#should i have done that no but i got taxes back and went crazy

[jacobseed]

a commission i ordered in february (hindsight not my best decision but also like… didn’t expect to still be struggling) is arriving tomorrow i can’t wait to have it in my hands…

[zzencat]

What If I Don’t Really Believe?

tl;dr : having trust in the universe

———-

I had a magical moment today that I wanted to share with you guys. So for the past week, I’d been reconsidering quitting the job I literally just got like 3 weeks ago-ish due to how it thrusted me too fast into situations where my anxiety would freeeeaaak. A lot of networking has to be done too so it’s not just approaching random people on the side. I know that tackling these skills and developing them would help me immensely in the real world, but my introverted mentally-shaken self kept pushing back on it. The dilemma was against gaining these new skills by going full force out there or quitting and waiting for a less demanding, mentally and emotionally taxing position in August. Only last night was I really debating about it after a team meeting, and being in PMS mode doesn’t help. I was like “*fidgeting fingers* I should have a 1-on-1 with the boss” but I didn’t know how to bring it up or approach the topic since I could probably get fired for “not being desperate enough” to be there or work for them. Or he’s just so busy that he might not have time to talk. I asked my spirit guides for a sign because I was stuck af, in my own mental hell and the overwhelmingness of it all. I haven’t been seeing signs or synchronicities as often as I have and I was so desperate for an answer. I was like “if you guys want me to continue with this, I will. If you don’t, so be it. Give me something pls” with my hands clasped together n everything. Said it out loud with my brows pulled together and eyes screwed tight.

We had a team meeting this morning—which I also wanted to 98% ditch bc I was considering just distancing myself just in case they did kick me out, but I attended anyway. With a lot of hesitance and anxiety tho. My stomach was hatin it. Turns out they were offering new positions to this girl and I to just call people and connect them to the main man. TOO LUCKY!! I was like “yeah sure; it’ll help me build some kind of foundation” since I’m fairly new in the whole job world.

After the meeting, the boss CALLS ME. I was gonna reach out and be honest abt how I was feeling pretty unsure and I didn’t wanna be out and selling (especially things I’m not particularly passionate abt), and that maybe I should just quit…BUT BRO CALLED ME. Right after the meeting. I couldn’t believe. he caught me up with speed, is a very nice little man, very understanding and overall, a great teacher. I confessed my thoughts and feelings & he did his. He basically did a private tutoring session with me before his next meeting, AND even considered the ADHD part bc apparently his cousin has it too and he had to teach him before. Chances like these don’t land before your feet everyday, like ever.

I got into it a good 2 years ago and have been fuckin w it ever since. It was such an odd time for me but I took my chances and went with the wind, catapulted myself out of a toxic environment without looking back just because some tarot lady on Youtube told me to. That in itself was crazy. But it was my first act of sacrifice and very much a blind leap, putting my full trust into my spirit team and the universe- I swear my intuition has grown so much and I’ve first had my doubts about this whole tarot spirituality intuition thing, but they always come around. I saw small signs literally the first few days, but was like “nahh it’s just a coincidence…bc no way…right?” When I pick piles/have someone do readings on me, I always take them with a grain of salt in case things switch up. But I promise you, if you have even a sliver of thought that it’s real, it will be. There’ve been too many signs and happenings for me since then to not NOT believe. But don’t forget, you have to put in work to manifest as well (I will link a specific pac I liked.)

So my lesson today is…HAVE FAITH AND TRUST IN THE UNIVERSE. DON’T LOSE HOPE. Ask when you need help. Something will work out for you!

[melodyalanaroster]

Update for The Melancholy of Melody Alana Roster as of 11/30/24.

Holy crap... It's been nearly 9 months since I last posted a chapter. I am so sorry about that, guys. A lot has happened in the past few months. If you're in the Otome Haven Discord Server, I've been more in depth with it there. I won't go into full detail here... But here's a quick recap.

I bought a new car and dealt with it having a little bit of trouble. I'm currently paying my fiancé's grandmother back for my car. It's a 2014 Kia and it's nice. I've named it Binky after Death's horse from Discworld.

I bought and modified a Barbie Dreamhouse. I've wanted one since I was a kid and honestly it has been an absolute dream to have it. I've done everything from making custom curtains, to painting and adding fabric to the furniture, to spray painting several elements, to adding shelves to 2 rooms, to even custom building at least 2 pieces of furniture myself. At this point, the only things I haven't done are take the house itself apart and spray paint several of the core elements... I should have done that before I did anything else...

July was crazy. We had my birthday, my fiancé's birthday, our housewarming party and a bunch of other stuff.

I confronted my monster-in-law. My man's mother is a helicopter parent from Hell and doesn't treat her nearly 30-year-old son like the adult he is. It did not end well. Turns out that I am part of the long line of daughters-in-law who are hated by their in-laws and blamed for everything.

My fiancé's dog, Sly, passed away on what would have been my mom's 48th birthday... The dog was around 15 years old. He fought junkyard dogs, coyotes, and even killed a chicken hawk. That dog even walked off eating an entire bag of M&M's! He was a Chihuahua through and through.

We adopted a new kitten and took my fiancé's other dog back from his dad. I found the kitten at work while I was putting flowers out. She's black with orange eyes. Her name is Wednesday. As for the dog, his dad was not the best person to take care of her. The second we were able to force his dad to let us take her, we did. Chel (the dog) is a lot better now.

My job had been crazy. My old (shitty) manager left and now I have a new manager that is significantly better. But, with the holidays upon us, it's crazy.

I've been on a MASSIVE Devil May Cry kick since September. I'm sorry Nathaniel, I'm currently enamored with Nero. More specifically, Nero from DMC5. I love him in DMC4, but I love him more in 5. So, yeah... When I'm hyper fixated with a 1/4 demon boy, I can't think about my Nathaniel... Since then, I've amassed a small DMC collection (for Nero). 5 different acrylic stands, 2 keychains, 2 can badges, a fan and a copy of the Japanese book, DMC 5: Before the Nightmare.

Thanksgiving went better than expected. Both my family and my in-laws were on their best behavior. A win is a win.

My laptop has finally decided to die. This has been the biggest roadblock for my writing. Honestly, if it wasn't for this, I probably would have used Alana's story as a bit of escapism, just like I have all these years. I bought my laptop with my tax refund in 2017, and it's been messing up for a while. The last time I booted it up, it took 2 hours and 5 reboots just to get it to work properly. By the time I got it working, I no longer had the motivation to write or make edits.

It's because of this that I decided that my Christmas present for myself this year would be a proper gaming computer... And that was a whole Black Friday fiasco. It didn't help that I was one of the many Swifties that went out and stood in line at my local Target at 5 am. I got the book and the CD that Taylor Swift released. Then Best Buy sold me a brand-new gaming PC that was dead on arrival. So, I had to go do an exchange and I still ended up shelling out $108.25 more from my savings account. My Christmas present from my fiancé was my monitor for my computer. Bright side? My new desk set up looks amazing!

In all honesty, I don't know when I'll get back to writing. The holidays are always hectic for me. But now that I have my computer, and it only takes maybe a minute to boot up, I'll be trying to spend more time on it, editing, re-reading what I've already got in my drafts, and eventually writing. Trust me, when I start actively wedding planning next year, I will need the distraction...

[sometimesrosy]

Hey Rosy, somewhat of a difficult “question”. I live in a smaller country in Europe, where things are getting very difficult. We’re considered a 1st world country, but I digress. My mom has a pretty good high-paying job, still only middle-class, so I was fortunate enough to grow without anything missing, although there were no luxuries and almost no traveling, etc. But, if we felt like eating out on a friday afternoon, we would, for example. Eventually I went to live with my boyfriend at a rented house, and we considered ourselves lucky to have that rent at that time, because prices were already spiking. We were able to maintain a normal lifestyle, no big excesses but we could pay for everything, spend some money on our hobbies, and still save by the end of the month. We even went on a big vacation, although my mom helped a bit there. Fast forward to now and we bought a house, after some insistence from my mom, and because it really was the best thing to do: the house we were in was without contract and price of everything was still raising like crazy. Who knew if we’d stay at the house next month or the landlord would double the rent or kick us out? So, we got ourselves a nice apartment, SUPER EXPENSIVE, but we got it. It absolutely drained us, especially my mom and grandma who paid for the full 10% entrance, otherwise we couldn’t buy it. Rent now, as in, payment to the bank, has been very high, and in June it will be even higher. I don’t think any of us had any idea of how ridiculously expensive everything is now, but we’re having a difficult time, mentally, paying for everything. I have a minimum wage job as I can’t find anything better even with my degree, and my bf gets paid a bit more but is also taxed more, so I ended up bringing more home than him. We have been able to pay for everything, but it’s been impossible to save even if 20€. We finished last month with 5€ in our accounts, and this is because my mom helps us a lot and does most of the grocery shopping. With so much stress, I’ve already went to the hospital with a nervous gastritis, which made me miss work and the cut on my salary was HUGE. I can’t help but feel even more stressed, knowing it’s being hard now and that in June it will get worse. Sometimes I even regret buying this apartment. It’s not even the fact that I can’t do anything else besides paying bills, it’s the fact that buying a 10€ book after 3 months of spending 0 money on anything else but bills and rent might make us not be able to pay the bills for this month, and how guilty I’d feel for that. I’ve been working my butt off, even doing some side jobs, and we still can’t save even if 10€. I feel like I’m living on auto pilot, and I know that, unfortunately, this is how millions of people live. I’m just looking for ways to cope.

I am familiar with this struggle. It's definitely hard, no matter where you live in the world right now. I'm not sure anywhere is stable. I don't feel the us is stable either. Expenses keep going up and wages... aren't.

So there are three different ways you can handle this struggle, I think. Or rather. Three different elements.

Cut expenses. (money going out.) It sounds like you've already done that. But you might want to look into some things you're spending money on that you aren't using. Like streaming subscriptions, or a cheaper phone/internet plan. Renegotiate some of your current bills. Who knows? It might work. Or you might want to buy groceries in bulk or generic instead of brand name. I actually think you SHOULD still allow room for small pleasures, like your book, and cut back on expenses you wouldn't even notice, like brand names, if you can.

Increase income. (money coming in.) I know I know. Your jobs don't pay enough. You can't find a better job. I get that. If that's the case, ok. I understand. Find other ways to bring money in. A job on the weekend. Seasonal work. Freelancing. Monetize a hobby. Maybe even selling some of your stuff. Or stuff you get from thrift stores. Yard sales or internet sales or consignment. Maybe a roommate if you have a guest room. A roommate can offer a lot of relief on that rent stress.

Decrease anxiety. My friend. I know not having money is stressful. It makes you afraid. But. BUT. It's just money. Money is a temporary problem. It flows in and it flows out and sometimes there will be more coming in and sometimes there will be more going out. You are making yourself sick over it. Literally. Think back to some previous times in your life when you were short on funds and realize how you got through it. And how when you got through it, the anxiety went away. Because it's just temporary. It's just money. Find ways to enjoy your life REGARDLESS of money. Stop thinking you can't enjoy your life. If that book is too expensive, go to a used book store. Or trade with your friends. Join a collective. Look online for places where people are giving away free or discounted things. Go to free shows and festivals. Visit the beach or parks to decompress. Find outlets that don't cost money. Romanticize the life you have instead of the life the media wants to sell you.

I am giving this advice based on my life in the states, of course. I don't know what's available to you in your country, so I can only offer suggestions that I know of in this country. I do know that there are freelance jobs paying US dollars that you can work from wherever you are. When I worked for a ghostwriting company, a lot of the other freelancers were in other countries. Maybe you could find some sort of freelance side job using your degree. Maybe you can also get some assistance from your government-- but again I don't know what would be available in your country.

But let yourself breathe. It sucks not having money, I know, but once you figure out some ways to juggle income and expenses, there will be breathing room again.

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to Throwback Thursday!

Many thanks to everyone that contributed to WEDNESDAY WORDS yesterday. Every week, it just gets better! Yesterday’s selection was wonderful. “What are words worth?” asked Tom Tom Club on their song ‘Wordy Rappinghood’. Well, ask Elton John’s lyricist, Bernie Taupin. He has a net worth of $200,000,000

On this page, ‘Throwback Thursday’ is about memories. So, what do you remember? If I was to say the word CHEESE, what immediately comes to mind?

When we were preparing for Saturday’s surprise birthday party for The Trouble, her cousin asked me what desserts she should buy. I said The Trouble would rather a cheese board. So, we bought tons of cheese, crackers and grapes, which we didn’t eat on Saturday, but we DID eat them on Sunday, and which I ate for my lunch yesterday. I don’t do this often but I actually posted a photo of my lunch! Lots of lovely brie and camembert to eat over the next few days!

It reminded me of my maddest cheese moment. When we were kids, my parents introduced us to fondue and we had a fondue pot to heat up the oil. Cook your cubes of steak individually, take them out when cooked and dip them in whatever sauce you want! Bloody delicious! This led us on to cheese fondue! Heat up a huge pot of assorted cheeses, take you’re a slice of baguette and dip it in! (Careful: it can be hot!) Anyway, as a crazy, precocious kid, I staged a party in my parent’s front room, and served up cheese fondue to my friends. A long bloody way from crisps, Twiglets and sandwich triangles! My friends already thought I was stark-staring mad, so no one was surprised! We ended up throwing out a vat of melted cheese and most people went home hungry!

So, on this Throwback Thursday, what kind of memories does the word CHEESE conjure up for you?

I am currently marking end-of-term assignments. This is taxing on the brain, so I structure my work-from-home routine around a constant state of distractions. I find it works best for me. Concentrate for 30 minutes, do something different, concentrate for 30 minutes etc. So, I did about 30 different things on Wednesday and still got all my marking done! I am on schedule. My nerdy cliché is: never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. I am not a last-minute person. Last-minute people irritate me enormously. All of a sudden, they’re in a blind panic because they’ve left it to the last minute and it’s MY fault? Really? No, it’s YOUR fault because you kept putting it off and putting it off and putting it off. Procrastination really WILL make you go blind, unlike that ‘other word’, which is very good for your health!

In fact, after lunch, I had a nap that was so deep and peaceful, I struggled to wake up!

