#since i went to a really fluffy women's talk on suffering

[queenlucythevaliant]

Just to clarify my thoughts (since I've had a number of people ask me about it) re: Job and cursing God. There's a big difference between cursing God as used in Scripture and how we generally would think of cursing at God today.

Cursing someone, in the Bible, has a lot of depth to it. It's not just saying "screw you " in anger, it's got a sense of forsakenness to it. It's the opposite of a blessing, a removal of blessing. If the blessing is presence, your face shining on the person you're blessing, then a curse is absence. In some translations, Job's wife tells him to "renounce God and die," which I honestly think makes a lot more sense to modern ears.

Job says a lot of unpleasant things to and about God in his anger and grief. So do the Psalmists. A number of the Prophets. So can we. God can take it if we come to him with honest expressions of our emotion, including those not-so-nice ones directed at him. I don't think there's anything wrong with getting mad at God and saying, "How dare you, you bastard" when you suffer unjustly. You can say much worse, I think, without sinning, though I don't feel particularly inclined to give examples. But as long as it's an honest expression of your heart, I think you're doing exactly what prayer is for. You're presenting him your heart with an open hand. He can use that. Opposite of love is not hate but indifference, etc.

Job doesn't renounce God. Neither should we. But I think when you're truly suffering, you're gonna have those feelings toward God either way. He'd rather you address them with him directly than try to avoid them. Cursing at God in the modern sense is actually a great way to keep the relationship strong and not end up cursing/renouncing him in the Biblical sense.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

How bout teen!reader and the other women in the ROR family humiliating the men for teasing the reader after practically passing out from period cramps? Idk which men you'd think of when I say that it'd be like, them thinking that reader was just being overly dramatic and that the pain wasn’t so bad, and then Brunhilde and Shiva’s wives make them go through this things that you plug in your abdomen to simulate period cramps? Well, yeah, that and then they kund of understand why reader nearly died. I'm just venting because my colleagues are so annoying about this when they don’t even know what it feels like, lol <3

-You were curled up in Parvati’s arms, a pout on your face as you held the hot water bottle to your stomach while Brunnhilde was yelling at the male gods and warrior, the ones who laughed at you.

-Your unwanted monthly visitor was never the same, and this month, she decided to mess you up with such bad cramps that you nearly fainted, which was worrying for your family, but as soon as they knew you were all right, they found out why and many of the men in your family were quickly laughing.

-This wasn’t funny to you- this was torture, and it was only when you started crying, overwhelmed with emotions, that Aphrodite, Shiva’s wives, and the Valkyries stepped in to discipline the men.

-Kali gave the men all a lesson on what happens during a woman’s shark week, on how the uterus is basically trying to kill itself since it didn’t get what it wanted, and how no two women’s shark weeks were the same and some, like you, sometimes had severe symptoms.

-Some did sympathize with you and other women, but it was Aphrodite who suggested a more hands on approach to this lesson and produced a cramp simulator for every single person who laughed at you.

-Once they were all hooked up, a few, like Loki and QSH, complained, asking if they really had to do this.

-You were given a bowl of ice cream as you curled up on the couch as Brunnhilde took control of the remote, “Laugh by the end of this and you will be forgiven.”

-Twenty minutes later, you were the only laughing, along with the other women, as many of the men were unable to even move, after going from level one to level fifteen in cramps.

-You were pretty sure a few had passed out themselves, while others were shaking, sweating heavily, and gasping for air- this was not fun! This was torture!!

-Once the devices were removed, Aphrodite smirked down at all of them, once they were all awake, “Now then- would anyone like to laugh this time?”

-There was nothing but silence as her answer before Apollo spoke, “You have to deal with that every month?!”

-Durga gave a small nod, “Almost every woman does, but it’s never the same, one month it might be mild and only last three days, others you might be crippled and suffer for a whole week!”

-Eyes went wide- this wasn’t natural before Loki spoke, not being rude, “How do you guys handle this!” a few glances between the women were sent around before Parvati spoke up, “It’s expected of us to continue going about our lives as if nothing is wrong.”

-Eyes went wide, like they didn’t believe before the ladies all started taking turns telling the comments that you and they have been forced to endure, “It can’t be that bad!”, “You’re just faking it to get out of doing stuff.” “Still gotta go to work!”, “Need to take care of the kids!”, “Gotta clean the house!”, “Need to go to school.”, “Don’t talk about that- it’s gross and unnatural.”, “Oh you must be on your period!”, “Not to mention we have to deal with things like breakouts, headaches, and bloating- just to name a few.”

-You were the one who then finished the argument, “Even if we’re in pain, or like me when I almost passed out earlier- we’re expected to pretend that we’re okay as society expects that from us.”

-You’re pretty sure that you all got the point across, especially after Buddha cuddled you, hugging you while you were wrapped in a fluffy blanket. Shiva was showering his wives with affection, apologizing to them for every incident that he was insensitive towards them.

-Now if you could just get every other male on earth to understand what it feels like to have a period- then maybe more things would change.

[huntunderironskies]

moooooooom @gristlegrinder is trying to get me to explain the edgy battle idol boy microgenre to unsuspecting innocent people againnnnn

Anyway. Ask meme time! I always feel bad tagging people in these because I can never tell if someone finds it annoying or if someone would do them but doesn't get tagged most of the time and therefore feels left out, so if you're reading this consider it an invitation to participate. That is an @ everyone I guess. All that said, I'm going to pick randomly from both old friends (@braintapes @elderdragonapologist @darkprincecait) and some people who I see interacting with my posts a lot but who I've never really held conversations with (@brieflyinfatuated @parasitic--saint @6-piece-chicken-mcnobody) just to kick things off. Again, if I didn't tag you but this looks like fun, you can do it! But I like giving people notifications and I also like multiples of three so that's why I only actively tagged six people by name.

I went way off the rails talking about stuff so I made it harder than it should be to find the categories. For the record the categories we are talking about are: Last Song Listened To, Currently Watching, Currently Reading, and Current Obsessions should you decide to do this meme. Without further ado....

Last Song Listened To: If we're talking "listened to because I was actively seeking out music," it was apparently No Matter What by The Cat's Whiskers according to Spotify. If we're talking incidental background music, it's whatever that one BGM is in the Grammaphone Cafe in Cassette Beasts.

Currently Watching: Kingohger. Kind of. I'm way behind at the moment, I am really sorry, Cait. If drama tracks/radioplays count I've been picking through Magatsunote and just wrapped up the first season. It's slow going because I have to translate it from Japanese which I absolutely do not speak fluently, I'm trying to finish it before Executioner starts putting out theirs in earnest. I am probably not going to make it in time.

Currently Reading: I finished An Unauthorised Fan Treatise in like. A single sitting which is rare for me, my attention span and memory retention has shrunken to nothing over the past few weeks for various reasons. A mystery novella was apparently just what the doctor ordered. What I'm actively reading now is The Backwater Sermons by Jay Hulme since poems are so much easier for me to get through when I'm having those kinds of moments.

Currently Obssessed With:

So. I'll start with the answer you're fishing for...

...but it's under a cut because I got very wordy given that I'm kind of intense about the things I like.

I don't know how to describe this other than the fact that hit music project Hypnosis Mic, in which the matriarchal government that takes over Japan after World War III legally mandates psychic damage-based bloodsports as a form of conflict resolution, absolutely printed money.

To the best of my reckoning the reason why is that a lot of the women (and a not insubstantial amount of transmascs from what I've observed, me included) who'd grown up on male idol projects like Uta no Prince-Sama and fluffy otomuke were older now and were no longer able to relate to lighthearted high school antics. But being stuck in a miserable adulthood with a world that feels like it's getting worse and worse around you and you have to struggle against the crushing pressure of a system you never asked to be born into, sometimes pitting you against people and things you love? That's relatable. Meanwhile, you still get the fun of identifying and fighting for a musical group? And there are anime boys who are in their mid-twenties to early thirties and are therefore age-appropriate for you to be thirsting after? And and the music is really good? Total goldmine.

And so a bunch of other corporations with an interest in the joseimuke market decided to make their own music projects that (mostly) take place in the dystopian near future and feature a lot of suffering and bloodshed and homoeroticism and some kind of plot they can shoehorn idol units into.

I have nicknamed this microgenre the Edgy Idol Boy Battle Anime and appointed myself the foremost expert on this esteemed field. @missmadril (...who I guess I have now tagged so she can do this tag game also now, have at it bestie) will probably back me up on having claim to it since I have no standards and will immediately watch/listen to anything that falls under that genre, also I have very little competition for that role because I'm pretty sure the EN-side fandom for Magatsunote and Executioner is literally just me.

I got onboard very early with Hypnosis Mic pre-first season and immediately knew the second that I saw Jakurai that he was going to rewrite my brain chemistry. He's a white haired (....well, grey, close enough) angel-themed character who has committed terrible crimes in the past and is wracked with guilt over it, doing everything he can to make up for his misdeeds to the point of needless self-sacrifice. What was I supposed to do, not fall madly in love with him? Now, I am still very occupied with hpmi but we're currently between plot arcs waiting for the third round of...whatever is going on after all those plot twists so in lieu of content I have been fixated on different franchises. More specifically, certain characters. I accidentally wrote essays about them. Sorry.

The shitty pictures are because, once again, the EN-side fanbase of these is me and me alone. As such there are like, zero resources out there including art assets. I tried very hard to make these screenshots of the official webpages. Please clap.

Momiji Beniyashiki

Remember how I knew sight unseen that Jakurai was going to rewrite my brain chemistry? If you forgot, just scroll up, it's like just two paragraphs above. Then you will remember.

Alright, well, here's the second character who's going to do that. Executioner only has its story/character teasers and a single out right now but so did hpmi when I first got into it and I could just instinctively feel it in my otomuke/joseimuke old guard bones. It feels like a bad arthritis day, for the record.

Now, those of you who have been in my presence for some time may be thinking "Hey, he's not Raz's type at all, since when have they been into pink haired alt fashion anime boys?" Well, you have judged me wrongly. I am somewhat less superficial than that. You see, it's all in the personality and backstory.

Momiji is an orphan who was adopted by a phantom thief who stole from the rich to give to the poor, and after finding out his dad's secret decided he was going to become a phantom thief too, owing to his own strong sense of justice. He's a pacifist with a reckless streak who sells his soul to a demon to save the world and that's why he's part of a demon-possessed visual-kei tokusatsu unit, and the other members are his adoptive brothers who are also phantom thieves. I would say this makes sense in context, but it doesn't.

I am entranced by his tboy swag and dedication to doing the right thing in defiance of conventional moral codes. For approximately one second in the latest single teaser (the full single is happening on Friday) (sorry in advance to anyone who talks to me on Friday), he was animated parkouring about the screen and I was so excited I began to vibrate quickly enough that I started clipping through the furniture like a character in a badly programmed video game. If the Asta drama track doesn't get dropped soon I will simply chew my own arm off from frustrated anticipation. I barely speak any Japanese and I've been trying to translate every single line of dialogue and lyrics he's had in my spare time just so I can keep thinking about him during this content gap. I've bookmarked a kanji dictionary because I'm functionally illiterate and I can get through maybe one sentence a day. Why must it not be Friday. I need it to be Friday.

At any rate, stan Asta because one of your alternatives is stanning for the unit that consists mostly of cops, and I think it is a moral good to join the war on crime on the side of the criminals. There's like, a bunch of medical professionals or whatever as the other alternative I guess. But come on. Heroic phantom thief siblings. There's a clear correct choice here.

Now that we have established the objectively best character in any of these edgy idol projects ever, let's move onto the next person who has infested my brain like a culture of cordyceps.

Masamune

"Oh, there's the white-haired anime boy!" you may be saying. To which I respond, "Shut up, a gentleman is allowed to indulge in certain vices."

Now, I know he did conduct a semi-judicial summary execution of a man who had resorted to crime in order to feed his family due in part to the inherently horrific socially stratified dystopia everyone lives in, and that was within the first five minutes of his appearance. So, not a great first impression. Like, the guy was threatening to shoot a hostage, but it was kind of overkill to take his head off without a second of hesitation. At least his corpse got used for like, fertilizer or Soylent Green or something, it's not totally clear other than ominous implications as to what happens to dead people in this setting. Truly a win for all the utilitarians out there!

He has a sense of justice in the worst possible way where he's completely unforgiving, uncompromising, fanatically dedicated to the group that he thinks is helping save humanity, and is incapable of seeing nuance. However, when compared to all of the unrepentant war criminals and the habitual arson-murderer and the omnicidal cult leader and the guy heavily implied to be conducting immoral medical trials on his patients, he starts looking like the least bad option. He is in the unique position of being capable of feeling remorse and he was brainwashed (as in, the cyberpunk corporation running everything rewired his neurons and memories in addition to the mundane definition of the word) so that kind of accounts for some of the "being a terrible person" thing.

He, uh, gets better about the whole fanatical devotion issue? Character growth. Like I said, least awful person in Magatsunote is a low bar to clear but he did it. Good job buddy, I am feeling an emotion roughly adjacent to pride for you.

I very, very rarely get the "I want to treat this character as my personal chew toy" response that other people seem to have. Then l I started watching Magatsunote and suddenly my list of characters I would put into a blender if given half the chance has increased tenfold. You can set a clock by the fact that whenever you think someone is redeemable, they will immediately do something that lets you down a scene after at the latest, but they're at least doing it in an interesting way. I have the most affection for Masamune in the sense I would like to gently pick him up, pat him on the head, and then fling him off a cliff instead of immediately succumbing to my own homicidal impulses. I probably don't need to though because every single person in the series is trying to kill each other, up to and including inter-unit violence and backstabbing. Why get involved when other people are going to do my work for me?

Don't take this as a knock against the series, it has some of the best writing chops out of what's otherwise a guilty pleasure genre for me, but it is very hard to recommend to people due to the absolutely bizarre premise even by the microgenre's standards (I honestly don't know how to start explaining it) and all of the characters being kind of. Like that. You need a specific mindset, part of which is an extremely high tolerance for weird anime bullshit and thinking horrible people ruining each others' lives is good wholesome fun, to genuinely enjoy it.

Wait, I'm supposed to be trying to convince people to listen to music. Uh. Stan ARK Kansakyoku, the least of many evils. Also Libra is a good song so, you know, there's that. That's the best pitch I can give his unit.

On a more normal person note, I've been having a lot of fun with Octopath Traveler 2 and I refuse to say which character has been occupying most of my brainspace because some of you will never let me live it down even though I think it is very cruel of the writers to genetically engineer a man designed to appeal to me and me alone, specifically, and I have already said way too much about my taste in men within just this post alone. Don't worry, though! I'm bi! And my taste in women is even worse. It starts with Rodya from Limbus Company and then it's all downhill from there. Listen, she was at least a tiny bit justified in that murder, don't judge me.

Actually, now that I'm thinking on it, Temenos needs to grow his hair out a few inches longer to be truly perfect for my awful tastes. So maybe this isn't a conspiracy against me. Nevertheless, further research into this concerning trend of white-haired anime boys seemingly tailored to my very specific desires is needed.

The last real obsession I have as of late is monster collecting games. I've mostly been doing a SwSh speedrun (to get Rapid Strikes Urshifu, Regileki and Spectrier) (yes, this is for competitive reasons) (at literally every turn where I had a choice I made the wrong meta one my first go around) and playing through Cassette Beasts as a more casual option. Cassette Beasts is super fun! I think it's really more of a Persona-alike than a monster catching game despite how it's been advertised but it 100% nails the late eighties/early nineties nostalgia in the best possible way. I'm so happy I got it on sale but TBH I'd say it would have still been worth it at full price with the amount of fun I've had playing it. It's also really well-designed from a mechanical standpoint IMO and I like its unique take on how type matchups should work, the fact that it uses status effects instead of just a damage multiplier gives so much more tactical weight to combat.

[rere-the-writer]

hey!! If it’s not too much to ask, could I request a kol x reader where the reader is a witch and a doppelgänger? Like somehow the reader and Elena are both doppelgängers, but after Klaus broke the curse the reader was able to live a fairly normal life in New Orleans, that is until Esther comes back. Maybe because of Klaus’ presence in Nola the reader has allied with Marcel for protection, resulting in her befriending Davina and encountering the newly resurrected kol? Kol attacks her when he sees her because he thinks she’s Elena, but when she overpowers him with her magic he realizes she’s not Elena. They eventually become friends and start to develop feelings for each other maybe? I hope that isn’t too specific. I really just would like something a little angsty and fluffy with witch! Kol. I really admire your work. It’s very uplifting and comforting, especially, your kol content. He’s my comfort character but I’ve exhausted the supply of fluffy kol fics 😅 Thanks! Make sure to take care of yourself, love ❤️

I'm glad you like my Kol. Time for some fluff for my baby boy.

Warnings- Fluff, Kol be simpin', A bit of angsty

You had been living in New Orleans for a year now to be away from Katherine and Elena as you were a different doppelganger and still carried the Petrova family name. You were a powerful witch and didn't care that Elena was like your long distance cousin because of the bloodline you shared.

