#sincerely a queer nb

[peppapigvevo]

controversial but g1 and g3 are ongoing separate continiuities so there shouldn't be any problem following one or the other (or both at different times)

[doctorodyssey]

i think something these people need to get through their heads is that genuinely, none of us give a fuck if they think we're being homophobic. i have been an out lesbian for like 10 years, pretty much ALL of my friends are gay and trans, i am extremely connected to the LGBTQ community irl. some weirdo on the internet calling me homophobic literally does not mean anything to me because i know it's silly and untrue. i do not need to sit and reflect on whether my jokes about tommy from 911 are rooted in homophobia against gay men because, sincerely, i know they are not. this rhetoric might work on a cishet person but it is vapid and meaningless to me. it's also intellectually dishonest. they KNOW they're talking about a group of majority queer women & nb people, but they use the exact same language they'd use to talk about cishets. i just can't even take it seriously at all bc it's so fucking misogynistic and SILLY!!!!!

[rosesradio]

Could you do a leo valdez x nb!reader where the reader comes out as nb to him? I see alot of bi!reader posts but never coming out as nb 😀

here you go !! 🙂‍↕️💌 word count: 1,067

It’s a day like any other when you hear it again. You aren’t sure why it bothers you so much.

Any time Leo talks about you, he speaks with such excitement, such fondness. It should make you feel like you’re walking on clouds—and in a way, it does.

It also hurts, though, when Leo refers to you as your assigned gender.

It’s such a stupid concept. You wish more than anything that everyone was referred to in the same way, and, when they realized what they wanted to be called, they spoke up to an accepting society.

You wish you didn’t have to feel the sting to understand what you wanted.

Of course, you feared rejection. Perhaps not the ultra-evil scenario of Leo laughing in your face—his best friend, Piper, was super queer in every direction, after all. However, you feared a soft rejection. Gentle words as he told you that the moment you revealed another layer of yourself, he no longer had feelings for you.

You supposed you were ready enough, though. Ready as you’ll ever be. It didn’t feel right, to Leo and especially yourself, to pretend to be something you’re not.

The two of you snuggled up together on the Bunker couch that evening. The place felt the safest to you in all of Camp. You felt as though you could truly be yourself here; Leo even brought in some of your decorations so it felt more like a shared space.

“You okay, y/n?” Leo asked, nudging your shoulder gently with his own. “That was some of my best material, and I didn’t even get an annoyed look!”

You blinked. Leo must have been cracking some jokes, and you missed them. You frowned, shaking your head. “I’m—I’m okay. Just thinking…”

“Thinking about…?” Leo’s gaze was curious, a smile ghosting across his lips.

”I’m thinking about telling you something,” you started. “But I’m not sure how you’ll feel about it, or if you’ll judge me, or anything…I feel like I’m just gonna put words out there, and then they’ll be cemented, and I can’t take them back, and—“

”y/n,” Leo started gently. The sound of your name in his voice soothed you; you already went by your preferred name, too, so it didn’t come with that sting of wrongness.

”You can tell me anything,” Leo said. “I spend all my time tinkering in a five hundred year old Bunker in the woods. If anything, you should be judging me.” He grinned, cupping your cheek. You couldn’t help but lean into his touch; it came as easy as breathing. “Go ahead, y/n…whenever you’re ready, I’m listening.”

It took you another minute or two to gather your words, each second of silence dragging on like quicksand, threatening to pull you under. Eventually, you finally managed the words. It was still a shaky, rambling mess, though you told him everything. Your feelings on your gender (or the lackthereof), what you preferred to be called, even the pain you felt in your heart when Leo referred to you in a way that felt wrong.

That part especially hurt, because Leo had this look on his face—his eyes dark and large and pained, like he’d accidentally kicked a puppy. He let you talk and gesture with your hands, though he did place a hand over your knee, rubbing comforting circles with his thumb.

”This is it,” you finished. “This is the part where you break up with me. And it’ll suck, but I’d rather be true to myself—and I’d rather you be with someone you’re attracted to.”

