#shits on the internet it's not going to go away just bc tumblr management wants to close their eyes and stick their fingers in their ears

[z3ncat]

INTERESTING.

I appear to have been banned from showing up as a reblog or from having my replies shown on any of the @featured / @postitforward posts.

You can see my comment on a reblog here:

And yet here is what the notes show:

There were NO replies on this post until I replied with a link to the article I quoted in my reblog. And INSTANTLY the "some replies may have been hidden, blocked, or removed" message appeared. My reply didn't show up for even a second.

This is the SECOND one of the Koko posts I've reblogged only to find my additions, and even my name in the reblog list, hidden.

My previous comment was the same link to the article mentioned above. I thought it failed to show in the notes because @staff had decided to block any reblog with that link, which is why I just quoted the headline the second time. I deleted the reblog of the first post without thinking to screenshit it.

I don't doubt this is because I, on a previous Koko featured post (see below) linked to the same article and said that this partnership between tumblr and Koko is not one that should exist and is definitely not one that has the well-being of tumblr's users in mind given the HORRIFICALLY UNETHICAL and HORRIFICALLY DANGEROUS way Kokobot works.

Looking at the notes on that post, I don't show up there, either - and neither do the people my activity says reblogged from me, or the other comments I saw when I checked the notes after adding my comment that also criticized Koko. (Comments criticizing the fact that the concept of "love languages" was created by an evangelical homophobic abuse apologist are also not showing up in the notes.)

[cocainegf]

ladies i had a #actuallyborderline moment last night. not proud but im a girl so

[russilton]

I go absolutely feral whenever you post something about redbull george man, the thought you put into it is so impressive! I was also wondering how the public feels ab redbull george, do they dislike him? Love him? Hate him with all their being?

🥹🥹🥹 I am glad my ferality is being mirrored by others. I havent through a lot about public reaction to George bc most of the story is told within the paddock via Lewis, but I’m sure I can think of a bit

Edit: this is mark who just finished writing this response, an hour later. I thought of more than a bit.

Redbull au spoilers under the cut let’s goooo

The public opinion on George is about as mixed as it is on Lewis. Some people love him, some people HATE him, and those opinions develop throughout the year

The first time he gets into the Red Bull seat opinions are truly split on him. Some people think he’s just another Red bull second seat filler destined to fail, after all they’ve watched Daniil, Pierre, and most recently Albon get traded around like stocks. It doesn’t help that George is quite publicly cocky, he doesn’t overstate himself, but he did spend 2020 turning the Alpha Tauri car into a beast that even pierre couldn’t match. He’s bold, confident, and has a PR face that other RB drivers struggled with.

Some people think George is the next big thing. Some genuinely see his talent within AT and his F2 Championship as a sign of things to come, a lot like Williams George has. It’s no secret a lot of people often look for literally any chance to shit on Lewis, George is an unfortunately good outlet for that, especially for Unsavoury (read: racist) british fans who want to champion someone other than Lewis, but would rather support another Brit than some Dutch prick. George is quite… publicly critical of this. He’s a dick but he doesn’t want people who support him just for not being Lewis. I won’t say he’s some saint because he isn’t, but George is a big fan of Lewis, he always has been, and he kneeled alongside him in the RB au just as IRL George did. RB management weren’t particularly happy about that one, but they found a way to spin George as good PR and a shield they could use to excuse some of Max’s more shit behaviour.

