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mageofseven · 4 years ago

Note

Back again with the request of the brothers and undateables reaction to MC drunk texting them that they love, Love them ❤️

Oh thank you so much for resending this! I'm sorry about the mishap before. I hope you'll enjoy these~ Since you didn't specify, these are written from the perspective that MC and the boys are in a relationship when they text the boys.

Also, I decided to split these up into two posts so this one will only have the Brothers in it, but I will put up a post for the Undateables real soon!

Lucifer:

The man sighed at his desk, signing what felt like the thousandth paper that night. It was only 1am so the night was still young; he knew he'd be at this till morning only to have to go through his duties tomorrow without rest. It was not unusual for him, but the oldest brother was still feeling a bit burnt out.

Ding.

He paused for a moment before setting his pen down and picking up his phone from the corner of the desk.

'Daaaddy. Mammnk dispered'

Ignoring the name they gave him, the man just stared down at the text. He gave another big sigh.

'MC, where are you?'

'I djnno. I went tk a party with Mammm and Asmo and thyy jsyt went poooff.'

God, his brothers were idiots. What if something happens to MC while they're off doing whatever?

'I'll track your phone then. I'll be there soon'

'Nuuu. I jsut wanna get my phone bacc from Mamsmm'

Oh dear Diavolo...

'Love, you're texting me off your phone.'

'Ooo. Yur rite!'

'I am coming to get you now.'

'Okaaaa bye Daddynm. Love yuo.'

The man rolled his eyes, but smile slightly down at the screen. What was he going to with his Love?

Mammon:

Shit! Where'd they go?! He took MC with him to the casino to help distract the other gamblers as he played cards-- hey don't judge!! He promised to buy them a few drinks afterwards. So there they were, sittin' and drink together when this guy he owes money to starts running up and yelling at him! Of course Mammon had to bail! He told MC to run with him but at one point he turned around and the human wasn't there! He's been rushing around and searching for them for the last twenty minutes. Where did they go??

Bing. His phone went off. The moron facepalmed. He has his phone! He should have been calling them or something.

'Baaaabbby. Im loneyl.'

'Oi! Where'd you go? I told you to follow me!'

'But I waz tlkin to thhe fnny man! He evn boght more deinks.'

Shit. They're still back at the bar. But with him of all people??

'Babe, why ya drinking with that jerk??'

'Im not. Hss wife cam e adn got him.'

Wife? Oh thank Diavolo, Belinda came through for him!

'Stay put, got that? I'm heading back now.'

'Kk I love yuo babbny 😘'

Mammon blushed as he read that last message.

'Ya, ya, just stay put, human.'

Leviathan:

Okay so Levi himself is not really a drinker in most circumstances. He pretty much sees it as another thing normies do and use as an excuse to spend time with other normies. Like, why would he care about something so stupid anyway?

Still, that doesn't mean there aren't exceptions to that kind of thing. Like the new bottle he won from a contest run by the creators of the anime I Partied So Hard That I Ripped Opened The Frabric of Reality And Was Met By My Future Wife Who Is Secretly A Cat Girl From Venus! I mean, it's seriously cool! It's the same brand of Venustian wine that Nyanitia loves in the anime!

Levi was so excited when it arrived that he practically begged MC to come to his room to drink it with him as he played his new video game from Akuzon. Honestly it didn't end up like he thought it would though. The wine barely did anything to him at all. I mean, yeah, the third brother didn't have a lot of experience with alcohol but he thought he would at least feel a little different than normal. Eh, whatever. The effect is kinda lame but it's still from the anime! If it's good enough for Nyanitia then it's good enough for him.

The demon shrugged it off and got absorbed in his video game to the point where he even stopped talking to MC, which wasn't unusual. After dying a couple times, he threw his controller down.

"Uggghh, can you believe that MC--"

The boy just noticed that he was alone. Oh... was he really that boring to hangout with? The Avatar of Envy started mumbling a lot of insults to himself as he picked up the bottle.

"Was my gaming that bad? Or was it the wine?" He mused sadly. "No, I bet it was the wine. It barely did anything to me so I doubt it effected them either...."

He starts reading the label on the back, skimming till he reads a section on alcohol level. Level for demons: mild.

"That explains it..." He grumbled, continuing to read in his head.

Level for Angels: low medium. Level for Humans: HIGH. WARNING. KEEP OUT OF REACH OF HUMANS.

Oh...oh no. What's gonna happen to his Henry?? Are they gonna die?? Is Lucifer gonna kill him??? GAH! Where did they go--

Beep. His phone!

'Leeevvvvvi. I fels wooozy.'

Panicking, the boy typed back.

'Where are you??? Are you dying???'

'Nuuuu. I'm jsyt wwwoooosh.'

Gah! What does that even mean?? Before the demon could respond, he got another message.

'Leeeevvvvi chan I lvoe you~.'

The boy's face and ears blazed red. I mean, yeah, it's not the first time he's heard/read them say that but still! Now isn't the time for this!

Another message.

'Sweeeeetue. Coem love me 😢'

The demon let out a panicked yell and charged out his door. His foot collided with something and he heard a whine.

"Sweeeeetie why?" MC laid on the floor of the hallway, pouting and looking more hurt emotionally than physically.

Still panicking, Levi picked up the human and brought them back into his room. He laid them in his bathtub and start researching the affects of Venustian wine on humans.

Boy nearly collapsed from relief and exhaustion when he found out they only had a sip and shouldn't have any health issues from it.

Ends up apologizing a million times over and becomes extra protective of them for the next couple weeks and is paranoid about every food and drink placed in front of them.

Satan:

It was an average evening for him. He was in his room, reading in bed as he waited for MC to come home. Asmo managed to convince them to go to a party with him. Satan didn't really want them to go tonight, but he saw their eyes light up with just the idea of it and the blonde couldn't bring himself to say a thing. Like him, MC didn't really have any experience with parties prior to this, but unlike him, they had a great interest in them. How could he ask them not to go if this was an experience they had wanted for a long time?

Ding.

The man laid his book down next to him and reached for his phone that he laid on the closest stack of books.

'Satn, peple are sk mean 😥'

The demon launched into a sitting position.

'Who needs to die?' He texted back, protective instincts springing up inside himself for them.

'Nno. Teh people here just amke me feel so lft out.'

He sighed. MC was too sensitive for that kind of environment.

'Kitten, tell Asmo to take you home now.' Satan texted before adding 'Tell him I said so.'

'Btu hes tlkin to a succubus'

'I don't care. Tell him what I said.'

'Okaa 😔'

The demon waited a few minutes, but didn't get a new message.

'Kitten?' He texted them.

Minutes when by. Nothing. The blonde got out of bed and started pacing. When that didn't help, he started to transform from the anger at his brother. He decided to text Asmo.

'Bring them home now or so help me, you will face a different type of hell when you get back.'

No reply from his brother either. The Avatar of Wrath was ready to start breaking shit.

Ding. He quickly checked his phone. It was MC.

'Bb I love you.'

The blonde stopped in his tracks. Why--after over 20 minutes of waiting-- was that their only response?

The demon reached out for his door knob, ready to go out and hunt for them, when his door swung open, revealing his brother, who was holding up an intoxicated MC.

"Ugh, you ruined my night!" The fifth brother complained.

Satan, still in his demon form, was ready to deck the other man at best and at worst, who knows. He didn't get the chance to find out because instead, MC tumbled forward and into his arms.

"Satan," They whined. "I wanna.... I wanna lay down."

The blonde took a deep breath before looking to his brother.

"Just leave. Now." He slammed the door closed on the other demon before laying MC down in bed and joining them. He pulled the blanket over them both and held his Kitten close to his chest.

"I should have...stayed home." They mumbled.

He kissed their forehead.

"It's fine. You're fine now, Kitten."

Asmodeus:

After a long, but fun night at The Fall, the Avatar of Lust had his fill was ready to get his beauty sleep. Sadly, he had lost track of his Doll. Oh dear, where could they be? Despite being so late, there were still plenty of people out and he was having trouble tracking them down.

Beep. The demon checked his phone.

'Azzy, I lvoe you🥰'

Asmo giggled, texting back.

'Aww! I love you too! Now where did you run off to? I miss my Dolly~.'

'By eth bahroons'

The man headed off that way and found MC on the floor in the hallway that led to the bathroom.

"Well, what are you doing down there?" He teased.

MC started giggling.

"I fell."

Seeing that they weren't hurt, the demon simply bent over and helped them up. The human instantly leaned against him and hugged him close.

"I love you, Azzy." They told him, closing their eyes as they enjoy the embrace and pressing their cheek against his.

Asmo let out a small laugh then pulled back just enough to kiss his Doll on their cheek.

"Oh you're just too adorable, you know that?" He told them before leading them to the front of the building. "Now let's go home, okay?"

Beelzebub:

Beel woke up for a midnight snack and headed to the kitchen. It was a quick in and out thing, not wanting to be caught by his brothers. He grabbed a whole cabinet full of snacks and carried them back to his room.

Ding. His phone went off and as he opened the door to his room.

The demon laid his snacks on his bed and got in before grabbing his phone off the nightstand.

'Beeesly, I love oyu~'

The redhead smiled happily. It was MC.

'I love you too. When are you coming home?'

No response. The demon simply opened up a bag of chips and started eating. It's fine; he can be patient.

Instead of getting a response however, he was greeted by his Muffin at door.

"I'm baaack~." The human giggled, stumbling just slightly as they walked up to the bed and flopped down before snuggling up to the big demon.

Beel kissed the top of their head, smiling at them.

"Did you have fun with Solomon, Muffin?"

"Mhmm." They said, closing their eyes and stretching out their legs, causing some of the snacks to fall to the floor. He didn't mind.

"That's good." He sat the chip bag on the stand so he could use both hands to hold them close.

The two of them laid there, cuddled up together. The big demon stroked their hair till they heard the human's breath slow and were asleep.

"G'night, Muffin." He whispered. "Dream sweetly."

Belphegor:

It was the middle of the night and Belphie was asleep. That might sound normal for the Avatar of Sloth to you, but in actuality, this was unusual for him. The sleepy boy slept so much during the day that he was usually awake starting from whenever he woke up from his after-dinner nap up until around 4 or 5 am.

Tonight, however, Belphie really wasn't feeling it. Ya know, the whole 'awake' thing. He didn't feel like being conscious. The same reason he didn't wanna be awake was the same reason why he wasn't sleeping very deeply either.; MC wasn't there with him.

That scum Mammon took them out somewhere and they didn't even tell him. He had to hear it from Beel. The 7th brother has been grumpy since then and didn't wanna do anything so he hid away in his attic and fell asleep.

Bing. Bing. Bing.

The demon let out a frustrated sigh. That was the 9th text he got in the last two minutes. He picked up his phone from the other side of the bed and begrudgingly read his messages.

'Belpphi'

'Beelphi

'Belphii'

'Babb'

'Babe'

'Babr'

'Beeelpie'

'Heeyy'

'Mr Moomooo man pay atttention ot me 😢'

"Mr. Moomoo man?" Belphie said out loud, scowling down at the screen. If he wasn't mad at MC, he would have cracked a smile.

'What's wrong with you?' He texted.

'Mammmn lfet me all alone 😔'

Belphie eyes went wide.

'What happened?'

'Mammo owes mnoey to this big Moloc guy and eh chased Maaamkn away.'

Ugh. Mammon's a dumbass.

'Where are you?'

'I dunno. He lefy me on a bench. Teh park?'

'The one by the school?'

'Mmaybe?'

The demon let out another big sigh.

'I'll be there soon. Don't move.'

'Okyy'

A couple seconds later, they sent another text.

'I love yuo, bb. Im srry 😔'

Belphie frowned. His anger at them was dissipating.

'Yeah, I love you too, butthead. Now stay there.'

Masterlist

#obey me #obey me otome #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc

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puppetsoftomorrow · 4 years ago

Text

the avalance news reader au

hey who said peer pressure doesn't work. anyway i made this post and y'all seemed to like it so here we go!! might post to ao3 later on idk...

It had been a truly terrible day.

Ava considered, in the moment that her coffee machine spluttered coughed up coffee grounds over her last clean shirt, that maybe she'd just had a truly terrible year. All her dreams about finally moving to television after being stuck in the doldrums of local news media for six years had been slashed when she'd been placed on the graveyard shift - sure, Ava was finally reading the news, but her shift was from 1AM until 4AM, so her only audience was long-distance truck drivers and new parents.

Still, she persevered, with the slightly foolish belief that if she worked hard enough, she could be promoted to a primetime slot. Or at least a slot that didn't require her to be making coffee at 10:45PM.

Her day had started off badly - she'd barely slept, as the sound from the construction work three blocks away rattled her windows, and she’d woken to find that her cat, Merlin, had kicked his litter halfway across the house in a fit of pique. Ava couldn't even have her normal oatmeal, as she was out of oat milk, and now she was having to drink her coffee black.

After changing her shirt to a dark dress and grimacing as she choked down the coffee, there was a knock on the door, and Ava groaned as she realised she was running late.

"Hey, Sara." She sighed.

Sara stood in the doorway, hair wavy over her shoulders, hands shoved in the pockets of her hoodie - the same grey hoodie she wore every day, branded with their news station's logo.

"Woah, a dress?" Sara said, eyebrows raised appreciatively, as Ava grabbed her coat and bag and they moved to go down the stairs.

"Don't mention it." Ava grumbled, pulling the coat around her shoulders.

"It looks good on you." Sara said, and Ava shot her a look. Sara mimed zipping her lips. "Do we have to time for Starbucks? I had to have black coffee; my mouth tastes like something died in it." Ava muttered, and Sara shrugged.

"I mean, we've arrived half an hour early for every shift for the past year -"

"Do you want to go back to taking the bus?" Ava said, looking over at her as they reached the lobby. They'd discovered they lived in the same building almost accidentally in Ava's first week, awkwardly meeting across the hall in the early morning, until Sara had realised that Ava had a car and they'd started riding in together.

"Fine, if you're happy with having bad angles." Sara said, holding the door open for her, and Ava rolled her eyes.

"Are you saying I have bad angles?"

"Oh, I'll find one." Sara muttered, and Ava snorted with laughter and unlocked the car. One of the benefits to giving her camera operator a ride every day was always having excellent angles.

After a stop at Starbucks, Ava rolled along the dark, quiet roads, sighing deeply.

"What's up?" Sara asked, sipping her drink - black coffee, which she somehow enjoyed.

"Nothing." Ava muttered, but it only took one look at Sara for her to come out with the story of her crappy day. Sara laughed.

"So that's why you're wearing the dress."

"That's what you're focusing on?" Ava said, focusing on the road with a small smile on her face. "I have to go back to my apartment at 5AM and clean up kitty litter and coffee grounds."

"Not to mention getting coffee out of your shirt." Sara snorted, and Ava groaned, loud and over the top.

///

They always split when they got to the studio, Ava marching off to make-up to get ready, and Sara taking the elevator to the studio floor to set up her camera. The studio was always dead past midnight, just a skeleton crew left, which Sara found she enjoyed - it was easier to know everyone that way. She waved at Nate, distracting him from where he was running through the weather, muttering under his breath and checking his perfectly coiffed hair in the camera. He waved back, a bright smile on his face.

Careful not to trip over any of the wires on the floor, Sara made her way up to the box above the studio, the cramped room filled from head to toe with blinking lights and buttons, with a large window so they could look down on the studio. The techs – Behrad and Charlie - were sat with headphones on, running through sound checks, so Sara just waved to them as she found who she was looking for.

Zari, the studio runner, was running through her clipboard, muttering under her breath. When she saw Sara coming, she rolled her eyes. "Back again?"

"What have you got for her today?" Sara asked, keeping her voice nonchalant.

"The usual. Some city councilor has been embezzling funds, Star City is readying to bid for the 2028 Olympics, and former mayor Queen is opening a patisserie down-town. It's been a quiet week."

"Exactly." Sara said, her grin widening. "You've got to add the cat one."

Ray, their head writer, had found a story a week ago about a fat cat attending the Star City pet spa to lose weight, and Sara had been tracking down clips of the poor thing, bribing the editor, Nora, to pull them together. She'd even written a script. Zari looked at her with an eyebrow raised.

"Seriously?"

"Yes! I have a bet going with Mick - if I can get Ava to break on camera by the end of the month, he's got to give me $50." Sara said. It was ridiculous, she'd started the bet - truthfully, she found it endearing how Ava read the news with the same abject sternness whether she was covering a political scandal or a dog who'd learnt to surf in Star City Bay. She'd only broken her composure once - a smile creeping on her face when reporting on the 5th birthday of a crocodile at Star City Zoo named Snaps. From that day on, Sara had vowed to make her laugh, properly, live on air.

"I don't have any time to make up." Zari said, and Sara sighed.

"Yeah, but you know Ava reads quick enough. Please? For me?"

Zari seemed immune to the puppy eyes, so Sara sighed. "And I'll give you $20."

Zari snorted. "Do you have $20?"

"I'll have $50 when I win the bet." Sara countered, and Zari sighed.

"Fine. I'll see what I can do."

"Z, you're the best." Sara said with a grin, and turned to return to the studio floor.

///

The program went smoothly, like always. Sara liked her job, the focus of filming and the pride she got when she saw her own work on TV, but she liked it better when she was filming Ava, who had pretty much insisted from day one that Sara be her primary operator.

Ava looked especially pretty today, someone in make-up evidently having convinced her that she didn't need the bun today, and instead curled her hair over both shoulders, which didn't completely cover Ava's defined arms, visible in her sleeveless dress.

The night ran the same as most others, Ava transitioning smoothly between topics and engaging in light, courteous banter with Nate before he presented the weather. Sara looked at Ava during these moments, the five minutes she was off camera, where she looked down at her notes, worrying her bottom lip with her teeth.

Okay, so maybe Sara wanted to make Ava laugh because she looked so pretty doing it. Sue her.

They were coming near the end, and Sara was losing hope that the story would be included, until she heard the segue.

"Now, in lighter news," Ava started, her eyebrows suddenly shooting up as she read the prompter. Sara grinned; Zari had obviously left this out of Ava's notes to inspire more of a reaction.

"Cats," Ava blurted out, steadying herself before continuing, "they're not normally known for their love of swimming, but one feline in Star City is hitting the water instead of the gym in a bid to lose weight. Mr. Snuggles -" Ava bit her lip as the pictures played on the monitor - a black and white cat in a life vest, looking absolutely terrified, and Sara grinned. "Mr. Snuggles is a thirteen-year-old cat who - dislikes the outdoors and other physical activities."

Sara's grin widened as Ava lost it, barely making it through her lines through her giggles. Her face was flushing pink and she bit her lip to try and compose herself. "But with encouragement from his owner -" Ava pressed on, trying to hold herself together, "Mr. Snuggles had lost one pound in six months."

That was the final straw, as Ava descended into a full-on laugh, barely making it through her sign off. Sara was so distracted by the sound she nearly missed Zari's voice in her ear. "Camera 1 to Camera 3 in 3, 2, 1 -"

Sara switched off, but not before Ava snorted, flushing even deeper and covering her face with her hands at the sound, not disguised by the jingle from the lottery numbers playing across the screen.

