#should've i stayed with him?

[monster0sinful]

I want to vent here again about my online ex friend and I know I posted about it before but I felt that it wasn't consistent or maybe I'm just not good at typing very long posts at all. I'll try to be straightforward here about what I'm about to say precisely.

You see, I once had an online friend (before I made new ones recently from Reddit) on Twitter whom I personally knew for 4 years during the pandemic before we moved to Discord to chat there comfortably. In the beginning, I think we role played as our ocs in the Villainous fandom (I'm no longer in it) but we eventually started to text more as time went on. I remember that he initially didn't let me say anything while he was sharing his interests to me like he would just ignore what I said and keep rambling on until I called him out because I wanted to share my interests too rather than to listen to him, I wanted to engage in a conversation.

A few things that you need to know about my former online friend is that he was autistic and he suffered from CPTSD, he was a bit younger than me (we're both adults, don't worry), a trans man, a goth/metalhead and a Satanist. I really didn't mind that he's a Satanist unless he uses his beliefs to harm others or seems like a cult is when I'll have a problem with it.

As the years went by, he would tell me about his trauma in a venting manner but he would occasionally trauma dump on me without any warning whatsoever even when I greeted him, I think he took that as an invitation to do so. I should've called him out on that but I didn't want to seem rude and uncaring in his time of need. The other problem I had with him is that he wouldn't take some things I say very lightly as if I'm personally attacking him when all I'm doing is giving him advice on bettering himself on his mental health.

I actually did called him out for lashing out at me at times and he would apologize. I don't condone the things I said and done to trigger his trauma in our almost frequent arguments a few times, my close friend did say that it sounded more like we're both emotionally incompatible as friends, it does explain my questioning of our friendship despite we seemed "close" to the point where he admitted to see me as a big sister figure to him.

I also noticed that he acts very child-like all the time 24/7. My other close friend said that his autism really doesn't define him, it's his personality that does and that's coming from someone who is diagnosed with aspergers when I brought that up about him. I remember that one time I had to give him a heads up if I seemed really moody due to my menstrual cycle and he told me that he was uncomfortable of me saying that to him, I shit you not, I really got annoyed that he was uneasy with a natural normal thing of women that is something we can't control whether you're uncomfortable or not.

The most ironic thing is that not only is he a trans man, he's also bisexual and yet he's uncomfortable with something that happens naturally in women, to me that shows his maturity level but I have no explanation why I glossed that over back then. I now noticed how immature he is because I made a new online friend who is a guy and takes about the menstrual cycle very maturely (he's a bit older than me).

My former online friend really has an misfortune in having a few shitty friends yet stays with them. I remember that one of them ditched him and the other (although online) had a fall out with him for stupid reasons. I tried to warn him about them but he never listens to me and I can't do anything plus that he doesn't have a spine to stand up for himself against them for treating him badly nor telling them how he feels.

My online ex friend really doesn't have an excuse to have an attitude with me sometimes, his autism nor his trauma is never an excuse, those are reasons. I was starting to become distant with him, I didn't want to talk to him a lot and gave him short answers because his unresolved emotional baggage was really starting to take its toll on me...I was overwhelmed and frustrated. I tried suggesting him to go seek professional help but he refused due to his one bad experience with a therapist years ago.

The final straw is that he acted a bit rude during his drunken stupor and I lost it. I grilled on him about his occasional shitty behavior so badly to the point where he had a mental breakdown through text admitting that he's a selfish prick, that was what I needed to hear. It's good that he admits his poor mental health although he doesn't do anything about it.

I now have complicated views about him in the aftermath and I'm doing fine without him, he really needs to seek help in order for him to be in a functional friendship with others. I have second thoughts if I was the asshole to leave him because of his unresolved emotional baggage and trauma, am I?

