#shut up quakey
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guess who owns a blue Honda Odyssey
guess who ordered a Coexist magnet bumper sticker
#âThe Honda Odyssey fucks hardâ#Deadpool 3#Deadpool & Wolverine#Shut up Quakey#The Honda Hatefuck#Deadpool and Wolverine
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Wade calls him babygirl constantly in the fic I'm currently working on
I'm pretty sure this has already been done, but I couldn't find any so here's my contribution.
I swear on Deadpool's vocabulary Logan is certified babygirl
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I enjoy making Costco lose money on me. I bought a membership and use it for nothing except the food court. $1.50 for bachelor dinner? Don't mind if I do.
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work in progress
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Do you have any cablepool fanfic recommendations bc I suffer daily trying to find good ones (especially comic based, but movie is fine too)
I think you might be a long distance telepath because I got an ask like this a while ago and didnât answer it bc I needed time to think. and then I couldnât find it in my inbox so I decided to just write a regular post, and while I was writing that post I got this ask!
ok these are in no particular order and Iâm not using the actual plot summaries the authors used on ao3, just making stuff up or using quotes from the fic
one-shots
Landing on both broken hearted knees by rayguntomyhead (1.6k words, rated M)
Post Deadpool 2. Wade and Nate share a hotel room. I know what youâre thinking, itâs not that kind of fic. Nothing is going on with them yet.
Tropes by quakey (2.2k words, rated T)
Wadeâs been reading TVtropes, and if Nate is fucking with him right now, Wade is gonna gut him like a fish and throw his bloody corpse in the sea for the sharks.
These days are great and so are you by bankrobbery (3k words, rated T)
Movie based. Wade gets kinkshamed by Weasel and hawaiian-shirt-shamed by Cable. Theyâre at the bar, basically
Motormouth by pavonine (13k words, rated T)
Wade canât shut the fuck up, and this time itâs not even his fault! Wadeâs been cursed to never be able to stop talking, which is really fucking inconvenient if youâve got stuff youâre trying to not say.
also the norwegian prime minister is in it very briefly, and it was posted in 2013, when jens stoltenberg was the PM so Iâm just gonna assume itâs him and bring your attention to this picture of him which I think is hilarious
Pressure points by denims (2k words, rated M)
Cable keeps casually touching him, which probably doesnât mean anything (donât listen to domino, she doesnât know what sheâs talking about), but it makes Wade feel weird. So, so weird.
Multi-chapter
Wade will f*** shit up for you by Quakey @withoutaconscienceorafilter (48k words, rated E, so minors stay away from this one, itâs the only thing on the list with actually NSFW scenes.)
The craigslist ad said âMy nameâs Wade and I fuck shit up professionally. So your ex getting married? Iâll crash that shit. Your job fire before their company picnick? Iâll show up with tequila and throw hands. Got some one one you hate an just wanna fuck their day up? Iâm all over that shit. Serving all situations where we customize your service to your liking email me for pricing. Services guaranteed with video.â Maybe this is a horrible idea, and maybe he shouldnât have, but Nate did answer it, so things are definitely about to get weird
Iâm biased on this one because it was based on a post I made but it seriously is really good itâs super funny (almost choked to death trying not to laugh on the bus at one point) and in character and some of the scenes are so so so cute. Not sold yet? Hope is in it. AND Ellie. Hell yeah! This one is movie based, and I really like that itâs a regular non powered AU, but Nateâs arm+eye and Wadeâs scars are still included. Like Nate has a prosthetic arm and Wade actually looks like Wade.
Fistful of shovels by surefall (28.6k words, rated T)
Now, you might be thinking, ms. Mutantapologist, this is tagged spideypool?? It is, but just trust me okay
Wadeâs best friend, bromanciest of bros to ever bro, Nathan Summers is back in his life, and heâs really starting to get under Peterâs skin. Theyâre just too close, and Nathan is there all the damn time. List of things Wadeâs weird time traveling BFF would look good in: 1. his own damn home. Nate and Peter get passive aggressive and competitive, Nateâs manipulative tendencies make an appearance, Peter is kind of a dick, and Wadeâs honestly just happy to have his BFF back.
this is one of my favorite portrayals of their relationship dynamic tbh. just...their unbreakable bond...the way they keep coming back to each other through time and dimensions...that shit makes me cryyyy. and how well they know each other..the trust...the casual intimacy....how comfortable theyâre with each other...also the dialogue in this is perfect, love their banter. This one is âscreenshotting quotes and sending them to your friendsâ level funny. they also play mario kart and I think thatâs nice.
Read Omake: Fistful of shovels for the Deleted Scenes Edition that has stuff that didnât make it into the final fic or alternate versions of scenes. includes: Nate sending a shirtless selfie with ulterior motives, Nate being sort of a home wrecker (but at least heâs more honest about it!), aunt May, Nate being accused of being a bottom, etc.
Strangers by totallynotremus @totallynotremus (31k, rated T)
Nate plays games. Not weird manipulative mind games this time. Actual games. Online. With Wade and his friends. Wade feels targeted because come on, you behave mildly flirtatiously with the guy your friend group is gaming with online a lot acouple of times and suddenly your so called âfriendsâ wonât stop harassing you about it. unbelievable. this one is also super funny
Motion Practice Universe: Cablepool Edition
I couldnât put these in either category because they need to be in order and thereâs one-shots AND a multi chapter fic so iâd have to separate them and that wouldnât work. These are part of the (as of august 2020) 1,405,078 words long Motion Practice Universe, but you donât need to read the rest of it to know whatâs going on, I didnât and it works 100% fine as a stand-alone storyline
Wade Wilson explains it all (or at least, how Clintâs keeping his job. Mostly keeping his job. Itâs complicated.) by the_wordbutler (3.3k words, rated T)
Wade is trying to put together a fruit basket for Clint, because heâs a thoughtful friend (who does not get enough credit, hello?), unlike some other people. Example: his coworkers, who wonât let him focus on his super special important project (fruit basket!). And Nate, whoâs eating an orange (from the fruit basket!đĄ) which has no business being that distracting.
itâs sort of an introduction to the next thing in the list, and I highly recommend reading it first. Definitely does a great job at showing what youâre gonna get from the full fic. Also, itâs cute and funny.