///

Ava had bolted from the set, and Sara packed up her equipment as quickly as possible, ducking out just in time to catch Ava as she walked down the corridor to the lobby. Her face was now free of make-up, her hair tied up in a messy bun, but she was still in the dress that left Sara's mouth a little dry. She looked at Sara, blushing again.

"I can't believe you did that." She groaned, and Sara put on her most innocent face on.

"Did what?"

"Bribed Zari to put the cat story in! John in make-up said that Charlie had told him that you'd bribed Zari."

"To win $50!" Sara said, grinning. "And you have a really cute laugh."

Ava looked up; eyebrow furrowed. "Really?"

"Yep." Sara said, trying to play it cool. "Look, do you want half? I feel bad now."

Ava sighed. "No, it's okay."

"I could buy you dinner." Sara said, almost blurting it out, and Ava looked at her. "To make up for it."

Ava's mouth quirked up in a smile. "Uh - yeah, okay. I can do dinner."

~the end~

okay so this was fun to write and i kind of want to write more so uhh send me where u think this story should go. or ideas for a part 2 maybe. thanks for reading!!

#phoebe lifeblogs #avalance #legends of tomorrow #my writing #this is almost Too cute lmao

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captain-kingliamsqueen · 4 years ago

Text

Diary of A Star Crossed Lover Part 2

just a short series ...well not really a series...but still a series! , that ive been working on! there are a few series i’’ve had to put on hold as im just not feeling them right now, and i only want to put my best out for you to read! hope you enjoy this series as much as i have enjoyed writing it!

Pairing: Liam x Riley, Liam x MC

Summary: Liam dives into riley most inner thoughts and dreams...

Word Count: 2,655

Masterlist

ASK IF YOU WANT TAGGED! SORRY IF I MISSED ANYONE!

I always notice every single spelling mistake or issue after I’ve posted…so apologies in advance!

Tags aren’t working so I will be tagging in the comments. Ive tried to tag everyone, please don’t hesitate to msg and let me know if i forgot to tag you!

June 14th

Dear Diary…

Here I am…sitting in the middle of a foreign country…Cordonia, When Maxwell appeared at my apartment and asked me if I wanted to come to Cordonia and compete for Liam's hand in marriage…I mean…is there really a choice in the matter…stay and be a waitress for the rest of my life…come and have the time of my life, with an amazing guy! I’ve never been one to shoot my shot or anything, but this is a once in a lifetime chance, Liam is Amazing, Exciting and extremely handsome, how could I possibly say no?

Love you Muchly…Riley x

Liam placed Riley's diary down on the table as Drake entered his office.

“Drake” Liam greeted him.

“Hey, I just came to see if we’re still on for Poker night tomorrow?”

“I’ll have to postpone for about 30 minutes but we’re definitely still on for it!!”

“alright, I just wanted to check, I’ll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing”

After Drake left, Liam lifted the diary again.

June 26th

Dear Diary,

After the derby and the picnic today, we all went out for cronuts, I can’t believe they’ve never tried them! getting to spend some time with Liam was amazing, even though there were others there, just getting to be with him outside of the court was just amazing. My heart just about jumped out of my body, when we were sitting in the café, and I felt his fingers brush my hand, then his hand linked with mine, he gave it a gentle squeeze then smiled when I looked at him. God I love his smile!

Love you Muchly…Riley x

Liam smirked as he turned the page over,

June 27th

Dear Diary,

Today we are heading to Lythikos, Olivia’s neck of the woods. She has the upper hand here; I need to be careful. Well that’s what Max said anyway…I kind of like Olivia, she’s a strong, bold woman…I cant fault her for that, I mean of course she could be a little nicer but, I think she and I could maybe get along one day.

The thing that scares me about this whole situation…is I’m falling in love with Liam…but it doesn’t matter…its all down to who he chooses, so we could get to the end of the social season and he chooses one of the other ladies…I feel like a prize to be won…I’m not sure how I feel about that… I’m no one’s trophy, and I know there’s no ill intent on Liam's part, but in the end…it’s his decision that’s going to either make or break my life…if I am the one he chooses, I become his wife, the countries queen! But if he chooses someone else, I go home, with nothing, just the embarrassment of going home, known as the “foolish” woman who followed a total stranger to a foreign country after spending a few hours together, hoping he would fall in love with her. I want to believe he will choose me, he has never given me reason to think he wouldn’t, but at the same time, I have to be realistic, I have only known Liam for a matter of weeks…

If it’s a choice of fear or hope…I think ill choose hope, hope that Liam is feeling the same amazing connection that I am, from the moment we met I felt some kind of magnetic pull towards him, and I know he felt it too…I don’t want to live in fear of what might possibly happen, I want to have hope…that he’s falling in love with me too.

Love you Muchly…Riley x

A frown found itself upon Liam's face as he reread the last entry, she was right…the ladies were basically put on a buffet table for him to take his pick of whoever he wanted… Riley had very rarely spoken about her thoughts if Liam wasn’t to choose her, was she really that scared that he wouldn’t and that’s why she didn’t mention it, or did she just have that much faith in him? he loved her from the minute they met, he would choose her over any woman in the world, without a pause for thought, it was always Riley, and he would spend the rest of his life, showing her, she was always the one, she will always be the one for him.

He turned the page over and began the next entry.

27th June

Dear Diary…

I’ve been here just about two weeks and my god, it is AMAZING! I mean, I wish I could spend so much more time with Liam but he says he has to spend time with the other girls too so it doesn’t look to obvious…I won’t lie, I won’t deny it…it makes me kind of jealous, I wish I could spend every day with that man, whenever I’m around him I just feel…free…I feel like I don’t have to hide anything, I don’t feel self-conscious, I don’t feel anxious, or nervous! He just makes me feel at peace. I’ve never felt so comfortable just being in a room with someone. We managed to sneak a kiss or two, I want to spend the rest of my life feeling the way his kisses make me feel. when Olivia kissed Liam…boy did my heart sink, I know he didn’t want to kiss her, he told me that himself, but seeing someone else kiss him just made me feel…some kind of way. He invited me up to his room after the ball, which I happily agreed to! I could never turn down more time with Liam. When I arrived at his room and he had lit candles oh my goodness, I don’t think ive ever had someone be that romantic…when I asked him and he blushed, my god! Liam and I spent ages in the hot tub, we kissed, we y’know…messed around a little bit and we had a real deep conversation about love, about life, Ive never seen him as relaxed than he was last night. Being in his arms…it just felt so right. When we got out of the hot tub and he made us hot chocolate to sit and drink Infront of the fire, its just turning 2am and I’m only just getting back, if I’d stayed any longer the two of us would have fell asleep, as much as we would have both loved that, it wouldn’t have looked very good anyone seen I was leaving Liam's room, in his clothes after spending the night with him then stayed over. Let it be known, if we could have…we would have.

Love you Muchly…Riley

Liam grinned as he remembered that night all too well. That night he spent with Riley was one of the best nights he ever had.

June 27th

Riley sat with her eyes closed, cuddled into Liam's chest, with his arms wrapped around her. The hot bubbly, steamy water keeping them warm on the cold night. Liam pressed a gentle kiss to Riley's head “Riley?” he whispered, as he gently ran his hand through her hair. “yeah” she replied

“What does Love mean to you?” Liam gently traced his fingers over her cheek as he looked down to see her so relaxed. Riley opened her eyes as she looked up at him, giving him the sweetest smile.

“Love means accepting you for who they are, and not wanting to change you. it means loving you and standing by you through the worst times. It means loving you even when you are in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. Love means, that I know you’re deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine, it means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go, it means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly and hoping…just hoping that you feel the same way for me …I think Love is just a word…until someone comes along and gives it meaning, and when that someone comes along, Love becomes this…whole new adventure.”

“Riley…” Liam whispered with a smile as he leaned in placing the sweetest kiss on her lips, her fingers lacing through the hair on the back of his neck.

Not long later, Liam whispered, breaking the peaceful silence that the two had fell into.

“do you want to get some hot chocolate and we can sit in front of the fireplace?”

“that sounds like a great idea”

Liam climbed out of the hot tub, then offered Riley his hand to help her out. She thanked him as he lifted a towel and wrapped it around her, then got himself one.

“I don’t have any dry clothes Liam; I only have my dress”

“I’m sure I have something you can put on” Liam assured her. They made their way into Liam's bedroom; Liam went to his suitcase where he pulled out a t shirt and a pair of shorts.

“I hope these are alright for you”

“they’re perfect, thank you”

Riley moved into the bathroom where she changed out of her soaking undergarments and into the fresh, dry clothes then she made her way back into the bedroom. Liam was in a pair of grey shorts and a plain white t shirt; he was stood in his little kitchenette just finishing the hot chocolate. He brought them over to Riley, placing them on the floor beside where he had sat some cushions on the floor for them. Riley sat down, whilst Liam grabbed a blanket from the bed, he sat beside Riley, wrapping his arm along with the blanket around her.

The two spent the next while sipping away at their hot beverages.

By the time the clock hit 1am, there were two empty mugs, Riley sat cuddled into Liam's chest, drifting in and out of sleep. Whilst Liam sat running his fingers through Riley's hair, their legs entangled under the blanket that had made its way round to lay over their legs, Liam could barely keep his eyes open.

“we can’t fall asleep” he whispered as he held her that little bit tighter.

“I know…we’re just resting our eyes for a little bit” Riley smiled tiredly “I should head back to my room soon”

“I wish you didn’t have to; I could lay here with you all night”

“me too, but sadly it’s the way it has to be”

Liam nearly caved that night; it took everything he had in him to stop himself from just climbing into bed and falling asleep beside the woman he was falling deeply in love with. With a grin on his face just thinking about the night, he closed the diary over, then he got up and headed out of his office and down to the royal quarters. He always had this diary with him, every chance he got, he would read a page or two. He wanted to really understand how Riley felt through the whole social season and engagement to madeleine.

Liam had made plans to have dinner with Riley, well made plans as in, on the plane after they got engaged Liam told Riley, they would never have to eat dinner alone again, so every night since and every night going forwards the two had dinner together. Once Liam got to the apartment, he showered then changed into some more comfortable clothes before heading down to Riley's room where one of the staff would be bringing the two take out. Liam and Riley sat on the sofa, with the tv on in the background whilst they ate.

“so, I was thinking about wedding cake earlier” Riley stated as she put a shovel of Chinese noodles into her mouth

“really? You have something in mind?”

“Lemon cake…” she grinned

“that’s a great idea, I think it will go down really well with everyone!

“I was also thinking maybe we could go for a walk on the beach after dinner, if you don’t have any engagements that is”

“nope, I cleared the night, I would love to go for a walk on the beach with you”

After the two finished their food, they wrapped up and pulled their shoes on then headed down to Liam's car, with Bastian following closely behind in the SUV, they made their way to the beachfront.

“it’s so cold…but it’s so peaceful” Riley whispered, she squeezed Liam's hand as she cuddled into his side.

“so, I’ve been reading your diary” Liam whispered

“you have?” Riley grinned with a soft blush hitting her cheeks.

“I have, I wasn’t going to, I wanted to respect your privacy, but then…I wanted to fully understand what you went through, how you felt.”

“so how far have you got?”

“just earlier today I was reading about the night we spent in the hot tub in lythikos”

Riley smirked when he mentioned it. “one of the best nights I had, that was one of the first nights I felt truly connected to you, we had no interruptions, no engagements, he really talked and got to know each other a little better… just us”

“me too” he smiled as he squeezed her hand.

The two sat down on the sand, Riley sat between Liam's legs leaning back into his chest.

“do you have it with you?”

“your diary?”

“yeah” she smirked

“yes, I have it”

“we should read some”

“right now?”

“yeah right here, whilst we have peace and quiet”

Liam pulled the small book from the inside pocket of his jacket. He flipped the book open and began to read.

June 29th

Dear Diary

I had the best day at the beach, there was a sailing competition, then we spent the day on the sand, I got burnt to a crisp and I don’t even mind! Liam hates sailing, when he told me he only really takes part because his father’s love for boats is most important than his dislike for them! He is so selfless and kind…ive never met anyone that would put as many people before themselves as he does. He’s a really good man! What I did learn though, is my hopefully soon to be husband doesn’t like the taste of salt water, I’m not surprised!

Liam chuckled as he remembered his awful boat ride with Drake.

Today was the day Liam found out his father would be stepping down as king at the end of the social season, meaning, he would be choosing a wife and becoming king all at the one time. I really felt for him, his profession can’t be easy, being rushed into finding a wife, then being told he only had a few weeks before he would have the weight of the kingdom on his shoulders, it’s an extremely stressful situation and I hope I have shown him, that if he ever needs someone to just sit and listen or just distract him for a little bit, I will be there, no matter what.

Liam took me to the forgotten falls, my god it was absolutely stunning there, and the story behind it was just…wow! Two people forbidden from falling in love with each other…sounds all too familiar…though I’m sure Liam and I won’t let anyone get in our way. When Liam said he wanted us to take the leap of faith off the edge of the waterfall, I couldn’t say no!

When he kissed me in the water…my god, it was like no other kiss ive had before! Then he nearly said he loved me…god I wish he had…because I love him too.

Love you muchly…Riley x

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emybain · 5 years ago

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Three Times Nova and Adrian Were Caught and One Time They Weren’t

I started this last night at 1am on a weeks worth of sleep deprivation so honestly I have no clue what this is and I apologize in advance. The title pretty much sums up the fic. note: while these are technically all connected (post supernova drabbles), they have no correlation with one another and are simple drabbles that are connected through the title and the setting. enjoy

CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR SUPERNOVA

Masterpost of all my Renegades fics

Nova was never one for public displays of affection, which was why she tried to avoid anything more than hand holding whenever she was somewhere with Adrian. After seeing that her bold kiss with him after her release from Cragmoor had ended up on just about every magazine cover and was the gossip of every tabloid, Nova would rather not have another repeat. The less attention on her in the months following the battle at the cathedral, the better. After all, while the former Council had tried to keep Nova’s true identity secret, someone had snitched to the press, and now the entire world knew the truth about Nightmare; not everyone was entirely fond of Nova. Still, it helped that she worked to prove she was a changed person, and her therapist was an angel by helping Nova find healthy coping methods for her trauma and anxiety and, more recently diagnosed, depression as well as just being an outlet that Nova could be completely honest with.

But even her therapist had advised against too much public affection with her boyfriend, worried that any backlash could hurt Nova and backtrack her on her progress to healing. Other than that, though, and the media’s affinity to finding flaws in Nova, especially her relationship with Adrian, being too romantic and affectionate in public made Nova feel awkward; she hated having a bunch of eyes on her, something she supposed she carried over from her days as an Anarchist.

She hadn’t fully considered how private elevators were, though.

After a morning of training together, she and Adrian decided to head upstairs to meet the rest of their team for lunch. From climbing the rock wall, to sparring, to finishing off with some laps around the track, they were both sweaty and somewhat gross.

Adrian passed her his water bottle, as hers was empty. She accepted it gratefully, taking a short swig, and then another.

“So,” she passed the bottle back to him, “does Oscar have a new place for us to try out, or are we just going to the cafeteria?” She secretly hoped for the first option, so as to avoid the repetitive food offered in the cafeteria and the occasional unfriendly stare by another Renegade in Nova’s direction, She usually returned those with a bright, sweet smile and a wave.

Adrian checked his wristband, probably for messages. “He hasn’t said yet. We can ask when we get up there.” He pushed his glasses up as they slid down his nose. Glancing at Nova, he cleared his throat. “So, speaking of food…”

Nova’s ears perked up, her chest expanding at the thought of where he might be going. “Yeah?”

He turned his body a bit to face her, hand snaking around her waist to rest on the bare skin beneath her ratty crop top. The skin there tingled beneath his fingers. “Since we don’t have patrol Saturday night, maybe we could go out? See a movie, grab food?”

Yes, Nova thought, holding back a giddy smile. She could tell he was holding back his excitement as well, trying to remain cool by relaxing the arm around her. They rarely got the chance to go out on dates, and most dates were just spent at his house anyway. They were never anything special, as all Nova cared about was spending time with Adrian, but there was something about being an actual teenager and going out on an actual date with her boyfriend that was exciting.

Nova bit her bottom lip, inching in a little; he did the same. “I’ll have to check my schedule. Will your girlfriend be okay with us hanging out?”

Adrian broke out into that smile that warmed Nova from head to toe. “She’s pretty amazing, so I’m sure it’s alright.” He leaned down, and Nova met him halfway, stretching up onto her toes.

“Then it’s a date.” She sighed as she kissed him, content. Sometimes, she felt as if she had fallen asleep somehow, and this was all a dream, that her life couldn’t have turned out this way. Sometimes, like now, she had to peek through her eyelids at Adrian to make sure that this was real. He was real. The shivers that ran down her spine from the gentle caress of his lips and tugging at her hips was enough evidence to prove this was reality and not a cruel dream.

Neither of them felt the elevator come to a stop, nor did they hear the doors open with a ding. They did, however, hear a throat clear.

Nova jumped away from Adrian, cheeks already heating up as she smiled apologetically toward the stranger in front of them. Beside her, Adrian checked the floor.

“I believe this is our stop,” he said, voice not giving away whether or not he was as embarrassed as Nova at being caught mid kissing session in an elevator at headquarters. In fact, he acknowledged the other Renegade by name as he led a near-trembling Nova out of the small compartment.

When they were out of earshot of other Renegades, making their way to the lobby, Nova inhaled a shaky breath. “This is why we have our rule. Hand holding only.”

Adrian took the opportunity to snag her hand, lacing their fingers together. He had a teasing smile on his face. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just irresistible, right?”

Nova restrained from slapping him. “I hate you.”

__________

What had started out as an innocent hangout, Adrian working in his sketchbook and Nova on her latest invention, eventually turned into Nova sitting in Adrian’s lap on the couch, straddling him on either side of his legs.

Her head tilted back to give his lips better access to her neck, holding back her heavy breathing. He kissed a trail along her jawline then down the base of her throat to her collarbone. A gasp escaped her, and she felt his wicked smile against her skin. He pressed his lips to the spot again, then dared to gently bite the area. This time, Nova moaned softly and pulled his head back up to eye level with her.

They blinked at each other, trembling and lips already beginning to become swollen from the activity. Adrian tucked a messy strand of hair behind Nova’s ear, then cupped her cheek. Nova leaned into his touch.

“I love you,” he murmured, stroking her jaw with his thumb. Nova grinned, her entire being in a state of bliss. How could she have been so lucky? How and why did she deserve this?

“I love you, too.” Nova pressed a kiss to his hand before pushing him back until he was lying on the couch.

They picked up where they left off, starting slow at first, but quickly growing as heated as before. Adrian’s hand traveled down to her thigh, tracing small circles, and then resting comfortably. Nova’s insides tingled; she wasn’t sure if she could handle so much contact for long without physically imploding. Her senses were overwhelmed with Adrian. She could only think of him and every one of his kisses.

Nova’s hand had just started to wander up his shirt when they both heard a swear.

