#sighing. i love orv so much guys

[everyones-least-favorite-bard]

there are three ways.

[astrxealis]

i love the term omnisexual/omniromantic bcs it feels like god

[1800-page-not-found]

Wingwoman (Wriothesley x reader)

summarry: Being the secretary of the hydro archon isn't easy, although I suppose being her friend does make it easier. The hydro archon-furina, is quite a good friend actually. Though, her methods of helping you get closer with the man you fancy aren't always quite...ethical. But I promise you, she does mean well.

notes: i still havent completed this quest yet so its probably wrong in some areas lol. I also think i'll be updating some orv writings on the weekend where I have more time.

not proofread

"[name] [last name], by order of the court, you will be sentenced to-" the lady paused, trying to make sure what she read was correct. "-to twelve hours in the Fortress of Meropide for...not being true to yourself?..."

oh.

oh.

This was Furina's doing. You sighed, holding your head as you nodded.

"Right..." You answered, also seeming unsure.

This...this was really the best Furina could come up with? Just because you said you didn't fancy the Lord of the Fortress of Meropide.

Okay, sure. Maybe he is a little handsome, and strong, and kind, and-

ahem.

You were led to the inside of the Fortress and there you were. 'Furina, my dear archon and friend, what the fuck am I supposed to do here?!' You nervously bit your finger nails, freaking out internally. 'Oh archons, she wouldn't extend my sentence would she?...what am I even saying-she definitely would.'

-------

Wriothesley walked with Lumine and Sigewinne, going down to eat. His eyes widened at the sight of you, down here at the Fortress.

"[name]?" He spoke, his voice seeming surprised, at a dash of excitement. Had you-had you come to see him?!?

You turned around surprised. "Wriothesley? Lumine?-hold on, Lumine!? What are you doing here?"

"Ahahaha...Its...complicated. I'd rather not explain my sentence. How about you?" Lumine asks, smiling. It was good to see a friend again.

You certainly weren't here for business, that's for sure. Wriothesley would've been officially notified.

"I uh...also got sentenced. For half a day." You laugh embarrassed. You were definitely going to cut Furina's sweet intake by 25%.

Before anyone could reply, someone-who worked at the Fortress- ran up and handed Lumine a letter. "An official letter to Lumine from the Hydro Archon!" speak of the devil.

After reading it as you and Wriothesley conversed about business, Lumine laughed.

"Wriothesley, If its alright with you, Paimon and I would like to look around the fortress ourselves for a bit if that's okay. You could tour [name] around instead!"

No way. Theres absolutely no way Furina asked the renowned Lumine to help her-you, on this little fiasco. However, when Wriothesley nodded and turned his back to Lumine and Paimon, they both winked and gave you a thumbs up.

Oh my god, she did.

"-ame]? [name]? Would you uh, like a tour?" Wriothesley scratched his head bashfully.

"Yes, I'd like one if that'd be okay with you."

You smiled, trying not to freak out. Was this-this could definitely be considered a date right!?! I mean, you were arrested for a stupid reason but I mean, it worked! Damn, Furina was a really really good wingwoman...

"Great!-sorry ahem, I meant, it'd be no problem."

Oh my god what is this, a cheesy rom-com movie?

-------

After the tour ended, it was already nearing the end of your short sentence. (lets just pretend Wriothesley has no work responsibilities.)

"It was really lovely getting to know the place you work at. You seem like you enjoy your job." You smiled at him.

"I do!-sorry I meant yes, I do enjoy it. I also really enjoyed talking to you outside of work." He scratched his neck shyly, looking away, before mumbling, "you're much lovelier when you're yourself anyway..."

-------

And that was that. You were discharged from the Fortress, and you guys were going to become strangers again-

"[name]!" You hear his voice call out to you as you walked. Pausing and turning around, you were faced with Wriothesley.