”Someone I’m attracted to,” Leo echoed, half a comment and half a question. His voice was low, though it wasn’t dangerous—it was incredulous, if anything. “y/n, you gotta be out of your mind if you think you’re not the most attractive person I’ve ever met.”

”Leo—“ you started faintly.

”I’m serious,” Leo insisted. Although it was hard to meet his eyes in that moment, they showed a sincerity that grounded you like nothing else. “I love you, y/n. I love your laugh, and the way you hold on to me when something scary happens in a movie. I love the way you fight in training. I love the way you roll your eyes at my jokes—even if your jokes are worse! None of those things have to do with your gender, because they’re about you. I love you. And I don’t think…I don’t think there’s a damn thing you could do that could make me stop loving you, okay?”

His words left you frozen, jolted from your spiraling train of thought.

You grasped his arms.

He let you.

You leaned forward, wrapping your arms around his waist, falling against his chest as you always did when in need of comfort. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

”Oh, man, I just now thought of this,” Leo said, shuffling to lay back on the couch so that you could rest on his chest. “Does this mean I can call you my partner? Because that’d be, like, super awesome and intriguing. Like, what kind of partner? A partner in crime? A partner in the shop? A partner for tax benefits? People would literally never know.”

You laughed softly, grazing your fingers from his collarbone to up his neck, mapping out the area. You reached up to along his jawline, and he closed his eyes, letting out a soft hum at the touch.

”I think with how affectionate we are in public, people could pick up on it pretty easily.” You pointed out. “But yeah, partner sounds good. Cool, even…”

”Cool,” Leo echoed.

A minute or two of comfortable silence continued before you spoke up again. “Leo?”

He hummed in response, poking your cheek in that affectionate way he usually did, and your eyes stung from the familiarity of it all. It’s like nothing has changed.

”I love you,” you said. You couldn’t begin to wax poetic about him the way he had about you, though not for a lack of things to say. The words overwhelmed you, stringing together in a mess of feelings. But he had to know. He had to. “You know that, right?”

Enough to fill the whole Bunker. Enough to give life to every nymph in the woods.

”I know,” Leo replied, and your heart relaxed at the thought that everything was just as you wanted it now.

[autolenaphilia]

Whipping Girl is such a transfeminist classic at this point that it’s hard to review. Of course it wasn’t meant to be some definitive work on transness. There wasn’t much credible research, so Serano uses largely her own experiences to create her own observations on gender.

Of course, over the years the limits of her perspective has grown more obvious. Serano is a cis-passing middle-class white woman, and it limited her perspective. There are almost no discussion of racism in this book. Serano may have coined the word transmisogyny, but transmisogynynoir remains beyond her, at least in Whipping Girl.Her transfeminism lacks an anti-capitalist analysis. There is much valuable criticism of this book to be made, preferably written by black transfems.

Yet a lot of the criticism the book has actually received seems much overstated, and ultimately coloured by the very transmisogyny the book criticized. I’ve seen descriptions of this book as some anti-transmasc or NB-phobic screed, out of a few lines taken out of context. Pointing out the hypocrisy of Michfest barring trans woman from attending as audience members while allowing transmascs to take the stage is hardly hatred of transmascs. And describing how Serano went from identifying as bi-gender to becoming a trans woman and criticizing the ideology of subversivism is not to invalidate non-binary gender identites. I’m not entirely convinced by her “born this way” or “intrinsic inclinations” explanation for gender, but it’s hardly a gender essentialist ideology, as it actually tries to validate being trans or gender non-conforming. Again there are valid criticisms of Whipping Girl’s limitations, but this kind of criticism seems coloured by transmisogyny more than anything.

And there is so much that Whipping Girl gets right that it remains a vital text almost 16 years later. Serano’s main insight is that transfems are not just oppressed by transphobia or for breaking the gender binary, but also misogyny. That we are affected by an intersection of transphobia and misogyny, transmisogyny. It’s such a useful concept for understanding the world we live in. It enables us transfems to be included in feminist theory and analysis, while providing a method for criticizing our exclusion from it.