“What the...holy shit.” Nova nearly fell off the couch in an effort to get off of Adrian. She pushed her hair back from her face, eyes widening at the sight of Max, who was holding a bowl.

“Max!” Adrian pushed himself up into a sitting position, grabbing a pillow to hug in his lap. Nova blushed even more, redness spreading to her neck. “What do you want.” He didn’t even bother phrasing it like a question, clearly upset about being interrupted. Nova had never heard him use that tone with his brother before.

Max looked between the two of them, a mixture of disgust and disappointment written in his features. “Really? Right in front of my salad?” He gestured toward his bowl dramatically. “A warning would have been nice, at least.”

“Gee, okay.” Adrian rolled his eyes, “Yeah, next time I’ll tape a sign on the door to the stairs saying ‘Do not disturb.’ That way the rest of the house knows to leave us alone. Great idea.” He glanced over at Nova, but she refused to make eye contact with either of them, burning a hole into the carpet. “What do you want, Max? We were in the middle of something.”

Max regarded his older brother with humor in his eyes. “Yes. I can tell you were very busy.”

“Max-”

Max held up a hand to Adrian’s warning, grinning evilly. “Okay, okay! You said the other day I could borrow some of your comics and I’m bored, so I thought I’d come down and get some.” He coughed lightly. “But I can see you’re a little,” his eyes darted to the pillow clutched to Adrian’s chest, “preoccupied.”

Adrian threw the pillow at Max’s head. He yelped and barely dodged it, but his salad fork fell from the bowl. Max frowned at it for a second before shrugging and picking it up, setting it back down in the bowl.

“I just wanted the comics, if that’s okay.”

Adrian looked as though he would rather not give his brother anything, but Nova was ready to be embarrassed in private. “Second to last shelf on the bookcase.”

Max smiled at her, and unlike the one directed previously at his brother, this one was almost sympathetic. “Thank you, Nova. I’ll be fast and get out of your hair. At least one of you is dependable.” Another pillow was chucked his way, but Max saw it coming and stuck a tongue out at his brother.

If it weren’t for the situation, Nova would have smiled. In such a short amount of time, Max had changed and become more relaxed and carefree, like a kid his age should be. He was still serious and wise beyond his years, but it was moments like this that betrayed his true age. Nova had a feeling the Supernova was probably the best thing to ever happen to him.

When Max left, a pile of comics in one hand, Nova fell back on the couch and buried her head in the cushions.

__________

A cold front had blown through Gatlon, so upon Adrian’s suggestion, they made cookies. Nova, having never baked or cooked something a day in her life other than simple concoctions like eggs, let Adrian do most of the work, helping when he needed small things done like measuring out something and handing him the cup. She scooped the dough into little balls when they were ready to bake, at least.

The clean up process was fairly simple, only being interrupted by the two sneaking attacks on each other with leftover cookie dough and anything that had spilled over onto the counter. Somehow, Nova ended up with flour in her hair and cookie dough on her cheeks. She managed to get Adrian back on his nose, across his chin, and smeared over his forehead. She was about to chuck a small handful of flour at him when he wrapped his arms around her, causing a shriek to escape her lips.

“Put me down!” she yelped, smacking his arm. He was laughing. “I can and will knock you out, Adrian Everhart!” One of his hands reached for hers, the one full of flour. He managed to grab her, and it took all of Nova’s strength to prevent him from using her own attack against her. In the end of the struggle, she was able to run her flour covered hand through his hair, leaving his dark curls a dusty white. She laughed at his shocked expression.

“I win,” she said smugly, unable to hide her proud smile. “For my victory, I request a kiss.”

Adrian’s eyes softened, and his hands went to her waist as he leaned down. Nova bit her lip, then reached up to taste the cookie dough smudged on his nose. He blinked at her when she moved away, swiping at the dough on his jaw with her finger.

“Mm.” She nodded, licking her fingers. “That’s good.”

“You’re unbelievable.” Adrian shook his head, flour raining down to his shoulders. “Is this all I am to you? A joke for your amusement?”

Nova nodded firmly. “Amuse me, court jester.”

He pulled her back to him, hand cupping her cheek. “Anything for you, my queen.” If it were anyone else, Nova would have gagged from the cheesiness. She even surprised herself these days with how dorky she could be at times, something that hadn’t been present a year ago. Every day, she was learning new things about herself that were shocking.

Adrian’s lips tasted of sugar and chocolate, remnants of the cookie dough. Their kiss, while leaving Nova light on her feet, was short lived, as a resounding knocking on the wall drew them apart.

“Parent present.” Hugh narrowed his eyes at Nova, although there was a twinkle of amusement in them. He liked to interrupt her dates with his son whenever he could, sometimes even joining in when he had the chance. Quite a few movies were spent with Hugh wedged between the two of them. He always liked to make his presence known when intruding on their privacy, too, such as knocking obnoxiously on doors and walls and anything he could get his hands on. “What are you two up to?” He looked them both up and down, taking in their messy states.

“Making cookies.” Adrian unraveled his arms from Nova’s waist, much to her disappointment. “Should be ready in a few minutes if you want to stick around.”

Simon entered the kitchen then, followed by Max. Adrian’s other dad glanced around the kitchen at the oven, then at the ingredients strewn across the counter. “I thought I smelled cookies. I didn’t know you could bake, Nova.” He paused. “Or cared to. It doesn’t really seem like your thing.”

Nova leaned back against the sink, attempting to shake flour from her hair. “I’m simply the helper. Adrian made them.”

Max snorted. “Last time Adrian tried baking, he burned the muffins. Are we sure we can trust the two of you to make something edible?”

“You probably shouldn’t.” Nova grinned. “But I know you won’t pass up an opportunity for free cookies.” Max had a bit of a sweet tooth, she had learned in the months following the Supernova. Sometimes, it got him into trouble, like when he had been caught eating a bowl of ice cream that was three times the serving size.

The timer on the oven went off then, and Nova watched as all four Everhart-Westwood boys surged forward to pull them out. She shook her head, rolling her eyes. What was she going to do with them, this new family she had been integrated into? Once enemies, they were now some of the people she held close to her heart. Sure, there were times when their pasts with one another stung, but things could be overlooked, problems could be worked out and solved; at the end of the day, Nova had a true family again, and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

__________

The silence was unsettling as Simon and Hugh stepped through the door. Max was over at the Tucker’s apartment with the twins, while Adrian had Nova over to hang out. Simon had convinced Hugh that the young couple would be fine for thirty minutes while the two of them headed to the grocery store for dinner items. After all, the only thing Adrian and Nova had been doing since she had come over a few hours before was playing some zombie video game on Adrian’s gaming console. From the sound of things downstairs, Adrian had to teach Nova how to use the controller and explain how the game worked. While he usually had the game’s volume on high, the sound of gunshots and zombie gurgles echoing throughout the house, today he had replaced it with a local band’s music that Nova had mentioned she started listening to. It was possibly done for Nova’s sake, as Simon understood she hated the sounds of warfare and fighting, despite the brave mask she always put on while on duty. After a while, Adrian’s instructing disappeared and was replaced with normal conversation between the two, something Simon tried to not eavesdrop on, and the occasional shriek or swear. The swearing mostly came from Nova, so Simon couldn’t do much about it other than shake his head.

When Simon returned from the grocery store with his husband, though, not even music was playing from the basement, instantly raising his and Hugh’s suspicions. Exchanging worried, knowing looks, they dropped their bags in the kitchen and headed toward the stairs leading to their son’s room. Simon hated barging in on Adrian’s privacy; Hugh liked to refer to it as simply checking up on him. Nonetheless, the two headed down the stairs. Simon could see the faint glow from the television screen. Based on a few past experiences, including his own, Hugh’s, and even Max’s, Simon braced himself for the worst. He expected to find the two wrapped up in one another, making out as teens did to deal with their raging hormones.

What he didn’t expect to find was the game paused and Adrian asleep on the sofa, cheek resting on the cushion in his upright position against the armrest. Nova was indeed in his arms, but cocooned in a blanket. Her head rested on his chest, face peaceful. Simon had never seen her asleep before, as she didn’t need it to function like every other person did. Upon stepping closer, Simon noticed the way Adrian had pulled her close to him, almost protectively, and how his chin tilted down to rest on top of her head. On the coffee table sat his sketchbook, open to whatever he had been working on before falling asleep.

Simon nudged his husband, pointing to the drawing of a beaming Nova in a landscape of flowers. It looked like a camera shot, as Nova’s smile was aimed at something beyond the page. Caught in the middle of a laugh, perhaps, not even aware that her photo had been taken. Simon bet Adrian had drawn inspiration from a photo, and that the source of her happiness could somehow be traced back to him. After all, from what Simon could tell, Nova was always happiest when she was around Adrian.

“Told you they’d be fine,” Simon teased, reaching for Hugh’s hand and pulling it from his crossed arms. “We can trust them.”

Hugh made a noise in the back of his throat, eyebrows furrowed at the scene before them. He stepped closer to the sleeping couple, reaching down. “He didn’t even take his glasses off. You would think that them breaking twice before from falling asleep would have taught him by now.” Hugh plopped them down next to the sketchbook. Simon noticed how his eyes lingered a second too long on the drawing, softening. He had the same thought as Simon: their son was deep, deep in love.

Nova stirred from her spot on top of Adrian. Both Simon and Hugh froze as her eyes blinked open slowly, squinting at them. Immediately, Simon began coming up with excuses as to why they were down there. Embarrassing Adrian was one thing. He was their son, and as parents, embarrassing him was their job. Nova, however was another story.

His excuses died in his throat as a loose, sleepy smile formed on Nova’s lips at the sight of Adrian’s dads. She sighed and wrapped her arms around Adrian’s middle, somehow cuddling him closer than before. Just as quickly as she woke, Nova was back asleep within seconds, smile fading into a relaxed, peaceful expression.

Together, Simon and Hugh tiptoed their way back to the stairs.

#renegades #archenemies #supernova #supernova spoilers #Adrian everhart #nova artino #nodrian #anarchists #danna bell #ruby tucker #Oscar silva #max everhart #my writing

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writtingsofspn · 5 years ago

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With Him By My Side

Request: Jensen reader where she is 22 and they fall in love he is her first everything and he is very protective of her on night there’s a thunder and she is scared and he takes care of her. People say that she is a gold digger but he is at a con and says the he never loved someone the way he loves the reader...(there’s some more but you get the gist)

Pairing: Jensen x reader (my first woo!)

A/N: This took me forever and I didn’t have the best week so just thank you to @webcraft4eveh for tagging me in things just to cheer me up it always makes me week @wonderfulworldofwinchester for putting some of my fics on her reading list it really got me a ton more notes and @thebooklover2020 for the gifs! You guys really reminded me that people do enjoy my writing and helped motivated me to finish this so thank you so much!!

Deep breath in, deep breath out. If Jensen could do it you could do it.

Sure Jensen had years of experience with these under his belt, this is his literal job, and he knew at least somewhat what they were going to ask him.

But yeah if Jensen could do it you could do it, sure.

Your stomach was in knots, you could feel your entire body not just shaking but vibrating. It was as if the nervousness from every speech you’ve ever had to give was hitting you at once. But at least all of those times you had something prepared, you already knew what you were going to say, you didn’t here. You had nothing here.

Familiar green eyes made contact with yours from across the stage, a wink and smile sent in your direction and despite everything you felt a genuine one grow on your own face.

Scratch that you had one thing, you had him, and you honestly felt like that was enough.

“It would seem she’s a little shy” The laugh in his voice caught your attention, pulled you from your own little bubble, made you aware of the microphone being shoved into your hand.

Deep breath in, deep breath out, one foot in front of the other, and you were met with a wall of sound.

Cheers, they were cheering for you, they actually wanted to see you, that was new.

Your thumb hovered over the button, hesitating just as it did every time you did this. With a small sigh you clicked back to the photo, your lips turning up just slightly at the sight of it. It was an objectively cute photo, Jensen leaning over to kiss your cheek well you laughed into the camera, a genuine laugh that made you grin at the thought of it.

You friend had taken the photo for you and from that moment was gushing about how you just had to post it. And she wasn’t wrong, you were excited to post it, to show off your boyfriend and gush about your relationship, but that damn comments section.

You had learned long ago that disabling it was safest, many people had not even waited until you and Jensen made you relationship public to attack you, instead going back onto old photos of you and leaving nasty comments. And at first it wasn’t a big deal, just disable their ability to leave comments and you wouldn’t have to read them anymore, not that you ever really paid attention to your comments section.

But as the saying goes you never know what you have until its gone.

As stupid as you felt admitting it you loved reading people’s comments, compliments, teasing from your friends, Jared always making note to make fun of Jensen, you missed it.

So before you could talk yourself out of it you posted the picture. Setting down the phone right away, almost scared something would pop up immediately.

But of course nothing did, they gave you a good five minutes to enjoy your day before tearing it to shreds.

You jumped at the notification sound in spite of yourself, immediately reaching for the phone and checking it, the first comment coming in.

GOLD DIGGER

You knew that was ridiculous, you were an independent woman, you could more than survive on your own salary alone, you definitely weren’t just dating him for his salary. But damn did the insinuation hurt.

Another one

She’s not even that pretty I don’t understand why he would choose her

Had you an optimistic bone in your body you would have fixated on the latter part of that sentence, the fact that yes he choose you, but of course you chose to focus on the former, even worse you agreed with it. There was no arguing it Jensen was way out of your league, in attractiveness, in social standing, hell economically speaking if we want to go there, and they for sure did, so why did he chose you?

Jensen deserves so much more than you

He did, didn’t he.

You could feel a lump grow in your throat at the memory, biting your lip before awkwardly taking the seat next to Jensen, waving to the crowd you couldn’t even see behind the bright lights.

“You’re doing great”

The words were comfortingly whispered into your ear, tips of hair from the scruff on his face tickling your neck, sending another smile across your face. Maybe you could do this afterall.

“Anyone have any questions for the beautiful Y/N?” Jared’s voice boomed over the speakers, pulling you back.

“How did you and Jensen meet?” The voice came from one area but the lights were much to bright to discern exactly who was talking.

“uh-“ You started to panic a bit, trying desperately to force yourself to calm down enough to speak.

“I’m just saying the blip is a stupid name that seeks to lessen the loss of five years for half of the population” You muttered, catching the amused smirk your friend had on her face.

“And I’m just saying its all fictional and you need to get over it” She couldn’t keep the laughter out of her voice, loving how defensive you got over the subject .

“well I-“ You started to counter, honestly not 100 percent sure where you were going to go with the sentence when you collided hard with another person’s shoulder, sending both of you spinning around, nearly falling to the ground.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry” You immediately started to apologize, reaching over ready to help the man up when you stopped dead in your tracks as familiar green eyes connected with yours. “You’re Jensen Ackles”

A small smirk flashed across his face as he stood up straighter, you immediately following suit, cursing yourself for those words. “Last time I checked yeah I am”

“Oh does it change often?” You didn’t even think before the words came spilling out of your mouth, your knee jerk reaction always to return sarcasm with sarcasm.

His eyebrows raised just slightly, his smile just getting a bit wider “As an actor actually yeah it does”

“touché” You chuckled, immediate rearing up ready to apologize again for knocking him over and taking up his time stating the obvious, when he got to filling the silence first.

“Well since you already know my name I think it’s only fair that I should know yours”

Alarms started going off in your head. Was that flirting, was he flirting with you? Jensen Ackles, an actual celebrity, an incredibly attractive one at that, there was just no way.

“I’m Y/N”

His hands dug deep in his pockets and his tongue darted out to graze his bottom lip, you could feel your whole body freeze at the simple action.

“You seem quite sure of that”

“As a non-actor I can afford to be” You quipped, relishing in the fact that he was actually laughing at your jokes.

“Jensen we gotta go man” It was the first time you realized there were other people watching you, looking away from his gorgeous eyes long enough to catch a glance from your friend sending a deep blush on your cheeks.

“Yeah yeah” He brushed off the people he was with, looking back at you “I’ll see you around Y/N”

You chuckled softly before giving him an awkward wave “probably not” His eyebrows drew together causing you to continue “Sorry I know you just meant it as a nice sentiment just ignore me” more silence, more waiting for you to continue “I mean it’s not like we run in the same circles”

“well then can I have your number to make sure I do see you around”

You could feel the wind being knocked out of your chest, he really was hitting on you. You couldn’t get your voice to work, only giving him a slight nod before reaching out to take his phone, putting your contact information in it, checking the number three times before handing it back to him, just to be safe.

“We just bumped into eachother one day” A pun…a stupid pun…a pun they wouldn’t even get…that’s the best you could come up with.

To your relief you heard Jensen laugh next to you, jumping in to fill in the gaps immediately saving you, “she means that literally. I basically tackled her in a mall”

You laughed back, forgetting for a moment there were god knows how many people watching you, letting yourself get caught up in him, it was a nice familiar feeling.

“Where was your first date?” A random voice shouted out another question.

“We just kept it low key” You answered, relived to find this answer rolled off your tongue much easier than the last one “pizza and movies at his place”

You woke up to a small tickle on your forehead, your hand immediately coming up trying to push away the hair when you realized it wouldn’t go away, cause it wasn’t yours.

You slowly picked your head up, coming face to face with gorgeous green eyes.

“Well good morning to you too”

You looked down to see your legs thrown over his lap, your arms hanging limply around his neck, your head pressed into the crook of it, you were basically clinging onto him.

“uh-sorry” You stuttered, a blush rising quickly up your cheeks as you started to untangle yourself from him, only to have him hold onto you tighter, keeping you in place.

“You definitely have nothing to be sorry for” He assured you with a soft smile.

“good cause I’m not” You shot back with a giggle, placing your head back onto his shoulder, looking back at the tv screen to see the credits rolling through, the last remnants of your movie date night.

“What time is it?”

“1am I think” He shrugged

You cursed under your breath, burying your head a little deeper “I don’t want to leave yet”

“then don’t” He answered quickly “It’s late and also pouring down rain”

“I wouldn’t want to impose-“

“You wouldn’t be” He interrupted you “You can have the guest bed if you want”

“Are you sure” You asked him, sitting up once again to look him in the eyes.

“Of course” He chuckled, his eyes bouncing back and forth between your own.

“Then I’d like that”

“me too”

The rain hadn’t seemed so bad at first, just some light tapping on the window, but as the eye of the storm moved closer everything got worse. The rain itself wasn’t bad still, sounded like marbles falling onto the roof. but the thunder, that’s what scared you.

You had pulled the blankets up over your head, as if it could protect you from the deafening cracks that without fail made you jump. The lightning illuminating the room for a second giving you little warning before the sky split open.

You thought you could handle it, hands over your ears, hiding, telling yourself that it was going to be ok. But then it got to the point that the walls shook with the sound and before you knew it you were standing in front of Jensen’s door.

You decided to give it a short knock before walking right in, not entirely sure how best to handle the situation. Hesitantly you whispered his name, watching in relief as he slowly sat up, his hands going to his eyes rubbing the sleep from them.