"If, If you'd like, could we have lunch every now and then? I really liked talking with you today!" His cheekes were flushed, was it from running or his bashfulness?

"I would like that too..." You covered your face, blushing. What a cliche romance plot! Just like the novels you've read from your library Furina had gifted you...

"R-really!? Wonderful! Maybe you should get in trouble more so we can see each other more often-" Your eyes widen in surprise, and he stutters over his words.

"I-I'm sorry I shouldn't have sai-"

"Pft-ahahahaha!" You laugh, covering your stomach. "I didn't know you could crack jokes like that too!" You laughed, tears brimming your eyes from laughing so hard.

"Who knows? Maybe I will." You laugh, as Wriothesley waves his hands in the air in a frantic manner.

"N-no! That wouldn't be good for you! It would be on your record and it might put your job at stake!" You smiled, regaining your posture.

"Haha! No worries, the beloved Hydro Archon and I are practically best friends! I know her quite well."

You smile softly, then deciding to be bold and tucked his hair behind his ear, and kissing his cheek. "I hope I see you again soon."

You turned around and left, leaving a shocked and flustered Wriothesley. Little did he know, you and a really giddly smile on your face.

Maybe you should increase Furina's sweet orders by 25% instead...

[yellowocaballero]

ORV Characters Ranked by Least to Most Likely to Commit White Collar Crime

You guys said you wanted my ORV takes, and I try not to say things unsolicited, so I'll drop the good meta-analysis and literary criticism that I'm known for. For comedy purposes please pretend that ORV is American.

Omniscent Reader's Viewpoint characters broken down by likelihood to commit white collar crime, least to most:

Lee Hyeonseong: he's convinced that he's never committed a crime in his life. Intentionally, of course not. Unintentionally, he takes shopping for groceries extremely seriously, and is sometimes so wrapped up in the fruit inspection experience that he'll leave without paying. Due to his innocent face, bulk, and sheer confidence, he's never caught. In an economically thrifty maneuver, KDJ always sends him on snack runs for parties and texts him math problems while he's there. He insists it's like couponing. It's not couponing.

Jeong Huiwon: similarly, of course she would never choose to commit a crime. Also similarly, when KDJ says, 'Hey, wanna commit a crime?' she always participates. Since the crime is normally targeted at rich people, KDJ can usually morally justify it to her. She calls this harm reduction. It's not harm reduction.

Lee Jihye: would love to commit a crime in theory, almost never in practice. She has an idealized image in her mind of the ideal high school experience and it involves grand theft auto. However, the worst she ever gets is breaking & entering and trespassing, mostly because she didn't stop to wonder if the building was abandoned or not. She can't even shoplift from Claire's.

Shin Yuseung: the kind of kid who sets the dissection frogs in the school laboratory free. Looks up illegal exotic animal trading on the deepweb and sighs in longing. But exotic pet trading isn't very Animal Rights of her, so she just leaks information to the CIA and busts the rings. Lee Gilyeong convinces her to track down shady sellers on Craigslist and bust their kneecaps. Neither of them view this as significantly different from the dissection frog liberation. KDJ gets her a rescued exotic cat for her birthday as a reward.

Lee Gilyeong: self-explanatory.

Han Suyeong: she's been pirating media since she was eleven and has never stopped. World-class expert in pirating everything. She's the unsung hero who rips the CDs and games and puts them online. Runs the pirating websites. Has never paid for a webnovel or manwha or manga in her life. Despite this, she insists that pirating books is immoral and that people should support small authors. The FBI knows she exists and has been trying to catch her for years. She brags about this constantly.

Yoo Sangah: has committed tax fraud before, will commit tax fraud tomorrow, is currently committing tax fraud. Embezzles her company's embezzlement. Insists that she's only committing victimless crimes, mainly because she doesn't view business executives as people. Her ability to evade the IRS is mythological and it's how KDJ got a crush on her.