Once you had heard Klaus was spotted in Mystic Falls, much to Elena's disappointment you got the hell out of dodge not wanting to be used by the Original as you knew your family's history with the Mikaelsons. Marcel had took you under his wing much like Davina as you help teach the younger witch to control her magic.

You were angry that your life had been fucked over because of Katherine but after Klaus broke his curse you were able to life a normal life in New Orleans that was until a pregnant wolf and Esther coming back.

"The Originals are in town be careful." Marcel told you knowing if Klaus knew of another doppelganger you would be in danger. But Elijah knew about you as he came to you about Davina and you managed to tell him she wasn't a threat.

"So your family has history with the Mikaelsons?"

"You could say that De."

You could feel Esther's magic as it was heavy in the air even more after Davina told you she brought back Kol. It happened in a blur you were held against a wall by your thoat.

"You killed me litt...." Kol was cut off holding his head as you looked down at Kol with a glare as your hand was in a fist.

"I am not Elena, vampire." You growled as Kol felt like his head was on fire as the pain was unbearable. Kol could see that you may have the same face as Elena, your hair was cut short and curled as you got tired of people mistaken you for Elena or Katherine.

"I see....that....now....you're a powerful....witch." Kol panted as you let him go and Kol couldn't help but stare at you. You were attractive and Kol cursed to hisself now seeing what his brother's saw in the Petrova women.

"And you are annoying Kol Mikaelson."

"Forgive me but I don't know your name."

"And you won't." You say walking away leaving Kol laying there as he got up before deciding to ask Elijah.

"You ran into Y/N Petrova?" Elijah questioned his younger brother putting down his book catching Klaus's attention. Kol had got to Elijah to see if he knew anything and was glad.

"Yes so she is a doppelganger?"

"Yes, it surprised Niklaus when Katherine threw her under the bus. Y/N is the last pure blood Petrova witch." Elijah says as Klaus smirking sitting down remembering when he found you on the third day of him being New Orleans. Unlike Katherine and Elena, you didn't fear Klaus as proven when you made his heart stop when he tried taking you from Marcel.

"She is a little feisty witch. Rebekah likes her better than Katherine and Elena which is saying something."

"Oh?" Kol said standing smirking as Elijah and Klaus knew that smirk this crazy boy was going to try to date you.

"Be care Kol. If Marcellus doesn't kill you then she will."

When you got a call from Klaus saying he needed a powerful witch to weaken the hybrids under mother's control you thought he would talk to Davina.

'I need a Petrova witch love.' Was what Klaus told you and you walked into the compound annoyed when Kol smirked following you up stairs.

"Any plans this weekend?"

"Non of your business." You said annoyed hoping that Kol would have lost interest in you by now but the wildest Mikaelson just fell harder with every name calling and magic sent his way.

"Maybe I could take you out."

"No." You told him glaring but it didn't stop Kol from trying to ask you out or buying you flowers and gifts.

"De! I AM IN LOVE WITH AN IDIOT!" You shouted one morning scaring Davina when you came into your shared apartment. You founded yourself falling for Kol which to you was an idiot and didn't know why. You spent the day ranting to Davina that you couldn't love Kol because he was a Mikaelson and you were a Petrova.

"Hello darling."

"What do you want idiot?" You asked working on a spell to help Elijah when Kol had came over and stepped up behind you. You looked up at Kol and your breathing hitched seeing how close he was and your eyes flickered to his lips.

"I was....hoping that...you would finally. " Kol muttered leaning in as your cheeks flushed moving in also and his lips were on yours. The kiss was explosive as sparks flew and you moan against his mouth kissing back.

"Does this mean you like me and we can see one another?" Kol asked sounding unsure his cheeks tinted red as you smiled softly for the first time since he met you.

"Yeah, you goof." You whispered as Kol brighen kissing you again and let out a whine when you pulled away.

"I need to finish this spell." You tell him letting the vampire cling to you watching you work.

It didn't take Marcel and the other Mikaelsons to notice that Kol and you were seeing one another a lot more. You had managed to mellow Kol out as he now turned all of his focus on you. But one thing you and he agreed on was not tell anyone that he proposed eight months into your relationship as you both didn't know how Klaus would react.

"Cute place."

"What do you want Katherine? I thought you didn't want to be anywhere near Nik?" You questioned walking in to your apartment seeing Katherine sitting in a chair drinking your good wine.

"You cut your hair."

"What do you want?" You asked glaring as your magic was stirring up as Katherine huffed before spotting the engagement ring on your hand.

"You're engaged?"

"Yes now Katherine what do you want?!"

"Fine....I need help and you are the only powerful witch I know. Elena had turned off her humanity and I know you have a spell to get her to turn it on."

"Since when did you care about Elena?" You questioned pulling out your grimoire as Katherine watched you huffing sipping her wine.

"The brothers are boring and all angsty over it. It is annoying but I hear you and Kol are a thing."

"That is non of your business." You tell her getting to work then dropped a small bottle in her hand.

"Have Elena drink that it'll compel her to turn it back on." You tell Katherine as she smirked thanking you before leaving and while she was at it sent a text to Klaus that you were engaged to Kol.

Klaus was angry when he learned of you and Kol ever more angry when learning that Kol was going move out of the city with you after your marriage. In Klaus's eyes you were taking what was his while both Rebekah and Elijah was happy for Kol.

"Go warn her. I'll hold Niklaus back." Elijah told Kol hearing Klaus growled throwing things. Kol was quick to head to your place which smiled brightly seeing him walking in.

"So what kind of cake....Kol are you okay?" You asked seeing how terrified your future husband looked. Kol cupped your face tearing up as if to commit your face to memory.

"Nik knows and is coming for you....you need to run and hopefully he'll calm down and we can marry."

"Kol.....I....don't want....to live...like Katherine had.....please don't." You whimpered as he kissed you gently and helped you pack. That night after using magic to hide your tracks, Kol went to blows with Klaus while Katherine suffered at the hand of Elijah when he learned the vampire was the one to ruin Kol's slice of happiness.

"Come on Elijah, the little witch could use so....." Katherine was cut off when Elijah slammed her against a wall hand warped around her thoat.

"If Y/N dies in the hands of Niklaus, I will not be merciful Katerina."

Four years you were on the run visiting Kol's favorite places which made you feel closer to the Original while learning new magic's getting stronger. You sat in your London flat watching the snow falling gently while unconsciously playing with your engagement ring while thinking about Kol.

"Darling can you let me in?" You heard Kol ask making you rush to the door tearing it open letting him. You jumped up into his arms kissing him deeply pulling a deep moan from Kol.

"You're here! Oh my god I missed you. Never again idiot." You said inbetween kisses as Kol smiled looking up at you with adoration.

"I missed you too darling. You did a better job at hiding than Katherine."

"Wait.! But Klaus?"

"It took three years but Elijah and Rebekah calmed him then I spent a year looking for you." Kol said kissing you again as he took you to your bed relearning one another's body.

"You kept it."

"Yeah....ask me again." You tell him taking the ring off as Kol slipped out of your bed getting on one knee.

"Please marry me? You gorgeous, beautiful woman that I would be honored to be her husband."

"Yes....a thousands times yes." You said tears falling as Kol smiled putting the ring back on your hand. Kol rushed up kissing you again as you both fell back into the bed.

"I love you, my beloved."

"I love you too, Kol." You whispered back as you both finally got to be happy.

[ssahotchhner]

Hiii! Can there be a Hotch x BAUFem!reader where they are already dating and she gets kidnapped in a case and like Reid’s epsidoe the team see her getting tortured and Hotch goes insnaely mad and the team get her but she been stabbed or shot up to you. And she passes out in hotchs arms to Hotch screaming for her to stay awake. Wakes up in hospital and all fluffy between them agter. I love your content and I get if you don’t want to do this x

hello!!! i feel like this is kinda similar to something i’ve done already so i tried to make them as different as possible. i hope you guys still enjoy!!!

warnings: just your usual torture, kidnapping, and murders

questions, comments, concerns

I’M NOT AFRAID

“Sorry to ruin date night.” Penelope teases as you and Hotch walk into the conference room. You’re wearing a dress that is far too short to be work appropriate, attempting to hide it under your long coat and scowling at Penelope. 

Morgan whistles and you roll your eyes, but Aaron only smirks as he settles into the seat next to you, resting a hand on your thigh under the table. It was nice to finally be able to be like this at work. You and Aaron had and would always continue to be professional at work, but since the team had found out, you didn’t have to hide the subtle touches or loaded glances.

“Good evening crime fighters, I’m so sorry to ruin your night, but we have some criminals afoot.” Images of women’s bodies illuminate the screen behind her. Immediately you notice small burns that decorate each of their bodies, consistent with the use of a taser. “You will be heading to North Bend, Washington where the bodies were found abandoned in alleyways behind dumpsters. In all cases, the bodies were discovered by homeless men.”

“What was the cause of death?” You ask.

Penelope sighs, “It looks like the person who did this tortured them for hours, submerged in salt water for long periods of time and tased at close range over and over, until,” She clicks the remote and pictures of the victims’ heads come across the screen.

“He tased them in the head?” Morgan asks.

“That would be correct, chocolate thunder. The ME reports that the girls all suffered incredible brain damage until their brains just… shut down.”

“The discarding of the bodies suggests he doesn’t have any remorse and he’s clearly sadistic since he tortures them for so long.” Prentiss says.

“Garcia, was there evidence of sexual assault?” Aaron asks.

“ME says since they were submerged in water for so long it’s impossible to tell.”

“Forensic countermeasure?” Reid muses.

“It’s possible.” Aaron says. 

“Oh, and there’s one last thing.” A picture of another girl fills the screen, “Another girl was taken a few hours ago, her name is Tiffany Cole. Judging by how long he’s held the other girls--”

“We have less than 48 hours to find her.” Aaron finishes, “Let’s get going then, wheels up in thirty.”

You follow Aaron to his office, closing the door behind you, sighing as you lean against it, “We’re never gonna have a night to ourselves, are we?”

He brushes his thumb along your cheek, “I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you when we get back.”

You smile and lean into his touch, “Shame this dress has to go to waste.”

“Can I at least take it off you?” He murmurs.

You raise your eyebrows, “Sure, my love, but don’t forget to close the shades.” You nod your head to the windows of his office.

You pull out your go bag while he closes the shades, pulling out some comfier, more professional clothing. He comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist and you lean back into him. Gently kissing your shoulders, he pulls down the zipper in the back revealing your bare back.

He groans into your skin, “I can’t believe we have a case.”

You hum and turn in his arms, placing your hands on his chest as the dress falls off you, “Well we better work quickly then so you can make it up to me.” You smirk and lightly push off from his chest, turning away from him to put on your work clothes.

Faster than you thought possible, Aaron immediately shifts back into unit chief, barely looking at you as he swipes through the case file on his tablet. Once dressed, you peer over his shoulder, “What’s bothering you?”

He shakes his head and stands, grabbing his go bag and handing you yours, “I don’t know yet.” He says and walks past you, leaving you to follow.

***

“There doesn’t seem to be any evidence of gagging or even tape over the mouth to keep the girls quiet,” Reid observes from the jet, “No trace glue on the mouth or fabric found inside. ME even reports that some of their vocal chords seemed strained, most likely from hours of screaming.”

“Which means he must have some remote place to keep them where nobody can hear them.” Rossi adds.

Aaron is quiet the entire time besides assigning the team tasks for when you land, “Aaron, what’s the matter?” You say softly, gently squeezing his leg.

He slowly shakes his head, “Something about this case… I feel like I’ve seen it before, but I can’t… I can’t remember.”

You frown, “We could ask Garcia--?”

“No.” He interjects immediately and then looks at you apologetically for cutting you off, “No, not yet. I don’t want anyone wasting their time when I’m not even sure myself.”

You nod, “Okay.”

The rest of the day went by as usual, Aaron asked you and JJ to go talk to the families. By the time you got back to the police station, the sun was beginning to set and the team had hit dead end after dead end. Frustrated, Hotch ended up dismissing the team for the night to come back with fresh eyes tomorrow.

In the hotel room the two of you shared, you kneeled on the bed behind Aaron who was still looking over case files and placed your hands on his shoulders, gently kneading them with your fingers, “Come to bed.” You said softly and kissed him just below his ear.

He shakes his head, “There’s a girl out there who might already be dead because of my incompetence.”

You frown and sit back on your legs, “That’s weird, I didn’t know you were working this case by yourself.”

He sighs, “I know I’ve seen this before.”

“Even if you had, it’s probably a copycat, it’s not the same guy.”

“But we don’t know that.” He says, exasperated, “I can’t even remember if we caught him, I can’t remember anything.”

“Okay, that’s it, we’re calling Garcia first thing in the morning.”

“Y/N--”

“We don’t have any other leads, it’s not a waste of time. Now come to bed, please. You’re no use to anyone when you’re tired, you just get more grumpy than usual.”

He finally offers you a small smile, “Are you saying that I’m normally grumpy?”

You smile in victory as you lay back into the pillows and Aaron crawls over you, “Your baseline grumpiness at work is pretty high, yes.” You mimic his frown and deepen your voice, “You always look like this, no matter who you’re speaking to or the scenario.”

He laughs and flattens his body against yours, head resting on your chest and you run your fingers through his hair, “We’ll find him, Aaron. I promise.”

He doesn’t respond, but you both quickly fall asleep like that, unaware of what horrors the next day would bring.

***

“Good morning sunshine, what can I do for you this early?” Penelope answers your phone call with a yawn.

“Hey, Garcia, sorry to call so early. Would it be possible to pull up a list of all the cases Hotch worked before he was unit chief and see if any of them are similar to this case? Maybe the victimology or the MO?”

“Might take a while, our favorite unit chief has been fighting crime for a very long time, but I’ll get back to you if I find anything.”

“Thanks Penelope.”

“Ciao bella!”

“Garcia’s looking.” You said as you hung up the phone, Aaron just finishing tying his tie. You stood and reached out to straighten it. “Try not to think about it, you work best when you’re calm and detached.”

He frowns, “Detached?”

You smile and go up on your tip toes to give him a kiss, “Yes, when you check your ego at the door.”

He cradles your face in his hands and gives you another kiss, “Okay, no more kisses until the end of the day, you’re too distracting.” And he turns away from you, walking out the door before he can even see the way you’re pouting. “Come on, let’s go. We’re running out of time.”

You nod and head after him.

***

“Garcia, you’re on speaker.” You say, pushing your phone into the middle of the conference table. The rest of the team had been brainstorming the last couple hours, but had gotten nothing. No evidence of anyone buying a taser recently, at least not locally. There was little that connected the victims, just that they were all young white women. 

“You guys, I… I really hate when this happens, but it seems that the unsub is trying to contact me.”

“What do you mean?” Hotch asks.

“I mean,” You can hear her typing quickly on her keyboard and suddenly there’s another video feed on the screen, “He obviously wants to show us something.”

“Can you trace this?” Reid asks.

“No,” She sighs, “His IP address keeps changing automatically every thirty seconds.”

“Agent Hotchner,” A distorted voice comes from behind the camera. In front of it there’s a tank of water and a girl frantically trying to swim with her hands and legs tied. “Have you figured it out yet?” The voice continues as he walks in front of the camera, never allowing the camera to see his face. You look closer at the girl, Tiffany, and see she has the consistent taser burns all over her body. “I’m tired of waiting.” He walks over to the girl, pulling her up out of the water as she screams before putting the taser next to her temple and pulling the trigger. She spasms for close to a minute before he drops her back in the water, her now lifeless body floating to the top. “I thought you were smarter than this.” The voice says before the feed cuts out.

Everyone is silent for a moment, “The hell was that about?” Prentiss finally interjects, looking to Hotch.

“Garcia, do you have that list for me I asked for this morning?” You say, swallowing away the bile that rises in your throat from witnessing Tiffany’s murder.

“Yes.” Garcia’s normally bubbly voice is quiet and subdued, “Yes, I do. The closest thing I could find was a series of murders back in the 90s. A bunch of women were tortured for hours in a salt water tank before their throats were finally slit and they were dumped behind various dumpsters in town. ME reports showed significant brain damage from repeated lack of oxygen. A Mister Garret Hughes was arrested for the murder, tried, and put to death… Oh boy, three weeks ago, right before our first victim popped up.”

You look at Aaron, “Does that sound familiar now?”

He nods slowly, “It was one of my first cases as lead profiler.”

“Well it sounds like Hughes’ death was the trigger.” Morgan says, “Hotch, maybe he blames you for Hughes’ death.”

“Judging from the body type on camera, it has to be a male, maybe a friend? Brother?” JJ muses.

“Or a son…” Aaron says, “Garcia, did Hughes have any children?”

“Uhhh, yes sir, he has a son named Cameron Hughes who was about seven at the time of the murders and is now twenty five.”

“What do we know about him?” You ask.

“Well, after his father was arrested, Cameron was put into foster care, his mom had left his dad years ago and seemed to drop off the map which sounds a lot to me like she was afraid of Garret.”

“Rightfully so.” JJ murmurs.