And the book is at its best when it analyses the impact of that transmisogyny, in both the daily life of transfems and in the media that talks about us. All the discrimination, mistreatment and hurtful comments we experience. The disgusting attitudes of our medical gatekeepers, who deny us healthcare if we are not straight, gender-conforming and passable/fuckable in their eyes. The misogyny of the media and literature, from hollywood films with disgusting and deceitful trannies, to radfem transmisogynistic screeds like Janice Raymond’s The Transsexual Empire, the dubious “research” by medical gatekeepers such as Ray Blanchard or how we are practically exploited in modern queer theory written by non-transfems. Again, Serano’s perspective is limited by her privileges, but the personal perspective gives the book a lot of its accessibility and emotional impact.

So despite Whipping Girl’s limitations it remains a very important book. Even allies to transfems should read it, with an open mind, and maybe they will learn something. Serano does sincerely try to reach out to allies with the book. And I especially recommend any transfems to read it, to help them understand what is being done to us. It provides such vitals tools to identify and criticize transmisogyny, both external and internalized.

[justajsworkshop]

J'S ASK POLICY & FAQS

updated november 30th, 2024

please abide by this ask policy before sending an ask. anything asks that violate this policy can expect either (a) no reply or (b) a snarky reply.

about: call me j (he/they). nb. aroace. all around queer. writer. reality shifter. the son of god. i am a full-grown adult, so you can expect full-grown adult content here.

RULES.

no trauma dumping, venting, or ranting about your circumstances. i do not care for your limitations.

please first review the FAQs below and the favorite posts linked in my pinned post, as i've already likely answered your question here.

you are always welcome tell me about your DRs or the cool stuff you've manifested, talk to me about g.ood o.mens (fuck ng, tho. man is dead to me.), or ask me about my cat/talk about your cat.

please give me at least a week to answer your ask and avoid sending multiple asks/spamming the inbox in a short period of time. i choose what i respond to and when.

DMs are closed except for mutuals. don't ask me to turn them on for you. mutuals are always welcome to message me tho.

i am usually open and willing to provide my thoughts and advice, but if it's clear you haven't tried to sincerely contemplate what i write here, don't expect patience or sympathy from me.

for the love of you, aim to think for yourself. do not ask me what to do or to tell you what to do. i save that for the bedroom and only on special occasions. ffs.

i am a person who does this in my free time because i have a deep passion for the law, but if you are entitled, willfully ignorant, lack basic reading comprehension, argue for your limitations, or otherwise dump rancid vibes in my inbox, i will be yeeting your ask into the sun (and possibly block you).

FAQS.

asks that involve any of the below will be deleted or mocked since i've already covered it here. i did not stutter.

can i manifest [insert desire]? yes. all things are possible. any asks inquiring about the possibility of anything will be deleted. the answer is yes, it is possible. moving on.

how do i manifest [insert desire]? we manifest who and what we are conscious of being. choose to be aware of the self who is one with your desire. there's more detail in this post here, but if you ask me how to manifest, i will bite your nose.

is it wrong for me to desire [insert desire here]? desire is just the divine urge to know more of what you already are (all things). instead of judging your desire, just be it instead.

how long will it take me to manifest? when will it manifest? how do i manifest instantly? can i manifest instantly? (insert ANY question about time/instant manifestation here.)

manifestation is instant to awareness. it's the physical, linear self who perceives time, space, effort, etc. as a barrier between self and desire. instead of fixating on the perceived separation, be it now. be the you with your desire now. this subliminal was designed to help you understand time from god's perspective instead of the limited self. do not send me questions about time or instant manifestation. i will whack you with a pool noodle.

how do i tap into the void state? decide you're a person who can. it's up to you what that means. i am not accepting void state asks at this time. there's literally infinite ways to tap into the void state. stop obsessing over what other people do and choose it for yourself.

how do subliminals work? how much do i have to listen? how fast can i expect results? how do you make your subs? (insert any subliminal questions here.)

your reality = your rules. don't ask me about what to do or what's possible; check your assumptions instead.

will you manifest for me 🥺? no. 🥰

why am i not able to manifest/shift/tap into the void state? you literally answered your own question. it's because you're identifying with the self who cannot and persisting in that narrative of separation/nonfulfillment. more in this post.