“Y/N? what’s wrong”

You froze for a moment, unsure of what to say. You hadn’t thought any of this through and in that moment just telling him didn’t feel like the right answer. The room flooded with light for a brief moment and seconds after a loud crack, making you jump and tense up, something that didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Come here” Was all he said, lifting up the blankets and you didn’t think twice before diving underneath them. He waisted no time in wrapping his arms around you, pulling you deep into his chest, your head resting comfortably on it.

“I’m sorry”

“You never need to be sorry” He assured you, hugging you tightly.

Another flash of lightning, another clap of thunder, another jump.

He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, mumbling into your hair “you’re ok. I’ve got you”

And in all honesty you fully believed him

“Ah right then we slept together”

You hit him on the chest right away, your cheeks dusting red as you rolled your eyes “we did not sleep together on our first date…we just slept in eachothers arms”

A chorus of ‘awws’ erupted around the room including an overzealous one coming from Jared’s chair making you blush even harder, maybe you should have just gone with Jensen’s version of events.

“Since you’ve never had to deal with the paparazzi before what’s that like?”

“It can be hard” You answered honestly, not missing the way Jensen’s hand immediately sought yours out, rubbing soft circles on the skin “especially in the beginning”

“Can I open my eyes yet?”

“No”

“how about now”

“Still no”

“now?”

“You really are a child aren’t you”

“Maybe but I’m you’re child”

“You know that was probably meant to be sweet but it just came across as kinda creepy” You laughed at him, finally pulling into a parking spot after much too long looking for one.

“Yeah not my best work” He admitted with a chuckle.

“Alright you can open your eyes”

He gasped loudly, grabbing your hand tightly, looking at you with wide eyes “how did you know I love parking lots?”

You rolled your eyes and tried to fight the smile off of your face “alright just get out of the car smartass”

He laughed in response, giving you a smirk before stepping out of the car, freezing once he finally did see where you were at “the carnival?”

“It’s its first day in town” You shrugged “thought it would be fun”

“I haven’t been in years” He laughed, staring up at it.

“I hope its ok”

“It’s perfect” He assured you, walking around the car to throw his arm over your shoulders, leading you to the ticket booth.

Despite protests that it was your date he still paid for the tickets, walking lazily around the carnival with his hand in yours, trying to decide what to do first when one of the workers jumped from his booth into your path.

“hey what do you say buddy win your lady a prize?” He gestured up at the giant stuffed teddy bears, a signature untrustworthy smirk playing on his face as he locked eyes with Jensen.

“That’s the whole reason you brought me here wasn’t it” He laughed looking down at you “You wanted a giant bear”

“well I’m not saying I’d be opposed to one” He chuckled at you, handing the man five dollars and listening as he explained the rules, you breaking off from him to watch.

Jensen picked up one of the baseballs, taking a moment to test it’s weight in his hands before cocking his arm and throwing it just to the left of the milk bottles.

“You know the point of the game is to hit those right?”

You watched as he mimicked you under his breath, picking up the next ball and letting it sail just to the right of the bottles.

“I’m just saying at this rate you’ll be broke before I get the bear”

He locked eyes with you, sending you a glare and picking up the ball before winking, quickly cocking his arm and knocking over all three bottles in one throw.

“We have a winner!” The man shouted, climbing up on the counter and pulling down one of the bears, lowering it into your arms

“And you doubted me” Jensen teased, walking back over to you with a smile on his face.

You opened your mouth to respond but was cut off by someone else calling his name. This was something that by this point you were used to, random people recognizing him in restaurants and such asking for an autograph. But you watched as this guy pulled out a notepad and asked if he could ask Jensen some questions.

Immediately Jensen stepped in front of you, blocking you from view.

“Look kid I know you’re just trying to do your job but I’m just here to have fun no questions please”

The reporter didn’t back off, ignoring him completely, continuing to barrage him with questions. Jensen tired to talk him down, tried to get him to leave, but nothing worked, so he finally just grabbed your hand and dragged you away from the guy, keeping his body between you and the reporter.

You didn’t question him just let him drag you away, watching the way his jaw set as he heard the guy calling after him but luckily didn’t follow you two.

“Jensen are you ok?” You asked him once you had finally gotten far enough away, pausing behind some random tent.

He squeezed your hand, sending you a soft but obviously painted on smile. “I’m fine, I’m just really sorry about that guy?”

“It’s not your fault” You shrugged, rubbing a thumb across his hand, trying to get him to calm down “and I’m fine it was just one guy he didn’t even care about me”

“It is my fault” he insisted with a sigh “it’s my fault he came up to me”

“It’s your fault that you were you?” You chuckled shaking your head at him “that’s ridiculous, it’s not your fault, and no harm was done, don’t even worry about it”

He looked at you, the corners of his mouth tipped up finally, “what did I do to deserve you?”

“Beats me” You chuckled earning yourself an eyeroll “but how bout I run this bear to the car, you buy me an elephant ear, and we’ll go on the Farris wheel in a bit”

“I’d like that” He nodded.

You grinned back at him, nodding back briefly before heading back to the car, Jensen heading over to one of the food trucks.

It took some effort but the bear eventually did fit in the back seat, you just couldn’t see out of the back window which sounded like a problem for the drive home not now.

Your phone beeped with a message from Jensen letting you know where to meet him. You started to make your way back into the carnival when you paused noticing the unusually long line to get into the park, each one of them wearing large cameras around their necks, reporters. That guy must have tipped them off and now they were all here for Jensen, shit.

You ran back through the grounds, trying to make sure you didn’t tip anyone off that you were heading where they needed to, when you finally spotted Jensen sitting at one of the picnic tables, a giant elephant ear on a plate in front of him, a grin appearing on his face as soon as he spotted you.

You ran up and grabbed his hand, trying to pull him to his feet “we need to go”

“What’s wrong” He furrowed his brow, slowly getting up but not moving from his seat.

“The reporter must have tipped off some of his buddies, there’s a whole bunch trying to get into the park right now” You rambled off quickly, glancing nervously around you.

Jensen immediately started to do the same, accidently making eye contact with more than a few in the process. Several of them started to sprint in your direction, calling his name, camera bulbs flashing harshly in the process. “shit” He swore under his breath and pulled you off in the other direction.

You tried to keep up with him, your much shorter legs struggling to do so, when he finally yanked you into a random tent, pulling the flaps closed and pulling you into a corner, his eyes telling you to be quiet just in case.

The two of you sat in the tent for a bit, perfectly silent, listening as footsteps passed in front of the tent and just as quickly faded.

You waited until it was silent for quite some time before Jensen smiled down at you, sending you a small wink to say you were in the clear.

“fuck Jens I’m so sorry”

His face immediately fell, his eyebrows drawing up “what are you sorry for”

“This date!” You exclaimed “it’s been an absolute mess”

“and that’s not your fault” He pressed

“it’s the first night its here I should have known there would be someone here to cover it”

He shook his head “there is no way that any of this is your fault”

“it is! I should have thought this through. I should have taken more precautions, I shouldn’t have brought you here in the first place” Words flowed from your mouth quickly as you started to spiral, Jensen trying desperately to get you to stop before he finally took matter into his own hands. He grabbed your face with two hands, not giving you a second to process what was happening before pressing his lips against yours.

You froze on the spot, total shock taking over you as you just stood there dumbly with wide eyes until he pulled back from you.

“this is not your fault” He assured you with a small chuckle, watching your cheeks heat up as you just stared at him with big eyes.

“you..you kissed me” You stuttered out, unable to think about anything else, your hands rising up to your lips, brushing over them.

“I did” He replied slowly “I’m sorry I should have asked if that was ok”

“no no” You shook your head, finally bringing your gaze up to meet his own “it’s not that it’s just…that was my first”

He drew his brows again “your first kiss?”

You just nodded sheepishly.

“oh shit” He mumbled, running a hand through his hair “If I had known that I would have made it much more romantic. Not just in a random tent in a carnival”

“No it was perfect” You giggled, biting your lip softly.

“I guess I’ll just have to make it up to you later” He chuckled “but first we should probably get out of here” He started shrugging off his coat, handing it to you along with his baseball cap “here put these on”

“but it’s something you get used to” You said with a small smile, looking down at the hands in your lap “and they did get me my first kiss so I guess it’s not all bad”

Jensen laughed again from his chair but didn’t say anything, giving you the floor, acknowledging that at this point you could handle yourself.

“Just in general what is dating Jensen like?”

“It’s a roller coaster” You answered honestly with a small laugh in your voice, giving his hand a small squeeze. “it can have its lows” the paparazzi, media attention, being hounded whenever you went outside, the mean comments, life wasn’t exactly a cakewalk with him “and it definitely has it’s highs”

Half an hour passed without you realizing it, just sitting on your bed, scrolling through comments, not even bothering to wipe the tears as they rolled down your face.

The front door sounded as someone walked through it, presumably Jensen back from work, and you jumped into action, wiping away at your cheeks, tossing your phone across the room with little care as to where it landed, hell better if it broke least then you wouldn’t be tempted to check Instagram again.

He came into the bedroom, a grin on his face and a bouquet of roses in his hands, held proudly in front of him.

“Jensen what’s all this for” You put on your best happy face, grabbing the roses and immediately trying to hide your face behind them.

“I was just thinking about you on the way home and all of a sudden I was in front of a flower shop” He chuckled, reaching out to brush some hair from your face, his brows immediately drawing in concern “Babe what’s wrong”

You never could hide anything from him, damn that acting career, nevertheless you tried “nothing Jens”

“As much as I like the idea of you being so overcome with emotion at the fact that your boyfriend spontaneously brought you flowers home I don’t think that’s what happened” He said was a small chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.

And despite everything you did smile a bit, finally looking up to meet his gaze, finally letting him see the full extent of your puffy red eyes.

“I got a post notification from you a few minutes ago…did you-“ He didn’t even need to finish the sentence, understanding what was going on immediately, having been in this exact situation not too long ago.

You didn’t say anything, setting the roses down on the bed and hugging him tightly, trying to pull yourself as far into him as you could, letting him anchor you, letting him protect you.

“Why do they hate me” You had said it so softly you were unsure if he heard you, unsure if you wanted him to hear you.

“They don’t hate you Y/N” Jensen put his harms around your shoulders, squeezing you tightly into him, resting his chin on top of your head.

“They do” You pressed “the awful things they say to me”

“They’re assholes” He shook his head “they don’t even know you”

“but they’re not wrong” You regretted the words as soon as you said them, you did not need to push your insecurities onto him he didn’t need your burden to carry.

“What?” He pulled back from you and you practically whimpered at the loss of contact, reluctantly looking up at him through your lashes, wishing you could take back the words.

“Nothing just please hold me”

“What do you mean they’re not wrong Y/N” He wasn’t letting this one go.

“You’re a big movie star Jensen” You couldn’t meet his eye contact, your eyes falling to the floor “your handsome and successful and famous and I’m…I’m just me…I’m nothing”

“You are not nothing” The words came out of his mouth quickly, so forceful it left a small part of you worried he was angry “You are so far out of my league its not even funny”

You pushed the corners of your mouth up, moving in to hug him again “thanks Jensen”

“I mean it” He hugged you back “they don’t know you, I’m the one who gets to see this amazing, sweet, caring, funny, intelligent person everyday. So I’m definitely the one you should trust in this situation”

You couldn’t help but laugh into his chest, letting a bit of the weight off your shoulders. “I trust you”

“Good” You could hear the smile in his voice “cause I’m always right”

You finally let a louder laugh escape your lips, pulling back from him but always keeping him at arms length “we’ll I don’t know about that”

He feigned hurt, pulling an arm up to his chest and scoffing “How dare you”

“mhm” you hummed with a smirk, going up onto your toes and pecking his lips, his offended attitude melting away immediately “I love you”

“I love you too”

There was silence for a moment, just enjoying the feeling of Jensen against you, before he broke it again “come take a shower with me”

You shook your head against his chest, pulling back again “I’m not really in the mood Jens”

“not in that way you perv” He joked with a soft chuckle, making a point to softly flick your nose “just help calm you down”

“I’m fine” You tried to shake it off, wanting to do nothing more than collapse in the bed and forget about this afternoon.

“We both know that’s not true” He sighed, taking your hand, softly pulling you to the bathroom.

You groaned but obliged, following him into the bathroom. He grinned at your compliance, turning on the water and stripping, making a show of keeping his boxers on before getting in the shower.

You eyed his suspiciously, not entirely sure what you had gotten yourself into but did the same, following behind him, only to be met with a bone crushing hug.

Immediately you took note of the feeling of his skin against yours, his arms, his chest, his stomach, his thighs. Every part of him was open to your touch, his fingers delicately tracing figures into your back as he hugged you. The water was nice and hot, making the entire room steam, his scent was everywhere around you, his skin was soft and wet to the touch. And before you knew it you were completely melting into him just enjoying the feeling of him.

“but the highs always outweigh the lows” you finished with a soft smile, looking back up at Jensen who wore a similar expression on his face.

“Jensen what do you think?”

He laughed softly, not taking an eye off of you for a second “This relationship is unlike anything I’ve ever been in before” He chuckled softly “but I can honestly say I’ve never loved anyone like I love you”

You. He said you. Not her not Y/N he said you. He wasn’t talking to the crowd or even for their benefit, he was talking to you.

“I love you too” You didn’t bother to lift the microphone to your lips when you said it. This was your moment, this was yours and Jensen’s moment.

“anyways” Jared’s voice broke through everything, drawing you back once again, your eyes flicking away from Jensen’s quickly as if you had been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to have been. “anymore questions before we let Y/N out of here?”

The room was silent and you took that as your que to leave, getting ready to push yourself up from the chair when a voice sounded from the crowd.

“How big is he?”

You bit your lip and grinned up at him, his face dropping slightly. You could hear Jared rearrange himself in his chair and looked over to see him leaning heavily over the armrest towards you, looking as interested in your answer as possible.

“Do you want like a metaphor or inches. Cause in terms of inches he’s about-“

Jensen grabbed your mic from your hand immediately “alright that’s enough of that”

You laughed at him, sending him a wink as he tried to keep a straight face but failed miserably.

The crowd erupted in boo’s making him shake his head “not my fault” he defended “they’re giving me the signal it’s time to wrap it up, no more questions, we’re done”

You and Jared laughed at him as he rambled, sharing a look before standing. With a quick kiss on the cheek you left the stage, leaving them to do whatever they needed to in order to wrap things up, feeling as though you were coming down from a high.

Never had you thought that would have gone that well.

#jensen ackles #jensen x reader #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x y/n #jensen ackles x you #jensen x y/n #supernatural #supernatural oneshot #supernatural one shot #supernatural imagine #jensen one shot #jensen imagine #jensen ackles one shot #jensen ackles imagine

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niall-is-my-dream · 6 years ago

Text

You & Me - Part Eight

2500 words

Sydney, Australia

Callie's POV

"This is perfect." You mumbled to Tara. You were sat on a massive seating area at the end of a boat, sipping a beer whilst sailing on Sydney Harbour.

"Apart from those Paps on that boat over there." She replied.

"Bastards never leave him alone do they? Suppose it's good press for tour, him hanging out on this boat with his friends and crew."

"Yeah I suppose. I found it so weird when I first started working for him. He's the first high profile person I've worked for. We were spotted coming out of a club in L.A. together, Paps had a field day. It was only when some fans kindly pointed out that I work for him and that not every girl he's seen with is romantic that they laid off me."

She's must have noticed your horrified face because she backed it up with. "Don't worry about it, ok?"

"To be honest I've only ever experienced the comments on Instagram. They actually weren't that bad, but then they just think I'm his guitar tech."

The two of you were sat alone, the first time in ages that you'd had a chance to talk to her privately.

"What's bothering you Callie?" She asked, looking around to make sure no one could hear.

"Nothing, I'm fine."

"You know you can talk to me."

"I know I can."

She looked at you, knowing you were lying about being fine. There was something bothering you, Saskia. You had stupidly stalked her Instagram and Twitter. She had so many subtle posts about Niall, the one she posted just yesterday had tipped your anxiety over the edge.

"Saskia posted about being in an airport around the time we were flying here yesterday." You said, your voice low.

"I know she did. I've been watching her activity."

"You have?"

"Yeah, it's my job. After Nialls email to management about her harassing him, I've been asked to watch her and her friends and see what they're up to."

"It really got to me." You admitted.

"I know this doesn't help, but just ignore her ok, don't check it again. I'll deal with it." She said as she tried to reassure you.

"I think Niall is finding it stressful. He says it's just nerves for tour and the album release, but I know that's not just it."

You'd spoken about a lot of things when you'd been together on your 'first date' back in Sweden less than a week ago. Snuggled up in bed, having consumed pizza and beer you talked until nearly 1am. The 'what are we?' chat had happened and you'd both blushed when you admitted that you had been thinking about it a lot.

Niall hadn't had a girlfriend in a few years, having just casually dated since then. He had first met up with Saskia back in December 2016 after a Jingle Bell Ball show. They knew some mutual musicians and had swapped numbers. It became apparent to him she was using him for attention when he was celebrating the success of slow hands. She posted numerous times on social media in May hinting about him and by June when she showed up at nearly all the summer shows he appeared in, he had had enough.

You were pleased that he had shared this information with you. He explained that he had told her after they first went out, that he didn't want anything serious with her. She obviously felt that he would fall for her and want something serious after a while, but of course that never happened.

Breaking things off with her at the end of June had been a relief for him. He didn't ghost her or anything nasty, he just suggested at their last meeting that they should go their separate ways. Of course this didn't go down well with her and she continued to text him almost everyday and then she turned up at rehearsals a month ago and then the Dublin show.

He showed you her messages, the latest one being sent to him that day, whilst you were in the hotel room together. She went from being sweet about him doing so well with his shows to being downright nasty that he had decided to end things with her. Thinking she was quite the catch, she didn't understand how her, a beautiful successful model had been dumped.

Niall hadn't replied to any of her messages for weeks. Choosing to ignore her and hoping she'd get the hint. But her appearance at his Dublin show had really shook him and that's when he decided to get management involved.

Sitting here with Tara and seeing Niall finally relaxing with his friends made you immensely happy. Tara's reassurance that Saskia was being watched and that management were dealing with it made you feel a bit better.

"You having another beer?" You asked Tara.

"No, think I'll just stick to water. Pace myself!"

"Was thinking the same thing. I'll go get us some."

You stood up and made your way to the main area of the boat, some of the lads were sitting by the bar. You saw Niall look up when he heard you approach and give you a smile. Deciding to pop to the loo before you got your drinks, you made your way below deck to find them. You were just washing your hands when you heard a tap at the door.

"I'll be just a second." You called out as you dried your hands.

"It's me." You heard Niall reply.

You smirked and shook your head as you opened the door to him. His expression matched yours and as you went to step out of the stall he made a step forward and guided you back in there.

"Ni." You whispered.

"Just five minutes." He said, as he leaned into kiss you.

The stall was small and cramped but he had you pushed up against the locked door in less than a minute. Breaking away from his kiss, you smiled as your eyes met his.

"Can't keep away can you?" You whispered.

"Nope." He whispered back. "Just wanted to kiss my girlfriend in private."

You nervously bit your lower lip and blushed before leaning in and kissing him again.

You walked up the steps to the main deck five minutes later and were instantly met by 3 pairs of eyes. Gerry, John and Jake all smiling disturbingly at you.