“Yeah. After that, Cameron bounced from home to home, reports of abuse from nearly every one until he turned 18. He got a job as a prison guard not long after and he’s been there ever since. And that explains how he was able to get a taser.”

“Any run-ins with the law?” You ask.

“Yeah, several when he was a kid, but after he turned eighteen and got his prison job he was squeaky clean.”

“What were the arrests for, Garcia?”

“Well, we have some petty theft, some fires set and… Oh, no.”

“What is it?”

“His last arrest when he was sixteen was for torturing and killing a neighbor’s dog… via drowning.”

“Do we have an address, Garcia?” 

“Already sent to your phones.”

Everyone starts grabbing things and running to the SUVs. “This can’t be where they’re holding them,” Spencer says as you all pile in and Aaron starts the car, “It’s too residential and it doesn’t match the geographical profile.”

“Well, let’s hope that we can bring him in or we find something in his house that tells us where he is holding them.” You say.

***

When you arrived, Aaron directed you, Morgan and JJ to the back. Aaron and Reid took the front while Emily and Rossi went around the side.

You were behind both Morgan and JJ, your guns raised when you spotted a shed behind the house. “You guys go in, I’ll check the shed out back.” You say. They both nod their heads and then head inside. You hear the distant sound of your team calling “Clear!” As you head to the shed, and you admit it, you let your guard down.

When you open the shed door, it’s dark and with your flashlight on, you turn to the right first, leaving your back exposed for Cameron to hit you over the head with a hammer. There’s no time to scream or fight back. A big guy, he picks you up and tosses you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and heads out a back door, into the woods where his truck is waiting for him to load you into.

***

At first, no one notices that you’re missing. To be truthful, JJ and Morgan had forgotten about the shed out back. But then Aaron looks up and around the house. There’s JJ and Morgan, carefully sorting through mail on the kitchen table. “Morgan, where’s Y/L/N?”

There’s a moment of silence when it dawns on all of them what may have happened and suddenly everyone’s guns are drawn and Morgan is sprinting to the shed, JJ and Aaron on his heels. When they walk into the shed, they see your badge and gun on the ground along with little dots of blood. And then the start of an engine. Aaron wastes no time running out the back door and starts shooting at the truck, but he’s already too far down the wooded path. 

He has you. He has you and Aaron is stuck here, useless, because there are no other leads. “Why was she out here by herself?” Hotch’s voice is deadly calm.

“I… she was behind us and then she said she was going to clear the shed and we just thought…” JJ trails off, “We thought she could handle it.”

It’s not their fault, he tries to remind himself. But the rage is boiling just beneath his skin. “Hotch, we’ll find her.” Reid says when he storms past, back into the house, “Something here will give him away.”

“There wasn’t a license plate on that truck.” Morgan says as they all follow Hotch back inside.

“What’s going on?” Rossi frowns as the rest of the team comes back in the house, “Was he out there?”

“He has Y/N.” Is all Hotch says before he starts ripping the house apart, trying to find some clue of where he would take you. He slams doors and curses to himself throughout and the rest of the team helps him look without a word.

“JJ?” Reid murmurs when he notices she’s crying as she looks through the house.

“I shouldn’t have let her go out there alone.” She says, her voice thick with tears, “It’s like when I left you alone all over again.”

“You know as well as I do she made that choice to go by herself. She wouldn’t want you blaming yourself.” JJ just shakes her head, “If we want to find her we need you to focus now. This unsub is arrogant, he won’t be expecting us to find him.”

They continue searching, seeing if Garcia can find any evidence of abandoned buildings nearby, but nothing. Until Cameron reached out to Garcia himself, again.

Garcia’s panicked voice fills Cameron’s home, “Guys, he’s here again and I can see Y/N.” 

Emily quickly opens a laptop and the stream fills the screen. Aaron fills with temporary relief at seeing you sitting on the floor in front of the camera. “No blindfold or gag, just like the other victims, only her wrists and ankles are tied.” Emily observes.

“If he didn’t blindfold her at all, she might be able to tell us where she is.” Reid says, and everyone knows he’s thinking of the coded message he gave this same team years ago when he was taken.

You sit there and stare at the camera silently. You don’t appear to be injured or hurt in any way, besides the blood that drips from your temple. You most likely have a concussion from the blunt trauma. “You know, Agent Hotchner,” Cameron no longer bothers to disguise his voice, “I debated for a while who to take from this team to hurt you the most. I researched you for years while my father rotted in jail. It’s a shame Foyet got to pretty miss Haley before I had the chance. I thought about taking Jack, but I draw the line at children. Feels wrong somehow, even to a psychopath like me.” 

He starts touching you and the chair beneath Hotch’s fingers creaks as he clenches his fists. You don’t show him any fear, no tears, you don’t even flinch away from his touch. “So I focused on the team, tried to see who you had the strongest relationship with. Who would hurt the most? Dr. Spencer Reid, boy genius who you treat like a son? Agent Morgan, the little brother you wished Sean had turned out to be? What about Agent Prentiss? She was so damn pretty and smart I thought you had to have been sleeping with her. But then,” He pulls your hair so hard, your head snaps back and you grunt. The closest thing to a reaction you’d given him so far, “I saw that you shared a hotel room with this one more than once when working cases together. I’ll give you props Hotchner,” He chuckles and lets out a whistle, “I didn’t even consider her because I thought she was so far out of your league. Nice work.” He produces a taser and pulls the trigger while pressing it to your ribcage and you convulse until he pulls his hand away.

“Oh, boy. This one’s going to be fun, aren’t you?”

“I have a name.” You grind out.

Cameron responds by ripping off your shirt and producing scissors to cut off your pants, “Yes, Y/N. I know your name. Time for a swim, I think.”

What Cameron doesn’t see as he undresses you is the way you close your eyes and take several deep breaths to calm yourself. Panicking leads to faster drownings. He picks you up and tosses you in his makeshift tank. Your body becomes perfectly still, everyone on the team looking at their screens in horror until you break the surface, taking in another breath.

“Garcia, do you have anything?” Aaron does his best to keep the impatience out of his voice, but you scream for the first time when Cameron holds the taser to your side for more than a few seconds and it shatters him. 

“Sir, I’m trying everything, I can’t hack him. I’m so sorry.” She sniffles.

“Reid, give me something.” Hotch practically begs, but Reid looks back at him hopelessly and you’re screaming again. 

“Oh, God.” JJ says, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Hotch kicks over his chair as you finally break and begin crying and then you’re under water again.

“We’re missing something, we have to be.” Rossi says.

Cameron pulls you up out of the water by your hair, “Are you listening, Agent Hotchner?” He screams as you cough the water out of your lungs, “Beg him to help you, baby, go on.”

You take some shuddering breaths and then you look at the camera, “Aaron,” You say breathlessly and Hotch feels like all the air has gotten sucked out of his lungs, “It’s beautiful here and I’m not afraid.” Cameron shoves you back under and tases you while you struggle.

“What the hell does that mean?” Morgan demands, looking at Hotch who’s staring at the laptop in awe.

“Garcia, how far is Mount Si from here?”

“Not far at all sir, maybe a couple of miles if that.”

“Are there any remote cabins or caves there that wouldn’t have come up on your initial search of Cameron?”

“Um, it’s possible that there is land there that is owned by a relative that wouldn’t have come up in his background, let me check and…” She sighs, “Yeah, there’s a small cabin right off of a hiking trail that looks like it used to belong to Cameron’s mother. She never sold it so it’s sat there empty since she left town.”

“Let’s go.” Hotch says, practically running out the door before anyone can follow, “Garcia, keep the audio of the stream on while we drive.”

“You got it, go get her, please.”

“How did you know?” Prentiss asks when they’re in the car.

“Y/N is afraid of heights. We went hiking once, early on, and I convinced her to climb a mountain with me. When she got to the top I asked her how she was feeling and she looked at me with this big smile on her face and said ‘It’s beautiful up here.’ And then she looked over the edge and I held her from behind and I asked her if she was scared and she said ‘No, I’m not afraid.’” Your screams ring out in the car and Hotch presses his foot down harder on the gas. They were almost there, you just needed to hold on a little longer.

“We’re gonna get her, Hotch.” Rossi says reassuringly from the back as your sobs ring through the car.

“Garcia, how does she look?” Hotch asks. He was just down the road now.

“As you would expect, sir.” She says quietly, “If you’re asking if I think he’s going to kill her anytime soon, no I don’t. He is having far too much fun with her. Please get that creepy man in cuffs.”

Aaron throws the car in park and everyone jumps out, pulling out their guns as they run in. “FBI, Cameron, drop the weapon.”

You’re dripping wet and shaking and out of the tank, barely able to stand. But you smile at Aaron as Cameron holds a knife to your abdomen. You thought when you had given him that hint that you’d be leading him to your body, you never expected to see him alive again. But here he was, your Aaron, prepared to rip the world apart to get you back alive.

“Thanks for the suggestion, Agent Hotchner, but it’d be so much more fun to see the look on your face when I do this--” Aaron fires the shot and it lands in Cameron’s forehead, killing him instantly, but not before he thrust the knife into your stomach.

“We need a medic, federal agent down.” He says quickly into his watch before running to your side.

Your eyes dart back and forth as he kneels next to you and warm blood starts pooling on your stomach. “Aaron?” You manage.

“It’s okay, I’m here, I’m here, it’s gonna be okay.”

“You remembered.” You say softly, your eyes losing focus, “You found me.”

“Of course I remembered,” Hotch says, tears filling his eyes, “You gotta stay with me, Y/N. Stay awake, okay?”

“I’m so… tired.”

“I know, I know, but you have to keep your eyes open. Please.” He shouts over his shoulder, “Where’s my medic?!”

“I’m glad I… got to see you again, Aaron.”

“Don’t talk like that.” He’s crying now as you’re bleeding out in his arms. He can vaguely hear Morgan yell again for a medic.

Hotch’s memories get all scrambled up after that. He remembers you passing out in his arms, thinking you were gone as the medics forcefully remove you from him. The way the team tried to take him with them as you rode to the hospital, but he insisted on going with you.

He remembers that it was touch and go for a while in the ambulance. That they had to have Derek pull him away from you when they wheeled you into trauma. His arms were covered in blood and he shoved Morgan off him. 

“Hotch, relax.”

He eventually sat down in a waiting room seat, legs bouncing, “She was talking to me like she was about to die.”

“She’s not gonna be out of there anytime soon, why don’t you go wash the blood off your arms.” JJ says.

“Yeah.” He says and stands, “Yeah, right.”

When he’s gone down the hall the rest of the team look at each other, “I haven’t seen him like this since Haley.” Emily says.

“She’s gonna be okay, right?” Spencer’s voice is soft.

JJ puts an arm around him as Morgan’s phone rings, “Please tell me she’s okay.” Comes Penelope’s panicked voice on speaker.

“She’s in emergency surgery right now, we don’t know much.”

“And how’s Hotch?”

Morgan sighs, “She practically bled out in his arms, Garcia. He’s not good.”

She sighs, “I hate being across the country, call me when you hear something.”

Hotch walks back over, still looking dazed, but at least not covered in blood. They waited like that in silence for hours until the doctor came back over and Hotch stands immediately.

“We were able to stop the internal bleeding and stabilize her,” The doctor starts, “She’s in the recovery room now and should be waking up soon. She’ll have to stay in the hospital for at least a week to be monitored.”

The relief hits everyone in the room tenfold. Hotch feels like his legs might give out and there’s a collective sigh of relief from the rest of the team.

“Could we airlift her to DC?” Aaron asks. He doesn’t want you here by yourself.

“I’d like to at least monitor her overnight, but yes, that can be arranged.”

“Can we see her?” Spencer said from behind Aaron.

“Of course, follow me.”

Your eyes are still closed when they all file in, the doctor quietly exiting as they all crowd around your bed. Aaron is crying when your eyes begin to flutter open, a lazy smile forming on your face, “What happened?” You say slowly, your voice raspy.

“You just got out of surgery, you’re gonna be okay.” Aaron says.

“We were so worried about you.” Spencer’s voice cracks as he steps forward and gives you a hug.

“Oof.” You grimace a bit at the sudden weight, but manage to hug him back. “I’m fine, promise.”

The team all give you hugs and put Garcia on speaker so she can hear you alive and well before leaving Aaron alone with you. “Why are you crying, my love?” You ask, reaching out a hand to him.

He takes a deep, shuddering breath, “I thought you died in my arms.”

You shake your head, “But I didn’t.”

“I can still hear your screams from when he was torturing you. I didn’t do enough to protect you.”

You flinch a bit at the mention of the torture, but recover quickly, “Aaron, our jobs come with a certain amount of risk. You know that. You can’t always protect me.”

“I know, I know, I just…” He wipes his tears with the heel of his hand, “He took you because of me.”

You shake your head, “He just got lucky that I went off by myself. He would’ve taken anyone who walked in by themselves. He wasn’t as diligent or organized as Foyet. I’m sure he did stalk us, but he had no solid plan to target me specifically.” He looks down at his hands sniffling, “Aaron, even if he did take me because of our relationship, I don’t care.”

“How can you say that?”

“Our relationship is also what saved me, don’t you realize that?”

“You would’ve found another way to tip us off--”

“The whole time I was there, I just kept thinking about you. I’m not like Reid or Prentiss, I can’t think like that under pressure. I was only able to think of that because I was thinking of you, of us the whole time.” He still can’t look at you and you can see tears still falling to the floor.

“Aaron, look at me.” You say gently and he complies. You beckon him over to the bed until he sits on the edge and you can touch his face, “I love you.” It’s the first time either of you have said it. You were so nervous to before, but nearly dying without telling him had scared you badly.

He manages a smile, “I love you too.”

You smile back at him and reach up to cup the back of his neck, pulling his face down to meet yours. His kiss is gentle, as if he’s afraid of breaking you and then he rests his head just beneath your chin.

“They said you have to stay in the hospital for at least a few days.” You immediately groan and begin to protest, but he shushes you, “I’m going to arrange for you to be airlifted to DC tomorrow morning and I’ll stay with you until then. The rest of the team is flying home tonight.” You’re pouting at having to stay in the hospital and he cant help but laugh at you a bit, “Hey, it won’t be so bad. I’ll bring you all your favorite books and takeout and I’ll bring Jack, too when I can.”

“Will you bring me coffee in the morning before you go to work? Hospital coffee is terrible.”

He smiles, “Yes and I’ll even bring you a chocolate croissant from that bakery you love.”

You finally crack a smile, “You spoil me, Hotchner.”

He kisses your forehead, “I’ll probably spend the rest of my life making this up to you.”

You smirk, “Hey, at least now we can both say a serial killer almost stabbed us to death. We even have matching scars.”

Despite himself, Aaron laughs, “You’re ridiculous.”

You giggle, “Yes, ridiculously in love with you, Aaron Hotchner.”

[parkers-gal]

fluffy hair

wc: 1.2k (fluff)

tom x ag!reader - tom joins the reader in her interview

"Y/N! It's been awhile!" Zach greeted you through the screen, and you laughed, nodding your head. 

"I miss you guys there, in the studio. How is everything?"

"Good, good. Everything's chill here. What about you? Album release and all that?"

You giggled again, shrugging. "It was fun, low key, and safe."

"Good, glad to hear that. Should we start?"

"Let's, yes." 

"Great. I am so obsessed with this record; we're just gonna go down the line for each song." 

"Got it, sounds like a plan." You laughed, looking behind camera, and Zach took note of it before continuing. 

"Shut up."

"Excuse me?" you laughed at him, and he went wide eyed. 

"Oh! No, no, no, I meant the track, the intro-"

"OH," you laughed again, face palming yourself. "Duh, obviously. Continue."

"Right. It's very... melodic, with what, the strings and everything. And your voice cuts in and just tells all those haters to shut up and- what was the meaning behind that?"

You laughed, looking off camera to Tom for a split second before answering. "Well, I mean. With everything happening, it's hard not to tell people to just like," you put your hands up, palms outward in a stop position. "to just- shut the fuck up, y'know? We're fighting for our lives, all these white, straight old... men."

Zach laughed, nodding, and the conversation continued until you switched subjects to the next song. 

"Thirty-four plus thirty-five," he state with a grin. "Now what's that about." 

You laughed loudly, shaking your head at Tom while he told you a joke. 

"Is someone back there?" Zach cut in with a laugh. "They can join if you'd like."

You looked to Tom before shrugging sheepishly, and he rolled his eyes before plopping next to you on the beanbag. 

"This is Tom, the inspiration."

"Y/N!"

You laughed, looking to the camera. "I'm joking, joking," you kissed his forehead, ruffling his hair. "He's my lovely little boyfriend."

"Mhm," he hummed in satisfaction. 

You went on to answer the question, "Well, when Peter sent some string samples over, I heard this one and it was so pure and sweet and completely.. Disney, if you will. And I was sitting with Scotty and Tom and I was like 'what's the dirtiest thing we can write with this?' and well, we got thirty-four thirty-five."

Zach laughed, "So it's not based on real life?"

You laughed before Michael, the other interviewer, cut in with a comment. 