[youngpettyqueen]

truly a crime we didnt get to see more of Miles' reaction to Julian being augmented because I think he should've punched Richard Bashir in the face

[pinnkchampagne]

[beanghostprincess]

The fact that Roy can't see her like this,,, I am throwing up

[kitespark]

sorry to all of you white middle aged man lovers out there but shane madej subtly shifting the blame with the whole 'steven, talk about money' feels like a pathetic way to salvage the hip leftist uncle persona he's got going on and you all are waiting for him to return to your embrace like some prodigal son who was forced and didn't go on his own accord

[canonically47]

i cannot ever get over gi-hun actually. the fact that he chooses to believe in the good of humanity even after witnessing what he has, and that he joins the games AGAIN with (mathematically) even LESS chances of survival JUST because he wants to save people, people who DON'T CARE, people who are SELFISH and who continuously betray and hurt him just fucking KILLS ME. a very big critique from many people (and i've noticed, especially men) about the second season and gi-hun's character is that he is stupid. they find him to be stupid that he has this weak spot for an uncaring crowd, that he comes back to the games to save people who wouldn't think of him twice, instead of going to his daughter. they think that him caring and despising a system this deeply is a sign of weakness and stupidity.

but if anything, i find it admirable. maybe i can't bring myself to hate him because i think i'd do the same thing. i watch him on-screen and think, "yeah, i would do that too", every single mistake, every single thing, i get him. and he may look stupid to some but i think if anything, he's just too caught up in an ideal world in which people care, but i find it admirable that this is his personality even after witnessing the previous games. he still has hope, they haven't wiped it away from him. comparing him to in-ho is like night and day, because in-ho was broken by the games and came back to perpetuate that same hurtful system, while gi-hun was broken by the games and came back to break the people that created the system, and the system itself.

he speaks to me, as an individual who clings to hope until his very last breath, who can never seem to learn from his mistakes because he is so stubborn, he wants to prove that humanity could, and should, have hope and that it's worth to fight for it, not to just leave for a different continent and forget about it. that's what draws me to him, this endless fight in him, i can't find him stupid because he's so desperate to change things. and he never gives up even after his friends die before him.

idk i just am really unwell about gi-hun. i think people treat him too harshly. i'm unsure how well this is worded, but what i really want to say is that i don't think he should be perfect and immediately learn from every single mistake he has ever made. the fact that he is this broken given his past, even before the games he's set up as this really caring and traumatized individual, and that they double down on his same characteristics that make him so incredibly real... he's just really special to me. i really admire the way he is written and i think he's a really good representation of people who fight for a change even when it all seems lost. he's just that kind of guy that doesn't, couldn't, will never give up. and i really love that.

[bluesidebun]

I'M SO ANGRY AND DEVASTATED, what was it all for? If Toichi is alive why would he make his teenage son a criminal? Why would he put him at risk? He could die. I don't think there's anything that could justify Kaito's involvement, he was suppose to be a normal 17 year old aspiring to be a magician.

[pittsburghhockeybirds]

Enola: My nincompoop is too tall for me to kiss him, what do I do?

Eudoria: Punch him in the stomach, then when your boy doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Edith: Tackle him!

Mycroft: Dump him.

Sherlock: Kick your boy in the shin.

Tewkesbury: NO ENOLA! NO TO ALL OF THOSE, JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN!

[beastsovrevelation]

Shelley Conn as Beelzebub and John Hamm as Gabriel (Good Omens)

[introspectivememories]

i think what really sells me on brocedes is the fact that they still, to this day, live in the same building. isn't that crazy??? your ex best friend with whom you had a very public falling out with still lives in the same building as you. no one told them to stay there, they chose to do that!!! like nico, i understand. he's got a wife and kids. it'd probably be too much work to uproot them and move somewhere new. but lewis? every time i blink that man is at a new fashion show or fuckin hanging out with shakira. he does not have to live there!!! he does not have to live two floors away from his ex childhood best friend!! and like i know for a fact that there are other luxury condos or apartment or whatever in monaco!! he does not have to do this!!!

[saturnniidae]

Ngl Hiccup's 'glow up' was a tragedy. KEEP HIM SMALL AND UGLY!!!

[cesarescabinet]

Being a Skyvik fan gives me whiplash with how they've been handled I swear.

[metiredlr]

I like to believe that back in S2 when they revisited Teikoku if Endou wasn't a libero that one time, Genda would've helped Endou "find his true sakka" and Ijigen the hand would've been born cuz like. Look at these. WE COULDVE HAD IT ALL

[pinnkchampagne]

We could go back to Woodstock

Where they don't know who we are...

[forgotten-daydreamer]

"Oh yes!! I can finally join the mouthwashing fandom!!" I said with excitement. Little did I know it was a feature. A creature feature. Featuring........ The absence of media literacy.

[spotaus]

Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡

So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.

At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.

Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.

I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.

So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.

If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.