#since it came out in japan a few months ago so i knew it's what i am meant to do on my birthday. which meant crying a lot at midnight.

[cloudbends]

im trying to work (futile) (been rewriting the same sentence for ten minutes) i dont really have any recs but have u seen look back yet? ive heard good things but i havent had the time to watch it sadly

(Head in hands in agony) I've seen it and it changed my life forever . You have to watch it rumi. Genuinely masterful adaptation of the source material which is one of the few mangas that I own physically and means a whole whole lot to me.

Also you and me both I too am trying to work to no avail

[cottonlemonade]

Accidental Confession

word count: 1228 || avg. reading time: 5 mins.

pairing: post-time skip!Nishinoya x chubby!Reader

genre: fluff

warnings: spoilers

request: watching Goosebumps, having caramel popcorn while dressed as a pirate (accidental confession) with Noya || fluffy, accidental confession with Noya

Noya leaned closer to the bowl and took a deep, happy sniff of the soup. It was pouring outside and originally he wanted to meet a few new friends to go fishing again but as adventurous as he was, he didn’t feel like catching a cold along with the fish. So, he resigned himself to sitting in the small restaurant he found a few days ago, enjoying a slow afternoon with you and his latest travel companion, Saruta. The little seaside town he had settled in for the time being was a narrow one like someone had pushed a bunch of houses as close to the shore as possible to save space. No building was higher than two stories, a stark contrast to the many impressive metropoles he had seen during his world tour so far. He usually never spent more than a week in one place. He wanted to see as much as possible after all before his sense of duty - as well as his parents - called him back to Japan. But here, in this tiny hamlet with nothing to do after 6 p.m., Noya stayed for almost a whole month now. And all because he met you the minute he stepped off the ferry. Much like his high school self he definitely still believed in love at first sight, however, the more he got to know you, the quicker he realized that none of what he had ever experienced with anyone in Miyagi came even close to how he felt about you.

You were daring and witty, strong and beautiful and if he could have proposed to you on that first night he would have. But if he learned anything in school that stuck it was that his previous approaches to flirting and dating weren’t exactly well-received and often described as “coming on too strong”. And since he didn’t want to mess up his chances under any circumstances, he resigned himself to pining and made a pact with himself instead. To pad his funds a bit he had joined some oyster shuckers and decided that once he found a pearl he’d confess. Unfortunately, he grossly overestimated how long it would take him to find one and chickened out immediately when a tiny pinkish thing rolled into his palm on the second day. Soon enough he carried around a small handful of them in an empty TicTac container. They weren’t worth much, all being roughly the size and shape of a corn of sushi rice but a local girl who was selling self-made jewelry turned them into a necklace in exchange for him manning her stall while she went to grab lunch.

You excused yourself to the bathroom, leaving the two young men behind. Noya already knew what was coming before his friend even started.

“Hope you realize, I feel myself age while I‘m waiting for you to make a move.“, Saruta said.

“I‘ll do it soon.“, Noya replied automatically as he looked at his almost empty bowl, considering ordering seconds.

The other raised a highly doubtful brow, “Now, where have I heard this before? Oh yeah. You, last week. Come on, it‘s not that deep. If she likes you back, great, if not, you just move on and will forget about her in no time.“

Noya glared at him, making Saruta raise his hands in defense, “Look, you have the necklace ready, it‘s her birthday tomorrow, probably some stars are aligning as well, just do it.“

“Right, I meant to ask you about something.” Noya reached into his pocket and pulled out a heavily crumpled piece of paper.

“What’s that?”

His friend smoothed out the note and skimmed the short text.

“Well, what does it look like?”

“Birthday wishes - but I’m not seeing any kind of confession here.”

Noya ignored him.

“Could you translate it for me?”

“Why? She knows Japanese.”

“I know, but I wanna do it in her native language and you’re the only one I can ask.”

“Have you heard of the internet?”, Saruta asked sarcastically, pushing the paper back across the table.

Noya waved him off. “I don’t trust online translations to make it sound natural. Plus, no program is gonna correct my pronunciation, hm?” He batted his eyes pleadingly and with pointed fingers gently slid the note to Saruta once again.

“Fine. But you’re paying for dessert.”

In all his time at school, Noya had never studied as hard as he did that night. Huddled together in the cramped hostel room they shared with 10 other guys, Noya and Saruta went through the note again and again until the latter threatened to smother Noya with a pillow if he repeated the words in his presence one more time.

The following morning the former libero made sure to dress in his best (aka cleanest) clothes and hurried to meet you outside at the pier as previously agreed.

His steps slowed when he spotted your chubby silhouette waiting. The morning air was icy even without much wind. Seagulls cawed sleepily as they patrolled the shore. The sun was just beginning to rise, coloring the horizon in tones of lavender and gold.

Noya reached into his jacket to double-check that the necklace and cheat sheet for his birthday wishes were in place.

“Y/n!”, he called and you turned around, giving him the most arresting smile.

“Yuu! Not gonna lie, I thought you overslept.”

“Not today.”, he laughed nervously and joined you at the railing that separated the street from the beach.

“I wasn’t sure why you wanted to meet so early but…”, you pointed towards the sun steadily climbing over the calm waves, “this is gorgeous.”

“Yeah…”, he said, most definitely not paying attention to the sunrise in the slightest.

When you caught him staring, he cleared his throat and pulled the little tule bag containing the necklace from his pocket. He held it out to you.

“For you.”, he added unnecessarily.

“Oh, thank you so much! You didn’t have to get me anything.”, you beamed at him and the cold October morning suddenly felt a whole lot warmer.

He took a deep breath and although stumbling over a few words here and there he recited his short speech.

“Happy birthday! I need you to know that from the moment I saw you, I knew I was in love. I can’t stop thinking about you and if you’ll have me, I’d love to be your boyfriend.”

Your jaw dropped, then you began to blush and finally you clutched his gift to your heart when he finished.

“I really like you, too!”, you replied in Japanese. Noya stiffened and his heart pounded in his ears.

“You what?”

“I really like you, too!”, you said again, a little quieter but still carrying the same enthusiasm, “And I’d love to be with you.”

The realization dawned in time with the sun. He didn’t know whether to kill Saruta or kiss him. It should have been obvious from that smile he gave him before bed.

With trembling fingers, he helped you put on the necklace, the different hues of the pearls shimmering in the golden gray morning light.

You hesitated for a moment, then stepped forward and closed the gap between you for your first kiss.

In every photo he took on his travels from this day on you were by his side, necklace and all.

a/n: That necklace 100% made an appearance on your wedding photo, too.

request for @mikayla1117

Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to finally write for him! Also thank you so much for your kind words 🥹 I hope you enjoyed it!

for requests see here

[taruusmoon]

BABY DON’T CRY TONIGHT

Pariring: Bada Lee x Jessica Dal (OC)

Genre: angst

Warning: angst. Used of Korean name Dal which means Moon.

˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗

Jessica had always been confident; she had grown up with a father who encouraged her to be better and a mother who told her every day that she was an amazing kid. Since she was a child, many of the people around her supported her, and some children held her up as a role model. Her future was promising, or so she had been told by one of her maternal aunts who had the gift of palm reading. 

     "You will be successful, but you are destined to suffer for love before you are completely happy” she once told her when she visited her family in Colombia for the first time after a while at the age of fifteen. But at that time and until a month ago, Jessica had not believed what her aunt told her. Of course she believed in fate and the gift, but five years earlier she had met the love of her life and was completely sure she would not suffer for love, or so she thought. 

     In 2018, five years ago, Jessica came to JustJerk to be part of the staff, YoungJ discovered her potential, and along with him, so did Bada Lee when she first saw her audition at the academy.

Bada was by far one of the most promising dancers at the academy; her career was on the rise, and for Jessica, it was inevitable not to feel a little attracted to the girl. So when they finally met officially, the connection they had even before they spoke to each other became even stronger. Without being able to help it, only a year later they became best friends, but the feelings grew even more beyond friendship, and while they were in Japan due to an academy competition, Jessica confessed her feelings to Bada under the sound of windchimes, and it was reciprocated. 

    But now, six months after the competition in Japan their relationship has changed, and Jessica doesn't know the reason. But she stood there in the corridors of the academy looking for her girlfriend after walking in the pouring rain with a waterproof jacket that barely covered her.

Carefully Jessica took off her wet black jacket, placed it on the floor, trying not to get the floor wetter, and then turned her gaze to her girlfriend. Bada was leaning against the large mirror that covered one of the walls of the practice room. She had her legs crossed and her eyes closed. She knew Jessica was in front of her, but she didn't feel like talking. It had been like that for the last month. 

     “I saw Howl coming out of the academy, and as soon as he saw me, he looked down” Jessica said as she slowly walked towards Bada. Lately, it was the only way she had to approach her girlfriend so as not to make her uncomfortable or make her leave. “Was he with you? Did you talk about anything?”

     “No.”

Bada opened her eyes and stood up. Jessica stopped in the middle of the room, watching the other girl head over to the stereo to unplug her phone and start picking up the cables. She had been practicing all afternoon, creating choreography for a future academy video. 

     “I heard Tata say that you and Howl have been hanging out lately. I don't mean to pry, but I'd like to know what you're talking about; after all, you haven't spoken since...”

     “Since you and I started dating” Bada interrupted without looking at Jessica.

     “Yes, seven months ago, to be exact.”

Both were silent for at least a minute. Bada had many things on her mind, but mainly the conversation she had with Howl a few minutes ago, and Jessica was beginning to despair about the whole situation they were going through. About a month ago, her relationship with Bada had started to decline; the girl was hanging out at the academy, no longer accepting her invitations for dates, and talking to her had become almost impossible since she wasn't answering her texts or calls. 

     “Hyeokjae has been having a hard time, Dal” Bada finally spoke again, and Jessica felt a little strange to hear her call her Dal after a while. “He confessed his feelings to me.”

     “Yeah, but we knew that before we started dating.” Jessica crossed her arms and clenched her jaw. She had a sneaking suspicion that the conversation was going to lead to a new fight. 

   “I thought it was a simple attraction, but he's really in love with me; he's been suffering because of us, and he doesn't deserve it." Bada slowly turned to face Jessica from a distance. “We've been spending time together, and I think I realized something.”

Jessica swallowed hard, then took a long breath. She frowned slightly and began to deny. Without answering anything, she turned to walk in the direction of her jacket. She was ready to leave and avoid the conversation that was coming; if she ignored him, it wasn't going to happen, and she was willing to play the blind girl’s role if it meant that Bada wasn't going to leave her. 

     “I think we should take some time, Dal” Bada muttered with a trembling voice. Jessica paused with her eyes fixed on the door, her back to Bada, as she clenched the sleeve of her sweater tightly, wondering what she had done wrong to end up like this. "I'm not saying we're going to end it but I think we should back off a little, at least until Howl gets over it a little and...

     “Do you love me, Bada?” Jessica blurted out suddenly, turning around with glassy eyes and a lump in her throat, causing the other girl to frown a little confused.

“I don't think this has anything to do with what I said before.”

      “Except that it does. because I'm sure I love you but I'm not so sure you do because if you did, you wouldn't be asking me something like this.”

      “Howl was my friend Dal.” Bada wrinkled his nose as she blinked rapidly to keep tears from forming in shis eyes. Somehow, she thought Jessica would agree to give herself some time and understand her decision. 

     “He was my friend too! My best friend in fact, but I chose us, I chose you” Jessica pointed an accusing finger at Bada inching closer and closer. So answer me!

      “I'm sorry.”

      “I don't want you to apologize!”

“Then I don't know what you want!” Bada shouted, looking straight into the girl's brown eyes, which were flooded with tears. “I just can't take it anymore, Jessica. It's not just because of Hyeokjae; everyone hates us. The looks of dislike from people at the academy, from people who used to be our friends.” Bada frowned, not knowing what else to say as she ran the back of her hand across her cheek, wiping the tears that fell from her eyes. She couldn't figure out at what point they stopped being Dal and Bada—the ocean in love with the moon— She felt her heart break. “I don’t know what else you want from me”

Jessica closed her eyes in frustration, the mere fact that Bada called her Jessica managed to make her tense up immediately because she never called her that; she always called her Dal or some affectionate nickname, but the last few days—since Bada had started talking to Howl to be exact—the cute nicknames and the Dal had disappeared, and now she managed to understand the reason. And there was also the fact that what Bada said was true; since seven months ago, when they had started dating, their former friends stopped talking to them; each and every one of them took the side of the "hurt" Howl. The looks of dislike towards the two were hurtful, but when Bada wasn't around, Jessica got the worst of it because, behind her back, she could hear many calling her insensitive and a traitor.

“Do you really wonder what I want?” Jessica asked with a trembling lower lip, not waiting for an answer. I want you to tell me that you love me. “I...I was friendless because I was selfish to fall in love with the same girl my best friend was in love with” she paused for a moment to take a long breath to quiet the sob that was struggling to come out. Bada averted her gaze to the wall behind Jessica, pursing her lips and feeling more tears fall down her cheeks. “And I know I'm a shitty person because of that. I understand and accept it, but I didn't regret it because I had you, and that was enough. But now you come to tell me that Hyeokjae feels bad and he doesn't deserve this.”

     “Jess...”

     “They put his happiness and mine on a scale, and you don't even hesitate to choose him. I didn't doubt for a second to choose you, Bada. You wonder what I want? The truth is, I don't think I want anything from you anymore.”

The two were silent again for a few short seconds. Bada not knowing what to say because her decision is final, but the pain that settles in her chest makes it impossible for her to say it loudly, Jessica inwardly prepared herself to give the last blow, almost sure that it will be in her favor. 

     “I'm not going to give you time." Jessica said, her voice trembling, "There are only two choices, Bada; you're done with me for good or you choose me. 

     Bada stared at Jessica without saying anything, and after long seconds, when she finally found courage, she approached her girlfriend to wrap her in a tight hug. Silently apologizing for what she was about to do. Jessica could breathe easily again; however, she couldn't help but feel selfish again, but the warmth of Bada's arms made her forget a little. 

     “Forgive me Jessica” Bada whispered, pressing her cheek against her girlfriend's hair. Then Jess' heart started up again, beating frantically against her chest. “Please, forgive me.”

     Carefully Bada took Jessica's arms to remove them from her waist, and with crystal clear eyes, she looked down, meeting the reddish eyes and confused expression on Jessica's face. Without a word, Bada cradled her girlfriend's face in her hands, closed her eyes tightly, and pressed her lips against Jessica's giving her a kiss that tasted of pain and tears. Neither of them moved for long seconds, both knowing it was their goodbye kiss.

      “Why are you doing this, Bada? You wouldn't be able to do this to me” Jessica threw her head back and whispered with tear streaked cheeks. “I'm never going to forgive you.”

     “I know, I'm sorry, i don’t want you to cry for me.” Bada ran his thumb over Jessica's cheeks, wiping away the tears while biting her lower lip trying to keep her own sobs and tears. “Please, don’t cry anymore”

     With a slight pitiful smile, Bada took a step back and walked past Jessica, who kept her gaze fixed on the mirror, watching as the girl picked up her practice bag and then headed for the door.

     “If you go through that door, there will be no turning  back." Jessica blurted out in a plaintive tone of voice and almost in a whisper, making Bada stop with her hand on the door handle. She hesitated; it was more than clear to her that she was not sure about what she was going to do, but the decision was made, so she opened the door and finally crossed it. “You... You will regret it, but it will be too late.”

Is this what a broken heart feels like? Jessica thought as she brought her hands to her chest and then let out a painful moan that filled the room. As soon as Bada had closed the door behind her, her chest began to ache more intensely than before, her legs faltered until she was on her knees on the floor and sobs began to come out along with hot tears. She didn't know how long she stood with her face pressed against the floor as she cried but the door suddenly opened again.

      “Jessica!” Tatter's muffled cry echoed through the room, and she immediately ran to her friend to take her in her arms. Bada had looked for her in the other practice room and in tears had asked her to go with Jessica. “I need you to breathe Dal, please don't cry anymore.”

      “I can't Tata, why do I feel so bad?”

     Taeyoung closed her eyes and squeezed Jessica tighter, she felt bad for the girl in her arms, and also for the other girl she knew was on the other side of the door being hold between Lusher’s arms.

      “You're going to be okay Dal.”

˗ ˏ ˋ ♡ ˎˊ ˗

N/A: just some angst to present Jessica before i drop the first ep of the rock band au🙇🏽‍♀️. Eng is not my first lenguaje so I’m sorry if something it’s not grammatically correct.