"I actually didn't know it was about sixty-nine until the outro," he laughed, and so did you. 

"Ah- good, that's good actually. Enjoy it without being told how you're supposed to interpret it."

"Did Tom contribute anything to the song? Let's- let's go in depth with the lyrics and how you came up with them."

You laughed again before answering. "Well, I was working on the first verse with Scotty and I was like 'what the fuck can we put here?' and he- he jokingly said 'gimme them babies' and I was like 'holy shit that's perfect. That's going in. We're not changing that.'" You looked to Tom, whose arm was around your waist. "Tommy came in not long after that and wrote the pre-chorus. He was so intent on putting the 'I been drinking coffee,' part. It ended up being my favorite out of the song. He was in the studio with me when we recorded that, basically telling me how to sing it. It was hilarious and scary how bossy and smart he was about producing a song."

Tom rolled his eyes, kissing your temple. 

"Is that true, Tom?"

Tom blushed as he answered. "Yeah. She had just gotten new string samples and she was super excited about and I just- I wanted to be there, make memories. Especially since, at the time, I wasn't working." 

"Tom what's your favorite track?" 

"I think," he thought for a moment. "Well I like all of them, but I like 'my hair' a lot."

"Also inspired by him," You cut in cheekily, and he eyed you with a playful glare. 

"Did you contribute on a lot of tracks?"

"Oh for sure," Tom nodded. "It was quite an experience; doing music instead of acting. It's so strange to me, but it was amazing fun."

"Which track did you do the most work on."

You laughed, and Tom rolled his eyes. 

"Probably 'nasty.'"

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I was there when she was recording vocals, and I just kept telling her to do it again."

"That's actually," you interrupted with a laugh. "that's actually where that intro line is from. 'This bitch really gon' make me,'" you quoted. "because he kept making me doing it again and again and it was hilarious."

"I want to talk about.. six-thirty."

"Okay," you nodded with a smile. "Good track."

"What does it mean? Like the title?"

"Well on a clock," you were motioning with your hands. "The hands are pointing down at six-thirty."

Both of the interviewers oh'ed loudly, laughing at how they hadn't figured it out. 

"The bridge in there, I love it so much."

"Thank you, thank you."

"Do you think you've found that person you can play video games with at two A.M.?"

You glanced to Tom with a gentle smile, eyes softening too. "Yeah," you looked to the camera. "For sure, I think I have."

To was giddy at your response, subtly pulling you closer into his side and kissing your temple again. 

"Now let's talk about the positions music video."

"Oh this should be fun," Tom commented, and you laughed at him. 

"I'm sure everyone else interpreted the title much differently than you did." 

You laughed, nodding. "Probably."

"How'd you come up with the concept?"

"Oh, obviously the real world. We need people like that in office- like, imagine if that were the Cabinet of the White House? Women and gays and trans and everyone. I think we're in desperate need of a reboot."

Zach laughed, agreeing. "A reboot of the Cabinet. I like it, and you're absolutely right," he looked to the monitor. "At the end there, you were giving a medal to a postal worker."

"Yeah," you clasped your hands together in excitement. "I think the US postal service has definitely taken a huge hit this year. They've suffered a great deal; I think including that in my video was almost essential. They need to be recognized and acknowledged."

"But also like the step stool," Tom cut in with a laugh. "She was too short for the postal worker and they were like 'we don't have higher heels,' so I brought that out."

"You twat," you laughed, grabbing his nose lightly like in a child's game. 

He huffed, laughing, pulling you closer and kissing the tip of your nose in response. 

"Can we talk about my hair before we end this lovely interview?" Zach asked once the two of you settled down. 

"By all means."

"We'll get to those whistles in a moment, but the whole song is so.. intimate. Have you found someone like that? To- to appreciate your hair in all forms and designs?"

You looked at Tom again, and he blushed, already knowing your answer. 

"Yeah, yeah I have. My boyfriend just loves my hair, all styles and colors. It's nice, because I feel like the world doesn't really... see my true hair? But Tommy loves it dearly. It's a special place in my heart for that kind of love." 

Tom smiled, head tilting and eyes crinkling, and you ruffled his chocolate curls. 

"Also though, I really love his hair. Fluffy."

[cherryonclouds]

I miss 2017-2019 YouTube. My favourite people really popped off back then like Sade Watkins and bestdressed.

They seemed really authentic to me - just two women navigating their lives and also posting content on the internet.

Sade was always vibes, whether it was her GRWMs, conversations, or room decor. I think somewhere along the line her trauma got to her and she blames everything on spiritual forces. Not really my cup of tea.

I remember having a few solid videos I loved from her. The room makeover and tour, the dick appointment video, her 70s fluffy wig and a whole lot more. She took a lot of them down.

Honestly I haven't watched a whole lot of her new content because of the whole religious perspectives. I just sense the negative energy, so I don't even want to engage. So basically I know nothing except that everything is spiritual and you can't have anything because you know... Demons and shit.

Honestly after having grown up hearing my parents tell me that the reason our family didn't have a lot was because of God's will and he was testing us - best believe I no longer want to hear that. It wasn't God, it was your beliefs, which guided your actions and then my siblings and I suffered as a result.

I will never say that it's some external entity that does anything to me because I know better.

But everyone has their phases. I used to believe that if it was God's will it would happen but now I disagree. I never went so hard about things though because I dislike being a victim and constantly blaming my issues on external sources is never taking control... And maintaining that victim status.

So I've chosen not to engage. It would be really nice if she were to come back with her old content and stuff. Because she brought hot takes, her comment section was always full of stories from the other women who related to her, and I for one was happy to see her flourish, make her coins and leave her toxic life behind.

Now she just seems like she's holding on to Christianity as a crutch to justify her pain and suffering. Which I have no doubt is entirely real, but maybe the help she needs is different from the types she's gotten so far. I know. I was there once. I was actually hard core into atheism as a way to demonize Christianity but even that's a lot of work to constantly be justifying.

Bestdressed was cool. I adored her stuff so much. I think I was watching her for a solid year and a half before unsubscribing. At some point I even had post notifications on, and I'd be excited every Thursday for when she'd post.

2019 was a hard year for her. She did her best. Her mental health was all a whole hot mess, she had gotten into and out of a relationship in a year, suffered immense burnout from upping her video quality, but not decreasing her upload schedule or outsourcing certain things.

Then 2020 came. She posted her NYFW Trilogy, a couple more videos and one of her talking about how 2020 had affected her. That last video apparently was taken so poorly that she took it down and just went to other platforms to continue her content creation.

And I guess I was seeing it coming, since despite her editing skills being top tier she seemed like she was losing her shit. And she was changing. She moved to NY which is a really stressful looking place, and life kinda hit her, especially with covid and living alone.

I stopped following her on ig because she always looked depressed and the self deprecating humor, while funny in 2018/2019 was not after that for me.

I still miss that era though. It seemed so expansive and open. Like even though they had bad times or hard moments, it was more expansive, creative and fun. Kinda reminds me of me in 2016 when everything seemed that way in my life. It was nice knowing there were people online living in that same way.

I hope Sade ends up ok. I hope bestdressed is also ok.

And maybe at some other point in their lives, they'll come back how they used to be - open, expansive and authentic. Although I do think both of them are being authentic, since authenticity is about being true to yourself in the moment, maybe just more open, expansive and in control.

[nitannichionne]

If He Was Your Fan, Chapter 61: Britainization, Part 2 (A Henry Cavill Fanfic)

Chapter 61: Britainization, Part 2

Henry announces that he is driving you and Stella to a place for breakfast. You and Stella are both relieved you got dressed up a bit. The name Lanes of London Mayfair is a big indication that you should. You are dressed in a fluffy burgundy fisherman’s sweater and black leggings with brown riding boots, looking ready for a day of shopping but not at the gym. Stella is in a white shirt and beige jeans with dark brown sports jacket and ankle boots. You are happy you left your usual athletic gear behind.

After that, Henry takes you and Stella to a place that is not even listed.

“Henry?”

“Hmm?”

“I looked up London Trench,” you tell him. “They are online orders only, aren’t they?”

“For the general public, yes.”

You and Stella look at each other. She looks excited but you feel sick for some reason.

With a knock on the door, and Henry telling his name and time on the intercom, you are buzzed in. You step into a boutique that almost looks hidden.

“Mr. Cavill?” a woman bows.

“Hello,” he nods. “This is my lady and her friend. My lady needs a few trenches.”

A few? Did he say few? A few trenches was like…rent money! You look at him incredulously, and he only gives small smile.

“Must make it worth their while,” he shrugs.

Within an hour you are in selections called the Queen Classic, a straight cut, and the Goddess, an A-Line for dresses. You opt for the Goddess, and he takes you to Burberry’s for something shorter and surprisingly more expensive than that. You are cringing inside, and Henry hasn’t flinched. He is happy to see you try on coats. You feel the looks of the sales people at both stores. Face to face they are amicable and friendly, but you see the looks in the reflections of the mirrors when they do not think they’re looking. They don’t think much of you, maybe they think you’re a flavor of the month? Maybe it’s all in your head?

“Well, that’s that,” he sighs. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” you smile. “yeah.”

“Sweetheart?” he says slowly, his blue eyes searching yours.

“I-I didn’t realize they’d be so—”

“Good coats are required here, love, I won’t have you getting sick,” he nods, tipping your face up for a quick kiss.

You nod and smile in understanding.

“Alright, you two, don’t get into too much trouble,” he winks. He gets in his car and is gone.

“Gotta be at work today by four for the dinner rush,” Stella said brightly. “What do you want to do?”

“Let’s just hit a mall or something,” you say. “and we can’t go someplace Henry would.”

“I know, the places he took us!” Stella laughs. “He’s…he’s kinda out of it, isn’t he?”

“Childhood weight problems aside, I don’t think he realizes how hard it is out here, no!” you laugh back. “Experience is the best teacher on those things.” You get slightly serious. “I hope he never suffers like that. No one should.”

You both decide to go to Victoria’s Secret several blocks away, opting to start walking off that massive breakfast you just had. When you arrive, you ask for what they have in emerald green.

“That his favorite color?” Stella asks.

“No, it’s actually blue,” you say. “hey do you have any blue green?”

“Hold on, let me see what we have,” the clerk smiles and leaves to check.

“You seem to buy a lot of that stuff,” she says softly. “Do you wear it?”

You are looking on a rack, but you are thinking of the previous night:

“It’s tomorrow,” Henry said softly and pinned you against the door to kiss you.

You instinctively put your arms around him, welcoming his kiss, his touch. You raise your leg and he semi squats to help you wrap it around him. You both pulled at each other’s clothes hungry to feel skin to skin, your kisses passionate and breathy. You pulled your sweater over your head as he wrapped your other leg around his hips, kissing your chest and licking the skin between your breasts that your bra left exposed. He carried you up the steps to your loft bedroom and laid you on the bed, pulling your jeans off. He smiled at your navy blue bra and panty set. He returned to kissing you, and you pull at his sweater as he unbuckles his belt, slid it off and threw it carelessly on the floor. He slid his jeans off, and stood in nothing but boxer briefs that did not hide his arousal. He crushed you into the sheets and you arched to him, wanting nothing more than to feel him…

“It’s a lot easier to always wear bra and panty sets,” you joke softly.

“How many do you have?”

“Uh….I really don’t know?” you answer honestly.

After getting lingerie and clothes, you catch the tube to Angel Central Mall, and do some shopping there. You feel terrible that there isn’t time for a mani pedi, so you find a massage place that does shoulders and neck, promising to do a pamper session on another day.

As you both make your way back to Brixton, you look at the sights out of the window, try to remember the exchanges. You are so grateful to Stella for being your friend, smiling at her as she steals a nap during the ride home. You notice that some young people are staring at you. You sigh. You may be recognized, you have to get used to that.

Back in Brixton, walk back to your building together.

“There were people staring at you?” Stella gasps “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“There was no danger,” you tell her smoothly.

“Why haven’t you posted yet?”

“What?”

“Why haven’t you posted yet?”

“I post all the time—”

“Never pictures of yourself, though.” Her eyes narrow. "And never of you and Henry."

“Even before I dated Henry, I never posted much about my love life online,” you shrug. “My s/o’s asked to take pictures, so I didn’t deny them, but I’m not big on my love life on social media. Special occasions or requests sure but—”

“I get it, you like that your relationship is between you and Henry, not you, the world and Henry.”

“Yeah, it’s more intimate that way,” you smile. “I have pictures of Henry and me on my phone. Besides, it’s lots easier if there is a breakup.”

“Breakup?!” Stella chortled. “Break up? You and Henry? I don’t think so.” She pauses and turns you around in mid walk. “I’ve seen how he looks at you. He has no intention of letting you go.”

“I know,” you nod. “I’ve had the rug ripped out from under me before, that’s all.”

“You have?” she asks. “How bad?”

“Engaged,” you shrug, earning a small gasp from Stella. “he thought the ring on my finger, though not the marriage one, meant he could treat me any way he wanted. He cheated, he lied…it was like he thought the commitment gave him carte blanche to act up.”

“That’s shitty.”

“Yeah,” you shake your head. “Rings can be a symbol of love that will never end, but for some it is ownership or cuffs.”

“Kinda dark, there.” she says softly. "I don't think Henry is--"

“Sorry, it’s in the past, and I’m over it, but I learned that commitments mean different things to different people.” You take a deep breath. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this way, Stella.”

“What do you mean?”

“The last time I was in love was my ex-fiancee,” you tell her. “and that was a long, long, time ago.”

“So you are in love with Henry!” she cheers.

“Yeah, of course, I am!” you laugh at her. “He’s intelligent and fun, has a good degree of common sense. He’s a natural leader and he is protective of and warm to those he loves. I need that, all of it. I have never felt so safe before, never..”

“He’s not bad looking either!”

“His looks can only go so far,” you shrug. “I’ve dated men who were good looking, even a model and an athlete. You’d be surprised how little that all matters if they are thick or coldhearted. Or even worse, a man with money who thinks he can treat you any way he wants because he buys you things--”

“Thick.”

“Yeah…” you giggle, realizing you’re using a British term. “thick.”

You both drop your stuff and go back to Market Row, Stella to work and you to do more shopping. Upi check out some of the surrounding stores, hoping for some really special finds that could liven up or make you feel more unique.

You finally make your last huge purchase: a bicycle. You head to Brixton Bikes for that, and get the lights, the helmet, anything you need. Strapping your bags to the rack in back and no longer a single walking moving target, you head home.

Just as you get a good stride on, your Bluetooth starts to play the instrumental version of “Addicted to Love.” You smile, clicking on. “Hey, love.”

“Hey….are you out and about?”

“About to head home,” you say.

“By yourself?”

You don't miss the edge in his voice. “On my new bike,” you tell him. He is quiet. Ooh, that’s not good. “Sounds like you’re in pub.”

“Yeah, yeah, very good, I'm at the pub, " He says. You can hear the smile in his voice for not using the word bar. "just for a pint with friends,” he says. “I just wanted to see how your day went.”

“Pretty well, but we didn’t have time for spa,” you say. “but I did find some nice things.”

“Good, glad to hear it,” he says. “I’ll stay on till you get home.”

“Awwwww.” Some men sigh dramatically in the background.

“Shut up!” Henry laughs.

You talk until you are safely inside your studio. “Alright, I’m locked up tight.” You feed Luna.

“Good,” he exhales. “they say it isn’t safe for women��”

“I am a moving target now, Henry.”

“Alright, alright,” he exhales heavily. “Talk to you later?”

“Definitely,” you sigh, sitting on your couch and starting to unpack your purchases. “Love you.”

“I love you, too.” He purrs, earning another round of catcalls from his friends. He laughs.

“Good night.” You shake your head at him and his friends.

“Good night.”

The first forty eight hours in your studio have been anything but calm, but now there is quiet. After unpacking your things and washing them for wear, you finally get ready to go to sleep. You take a shower and make your way up the steps to bed. It suddenly looks too big to you. You suddenly notice there is something under your covers. You pull them back and find the t-shirt he wore under his sweater last night. You squeal and throw off your nightshirt, trading it for this one. His scent surrounds you as you pull it over your head and you fall on the bed, your impact setting off the scent of him in your bed. You inhale with a smile as Luna jumps up and sleeps at the foot of the bed opposite you, where she usually nestles by Henry’s feet. You look at each other and you sigh dreamily, closing your eyes and letting sleep claim you.

BULLETIN: With this new beta thing, I may have to start a new master list. I will be sure to put the link to 1-60 if I do. Love you, thanks for your support and especially for your comments, likes and reblogs. You truly give me life, people, you really do.