"Everything ok lads?!" You questioned, your eyebrow raised.

"Oh grand Callie, just grand." Gerry replied.

"Good."

"Oh look, Nialls there to." John smirked as Niall made his way up the steps behind you.

"Look a bit flushed there Callie. You feeling ok?" Gerry asked you, a look of compete glee on his face.

"I'm fine thank you." You replied, shaking your head in amusement that the lads had clearly figured out something was going on between you two.

Niall made his way over to the table by the bar where the lads were sitting and took a swig from his beer.

"Oh would you look at that!" John said. "Nialls a bit flushed to."

"Enough of that Bird." He replied, his eyes going across the boat to a couple of management and crew who were luckily not in listening distance.

"Right you are." John replied, instantly toning down his banter.

You knew the lads would figure it out soon enough and you trusted Niall when he said he wouldn't tell anyone anything. But they were a close band and spent a lot of their free time together, so his absence from their group sometimes would easily be noticed.

Grabbing two bottles of water from the bar you made your way back over to Tara.

"Thanks babe." She said as she took the cold bottle from you.

"I think the lads have realised Niall and I are together." You whispered as you sat down.

"Why what did they say?"

You relayed the last five minutes back to her and she laughed.

"It's so obvious sometimes that you're together, I mean he hasn't stopped looking over here at us for the past hour."

"I didn't notice." You replied and you meant it, too busy enjoying the beautiful sun and views of the harbour.

This was exactly the type of experience you had hoped for when you'd joined the crew. You'd always wanted to travel, especially to Australia.

"Don't worry about them, if they have figured it out they won't tell anyone."

"Honestly, us keeping this a secret is harder than I thought. I didn't realise it was that obvious that we are together."

"You forget how close as a team we all are."

You laugh lightly at this, you knew you had seriously underestimated how difficult this was going to be.

The crowd in Sydney were amazing, they had clearly been online and viewed the Dublin, London and Stockholm shows. Everyone knew the words to all his songs. Niall was absolutely buzzing when he got off stage. He embraced you with a big sweaty hug, you should've been grossed out by it but you weren't. Placing a kiss to your temple, he let you go before high fiving the rest of the crew.

You were in complete awe of this man and could feel yourself falling more and more for him. So much had happened in such a short space of time that you suddenly felt overwhelmed by it all. Excusing yourself to the bathroom, you walked quickly away from everyone. You could feel his gaze burning into the back of your head as you did.

Splashing some cold water on your face helped calm you down. You looked in the mirror, silently giving yourself a pep talk.

Don't ruin this Callie, you've got this.

Keep calm.

Don't get scared.

Your heart was pounding in your chest as you careful took some long slow breaths.

Ellie came suddenly bursting through the bathroom door.

"Are you ok?!" She asked, the worry evident on her face.

"Yes, sorry. Was so hot backstage. Just needed to cool myself down." You replied calmly.

"Are you sure? Niall said the colour just drained from your face. He's really worried about you."

"Oh, I should go tell him I'm ok. I didn't mean to worry everyone. Was just so hot back there." You replied using your hand to fan yourself.

Ellie reached across and stroked your arm, the support that the whole team gave each other was strong. Her touch and kind words instantly calmed you.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket. Taking it out and looking at the screen you saw it was Niall.

"That Niall?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah it is. Didn't mean to worry him. Just got a bit too hot."

"I'll get going, I've got to finish packing up. Are you sure you're ok?"

"I'm fine, thanks Ellie."

You leaned in and gave her a hug, which she returned.

"Take it easy packing up."

"I will."

She turned and left, leaving you alone. You looked down and read Nialls mesage.

"Babe are you ok? Where are you?"

"I'm in the bathroom, Ellie has been with me. Sorry, was too hot backstage."

"Are you sure you're ok? Come to my dressing room."

"I can't, I have to go back and help pack up. Come find me when you're showered."

"Are you sure you're ok? I'm really worried about you. X"

"Honestly Ni, I'm fine. You did amazing tonight. X"

"Thanks babe, I'll come find you when I'm done."

Checking your appearance in the mirror, you straightened out your shirt before breathing out a massive sigh. You started to feel more relaxed and even slightly stupid for overreacting. The way you were feeling about him should be embraced. You had no idea if he felt exactly like you did, but you knew he liked you a lot. Staying up with him talking the other night and his need to sleep next to you assured you of that.

When you got back to the stage, Adam and James checked on you before offering you a bottle of water. The crew always looked out for eachother. You started to pack away Nialls guitars ready to be transported to Japan for the next leg of the tour. The pack up for a flight was a bit more than when it was being transported by road. Martin gave you all the labels you needed, your worst fear was one of them going missing.

The atmosphere tonight was infectious and everyone was singing and laughing as you packed up. You had done enough shows with Niall over the last ten months to have a good setting up and down system. Niall appeared a little while later, freshly showered and dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt. He made a beeline straight for you, not caring who saw him he reached up and brushed a strand of hair out of your face.

"You ok?" He asked his eyes full of concern. He stroked his thumb gently across your cheek.

"Yeah, I'm fine. As I said I was just a bit hot."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I was just was hot, overwhelmed, it was all a bit too much. I'm sorry I worried you."

You were aware of everyone around you, some looking your way. Niall noticed to and quickly moved his hand down from your face. He didn't move away from you though. Leaning down and whispering gently to you.

"You can talk to me, you know if you're worried about something. I know this is new to us both."

His eyes showed he was worried about you, it made your heart flutter. Was he talking about the tour being new to you both or the relationship you had decided to embark on?

"I know I can babe." You replied smiling.

"You really had me worried Petal." Your heart that was already fluttering in your chest began to beat faster at his use of the cute pet name.

"Honestly, I was fine." You said reaching your hand out and giving his hip a squeeze in reassurance.

"I wish I could kiss you right now." He mumbled.

"Plenty of time for that later." You smirked.

"Will you stay with me tonight?"

"I stay with you every night Mr I can't sleep without you!"

"Hey! Can't help it. Ever since that first night at yours, I find I sleep much better when you're next to me."

You smirked and shook your head.

"What? Don't hear you complaining when I snuggle up to you?!" He added.

"I sleep better with you too." You admitted.

Later that night as you snuggled up together in Nialls hotel room, you felt truly at ease.

"Cal, you awake?" Niall whispered in the darkness.

"Hmmm."

"I'm so happy we're together."

The flutters were back again as you replied, "me to."

Part nine

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/183066083788/you-me-part-nine

#Niall #Niall Horan #Niall fan fic #Niall Horan fan fic #Niall fan fiction #Niall Horan fan fiction #solo Niall #one direction #1dff #Niall fluff #niall smut #niall imagine #flicker sessions #tour life #Emily writes

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zukos-tsungi-horn · 6 years ago

Text

Souvenirs We Never Lose

Chapter 1: the moment passed me by (1 | to be continued) (Read on AO3 | FFN)

Summary: The past is never far. Zuko remembers what Katara said about the spirit water. Now there's a second scar to heal, and Katara's feelings are more complicated—but if he wants to erase the past, she's willing to give it a try. She owes him that much, and more. Zutara

Notes: First Zutara (and atla in general) fic! I saw @hanszimmr‘s post at like 1am one night and my brain demanded I write this immediately (post is a bit of a spoiler for this chapter though be warned if you click). A gazillion thanks to @lexosaurus for betaing this I legit can’t thank you enough, you’re amazing my dude! This fic takes place post-canon but is slightly au to the finale, but what ways it’s au will become clear in this chapter. In other notes, the title and chapter headings are from the song “Name” by the Goo Goo Dolls. Enjoy!

XXX

~Even though the moment passed me by, I still can’t turn away~

“Feeling nostalgic?” Katara grinned out the corner of her mouth, strolling up to the prow of the ship.

Zuko’s head twitched just enough to show that he’d heard, but he remained leaning against the railing, staring at the horizon as they cut through the frozen sea. Despite the no-longer-familiar cold that sunk into her bones as they travelled farther north, he looked as comfortable as ever – well, as comfortable as he could be in those bulky Fire Lord robes. She didn’t miss how he tugged at his collar when he thought no one was looking.

“No,” he replied without looking up from the water.

She gazed at the ocean too, following the waves as they rolled away from the ship’s metal sides in mesmerizing patterns. White foam mixed with the stormy cobalt water to create a palette of swirling blues. Mist sprayed up and tickled her face when she leaned closer, a comforting sensation that she hadn’t gotten while travelling on Appa.

“The last time I was here I almost died, remember?” He said, managing to make it sound like any ordinary fact. Koala sheep ate grass. Water froze when it got cold. Zuko almost died.

Phantom lightning flashed against the back of her eyelids when she squeezed them shut. The North Pole wasn’t the closest he’d come to dying. Not by a long shot. His hand hovered just below his chest over the hidden scar, as if he was recalling the same memory.

Well, soon he’d be able to forget a little more easily.

“You’ve almost died a lot of times. I wasn’t sure this one was that memorable.” She forced a joke, hoping to distract him from the melancholy he’d settled into. He’d been so quiet this entire trip… alright, he was the quietest of her friends anyway. But lately he’d had that scrunched look permanently plastered on his face. Normally that expression only surfaced when he was puzzling through something particularly difficult, like when he’d tried to get Aang to focus on learning firebending, or when they’d devised their plan to face Azula.

Maybe his mood wasn’t over anything that big this time. It could be because this was his first time out of the Fire Nation since his coronation four months ago. But with his uncle taking care of everything back home, she’d thought Zuko might be able to relax. Or, well, whatever the Zuko version of relaxing was, since he’d never quite known how to handle a break.

Not that this trip was a break, technically. They were meeting to discuss opening trade with the Northern Water Tribe, which might not be his idea of a fun vacation. But he’d complained enough about sleazy politicians trying to sway him back home that Katara thought he’d appreciate the blunt nature of the Northern Tribe.

Ignoring all of the official reasons for the trip, she knew at least one thing that he was looking forward to. Even though his suggestion had cut her inside, she would help. She owed him that much.

She owed him more than that. Even if he wanted to forget, she didn’t.

“I don’t think I could forget almost being crushed by the ocean spirit. Or nearly freezing. Or…”

He finally met her eyes, his lips tweaking into a smirk. She met it with a relieved grin of her own.

“Or what?” She snarked back, leaning against the railing too. After all, it wasn’t like she had anything to worry from falling overboard.

“Or you kicking my butt,” he admitted. Her face warmed.

“I hope you’re not expecting an apology. You were a real jerk back then.” The words came out before she thought them through. Spirits, he was her friend; even if she’d been feeling conflicted about the purpose of this trip, there was no reason to snap at him.

He winced and then shrugged. “I’ll give you that.”

Her stupid mouth—she could be as bad as Sokka sometimes. She’d come over to figure out what was wrong, not make him feel worse.

“You’ve changed so much since then,” she said.

Just on the horizon, the icy architecture of the North Pole caught her eye. The early winter sunset set the whole place aflame; the white snow of the buildings bled to ethereal reds, oranges, and pinks. She held in a gasp at the sight, but Zuko looked like he barely noticed.

“Everything’s changed,” he said quietly, his chin dropping to rest on his hands folded over the rail. “I just wonder if they’ll see that.”

“They will. You paid to have the whole tribe rebuilt! And technically it was the ocean spirit that wrecked it more than the Fire Nation. You’ve already gone above and beyond what you had to.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. “It just… it feels like it still won’t be enough. My country spent one hundred years at war. Hurting innocent people. And now here I come, asking for a personal favor…”

His gloves stretched tightly over his knuckles as he gripped the rail.

“This was stupid. This whole idea was…”

She placed her hand over his.

“It was a good idea,” she insisted, despite her own personal, selfish objections. This wasn’t about her. It was his body, his scars, his choice what to do with them. “You had to come here for the delegation meeting anyway, and Yugoda will listen to me. I’m sure of it.”

Well, maybe sure wasn’t the right word, but she was confident. She’d done more impossible things before.

“I didn’t have to come.” He wiped his face with one hand. Steam puffed up as the frost melted from his glove. “I could’ve sent the ambassador.”

“Well, I’m glad you came anyway. I’d much rather be sailing for a week with one of my friends than with some stuffy old ambassador.”

He gave another shadow of a smile. Spirits, she’d missed those, though she hadn’t realized just how much until she finally saw him again.

“I’m glad I could convince you to come for a couple weeks. I couldn’t do this without you.”

It wasn’t flattery, and his matter-of-fact voice showed it. He really couldn’t do this without her. She was the only one Yugada would trust with the water from the Spirit Oasis.

She was the only one he would trust to erase the two blistering marks on his skin. One, seared there by his own father, he’d finally told her. And the other, the jagged star below his chest, from when he’d—when he’d—

After months of practice she could keep the memory from completely drowning her, but it still came in fragmented snapshots. The blinding blue flash. His terrified shout. The paralysis that froze her without a single spark touching her skin–

Because he’d been there to take it for her. She could have lost him forever, because she’d been stupid enough to look out from behind that pillar. Because he’d been… been everything enough to try to save her.

To almost die for her.

That had… put a lot of things into perspective.

But not quickly enough. Maybe if she’d sorted through those feelings before Mai had come back…

No, she wasn’t going down that path again. Zuko was happy, and alive, and that was all she wanted.

Without warning, she felt a hand shaking her shoulder. She looked up to find Zuko staring at her in wide-eyed concern. He was closer than she remembered; she shut down the sudden urge to touch the scar under his chest, just to make sure he was still okay.

“Katara? Can waterbenders get seasick?”

“I’m not seasick,” she grumbled, brushing him off in embarrassment. There was no way he could tell what she was thinking, but that didn’t stop her from feeling like his golden eyes would see straight through her.

And see what, exactly? We’re friends. Which was exactly why she needed to get those traitorous feelings under control. She wasn’t going to make things awkward, not like Aang had lately.

“Oh. Err, sorry.” He turned towards the water again, his face etched with that familiar Zuko flavor of awkwardness.

Well, at least he didn’t look despondent anymore.

“I hope I didn’t pull you away from anything too important. Well, I mean you’re travelling with Aang, and he’s the Avatar, I guess everything you’re doing is important…”

She snorted. “Are we remembering the same Aang? He’s probably off riding giant koi or something. Sokka’s visiting Suki in Kyoshi, but Toph’s sticking around for a little bit longer, so he won’t be by himself.”

Aang might wish he was after a week of just the two of them, though. She smiled at the thought of Toph teasing him, and of him shamelessly taking it until she got bored and gave up. Hopefully that would be the worst of it. Katara didn’t know what she’d do if she came back and found that the two of them had conned an entire village again.

“You’re not worried about him at all?” Zuko asked, sounding surprised.

“Should I be?” She frowned, pushing aside her earlier thoughts. She couldn’t watch over Aang and Toph forever. This “vacation” would be good for the three of them.

“No offense, but you’re the worrying type. And Toph and Aang by themselves…” He grimaced.

“Who’s the worried one now?” She laughed. “Don’t get me wrong, they’ll drive each other crazy. And probably destroy a few things. Maybe scam some people… Okay, so I might be worried. But you’re not the only one who needed to get away for awhile.”

“Really?” His eyebrow crinkled.

“Really!” She braced her arms against the railing. “I might not be running a country, but keeping track of those two is probably as much work.”

“I won’t argue with that. How are they doing?”

“They’re doing fine.” she said.

He must have noticed her undertone, because his eyes narrowed shrewdly.

“How are you doing?”

He’d asked the same thing at the start of the trip. But this time was different. The first time had been an awkward icebreaker—he’d reverted back to some of his original shyness in the four months since they’d last seen each other—but this question was sincere. Maybe this trip really could be like old times, when they’d learned to open up to each other more than she’d ever imagined.

Too late she realized that she’d relied on him more than she could ever admit.

“I’m…” Katara paused, letting out a mixture between a sigh and a laugh. She hadn’t been asked how she was in so long, she almost didn’t know what to say. The war was over; everyone just assumed she was happy—and she was, mostly. There was just something, something…

“I miss Sokka,” she found herself blurting. It wasn’t the main thing, the right thing, but it was what came out. And it was true. “I love Toph and Aang, I really do, but Sokka’s my brother. He’s always been there for me. I write him every week, but it’s not the same.”

“Oh,” he said a little awkwardly. Of course, he wouldn’t understand. His sister was literally insane. But for a brief second, she wondered if he’d ever missed his sister when he’d been in exile, despite how horrible she was to him.

“That must be rough,” he finally said. “I’m sure he’s missing you too.”

“Pff, I doubt it,” Her eyes fell back to the waves. “He’s having the time of his life designing machines and spending time with Suki. He tells me all about it in his letters.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t want you to worry about him?” Zuko suggested.

“Maybe.”

“Have you told him you miss him?”

“Well—no,” she admitted.

He shrugged. “Maybe he thinks you’re having too much fun without him, too.”

She hated to admit it, but he had a point. She was so used to staying strong for all of them, she tended to only write the fun things they did in her letters. Only allow Sokka to see that everything was okay.

“I could see that, I guess. He doesn’t know how much–” She bit her lip.

“What?” Zuko asked, catching her eyes again. She felt her face flush, and his brow furrowed.

“Are you really that embarrassed that you miss him? Sokka’s a good brother. I’d miss him if I were you too. I mean, I already miss him, and he’s not—”

She covered her laugh with her hand as Zuko’s rambling became less coherent. She hoped this didn’t happen to him too often, or else he’d have a hard time as Fire Lord.

“I’m not embarrassed about Sokka, I’m—okay, you have to promise not to laugh.”

“You’re worried about me laughing?” He raised an eyebrow before putting on his most serious face, one that made her laugh.

Okay, maybe she wouldn’t mind him laughing—only because she heard his laugh so rarely, and she couldn’t admit that she’d missed it.

“You know what I mean.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, ever since you and Sokka left, and it’s just been me and Aang and Toph… Aang’s been…”

She massaged her forehead, wishing she didn’t have to say it out loud. Even more than missing Sokka, this was what had really been bothering her. She’d never spoken of it aloud, even though Toph had clearly guessed by now.

“Aang’s been what?” He asked, and for all his talk of her being a worrier, concern laced his voice. Her face burned; did he really have no idea? Even though it had gotten worse recently, Aang had never exactly been subtle.

“He still… he has this…” She gestured her arms widely, uselessly through the air. He stared at her, his head tilting slightly. Spirits, she was just going to have to say it, wasn’t she?

“He’s had a massive crush on me for who knows how long and it’s just getting really really awkward.” It all came out in one breath. His good eye widened, but before he could comment, she continued, “Somebody put it into his head that because he’s the Avatar and he beat the Fire Lord, he can have any girl he wants. As if that’s how love works! I swear, whatever idiot gave him that idea must never have spoken to a girl in his life!”

Her voice was rising, grating as harshly as the steel against the ice the ship began to cut through. She was drawing stares from the crewmen on deck, but she almost couldn’t bring herself to care. She was tempted to just glare back at them, as if asking, was it you? Were you the idiot who told him that?