Once the season starts, opinions split even further. His confidence is a turn off for some, and a turn on for others, and when George starts to get into more scuffles on track with Lewis that just grows. Red bull fans will take any chance to make George a saint that’s the thorn in Lewis’ side, someone who’s making the humble king crack. More passionate Mercedes fans see him as an annoyance who should get out of Lewis’ way, an overconfident asshole who thinks he’s hot shit. A lot of midfield fans like George, he fights clean and strong, and people love a good overtake fight, George and Lewis provide that. People love to share gifs of Lewis’ clenched jaw as he watches George on the podium next to him, the wink George gives him back. There’s also photos of Lewis winking down at an unimpressed George on third. A Brit on Brit rivalry gets people hot, and it helps both George and Lewis are very respectful in interviews about each other. They’ll tease, George will say he thinks someone of Lewis’ experience shouldn’t have left certain gaps for him, Lewis will raise a brow and return that perhaps George needs to remember who overtook him after. Their banter and fights are foreplay for them but with the nature of the internet some people are sure they want to kill each other. A small subsection of tumblr and twitter think they’re fucking. They are correct.

This sort of love him or hate him attitude continues till around the middle of the first half of the season, when Red Bull fans start to be concerned that George is “spoiling” Max’s shot at a WDC. There are still far more max fans than George, after all dutch stoic ness people tend to brush away, British arrogance (somewhat rightfully) doesn’t go down as well. Mercedes fans don’t like George, but he is often used to point to how max could behave on track in a similar car. Hate him all you want George is behaved. As redbull slowly pile the pressure on George to submit to Max, so does the public. In the wake of Silverstone George is blamed for not being able to ‘protect’ max from Lewis, that that’s his job as second. When George hands a win to Lewis in Hungary as a “fuck you im not second driver”, shouting and conspiracy theories run abound. Everything from “he’s just in redbull to screw with max and help another Brit, he’s Lewis’ bitch” to “Actually george is worse than max but the team are biased” to the slightly more correct “George is actually better but being screwed over”. Merc fans don’t know how to react to George giving lewis the win. Nobody likes admitting that Lewis would have deeply struggled to get past without it, so some say George lost his mettle or the car had a mechanical failure.

Summer break silence and this love hate feeling continues, when they come back and George is struggling suddenly people are quick to crow about the second seat curse, that he was never actually that good. People who liked George for challenging max go quiet, ones that liked how he challenged lewis stop paying attention, and it’s a good thing George largely avoid social media because that just leaves some fans and a lot of livid Red bull fans who are ready to spew acid at George. Some still adore him of course, he’s the second man to their goat max, spoiler of Mercedes’ day, but Their praise makes George feel somewhat sick. He thinks he might actually throw up at the cheers he gets at Zandvoort as Lewis is Boo’d.

After the Russia crash, most RB fans left turn on him. He’s blamed utterly and completely for the incident by Red bull and they don’t even think to question it. He’s just like Pierre and Alex, he’s lost his mettle, they want to shame him for his confidence in the early season, they don’t know George is practically driving one handed with all he’s asked to test. To them, George is failing to defend max, or at worse hampering him. The abuse he gets after Russia and mexico is brutal. George is curling into himself too, his interviews are far different to early season, they’re clipped, his answers vauge, and the PR face is in full force. There are memes made of his tense blank face when Max overtakes him without a fight in Turkey, they don’t know George is trying not to hurl in some of those interviews. Most Merc fans are indifferent to him, they wish he’d go back to causing max trouble again, but he doesn’t cause Lewis issues either, so they don’t much care. At the end of the season redbull fans hate him because they blame max loosing the WDC on George not stopping Lewis. They don’t know that honestly George probably would have been the one fighting Max, or the one against Lewis if not for how he’s handicapped. George’s post race interview is praised for how he congratulates Lewis and speaks on how impressive his record breaking his, slipping just a little when he mentions how Lewis had inspired him. People blame Brit on Brit bias but people do like to discuss and debate George mentioning not wanting to cause a safety car, and how that perhaps contributed to Lewis’ win.

So, post season, Mercedes’ fans generally don’t love him, or just don’t care about him. Red Bull fans either view him as a failure, spoiler, or that he just dropped the ball, there’s a lot of back and forth on if he should be continuing to next year or replaced. Some say he’s clearly a more stable option than Alex or pierre, other days his performance drop is reason enough to drop him. Midfield fans are mixed on him too, but he’s generally agreed to be a promising talent, but very green.

