#should I revive ‘shitty poetry by grace’? lmao

[animalsandskyyy]

my cousin just posted about her 5 year wedding anniversary

which is weird

because I was there

and legitimately cannot believe that was 5 years ago

time is weird

because I was 15 then

and I started remembering how I was going through an entire gay/ace identity crisis at the time

and I went and looked at my photos from that time

and I was a baby

who was at this wedding with her family

and writing sad and longing poetry

about how she wanted to dance with a girl there

but didn’t

and I just feel so bad for her

because I want better for her

and like mentally and life-experience wise, I’m in a better place than her

but not really

i’m still not out in any way shape or form anywhere, except for the internet

and I can’t even talk about my feelings or identity without feeling uncomfortable and shutting down

i’m still desperately longing for love and devotion

and although I wouldn’t actually start doing so until i was 16, i’m still shitposting on tumblr about these things

i’m still longingly hoping for some kind of love and connection in the future, with no way to actually attain it

and it’s weird

poor baby grace

i, young adult grace, need to do better for her sake

but how

idk

posting this sure as hell doesn’t help

but it cleared my mind

and is reminiscent of how my mother writes posts on facebook

…fuck

….

the end