“I told him I was confused before the comet, but I was just trying to let him down gently, since he had enough to deal with getting ready to fight Ozai.” She dropped her voice but kept rambling, wanting to get it all out while she could. “I should’ve just told him no then, then I wouldn’t be—I thought his crush would just go away if I ignored it long enough, but I—I just don’t want…”

There were too many thoughts, too many feelings, trapped in her head for too long. They couldn’t all come out at once. It wasn’t like her; normally even when she was angry, her words came out in a steady stream of righteous indignation. But it was too hard to stay angry at Aang. Maybe she wasn’t confused about how she felt about Aang, but she was confused about what to do about it.

“I don’t want to hurt him,” she finally muttered, still not daring to meet Zuko’s eyes. “But if he keeps trying to woo me, or whatever he thinks he’s doing, I’m going to have to. I think it’s the only way he’ll listen.”

She finally looked back to Zuko, wondering what he was thinking. It had been a while since she’d dumped a rant like this on him, though it certainly wasn’t the first time. He’d listened to her vent a number of times on Ember Island, on the nights he’d follow her into the kitchen to find her scrubbing dishes so hard they almost shattered. She hadn’t taken that for granted, but after all these months without him, she wished she’d thanked him for that more.

His expression wasn’t anything like the calm commiseration he had back then, though. He blinked at her like she’d been speaking a different language this entire time.

“Wait.” Zuko shook his head quickly. “So you don’t like Aang… like that?”

“What? Were you even listening? No I don’t like him like that!” She didn’t mean to snap, but she couldn’t believe he would think she’d actually… Well, at least it meant he hadn’t guessed her true feelings.

“Of course I’ll always love him, but like, as another brother. Anything else would just be weird, especially the way he’s being now.” She crossed her arms, as if they could keep the rekindled frustration from fuming out of her like a hot geyser. “Not that it stops him from trying. Or Toph from teasing me about it. I’m sure she’s just doing it since you and Sokka aren’t around anymore to joke with her, but it’s still the worst.”

“Sorry,” he said instinctively, his gaze dodging hers. His hand hovered just below his chest again.

“It’s not your fault.” She felt a little bad for dumping that all on him. He had more important things to worry about than Aang’s crush. Considering where his hand was brushing, his scar might even be hurting him again. Her heart twinged, but there was nothing she could do for it now.

Soon, though. She was the reason he bore that scar; it was only fitting that she helped him be free of it. That was what he wanted.

“It’s not like you could’ve stayed, anyway,” she added. Hopefully none of her regret over that—or over anything else—bled through.

“...Yeah.” He frowned. “I guess not. Anyway, even if it’s not my fault, I’m sorry. That sucks.”

Well, that was one way of putting it. For as calm as his voice stayed, she caught the flicker of fire in his amber eye. But before she could wonder what it meant, he turned back towards the interior of the ship.

“Sorry, Katara. Just feeling kind of—seasick. I’ll find you when we dock, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.” She breathed as he strode away, the cape of his Fire Lord outfit billowing out behind him.

The wind felt colder without him standing next to her.

XXX

The candles in Zuko’s room erupted, threatening to ignite the ridiculous fancy drapes the crew had insisted on hanging in the otherwise bleak cabin. He bit back his anger before any lasting damage could be done, but an acrid stench still lingered. His nostrils flared as he paced the cabin, trying to control his breathing. The candles flickered in time before settling back down. His own emotions weren’t so easily tamed.

Aang had lied to him. Aang, the Avatar—no, his friend—had lied to him.

His bedroom door had creaked open.

“Zuko? Can I ask you something?” The normally cheery voice was subdued, but Zuko didn’t process that yet. He was too busy wondering if this night could get any worse. Why couldn’t they just let him sleep this whole humiliating experience off?

“Nngh. I’m trying to sleep, Aang.” He rolled over, flipping the pillow over his head.

“Yeah, but…” Aang trailed off. Still standing in the doorway, a flickering fireball in his palm casting shadows across the room. He obviously wasn’t going to be swayed easily. Maybe answering his question would take less effort than sending him back to bed.

“Fine, I’m awake now anyway,” Zuko grumbled, but didn’t sit up. “What do you want?”

Despite the gruffness of his voice, Aang took the invitation to sit on the edge of his bed. Nngh, that light was so bright…

“It’s about the play,” Aang said quickly. His voice was way too urgent for the middle of the night, especially if it was just about that horrible excuse for a play.

“Forget it,” he said, eyes still shut. “It’s all fake anyway.”

It was an echo of Katara’s earlier reassurances, the ones she’d given to the whole group as they’d eaten a subdued dinner. But really, if Katara hadn’t been able to comfort him before, what made Aang think Zuko could?

“But was it all fake? Really?”

With a long-suffering sigh, Zuko finally caved and sat up, wiping crust out of his good eye.

“Why are you asking me this now?”

Aang just stared at him, his face almost ominous with the flickering light held under his chin.

“What happened in the tunnels under Ba Sing Se?”

Zuko blinked. Out of all the questions Aang could’ve asked, he picked that? This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to be having in the middle of the night. Or ever.

It’s none of your business, he wanted to say. He’d done a lot of stupid things that day, but that moment… he couldn’t bring himself to regret letting her in, as much as he regretted everything after that. She was the first person he’d allowed to touch his scar. He couldn’t help remembering how cold her fingers had felt. But soft too – like ice water. Fitting.

And her offer. For all that the stupid play had made fun of her for it, Katara did know how to share hope. The idea of the magic spirit water still lingered in the back of his mind. He didn’t know how to bring it up again without saying, “Hey, Katara, remember that time in Ba Sing Se when you tried to help me and I totally stabbed you in the back?” Even though she’d forgiven him, he couldn’t see that going well.

“Something did happen,” Aang muttered darkly, reading the wrong meaning into his distracted silence.

“It was nothing,” the lie was dry in the back of his throat. It wasn’t nothing, not to him, but it definitely wasn’t what the play had made it out to be. As if Katara would ever see him like that.

That thought pricked at something in his core, but he chose to ignore it. Nothing good would come from it, anyway.

“Look, Aang,” he said when the younger boy kept glaring. “What do you think happened? I was working with Azula. You know Katara didn’t want anything to do with me. Agni, I fought you guys right after that!”

But he realized he was addressing the wrong problem. “Why does it matter anyway?”

He had a sinking feeling he already knew the answer. There was only one reason the boy would wake him up in the middle of the night for this.

“Katara’s my girl,” he said, the fire in his palm leaping up. “And she said she’s confused right now. I just wanted to make sure you’re not the one confusing her.”

Katara? Confused? But she was more sure of herself than anyone Zuko knew.

“Look, if anyone’s confused here, it’s me,” he snapped, rubbing the heel of his palm against his forehead. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were threatening me. In my own room. While I’m trying to sleep.”

Aang had the decency to look a little abashed. Good. If things weren’t going well between him and Katara, it wasn’t Zuko’s fault. As much as he sometimes wished it could be.

He immediately shut down that thought. Agni, this is why you didn’t have conversations like this in the middle of the night!

“Can I go back to bed now? Or is there something else you want to accuse me of?”

He probably shouldn’t have released his frustration at Aang, but it worked.

“Just… be sure to give her some space, okay?” Aang said, sounding a little more like his usual self before he slunk back towards the door.

“Whatever,” he mumbled before flopping back on the bed.

So this day could get worse after all.

Aang had lied. The play had been accurate in one respect, at least—Katara did see Aang as a brother. Zuko snorted. That would’ve been nice to know months ago, when…

When what? When he’d actually had a chance? He was kidding himself. He’d almost let himself go down that path right after the Agni Kai, when she’d brought him back from the brink of death. Those memories were little more than a blur. The only clear image he had from that time was her face hovering inches above his, her eyes glittering with tears, her lips parted in an endlessly repeated prayer.

“Stay with me. Zuko please, stay with me…”

And that was probably just a wishful fever dream, anyway. Even if she hadn’t been with Aang—if he’d known she wasn’t with Aang—he couldn’t have told her how he felt then. What if she thought it was just trauma-induced delirium? Or worse, what if she said she liked him too, but only because she felt that she owed him for taking Azula’s lightning bolt? That wouldn’t be fair to her at all.

That was months ago though. Now you could.

The candles flickered again as he shut out that voice in the back of his head. It was hardly like he could ask her out when she’d just complained about Aang’s unwelcome advances. That would be insulting. Besides, he was with Mai again. For however long it would last this time…

He scratched at the scar on his chest through his robes. He wasn’t sure when scratching at the scar had become a habit. Maybe if it hadn’t, he wouldn’t be in this mess now.

But he had to wonder how long Mai silently narrowed her eyes at that simple action before she’d spoken up about it.

“It’s a scar, Mai. It’s not like I can get rid of it,” he grumbled, self consciously drawing his hand away from the one over his abdomen and brushing the one at his face. “Believe me, if I could I would, but I... passed up that opportunity.”

Her eyes widened for a moment with unusual interest. “But it’s possible.”

He turned so his scarred side was hidden from her. “Maybe. I don’t know. I didn’t exactly give her the chance to try…” Which was a good thing, he had to remind himself. She’d needed the spirit water to save Aang. Would he have been able to live with an unblemished face if it had meant the world burned?

Mai snorted.

“What? There wasn’t time! That was when—”

“Seriously, Zuko. I didn’t ask for your excuses.”

He felt his old temper flaring up. “You never ask me about anything! Do you really not want to know what happened at all?”

“Why does it matter?” She asked flatly.

“Because—” He stopped himself. How could he explain it? He knew in his heart that it did matter, that everything he’d been through had forged him into the person he was today. But he couldn’t figure out how to put it into words. Not now. And he really didn’t want to fight again. He was so tired of fighting.

“Nevermind,” he muttered. “Point is, my scars are just a part of me now. You’ll just have to get used to them.”

“Hmm. If you say so.”

But when she pulled him close to kiss him, he couldn’t help noticing her hands never danced near the scar in his core.

After that, he hadn’t been able to ignore it. She glared every time he drew inward, holding a fist over his middle. But the more he tried to hide it, the more his habit seemed to grow, as if he needed to protect that most vulnerable spot.

“Does it hurt?” Mai finally asked.

His eyes had widened in surprise at the concern. “Not anymore. She did a fantastic job.”

He knew that was the wrong answer when her lip curled.

“Then why are you always touching it and making that face?”

“What face? I don’t make a face!” For a second he hoped she was going to mimic whatever face she’d made, just to show him. But of course she wouldn’t break her mask for that.

“Whatever. I’m going on a walk.”

“You don’t go on walks.” His brow furrowed. He really didn’t know what she was talking about. Did he make a face?

“And you don’t make faces.” She shrugged, heading towards the edge of the courtyard before he could stop her. But she paused at the edge of the columns.

“Her name.”

“What?” His heart skipped.

“You don’t say it. You assume I know who you’re talking about.” It seemed clear that Mai had been thinking about this, but he didn’t understand why. But her question was something he could grasp onto. Maybe for once, he could find out what she was thinking. That was, If she didn’t walk away first.

He stood and reached out, but couldn’t bring his feet to move towards her. “What—”

“I do know who you’re talking about, Zuko. But if there’s any girl who’s name should go without saying, it’s your girlfriend’s. Right?”

“...Right,” he replied, a chill running through him at her sharp gaze. Don’t ever break up with me again, she’d said. This look seemed to say the same thing. He was supposed to belong to her.

The scar he scratched over his middle said he belonged to someone else. And suddenly it all made sense.

He was making that face. Mai had been right. He couldn’t keep going on like this.

Three sharp knocks on his door pulled him out of the thoughts. His hand shot away from his scar as if Azula’s lightning still buzzed there.

He cleared his throat. “Come in.”

The crewman cracked the door but didn’t take his invitation. “Ship’s about to land, my Lord.”

Zuko sighed. “Thanks.”

“Uhh, you’re welcome,” he replied before striding away. The crew was still getting used to Zuko showing them basic human decency. He didn’t even want to think about how they’d been treated under his father and Azula, not to mention his own past self.

Agni knew he had plenty to think about already.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #zuko #katara #zutara #fic tag #fic rec #tali writes #let's pray the read more link works #souvenirs we never lose

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doctorsorders-deathboy · 6 years ago

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Of All the Nights

lmfao i guess i’m back from the dead bitches. (this wip has existed for so long. i could not tell you why i decided to finally finish it tonight but AAA im so excited to be posting a fic again omg) amusingly, my last fic also involved late night baking. i hope you enjoy!!

Word Count: 1941

Read on ao3

It was 3:07am on the third of January and Nico di Angelo was dressed in nothing but a too-small fuchsia bathrobe, soaking wet, and about ready to commit bloody murder.

It was very possible, he thought, that the bathrobe contributed to his fury.

This was the kind of disaster that he’d recount to Jason later, with countless creative swears thrown in, though as he stood shivering and fuming outside a stranger’s apartment, it occurred to him that this might be one of those stories that would get more laughs from Jason than shared anger. Asshole.

Speaking of assholes, the door finally opened, revealing a very flustered looking blond man around Nico’s age. For a moment, Nico almost backed off on his prepared rant upon seeing how miserable the blond looked, but when another draft of winter air hit Nico’s still dripping legs, his scowl only deepened.

“What the hell were you doing baking at fucking three in the morning?”

The blond blinked once, twice, three times. He opened his mouth, closed it, and Nico was about ready to break his damn nose when he finally said, “Sorry… Do I know you?”

Nico had never had height to his advantage but hell if he didn’t know how to make himself intimidating. The blond shrunk back as Nico reared himself up to hiss, “Luckily, I was able to make it through 21 years of my life without meeting you before you had to go and nearly set the damn building on fire because of your insomniac cooking. Do you have any idea what kind of night you’ve caused for me? Did it ever occur to you that maybe you should save your incompetence for the waking hours when most people will be out at work anyways? Honestly, what kind of bullshit did you pull to make the fucking fire alarms go off? Did you pull this shit on purpose? Is this some kind of a joke to you?”

The man took much too long to answer again and Nico was collecting every bit of self control he had to keep himself from wringing this jackass’s neck when the response finally came. “Why are you wet?”

Nico must have reared up spectacularly that time because the man quickly amended, “I mean―! I’m sorry, that’s not the point here, um…” He peeked out of his apartment and looked around the deserted hallway. “If you want to yell at me, can you do it in here? I don’t want to wake anyone else up.”

“Like hell, you care,” Nico grumbled but willingly stepped into the man’s apartment. In hindsight, this really wasn’t Nico’s wisest move considering this guy was a stranger and Nico was nearly naked, but the blond seemed about as threatening as a frightened mouse. A tall, blue-eyed, frightened mouse who somehow had a tan in the dead of winter.

“Sorry, who are you again?” the blond asked, closing the door behind a fuming Nico.

“Your pissed off neighbor from two floors up,” Nico snapped. Unfortunately, the blond visibly cringed, looking like a kicked puppy, so Nico muttered, “Nico. Di Angelo,” as a reconcilement.

“Will Solace,” the blond introduced himself in return. He held his hand out to shake but quickly drew it back when it was clear that Nico’s arms were not moving from where they were crossed against his chest.

They stood in uncomfortable silence until Nico repeated, “How the hell did you set off the fucking alarm?” in as dangerous a voice as he could manage.

“I, well…”

Nico shot another fierce glare and Will didn’t waste anymore time in getting to the point.

“I was making pizzelles for my sister’s birthday and the iron must’ve broken because it was making a lot of smoke. It set off the fire alarm which went off throughout the whole building and… yeah. It was a mess. I’m really sorry. I feel awful.”

Nico didn’t doubt Will’s sincerity. The poor man was hunched in on himself with bags under his hands and his hands firmly stuck in his pockets. That didn’t make his story any less ridiculous, though.

“I’m sorry,” Nico said without a hint of remorse, “I think I missed something. Why the hell were you baking at three in the fucking morning?”

Will frowned at him. “You curse a lot,” he muttered.

“Why the fuck were you―”

“I was working until 1am!” Will exclaimed, which was the first indignant comment he’d made. “And I have classes at ten in the morning, but I promised to meet my friend for coffee at eight so I figured I’d just power through and bake when I got home but―” His voice broke off.

Nico’s cheeks tinted with embarrassment upon seeing Will’s face crumple a bit. God, please don’t cry. Nico hadn’t ever been very good at comforting crying people.

“Sorry,” Will said, his voice hoarse. “I should probably… I’m just going to clean up and go to bed. No more smoke. I promise.” He attempted a laugh to lighten the mood but it came out strangled and pitiful.

Nico was about ready to leave Will to mope when he spotted a picture hanging on the wall across the room. Will stood in the center, looking much happier than he did standing in front of Nico. The Will in the picture had a smile that made you want to smile back and had each arm thrown around a friend, pulling them close. He looked jubilant; the kind of person who you felt certain you could approach without fear. It was a painful contrast to the melancholy man Nico had met.

It felt very wrong to Nico that someone so happy could look so broken.

“What about your sister’s pizzelles?” Nico asked quietly.

Will shrugged. “I’ll have to buy her something on my way over tomorrow. Hopefully she won’t mind. I just feel bad, I promised I’d bake for her. Those pizzelles are her favorite.”

Nico considered this for a moment before internally rolling his eyes at himself. “Then we’d better make some pizzelles, shouldn’t we?”

~*~

“You still never explained to me why you showed up at my apartment soaked and nearly naked,” Will said conversationally, as he stood washing the dishes while Nico carefully arranged pizzelles in a tin.

Nico cleared his throat. “That’s a conversation starter I haven’t heard before.”

“Seriously,” Will said, grinning. “Were you swimming?”

“Why would I be swimming in the dead of night?”

Will shrugged. “I dunno, that’s why I was asking.”

“I wasn’t swimming.” Nico put the lid on the tin and turned around, pulling his fuchsia bathrobe tighter around himself.

Will turned towards him, too, eyebrows still raised.

Nico exhaled very slowly before admitting, “I was taking a shower.”

Will blinked. “At… three in the morning?” When Nico’s expression darkened, he added quickly, “Not that I’m judging! Obviously. I’ve taken many middle-of-the-night showers. I just… So, are you a med student, too, or what?”

Nico scuffed his shoe across the floor and grumbled, “No.”

“Okay.”

Silence.

“So…”

“I had a dream,” Nico blurted, probably due to a combination of his lack of sleep and the way Will’s eyes had this kind, dreamy quality to them that made you feel like you could tell him anything.

Will’s eyebrows furrowed. “You showered because you had a dream?” His eyebrows shot upward. “Oh.”

“Not like that!” Nico said quickly, heat rushing to his face. “No, oh my god, no, that’s not…” And then he was laughing harder than he had in a long time and Will was laughing with him and he hardly felt embarrassed anymore. “No, it was a nightmare, not…” Nico tried to catch his breath. “Not that.”

Will tsked. “That’s a shame.”

“Yes, very disappointing.”

“So the shower was, what, to calm you down?”

Nico shifted, his mind flashing back to the dark, blurred images of a few hours ago. Bianca’s smile melting off her face, his mother screaming for him, a packed, dark room where people were crying and disappearing one by one, and he was next, he was next―

“Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat. “Basically.”

