#shitty movie reviews by yours truly

[yearsbecomingcool]

Boys of Summer | Jason Hochberg

donate to gaza here | masterlist

pairing | jason hochberg x f!reader

synopsis | the last thing you expected when you signed up to be a counselor at camp pineway was to end up wrapped in just a towel staring in horror at the empty spot where you had placed your clothes right before your shower. luckily for you jason was ready to come to your aid…sort of…

warnings | 18+, drug usage, underage drinking/drug usage, bullying, sexual dialogue, bullying, loser x loser, cringe behavior, sexual content, making out, fingering, edging, jason and reader are hr's worst nightmare.

word count | 7.6k

a/n | i know hell of a summer isn't out till april but i'm already obsessed with jason and had to write a loser x loser scenario for him. i hate how long it took me to write this but hopefully it was worth it. @blueberrypancakesworld has some great jason fics y'all should check out as well!!! big thank you to my bestie @joeloverture for reading through this and helping me out/being super supportive while i worked on it. if y'all read for joel miller or just want some good fics pls go check out her stuff, she's my favorite person on the whole site.

taglist | @mvnqvinn @snazzynacho @imyprice @circuslxcysplace

A summer spent with spoiled rich kids who only got a job because their parents forced them sounds like your worst nightmare, and yet here you are living it. You’d grown up going to Camp Pineway, with mostly shitty memories of asshole kids and counselors who felt they weren’t paid enough to stop some bullies. You wanted to make a difference, you wanted to give those kids someone who would stand up for them, so you decided you’d come back and be a counselor for the summer. It was your summer break from college and you truly had nothing better to do in your shitty little town so it seemed like your best bet at having a social life. 

When you’d arrived you knew you were fucked. A cherry red convertible with Chris Tian in the front seat was nothing but trouble, you’d heard from your younger sibling about how much of a dickhead he and his friends were and it seemed like they’d be your fellow counselors. You felt weirdly ashamed when you hopped out of your beat up old junker, one of the back handles had fallen off last winter and you never had enough money to fix it. You prayed silently that no one would notice how shitty your car was. Something about being around people like this made you feel like you were a self conscious high schooler again. 

You felt relieved when you’d walked into the mess hall to be greeted by Jason Hochberg, he was two years older than you and had gone to school with you. He had been nerdy and awkward and somehow after all these years he still was. You bit your lip at the sight of him in his dorky outfit, his too long shorts and nerdy vest made you want to kiss him hard and stuff him in a locker all at the same time. You had always had a particular type, you could never verbalize it properly so you’d always told your friends your type was guys that would pop a boner if you shoved them too hard in the hallway. You’d softly cyber stalked his Instagram from time to time, mostly nature shots and movie reviews that got maybe 10 likes on a good day. The only photos he really had up of himself were in photo dumps from his years at Camp Pineway, he’d been a counselor there since he was eighteen and had been going for his whole childhood. He was clearly holding onto this place but you found it sort of endearing. You eyed the small bracelet stack on his arm, a couple of his favorites he’d received from campers over the years. You thought it was sweet that he held onto them. 

You’d seen him at camp when you were a kid and that sort of kickstarted your little crush. He’d gotten bullied just like you but despite that he’d always stuck up for you whenever he’d see it happening. He didn’t mind taking a few blows or insults if it kept you out of harm's way. There was one incident you’d remembered for years.

 It was your third year at camp and you were ten years old, Jason was twelve. You’d been cornered by a couple older girls, laughing at you, insulting your looks and your outfit. You had no idea what you did to provoke them, in reality you hadn’t done shit besides look like what they considered to be an easy target. They’d been harassing you for the entire week, making you scared to separate from your cabin mates. You’d been good about staying in a group but when you broke off to go to the bathroom you’d been cornered. They poked and prodded at you, making you feel smaller than you were. Tears brimmed your eyes, threatening to spill when Jason came in to save the day.

“Hey! Leave her alone!” He yelled, stomping over to the girls. He wasn’t very intimidating, he hadn’t hit his growth spurt and was standing at about 5 feet on a good day. He was dressed in cargo shorts and a Zelda t-shirt, if you looked up ‘nerd’ in the dictionary a picture of him would come up. You felt grateful to see him, no one had ever stuck up for you before.

“Fuck off, Jason,” one of the girls, Jessica, said aggressively. She turns to glare at him. She was a bit taller than him which didn’t help make him look anymore intimidating.

“She’s just a kid, she’s not bothering anyone. Go pick on someone else, Jess.” He stood there with his arms crossed, his brows furrowed in anger. 

“Who? You, you’re an even easier target than pipsqueak over here,” Jess laughs. 

“Yeah,” he nods, “Pick on me instead. Leave her alone.” 

“Fine, we will.” Jess and the other girls turn around, closing in on Jason. 

You look at him and mouth a quick ‘thank you’ before running off to find your cabin mates. 

He’d saved your ass a couple more times that summer and towards the end of camp you’d used your arts and crafts time to make him a bracelet as a thank you. A perler bead bracelet made out of the camp's colors, white and green. You’d added a little tree shaped bead and a white heart as well. You gifted it to him shyly on the last day as everyone waited for their parents to arrive to pick them up. You shyly approached him, your little hands trembling as you tapped him on the shoulder. He stood alone, lost in his own thoughts.

“Jason?” You tapped him on the shoulder softly.

He turned around and smiled when he saw you, “Hey! 

You push the bracelet towards him, “I uh…I made this for you…as a thank you for protecting me this summer.” 

He smiles softly at you, taking the bracelet and slipping it onto his wrist where a few others sit. “Thank you, this is so nice. I’m glad I could help, you didn’t deserve to be bullied like that.”

Your ride pulls up, honking the horn. “Thank you for everything, Jason. I’ll see you next summer!” You hug him quickly before running off to your moms car.

Jason gives his spiel to everyone about expectations for the summer and for the weekend, you notice a few of the others on their phones and try to not roll your eyes. Once his speech is over he makes everyone turn their phones into a basket, you’re last in line and decide you’ll take your opportunity to speak to him. His face lights up when he sees you, “I thought I recognized your name. How’ve you been?” His toothy grin makes you melt. 

You stand shyly with your hands behind your back, “I’ve been good…how about you? I mean you’re head counselor so clearly you’ve been doing pretty good.” You mentally facepalm at your own awkwardness. 

“I’ve been good, yeah…lots of responsibility now. That’s just part of getting older I guess.” 

You chew nervously at the dead skin on your lower lip, “You still looking out for the kids like me?” 

“Always,” He smiles, “I still have that bracelet you made me y’know.” He holds up his wrist for you to see and you grab him, pulling it closer to get a good look at it.

“No shit…it’s sweet that you still have it.”

“How could I ever get rid of it? It’s a good reminder to look out for other people. You were really the first person to show me that kind of appreciation so it’s special to me,” he explains, his cheeks turning pink. He always blushed so easily. 

“Hopefully you get more appreciation now, you really saved my ass that summer…and the next. Goddamn did camp suck without you there. I never really got that same courage you did to stand up for myself…” 

He reaches out, placing a hand on your shoulder comfortingly. “I only ended up with that courage after standing up for you, y’know. Who picked on you after Jessica left? She aged out of it when I did.” 

“Some rich girl in my grade, you know how things go. When one Jessica leaves another one takes her place,” you joke. 

He chuckles, moving his hand off your shoulder to push his hair back. “That’s always how it goes huh…”

Before you can respond Miley pokes her head back into the mess hall, “Why does she still have her phone? Don’t play favorites already!” Her whiny voice makes your eyes go wide in annoyance. You power down your phone and place it in the small basket Jason is holding. She scoffs and heads back out with the other counselors.

“Wow…there’s our Jessica I guess…” 

“Looks like it…why don’t you get changed? I think everyone wants to swim,” Jason suggests.

“A swim sounds perfect right now, god. I’ll see you out there.” You give him a soft smile before heading to your car to grab your bags.

You lug them to the cabin you’ve been assigned to share with Demi and Miley, as soon as you open the door they go silent and look you up and down. “So someone’s the teacher's pet already…” Miley scoffs. 

“Um…sorry if I made a bad impression already. We just knew each other as kids so we were catching up a bit, and got distracted. I’m not getting any special privileges if that's what you’re worried about.” You try to explain yourself but feel like you’re sinking into quicksand with every word that leaves your mouth. It feels like your childhood all over again. 

“It’s not a big deal, just…interesting. Were you two like…science partners or something?” The way she says it sounds so condescending it makes you want to scream.

“Oh no, he’s older than me. We just went to camp together here.” You haul your suitcase onto the bed and start to unpack your clothes into the small dresser at the end of your bed. You lay out a black bikini top and a black boyshort style pair of bottoms. The two girls eye your choice of swimwear judgingly but keep their mouths shut about it…for now.

 You all get changed into your swimsuits, Demi and Miley opting for straight bikinis over your slightly more modest attire, before heading out to the lake with everyone else. Jason had specifically told everyone no drinking or drugs but naturally no one cared enough to follow his orders. There’s a big cooler of assorted drinks sitting on the dock. Jason is seething with rage, sitting on his towel, nervously messing with the bracelets on his wrist. He’s dressed in a pair of dark green swim trunks and a Camp Pineway t-shirt. You drop your towel next to his, a pair of square shaped oversized sunglasses sitting atop your head. “Are you not going in?” You ask, sitting down next to him. You nab his sunscreen off his towel and start to apply it where you’re able to reach. 

“Not yet. I told them to not bring alcohol and here they are with an entire cooler, are you fucking kidding me?” He rants. You eye the cooler of beer and liquor they brought with them, the pineapple White Claw calls out to you like the green goblin mask but you fight the urge to pop it open. 

“They’re kids, they’re gonna be assholes. What’s more interesting to me is exactly how they got all that, none of ‘em are 21,” you say as you lather the sunscreen onto your arms and legs. 

“They’re rich, probably paid a sibling or stranger for it…who knows…” 

You hand the bottle of sunscreen to him, “Can you get my back? I can’t reach it.”

He stares down at the sunscreen bottle, reluctantly taking it from your hands. A shiver runs down your spine as he starts to apply the cold cream, rubbing it into your skin. A few of the other counselors look over, one of them wolf whistling, “Nice, Jason. Getting some action already huh?” It’s mocking and makes your cheeks start to heat up with embarrassment, Jason’s face turning bright red.