[ii-neg-confessions]

To the admin(s) of this account;

You said it yourself, someone whos trans can be transphobic, in your Justin neg post, and yet here you are saying that it doesn't count that he's agender? And being openly hostile to anons who kindly ask about your opinions on the trans rep in II?

I'm sorry, I'm just sensing a lot of hypocrisy and hostility when I read through this blog, I understand its an II neg account and people are gonna be negative on it, but you can be negative while not being actively hostile towards others in the community! Now I'm obviously not asking you to write whole essays, but maybe some sources on how robots make for poor NB rep or how Paintbrush's story arc was "crappy" deep, or just something more explanation-y than just saying "its bad" and moving on. WHY is it bad? Idk basically wondering if it's possible to switch from Negative to Critique?

Sincerely, an anon who also agrees II can be bad and problematic sometimes but generally enjoys it with specific arcs and characters.

I'm saying that, even though he is agender, he is still responsible for the terrible handling of Bot as much as the other two cis writers. it's clear that Bot's """trans""" arc was not written as a true means of representation but rather as yet another attempt at QUEERBAITING. Right immediately after the awful scene with Bot and Cabby, they immediately started producing MERCH of them.

the key 3 (yes, including justin) never cared about representation, but rather to get more money from the queer majority in the OSC.

now these three are free to reblog me to justify their bs (and in the meantime millions of posies harass my blog), but it will be useless as we all see through their bullshit.

[vintageandroid]

Dear Transphobes

I woke up at 2 in the morning last night because I couldn't not write this. It's not very polished. It is very sincere. It probably won't change anything, but it's here.

I think most of you think of trans people as an abstract concept. ...

You think of us as abstract because it’s easier, I guess. But I don’t want it to be easy. I won’t let it be easy. ...

Before I got up to write this, I was listening to my partner snore. ...

I lie awake at night, and it’s not always because of you. If I can’t hear them breathe, I hold my breath until I can hear them stir. Sometimes I reach out to touch them, but I hate waking them up. “You should wake me up if you’re anxious,” they tell me, all the time, but I hate to bother them, because honestly, I’m always anxious. I love when they snore—it’s not a loud snore, just a faint, quiet, steady sound. My own white noise machine. I know they’re safe, and they’re there, and usually, that’s enough for me.

Interested? Read Dear Transphobes.

-

(Queer Earthling is my 18+ sex blog. If you’re interested in supporting a sex-positive, queer, neurodivergent weirdo, check out my support and affiliates page!  If you’d rather not see these on your Tumblr feed, feel free to block the tag “Queer Earthling.”)

Aphobes, bi/panphobes, trans/nb-phobes, anti-kink, TERFs & SWERFs DNI

[oldqueergrandma]

Genderfluid grandparent here. I went to a talent show performance at the school of a fairy Godchild of mine. At that point in time, said Godchild was using they/them and it/its pronouns. So I cranked up my gender performance for them in a show of solidarity. More masc and NB and genderfuckery vibes, even if it was just to go to the park or hang out in a thrift store.

So this is a talent show, and I presented as male. I had no intention of outshining the performers, so I went for Old Queer Grumpa.

The MC called for any parents, grandparents, or friend/family brave enough to get up on stage. I raised my hand.

There were two women and myself. The MC had us do a little dance to some music as a sill, fun icebreaker. I mean, I've done Drag Suicides before. This is a piece of cake.

Miss MC turns to me and says something like, "And you, Ma'am?"

I didn't correct her. I didn't say, "Lady, I'm a dude." I performed a flawless double take, and simply gestured to my whole self, with WTF face.

She immediately apologized and asked me my "Stage Name." I do, in fact, have a dragsona. "Art Friendly."

I gave a fantastic performance of dumb white dad dancing and brought the house down.

And the talent show was a drag show. Poor Miss MC was a local burlesque/drag performer who came in to host the show.

So on the one hand, I *do* get offended when I go to great effort to perform some kind of gender and someone gets it wrong.

On the other hand, I do sincerely use any and all pronouns. So I'm like the Tumblr mushroom; you can't misgender me in any way that matters.