Hope u enjoy it

[heareriissmau]

title: what happened in kyoto? pairing: uraraka ochako x bakugo katsuki word count: 4,034 genre: fluff, comedy, a bit mystery, quirk accident synopsis: in which uravity is entangled in a dating rumor with great explosion murder god dynamight, who she apparently met secretly in kyoto. ochako doesn't remember anything, so katsuki helps her remember.

rumors. the bane of ochako's existence. well, not really. though, she does have a fair share of crazy rumors surrounding her since her first few months as a public figure. that she came from a wealthy family; absolutely bonkers. that she was the first woman to go to the moon; conspiracy theory at most but a nice try at least. that she floated mt. lady in her giant form and when she released her, it quaked the earth's core so bad it led to a tsunami.

point is rumors always had been strange.

as strange as this article shoved into her face via mina's phone in the middle of lunch break. ochako had to squint and pull herself back from the phone to focus her sight on the led screen.

DYNAVITY CONFIRMED?: PRO-HEROES DYNAMIGHT AND URAVITY SPOTTED LEAVING SAME APARTMENT IN KYOTO

her eyes squinted even further by the absurdity of it all.

"it's trending, ochako!" mina exclaims, unapologetically amused by the whole thing. the phone now in her hands, ochako slides the window to the trending page and sees a handful of words trending on twitter related to this specific article.

OCHAKO URARAKA

BAKUGO KATSUKI

URAVITY

DYNAMIGHT

COUPLE GOALS

oh. ochako's favorite singer is trending, too. did something happen-

"why were you in the same apartment together?!"

"mina, we haven't seen bakugo in three months. he's europe, remember?" ochako says matter-of-factly, further investigating updates about her favorite singer. turns out it was a pre-release announcement, which she already knew. she returns the phone. "how in the world could i possibly meet up with him? and in kyoto?"

her argument was true. a team was assigned for a project mission a few months back, led by katsuki. it was a volunteer type of project, which ochako obviously didn't sign up for. her quirk is enough to give her enough nausea, let alone taking planes to go to the other side of the world. plus, momo, tsuyu, tooru, kyouka, denki, shoto, and mezo already put their names on the roster before ochako thought about it.

last time she checked their (class turned into) agency group chat, their mission had already finished weeks ago. denki and the others insisted on having some more fun before going back to japan, so maybe there's a part of ochako that's a bit envious she didn't join.

let's track back. she has not seen bakugo and company for almost four months now, however ochako forgets the person she was talking to is mina. "i don't know? maybe you two were actually in a secret relationship we had no idea about." mina humors herself, knowing full well the rumor is stupid but insists on annoying ochako anyway.

"i would love for you to let me eat my lunch in peace."

"girl, this rumor is on rampage. what's peace anymore once you step out of this agency?"

"i'll just deny it."

"with the help of who? your boss?"

"uh? yeah?"

"ochako... bakugo is our boss."

ochako pinches the bridge of her nose, staring at her untouched bento box. "never mind then. my other boss."

then said other boss spawning inside the breakroom like this is a whole comedy skit purposefully hurting ochako's overworked brain. "europe team is coming home tonight," izuku announced to the girls with a bright smile on his face. he takes the seat across ochako to begin his lunch break.

"must be exciting to see your boyfriend after a long while, uraraka," he teased.

"we are not turning this into a bit." ochako considers clocking out immediately and floating herself into space.

"where the hell did the person get this picture from anyway?" mina zooms in the picture, observing the masked and capped heads of the rumored couple. noting that the height difference is similar to ochako's and katsuki's. "is somebody out to get you, ochako?"

ochako raked her mind for any possibility she's been in kyoto with katsuki. "have i ever been to kyoto, actually?"

izuku looks back at her and swallows the katsudon down. "don't look at me like i know where you are all the time."

"you're supposed to be my best friend in this situation."

"i am your best friend." izuku shrugs, "but whatever happens in kyoto, stays in kyoto, i guess," and casually sends mina into hysterics.

ochako misses when izuku was a shy, stupid mess around her.

⸻

her patrol ends a lot peacefully than anticipated. not that she wanted it to happen, but she was fully expecting to have reporters shoving themselves into her personal space and asking unwanted questions.

maybe the rumor wasn't as big as social media platforms made it out to be? it wasn't a bad assumption until eijiro and hanta bombarded her with an interrogation halfway through her patrol because they apparently heard about the rumors through fans?

and they resorted to asking her instead because katsuki was leaving them on seen? ochako had to be honest with them. it might be true that it was her and katsuki in that picture (because it really did look like them but that's besides the point), but they are definitely not dating.

she doesn't remember being affiliated with katsuki in any other way aside from being friends, so it couldn't be anything serious.

the image was taken ages ago, too (cleared up by a thread under that very tweet, which doesn't really help anything). only hilariously posted today for some reason. people were that bored, ochako guesses.

she shuts her locker after changing to her casual clothes. hell class agency wasn't strict with dress code so it helps to go back to a regular person after hero work, or at least what the girls demanded izuku and katsuki to implement as one of the house rules during the making of their agency.

getting ready to go back to her apartment, ochako checks her phone for updates on their group chat. it seems the europe team is back, and the girls initiated a welcome home party at mina's place. ochako now knows whose bed she'll be crashing onto for the night.

"if it isn't my rumored girlfriend."

not his. that's for sure.

ochako stumbles upon katsuki at the main hall on her way to the elevator. "what are you doing here?" she asked. it's 6pm, an hour past since she clocked out for her second to the last shift of the week.

the hall is eerily quiet with them being the only people sucking the oxygen in the entire room. she hadn't been expecting to see him again this early. as much as ochako was aware, europe team didn't need to head to the agency once touched down to japan. they're very much permitted to go straight to a three-day break before adjusting back to their usual shifts. plus, there's a party going on.

then again, katsuki wasn't a party person. leave it to eijiro to probably pop out of nowhere and drag his ass to mina's apartment. except eijiro already clocked out ages ago.

katsuki deadpans, "not even a welcome back? you wound your boyfriend, cheeks."

ochako stared at him like she's looking at a literal alien, whose head was shaped like a goddamn toe.

katsuki snorts and lifts up a hand to pinch her cheek. ochako wonders if europe air infected his brain somehow, "welcome back to japan, i guess. have tsu and tooru headed home already?" she notices he arrived at the office empty-handed. he could've gone straight to the office after dropping off his baggage at his apartment. if it seemed he wasn't here for izuku nor eijiro, what is he doing here then?

"yeah, off to pinky's." he stuffs both his hands inside the front pockets of his comfy-looking black hoodie. wait, since when did he steal her backpack and sling it over his shoulder? "you going home? let's grab dinner. i'm starving."

so, this is happening now.

they sat down in a pub, a few blocks near the office. as suggested by ochako since katsuki asked her what kind of food she wanted. mapo tofu would totally hit the spot right now, and it just so happened the guy who asked her out was craving the same thing.

she opened the conversation about the type of food they had overseas as they waited for their orders. ochako knew katsuki wasn't usually fond of small talk, but it surprised her to see him actively respond to any curiousity she had about their trip.

"y'know, if you're this curious, you should'a tagged along," he raises an eyebrow at her, while she furrows her brows and bashfully looks elsewhere. "there's always a next time."

"right."

for any average person, this will be considered as a date. not because it's a man and a woman sitting at the same booth together. no, no, no. but because, of all seats available, katsuki chose the one right next to ochako. this woman even remembers the way this man pushed the cushioned, wooden chair a bit closer to her before he sat down. she could've been hallucinating too, however, the way their shoulders always collided was enough to confirm she wasn't hallucinating.

is this a date? god, please give ochako an answer right now.

but what's gonna happen once she finds out it is a date?

"ain'tcha a bit stiff over there?" she jumps at katsuki's remark. her eyes landed on his on reflex, and she found him in a white oversized shirt that hung over his shoulders snugly. that hoodie looked good on him, dang. it's a bit hot in this pub, considering it's a public location. maybe that's what pub stands for?

she's so famished it's distracting. "you look nice."

... ochako.

seemed to be having way too much fun, katsuki snorted a laugh and turned away from her. ochako was clearly tired as she slumped in her chair and pouted at his reaction. "for someone who got off an airplane, you're awfully energetic."

"my bad." he composes himself and wipes a tear. "sorry 'bout that, cheeks.

"just missed you, is all."

...

...

"wh-"

"two orders of mapo tofu-"

ochako remembers how to breathe.

now what in the world just happened?

the waiter placed the orders on their table as ochako examined her situation. look, between friends, saying you missed them is normal. missing your friends is normal. is she friends with katsuki? yes. does she also miss katsuki? yes. but has katsuki ever been open with his emotions like this? no. has he ever said to anyone, anyone at all, that he missed them? no. was ochako the first one (at least of her knowledge) to be told by katsuki that he missed her?

yes.

alright. this has got to be a date.

he pushes a plate of mochi before her. she looks up at him. "that's yours," katsuki says, "my treat today."

'today'??????????

ochako is on a fucking date.

"thanks." she sends herself back to earth. "guess i owe you one?" and flirts? she guessed?

"sure, but i'll pick where to go next," the fucker smirks at her.

"not somewhere expensive, though. i'm saving up." this is going well.

"alright. how you feel 'bout the ramen shop across the street?"

"okay."

"then my turn after."

"have something in mind?"

"there's this garbage movie i wanna see. let's shit on it."

ochako bites her lip from smiling like an idiot, "sounds like a fun date," and slips on her words.

"'course it is. i'm fucking amazing at planning anything."

she turned to him as he gulped his glass of water. he set it down with a smirk.

"even dates."

it's been over thirty minutes and ochako finds it hard to wrap around her head that she's having dinner with katsuki and smoothly planning their next after-shift dates. no. how in the world did the conversation lead to this anyway?

has katsuki bakugo always been this smooth?

"you need to stop hanging out with kaminari," she blurts out in disbelief and she's pretty sure she's a lot pinker than usual. the man dared to laugh at her.

"i take it's working."

no.

what's working?

what's going on?!

what the hell is this tension brewing between them right now?

ochako spiralled over dinner, until she remembered the elephant in the room. her eyes widened after recalling whatever happened at lunch break. katsuki was so good at flirting that it slipped her mind that these two have a dating rumor and the next thing he does after seeing her is flirt with her?!

all this was happening way too organically!

"kyoto?!" she shouts, grabbing his shoulder for dear life. "have i ever been to kyoto?"

i nEvEr BeEn To OoVoO JaVeR- WHAT A STUPID QUESTION, OCHAKO!

"i'm not your stalker, cheeks. how in hell would i know all the places you've been?" the woman inwardly smacks herself in the face, and she does not like how amused her literal boss looked.

oh, my god. this is also her boss. jesus fucking chr-

"why?" ochako wished he would keep his mouth shut for a hot minute and let her think. "wanna go there, again?"

her eyes widened the size of saucers at his question. the bowl of mapo tofu in front of her now forgotten. "you know something?"

katsuki blinked. ochako sputtered as he turned his whole body in her direction. he looked so serious for her liking that she wanted to turn back time to three minutes ago when they were play-flirting.

"i'm sorry. it's just the picture in the post looked real and mina and deku sounded so sure it was us on there. also, deku was cryptic all of a sudden. i really have no idea if i ever been to kyoto. let alone being there with you. you know, because i don't think we hang out that often? just the two of us? this is the first time i hung out with you actually-"

she feels a gentle squeeze on her right hand over the table and sees it's katsuki's hand. "you're blabbering like a machine gun. calm down."

being told to calm down by katsuki bakugo sure is something.

"i had a dream like this before." ochako just lets herself blabber at this point.

"what?" he lets go of her hand.

"you being nice to me."

katsuki had to laugh. "you fucking dream 'bout me?"

ochako shifts in her seat and goes back to her food. she needs that mochi now. "except you're nice to me. it's hard to think it's actually you, or it being a dream since it sounds nightmare-ish."

he snorts and settles his arm around her chair behind her. she notices he already finished eating. ugh, men. "harsh. you should be aware of how much i tolerate you, cheeks.

"it's obvious how sweet i am to you."

ochako choked on her food, which merits a laugh from katsuki. it's literally happening again. there should be something that shifted in europe. there has to be. was he lobotomized?

"can we go back to kyoto, please?"

"pleading now? that's cute, but i just got out of a plane. can't afford another god-forsaken trip."

"that's not what i meant!"

katsuki roars in laughter much to her embarrassment. the pair have now caught the attention of the other patrons of the pub, recognizing the two heroes. hearing various whispers made ochako uncomfortable and had the whim to take her mochi to-go while forcing katsuki to get the bill already.

it would've been an actual nightmare if reporters went and ambushed them.

so here they were. aimlessly walking down the pavement, side-by-side. so close they might as well hold hands. perhaps not aimlessly as ochako notices this is the way to her apartment. he's walking her home.

"lemme just get it outta the way," katsuki begins. ochako listens.

"ashido posted that picture."

"a-"

"she's the one that took it, too."

ochako was beyond baffled but let him continue. it still didn't explain what happened before, during, and after that photo, but she's sure gonna get mina for whatever this was.

"anyway, listen to what i'm about to say. carefully." katsuki stops in his tracks and avoids her eyes, rubbing the back of his neck. "i ain't gonna repeat all this so your loss if you don't pay attention." ochako could've been hallucinating but she saw the way his ears tinted in red underneath the streetlights. katsuki's blushing.

"our agency went to kyoto for all might's birthday. where'd we get the time to do all that? i don't fucking know," he huffs. "i confessed to you that night we left all might's apartment together.

"how we ended up alone together was kirishima and ashido's 'slick ass' plan. that's how pinky ended up taking a photo of us together. i wasn't plotting to confess to you that night, fyi. it happened anyway." katsuki takes a second to check on ochako's reaction. to put it positively, she's short-circuiting.

that's enough confirmation that he had her full attention. "if you're wonderin' if those two idiots know i confessed to you, they do. izuku, too. for some idiotic reason." her own best friend knew. noted. "the reason you don't remember is you got hit by a kid with the most fucked up quirk i could not make up.

"a selective memory loss quirk."

ochako's fingers grazed through her hair and pulled it from the scalp. there was absolutely no way all of this was true. then again, katsuki is anything but a liar. ochako was actually thankful she got this bomb of information from him. if it were anyone else, she wouldn't believe all of this.

"anything that happened that day? wiped from your brain. even those times we planned anything for all might's birthday."

that's not important anymore. "who was the kid?"

"what?"

"did you find the kid?"

"yea?"

"can this be reversed?" ochako wanted to wipe the kid from the face of the earth but that would mean contrasting everything she fought for in the war during their first year.

"nah," katsuki gently takes her hands off her scalp and smooths her hair. "the kid's a spoiled brat. his parents didn't sign the waiver to reverse his quirk on you so you're stuck not knowing."

"but did i ever give you an answer?" ochako was almost pleading.

a corner of his lips tugged upwards. "no. you didn't."

now ochako hates herself.

"you avoided me the rest of the night."

oh god.

"so bad that you collided with that kid in the hallway and you made the brat incredibly fucking upset, he used his quirk on you. then you were unconscious until the ride back here."

ochako wants to die. "none of you helped me remember?"

"y'think i want to relive and explain to you the most vulnerable moment in my life the following days it happened? i think fucking not!" katsuki was beet red. "do you have any idea how awfully embarrassing that was? confessed, didn't get an answer, got fucking avoided, and cockblocked by a stupid little 8-year-old. all in one night."

ochako realizes something. "is that the reason why you suddenly avoided me for a whole month?" all that and he reverted back to normal around her.

for about a week.

"yea, then i got izuku's help organize the mission on europe because i needed to be away from you."

tears welled in her eyes. "i'm sorry, bakugo."

"it's not your fault, uraraka. it's the situation i hated." he lifts a hand to wipe a tear that escaped down her cheek. he pinches her. "still couldn't stand to look at you without getting mad.

"doesn't change the fact how i missed you a fuckton. i had to be in fucking paris of all places, with that dumbass kaminari makin' smooching noises with his dumbass girlfriend."

ochako was finally smiling. "did you ask mina to post that picture?"

"hell no. that nosy bitch is always up on my business. she demanded i make a move on you yet couldn't wait before i land on japan."