“You could only be so lucky, Bobby!” You call back. 

“My first time touching a woman was a long time ago, I think this is Jason’s first,” Bobby teases.

Jason seethes, his touch becoming a bit rougher. You turn your head back to face him, “Don’t let it get to you, they’re just assholes. Their opinions don’t mean shit.”

“If this is what I have to hear all summer I might become Jason Voorhees,” he grumbles.

“Would I be your final girl?” You tease.

“Well if I had to die by someone’s hand here I guess I’d prefer it to be yours.”

You bite your lip and smile, “He never really dies y’know, you’d come back.”

He rolls his eyes playfully, “I’d just look grosser everytime.”

“But at least you’d get to go to space and fight Freddy Krueger, that doesn’t sound too bad to me.”

He laughs and shakes his head, “You’re very familiar with Friday the 13th huh?”

“That franchise is a guilty pleasure of mine, I can’t help it.”

“It’s cool that you know so much about it, I bet you’d kill at horror trivia.”

You smile shyly, “You have no idea.”

You get up and go over to the cooler, grabbing the White Claw you had wanted earlier. “Will you kill me if I have one drink?” You turn back to Jason with a pout.

“Is my final girl breaking her pure streak already?” He teases.

You lean down to whisper in his ear, feeling a bit bold. “As long as my virginity is still intact that’s what really matters, right?” 

His face goes bright red and his body goes tense, he gulps. You want to kiss him so bad. He simply nods, “R-Right…”

You smirk and pop open the can, taking a seat next to him. His eyes flicker down to your exposed skin, it’s a view he’s looking forward to admiring for the rest of the summer. When he looks away you press the can to his exposed forearm and laughs when he jumps back. “Sorry…you’re kind of fun to mess with.” You had never really aged out of teasing and annoyance as a form of flirting, you’d spent years flicking people’s ears and throwing things at them to get their attention, it had mostly worked out for you. 

“So I’ve been told…” He mutters.

You finish your drink and stand to go into the water, “You coming or what, Voorhees?”

His cheeks turn pink at the nickname, “In a minute, promise.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” You run off the dock and jump in with a smile. You shriek at the coldness of the water and smile as the other counselors laugh along with you. You start to swim around and get yourself used to the temperature of the water. You mostly keep to yourself as the other counselors play around, it’s definitely a weird feeling to be older than the rest of them. You’re enjoying yourself as you see Jason approaching the end of the dock. You swim over to him, resting your arms on the dock as you prop yourself up.

“Coming in?”

“Maybe…is it cold?” He asks. He takes a seat at the end of the dock, dipping his feet into the water. He hisses at the cold. “How are you swimming this?”

“My body got used to it, c’mon join me. I’m lonely…” You pout playfully. 

“You don’t want to mingle with them?” He motions to the other counselors. 

“I’m scared they’re gonna ask if I have sigma rizz.”

His brows furrowed in confusion, “What the hell does that mean?”

“I don’t know but I heard my sibling say it the other day and felt so very old.”

“I’ll come in and save you, hold on,” He groans. He slowly lowers himself into the water, the t-shirt still on. He grits his teeth at the cold as he sinks in.

The two of you stay near the docks, observing the other counselors. Bobby sits comfortably on an inflatable with a joint perched between his fingers, taking a drag every now and then. Jason shakes his head in anger, “They brought weed too? Are you fucking kidding me?” For a minute part of you wonders if you’ve somehow snuck into a purgatory designed to torture Jason for eternity. 

You do your best to calm him, “There’s what like…ten of them? It’ll be gone before the weekend is even over, it’ll be fine. This first night is supposed to be for everyone to hang out and get to know each other right? Just let them all…chill and maybe they won’t be so rude the rest of the summer.”

“If I don’t enforce it now they won’t respect me for the rest of the summer. Trust me, I’ve been doing this for years,” Jason replies, sounding annoyed.

“I’m shocked you’re against smoking, I mean you kind of give off stoner vibes…at least your Instagram did.” As soon as you say it you realize you slipped up.

“You’ve seen my Instagram?”

You feel your face heat up, “I-It came up on my explore page after I applied here. You know how Instagram and Facebook are, I could say the word ‘cookie’ and get like a million Crumbl ads after. I-I saw you and got curious…I remembered you from camp and High School. It wasn’t like I was stalking your page or anything.” The word vomit does nothing to help your case, you’ve been caught red handed. 

“You looked through all my posts though? Didn’t you?” He cocks an eyebrow at you.

“Don’t make it weird! I was curious…I do it with everyone from my past if their stuff comes up, hell I go through my own account sometimes!”

“I think you’re the one making it weird.”

“Be nice or I’ll get the teenagers to bully you again,” you threaten. 

He rolls his eyes and splashes you with a laugh. You gasp and recoil, you wipe the water from your face and splash him back. It devolves quite quickly into a childish splash fight, the both of you laughing hard. “Truce! Truce!” He yells, holding his hands up in surrender. 

“Fineeeeee.” 

The other counselors look at the two of you in slight annoyance, it’s so clear to everyone that you’re already his favorite and it pisses them off.

“Is that like…appropriate for him to be so close to them like that?” Miley nudges Demi.

“I don’t know but it’s annoying, they’re gonna get special treatment the whole summer for sucking up to that loser. What kind of guy still works as a counselor when he’s like 30?” 

“He’s only like 24, don’t be dramatic,” Shannon says.

“Are you defending him?” Miley asks in disgust.

“The only thing I’m defending him against is the elderly allegations,” Shannon jokes.

Miley rolls her eyes and turns back to Demi, “We should teach them a lesson. Let them know what everyone else thinks of suck ups like them.”

“Yeah? What are you thinking?” Demi asks, leaning her head down for Miley to whisper to her. 

The two girls look over at you and Jason and nod.

“Hey, put that out! The rules very clearly said no drugs or alcohol, what the hell were you thinking bringing weed to a summer camp?” Jason yells at Bobby.

Bobby rolls his eyes, “You want me to put it out? Where? On the inflatable?” He scoffs.

“J-Just get rid of it and whatever other contraband you got, okay! We don’t need some kid getting into your stash and greening out!”

You bite back a smile as Jason rants. “Just make sure it’s gone before the kids show up. I’m sure you can manage that right, Bobby?”

Jason looks back at you like you’ve betrayed him, “What the hell are you doing? I’m in charge.”

“Jason, just trust me on this one, okay? They’ll get rid of it before the kids get here, I’ll make sure of it.”

Jason groans and pinches the bridge of his nose, “If it’s not I’ll have your ass for it.”

You smirk at the accidental innuendo, “It’ll be gone,” you turn to look back at Bobby as he takes another hit, “Right, Bobby?”

He salutes you, “Yes ma’am!”

You turn back to face Jason, giggling slightly. “See, it’ll be gone. Promise.”

As the sun starts to go down everyone heads back to their cabins to grab some clothes to change into, before heading to the showers. You’re one of the last to make it to the showers and you leave your clothes in a pile on the bench to change into after. You step into a stall and pull off your swimsuit, hanging it over the door to dry as you turn on the water. Your face scrunches up in annoyance as the cold water hits your skin. You step as far away from the water as you can while still staying in the stall until the water heats up. Once it heats up you take your time scrubbing yourself down, massassing your shampoo into your scalp. You turn off the water and wrap your towel around yourself, stepping out of the stall. Your brows furrowed in confusion as you look down at the bench, your clothes are gone. You look around the locker room, it’s empty except for you. You open the lockers, searching each and every locker for your clothes. You go back to your stall to see if your swimsuit is there but it’s missing as well. “You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me…” You mutter. Your cheeks heat up with embarrassment, you can’t believe it. You’re a grown ass adult getting bullied by teenagers…

While you were in the shower Miley and Demi put their plan into motion, they’d waited for the rest of the girls to leave and stole your swimsuit from the top of your stall door, yanking it down while you were distracted. They’d swiped up your clothes and ran off with them as well, right back to your cabin. They had been oh so kind as to leave your towel untouched however. Once they stashed your clothes Demi had gone off to Jason's cabin. 

He opened the door while towel drying his hair, “Oh, Demi. What’s up?”

She explains that you’re having some issues with something in the showers and need his help.

His pale cheeks turn pink as she explains, “What does she need help with?”

“She didn’t say, but she said she really needed you to come help her so…”

“Uh, okay. I-I’ll be up there in a few.” He shuts the door and throws his towel down, quickly brushing his hair and slipping his crocs on. 

You’re pacing in the locker room, chewing nervously at your thumbnail when there’s a knock on the door. “Uh, hey. Demi said you needed some help, is everything alright?” 

You walk towards the door, groaning with your head in your hands. “My clothes…” you sigh, “my clothes are fucking gone. I-I think Demi took ‘em.” 

His eyes go wide, “Can I come in?”

“I mean…I’m in just a towel so…”

He pinches the bridge of his nose trying to think, “Fuck, okay. Um, I’ll go grab your clothes. Stay here.”

“Wasn’t planning on going anywhere…” You mumble as you hear his footsteps getting quieter. 

Jason runs off to the nurses office, it takes him a few minutes to figure out what key on his key ring fits but he gets it eventually. He grabs a camp t-shirt and black shorts they keep as extras just in case and heads back to the locker room. His mind is racing the whole jog back, he’s never had to deal with something like this before. Bullying and pranks between campers was normal, he was used to handling it, but between counselors? He felt pretty out of his depth. He stops his hand when he reaches for the door handle that leads to the locker room, he makes a fist and knocks instead. “I uh…I got you some clothes. There wasn’t any underwear I could get but-”

“Thank you, I appreciate it.” You reach a hand out and take the clothes from him, dropping your towel and slipping the clothes on. The shorts hang low on your hips and the t-shirt hangs slightly off your shoulder. You pick your towel back up to dry your hair and open the door for Jason. “You can come in now.”

He cautiously steps into the locker room, he’s chewing nervously at his lower lip. “So you think Demi took your clothes?” 

You nod, placing your hands on your hips. “Her and Miley have been acting really weird since we met. Miley already accused you of playing favorites with me…in the cabin she called me ‘teacher’s pet.’ Do you think she got Demi in on some plan to prank me?” 