Admissions, Interrogatories, and other discoveries by the_wordbutler (150k words, rated M)
No, that wasnât a typo, it really is 150k words. And I read it. Twice.
Basically, Wade is a criminal defense attorney, good job, you get to defend goat fuckers and other weirdos. Fun times. Nateâs a coworker, works in immigration and civil rights law, they do projects together. Just a bro he jokes around with, who sometimes brings Wade lunch, and whose arms Wade really likes to stare at, but that doesnât mean anything, right?
this one is REAL slowburn (never in my LIFE have i experienced slow burn like this one holy FUCK), great relationship development and I just love their dynamic and banter in this one. Perfect dialogue and itâs really fucking funny, made me laugh out loud at several points! AND!! Hope is in it<3
What I learned on my summer vacation, an essay by Hope Summers by the_wordbutler (4.5k words, rated T)
Sequel to Admissions, interrogatories and other m discoveries. Wade, Nate, and ten year old Hope go to Disney World, and the beach. A lot of love and family<3 Wade took 3 sign language classes to talk to Hope (whoâs deaf)
Iâm sure Iâm forgetting a lot of great ones but hereâs what I could think of rn!!
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Same goes for non-binary folks expressing gender however works for you, not just those transitioning fully. Or at least, since I started presenting butch, I have way more compliments on my hair or "you look good today!" etc. If you put your full enthusiasm into how you look, whatever form that takes, people notice.
btw the biggest lie you will ever be told about being trans is that transitioning will make you ugly. that could not be further from the truth: i never got compliments on my appearance ever, but after i transitioned, began dressing like myself, wore my hair the way i wanted to, and especially started T, i have gotten more compliments than i ever have before in my life. people can tell when you look like yourself, like who you're meant to be. it's beautiful, attractive, and sexy. transition will not make you "ugly". it will make you yourself, and that's inherently beautiful
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My Last Brain Cell Sentence Starters
Yes you can change the pronouns n stuff I'm not stopping you.
[MAINLY NSFW ACCOUNTS DON'T REBLOG UNLESS YOU TAG NSFW]
1. "I'm... pussy?"
2. "Chew water motherfucker."
3. "Why is the sky blue, is it sad?"
4. "Huough my aching bones."
5. "Shut your shit up fucker."
6. "You don'T KNOW ME YOU DON'T KNOW."
7. "I've been listening to the Splatoon soundtrack on loop for the past fucking hour in my head, but ironically enough I've been trying to drown it out with heavy metal and now I'm in pain."
8. "Pussy..."
9. "What if there was a cat named Pussy and we talked about eating pussy in front of it, how fucked up would that be?"
10. "Sleep is for the weak and I'm an uncooked noodle."
11. "What is THAT."
12. "Have you ever had a dream that you do you what you wish you had that you do do that and you do and you wish and you can do anything?"
13. "To make a long story short I put a whole bag of jellybeans up my asshole."
14. "Pigs CAN fly you dingus, you just have to launch them far enough to count."
15. "It's a beautiful day outside."
16. "I'm always ready for a little chaos!"
17. "I'm either a chaotic mess or pure as fuck there's no in between it just doesn't exist."
18. "Mmm... macaroni."
19. "You ABSOLUTE cucko."
20. "It's real valid bitch hours."
21. "If I bit down hard enough do you think I could fracture my own teeth with my own brute strength?"
22. "Cats go honk."
23. "Oogity boogity!"
24. "Hooga chooga."
25. "It is I, the CHEESE STEALER."
26. "I'm crying and farding and shidding."
27. "It smells like garbage, covered in fire."
28. "Hoka choka I'm gonna do the polka."
29. "Did you know that if you put two drops of bromine and one drop of hydrogen chloride in a container and stick caesium in there you can make a gun?"
30. "Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell."
31. "Dude like, did you know that sickle cell carriers are immune to malaria?"
32. "Y'know, sometimes do you ever just dream?"
33. "Every time someone is mean to you just put a penny in a coconut and soon you'll have a weapon to knock the daylights out of them."
34. "You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around."
35. "I just lost half of my brain cells."
36. "I'm going to shit myself everywhere."
37. "You know what? Fuck you, I do what I want."
38. "I'd say I love you but that's terrible timing because I stuck a tack in your chair."
39. "I don't wanna die, I want to see the day I get to have a big tiddy girlfriend!"
40. "Shikey shakey it's getting quakey."
41. "hehAH peepee."
42. "That made me nut so hard, as in my peanuts are falling out of my pockets help me please."
43. "I just broke every bone in my body."
44. "Alcoholics are fucking weak, ever gone through caffeine withdrawal you fucking pussy?"
45. "I'm going to eat it and literally no one can stop me."
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A pt 0 (C)
âHey, Cleo, itâs Vicky⊠again. Iâm just replying to your text. You asked why I keep calling, and I thought about it for a while. I came up with a few reasons for you. I keep calling because I wanted to hear your excitement from across the country. I now have a newspaper clipping titled âDown With the Sicknessâ on my side of the dorm. Because Iâve bought a copy of the New York Times © every morning for the past two years, hoping against hope to see your name above one of the articles. Because I believed you were gonna make it. It was weird reading an article about me and not even getting a phone call to ask my opinion.
âI wanted to know why you wrote about me. And I know your excuse of your editors suggesting writing about past love is bullshit. Because I know you. Iâve known you since I was twelve, I was there when you wanted to be a doctor, but realized you couldnât stand the sight of blood. I read all of your stories and observations and your little reports. I kept all of your journals that you wanted to throw away because you thought they were bad. Because I knew they werenât and I kept them in my panty drawer. I knew that was the only place you were too uncomfortable to look in. I still have them in the back of my closet.