@mistress-of-ward @nuggsmum @messyinsomnimaniac @jencanbeyouryengeralt @sweetdreamsofgelato @mary-ann84 @omgkatinka @the-soot-sprite @viking-raider @keanureevesisbae @henryobsessed @summersong69 @sunshine96love @michelehansel @thelastsock @tumblnewby @tenaciousneckpartypainter @rn7rocks @daydreamin83 @ruthoakenshield @musicartmayheminmyheart @kaatelyynn-blog-blog @alphacancrii @liquorlaughslove @designerwriterchic @nikkilynn303 @circesgirl1 @xoxohannahlee @fckdeusername @maan24 @kaatelyyynn​ @absentmindr​ @introvertedmouse​ @sassy-pelican @griscka75 @angelcavill66 @marantha

[doctenwho]

Woes of Infertility

Hello! So, I had to do a bit of reaserch for this one in an attempt to make it as real as I possibly could. The emotions and thoughts weren’t ones I’d ever thought of, so, y’know-- hopefully it’s alright! Thank you for the request, it was fun to write!

I tried to keep it sad (but fluffy) but I can never seem to leave things at hurt. I’ve always gotta add that comfort in! I think it could be read as 10th or 11th doctor (I wrote as Ten) since sadness is relatively the same between the Doctors (as far as I’ve seen). Lemme know if it can, and I’ll add Eleven’s tags and an Eleven gif too!

Warnings: Sad, Infertility(?)

Word Count: 3,492

Summary: Read prompt above!

(Gif’s not mine! Credit to creator!)

It was a slow walk back to the TARDIS. The Doctor was at your side, just as quiet as you were. This wasn’t like your normal trips to earth, where you’d stop in and save the world, or where you’d come home and visit your folks, or even your friends.  

The two of you had spent the afternoon at an obstetrician’s office. It... wasn’t the news you’d wanted to hear when you’d stepped into the office with the Doctor on you heels.  

You’d been trying to get pregnant for a little over a year.  

You and the Doctor had both agreed that maybe it was time to bring a child into the world. It had taken some persuasion, but you’d come to an agreement in the end.

You’d always wanted kids, since you were very young. It had been the one thing you’d always seen in your future. A little you, or a miniature copy of whomever you happened to end up with in life. Now you couldn’t seem to imagine anything besides a little tiny Doctor toddling around the TARDIS. You couldn’t get the thought of cradling a baby that resembled a bit of you, and a bit of the Doctor in your arms.  

It had taken years for the Doctor to allow himself to even think about fathering another child—let alone a half time-lord, half human baby. You knew he’d lost his first child in Gallifrey, he’d shared that a while back, after knowing him for years. You also knew that he had the galaxy on his shoulders already, and the planet of earth relying on him so heavily.  

He’d be stupid not to be wary at the thought of a baby relying on him too. The galaxy of people was one thing, but his own offspring depending on him would be something else entirely.  

You probably would never be able to fully understand how the Doctor’s mind was processing the thought of you wanting a baby with him. There was a lot he needed to think about before he could make that kind of commitment again.  

Plus, there was the fact that humans and time-lords reproducing together wasn’t rationally a good idea. He was an alien, no matter how human he looked. And you were still a human. The two of you were biologically different, but you didn’t think that should really matter. So, what if your baby has two hearts in the end? One or two hearts, you’d love the child with all your heart. And you knew for a fact the Doctor would feel the same way.  

But despite his initial hesitance, you’d managed to get him on board. You’d managed to get him as excited at the idea of the two of you creating a baby together as you were. He was thrilled now, waiting patiently and doing his best to keep you happy, and safe in his world of dangers.  

You weren’t keen on raising a child while travelling. You loved the TARDIS, and knew that she would be a perfect home for your baby to grow up in, just like it had been a perfect home for you to start your life with the Doctor, but you’d like to keep everything in earth’s atmosphere.  

And to your surprise, the Doctor had agreed to do just that for the first few years of the child’s life.

You’d had everything planned out. The two of you talked about names, both human and Gallifreyan. You were planning things even though you’d really had nothing to be planning for you. You’d gotten a bit ahead of yourself—the both of you had.  

The Doctor even showed you what few baby items he had hidden away in the TARDIS. There was really nothing cuter than the little cradle the Doctor had shown you with his name engraved in the headboard wood.  

You’d been so excited at the thought of having a child, and it was frustrating that you’d been trying for so long, but hadn’t had any luck. You really wanted nothing more than a baby of your own. A baby that looked like you, and the Doctor. A piece of the both of you.

But you hadn’t been successful.

No matter how long you waited, or how perfectly you timed things, or what fertility tricks you tried out that friends, and family had to offer.  

You did not fall pregnant.  

And you were worried. You’d voiced your concerns to the Doctor, and you knew he was worried too. He was worried, but he always did that thing where he acted like he wasn’t and put your feelings before his own. But you knew he was worried too.

You’d booked an appointment with an obstetrician that was recommended by a friend and waited for the day to come when you could arrive at the office and learn exactly what you were seeking, or maybe even find some help in the path to parenthood.  

You’d walked into that office hopeful for a bright future with a child of your own, and you’d walked out with a broken heart.  

The obstetrician had studied the two of you when you walked into her office, talked brightly and offered wisdom you hadn’t known about the reproductive process and pregnancy. She’d sat you down, and given you an examination that you’d hoped would’ve given you some answers. She hadn’t looked too much into the Doctor, but he didn’t seem to mind.  

And really, the last thing you guys needed was the obstetrician finding the Doctor’s second heart and calling the police, or maybe even the government.  

You really just wanted to know if you were able to carry a child.  

You’d never have guessed you’d have irregular ovulation. You’d always just assume everyone had inconsistent cycles. That missing a period here and there was normal. No one had ever told that it could be an ovarian syndrome.  

You’d listened silently to the obstetrician explain everything to the two of you, the Doctor’s hand on your thigh as his thumb rubbed a calming back and forth pattern. You’d never met a guy so in tune with your emotions, but you supposed if there ever was to be one, it would’ve been the Doctor.  

The woman went on to talk about fertility treatments, and getting the Doctor tested as well. You promised you’d look into it, but you knew you wouldn’t.  

You and the Doctor both knew he couldn’t have an exam down on earth, not when he differed from humans even in the slightest. You didn’t want to lose him to a lab of scientists, so you’d just had to... accept fate. There wasn’t much more you could do. Not with your unorthodox relationship.  

You and the Doctor said your farewells to the woman as she apologized sympathetically for the unfortunate news you received. You left the office in a hurried pace, breezing passed the couples in the waiting room, all in varying stages of pregnancy.  

You tried not to look at them, because if you did, you’d surely cry. And you’d rather not bawl your eyes out in a doctor’s waiting room, around a bunch of women all hormonal and pregnant. Something you’d probably never be.

You knew you could still look into fertility treatment, even if just for yourself instead of for both you and the Doctor. You were sure you’d have more luck if it were both you and the Doctor taking the treatment, but there wasn’t much else you could do on you home planet, and you were afraid to do anything to yourself on a planet that wasn’t yours.  

And you still couldn’t (and never would) know if it was simply the biological differences between human and time-lord refusing to battling to be the dominant species of the baby you desire. Perhaps your different DNA’s were doing more against you in the process than you’d thought.  

And you’d never know, because you’d never be desperate enough to put the Doctor in danger to test it.

The two of you walked slowly to where the Doctor had parked the TARDIS, hidden away in an alley behind the obstetrician’s office. You walked right beside the Doctor; close together and almost shoulder to shoulder. The Doctor’s hands were buried in his pockets, while yours were motionlessly hanging by your sides.  

You were suddenly so exhausted. You were tired of the world and this day. What had been said in that office was finally hitting you—and it was hitting you like a freight truck. You could hardly bear the thought of the news you’d been given. It had been so much worse than whatever you were expecting.  

You never really expect something like this to happen to you. To be one of the few who can’t have a baby. It’s always someone else suffering because of it, or heartbroken over it—but never you.  

Until it is.  

Beside you, the Doctor slipped his hand into your own, and laced your fingers together. You turned your head slightly to see him looking down at you with an unreadable look. Or, maybe you just didn’t have the energy to read it.  

He didn’t say anything, but he led you along to the TARDIS like he always did.  

The Doctor unlocked and opened the door when the two of you arrived, but you were quick to make your way in past the console room and into the bed that you more often than not shared with the Doctor.  

It was a bit weird that the two of you shared a room. Not in the traditional way, you knew on earth it was completely normal for a couple to share a bed, but in the sense that the Doctor didn’t sleep a lot. He mostly joined you very late at night, or sometimes just for cuddles.  

He was always so busy, so you liked it when the Doctor would leave the console room and whatever he was thinking about to just lay in bed with you. And sometimes even fall asleep with you.  

And slowly, in that process, the room the TARDIS had made for you, had expanded and became a bedroom for both of you. It was honestly cute that the TARDIS made the room bigger, and added pillows and other things to accommodate the Doctor into the room as well. You’d taken that to mean the TARDIS approved of your relationship.

As you made your way to your bedroom, you couldn’t help but get lost in thought. You knew the Doctor was hurting just as much as you, but if you knew him, he’d be itching to get off earth and away from everything.  

And you couldn’t say you weren’t happy to get off earth right now as well. It didn’t take away the problem, but it pushed it out for a bit. It was irrational, but you couldn’t help but tie your current problems to earth. It was just something to blame that wasn’t yourself, or the Doctor, because you knew neither of you were at fault.  

Upon arriving at your room, you dropped yourself into your bed heavily. You were quick to curl yourself up in a ball, knees pulled up to your chest and the side of your face buried in the pillow. You were tucked under the covers, hiding from head to toe.  

The Doctor didn’t come to you right away. Not that you minded. It was nice to have a moment alone with your thoughts. This news had been dropped on you like a bomb, you’d really thought you were going to walk into that office, get some kind of vitamins or something, and fall pregnant in the following weeks.  

And you knew he needed a moment to get his thoughts in order as well. This wasn’t just hard on you; you knew the Doctor was devastated about the news too—he just liked to hide it, and tend to you instead of worry about himself.  

It was only about ten minutes later that the Doctor walked into the room. He came to your side first, setting a mug on your nightstand before moving to his own side and crawling into the bed beside you. He remained on top of the covers, since most of them were cocooned around you.  

You felt his hand settle on the side of you head, over the covers. He pulled them down enough that he could see your face before settling his hand again and running his fingers through your hair. You gave a heavy sigh, uncurling your body from the tight ball and sliding up so you were resting against the headboard.  

You grabbed the mug off the night stand, noting your favorite tea, prepared just the way you liked it. The Doctor didn’t have a mug for himself in his hands, nor was there one on his nightstand, but he didn’t really like earth food and drink too much.  

You cradled the drink between your palms, leaning into the Doctor and sighing again. The man moved his arm so he could wrap it around your shoulders, and pulled you slack into his side. You curled into the embrace, willing yourself not to cry as you tried to sip at the tea he’d brought you.  

Neither of you said anything for a long while, just settled into a comforting silence. You’d both need a moment to think before you talked it over anyways. The whole future the two of you had been planning had basically been flipped upside down.  

You shut your eyes as you thought, sipping the tea occasionally as you tried to organize your thoughts. You didn’t open your eyes until you heard the Doctor speak above you.  

“I know this wasn’t the news you wanted to hear... I didn’t want to hear it either, but everything will be alright, my love,” the Doctor’s voice was soft, his cheek was resting on the top of your head, “we’ll do everything we can to help with fertility, and we’ll see this doctor the obstetrician referred us too and maybe... maybe we’ll get lucky?”

“We can’t,” you told him firmly, voice wobbling, “a fertility doctor will want a full medical exam of the both of us, and that’s not safe for you. As much as I want a baby, I won’t lose you in the process. I won’t.”

The Doctor didn’t say anything, but you could feel him looking down at you. You honestly weren’t willing to let the Doctor be taken away just so you could have the child you’d been dreaming of. It wasn’t worth it if it wasn’t you and the Doctor raising the baby together. You wanted a family with the Doctor, not just a baby.  

“I don’t know what I should say,” the Doctor mumbled honestly, frowning sadly, “I don’t know what to say to make this better. I’m sorry things aren’t working out right now, and I know you really wanted this, but this doesn’t change anything, alright?”

You gave him a nod, squeezing your eyes shut as you spoke, “it’s just... everyone’s expecting a baby. My parents have always hinted at a grandchild, and... I just really wanted to be a mother. It’s not fair, Doctor.”

“No, it’s not,” the man sighed heavily, leaning into you, “we can keep trying though.”

He paused, studying you before continuing, voice a soft whisper beside you. He ran his hand up and down the length of your back smoothly, “we can keep trying and we can jump through all the hoops she gave us to increase our chances, and hope that we get lucky but... there’s a good chance this may never happen for us.”

“I know,” you sniffled. “I was just... I was so excited, you know? A baby of our own. A cute little me, or an adorable little you toddling around the TARDIS? We’ll never... we’ll never have that.”

You pulled away from the Doctor just enough for you to set your mug back on the nightstand and slide back down to a laying position. You pulled the covers tighter around yourself as you buried the side of your face back into the pillow.

“I know,” the Doctor sighed, laying down beside you and molding his body around yours. He nuzzled his nose into the back of your neck, “it’s just... not a possibility for us now. I wanted this as much as you did, and I’m sorry it’s not a reality for us. I’m just glad you’re okay. Maybe you can’t have a baby, but you’re still healthy, and that’s all I can ask for.”

“It’s not your fault,” you told him softly, turning to face him, “it just... wasn’t meant to be, I guess. Maybe we’ll still get lucky, and be blessed with a baby somewhere down the line. Who knows?”

You swallowed, willing yourself not to cry. You cleared your throat, looking back at the Doctor with a tiny watery smile, “as long as we’re both healthy.”

The Doctor gave you a small smile in reply, face a twisted mess of fondness and grief.  

You were laying almost nose to nose with the Doctor. His hand had settled on the curve of your side, thumb rubbing those calming patterns once more. You felt a bit bad that the Doctor was doing all the comforting, when it was the two of you who were both feeling the heart break of the situation.  

The Doctor didn’t seem to mind though, and you knew he liked to care for you. This was probably his way of coping with the news.  

“We were going to be a family,” you whispered, eyes slipped shut, “you, and me, and the baby. And the TARDIS. She would’ve been a perfect home for our baby.”

“We are a family,” the Doctor’s voice replied, just as calm and soft as your own. He pressed a quick kiss to your lips, “we’re a family. Maybe we don’t have kids yet, and maybe we can’t physically have our own children, but there are other ways, right?”

You knew there were other ways to have children. There was using a surrogate, or possibly adoption. Surrogacy wasn’t technically an option for the two of you, since you didn’t want to put Time-Lord DNA and off-spring into an unsuspecting woman. You were fully aware of everything but any other human definitely wouldn’t have been.

As much as the Doctor was right about the alternative suggestions, right now it didn’t feel the same. You knew they were possibilities, that it would probably be more likely to get a child via those means, but it wasn’t the same. Maybe it was the heartbreak at not being to carry a baby of your own, but it just didn’t feel right.  

Maybe in a few days, or weeks or years, but the hurt right now was still too fresh for you to really see and think about the option of getting a baby from somewhere else. It truly was heartbreaking. No one wants to hear how low their possibility of conceiving a child is.  

You really had nothing against adoption—it was an amazing thing for both parents in search of children who, like you, were unable to have their own, but also for children needing homes. You knew sometime down the line you’d be all over that... but right now, with the heart break so fresh, you couldn’t wrap your mind around it.  

All you’d wanted was a baby of your own. A baby that was half you, and half the doctor. A perfectly little miracle of human and time-lord nature. A child that was yours, and the Doctors.  

And it honestly sucked that the chances of that happening were so slim. That the chance of you getting pregnant were low, less than five percent—at least from what the obstetrician said.  

You felt bad that you couldn’t give the Doctor what you’d talked him into. You’d gotten him excited for this baby, and now there would be no baby to get excited for. Not one from you, anyways.  

“It’s not the same,” you sniffled, wiping away a couple tears, “it sounds awful, but it wouldn’t be the same, Doctor. It’s just--”

“Shh,” the man consoled, “it’ll be alright. If I know anything about the universe, it’s that it always sorts itself out. Everything will be alright, okay? Maybe not right now, maybe not in a few weeks, but it will sometime.”

You let your head tuck under the man’s chin as he pulled you close again. You weren’t going to say it, but you really couldn’t imagine it being alright in this moment.  

You’d probably never get the child you’d always hoped for. You’d never get that deep level of motherhood others had. You’d never get that natural connection with a child of your own. And right now, it didn’t feel like the pain would ever go away.  

<><><><>

As always, I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to re-prompt if it wasn’t what you were looking for! Thanks once more for the request, it really was fun to work on (and the research was cool as well!).

[strangeinternetwasteland]

First of all... congrats on your 100 followers, love!! I'd like to request a Kakashi fic, fluffy and cute (with some spice here and there). We all know why we love this guy but what I like about him most is you feel a sense of security in him, and he cares deeply for those he loves even in his own quiet ways. She/her and Y/N is fine. :D Thank you, dear and congrats again!

Thank you my love! I am so excited for this Kakashi is my man for sure, and I hope you enjoy this

WC: 670

The gossip you heard from the villagers in was everything from you being an enchantress to just some sort of evil wizard was spread about you. The news of Kakashi actually being interested in someone was a hot topic. After a few days, they seemed to stop talking or thinking about it.