“It’s definitely possible,” he nervously plays with the bracelets on his wrist. “It just seems a little extreme considering all you’ve done is get on their nerves.”

“Girls are more cutthroat than you’d think, trust me,” you say bluntly.

Jason nods, “Why don’t I walk you back to your cabin and I’ll make sure you get your clothes back, okay?”

“Thanks, Voorhees,” you use his nickname again. You slip on your slides, grateful that they had at least left those for you.

He shakes his head as he holds the door open for you, “Are you gonna call me that all summer?”

You beam up at him, clasping your hands behind your back, “Maybe.”

“Well I guess it’s not the worst thing I’ve been called…” He clicks on his flash light and the two of you start the walk to the cabins.

“Did you get hazed when you started as a counselor?” You ask as you walk next to him.

“Yeah, kind of. It’s different for guys I guess, not as calculated. The worst I got was a wedgie every now and then,” he grimaces at the memory, “I didn’t have my clothes stolen or anything like that.”

You giggle and nod, “Guess I really pissed them off then.”

“Or they’re just really mean.”

You chuckle, “That is definitely a possibility.” 

As you walk Jason can’t help but admire you. He loves how the shirt hangs off your shoulder, it falls nicely over the slope of your breasts, your nipples visible through the thin fabric. You use one hand to keep the shorts held up, they hang dangerously low on your hips and your lack of underwear does nothing to help you feel secure. You smell nice, slightly like lavender. 

“What’s kept you coming back to camp every year?”

Your question is one Jason has gotten countless times, it’s one that opens up a bottomless pit in his stomach. “I just like it here. I love being in nature and being able to mentor the kids…Pineway just feels like a second home to me.” He’s also terrified of having to move on and grow up but he’d never say that out loud. 

“Y’know I think you’d make a good park ranger. I could see you at one of the national parks, maybe doing classes for the kids, helping run day camps. It's perfect for you.”

He looks down and blushes, “You think so?”

You move a little closer to him, your arms brushing against one another. “Yeah, it’d be a good fit for you. You should really think about it.”

“Maybe I will…thank you.”

You reach the cabin, stepping carefully onto the porch. You can hear Demi and Miley talking inside. You slowly open the door, Jason following you inside. You stay close to him, a bit cautious of the two girls now. They turn to look at the two of you and Miley can’t help but laugh, “Cute clothes.”

You open your mouth to retort but Jason places a hand on your shoulder and shakes his head.

“This isn’t funny, I could report you two for harassment and stealing. Where’d you put her clothes?” Jason asks, putting on a serious tone. He stands there angrily, glaring at the girls.

“Why would we have her clothes?” Demi snarks.

“I’m not kidding Demi, this is wildly inappropriate. Hazing, bullying, harassment, whatever you want to call this shit won’t be tolerated.” Jason's hands curl into fists.

The two girls look at each other and burst into laughter, “S-Sorry, it’s so hard to take you seriously when your hands are so…y’know!” Miley laughs through tears.

Jason scowls, “Hey! I’m not fucking around! Give her back her goddamn clothes.” His anger is slightly more intimidating this time. 

Miley groans and pulls your clothes out from under her bed. She tosses them to you and you frantically check to make sure all of it is there. “There. Happy now? Take a fucking joke.”

Your brows furrow, “Where the hell is my underwear?”

The two girls erupt into laughter once again, there’s tears streaming down their cheeks as they hold their stomachs in laughter. You and Jason stand there uncomfortably until they calm down. “I’d check the flag pole if I was you,” sneers Demi.

Your face falls and it feels like your stomach has dropped out of your body, you can’t pick your eyes up from the floor. You can feel your breathing begin to grow ragged as you realize what they’ve done. Your whole body feels warm with embarrassment. You’ve been humiliated plenty of times in your life but this takes the cake for the worst. You drop your clothes and run out of the cabin.

Jason points at the girls, “You’re both in a lot of fucking trouble when I get back.” He runs outside after you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. He pulls you into his chest as you begin to cry. He rubs your back and whispers softly to try and calm you down. “It’s gonna be okay, you won’t have to spend another second alone with them for the rest of the summer and they’re on probation for the rest of the summer, okay? Seriously, one more incident and they’re out. I’m calling the camp director in the morning.” As he holds you he looks over at the nearby flag pole that sits in the middle of the cabins. Where the flag once was now waves a smaller white piece of cloth. He immediately knows what it is. He’s quite possibly the angriest he’s ever been in his life, but for your sake he calms himself. “I’m gonna get your underwear down. I’ll be right back.” He runs over to the flagpole, hoisting your underwear down as quickly as possible so no one will see. He stuffs your underwear into his pocket and puts the flag back up.

“Come on, you’re going to my cabin. I’ll go get your stuff in a bit,” Jason wraps his arm around you and starts to lead you to his cabin. One of the perks of being head counselor is that he doesn’t have to share with everyone else. He leads you to the small cabin and you get comfortable on one of the bunks, curling into yourself and crying softly. He sits on the bed, rubbing your back comfortingly. “They’re just a bunch of assholes, you don’t deserve this. They went way too far.” 

“I didn’t even do anything,” You whine. You feel like a kid again, you want to quit and go home but you know you can’t. 

“I know. It’s stupid, they’re stupid. I’ve got you, okay? I’ll switch your cabin assignment, get you away from them. But at least for tonight you’re with me. I’m gonna go get your stuff.” He pats your back and stands, heading for the door. 

On the short walk to your cabin he tries to calm himself, he knows better than to blow up at Miley and Demi but goddammit would he love to. He slips in the door, making his way to your bunk, gathering your things quickly. “What are you doing with her shit?” Miley asks, sitting up on her bunk.

“Taking it to my cabin. You two can’t be trusted near her.”

“I thought male and female counselors weren’t allowed to-”

Jason cuts Demi off, “This is an exception. It’s just for tonight. You’ll room with someone else starting tomorrow, probably Shannon.” He tries to keep the conversation short, if he gets a chance to blow up he will.

“You just wanna get in her pants…” Miley mumbles.

“Shut the fuck up. I could call your parents and tell them what you’ve done, I promise you no amount of money will stop me from making sure you’re both punished for what you did. Grow the fuck up. You both go to college this fall right?”

They nod.

“Then act like it. You do this shit in college and you don’t just get suspended. You get kicked out. I’m sure mommy and daddy will offer a generous donation to save your ass but it can only happen so many times before they decide to stop paying up. I don’t want another problem from either one of you this whole summer, got it?” Jason has never had to yell at anyone like this the entire time he’s worked at the camp, he’s seething. If he could find replacements for the two on such short notice he’d have them packing by midnight.

The two girls nod shamefully, “G-Got it…”

“Good.” He gathers the rest of your things and carries them back to his cabin. You help him bring them inside and open up your suitcase to change. You don’t want to put on the clothes you’d originally picked out, they feel tainted now. You decide on an old band t-shirt and some old flannel pajama shorts you’d bought years ago. 

“Can you uh…turn around? I really don’t want to walk all the way back to the showers to change.” You ask shyly, holding up your clothes.

Jason turns around quickly, even going as far as covering his eyes, “Just let me know when you’re decent.”

You strip off the clothes he’d given you earlier and trade them for your own. “You can turn around now.”

He turns back around with his eyes still covered and you roll your eyes. You stroll up to him and pull his hands off his eyes, “You’re such a dork.” He smiles down at you, for a second he feels like he’s in one of those cheesy rom coms he secretly watches. 

“It doesn’t sound so mean when you say it,” he chuckles. 

“Good. It should sound like a compliment, I like dorks. You’re so yourself without being ashamed of it, I like it.” For a moment you both stare at one another, admiring the features of your faces up close. You notice his beauty marks that litter his cheeks, you admire the gaps in his teeth. He’s so beautiful as he is. 

He moves his hands to your waist experimentally. His touches, as innocent as they are, make your body feel as if it’s been set ablaze. You want him bad. 

“You were my hero again today, maybe instead of a park ranger you could consider superhero as your career,” you joke. He runs his thumb up and down your side, smiling softly.

“Maybe you should stop getting yourself into trouble and I won’t have to come save you.”

“Isn’t that what a final girl is supposed to do?” You tease, referencing your earlier conversation.

“I suppose. But, I still haven’t seen you trip over nothing while running. You broke the rules a little earlier by having that drink y’know.” His grip on your waist tightens, he pulls you a bit closer to him. 

“Are you gonna punish me for it, Mr. Voorhees?” You internally cringe at yourself and pray to the universe that he will somehow find that sexy.

“Maybe I will.” 

He leans in and kisses you softly, pulling your body flush against his as he does. What starts off innocent pretty quickly picks up steam. It’s been a long time since you’ve so much as even kissed someone, you’re pretty pent up. Your hands find their way into his hair as you pull him closer to you, you want him as close as humanly possible. When his hand starts to slide up your shirt you know you want to be even closer. He squeezes your breast and rolls your nipple between his thumb and forefinger. He laughs when you pull away from the kiss to whine pathetically. You didn’t know he had this in him. You tug at his hair and smirk when he whimpers. You can see what this is turning into, tit for tat. He makes you whine, you make him whimper. You do whatever you can to elicit a sweet sound from one another. Eventually you’re able to shove him down onto the couch. He sits with his head against the back of the couch, his legs spread. You bite your lip and move to stand between his legs. He leans forward and lifts your shirt, starting to kiss your stomach and hips.

“Y’know, I might’ve lied about some of my final girl qualifications,” you laugh, looking down at him.

“Yeah? Like what?”

“I’m not a virgin…”

He scoffs, “Really? Could’ve fooled me.”

You roll your eyes and playfully whack the top of his head, “Don’t be a dick.”

He pulls you into his lap and pulls off your shirt, starting to kiss your neck. He turns you around in his lap so that your back is against his chest. He spreads your legs apart and starts to tease you over your shorts. You melt into his touch, whining and moaning softly. You’re practically putty in his hands. You can feel him pressed against your back, he’s painfully hard. You wanna touch him but you’re too caught up in what he’s doing to you.  “We shouldn’t be doing this, think about how much trouble I’d get in if anyone found out,” Jason mutters as he shoves his hand down your panties. He starts to massage your clit and you’re practically melting.

“N-No one’ll find out…promise…please just…” You can barely form a sentence, this is the last thing you would’ve expected from him. You had imagined a messy makeout session, a few minutes of grinding before he loses control and comes in his pants. 

