#siyurikspakvariisis

[night-dark-woods]

Sjur POV? :eyes emoji:

yeah the other working title for this one is "if there are sensoriums in destiny the straps-you-can-feel market has got to be TOP TIER." putting this under a readmore bc uhhh. VERY nsfw. but. here is a Different piece of it than i posted the other day:

Petra arches her back up, breathing harder in anticipation, then whines when Sjur does nothing but gently drag one finger up to her swollen clit and make light circles, full weight on Petra's thigh so she can't move.

"Sjur, come on, plea- FUCK please just fuck me."

Sjur hums. "Patience, pup. Gotta make sure you're all warmed up for me."

"I'm warmed up you know I'm warmed up don't be mean come on-"

"Mean?" Sjur laughs, and savors Petra's growl of frustration when she stops touching her entirely. "I've been nothing but nice to you, Petra, don't be ungrateful or I will be mean and you won't like it very much."

Petra growls again, louder, and Sjur grinds her hips down.

"Do you want my dick or not? Because the way you're acting it kind of seems like you don't. I'd be disappointed if I didn't get to come inside you, but not as much as you would be, i think." She punctuates the statement by shoving her thigh up against Petra's cunt, and Petra humps against it frantically for the few seconds Sjur permits before she pins Petra down and takes her thigh away again.

Petra snarls and tries to buck up off the bed but Sjur holds her easily in place with one hand on her shoulder and the other on her opposite hip, and watches her squirm around.

[quitefair]

Sprezzatura? 👀

soooooo thats the alfira/lakrissa fic that i've been hacking away at for the past week. it's post canon, post epilogue, post 'lakrissa decides to buy a house/music school for alfira' - which in my head feels like a massive gesture that they're both trying to process lmao. like yes i'm your girlfriend but does this mean... something more?

oh and also my tav and her extended dragonborn clan have somehow muscled their way into the fic. one of them features in the passage i'm going to share - and because nobody else knows who she is, i've got to put the entire introduction here. so it's gotten long lmao. my apologies.

The doorbell chimed as Alfira stepped into the shop.

Her nose immediately filled with the scent of wood and varnish as she looked around her, taking in the rows of half-carved lute and lyre and viol bodies, either lining wall racks, or covering every available horizontal surface. Several crates were stacked up at the back, forming a makeshift wall, and Alfira could hear the scraping and scratching of sandpaper from behind it.

She moved through the organized chaos until she reached the wall of crates, peering behind at the lone figure hunched over a table. One that seemed to notice her presence because they immediately shouted in annoyance.  

“I already said next week, La…”

“Evening, Inanna.”

The figure looked up, and Alfira was greeted by the sight of a dust-covered dragonborn wearing a grubby apron. She pulled off her goggles to reveal two rings of clear blue scales around fiery yellow eyes. Eyes that were more than just a little startled at the sight of her.

“Oh, Alfira! Wasn’t expecting you.” She stood up, her large frame coming between Alfira and her work-table as she folded her arms. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Come, can I get you something to drink?”

“Wine, if you have it.” Alfira was ushered back to the front of the shop, to the dusty counter. Waved towards a stool as Inanna rummaged around the insides of a crate, pulling out a bottle of wine and two glasses.

Accepting the glass with a smile, she let Inanna get comfortable, perching atop a crate as she took a long sip from her glass.

“So, what can I do you for? If it’s catgut, I’ve got some new stock that’s just come in. Six courses, right?”

“Yes… but my problem is a little more serious than a string change, I’m afraid.”

Alfira pulled out her lute, handing it to Inanna. Watched as the luthier held it up to the light, examining it with those burning yellow eyes.

After a pause, Inanna let out a low whistle.

“She’s… not in good shape, is she?”

Alfira sighed. “No, she’s not.”

“Lakrissa really wasn’t lying then. Oh, uh I mean…” she fumbled as Alfira looked back at her quizzically. “She mentioned this morning, when I was at the Elfsong for breakfast, said you’d be coming to see me about it. Didn’t think it’d be this bad.”

“Can you do anything about it?”

“This isn’t really something that can be fixed.” Inanna sighed. “Poorly made instruments just won’t last as long. The neck is already expanding from rain exposure.”