"that sucks. i wanted a private relationship, too."

katsuki smirks a-fucking-gain and leans closer. "what's that supposed to mean?"

fight back, ochako. fight back. "wait, if mina hadn't done all that, would you have never told me anything?" she changes the subject, inching back to keep a platonic distance for now.

she watches him heave out a sigh. "no idea, do I still wanna inform you how much i wanna gobble you up whenever i see you? dunno." maybe that was too much information. then again, this whole conversation had been a surge of stark mad info everyone but ochako knew about.

"i'm not asking for a response," katsuki notices her uneasiness. "i get this is a lot to take in. and you know what? i ain't gonna risk another dumbass accident happening to you.

"just know how much you mean to me."

somehow, the mere fact that katsuki bakugo has been in love with her this entire time and, quite frankly, fumbled hard after confessing might be the most mind-boggling fact of the night.

they shared the silence that engulfed them. ochako wasn't sure what to say. this was the first confession she ever experienced in her life. was he even confessing? was he just letting her know? will she avoid him again after this? was the way he flirted with her earlier did the trick somehow? and then it hit her.

ochako tilts her head, "aren't you supposed to be my boss?" katsuki raises an eyebrow at her sudden question. "yea?"

"this is a weird power dynamic, mr. bakugo."

and this is a weird way to flirt.

"we've been long-time friends before i became your boss, cheeks. the hell are you talkin' about?" ochako giggles and waves a hand at him, before gesturing at him to continue their walk back. "you into stuff like that? didn't know you were kinky, damn."

she hits him.

and slides her hand down to his, slipping her fingers between the gaps of his and keeping her pinky hover. she hopes katsuki can't hear how her heart thumped up her throat from the nerves. "i still have a lot of questions."

he gives her hand a squeeze. "i'll answer 'em."

maybe not from the nerves. she huffs, remembering the goddamn elephant in the sidewalk. "and we need to do something about the rumor mina started." she sees katsuki giving her a look from her peripherals. "you're courting me, okay! i didn't answer yet. plus, i did say i wanna keep my private life quiet.

"but i am interested in you. do i feel the same before i had my memories wiped? i'm not sure. i can't remember," she laughs. "i did miss talking to you when you started avoiding me, and i missed your presence even more when you guys left. so i'm really happy you stopped by the office tonight."

she turns to him with the brightest smile that rivaled the sun and how it reflected it's light at the stars.

"i missed you too, bakugo."

"aw, fuck," katsuki manages as he melts down to a squat on the asphalt, covering his face with one hand with the other still squeezing in ochako's grasp.

"wh- what's wrong?!"

"you're so fucking cute." his voice muffled inside his palm. a tint of red spread all over his face down to his neck and it's all ochako's fault.

her smile widens, "c'mon, get up! i still have work tomorrow." the sky has already gotten pretty dark. it must be so late.

"no. i'll call in sick for you tomorrow." he rises up to his feet and drags her down the street. "lemme intrude your apartment for the night, 'kay?" he looks back at her with a mysterious glint on his eyes and ochako did not like it.

"hUh?!" she pulls back. "no! we're not doing that! and don't just decide my sick leaves on your own!"

"cheeks, i just wanted to squeeze you in my arms. why are you resisting so much?"

she stares at him.

he smirks at her

she frowns.

"pervert."

"FUCK OFF!"

katsuki did nothing more than squeeze ochako inside his arms in her bed that night.

[rose-riot-johnson]

Hello my Tumblr Peeps😃👍I decided to work on a different pertaining to myself writing Jujutsu Kaisen fanfics😁👍Months ago, I remember seeing a post about Junpei Yoshino, being under written in terms of fanfics, which I haven't recall seeing fanfics pertaining him to my memory yet, and while knowing how his life ended watching Jujutsu Kaisen has me thinking about what if he was still after Itadori, finished convincing, Junpei to stop attacking people in his school and to come to Jujutsu High, to be 1 of the first years alongside Yuji Itadori (himself), Megumi Fushiguro, and Nobara Kugisaki, as the jujutsu sorcerers. Yes, I get that he's no longer alive, I just wonder about what would happen if he would have been still alive after the conversation with Itadori🪼🪼🪼🪼🪼

*This fanfic contains 1 or more long paragraphs.

🪼Your Protector Junpei🪼 ((Adult) Junpei Yoshino (Jujutsu Kaisen) x afab (assigned female at birth) They/Them Reader)

Genres: Angst, Comfort (possibly at the end), and Fluff(?) (at the end of this fanfic) (Warning⚠️: Bullying, Transphobic People Who Were Bullying The Reader over pronouns, Violence, and Language)

You became the newest first year in Jujutsu High. You weren't sure how things would turn out here. Infact, you weren't sure, if you will make any friends there, since you were bullied alot when you were at the middle school you attended.

When you were in (the middle school reader attended), the other students basically treated you differently, because of (stuff the reader was born with), your "they/them" pronouns and your cursed technique you were born with as well. Well the people you attended the same middle school with, the assume that your "they/them" pronouns and your cursed technique was a disease and treated your "they/them" pronouns and your cursed technique, as such, so they treated you horribly for those reasons. They even called you every horrible name that they know will bother you, distract you in class, push you against the school hallway walls, etc...

When the last day of your eighth grade year (in the middle school you attended) came, you knew you couldn't take anymore abuse from the people you attended middle school with, so you decided to move out of your hometown and out of the school district (you were attending atleast in middle school), to move into the outskirts of Tokyo, Japan. Once you started living in the outskirts of Tokyo, Japan, you met Gojo, who somehow talked you into going into Jujutsu High after you opened up about why the people you attended middle school with bullied you. Gojo explained that what you have is a cursed technique, not a disease and the fact that your "they/them" pronouns also isn't a disease nor something for others to poke fun at. And he mentioned that what else you're born with is not a disease either and what you're born makes you special and he also said same about your "they/them" pronouns, as well. Afterwards that's when Gojo decided to talk you into attending Jujutsu High.

When you first arrived at Jujutsu High, you were frightened of the other Jujutsu Sorcerers who were first years, second years, and third years, however all of the Jujutsu Sorcerers attending Jujutsu High actually turned out surprisingly nice to you and welcomed you with open arms, especially the first years. All of the first years you got to meet were Megumi Fushiguro, Nobara Kugisaki, Yuji Itadori, and Junpei Yoshino.

Junpei was shy with you at first, because of the fact that he has a tendency to blush from just the sight of you, as he knew there are things he likes about you already and it pertains your personality with your inner (beauty and/or handsomeness). However, as a few days went by, Junpei has been talking to you more. He also has been opening up to you more about how he was bullied in middle and how Itadori talked him into going to Jujutsu High. You have also have been opened about the fact that you were also bullied in middle school and on how Gojo talked you into attending Jujutsu High, as well.

Years after both you and Junpei graduated Jujutsu High, both you and Junpei are still close to eachother, however the both of you haven't been able to keep in touch with eachother. So, one night, you decided to call Junpei, as you mentioned how much you missed him and even invited him to met up with you to the cafe, which Junpei was excited about. Next day came and Junpei was really looking forward to seeing you the first time in a long time, as he left his house to met up with you at the cafe. Once he got to the cafe, there was no sign of you, so he tried to call you. He then heard a ringtone to only find out that some other men were bullying you.

The first man was pulling your (hair or ear), as he poked gun at your pronouns as they laughed saying, "Oh! Hello, They/Them! It's nice to meet you, They/Them! Again! Are you a man or woman!", as he continued to laugh. You replied, "I told you! My pronouns are They/Them! Not my name, you jerks!", as the other man slapped your face, punched you in the stomach, and yanked your (hair also or other ear), as he laughed and said, "There's no gender called They/Them! Only man or woman! So, which one are you, (Mr. or Miss), They/Them!".

Junpei had enough of what those men are doing to you, as he walked over and shouted, "Hey! leave them, alone! They did nothing to you!". Both of the men laughed, as the first man meanly joked, "What do you mean "Leave them alone" and "They did nothing to us!". Unless your talking about this (man or woman) claiming to be they/them, which that's (his/her) name!". Then the second man also meanly joked, "Isn't that right They/Them!". You then angrily replied, "My name's not They/Them! Those are my pronouns...", as the second man punch you in the face where he put a black and blue mark on you.

Both other men laughed, as the first man said, "There's no such thing as pronouns They/Them! There's only man or woman!", as Junpei then kicked the second man in the shins, so hard he had a hard time getting back up, while Junpei punched the first man, so hard, atleast a few of his teeth got knocked out. Junpei then turned his attention to both of the men, as he said, "I said leave them alone! You actually think this is funny being cruel to people by beating them up for having specific pronouns that aren't he/him/his nor she/her! What a couple assholes you are! That's my significant other you almost killed and you transphobes still find that funny that you could have killed them, so if you damn well go after my significant other again or even try to go after me, there will be hell to pay, you heartless bastards!", as he then gave them an intimidating look, as it shows them that both of the men should be scared, as both of them ran away, as fast as both of these men can.

After both of these men left, Junpei then said to you, "I get that beating those men who harmed you and meanly poked fun at your expense over your pronouns, isn't going to change those men at all, even if it did, there will always be someone who will always take both of those mens' role(s) of being total assholes and bullies, pronouns or anything else, especially for the most petty reasons ever, however the one thing I know what I said and did, change... I just have a feeling those men won't try to poke fun at you nor harm you anymore...", as he then kissed your forehead. He then went straight to taking you to his house, since he wanted to take care of you, since he has plenty of ice packs, to help work the bruses those men caused on you. Once took you to his place, he pretty much told you that you will be spending some nights at his house, until you bruises heal up.

As you held the ice pack on the bruised part of your face, you then asked, "Junpei? From earlier today, when you protected me, why did you tell those men that I'm your significant other?". Junpei then replied, "Look, (afab (They/Them) Reader Name)... It's because I can see through you, that you liked me alot. And you're obvious when it comes to your facial expressions and voice. Plus, I figured that if I say if I refer you as my significant other, just incase it gives me a better chance to scare them off or if them not harming you ever again or both... And if I'm right, you called me last night for both of us to meet up with you today, because you wanted to hangout with me like old times and you wanted to be in a relationship with me... Am I correct?". You were surprised that he can read you like a book, especially in the tone of your voice (and possibly your words to Junpei), as you then replied back, "Um... Yes... You are correct, Junpei...".

Junpei then lightly smiled, as he said, "Good... It's because I have liked you, so much... And I mean for years, since we both first met in Jujutsu High. No matter what you're born with... No matter what you look like... No matter your pronouns... No matter what anyone else thinks and/or says... I will never turn my back on you... I will always accept you for who you are and I know you will always accept me for who I am too, (afab (They/Them) Reader Name)...". After the conversation both you and Junpei had together, both you and Junpei decided to have a relationship with eachother. Life has also been better, because of your relationship with him.

The End

This fanfic took me a long time to complete. Some changes, especially with ideas are last minute for the fanfic. While this turned out to be another fanfic I tackled on transphobic people on, because I feel they/them pronouns are just a valid as he/him/his and she/her, and since I like pronouns, I feel that it would be wrong to be mean to someone over they/them pronouns. Which is why I wrote about Junpei protected the reader the way I did wrote that part of this fanfic. So, anyways my Tumblr Peeps, I hope you enjoyed reading the fanfic, as much as I enjoyed writing it🪼😁👍

[brujitaadinbo]

I'm going to continue with this "enemies then lovers" segment because I only have a few last pieces left to show and I want to follow up on other DinBo/BokaDin elements that I want to share with you.

This gem, this beautiful piece that came out on Netflix months ago; "blue eyed samurai" is the perfect example of enemies then lovers.

It is a treasure that you must see. But getting into the characters.

In feudal Japan where life is more than complicated; Mizu is a woman exiled and rejected since she was little because of her eye color, since her father is a European man, to protect herself she has to hide her identity and disguise herself as a boy, she grows up and has to adapt, experiencing harassment from other children, now As adults, she has to survive and continue disguised as a man to avoid further persecution.

Taigen is that boy who harassed Mizu when she was little in the village, he never knew that Mizu was a girl, he only noticed the color of her eyes and mortified her all the time. He grows up and becomes a detestable person with an immense ego and plans that obviously will not be fulfilled.

And this is when fate works its magic and brings Mizu and Taigen together. He never realizes that he is Mizu and that Mizu is a woman. She teaches him a lesson that causes him to lose everything, even his honor. In a tremendous duel of battle and powers, Mizu always takes the lead. But on this long and meaningless road, they begin to share moments, fight the same enemies, little by little become allies, learn from each other, about honor, respect and camaraderie.

That's when, in the season finale, they give us that closeness between them, that "accidental" romantic interaction where Taigen finally; He realizes that Mizu was always a woman, a strong girl with blue eyes.

She separates from him because she is still full of revenge and has another path to follow, we only have to know that her path changes completely. And they leave us with this, that they will see each other again in the second season and obviously their interaction will change a lot.

and you may wonder What is the parallel between Din and Bo katan with these characters?

Well of course I'm going to tell you. 1.- the chemistry between them was always so strong; like Din and Bo in season 2. Even if they fought or it was to provoke each other, the looks, the poses, the way they spoke, it is more than clear the enemies then lovers. Even though Taigen doesn't know that Mizu is a woman, their connection is strong just like Bo and Din's.

2.- Din and Bo have dark pasts, dark ancient paths that they lived and that when they met, both of them rubbed it against each other, in the form of conflict and as a way of fighting. 3.- Both couples walk the path of redemption, they meet, they live together, they adapt, an alliance, a bond is created and suddenly the interaction begins that gives more signs of romance and that door is left open for something more. ..something strong.

and 3.- The paths of both couples separate but do not say goodbye, because they are destined to cross again. The samurai (ronin) had their own codes, they continued moving even if they had a partner or family or a lover, they were nomads even if they had a home because that was their lifestyle. The Mandalorians have something similar; their own code of survival, they were nomadic, despite settling down, they did not stay still. And if you have read even a little of the Mandalorians, even the wikis YOU KNOW that distance and lifestyle are not impediments to romance, love, family or establishing bonds.

This is the way….

[ac3th3shark]

I JUST FINISHED BANANA FISH AND IM IN DENIAL SO I WROTE THIS TO COPE!!!!!

!!banana fish spoilers!!

Eiji's sister doesn't have a name, so I refer to her as Fuku bc that's what the random name generator wanted.

idea: Ash survives and comes to see Eiji in Japan

It had been a little less than a month since Eiji had returned to Japan. His injuries had almost fully healed, and he was able to walk around and do things again. His poor mother had been horrified to see the state he was in when he arrived home. She cried so hard seeing him hurt in that wheelchair. He remembers thinking about how upset he was that Ash hadn't come, but he was sure that he would see him again while his mother thanked Ibe for taking care of him and his father yelled at Ibe for letting him get hurt.

About a week after he arrived home, he got a call from Ibe saying that Max had called him, and Ash was in the hospital after getting stabbed by Lao. Max had asked him not to tell Eiji yet, but he thought that he deserved to know what happened. Eiji wanted to go right back to America to check on Ash, but he didn't. He decided that he needed to stay here for a while before doing anymore travelling and he's confident that Ash would be ok, ash is strong. One of the strongest- no, the strongest person that he's ever met.

He was so worried about Ash, asking Ibe if he knew how he was doing every day. He remembers thinking that he shouldn't of came back until he was sure that Ash and everyone else was ok. He was so relieved when a few days ago Ibe told him that Ash had finally been released.

He was snapped from his thoughts when his mother called his name. He looked up from where he was staring at a page of his book.

"Sweetie, someone's here to see you."

"What?"

"I think it's a friend from America. He barely speaks Japanese, but he kept saying something in English and your name so I figured I would get you."

Eiji tried to think of who it could be. What if Ash had gotten into more trouble and someone had come after him again? now, that was extremely unlikely. But who could it be? Max is too busy with his engagement and planning his marriage. He had heard that Sing was working with Yut Lung now, so who?

"Thanks ma" He cautiously got up and walked to the door that was cracked open.

Upon opening the door, he was met with a familiar face, ash. Ash had come to see him.

He just stood there staring and Ash just stared back. Finally, he worked up the ability to say something.

"Ash..."

"Eiji..."

"Ash!"

"Eiji!"

Ash jumped onto Eiji, bringing him into a tight hug, Eiji hugged him back. They both pulled back a little, staring at each other, both of them crying happy tears. Ash moves one of his hands to Eiji's face, gently pulling him into a soft kiss. They both Smile as they pull away.

Eiji grabs his hand and pulls him inside the house, shutting the door behind them. As soon as he moves his hand from the knob its back around ash and they're hugging again. They stay like that for a while before Ash remembers that this isn't his home and pulls away.