Yoo Junghyeok: does not understand adult life well enough to knowingly commit any sort of white collar crime. He is this high on the list because he enables and helps KDJ in literally everything he does, especially using his clout as an influencer. This is because KDJ has convinced him that these things aren't crimes, and he doesn't understand adult life well enough to figure it out.

Kim Dokja: has done every white collar crime under the sun. I can't emphasize enough how much crime he does. He's currently blackmailing SYS's college tuition out of a US Senator. HSY makes the shell companies and launders so much money with him. Alternates between running a pyramid scheme and a ponzi scheme depending on the month. Started a cult that one time but we don't like to talk about that. Runs the betting ring for YJH's esports games. Fixes the games. YJH does not know he does this, but KDJ splits the profits and Yoo Mia also needs a college tuition so he decides not to think about it too hard. Big into crypto and runs every crypto scam you can possibly think of, which is normally where the the ponzi schemes come in. Steals YJH's identity often. Somehow everything he does is technically legal. The only crime he does not commit is pirating. Exclusively targets the wealthy and ultra-wealthy and has never stolen money from a poor person. Sugar daddies all of his friends and pays all college tuitions. Anonymously yet obviously sponsors huge amounts of money to YJH's Twitch streams, mostly in apology for the ID theft. Would really rather be living a quiet life in a big house with all of his friends, but that big house ain't gonna pay for itself.

[sscarletvenus]

Pushing my FemDaniel agenda by asking for Fem Danny hcs 🙏

fem daniel headcanons!!!

i think it would be really fun to see the other students guess daniel’s s/o after her identity reveal… like just gossiping about who the j high goddess is with.

is it that architecture department alleged-gangster weirdo, who keeps hanging around her and buying her chocolate milk? is it that ex-bully boxer? (some say that he already has gf… others say that after meeting hyungseok, his heart melted and he stopped bullying cuz the power of true love… we’ll never know.) is it the fashion department prince, who’s so cold and intimidating and aloof in general, but behaves like a literal golden retriever when she’s around? there’s also a rumour about this tall dark handsome guy in ray bans picking her up in a white corvette after school… lots of bets being placed.

daniel somehow becomes zoe's bi-awakening

crystal and daniel end up becoming besties tho

like there’s also lot of pervs hitting on big daniel, and she’s just too nice to kill them even if she could in a heartbeat. crystal, who has a similar shitty experience with men sees one particular incident that crosses the line and beats the guy’s ass all while saying something like “ughhh this annoying bitch. kick his balls or something why’re you just standing there.” and BOOM bffs. (crystal doesn’t realize her beloved bodyguard oppa is perv-in-chief all the while lmao)

i headcanon big daniel and mitsuki having the same hairstyle, or big daniel’s hairstyle being like lee jihye from orv. smol daniel’s hair’s short bob and bangs with a range of super cute hairclips!!! (horrible descriptions here we go)

big daniel’s wardrobe is literally all fashion week collections (thank you jay we luv u), while smol daniel would probably dress like na jinsol from loser life (another ptj webtoon lol)

also johan and daniel would be such an iconic duo in this au. like they’re sort of each other’s ride or die (johan reluctantly comes around). johan is also weirdly protective over her which leads to a storm of gossip that “oh. did you hear? the gangbuk goddog has lost it over some pretty chick. i bet she’s something, having tamed that dog.” it’s safe to say they’re both fighting for their lives against this untrue rumor, and johan also rises up the ranks on several ppl’s hitlist… (ahem gun, that is)

WHAT IF YAMAZAKI YOUNG MASTER GUN HAS A RYUHEI MOMENT? like he tells crystal something like “behave properly, your sister-in-law’s here” at school and she’s like WTF???

