#sixthguns

[death-by-ruki]

[franziscrew89]

[blogsweethoneypetal]

My most recent completed fic! Feel free to read :)

[death-by-ruki]

This really resonated for me. I sit outside in the mornings before work when the weather's nice to enjoy nature, watch the birds and listen to all the wind chimes. It may be written off as coincidence by some, but I swear, whenever I find myself thinking about him and hoping he's okay, the wind, which has been still, suddenly picks up and really stirs the chimes. Whether or not it's my mind trying to help me heal it doesn't matter. I feel a presence that feels familiar. He used to appear in my dreams a lot in years past. And as a collective, all grieving his passing, we're all connected. Happy birthday btw from one sad bitch to another.

About the GazettE.

TL;DR I had recent experiences that reinforce my belief that Reita REALLY is still with me and with all of us. Even if they can be easily explained as coincidental. Please if you want, share something that has been helpful to heal. Take care. Gazerock is not dead. Gazerock never dies.

Full post under cut.

I consider myself spiritual, but not really religious. But let me take you through my last few days, if you so care. Its important to me and I want to share this in hopes that the others in this Fandom know that I share the pain and want to spread my own love and solace and peaceful mourning.

I took an hour drive to my twin sister's to have our birthday hangout on Wednesday. I had the GazettE on plus other vkei groups on shuffle, but I kept skipping most of the other groups trying to find the GazettE songs. A few came on and even with the heavy and rock and headbanging songs I was just sobbing. To the point where I told myself, "you have to keep your eyes open. You need to watch the road." But the TEARS were plenty and heavy. I also started to judge myself a little. Wondering why I was SO emotional.

Then I had one of those intuitive downloads where like, you know it didn't come from your own brain and then after you hear it your mind expands. I don't know who's voice it was. I couldn't repeat it if I tried. But it said, quote "but feeling is healing."

And I lost it all over. Because I knew it was right and I needed to sit with the feelings. So I let myself cry as much as I could.

And then, To Dazzling Darkness came on.

My favorite song. Well, one of them. The whole Beautiful Deformity album is iconic, but that song specifically is one of my favorites BECAUSE of Reita's bass part. (Plus my twin sister, with her music degree, thinks the song is well written and can back up why and that means a lot to me that my sister who isn't the most into heavy metal or knows the group near as well as I do likes THEIR songs BECAUSE they're good).

And after that I laughed a little and wiped my eyes and said, "ok. I get it. It has to mean you're here right now. Thank you."

Maybe it came from Reita. I'd like to think so.

Had tons of fun with my sister. Come home. Worked Thursday. That night i shed a tear or two as i watched a few music videos in bed. And i just said outloud and in my head. "As long as he's okay. I'd like a sign that he's okay, please." And i fell asleep. Fast forward to today.

Today's our birthday. I planned to grab my free trenta from Starbies cuz $0 is the only amount I'll pay there unless I'm desperate. When I got to the screen in the drive thru, i meant to order 2 cake pops for my treat. Cuz fuck it. Im desperate. I'm a sad bitch and I want cake. It's my birthday. But I have anxiety and panicked and ended up asking for them at the drive thru window instead.

And they gave me the pops and I waited to hand them my card and after a few seconds she came back up and said, "oh don't worry about them today. No charge." Once I was sure they didn't want my money I thanked them profusely.

And I drove away. And I smiled from inside. Cuz I'd like to think that that was my sign he's okay. Maybe he pulled some strings to make me smile and to say, with that grin on his face, "don't worry about me. I'm here. I'll be here. Have a cake pop you sad bitch."

I meant it when I said before his spirit is here.. there's truly a feeling of the hole in my heart filling a little. I feel like emotionally and spiritually he's here in my peripheral stronger than ever before. Especially because I had become more of a backseat fan that would slink out of the woodwork when they had new content. My "obsession" (hyperfixation) died down a lot after saw them in 2016 and 2019, and I shared my gift of art and they shared their gift of music. But that love and adoration never ever left regardless of how often I talked about it and showed it. Or didn't. Cuz NO ONE else in my every day immediate circle knows anything about them.

Cuz here's the thing, and this is just me, too. I don't have any better way or words to string together to say this other than this way. I KNOW that they don't "know me". Like , I'm not missing the physical presence like they are. I didn't sit with him every day talking about all the most common shared passionate things we're doing, etc. Etc. So I can argue for myself that because of that the burden is likely to not be as heavy as any of theirs. But music and the arts connects hearts and minds beyond the physical. And for me listening to the music keeps him close, and I almost think that I can Feel him when I hear it. I can imagine him putting a hand on my shoulder (with his endearingly weird thumbs, they always made me giggle.)

Idk I think Im getting a little off track. Long story short, he was physically here with me when he was at the shows. When he wasn't he was still there, off across the world, doing his thing. and while I knew that like in an unconscious way, i never really sat with that to be like "what are they doing right this moment" or that i could energetically feel them all at any time, you know? And I remember getting upset with myself cuz my first coherent thought after I metaphorically picked my stomach off the ground after it fell out of my butt was "well, it HAS to be ok cuz the world's still gonna turn." And that felt horrible to say. And that's not fair to me or to anyone who needs time to process this. I mean, YA, I GUESS, it WILL. But once again. This WILL still hurt for a while. And that's okay. That doesn't mean i have to "get over" it right away either. Cuz once again. The physical loss isn't felt (yet) or as heavy as the bandmen will feel. But I will feel. And my feelings are my truth. And i can argue the band itself will have worse grieving till the sun dies, and that still doesn't mean my feelings are literally less than for my own personal experience. And thats okay.