Not you though, you always wondered why the notorious bachelor of Konoha chose you over the long line of women waiting. Yes, you worked with him on missions, and he was very good-looking. After the missions ended, you two would always just find each other and enjoy a few small conversations here and there. It never was anything that would amount to much.   

 Eventually, after a while, you’d go out to dinner as friends, and he’d walk you home, of course, to make sure you were safe. Sometimes you’d do it again later that week and he’d hold your hand or pull you close to him when walking. But to you, it wasn’t really anything. He’d tell you when he was leaving for missions and when to expect his return. You did the same since it was nice knowing you had at least one friend. You were just friends and you swore that’s what all friends did.   

He had told you he had a mission that would last about a month. When he left you the night before his mission, he hugged you, which was normal because you were better friends than you were before. He told you to take care of yourself. Sure the hug was a bit more affectionate than you two had ever shown, but you’d like to think that it was a sign of your friendship. When the month came and went, you told yourself sometimes it takes a bit longer. After two months, though you started to worry. You felt the whole village was on edge. You started fearing for the worst. You started questioning how much he really meant to you.    

Then two weeks later, you were walking in the village and you saw Kakashi. A little worse for wear, and tired, but he smiled at you. He gave you the sweetest kiss, and you were so happy that he was alive. You didn’t care what anyone thought. He was your person. You felt safe with him around. You were glad he was home.     

He was recovering from his injuries from the mission at home, where you went every day to look after him, because yes, you were worried and scared, but mostly, you didn’t want him to suffer alone. The third day into taking care of him, you were helping him do his laundry.    

“Y/N, you know, I could get used to this?” He told you with a serious tone.    “Get used to what? Me taking care of you because you were reckless?” You scolded him.    

He stood up slowly, as to avoid any unnecessary pain. He cupped a hand to your face and rubbed his thumb over your lip. Slowly, he bent down and kissed you. You parted your lips slightly, and he slid his tongue over yours deepening the kiss. If you weren’t clear about your relationship before, you were now. After a moment, he broke the kiss.    

“I meant, you being here. Knowing that there is someone to come home to.” He mumbled into another kiss. “I know I never asked you to be my girlfriend, but we sort of fell into it. Kind of like how I want to fall into you.” He hinted suggestively. Your face burned at this hint. You pushed him away gently.    

“No. Not until you’re recovered, at least for the second part.” You told him in disbelief.    

“You’re right, but what about the first part?” He raised an eyebrow at you, while pulling you closer, and placing kisses along your neck. You didn’t have to think twice. Living with Kakashi would definitely be a ride, in more ways than one

[kind-wolf]

Happy Birthday 

to one of the loveliest people I have the pleasure to call friend! 

@angelaiswriting​

I wrote you a little story. Although it just recently dawned on me that I f*cked up by showing you the writing from my prime time. In comparison, this seems a bit lame. But I did my best. Hope you can enjoy it at least a little!

"You can not just get her flowers for her birthday, Volodya!" Anatoly insisted.

"She's also getting this." his brother replied, suggestively grabbing between his legs.

Anatoly sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that day. He was no expert in women and relationships either, (he still thinks it was pure luck that brought him and his wife together), but he was certain that giving your girlfriend only flowers and sex on her birthday, was not a good idea. And it certainly was not enough for a woman that puts up with his brother.

And as soon as he voiced that very thought, Vladimir rounded on him, scowl deeply etched into his features. "What do you mean put up with me?"

Toly, long used to his brother's temper only leveled him with a look.

And thus Volodya ended the discussion by huffing and storming into his office.

But in private, Vladimir couldn't help but think about his brother's words. Angela and him were so different, she was sweet and innocent, far too good compared to his calloused hardness, yet she doesn't seem deterred by his gruff behavior. But she is probably expecting more from him in this case. Something nice. Like her.

They had met in the little Russian corner store Ulyana always insisted to go to when he helped her with her groceries. It had been obvious, not only to him but also to the old Lady that this young woman was somewhat lost between all those foreign products. If it had been for Vladimir, he wouldn't have spared her a second glance, but of course, Ulyana insisted he goes and offers some help. And there was a glint in the old woman's eyes, he didn't like. Not one bit.

From that moment on, things escalated quickly. So quickly in fact that he can barely recall how it all happened. But here he was, months later, thinking about whatever birthday present his girlfriend wants. Fuck.

Days. Fucking days, countless packs of cigarettes and a very persistent headache later, he finally figured something out. It was perfect for her.

He would have to suffer though. But what is a little suffering after spending years in that shithole in siberia?

Also, a small part of him felt gleeful over the fact that it wasn't something she could or would want to return, even when she some day inevitably decides to leave him. This will be something from him that stays with her. A constant reminder.

~~~~~~~~~

Working on your own birthday sucked. Not that you had any big plans. It was a weekday and everyone had to work, so you figured you'd have a nice dinner with Vladimir, his brother and your friends on the following weekend.

You perked up a little when you came through the door of Vladimir's (who were you kidding? You basically lived here.) apartment and saw that the lights were on. He was home. Unusually early. Another exception made for you, after already getting up early today to get you fresh & gluten-free cupcakes, coffee and flowers before you had to go to work. You smiled to yourself. The softie.

When you entered the living room where he was sat watching some serial killer documentary with a drink in hand, you immediately spotted something out of the ordinary in the corner. Something big and square that was hidden underneath two blankets.

"Hey Volodya!" you greeted him with a chaste kiss after plopping down besides him. "What's this in the corner?"

He grinned. "Suprise for my birthday girl." When you sat up, clearly intending to have a look, he grabbed you around the waist and pulled you closer to him again. "For later." he amended. And to effectively distract you, his other hand came up to gently grasp your chin and guide you to him.

Kissing Vladimir still gave you butterflies every time. He always saw himself as this rough gangster, but when he kissed you his true self always shone through. It wasn't harsh or demanding. Sure, sometimes it was rough and dominating, but only in those moments. In general, it felt like the perfect mixture of adoration and passion. He rarely says how he feels. In fact, he had only ever said I love you once. But his kisses, they tell you every day.

It took you a second to get your bearings when Vlad pulled back. "Go get changed in something comfortable. We're picking your birthday present."

You were confused. "I'm supposed to pick my own present?"

"Don't start with that look. You'll like it. Promise." Vladimir assured you, giving you a rare genuine smile.

"Fiiiiine."

It wasn't long before Volodya pulled into the parking lot of a building, you had walked by a thousand times but never dared to go inside.

"The dog shelter!?" you exclaimed, voice raising with excitement. "We're getting a dog?l"

"You are getting a dog. You always wanted one, no?"

Instead of using words, you answered him by basically leaping across the seats and smothering him in kisses. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

Vladimir chuckled and carefully pushed you away. "Enough. I thought dog might try to lick my face. Not you."

You wiggled your eyebrows playfully. "I know, you prefer when I lick something else."

"Don't start. Get out. Before I change my mind." Vlad growled, not able to hide his grin at the end.

He was probably bluffing, but still, you wouldn't take the chance and quickly hopped out of the car, almost running to the entrance.

In the last second however, Vlad caught up to you and stopped you by grabbing your wrist. "Before we go inside, you have to promise one thing, Мышка."

He was using his serious gangster tone, as you liked to call it, so you just nodded, waiting for him to go on.

"It will not sleep in bed."

"But if it's..."

"нет!"

"But when you're..."

"Not in bed."

"Alright, alright."

When you two stepped thru the door and up to the counter, the woman behind it greeted you with a friendly smile. "Ah, Mr. Miller, back with your wife now I see!"

You startled, confused not only at the way she greeted Vladimir, but also at the word wife.

Before you could correct her, Vlad gave her his version of a friendly smile. "Yes. She can pick one now."

She directed another smile at you. "Very well. Let me just get my colleague, she'll show you around."

As soon as she was out of earshot, you turned to Vlad, eyes still wide. "Mr. Miller? Wife? What? You've been here before? What?"

Vlad snorted at your obvious confusion. "да. Been here and asked what we need for dog. And to get papers ready. With fake information."

"So that's the box in the living room." you mused out loud. And before your brain could catch up with your mouth, you added: "You shouldn't have made me your wife. I don't even wear a ring."

Vlad gave you one of his calculating looks, where you couldn't tell what was going on in his brain. "So, you don't want to be my wife. I'll remember that."

"Oh. I- I didn't... That's not.. " you stuttered, face heating up immediately. That was really not what you were thinking. It just caught you off guard. Especially since you didn't think he would be the kind of guy that thinks about marriage.

Volodya's quiet chuckle and his hand squeezing yours stopped your brain from going into overdrive. "Мышка, it was joke!"

Thankfully you were saved from further stuttering by the woman returning with her colleague.

Time to pick your new companion!!

~~~~~~~~~~

Vladimir couldn't stop the smile from showing on his face as Angela's eyes lit up at seeing the first dog.

"Look Volodya! He's so fluffy!"

"Awww! Such a cute snout!"

"Those eyes!"

"What tiny paws!"

"See how she's wagging her tail!"

"His fur is sooo smooth!"

"Naww! How gentle he is!"

It went on like this for what felt like forever. And he knew they would spend the whole night here if he doesn't reign her in.

He stepped closer to the bars of the cage she was currently petting a little creme-colored rat-chaser. "You have to pick one Мышка. You know that?"

Her head whipped up and her mouth opened, ready to protest, but it seemed that reality slowly dawned on her.

The light in her eyes dimmed a bit. "I know. But howww?"

He extended his hand for her to take. "Pick one. If you don't like it we bring it back." Vlad offered with a shrug.

Instead of taking his hand Angela smacked his arm. "What? No! Don't be mean."

"Just pick one." he grumbled in return, clearly not seeing an issue with his statement.

She wandered slowly along the cages, Vladimir silently following behind.

"I- I think it's that one. He just looks so sad." Her voice nearly cracked when she crouched down and stuck her hand thru the bars of one cage.

Vladimir, feeling this weird prickling in his chest, crouched down beside her and pulled her against him with an arm around her shoulders. "Won't be sad anymore when he's with you."

A tiny smile from her was all the confirmation he needed. So he pulled her to her feet and gestured to the employee that has been waiting at the end of the corridor.

And since Mr. Miller had been here the day before, only the dog's information needed to be filled into the adoption papers before they could get out of there.

Angela struggled to carry the slightly too-big-to-be-carried-by-her dog, but she insisted on carrying her new baby.

"I really hope the other dogs will get adopted too." She said, while they waited at the counter.

Before he could comment, the employee came back with the papers. She handed Vladimir the dog's ID and told him the adoption fee.

Angela's concerns fresh in mind, Vlad hesitated only a moment before thinking fuck it and pulling a thick wad of cash from his pocket.

As soon as he pushed it over the counter, the woman's eyes went wide. "Sir, that's... that's way too much, we only ask for..."

"Rest is donation." He cut her off, with a tone that made it clear there would be no further talk about it.

"Oh. Ah, thank you then. And I hope you will be happy with the new addition to your family."

Once again a smile plastered on her face, Angela thanked the woman before walking out the door Vladimir was holding open for her.

"That was really sweet Volodya!"

He glared at her, even tho he already knew it didn't have that much effect on her anymore. "Get in car."

Angela giggled, knowing he hated it when she pointed out his soft moments.

It's been a week. A week with that little furry pest.

And while Vladimir usually looked forward to coming home, especially knowing she was there, waiting for him, his excitement was slightly dimmed these days. It wasn't that he doesn't enjoy seeing her so happy. He did. It was just, that dog needed too much attention. He couldn't even sit down and have a drink and just be, after a long day surrounded by idiots, before that little thing was climbing into his lap, trying them like his face, or even worse, chewing on the seam of his pants.

This day when he closed the door of his apartment though, it was eerily quiet. And neither Angela nor the dog came to greet him, despite it being not that late at all. He scowled but resisted the urge to immediately reach for his gun. With slow and silent steps he crept through the hall.

His posture relaxed though, when he stepped into the living room.

There, in between a mess of toys the two were. Curled up and peacefully sleeping on the floor in front of the couch.

Vladimir's little scoff must have finally alerted the dog to his presence because he blinked at him and thumped his little tail against the floor.

"You have to get better at guarding your мама." Vlad mumbled while slowly approaching them and bending down to pick Angela up. She stirred when he pushed his arms under her, so he tried to sooth her. "Shhh Мышка, 's just me. I'm taking you to bed."

Despite his efforts, her eyes slowly blinked open, while he walked to the bedroom. "But I still gotta walk him."

Vladimir tried to keep his face neutral and suppressed a sigh. Still, his voice sounded grumpy, even in his own ears. "I will do it."

"But, you don't want to." Despite her protest, her eyes were already closing again while he placed her onto the bed and put the blanket over her.

"Sleep, Мышка." He insisted, pressing a soft kiss to the crown of her head.

So there he was, walking the dog.

Suffering, just as he predicted.

Was it worth it tho?

да, she was worth it.

[xxcureangelxx]

5, 9, 10, 13, 20, 21, 24, 25, 28, 30-35, 38-42, 44-46, 50, 52, 54, 60-62, 66, 71-74, 86-91, 96, 100! 😊

okay I literally have no clue how old this is and if I'm even taking the questions from the right post but here goes I guess? 🙈

<u>5. What is your favorite Color?</u>

PURPLE

<u>9. How tall are you?</u>

about 1,70 meters or 5'7"

<u>10. What shoe size are you?</u>

size 40-41, I think that's about 8 in US sizes?

<u>13. What talents do you have?</u>

uhhh good question... not sure if it counts but I guess I'm quite good at a lot if things but can't do anything extraordinarily well?

<u>20. Are you religious?</u>

Absolutely not. Due to family history and a lot of other things I'm actually against it a lot but people can do whatever they feel like is right for them as long as they don't harm others with it.

<u>21. Have you ever been to the hospital?</u>

Yes, quite a lot actually. practically grew up in hospitals as a baby because of kidney issues, broke both my legs with 4 years old, had to revisit for tests a lot during my childhood because of the kidney issue. it calmed down afterwards until I was back in hospital last year because of my terrible mental health and I'm currently in a rehabilitation clinic for it as well.

<u>24. Baths or showers?</u>

Shower's because we don't have a bathtub

<u>25. What color socks are you wearing?</u>

currently none, I love going barefoot, but usually I wear white, gray or black. I know... I'm a bad gay.. no rainbow socks (;ŏ﹏ŏ)

<u>28. What type of music do you like?</u>

you know.... I hate this question with a passion even though I love music so I'll just throw in my yt-playlist here and everyone who's interested can look through it to get a picture xD not sorted in any way and not a conclusive list at all, I just add songs as I find them

<u>30. How many pillows do you sleep with?</u>

mostly just one at a time but I've got two different ones. one is the normal fluffy kinda pillow, the other is made of some kinda foam material and rather thin.

<u>31. What position do you usually sleep in?</u>

I'm always lying on the side! have been doing that since I was a baby too.

<u>32. How big is your house?</u>

compared to what? 🙈 I'd say decent size for 5 people to live in, would have space for 1-2 more if rooms were used differently but definitely not enough to comfortably live with 12 or even more people like my family used to. we've got like 3 proper sleeping rooms (one of which is the attic so not very nice in terms of heat and the staircase is smack in the middle of the room), a kitchen, a dining room, a big living room, a tiny bathroom that barely fits a toilet and shower, and the basement is a mix of storage, electrics and stuff, washing room/utility room and it's got another smaller room that's been turned back into a small workshop but used to be the room of my brother and later my grandmother.

<u>33. What do you typically have for breakfast?</u>

I guess this is where it shows that I'm german but we usually just eat bread (preferably whole grain) with cheese or slices of salami or ..meat sausage? is that a proper translation? 🤨 idk... it's rather simple really. on the weekend maybe buns and boiled eggs. on the occasion that I'm too tired for it or don't have enough time I eat cereals but it's not very common when I'm at work/school

<u>34. Have you ever fired a gun?</u>

No, and I don't want to

<u>35. Have you ever tried archery?</u>

Yes!! I did last year when I was in the hospital and it was super fun! was quite good at it as well, even for my first try 😤

<u>38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep?</u>

I think about 3 days? if we count "barely unconscious for a few hours" as sleep that is... otherwise no clue...my memory of the bad sleepless time is quite hazy lol

<u>39. Do you have any scars?</u>

yeah, quite a few tbh. got 2 huge ones from surgeries due to my kidney issues, well they look like 2 but it's actually multiple ones since they simply cut open party of the old ones again, tiny hooman apparently have very little skin. then I got some other ones here and there from accidents, general dumbness, etc, like when I cut through my sunday morning bun and almost cut half of the tip of my finger off because my mother sharpened the knife and didn't tell me or that time as a kid I couldn't wait for my ironing pearl pictures to be done and burned myself on the hot iron, mostly stuff like that.

<u>40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?</u>

I mean.. if they're a secret... how would I know? ;) not sure if it counts that it took me months to realize I had a crush on my best friend and the feelings were reciprocated and I was too blind to see the signs?