In amongst all the teaching and marking, in coming weeks, we’ve got lots to look forward to. We are having dinner with one of our favourite people on Saturday, ‘The A-Z Of Mi-Soul Music’ is coming live from Summer Soulstice on June 24th, there’s another birthday party on June 25th, we have a yummy BBQ on July 1st, I’ll be doing Mi-Soul’s ‘Concert At The Castle’ event in Windsor on July 9th, it’s the Margate Soul Festival on the weekend of August 4th, then I’m looking forward to going back to Stevenage on Bank Holiday Sunday, August 27th for ‘Let The Music Play’. I shall be whipping it out at every opportunity and adding more selfies to my collection! And The Trouble has booked our flights for Jamaica in September because we have a plush wedding to attend!

Have a throbbing and thrusting Thursday (with hopefully a few thrills through your thoroughfare?) I love you all.

[passingdaysthings]

05.22.2023 - Things Are Good and Bad

Today is Sunday (Technically, Monday)

I am writing this late at night as usual, and I am feeling pretty good. I think it’s pretty crazy how many things can change in a month. Recently, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer, but she caught it in the early stages so she will be fine after surgery. The diagnosis has put a strain on our relationship though because I have begun to feel like her love for me is very conditional, and that condition is that I have to do what she says. We got into a huge argument because I rescued 2 bunnies from an Amish farm, and she is not very happy about that. I haven’t really felt the same about her since we got into that argument, and I am just not interested in having a relationship with her anymore. I love her, but I just don’t feel like putting in the effort to pretend that I am okay. I am not okay, and I don’t appreciate how she treats me. I do a lot for the family, and I have never gotten a thanks for gratitude. As for my dad, I don’t really think too much about my relationship with him either because he can be caring one day and cold the next. All I really care about right now is doing well in school, getting a job, and moving out. Living with my parent is ridiculously suffocating, but I have to continue until I can move. I am not sure where I want to move yet, but I know that I can’t handle being around my parents anymore. I don’t like being controlled or feeling like I always need to meet their conditions. It is sad that the relationship I had with my parents have disappeared, but it is what it is. It’s funny because they treated me this way all because I rescued 2 bunnies. Honestly, I adopted the bunnies for my mental health because a lot of things have been hard for me. My little sister moving away made it really hard to deal with my parents because she wasn’t their to buffer things, but now that she is back, my relationship with my parents have also put a strain on her. I feel bad because she is the middle man between me and my parents, but there is nothing I can do about it. I have always done what my parents said, and it is really mentally taxing. I always have to keep my feelings in or push aside insults in order to be a good daughter, and that’s just not what I want to do. I am not interested in their love if it is going to be contingent on being a “good” daughter purely on their standards. I know for a fact that I am a good child, and it’s their fault for pushing me over the edge. Now, they can just pretend to have one daughter since I barely talk to them. Also, my two bunnies names are Oreo and Milk Tea/Baked Bean, and I think they have really helped me mentally. Taking care of them is a distraction from a lot of the things that are happening around me. My 3rd quarter of grad school will be ending in about 2 weeks, and I am so ready for it to be done. I think that I really need a break because my period had skipped this month, and I also went about 2 weeks without really eating or just getting sick when I eat. Things have been better in recent days though, and I have been able to eat.

I have been watching insta reels more than usual.. probably because of the stress, but I came across a few that really hit me. It has to do with my relationship with Taylor. We ended our more sexual relationship back in February, and we have been pretty normal friends since. We still talk everyday, and we still do the usual gaming things together as well. The reels I saw basically said that I should realize that I am romanticizing every little thing someone is doing because I like them too much, and I feel that. I really do think I have done that. Not in the past, but in more recent days. I think it was very clear in the past that there was something going on even though it turned out to be nothing. I knew what I was getting myself into when I said I liked him. Back on track, I think I can confident say that I am over it because I forget that he hasn’t talked to me, and I don’t really feel as strongly about the things he says. A small part of me will always like him because of the things that we shared and the bond that we have, but I don’t feel a lot now. There are times where I wonder if the bond and fondness I feel for him is just one-sided, but that will have to be a conversation for another day or a conversation that will never happen. I will continue to watch over our future too because my curiosity will also remain. The curiosity of how our relationship will develop when we meet S/O’s in the future. 

Overall, I would not say that I am doing well mentally, but I am in a place that I can handle. I was also able to delete all the notes I wrote about random feelings I had when something happened with Taylor. I just haven’t really been overwhelmed by those kinds of situations, and I am happy about it. I hope that I can continue feeling content towards our friendship. 

-P 

[bylightofdawn]

So my mother stopped by and kidnapped me to 'return' a few things which turned into a multi-hour, multi-store trawl where yes, she did return a couple of items and then bought MORE shit. I mean, the walmart trip was fine, she needed dog food and then she needed new sheets for the new bed she hasn't even bought yet. And then we found out Tuesday Morning is closing down which is kinda lowkey sad because that was a part of my childhood. My grandma loved that place, so does my mom, so we went there and got more shit and then it was off to Kohls. Theoretically to pay off her Kohls card but more shopping happened. She and her husband got their tax returns. How the fuck do they get like 5K between the two of them on retirement/social security and I as a single person working 40 hours a week get like 500 bucks?

She made the fatal mistake of asking me to start ordering her some vans tennis shoes which they didn't have in her size as Kohl's that she wanted and then stopped halfway through because she has ADD so I ended up purchasing them as a mother's day gift which she doesn't know about. It won't get there in time but she legit stonewalled me when I asked her what she wanted for mother's day.

All this to say I didn't get home till after 8 and I've been trying to edit but I've only managed the first pass through. This chapter is definitely NOT getting posted today. Which, that's fine. I also ducked out and bought a couple of pork bahn mi for dinner and lunch tomorrow while she was at Kohls.

I really want to finish editing this chapter but NGL I am in a lot of pain and am struggling to keep my eyes open at this point. Fuck waking up at 8am. I did it for years but hell it's so hard to go back to waking up early. And 8 is the max, I don't know how people can wake up at 6am. My insane brother wakes up at like 4am or 5am. I don't know how he does it. Of course, he's a nutter who is working full time doing 12 hour days at the hospital, has a wife and kids AND is putting himself through his masters program so that crazy fuck is operating on 4 hours of sleep a night for the past four years. I don't know how he does it. It exhausts me just thinking about his lifestyle.

I really want to finish editing this chapter but NGL I am in a lot of pain and am struggling to keep my eyes open at this point. Fuck waking up at 8am. I did it for years but hell it's so hard to go back to waking up early. And 8am is the max for me, I don't know how people can wake up at 6am.

Yeah I think I'm just going to admit defeat and throw in the towel tonight, I'm getting nothing meaningful done here. Depending on what time I wake up tomorrow I might do a second run through before work or over lunch. Or if not, I'll just do it on Sunday. It's not like I have this firm promise of which day I will post stuff. And I hate to say it, but like other people, the lack of people really interacting with my work is a tiny bit demoralizing. Sure, I'll get some kudos but no one really seems to be commenting so it definitely feels a bit like I'm just putting my stuff out into the void.

Which, a big part of me feels like you should write fanfiction expecting praise or comments. But another part does appreciate, I guess, the acknowledgment or validation I'm not just writing for myself, if that makes sense? I dunno, it's a weird thing to try and put into words.

[myckicade]

Prompt: Ok so we all know Coco is touch starved, and would be clingy af in a relationship. What about Coco x wife!reader, while she’s trying to do basic errands/chores and Coco is her shadow?

A/N: I’ve been waiting for this one. I really have. Hee hee. I just adore Coco. <3 . This piece sort of follows the story of the last two Coco x Reader pieces I have written, but it will stand-alone, just fine. And, I swear, these things just have a mind of their own. I can continue to apologize for length, and content, but, in the end... I let the story tell itself. ;) . <3 .

As a warning, I come from Vermont, where we have a plastic bag ban. Last I knew, California was the first state to have one. I don’t know how that would translate to Santo Padre, but… When I mention fabric bags, I mean reusables, and the ban is why. ^^;;;;.

Title: Worthwhile

Teaser: He’s a little rough, your Coco, foul-mouthed, and quick to anger. Untrusting, and bitchier than a woman, on his best day. But, once you have his love, you have it. All of it.

“Okay…” you murmur, slowly, eyes scanning over the paper in front of you. Fifteen items, nothing crazy. Shouldn’t take you more than an hour, tops, and that includes travel to and from the store. “I think I’ve got everything we need… And, specials included your beer, and those little frozen cream puffs.”

Beside you, Coco groans, deep and guttural. “Fuck, I love those things.”

You giggle, but keep reading. Your man is too damn cute. “Feminine products.”

“Do those count as special?” Coco genuinely sounds thoughtful, as he steps up behind you, where you are leaning over the counter top. He wraps his arms around your waist, chin coming to rest on your shoulder. “Kinda’ a necessity, ain’t they?”

Tipping your head, you glance to your husband. Seriously. This man is a treasure. “Why don’t you run for political office?” you tease, pleased when Coco chuckles.

“Yeah, my record’ll look great, on the campaign trail.”

You shrug. “You can tackle pink tax, and tax evasion, at the same time.”

Coco grins, and steals a peck off your lips. “What else you got on there, muñeca?”

“Hmmm, let’s see…” You turn back to your list, tapping the pen against your lips, thoughtfully. Spying the next item on it, you try not to let out another giggle. He’s not going to like this one. “Letty asked if we could have that cauliflower pizza thing for dinner, tonight.”

As expected, this groan is decidedly not from food lust. “Fuckin’ vegetarians. When the hell is she gonna’ get over this shit?”

“It’s just a phase, Coco,” you remind him, for the… Well, honestly, you’ve lost track. It started shortly after the wedding, Letty’s change in diet, and you’re still not convinced the two aren’t related. You’re just not entirely sure how. But, two months in, and she’s still looking healthy, so you won’t send up any alarms. “It’s very popular at her high school, right now.”

Coco scoffs, disgusted. “When the hell’d she start copyin’ other people, anyway? My girl ain’t no follower.”

The words send a shot straight to your heart. He’s a little rough, your Coco, foul-mouthed, and quick to anger. Untrusting, and bitchier than a woman, on his best day. But, once you have his love, you have it. All of it. The love he has for Leticia is the greatest proof. They may carry on like cats and dogs, but when push comes to shove, there is nothing they won’t do for one another. My girl. It brings a warmth to your soul, and a smile to your lips.

You shake it off, enough to formulate a response. “She’s figuring out how to be her own woman. Trying new things.” You shrug, not wanting to make a big deal of it. You were Letty’s age, once, of course. And, a girl, to boot. Some things, Coco just won’t be able to understand. “It’s a process.” He hums, still disgruntled, but doesn’t push out another word. “You want anything else?” you ask, holding up your list. “I’ve gotta’ get going, before I run into the football widows.”

Before you can even take a step away, Coco tightens his arms around you. “You sure you gotta’ go, though?” he asks, leaning in to brush his lips against your neck. “With the house all to ourselves, like this?”

“If I don’t go,” you start, as Coco’s touches gain intent, becoming teasing kisses. Damn him. It feels nice, you won’t lie, but there are other things on your mind, right now. Priorities.

You’re just… having trouble remembering what they are.

Oh. Yeah. Shopping.

“If I don’t go, we won’t have anything for dinner.”

Another kiss, accompanied by a barely-there swipe of tongue. You shiver, and Coco moves his lips to your ear. “We can order in,” he whispers, breath so invitingly warm against your skin.

Oh, this asshole.

“And, what are we supposed to have for breakfast, tomorrow?” you try, again. “Half an Eggo, and a pack of Skittles?”

Coco cuddles you closer, again. “Ain’t you never heard about livin’ on love, baby?” Some of his smoothest work, that is. And, it’s almost convincing. Almost. You can imagine the afternoon ahead, if you give in. Your clothes will come off, and won’t be back on until the last second, before Letty walks back through the front door. By that time, you’ll be too tired to roll your ass off the bed, let alone go grocery shopping. And, you promised Letty you’d talk Coco into that cauliflower pizza.

“Great as that sounds,” you agree, preparing to capitalize on the truth. You ease yourself away from Coco’s stubborn hold, and give him one more smooch, just to soften the blow to come. “I don’t think Letty will appreciate the sentiment.”

A third groan. You must be going for a record. “C’mon, (y/n).” Oh, he’s whining. It’s so cute, it’s unreal. “We’ll find some place that delivers that rabbit food shit.”

Unfortunately for Coco, you’re already grabbing your bag. Lucky for you. You’re still two seconds from giving him what he wants. (He just doesn’t need to know so). “I’ll be back in a while.” God willing. “If you think of anything else, call my cell.” You rush out the front door, and don’t look back. If you see the look on your husband’s face, you know you’re as good as done.

*

Well, what the shit? Coco stares at the front door as it closes, you on the wrong fucking side of it. His arms are at his sides, palms turned toward the ceiling. That went so well. He kind of can’t believe you just walked away, like that. Left him alone, and wanting. In your big, empty house.

He probably should have volunteered to tag along, instead of just chasing you off.

Fuck.

Glancing around, Coco tries to find something to do. Something to clean, at the very least. But, that’s the trouble with having moved in with you, after the wedding, he supposes. Ain’t nothing to tidy up. Not that the three of you don’t have possessions. They’re all just in their proper places. Probably Leticia’s doing, in the end. He’d had a long talk with her, before the move, that she absolutely has to keep her shit where it belongs. Your house isn’t like their house. There aren’t burn marks in the carpet, or gouges in the coffee table. Dishes go in the damned dishwasher, not left to pile up on the counter, or in the sink. Beds get made. Laundry gets folded, and put away. No more wrinkled heaps in the clothes basket. So far, the kid’s been doing good. Real good.

Coco, though? He’s never felt so unnerved in his life.

It was different when he just visited. Spent a night or two, here or there. He’d almost felt at home, then, stupid as it sounds. At home, with the knowledge he wasn’t staying. But, now? Now, the reality has settled in, and he feels so-so�� out of place. There’s so much he’s struggling to adjust to.

You have a purified water system installed under the sink, where Coco is used to buying bottled water.

You have a dining room, where Coco and Letty are used to eating on the couch.

You have an extended cable package, whatever the fuck that is.