When the Mercedes announcement happens, the internet explodes.

A driver moving to another team from RB hasn’t happened since Daniel and look how that went, but holy shit to the rival team? Unthinkable. Some are convinced George is giving up his shot at winning, clearly red bull is on the come back. Ardent Red bull fans accuse him of being a traitor, unfaithful and a terrible person for not sticking with the team that trained him. They don’t know about the abuse behind the scenes, to them it’s almost conspiracy worthy. Some people are confused as to how it even happened, don’t teams have anti competing clauses? How could Red bull let this happen? Some think it MUST be on purpose, trying to convince Toto to hire a bad driver and bring them down (they don’t love to point out the last time christian did that was when Toto signed Lewis, and how’d that work out?)

Mercedes fans don’t trust him. There’s varying ranges to it, some people think he’s a spy obviously going to send details to Red bull, how could Toto hire such an obvious traitor. Some think he’s being hired to replace Lewis and consider it either idiotic or outright evil actions on Toto’s part. Again they can’t see that George would rather stab himself than talk to Christian again, and that he has Lewis to vouch for him, and George’s early season performance is a fairly reasonable justification not to like him.

Lewis keeps him off the internet, drags George out over the Christmas break to just hang out, when George isn’t with his family. When it’s time for George to start working at Brackley in January, Lewis comes with him a lot of days. He says it’s just that he’s working too, and George accepts that. Toto and Bono share glances knowingly about how there’s no way on earth Lewis needs to keep coming in, and he certainly didn’t for Val. Susie figures out that they’re tentatively dating first, because she’s more observant than all of them, but she keeps it to herself. She does make Toto invite the poor boy over during the holidays with Lewis, to welcome him into the Mercedes’ family. Susie knows a boy who needs maternal and paternal adults around when she sees one, and she certainly couldn’t do it to Lewis lol.

When the new season starts, Lewis deliberately encourages a lot of interviews with George, so people can see them getting on. It helps George can finally talk publicly about how much he likes how Lewis drives and how helpful he is behind the scenes. Merc fans do slowly come round on him as George proves to be an even stronger second driver than Val, and a solid team player who the Merc team loves. I def have thoughts about a Canada style team dinner where there’s a sneaky photo of Lewis, George and Valtteri all sat together laughing at something, Lewis with a casual arm around George’s shoulder and Val, still in his AR gear being included within Merc as family

I thought this reply would end up being so short it would make the readmore overkill. I WAS WRONG.

[dottie-wan-kenobi]

I promised myself I wouldn’t write any atla fic so take this idea as a tumblr post:

modern AU where Ozai is still a dictator, but maybe he’s just hurting his own people and not doing much war/colonizing??? idk. anyway point is, he gets covered in international media a lot, and so do Zuko and Azula. Azula takes to the spotlight, however distant it may be, and quickly gains a reputation of being Ozai’s true heir. Zuko endears himself to outsiders in the rare glimpses they get of him, standing beside his dad with a frown as Ozai gives speeches and shit. people wonder about Ozai’s parenting but hey what can ya do? maybe he’s an evil dictator at work and almost decent person at home, who knows

(Iroh. Iroh knows. but I’ll get back to that.)

one day, Ozai starts escalating and becoming more visibly violent with his people and/or other nations. later, rumors will say Zuko protested whatever it was and in the process, humiliated Ozai in front of his generals. while Azula stays front and center, smiling brightly and proudly defending her dad, Zuko goes missing from the public eye and isn’t seen for YEARS. think Shelly Miscavige. everyone fears he’s dead, just a child too, and if those rumors are true? that Ozai punished Zuko the last time anyone saw him? he must be dead. everyone questions where he is and the family gives no answer. Azula teases that he’s been better. there are SO MANY conspiracy theories, and “insiders” say they know where he was buried.