Alfira’s heart was in her throat. She wrung her wrists together.

“And how much would a new one cost?”

“Honestly? I could do you something within your budget. It’s just that I’ve been working on a big commission for a friend, who’s been… well, up my tail about having it done as soon as possible.”

“How long?”

“Next week.” Inanna’s finger tapped against the counter-top, her talons leaving ever so slight indents in the wood. “To finish the commission, I mean. Your lute… well. That depends on what you want.”

[flowers-of-io]

28, 37, 39?

28. On average, how much writing do you get done in a day?

That really depends! I don't think I'm a fast writer, partially because of the ADHD, so if I hit a thousand words in one day it's a BIG achievement. 400-ish words, I guess? Maybe a little bit more? And that's still two, three (or more) hours of writing. The daily NaNoWriMo quota of 1667 words is far beyond my reach even on good days.

It is also different now that I have a *writing job*, because often times I'm too creatively spent to work on any personal projects more than adding like two sentences hah.

30. How do you choose where to end a chapter?

I usually go for a scene with lower tension, a sort of soft landing for the chapter as an arc/segment in itself. Most of my assessment is done by vibes alone, a bit like trying to find a place where you'd cut to the next scene sequence in a movie I guess? Cliffhangers are great when used sporadically, so I'm trying to dose on that. It's probably obvious, but I also try to end with either a scene or a line that both sort of sums up what's happened or changed in chapter and teases what's to come, sometimes in a bit of a pervading way. That's what I was going for with the ending of chapter 11 of Book, for example.

I go by the rule that the first and last line are the two most important ones in any story, and while I strive to stick to it with one-shots (you guys don't know what I went through trying to phrase the final line for negative spaces), I'm often too tired or too dead inside to care about that in terms of chapters so rather than go for the Genius and Artism I just wrap them up more or less clumsily because holy shit it is OVER it is DONE. I should work on that more, I think.

39. Share a snippet from a WIP

Heresy heresy, his worm whispers to him, heresy lie punish kill. A great, churning hunger in the pit of his stomach, a burning rage—its, or his own, tangling and merging together until for a second all that he sees is an image of the Willbreaker cleaving his son in half. Blood and fire. Punish him; the lie-webster, sword-breaker, blasphemous and vile and cowardly and weak. Show him the edge, cut him up on the truth.

He does not listen to his worm.

He walks out onto the balcony, towards the starlight. His children grew up running between these columns. This was their orrery, where he would show them the ebb and flow of Ascendant tides, teach them celestial cartography and the movements of planets. This is where they would duel. This is where they would listen to his stories, faces lit up in bright-eyed wonder, so small and so voraciously curious.

Is this the reason? Had he stoked his son’s curiosity so much that Nokris would try to move beyond the sword, towards heresy? Oryx’s hand clenches around the railing, cracking the chitin.

[vepaluiron]

Commission for @siyurikspakvariisis !! Thank you for being abnormal about your girls with me <3

[optiwashere]

Favorite Female Characters!

I was tagged by @askweisswolf for this. Thank you for the tag 💜

Rules: Make a poll of your favorite female characters (no limits - as many or as little as you want) and see which your followers like the most!

This seemed fun, so why not?

I'll tag @siyurikspakvariisis @tief4tief @causticcontemplation @tacticalgrandma @mikuchan and anyone else that wants to do it can consider themselves tagged by me!

[causticcontemplation]

Thanks for the tag, @capriclonus :]

rules: make a poll with five of your all-time favourite characters and then tag five people to do the same. see which character is everyone's favourite

Tagging uhhhh @quitefair @mikuchan @siyurikspakvariisis @roughlytwentytwofrogs and @optiwashere

[tacticalgrandma]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

Thank you so, so much!! Going to try to hit five different fandoms here too:

BG3 - To The Red

This was my first time writing Orin and my first time writing an OC, and I had a lot of fun with both. I got to set up the main dynamic and arc I wanted for Dread, and get in some of my wish fulfillment for Orin.

2. Destiny - Impossibilities

I love the back-from-the-dead knight/would-unmake-the-world-for-you-but-still-commitmentphobic wizard parallels with O14 and Marasjur, and I love writing Mara being stupid neurotic. Also a commenter pegged me as aro/ace from how I wrote the ending and that makes me so happy.