âWhy do I keep calling you? Because I love you, Cleo Rivers. It took me three years to get over you. I read one article and Iâm back to square one. I miss having someone to talk to in the middle of the night when I canât sleep. Because no matter how much shit we went through, you were my best friend. You let me live at your house for like a year and youâre still the only person who knows why. You stayed when I started to give up, and kept me from making so many mistakes. No matter how hard I try, how far away you are, or how much I push you to the back of my mind, I will never get over you.
âI know you donât feel the same anymore, though, so Iâll stop calling. Goodbye, Cleo.â
I held the phone up to my ear for a good ten minutes after the voicemail ended. I didnât want to admit to myself that I was crying, even when I felt the salty drops falling down onto my jeans. Soon my entire body was racked by sobs that I couldnât contain. Thatâs how Jack found me, sobbing cross legged on my bed, clutching my phone as if it was the only thing keeping me alive.
âCleo?!â He rushed over to me, not knowing whether to touch me or not. All I could think of was that if it was Vicky, sheâd know to hold me as tight as possible. Make me remember that I was still there, I wasnât actually falling apart like my head was making me think. âWhat, whatâs wrong?â
I couldnât stop the sobbing, so I didnât even try to speak. I just flung myself toward Jack, hugging him around the waist and holding on tight. He wrapped his arms around me in a too strong way. Vicky wasnât as strong as him. But he couldnât change that. And I couldnât change what Iâd said to her, what had happened between us.
We stayed there for at least half an hour. Jack kneeling by the side of my bed, holding my sobbing form to his chest. I had to calm myself down when my roommate walked in, taking one look at us and turning around. She wasnât one for drama.
âAre you gonna tell me whatâs up?â Jack asked, resting his chin on my head. I nuzzled into his sweater more, not wanting to let go just yet.
âI screwed up,â I replied. Jack chuckled against me, his chest rising and falling in quick breaths, my head bumping along with it.
âYouâre going to be a journalist, I think you should be able to get more specific than that.â He was right, like he usually was. I needed to tell someone, it would make me feel better, hopefully. So I leaned away from Jack and back against the wall beside my bed. I looked at Jack, his blue eyes, which always seemed to remind me of Vickyâs.
âSo, Vicky called again,â I started. Jack raised his eyebrows. Iâd kept him up to date on the whole fiasco with Vicky since we broke up. Except for our conversation the last time we were both in Pennsylvania. Instead of relaying her message, because I wasnât sure Iâd make it through telling him, I played the voicemail over again for him.
âWoah,â he whispered after it ended. I knew he didnât understand a lot of it, no one would, not unless they knew Vicky and I and everything weâd been through. But I think he was fangirling in his head. I knew, even though he was the most supportive friend ever through our breakup, heâd always been rooting for Vicky to get through to me. âAre you going to delete it or call her back or what?â
To be honest, calling her back hadnât even crossed my mind. It had been three years since Iâd dialed her number and pressed send, even though I still knew it by heart. Could still imagine my fingers pressing those numbers. But it seemed like some strange, distant memory now.
âI donât know,â I replied. If I deleted it then I wouldnât have to torture myself like I was. But if I deleted it, sheâd be gone. Sheâd be gone for good. And how could I do that? Especially since I knew that-
âDoes this change anything?â Jack had rearranged himself to sit on the opposite side of the bed from me. âLike, are you thinking about reaching out at all, because itâs not like itâs any apology that you havenât heard already. But itâs still a lot, it still seems⊠big.â
âBut it has changed, it is more now.â Jack furrowed his eyebrows. I hadnât told him about our conversation at Radiance. He had no idea what I knew now. âShe didnât sleep with her.â I felt the guilt wash over me like a tidal wave. Jack gasped.
âWait, what? I need an explanation like, right now.â I sighed.
âWhen we went back to Harrisburg last month we talked. She told me that they had never hooked up, it was just⊠just a stupid kiss.â
âWhy didnât you ride off into the sunset then?! That was the whole issue and it just went poof, gone! Why are you two still miserable?!â Jack cried. He was an expressive person and right now, I didnât feel like his excitement.
âI⊠I told her that I needed time, I still needed to sort out my feelings about⊠everything.â
âWhat feelings, you were upset she cheated on you and guess what, she didnât. So, what do you need to think about?â He was starting to remind me of Drew, with his jumping around and shouting with excitement. He didnât have ADHD like Drew, but he couldâve fooled me at some points.
âI feel⊠really guilty.â I had to look down at my lap. The tears wanted to start coming again, but I was forcing them back. âIf I hadnât jumping to fucking conclusions then weâd be married by now.â
âOkay, so, just think about this: at least you can get married now. Get your girl back.â
âJack, itâs not that simple,â I snapped.
âWhy not?â
âBecause⊠why would she want to marry me if I blamed her for something so terrible that quick. I didnât even let her explain herself.â
âThen, Iâm sure she wouldnât make that mistake, sheâll let you explain yourself.â
âJack, Iâm not ready to-â
âToo late,â he said, holding up my phone, which was dialing Vickyâs phone number.
âJack, what the hell?!â
Before I could grab the device and shut it off, the line crackled to life. âHello?â It wasnât her voice. It was some other girl.
âVicky?â Jack asked, putting it on speaker.
âOh, no, sorry, Iâll get her,â the voice replied. A muffled, âVicky, phone for you!â was heard and then. âHello?â It was her. I stared at the phone, willing it to just burst into flames. âAnyone there?â she asked.
âSay something,â Jack mouthed to me.
âHey, Vicks. It-Itâs Cleo,â I stuttered out. I didnât know what to say. I wanted to say so much, but I wanted to say nothing.
âHey, Cleo,â she said, lowering her voice. âHow are you doing?â
âI got your voicemail,â I said, ignoring her question. âI just wanted to say-â
I was cut off by the door opening. Emily, my roommate glanced towards us. âYour boyfriendâs still here,â she said, too loudly. I stared at her for a second before looking back at the phone. I knew exactly how Vicky was going to take that. âVick-â I tried.