You kind of have it all, here, certainly by comparison to what Coco is used to. The best of everything. Which really makes him wonder – not for the first time – what the hell you’re doing with a dirt-poor biker for a husband? You’ve had this conversation, on multiple occasions, and you’ve explained yourself, every time. But, this time… This time, you’re not around to give that speech. You’re not around to hold him, and kiss his face, and reassure him in a way that only you can. No, you’re at the grocery store, shopping for Coco, and his kid, which was apparently a better offer than staying home with him.

Oh, nope. Nope, he’s doing it, again. He can feel it. You love him, he reminds himself. You’ve got his ring on your finger, his last name, and – God-willing – his baby in your belly. By choice. All by choice.

Coco takes a deep breath, in. Lets it back out, slowly. Tries not to get sick, for all the nerves coming up to greet him. He wraps one arm around his own torso, free hand moving up to cover his mouth.

Fuck, he hopes you get back, soon.

*

You let out a deep sigh, as you park your car in the garage. Oh, it is so good to be home, at long-last. Talk about Old Home Week. You’d run into everyone, and his brother, at the grocery store. Shopping had taken nearly twice as long as you’d meant for it to, and you just know Coco must be losing his mind, by now. You hate to think about it, in such terms, but, sometimes… Well, sometimes, Coco reminds you of a new puppy. You can’t really leave him alone, without some kind of separation anxiety creeping up on him.

Ah, well. At least he isn’t ripping down the drapes, and shredding the couch cushions.

You blink. Well. That you know of.

Shaking your head, you climb out of the car, mentally preparing to unload armloads of bags. Maybe, if you really, really try, today will be the day you can finally get all twenty bags in, in one trip.

Right. And, shortly thereafter, you can have both forearms set, and casted. Be a real turn-on, in the bedroom.

You’ve managed to grab half a dozen bags, when the door to the mud room opens. “Hey, don’t grab too many!” Letty warns, as she comes hopping down the steps. “Let us help!”

Glancing up, you smile. For having had such a rough start, Letty can be a sweet girl. You know she gets that from her father. “Well, thank you,” you reply, resting a few, fabric handles onto her outstretched hands.

Letty grins, lowering her hands to her sides, before leaning in. “Did you talk him into it?” she whispers, conspiratorially.

You snicker, and whisper back, “He isn’t getting a choice. He’s outnumbered.”

“Yes!” Her hiss of victory is hardly subtle, catching Coco’s attention as he pokes his head out the door.

“You two plottin’ against me, again?”

“Yes,” you and Letty reply, in unison, leading you to erupt into a fit of giggles.

Coco is all grins. “’Course, you are.” He strides closer, he and Letty dancing around one another as she moves into the house. You lean into the car, and retrieve a few more bags. If Coco’s out here, he might as well assist. He’s peering into the car, once you stand back up, and lets out a low whistle. “Damn, (y/n)! You buy out the whole store, or what?”

“Hardly,” you reply, dryly. You hold up your hands, offering Coco the bags. “Here you go.”

“Oh, don’t mind if I do.” Thankfully, your hold on the bags is solid. Instead of grabbing the groceries, Coco’s hands are suddenly groping all over you. One hand is settled firmly at your ass, the other sliding into your hair, at the back of your head. He wastes no time diving in for a slow, deep kiss, and, damn, does his timing suck. He could have at least let you put the bags down, first. The contact makes you tingle, and has you regretting your decision not to stay home. Coco pulls back, after a few seconds, and hums. “Mm. Best delivery ever.”

You can’t help the small snort of amused laughter that leaves your throat. “Good try, Coco,” you praise, easing back far enough to offer him the bags, again. The look of disappointment on his face is just pitiful. “I’m not banging you in the garage.”

He has the grace to mock gasp. “I’d never!” It’s a crock, and you both know it. He looks too amused to be repentant, and you look too aware to be angry. You just raise your hands, slightly, in a third offer. Coco sighs. “All right. All right.” He takes the bags from your hands.

“Thank you.” You grab another load for yourself, rounding the open car door to follow Coco’s lead, into the house. One more trip for each of you, and you should have it covered. So much for only buying fifteen items.

Coco might be right about buying out the store.

*

Watching from the dining room, Coco has a good view of you and Letty unpacking the last of the groceries. Damn kid, she’d thrown him out, about ten minutes prior.

“Less groping, more helping, Coco,” Letty had warned him, after he’d tried to pin you against the sink.

It had been his last warning. Now, he’s been banished. Not the worst thing in the world, not really. Over the last few weeks, he’s really learned that there are some tasks he’s not so fond of. Pruning roses… Yeah, he’s pretty sure you’ll never let him do that, again. And, hey, nobody told him what to fill the bird feeder with. Unpacking groceries goes on that list, somewhere between line-drying laundry, and a streak-free mirror. He’s not sure why. Goodness knows, it makes him feel like a kid at Christmas, most times. Since being with you, though…

Since being with you, he feels like he’s taking advantage of something.

Yes, groceries are a strange place to let that feeling land, but he can’t help it. Coco’s been responsible for feeding himself since before he cares to remember. The only time anyone provided his meals was during deployment, and half that shit barely passed for edible. You, though… You keep the house stocked with more food than he’s seen anywhere, outside of a corner market. Letty always has options to take to school, and there’s a nutritious dinner on the table, almost every night. (Some nights, he actually does win the battle for delivery). If Coco goes on a run, you send him along with snacks for the road. And, yeah, he kinda’ likes that. He also likes the energy bars you picked out for him, last week. Something with cherries, and dark chocolate. He wonders, for a second, if you picked up any more. Come in handy during his mid-week trip outta’ town.

Coco blinks. Then, he does it again, just for good measure. That’s it. That’s what’s so fucking weird about this whole thing.

It’s you.

Okay, no, it’s not you, you. But, it’s you. It’s you, taking care of him. It’s you, seeing to his needs. Letty’s needs. It’s you, being his wife, his partner. It’s you, slotting into the place of role-model for his teenaged daughter. Welcoming them into your home. Not treating it like it’s your home. It’s you, being so fucking perfect for him, it’s taken his mind all this time to catch up with reality.

Coco doesn’t get perfect. Perfect doesn’t want him.

Except, now, it does.

Before he knows what he’s doing, Coco strides into the kitchen. He doesn’t wait for you to put the box of pasta in the cupboard. He just takes it from your hand, ignoring your confused look, as he tosses it onto the counter.

“Coco!” Letty admonishes, but it’s no use. He’s already lifting you off the floor, arms around your perfect backside. The kid gives a long-suffering sigh, he hears it, but pays it no mind.

Nothing – nothing – is going to keep him from holding you in his arms.

Your own arms go around Coco’s neck, and you smile down at him, surprise still lingering in your eyes. “Uhm… Hi, there.”

Coco grins. “Hey, muñeca.” Leaning up, he pecks you on the lips.

“Can I help you with something?” you ask, to which Coco shakes his head. Closes his eyes, as your fingers play in his hair.

“Nah. Got all I need.”

*

Pulling a package of mixed vegetables from the half-unpacked shopping bag, Letty rolls her eyes. You two… God, you’re gross. Coco always has his hands on you, no matter what you’re trying to do. It’s a wonder you don’t carry a damned fly swatter around. Actually, it’s a wonder you ever accomplish anything. He’s always smooching, and smiling, and snuggling at you. It’s disgusting. It’s pathetic.

It’s so damned cute, it’s sickening.

Really, Letty’s enjoying seeing Coco so happy. Like, genuinely happy. Not the false pride he carries around with his kutte. He’s more relaxed, nowadays. He drinks less, and he spends more time at home, both of which mean he’s not hanging around with those skanks at the clubhouse. He eats more, he’s healthier… Nothing to complain about, there.

And, hey, she has no complaints about you, either. You’re pretty cool, all-around. A woman who takes care of herself, and her family, and doesn’t bitch about either one. You’re not using Coco for money, or status, none of the shit she’s always been worried her father would fall into. There aren’t arguments, every night, not even between herself and Coco, as of late. No hostilities, nothing to avoid the house over. Just good dinners, and movies, and a new fish tank in her room. (Okay, so, you’d earned some major points with that birthday gift. She hadn’t actually expected to get one, when she’d mentioned it). For the first time, she understands what a peaceful, happy family feels like. It feels nice. It feels like home.

Glancing back to where Coco now has you perched on the counter top, stealing the most syrupy-sweet smooches… Letty can’t help but smile. Home is A-okay by her.

*

The sound of the air conditioner humming in the bedroom usually lulls you right to sleep. Tonight, it’s just providing you with white noise, a low background track to your thoughts. You don’t mind, not really. It gives you a few minutes to reflect on the day that’s just ended. To plan your day, tomorrow. To weave your fingers through Coco’s hair, and listen to him breathe. That, alone, makes it worthwhile.

Coco has been asleep against your shoulder for nearly an hour, now. Your arms are wrapped around him, comfortably, his own around your waist. You’d urged him up to bed, after he’d fallen asleep on the couch, his head in your lap. He’d snoozed from the middle of the movie, to the end of the nightly news report. Letty had tsked, and complained that no one had any business, whatsoever, in falling asleep during Zombieland. (How he’d stayed asleep was still a wonder to you, both, for how hard you’d been laughing at Tallahassee). With your fingers in his hair, Coco had been blissfully unaware for a couple of hours.

Glancing down, you take in the sight of your husband’s sleeping face. He looks so damn peaceful, the kind you’d outright murder to preserve for him. Coco’s still struggling with sleep, and relaxation, even though you’d hoped it would ease up, once your nuptials had passed. Most of it, you know will never go away. Anxiety doesn’t have a magic wand, or some perfect little on/off switch. And, all things considered, today wasn’t a terrible day. You’d been able to leave the house, with minimal panic on Coco’s part. Granted, it had taken extra time to get the groceries put away, and dinner made, but… You understand, as much as you are able to, that Coco needs the reassurances. It doesn’t cost you anything to carve a few moments from the day, every here and there, to give him what he needs.

Okay, so it did cost you that first batch of pancakes, this morning. They’d burned on the stove, and set off the smoke alarms, when he’d insisted on a dance through the living room. But, Coco loved the song you’d been playing on your Spotify, so there was really no denying him.

Oh, and… Yeah, you’d missed that phone call from the bank, the week before. Your husband had slipped up next to you, on the porch swing, and snuggled you to within an inch of your life. An easy fix, and you still got the business loan, but…

And, sure, you’ve been late to work, on numerous occasions. Coco has a habit of sneaking into your morning shower. And, after that… Well, hell, you own the company. It’s not like you have to explain to the boss that you’re late to your shift, on account of baby-dancing. (Fucking forums).

Point is, you’re more than happy to take care of Coco’s emotional needs. It may take you an extra hour to pay your bills. Daily tidying may have become every-other-day-if-you’re-lucky tidying. And, your ass may have gone numb, tonight, while he slept on your thigh. During which time, you could have loaded the dishwasher. Taken out the trash. Any number of tasks that have been neglected, in the name of Coco. They can wait.

Leaning in, you press a tender kiss to your husband’s forehead, before settling back in, and closing your eyes. Yes, chores can wait. Work can wait. The whole world can hold it, with both hands. So long as you’re around, Coco’s well-being will never have to take the back seat.

*

P.S. If Coco denies it, he’s full of it. He fucking loved that cauliflower pizza. Fucking vegetarians, indeed.

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[grace13star]

“Look, there’s a reason why you are not the president and never will be.” - Wilbur Soot (Am I The Villain?, 05:36)

Hi guys it’s me, Grace, with another mini essay about c!WIlbur Soot. Assume every name is about the character and not the real people. 

So there’s this scene that a lot of people use as evidence that Wilbur is “evil” or “manipulative” to Tommy in Pogtopia. If you ask for evidence of abuse or manipulation, this is a scene they point to first. 

Its literally the worst example they could give.

I’m sure you all know the scene. Wilbur and Tommy are arguing, and Wilbur tells Tommy that he’ll never be president and that they can’t trust anyone. 

So we’re gonna talk about this scene and lay out exactly how you’re wrong using critical thinking skills. We’re gonna talk about context. We’re gonna talk about quotes. We’re gonna talk about mental illness and ableism in this community. 

Strap in.

So first of all, the context. 

In the scenes leading up to the speech, Wilbur and Tubbo are exploring the tunnel system Tubbo has built under L’Manberg that leads to Pogtopia. He specifically shows him a false path he’s built so that if Schlatt ever comes down, he won’t be led straight to the rebel hideout. 

Surprise, surprise, Schlatt and Quackity show up. 

Tommy is also there at that point, and when Tubbo and Wilbur try to get him to crouch and hide so he doesn’t reveal their location, he ignores them and starts destroying the wall that is hiding them as they try to get him to stop. “Tommy, fill in the gap. (Tommy starts breaking more) No! Tommy, fill in the gap!” -(Am I The Villain?, 4:28)

Wilbur then gives in and lets Tommy have the path open, but he tells Tommy that he doesn’t want him at Schlatt’s decree because of how irresponsible he’s being. Tommy argues, and this is when Wilbur first says “This is why you are not the president and never will be.” Harsh? Maybe, but Tommy is doing things that are risking not only his and Wilbur’s life, but Tubbo’s as well. 

Schlatt and Quackity almost follow the path to Pogtopia, but luckily, Schlatt turns back to make his decree. 

The declaration of the Manberg festival is the first time Wilbur’s point of view is questioned. He has a very black and white viewpoint throughout the entire storyline.  “It was Dream, he’s kinda the bad guy. Yeah, we’re the good guys, we’re the good guys here.” - (Wilbur’s Niki joins L'Manberg: 22:28) The festival isn’t evil and doesn’t seem like some nefarious plan (we know later that it’s just a front for Tubbo’s execution, but it’s unclear whether that was planned from the announcement or if it was added later). 

This shakes his whole worldview, and the way he reconciles what he thought with what he knows now is deciding he’s the villain. Objectively, this isn’t even close to true. Schlatt was a tyrant who over taxed and imprisoned his citizens if they spoke out against him, and Wilbur’s government never really did anything. It’s worth noting as well, that one of Wilbur’s justifications is that Schlatt was elected legally. However, a lot of tyrants and dictators in history were also elected legally. Its the actions of the governing force that make them a bad leader, not whether or not they got their power legally. 