Pro-tip to young trans guys:

If a stranger misgenders you, please please please do not ever utter the phrase, “I’m a man.” It sounds very unnatural and immediately sounds overly defensive.

My advice? Just look at the person like they’re an idiot and, in the deepest voice possible, say, “Uh. Alright, then.”

Just act as though they made a huge and obvious mistake, and don’t get flustered. If you’re comfortable with it, handle the situation with humor and say something like, “Man, I know I’ve got a babyface, but I didn’t think it was that bad.”

[romilly-jay]

Back to one (okay, two) I really loved // Red, White and Royal Blue [FILM VERSION] // One Last Stop [BOOK]

*** spoilers ***

Have to admit - didn't initially know Red, White and Royal Blue was a book before it was a movie and when I found out, I RACED to get hold of writing by Casey McQuiston. Ended up with their second novel, One Last Stop, and actually Still Haven't Read RWARB - which I'm going to put down to having enjoyed the movie and being a little scared that going into the book will disrupt either or both for me.

Honestly - I'm sure it will be fine. I'm just... a bit highly strung.

Just checked and confirmed that movie-RWARB was indeed an Amazon Original (it was) and I suppose it differentiates itself immediately from what I tend to think of as "more typical" - [though shurely not any more in the world of romance writing?] narratives by centring a gay romance in an otherwise very "mainstream" setting.

That feels like a clumsy way of saying it - what I mean is that this isn't a "gay scene" centred storyline, but a storyline where the background scenery is made up of diplomatic relations, state visits, elite parties...

Also it's somewhat/lots raunchier than yer average Hallmark movie. NB I seem to remember at least one review where the gay reviewer wasn't a fan of the style choices made in the love scene/s as, if I recall, being created too much With Hetero Viewers In Mind - and ofc fair enough, if that's how it came across to them... And I'm not here to attempt to "disprove" or "invalidate" that person's POV - which I don't have data to do anything with other than accept as useful fresh, additional intel. NOPE to that! I did, though, take some comfort from learning a bit about the director's own background. This made it feel to me like a sincere set of choices i.e. rather than being a purely cynical Gay Love Monetisation Move by a non-LGBTQIA+ director.

Having enjoyed RWARB ver' much, I was zero % surprised that Casey McQuiston's writing is sharp, witty, engaging and full of the screwball goofiness I associate with GREAT romcoms & also having some serious topics lightly submerged just beneath the frothy surface.

And I absolutely love me some time travel romance with a slice of time origin mystery to solve. Also this subject matter is likely to play better for me than a story that is i) political and ii) super-elite and I say this fully acknowledging how ridiculous that is in light of my many dedicated years as an enjoyer of Regency romances. [Can't quite get over how MANY of the British ruling class during those few decades managed to find themselves Inheriting Impoverished Estates Whilst Hot or Being Rescued From Terrible Guardians by Decent Men Who Are Unexpectedly Gently Born and Wealthy.]

Yeah, I loved it. I thought the implausible sx on the subway scene was super hot - I successfully managed to suspend my disbelief. I thought the resolution to the time-slip problem worked well, actually (even though the getting-them-out-of-it arguably matters less in these types of stories than the fun of getting-them-into-it). And - esp liked the ensemble cast that supported the present day MC throughout.

[agumonger]

tangent! "being a man".

tangent! how i overthink things

tangent! how i finally figured it out and realized i am, indeed, just a cis dude

it really helped me to realize that while i don't want to be an andrew tate alphahead fast cars football materialism hiding your emotions type man, and i don't want to be a femboy either, i do want to be the kind of man that irradiates a wholesome energy, maybe a bit wacky, but not without a certain kind of wisdom, nerdy but not the petty incel entitled um akshually type, i want to have healer animal talker character type energy, i want to have gentle giant energy, bob ross energy, posy energy, i want to be fascinated by life and by humanity and make people feel like the time they spend with me is time that counts, i want to make them feel safe, loved, supported. i want to create beautiful things, i want to make people go through emotions with what i make, perhaps even discover something about themselves. i want to be warm and approachable and strange and unpredictable and hilarious and idealistic. i want to believe in things like love, honesty and kindness

