#shouldn't be tough for me to get to sleep on time tonight tho since i will be so exhausted

[thestarmaker]

My stomach: hey I'm empty. Feed me.

Me: king you are specifically trying to get rid of anything I put in you and have been for almost 12 hours now. Fuck off.

[knwbetter]

day 6 of no speaking to each other: i still missed him very much today. frequently thought about him throughout the day but there were times too where i hated on him in my mind. basically i did think of him and miss him but i hated him at the same time. still had no idea that he was capable of making me like him but leave in the end. he had me so wrapped around his finger that i believed he wouldn't leave me and this thing we had might go somewhere but i was too naive. i remember him asking if i might be willing to move away from here and he was glad that i would be. he even asked me what i wanted to be in life and since he knew i took psychology in school, he said i could move to where he was and be a therapist there. of course i took what he said lightly bc i know this isn't some serious talk but i did start to think about it if it really did come to a point that we became serious. i shouldn't have fell for it tho bc in the end i barely knew the guy. idk how he's like irl, i just know the dude through the screen. in reality, he might be a totally different guy in person. if he is tho, i have to say he's pretty consistent in his online persona and his stories do track back with each other. i'm paranoid and hyperaware of things like those. i can sniff out liars but ultimately a liar is different from a manipulator. those i can't sniff out, heck i fell for it.

i keep trying to convince myself that i shouldn't be so caught up on someone who doesn't even want me. it's such a massive disrespect to myself honestly. i shouldn't have to beg for someone's love and i most certainly can't force someone to like me, that's the last thing i want to do. i'm not gonna sit here and beg him to take me back. that would boost his ego like crazy, knowing he has someone that goes this crazy for him. and i wouldn't want to be the one to stroke his ego like that. he doesn't deserve it and if that is the case then he thinks too highly of himself and has a lot of growing up to do. it's certainly giving little boy behavior, i wonder if he'll ever have the sense to man up.

i felt such deep sadness when i thought of him today from time to time. still in disbelief that he did everything to make me like him but deceived me in the end, acting like i was nothing to him when he told me that i'm not nobody to him and that i'm something to him. well i'm something alright, but nothing more. even as i listen to rap, it reminds me of him bc he said old rap is his favorite. stupid me had to listen to his playlist before which full of rap and it was pretty good too. i miss feeling that good but then again i guess i didn't really know him. that shit hurts my ego too bc i take pride on being good at characterizing people. this experience humbled me bc i completely misjudged him. every little thing has to remind me of him, like when the other day i was looking at jack daniels bottles and found out where it came from. like really, universe? every thing i do has to be connected to him. i guess it shouldn't surprise me bc we did have a lot in common. otherwise i wouldn't have bothered to continue talking to him.

i finally got to drink today and i took it neat. i feel tipsy actually. i think i'll sleep well tonight. i do like the feeling of drinking tho, makes me forget him for sure. i love the fuzzy feeling of it in my head too, like i don't have room to think about anything. we would've been so cute together but he had to ruin it. i'm actually starting my new job soon and i gained crazy courage to even force myself to find a job bc i had this thought in my head that i want to meet up with him this year. whether it might be in japan or here. he definitely inspired me to start putting more effort into looking for a job and now that i got one, we're over. he might've been the push i needed to get a job but i wish there was a less cruel way to it. this experience kind of taught me to be tough and i definitely feel changed. i'll never let anyone mess with me. i know my standards and boundaries now. communication has become more important than ever before. if someone ain't serious with me then i don't want it, next. i'm not here to play and i'm not here for the mind games. how dare you do this to me, fuck you.