âYou know what, weâre really busy with the tour and everything. You can call me back later, Iâll leave you with your boyfriend.â
âNo, Vicks-â She hung up before I could get any farther. Jack stood there, horrified, same as me. Emily walked over to her desk, rolling her eyes.
âYou guys and your friends are drama queens,â she replied, sitting in front of her computer and beginning to ignore the two of us.
âCleo, Iâm so sorry, I didnât know- I mean how could I have- Iâm so sorry,â Jack stammered. I grabbed my phone from him and brought up the search engine.
âWhat flight are you taking tonight?â I asked, bringing up the earliest flights.
âWhat?â His voice was still quakey, but he was regaining his composure.
âYouâre flying out to meet them at the first stop, right? They need a drummer.â
âYeah, well, they said Abby could fill in for me, I wanted to stay here for the summer,â He replied. I looked up at him, taking a few seconds to read his too scrunched up face.
âPlease tell me you didnât say no because you wanted to make sure I was okay.â His silence answered the question for me. âWhere are they stopping first?â
âDenver, Colorado.â
âIâm booking us tickets on the soonest flight.â My fingers danced across the device faster than they did when I was texting. âOkay, we have three hours, go get packed.â
âWait, what?â Jack just stood there.
âI just booked us tickets, we have to be at the gate in three hours, move your ass and go pack a bag!â I pushed him towards the door.
âO...kay.â He stumbled out and I closed the door, turning to find my suitcase. Emily glanced over her shoulder quickly, probably happy to have the room to herself for a while.
---
An hour and half later, Jack knocked on my door, waiting a second before letting himself in. Emily was napping on her bed by now. I put my finger to my lips to tell Jack to be quiet, not wanting to wake the beast. Grabbing my suitcase and backpack, I followed Jack out of the room, into the hallway.
âYou know this is crazy, right? Like, borderline mental,â Jack commented. He walked along beside me as I rushed down the hallway to the elevators.
âI have to see her, I canât leave things like that,â I replied. I was pressing the button for the elevator multiple times. Jack had to grab my hand to keep from breaking the thing.
âShe said you could call her back, so just call her back.â My foot tapped, showing my impatience.
âI know her, sheâs not going to answer the phone, not after that. Not for a while.â I looked up at the indicator which showed if an elevator was on its way, none were lit up yet, âThis is taking too long,â I commented, grabbing Jack and pulling him towards the stairs.
âCleo, I think you need to take a deep breath.â
I focused on the steps instead of turning towards Jack when I replied, âLook, if you donât want to come, you donât have to. I have to do this and I donât need you interrogating my sanity the whole way.â
âOkay, Iâm shutting up.â I smiled, it was always too easy to win a fight with him. We got to the ground level and I nearly jogged to the exit and out to the street. There were only a few taxis out and I was terrible at hailing them. Jack, however, gave one quick whistle and voila! A cab pulled up right in front of us. He opened the door for me and we both climbed in.
âBoston Logan Airport,â I told the driver, situating my bags. I checked my phone, seeing how much time we had. An hour and fifteen minutes.
Jack noticed my fingers tapping on my bag in my nervous way, grabbing my hand. âWeâll make it,â he replied. âDonât worry.â I smiled back at him.
âWhat are we late for?â The cab driver asked, looking into the rearview mirror at the two of us. He had a beard that made him look like a friendly grandpa.
âMy friend here has to get to Colorado to profess her undying love to her ex fiance,â Jack replied. The driver smiled.
âYouâd be surprised at how much I get answers like that.â I let out a breathy laugh, trying to let my nerves dissipate. Looking out the window to my left, I watched the city go by, swirling like my head. My mind was running in a hundred different directions.
Maybe it was crazy, going all this way, but I knew somehow that I had to do this. I had to go set things right. Even if Vicky slammed the metaphorical door in my face. I had to tell her, explain myself. Mentally slapping myself, I remember the three or four times Vicky showed up to my dorm room, blowing her emergency money on plane tickets, just for me to slam the door. To ignore her. To not give her the time of day.
I was a monster to her. I wouldnât blame her if she wanted nothing to do with me. But I had to try. I couldnât give up on her. I couldnât give up on almost three years of a relationship. I couldnât give up on the nearly ten years before that. It was too big, too important. She was too important.
A while later, we pulled up in front of the airport. Jack paid the driver and tipped him more than he could afford, as usual. We raced through the huge building, reading signs as we passed them. We got told twice by security guards to slow down, like two children. Finally, we found the gate. We had twenty minutes.
We raced through the check in as quickly as possible. Jack nearly fell on his face taking his shoes off for the x ray. In comparison I tripped and banged my knee on the stairs to the planeâs hatch. Finally, we sat down in our assigned seats, each letting out a deep breath.
Jack turned his head toward me and gave me one of his goofy smiles. I laughed.
âSo, weâll probably be there around eight or so,â he commented, looking at his phone. âIâm trying to get us hotel reservations, which is kinda hard this last minute, but whatever.â I leaned my head on his shoulder, watching him scroll through hotels and prices.
âThank you,â I said. He lifted his hand and patted my head, making me laugh again.
âOf course.â I closed my eyes, trying again to calm my head.
It felt like just when I relaxed enough to fall asleep, we were bumping to the ground. I jerked up, grabbing Jackâs arm and jerking him awake as well. âJesus, you scared me,â he said, groggily. I looked out the window beside me and saw that we were on the ground, moving towards a loading dock.
âWeâre here,â I replied. Jack rubbed his eyes, trying to wake up. He wasnât a morning person, or rather, he wasnât a waking up person.
âI kinda got that.â He stared out the window with me, waiting for the flight attendants to let us out. As soon as we were allowed, he stood up and stretched his long bones. I pushed him forward quickly to get my bags and get off the cramped plane. He laughed at my pushiness, slowly grabbing our stuff from the overhead compartments and leading me toward the exit.