But getting back to the point of this, thinking and believing Reita's making his way to us, I now just have this new vibration around me that I know is spiritual in nature and it is energizing the room, especially when I play their music. He's here.

I keep thinking about The Haunting of Hill House and Nell's words in the last episode. And I don't want that to ever fade. I'm determined to keep him strong in my heart and my mind. Just like ruki said he and the guys would.

Anyways, I hope yall are feeling as okay as you can. I hope this may touch someone and bring more healing. Free to share things in the comments if you want, too.

[vileivy]

ルキさま🥰❤️ #rukithegazette #thegazetteruki #thegazette #thegazetteband #gazetteruki #ルキ #matsumototakanori #takanorimatsumoto #thegazettefanart #thegazetterukifanart #thegazettefan #visualkei #jrock #gazerock #gazerockisnotdead #heresy #vocalist #vocals #thegazettevocalist #sixthguns #sixthgunsforever https://www.instagram.com/p/B82hGBUpBaA/?igshid=ju7y14nq6nlk

[project-dreams]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Miu Akai (@project_dreams)

INSTASTORY - RUKI 24.08.19 DEMO #TheGazette #Ruki #Aio #Reita #Kai #Uruha #THENINTH #6thGuns #NINTH #SixthGuns https://www.instagram.com/p/B1iX_kYFijEWzwGwX8hdcYeWTiKe8HERbOy_Xg0/?igshid=1ipb6wiw81048

[death-by-ruki]

I too found myself coming here to grieve with others more so than anywhere else. I made many wonderful connections here because of our mutual love and adminration for the Gazette.

I came back to this account to grief. And to pay my respects to a man, that guided me through growing up. It’s been 18 years, with hundreds of ups and downs. But not once, not one single time in all those years, was there an instance where he, or the other four bandmen, had disappointed me or made me feel left alone. They grew into rolemodels, and I had always looked up to those five men as big brothers. I remember being 15, and spending all my days and sleepless nights with obsessing over them, watching every youtube video in the most horrible and dated quality in existence. Growing up isn’t easy, for nobody on this planet, but I am glad I can say that I had ten hands that helped me through it. I don’t know how to process these sad news and my heart aches for his family and friends. I never thought I’d have to say those words so soon and it breaks me to do it, but rest easy, Reita-san. Rest, my big bro. Until one day.

[death-by-ruki]

[luciel-hell]

Time for Halloween!🎃🎃 #halloween #pumpkin #black #lips #redlips #vk #vkei #visualkei #jrock #rukistyle #cosplay #shadow #makeup #thegazette #ruki #cosplayer #gazette #dark #blackcolor #cosplayruki #rukithegazette #gloves #visual #sixthguns #sixthgun #rukicosplay #white #scary #horror #grey

[leonarcoiris]

#Repost @abnormal_culture (@get_repost) ・・・ We have a new project upcoming and this time you will be able to take home official goods from the band. Currently Mexico, our country, is going through a terrible situation. On September 07th almost midnight an 8.2 earthquake gravely affected the south areas of the country leaving many people without a home and killed hundreds. Just yesterday, September 19th around 1:15pm another earthquake hit Mexico leaving collapsed buildings and hundreds of dead and missing people in Mexico City and many other States in the country. The affected areas are such that in many places they are still not receiving any help. We need help in every way since there are still many people trapped in the debris, schools with children collapsed, offices collapsed, houses, etc. Food is needed as well as tools to help getting people out from the debris, medicine and thousands of many other things and all of those things costs money. With the purpose of raise money to help we will be raffling off 100% original the GazettE items, some of the items were only available for their XV Anniversary. These items are not new but they are in such excellent conditions that they could be taken as new BUT we are not here to lie to you. We won’t be getting back the cost of these items nor we will keep any of the money from the raffles, all of it will be donated and you will be able to verify it. You may purchase as many tickets as you want per person. You may participate in one or more than one raffle (purchasing the corresponding tickets). The payment method for international participants will be PayPal. We will be announcing details soon. If you have any questions please feel free to ask in the comments to maintain everything public or if you prefer you may send an inbox message. PLEASE SHARE THROUGH ALL SOCIAL MEDIA, let’s keep in mind our goal: HELP. *We will be sharing information and other ways to help directly on our Facebook page* #FuerzaMexico #PrayForMexico #MexicoEarthquake #6thGuns #sixthguns #theGazettE #theGazettEmexico #MexicoNeedsYou #AbnormalCultureST

[death-by-ruki]

I'd like to believe he wasn't in pain, scared or hurting and feeling alone. (ㅠ︿ㅠ)

You were tough, so no one else had to be. You’d lighten the mood despite your own feelings. You loved everyone. And you never cried. Not even once. It was always just a little sweat or some CG.

Thank you for always protecting the GazettE. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for sharing that beautiful scenery.

No matter happened at the end, I hope you weren’t scared.

[chiisa-risa]

[rosybluesybonesy]

Babe, Babe Where’d You Go To

With Such a Haggard Face <3 

[nici-chan83]

More than fangirl moments with @_suger_pain_ 😍😍😍 #gazerockisnotdead #15thanniversary #gazerock #gazetto #aoithegazette #kaithegazette #rukithegazette #uruhathegazette #reitathegazette #bestbandever #sixthgun https://www.instagram.com/p/CDuG10gIGXm/?igshid=16oqrywpuk2hu

[death-by-ruki]

Please count me in as well.

I am not done grieving. And I won’t be for quite a while. If anybody out there needs somebody to talk to, to remember Reita or just to babble and make new connections — my DMs are always open. Let’s help each other through this rough time. 🤍

[blogsweethoneypetal]

I’ve finally returned to Tumblr in hopes of reaching more sixthguns, sharing gazette pics and fics! It’s nice to meet you all!