"How are you? Are you ok? I heard that you were stabbed. You just got released a few days ago, right? Why are you here?"

"I'm fine now, I lost a lot of blood and ended up passing out from blood loss in the library but I'm ok now." Ash responds, gently taking Eiji's hands into his. "And I'm here because I missed you."

The nice moment only lasts for a short minute because Eiji suddenly turns around.

"Awwww, Eiji! Your so on-edge all the time since you came back! I can't sneak up on you anymore!" Fuku, Eiji's younger sister pouts.

"Heh, sorry Fu."

"who's that?" Fuku and Ash both say at the same time, pointing at each other.

"Ash," Eiji starts saying in English "This is Fuku, my younger sister." He turns to Face the girl better, "Fuku," he says in Japanese now, "This is Ash, my....Friend from America" he blushes a little when he decides not to tell her that they're dating.

"Hehe! I knew that that charm I gave you would work!!" Fuku laughs as Eiji jumps back a little.

"Ahh, that was intentional!?"

"What did she say?" Ash asked.

"r-remember that charm I told you about? She said that she knew it would work." The red on both of their faces intensifies and so does Fuku's laughter.

"Well, if it's that obvious, may as well just own it." Ash says, "You can introduce me as your boyfriend if you'd like."

"Sure."

And they all three smile.

[qprsmackdown]

IRL/OC Bracket FINAL: C & G vs Michael and Mantis!

C & G propaganda:

Ok so these next few paragraphs are copy pasted from what I wrote on queering the map. Hope it makes you cry :) (Entries were written around mid-2020, with the last being written in 2023)

My school had a field trip to this park, my best friend and I found a quiet spot under some trees. I set up the blanket/mat I had brought, she propped up an umbrella. We laid down beside each other face-to-face. That was the first time I ever felt tempted to kiss someone. To this day I consider it as one of my gayest moments (right next to asking her out and later on asking her to be my qpp on a ferris wheel XD)

November(?) 2017 - We were talking about your maybe-crush on a friend when you mentioned that you used to have a crush on me. I confessed about my past crush on you too and started flirting with you. "Have you moved on from her? Will you be my girlfriend? We don't have to put a label on it or anything yet we can just-" "Yes" We dated for a month (full of silly puns and cheek kisses and gifts from Japan) before we broke up (can you blame us? we were twelve and our dads found out) but you're still my very best friend. I love you G - C

February 2020 - Day of the school fair, I had everything planned for a perfect day for you and me... until you brought along a classmate who had no one to hang out with and you were too kind to say no. We went on all of the rides, the three of us, and you mentioned how you have always wanted someone to dedicate a song to you at the song booth. I went out to reserve one, and then I stayed with you until both of you had to leave for your shifts. That's when I put my plan into action. I reserved a sunflower at the Lovebooth (I knew you liked sunflowers because of a certain character (the roses were way too romantic anyways)) and when you came back we got into line at the Ferris wheel with our other friends. While waiting my dedicated song finally played, and you turned to me with nearly the happiest smile I've ever saw on you. When we were getting closer I went to get my reserved sunflower, but the line was slow so I ended up asking my aunt to hold it for me. When the line was nearly there I got it back from her and our other friends helped me to hide it (Your sister wanted to ride with us but I told her my plan and she changed her mind). You got on and as you turned to face me I held out your sunflower. When we got to the top of the Ferris Wheel I asked what I had been planning to ask you for a week. "I don't know much about it yet, I still have to research more but... G, would you be my queer platonic partner?" You smiled the happiest smile I've ever seen on you that day. G, we haven't talked much since quarantine started, but I want you to know that I love you. I'm not sure what kind (romantic or platonic) but I know that you have a special place in my heart. I can't wait for this to be all over and for us to be by each other's side, drawing and reading and just talking about the things we never share with anybody else. I love you - C

July 2023 - The school fair was over 3 years ago, can you believe? So much has changed since then, quarantine happened, we were reduced to online classes, and I ended up moving to the States for a chance of a better life. We kept in touch, of course, through messages screaming over fandoms and platonic marriages on minecraft servers (how dare you for suggesting that before i knew abt cbeeduo >:( ) and like 5 meet ups over the summers. But it wasn't enough, and timezones and a desire for a more physical (in a actually there beside you sort of way) relationship eventually culminated in you asking to break it off two weeks before I met up with you in the Philippines. God damn it G, why didn't you wait? I had it all planned in my head. The night of my debut, as all my guests were leaving, I would take you to a private corner where we would talk, and I admit to you that yes, maybe my feelings for you turned out more romantic than I initially thought, but with the physical distance it wasn't right for us to pursue something of that nature, especially as I had wanted to try dating in college and didn't want to end up hurting you. I would say I love you and maybe leave you with a kiss, and that was how we'd gain closure. Well the kiss didn't happen and you laughed when I scolded you for not waiting before you admitted that yeah, you felt the same way but also agreed that our level of commitment wasn't right for us, not anymore. You promised me that if by the time we were done with college we were both single we could try again, but I won't hold you to that. G, thank you for being my bestest friend and first love, and I'm sorry that life didn't work out the way we had planned. I love you though, whether romantically or platonically, and I hope you're happy with where you end up in life - Yours always, C

anddddd that's it! veered a little romantic at times, but whats more queerplatonic than a relationship that blurs the lines of platonic and romantic eh? at the end of the day, we're still best friends and we care for each other deeply, even if we no longer officially label it as a qpr. hope our story made you cry >:D

More C & G Propaganda!

Michael and Mantis propaganda:

we're both boygirls and girlfaggots and boydykes, you literally cannot get queerer than this. gay in every direction

we're also both autistic and have adhd. leads to some fun conversations where one of us listens intently while the other is going off about whatever interest they've got the brainworms for at the moment and it's the most fun i will ever have (common topics are: good movies, tragedies and shipwrecks, cannibalism, the absurdly powerful dnd podcast just roll with it, and many more)

we're long distance and we really need this win bc the earth is literally homophobic and keeping us apart and making us sad :(

michael has this whole mushroom/lichen/microorganisms/rot thing going and i have the space thing going and they're essentially the same things but on different scales (life and death and life in death etc etc), so we're thematically compatible. we were made for each other frfr

uuhhhh mental health improvement i guess

we tricked at least three people into thinking we were dating before we actually started dating. not on purpose

we started dating on april fools! that's fun!

same trauma and same issues. we get a lot of mileage out of relating to each other

i keep breaking my sleep schedule for him

uhm. also. we're really niceys and cool and stuff :3

More Michael and Mantis Propaganda!

[firespirited]

Got screwed by LaPoste again. Flatmate woke me up to pay €11: more than the cost of the item with postage: I'd already paid import taxes, it was tracked so they could have emailed me for the €3 custom fee, it had a CN22 that said both these things but it was folded inwards so their shoddy machines didn't scan it.

A few years ago this would have ruined half my day. But I've been doing whatever therapy technique it is to take your strong emotions and break it down into every single component and examine every facet until it's something you understand, can accept and form solutions

Here's a little peek at what comes out after lots of uncomfortable moments of digging down:

ANGER because this is ethically wrong and entirely avoidable:

If they'd bothered to open the CN22, i wouldn't have to pay. As is I was presented with losing the item and reorder (with wait time) or hand over the money. Their corner cutting on personnel led to this.

Customs fee was actually €3. The extra €8 is a handling fee for laposte. If your parcel has tracking, customs contact you by email and you pay online. I did it last week for the Japan parcel. I was not sent an email for this.

None of that €8 handling fee goes to the postie who has an extra five minutes to make up for. I wouldn't mind if it was a tip, we cash-tip regularly for difficult deliveries.

There's no receipt and most people pay in cash so an unscrupulous postie could ask for whatever whenever. Half of my spam is claims from various delivery companies claiming my parcels are held up and need money, they opened a terrible can of worms

Laposte is not great at what they do and have not operated as a public service for a long time now with massive inflation on the cost of sending stuff. A postcard stamp (in country!) will set you back $1.6

RESENTMENT because I was extremely strict about hobby money.

A €11 loss would have meant two yarn or partial reroots to make up for it. Possibly selling one of my personal collection. At least four hours of work.

Every single supply and unexpected expense like parcel loss or extra fees came from the hobby fund which would be in the red if it wasn't a current sales moment. (My first rotary tool was bought with hobby money even though it had non doll purposes for example.)

I knew at the time that it was unhealthy thinking but hadn't found an alternative or ways to mentally unblock.

IMPOTENCE:

recourse is nearly impossible the post office system is designed that way: no receipt and they can claim bad formatting of the CN22 masked the barcode. It's always something. They sent my australia parcel to austria, billed me, i opened a case and checked in every month and nothing.

poverty mindset: if you've ever felt the sting of removing an item from the conveyor belt to afford the total, you know that someone else's small change is something big and important and painful. Even once you have some money it doesn't go away: donating to others is easy, being cheated by a system is awful.

Solutions:

As much as possible, I don't use LaPoste and their extortionate prices for sending to France and the EU. My two posties get regular tips and cash gifts at Christmas but I don't use the post office unless I absolutely have to. Mondialrelay or Point to Point get my money whenever possible. That feels good and makes losses feel less bad.

I treat unexpected expenses like a lost parcel, disgruntled client or new fees as a tip to myself. I put in the work, did everything I could and something out of my control happened. The expense is marked down but cancelled out from my personal kitty. I have been inconvenienced: I'm not going to let it hurt or work it off.

Hobby supplies that are multipurpose are a third category. I was putting glues, chemicals, thread and needles under expenses when I use them for all sorts of repairs.

More importantly: the hobby money spreadsheet became a guideline not a business expenditure book.

Since about 2019 I've also been trying to integrate the idea of the joy of the hobby having its own cost and reward built in:

If i make no money back from a €30 gunky bundle of dolls, there was still €30 worth of enjoyment in fixing them up. The experience of practising even if it comes out all wrong is also valuable. And you often get a tutorial out of it 😁 (see my "mistakes I make so you don't have to" tag)

There was a time before handicap benefits where every cent counted but even then we all managed to make tough choices so we could save small amounts of 'cushion' money - We'd all learned to be so cautious that the cushions went mostly untouched until benefits hit and something unlocked despite still being under the poverty line: the cushion had gone from €30 (100 if we had a good series of months) to €300 emergency funds and no medical expenses were paid out of pocket (as opposed to upfront with a potential refund later) and that made all the difference.

But also a big change was the mindset:

Normal people's unwinding experiences often aren't free even if it's just eating your own snacks at a local bit of grass.

Really throwing out the idea that hobbies should be monetized (that part was hard to unlearn, not just because it was so prevalent but because of shame at not "having a job"- i know now that my full-time job is to keep this body alive and I get maybe 3 hours max to not be about surviving)

Even in poverty you deserve treats because those make priceless memories. Hobby time is valuable because it's what's makes us human not just productivity/survival machines.

-----------------------

Anyway I've also been trying to apply this to my rejection sensitive dysphoria, knowing I'm going to lose Lily soon, frustration with how slow core muscle rebuilding is taking, as well as the very real fear of alienating my sister by accident or just clashing needs (NGL I spiralled most of the day when we had the odd confrontation last week).

but I'd rather break down something less personal in public. ^^;

Here's hoping this little thing that would drive me batty from feeling powerless, which now doesn't sting as much helps someone

[inuiiwonderland]

Which fic should I write once I'm done with my twst fic...

Tokyo revengers fic

Tenjiku or Bonten?

Reader is a member of Bonten. But little did everyone in bonten know was that reader has been seeing someone lately. Reader had been having a late night out hook up with this random guy she met at the club 7 months ago.

God was he fine

He was hot as fuck and Reader just had to have a taste of this fine man. Reader and the stranger talk that night and later went somewhere private to hook up.

This has been going on for a few months until recently her boss [mikey] said that they were going to have a meeting with a rival gang. Reader didn't think much of it and just went about her day. When it was the day for the meeting they all made it to the gang headquarters.

Imagine the shock when the reader sees who the leader of said gang was.

Izana kurokawa 

The man she has been hooking up with for the past 8 months. Now izana and mikey were never on good terms. And you never knew that both Mikey and izana were brothers. 

As they discussed partnership for both gangs,  izana couldn't concentrate as he kept Sneaking glances at you every now and then. You ignored it and paid attention to your boss, which annoyed izana.

After the meeting was over you made your way out with the others so izana wouldn't catch up to you. After that day you block him in all socials and number.

Reader didn't know he was a gang member, especially a leader! You felt like you betrayed mikey in some way. So it was for the best that you block izana from your life. Even though you did gain feelings after all those months together you put mikey and the gang first than everything else.

Which made izana furious. He was angry that you were in bonten. Not that he blames you but he was jealous that they get to see you everyday than he does.

The talk about tenjiku being Allies with Bonten was all a big lie so that tenjiku can take Bonten's place as the number 1 powerful criminal organization in japan. 

Mikey, being mikey at first thought that his brother actually wanted to straighten their bond until you told him that it's all fake. 

When he confronted you about how it's fake you let out a big sigh and told him the truth.

So now mikey sends you as a spy so you can know tenjiku plans.

-

Demon slayer fic

Mission failed

demon reader who went undercover as a hashira for a mission that master Muzan sent her too a couple years back.

The mission was to train at the demon slayer corps and become a hashira. Once reader finally becomes a hashira and gets even more powerful, reader would then destroy/kill all the hashiras and trainers there so no one could get in their way. 

She was sent to train for 3 years and once she was powerful enough to defeat the hashiras, she waited another 2 years before finally letting the plan go into action.

But while she spent her time there, reader sees herself slowly grow fond of one of the hashira in the demon slayer corps. 

Rengoku 

He has been very nice to her ever since she got there. He was amazed and in awe with her skills and strength. He could see her becoming a very good and powerful hashira in the future. At first, reader didn't really have the time to make friends, especially people she would kill later in the future. But rengoku didn't leave her side for one bit. 

As the years went by she slowly let herself talk to the guy and also the other hashira. Because of this she made friends with the hashira and became a hashira herself later on.

But she knew this wouldn't last since her goal has already been complete and her time to take action has begun.

But what would she do when a boy and his demon sister along with his two friends show up? Would the newcomers get in the way of her mission? Would the hashiras and rengoku find out her true intentions and the reason why she came here in the first place? And what would rengoku do when he finds out that the girl he loves is a demon and her mission is to kill him and everyone in the demon slayer corps.

-

Help a girl out🙏🏼 which one should I do once I'm done with my twisted wonderland fic?

They both will contain smut, angst, and fluff

© 2023 inuiiwonderland; Do not copy, steal, or post my work outside of Tumblr.

[roadtogracelandx45]

Courage Under Fire| Pre War 4| Band of Brothers

@marycorleone

Dec 17th 1941 

Phoenix Arizona 

The days following the attack on Pearl Harbor were some of the most nerve-wracking ones that Olivia had experienced in her short 18 years on the planet and it was starting to show on her and on Marla who was picking up on her older siblings' queues. Even snapping back at her older sister when she snapped at her. 

Something that was completely out of character for both girls. 

James Sr out of worry for his kids kept all three of them home the next day and they all heard the President’s speech saying how Dec 7th, was going to be a day that would live in infamy and him declaring war on Japan and then Germany turning around and declaring war on them.   Their futures that seemed so bright a few months ago, didn’t seem so bright anymore.  And now Helen, James’s younger brother Michael’s wife was going to Arizona for her cousin's wedding, and Olivia’s presence had been requested by Lewis.

 So his daughter was boarding a train and leaving his line of sight and it made him nervous. Even more so now that his uncle Finn was in charge of the Army Nursing Corp and Michael, his brother who was underneath Finn would want to have Olivia join the Corp and get her nursing training like that. But he wasn't ready to let her go, not after he got her back. "Daddy, don't worry, I am not going to get into that much trouble with Aunt Helen." Olivia's voice came shaking him out of his thoughts. 

"It's not that I am worried about sweetheart," He answered, "If Bobby or Bill were going with you then I would be worried but since it's just you and Helen I am not worried." "You are worried about my brothers."

They hadn't heard from Nicholas or Thomas, James Sr's brother-in-law and all of the other Stewart boys who were of age were shipping out to either the Pacific or to Europe. "And you. I know you Liv, you are going to want to follow your brothers everywhere. Just like you have since you were little." "I can't do much Daddy." Olivia started, "I was born a lady in the middle of a war, what are they going to let me do?" They both knew if Liv put her mind to something she would figure out a way to do something. Including cutting her hair to look like her brothers and dressing as a boy. It worked when she and Robert were younger and he was sure they could pull it off now. 