[ducknotinarow]

[BrooklynNina] [🍝 ] - for our muses to share a meal

| prompts for platonic or familial ships Nina ventured inside the tower after handling some routine scouting and patrolling around the city, it was pretty calm and quiet tonight but it wasn't too boring of a night spent. Nina smiling shopping bag in hand as Copper hobbled along with next to her till passing the living room where he decided he was stopping at. Nina just looking to watch the lazy dog flop to the floor as if he'd just been through the roughest walk of his life. Such a dramatic dog she shook her head and went into the kitchen smiling even more once she spotted her sister was in there already. "oh perfect you here!" Nina greeted as she walked on it and starts to dig into the plastic store bag so she could show off her find to her younger sister. "look even we can make this" Nina proudly stated as she down the two mugs on the counter for Brooklyn to look at. She had found some captain America cake in a mug's well running around town for some scouting. Okay maybe she shouldn't have bought them right away but it be her luck someone else nubbed them first she couldn't risk that. Brooklyn seemed interested in the mugs presented to them as Nina picks one up and opened it. "See all we do is dump the mix add some water, pop 'em in the microwave, and ding they are done." Okay, it seemed pretty easy, and in the least had to be Nina and Brooklyn proof. Nina hoped at least "Look it even has little stars in the mix!" She added in as if to sell her sister on the little cakes more. "Come on is idiot-proof for sure so wanna enjoy a little late-night sweet?" Brooklyn seemed just as gamed, they both had something to prove her after all. Though even when following the instructions they seemed to somehow still make a few mistakes here and there when getting the mixes together and cooking them. One cake had just a bit too much water in it still, thinking it would be fine for a second round only for the cake to dry out quite a bit. so the second mug went in they tried the opposite this one wasn't so much moist as it was just uncooked in the center. Nina just shrugged and started to prye the dried-out cake out of its mug working it out from the mug. "not point letting them go to waste right?" Nina suggested as she popped it free at last to watch the blue-dyed cake fall to the counter. At least the bottom wasn't all dry to so a bit of success she decided. Brooklyn just seemed to laugh at how the cake made a small thud when hitting the countertop, even mentioning it being as heavy as Thor's hammer. "It's not that dry" Nina countered "Least mine ain't cake soup" Nina teased as she picked her cake up and took a bite from it, it was tough but hey still decent. "I always wanted to make these," Nina began to say "just in general but the fact these are captain America theme does make them better," the poorly done end result shouldn't be considered here, however. "most of my foster folks wouldn't let us do this stuff tho so I just couldn't resist buy 'em for you an' me." Nina made mention if she did talk too much about being in foster care. For a few reasons but mostly she didn't think it all that interesting to touch on. After all, she hadn't stayed with any family long when in that system. So many names and faces are forgotten since Nina just wasn't always sure how long it would last. And most times they were just places to sleep till the next placement. She held up the last of her dried out cake to Brook "wanna trade?" she asked as she gestured to the soupy mess in the other mug "Something to dry your mouth after the soup" she joked a bit about "You know I got pops one too I wonder if he'll do any better then we did?" she asked out loud "or maybe he's just as bad as us too." Smiling and laughing when Brook joked about it maybe being a family trait. "Could explain why we get cooking duty the least or as the last option." The two of them both laugh over that as they swapped cake and gave the other bad attempt a try at least. "Mean not so bad still sweet at least right?" Nina looked at the packaging of the mug she still

had no idea what they did wrong as she scanned over the small section of instructions. Not much space was needed since it was meant to be a simple task to complete. She titled her head as she read and glanced to the microwave, a few times she repeated this, soon placing the packaging down as she looked closer to the microwave when it clicked "oh" Brooklyn parroted her oh but in more of a question wondering why she had said it in the first place. Nina pointed to the buttons on the appliance "Soo guess we were meant to mess with the settings on this so it would cook the cakes correctly, honestly I had no idea I thought you just pop everything in here the same way." Nina just smiled brightly despite the mistake they made "Oh well we still made them well just try again I think they got these mugs of everyone we can start a collection!" Nina's eyes nearly brightened from the idea alone an avid collector herself loved the idea of starting another one, but having Brook share in it did make it even more fun.