Wilbur’s response to realizing the world is a lot more morally grey is immediately the most extreme response. He thinks they should blow up Manberg and completely raze it. 

While Wilbur, in this video, claims that its because he can’t have it, he truly believes that Manberg is what caused conflict, and if he takes out Manberg, the conflict will disappear. This is confirmed by a Reddit analysis post that Wilbur reponded “Any truers” too.  Wilbur also says this directly in the video. “Do you know what would happen if we get L’Manberg back, Tommy? More blood would be shed.” -(Am I The Villain?, 18:56)

Now we get to the part that people claim is manipulation. 

First thing I’d like to say is this: look up what manipulation means for the love of god. Stop using buzzwords you don’t know the meaning of. 

This has become a problem with the meme “gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss,” where people joke about serious topics like manipulation and abuse and confuse it with completely normal things to do. I’ve seen so many people claim something is gaslighting only for it to be a character saying their opinion. It’s tiring, guys. 

Anyways, with this specific scene, people point to the part where Wilbur says “Everyone who’s claiming to be on our side? They’re lying to us! Tubbo? He’s lying to you, man!” - (Am I The Villain?, 20:27) 

This is not manipulation. 

This post explains it in a lot more depth (check it out, it’s very well written, thank you @the-redeemed-anon​), but to sum it up: manipulation requires coersion, intention, and withholding of truth. While Wilbur is trying to coerce Tommy, he does not lie to him, and that makes this persuasion and not manipulation. 

This scene, in my opinion, is just an extremely stressed, paranoid, and self deprecating man lashing out at one cause of his stress. Villainizing this scene and calling a perfectly normal emotional response manipulation and evil is not...great? Yes, he hurt Tommy. Yes, it was unfair of him, but I’ve had responses like this in real life and I didn’t have the stress of almost being killed hanging over me. It’s honestly surprising he didn’t lash out further. 

So how is this ableist?

Wilbur is a character with clear mental illnesses. He is paranoid, depressed, self-deprecating, and suicidal. There are no mental health resources on the server (at the time), no therapy or drugs, or anything that could help him. Even before exile he was under so much stress that any time he was alone he would scream and cry into his pillow. 

During L’Manberg, he kept all the bad parts of himself to the times when he was alone. Then, he was exiled and couldn’t hide it any longer. He starts lashing out and reacting in the only way he knows how, in the only way he can. 

The villain narrative only started appearing after this. 

There’s a stereotype in society that is especially prevelant in this community of calling mentally ill characters who don’t react in “good” ways insane or crazy. I see it literally every day. “Wilbur went insane and blew up L’Manberg.” “Wilbur was crazy.” Even the characters in roleplay call him that. I’ve even seen people claim that he is “a psychopath.”

It’s just plain and simple ableism. 

For one, using the terms “insane” or “crazy” especially in analysis is a good way to show you don’t know what you’re talking about. They’re too vague for actual analysis, and don’t actually describe anything about the character. Not to mention all of the stereotypes caught up in those words. Basically all of modern media uses it as a synonym for evil, especially horror movies. 

People seem to villainize Wilbur to an extreme degree all the time, even more so then other villains of the story. 

Dream, is a character who started most of the major conflicts of the server (Disc War, L’Manberg War, exile, Doomsday), blackmailed a neighboring country and threatening to imprison their people unless they exiled Tommy, abused and manipulated Tommy into almost committing suicide, planned to steal people’s things, pets, and even Skeppy so he could hold it over their heads and control them, and many other things, is excused because “Tommy was annoying” or because “we just don’t see his perspective.”

I personally don’t see Technoblade as a villain, I’m putting him on the list because he’s done much worse than Wilbur and he’s not called a villain most of the time, which shows the double standard people have for Wilbur. While Wilbur just blew up a country with only some property damage, Techno spawned multiple Withers, and then went out of his way to kill people, chasing after them and stopping them from killing the Withers. He then also helped Dream when he blew up L’Manberg again, with a lot more property damage than Wilbur’s explosion.

So why have people who have done worse things been excused while Wilbur has been villified?

You know why. 

People constantly make Wilbur worse than he ever was. I can’t tell you how many “Abusive Wilbur Soot” tags I’ve seen. People make up headcanons where he hit Tommy. Artists draw him looming over Tommy, being physically imposing or creepily touchy-feely. People make up claims that he manipulated and gaslit people. 

And the name “Vilbur”. Why. 

Too many people have tried to use Vilbur to seperate Wilbur from his Pogtopia self. They say he has “versions” of himself. They try to make them seperate people. Even Phil does this in rp, saying he wants his “real son” back. Wilbur is Wilbur. His mental illnesses are a part of him. He’s not a fake him for acting on his emotions. He’s not a different person. Like I don’t see how people don’t see that it’s ableist. 

Wilbur was not a great guy. He was an antagonist He made a lot of bad decisions that affected a lot of people negatively. But he’s not a bad guy. He’s not a villain.

Stop it. 

Sincerely, a tired psychology student

(Thanks to @kateis-cakeis​ for your amazing quote post, ily you’re doing god’s work)

[kaijurakunsobs]

If requests are open could you do a Heisenberg fic with a teen or young adult reader(no older than 20 please) who stumbles into the village trying to get away from their parents and after they get attacked by Lycans Heisenberg patches them up and takes them in trying to hide them from his sister and mother miranda. Could you please do it with an AFAB reader who doesn’t identify as female? I am currently dealing with borderline verbal abuse from my conservative father who doesnt like that though I am AFAB I don’t identify as female.

first, baby, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I know how bad and mentally taxing that kind of living situation can get, I was in a similar situation and somehow managed to pull through.

you are not alone, you are loved and I hope everything gets better, never forget that it's you who defines yourself, your self worth should NEVER be defined by others

All you can think is...how cold everything is around you, how the freezing air burns your skin and lungs, but, you have endured something worst, physical pain can be healed with time, emotional and psychological pain is what hurts the most, what feels eternal and haunting, it coils around you, it grows and never let's go, like being branded, it leaves marks that never go away.

Running aimlessly through the snow feels like nothing.

What made you get out of the car?

Was it anger?

Desperation?

Does that even matter anymore?

You can't hear their voices anymore, so that's a win.

Farther away you see smoke and fain lights, distant sounds beckoning you closer to that place, and you let yourself smile widely when the silhouette of someone standing so close to you, you could get help, start somewhere new, be happy!

But it's so short-lived, that you question if there's divine retribution, karma, or just the universe laughing in your face.

Your "savior" is covered in blood, a man with a perpetual expression of agony lays in the snow, dead. The monster turns to you and finally the cold freezes you where you stand, it's not alone, and all the other creatures are looking at you, dark soulless eyes fixated on their new prey.

You have felt like that before under his gaze like if you were vermin, it made you furious how you were treated and consider as something lesser than a person. These things look at you the same like you are just a speck of dust in their path, and maybe you are, if the mangled body is any indication that taking a life will be nothing for them.

You see it from the corner of your eye, one of them lunges for you, and then? everything is a blur.

You remember kicking and punching wildly, adrenaline making you forget about the pain of the bites and scratches, there are memories of you running and using something to smash the head of one of the monsters, a rock, perhaps? But in the end, cold, blood loss, and exhaustion are enough to bring you to your knees. One of them grabs a fistful of hair and roars in your face and you know, that, this is it, you fought and did your best, but this is the end of your travesty...so much for your new life of freedom.

"Get the fuck away...I SAID FUCK OFF!" his voice is so loud that it makes you whimper and recoil "LET GO, CAN'T YOU HEAR ME? LET GO, DAMN IT!" the smell of blood and a warm liquid hits you hard, but at least you are free, letting your body hit the snow

"What do we have here?...this one is alive, but ya ain't from around here, do you?" he's smoking and something small and silly wants you to tell him that smoking is bad, which makes you smile so softly "...Interesting"

Heisenberg rarely gets intrigued by anything, he hasn't found anything to spark his curiosity in so long, so of course, he had to come and see what was causing such a commotion. What he thought to be a villager, fist fighting the lycans so valiantly, turned out to be a teenager, he saw you from afar,  furiously kicking lycan after lycan, you didn't even notice the growing red spots in your clothes and the black eye, it was survival and feral like behavior. Truly interesting.

Now, what made him pick you up with care? years from today he will say it was just "Scientific interest kiddo! nothing more", but, it's the pain in your face that makes him act so soft, it's not the agony brought by your wounds, this goes deeper, it's different and he knows it very well.

Under normal circumstances, he would have taken you to Moreau, but he knows the loud mouth will give you to that bitch Miranda and that will be it for you. Dimitrescu is OUT of the equation, so does Beneviento, hell knows what her psychotic ass would do to you. So he brings you back to his home and takes time to clean your wounds, true, his stitching abilities are amazing...on corpses, and a lack of anesthesia and your occasional movements makes it hard for him to stitch you properly, but by the end of everything, you are bandaged and clean, isn't that the important part?

He’s done his part, the rest is on you. If you had the strength to fight and even kill a lycan, you might live to see another day

How long were you out?

You are warm and so fucking sore, cracking your eyes open is a big task and even harder to sit up in the bed you are laying on. The room is black and smells like tobacco, oil, and something you can’t place but it’s nice.

Barefoot and curious you start to get up, wincing deep and loud when pain floods your body, but you get up non-less, you feel the cold air hit your legs, and immediately pull down the shirt to cover yourself. Then it fully clicks, the jagged memories of what happened slaps you in the face and make you lose your footing, falling back on the bed you pry the shirt off from your body, you see bandages and patches placed on smaller wounds, your head is killing you and your right eye hurts like crazy.

With small breathes you pull the shirt back on and force your body to get up and investigate the room. There are piles of clothes and pieces of paper everywhere, picking one of the pants you sigh, these are yours, but they have been destroyed either by the beasts or by however brought you here. Looking around there’s nothing more, time to go out.

The only door leads you to an open room, the kitchen and living room placed together, in one of the sofas you can see someone laying down, their chest rising and falling softly, their face obscured by an old hat.

You try to be as quiet and sneaky as possible when getting back into the room “Where do you think you are going, kid?” his voice is thick with sleep but the sound is enough to make you yelp, slamming your shoulder against the door frame, the man jumps up and in a couple of strides he’s beside you “Can you more fucking careful? the stitches gonna get open and if you get an infection I ain’t risking my neck to get you meds”

He’s a bit taller than you with squared and wide shoulders, his face is stern and it seems like he’s annoyed about something, is it you? Did you anger him? You try to remember what could you have done to make him so mad but nothing comes to you, is not like you remember much, and what you do, is better to be left forgotten.

Heisenberg has seen many people look at him with fear, reverence even, but he has never been in the receiving end of a look like yours, he has to close his eyes for a second, carefully grabbing your wrist and dragging you to the kitchen, almost forcing you to take a seat in on of the wobbly chairs he owns.

“Well now that you are back with us, I can finally cook something to eat. You must be starving! I would too after the way you fought back there” he lets out a howl while he busies himself with pulling ingredients for whatever he’s cooking “I saw ya, you know? That was one hell of a show and I know about putting up good entertainment, you gave those lycans a good beating”

Lycans? So those things have names...uuuh, who would have thought.

"What's your name kid?" you get pulled out of your mind by his voice and the smell of cooking eggs, for a moment you wonder and think, that this is the time to be addressed by YOUR name "...I'm Y/N, sir"

"Cut the sir bullshit, you ain't trying to impress nobody here, you can call me Heisenberg, Karl if you wanna get my attention quickly, got it?"

"Yes...Heisenberg?"

He's rather harsh from what little you have seen of him, but he's careful when serving you breakfast, a steady hand serves you tea and makes quick work of a loaf of bread, whit that you two eat in relative silence, he eats like a wolf and that's enough to make you hide a smile.

"Once you are...better..." he's speaking between bites, eew "I'm taking you to get some new clothes, staying here ain't gonna be free, ok?" with his fork pointing at you he waits and continues without you answering "I'll have to teach you...that's gonna take time..."

"I'm a faster learner!"

Heisenberg laughs at the offended tone in your voice, taking a big gulp from his mug once he stops "I like ya kid, there's a fire in you and I respect that, we gonna get along"

It takes you almost 2 weeks to fully recover and be able to move without crying out in pain. On the day he announces that he must take off your stitches, he's kind when pulling on the thread, talking about how that same day he's taking you to the seamstress cuz he's "done" having you wear his stuff.

The seamstress in the Village seems flabbergasted when "Lord Heisenberg" comes into her house, demanding she makes you good sturdy pants and easy to move in shirts. From that sole visit is enough for people to call you "Heisenberg's assistant" whenever you are sent to the village or just went spotted by anyone. The Duke, the merchant that sometimes you have found yourself talking to, does nothing but fuel the rumor, people already fear Heisenberg on a god day, now they fear you might be spying for him.

You would be lying by saying that, Heisenberg is a normal man, he's flamboyant and loud, filled with pride, and what you can describe as...showmanship, he speaks with passion when explaining to you the ins and outs of the factory. He's always close, never breathing down your neck, just close enough to hear if you need help.

The first time you see him use his gift is the most embarrassing and awkward moment of your life.

You are working on some molds for pieces he needs to make from scratch, he taught you where you should work on that, away from whatever lurks in the lower areas of the factory. You were so engrossed in getting the mold out perfectly, tongue sticking out and heavy gloves helping you to pry open the damn thing open, you don't even jump when a hand lands on your shoulder, but you do when the ghoulish face of a corpse appears beside you.

He's running the second he hears you, a high pitched sound tearing through the noise of the machinery, he sees you bolting it towards him and a Zwei Soldat quickly catching up with you, the drill in its arm too close to your back, the moment you are close enough he pulls you towards and behind him, a metal sheet flying to the thing and beheading it in an instant.

"Kid...Kid, look at me, hey, eyes on me" you are not crying, there's no blood anywhere and nothing seems to be missing, you seem more startled than anything else, but you listen to him, concentrated on him and his voice "Y/N, it's ok kid, I'm here"

Then it happens, you let it slip. "Thanks...thanks dad"

You feel him go tense, the hands-on your shoulders shake for a second and embarrassment comes crashing down on you, you are ready for him to yell or push you away and order you to see if the mold is still useful, but he pulls you close, patting your back like you never said anything.