3. FE3H - Fences

Claude/Yuri makes so much sense and I'm so sad they have like, one in canon interaction. Also got to work in my hc for why Claude gives Dimitri Failnaught, but not Edelgard.

4. Arcane - Paint the Lily

My first meljayvik fic and what linked me up with the other Melvengers... love you all we ride this fall. Also always love spoiling my selfless-and-has-trouble-asking-for-help faves.

5. Apex Legends - If Not for Me

I am completely out of the loop on Apex and the Valklobalore love triangle was already a mess even before I tuned out, but I wrote this at the start of it all and the one thing I remember liking from that plot was Wraith and Anita's friendship. I think she and Valk would get along well too and wishing them all some cogent writing and/or polyamory in the future.

I'm not sure who all has been tagged in this already but: @talesandfluff @siyurikspakvariisis @black-rose4 @mitobites @patron-saints - have at it if you're in the mood!

[linka-from-captain-planet]

Fanfic Writer Questions

thanks for the tag @siyurikspakvariisis!

Since I love compartmentalizing, I have 2 AO3 accounts I would consider "active": teefling (BG3 only) and Linka_From_Captain_Planet (Stardew Valley and Arcane) so I'll tally up the results for both so I sound more impressive.

How many works do you have on AO3? teefling: 8 (BG3) LinkaFCP: 24 (18 Arcane, 6 SDV)

What is your total AO3 word count? Teefling: 33,928 LinkaFCP: 209,399 Grand total: 243,327

What fandoms do you write for? Actively, just BG3. I could fall back into Stardew Valley at any moment (still eating up my new farms), but Acane is parked until Season 2 comes out, probably.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? - devil in disguise, snake with blue eyes (Arcane, caitvi) - An Anthology of Trib...ulations (BG3, shadowzel) - when my blue moon turns to gold again (BG3, shadowzel) - Goddess of the Hunt (Arcane, Cait/Brothel Girl) - come knock on this wood, get rocked by this thunder (Arcane, Cait/Sevika) These range from like 600 (high outlier) to 200. Honestly having a high kudos count is sort of embarrassing to me, as a mostly rarepair fan. My ideal amount of kudos is like, 50.

Do you respond to comments? Yes! I try to match the energy and give more detailed replies to more detailed comments, but I'll always respond to say thanks (even if it takes me a while). The only type of comment I might intentionally ignore is one asking for updates.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I think most people would say "when my blue moon turns to gold again" (BG3) because it involves a major character death, but for my taste it's pretty optimistic! I'd say it was "couldn't we reach inside and find that world of me and you" (Arcane), covering my take on Vi's time in prison and finding, and losing, her first love.

What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? "Courtship Traditions of the Stardew Valley: A Case Study", which was the last installment of my Haley Hates Prismatic Shards series. It's my designated tooth-rotting fluff fic.

Do you get hate on fics? Somewhat surprised to say no! I would just delete it/block without acknowledgement if I did.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yep! It really varies by whatever agenda the fic has. Sometimes PWP, but usually still with an elaborate setup/backstory, which I like-- I'm always hornier for a Concept and Why Are They Fingering than the fingering itself. Not to tell on myself, but sometimes I get annoyed at the meager and/or gross offerings whilst trying to cruise a kink tag, and just write my own damn fic. But mostly, I just like to use sex in fics to inform the characters' dynamic in a kind of saucy and gripping way. I wouldn't say it's low-hanging fruit, but definitely a fast track toward a high-emotion dynamic or situationship or whatever it is that I really want to portray. Writing the actual sex part is often a bummer for me.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I lack the whimsy for a proper crossovers (mixing Arcane and League like I do when I want to be horny about Corina Veraza doesn't count). This is why all my fics take place firmly in the original media's universe, and I can't do AUs either.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? No, and I don't think I really could. I'm happy to bounce ideas around, but actually collaborating on the actual writing would drive me crazy. I was the group project control freak for way too many years of school to do it again.