"The worst  I can do is to keep volunteering at the VA hospitals." He could tell by the stubborn set of her jaw, that she wasn't going to give up that dream to be a nurse and help veterans out. She was too much like her grandmothers, great-grandmothers, and great Aunts do not. "You can't fault me for that."

"I know.' James agreed as a strong New York accent filled the air, "Livvy! Shake a leg baby doll! We got to go!" Helen Nixon-Stewart called. 

"Coming Aunt Helen!" She called back before offering her father a smile.

 "Liv." He started as he stood up and went to cross the room to her. 

 "Don't worry, I am not going to do anything that will get me or Aunt Helen in trouble. And I am not going to run off in the middle of the night and marry Lewis." 

He paused as he was reaching for his wallet to pull out some of the bills he had to give to her.

 "We heard you and Ma last night talking about it. I am a little too young to be getting married to anyone, especially to someone close to Nicholas's age."

 "Can't blame me for worrying can you?" He handed the bills over to her. 

"No, I can't but promise best behavior." She held up her fingers like she had seen her brothers do with the Boy Scouts. Helen appeared in the doorway surprised that Olivia hadn't come right out to meet her like she normally would. She and her husband had a long conversation about their niece and how she needed to do something.  

And something worthwhile. 

*** 

Bill was coming up the walkway as the two Stewart women came out of the house, the younger of the two was talking a mile a minute about something that only made sense to her and her aunt. “Where are you going Liv?’ Bill asked, surprised, Liv had been the constant around the neighborhood the last few weeks and now she was leaving. “Going to Lewis's wedding. I will be home next week.”  Olivia said as she tucked her scarf into her coat to help keep her warm from the cold.  

“This was planned before I even came back home. I can't bail last second,’  Helen paused next to her curiosity filling her, she and Michael had conversations about Olivia and Bill and how she didn't need to be tied down so young. And how she could do better. 

 “Liv.”   

‘Don't start with that now Bill, we will talk about this when I get back.” The girl sounded tired like they had been having this fight for days and she was over it.   She raised herself up on her toes and pressed a kiss to his cold cheek before going down the rest of the steps to the running cab that was waiting for the two Stewart girls.  

“What is going on with that?” Helen asked once they were settled in the backseat and she told the driver where to go. “He wants me to get back together with him.’ Olivia replied looking out of the window, “I don’t think I am ready to fully forgive and forget. I really and truly loved Bill. And it feels like a knife to my heart every single time I see him and Evie together. I forgave Bill because I still love him, I want to punch Evie in the face. Make her feel an ounce of hurt that I felt every day for a year.” 

“Livvy.” Helen covered her niece’s gloved hands and squeezed them. 

“The funny thing is, I know that they are still together but yet I am letting myself get caught up with him.”  

“You are 18 years old, you don't have to settle down right now and not be with the first boy you fall in love with. I didn't. Your uncle is my second greatest love.” Helen went quiet for a second as the taxi driver pulled in front of the train station, her hands squeezing Olivia’s again. There were groups of boys in uniforms with loved ones surrounding them. 

“Has Uncle Michael or Uncle Finn found anything out about Nicky or Uncle Tommy?”

 James, her naval pilot brother, had been confirmed to be alive after being on the Enterprise but they hadn't heard about them. Her brother Nicolas was two years younger than Edward and had been stationed on the Arizona, as a naval officer. And her uncle Tommy was stationed at the hospital with his wife Carreen and not a word about them. Helen and the other sisters-in-law were worried that their family was going to finally fall apart.

“Not yet. They are still trying to get everyone accounted for.”  The older girl said as the porter opened the car door, “They will let us know as they do.” 

 Olivia nodded her head as she followed her out of the taxi, her eyes going to the soldiers. The sudden fear that she had been trying to push down in an effort to put on that strong facade she had lived behind for the last few years climbed up her chest and gripped at her heart. She hadn't been sleeping since the news of the attack hit on her birthday. She would fall asleep and wake up in a cold sweat and proceed to stay up the rest of the night reading books by candlelight. She was scared to death about the possibility of losing her brothers or Bill or one of the neighborhood boys. 

Helen put a gentle hand on her elbow and started steering her towards the terminal. For the first time really, she had no real words to comfort her or ease those fears she had. She had been a little girl when the First World War happened and her father rarely talked about his experiences if at all. Taking a deep breath, she hooked her arm through Olivia’s and started the trek to the gate where their train was departing from. 

*** 

2 Days Later 

***

“Hello, Aunt Doris,” Helen replied, “What’s wrong?” 

“Lewis.” 

At the mention of the man, Olivia perked up, “Is he okay?” Doris shook her head, “I think a visit from you will help.”

 “I am on it,” Olivia said offering the older woman a tired smile. 

 “He is upstairs in the suite.” Doris returned with her own smile, thankful that she was here, out of everyone that was there, Olivia was the best bet to get through to him.  

“That’s the first real smile she probably has had since the attack,” Helen muttered watching her niece going to the elevator as a bellman came over. “Excuse me, Mrs. Stewart, you have a call from Washington.’ 

Helen felt her heart drop to her stomach, she knew her husband was working hard in Washington with the Army, in a mad dash to get things ready for deployments.  The only reason why he would be calling her is if they got news about Nicholas and Thomas. 

“Thank you.” She managed to get out before she started numbly walking towards the phone. 

“Micheal? Is everything okay?” Helen questioned once she picked the phone up, her heart already in her stomach  he had told her before  she left that he would only call if he found out anything about Nicholas and Thomas.  

“No, honey, we just got confirmation that Nicholas was indeed on board the Arizona when it was attacked and didn’t get off in time. Thomas was killed by the Japanese shooting at the people in the water.’

"Oh Michael I am so sorry," Helen said into the receiver, her heart aching for her husband and suddenly wishing that she hadn't promised Lewis that she would be here for the wedding. She would rather be in Washington DC with him comforting him. 

"It's okay,"  Michael paused to clear his voice of the building emotion, "You need to tell Liv and tell her that she isn't going back to South Philly like planned. That you are going to Charleston."  

"Are they doing a memorial for Nicholas and Thomas?" 

"Yes and for Pawpaw. He died this morning."  

 If her heart could drop any further it would be in her feet, it was one thing to inform Olivia of her brother and uncle's death it was another to inform her of her great-great grandfather's passing. Almost all of the Stewart kids young and old idolized Fredrick and Franklin, especially the twins who were named after them. 

This was going to push Olivia over the edge completely and there was going to be no going back from it. She was thankful that the girl was upstairs with Lewis, he would be a good source of comfort for her. 

"Michael." 

"We are going to be okay Len, I am worried about Liv, this is a lot of change and quickly. And Uncle Finn is going to try and get her to join the Army Nursing Corp with Elizabeth."

"The woman that he is having an affair with?" 

"Yes, but this is one chance Liv has to get her nursing taken care of without her having to work to support the school and herself." 

"Your brother and his ex-wife are going to flip their lids." 

"They have no choice in the matter, she is 18 and is being hand-selected to be a nurse and sent to an officer's school." 

"At Benning?" Something her cousin said stuck out in her head, he had also joined the army earlier that year and was offered a spot at Fort Benning.

"Yes. It's going to be her and one other girl. Not sure where from yet. Why?' 

"Lewis said something about Benning when I talked to him before he left to come here. It will be good for her to be with him, he cares for her. She is going to struggle without Bobby and her other brothers or Bill."

At the mention of their niece's ex-boyfriend, Michael swore, causing his Uncle who had just come into the office to ask what was going on.

'He wants her back but Livvy isn't going for it. She is terrified that she is going to get hurt again by him."

 "Good, this will help keep them apart. Where is Liv anyway? I was expecting her to be right by you."  

"She is already upstairs with Lewis, Aunt Doris asked her to go up and talk to him. I will go up and talk to her in a few minutes." She was dreading telling her this, this would break her heart into a thousand pieces. 

***

"I said, I wanted to be left alone!" Lewis shouted as he walked towards the door, he had stormed up to his room in a fit of anger after a fight with his future wife. 

"Even if it's me?" Olivia's familiar sweet southern accent asked from the other side.

 "Liv! You came!" He exclaimed as he rushed to pull open the door. 

"Of course, I came, Lew, I promised." She returned offering him a dimpled smile that felt natural for the first time since the attack on Pearl.

His dark eyes flicked over her and his smile faded seeing the faded dark circles under her eyes and the slump of her shoulders. And the unfamiliar concern he only felt towards her bubbled up and he pulled her into his arms holding her against him.

"No, no I am not okay."  she whispered, "I am scared." She rested her head against his chest listening to his steady heartbeat, taking comfort in the fact that he was there and safe.

He squeezed her before he reached out and shut the door. "About what? The war? You don't have to worry about it, you can't be drafted." 

"For my brothers, for Bill, for everyone." 

Pursing his lips,  Lewis squeezed her again and led her back towards the couch to sit down, he was unsure of how to comfort her. She pulled away from him to undo her coat and scarf, it wasn't nearly as cold in Phoenix as it was in Philly but she still bundled up to get off the train and keep warm. 

A habit she had even in Charleston. 

"My mother was there when you sent me that package." Wearing a smirk Lewis turned to her, he had sent her a package with a bottle of Vat. 69, a bracelet that was shining around her wrist and stuff that he should have been buying for Kathy. 

"She thinks that you will steal me away and corrupt me more." 

Lewis laughed, "Does she know the truth about us?"

He had moved over to the cart that held the Vat 69 to pour some of it into glasses.

"Yes, and so does Bill." 

The topper he had in his hand clattered to the glass tray, he was surprised, he thought that it was a secret that they both would be taking to their graves.

 "Blame Katherine, she read my diary. And flipped her top and wanted to send me to a convent.' 

 The picture of Olivia wearing a black dress and habit renewed his laughter, "No way you would give up smoking, drinking, sex,  or the chance to be a wife and mother for that."

"That's what I said that night after she found the wrapper."

"My sweet Livia is turning into a harlot!" He teased, covering his heart, his uneven eyebrows wiggled causing her to laugh and shrug her shoulders as she crossed the room and took the pre-offered glass.

"Wait, you said there are no boys in Philly you would touch with a 20-foot pole then who did you sleep with?"

A smirk quirked on the corner of her mouth as she raised the tumbler to her painted red lips waiting for him to put two and two together.

"Olivia!" He gasped playing into her amusement once he figured it out, "You and Bill? What does Evie think?"

"What that girl doesn't know can't hurt her."

A surge of pride filled him and he lifted his own glass to salute her, she had a devious side that came out to play so often, and he enjoyed seeing it. 

He had been of the opinion when he found out what happened, that Olivia should have taken revenge and been petty and hurt them right back but as he and Helen expected, she took the high road and held her head high and went to Charleston to try and carry on. He wondered what had changed in the 7 months since he had last seen her. 

"How are things with you and dear Ol' Bill?"

The girl didn't answer, instead she drained the rest of the whiskey that was in her glass and held it out to him to refill.  

He wordlessly tipped the bottle and poured more of the amber liquid into it. 

"He wants me to get back together with him. And a part of me wants to get back together with him because he is familiar and comfortable and I do still care for him." 

"But?" 

"I can't picture myself in 5 years being in South Philly, pregnant with his kid, and working at the VA hospital while he works for the factory." 

"What are you seeing in your future?" He was curious, he had heard his cousin and her husband's opinion on who she should be with along with her older brothers' opinion. Everyone had one when it came to what she should do and who she should be with. He didn't think anyone had asked her what she wanted. 

"Not being a house in South Philly living in the same neighborhood with my parents and his parents." 

 “You could always move to Nixon with me and Kathy. I am sure Stanhope and Doris will pay for your schooling.” 

Olivia pulled a face and shook her head, “I would rather assist Andie in unmedicated childbirth again before I ever move anywhere close to Kathy.”  She had met Lewis’ future wife twice and both at her grandparent’s house and to say the girls didn’t mesh well was an understatement. 

“But it would be worth it to be close to me.” He waggled his eyebrows at her again. “I am not gonna be your mistress, Lew, I deserve better than that.” 

There was a sudden sharp knock on the door startling them. “Who is it?” He called putting his glass down, he didn’t want anyone to ruin this one-on-one time that he had with Liv. “It’s Helen. I need to talk to Liv.”  “It’s open!” He grasped Olivia’s elbow in his hand and steered her towards the couch, deep in the pit of his stomach he knew that his cousin was there for her and his heart was already aching for Liv.  

No one deserved this.  

Helen came into the room and her eyes quickly found her niece and she sighed, “Liv, we got to talk.” 

“No. Whatever it is Aunt Helen, I don’t want to know.” The girl said as Lewis pulled her down onto the couch next to her, his arm settling around her shoulders and pulling her into him. She didn’t care if she sounded like she was a 3-year-old like Steven but she didn’t want to hear the truth, she didn’t want to hear that she had lost her brother and her uncle in an attack. 

“Olivia.”  Helen started as she crossed the room and lowered herself to sit down on the coffee table in front of them, not surprised when Olivia reached her hands up and covered her ears.  The older girl exchanged a look with her cousin who pulled down her hands so she could hear.

 “I talked to Michael.” 

 “No,” she repeated as Lewis pulled her into him tighter.

 “They got confirmation today that Thomas and Nicholas were both on the Arizona at the time of the attack. They were able to get Thomas’ body back, he was killed in the water. Nicholas was still on board.”  

The sob that escaped Olivia broke her heart, she was so close to all of her brothers, having different relationships with each one of them.  

“There is more Livvy, and I am so, so, sorry.” She reached her hands out and grasped the hand that wasn’t clutching Lewis’s shirt in a white-knuckled fist, “But Fredrick passed away this morning.”  

The sobs renewed and Lewis started muttering words of comfort to her and rocking her back and forth. Unsure of how to help her if they could help her. No words could fix the parts of her that were broken now because of these deaths and her fear. 

“I got her.” He muttered over Olivia’s head to his cousin who looked torn, “Go help, Doris and Kathy, with the wedding stuff.” 

“Don’t do anything you will end up regretting Lewis.” Helen hissed before she stood up and pressed a kiss to the side of her niece’s head.

Lewis pulled a face at her retreating before focusing back on the sobbing girl. Yes, he had done some things he wasn’t proud of in the past but he had more respect for Olivia than he did for his future wife or even himself than to take advantage of her when she was grieving. 

“Liv, it’s okay.” He soothed, “I know it’s not what you want to hear but it’s the truth. Everything is going to be okay.  I know you are scared.” The girl took a couple of steadying breaths and shifted to pull away from him and clean up her face. 

“For me, for your brothers, for your family.” He paused and handed her the handkerchief that was sitting on the table near them. “For Bill.”  

She nodded her head not trusting her voice just yet. Lewis smoothed his hand over her curls before standing up and refilling the glasses figuring drinking would help. It helped him and it could help her. 

“Nick was going to ask Clara to marry him.”  She sniffed as she crumpled the handkerchief in her hands, “came to Charleston and took me and Marla out to shop for the ring, he saved his salary from the Navy for 3 months to get it.” 

The man nodded his head and rejoined her on the couch and handed her the glass. knowing it was probably best for her to let it all out and then keep it in, especially with having to be at the wedding and be around Kathy.  

"We were so excited for them, we loved  Clara for him. Thomas and Careen were going to start trying for a family. These damn." The now-empty glass flung across the room and shattered against the wall. 

"Liv!" He exclaimed sitting up straight worried eyes on the girl.

"What were they thinking Lew?!" She was on her feet, her tears and grief shifting into anger.

White hot burning anger. 

"Attack us where we are the weakest, destroying all those airfields, boats, and equipment. While the men were still sleeping? Or getting back to the boats?" 

It struck Lewis as odd at first that she knew so much about the attack but then it hit him, she probably sat next to the radio listening to everything she could to find out the news or reading the newspapers. She was more involved with what was going on than Kathy was, she barely knew that there had been an attack that happened. 

"Has it ever crossed your mind to join the Army Nursing Corp?" 

The girl paused in her stride and looked at him, surprise filling her features like she hadn't thought about it. 

"You have to be like 21 to join. I think."  

"There are ways around it, sweets." He smirked, he could easily get her in contact with some of the shady guys he had met at Yale to get her fake documents. He knew she couldn't sit there and do anything while all the boys were off fighting, himself included. He could see the wheels turning in her head as she started working it out. Then her eyes landed on the pressed uniform that hung next to his tux. Ready for his trip out to boot camp after the extremely brief honeymoon.