“Please what? What do you need?” He sounds completely calm and collected, it’s like he’s maintaining his composure just to fuck with you. 

“Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you! You know what I need! Goddammit, just-”

He cuts you off by tugging down your shorts and underwear, your cunt exposed to the cool air of the cabin. He hooks his ankles around yours, keeping your legs spread for him. He looks down at your cunt and smiles, resting his head on your shoulder. He runs his finger up your slit, spreading your lips in the process. You whine, your hips bucking up. “Is this what you want?” He raises his fingers to your mouth, tapping your bottom lip for you to open up. You slowly open your mouth and he slides his fingers in. He doesn’t even tell you what to do, you start to suck on his fingers. He pulls them away once he’s satisfied and moves his hand back down to your cunt. He spreads you open against, watching your head tilt back as he sinks two fingers into your depth. He smirks when he hears your soft whimpers. He starts to slowly pump his fingers inside of you, “If you keep making these pretty little noises I might have to keep you in here with me all summer.”

“Please…fuck…just have me look pretty and play with me, better than the actual job,” you mumble, turning to look at him. You lean down to capture his lips in a bruising kiss, enjoying the way your noses knock against one another. You’ve been admiring his nose all day, fighting the urge to run a finger down the slope. You wonder how it would feel against your clit, his tongue buried deep inside of you. 

“It’d be nice to have a pretty little stress toy like you in my cabin to come back to after a long day, these motherfuckers are gonna give me greys before I turn 30.” You get a look on your face like you’re about to make a snide comment and Jason shuts it down by massaging your clit. A moan spills out of your lips instead. 

“You figured out how to handle me that quick?”

He rolls his eyes and starts to kiss your neck, he takes his time finding all the spots that make you whine extra loud. He nibbles here and there but knows better than to leave marks, at least in such visible places. He picks up the pace as he pumps his fingers in and out of you. He loves how you whimper his name, pleading for more, pleading for his cock. “I didn’t pack condoms, but maybe if you’re good you can have my tongue later.”

You move your head to the side, giving him more access to your neck. “And if I’m bad?”

“Then you can try to get yourself off on my thigh while you jack me off.”

“Oh fuck me…” you mumble, your head rolling back. 

He moves his mouth to your breasts, starting to bite and suck at the sensitive flesh of your nipples. “Already told you I can’t do that yet. Gotta be patient, gotta be good, ‘kay?”

You jut out your bottom lip, pouting, and nod. “‘Kay…”

He nips at your nipple and you yelp, “Good.” He leans down and spits on your clit, massaging it into your clit with his thumb. He speeds up his motions, trying harder and harder to get you what you want. “You wanna make a mess for me, don’t you? If you get it on the couch you’re licking it up. Better pray none of it even hits the floor…” This morning you could’ve never imagined he had it in him to speak to you like this, his coy attitude was just a red herring for what was to come. He’s working his fingers inside of you, curling them just right to hit the spot. Your eyes screw shut as you mumble pathetically, “Oh fuck Jason…g-god…fuck please make me come, please…wanna make a mess for you…”

Just as he’s about to take you over the edge there’s a knock at the door. You both freeze and he slaps a hand over your mouth. Never in his life has he been so grateful for the window coverings in the cabin. 

“Hey! Jason, is she in there? I heard what happened, I just want to make sure y’all are gonna eat.” It’s Chris. God you want to kill him right now. 

Jason smirks, “I’ll be out in a minute. Just making sure she’s okay.”

“Well…uh, see you in the mess hall then!” You hear his footsteps quiet down.

You and Jason look at each other and erupt into giggles. “You wanna play a game with me, final girl?”

“Are you impersonating Jigsaw now too? I think you’re getting your franchises mixed up.”

He rolls his eyes, “God you’re more of a nerd than me. You should feel lucky you weren’t wearing that underwear when they hoisted them up the flagpole.”

You slap his chest, “Hey! Asshole! I’m not like that bitch Cindy in Sleepaway Camp III, you wouldn’t let them do that to me.”

He laughs, kissing you again, “Nerd.”

“You can’t call me a nerd when your fingers are inside me.”

He pulls his fingers out of you and flicks your clit, causing you to yelp. “Is that better nerd?”

You roll your eyes and he brings his fingers to your lips, “Go on, clean me up.” You suck your slick off his fingers. He pulls them out of your mouth once he’s satisfied and wipes your saliva on your cheek. You narrow your eyes at him playfully.

“You’re not gonna finish me off? I was so close…” You pout.

“That’s the game. Sit through dinner without being a whiny little brat and I’ll give you whatever you want. I’ll make sure you come as many times as you want tonight, just behave during dinner. Think you can do that?” He explains.

You groan, “Fineeeee. But you owe me a lot of orgasms, and I mean a lot. It’s fucked up to leave a girl hanging like that.”

“I’m blue balling myself too.” He grabs your hand and presses it against his shorts, you can feel just how hard he is through his shorts. “We both have to behave during dinner, it’s an even playing field.”

You smirk, “Deal. How do you plan to hide that though?”

“I’ll think of awful things until it goes away.”

You raise an eyebrow, “Does that really work.”

“Sometimes.”

You squeeze him through his shorts before standing to get redressed, “You better pray it does tonight because I’ll be across the table thinking about how your nose would feel against my clit after dinner.”

“You’re HR’s worst nightmare…” He mumbles, watching as you redress.

“You’re the one who kissed me, I don’t wanna hear it. I’ll keep my mouth shut as long as you do the same,” you say as you pull your shirt over your head,

“Deal.” He gets up from the couch and readjusts himself through his shorts. 

You both share a mirror, trying to fix your hair and doing everything possible to make it less obvious that you two were just going at it. Once you’re satisfied you head for the door. As soon as you step out of the door he slaps your ass, causing you to yelp and jump. “Prick!”

“You love it.” 

[cursedvida]

It's really crazy to me to see the hate Mae gets, like I was reading some reviews and I can understand not liking a character but as soon as they start with the name calling their opinion is invalid to me because they have no reason to be calling her a bitch, among other things, like it just reeks of mysogyny, (it's like they just want an excuse to call women names) and seeing it coming from other girls makes it worse like..

"Oh the girl was such a bitch why did she do that 🙄" ..is it really that hard to think for a moment about the circumstances in which mae was raised?? Do they need it spell it out for them?? Like, c'mon guys do you really think that the people trapped in a bunker for generations have anything nice to teach/say about the apes?? Wes Ball please give us Mae's backstory in the sequel!! Your audience needs it bc they are out there calling Mae the real villain and saying Proximus was right 💀 (when he was literally everything Caesar hated in an ape)

Look, I'm usually a polite person when expressing my opinions, but I'm fed up with the hate towards Mae, basically because the arguments people give seem incredibly basic to me, typical of people with little to no understanding. Sometimes I doubt if these people have watched the same movie as me or maybe they have some sort of cognitive dissonance, but seriously, I find them ridiculous. Either that, or they are basically the typical comments from misogynistic guys or women with internalized misogyny who can't stand morally gray and questionable female characters.

And well, having said that, I'm going to present my doctoral thesis on this topic:

One of the things I've seen the most is people saying that Mae is evil, the true villain, or an ungrateful traitor to Noa. This argument seems quite incomprehensible to me because, even though we don't have much data about her, I believe there's something very important that explains why she acts as she does: the Proximus apes killed the people in her group, including her mother. I mean: her damn mother. If we add to that the UNDERSTANDING (I mean, you have to be very short-minded not to assume something so obvious) that she has been raised in an environment where they've probably told her all her life that the apes are the reason for all the evils of humanity and the main reason why humans live in shitty conditions, I think anyone with half a brain has enough information to understand why she does what she does.

Yes, Noa is a good guy, but he's not helping her. Noa and Mae have a common goal and decide to ally themselves momentarily to achieve that goal, which is to reach Proximus. As much as they've formed a bond throughout the story, it's not yet strong enough for Mae to set aside what she has worked for so hard. Mae not only bears the weight of humanity on her shoulders but also emotionally carries the idea that she, as the sole survivor of her group, must complete the mission at all costs. Are those who criticize her telling me that if they truly thought that with certain actions they could not only save their species but also honor their loved ones who have been killed infront their eyes, they wouldn't do them? And that they wouldn't do them for someone they've just met, no matter how much they like them? That's just not realistic, it makes no sense. We would all do the same as Mae in her situation. I mean, I have no doubts.

Another thing I love is when they say she's the "true villain" as if it weren't clear enough that she feels bad every time since she forms a bond with Raka and Noa when she does something that she knows may harm them. She feels pain for Raka's death and clearly, you can also see the conflict and remorse when she detonates the bomb. It's not something she enjoys doing, but she HAS to do it. In the final scene, even though she's carrying a gun, you can also clearly see her in conflict with herself. Clearly, she doesn't want to kill him. Clearly, she has nothing against Noa, and this is evident when she finally accepts the necklace and they even shake hands. You can't tell me that's the attitude of a villain, narratively it's not presented as such, and seeing it that way is to have understood nothing.

Mae is a complex character whose life is based on survival, she's no different from the characters we're used to loving and idolizing in other post-apocalyptic series, the difference here for me is that she's human and humans have to be bad by default and also that she's a woman. Because female characters always have to be the support, the romantic interest, or the unconditional friends of heroic male characters, and Mae is none of that. Mae is a character with her own story and ambitions that go beyond Noa's plot. Mae has her own plot, and it seems that's something that bothers people a lot.

I'm sorry, but the hate towards Mae seems very similar to the one people had for Sansa Stark in Game of Thrones, which basically stemmed from people being misogynistic and hating complex and imperfect female characters, combined with how much they hate seeing protagonist characters with such human and real characteristics that they can't bear the idea of seeing themselves reflected in them.

But hey, for Sansa Stark, I would have killed, and now for Mae too. Mae haters basically DNI

[bitter-sweetener]

Bitter's Hellraiser Movie Review

Okay so, over this past weekend I watched every* single Hellraiser movie. There are 11 in total, 10 from the original franchise and 1 modern "reboot". I watched the very first one and Pinhead immediately became my newest hyper-fixation. I'm a freak weirdo into freak weirdo shit because my brain is a little funky. I will be posting my complete thoughts (+ analysis) under the cut. Short end of it: I loved it. It's a classic. Watch the first one at the very least. I think the reboot was really worth watching. You must have some whimsy to enjoy the rest. 6 + 7 are watchable but honestly the average viewer would not like any of the other movies. Do not watch Revelations. I love some really TRASH media, so you know that is truly a shit movie. Spoilers!