What's your all-time favorite ship? This is hard to answer as a relentless multishipper who fixates on one fandom at a time. Currently I'm in BG3 and it's Minthara/Florrick. In Arcane, it was Caitlyn/Brothel Girl, and in SDV, it's Leah/Haley.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? Realistically... I will probably never finish the Arcane series I started, which was about Vi and her "prison wife" unless I fall ass first into that particular insanity again. I will probably also never update my shadowzel kink ficlet collection.

What are your writing strengths? Concept, mood/atmosphere, POV character voice I'd say.

What are your writing weaknesses? Getting caught up in minutiae that don't really matter but need to be *perfect* before I can move on, being a control freak and over-explaining things because I can't stand the possibility of being misunderstood

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? This is such a random question, but it depends on whether it's a real language and how much dialogue it is. My works take place in fantasy worlds with fantasy characters, so it's whatever. If I'm writing in Minthara or Lae'zel's POV, I throw in commonly-known (to the fandom) drow or gith words with no explanation and usually not even italicized since it's a part of that character's usual diction. If I needed them to have a whole conversation in their tongue, I'd write it in English with italics to set it apart from the 'common' dialogue and prose.

First fandom you wrote for? Stardew Valley was the first fandom I ever published a fic for! But I would write for myself sometimes before that, I think it was probably Zelda (OOT) when I was really young. I didn't write at all between probably 13 and 25.

Favorite fic you've written? Super hard to say. Some of my older writing makes me cringe, but I have a lot of affection for older works that got me into the fandoms that have given me a lot of joy over the past few years. Best I can do is break it down by fandom. For Arcane, it's definitely "venus flytrap". For SDV, I'd say "Maybe Prismatic Shards Are Okay". For BG3, I'm torn between "mirage" (my favorite concept even if I think I could have executed it better) and "hold you like a python".

[assarivanguard]

copying the meme from @siyurikspakvariisis

send me a BG3 female character or F/F ship, and 1-2 letters from these NSFW and SFW alphabet memes, and I'll elaborate on that

[siyurikspakvariisis]

C, K, P?

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

I try very hard (and constantly fail to) not to be a hater, but at this point Mara/Shaxx leaves a sour taste in my mouth. And I'm aware one could make interesting stuff about them! I can see the vision: Shaxx as rebound, as the closest thing to Sjur that Mara has around... But I'm so embittered by helmet jokes and by wlw erasure that I can't bring myself to acknowledge the vision. It's bitter. It's petty. It's my hill to die on.

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

There are many character arcs I love, but as tumblr user siyurikspakvariisis I'm legally obligated to mention how Sjur Eido gets a whole ass character arc by negative space.

P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)

I've actually been mulling over a BG3 Destiny AU, where some (not all) members of the Tadpole Squad are Guardians. I keep telling myself to post about it but I never get around to it. Maybe because I feel it's too self-indulgent? IDK.

[xivu-arath]

get to know me meme

tagged by @siyurikspakvariisis!

Three ships: nope <3

First ever ship: nah

Last song: through glass - stone sour

Last movie: deadpool

Currently reading: the wheel of time companion

Currently watching: I idly picked up kipo and the age of the wonderbeasts to keep myself awake today, and I've been watching death in paradise with my mom as an evening wind down

Currently consuming: black tea and soon some leftover desserts from a gathering

Currently craving: to be less tired and drained so I can write a bit in between all the important stuff I'm doing ;;

I am Very Sleepy so no tagging

[night-dark-woods]

20, 44 and, as a Baru Cormorant enjoyer, 46? :)

20. Where and how do you find new books to read?

usually from my beloved friends and mutuals, or people i follow whose book taste i agree with. or if authors i like mention the books! i have a Long list to get thru from seth dickinson's reddit ama still- off the top of my head, Downbelow Station & Wolf Hall are the ones at the top of that pile? thats also where i got Blindsight from, and its REALLY fun to see what has influenced his writing! also the ranged touch boys, though i suppose that falls under people i follow, just not on social media.

44. The book(s) whose stories have become part of your very makeup.

absolute top of the list is the original Alanna series. i read those so many times. i read the other Tortall books as well, but none were ANYWHERE near as formative (shocker) as a girl pretending to be a boy so she could become a knight. for some reason, i also was never as interested in the later books in the series once she's living as a woman... (/s). other runners up are the Redwall books, The Hero and the Crown, Artemis Fowl, the Old Kingdom series, the Bartimaeus series, and Tithe/Valiant/Ironside. I think most if not all of my tastes in media can be traced to one or several of these books.

