#simultaneously the straightest and gayest thing i have ever watched i-

[daftmooncretin]

60’s star trek’s list of things that are allowed:

gay people ❌

guy x sentient cloud of yellow disco haze (don’t worry though its a lady cloud!) ✅

[manessqueeze]

Promise

For Malex week, day two: tropes (fake relationship) TW for homophobic slurs and homophobia/biphobia, nothing too angsty but it’s there Read it on AO3

“Hypothetically speaking,” said the man who had appeared out of nowhere and plopped down next to Alex at the bar. Only his years of military training kept him from jumping out of his seat or tackling the guy to the ground. “If I were to put my arm around you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear to piss off my dickhead of an ex, would you punch me in the face?”

“Yes,” Alex replied without a thought as he took a long pull from his bottle of beer before turning his eyes on the—oh, shit—gorgeous cowboy beside him. How he’d kept his eyes from wandering down his impressive jawline to the man’s mouth when he bit his lip, Alex couldn’t say, but he would also attribute it to his military training. Though if he were being honest, that had a helluva lot more to do with his father than he wanted to entertain at the moment.

“With your fist or your lips?”

The smile gracing the man’s own had Alex willing to admit he’d prefer the latter but not before he made the man work for it. He let his tongue flick out to chase the taste of hops on his lips then smirked a sultry reply. If he decided to go through with it—and let’s be honest, how could he not? The guy was a walking wet dream—he might as well play it up. “Haven’t decided.”

The man, with eyes like fire and corkscrew curls tempting Alex to run his fingers through them, moved in a little closer, enough for Alex to feel the heat of his body and the flames of his own desire he’d gotten so good at controlling burst out of control. Not how he expected his night to go, but he had a decent enough buzz working that he could blame it on the alcohol if things got too far out of hand.

He felt the cowboy’s breath caress his skin when he whispered, “I promise to make it worth your while.”

“Lips it is,” Alex replied, not expecting but absolute on board with the sudden press of lips against his, more tender and tentative than he’d expect from a rugged cowboy whose calloused fingers splayed over the sensitive skin of his neck, but Alex didn’t judge. He did however fist his hands into the man’s shirt and pull him close, so close, so impossibly close, so fucking deliciously close that his mind whited out and relegated everything but this sexy cowboy who’s name he didn’t even know into the ether.

And yes, okay, getting the shit kiss out of him in the straightest bar in town with the gayest name hadn’t ever crossed his mind as something he needed to put on his bucket list, but there it was. 

And he did not, he absolutely. Did. Not. Whine when the future Mr. Manes broke the spell and pulled away leaving him a panting mess as he tried to remember how to breathe again.

“The fuck, Michael? I thought you said you were done with all that fag shit,” some drunk chick hollered beside them. Alex blinked over at her and tried to let the homophobic slur slide off his back like he always did. It helped that the hands gripping his waist hadn’t wavered, strong and sure, and maybe a little possessive.

“No, I said I was done with dickheads like you, not with dick itself. I very much like dick and I will absolutely continue to get down with all this fag shit because of it, thanks.”

The dickhead threw her hands up and huffed. “You know what? It’s over.”

“I’ve been telling you that for a month. I’ve moved on, Monica, hence my super hot boyfriend here,” Michael said, arms tightening around Alex.

“Yeah, well I hope you’re happy with your little gay dick and your little gay wedding and your little gay babies.”

“Actually, we’re raising the children bisexual,” Michael corrected before turning his attention back to Alex. “Ain’t that right, darlin’?”

Alex tried not to laugh, he really did, but watching Monica’s head almost explode before she screamed and stormed out had forced it out of him. He bowed his head as he shook with laughter, his forehead coming to rest on Michael’s chest when he moved in closer. Alex hadn’t built up the courage to let go of his shirt yet, but Michael didn’t seem to mind, a hand still perched proudly on Alex’s hip. He liked the way it felt there, like a secret promise destined not to break.

“That could’ve gone better,” Micheal said before clearing his throat and leaning back.

 Alex straightened to look up at him. “I don’t see how.”

“I’m pretty sure she’s unbalanced.”

“Clearly.”

Michael sat down on his barstool and Alex finally untangled his fists from his fabric.

“Really didn’t mean to drag you into this, cute guy who’s name I don’t know.”

“I’m Alex.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Alex. I’m Michael. And if I had known she’d go all homophobic on us, I wouldn’t have asked for your help, but thanks anyway.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” he said with a wave of his hand. The kiss more than made up for it.

“I seriously thought she’d just fuck off if she saw me with someone else.”

“Some people can’t let go.

Michael reached up to adjust the collar of Alex’s shirt, the brush of fingers against his skin felt like another promise. “Some people shouldn’t.”

Alex wanted to stop time and crawl inside that moment. He wanted to live there, locked forever in the way his heart seemed to speed up and slow down simultaneously as Michael looked at him, like Alex was something precious, something special, because no one had ever looked at him like that before, like he mattered.