"You are in the Army? After all the times we talked in the last few weeks and in all the letters we exchanged! You couldn't tell me that you joined the goddamn Army!'   

Not wanting to stroke the fire that she had built, he got to his feet and moved to where he was standing in front of her.

"It never came up, Liv." He finally said his hand caught her wrists so she wouldn't slap him. He had joked one too many times about her being like Scarlett O'Hara for her not to slap him like Scarlett slapped Ashley and Rhett.  

"Lew, let me go." She ordered, twisting her hands around in a circle trying to free them. Instead of letting her go, he pulled her into him, his free hand curving her waist pulling her as close as he possibly could. 

"Lewis!'  

"Olivia!"  He parroted back.

“Let me go.”  She ordered again,  she didn’t know if it was the booze that she had been drinking or if it was being that close to Lewis again but all those swirling emotions were morphing into want and need, something to distract her from the hurt, pain, and fear.  

For several long moments, he didn’t say anything, it was almost like he was trying to make up his mind if letting her go would be for the best or if holding her and trying to comfort her as he had in the past when Katherine destroyed all of her self confidence and self-love that Olivia had for herself in three swooping awful comments.  It hadn’t taken long for him to realize that as much as she needed emotional comfort, she also needed physical comfort.   

“Lew.’ She started giving a slight tug on his hold, “We can’t do whatever you are thinking about doing. You are getting married tomorrow, your whole family plus Kathy and her family are here.”  

A smirk formed on his mouth and he leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. “I really don’t care about all that. All I want right now is you.”  

They both knew it was wrong but Olivia didn’t care anymore, she had always played by those rules that were set up by her family and Southern society and she always got burned for it. She had learned in the short few months back in South Philly that she didn’t have to play by those rules or what society thought was right.  If it was okay for the men to do it then it should be okay for her to do it. 

‘Then take me.” She whispered. 

**** 

There was a loud knock on the door, waking Lewis up from the slumber both he and Olivia slipped into, “What?!” He called, pushing himself to sit up, careful not to wake the girl next to him who was probably getting the first real sleep since the 7th. The answering laugh from his older sister Blanche caused him to groan and flop back onto the bed, “What do you want Blanche?” “Mother wanted me to let you and Olivia know the rehearsal starts in an hour. And to make you both of yourselves presentable.” 

It was no secret within the Nixon family and to a point Kathy’s family that Stanhope and Doris wanted Olivia to be in their family, and not just of her uncle’s marriage to their niece Helen. Stanhope at the engagement party that was given called Kathy, Olivia sent everything into a tailspin that led to Kathy wanting to disinvite Helen who said from day one that Olivia would be her plus one because Michael could never get time off of work to attend family events like this. He had almost been late to his wedding 5 years prior because he couldn’t get out of the meetings that he and Finn had been in. 

“We will be.” Olivia’s sleepy voice called. “Thank you Livia!” The older Nixon sibling returned still laughing.   The man next to her went to apologize for the rude awakening, but her sleepy giggles stopped it.

 “It’s fine, we both knew this was going to happen. Sides used to be woken up at odd hours.” She shuffled around a bit before rolling to her side to look at him, “Steven didn’t want to sleep in his room with Bobby, so he would sneak into my and Marla’s room and if it wasn’t him then it was Bill climbing through the window.”  

Lewis’ bushy eyebrows raised surprised, the last he heard was that Bobby hated Bill for hurting his sister and had gone as far as to curse his name and beat him up. “And your brother lets that happen?”

 The girl shrugged her shoulders, “He doesn’t know. Normally Bill is gone before we get up anyway.”   That unfamiliar feeling of being proud of her rose again, his girl was realizing what she wanted and wasn’t going to let things like her sex or society keep her down anymore.  

“Good girl.” He pressed a kiss against her forehead before rolling over and getting out of bed. If Blanche was the first line of defense then Helen would be next and his father and then his mother as the last line of defense. And he really, really didn’t want to have Doris come up to the room and make a scene.   

The younger girl lay there for several long moments moving the cross she had on back and forth on the silver chain before sitting up, “Lew come here.”  

Lewis paused pulling up his briefs and looked at her, “What?”

“Just come here.” She repeated as she reached around her neck and undid her necklace. 

“Liv.’ He started, he knew what that necklace meant to her. Ever since her great-grandfather gave it to her, it had hardly left her neck. 

“Hush, it will keep you safer than me, I am not going anywhere except for the VA hospitals. And I think Great Aunt Lydia would agree.” He sat back on the edge of the bed and let her hook the fine silver chain around his neck.  

“You know I love you right Liv?” 

There was surprise in her eyes as she pulled back to look at him better, she knew that he cared for her, the presents, the letters said it all. The sticky remains of his seed told her that. 

“Lewis.”  He pressed his lips against hers to stop her from protesting his sudden confession. “I love you too.” She muttered, “But I am not letting you back out of this wedding with Kathy.” He nodded his head before pulling away from her, “If only you were just a little older.”  

Shaking her head with a small sad laugh, she got out of bed and started pulling her clothes back to go get dressed for the rehearsal dinner.  “Housekeeping Mr. Nixon! Mrs. Stewart sent her niece’s dress up so she didn’t have to leave you.” A voice called from the door causing him to go straight toward the door, “One second.” 

“Are you eager to keep me for yourself?”  She asked, shaking out her dark red skirt.  

“Always.” He returned as he took the dress from the maid and then walked back to where the girl was at, "I am planning on keeping you until I have to get married."

**

Kathy wasn't happy when she saw Olivia Stewart, her soon to be cousin's niece coming off the elevator on Lewis' arm having a hushed conversation with him. She had been leery of the girl since she had met her and how close she was to Lewis and to the rest of the Nixon

 family. She didn't miss how Stanhope exclaimed her name and crossed the room quickly with a champagne flute for her or how Doris and Blanche quickly floated over to them.

"I wouldn't let that little girl take what is yours." Kathy's mom Anne hissed into her ear as she came up behind her, "You worked too hard and loved him too much to let her come swooping in from wherever she was at."

"I know." She returned before squaring her shoulders and walking over to the group.

"Lewis." She extended her hand towards him which he didn't take right away because of his grip on Olivia. The girl offered her a sad smile as she pulled her arm away from Lewis' and then Kathy saw the garnet ring resting on Olivia's middle finger. Something she had found in Lewis' bag and assumed it was for her. "What a pretty ring Olivia, where did you get it?" 

"Oh, um."

 "I gave it to her." Lewis stepped in, "It goes with the necklace that belonged to Belle."

 As Olivia got older her great-grandparents started to pass on items that either belonged to Lydia, Franklin, her great-grandfather's twin sister, or belonged to Belle. The garnet necklace had a long history within the Stewart and Lévesque family, it had been passed on from Belle's great- great grandmother who was gifted it from a member of the French Royal Family, and how Isabella, was a favorite mistress of the king and she along with her husband were smuggled out of Paris just before the French Revolution started.

"It's a birthday present." Lewis stepped in before she could say anything like he knew that the two were going to start fighting. 

"My birthday was on the 7th," Olivia said after clearing her throat.

"Did they find out about your brother and uncle?" Stanhope asked as Helen joined them, hooking her arm through her niece's.

"Yes, Nicholas was on the Arizona and didn't get off in time." There were sudden tears in her voice and Lewis pulled her back to him whispering orders of comfort to her. 

'And Thomas was killed in the water.' Helen added. "Oh, honey." Doris cooed, embracing both girls causing Kathy to roll her eyes. "Couldn't this have waited until after the wedding?"

 "Excuse me?"  It was Olivia who spoke, "You wanted Helen to tell me that my brother and uncle died in the attack? That I have been worrying about since we couldn't ahold of them! After the wedding?!"

"Liv." Helen soothed taking hold of her hand tighter, glaring daggers at Kathy who smirked.

"You are a cold-hearted bitch!"

"Olivia Stewart!" Doris exclaimed, covering her heart with her hand like it was going to stop it from racing, she was surprised that Olivia knew those words and used them like a full-grown man would. "You know what, I am not hungry, I am going back upstairs." 

"No, Liv, you need to eat," Helen said. 

"I am not hungry." She repeatedly pulled her hand away from her aunt only to be caught around her waist by Lewis, 'I agree you need to eat sweets." He turned his head so only she could hear him, 'You need to build

 up your energy again." There was an unspoken promise in his voice and she shivered before nodding in agreement.

"Good girl."

**

"May I have a word?" Kathy asked, following Olivia into the bathroom halfway through dinner, she wanted to teach Olivia a lesson that just because she was sweet and cute didn't mean that she would get anywhere in life. "What do you want?" She asked pushing around her to go to the sink to wash her hands, the woman sitting at the end counter perked up, normally at these events, nothing exciting ever happened.

"Stay away from Lewis."

"There is nothing going between me and Lewis. We are just friends."

"Friends."Kathy spat grabbing a hold of her wrist and spinning her around to face her, her brown eyes studying every inch of Olivia so that she could see the red love bites that littered her neck and collarbone, "Don't sleep together before the other's wedding."

"This is,"  Olivia motioned to the bites with her free hand. "from Bill, not Lewis." The girl sat up straighter reaching for the hand towels ready to hand it over. 

"You think I believe that?" The older girl spat, tightening her grip on the other's wrist painfully hard.

 For her part, Olivia didn't flinch at the sudden pressure, her expression staying the same. "Kathy, you will find that I don't give a damn what you think about me or what I say." 

"I am going to be Lewis' wife, not you." 

"And that's great for you, I am 18 years old, and I am not ready to settle down." She snapped back, "But if he wants to fuck  me tonight, tomorrow, or any day after that. I am going to let him."

In pure anger, Kathy backhanded the young girl across the face, her diamond engagement ring cutting her cheek. 

"Ma'am!' The attendant cried getting to her feet, she had been okay with a verbal spat between the two especially since it was entraining but as soon as the older woman did that. It crossed the line. "That is enough." There were tears in Olivia's eyes and she twisted her wrist to get out of Kathy's hold, "Let me go. Now."

"What are you going to do Olivia? Cry?" She taunted smugly, she had made the girl hurt and that's what she wanted, she wanted to make sure that she stayed away from her and Lewis, "God you are pathetic. Your mother should have killed you when she had the chance.'

 She had overheard Lewis and Helen talking about how Olivia had been put in the hospital by Katherine when she was 15 and visiting her father's family in Charleston and her mother tried to kill her out of spite and anger. Olivia was the favorite of not only Fredrick but Franklin and Belle and it angered the former Mrs. Stewart so much that she took a sharp kitchen knife from the block and tried to kill her but she fought back and started screaming and Katherine was pulled away from her by Edward and James Sr.

 Olivia blinked  her eyes several times as her hand formed a tight fist.

 "You know it's only a matter of time before Lewis gets bored of you and stops all contact with you. You aren't good enough to be a Nixon or Stewart."

"Kathy! What  is wrong with you?" Blanche Nixon asked as she stormed into the bathroom and over to the two girls, she had heard the tail end of the comment and was furious. Not any child should be told that or have to live through an attempted murder like Olivia did.

"Let her go now!" Kathy didn't listen to her future sister-in-law and was met with Olivia's fist in her eye. "What the heck is your problem!" She cried, releasing her arm and her hands flying up to her face and Blanche went over to Olivia's side to examine the cut  of her face while the attendant went over to Kathy's side to make sure the punch didn't do too much damage to her face. 

"It doesn't look too bad," Blanche said as she reached around her for one of the white towels to wet it to clean it up.

"I am fine,  I have had worse." Olivia said, taking the towel from her and pressing it against her cheek, "I am going to go upstairs and go to bed."

"I will send Helen up in a few minutes." The older woman commented, knowing that the girl shouldn't be alone, especially with the news about her brother and uncle and now this.

**

It wasn't Helen who went into the small hotel suite that the Stewart but Lewis who had been informed of the argument and after being forced to check on Kathy went upstairs.

"Livia?"  He called pushing the door shut, there was no answer causing a wave of panic to go through him. "Olivia!" The second bedroom door opened and the girl appeared, her hair wrapped in a towel on the top of her head and bundled in one of the bathrobes.

"What?" He crossed the room and reached out tilting her chin back and forth to look at the cut on her cheek.

"It's not  the worst I have had. Katherine did worse." She commented pulling back slightly. 'It doesn't matter sweetheart. She should have let it go. And left you alone." Olivia shrugged her shoulders trying to fight her tears back that rose up, she had been sobbing in the shower, and thought she had herself together enough for this but she didn't. 

Shaking his head, Lewis took her hand in his and led her into the bedroom, she didn't need the words of comfort at that point, they both needed that physical comfort. The wedding and any leftover emotions be damned, all that mattered was them.

[sumire-no-nikki]

A Matter of Time

At the end of July I was gripped by a sudden fever.

It was the last Sunday of the month. I woke up quite late, had my morning coffee and set up the day’s work on the floor table. It was a very Summer Sunday. The air felt stale on my skin, constantly at the precipice of breaking out into sweat but not quite. It was a helpless time, a dull headache of a day.

I had been in the midst of organising my iMac, Macbook and a new SSD that day. I was facing the renaming and copying of hundreds of folders. It was quite a tedious task and I was restless. I needed a fix. And the thing is I knew exactly where I was headed that day. My imagination always gets the best me, and an idle mind is the devil's workshop, so they say. Reaching out to untouched corners of the past always requires some level of feigning ignorance to the consequences. I knew well enough that I would unravel something but my boredom overrode all discipline, all sense that day. So I found myself meandering through old folders filled with a past version of myself and people I knew in that unrecognisable life. Well, there has to be a truth to it—to the idea that the universe will continue to hurl the same lessons your way, each instance a more violent encounter, unless you learn from it. That Sunday came the final lesson.

Inside a folder named "2019," I found her waiting for me. My dear K, memories of her frozen there like no time had passed. There were screenshots of conversations, photos I recall having sent her. Seeing all of those again was the catalyst for Sunday’s foolhardiness.

I looked her name up, I looked her sisters’ names up. Nothing but old Facebook comments came up and there really was not much I could do at that point as I don’t use Facebook. This should have been the dead end but I’ve always been stubborn. The only thing it did was empower my craving.

So I dug up an old email correspondence. I’ve been avoiding doing this for nearly three years. With a split second decision I’ve undone all that control. The last message was from 2020 right before the worldwide lockdowns started. I had been talking about returning to Japan and she was talking about looking into getting an iPad. How innocent those days were.

I copied the email address I found and composed an email. In under eight hundred words I wrapped my well wishes, my love, my yearning. “Wishing you nothing but the best,” I signed it. I shut my laptop. I exhaled, only realising then that I had been holding my breath that entire time I was writing the email.

In the first few hours since I sent the email there was a heaviness. The problem is that I could not tell if what I had committed meant an end or a beginning. Have I truly mended the fraying edges, given myself closure, or have I ripped open a new wound instead?

Sometime during the following week my ever so efficient iPhone decided to notify me of the fact that I had sent the email a couple of days ago and I had not heard back. It prompted: “follow up” with a button on the top right as if it were that easy. I panicked. I was in a hurry to make it disappear from the screen. I swiped it into oblivion. I would not let myself read it again. In the end it was sad to see it there at the top of my inbox. I suppose that was the moment when I finally understood the reality that our friendship really has missed the last train for good.

It is funny to feel all this longing now because my friendship with K had been a terribly chaotic one.

I remember K as fun, emotionally sensitive and a daydreamer. I enjoyed the memes, the mindless jokes. I enjoyed her sisters always having a funny thing to say. I enjoyed the video calls. I’ve never fit in anywhere but they welcomed me in their circle. I was the honorary fourth sister. I appreciate that when I would be blocked by the loops of logic in my head K would point to my heart and ask about what that part of me had to say. She showed me a side to life that I had often written off. When I was so lost in the grind, never satisfied with the heights I climbed, she underlined the magnitude of my early emancipation, my scholarships and educational accomplishments. In those days I was never enough for myself, but for K I was everything. “You’re my star, my claim to fame,” she always told me. I let her read my honours thesis before anyone else. She tuned in to my undergraduate graduation livestream because I was giving the department valedictorian speech and I was going to be awarded the highest honour of the year. I had no one to attend my graduation. She showed up for me.