sadboi hours but if big daniel didn’t hide her identity, zack would’ve still been hostile towards her when they first met. probably cuz u know, he would assume that she’s one of “those” ice-princess iljin popular kid who will hurt and bully mira if given the chance. mira would also be constantly compared to her and get a lot of shit… (there’s really no universe where zack and daniel are meet-cute sigh)

lmaooo also dg gets asked a cliche interview question — what’s your ideal girl? And he just. describes daniel (the smol one bcz the tall one's actually famous? and that would cause quite a scandal) in excruciating detail. cut to weeks later and there’s somebody posting on facebook about the employee at their local convenience store… who exactly fits dg’s ideal type description.

i’m also gonna take some liberties and make jake a girl in this au to push my fem!jake agenda. because WHAT BETTER THAN 2 GIRLBOSSES MAXIMISING THEIR JOINT SLAY??? The only thing better than a pretty girl kicking ass is 2 pretty girls kicking ass.

i can totally see jake and daniel being like dabin park and na jinsol from loser life… like the contrast? jake in her form-fitting suits, 9 inch heels and sinu’s coat, and daniel in an 80’s tennis skirt, tank top, and an oversized jacket. i want them to slander the men in their lives over some soju and fried chicken. club vivi arc would also hit so much different altogether omg

ALSO RUNWAY ARC would be so much different to see if daniel was a girl, because some asshole would’ve uploaded her pics on sns too. would love to see her and mary team up. also that one scene after jay saves danny and zack from chuck and justin, and danny asks “why’re u here jay? oh, for your sister right?” and jay would be mortified and flustered… just red all over because he CANNOT admit that he’s here to avenge his uhhh crush? loml?

in conclusion i have fem daniel brainrot, yeah. I’ll continue later because I HAVE LITERALLY SO MUCH MORE LEFT TO SAY.

[the-dan-sargent]

Night at the Butterfly House

by Dan Sargent

“This is so f*cking stupid, man.”

“Exactly, that’s what makes it so fun!”

What do you do when you’re drunk and you want to spice up your night? According to Orville G. Mariposa (or as his friends call him, Orv), you visit a butterfly house. At midnight. So that is what he decided to do, and he dragged his three friends Seffie, Jamie, and Devon along for the ride.

“How do you know you can make it in?” Jamie inquired.

“I don’t. I’m just assuming they haven’t changed the passcode on the door since I used to work here,” replied Orv.

Seffie and Devon trailed behind, with Devon desperately trying to keep Seffie with the rest of the group. “Where are we--are we going again?” Seffie asked, clueless as ever and stumbling over his own two feet.

“You’ll find out when we get there,” Devon replied. If she remembered correctly, Devon was very aware that Seffie was absolutely terrified of insects. “Yo Orv, are we almost there? I can’t wait to see the look on Sef’s face when we--”

“The... what on my face?” Seffie mumbled, turning to face Devon yet over-rotating a bit.

Devon giggled. “Oh, you’ll see,” she coyly replied.

The friends continued on like this for another minute or so, and then finally turned around a corner to face a beautiful little building made up entirely of glass.

“Okay, we’re here!” Orv announced.

“Oh. It’s a greenhouse,” Sef observed, clearly completely unaware that the “greenhouse” housed his greatest nightmare. “Cool, I love flowers!” Cue Devon cackling behind him. “What? Don’t (hic) judge me, man.”

Seeing that Devon is determined not to let Sef know that the building before them was actually a butterfly house, Orv decides to also keep it on the down-low. Smirking slightly, he teases “Oh trust me, bro. This is more than a greenhouse. This is SO much more than a greenhouse.”

Realizing what the others are doing, Jamie interrupts with a brief “Dude…” before she rolls her eyes and decides to just go along and see how everything unfolds.

The four friends make their way to the building’s front door and Orv steps up to the number pad. Everyone stands in silence, watching as Orv fumbles with the buttons. Concentrating with as much energy as his extremely-tipsy brain can muster, he squints at each number as he presses it. 8… 2… 6… 7… 4… Orv takes a quick breath… 7. Much to everyone’s amazement, the friends hear the victorious click of the door’s lock. Excitedly, Devon pushes herself to the front of the group and swings the door open. She bolts several feet into the room and turns around, whipping her phone camera out in anticipation for what she knows is about to unfold.