Okay. Now that the normies are gone, here we go.

I have said it once and I shall say it again, Pinhead is a psychological horror villain in a slasher movie world. I am aware of the books Hellraiser is based on, and also the comic books. Best believe I WILL be reading those as soon as I can get my grubby little fingers on them. Anyway here's my review:

Hellraiser: I love 80's horror aesthetics. I love anything with practical effects. But most importantly, I love the whole idea of Pinhead and the cenobites. I thought it was a very fun horror movie. The no skin makeup really weirded me out, not in a bad way but in a probably unintended way. I really fell in love with Pinhead. "The box! You opened it, we came." I love that Pinhead was ready too make a deal with Kirsty. Seemed flirty to me idk. (There is something about media about a sadomasochist wanting you that makes my brain go bur.) I feel like up until the point where the Cenobites appeared, this was going to be a slasher movie. Once you see that they can be reasoned with in some way? They hit that very yummy to me psychological horror field. I think that was the point where I needed to see more of him. My only complaint about the movie is that Pinhead wasn't in more of it. If you like Hannibal (tv), you'd like Kirsty/Pinhead and vice versa. 5/5 stars. Also Frank saying come to Daddy made me laugh so incredibly hard. Will re-watch this.

Hellraiser ii: Hellbound. This was a really good sequel. It picks up RIGHT where the previous one leaves off which I thought was nice. I'm so glad that they stuck a bit to the very obvious psychological horror route with this movie, letting Tiffany go free due to her catatonic state. "It is not hands that call us. It is desire." The cenobites aren't completely evil in that regard, and I think that is what truly makes for an interesting antagonist whereas Frank and Julia are kinda just shitty people. I REALLY WISH that they continued more on that route with the rest of the movies. I feel like they completely disregard that aspect of the Cenobites later which just makes the deaths boring after a while. But again I'm calling it a 5/5 stars from me. Will re-watch this. There's a moment with this weirdly wet baby doll on screen with sewn together lips? Seeing that sent me to a new dimension. Pinhead wants Kirsty soooooo bad. "We have eternity to know your flesh." Down BAD.

Hellraiser iii: Hell On Earth. I ship Terri and Joey. The scene in Joey's apartment??? Lesbian alert. Loved that. The weird baby returned but this time not wet, but dangling in a circle of barbed wire with a blindfold on. Fucking amazing. Who's idea was that. Who NEEDED that to be featured so desperately. Also I fucking love that Hell was like encased in this weird af art piece thing. I love that we got some Elliot in this movie! I think merging the two fully solidified that Pinhead isn't all beast. I thought it was fun watch. 5/5 also. I love this original trilogy as a trilogy. "I AM THE WAY." I loved the church scene.

Hellraiser 6: Hellseeker. I watched the movies out of order. This one is the most worth watching of the follow up movies just for continuity. But I thought it was very boring. The set up for this movie is more about taking you through someone else's specific hell and not just the act of being brought to it. I love that we get Kirsty back. Pinhead WILL get his girl. "You opened the door long ago and it will not be closed until I get what I came for. It was a nice closeout to her story, a nice little epilogue. I MAY re watch it, just for Pinhead, but probably not. 3/5. "Welcome to the worst nightmare of all. Reality." He was SO real for that omg. I love this franchise because a lot of it lets the female protagonists get revenge and I loooveeeee when women are vengeful.

Hellraiser 4: Bloodline. They are in space? And there's some lore of the box that is in the past and not in space? But this is honestly a shit film. I thought it was boring. The scene with the twins was GOOD. Perhaps the single good thing about that movie. But mostly I don't remember anything about it at all. 2/5. "I am so exquisitely empty." Yeah babe, so was this movie.

Hellraiser 5: Inferno. Similar to 6 in how its once specific guy's specific kind of hell. The male protagonists (?) suck in this franchise. It gave me a bit of a Hannibal (tv) vibe when the guy sits down with the therapist. I'm calling him "this guy" because I cannot be bothered to look up his name because it was so boring. Honestly I also BARELY remember this movie. 2/5 "Welcome to hell." I do really think Hannibal would like Pinhead. They would just love each other's work I think. I started daydreaming about a Hannibal and Hellraiser crossover. Because as mentioned, I AM a freak weirdo.

Hellraiser 7: Deader. STUPID NAME for a movie. That being said I enjoyed this one! Like a fair amount. Another great female protagonist. I really liked seeing her gathering evidence to investigate. I hated the cult leader type guy. I just thought he was fucking stupid. If it wasn't a Hellraiser movie I may have liked it more. Because the Cenobites are kind of just there? This would work as a better stand alone type of horror cult movie. I think Hellraiser was just trying out all kinds of troupes and whatever. "You should be very careful what you wish for. It just might come true." 3/5 I remembered the plot this time.

Hellraiser 8: Hellworld. This is just a slasher film that they glued Pinhead into the end of. It was giving SAW vibes at one point. With the chair with the blades that sever the arteries in your neck. I don't particularly like Saw. Just doesn't tickle me. I will admit to fast forwarding through bits of this because I just did not care all that much. I watched it only so I could store the scenes with Pinhead into my brain, and even that part was like eating holographic meatloaf. 1/5.

Hellraiser 9*: Revelations. There is that * again! Did you forget about it? Yeah I got 5 minutes in, said yo why is this SO BAD, read that this film was rushed and made mostly to keep the licensing, and then PROMPTLY shut that shit off. 0/5. Negative one million. If I opened the box, the hell I would be dragged into would include being forced to watch this movie.

Hellraiser 10: Judgement. Better than the 9th movie that's for sure. Once again, I cared very little for the man who's story the film this movie was ultimately about. These men genuinely have no personality outside of kinda just being a jackass. I did like the auditor. I thought he was pretty cool! I liked the visuals in this movie, very very gross and gory. I liked the idea of heaven sanctioned evil. I liked that Pinhead was like, lady I do not care who you are, fuck you and fuck that guy you were trying to save. I think it's stupid that he was sent to "reality" as punishment. I think it's stupid that he was punished for that. Free my boy from the confines of reality and allow him to experience the sweet pain of the flesh once more! 2/5 "After all, evil seeks evil." I also want to say that Pinhead being unwilling to strike a deal with this guy is further proof that Kirsty is special and that he should get his girl.

Hellraiser 2022: OKAY PINHEAD IS HOT. FEM PINHEAD IS SUPER SEXY. THEIR VOICE????!?!?!?!?! FUCKING WOAHHHHHHH. Also there is gay people!!! I love gay people. Honestly I thought this was a really compelling story. I think Hulu did the franchise justice. It was just very visually appealing. There were a lot of layers in a way, similar to how the first few movies had these layers of evil to them. I really liked that. I will watch this again. I just think it was a good movie. Voight's transformation was quite captivating at the end. I like that we had the Cenobites working with some kind of code again, like god intended. One of my favorite scenes is the one where Nora gets got. "...heaven. There's no music in that." It's just REALLY HOT sadomasochism vibes and I'm here for it. Maybe I'm just fucked up and gay though. 5/5 stars. It was worth getting through the bad movies for this beautiful creation.

If you read this whole thing I love you and I'll see you in hell <3

[reaganwnicole]

We Live In Time Was A Waste Of My Time

Yesterday evening around approximately 8pm I made the biggest mistake of sitting down for the biggest waste of 108 minutes I've ever experienced. I don't know if it is Nick Payne to blame, John Crowley, the cast or maybe it is just everybody.

As a society I thought we moved past the whole "my mom has cancer, my mom died of cancer, my wife has cancer" gimmick. When I consume any media with that plot point all that plays in my head is the fucking 2008 loss meme. This movie was the movie that meme was actually talking about. Every non-minority character in any media that needs some sort of oomph gets thrown the cancer card and I am sick of it. They don't even give the stereotypical storyline a twist or something to stand out, they just give you Andrew Garfield nonstop crying for an hour and a half and a Bear ripoff side plot.

On the note of the Bear, the most intriguing point of the movie was Almut and her chef competition, and they still managed to ruin that. Imagine borderline guilt-tripping a woman to have your babies, she gets cancer because of it, and then right before she dies you disapprove of her dreams. Did she end up going to the competition? Yes. Did he end up supporting her there? Yes. Did she get to continue on to fulfill her life's wish? No! Though one could argue it was ultimately her choice to leave the competition with her husband and kids do you truly expect me to believe half of the reason wasn't guilt?

In short, people's shitty letterboxed reviews were wrong. Andrew Garfield is ugly, the whole movie was predictable, and yes I will laugh when I see Andrew Garfield's bare butt on the big screen. When she was skating in the end I sat there and thought "She is going to fade away isn't she." and fade away she did. Then after no comment to the daughter about the mother just the fucking dog and some eggs. I believe we need to get Ari Aster to go get Toni Collette and tell this story from her point of view and THEN this story will get its Oscar.

