#shut up it was funnier in my head

[mommalosthermind]

I have so many half completed oneshots. I’m gonna end up assigning numbers and rolling dice to pick which mess gets ironed out next why are there so many

[stefisdoingthings]

What if instead of Midvalley the Hornfreak he was Midvalley the Horn𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 and he wore a BDSM outfit to match the rest of the Gung-Ho-Guns???

[backpackingspace]

Young odysseus convincing everyone Ithaca is nothing but a poor island with rocks and goats to avoid any raids/conquerors/so he doesn't get murdered for talking to Helen bc "it's not like he's a real choice"

Young odysseus falling in love with Penelope at the same event: wait. Wait shit I fucked up hold on just hear me out

[dougielombax]

We keep the orchestra motivated and awake by firing a cannon into the audience at random intervals.

[some-loser-called-jab]

Oh she's a brick

house

[neptunethemosasaurus]

Father brown who's trying to live his very catholic - not sinful - life.

Hercule Flambeau who's on a quest to steal this mans heart.

And the conversation is like ⬇️

Father Brown:"What do you want?"

Hercule Flambeau:"I need to steal something very important and I need your help."

Father Brown:"What are you looking for?"

Hercule Flambeau:"Your heart!"

*Awkward silence*

Bunty (from the altar):"That was smooth!"

[bumbleapples]

My head cannon is that Timmy is a bona-fide airhead and doesn't think before speaking.

[scoruspio]

Oliver drank Felix’s jizzy, grimy bath water, right? But like, if Hannibal were to do that with Will’s bath water, he’d arguably get more out of it, cause that man sweats like there’s no tomorrow

[peachyyjellie]

i feel sick

[marsti]

do NOT claim to be french + gay if youre not diagnosed with at least one pd

[arnault]

[francebaby]

i think itachi would be a metalcore and vkei fan, and sasuke would be one of those crying illenial ravers, but they would both have mcr in common

[fear-ze-queer]

kyle: kick the baby!

ike: nuh uh

kyle:

kyle: fym "nuh uh"

[dougielombax]

I think cocktails need to be given more unhinged sounding names.

“According to the recipe book, this one is called The Ruination of Mankind.”

“Yeah this is a gin based cocktail, it’s called Edith Keeler Must Die.”

“I’ve prepared a specialty consisting of triple sec and vermouth. I like to call it The Final Insult.”

And so on.

You get the idea.

[doktorvelociraptor]

Me when I’m reminded I can’t eat cheese

[satan-is-a-furry]

Tales of Vesperia AU where everything is the same except Zagi interrupts literally every single boss fight