Sure enough, immediately after Devon, Seffie enters the building. Feeding off of Devon’s excited energy, he runs in after her and stands, arms flung wide, in the room’s entranceway. “I love you flowers!!” he yells, and goes to hug a nearby cluster of flowers. Mid-hug, he goes in for a kiss, and… unknowingly plants one square onto the wing of a bright yellow butterfly. Needless to say, his reaction once he realized what he did was priceless, by the other three friends’ standards at least.

Devon tries (and fails) to hold her phone steady as she is recording the entire incident. Orv is practically on the floor laughing, pulling Jamie down with him. Meanwhile, Seffie is shrinking away from the bush, as well as every single other plant in the room, in fear. “I kissed it, oh my god I KISSED it,” he sobs through hiccups, failing to gain any composure whatsoever.

While Seffie continues to collapse more and more onto himself, Orv gets up and heads toward the recipient of the smooch.

“What a beautiful swallowtail!” he says, gushing over the butterfly while picking it up. Coddling the butterfly, he continues “My friend here didn’t hurt you, did he? He didn’t mean to, I promise, he’s just like that. It is absolutely nothing against you at all, little guy.” Turning toward the others, he clears his throat and holds out the insect. “This, my dear friends, is an Anise Swallowtail.”

Seffie whimpers and covers his eyes. Devon and Jamie, however, pick themselves up. Jamie puts an arm on Sef to comfort him while she sits and stares at the bug. Devon runs up to Orv and gets as close to the butterfly as she possibly can, eyes wide in amazement and fascination. “Wow, she’s so pretty! And bright! I love her,” she squeals in delight.

“I know, right? Aren’t butterflies amazing?” Olv exclaims in equal excitement, and continues on. “These bad boys are most commonly found on the western coast of North America, and are named after the wild anise plant. Once one of these came to my garden at home and sat on my zinnias. You can only assume how entranced I was. Not only had a butterfly come to my garden, but one as beautiful as this one! It brings a tear to my eye, knowing something as precious as this creature right here exists in the world.” Turning to the butterfly, he added, “I love you, little Anise Swallowtail.”

The butterfly leaves Olv’s hand and flies off to the other side of the room. Olv and Devon chase after it, and are immediately distracted by another butterfly. Jamie eventually also gets up and joins in on admiring the insects, finding the black butterflies the most fascinating of them all. Devon asked her why she was so fond of them, to which she replied, “They remind me of myself.” She then continued onward, leaving the other two in a state of mild confusion.

The three friends went deeper into the room as they searched for more bugs, and Seffie remained curled in a fetal position on the floor. Olv talked endlessly, spewing fact after fact about every single butterfly he saw. Devon would interrupt with bug jokes and an excess of “ooh”s and “ahh”s. Jamie remained quiet, silently admiring the insects surrounding her.

Jamie looked around the room, taking in her surroundings. The butterfly house was small, yet filled to the brim with flowers of all colors. Jamie personally preferred the color black, but still saw that there was something especially beautiful in the mountains of brightly-colored plants surrounding her friends. Each flower was unique, as was each butterfly, and she was fascinated by it all. As her eyes glossed over the adornment of hanging plants draped from the walls, she caught sight of the building’s front door.

Which was wide open. And butterflies were escaping as she watched.

Jamie rolled her eyes, wondering why her friends were so idiotic, and realized she’d have to be the one to fix everything. She was going to be the only one out of her friends who’d be able to retrieve the butterflies successfully. So she slipped away, her friends completely unaware that anything had even gone awry. After exiting the building and triple checking that the door was closed, she chuckled as she looked into the surface of the glass in front of her. Completely reflective, yet no reflection of her in it whatsoever.