There are days when you can hear him talking on the phone, his voice growing irritated, and his explosive temper getting worst.

You are curled up in the crawlspace that he turned into your room, listening to him talking with someone, he sounds exasperated and nervous. This time he takes longer to come out from his room, a new cigar in his mouth and hammer over his shoulder, usually, he would tell you that he's leaving for a couple of hours, this time he's just there, tapping his foot and sparing quick glances at you.

"Get your coat, we need to leave"

That's new...he never takes you with him to wherever he goes, but you don't feel like arguing and do as he says, slipping your boots on and grabbing your coat.

Heisenberg is unusually quiet this time, only the snow crunching under your feet make enough sound to fill in the void, he takes you farther from the village and into a rundown church, you can hear new voices and the unforgettable sounds of the lycans snarling.

Inside the candlelight is soft and cast strange shadows of the people already waiting inside. There's a woman in a white dress that probably towers over you, another lady dressed in black and her covered, she sits in a corner with a creepy doll on her lap, and finally, a shy man who battles to cover himself with the torn cloth of his jacket.

"Is this why mother Miranda called us? Did you brought a new toy and never informed her? what a bad dog you are Heisenberg"

"Non of your business, Dimitrescu" Karl does everything to keep you behind him, away from the doll or the twisted man, but especially from the woman, Dimitrescu as he called her.

From where you stood, you could see how beautiful and regal she is, sitting with grace and a sarcastic smile plastered on her face. Noticing you, she moved slightly to get a better look, narrowing her eyes, making you feel small and like food. Before she can't even speak the sound of feathers caught your attention, giving Karl enough time to guide you to one of the pews, making you take a seat beside him.

The four adults greeted the new woman, the infamous mother Miranda, you have heard about her in the village and through small stories shared by the Duke, but mostly, you have heard Heisenberg curse the woman and call her every single name under the sun.

"Usually I wouldn't care for what my children do in their dominions, but, Karl, I must say I'm disappointed in you...to hide this child and avoid telling us?"

"I apologize, Miranda, the right opportunity never came" ooooh he's pissed

"I say you take his toy, Mother Miranda, and if possible, give me that lovely lady to me?" at that your gut twist uncomfortably, it's been some time since you were...addressed like that

"Excuse me?" Heisenberg cocks his head to the side, looking at Dimitrescu over his shades "Are you talking about my SON?"

"YOUR SON?! Don't make laugh, child, I can smell the sweet maiden blood running through her veins, that's a lady not one of your dirty lycans"

"And you are bitch no matter how well you dress!"

"ENOUGH!" Miranda's voice breaks them apart, everyone looking at her "Care to elaborate, Heisenberg?"

Karl takes a second to take a drag from his cigar and blow a cloud of some into the air "I found Y/N here, they fought hard to survive and I took them in, just like Alcina, and her lovely daughters...I decided it was my time to have a child of my own"

"That doesn't change the fact that you brought an outsider and didn't inform mother, and now you are trying to do what exactly? have...them...play house with you?"

"Lady Dimitrescu, that's enough" she's looking at you, mother Miranda in staring, and Heisenberg as a hand on your back, suddenly you are hyper-aware of everything, the sounds and smells, the movements each person in the room does, the way the candles flicker "I allow it, may this never happen again, Heisenberg. Next time there will be consequences"

You feel like passing out after that, the screams of Dimitrescu and the doll get drown by the ringing in your ears, everything keeping you together is Heisenberg's hand on yours cursing up a storm as he pulls you along with him.

The cold air feeling nice against your burning skin.

"Kid? I think you are ready" you are halfway through the trek back to the factory when he speaks again

"Ready for what?"

"To be introduced to the Heisenberg family true work, of course! What kind of father I would be if I don't involve you in our family's business"

You trip with your feet hearing him say that, so...he meant it? what he said in the church...that you are his son?

"Come on Y/N, I won't go easy on you because you are my kid now, quick quick"

Catching up to him is easy and you feel at peace when one of his arms wraps around you, he begins to talk about how many things he's gonna teach you and how exciting is to have a young mind to shape.

For the first time, you are eager to get back home.

[flareish]

Overwhelmed

kuroo x reader

summary: With so many deadlines coming up the reader is overwhelm and buried in work and can’t help but to lash out. However, Kuroo is always there to pull her back

genre: college AU, fluff, pinch of angst

word count: 1.5k

warnings: none I think

a/n: I have been trying to make all of my requests gender neutral but sometimes I slip up and throw in she/her pronouns so tell me if you notice any that I didn’t catch. Enjoy!

The teachers were out to get you, you were sure of it. You push yourself every day to be the best, to be ahead of everything, all the assignments, all of your classmates just so you could possibly enjoy college as well as have good grades. But what did that get you? Impossibly high expectations. Suddenly everyone around you expected you to ace every test you did and just pull perfect essays out of nowhere. Which is exactly what just happened. You had been working on an essay all night. It hadn’t been your best work but your brain just couldn’t make anything better. That was all you had. You were almost at your limit with no end in sight. Then, despite all your hard work, your teacher handed it back to you saying that “this wasn’t the best I could do and that I shouldn’t start slacking off now”. She thought she was being helpful but right now you wanted to do was strangle her. Sure you could do better. If you didn’t have eight more assignments to do after this. Each one more mentally taxing than the next. But it’s fine, let me just rewrite this essay.

Why couldn’t you just be the kind of person who didn’t care? Or rather had given up caring. They probably learned their lesson that when you try you don’t get the reward you get more work. Why couldn’t you just not care too?

Deciding to jump back into your workload, you sit down at your desk in your dorm and begin to type. Words were kind of flowing. They weren’t exactly coherent thoughts but at least it was something to work with. As if your day couldn’t get any worse, your roommate comes barging in with three of their friends. 

“Oh oops didn’t realize you were studying in here Y/N.” Your roommate said, not actually making an effort to be any quieter though. Shooting back a quick tight smile, not wanting to be rude but also just wanting them to leave. You were hoping they were just grabbing something and then would leave but they went and sat on the bed and turned the TV on. 

You made a show of checking the time before loudly announcing that you were suppose to meet someone at the library. As much as you wanted to be petty and make them feel guilty for interrupting your study time, it was just easier to just leave. 

“I don’t think I’ve seen them do anything except study. Talk about too school for cool.” You heard one of them joke as you left.

“Ugh tell me about it. You wouldn’t believe what time they goes to bed.” Your roommate adds. You roll your eyes and trying to ignore the comments. Is it really that crazy that you’re actually trying to learn at a place where you pay crazy amounts to be taught? You were just so done.

Luckily the library was fairly quiet since it had gotten quite late. You settled into your favorite spot and got to working. Although no matter how hard you tried nothing came to you. There was one sad paragraph on your screen, you must have reread it a million times hoping to spark some kind of inspiration from it. Nothing. Your brain kept drifting off on you and you would end up staring across the library without a single thought in your head. The time just kept slipping by. The more that went the more panicky you got. This was a time that you should be working but you just couldn’t. And of course the more desperate you got for inspiration, the more it avoided you. 

You just let your head drop and hit the table. You were so done. You just wanted to scream. There was no one you could talk to either. Recently anyone that talked to you got snapped at. They were just all so calm and relaxed despite all of the work that has been coming in lately. Here you were, drowning in it, and they were happily swimming. Just the other day you and Kuroo had an argument over homework. He’s taking one of the hardest chemistry classes and he was there telling you it was going to be okay?! It just felt insulting. You knew he didn’t mean it like that but couldn’t he at least pretend to struggle? Damn you boyfriend for being so smart.

You really wanted Kuroo right now. 

As if summoned by your thoughts, you felt hands slide onto your shoulders. You tense up kinda freaked out at who is touching you until you see that it’s him. Kuroo. For a moment you wanted to just throw yourself at him and forget about your homework. But then you remember your argument and how you’ve been a monster lately and resist. He’s having none of that though and keeps his hands on you.

“How long have you been here.” He asks gently. You glance at your computer and notice that it’s almost 3 am.

“What are you doing here?! It’s 3 am.” You say startled at the fact it had gotten that late and that he was also up that late. Usually, he is asleep by ten.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He replies as he straightens and starts packing up your things.

“Uh- Hey! Wait no- give me that! I’m not done yet.” You try and snatch back your stuff but he gives you a stern look and you sink back into your seat. You suddenly realize how tired you are and surrender. He’s finished putting everything away and throws the strap of your back over his shoulder. Prepared to carry your bag for you. Now you feel drained. Your limbs all feel heavy that it’s exhausting to even think about getting up.

“Come on let’s get you back to your dorm.” He mumbles pulling you up by your hand. You let him, flying up from your seat and onto your feet. You land right in his chest and you don’t want to go anywhere but here. For the first time in weeks, you feel calm and secure.

“Can I just stay here for a minute,” Your voice cracks as tears slip down your face. He didn’t say anything, he just wrapped his arms around you and hugged you close to his body. In this moment you felt nothing but love. The relief and comfort you felt was enough to make you cry harder. You don’t know how long you were stood there but no matter how long it was Kuroo never once rushed you. He just let you let it out. Once he saw that you had calmed down he gently pull back, bringing a hand to your cheek to wipe away any stray tears.

“You ready to head back now?” He asked again, planning on walking you back to your dorm.

“I don’t wanna,” You pout, “There’s a ton of people in there and I don’t wanna see any of them.” You are still salty at your roommate and their rude friends.

“Do you want to come to my dorm?” He asks, “Kenma was passed out when I left so it should be quiet.” You nod. You feel him put your backpack on you and you’re confused. You were kind of hoping he would take your backpack for you. You know be a gentleman and all. Then he squats down in front of you. 

“Hop on.” This was pretty normal for the two of you so despite your sleepiness you bounce up onto his back. He adjusts you higher on his back before leaving the library. Waving to library worker on the late shift who giggled at the two of you. 

You snuggled your face into his neck and loosely wrapped your arms around his neck. His footsteps seemed to lull you like a lullaby. You fell into a weird state as your body sleeping but your mind was awake. Hearing everything clear as day but the thought of opening your eyes or moving a muscle seeming impossible. 

You start waking up more when you realize that you have made it to his dorm, letting him toss you down on the bed. You throw your backpack off to the side and head straight for under the covers.

“Ah ah! You’re in dirty clothes,” he gently complains, no real bite behind it. You grumble but let him pull you over to the edge of the bed. You had been so close to sleep. He slides your shirt over your head and replaces it with one of his hoodies. Only then once you’re in his clean clothes does he let you snuggle back into his bed. This time with him in there as well. 

“Goodnight my love.” You finally slip into a peaceful state. You still had a lot of work to do but at least for tonight you will rest without worry. Tomorrow you know you need to make up with Kuroo but you know he could never stay mad at you. Come the morning you know Kuroo will help you with everything. He’s finished giving you space, now you’re stuck with him.

[yandere-sins]

Hi!! I loved your recent Sakusa work sm! It was so good and intense and you did a great job!! I was wondering, if the requests & prompts are still open can you do board games & diary for either Sakusa or Atsumu! I’m fine with either one <3

Sorry, I am just too much into both to separate them! Enjoy some good ol’ manipulated double-teaming!

Board games - “Don’t say such means things.. it breaks my heart to put you back in those locks.” 

Diary - “My pet should hold no secrets from their owner and vice versa.”

»»———————— ♡ ————————««     

It was a hard pill to swallow, but you had to admit that you were growing desperate.

For more than a week now, you had been in the clutches of these two maniacs, had to live through ups and downs with them and alone. Yet, there still didn’t seem to be any signs of an end to this nightmarish episode you were going through. Slowly but surely, this meant you were desperate for change. For something - anything! - to happen, just so all of this would finally end.

You found yourself desperate for the comfort of a bed, the privacy of your own toilet, the warmth of a sweater. Sometimes your mouth remembered your favorite dishes, and your heart remembered the feeling of hugging someone dear to you. And, every time you found yourself craving the same as you had before your life went downhill, all you were faced with were two psychos using your needs for their own gain.

At least, that’s what you thought about this situation.

“Come on! It’s good!” Atsumu tried to make the spoon of soup palatable for you, as he had for the last two days. He did his best, but his best wasn’t good enough for you. Lips pressed together into a thin line, you kept avoiding the spoon, going as far as to dodge and move out of the way of his reach. You’d rather fall to the floor than sit on this couch and eat the damn soup, you decided. Were you not too afraid of the other ghost in this apartment, you would have tried making a run for the hallway and the front door, but they were too unpredictable.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me,” you sobbed, the frown on your face holding back the tears you felt burning in your eyes ever since you woke up in this place. “We’ve been friends since our childhood! But I guess I didn’t mean anything to you.”

Finally slipping out of his grip, you fell to your knees, the cold, hard parquet being as unwelcoming as you felt. Atsumu’s disgruntled deep breath was absolutely unjustified how you found. After all, he wasn’t the one being held captive against his will. Of all the people, you were the only one allowed to showcase your discontent like that.

Next to you, Atsumu set down the bowl of soup on the coffee table, a strong, firm grip reaching down to the rope binding your wrists behind your back. Anything was better than letting him do as he pleased. Kicking, screaming, and biting if necessary! But by now, you two were playing a meager game of who was stronger, the lack of sustainable food and rest being one reason why you didn’t always have the upper hand in these situations; thus, he pulled you up on the couch again easily.

“Don’t say such mean things... you mean everything to me, [Name].”

This assurance was least helpful to the constant anxiety raging through you. Before all this, you had trusted Atsumu with everything. You’d been the best friend one could have, got along well with his family. It had been bold of you to assume that he was capable of anything beyond complaining to and nagging you, but you always hoped that he’d one day come to understand the feelings you harbored for him.

But not like this. You didn’t want to be loved by him like this.

“Be nice, or I’ll have to put you back in those metal locks. It would break my heart, and you don’t like them either, do ya?”

You shivered just from thinking about the chains clasping around your wrists and ankles, cold and tight. You hated them, just as much as the cage you had been stuck in for the first few nights. Everything kept you in place. You couldn’t even turn if you wanted. It was followed by constant pain, and having someone treat you like a caged animal rather than a human while you were in there, was only the cherry on top.