The minute we stepped out of the plane , my hair blew into my face. Jack took a second to laugh at the sight before it thwacked him in the face as well. The flight attendant at the door had to remind us to keep moving. I regretted not wearing a jacket. Usually I was more prepared for trips, I would have looked up the weather to see what Iâd need to have on.
Jack and I walked through the airport for a few minutes, looking for exit signs and following them. When we reached the sidewalk outside, Jack immediately hailed a cab and got us in to get out of the treacherous wind. âDo you know where the Courtyard hotel is?â He asked the driver.
The middle aged woman looked at the two of us and smiled. âCourse I do, sweethearts,â she replied. Her black hair was pulled up into a messy bun, slightly reminding me of Sasha. âIâll get you there in less than twenty minutes.â
âWhy are we going there? Isnât that expensive?â I asked Jack. He turned to me and tilted his head before raising his eyebrows.
âOh, yeah, you were sleeping when I texted Drew. I asked him where they were staying so we could go straight there and you could find you girl. And he said we could both stay with him in his room if things go bad.â I smiled at the black haired man in amazement.
âWow, okay, thanks.â He simply smiled and grabbed his phone to text Drew that we were on the way.
The cab driver was correct on her ETA, we pulled up to the hotel in fifteen minutes or less, tires screeching. I insisted on paying her, since Jack had paid the man in Boston, but he still snuck her a huge tip through the window.
I stared at the tall building as the cab drove away. Jack put his hand on my shoulder, sighing.
âGood luck, Babe,â he commented. We walked into the hotel and to the elevators. âOkay, so Vickyâs room is on the third floor and Drewâs is on the fourth. Vickyâs room number is fifteen. Text me if I need to tell you Drewâs room number.â I nodded as we stepped into the elevator. I took a deep breath. Then, realizing it did nothing to calm me down, took another. âIs this where I should give you a pep talk or something?â I laughed.
âNo, I donât know how much help a pep talk from you would do.â We both smiled. I watched the dial on the elevator move up to the third floor, sucking in another deep breath.
Jack opened his mouth, presumably to wish me good luck again, but the doors opened before he could. And there she was. Hair now blonde and starting to grow out on the side. Earbuds in both ears. Eyes moving from the ground up to meet mine in confusion. Eyebrows furrowing.
âCleo?â I tried to open my mouth and say something, but I couldnât find the words.
While I was stumbling, Jack pushed me forward out of the elevator. âIâll leave you two to talk,â he replied, pressing the button to close the door and leaving me to trip over my words more.
âWhat are you doing here?â Vicky asked, pulling her earbuds out simultaneously and stuffing them into her front pocket.
âI.. uh, I didnât want to leave things how we did on the phone.â It was as if I just realized how stupid my plan was. I felt myself blushing, from my neck to my cheeks.
âYou could have just called me back,â she mumbled, looking at the ground.
âI wasnât sure if youâd answer me.â I watched as she looked up and to the right, anywhere but at me. âVicky, what you heard on the phone⊠Emily was just being annoying.â
âWhat the boyfriend thing?â Finally, she met my eyes. I nodded. âI figured youâd meet someone, Iâm glad you did, you deserve someone a hell of a lot better than me.â
âDonât do that,â I couldnât help but say. âYou are more than enough for  anybody on this God forsaken planet. Donât you dare tell me you arenât good enough.â Vicky continued to stare straight at me, still missing the sparkle in her eyes. âI was going to tell you that Emily was talking about Jack.â
âOh,â Vicky replied, looking down again. âSo, you twoâŠâ
âWhat? No!â I couldnât help laughing at the idea of dating Jack. âNo, she was just being snide, Jack couldnât be more into guys if he tried. Iâm not dating anyone.â
It took a few seconds of silence, but finally, she looked up at me again. âOkay, then whyâd you call me back?â Now it was my turn to look at the ground, not wanting to meet her eyes.
âI⊠Vicks, Iâm so sorry,â I said, looking up into her electric blue eyes.
âFor what?â She mumbled, running her hand through her longer than usual side of hair. I hated that I was making her nervous. And that I was so nervous.
âI was an ass. I was terrible to you and I never let you explain your side, I just made my own. And then, whatâs worse is, I finally got the real story and I still iced you out for almost two months. Iâm a bitch. I just wanted to apologize for that. If you donât want to see me again, Iâd understand.â
Vicky didnât say anything for a long time and I was going to turn and leave her alone when I noticed the tears. She had teardrops welling in her eyes.
âNo, Iâm sorry, I didnât mean to upset you. Iâll go,â I said quickly, turning to the elevator, but Vicky grabbed my wrist.
âNo, donât go,â she said, wiping under her eyes. âI just⊠I missed talking to you.â I saw the hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth. âSo, in all of that spiel did I ever actually here that you forgave me?â
âWhat? Thereâs nothing to forgive you for, you didnât do anything. Iâm the asshole, I need you to forgive me.â Vicky laughed.
âCleo, I could never hold anything against you.â Suddenly, she let out a huge breath of air, hunching over a small bit. âGod, I thought you hated me.â
âNever,â I breathed out. Vicky looked back up at me, eyes sparkling, like theyâre supposed to. Then, the blonde lunged forward and hugged me. The kind of hug that Iâd needed for so long.
I felt her sob against me and I couldnât help the few tears that dripped from my eyes. âI missed you so much, Cleo,â she sobbed into my shoulder. I held her head against me, pressing my lips to the top of it.
âIâm so sorry.â I kept repeating that softly into her head. Finally, she pushed away from me just enough to grab my face between her hands.
âStop saying that,â she whispered. âCan we just skip to the part where neither of us need to apologize anymore?â I laughed, a watery laugh, nodding. âGood.â I saw her eyes flicker down to my lips, I could see her thinking to herself if she should go for it or not.