“Well, here goes nothing,” she sighed, slipping into a nearby bush. Seconds later, a bat emerged and flew into the night sky, ready to catch some butterflies.

An hour passes, and the other three friends are still in the greenhouse. Orv is in his own little world. At this point he has moved on from the topic of butterflies, and is currently thoroughly discussing the details on every single plant in the room. Devon has grown extremely sleepy. After barfing in one too many bushes, she’s decided to collapse on the floor next to Seffie, who is also passed out.

Suddenly, Sef sits up, groggily yet quickly enough for him to feel a sharp pain in his head. “Ughhhh,” he groans. “Where are we?” He sees Orv and calls out to him. “Orvie… I want to go home.” This snaps Orv back to earth, resulting in him instantly noticing that he also has a splitting headache.

“Sh*t, my head…” Orv starts. Turning to look at his friends, he continues “That’s actually a great idea, Sef. I think we all need to go home and rest.” He walks over to Devon and rouses her, and the three friends attempt to compose themselves enough to make their way home. In their exhausted, messy state, the three friends make it to the front door and exit the butterfly house.

As they leave, no one notices the black bat resting on the branch of a bush, surrounded by a cluster of black butterflies.

——————————

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[evanescentdawn]

Highlights of today’s writing:

Omg. Today was definitely something. I am v surprised and so happyyy. :D

Lol, just yesterday I was all like:  #I don’t want to ever Look At Writing. That sure aged well. 

It’s YJH DAYYY 

it’s kind of amazing. considering how i didn’t know how to write this guy’s pov At All. 

---Edited the sooheesung thing! might just...leave this one for a while. sigh.

----Worked on the HMO/KDJ wip and this is...getting further and further from hmo/kdj, oh dear.

---I read a orv fics and got a surge of inspiration. Worked on the yjh regression stuff wip. I LOVE IT SO MUCH??? IT WAS SO FUN TO WRITE THE HSY AND YJH INTERACTIONS. Also. Oh my gosh. This guy is full of angst, I Can Not. I have so much feels about yma & yjh, and yjh & everyone. :lhs_puppy:

---wrote +1316 words to the wip. Holy heckkk. JUST WH— when did that happen?? I also wanted to continue writing but TT didn’t know how to continue it. might throw in hsy pov next. 

---New wip! YOO-SQAURED. I wrote for them finally!! In where Sangah misunderstands, and it’s not kdj but her that yjh loves. there’s gonna planned dancing??? Zero Idea on I’m doing but, I love??

- Another new wip! The world of zero! FUCK. I have so much feelings I CANT. Fuck fuck fuckk. 0!yjh, I love him, I love his relationship with kdj so fucking much. Just. THIS.

---Another new wip! Not at all sure on what the hell is but I had Major feelings about Yma & Yjh. It’s an au?? Maybe something like moon knight, with Khonshu but not quite. Anyways, hella excited about it mind is buzzingg

---Anotherrr wip! Wow, im just impulsively writing now. Ticked off an idea on my to-do list. *Grins* Biyoo & Yjh in their space travel end up travelling to a modern-au orv where kdj exists, and is alive. everyone is quite bewildered by yjh’s existence, but ALSO. Lots of feelingsss

---+298 words to the first ■■ wip. Finally decided on what to do with it! Still ??? on what’s going on, though lol. It’s gonna be Kdj-centred though, and perhaps yhk. Or kdj & his mom, kdj/lhs, or kdj & ysa or kdj/yjh....wow. The list is endless. Shall I just go for everything?? Lol, wait. This was supposed for the first rare pair prompt. I guess not anymore XD

---i should Not be allowed to listen music, tripped into WMMAP feelings. little editing stuff on the Athy timetravel! didn’t really like how i ended it off, despite how i liked the scene i wrote. it didn’t line up with how i wanted to it go, so thats why i felt stuck with the next scene! so! just moved & edited stuff around to make space for it.