eventually, Ozai steps down or tries to be something more than a dictator or maybe the people start rioting (mostly bc of other reasons, but they also do demand answers: what REALLY happened to Azulon? To Ursa? To Zuko?), idk. finally, Zuko is brought out, horribly scarred. he speaks and he says all the sound bites Ozai wants him to say, including that the burn came from a “lesson”. the internet and media explode: they have confirmation Zuko is alive, but where has he been? what has he been doing? why come out only now?

he doesn’t go out in public very often at all, and rumors fly once again. some swear he’s in constant danger there, including “anonymous sources close to the Fire Lord” (aka Iroh). some say he’s just shy and since he’s not the heir, he doesn’t have to stand by his father’s side in front of the whole world.

I think eventually Iroh manages to get away, but without either of the children. idk if Lu Ten is alive and free, or if he also tragically and suspiciously died. either way, Iroh is determined to save the kids and his country from his brother. the easiest way to do it is to capitalize on the curiosity and concern surrounding them, and spill all the family secrets.

idk what happens next except that there’s a happy ending and Ozai gets rekt and Zuko meets and befriends the Gaang bc obviously

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[sparxwrites]

I'm not sure if you've answered something similar before (I can't find it if you have but knowing tumblrs terrible search function that's not saying much) but why do you write such dark sexual stories? What is it that you find so appealing in these twisted tales? Please understand this is from a point of good faith - I'm not judging and I enjoy dark stories and erotica both, only seperately. I'm just morbidly curious as to why you enjoy the combination as I see no appeal in it personally

oof, just a nice easy question to answer on a friday night, anon. okay. there’s a lot of answers to this question, depending on how personal i want to get and also like... which stories you’re talking about.

some stories i write that could be considered “darkly sexual” are categorically erotica. stuff involving weird, niche kinks, or monsters, or “dub-con” (which is not a real thing, i know, it’s a fantasy erotica thing)... the appeal there is, idk, whatever the fantasy is. they are, in my mind, written as fantasies - a fic where a character doesn’t want sex and then ends up "enjoying” having a monster lay eggs in them is obviously not what happens irl. eggs aside, no one ends up actually enjoying sexual assault. they’re written (from my side) with the air of “irl this would be Utterly Reprehensible, but what i’m essentially writing here is like... a roleplay session between two consenting partners where i am both partners”. it’s all fantasy! it’s all fake! it’s a bdsm scene or whatever where they’re both pretending/playing a role, except it’s just me writing it out with little finger puppets (either for my amusement/titillation, or the amusement/titillation of others).

then there’s... Other Stuff. see also, a lot of my percy and ripley fics. and i find it interesting that people often read those as fetish stuff because, whilst they do have sex in them, those are fundamentally horror stories. the appeal i get out of them is the same as whump/darkfic. when i write about horrible, traumatising sex where one person clearly doesn’t enjoy it, that is not a sexual fantasy for me. characters roleplaying at it, sure, me playing fingerpuppets with it, sure. but something deeply and fundamentally focused on the trauma and violation of that kind of thing is not, for me, sexual (and if what you’re getting off on is the actual nonconsent, rather than the playing at/silly version of nonconsent, i have some questions/concerns. this seems like a weird and not-really-there line, but it’s surprisingly obvious and disconcerting when someone/a fic crosses it tbh). what i get out of that is a deep sense of catharsis. i’ve gone into why i think i (and others) get this catharsis a little in my meta tag and this specific post - but, at the end of the day, i don’t exactly know. 

i think, perhaps, it is that i am a very sad person sometimes, and a very angry person sometimes, and in real life i spend a lot of time keeping both of those things hidden and pressed down, and... there has to be some kind of release valve for those emotions. with fiction, i have a safe way of managing that, both reading and writing - i can be both aggressor and victim, no one gets hurt (i find the thought of hurting people abhorrent; i nearly passed out once because a stranger was in pain from a dislocated shoulder, despite the lack of visible injury. hyperempathy is wild), i get to work through a whole bunch of psychological shit from various stuff i won’t go into... i often refer to writing as a release, or a valve, or a way to ease the pressure inside my head, or a form of venting. 