Before she decided, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. I hadnât felt her lips against mine in over a year and I loved every second of it. Too soon, we had to pull apart for air, but just as quick as we pulled apart, Vicky pinned me against the wall next to the elevator, tangling her hand in my hair. I let my own hand sift through the longer strands of hair on her usually shaved side, loving the new feeling. Just as she pressed her other hand onto my waist, the elevator beeped open.
We both jumped apart as a middle aged woman walked out, giving us a disgusted glare on the way. Vicky looked down, taking my hand and leading me down the hallway in the opposite direction. She mumbling a small, âCâmon.â She unlocked her door with a swipe card as we got there. I stepped in first, looking around the nice room. A queen sized bed and a couch were on one wall, with a TV, dresser, and countertop on the other. A small kitchen in the entranceway and a door to the bathroom across from it.
I turned to say that it was nice, but before I got the chance, Vicky pulled me around and pushed me against the door to the bathroom. She pressed her lips against mine, picking up exactly where weâd left of in the hallway. I let out a small moan, pulling her waist against me with a free hand. As our hips knocked together, Vicky moaned and I found myself getting a tightening feeling in the pit of my stomach. She moved her hips toward mine again slowly, causing the feeling to strengthen. I moaned, just a bit louder this time.Vicky pulled away slightly, looking into my eyes.
âHave you-â she started.
âNo,â I replied, knowing she was talking about whether or not Iâd lost my virginity.
âAre you- Are you still waiting?â Her breath had gone ragged, I knew she wanted to, but she wouldnât go any farther without my okay. She knew how I felt about this.
âI think- I think I want to,â I commented, looking into her eyes.
âAre you sure?â I nodded, wordlessly. And then she was picked me up by my thighs and laying me gently on the bed.
---(V)â
The sun woke me, falling in soft rays into the room. When I opened my eyes, there she was. All tousled hair and fluttery eyelids. The light glanced off of her hair like a movie scene, making her outline almost glow.
It was almost overwhelming, how much I was feeling. All I had wanted for so long was for this woman to be in front of me again, and here she was. This beautiful, smart girl that Iâd loved for so long.
Leaning forward, I gently pressed my lips against her forehead. She moved towards me a little, without opening her eyes.
And then someone was banging on the door. I turned my head in the direction of the door, not wanting to get out of the bed. Then I heard someone yelling through the door, âVicks, what the hell?! Wake up!â Sasha.
Crap, what time is it? I grabbed for my phone on the bedside table, but it wasnât there. Looking over, I saw an empty table except for a digital clock that read ten thirty in bright red numbers. Where was my phone? I remembered having it when I went out to get dinner, when I found Cleo. Then everything happened. It was in my pants pocket, where ever they were.
Before I could even think of what to do, Sasha opened the door with her extra key card. She took a few steps, paying more attention to her phone than to the room around her. âVicks, weâre going to be late for lunch.â
Cleo popped her eyes open at hearing her voice. Finally, Sasha looked up, her eyes widening like some cartoon figure. âWhat the-â
âSasha?â Cleo asked, slowly trying to sink into the bed farther. Trying to disappear.
âSash, could you please wait outside?â I snapped. The blonde woman tried in vain to hold in a laugh as she back stepped to the door and exited. I blew a stream of air out, running my hand through my hair.
âShe looks good,â Cleo whimpered from beside me. âI havenât seen her in a while.â I looked over to her, laughing nervously.
âThat is not how I pictured this morning going,â I replied, slipping out of the bed to collect my clothes and get new ones for today. I had gotten my bra and underwear on before Cleo spoke.
âSo, we actuallyâŠâ She trailed off quietly. I looked back at her, she was staring down at her legs under the covers.
âAre- Are you okay?â I asked. That had been her first time. She always told me she wanted to wait until marriage, but last night⊠If she was upsetâŠ
She looked up at me, her eyes trailing over my half naked figure. âI just- It wasâŠâ I slowly stepped towards her, afraid that Iâd done something wrong. âIt was amazing,â she whispered, smiling towards me. I let out a breath of air that had some kind of laugh in it.
âGod, you scared me, I thought you were gonna freak out,â I said, leaning my forehead against hers. She giggled softly. âWe need to get dressed now.â She nodded against my forehead.
âSo, you guys are back together, I see,â Sasha commented when Cleo and I finally left the room. Cleo smiled at me, reaching down and taking my hand. âAnd Cleo, you finally swiped your V-card, I see.â I glared at Sasha for the comment. Cleo just laughed nervously.
âUh, yeah,â she replied in a small voice. Sasha just laughed to herself and started walking to the elevators. We followed behind her.
âIt took you guys long enough,â Sasha said over her shoulder.
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Kaede Kisaragi Watches Marvel's Agents of SHIELD S4E15 - Self Control
Come one, come all! We got Daisies for all your tastes! We got Skye-Daisies, we got Badass-Daisies, we got Quakey-Daisies, we even got Drugged-Daisies, even though those have been outlawed in this blog! Come while theyâre still hot! Which is always! Because seriously, theyâre hot!
All of SHIELD's big guns. Side by side. Trapped in the framework. Happy. Aida is treating Anton's wounds, because despite his desiring a honorable death and no help from her, she needs him to protect the Framework. He says he doesn't want to be 'a thing like her'. She says he'll be many things WHILE LIFTING A GODDAMN ELECTRIC SAW!!!
Meanwhile, in another horror movie, Fitz-simmons are trapped in a SHIELD base full of LMDs. 4 LMDs is 4 LMDs too many. Fitz tries his hardest to keep a steady normal act while Jemma is terrified of what they might do to them. Just as they discuss they need to keep the secret that they know, Coulson and Mack come in, questioning them on whether Anton and his crew have missiles on their submarine, and discuss bringing them all into HQ. Mace and Daisy come next in, stating their intent to bring all Inhumans to HQ. Fitz rescues Jemma from being isolated by Mace by keeping her close to decipher the old pc they found in the base. Coulson and Mace leave, and casually discuss their plans to replace fitz-simmons ASAP, while also commenting on Daisy's intentions to go collect all the inhumans... to kill them. And that there's a secret cargo they brought from russia. Daisy elicits to go grab Yo-yo first, using Mack to call elena too.
