yourself - why the hell should i be here? The randomness of your existence, the perceived minuscule chance of you being who you are, only points to intent to your creation. Minuscule points in the enormous universe remain little minds throughout their lives and seek validation. You too. The pillow of his sleep was off him for a while and he remembered the thoughts from last night. Men live their lives in quiet desperation - as Thoreau said; but only if they plod hopelessly ahead, wanting more and more. Never seeing the whole plan for the building they try to built by the end of their lives. Retreat. From your visions of your future. From your opinions of yourself. Anyway, they are mostly based on your interpretation of situation throughout your unfinished life, so most are wrong. Become as you are, naked and empty. Everyone is that all along, dressed only in their fleeting clothes of wishful thinking. these clothes can be ripped off by rough ice and other fearful naked people. Can you have no need for validation? But first, he twists his back, cracked the spine and groans out of bed. next on the monotonous agenda, coffee and sustenance. The breakfast, the most important meal of the day, mostly because it is the most annoying. When you wake up from the dreams to the heavy reality, the effort of searching for food is a nuisance that later meals do not bring. Those you can prepare for. Sundays. They are always strange. This one was stranger still. He floated away from life in the fast lane. Floated, i must stop using this word. But it is very convenient to my perception of my life. Relax and breathe. Retreat. Did you have wishes of grandeur? I don't know. Yes, from the years of insufficient validation. How can you become nothing then? By falling and tearing your flimsy clothes off, and seeing that even in a naked state, the laws of gravity is the same for everyone. Goddamn you are pretentious sometimes. What do you count as points for validation that you write in your mental little black book? Is it sex? Today, the walk was silent. The noise of the motors, in the center of this city was distant; he was able to be completely inside his head. The people on the street were behind a sheet of fabric. More like shadows than detailed walking puppets. He was in a movie. A holographic projection; but wasn't sure if he was real or they were. Today, the gaze of the strangers went through him. He was not there. He was the hologram. Underneath his lack of clothes, he was nothing, invisible to others. Maybe his face portrayed lack of substance that they can recognize? Or maybe, it was in his head. The engine of the passing bus lulled and caressed his sleeping mind. The crows in the park nested on high ground and laughed among them at the animals on the ground that cannot process their mistaken existence. For fuck sakes man, stop being so vague, describing rain droplets on the battlefield of dying men. How do you validate your role among them? Would sexual validation raise you above invisibility? That depends how you perceive sex. First and foremost, it is about connecting to people you wish to know deeply. That is the primary function of sex. Are you saying that connection supersedes reproduction? Have you changed your mind? Yes, it is more obvious now. If you look deeper in your desires, you will check off the "i want to know and feel this person" line, instead of "i must combine our genetic code". Why do you think that people touch, kiss, caress, hug, look into each other or yell out each other's names? It's not for reproduction. That is why sexual desire is not bound by gender. Most people fall somewhere toward the middle of the spectrum. Sexual connection is one of the later stages of the stages of connection. Not necessary, but with right people, that much more satisfying. The bus ride home was tight. Passengers kept pushing right through him. Again, as if he was not there. Are you not afraid of being nothing? What if you get stuck there? What if you have to get out? I guess that is the evolution of human mind, and I am still far from the top. if you look at human history, the effort which was needed for change is getting smaller. Not by much by it is smaller nonetheless. It is all about experience. When you are new to this world, you will take everything at face value. You will take the first road available and try really hard to stay on it, even if things keep pushing you out. The ideas that you acquire in the beginning, tend to be heavier and better anchored, because you put significant meaning into them. Going from initial nothing to something is a shocking and important experience, and since, we map out our future based on our past, we predict that this first road will be our only road. As history goes on, humans learn that there are many paths and it is not that scary to question the road they are on now. individually, more times you become naked and invisible, easier it is to take your clothes off, if needed. and it is easier to choose the attire to wear for the evening; it is only a temporary attire and the tuxedo is rented anyway. Maybe, one day, humans will evolve to something higher. A state of mind where they are not anchors to the only paved road and are able to switch quickly and without fear of devaluation. Not being tied down to ideas. Being the true judge of ideas. Because they are free. What the hell will I eat for dinner? Dinners are annoying too. Days are never long enough to finish what i have started. Tomorrow i will wake up in status quo. Take your clothes off and go to sleep.

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