46. I like _____, recommend me a book to read, please (insert a book, or trope, or character, or... anything you like before asking for this one).

FIFTH SEASON BY N K JEMISON. incredible incredible character writing, deals with some similar topics (trauma, the ways people often end up enforcing&perpetuating the same systems that harmed them) and most importantly is just very very VERY good. i think it should be required reading for all sff fans to be completely honest. it also has... a lot more faith in the reader than i find Seth has often? like i think my one true complaint about Baru is how often the narrator turns to the reader and says "imperialism is bad. do you get it." WHICH. in all fairness. apparently is needed given some of the ice cold fucking takes ive seen about it (cough arkady martine cough)

the other one on my absolute faves shelf besides that series & Baru is Yoon Ha Lee's Machineries of Empire (which, if you like the accounting part of Baru as much as i do, you will likely enjoy! i love space beaurocracy & detailed descriptions of military maneuvers more than almost any other aspect of scifi, but also i know that isnt true for everyone).

[quitefair]

you know what. For the ask meme: Merrill?

She..... (i miss her)

[flowers-of-io]

Best of luck, go get that bread!!

Thank you!! ^^

[seventhscorpio]

Get To Know Me

Tagged by @siyurikspakvariisis, thank u!

Three ships: *spins wheel* Mrs. Crumplebottom/Unsavory Charlatan from The Sims 2 (if you didn't follow my blog in 2014 you have no idea how utterly INSANE I was about that ship), Faceless Old Woman/Horam McDaniels from WTNV and Ikora Rey/Asher Mir from Destiny. Truly I am living in rarepair hell

First ever ship: Jesse/Woody from Toy Story when I was 5 lol, but my first "serious" otp was Bella/Mortimer Goth from The Sims

Last song: "Your Bones" by Of Monsters And Men. I also revisited my old love "All Our Angels" by Eliza Rickman today :>

Last movie: lmao I don't remember the last time I watched a movie

Currently reading: "Głusza" by Anna Goc, a really great book about the Deaf community in Poland

Currently watching: eeeh... Spy X Family with my roommate?

Currently craving: to write :< (it's 1 am on a workday)

Tagging @synnthamonsugar @savyir-genesizz-the-wizard @pawnshopsouls @roxanne-says-go-home and @king-a-queen

[optiwashere]

WIP Wednesday

Holy shit, it's actually on a Wednesday this time?

I really wanted to do one of these this week since I've gone a bit rabid on a few WIPs.

I'll post a little bit about each of those WIPs later, some snippets and a blurb about why I'm so excited. But first! Folks to tag! Since I'm so excited for these, I'm gonna tag a lot this time.

If you have anything you want to share WIP writing-wise, please do... @quitefair @bottombatch @siyurikspakvariisis @causticcontemplation @jasminethetransvampire @underworldobsessed @assarivanguard @amorficzna @funwithnix @askweisswolf @linka-from-captain-planet @tief4tief

If you don't want to do this, or have nothing you want to share, feel free to ignore. If anyone else wants to do this, please feel free to consider yourself tagged. Now, onto my obsessions.

WIP 1: New chapter of Nightsongs

After spending some chapters in a kind of angst zone after the relatively light (relatively) first 4-5 chapters, this next chapter is going to be a kind of upswing. There's lots left to do with the AU, so I'm expecting to chug along and write more and more as time permits.

This AU is a lot for me to handle, especially after having so many chapters ready to post and then... falling way behind on writing the chapters afterwards. But it's fanfiction, and we're having fun here. So, who cares? The game's fandom heyday is already over, so at this point I'm just writing whatever feels best to me.

This chapter is mostly done, I think. I'm giving it a few days/a week to sit before I go back to edit it with fresher eyes. Also, we return to Ash's POV!