But she was also jealous, indirect and shortsighted. She seemed most present when I was going through a crisis, revelling at the realisation that I have problems that I can’t always solve. When I shared my successes she was almost avoidant. She came and went as she pleased, leaving me in the dark to wonder what I had done wrong. She had her sisters as allies at the end of the day, while I’m reminded that I will never truly be part of the family no matter how close I got. I couldn’t care less what her educational attainments were, really, but she certainly measured herself against me and I never knew what to do with myself in those moments. She had dropped out after her first year was stuck in a crammed home with an abusive mother, while I found my liberation as I cut my ties with my own toxic family and went on to pursue a post graduate degree. She told me it was hard for her to be my friend because my accomplishments made her feel small. She was three years older and yet she felt like I had done more with my life. She thought I was too perfect. I took it personally. Her words were weapons.

Being from a toxic household myself, I knew to pick up on the unsaid, the passive aggressive. I knew desperation as an instinct and I held on to everything because I know the taste of favour withdrawn. I sought to earn her approval because then I only understood worth as something to achieve. I contorted into shapes that comforted her. I tiptoed around the good things that happened to me, wary to share them. My good news meant bad news to her after all, and that meant she would be less convinced to keep me around, so I thought. And when I did find myself in trouble it almost felt like relief to both of us. I could run to her with this problem: “Look! I’m flawed and hurt! Here’s something bad that happened to me! I’ve been knocked down and you can feel superior now!” I begged and begged. That proved exhausting, unjust and cruel. The friendship soured. And when I hit rock bottom, when my life crumbled into an unrecognisable mess, when I needed someone the most, turning to her felt like I was twisting the knife myself. There was shame when there shouldn’t have been. I thought insecurity was a price I had to pay to keep her in my life.

This is not to say that I was an angel during our friendship. I had high expectations and I was ruthless in demanding them. I was hungry for proof that I was loved and needed. I was stubborn, too focused on logic and sense that I refused to give emotions any credit at all. I would not communicate until I was at my boiling point, seeing patience as a duty that must be repaid. I was uncaring, insensitive and I thought fixing someone’s situation is the ultimate expression of love. I was heavy handed, harsh. I was not a fun person to be around.

But perhaps what made it all the more painful is the fact that for all our differences we actually had a lot in common. We understand generational trauma. We both know what it’s like to move to a foreign country. We had the same academic goals of learning languages and we value education greatly. We both love literature, romantics in our own ways. We had a shared dream. It wasn’t a very big one but it was ours.

At the end of the day, I don’t think our friendship would have survived. It was always headed for the cliff and it was just a matter of time.

I recall typing in an email to her near the end: “I welcome what will stay to stay, and I let go of what wants to leave without resistance.” Truth is I was partially referring to our friendship with that line. I had tried everything—I had tried harsh, patient, distant, clingy. Nothing I did seemed to get our friendship to keep its head above water. After many false endings and optimistic new beginnings, by the end of the decade I think we both understood that holding on too tightly solved nothing. We both had gone through transformative events at that point. She lost her step-father in a car accident that she herself suffered great injuries from, while I had just finished my master’s yet found myself more lost than I’d ever been, having landed myself in a psychiatric hold. She was on the way to bettering her life, defeating depression and learning to believe in herself again. And I was finally on a slow path to shedding all the past versions of myself, learning to come as I am rather than needing to be someone. We were individually getting better, it seemed. But I suppose that didn’t mean we would get better together.

Reading what I’ve written here, I feel like I’ve come to really understand that I have been grieving this friendship long before it ended. Here I am missing someone who had hurt me and had hurt in return, I feel all this love for her, for the memories. But she isn’t who she used to be anymore. She’s just a stranger now.

I think about K and how she’ll never know me as I am now. My heart is broken. She’ll never know that I can do latte art now, how my music tastes have evolved. She would never get to meet any of my cats. She’ll never hear of my travels. I won’t be there when she gets her first flat. I’ll never get to watch her violin recitals. I won’t know what her cooking tastes like. I’ll never know if she has new favourite books and if she ever changed her mind about Murakami.

The 2019 screenshots that inspired all of this are of a conversation between K and another person who I hurt deeply--J. I told K one morning that I had a dream about him and that after years and years of regret I still hope for his forgiveness. K stepped up and told me she doesn’t mind messaging J on Instagram. They didn’t know each other but she volunteered to reach out on my behalf anyway. After about a month she showed me the screenshots of J’s response—a rejection, a condemnation, my just desserts. I wasn’t surprised really. I hurt J badly. I realised too late how much I love him. I told K I deserved it. But when I was ready to punish myself all over again, K was the one who dusted me off and picked me back up. She said that people change, situations change, and it could really be a new start for me and J if he would just allow a reunion. She said it’s a shame that for all the love we had for each other, J would not allow for a new beginning. Even though I had made that life altering mistake, K reminded me that I am still worthy of redemption.

Those words mean a lot to me.

After remembering all the petty fights, the immature choices and thoughtless remarks, it is in fact this enduring act of kindness that I choose to remember her by, forever and always.

Thinking about it now, I suppose I had always applied that same sentiment to my friendship with K. I always thought that even though we’ve drifted apart, we could always reconnect and start fresh when the time is right. I held on to the hope without realising it. Weeks after my email to her, there’s nothing but fragments of a thread. The thin and brittle thread we kept trying to salvage seem to finally have disintegrated for good—I see this very clearly now, three years after the fact.

Of course there are so many reasons for her lack of response. The most plausible one is that the email she used then must be one of her oldest ones from her teenage years. It wasn’t even her actual name. She could have lost the password or just never thought to check it anymore as she is now using a more current email. Before we lost touch we were getting quite close. She had some financial issues which I was offering to help her with. And she had even floated the idea of flying to the states for the first time to see me. I offered for her to stay at my place. I told her we’d take a road trip. I could drive her anywhere she wanted. We were doing well. I cannot think of what I might have done to I upset her. I don’t believe I’ve given her any reason for her to cut me off.

But it doesn’t matter now.

Time heals wounds but I suppose it also dulls the strongest of emotions. Maybe she just doesn’t feel compelled to keep me in her life anymore.

I’ve been to the UK so many times now and every single time I’ve thought about taking a train to her. Every single time I fought against that idea. I know for sure now that I’ll never set foot in Coventry. I won’t be the one to destroy her peace. But in future, when I find myself in London or elsewhere again, I will choose to think of K and feel gratitude, to have known her, without needing to blame myself for the way our paths diverged.

The idea of this entry was like a geyser inside me. It came in bursts. I thought I would write and publish this in one sitting. It has taken me nearly 20 days. At first it was guilt, anguish for all the shortcomings. I was hurt by the rejection and the delayed realisation. But I have nothing left to mourn now, I think. All I’ve got now is a celebration of what has been.

With this I lay flowers on the grave of our friendship.

[megatownac]

The queue is empty, and it's been a little over four years since that happened. The last time, it's because I was on a two-week trip to Japan. This time, it's because I've quit playing New Horizons.

I stopped playing on September 22, on Ankha's birthday, because I wanted to celebrate that one last time before I put the game down. Since then, I've regained half an hour each day by not playing, and another twenty minutes by not queueing up posts after I got through my backlog on October 1. So it's been about 23 days of having an extra 50 minutes.

I'd been playing for nearly a year for no reason other than to keep getting fuel for posts. It wasn't fun on its own anymore.

I started this blog in September 2013, 10 years and 1 month ago. Since then, I've written over 22,000 posts in just about 3700 days.

When I started this blog, the Animal Crossing world was a lot more active. I made friends with people like @toysleaf and @vivinzenz. I would visit people's towns, and they would visit mine. As years went on, that faded. The blog got a little bit bigger. Just barely, barely big enough that I had to get cautious about what I wrote. I cut out all swearing and off-color jokes. I stopped asking people for things. I made sure never to reveal my political leanings, or my thoughts on current events. It wasn't my place, I thought, and was grateful that nobody asked me to weigh in. I eventually became isolated in my little world, not reblogging anything from anybody, ever, and hoping that maybe eventually some silly joke I made would get viral enough to…

To what, exactly? It's not like I ever made money doing this, and I'd all but given up on making friends. I was just doing it out of habit, out of a drive to see if I could get my follower count to go up. It didn't. I hit the 1500-follower mark back in 2016 or 2017 and never got higher than 1595. My silly jokes, my constant barrage of snarky comments about my day-to-day life, simply weren't popular with some imaginary mainstream Animal Crossing tumblr fandom that stopped existing well before New Horizons came out.

There's still an Animal Crossing fandom out here, of course. Just not one that follows blogs like mine. Do something impressive: create some art, or crochet something, or even design a cool home. Things I was not doing. Things I did not want to do.

I'd like to get back to enjoying Animal Crossing. To playing the game for fun. To playing it with other people, and making friends. But that won't happen right now. It can't.

Remember, I've been doing this for over 10 years. I was in my late twenties when I STARTED this blog, and I knew very well that I was one of the oldest people on Tumblr posting Animal Crossing content. My forties are not far off. I'm old. I feel out of place and weird posting my silly little jokes here when I know that most of the people reading them, and there aren't many who do, are probably quite a bit younger than I am. It's a kid's game, and that's fine. But I'm not a kid, and I'm not posting anything truly creative. Just blogging. Just starting up my game each morning to run around and gather fossils and hit rocks and talk to any islanders I see and snapping dozens of screenshots so I can post them on Tumblr at a rate of 4 or more posts each day.

This isn't goodbye forever. I'm just going on break for now. When something changes, I'll be back.

In the meantime, my main blog, @ratralsis, was active before this one started and is still active. I'm going to try to write there a little more often now that I'm not posting here each day, but we'll see, I guess.

As for here, I don't know what I might be posting here in the next few months. Maybe nothing. Maybe I'll start reblogging things again for the first time in, what, six years? Seven years? I don't know. A long time.

I'm not saying I will. Just that I maybe will. Maybe I won't!

Either way, take care of yourself, and remember that I'm still around and, one way or another, will continue writing on the internet until I am physically unable. I've been doing so since 2001 or so and have never stopped. I've been Ratralsis since 2002 and I needed a name to write on a friend's website (the website is long gone now). As far as I know, I'm either the only Ratralsis out there or the other people with that name don't show up on Google, so, as of today, at least, if you see a Ratralsis out there complaining about Best Buy on Twitter or leaving comments on YouTube videos or posting in the forums on Flight Rising, that's me.

That's all for now.

[reasoningdaily]

Cat Yu for HBR

When I was in my late twenties, I was diagnosed with stomach cancer. Doctors operated and told me to hope for the best. I returned to Japan, where I was working, and tried to forget about it. The tumors returned a year later, this time in my liver. After a long search, the surgeons found a new procedure to remove them, but I knew this was, again, perhaps only a temporary fix. I was a mess for the next six months. The hardest part of my illness was my constant anxiety about it coming back.

Then I met a man who changed my outlook. Dr. Derek Roger had spent 30 years researching why some people in difficult situations become overwhelmed, while others persevere. He taught me everything he’d learned, and as I started applying it, my anxiety subsided, even though my situation didn’t change. In fact, the cancer came back about five years ago and remains relatively stable in my liver. But I no longer worry about it. Derek became my mentor, and over the past 10 years we have trained thousands of leaders to overcome their stress.

The process starts with understanding that stress is caused not by other people or external events, but by your reactions to them. In the workplace, many people blame their high anxiety levels on a boss, job, deadlines, or competing commitments for their time. But peers who face the same challenges do so without stress. Derek and I often meet executives who have high levels of pressure but low levels of stress, and vice versa.

Pressure is not stress. But the former is converted to the latter when you add one ingredient: rumination, the tendency to keep rethinking past or future events, while attaching negative emotion to those thoughts. Of course, leaders must practice reflection — planning for the future or reviewing past lessons — but this is an analytical, short-term process, with positive fallout. Rumination is ongoing and destructive, diminishing your health, productivity, and well-being. Chronic worriers show increased incidence of coronary problems and suppressed immune functioning. Dwelling on the past or the future also takes us away from the present, rendering us unable to complete the work currently on our plates. If you ask ruminators how they are feeling, none will say “happy.” Most feel miserable.

To break this stress-inducing habit, Derek and I recommend four steps:

Wake up. People spend most of their day in a state called “waking sleep.” This is when you pull into the office parking lot but can’t remember the drive there, or when someone in a meeting asks for your opinion but you’ve missed the last few minutes of conversation. Since all rumination happens during this state, the first step is to break out of it. You can do this physically: Stand or sit up, clap your hands, and move your body. Or you can do it mentally: Connect with your senses by noticing what you can hear, see, smell, taste, and feel. The idea is to reconnect with the world.

Control your attention. When you ruminate, your attention gets caught in an unproductive loop, like a hamster on a wheel. You need to redirect yourself to areas in which you can take useful action. Here’s one exercise we encourage executives to use: Draw a circle on a page, and write down all of the things you can control or influence inside of it and all of the things you cannot outside of it. Remind yourself that you can care about externalities — your work, your team, your family — without worrying about them.

Put things in perspective. Ruminators tend to catastrophize, but resilient leaders keep things in perspective for themselves and their teams. We tell people to try three techniques: contrasting (comparing a past stress to the current one, i.e., a major illness versus a missed sale), questioning (asking yourself “How much will this matter in three years’ time?” and “What’s the worst that could happen?” and “How would I survive it?”) and reframing (looking at your challenge from a new angle: “What’s an opportunity in this situation I haven’t yet seen?” or even “What’s funny about this situation?”)

Let go. The final step is often the hardest. If it was easy to let it go, we would have done it already. We find that three techniques help. The first is acceptance: Acknowledge that whether you like the situation or not, it is the way it is. The second is learning the lesson. Your brain will review events until it feels you’ve gained something from them, so ask yourself, “What have I learned from this experience?” The third is action. Sometimes the real solution is not to relax, but to do something about your situation. Ask yourself, “What action is required here?

While struggling with cancer, it took me a couple of years to train myself to follow these steps. But ultimately it worked. My stress levels went down, my health improved, and my career took off. More heartening, I discovered that everything Derek had taught me could be taught to others, with similar results.

[ambroziadelphine]

Careful, I bite. Chapter 9

Masterlist Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8

The week continued on like this, going out somewhere with Hashirama to the gym, park, grocery store; which he was both appalled at the price when we figured out the currency difference between worlds, and amused when he saw the variety we had in food. I also showed his where I worked, just as a quick stop since my Manager wanted to give me an updated schedule since a new girl was hired; he was interested in what I actually did as a bartender then the alcohol or guests, but it was a little earlier in the day so there also weren't many people there. In exchange, he would tell me more about where he came from; about his life in the anime world. I learned that Tobi and Hashirama had indeed been leaders like Augie said, though they were called the Hokage, and they didn't rule at the same time. I also asked him to explain honorifics because I was thoroughly confused when he'd use them, turns out they are pretty accurate in anime which I guess should be obvious. I just never really knew if anime would be that accurate to Japanese culture like that, especially with how many there are and not all from Japan. 

I also made it obvious I was ignoring Tobirama through out the week. If he asked me something that wasn't just a basic need, I ignored him and even would leave the room if he was getting pissy about it. Which he was. A lot. Yet I noticed that night after I had shown Hashirama my work, Tobirama had stayed up waiting for me again, though when I entered he didn't even so much as glance at me, just continued reading whatever book he had. He had done that every night I worked since then, though I never bothered asking him why seeing as that meant talking to him willingly. B had taken him to a book store to get some he would want to read instead of the stuff we had at the apartment, especially after I had removed most of my spicy books to avoid him reading them accidentally; however that was about 2 full shelves of books I had to move, hehe.

Hashirama also always joined me when I was going to Liz's diner which I found quite funny, watching him sit at the counter with August talking about the newest thing he did in school, or talking about the character the little boy didn't even know was right in front of him, or something he made. He had found out Hashirama's name and has been attached to the man at the hip ever since, well, whenever he wasn't helping his mom. I think the little boy has also picked up on the subtle glances the brunette would take at his mother, there have been more then one occasion where he's gotten his mothers attention to cheer about something Hashirama told him about the Naruto character or small, harmless stories from his world. I was actually glad to see August so happy, he and Liz were pretty blue a year ago when her boyfriend, August's dad, died in a car accident. She had just found out she was pregnant with her daughter when she got the news, it was a miracle she didn't miscarry with the stress she was under those first few months, but thanks to Augie and some family support, she made it out just fine and gave birth to a healthy baby girl.