Compared to that, just hanging out in the living room with ropes around your wrists was freedom. “No,” you whispered, the fight not having disappeared from your voice, and you were relieved to still have it in you. “See?” Atsumu sighed, pulling you back on the couch and between his legs, arms wrapping around you and keeping you pressed up against him. “It’ll be fine,” he mumbled, kissing the back of your head.

“Just don’t upset him.”

“Upset who?” another voice echoed through the room as if on cue. Instinctively your eyes followed the sound to the kitchen. Through the connecting door to the hallway, Sakusa entered, newspaper in hand and seemingly reading an article on it. “Nobody,” Atsumu was quick to avert, but you had felt the slight flinch he made when his partner spoke up.

“Did they eat?” Sakusa asked, unbothered by the angry glare you sent him and Atsumu’s lie, setting down both paper and coffee mug on the kitchen counter before shifting his attention to you. Three long steps were all he needed to approach the couch from behind, fingers flitting up your throat and to your jaw as he grazed you with a short glance before eyeing the bowl on the table.

“Done with work?” Atsumu asked, pressing you possessively closer to him, but it wasn’t like he could upset Sakusa with his doings, even if it was his intention. “Taxes, Atsumu, but yes. They didn’t eat?”

At that, Atsumu finally had to admit defeat, sighing and averting his eyes to some point in the room but far away from you or his partner. Sakusa let out the same sound, though quieter and with a shook of his head before rounding the couch and grabbing the bowl himself. “Why won’t you eat?” he asked, directing his questions to you now. “You should be thankful for the food you are given.”

“I don’t want it,” you replied, as confident as you could. The truth was that whenever your eyes met, you felt as if any strength you had was pulled from you. It may have been due to the fact you had argued and pleaded with this man for the first few days of your kidnapping, but out of the two, Sakusa was the one that scared you more than your childhood friend who had no backbone, joining forces with this madman.

Letting the soup slide over and from the spoon a few times, Sakusa eventually took a small sip of it, his thoughts hidden well behind the indifference in his expression. “There’s no reason for you to not eat it. It’s completely fine.”

“I don’t want it since it’s you giving it to me.”

Silence raked through the room while Atsumu shuffled behind your back, pressing you closer again. For a moment, you thought this time, it might be to protect you, rather for his own pleasure, and you were quick to realize why. “Are you an idiot?” was Sakusa’s short yet meaningful reply to your defiance, his face scrunching up into disbelieve. “Other people would be happy to have this kind of luxury of being fed.”

“Omi...” Atsumu tried to settle the rising dispute, but a raised hand from his teammate was enough to shut him up uncomfortably. “I’m not other people,” you spoke up for yourself, trying to stay calm and not let him agitate you. “After all, I have to be locked up with you two crazy bastards.”

This time, the silence felt like an eternity. As if it was slowly but surely cutting through your body as if you were butter. Perhaps, you had been too comfortable simply refusing and struggling against them for the last two days, so your mind had already started to forget about the horror you were living in.

“So that’s what you think about us,” was all that Sakusa hissed back at you, his eyes drilling into your psyche like nails. Behind you, Atsumu opened his mouth again, perhaps to set you straight, but no word ever left him, Sakusa being faster than him. “No, it’s fine. A pet should hold no secrets from their owner and vice versa.”

You didn’t expect him to be the first one to avert his eyes, Sakusa’s gaze wandering back to the door in the back of the living room, the very same one you had woken up in before. The one that was filled with ‘your’ kennel and restraints and an unbelievable amount of deprecation. “So I will be very honest with you too.”

Next thing you knew, Sakusa was up again, having reached for your hands still locked between yours and Atsumu’s body. This time, when you fell to the floor, it was anything but controlled, your ass being the first to hit the resistance of the ground, and you gasped in pain as your shoulder slammed into the coffee table. There wasn’t enough time to grasp how your body hurt at that moment, the back of your shirt being tugged at, the fabric pressing into your throat at the front as you were dragged over the floor gasping for air.

“You will be thankful for what we do for you in the future. You don’t have any choice. Until then, you’ll stay in your cage and think about your behavior. Don’t even think about making a ruckus, or you won’t live to see what I will do to you, do you understand?”

Instantly, the dread of feeling the cold, uncomfortable bars against your body made your heart drop in your chest. You couldn’t even get used to the darkness in the boarded-up room without sunlight from the windows when you already heard the lock fall into place.

“No! NO!” you cried out, forgetting all about his warning and slamming yourself towards the only source of light coming from the open door to the living room. “Don’t leave me here again! Please!”

It was pathetic. Using big words just seconds prior to this, and yet, here you were pleading with him to spare you the agony of this place. But despite not wanting to be here, in this apartment, you had a special dislike of being confined in this cold, tiny space all by yourself. You’d rather hang out on the couch, unproductively watching TV with Atsumu all weekend long than having to listen to the clicking of the clock as the only companion you had in this room. You, actually begging to not be left here, was just proof of how desperate you were, scared of the anxiety and degradation you had experienced last time.

“You’ll have enough time to think about your behavior here,” Sakusa sighed, annoyed by your screams. “Learn your place.”

“I do! I know... I just...”

“You know nothing.”

“Omi...” you suddenly heard from the door. Unsure, gripping onto his own arm, Atsumu stood there, the light revealing a conflicted expression playing on his face. “That’s just... It’s too much, man,” he mumbled, and Sakusa let out another deep sigh.

“I told you it wouldn’t be easy, Atsumu. You can still get out if you don’t think you can do it, but don’t pull me down with you. I won’t tell anyone about your involvement if that worries you.”

Standing up, Sakusa seemed to glide out of the shadow, approaching Atsumu who’s gaze shifted from you to his partner in crime. “I’ll take good care of them,” Sakusa promised, though his voice was so indifferent, you had trouble believing that he meant it. “No...” Atsumu eventually spoke up after a moment of contemplation. “I love them just as much- No, I love them more than you. I can’t leave now.”

“Then you understand that this is necessary, right?”

For the first time, as you looked into Atsumu’s eyes, you felt the hints of pity come over you, your old friend looking like a beaten dog next to Sakusa. You barely could believe that Atsumu listened to the manipulative words of someone who should have no rule over your both lives. Someone who didn’t hide how toxic he was at all, but it seemed like Atsumu ate out of his hand as Sakusa held it out to him.

One hand patting Atsumu’s shoulder, Sakusa turned around to you, his scolding, suppressing gaze making you lose all hope of escaping this. He reached for the doorknob, and the only thing you could do was try to reach out, fingers curling into the bars of the kennel, your voice cracking as you called out, “Atsu--”

But you were cut off by the darkness now filling the room, seeping into your throat through your open mouth as you wanted to call out to your childhood friend to save you. Because he loved you, he said so himself. His reason to be here was you, so he was as good as anyone to protect you from this hell you found yourself in. You were desperate enough to even believe in him after everything Atsumu did to you.

Only, what you hadn’t realized so far, was that he had been manipulated into this, as Sakusa was now trying to do to you.

And perhaps, that meant there was no saving for either of you.

[gatecoeur]

hey so, i’m now officially gonna make a slow return onto here - it’s been well over a month, and frankly i missed being on here. i guess i should give a lil update on my life for those who care, but i’ll get the rp parts outta the way first and put the rest under read more.

TL;DR, other than the starters people have written for me that i’ve yet to reply to, i’m dropping all my threads. i just really need a fresh start right now, and given that i’m going into a Master’s degree that’s in the English department, i’m not sure how well i’m going to be able to keep up with my more plot-heavy threads. i hope people see this as an opportunity to throw new ideas at me, and i hope to interact with some of the people who’ve recently followed me, so i feel like starting anew is the best way to go about it. 

for those who’ve left me asks, i’ll do my best to work through them. i may have to delete some, especially if they’re in reference to things that happened while i was gone, so please don’t take it personally. i’m just trying to take things at my own pace and time. i hope you all understand.

now, onto where the fuck i’ve been this past month and a bit.

so, back in late July, i was faced with a situation i was hoping i wouldn’t have to deal with, but nonetheless had anticipated - in searching for a place to live in for the school year with friends, they all bailed out on me. all their reasons were valid, but it put a crazy amount of stress on me, because i was already dealing with trying to get myself a car and the insurance for it. so i poured all of my energy into finding a place before i’d be forced to settle on a room i’d hate. 

for two weeks, i had to travel between my home city and the city the university was in to do viewings, which typically was a full day sort of ordeal. not that i didn’t do so beforehand with my friends, but it was taxing and frankly costed me a decent amount of money, especially when a lot of the places i initially looked at were incredibly shitty. i am so fortunate that i found the place i’m in now - sure, the room’s small, but the place is newly renovated, the rent’s cheaper than everywhere else i looked at, my roommates are very nice people, and it’s close to the university. 

when i had that out of the way though, i still had to deal with getting a car. my mom had been flip-flopping for WEEKS about whether or not she wanted to give me hers or not, but finally she did, which honestly ended up saving me a lot of money. dealing with the insurance had been a fucking nightmare though, and it’s actually still ongoing, but it should be resolved by the end of this week. during that time though, my mom had done absolutely nothing to help my stress, because there was potential that i had to stay with my parents for longer than i wanted to, since the car was still needed to get my brother to work, as well as needed for my mom to travel around to find herself a new car. the situation ended up being way more ideal than what my mom had projected, but still, you can imagine how much that sucked for me.

now, during this time, i had the brilliant idea of getting back into the dating pool. i ended up downloading a few apps, and met a guy that i really hit it off with - we’d talk pretty regularly on Discord, and we even went on a few dates. he had so many similar interests with me, was insanely intelligent, and he treated me with so much respect. by the second in-person date, i’m not gonna lie, i was head over heels for him. we even talked about him visiting me every weekend once school started up again, which was way more effort than any of my exes had ever put into me. 

but then, just a few days before i’d officially move into my new place, he messaged me saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship. even though we weren’t official or anything of the sort, it devastated me. i understood his reasons though, and we agreed to stay friends. sometimes it still hurts to think about, but i’m slowly but surely getting over it. we’ve sent each other the occasional message since then, but nothing more than that. 

i’ve also deleted all those apps since then -  i’m not sure how long it’s going to be before i’m okay with opening myself up like that to another person.

it wasn’t all bad though. i went to a wedding with my best friend, and her entire friend group from her hometown has basically accepted me as one of them - they’ve even invited me to join them in their yearly cottage trip that they’re hoping to have next year. i also got to meet up with an old friend from high school - even though it had been literally 3 years since we last saw each other, it felt like no time had passed at all. i got to see some family members that i also hadn’t seen in years, and just yesterday, i helped a friend move into a new place.

overall, the past month and a bit has been one hell of a rollercoaster for me. i hope things will be relatively more manageable, especially when my mental health is in such a fragile state - i need some healing, and part of that includes coming back here and doing what i love most. interacting with you all.

if you’ve read through this all, thank you. i promise i’m doing much better now, and i hope to get back into the swing of things soon enough. <3

[blushingonmyknees]

Sometimes All You Have to Do Is Ask

So here I am, collared and ankle restrained. It is currently 8 p.m. Truth be told, I have now been in my double collar and ankle restraints for the last hour and a half.

I was thinking yesterday how I don’t write about my experiences as much now that I am constantly working 60+ hour weeks for work, but finally had a Saturday off (and Sunday too)!

How did I end up here?

First, a little backstory.

Last night I got done with work around 1 a.m. My Domme knows how hectic my life has gotten with my crazy work schedule this last year and has since been lenient on my bedtimes. I now live alone which means we have had more virtual time together and we usually chat before I head to bed.

We have both been visiting family at different intervals the last two weeks, so time together has been hard to come by. I also am asking more frequently if she is eating vanilla ice cream (our code for if it’s vanilla messaging time).

Last night after work, I put on Twitch and was going to watch my favorite streamer, but instead saw Amouranth was on, and it was on my homepage. I watched a bit of her show once before and decided to click it. I may have a small crush on her now (as does just about everyone).

The plan was to fall asleep watching, but next thing I knew after drifting off for about an hour and then watching some more, it was 5 a.m. Where did the time go!? I knew this was way past my bedtime, so I immediately turned the stream off and went to bed.

I woke up this morning at 9 a.m. because the sun was shining through my apartment windows. I checked the time and decided to try sleeping more because I knew my Domme would want me to have closer to eight hours of sleep. I daydreamed constantly about texting her and asking to be put back to bed in my blindfold and ankle restraints but thought I probably should not because she is with family.

I eventually dozed back off and woke up at 11:30 a.m. I then messaged my Domme on Discord to wish her a good morning/afternoon. I confessed my thought about calling earlier and asking to be tied up and blindfolded for sleep and she reminded me that is the best way to help me to fall back asleep. She asked if I had done my taxes and I told her I had, then I asked if she remembered to claim me as property on her taxes. 😏

After messaging a bit, I did some chores around the apartment and fetched lunch.

I was starting to get sleepy after lunch and kept thinking about falling asleep in my blindfolds and ankle restraints. I really wanted a reminder of my place but was hesitant to ask since my Domme was with her family.

I messaged my Domme on discord around 5 p.m. and asked, “Will you have any privacy to use your toy this weekend, Ma’am?” (I am the toy in question.)

It did not get a response and I kept daydreaming about it. I do not think it is an official rule, but I do not tie myself up or wear my collar without her permission. I view it as the same rule where I am not allowed to touch her property without permission.

I remembered past conversations where my Domme has told me that it is okay to ask for things and thought maybe I should ask to be tied up and blindfolded for a nap. I texted shortly after 6 p.m., “Vanilla, Ma’am?”

She said not at the moment, and I asked if I napped, would she prefer me tied up and blindfolded?

She then asked for a check-in, and I let her know that I was tired and really craving a reminder of my place. I would love to nap in the knowledge that I am her property and decorated as she saw fit. I was definitely craving a reminder of my place as her eager pet.

My Domme then asked how my throat was feeling and I said, “Like it needs to be securely wrapped in the materials you desire.”

She reminded me I was her good boy and I confessed that I was aching for her. “Any relevant aches,” she asked?

“Just my mind telling me to get on my knees and surrender to you,” I said.