Coulson retires to his office, where May watches the snow. She remembers many things... But knows this is all a lie. And she balks when she realizes that Coulson is an LMD. Coulson offers 'soothing' words of comfort by saying their physical bodies don't matter, due to the Framework. He tells her about how it does not have their 'hurt' in it, offering how he often wonders what it'd been like if he hadn't joined SHIELD, and that in the Framework, he and May are together.
As Fitz-simmons take the PC to the workshop, discussing how May's eye probably let Radcliffe scan and prepare any replica he might need to replace, the LMD alarm silently goes off... OVER FITZ-SIMMONS! WHO'S THE FAKE?!? JEMMA AIN'T FINDING OUT THE BAD WAY, SHE'S PULLING A GUN ON FITZ! He accuses her of having brought him alone to the workshop, while she accuses him of telling them to act normal. Soon it devolves into a messy you-are-no-you game. And it is heartbreaking seeing them actively try to deny themselves being an LMD too, appealing to the other while also sounding like they're defending their lies. One of them is a LMD... But who...? Fitz blames himself for creating the LMD technology. He repeatedly blames himself, while Jemma tries to harden herself. He says he'll do whatever she says... she says to pick up the knife and cut his wrist. They have a problem, because if he cuts his wrist and she is wrong, then she just tried to kill him. But he has no choice. He slits his wrist... Lots of blood comes out... He falls over, whincing in pain... Jemma gets worried, approaching with a towel... He tells her not to come near...
AND THEN HE STABS HER THIGH AND SLAMS HER HEAD WITH A PAINTCAN! FUCK!
Aida awakens Radcliffe, who lost the track of time by being plugged over 24 hours in the framework. And he's livid when he discovers she'd been resetting the simulation every time she had to fix one of the SHIELD crew's traumas, because he could've lost his grip on reality. Aida doesn't tell him she killed Anton, AND SHE REVEALS THAT DAISY ISN'T A LMD!!! YES!!! FINALLY GOOD NEWS!!!
Wait... Then why did they list 4 LMDs from that footage?
To make things worse, these new LMDs aren't subtle like Aida, and could kill people if provoked. Which is a bad sign, because Fitz is trying to brainscan jemma, and she's struggling to get away despite being drugged. He tries to dissuade her by telling her about his deep-seated wish to live and grow old together, married, with her. She manages to drop an engine on top of him, and repeatedly stabs him in the chest, Fitz screaming her name repeatedly in horror, in a very terrifying scene if viewed without context. But he is soon choking her, as she keeps stabbing, but she manages to stab him in the neck, finally shutting him off. Jemma needs to leave. FAST.
Mack freaks out when he hears Daisy went to check the containment rooms downstairs. Because she walks right into a cell holding HER LMD. AN ENTIRE ARMY OF DAISY LMDS!!! Daisy decides to pull off the "I, Robot" tactic by mixing up with the LMDs. Mack wanders, trying to distinguish the real one. She tricks him and quakes him, grabbing the shotgun ax and fleeing. She hides herself in a room, kills the light, and grabs her tablet. She sees the killed Fitz LMD, and hears Mace and Coulson discuss that Simmons clearly has been replaced by an LMD to other normal agents. But we do a bait-n-switch, because these agents actually bother to look the wound. So they get killed by coulson and mace. Mack reports Daisy's escape, and they kill the cameras. Everyone, this is where claustrophobia kicks in. Daisy also realizes that Jemma is hidden near her, but she's so paranoid now she doesn't believe Daisy. As people draw near, Daisy offers to quake Simmons so she knows her body has bones and not metal, but even Jemma is worried now she's not human. Daisy grabs a terrified jemma, hugging her and quaking her, confirming their real identities, the two breaking down crying.
Aida shows Radcliffe the new body she's building. She discusses her studying of human behavior... how there is hardly any logic to it. Radcliffe says there's no logic to feelings, but Aida points out that the fact she knows the concept, but can't feel them, created a paradox in her code. Because she has been programmed to protect the framework AND protect radcliffe... But the biggest threat to the framework is radcliffe himself, because regret could drive him to one day try to undo the framework. He denies it, saying he's saving everyone by giving them perfect lives. Aida counters their bodies will all die. He says it doesn't matter, for reality is just perception. She says they might not believe that. He says he does. She smiles and thanks him for helping her fix the paradox by fixing two problems in one...
Slitting his wrists and jacking him to the framework. Protecting the framework by making him a prisoner of it, unable to feel regret over creating it. She's saved him from himself. Ladies and gentlemen, we have Zeroth Law Rebellion.
Coulson and Mace assemble the SHIELD people, telling them daisy and jemma are LMDs. Which Jemma clearly predicts herself. Jemma says they can't find the real SHIELD people since they don't know where the framework transmission is. So Daisy says they need to go in... find them, wake them... by entering the framework. Coulson orders the agents to shoot to maim. Daisy and Jemma versus an entire bloody base. Jemma despairs, even denying to let Daisy go fight them by herself, accusing her of still being on a suicidal run after Lincoln, but Daisy has rebound and is back on her game, even without her gauntlets. She'll win. Because through every shit they went through, there's only one universal truth: Fitz-Simmons is canon.
So they use a mini ATV to explode canisters of sleeping gas. Coulson and his LMDS will kill the lights, while they ready May for the 'contingency plan'. Because she's their last line of defense. She agrees promptly. Daisy blasts at Mace with the shotgun-ax. She tries to face him hand to hand, but he's much stronger. She winds up putting one helluva a fight though. Some of the agents begin to awaken from the gas. Jemma injected them with antidote, and has a gun trained on them. Believe her or not, she doesn't care. Now get up, people. The superbrawl continues through the labs now. One of the agents prepares a knife to attack jemma. Daisy manages to trip mace and stab him in the circuits.