that's the kind of man i want to be

the detachment that i always felt from traditional masculinity was never truly about aesthetic, or about gender identity, it was always about the toxicity. it's not about dysphoria - i've actually learned to like my body, too. i'm not a demiboy or agender or nb or anything of the sort, i just. don't like the extremely narrow definition of what masculinity is supposed to be, but i don't feel attracted towards the other side either, which is why i always hesitated to speak up about my issues, like "can i really say i'm Not Attached to my Own Gender(TM) if the idea of wearing makeup or a pearl necklace or a skirt clearly makes me glitch out?" was always the question that made me stay silent. "you're overthinking", i told myself, "you're not inventing Masculinity 2 you're just Some Guy. don't be so full of yourself"

and like, actually, yeah of course! of course i'm just some guy! i kept looking at the issue backwards. i kept asking myself "am i really a man?" when the question was "is the stupid ass alpha male method the only valid way to be a cis man, without being labeled as queer?" which, yeah, i am queer (bi) but still!! of course not! of course that's not the only valid way. it's just the most common one that dudes follow, but it doesn't have to be like that

i'm not *not* a man, i'm just not macho and that's different. and yes, 90% of people would consider my outward appearance to still be milquetoast and basic and normal as fuck and that's okay as well. i'm not the type that obsessively hates everything related to the alpha/chad aesthetic thing either

and yeah you might be like "but jojo, you had a gender questioning phase? but you seem as regular vanilla as dudes go! look at you talking about videogames in a hoodie and jeans and a buzzcut" and you would be absolutely right. i just think Too Much About Things

bonus points for reading this: how many male fictional characters with a similar vibe do you know. because i'll probably love them. i love every character that has been written with the understanding that men can be sensitive and sincere with their emotions and vulnerable AND that difference doesn't have to imply any orientation or specific special label of gender identity AND that sensitivity is to be understood and respected and not laughed at

fun fact this is why i love himbos so fucking much. because they got the traditionally masculine aesthetic that i'm hopelessly attracted to (though i wouldn't apply it to myself) but also the potential for genuine sensitivity and kindness and gentleness. emotional intelligence

i think this phase of self-discovery and overthinking that started around lockdown is probably over.

extra bonus points for reading: whatever rappers had goin on aesthetically in the mid 2000s. that. bring it back idc

[thethiefandtheairbender]

so often the core of tragedy in literature / media is the singularity of it. it’s a unique loneliness, a set of circumstances or choices that couldn’t have happened any other way, an inevitability that robs you of possibility. 

it makes me think of the critiques atla faces sometimes, of katara’s one southern tribe elder being painted as a monster / manipulating and abusing her, to a degree. but i think in some ways that’s the point. sometimes imperialism can break a society down so much that elders become warped and hurtful/harmful to the youth. sometimes injustice and trauma means that the support system you’re presented with is so incredibly limited and fractured that you feel as though you have no other options. “no choice.” 

jet is similar. he was just starting to rebuild his life when the nation he was fighting to protect killed him. and it’s not as though the gaang doesn’t take violent resistance against the fire nation either in similar ways with prison breaks, rebellions, approving of and disrupting trade routes, commandeering ships, blowing up factories, etc etc. they just do their best to avoid hurting civilians on either side. but jet learns that lesson too late. then he’s a civilian who dies in combat by the hand of an earth kingdom citizen, the same way much of the town he drowned would’ve been. 

tragedy is inherent on a singular narrative. there cannot be a reconciliation. there cannot be a second chance. that’s what makes it a tragedy. it may not be your thing, and it may not be what you think was right or the most sensitive for the story outright, but there is merit in it. 

[shivrgf]

not to be homophobic on pride month but some people are unfortunately straight stop trying to headcanon them as gay especially if they’re real people but sometimes even tv show characters are just straight

[eruthiawenluin]

[thesiltverses]

Apologies as I think this is going to be a strange message, but it's important to me and I've been sitting on it a while. You write about romance and love as a whole in a way I've only seen from aromantics.