When he’d woken up, he’d had to spend what felt like eternity reminding himself how to breathe again. He’d been having more nightmares recently, ones so bad that he almost considered Jason’s advice to start seeing a therapist. I mean, shit, he knew college wasn’t doing much for him in the mental health department but things hadn’t been this bad since he was thirteen.

He tried different things each night to get himself back to sleep―whatever it took. One night he didn’t manage to properly get back to sleep afterwards; he just lay in his bed with the lights on and music playing, counting the beats of his heart as he dozed on and off. That night, after waking up, he couldn’t stand his own skin, couldn’t stand being trapped in his body any longer, couldn’t stand the way he could still feel cold, dead hands from the dream clutching him―

So he’d gotten in the fucking shower and made the water as hot as he could stand and then the goddamn fire alarm went off. Jesus Christ, of all the fucking nights.

“Must have been a pretty bad dream,” Will murmured.

Nico shrugged. “Yeah, I mean… Yeah. I was… Sorry for being so harsh on you earlier. I was still kind of shaken up, I guess. I probably wouldn’t have marched to your apartment for a stupid mistake on a normal night.”

Will grinned. “Probably?”

“Maybe.”

Will laughed. “Oh, here!” He handed a small tin to Nico. “You helped make em, you should get some for yourself.”

Nico opened it to see that it was crammed full of pizzelles. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, of course. I love the bathrobe, by the way―I never said.”

“Oh god.” Nico groaned. “It’s not mine.”

“Your girlfriend’s?”

And then Nico was laughing again. Christ, that was twice in one night. Something must be wrong with him. “Yeah, no. It’s my sister’s.”

“Ah. Well, for the record, my next guess was that it was your boyfriend’s. I don’t mean to assume anything.”

Nico sucked his teeth. “I don’t have one of those, I’m afraid.”

“That’s a shame.”

“Yes, very disappointing.”

Will smiled softly to himself and Nico noticed that he had a dimple on one side of his face. God. Nico really wished he smiled more.

“Well, thanks so much for the baking help. You really didn’t have to,” Will said as they walked towards the door.

Nico waved him off. “I’m the one who came to your apartment in an angry rage. I needed to make it up to you somehow.”

“Do you frequently get in angry rages?”

“Yes, but mostly just for the aesthetic. Usually I’m too tired to be properly angry.”

Will laughed.

“I’ll return the tin to you, by the way,” Nico added.

“Will you be showing up at my apartment nearly naked again?”

Nico flushed and laughed nervously. “No, I promise I will be fully clothed.”

Will hummed disappointedly. “Well, I suppose I can’t have everything,” he murmured. He smiled then, full and warm, and his eyes crinkled at the corners, and yes, Nico definitely wanted to see that smile more. “Goodnight, Nico,” he said cheerfully.

The door shut before Nico could figure out a way to respond. He stood there staring at it for a solid thirty seconds before turning and heading back to his apartment. When he got back, he decided, he’d put the pizzelles in a different container. He wanted to return the tin to Will Solace as soon as he could get away with.

#solangelo #will solace #nico di angelo #fanfiction #fanfic #pjo #hoo #toa #fluff #request #anon #i cant believe im actually posting a fic in 2018 omg

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celebistar · 7 years ago

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Personal: Hiatus

Personal venting; warnings, frank talk about my own poor mental health lately, specifically anxiety, so if you're not feeling well yourself you should probably avoid.

Honestly, I’m really on-edge right now as I’m writing this, but I felt I had to get something out or I just cannot sleep (not that it’s easy anyway with jetlag…) It feels really strange b/c I haven't done this type of really-personal ‘feelings’ post/rant for a long time now, not since I was RPing but well…sometimes you just gotta get your feelings out.

It isn’t really any one thing or aspect or event in particular, but just lately, especially in the past month or two, I’ve noticed myself engaging less and less with Nobunagun, i.e. fanart/fanfics. Partly it’s just the cycles of life and work and limited time, but honestly the truth is, I feel that I am…reaching the end of my “Nobunagun rope”, so to speak. Lately I’ve just been mentally burnt out, not because of any one thing, but instead of the raging wildfire I used to feel whenever I engaged in my fics and art at like 1:30am, I just feel…oh. Like neither like nor dislike, which it in and of itself is nothing wrong, but for someone like me who has always bounced from obsession to obsession—and I mean that quite literally—it’s a scary and strange feeling. Frankly, I don’t know if I like it; not being able to fall back onto my creative imaginations whenever I want to, whether it’s to pass time due to boredom or to help me cope when other stressful things happen in my life.

Now, most people would probably say ‘well that’s normal isn’t it? Interests always change’ and yes, they do; in fact, before Nobunagun I inevitably shifted interests after a while—I think YGO was the first really big one, but even before that there were myriad of series like Digimon, Cardcaptors, etc. etc…and each time I thought ‘wow, GX (or some other series) is so great, I don’t know how I can run out of ideas!’ but gradually I did move on—usually because some other interest caught my eye and was more exciting, so by the time I consciously realized I wasn’t super obsessed with the previous one, it was more like an ‘oh well’. I never really stopped to think or really miss it, because there was always something new to entertain me, keep me thinking at 110% (kinda like serial dating now that I think about it, like those people who keep chasing that initial ‘high’ you get at the start of something new but you can never maintain). Now that I am sort-of-kind-of in that phase of ‘whoa, something’s obviously wrong if you’re feeling mentally unwell so let’s take a step back’, I think it is true; that, honestly, it isn’t healthy to have an obsessive relationship with Nobunagun 24/7. It may seem strange that I am using relationship terms to describe a fandom, but I think they are parallels in many ways. But there’s a difference and it’s that Nobunagun is just a thing, a really great thing yes—but it’s not a person. It doesn’t make decisions or tell me what to do; frankly everything I choose to engage in, is 100% in my own control. But somehow, over the course of being a fan, I seemed to have imposed these really strange, invisible ‘pressures’ on myself, so to speak. Perhaps it comes from having a mind that is either all or nothing when it comes to interests, or maybe it’s because I always managed to move on to something more exciting before the old interest fully waned. I don’t know.

All I know is that whatever my ‘relationship’ with Nobunagun is right now, it’s not healthy nor good. Realistically speaking, I know it’s nearly impossible to like something 100% of the time, 24/7. I believe it is possible to sustain interests for your entire life��drawing, writing, gaming—or even series—I mean, I myself have loved the Fire Emblem series ever since they came out in the US and I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon. But unlike Nobunagun, Fire Emblem has always been what I would consider a ‘background’ interest; it’s always there but I rarely engage in what I would consider fandom activities, such as drawing fanart or writing fanfiction. Hell, I rarely even read FE fanfiction anymore (though I used to). Yet despite all this, despite advice from people I trust and love, and despite my own logical mind telling me this…I just can’t seem to let it go. At least, not easily. For some reason the very thought of no longer liking Nobunagun as I used to, so passionately—not even just no longer interested but just ‘not as interested as before’…it sends me into panic attacks. In fact I have actually been suffering quite bad anxiety these past few weeks because of this very dilemma—unable to focus, panicking the second I see something Nobunagun and I don’t feel excited, trouble sleeping…I mean hell I’ve even had trouble starting new anime series because there’s always this inkling in the back of my mind ‘what if this is the show that replaces Nobunagun?' I don’t know why I think of it as that; I don’t know why I have this self-imposed chain around myself and Nobunagun, even though it’s all my own thoughts. I just know what is, and that’s just what it feels like. I don’t know why I have such a severe trepidation of something else replacing Nobunagun even though it’s just how interests come and go and frankly, it was Nobunagun that replaced Eyeshield 21 before it.

Now, most people would say this is a sign that I should probably take a step back and re-evaluate just what it is that’s actually important in my life, and take care of myself—no thinking of Nobunagun, no trying to churn out another 2-3 chapters or another illustration in a week. And I do agree; I know, deep down, that this is warning sign that if I don’t change something soon, then I won’t even be able to salvage my love for Nobunagun—it’ll just turn into a destructive mess that ends with the only recourse being complete and utter amputation. Which is definitely not something I want. And yet it’s really hard to tell myself that it will be okay, that I will come out of this maybe not liking Nobunagun with a raging passion 110% of the time but maybe only like 30% of the time, and that’s okay—but somehow it’s very difficult to convince myself of that (if it were, trust me I wouldn’t be up typing this at 1am). I’m very much reminded of a time earlier, when I was still very active in RPing and I went through a very similar upheaval…how I couldn’t imagine not RPing anymore, how I couldn’t imagine going on in the fandom without it…but in the end, looking back I know I made the right choice, and I came out better for it. I didn’t lose my love of Nobunagun after basically stopping role-playing, and I learned, slowly, to be passionate about it again without being anxious. I came out all right and what’s more I felt l learned a lot and became a better person because of those hard times. And when that time really came, it just faded naturally and without fear—these days let’s be honest, I don’t RP anymore, even though I have the accounts—they’re honestly just there for archival/dump purposes. So that’s how I know I made the right choice…I have no regrets and I don’t/didn’t feel fear when I stopped roleplaying. It just happened naturally, and I can still look back on those times fondly.

So maybe this phase right now is just another one of those hard obstacles that I have to face, sooner or later, maybe it didn't even have to be with Nobunagun but it just so happens that Nobunagun is the thing that I'm into now…maybe it’s a reconciliation of the last remnants of being a ‘super-fan’, that Nobunagun may be the last fandom I really feel a lot of passion for, and it’s hard to say good-bye to what feels like a huge part of what defined you. Maybe it’s something else. Maybe I’ll come out of this with a looser, but still warm relationship with Nobunagun. As my boss (of all people) once told me, ‘think of it as trading fireworks for a comfortable shirt; in the beginning of anything, it feels like there’s always fireworks going off because it’s so new and exciting, but after a while things start to even out and you don’t always feel excited, all the time. It becomes more like wearing a comfortable old shirt; it’s kind of the same over and over, but it’s familiar and comforting. And when those fireworks do come again, it’ll still be exciting—but just not all the time, so when they come you’ll treasure them.’

Maybe that’s the real answer; what I would like to be able to do, is like so many of my friends, is to rotate through different interests—Fire Emblem when a new banner comes out, whatever anime I happen to be watching this season—and go back and forth so when I’m thinking ‘hey, I don’t feel like writing Nobunagun stuff’ I can go and engage with something else. Yet it doesn’t feel like I can, even though I know I am capable of it; back when I was into YGO Zexal, I actually went between different fandoms quite often—off the top of my head were Star Trek, Mass Effect, but at the same time I never lost interest in Zexal; it was just kind of there, and I went back to it after a while. So, I know from past experience I’m capable of it…and back then, I didn’t feel any sort of fear or trepidation of being into something else—but of course each experience is different and it could be that the new thing didn’t allow me room to question whether or not I still liked the old thing—but anyway that’s a different topic.

Going back and actually reading my personal posts during that really bad mental period where I had to take a hiatus from RPing and Tumblr in general (or the ones that I haven’t deleted anyway), it actually is strangely calming because it proves to me, gives me physical evidence that I went through something so painful and never thought I would be okay but guess what I turned out okay. So it gives me hope…that this too, like everything else shall pass. It’s also kind of ironic that many of the things that I said then are what I’m saying now—so I don’t know, maybe it means something, maybe it doesn’t.

But what I do know, is that for the time being, I must take a step back. I must find a way to break these self-imposed chains that force me to think ‘you must obsess over Nobunagun 24/7’ so it doesn’t consume me to the point where my mental health deteriorates. So I don’t end up seeing Nobunagun as a dark spot in my life, but rather a positive thing and something that I will continue to like, but in a more balanced relationship. Not freaking out when I realize that maybe I’m just too tired to think about Nobunagun right now, and knowing that a lot of this is honestly the anxiety talking. Speaking of which, the sucky part about anxiety is that there isn’t a cure—it’s a condition, but you can manage it, and not let it define you. Meditation has done a lot for me, both in the past and now more than ever, and also just writing things out—hence why this really long-ass post.

Anyway; strange how writing things out and admitting your deepest fears can make them seem less scary and overwhelming. Perhaps that’s the point of journaling and such? Although my handwriting is so terrible these days and so slow that it’s faster for me to type rather than keep an analog journal…maybe some people will think that I am freaking out over nothing, that a fandom is nothing to lose sleep over but well, we all have our vices I suppose. I mean hey, at least it’s just a static thing, and not say, an abusive partner.

In any case, for the immediate time being I will be going on hiatus—just like that time when I kept getting anxiety about RPing, and I had to take a step back—I must do that now, too. Frankly I don’t think it will make much of a difference since I rarely update here anyway but on that note, I will not be checking for notifs/contacts on Tumblr or really anywhere else. i don’t know when I’ll ‘come back’ and honestly I don’t want to keep putting myself on schedules or deadlines; when I feel ready, I’ll know and it’ll happen naturally. I have the most wonderful friends and family so have no fear, I will not be alone. I’m sure I’ll be back, when I feel ready.

#personal #!anxiety #mental health #hiatus

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defunctblogtobedeleted · 5 years ago

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9/8/19 8:15pm - Another Weekend Update

So! I just waited through 2 hours of queue, had some nice sush for dinner (just picked up a salmon cut from H Mart, nothing fancy lol), got ahead on my work for the night, and then the server for WoW went down so I guess it’s a sign that I should be doing an update.

I’ve had one hell of a week, actually. It’s only been 9 days but god damn do I have some story updates. First off, my car is still beautiful. And I’m starting to sit a little pretty myself, just made it to 168.8 lbs. So I’m kinda comfortably below 170 now. :3 Finally went running for the first time since wow came out the other day so hopefully I keep that up lmao. I guess I’ve been out walking around town and dancing and shit too though. I also got my hair dyed blonde again! I originally got it cut to look like Brad Pitt from Once Upon A Time In Hollywood, with just a little bit of highlighting, but Maya wanted me to go Full blonde again and I was about it. Checked with a bunch of people and they all said I should, and people are loving it lol.

The first night I had it done when I went to karaoke I got asked by a 40 year old woman if I was a model. As if he heard my ego inflating, this big hulking navy dudebro came up to me within 30 seconds of the compliment, got my attention, and asked “hey. I need to settle a bet. Are you a man or a woman?” Like jesus fucking christ lmao.

Anyway. Karaoke was fun, but there were a lot of birthday parties so it was kinda busy and I went off to Circa to hang out with Jacob. We hung out til like 230 talking about shit and then Jill had me over to crash and fuck.

Hung out with Jill a bunch this week. Accidentally made her oversleep for work one night and she didn’t even care lmao. Our sex has gotten a little better, but she’s still someone I really need to work around which is frustrating.

There was one kind of cool position I wanted to remember, she was laying flat on her belly, left leg cocked off to the side splayed out at a comfortable ~right angle. Having sex with her from behind I was in like a push up position, only using my right arm so that my left could be focused on playing with her pussy. In this position you have sooo much more access to her pussy, it’s not like doggy style where you feel like you’re really kind of stretching awkwardly to get to rub her off. Just takes a little bit more effort holding the position than doggy obviously.

Okay so backtracking to Sunday though, holy shit lol. I spent the whole weekend playing WoW. Like I think a ton on saturday, and then I woke up early and was playing on sunday and considered not even going out to boxcar because I knew maya was out of town. But then Manu hit me up and said him, pacos, christina, and vita were going so I was like oh fuckkkk yes. Went to boxcar, found out they were actually at a different bar, while I chugged down the full bottle of champagne I had bought I talked to this guy about smash bros, and then ran through the rain to go see them and it poured all over me lol. We drank a bit there for a bit, they tried to get a tattoo but couldn’t, we went back to boxcar, had More champagne, I ran into this girl Chelsea that dakota used to go out with at the frat parties who was kinda cute and we talked for a sec, and we’re sitting there playing some foosball when this other girl taps me from behind and says hey how are ya gives me a great big hug, we talk for a few seconds and she walks outside.

I turn to pacos and I’m like “I have no idea who the fuck that is.” So we wrap up our game and I tell him to come outside with me to investigate. Now, I had a pretty simple strategy. I went up to her and asked some basic questions like “hey, so how’ve ya been haven’t seen ya in a bit.” and then she was like “yeah I mean I’m fine haven’t really been doing anything.” and I’m like [shit that doesn’t give me anything to go off at all] so I follow up with “so where are ya living these days?” I don’t know why That’s where my immediate follow up was. Clearly I was predisposed to thinking I was just going to continue running into people from Chapel Hill all night. But she says to me “wait what? I live in Raleigh, we talked about all this like... last weekend.” and I’m like

oh.

shit.

fuck

me.

Because now it clicked into place that the girl standing in front of me who had gone out of her way to say hi to me was none other than MJ, the girl from the party that I was talking about. I had texted her asking her to come out to karaoke and shit but she hadn’t been able to do anything. Maybe work. Maybe not interested. But she would always respond to my texts quick and then nothing would ever work out on her end. But here she was! Staring me in the face and I didn’t even recognize her lmfao. Luckily she was like “I mean we were pretty fucked up that night, it’s fine.” but goddamn I’m an idiot. I kinda like just was facepalming too hard internally to even carry out conversation after that so we split. I tried saying hi to her later when I bummed a cig but she wasn’t very responsive. I was so frustrated with myself that I had blown it so hard that I nearly made myself sick. Or maybe that was the drinking two bottles of champagne plus beer on top without having anything to eat. Who knows, really. After hanging a while at boxcar we grabbed a hotdog and ended the night at Raleigh Times to eat a little bit before splitting. So good chilling with them. Spent some time nostalgiaing with them and telling stories to Peter who had met up with us. And had a sweet waiter who convinced me to not overeat and save my diet. Lol it was a neat day. Idk. Plus I got to go to Jill’s afterward and hook up with her, so that made up a little bit for fucking things so hard with MJ.

Honestly though, despite what the quick responses would suggest, I think she’s not really interested. I mean she definitely isn’t NOW lmfao.

Mon I was supposed to hang with Melanie but she had to flake because of her mom being in town, so I hung out and played a fuckton more wow. So I got my hair done, did karaoke, went to work, played a bunch more wow, and I’m up to lvl 30. TECHNICALLY halfway but like... effectively maybe a quarter? tops?

So this weekend was Hopscotch. Krey. AND it was the weekend that hurrican Fish$ came through. So Thursday just in case shit hit the fan work pushed all my patients to weds/fri and cancelled. Fucking sick.

I got to see my karaoke bartender Tyrone play with his band The Black Surfers that afternoon, went to another band called Illuminati Hotties and they were super cute. Was feeling pretty beat so I went home to nap and play melee and chill for a sec. Met up with Dar to have dinner with her and her friends since they were evac’d from southport. Then for the first time I got to go to Night Rider for karaoke, which I had been recommended like a dozen times but haven’t been able to go since it’s on thursdays.