[tennessoui]

Hey Kit!! This past year when the Acolyte came out, my heart broke and I decided to step away from Star Wars. It’s fine that others liked it but personally I didn’t; actually to be frank, I REALLY didn’t like it. Star Wars and Anakin got me through a lot, so watching Disney take an actual shit on his origin and then his redemption ark by half-assing the lore, felt like a punch to the gut, and I had to step away. (This is my personal opinion, if you or others liked it that’s great! I just didn’t). However, when I saw that u published the body politics au, I decided to sit down and catch up on all your fics (btw I love the Hanahaki one!), and it got me back into the fandom. I’m glad one shitty (imo) show didn’t push me away permanently and I have you to thank for that. I’ve met so many great people thru Star Wars and made a lot friends so it had really been kind of hard to turn away from it. I just really wanted to say thank you. your writing is, as always, too beautiful and inspiring to ignore. Star Wars means so much, and I’m so thankful that your work was able to help me look past all the stuff that made me unhappy with it. I hope you have a wonderful day!!

this is very kind to send to me and a very nice morning read! i admit, i actually have not watched the acolyte, though not for any particular reason. i've definitely heard mixed reviews about the show and its take on the jedi order and the sith, which have been sorta sad to read cause i do like the jedi (though i guess i never label myself as pro-jedi cause like? they're the good guys? you're not like. pro-percy jackson or something right? pro-katniss everdeen? you just sorta read the book and you're like oh yeah these are the good guys. might find aspects of a character annoying but i'm definitely not supposed to be rooting for the Capitol or smething right)

but i've also heard from other people that as a pew-pew show, it delivers on that front! lightsaber fights are cool and everyone has a funky haircut that they pull off somehow which does feel quintessentially star wars

my general view of the disney plus star wars shows is that i'll watch the ones that strike my fancy, and if one of them doesn't then i won't. the star wars disney execs produce a lot of content (and i truly mean content, i.e. material to be consumed - not necessarily art) and a lot of it i'm probably never going to watch. it wasn't made for me, and i definitely get the lurch and disappointment you may feel if you look forward to something for ages and then it's not what you wanted in a thousand small ways or a handful of big ways. i think that's especially hard to guard against nowadays when trailers for tv shows rely more on aesthetic and punchy one-liners and brief second cameos than they do explaining the actual story of the show

but you can be a fan without loving the direction some shows go in or the choices directors make!! if that looks like only watching shows that have been peer-reviewed, or if that looks like ignoring everything but a small corner/subset of a massive fandom, or if that looks like turning from the media itself and diving further into fanart and fanfiction and interacting with people online then that's what it looks like! especially now that the world of canon star wars media isn't just 6-9 movies + 2(?) non trilogy movies, you should absolutely go about watching star wars content with a you-first mindset 100%

you know how many people were disappointed in the obi-wan kenobi series?? soooo many because he was a sad little pathetic and broken man with greasy hair. but that's exactly how i like my obi-wan kenobis, so i was thrilled every episode lol but i'm sure other people hated it and boycotted and whatever. but i found my corner of the fandom who also enjoyed that and it's been wonderful <3

so anyway thankyou so much for your very kind words i hope none of that sounded too preachy i was mostly trying to agree with you that it's really great that one (shitty) show did not keep you away from the fandom forever and that you're back!!

welcome back :)

[cipheramnesia]

Today I am asking myself why do I like Terrifier and Terrifier 2. There doesn't have to be a reason for it, and I struggle to find any merit to them other than the dubious quality, inventiveness, and excess of the gore and violence. Maybe that's it, and probably that is literally all there is to the movies - fans all say as much. And if your only thoughts on Terrifier are "I hate that shitty movie," honestly that's fair, more than reasonable, but this post isn't for you so kindly skip along by.

But also the movies don't hit for me in the same way as a bloody rollercoaster ride movie does. For some reason I am unable to comprehend, my mind is insisting the movies are good on an artistic level - my brain insists there is artistic merit, although it steadfastly refuses to disclose what that might be. This isn't an endorsement, by the by, the Terrifier movies are extreme in a way apart from even the French Extremity movement or the whole torture trap Saw era from the USA.

Although in some ways that may be a part of what makes the movies something more than graphic violence alone. They are unpleasant in a way that is malicious - a naked cruelty which in a perverse way is a form of open honesty speaking to truth. There is no detachment from the violence, no easy way to disconnect from it as some sort of mechanical function or take it in as a part of a story. Art the Clown embodies such a totality of unrelenting and unchecked cruelty that it comes around as confusingly refreshing, because it is so rare for any media to be so graphically violent without attempting some framing of the harm - even if only as a plot point. It's masochistic to watch but in a more literal kink way. The Terrifier movies are a safe space to engage with senseless violence and cruelty, to experience the emotional impact of the idea of an uncaring world design only to cause pain, and then to be able to safely leave this mental space physically intact, better equipped for the real world which by nature is not nearly so malicious as Terrifier. Cathartic in the same way as it can be to get whipped or beaten, followed by care and caressing. Maybe.

All that under consideration, a throwaway line from a review has raised a second consideration for me: Are these movies camp? They are wildly exaggerated performances which incorporate large amounts of generally discarded pop culture on purpose. They deliberately incorporate the cheap aesthetics of low budget video nasties, grindhouse movies, and direct to video 80s horror. Everything about Art the Clown and his violent acts is severely over the top from his facial features to his makeup to his mannerisms which are those of a mime rather than a clown. I think it's arguable that the Terrifier movies go beyond simply utilizing a retro aesthetic into performing a kind of horror drag - dressing up in the clothes of the 70s-80s but elevating the content into a hyper-grotesque persona that's almost like everything the film censors and critics from that era thought such movies actually were. It's a movie that purposefully becomes the kind of monster conservatives always imagine about horror, just to throw that right in their face. It is, I think, very arguably camp in how much it is purposefully over the top and self-indulgent about what the vast majority of people would (often rightly) dismiss as artless trash.

Which leads me back around to asking myself if I truly believe what I've written, or if I'm merely trying to find an internal and artistic justification for liking violent and misogynistic horror flicks with nothing of else of substance.

[shayshaybiscuit25]

I saw Red One at an earlier screening, so I’m taking anyone talking complete shit about a movie they haven’t seen yet and using negative reviews or low box office stats to talk shit, very personally.

I saw it with my family, it’s a very nicely made feel good movie. I’ve seen shitty movies….Red One isn’t a shitty movie. Could it have been better here and there, sure, but they delivered 100% on Christmas, a message to humanity, family fun and action.

I’d suggest those talking shit, wait for streaming because at least you’ll be able to actually watch the movie first and then realize how pathetic many truly are….LSA fonts, I see you. People think this movie is like Ghosted. lol it’s NOT!

I enjoyed the movie. I expected the audience reviews to be high because the film is good.

Talk all the shit ya want, LSA and Tumblr because Chris has three more movies on the way, keep hoping he fails and not coming to the realization that you’re wasting your life hate watching a guy because of his personal life shit. 😂

Talking about this man in any way….. and her 🙄 only keeps him relevant and makes her think she’s relevant.

This is why I said if you truly don’t like this man, then shit the fuck up and leave the fandom. It’s 2024, y’all haven’t realized that people hate watched the Kardashians to success, dumbasses.

I hope when this bs marriage ends, those individuals obsessed with her, leave the fandom.

I am excited to see it on streaming.

[iliketalkingaboutmoviesandtv]

We're All Going to the World's Fair (2022, dir. Jane Schoenbrun) - A Review

You're wrapped up in bed, headphones on, playing with your laptop. It's 1am and you have school in the morning. You click on the next shitty creepypasta video, but then something happens. It's unnerving, strange, even somehow scary and now sleep is just not going to happen. Every lonely kid with unsupervised internet access has done it and that's what Jane Schoenbrun's We're All Going to the World's Fair feels like; the one creepypasta that was actually scary. The trans filmmaker draws on these formative online experiences for her incredibly strong directorial debut.

Casey (debuting actor Anna Cobb) is a teenager that seeks out distraction in a popular creepypasta "The World's Fair Challenge". After commencing the challenge with a filmed ritual that involves smearing blood on her laptop screen, she continues to create videos which contribute to a growing community and expanding lore claiming to document the challenge's sinister consequences. People say they're losing feeling in their bodies or turning into plastic. Casey is a horror movie fan and decides that it would be fun to live in one. You get the impression she'd like to live anywhere else. Cobb is immediately outstanding, pulling off her portrayal of being young, alone and too online with a similar intimate familiarity to Schoenbrun. The way she looks into the camera can only come from the eyes of someone who has seen a liveleak video.

We never see Casey with friends or family (although we hear her father once) and this loneliness is deeply felt throughout the runtime with us rarely leaving the perspective of a laptop or camera. Where else is an isolated teenager to look to other than the webcam? In the occasional bursts of an outside world for Casey, we see a generic snow covered woods and a barn where her father stores a rifle. The shots in these moments are cold and distant, filled with a general dislike and disassociation with the outside world. Schoenbrun likes their horror quiet and subdued, shots regularly hang still for uncomfortable and odd amounts of time accompanied by a droning and effective score from Alex G.

Like with any good online storytelling, the great tension is whether or not Casey's videos are real experiences and she's a mentally unwell adolescent putting herself at risk or is really an inventive online filmmaker. This is asked in the film by another World's Fair participant. The film also occasionally follows JLB (Michael J. Rogers), a middle aged man who begins messaging Casey, into a massive empty house with the seemingly sole lived in space being his office that couldn't feel further from the girl's bedroom.

I've never seen anything attempt to truly capture being a chronically online youth before, but it's hard to imagine anything doing it better. With it's truly unique and fresh take and style, We're All Going to the World's Fair is a must watch that you'll never forget. Jane Schoenbrun is an extremely unique and exciting voice and I very much look forward to seeing their future work.

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

“MaXXXine” movie review

Short review:

As a love letter to horror and B-movies, I can’t hate it. But still, I can’t deny that the script felt very uneven.

6.5/10 (okay, I’ll be nice and round it up to 7/10)

Long review:

I have a feeling that Ti West is a huge fucking horror/B-movie/grindhouse nerd. Because as someone who loves shitty horror movies (I say that affectionately), this felt like a love letter to the genre. It’s weird, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie about Hollywood that is centered around horror movies. Usually, if a movie is about glamorizing Hollywood, it’s about the more “refined” genres like musicals or dramas (La La Land comes to mind). So I really appreciate the movie’s focus into this side of Tinseltown.

While I’m on the topic, this whole movie feels nostalgic. Of course, it’s obviously trying to replicate the 1980s aesthetic. But as someone who grew up on horror, you can feel the love that the creators have for the genre. I mean, there’s literally a character who’s a horror nerd in the movie. So I can’t hate this film on principle. For all its shortcomings, I can’t hate it because of the passion behind it.

Now, I’m not saying this was a bad movie. It’s definitely entertaining and manages to hold your attention from beginning to end. It may not be a scary film, but it’s oddly mesmerizing to watch. The movie is so slick and stylish that it hooks you in, and the mystery behind the killer is enough to keep you engaged.

If I had to make a comparison…forgive me if this is too obscure, but it feels like the Phantasmagoria games. Those games may be cheap, cheesy, and not very well written, but they’re oddly engrossing because of the style. Same with MaXXXine, the style/direction is truly the highlight of the movie.