And maybe for the first time, he believed that he did.

Maria cleared her throat behind the bar and both of their eyes snapped to her knowing smirk. Nope, Alex could not deal with her tonight. She'd ruined the moment, but he knew he couldn't have stayed in it anyway. Thankfully, she passed their drinks across to them and disappeared to the other end of the bar with a word. She always read him like a book. He’d make it up to her tomorrow.

A few shy glances took the place of witty banter, but after another shot of whiskey, Alex felt compelled to ask, “Do you always have such shitty taste in partners?” 

“With women? Unfortunately.”

“And with men?” Alex asked, his eyes meeting Michael’s under the dim lights as he hoped he didn’t come off too desperate for wanting to get to know this guy in spite of the drama he’d just witnessed.

“I sure hope not ‘cause you’re really hot. And it would probably destroy my faith in humanity if the crush on you I’ve been nursing from the corner booth over there the last few weeks came back to bite me in the ass.”

Alex blushed. As a general rule, boys didn’t crush on him. He longed from afar on unattainable men and maybe got lucky every once in a while thanks to grindr. But he felt brave, though he couldn’t decipher where to lay the blame: on Michael or the booze.

“I usually reserve ass biting for the second date.” That had Michael choking on a sip of whiskey, and Alex almost felt bad about it, but he pushed ahead and leaned in to whisper in Michael’s ear, luscious curls that smelled of rain tickling his nose as he pressed in close. “But you did promise to make it worth my while.”

And that dick loving cowboy did not disappoint.

[llycaons]

okay highlights

this last chunk of the show has the most natural dialogue with the fewest lines from the book forcibly shoehorned in. this is probably because it's the most content that's new to the show. like their relationship and personalities in the show are different than the book and when neilman gets out of his ass and writes something that goes beyond superficial "ANgelS AND demONS CAnt be frIENds" drama it actually works. this last part is the final development of that so we're finally getting somewhere

see what happens when you actually adapt the story and writing for, you know, an adaptation 🙄

the sheer hilarity of az and crowley being main characters but doing absolute fucking nothing of value. I mean it works because the humans are the ones who save the world, as they should, but it's so goddamn funny

"Imagine how badly things would have gone if we were at all competent"

crowley smiling when he sees his car is very cute

wait actually that was aziraphale. az looking like crowley is very cute though

ms and dt switching roles is obvious once you know what to look for and they both did a great job, but if I wasn't spoiled I don't think I could have picked it up

return of the cute goth bunny demon 🥰

"I'm the Archangel fucking Gabriel"

crowley's stupid 1920s bathing suit and knee-length socks

see even when you know the truth they're still both in precarious, dangerous positions and anyone could kill them at any time so the tension isn't even lost when you rewatch

crowley saying the "big one' would be all of humanity vs. heaven and hell, and the implication they'd be n the side of humanity. that was a great line from the book I'm glad they kept it

the last scene was actually quite nice but I wish they didn't shove in one last line from the book and piled on the nightingale references. I think THREE mentions of in within 15 seconds was more than enough. so on-the-nose. but ms put his whole heart intp looking as besotted as possible and I respect that even if I don't respect his other choices

cons

not so bad but really could not get over's dt's five-o-clock shadow

they definitely did not hold hands on the bus. im sorry to people who wanted that to be the case they just didn't

anathema and newt in bed together 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

im not joking it does actually trigger retching in me

it was ony onscreen for a split second but the demons' human disguises looked very off to me. hastur's was definitely transmisogynistic

shadwell ruining madam tracy's last appearance

kind of homophobic how they let go as soon as possible after shaking hands

didn't really hold hands. didn't kiss :/

see I feel like allmthe garbage bullshit would have made SENSE if they at LEAST held hands

having just the song and the shot of the nightingale was PLENTY

I swear neilman can do subtext but not subtlety

I mean the book line wasn't that good. get your head out of your ass

I can't even give this a final score or anything. the good parts are very dear to me but the I hate the bad parts more than almost anything in media I otherwise like. gay and homophobic but like, not even gay. I would attack the creator in the street should I ever meet him. the book was a formative experience but the show's changes had some real merit to them that genuinely inspired quite a lot of interest and enjoyment. I could not bear to watch most of it. crowley is the one of the most important characters to me. his wigs were utterly hideous. I love old balding men who listen to queen. I would set several male characters in this show on fire. azcrow are in love in simultaneously the straightest and gayest way imaginable. there's religious repression. beelzebub is hot only when she's surrounded by flies and covered in filth. there's a great love for humanity in this show but I feel like it didn't come through as well as the gay subtext did. don't expect me to talk about it for the forseeable future. this show took a mental toll on me. I'll never forget it

alright everyone *puts on my clown nose for the last time* I'm ready to finish g**d *mens

[luminouschaotic]

i remember watching the performance for the first time and thinking “this is simultaneously the gayest and straightest thing the warblers have ever done”

the irony of the Warblers singing 'uptown girl' is excellent.