She then instructed me to fetch my ankle restraints, double collar and blindfold colors of her choosing.

I did as I was told and then asked if I should set an alarm. She decided since I was not likely to sleep through the night, that I should set an alarm for 8 p.m. and told me to get in position.

After making sure my collar and restraints were on, she said, “Now put your blindfolds on and rest. If you can’t fall asleep you may take off your blindfolds and ankle restraints but leave the collar on until you go to bed for the night.”

I was told my bedtime tonight is 12:30 a.m. and reminded if I hit yellow to remove my collar as well.

“I own you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. You are Mine, utterly, for anything I desire. You have surrendered all control and I will not be letting you have it back.”

Those were the last sentences I saw before my blindfolds went on and I was in complete darkness, with the firm reminder that I am owned. I left the blue carabiner we attached to my collar a few scenes ago attached because I love how it sounds when I move. Hearing my collar clink as I move about reminds me that I am owned.

Ever since my Domme mentioned putting me in my collar for sleep, I had ached to touch my nipples. After being limited to two releases a month last year and then ending it with 100+ days of denial, I learned how pleasurable touching my nipples can be and they are still sensitive to this day. I now ache to touch them more than I do my irrelevant parts.

I knew better than to touch them without her permission, so I just laid here and remembered my place.

I had troubles sleeping at first because of how excited I was to be in my collars. I now wear a soft collar that I put on first and then my normal collar because it feels more weighty. I like to think of it as practice for the day when my Domme locks me in a leather collar.

I tried to fall asleep lying on my back first but was enjoying the reminders of my place that I felt so thoroughly throughout my body. It had been so long since I was last collared and restrained.

As I was lying on my back and in the darkness from the blindfolds, I had my hands resting at my sides and imaged I was locked in a crate. I have had fantasies before about being put away like this and kept out of sight while my Domme is here, and maintenance is doing repairs to the apartment next to me with no idea I am here.

As I rested, I attempted to sleep on my side and then thought of how I have wanted to be locked in a dog cage before. Maybe a better option would be a six-foot cage length-wise where I could take naps and be put away like this regularly?

I tried to sleep and felt like I was getting more rested just from being subjugated like this. It is funny how easily my body relaxes when it is in its proper place.

I did notice as I tried to rest that I was still getting used to wearing my collars again. Ever since I had COVID towards the end of last year, my collars have not been worn much and I am trying to get used to having them on again. I thought about how I could practice wearing them more and thought about how I should ask my Domme if I may start being required to sleep in my soft collar more often so I can build my stamina back up for them.

I dozed off a bit and then heard running water constantly going through the pipes of my apartment. It was so frequent that I had started wondering if my upstairs neighbor had flooded their apartment. I decided to remain in my place and just wait the sounds out. The water running was somewhat relaxing. (No water damage so far, so I am unsure what they were actually doing.)

As I attempted to sleep again, I started wondering how it would feel to be locked in handcuffs. It has been a fantasy since about the age of four to be locked in metal handcuffs someday and that desire just got stronger as I got older. My Domme has told me she will be locking me in metal handcuffs someday (possibly when she visits next) and I can’t wait!

Thinking about being locked in handcuffs by her led me to start daydreaming about how I will be restrained first. Will she have me in a bow with my wrists behind my back and then cuff them before I realize it? Will she have me kneel up and shackle my wrists to my ankles? Will I simply be told to turn around and place my wrists behind my back? Will she lead me to the closet and handcuff my wrists overhead to the closet rod?

No matter what she decides, I know it will be perfect and I can’t wait to be handcuffed by her. I look forward to being completely powerless in her presence and kneeling whenever she enters the room.

I then dozed off again and suddenly woke up maybe a half hour later, took a deep breath and felt my hand go to my collar. I could tell I am not used to sleeping in my collars anymore and I think they startled me awake, but I was immediately very happy once I remembered that I was tied up, blindfolded and collared like the possession I am.

I wondered what time it was and considered checking the clock but decided that if I was put away like this, there was a reason for it and that I should not be checking time. Just relax in the reality that I am owned and subjugated.

My carabiner on my collar clinked as I moved, and it drew me even deeper into subspace (I was in subspace the moment my Domme told me I would be in my collar). I then thought of carabiners and wondered how many it would take to attach my collar to my ankles and wrist restraints.

I hope my Domme reminds me next time I go to Walmart to price-check carabiners because I would love to be shackled like this. I also wondered how it would feel to have my collar, wrist restraints and ankle restraints all tied together with rope.

At 7:40 p.m., I thought my phone made a noise, so I checked it, thinking it was the alarm. It was not, so I immediately put my blindfolds back on and went back into my position. I was determined to remain collared, blindfolded and ankle restrained until 8 p.m.

I daydreamed about buying new belts so I would have enough to tie myself spread-eagle to this bed. My Domme has mentioned getting under the bed restraints and putting me in them when she visits. I can’t wait to be completely powerless in her presence again.

Another thing I daydreamed about was being locked in a humbler and caned. I have never been caned before and asked my Domme if I may please be caned for my birthday in the future. I am now confessing through this post how much I would love to experience my first caning while in a humbler, knowing there will be no chance of escaping the marks.

I still ached to touch my nipples and knew if I would be given permission to do so, I would be very noisy. It has gotten to the point where if something brushes up against them, I have to hold back a moan. I love how my Domme has taken this and made me crave it since it reminds me of my submission.

Before dozing off again, I wondered how many women are out there craving to tie someone up and hoped they knew somewhere out there, there are boys like me who have been tying ourselves up for over two decades now and can’t wait to someday meet them.

I then dozed off again and was shortly after awoken by my alarm. I immediately took my blindfolds off and thanked my Domme for putting me in my place. I also let her know that I was craving to throw myself at her feet and about my nipple sensitivity.

Thank you, Ma’am, for putting me in my place and requiring me to write this post while in my collars and ankle restraints. It feels so good to obey.

It is now nearing 9:30 p.m. and it is time to post. Thank you again for putting me in my proper subservient mindset, your Majesty. I wish I was on my knees in front of you at this very moment. Thank you, Ma’am.

[fictitiousfoodie]

It’s A Family Thing

Summary: A boy falls for a girl

Pairing: Reader x Ian Kildner ( fake person)

Word Count: 3847

Okay so here are something to know before you read. The teams are real but all the people fake it was easier for me with this story.

Juliette stood by a high table, wearing a stunning and elegant black dress A-line gown with a respectable but fun slit up the side, talking to a relatively wealthy seeming older gentleman. His tux was custom, hair grey, and thinking, and the date he had brought with him was barely legal to drink, showing almost all her cleavage, and was sipping her cosmo through a straw. But Juliette didn't care about any of that right now. All she cared about was convincing this man that a donation to the team's charity would be a brilliant investment. 

"Mr. Mason donating to the teams' charity is not only a write-off for you with tax breaks, but it allows lots of people to see just how good you and your company are." Manson Construction was responsible for building half of Boston and rebuilding the other half. They had gone through a string of bad publicity when someone leaked rumors of the company cutting corners regarding safety protocols to the local newspapers. The stories had been proven untrue, but they had still caused doubt in the community. Mason Construction was a good company, and Juliette knew that. "Manson Construction on every banner we use when the team works with charities like Habitat for Humanity or does an event with local children's hospitals something like that could change how the community views your company," she said with a passionate and firm promise to her voice. Just as Juliette finished her speech, a loud, sharp crack of noise erupted from behind her. 

Juliette's brother Jack, the youngest of her four brothers, and his girlfriend Ashley had been fighting all night. Juliette had been keeping an eye on it. Ashley was not a great girlfriend. Juliette was pretty sure Ashley was in it for the idea of dating a pro athlete, and Jack was in it cause Ashley was hot. Juliette had noticed more and more that Jack seemed done with Ashley's crap, and from the Way, Ashley was now storming out and the fact Jack wasn't going after her, he had decided to end things tonight in a public place. 

Juliette turned back to Mr.Mason, who was chuckling to himself. "Your brother seems to be quiet, the unlucky fellow tonight in regards to love. But you are better than luck. You're smart, and you've got gumption, Juliette. I like the image you've given the charity, and I think it will provide great support and publicity for my business. I will send you a check tomorrow with the donation. If the team or the charity needs anything, you let me know," he said, smiling and walking away with his old wrinkled hand on his arm candy's ass. 

Jules shivered in disgust as she watched arm candy giggle and kiss him on the cheek, then took a deep breathe she had done it. She had landed another massive donation for the charity. 

Suddenly a large and heavy arm flopped around her shoulder, and her oldest brother Brandon was there by her side. 

"Way to go, Jules. It looks like Mr.Mason was pleased with the idea of being the teams highest paying donor', he said with pride and admiration for his sister. 

"He said he would send over the check tomorrow. I need a drink, and to get these heels off my feet are killing me." She laughed, walking to the bar. 

Brandon was the oldest of the four brothers at the age of 33. He had retired from the league last year due to a knee injury. The team hired him as the skills coach. Brandon was always responsible. He was the boy next door with a killer smile and genuine charm. The next one down was Henry, who was 31 and was the team's new athletic trainer. He was sporty and the smartest. He wanted to be a doctor when he was younger but found a way to combine his love of medicine and learning with his love of hockey and the team he had grown up around. He immediately change to sports medicine. The third one was Eric. He was the middle one, wild and crazy. He was 28, had been on the team as a defender for four years now, and made sure everyone knew his opinion on any given subject.

Jack, the youngest of the brothers, was a sweet kid, but just that, still a kid in many respects. He had the talent and a good heart, but he needed to grow up. He was 25 and still trying to figure out many things about life but was too stubborn to listen to anyone's advice. Finally, there was Juliette, the youngest out of the five children and the only girl. She grew up tough and headstrong, just like her brothers. Her mother made sure she was balanced, though, so she had put her in dance as a little girl, and she had loved it. She still went to classes and taught little ones occasionally. Her brothers were always there in the front row to cheer her on then give her noogies after. She was 24, but most people thought she was older because of how she held herself.   

All 5 of the siblings looked alike, all athletic, tall, and toned the brothers ranging in muscle definition. All five had dark brown hair and deep blue eyes. There was no denying they were family. The dark hair came from their dad, and the eyes had come from their mom.  The whole family was here tonight, and Jules loved that. Everyone in the family had found a way to be apart of the team or organization in a job they loved. She loved being around her family and the constant support they gave. Her mom had started the Boston Bruins charity when her dad had been a player. She was still running it and was grooming Juliette to take over soon. Being a Bruin was a family thing. They had been born into it and loved every minute of it. 

She and Brandon were standing by the bar ordering drinks when she saw out of the corner of her eye, Henry and Eric walk up. 

"So, we all saw the slap that Ashley gave Jack, right?" Henry said in a cautious and questioning tone. 

"Yes, the whole room heard it. Did you see where he went?" Brandon asked cautiously. 

"No, but my guess would be the locker room, someone should go check on him?" Eric said, turning towards Jules. 

"Yea yea yea, I'll go. Even though one of you are married and ones engaged," she said over her shoulder, walking away toward the locker room. 

She found Jack sitting in his locker with a cold beer pressed to his face. head drooped down and fidgeting with his phone. "You shouldn't call her, "Jules said, pulling the drink away to check out the handprint on his face. It wasn't nearly as bad as it had sounded probably just stung. Ashley wasn't abusive, just dramatic. 

"Why? Cause she slapped me?" 

"No, because she gave the bartender her number about 15 mins before that happened. You made the right call. She didn't love you; she loved the status."

"I know. I just thought she was the one at the beginning. "He sighed as Jules sat next to him. 

They sat there for a few minutes in silence. Jules knew he would be fine just needed someone to lean on for a bit, and sure enough, after about 10 minutes, he handed Jules his beer and stated with new energy, "There are plenty of fish in the sea. I have to find the right one, right?!" Jack jumped up and started walking to the doors. 

"Yes, just please be safe and smart and maybe go home alone tonight," Jules shouted to him as he strutted out the doors. 

Jules took a sip of the beer and sighed, starting to take her shoes off, enjoying the silence. When she heard the doors slam open and Jimmy Peters and his date for the evening tumbled though not breaking the sloppy kiss and handsy embrace, they were tangled in. They never noticed her as she grabbed her high heels and beer and left the room. She was in the hall on the way back, laughing to herself about the thought of giving Jimmy a hard time the next time she saw him when she heard the classic catcall whistle from behind her. 

She turned to find Ian Kildern, one of the team's defensive players. He was 6'4", muscled more than the average hockey player and curly brown hair with deep green eyes. His tux was well altered; it hung perfectly on him, showing his broad shoulders and narrow waist. Ian was an excellent player, intelligent, lightning-fast, and a great leader. He was 26 and had been in the league since he was 19. The Bruins had picked him up four years ago when his contract had been up with the Tampa Bay Lighting. They were friends, but Jules was closer to other players, and usually only had a small talk with easy, polite jokes. 

"Juliette Calloway, you clean up nice." He said in a semi-serious, mostly mocking tone.

"Shut up, Ian. Don't you have a date to dazzle like the rest of the team?" She said in a cheeky and light-hearted tone. 

"No, actually, Kelly and I broke up last weekend."

"Oh, that's right; her name was Kelly, and I'm so sorry to hear that after a week together, you had to call quits. You must be devastated. She said with a wink. Knowing fully, he had never planned on keeping it serious. Ian didn't sleep around a lot, but he also didn't keep girlfriends long. 

He chuckled, "Yeah, she was allergic to my dog." He changed the subject when he noticed the bottle in her hand, "You drinking alone - drowning your sorrows?"

"No, actually," she said in a matter of fact tone, "I was consoling my brother."

Ian's face squished up, and he sucked in a breath, "Yea, I saw - well heard the slap. Is he okay?"

"He's fine. It's his pride that's hurting more than anything, although he won't admit to it", She explained on a sigh. 

"Well, I'm glad he's okay. It's tough trying to figure everything out—the balance between the game and social life. Suddenly having money and not know if women want you the status or the money. It can be a rough and bumpy ride."He said with an understanding tone. 

"You sound like you have some experience, but you seemed to have figured it all out." 

 "I had my mistakes and issues, but the key difference is I didn't have a last name that's attached to 2 legends. Jack has a whole lot more spotlight from the league because of your dad and oldest brother. I could make my mistakes in private." 