<u>41. Are you a good liar?</u>

Nope. People actually think I'm lying more often than I lie... so.... :/

<u>42. Are you a good judge of character?</u>

I'm.. honestly not sure what this one means? like, am I able to judge what kind of character a person has after barely meeting them or smth? if so, I'm terrible at it

<u>44. Do you have a strong accent?</u>

in german? nope. in english? hmm hard to judge since I rarely hear myself speak. I think the stuff I do know how to pronounce is mostly okay but since I learned it through reading I'm simply unsure of a lot of pronunciations. 'also'.... I can not for the life of me pronouns that word no matter how many times I hear it... it's kinda become a quirk after some classmates pointed it out to me and I'm incredibly aware how terrible I say the word but.... just can't get rid of it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

<u>45. What is your favorite accent?</u>

I.. actually really love the way my best friend talks? 👉👈 they're french btw. just... typical me for struggling to understand them though, already terrible at it in german too...

<u>46. What is your personality type?</u>

honestly, I don't think I can answer that. I'm big on self loathing and everything's pretty shitty so, no thanks

<u>50. Left or right handed?</u>

Right handed. but does it even count id I'm bad at doing things with that hand too? lol

<u>52. Favorite food?</u>

hmmmm tough question... not the biggest fan of food in general a lot of the time... probably Züricher Geschnetzeltes

<u>54. Are you a clean or a messy person?</u>

Definitely messy. my allergies did not like this post trying to clean and tidy up more often though. my depression does not like this post either

<u>60. Do you talk to yourself?</u>

sometimes. quite a bit when watching movies or if I mess stuff up

<u>61. Do you sing to yourself?</u>

barely. got a lot of bad experiences with that so i keep my singing to a minimum. my shower is a great listener though

<u>62. Are you a good singer?</u>

I was in a choir for a few years when I went to 'middle school' and I had like one solo part once but other than that I can't really say because I barely ever sing in front of people

<u>66. Do you like long or shor hair?</u>

this question is currently my absolute nemesis.. I've got suuuper duper long hair and have had it ever since elementary school and I used to be super happy with it and sometimes I still am happy with it but other days, depending on where I'm at genderwise, I absolutely hate it and I just want to take the closest scissors and cut it all off... currently haven't had the guts to look for new hair styles though... but in other people? or women more specifically? I love long hair 🥺

<u>71. What makes you nervous?</u>

Or the shorter question: what doesn't make me nervous... I'd say pretty much everything has got the potential to make me nervous. I'm an overthinker, anxiety is a big thing for me and ptsd makes me scared of almost everything. so.. yeah... sucks to be me sometimes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

<u>72. Are you scared of the dark?</u>

Yes, very

<u>73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?</u>

I try not to but sadly I sometimes do, even if it's not my place to. I really don't like that part and hope I'll be able to learn not to sometime

<u>74. Are you ticklish?</u>

Yes and I hate it 😭

<u>86. What are you allergic to?</u>

again, easier question: what am I not allergic to... it's... a lot... like, really a lot. with the test on the skin of my arm I reacted to every single substance and the more thorough blood test lead to much of the same result. the absolute worst are birch trees (pitty, love those), then the usual pollen of pretty much every tree or flower, all animals with fur or feathers, dust and... yeah list goes on and on, you get the picture... :/

<u>87. Do you keep a journal?</u>

no.. have tried to multiple times in the past but never made it more than a week... too depressing to write and read... the therapist at the rehab clinic is currently forcing me to try a positivity diary for the millionths time, can't even get that done each day even though I'm doing it on my phone and get notifications to do it each evening...

<u>88. What do your parents do?</u>

making my life hell lol.. okay on a serious note, my father was a car electrician, he's retired by now, my mother is a housewife, she used to work different jobs before her first kid, later on she took care of my grandmother who was suffering from dementia, got some money and retirement points for that too.

<u>89. Do you like your age?</u>

I-... I don't know? it's weird because I both feel a lot younger and a lot older than I am rn....

<u>90. What makes you angry?</u>

another tough question... I actually have anger issues in that way that I'm barely capable of feeling anger... used to be worse but I already worked a lot on it in therapy so there's at least some there now... in the past I simply started to cry and felt overwhelmed by sadness whenever I was supposed to feel anger... so I can't tell very well what makes me angry because I first have to realize that I'm feeling anger or more like should be feeling it....

<u>91. Do you like your own name?</u>

Not really, no, but I guess I finally figured out some reasons why.. I've recently started going by a bit of a different name too but only my closest friends know so far and I'm not sure if I'll be using it irl at all..

<u>96. How did you get your name?</u>

I'm still trying to get my mother to admit that she named me after this song but she keeps denying it.. she's a fan of this band so it would have fit.. but she keeps saying she just liked the name, no long thought process behind it..

my chosen name is a bit of a different story. an ex friend I got to know through yt gave me that nickname almost 10 years ago after I complained that you can't make a shorter nickname out of my birthname and it's also the name of s character I like, especially his voice, and... idk it just feels more gender neutral and I simply feel comfortable with it. it just fit.

<u>100. Color of your room?</u>

same as question 5: Purple 🥰 or... well half the walls are purple, the other half is white

phew... can't believe I made it through all of these....

in case people haven't noticed yet, I'm currently kinda getting back into tumblr? I think I've already stayed a lot longer than any times I tried getting back before. it mostly started because we've got super bad wifi at the clinc I'm at rn and reddit takes up waaayy too much mobile data and... idk, I guess I just missed the vibe of tumblr

I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stick around but we'll see

[imaginingsoftly]

Uncle Gryz - Matt Grzelcyk

Type: angsty, best friends, really fluffy ending

Requested: No

Warnings: a couple of swears, pregnancy

A/N: I started this and had no idea where it was going, so here’s some angsty shit with a fluffy best friend ending! 

Rain pounded on your hood as you walked across the city, breathing in the smell of wet cement and rain as you tried to hold back your tears. The streets of North End were nearly empty thanks to the rain and the late hour, and you managed to recognize the peace around you despite the exhaustion threatening to take over. Times like these were the ones where it was so easy to love the history of the city, to appreciate the cobblestones and how old the city felt. Matt’s building appeared to your left, and you slipped inside with one more glance at the rain and the moon. The front desk receptionist waved as you slipped past, familiar with your face after so many years of visits. 

The trek from the elevator to Matt’s door felt like it took years, and you were practically hanging on the door for support by the time Matt opened it. He was still dressed from the plane ride home from Winnipeg, his tie hanging loose around his neck and his shirt partially unbuttoned. “Y/N?” He was tired, you could tell, his eyes a little less bright than they normally were. Maybe you should have waited until morning.

“Matty, I,” you stopped, pressing your lips together to suppress a sob. Matt swore, gently tugging you into the condo. He closed and locked the door with one hand while simultaneously pulling you tightly into his chest with the other. You shook from your tears and the cold damp that felt like it had settled into your bones, and Matt somehow pulled you even closer. Neither of you spoke as you cried. Matt tangled a hand in your hair. “Can you tell me what’s wrong?” You cried harder. “Okay, sweetheart, okay. You don’t have to tell me.” 

Slowly your tears stopped and the exhaustion settled in with a new vengeance. Matt caught you as your legs gave out, smoothly scooping you up into his arms. “Let’s get you warm, yeah?” You nodded wearily against his shoulder, struggling to keep your eyes open. It had been a long couple of days, and your body was just now relaxing enough to sleep. Matt set you gently on his bed, cupping your cheek with a concerned look on his face before retrieving sweatpants and one of his shirts. 

“Get into some dry clothes, and I’ll make you a snack.” You opened your mouth to feebly protest, but Matt held up a hand. He had his captain face on, and you knew better than to argue with that. “You look like you haven’t eaten in days. I’ve got some of mom’s chicken parm in the fridge. You’re eating it.” Even in your half-conscious state you knew better than to turn down a Momma Grzelcyk meal. You nodded tiredly, and were rewarded with one of Matt’s smiles. 

His clothes were warm, and smelled like him. Matt had been a constant in your life since you’d moved to Boston for college, your first and favorite lab partner, and the smell of his laundry detergent and cologne smelled safe. You’d suffered through Biology together, and somehow the hotshot local hockey player had adopted you as his new best friend. You were both older now, college long gone, but your friendship had remained, especially since you’d remained in the area for med school and then as a doctor at Brigham and Womens. 

You were in Matt’s bed by the time he returned, changed and snuggling under his covers. Matt smiled gently at the sight. He balanced two plates of food in his hands as he climbed in next to you, handing a plate off so that he could slip under the covers as well. “We haven’t done this in a while,” he remarked, gesturing at the food and where your legs were fighting for space further down on the bed. 

“Kyle didn’t like it.” Your voice broke as you mentioned your now ex-fiance, and Matt’s mouth tightened as you mentioned him. They’d never gotten along, Kyle assuming that Matt wanted you for himself and Matt stuck on Kyle’s trust fund and general distaste for anyone who hadn’t gone to medical school. 

You’d just taken a bite of the chicken parm when Matt spoke again. “Do I need to gather a few of the boys and go kick his ass?” You choked on the food. Of course he went the violent route. You fiddled with your now ring-less left hand, and Matt noticed immediately. His voice was considerably more gentle when he spoke again. “What happened, Y/N?”

He reached out to squeeze your right hand, and you stared at your joined hands as you tried to summon the strength to speak again. “He doesn’t want kids. Like ever. Says he doesn’t want my body ruined by childbirth.” You shook your head and stared up at the ceiling so you didn’t have to look at Matt’s face. You knew he was approximately two seconds away from storming down to Kyle’s apartment to do god-knows what, so you squeezed his hand back and continued. “I’m pregnant, Matty. He was so pissed. He started throwing things, accusing me of doing it on purpose.” Matt was barely breathing by the time you were done talking, and his face was unrecognizable. It was blank, the kind of rage you had never seen from him. 

It took a lot of effort for you to turn away from his face and resume eating, giving Matt a chance to process everything you’d said. It had taken you days to process that you were pregnant at all, and then the fight with Kyle tonight had been a few hours ago. Honestly, you were still processing everything yourself. You were almost finished eating by the time Matt picked up his fork again, but he didn’t eat. He pushed the food around his plate until you were finished, and then he wordlessly took both of your plates back to the kitchen. He didn’t bother to wash them, and he was back in the room almost immediately, sliding back into the bed with the same cold look on his face. It was honestly starting to scare you. 

“Matty,” you said gently, touching his cheek. He jerked, snapping back into himself with a shake of his head. “Please say something.” Matt bit his lip before pulling you into his chest again. He didn’t speak for a while, and neither did you as you began to let sleep overtake you.

“I’ve got your back, sweetheart. No matter what.” You were fully alert again as he spoke the words you’d been dying to hear from someone. “This baby is gonna have an entire team’s worth of good attractive male role models to look up to.” He pulled back enough to look at your face. “I mean, if you’re gonna keep the baby. Which, you know, if you aren’t I’ll go with you to get everything taken care of.” You choked out another sob at his words, gently kissing his cheek. 

“Yeah,” you whispered. “I’m gonna keep it. I’ve got enough vacation time saved up just in case, and I’m monetarily stable, and I’ve got you guys.”

Matt’s eyes lit up in excitement. “You’re gonna be such a good momma, Y/N. And I’m gonna be the best uncle. Uncle Gryz sounds pretty good, yeah?” His excitement had you giggling through your tears, and you nodded in agreement. 

The two of you slid down the bed frame until Matt had you cuddled into his chest, and he only let go of you long enough to turn off the light. It had been a long time since you’d done this, at least two or three years. Since Kyle. It felt right, a reminder of the all-nighters the two of you had endured together as students and then that Matt had been there for as you survived med school. 

He was the brother you’d always wanted, the best friend you knew you deserved. There really wasn’t a better word to describe him to your baby than uncle, because he was family.

“I like Uncle Gryz, but only if Charlie can be Uncle Cheeks.” 

Matt’s laugh rumbled through his chest.

“Obviously.”

[peaceisadirtyword]

Hi love can I pls request some super fluffy smut with Alex where’s he’s a bit shy/insecure?Like not necessarily submissive but it’s been a while & he’s not confident in his abilities & just wants to please reader? I’m tired of reading smut where he’s portrayed as a overly confident sex obsessed freak who seems to have memorised the entire kama sutra! Thaaaanks!❤️

I'm really glad you requested this, love, because this is a very important topic: it's normal to feel insecure in sex (as it's normal to feel insecure in every aspect of life), so don't make fun of anyone that feels nervous before, during on even after sex. Don't pressure anyone to have sex, please, and always make sure you have their consent for everything. If they say they're not comfortable and they want to stop (they don't even have to say it, just show it), just stop, don't force anyone. Also, I think sex is important in a relationship (it depends on the relationship, of course), but communication and trust are the main things, so talk to your partner, tell them what you like in sex and what you don't, and listen to them when they tell you. In my experience, that makes everything much better and pleasurable. 

I'll shut up now, thanks for coming to my ted talk, I hope you like this💕

Warnings: smut, insecurities, Alex is a cute baby

It was midnight. The perfect hour; romantic, quiet... You looked so perfect, with your hair framing your beautiful face as you laid down on his bed, under the thick covers that, both of you were sure, would be too much very soon. 

His eyes scanned your body, only illuminated by the dim light of the candles that he had put all around the room. You were perfect, and that only made him feel even more nervous. 

You looked so confident, knowing exactly what you were doing, that he felt insecure and clumsy next to you. 

It had been planned. Alex invited you over to have dinner on his apartment, he cooked his best meal, and you loved it. Then you sat together to drink a couple of glasses of wine on his balcony, a blanket over your shoulders. 

You had talked about sex before. Both of you thinking that it was better to talk about it, to listen to what the other had to say and find out what they liked better in bed before actually doing it. You had said it helped to enjoy it much more, and Alex had agreed with you, but even if he knew what you liked -he had paid attention, unlike most of the guys you went out with-, he was very nervous. 

He was afraid to be a disappointment, he really liked you and would hate to stop seeing you just because he wasn't able to pleasure you just right. 

"Are you okay?" You looked into his eyes, cupping his face between your warm hands. 

"Yes" he blushed. Great, not only he was nervous but now you knew it. You're a fucking actor, act. 

"We don't have to do anything you don't want to" you assured him, kissing his lips softly. 

"I want to" he promised you, kissing you again, your lips were now his favorite thing in the world "I really want to, but..." He frowned a bit "It's been a while since I..."

"Oh" you blushed a bit, and it was the first time he saw you blushing "Me too" you giggled "But that's okay, what's wrong?" 

"I just..." He chuckled "I'm worried I will... Fuck it up" 

You smiled at him. At first, it surprised you; a handsome and hot guy, talented, nice, fun... You knew the effect his smile had in women, you had suffered that effect. Everything in him screamed confidence. But you realized you had judged him too quickly. He also felt insecure and shy sometimes, like everyone else. He was human, after all. 

"Alex, I can assure you you won't fuck anything up" you muttered "If you don't feel like it, we can watch some movie or something, but if you really want to do it, we can try, no pressure"

Alex blinked a few times. He really wanted to do it, fuck, he had been wanting to do it for a long time, and though he promised himself he'd take it slow with you, some of the make out sessions between you both had been intense. 

"I want to do it, I want you" he whispered, kissing you again "But promise you'll tell me what feels good and what does not, okay?" 

"Okay" you smiled sweetly at him "Same goes to you"

He nodded. A part of him wished everything was more spontaneous, but it was your first time with each other, and he preferred to talk to you, find out what you liked before acting, there would be time for the spontaneous sex when both of you knew each other much better. And he was sure this way would be much more enjoyable for the both of you. 

He kissed your neck softly. You sighed in pleasure and hummed as his hands caressed your naked body. 

Slowly and focusing on your reactions to make sure you enjoyed it, his lips travelled down your breasts and your belly, making you giggle as he tickled you. He stopped just on your sex, moaning softly. 

He hesitated then. The last thing he wanted was to make you uncomfortable. What if you didn't like oral sex? 

You noticed that, and smiled softly at him. 

"If you're okay with giving, I love receiving" you giggled, blushing a bit and making him smile. 

"My fingers or my mouth?" He asked nearly whispering. 

"Both" you sighed when he nodded and, with his eyes still fixed on your face, he closed his mouth around your clit. He remembered that, at least. You moaned and your fingers tangled in his hair. He licked and kissed for a while, until he found that spot, which made your body tense up and you let out a shaky moan, throwing your head back onto his pillows. 

His fingers caressed your sex, already wet, and, when you moaned again and moved your hips against his hand, he thrusted two of them inside you. The sigh that fell from your lips made him moan, his lips still attached to your clit. He felt a bit more confidence when you moaned his name out loud. 

"Slow" you managed to whisper. He obeyed and changed the pace of his fingers. You sighed again "It feels so good, you're doing so well, God" you muttered, moaning. 

When you finally came, you did it with your legs shaking around his head, clenching your walls around his fingers and digging your nails on his arm, moaning his name. Alex got away from you panting and blushing, but with a smirk on his face. You pulled him close to you to kiss his lips lovingly, thanking him before pushing him off of you and moving to straddle his waist. The duvet was now on the floor, though any of you cared about that. You weren't exactly cold. 