Lae’zel walked into Ash’s back office without a word on the seventh day and Ash nodded her way without looking up. Papers sat in strewn piles all over the desk, a handful of old incident reports and assessments that still needed working for Wulbren’s accountants. The absolute worst part of the job remained for the year – paperwork – and Ash intended to get them caught up in the hours that remained of her day. It was a useful, meaningful task. It gave her something else to think about. Anything other than green eyes. “We should talk,” Lae’zel said, sitting down without being offered one of the folding chairs in front of the desk. “Aren’t we doing that?” Ash scanned the paper in front of her and quickly jotted down her signature. [...] “You begin working on a van,” Lae’zel said matter-of-factly, counting off on her fingers as she spoke. “You talk to a pretty girl. You suddenly work more often on that van. Then, you disappear inside yourself and act bitter all day because suddenly the girl no longer shows up. There is more to it than you say.” “I think this might be the first time you’ve spoken more than five words to me, you know that?” Ash chuckled. “Am I that obvious?”

WIP 2: New chapter of Blades in the Night

The need to write more plot for this has been burrowing in my skull for a long time. I initially stopped myself from writing too much of it because I wanted to do Nightsongs first in its entirety before getting to this, but I think I'm just too impatient for that.

I also love the fact that this fic turned from a simple PWP one-shot into this much more expansive, plotty story that's now pretty important for what I want to do with my babies post-canon. Something about that makes me smile.

Plus, you know how I've been lamenting my inability to write happy endings for certain characters?

Either way, this isn't really complete, but the hardest part is complete and now I just have to start connecting the dots and filling in the blanks. I'd say it's about a third done?

The room filled with the same aura of a distant gaze leveled their way that Shadowheart had felt back in the cloister. Asheera had made an oath to protect Shadowheart then, and the flooding of a dense, real presence had nearly swallowed her whole in the cloister's barracks. A weight of importance sunk down on her shoulders there in Hobb's Hovel as well. A smell like molten metal cooling lilted in the air with a lingering, acrid tang. It tasted of blood in Shadowheart's mouth, as if the forging was tainted with some other foul presence in the mixture. [...] Little could have compared better to that feeling of a weight lifted from her shoulders. Worry disappeared and gave way to earnest joy in Shadowheart, and she thrived on it. She hadn't felt such keen happiness since she'd been so readily accepted into Asheera's family by her parents.

WIP 3: Gauntlet of Shar fic

Wow, I know! I've been talking about writing this fic for so long that it's almost become a sort of mythical never-to-be-slain beast for me. I'm not normally someone that talks about my ideas too often, I just write them before they can flee me.

I tend to also get in my own head about what I "should" be writing in the first place. Frankly, I'm getting kinda tired of writing so many ships, though fear not - I'll still have ideas that can only work with ships that aren't Shadowheart/Asheera. It's just that, for a while, I want to focus back on my loves.

This fic is one of those that I've wanted to finish for months. I know that at this point in the fandom's life cycle, I'm pretty much writing just for the dedicated, lovely folks that still read my stuff and I'm extremely happy to have y'all around! Maybe this will make Light Casts a Shadow ring a little more true for some, maybe it will be just another fic that I post, who knows.

Also, one thing I'm planning on experimenting with for this fic is alternate endings for Fun. This is a fic where the ending hinges on choices that Shadowheart makes in the game, so it's only fitting that I explore what would happen if she made those other choices.

But anywho, enough blabbing. Excerpt time!

Those touches and more, Asheera cherished. She watched in silence as Shadowheart turned her devotions to each of those tasks. Perhaps it was the nature of clerics to give themselves entirely to seemingly mundane tasks much the same Asheera felt compelled to consider her oaths in nearly every conversation, battle, or even moments like Shadowheart carefully buckling a cuisse to her leg with straps of leather at the backs of Asheera's knees. Fingertips trailed against her clothed skin, and Shadowheart stood up once more. "There," she said, "all's taken care of, then. Tell me, how's my handiwork? Be honest. I can handle the criticism." Asheera brought her balled fist to her chest in an arm curl. She flexed the elbow out and tested her shoulders, knees, ankles, and hips for motion. None of the plates caught on one another, and none of the straps across her hands, arms, knees, or chest restricted her. "Perfect," Asheera said at last. "Marvelous work." Shadowheart offered a quick smile. "I'll take a Gondian's compliment on such things any day." "Can't say I would've done a better job." "Ah, there's the honesty I was waiting for. Truly, where would you be without me?"