All that being said, I can’t lie. The movie does fall apart on one major aspect; the story. Even though the movie keeps you hooked in with its campiness and style, the story doesn’t really hold up. If I had to pinpoint what the main issue with the story was, it’d probably be the unevenness of the plot.

The movie has one theme that they repeat over and over; do whatever it takes to become a star. Maxine is a pornstar who wants to be an A-lister, so most of the movie is about her struggle to be taken seriously. And that’s completely fine as a premise! The problem is that when we get to the final act, the story abruptly shifts into a different theme. When we figure out who the villain is, the theme is suddenly about the evils of pornography, horror, and Hollywood. That Maxine is a corrupt soul who has turned her back on God, yadda yadda yadda.

Again, the morality angle is not a bad premise. In fact, I liked how the movie deconstructed this trope by setting up the villain as a Satanic serial killer, only to be revealed as a Christian fundamentalist cult. It’s a nice reversal of the evil cult trope. The problem is that it doesn’t work with the rest of the movie.

Let me explain it like this. When the movie revealed who the killer was, my reaction was, “Wait, did the story just change? We’re doing THIS now?” Before the villain reveal, I legitimately thought the killer was going to be some failed actress or the #1 actress trying to protect her spot. Yes, I know that’s too close to the previous movies, but still, that’s what it felt like the story was building up to. So the final act ends up being both the best and worst part of the movie. It’s the best since it’s the most exciting section of the story. It’s the worst since it highlights just how disconnected the climax is from the rest of the movie.

But even with the climax not being justified by the story, the rest of the movie still feels uneven. There’s not enough focus on the actual serial killer. There’s too much focus on the private investigator. The flashbacks to Pearl don’t really go anywhere, especially since the climax has nothing to do with Pearl. Maxine is sorta just reacting to the events that are happening around her, not really knowing what to prioritize. The Christian fundamentalist stuff, which was just background noise for most of the movie, is then suddenly the focus of the climax.

So yeah, the story needed a lot of editing. It’s too meandering and listless that by the time you get to the climax, it feels unearned. Which is a shame since the movie is well made. Anyways, I’d recommend at least seeing the movie once, especially if you’re a horror movie buff.

[enchantingtrash]

Just got out of the Fnaf movie

heres my spoiler free review:

This movie fucking slaps, whether your new the the fandom or been around since the beginning its great, defiantly rewatchable

the animatronics really pay off. lack of cgi and real life aspects really helped the movie elevate its quality kudos to the Henson company they are truly amazing it really makes realise how shitty cgi gas become

Some mehs

The age rating being a 15 (in my country) has obviously effected the final cut, there were some moments where you just wanted more than what was shown

Some parts dragged and the final act felt a little bit rushed

but overall amazing movie 10/10 go watch it on the big screen

[dravenxivuk]

Hi!! Okay so Extinction, its fine. The "monsters" are really cheap looking to the point its funny. Its also a found footage type.

It is a more slower one. I kinda skimmed the last 30ish minutes. Acting in it is fine, Neil truly is a treat to see cause he reacts to the camera man, like he shoots dirty looks and its funny.

Its not horrible though, I have seen my fair share of shitty movies. I kinda had it on in the background cause there weren't any like high intense moments/jump scares til an hour in. I can tell they tried to take it more seriously then other B horror movies.

If you want spoilers then I can message you but I'm trying to be vague in case anyone does wanna go in blind to it.

Good news!

I told my Wife that I needed to add Extinction to our collection of monster movies, needed. She looked thoughtful for a few seconds, then rummaged through our inordinately large entirely reasonably sized collection of Bad Looking Monster Movies We Want to Watch, and we already own it! Hurrah!

Having re-read the synopsis and been provided with your helpful review, she doesn't seem very keen so I suspect it's one I picked up at some point, but no matter.

She's going away for the weekend, so I will watch it then. I'm going to get popcorn and everything. It's going to be great!

[sweaterkittensahoy]

I have been in fandom since before the internet, but I didn't know that there was a name for it before I got the internet at 14.

Sean is two years younger than me and has never been in fandom. He looked up fic as a teen and it just didn't hit him. So, he's never been in fandom.

We have VERY different experiences. We watch a show, and we can talk about what we've seen and what it means. But then I'll go, "OMG what if I wrote a fic about X" and he listens and sometimes offers interesting suggestions, but it's so clearly not what he's into. He is happy watching and experiencing and talking about the story he's watching. I enjoy all those things BUT ALSO want to go in various directions depending on what really digs into my brain.

And the thing is, the normies who have found fandom and try so hard to bend fandom to them truly do not understand fandom. It's not about looking at what you're getting from canon and sitting there and only talking and writing and accepting that. Fandom is about loving something so much you can't stop the tendrils of creativity from uncurling and reaching out. Yes, canon said THIS but WHAT IF. Hey, canon never did THIS and WHAT IF. Hey, canon said THIS but I want to do THAT and HOW DOES THAT WORK.

And the thing is, I think there are normies in fandom who aren't huge assholes about how the rest of us are a bunch of perverts and weirdos. But also, I believe the rise of normies in fandom spaces are directly related to why so many people coming into fandom think it's about convincing showrunners to do what THEY want.

When that is not and never has been and never should be what fandom is about.

Fandom is about being so interested in something you want to turn it over and over in your hands looking for all the details you can pull from it. Fandom is about loving characters and going, "But what if these same people ran a coffee shop?" Fandom is about going "Canon says they have no romantic love, but they're wrong."

And this does NOT mean normies don't have a place in fandom. But normies HAVE deeply influenced fandom by doing things like breaking the fourth wall and refusing to disconnect from canon.

I wrote exactly 1 story for Supernatural. It was Sam/Gabriel. I had Sam call Gabriel "Gabe." The reason I never posted any other SPN fic is because someone on that story got mad at me for having Sam call Gabriel "Gabe." Because it wasn't canon.

Neither was the fucking, mind you. But that person was so pissed off I used a non-canon nickname that they actually argued with someone who WASN'T ME about how they shouldn't have written that when a stranger tried to politely point out what a dumb thing that was to say about FAN FICTION. Because the complainer was so determined to be shitty about the nickname that they assumed the completely random person with a completely different handle than mine must be me defending myself. I did get into the thread and pointed out I was clearly the author, and I didn't fucking care if they didn't like it.

Looking back, I feel like I saw a very early moment of a normie in fandom trying to bend fandom to what they think fandom is. Which is a straight line extension of canon that somehow includes dudes fucking on a notably queerphobic show but DOES NOT INCLUDE A NON CANON NICKNAME.

The determination to word of god every goddamn detail of everything in fandom, the determination to demand your ship become canon, the determination that only certain ships are the RIGHT ONES because others are too weird or gross or just what you don't personally want are all connected to normies coming into fandom and expecting fandom to be normie.

Fandom should never, ever be normie. Fandom should ALWAYS be the John Waters against the British movie censors. They told him, upon reviewing Pink Flamingos, "We have no rating for intentional bad taste."

In fandom, we should all be John Waters, aiming first and foremost for our own enjoyment and delight in what we want to create. And laughing as we tell the story of the normies being so lost at what we're doing that they can't rate it at all because all they see is bad taste.

[simonthewatcher]

movie review time

this is will be somewhat bias all movie reviews kind of are its about people likeing or dislikeing a movie. I just like movies ya know. This is what i like and dont like about each movie.

1.Scott pilgrim: ok i love the cinema shots and the equal liberty they take with every detail of the comic also the characters and yes i did read the orginal comics.Especially wallace. Wallace is my favorite The books were appart of my middle schools library half the time. First off I hate scott he didnt deserve ramona i know she could be shitty too yet she never groomed knivesss sooo ahem scott is a bad person also cheated on said girl with ramona and made knives feel like she wasn't good enough . Second Ramona was my bi awakening thats all . I think that's everyone's review though.

2. Star wars in general (except the sequels its poor writing dont be racist in my comments or your blocked or dont be homophobic or hateful towards women. I just hate how they wrote rey as someone who is strong in the force when she litterally just learned she just LEARNED. How can she do stuff most jedi masters cant do. Also kylo ren being a haha edgelord. Like seriously also why is han a dead beat dad in the sequels. Luke giving up also makes no sense in writing. Also just to kill him off in the most lazy way too. Its so much lost writing. I like skelton crew , skelton crew you keep it up. I also love rogue one , ) . I love this movie 100% i love luke , leia, han , obi wan, anakin/vader techincally, C-3po, Artoo , padme. Sometimes the fandom not everyone since im in the fandom but the um actually people. That will destroy your head cannons and will send death threats if you even peep. Like please im just trying to watch my favorite movies.

3. I love you phillip morris .Ewan sold it. Phillip is a sweetheart. I want to protect him with all my heart. Jim carrey really did sell the con man role . The acting in this movie is comedic yet somehow serious. I just love it. Also wrriten well.

4. Velvet goldmine: ahem my favorite movie ever . It has mystery it has this sense that it was a labor of love. Thank you todd haynes for making all of the queer kids feel heard(im queer btw im bi thats why i use that word to clarify and trans) I was one of those kids so thank you so much.

5. Metroland ,, um christian bale. Ok im a bit bias the movie is so good i love the cinema shots. I love that he had so much depth to him. Chris (yes that was the characters name) had character to him. He was a scum bag but they knew how to show it.

6. a space odyssey:this is the first movie i ever watched of Kubrick, i fall in love with this movie. I like the plot twist. I love the ending . I think im the only one who understood the ending,

7. Amadeus :uh hell yeah , a zanny movie that feels like a fever dream sign me up. I loveee this movie. Nothing could pry this movie from my dead cold hands.

8. The outsiders: wow this movie is beautiful . I love the visuals the characters and the book. Everything makes me happy. (minus the people who think dally did nothing wrong he litterally is problematic thats what makes him a character oh and the people who think johnny is a inoccent uwu soft boi hes not. He is just like the other guys. Ponyboy litterally said he would join in , in talking trashy)

9. Disturbia , ok i might hate shia for his in real life violent tendencies but be honest this is good acting. i love this movie 100 percent of the time. The movie doesnt pull punches it knows what it is.