"Another thing I like" you smirked, panting. Alex was looking at you like if you were a goddess "Is being on top"

____________________________________

Tags: @mblaqgi @alicedopey @lol-haha-joke @naaladareia @tephi101 @captstefanbrandt @love-hate-love @titty-teetee @readsalot73 @moondustmemories @thevikingsheaux @therealcalicali @chimera4plums @blushingskywalker @awkwardfangirl02 @credulouskhaleesi @gruffle1 @justacripple @heartbeats-wildly @inforapound @winchesterwife27 @hecohansen31 @xinyourdreamsx @funmadnessandbadassvikings @tgrrose @jadelynlace @flokidottirsstuff 

[strangetownsayit]

ok so um.......... .. . . ..

 i had a really bad time, went crazy and deleted all my maurice fics. Yes I have them in my notes and if someone wants them, I can send them to them, but still. i no longer feel confident about You Don’t Own Me and To a Happier Year.

but i feel bad and guilty bc then i remembered someone who left a very nice comment in my fic. maybe ill rewrite everything and publish it again, but not today and certainly not tomorrow. so ill explain my outline for the two fanfics cus i already had a ending in mind

before anything-- do i plan to write more maurice fanfic? the answer is yes. i hyperfixate very hard on maurice so ill never stop, but ill try not to make it public till i trust my bilingual capacities

 so, You Don’t Own Me

Percival Darsey is a young man who spend time in Penderleigh’s after having an encounter with Anne in the village next to Penge. He becomes Clive’s pupil bc of Anne’s desire, and so Percival bounces between them (wanting clive’s attention, then wanting anne’s)

Clive doesn’t really care about Percy’s attraction to Anne, bc he was sure it was silly love-at-first sight stuff. It was supposed to be explained later that Percy was really naive when it came to love. I actually had some dialogue written in my phone’s notes app to show how percy views were when it came to love and how easy it was for him to fall in love:

“I can’t do nothing but leave it to take me, Mr. Durham”, said Percy gently, with his back resting against the black slate of the roof; the light rays of sun --whose bright, blinding face was hiding behind clouds-- were worth coming the next day. “When someone smiles back at me, when someone touches my shoulder to get me out of the way, when they wish me a good day; I fall in love too easily, with many people. Approximately five times a day.”

“Many people?”, Clive laughed. “You mean, many women.”

Percival contemplated the sky a while.

“No,” he finally said, “many people.”

 Percival was supposed to be Clive’s opposite: excited about loving and be loved in return, excited to be discovered and being so happy with himself, he can barely hide it.

But when Percival got infatuated with a man, an acquaintance of Clive, Clive started to snap, to wander, to ask questions he could’ve never asked before. But Percival had nothing to hide anyways, and this would make Clive distant

Resume: with time Percival would’ve become closer and closer to anne’s circle, and thus he would’ve grown tired and exhausted. Bc Percival is autistic, and he has very little spoons (a metaphor about being autistic), meeting new people every day, being dragged to social compromises and being treated as some sort of servant that these rich ppl needed for entertainment, he would’ve suffered a meltdown and avoid Pendersleigh for a while

But bc Percy is not dumb, he would’ve returned bc he needs to eat, and bc of his neurodivergence he couldn’t keep jobs that were mostly aimed to neurotypicals. So when he came back, he decided to stay in Clive’s side. He found comfort in his cases cus all he needed to do was ignore Clive and sleep and little lol. And so this was supposed to be the first step to develop their relationship: Clive being interested in percy now that he has discover Percy likes men as well, Percival feeling drawn to Clive. They get to know each other and eventually, they fall in love.

But ofc everytime Clive perceives a hint of flirt, he panics and back off, bc hes an I—HSHFS- NOO- WAIT—LMAO DLFAOF—IM SO SHY--- gay, and Percy is a ;)) bisexual, so they keep flirting a good part of my outline.

But then BOOm I planned Mrs Hall to visit clive. And so clive wouldve remembered everything with Maurice, feel bad, and reject percival once for all. Percival cries a lot and anne thinks he is sick bc he has an uncontrollable sobbing, but then he escapes again

Clive has some awful months and Anne notices. She knows, but at the same time, she doesn’t: she knows Percy and Clive had a cute dynamic and relationship, she knows they loved each other, but she cant notice the homoerotism they had, and so she goes on looking for percival

I shpuld add that even tho I didn’t outlined this, there was a subplot exploring Anne’s bisexuality. I was working on how to do it when I deleted the fanfic

She finds Percival and discovers that he lied this whole time: his real name is Daniel Darcy, son of Mrs. Darcy, a middle-class woman who fell in disgrace after her husband escaped with his lover. It is revealed that Percival has many brothers and is the youngest of all, being 22. It is also revealed that he have been running away from home and coming back since he was twelve. His mother openly talks shit about Percy and it is hinted that Percy is a  Bastard, a product of a love affair.

There was a silly joke I had in my notes app:

“Many years ago, Mr. Darcy ran away from us, in the gay nineties”, he spat, struggling with laughing and bitterness. “Gay, my mother hates the word, just like she hates me and everything that is stunning.”

Then Anne wouldve told Percival about Clive but he wouldve stop her and ask her to go. But he wouldve return to penge a few weeks later cus he a dumbass who doesn’t value himself. Then he and clive wouldve kissed in the rain while he sees percy in the darkness of the night at penge’s garden, but then percy wouldve been like “lol bye” bc he just wanted to let clive know that he loved him too and that he would be back in the morning.

Fluffy ffluffy fluffy flufly

Then BOOM Maurice makes an appearance, telling clive everything about what happened with kitty, then asking for money lmao so he and alec can look for another place, and he tells clive that didn’t anywhere else to go. At fisrt Clive says no but then percy manages to persuade him into helping Maurice, who is surprised to see Clive with a man. Clive and Maurice have a nice chat, clive apologizes and cries and then the next day Clives calls Risley and cries too and say something like sorry I wasn’t there for you yoy didn’t deserved to go through that and it was so unfair, and then he -in  a very subtle way- apologizes to anne. And thus Clive is clean of guilt

But then Clive and Percival have a fight bc he wants to participate in Clive’s life but Clive refuses. Angsty angsty angsty. Percival reveals he was promised by his mother his part of the heritage if he married and became a proper gentleman. He tells clive he will accept his mother offer if clive keeps being ashamed of him

Clive wants to be with percival but he sees himself in another drama, so he does what is easier: letting Percival go.

But percival didn’t expected that shit to happen ?? as extra as he is, he thought clive wouldve comfort him and kiss him. .. .. . . .

Bc he doenst know anywhere else to go, and doesn’t want to get married and hates his mom and he would hate it if he became clive, he goes with Maurice and Alec CUS HE WANTS THEM TO BE HIS DADS ¿’¿’’93 me too bitch get in the line

So advices advices advices. Percival has a clearer mind and he runs his way up to penge

So kisses kisses kisses, he and Clive are in love nd stuff. JUMP TIME, Maurice and alec live in France and they are Percy’s and Clive’s neighbors. Anne is looking for adventures and kisses many women and many men. Everyone is happy YAY I can cope

TO A HAPPIER YEAR

Ok I am a little tired I want to sleep jdswiow io

So Clive’s durham first love. Fluffly fluffly fflufy

It cover events during the movie (clive being tired of bullshit after Christmas vacs).

Bc clive is an asshole, he ignores Quinn (his first love and stuff]) and quinn wants to know why he is being pushed aside and why is clive so distant. But then he discovers it and wish clive luck

JUMP TIME they are both in their 36 and clive is miserable during a trip in Italy. They both meet during said trip, reconnect romantically,  and HAPPY YEAR YES EVERYTHING IS HAPPIER THE YEARS HAPPY ENDING WHATEVer. I swear it is cuter Im just very sleepy now lol

[jovialyouthmusic]

Time of the...

Sophia and Bastien may seem as if they’re at it like rabbits, but every four weeks or so they calm down a bit - and you might guess why. Here they confront the monthly lull. There’s nothing graphic I promise, just fluff. It ‘belongs’ to the next chapter in Silver Service, but I’m posting it as a stand alone piece because it’s a loooong series and you can just dip in if you know the characters but haven’t kept up.

If you know NOTHING about this ship, it’s Bastien Lykel from TRR and his LI, my OC Sophia Turner, who came to Cordonia to work for the royal family. That’s really all you need to know apart from the fact that they are truly, madly, deeply in love. Oh, and they have pet names, ‘thea mou’ means ‘my goddess’ and ‘agape mou’ means ‘my love’

Word Count 1779

No warnings, but please bear in mind my blog is not suitable for under 18s.

Sophia sat huddled up on the couch, hot water bottle clutched to her stomach, soft blanket around her shoulders and knees drawn up to her chest. This wasn’t the first time she’d had her period since she’d moved in with Bastien, but they’d not discussed it before, just skirted around it. Her cycle was mostly regular, but the symptoms varied wildly, and this was a bad one. She was bloated and her head throbbed. She had managed soup and bread for lunch, which was sitting heavy in her belly and the painkillers were taking a long time to kick in, so she curled up and started to channel surf.

She heard Bastien returning from work, and he came in to the lounge. She knew that he had eaten in the staff canteen, but she hadn’t wanted to appear in public with the way she was feeling. He paused momentarily as he took in the situation, stooping to kiss her on the forehead before he continued through to the kitchenette, clattering around making coffee as she settled on a romcom. She frowned at the kiss and winced at the sharp noises, calling out to him testily.

‘Do you have to make so much noise?’ she snapped

‘Sorry my goddess. Do you want anything to drink?’

‘No’ she said shortly, the smell of coffee turning her stomach. Yesterday she had desperately wanted him to come back, but right now she wished he would just leave her alone.

‘I could make hot chocolate’ he cajoled. She shook her head, irritated that he would presume that would make her feel better.

‘No thankyou’ she said in an attempt at politeness that she definitely didn’t feel. He came over and sat next to her, leaning his arm on the back of the couch, head on his palm and body angled toward her.

‘Can I do anything for you, theá mou?’ he asked soothingly. She shook her head and kept her eyes on the screen, though really she wasn’t watching it – it was just wallpaper. ‘Sophia?’ he prompted. She turned her head to him sharply.

‘What is it, Bastien?’ she said sharply ‘I just want to sit and be quiet’

‘You’re hurting, agápe mou’ he pressed ‘I want to help’

‘Well don’t’ she snapped, looking back at the screen ‘I’ve coped with this on my own for years. Most women do, you know’ He was quiet for a while but didn’t move.

‘We’ve never talked about this’ he said, quietly probing ‘How is it for you? You can tell me’ She sighed heavily, knowing he wouldn’t let it go.

‘My guts hurt, my head throbs and the pills aren’t helping’ she said, a lump forming in her throat.

‘It’s not usually this bad, is it?’ he asked, his tone gentle. She shook her head, and found her eyes prickling. He handed her  a tissue, and she accepted it and dabbed at her face, sniffling and holding back tears as her mood swung from irritation to self pity. He leaned closer, his tone soft as he carried in his assault on her walls.

‘Did I ever tell you about the first time I went down on a girl?’ She shook her head, pressure building in her chest from the sobs she withheld. He smiled ‘She didn’t know her period had started, and it was a while before either of us realised. She was mortified’ Sophia looked at him watery eyed, her sob turning into a laugh.

‘That can’t have been nice’ He put his hand on her knee and squeezed it.

‘I didn’t mind. A few towels and a wash afterwards and all is fine. You don’t have to hide anything from me, theá mou’ he said softly ‘Come here, let me hold you’ She made a little sound of acquiescence and he moved close as she repositioned herself, still hugging the hot water bottle. Gently he put his arm around her shoulders, stroking her hair. She sighed and relaxed into his warm embrace, genuinely feeling just a little better.

‘I can heat up that bottle’ he offered. She shook her head, unwilling to move.

‘No, just stay like this for now’ she murmured. She stared at the screen. She knew he disliked what he termed ‘fluffy’ films or series, but he bore it without complaint. If it weren’t for the dull ache in her belly and throbbing head she would have fallen asleep in his arms. Instead she shifted uncomfortably, groaning quietly.

‘What pills did you take?’ he asked ‘How long ago?’

‘Aspirin’ she mumbled ‘An hour ago. There wasn’t anything else in the cabinet and I didn’t feel like going out’

‘Housekeeping are stocked with all sorts of pills and potions’ Bastien pointed out ‘What usually works?’ She shrugged. Housekeeping at the Palace was indeed a wonderful source not only for pills, but pads and tampons, and the last time she’d bought any was when they were touring with the court. But this was Applewood and their supplies were different.

‘They don’t have the ones I used to take back home, and I’ve run out’

‘Tell me what they are and I’ll see to it’ he said. ‘Are you sure you don’t want a hot chocolate?’ She sighed

‘I’m bloated and that will make me feel worse.’ she grumbled, becoming aware that she needed to change her tampon, and hauled herself on to her feet. As she returned from the bathroom Bastien addressed her again.

‘What do you usually have when you feel bloated?’ She ensconced herself back on the couch, shivering slightly and pulling the blanket tight around her shoulders. Her head still ached and she was suddenly consumed with a longing for comfort food. He waited for her answer, stroking her knee and running his hand down her calf to her foot.

‘Oat milk. But I want chocolate ice cream. Ben and Jerry’s Phish food is good’

‘I’ll get you some’ he said ‘Do you have an empty packet of your pills?’ Resignedly she sighed.

‘In my toiletry bag’ she said ‘It’s okay Bas, you don’t have to’

‘Yes I do’ He bent to kiss her forehead before getting up ‘Hold tight, I’ll be as quick as I can’

‘Does the kitchen stock Ben and Jerry’s?’ she asked ‘Do you even have it in Cordonia?’

‘We’re not savages’ he chuckled ‘Let me heat up that bottle before I go, the kettle boiled not long ago’

---------

Sophia jerked awake at the sound of the door to the suite closing. The television screen flickered and the bottle held against her belly was still warm. She dabbed at the drool at the corner of her mouth as Bastien entered with a grocery bag. She goggled at it as he sat on the couch next to her. He drew out a packet of the pills she wanted.

‘Did you go to the store?’ she asked incredulously, and as he nodded she had a vivid picture in her head of him standing solemnly in line at the checkout, basket hanging from his elbow.

‘I did’ he said ‘I do have basic life skills you know, I’m not a spoiled noble with lackeys to do all my business.’ He paused for a moment thoughtfully ‘In fact I am a lackey’ She sat up eagerly, peering at the bag on the couch.

‘What else do you have?’ she asked, reaching out, but he held it back from her and drew out a tub of ice cream. Her eyes grew wide ‘Bas, you are incredible. You did this for me?’ tears started to her eyes again and this time she let them flow. He scooted next to her, putting the bag on the floor and placing his arm around her shoulder.

‘Hey hey, don’t cry agápe mou’ she soothed. She sobbed and hiccupped for a while

‘You – you’re just so…nobody ever…’ her words were disjointed and he held her tight and kissed the top of her head. She smelled sour but he didn’t care.

‘How could I see my goddess suffer and do nothing?’ He let go of her ‘Now what type of spoon do you want? Tea spoon or dessert? Do you want a bowl?’

‘No bowl – but a teaspoon, I’m not a savage’ she managed to quip, smiling faintly. Bastien chuckled and went to fetch it. She heard him put something into the microwave and presumed it was to heat up a drink. He came back and sat down next to her, handing her the spoon. She opened the tub and drew her knees up, toes curling in anticipation. Bastien smiled fondly as she dug in, and went back to the microwave as it dinged. Wordlessly he handed her a warmed wheat bag as she ate. A look of bliss crossed her face as she let the ice cream melt, feeling the chocolate shapes hard on her tongue then melting slowly. She replaced the hot water bottle with the wheat bag, which she surmised he had just bought from the supermarket. In contrast to the bottle it was soft and pliable and moulded to her belly. She squinted at him.

‘Do you want any?’ she held the tub out to him, but just barely, and reluctantly. He shook his head

‘No, I’m fine. How about a foot rub?’ Her eyes widened

‘I don’t think I could handle Phish food and a foot rub together’ she said incredulously. ‘Not just now’

‘I could run you a hot bath’

‘Mmmm’ she mumbled, settling back into the couch ‘I don’t know, cold ice cream, hot bath. Might upset my stomach’

‘Let me know if you change your mind’ he said, and went back to the kitchenette, coming back with a glass of water and the packet of pills. He popped two out for her and put them into her palm. She held the ice cream tub between her knees, earning a look of disapproval that he quickly hid as she put the pills into her mouth and took the glass to sip some water and gulp them down. She settled back and took a couple more spoonfuls of ice cream. He had barely sat down beside her again before she handed the tub back to him, sighing happily. He rose again to take it back.

‘How about that foot rub?’ she called to him as he put the dessert into their tiny freezer compartment. He smiled and turned back to her, happy to see the contented look on her face. She was puffy and blotchy, but to him she was the most beautiful sight in the world.

‘Whatever my goddess desires’ he murmured, rubbing his hands together to warm them.