"So, you had a girl slap you in front of your entire team and about 45 VIP guests?" Jules questioned, intrigued to hear his answer. 

"Okay, well, no, I never had that, but I did have a date throw up on me at an event one time. Rachel Madison, I'll always remember that name now. She hadn't eaten all day and then started doing shots of tequila. The smell was horrendous. It was like...

"Ew, I don't want to know! Please stop you win. That's disgusting." She fussed, cutting him off and giggling at the idea. 

"Well, then, Miss. Date Judger where is your perfect event plus one this evening." He asked mockingly, looking around the hallway they were slowly walking down. 

"Oh, I don't ever bring a date to an event that mom and I are running. I did once or twice and always felt bad that I left him standing somewhere while doing things for the event, plus dating in my life is hard. They tend to get offended when I know more about the game or jealous when I spend all my time here at the arena with you guys OR my brothers bully them, and they can't take the heat." 

They had almost reached the doorway to the main lobby, where the fundraising event was when Ian's ear perked up as he heard his favorite song come on. It Had To Be You by Harry Conick Jr. He grabbed her hand put the bottle of beer in her hand on the floor, and stated softly, "It's a great song - I wouldn't want it to go to waste since you don't have someone to dance with."

Surprised by the sudden change in tone, Juliette lost her voice a little and had to clear it before asking, "Ian Kildern, are you asking me to dance?"

He slowly started to pull her into his arms, saying in a volume just barely above a whisper, "I guess I am. Are you saying yes?"

"I guess I am." She said, staring into his eyes and falling into the sway of his body. Still stiff at first, she slowly drifted further into the daze the music mixed with his look and tone of voice had caused, eventually allowing her to melt completely into him. Neither spoke to busy enjoying the moment. It had been years since she had slow danced, and she was enjoying being wrapped in someone's arms. Not just any someone, but someone who had made her laugh and had been having a good conversation with, not to mention he smelled incredible. 

Ian couldn't believe he was dancing again. He had stopped bringing dates to events because it always fell short of what he wanted the evening to be. But with Juilette, he couldn't help but notice her laugh at his story or the way she had softened and molded to him as they danced. Hand in hand, his left hand rested at the small of her back, her head resting on his chest her right on his shoulder. She felt good in his arms. He felt something different for her, something he hadn't felt in a very long time. The music drifted away as the song ended, and they both stopped swaying. She pulled her head back but didn't pull away; she just looked at him, waiting for him to speak first, but Ian didn't want to say anything anymore. The smell of her vanilla perfume. The blush that had risen in her cheeks, the way she was waiting for him. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to feel those soft pink lips pressed to his. Before he knew it, she was wetting her lips and starting to lean in because she had wanted it too. Never one to miss the opportunity; he leaned in and pressed his hand into her back more, drawing her closer. They were a whisper away from each other when Jimmy and his date exploded from the locker room with laughter, pulling Ian and Jules apart. Jimmy and his date rush by them and unseen to the car in the parking lot. 

"Well, it's late. I should be going," Ian said, trying to hide the disappointment that the moment was gone from his voice. 

"Uh, yea, it's late. I should be finding mom to see if she needs help with anything. Good night Ian and thank you for the dance.", She said, turning and walking away before he could say or do anything. 

It took a split second for him to decide, but he had made his choice he wanted her. He wanted to hold, kiss, love, and keep Juliette Calloway forever. 

Ian couldn't stop thinking about that night. It had been two weeks, and all he could think about was Juliette Calloway. He had been indifferent to her before that night. Ian had had conversations with her but always just regarded her as almost one of the guys. And now he couldn't get her out of his head. The way her eyes sparkled with what he hoped was lust and something more. The way she didn't back away from him and the chemistry in the air. He needed to do something, but what? 

Friday games were always Juliettes favorites. The offices were always more energetic with Friday games as everyone was excited to watch them. Juliette always ran home at lunch for an hour or so to let out Wayne, her Weimaraner, go potty and play, then she would change into her jersey and jeans. She would come back and finish up work, then relax until the game started. Today was no different. She got home and was greeted by Wayne's barks and excited tail. She let him into the backyard and threw her bag and keys on the counter. She loved her home. It was warm and welcoming with leather couches and natural linens. She left the back door open for Wayne to come back in and walked to her bedroom. She was opted for wearing Jack's jersey tonight, paired it with her black jeans and favorite booties. She was excited and happy about tonight's game. Hence, she decided on a smokey eye - if she was honest with herself, she was thinking about her evening with Ian when she had decided on it but pushed it away and assured herself it had nothing to do with him. Wayne had yet to come back in; she went in search of him to find him bathing in the sun and enjoying the day just as much as she was. She called him in, gave him a treat, and headed back to the arena. The game was at 7. The team usually came in about 5. Everyone in the offices had more than likely left for the day; she had a few more things to do when there was a knock at her office door. 

"Come in," she called to the knocker.

"Wow, nice digs," the knocker said with a low and slow whistle. 

Juliette's head snapped up. She had expected it to be a co-worker that was running behind or family. Her brother or mother would sometimes stop by, but she was not expecting him, "Ian...what are you doing here"? 

"Though I'd finally venture up to the offices. Poke around, see what it was like having an office job", he said, waltzing into the office looking around. His eyes settled on the wall of pictures and headlines. The wall was full of pictures of her brothers and father on the ice. It captured each of their timelines, from training to playing to winning championships at all different ages. A particular photo caught Ian's eye, and Juliette got up from her desk to join him. He looked fantastic in a suit more casual than the other night but still just as perfect. It was a solid black suit with a black button-down. He had the first few buttons undone. Juliette was standing next to him when he laughed to himself, saying, " Is this .. Henry?!" 

"Yea, it is. He was like 8 or 9. Mom loves that photo; he hates it", she said with a snicker. The photo was of Henry in full hockey gear. He was standing on the ice for the first game of the season when he slipped and fell. The camera had caught it just right, and all his limbs were up in the air, and his face read of terror and surprise, not know what had just happened.  

"I have to have the team come see this. Look at his bowl hair cut, "He cackled. 

" Don't you dare! He will kill me if he knows anyone from the team has seen it", she said hastily while grabbing his arm to stress the importance and implore him not to tell. 

He felt the electricity of her touch shoot through him. He was no longer focused on the photo but her. The way she smiled and was almost begging him not to spill her secret. He paused and looked at her hand on his arm. She realized what she had done with the casual touch, she could feel his muscle move, and she was immediately turned on and pulsed for him. When she tried to retract her hand, Ian grabbed it, placing a kiss on the top, and looked at her with seductive eyes while asking, "Are you begging me, Juliette?"

Juliette felt the innuendo to her core, and her stomach filled with butterflies. But she was no rose petal. She wanted him and wasn't going to melt for him like all the other women he was used to. She moved just a few inches closer and looked at him with a devilish smile, and asked, "Do you want me to?" Something inside Ian snapped. He couldn't hold himself back any longer. The look in her eyes mixed with her smile and words had him going practically feral. He gave the hand he was holding a tug, and she stumbled into his chest, her other hand landing in between them as she attempted to catch herself. Ian's other hand wrapped around her waist. He dropped her hand and slid his into her hair at the nape of her neck. He paused for a moment, making sure he still saw the same look in her eyes. He was thrilled to see it there but even more intense. He pulled her in and kissed her. 

The kiss was passionate, hard, and needy. Ian pulled ever so slightly on Juliettes hair, causing her to moan softly into his mouth, giving his tongue access to explore. He deepened the kiss, fingers digging into her side, causing more soft moans to escape her. He pulled back ever so slightly to give her air, but Juliette chased him, making him growl and start to grow hard. Juliette's heart was pounding her panties were becoming very wet. She wanted more. They both craved to feel each other skin to skin. When they both broke because they needed air, Juliette saw a softness in Ian's eyes. His thumb stroked her cheek for a split second while he started to ask her out on a date to dinner in a few nights when she cut him off, smirking, "I guess you should be going wouldn't want coach to see you be late to practice." Then with a quick kiss, smirk, and a hoard of giggles, she pushed Ian out of her office and locked the door behind her. Ian was still in shock as he walked from the office to the locker room, both from the kiss and that she had pushed him out without saying anything else. She had a fire and spirit he had certainly never seen before. Juliette slunk down into the couch in her office. She couldn't believe she had just done that. He was incredibly sexy, and she was very turned on. She could feel the blush creep into her cheeks. She knew she wanted him in more than a casual fling way. That's why she was going to play hard to get. Make Ian chase a little bit for once in his life.  

[end3rs-eye]

Point of View in the Dream SMP

So I’m a bit obsessed with pov and how it effects things so I thought I’d just think out loud about how each character in the dream smp views Tommy and why they view him like that. (This does not include characters I don’t hyperfocus on and don’t really know much about)

This will be long so just be warned  I was going to do more but it’s really long right now sooooo

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Techno thinks Tommy has a villain for several reasons and Techno being the person he is often forgets the good that Tommy has done. Selective memory is a common effect of adhd (which Techno has) and sometimes with selective memory the brain just erases things (good or bad things) depending on the way the person generally thinks. 

See Techno, had a bunch of great bonding moments with Tommy during dogtopia but when it was revealed that they were partly using him Techno’s mind probably blanked out all good moments and suddenly them using him was all there was.

For the exile arch, Techno didn’t really understand the full picture. What he knew was, ‘Boy who has used me in the past got in trouble and was punished to the degree that was needed. That was what he was told. This is why he came and mocked Tommy in exile.

The main reason Techno let Tommy live with him is because he knew that Tommy wasn’t all bad even though he didn’t remember the good stuff. There is a difference between forgetting the good memories and forgetting that they happened at all.

However, because he didn’t have clear memories of Tommy being a good person he was very cautious around the boy. The reason that he reacted so badly when Tommy switched sides was because he was just starting to trust Tommy again.

This switching of sides enforced the mindset Techno and developed of, ‘everyone betrays me, they only use me.’ Techno saw that Tommy was only using him for recovery and only went along with the plan so Techno would trust him. 

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Tubbo thinks Tommy as this perfect person, this role modal. It started out this way and even though it lessened over time it was always Tommy saves the world and Tubbo helps. 

At the beginning in the independence war it was Wilbur and Tommy that was leading it, that was doing most of the fighting. During pogtopia it was always Tommy pushing through Wilbur’s insanity, pushing through the growing hardships.

Dream did effect this view by convincing Tubbo that Tommy was a problem that needed to be solved. But even then Dream gave Tubbo an option, build the walls around L’manburg or exile Tommy. I think even here Tubbo was thinking about how much Tommy cared about L’manburg and how Wilbur, someone who Tommy looked up to a great deal, hated the walls. So even in Tubbo’s destination to exile Tommy he was still thinking about what Tommy wanted.

After exile Tommy and Tubbo went and faced Dream. During this Dream was all like, “Tubbo doesn’t matter, he was just a pawn, I really just want Tommy.” Now whether or not he meant to Dream enforced Tubbo’s thinking, his idolizing of Tommy. He was so willing to die for Tommy.

Now, don’t get me wrong Tubbo and Tommy are very good friends but for Tubbo, Tommy is that cooler older kid who no matter where they are is always a bit better than him, a more perfect person. 

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Dream sees Tommy as a possible threat but also someone who could be easily used for several reasons. Dream has done a lot of work to stop / kill / take care of Tommy. Tommy is very strong and one of the main leaders in the war for independence. Maybe Dream viewed Wilbur and Tommy as a threat.

That could definitely be a part of it but Wilbur probably could have been seen as less of a threat because he was majorly unstable and basically did Dream’s work for him. Tommy is probably seen as the stronger version of Wilbur.

I’m going to connect that with Tommy being seen as a weapon, as a tool. Wilbur was his own doom and took L’manburg with him when he died. Wilbur and Tommy were both very important parts to L’manburg which means that it’s easier for them to start a chain reaction of destruction.

However because they are a vital part of the heart of L’manburg it’s also easy for them to strengthen the chain. That’s why Dream got Tubbo to exile Tommy. Because a vital part of L’manburg was missing the entire thing became weaker and Tommy wasn’t there to strengthen them either. The entirety of L’manburg was on the edge of collapse and much more prone to attacks. Note: Dream’s like, “Come on child I’ve manipulate you so much why won’t you break yet oh well I guess I’ll just manipulate you more”

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Nikki views Tommy as a huge problem that causes everything to go wrong. She has a reason to believe this though. For her Tommy started a war just because someone stole a few things from him (The disk wars), he was one of the only people who was around Wilbur constantly while he went mad so in her eyes, Tommy could have stopped Wilbur but he didn’t and that’s why Wilbur went crazy and blew up L’manburg. If he stayed in exile doomsday wouldn’t have happened. Besides, Nikki didn’t actually know that Dream was threatening Tubbo (I think I might be wrong on this one). Tommy brought in Schlatt who taxed her out of her shop.

Nikki has been going through severe trauma this whole time. She’s only 19. It’s not surprising for her to place blame and focus all her anger on that one person. This entire situation is complicated and it’s easy to get into the mindset of, ‘if this person or if this thing didn’t happen everything would be okay.’

It’s clear that she’s gone fully into that mindset with L’manburg and Tommy. Burning the tree that represents L’Manburg and trying to kill Tommy is her thinking, ‘If L’manburg isn’t here there will be no problems.’ When that didn’t work Nikki switched targets and if now thinking, If Tommy’s not here, if he’s dead and can’t cause anymore chaos everything will be okay.’

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Wilbur views Tommy as a child. In the war of Independence Tommy was a teammate, a friend. However even then he was still viewed as a child that really shouldn’t be making decisions but the minute there’s a dangerous thing to do then it doesn’t matter if Tommy is a child or not.

During the election Wilbur continued to act as if Tommy was a child that should not be making decisions and whenever Tommy does have a good idea Wilbur acts like he did this great thing and praised him.

During Pogtopia Wilbur’s madness is really starting to show up and he starts seeing Tubbo has a weapon. However Tommy is still a useless child in his eyes. A possible reason Wilbur saw Tommy in this way is because they had a brotherly relationship before the sever dating back to an unknown time so Wilbur might have known younger Tommy and just didn’t stop thinking of Tommy as the kid he knew.