10 serial mom : i love john waters. He is my favorite director though he does filth films He is someone who is truly is true to himself. He cares about his craft. The highlight of the movie is Mathew Lillard . He has acting chops. Also the mom played by Kathleen turner is really funny. This shows a big problem in our society how people glamorize serial killers. (which if you do im blocking you) how people treat serial killers like their movie stars instead of people that have taken thousands of lives just because they are sick in the head and do it for no reason not even out of self defense . Serial mom has that important message which i appreciate. It also had beautiful color grading.

10. My private Idaho , thank you for making me sob. This movie is heart wrenching why did scott leave himm 😭they where in love.

11.the color purple. Its deeply sad . Tackles racism and other subjects . its tragic from beginning to end how could someone not be sad watching this movie. Its powerful towards major issues nobody says out loud . How could you not find this movie good. (the books better but stil! the movie is rich with great story telling) good movie to cry to .

12. trainspotting. Um do i need to explain. Uh yes . yes this is my favorite movie.The acting was sooo good. Also had a way of making someone throw up during the movie. This movie was my PSA awakening, to stop doing drugs. ( i used alot when i was younger and i regret it . Im a changed clean person now but nobody will ever realize in which this movie impacted me.

[georgiapeach30513]

Love the movie discussion.

Do you believe Chris may finally be headed in a direction where he’s doing movies that place him up for potential award nominations and/or box office success or at least positive reviews compared to the last few movies?

Now mind you, I don’t believe Chris has ever made a legit “shitty” movie, there have been movies that aren’t my cup of tea per say, but overall I’ve liked majority of his non Marvel projects.

I understand people having opinions and criticism over his more recent movie choices….to a certain degree. I’m not fond of making assumptions regarding why an actor chooses projects because there are numerous factors that come into play: ( easy paycheck, loved the script, loved the cast, actor could be burned out, doesn’t want to work with assholes regardless of how great a project may be, self doubt, signed up for one thing but it turned into another, etc).

With the upcoming line up, I feel like it’s setting him up to sort of showcase his talent and that he’s still bankable as a leading man or can act outside of Marvel. As fans we already know this, but unfortunately the general populace still needs to see it on a grand scale.

I think it’s great that so many including the fandom have high expectations and see the ultimate potential in him, in the same breath it’s a lot of pressure and it’s not like Chris hasn’t already proven himself already as an actor in general.

He’s forever cemented in cinematic history, people need to put some respect on his name! 😎

This is such a healthy discussion, not to mention a more educated one besides Red One bad! Everything else good 🙄 who knew people could get their panties in a bunch over a Christmas movie 😂

I do think that he is. He’s working with new, different directors. And directors that are interesting, and have a lot of buzz around them. Take Celine Song for instance. I know that Materialists is said to be a romcom, but I’m doubtful it’s that simple.

Haven’t all actors made movies that aren’t people’s cups of tea? Back in the day I was a huge Brad Pitt fan, but I don’t love every movie he’s ever made. He made some weird ones early in his career, and not weird in a good way.

I think people are in a mindset of loving to hate on him. They want to be mad at him for something or other, so they try to stick it where they think it’ll hurt him, his money. So they have these big emotions on hating him and trash talking his every move. I’m sure he doesn’t breathe right according to some. And a lot really hate that others don’t hate him or his career. It truly bothers him that people still enjoy his content. I’ve never understood putting so much energy into hating someone so much, but hey ho, whatever gets your rocks off.

I do get when you see people who want more from his career. But we have to remember it is his career, and it’s his decisions that will continue his career. Out of his recent projects the past few years there’s not one that I hate. The only project of his I would say I’m not fond of at all is London. I find his character to be insufferable, and I thought the movie as a whole was pointless.

I don’t think it’s wrong to healthily want more for his career, especially since he’s older and should be moving into a different space in career. But again, it’s his.

[smoralcoral]

This is basically my smorgasbord of whatever I want to post, so here's my Letterboxd review of Moana 2 under the cut.

(This will have minor spoilers and is primarily negative. If these things turn you off, then don't read!!)

The biggest indicator that this was supposed to be a TV show was all of the useless ensemble characters that sucked shit and had little to no meaningful development. I think Moana's crew was the worst, because they were annoying and featured more prominently. In a television show, an ensemble cast can be developed to a better degree, but they don't have time to do that in a two hour movie. And don't get me started on the sister, the coconut warrior, and the animals who were shoehorned in to sell more merchandise.

Boring songs, shitty villain (HE DIDN'T EVEN SHOW UP), TERRIBLE darkest hour...

Was Moana supposed to have an arc? Because she was basically great and perfect and dearly loved, and yet had her third - act breakdown where she was like "I'VE RUINED EVERYTHING!!"

NO, YOU HAVEN'T!! You have singlehandedly kept this mission afloat! You're the only one capable of doing half this shit while your crew does fuck all for 2/3rds of the movie!!

I get that people have imposter syndrome, but I don't feel like that was set up. If anything, I feel like the themes of "working together and learning to deal with people who have different strengths," and "sometimes you have to be the one to step up and do hard things, even if it is uncomfortable," were much more established.

Furthermore, what is interesting and works in storytelling is different from real life. If the audience sees a character who is hyper competent, friendly, and a good leader, then there's going to be dissonance when the character cries self - loathing. Especially because it's an arc that's been done one bazillion times, and ESPECIALLY because the only one who actually had a relationship built up with Moana (beyond "writers said that these characters like her, so they like her") was Maui.

Positives: I liked Moana herself! I do get sick of the "quirky Disney princess," and I feel like they leaned into that a lot. But overall, I thought she was entertaining to watch. Maui is great, and it's nice to see a buff macho guy unashamedly adore a girl in a respectful, platonic way. I don't like the Disney style of animation (more on that in a bit), but I do respect the talent and hard work that goes into making an animated movie, and I'm sure these animators would be able to thrive in an environment that encouraged creativity and diversity. Some of the humor made me laugh.

I'm neutral about the bat lady. All I thought about was Disney seeing the whinging surrounding twist villains and going, "Well, how about a twist HERO??? Checkmate, liberal!"

Overall, I've been negative because being negative is fun, but this is a fine movie. It's perfectly acceptable. Your kids will watch it, say "woah I wish I had water powers," and forget about it soon after.

But. BUT. Personally? I'm so sick of Disney and their products. Everything is sanitized, squeaky - clean, pushed through 20 different corporate focus groups in order to maximize profitability and enjoyment. Trying to make safe media that appeals to everyone lacks the specificity that allows for things to resonate. Even the designs have gotten slowly more rounded and "cute." Where's the character, the personalized flair to the animation that would come with each movie?? And everyone is silly and quirky with a sassy remark, and it just... Sucks! It sucks.

I know it's crappy to compare everything to Spiderverse, but you have truly incredible people who are pushing the boundaries of storytelling, animation, while staying PG - 13 and appealing to a wide variety of audiences. That is what happens when you allow for some creativity, and don't stick with the same marketable formula that includes everyone but touches no one.

If you like modern Disney, it's a decent watch. For anyone else, stay home and save your money.

[akao-rion]

a study of kaatru veliyidai

kaatru veliyidai is a film that has gotten mixed reviews. the critics seem to shower praises for this movie whilst the general public almost ignore its existence. when talking about mani ratnams works the general public tend to always point out his past works, besides oh kadhal kanmani, when it comes to his best. the stories always feel close to home, the characters tend to feel like your next door neighbors, and the characters are very easy to understand. the more into mani ratnams career the more we see him find new ways to tell stories but yet staying somewhat true to his esque.

kaatru veliyidai however is quite hidden in the dark. the story revolves around our two main characters: VC acted by karthi and leela abraham acted by aditi rao hydari. the movie starts off normal, similar to previous mani ratnams works. the character meet and fall in love all choreographed with beautiful screenplay making the audience wish to be in their shoes. but a short while in you see the dichotomy of both characters. VC is misogynistic, chauvinistic, and arrogant while on the contrary leela is independent, grounded, and isnt having it with VC. quickly they both run into the “cant leave you cant live without you” trope and you see a different side of tamil cinema.

growing up watching tamil cinema you tend to see majority of the male characters similar to VC. but what makes them different is that the media makes them look justified. these characters hide behind the label of being in being “cool” and “manly” and you ignore their shitty behaviors because they (for example) saved a village. VC however is being criticized for his actions, though not verbally by someone else, he goes through a form of internal understanding that he is a horrible human being. VC feels different, and its what makes kaatru veliyidai so good and yet so underrated. in an era of film making where we see men doing bad things as normal we now have a male lead where his actions are seen in a bad light, hence letting the audience support the female protagonist.

the true core of the movie lies in the hands of aditi rao hydari. her acting is very delicate, you can see that shes a romantic, you can feel that romance. her actions feel like they are based off a novel or cinema. her character feels like a character within the universe of kaatru veliyidai, maybe a persona in which leela had chosen when growing up. aditi rao hydari does an amazing job with the cycle of abuse, showing truly how bad it is for her from her perspective. she isnt here to raise a moral outcry. her character isnt trying to save the world or make any changes to it. but instead you get to see an abuse relationship unfold while you make your own judgement of wether its progressive or not.

leelas character feels similar to that of another one from mani ratnam’s past films, tara from oh kadhal kanmani. despite both characters being different in terms of exposition or plot, they both arent there to be an idol of progressiveness. mani ratnams biggest strengths is to hold topics of modern day without pushing down a narrative. instead you see a beautiful piece of cinema but is able to take away an underlying meaning of maybe modernity or progression. both leela and tara are independent and grounded, they both make their own life choices and they both are alike but not.

so why didnt kaatru veliyidai work? the real answer may never be found but we could speculate. my biggest theory is that the general audience could not understand that karthi is acting as an abusive boyfriend. only up until now is there characters that aren’t always morally good. when we tend to think of a main male character we tend to only highlight the bright parts of him, the good parts that we want to show, never the bad ones. especially for the caliber of karthis characters i think the audience was not ready to see their beloved star in a negative light.

another speculation into which kaatru veliyidai might have failed is that its too cinematic for people to understand. kaatru veliyidai never directly tells you that “hey. vc is a dick and leela is being abused” but instead you spend the next 2 hours in the theater watching this unfold and it could be seen as slow of some.

either way, kaatru veliyidai isnt the perfect movie nor is it my favorite from mani ratnam. but if i where to put it at somewhere in top 3-5 i would. i just wish that more movies like this come out, i truly am tired of seeing a copy paste of male and female characters with just different universes