Right now I was in the shower, just washing my hair before I went out and got some documents I had a buddy forge, it wasn't a passport, but instead all official Canadian documents for Madara, everything from a birth certificate to high school transcripts to get him wherever he needs in this world. It'll be important if he's going to stay here. I have to pick them up today as Alex asked if I could get them done and she'd pay for them to even be put on rush order so she could have everything ready asap. Apparently, they're having some issues with one of her neighbors sons having it out for Madara or something, idk, but she wants it as a back up incase something happens and she needs them for if they need to involve police or anything.

I didn't really question it, though I did ask if I should get all that stuff for the Senju brothers too which she said no to, they were going home as soon as they can so there wouldn't be much point rushing that as well for the time being. I finished up in the shower quickly and got dressed, grabbing my coat and bag before walking out my door and into the living room, going to put on my shoes.

"Where are you going?" B asked as she turned to see me at the door.

"Oh, I gotta pick something up for Alex. I shouldn't be long." I said making her frown.

"You meeting up with King?" She asked making me pause and sigh, nodding. "Come on Max, you know that guy is still in touch with Rio." She said lightly making me roll my eyes.

"Well, he's kinda the only person who can get us forged documents for these guys, so I'm kinda stuck with him. Besides, I've already told him I'm done with Rio. For good." I said, turning and grabbing the doorknob when she called for me to stop, getting up and grabbing her coat.

"I'll go with you." She said making me scoff.

"No, you're not. He hates you." I said making her pause and scowl at me.

"I'm not gonna have you going to meet him when I know he's gonna go running to Rio right after this. I'm not letting you meet someone alone who's still friends with that abusive prick." She said, Hashirama and Tobirama getting up from the couch at her words and coming up to us.

"Abusive? Max, what is she talking about?" Hashirama asked making me sigh, putting a hand on my head.

"The guy Alex and I are paying to make the passports for you two, is a friend of my ex boyfriend from a few years ago; but I've kept my distance from him since then and things seem fine." I said with a slight shrug as B scoffed loudly.

"Ex-boyfriend, more like ex-abuser and stalker." She said as she took my wrist. "You can not just go meet with his buddies without someone there with you! They could be dangerous!" She said making me roll my eyes, pulling my wrist from her hand and stepping back.

"I think B is right, Max." Hashirama said softly. "We are just concerned for you, we do not mean to offend, we just wish to see you safe and out of harms way." He said making me sigh.

"Look, I'll be fine-"

"I'll go with her." Tobirama said, cutting me off making me blink in surprise along with the others.

"Excuse me?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.

"So, you finally talk to me?" He countered making me roll my eyes.

"Fuck you." I said, moving to open the door when he put a hand on it to stop me.

"If they're dangerous, you're not going alone. Enough arguing." He said, grabbing his coat and swinging it on. "I'll make sure she's safe, don't worry." He said as he followed my scowling form out to my car, getting in the passenger side as I sat in the drivers seat. I drove to the meeting location in silence, glaring at the road in front of me as Tobirama looked at me. I could feel his eyes on me the whole way making my annoyance grow as we pulled up to the spot,  putting the car in park as I unbuckled my seatbelt, seeing Tobi doing the same until I stopped him.

"You're not coming out there." I said, making him look at me in confusion.

"Of course I am." He scoffed making me glare at him.

"No, This will be a quick exchange. Stay in the car." I said, getting out without another word and walking up to where King stood, the Hispanic man had a yellow manila folder in his hands as he eyed the white haired man in the car.

"Rio ain't gonna be happy about him." King said making me tense, I just needed the folder, then I'm out of here. "You know, he's been a mess without you." He said making me roll my eyes.

"He'll live. The folder, please." I said, holding a hand out as he walked closer, eyeing me slowly.

"Ah, don't be like that, Maxine." He said, smirking as he tilted his head. "Where's the love?" He asked making me sigh and cross my arms.

"I thought we've been through all this before King. I don't want anything to do with Rio anymore. I've moved on from him, its time he does the same." I said calmly, getting him angry wont do me any good if I still need to get Tobirama and Hashirama's documents.

"Yea, I doubt he's gonna let you go that easily." He said, taking a step closer to me as he stared down at my eyes. "Took him a long time to get him off your back before." He asked, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, stepping back and taking the folder from his hand carefully as I turned around, only for him to catch my hand, which is when Tobi opened his door, standing up and glaring at King as he paused.

"Ohh, got yourself a little guard dog, huh Max?" He asked, grinning as he leaned close to my ears, my body freezing as I felt my breath stop. "He'll be hearing about this, from me or someone else." He said, letting me go as he turned around, walking back to his car, driving away in his shiny Rolls Royce as I felt myself let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"What was that about?" Tobirama asked as I walked up to the car.

"I told you to stay in the car." I said, opening my door as he frowned.

"Answer me." He said, I let out a frustrated sigh and looked at him over the hood of the car.

"King is one of Rio's closest partners. Rio runs the money, he forges needed documents and such. Now, King is going to tell Rio about you, and the fact you were with me and he's going to be pissed. You might have just risked your way home by doing this cause King is also the only one who can get you those passports!" I snapped, he may have just fucked this all up for them. So, now either I have to fix it or find another plan. I also now needed to be a little cautious because Rio was still dangerous, even if I had told B I'd be fine earlier, he was into some sketchy shit with King, and I didn't truly know what he was capable of at this point. Tobirama scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure you could find someone else to do it with how easily you got him to." He said making my eye twitch. Did he really think these things were that easy? He didn't even know what the fuck kind of documents we needed and he thinks its that easy? I stormed over to him and pushed him into his seat, leaning over him as I had a hand leaning on the doorframe.

"Getting these documents, is illegal. So I'm sorry, if I don't only know fucking criminals." I said, though he didn't seem to care much making my anger rise. "Also, you may have just majorly fucked me over by getting Rio jealous. B wasn't lying when she said he was dangerous, and not even I know what the fuck he's fully capable of. I'll be lucky if I'm not under constant surveillance or being followed at every turn now because of you." I snapped angerly, he rolled his eyes again.

"You're not that special." He scoffed making me step back, pulling my shirt up to reveal an 'R' faintly scarred into my skin right below my bra on my right side.

"Tell that to him." I said coldly as he looked at the scar in shock, a slight anger and mortified horror in his eyes at what was essentially a branding of my ex carved into my skin. "He did this 2 months into dating. I was trapped with him for 2 years. He continued to stalk and harass me for another year before finding a new bitch to abuse." I said, pulling my shirt down before shutting his door harshly, walking back to my side and getting in. Tobirama was quiet for a moment as I started the car, pulling back onto the road as he looked out the window.

"I.. I'm sorry." He said quietly, sounding honestly genuine making me scoffed.

"If you had said that yesterday, I would have forgiven you." I said, my hands balled into fists. "But right now, I just want to get home and get as far away from you as I can." I said, it was a very tense and awkward ride home and upon entering the apartment again I stormed into my room, locking myself inside as I tried to keep calm, I didn't know what he'd do. He could be constantly watching me now. Every bar, every café, every party I go to. He'll probably know. I wouldn't ever put stalking me again past him, he did it for a year after I left him. He only stopped after finding someone else to abuse.

---------------------------

When it got to Friday, I could not be happier, especially after going the rest of the week without seeing a hint of Rio anywhere. Maybe I was over reacting. I guess we'll see.

Anyways though, besides the Rio incident, thankfully no big arguments have broken out again, though I could always feel Tobirama's eyes on me since we got home that day; especially when I refused to talk or look at him at all the rest of the week. Hashirama and B tried to talk to me about it but I just said I wasn't going to change my attitude until he left, I had briefly explained what happened to B, who explained to Hashirama, and after that they thankfully stopped bugging me. Though I still heard that night as Hashirama conversed with Tobirama, sounding to be scolding him slightly.

I had just gotten home from work, taking the elevator that was finally fixed up to my floor with an excited kick to my step. Earlier that day I had gotten a text about a party happening tonight and I wanted to go and get laid. I wanted a night where I could forget about Tobirama and Rio, just to relax and have fun while I drowned my feelings in alcohol. I was super jittery to go, hoping B would be as on board as I am, which was almost a guarantee with how much she liked to party.

All I knew, was that tonight, I wasn't letting anyone get in the way of taking some much needed de-stress time and fucking whoever I want.

[strwbrryeyes]

𖦹°｡⋆ sorry we lost touch.

⟡ featuring: oikawa

⟡ cw: timeskip oikawa, angst, talk about breakups, comfort?, fluff, fem reader, pregnancy talk at the end, lmk if i missed anything, bad writing and not proofread yet btw

⟡ a/n: i was listening to sorry we lost touch by will jay and got sad so i wrote this - still on a break though i just had to get this out. i'll go over some parts of this again eventually just to make it flow better (especially at the end) but ya ok bye.

four years ago, after high school, two of the people you cared most about dropped a bomb on you informing you about their plans for their futures.

your best friend, iwaizumi, went to california for college. this news didn't really shock you, he's been open about his dreams for all of high school. of course you were still sad, but you knew that this was important to him.

meanwhile, your boyfriend, oikawa tooru, caught you off guard when he told you he accepted an offer from some volleyball organization in argentina. you didn't know how to react. you knew you were happy for him but you weren't sure how to feel about leaving, especially since he didn't say anything about this before. it's not like he needed your approval, you knew that...but you would have appreciated it if he told you sooner. not the week before he had to leave.

that night on the couch of your basement, you guys argued and cried. you both tried coming up with multiple ways to keep the relationship strong. talks about being long distance, visiting each other often, and finally, you moving to argentina with him.

you don't know why him asking you to move with him made you angry and sad but it did. maybe it was because you're entire life was in japan. all of your family and friends are in japan. your memories are in japan. your dreams and goals are all made so they took place in japan. but oikawa didnt understand that.

you stood up for yourself, you told him that you were going to stay in japan and that's final.

"okay fine then! we're over!." oikawa finally snaps as he stands up to walk to the stairs leading out of the basement.

"tooru." tears start forming but you hold back for the sake of not seeming weak. "you can't be serious." you choke back a sob as you stand up and turn to face him.

"why shouldn't i be serious, yn?" he says as stops at the top step. "nothing is going to workout for us. anything i've suggested you've turned down so what choice do we have?" he shouts at you then wait for an answer. an answer you didn't know. you froze up and all you could do was sit there as his patience grew thinner.

after a few seconds of silence and no response from you he mutters out a "forget it" and takes the final step out of your basement. the final step out of your relationship.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

four years have passed by.

you two made up after two days and agreed to be friend even though it hurt. you guys did a great job of that for the remain week he was still in japan. once he got to argentina though...that's when things started fading out.

you both were in completely different timezones and it was almost impossible to keep touch on a regular basis. it made you both sad that you couldn't keep a connection between the both of you, you both tried your hardest but as the first year of him being away went on, your talks became less frequent. by the start of the second year, you had lost all communication with him.

but now you're here, sitting in the apartment you shared with hanamaki and matsukawa. iwaizumi was also there but he was only visiting you all. he came back the month prior and now lives a few apartment complexes down. you were happy to see iwaizumi and to be able to talk to him as much as you want now, he was your best friend after all. however, in this very moment as you're just trying to watch your show on the tv, you really wish you could kick his head off.

"why won't you just go say hi to him?" iwaizumi asks in a pushy tone. for the last hour and a half he has been trying to convince you to go see oikawa as he came back from argentina last week. according to iwaizumi, oikawa has been wanting to see you ever since he landed. apparently the first thing he said to iwa was "where is yn?".

"because haji! i don't want to get hurt!" you shout at him as you feel yourself start to lose patience. you knew that you and oikawa would have a calm conversation but it would inevitably include everything that happened between you two all those years ago. you didn't want to relive those memories again.

"listen," iwaizumi comes and sits next to you and grabs your hand, "i know you're scare of seeing him again yn, but so is he." he continues as you look down at your lap.

"and don't you want closure?" you look up and turn to makki. him and matsukawa have been silent during this whole ordeal but they both agreed with iwaizumi.

"listen doll, we love you and don't want to push you to do anything you don't want to but we know you still look at old pictures of you and tooru. we know you talk about him in your sleep. we know you type out text messages to him that you'll never send. so why not just go for it?" matsukawa admits all of the things that him and makki have notices ever since you all moved in together. all you can do is look up at the ceiling in shame before you decide to stand up and look at all of them.

"fine. i'll go see him." you finally agree and all three of them silently cheer and go up to hug you to tell you you'll be alright.

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

the next day, you find yourself standing in front of oikawa's house. you've actually been standing there for five minutes debating on if you actually want to go through with this but after a while you just shook off your nerves and knocked five times, subconsciously using the pattern you and oikawa would always use back when you were dating.

it was only a few seconds before you saw the door swing open and were met with oikawa looking at you in disbelief, as if he didn't believe it was actually you.

you both take a few moments to take each other in. not much has changed about him, you take notice. of course he was taller, more built, and just looked four years older, but you still saw the same glow he had all those years ago.

"yn, hey" oikawa says quietly as a small smile starts to form making your heart skip a beat.

"hi, tooru." you say in an equally quiet tone smiling a sweet smile back at him that could make him melt on the spot.

after a few more moments of silence, he invites you into the house and guides you to the couch before he goes to the kitchen to get you both a cup of tea leaving you to look around. it was his childhood house, the house you spent countless days and nights in. his parents left it for him last year when they decided to retire and move to the countryside so it was only the two of you in the house.

after a few minutes oikawa comes back with the tea and sets it down on the coffee table. you mumble out a thank you before you both sit in silence again before he speaks up.

"you look good."

"you do too"

"how have things been here? how was university for you?" oikawa hated the small talk but he thought it'd be better to catch up before you both got into the more serious topic at hand

"it was good! i made a lot of friends while there, granted i barely talk to any of them anymore, but it was a fun experience." you explain a little more about your time in university and you could tell that he was soaking in every word you said. what you didn't know is how bad he felt about not being there for you. "enough about me though, how was argentina? how was playing volleyball?"

"it was great, i learned a lot of new things and met a lot of people as well." it was his turn to fill you in on what he's been up to and you couldn't even be sad. you were so proud of him and you told him that before you both fell into silence again.

"i'm sorry." were the words that broke the silence.

"you have nothing to be sorry about, tooru." you sadly say this as you look at him.

"but i left you. i left the person i loved more than anything!" oikawa exclaims, admitting that he felt guilty about how everything happened.

"you had to go," you start out softly, hoping to calm him down. "you had to go, tooru. volleyball is everything to you, you just wanted to grow and learn more!"

"you were everything to me." he shouts as he takes your hands. "we talked about all these plans for our future but i ruined it by leaving you! you don't think that was selfish of me? i mean, come on! the entire time you were talking about what you have been doing for the last four years, all i could think about is how badly i wish i was there!" oikawa rambles out, his voice starting to crack, breaking your heart.

"no i don't. i'll admit it hurt for a long time but i never thought you were selfish, even for a second. i wish you were there too but...life just took us in different directions." you explain softly to him as you felt your own tears starting to prick in the corners of your eyes.

"you're too nice for your own good as always." oikawa chuckles out as he wipes away your tears that started falling. he was sad at the moment too, but he hated seeing you cry more than anything.

"but its all true. i've never hated you for anything." you lean into his touch without realizing it, but it felt right.

"i'm glad, but it still wont change how bad i feel about it." he rubs circles on your cheek with his thumb.

"then make it up to me." you say as you lift yourself from his touch, causing him to look at you confused.

"what do you mean?"

"you're here for good while now aren't you?" you ask him about how he's staying in japan for good now, as far as you both know and he nods. "then let's make new plans!" you excitedly say.

"you sure?" you nod as he still looks confused but after reassuring him he feels better. "okay then let's do it." finally agreeing he pulls you in for a hug.

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after that day, you and oikawa became inseparable once again and after a few months you two ended up dating each other again. it made everyone happy.

a year later you move in with him after your lease for your apartment with matsukawa and hanamaki was up. don't worry about them though, they got another place and you still saw them every weekend.

iwaizumi was especially happy for you and oikawa though. he said that he "finally had someone to complain to about shittykawa" again since he kept his mouth shut during those four years you and oikawa were apart. iwaizumi was just really happy that his best friends were together again and that they were finally happy.

another three years later, you're married and are expecting a baby girl. as you set up the nursery with oikawa, you take a look back at all these years and smile to yourself.

"I wouldn't change a single thing, you know?" oikawa says as he sees you smile and walks up to you, leaning down to kiss your pregnant belly and then kiss you. you agree with him.

even if you both went through hell and back with each other, you wouldn't have had it any other way because right now, you have all you've ever wanted.