Love of any kind as seperate from the things we use the word as a placeholder for: presented just as a netural thing, an emotion, a tool, and occasionally even a driving force (for harm or help, though so often consumptive in your writing). And I see how often you play with the common perception that romance is somehow the ultimate relationship, that it somehow "completes" people (heck, E1 of Eskew is a play on "finding your other half", right?).

This is beyond just Carpenter (though thank you greatly for her), and I really value it. Also wanted to acknowledge how queer a podcast The Silt Verses is without any active romance (come to think of it no romance, or all members of one, have survived the show thus far). Queer romance is important, but also a lot easier to find, and if you happen to be aro, or ace, or nb/trans, the whole "love is love" thing doesn't mean a whole lot.

Take care, my best to you both, and thanks again both for the incredible show and your patience in reading this.

Thank you so much for writing this and it's not a strange message at all!

I'm just honestly, incredibly happy that the show's writing resonates with you like this - thank you very sincerely for listening and very warmest wishes to you as well.

[sqbr]

thoughts, under a cut since it's the sort of thing I would leave as a comment if tumblr made that easier, and is not intended as a clear and bright statement of opinion.

As a trans biromantic asexual, I tend to use "cisheteronormativity" as a catch-all term for the whole mess of prejudices and assumptions I encounter, versus "allonormativity" etc individually.

But there are times, such as in queer spaces, where I encounter what is very specifically prejudice against asexuals/assumptions that everyone is sexual separate to heteronormativity (there's usually also some transphobia mixed in there too, but sometimes it's less obvious, and I realised I was ace before I realised I was trans)

So, sincerely: How would you then describe that? If allonormativity isn't the right term, what is? Ace-phobia I guess? That doesn't entirely capture the full extent of the relevant social attitudes about sex, and flattens a wide range of kinds of bias into active prejudice.

Also, while the two aren't equivalent, a lot of these criticisms also apply to "heteronormativity", but that's still a useful term despite often being used in ways which erase the experiences of marginalised people who are seen as being in some way "het" (including, but not limited to, actual straight people).

Thinking back to my times in the wlw discourse trenches: I think biphobia and lesbophobia are sometimes useful concepts but am very uncomfortable whenever people use terms or framings which treat "attraction-to-a-single-gender-normativity" or "attraction-to-the-opposite-sex-normativity" as dichotomies lumping the-other-kind-of-wlw in with straight women. Is it like that? In that case I can see the argument, but still think dismissing it all as "our society has an emphasis on love and sex that is harmful to many people" undercuts the specific negative experiences of and active prejudice towards asexual and aromantic people. Maybe "allonormativity" and "amatonormativity" aren't the best terms but we need something.

nb I may not be able to actually reply to any replies. And here's hoping this doesn't set off discourse because I do not have the energy :/

i fully believe that de-centering romantic and/or sexual relationships as the endgame of human companionship is unequivocally a good thing but 'amatonormativity' and 'allonormativity' as concepts are so completely the wrong framework to meaningfully accomplish this. so often these words are used to group what love and sex mean to groups who have historically been denied those things (such as gay/trans and disabled people for starters) under the same umbrella as what they mean to groups that actually uphold and benefit from the cultural norms surrounding them, which is, when you get down to it, still just the usual suspects. it's patriarchy. it's white supremacy. it's capitalism.

the idea that our society has an emphasis on love and sex that is harmful to many people is just straight up true. but it's next to useless to have words to describe this phenomenon that make no attempt to account for 1. which types of romance and sex are considered desirable and socially rewarded 2. what kind of people are allowed/rewarded for romantic & sexual behavior vs what kind of people are denied/punished for it and most importantly 3. What social forces and power structures are responsible for this

[thecolorblockcurator]

I’m so very sorry that people are being so shitty and I sincerely hope you’re able to have a good day anyway. 🧡

Thank you, I am having a good day - it really sweet to see all the supportive comments too. Like genuinely I feel the support.

I feel pretty detached from it actually. More protective for all the other NB, queer, and trans people who follow me.

i absolutely want it to be clear this isn’t a space for hateful people