It. Was. Incredible. Oh my god the vibe is like Emo Karaoke+. Like all the same crowd of non-normies that would go to emo karaoke and all the hype of people screaming for you, but none of the tackiness and forced playlist and overcrowdedness that comes with it. Not that I hate any of that about Emo Karaoke, I love it to death, but it’s amazing for that to happen more naturally. I was expecting to just go and hang out alone and do a few songs, but my new buddy Matt actually recognized me from emo karaoke when I was walking in. I stopped to talk to him and his buddies steph and brie, and ended up hanging out with them the rest of the night. These two other girls Terri and Que (I think), and this guy Pharaoh also chatted with us and it was hilarious. We were talking about weird sex shit and furries and porn and all sorts of weirdness. Terri asked me and Pharaoh if we were on Fetlife, which made me amazingly happy and no longer embarrassed that I made an account on there about a year and a half ago. She told me that I really needed to try to go to this Fetish Night at Legends, which I had actually seen a post about but wasn’t sure if I’d ever do it because it happens once a month on wednesdays. But after she told me that I got her number and then shot my coworker a text to switch days so I’d work sunday and not wednesday (which is why I’m in right now). Terri’s this beautiful short black girl with bright shiny purple hair. It’s totally gorgeous. We’ve been texting the past couple days about weird kink shit. I’m really excited to see her there on wednesday. I bought a pair of supreme cheetah print boxers to match the shirts I have, gonna cut a hole out to stick my tail out through and go in just that and ears. It should look incredible. Especially with my new hair being dirty blonde to match the cheetah print. MMMmmm i just hope everything comes in the mail on time.

Anyway, so I had a blast. They were amazed that I was 27 (most of them were 21, matt’s like 32), and I was told “I hope if I grow up to be your age I look as beautiful as you do.” mmm so kind. Actually it’s like the first time I’ve heard that and not that I was babyfaced or that i’ll look good when I’m old so I’lllll take it. Also everyone loves my hair.

AND since I was with my emo karaoke buddy and everyone was seeming like they were into a pop-punk vibe, I did some Blink182 and MCR. Finally busted out I’m Not Okay after practicing it for forever, and I fucking KILLLLLLED it. People cheered the fuck out of me afterward. I felt like I really needed to impress the gang I was with (especially Terri) so hopefully it worked lolol.

Went to Jill’s at 1am, I’m so fucking glad she’s down to chill at night after I’m done doing shit for the evening. It’s really the most low key fwb thing I’ve ever had in my life I think. So cool. Actually she made me wait to bake these brownies when I got there so I passed out lmfao. But we had sex twice on 9/6, my third favorite day of the year so nice lol. (the first being my birthday, and the second being 6/9 lol.)

Saturday I got off work, played wow at home a while, went to hopscotch at like 2. Got to see my karaoke dj Sam’s band play, he was stoked that I made it out. Hung out with brandon going around town for the day. Saturday the main event was chk chk chk, phantogram, and chvrches and I fucking died it was so good. chk chk chk was inspiring, the dude was mooooving despite being a pot bellied 46 y.o. lmao I loved him. Phantogram was gorgeous and had the best underboob I’d ever seen in my life. Chvrches played mostly new stuff and only a few of their hits, but I love them to death so it was still wonderful. And the best part was that me being me I wiggled me and brandon all the way to the front row of the show, we were dead fucking center, practically against the rails. Technically there was one person in front of me but holy shit it was fucking lit. The bass for chvrches was so loud it practically destroyed my ear drums lmao. Gotta get earplugs for next time.

and despite it being 11, that was practically just the beginning of the night lol. Brandon and I met up with Sam for this last concert, but I was pretty drunk and totally exhausted. It was in an indoor amphitheater so as soon as I got my ass in a chair I passed the fuck out for the whole show. They tell me it was incredible. Idk. The sleep was perfect.

Then we started to go to after parties. Brandon and I got a hot dog to sustain ourselves a little and walked over to this place Five somethingorothers and saw the guy from Sylvan Esso playing some club music, but decided it wasn’t our vibe. He decided to go home, and I ran off to meet up with Sam. We went to slims and I met this girl taylor, we talked about flowers or something, and then a big group of us went to this Ruby after party at a big warehouse building that they had rigged up with music equipment and had a fuckton of kegs to supply drinking for the night. I danced and drank til like 6am it was pretty righteous. Well drank til like 5, until the alcohol ran out. We also ‘broke’ into this dilapidated building to the right (it was open) and gave ourselves a little tour lmao. And it seemed like EVERYBODY that I’ve met the past couple months out at bars and stuff were there. It was so much fun seeing everyone. Alex was there, too, and MJ even showed up at 4am! This time I actually remembered her and said hi first so that was good lmao. She gave me some tequila from a flask but we didn’t really talk much. She was mostly chatting with other guys so I guess she’sssss not really into me. Shame. But whatever so it goes. I’ll just stop hitting her up and see if we keep bumping into each other enough to do something one day, probably the best call. But what was excellent was getting to hang out with Sam and his girlfriend Taylor so much last night. It was so excellent

Now Terri and I, I hope that turns into something weird and beautiful. She just told me she’s into pegging and all sorts of lewd stuff I’m so excited.

This wednesday should be a blast. Idt I have much coming up other than Chris’s wedding in a couple weeks though.

Oh yeah I managed to buy two of my 3 supreme things! I got the jacket and the shirt, just need to get the matching hat and I think I might be done with blowing money on clothes lmfaooo. I guess I need to get khakis for the wedding, and maybe a new pair of shorts or two but that won’t be too much. It feels so nice throwing money around on cool shit and going out drinking and shows and good times lmao. Life is so fucking good right now.

Hope everything keeps staying as interesting, I’ll keep ya posted.

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indigo-ra · 6 years ago

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1 Bad Dream

So. I almost didn’t want to post anything here, but I think it’s worth it to at least touch on the trend of dreams I have been having lately. For a while I haven’t been remembering my dreams, and in my waking life I was concerned that because I haven’t been as diligent in recording them, that I might be losing my oneiric touch. It seems as soon as I thought this, I had earned a little vacation time to play a little. My second job is mostly training and I never remember it after I wake up, because that’s just how it works. The past week has been parties. I have been surrounded by celebrities and familiar faces in all my dreams and having these incredible social gatherings. One time Sanaa Lathan was hosting, Chris Rock said my boobs were lopsided and I instantly threw my shirt off, and started asking “They are, right?! Is it really that bad?! Can you tell?” making EVERYBODY there pretty much shrink away in terror, embarrassment or laughter. I don’t actually remember ever putting the shirt back on... but the point is everybody had fun. Until last night.

I know I don’t much talk about my life in depth here, but my relationship with my mother is not good. My relationship with my entire family at this point is not good, and it’s not because of anything I’ve done. If you can imagine someone falling on hard times financially and helping them out, you can somewhat identify. But the part that gets strange is that the family members that were all helping me became incredibly spiteful toward me for no visible reasons that I could ever pinpoint. There were no arguments about stuff like cleaning or money. It always became toxic because they wanted to use me or appropriate me in some demeaning way, and I always refused to be treated like a fucking slave. Even politely, this always landed me looking for another place to stay, because people only want to help you as much as they want you to help them, And I get that concept from strangers, but I naively thought my family would want to help just because they loved me. After all, that’s all they ever preach.

Anyway, after I finally got away from it all and moved to Korea, I have gained a sense of freedom, since I no longer feel like a burden to anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve run into my fair share of trouble with strangers too, but I at least expect strangers to try and fuck me over. My mom took it upon herself to invite herself to come and visit me. At first I tried to nudge her away from the prospect. I never had a melt-down that resulted in “Fuck you, I hate you, I never want to see you again” speech... so I guess she just took it to mean that we’re cool. She called me at 1 am on a school night to ask for my address out of the clear blue sky. It didn’t even come up organically in the conversation and it was way suspicious. I’m groggy af, and I really want her to just get the fuck off the phone, but she’s just lingering like its 3PM on a weekend asking me about school and shit of course AFTER sh’es demanded to know my address. SO I ask ”why do you need it?”

She and my aunt who put me out, had me pack all my belongings, move out and drive an hour away in a car with no brakes in which I nearly died by T-boning (all in the same day), want to come and visit me. They want to start planning it early. I’m a sweetheart so I try and just get her off the phone because its 1AM and I just think I should be able to opt out of this conversation until later. But my mother is incredibly aggressive in all aspects of life and she’s pressing me until I literally have to say it’s “1AM. I have school tomorrow.” I get off the phone and she proceeds to text me. “I thought you were gonna send your address?” I ignore this and send an emergency email asking advice from the Buddhist Monks from my Vihara in DC. Not gonna lie, I was shook. I couldn’t fall back asleep, thinking about her “dropping in” on me just so she can try and subjugate me in her tyrannical, dominating way like a piece of trash on a leash. That she still has this kind of effect on me to the point of making me totally anxious almost had me on the verge of panicking. The part that I’m conflicted about is that I love her, so I don’t want to hurt her feelings, even though she never thinks that far in advance when it comes to sparing mine.

Some time later, she calls me again and is up to no good.The way she keeps asking me the same questions that I’ve answered time and again, signifies that she either isn’t listening, doesn’t really care about my replies, or is masking her intent. In any case, it’s suspicious. After the egregious small talk she gets down to the nitty-gritty asking for my address again and I let her down gently. I simply told her that I’m not ready to host a reunion. She had said she was going to stay in a hotel, but it didn’t matter, I need my space and I wasn’t ready to see her or my aunt for that matter. If I lived in the USA right now, I don’t think that reply would have stopped her. I think she would have shown up anyway. She seemed a little hurt by it and I felt bad, seeing her like that. I wanted to take it back, yet I didn’t. So, I knew it was the right thing to do. My mother is like Jessica Lange playing “The Supreme” in Season 3 of American Horror Story: Coven. Possibly worse. After a few days I began to feel calm again, and that, alone, validated my decision... Then, last night I got a reminder of who I’m dealing with. I brought my daughter home to America to meet my family (I’ve been debating this in real life). My mom wanted to take us somewhere and I tell her to set up the car seat. My daughter was sound asleep and my mom dismissed me (like she is wont to do when I say ANYTHING that makes sense, but sounds too bossy) Like: “Girl I know how to drive! Just put the baby in the car, damn! Let’s go.”

So then I set heh sleeping baby down and I started setting up the baby car seat. My mom jumps in the car and starts it up all of a sudden. I hurry up and jump in the passengers side, ASAP, before she can take off without me. She is FLYING down the highway.

I’m like “Stop this fucking car and set up the car seat right now or I’m calling the cops! Are you crazy!? This is not legal and you might kill my baby!!!!!” She’s accelerating faster by the second and so I get my phone out, heart in my throat, praying she don’t crash this fucking car being a psychopathic witch and as I’m about to dial 911, she drives directly into a huge snowbank on the curb of the highway that should have flipped the car. But the car didn’t flip. This is how I know I’m not *JUST* dreaming. She says: “I’ll flip this car over if you call the police!!!!” I look at her and say “YOU JUST TRIED TO DO IT!!!!!!!! YOU WERE WILLING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE, MY LIFE AND THE LIFE OF MY CHILD OVER NOTHING!”

She’s still speeding, mind you. I’m like, “YOU CAN’T THINK THIS WILL GO OVER WELL FOR YOU IN THE AFTERLIFE.” or something to that effect, to which she then sneered, looking like that might have gotten to her a bit.

We continue this heated argument back at the house, where she has shut down and is now ignoring me after she just attempted to kill me and my baby and I just look down at my daughter, who I laid down on the bed, watching her chest rise and fall to ensure she’s still breathing, thinking she shouldn’t have had to be exposed to this kinda of psychological dysfunction EVER, let alone at age 2. It’s making me emotional right now. I don’t even have a kid, but I know what mama bear feels like. AND, By the way, this incident or something close to it has actually occurred, with just the 2 of us in the car, so I don’t put this dream scenario past her for one second. WHY she behaves this way is anybody’s fucking guess, but it’s definitely something I could see her doing. I took it as a cautionary tale. I had seriously been considering whether or not, IF I got married, IF I would introduce my children to my family... This was my answer.

It hurts me, but I have this strange looming feeling that if I took my little newborn baby to meet my older sister, she’d “accidentally” find a way to chuck her down some stairs or worse. It sucks because I’ll have to deal with them all crying that it’s betrayal when I’ve gotten insight from dreams and just from the reality of noting their patterns of behavior.

I’d rather have my kids grow up healthy, not knowing anything about them, than end up dead or sitting in a court room, sending somebody away for murder and crying about my irreparably shattered dreams and future, just because I was naive enough to think my children could meet my family without them being violently possessed by a legion of demons. Silly me.

I’ll end it here. Because some of my work is classified.

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windycityparrot · 7 years ago

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Will controlling his hormones stop this blue front amazon from regurgitating seasonally?

Dear Mitch, Catherine, and associates, First thank you for the opportunity to contact you about my parrot, who's a BF Amazon, named "Dollar." I wish to add, I adopted him at 6 yrs old, and he wouldn't let me call him any other name than what it had been. So, he's a fabulously happy birdie, but several years in a row around this time of year, he begins to regurgitate and swallow, over and over again. He holds the top of a bell and raises and lowers his head like an oil well, only really fast. He'll pause and you can see there's part of his hoard coming down inside his beak, and he'll swallow it before he proceeds again and again. I've had him to two avian vets over the years, and had a blood panel done, and everything checks out fine, except last year he showed low in calcium, but I changed that up by using veggies with super high vit A content in every fresh meal he eats, usually twice daily. Kale is our staple, and I chop it so fine that he can't NOT eat it. His plumage has become more vibrant than ever. But even more notable is that gone are the minor seizures he'd have periodically.

The only cause of those according to my preferred vet as he had showed me in a book he had, was that with Amazons, possibly Blue and Front - can't remember--are prone to have idiopathic seizures. He prescribed sodium pentathol, and since I couldn't get him to take it, and the veggies I fed him seemed to be what stopped his seizures, I reported such to my vet, and I felt he was possibly cured of whatever imbalance I corrected within him. Each year tho, he regurgitates for quite a few months; but I just saw him have a brief seizure while having been ringing his bell up & down, up & down. It even seems like him doing that motion brings on the seizures some times; whereas during the periods of time when he never regurgitates, he never seizes. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4ESvNYMipA The seizures are atypical according to my vet, meaning his eyes work like normal, his consciousness seems completely intact and aware of his goings on, his wings flutter open just a small amount and back to his body, over & over really fast--like twitches, and his feet stammer around a little bit, so that he can lose his footing a titch on a perch or walking on something uneven--never falling--but if he's on the ground when it occurs--he wants to climb on my hand as though he feels I can make it stop, or at least comfort him. Sometimes he'll go back to trying to do his bell while it's still going on; so he's not too bothered by the occurrences. It makes me think of him riding on some kind of neurological loop he can't just get off of. What's he eat? Nearly everything the first BF Amazon ate for 31 years before dying by accident: everything we eat, only I'm more picky with Dollar than my husband was with Chester. Dollar's mine so I have the right to say, and he gets RoudyBush pellets out of a bin, some dried fruit, seed, dried veggy & nut mix that the local bird store bags up, (no peanuts in the shell), and brita filtered water. His pooh is perfect. He's free flying inside of the house 24/7 except when we're not in the house, and then he's put into a 30 x 22 x 50" (guesstimate) powder coated bird cage that's about 10 years old, but well kept, and he has all types of perches w/toys everywhere in the house which I change some at least 1x/week. I love to take him on car rides but am petrified to leave him in the car out of fear someone will break in and take him from me, being that he's only ever in a cage in the car. I'd like your take on that scenario as well. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFuae7fp0ck To sum it up: what's up with regurgitating in June thru as late as Sept? what's your take on his atypical seizures? do you believe it's safe for a parrot in a cage in an alarm activated car, or one running the a/c if necessary for brief periods of time? I need to be able to run errands--quick ones. My husband thinks people believe they're worth a lot of money and would want to steal him. I have all of the intentions in the world to do better by my birdie, and a desire to make him a care animal for myself; and that would require me training him on a harness and leash before ever putting the public in harm's way, and lord knows what else besides free flying out of doors.

I'm concerned for the public, as he's bit me a good couple of times, and goes after people's heads or ankles sometimes if he's stressed and feels threatened or that I'm threatened. I've only had him for 3 years, and knew my husband's bird for just 5 years. Other than that, for about a year I'd volunteered at the bird store to keep up with their boarders and birds for sale. I also bought ALL of birdtricks.com series of DVD's, which I've not gotten to watch since right after getting Dollar, my health and life went to total crap, so much so I've been struggling just to make it through each day, until recently when I'm trying to pick up the pieces of the mess; but know that my baby birdie means the world to me. I know we could have such a rich life together, (I'm 50 and he's now approx 9 years old). I'd love to create a sanctuary for pet birds, fund raise, grant write, etc, and become so much more versed and comfortable around all of them. My desire to do something for these birds is the reason I'm still alive...So can you help me Drs Mitch, Catherine, and associates? I do hope this will be a continuing and prosperous relationship between us. Thank you for your consideration and help--just for reading this! I wish you all the very best in what you do, and I'll become a patron of yours very soon. I'm excited:) HAVE A TERRIFIC DAY!!! Very truly yours, Elizabeth Oh, Mitch, I failed to mention how I wreak havoc on this poor fella's circadian rhythm. It's probably terrible to do--I hope not--but it could the pathway to fixing things. I have gotten myself into a messed up rhythm, and he's on my rhythm, in large part because of I want to enjoy time with him after work hours. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG2y8dG2QIM Often he doesn't get "lights out" until midnight or 1am. It's just a soft lamp light that's on until bed time, but sometimes there's a 42" flat screen on that late, too. And, I usually come back into the kitchen, by 9 or 10am, and by then he's awake. He will take a siesta after those nights when it was only 6 hours, and that can be 1-1/2 hrs, and/or occasionally brief naps, like 15 minutes. I'm guesstimating. It's always been humans' hours, just as it was for the 31 years of the BFA before this one. Is doing that really THAT bad for him? And what time is best to do the uv lamp? And for 4 hours? His room faces a northern picture window. I hope that helps and I'm sorry I haven't the time to brief it! Thank you so much! Hi Elizabeth Short answer: Reduce the environment that awakens the seasonal hormonal behaviors by reducing the triggers that tell the bird’s body it’s time to reproduce. The triggers are excessive enrichment foods, lack of foraging opportunities, and longer daylight hours./ Alternative Tropican, along with a reduction in enrichment foods that are high in naturally occurring sugars, can most certainly be recommended here, but the hormonal behaviors are triggered by more than food.

Hope all is well.- Melanie Melanie Allen is the Avian Product Specialist at Rolf C. Hagen and she pointed to some posts on the HARI site (Hagen Avicultural Research Institute). We both agree Dollar's hormones are out of control and his circadian clock need resetting. Your todo list just got big http://hari.ca/is-your-parrot-in-hormonal-overdrive/ http://hari.ca/is-your-parrot-in-hormonal-overdrive-part-2/ http://hari.ca/is-your-parrot-in-hormonal-overdrive-part-3/ Keep us informed Best mitchr I forgot the car thing. If it's really hot, and leave dollar at home. Nothing draws attention to a car more than one that is running with no driver. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IYG3rjtoojg If it's cool enough, we leave peaches in the car with the windows cracked and the cage covered. The cage should be covered except front facing when traveling with your bird so as not to overload it with stimuli. Cover it completely when the sun goes down so all the moving headlites freak your FID (Feathered Kid) out. or take him/her into the store - every store has it's own rules about pets Click to Post

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