ONLY FOR COULSON TO SHOOT HER LEG AND MACK HER SHOULDER! They slowly draw near to her, saying they're in this together, they just need to download her mind before she bleeds out. CUE DOUBLE-SIDED QUAKE-HADOUKEN THAT SHATTERS MACK COMPLETELY AND SENDS COULSON FLYING RIGHT IN FRONT OF JEMMA'S TEAM.
While the trio of agents go prep the zephyr (including the unlucky guy who just got his learner's permit), they'll prepare some hardware... But as they approach the gate C7, they find May sitting on a literal powder keg, explosives under her. While the two try to talk her out of it, her death-seeking behavior stronger now, Coulson orders Fitz to program the Daisy-fleet to seek and destroy. Coulson goes to May... only to find out that May let them leave. Because she wanted them to. Coulson tries to calm her down, referring to their times drinking scotch. But May knows 'they' never did that.
May "You were right. Our programming is different. Are you afraid to die? Cause I am. I know I'm not real. I'm all phantom limbs. But that doesn't make the pain less real." Coulson "you don't have to feel pain." May "You say you don't anymore. But that pain, that regret... That's what made you a person... A person I love."
The zephyr begins departing.
May "My programming was to get the darkhold. That was from radcliffe. But my impulse to keep coulson safe and close, that desire, that came from me." Coulson "That's good." May "And I'm sorry to say... You're not him."
She detonates as soon as he tries to pull the gun on her. Zephyr escapes. Three agents, Daisy and Jemma. They soon have Elena with them, who is VERY worried. Daisy and Jemma will hook themselves up to the simulated avatars of themselves and try to rescue the crew. But they cannot linger too long inside, or their bodies will give out. Plus, they can die inside the simulation too. They are loaded into the framework...
Daisy wakes up in a bathtub. She gets a text. Wake up your boyfriend we're being called in. Lincoln? She steps out of the bathroom...
Lying in bed... Sleeping... Grant Ward.
Coulson teaches a class on why we fear inhumans.
Mack lives in a cute house with his daughter and his bike.
Fitz is someone important and married to someone... who is not simmons. Because Jemma is dead.
MAY IS AN AGENT OF HYDRA IN A FANCY HYDRA BUILDING.
Stinger. Anton wakes up in the slab. He tries to choke Aida. She reveals what she did... His body is mechanical. But controlled remotely. By his disembodied head. She places the Darkhold before him. She tells him that she needs him to walk around, a perfect machine, endowed with the ability to feel real feelings. For when Aida is able to feel those herself.
I SEE! THAT'S HOW YOU MAKE A GODDAMN SEASON LONGER! FUCK! HOLY FUCK! THIS WAS... GAHH!!! THE TRAUMA! THE UPSET! THE SHOCK! THE FEAR! THE SADNESS! THE KARMIC RETRIBUTION! THE OBVIOUS PAYBACK! THE TORTURE! THE SACRIFICE!
And ironically, the May LMD was superior to Aida because she managed to discover emotions, or at least the closest thing possible. And she's gone now.
BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT WERE THOSE STUPID ASS SCENARIOS?!? WHY WOULD FITZ BE HAPPIER WITH A DEAD JEMMA?!? WHY WOULD COULSON BE HAPPIER TEACHING ABOUT HATE?!? WHY WOULD MAY BE HAPPIER BEING A HYDRA AGENT?!?
AND WHY THE FUCK WOULD DAISY BE HAPPIER WITH THE GUY WHO USED HER?!? AND DON'T YOU GOD DAMN DARE TO MENTION HER BEING DRUGGED OFF HER HEAD WHILE HE WAS HIVE, THAT DOES NOT COUNT!!!
OMG, MY BABY!!! JEMMA IS INSIDE A GRAVE!!! DAMN YOU WHEDON!!! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU REPEAT THE BUFFY SUMMERS WORST FEAR AGAIN?!?
WHERE IS THE NEXT EPISODE?!?
#Kaede Kisaragi Watches#Marvel's Agents of SHIELD#Clark Gregg#Phil Coulson#Melinda May#Alphonso Mackenzie#Those three agents#Elena Rodriguez#Daisy Johnson#Quake#Leopold fitz#Jemma Simmons#Fitz-simmons#Jeffrey Mace#Sleeping gas#LMD#Aida#Holden Radcliffe#Anton ivanov#Darkhold#The Framework#Feelings#Self control#Real#Not real#CAPS LOCK#SCREAMING#DAMN YOU WHEDON
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a homeless gentleman I was handing resources to told me, "I can get food anywhere, that's the easy part," and it's burned into my memory
#Truth#Rent is expensive#Food is available everywhere#Politics#US politics#I have used food banks#Have zero shame and do it#Homelessness#Shut up Quakey
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*sigh* You can track the depths of my obsession from the point where I would only tag posts "Deadpool 3", and then I added "Deadpool & Wolverine" (meaning they're together, sure I'll ship them, I refuse to be head over heels for them), and now the "Deadclaws" tags are starting to creep in....
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Well, I've done as much as I can. Gathered endorsements. Wrote positions. Given educational presentations. Passed out flyers. Encouraged public comment. Doorknocked. Waved signs. Set up a voter registration table at an event. Offered my assistance to friends.
Whatever happens now happens.
US American besties, I sure hope you've already voted or that by god you're going to go vote tomorrow.
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holy crap I'm buying a condo
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Oh hey! My kid's teacher had a desk calendar by you this year! My child kept bringing home single pages with your art and pithy little sayings on them and using them as bookmarks. There's no real point to this story, except that I enjoy finding your art unexpectedly around the house. Thank you!
Shop , Patreon , Books and Cards , Mailing List
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done. omg I'm finally done moving đ”âđ«đ
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I've written 8,800 words in two days đ
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