as to why sexual assault often shows up in these stories... i do frequently write whump without sexual assault, but it’s also like. a) a bunch of personal stuff that i don’t give enough of a shit to talk about, but it’s there, and b) sex and sex-adjacent stuff (often rape and assualt, but even consensual stuff!) has such a fascinating way of crystallising character/power dynamics, or stripping people bare, or exposing vulnerability, or dragging up really awful, messy, scary, painful, confusing stuff. and that makes it often a really good target when you (like me) want all those emotions in your writing because you’re using it as a pressure-valve vent, and as a way to safely experience and work through them. writing about difficult or traumatic relationships to the self, the body, to sex and to other people... sex is really good for all of that stuff. idk.

also, sometimes fics end up a weird mix of the two. i can’t think of any off the top of my head for cr, but for yogs (my previous fandom) i wrote a handful of things for a character that was essentially straight out of a horror movie and another monster character, with some real questionable consent stuff. 50% of that was “this is horrible and manipulative and just. really fucking Awful” and 50% of that was “hrnghghgh tentacles hot” so like. yknow. my brain is a weird mess i guess, is the takeaway message here.

(sometimes, there’s also an element of “can i get myself into this headspace” or “this is an interesting technical exercise” - i wrote something a while back about ripley masturbating to the memory of torturing percy, and that falls into this category. that wasn’t a fetish/fantasy thing, that was a character study, using sex as a medium to work through ripley’s obsessive, violent thoughts and strip away the veneer of imparitiality she so loves to pretend she has.)

idk how well this explains it - this is something i spend a lot of brain-power analysing on a regular basis, because i am constantly nosy about how my brain works and why it works in these weird, angular, fucked-up kinds of ways (not just with writing, the adventures of being autistic means i spend a Lot of time analysing myself to make sure i’m calibrating my interactions with other people correctly). i still haven’t entirely worked it out, and a lot of the stuff i have worked out is personal/messy enough i both don’t want to and can’t be arsed to explain it to strangers on the internet. i hope it’s given a Bit of an explanation tho, and if there’s a specific fic that prompted this comment, feel free to ask me about it specifically, bc i might be able to offer a little more insight as to my thought processes for like... a specific example i guess.

[midnight-serpentine-blog]

FAQ

In General

Do you take requests? My guy, without requests, this blog will go dry very quickly. We are high maintenance and require a lot of attention.

Will you write all requests that you receive? We reserve the right not to write a request if we don’t vibe with it. We will explain why we won’t, and whining won’t change our minds. Otherwise we will do our absolute best to see that all requests get written.

What if I don’t like something in your fics? If you see something wrong in our fics, feel free to let us know politely. If you are rude, we will make a note of what annoyed you and we will feature it prominently in our following fics until you (or someone nicer than you) asks nicely for us to change it. If it is a trigger we won’t do that, obviously, but we will do our best to tag so that doesn’t happen. Don’t read things if they have a trigger warning for something that triggers you. I shouldn’t have to say it, yet here we are. If you dislike the characterization, we can open up a dialogue and maybe we’ll write you one with a characterization that you prefer. Or maybe we’ll tell you to shove it. Depends on how things go. If you dislike the things we write about (e.g. Death Eaters from Harry Potter), then don’t f***ing read that fic. Blacklist it, whatever. We know why and how they are problematic, we just dgaf. It’s for fun.

Why don’t you have a masterlist/other Tumblr things? We are new to this whole writing thing, Midnight to Tumblr in general, and Serpentine has never written her own post before, so be patient. We are learning this whole thing as we go, and it was meant as more of an experiment than a job anyway. We will do our best to make a masterlist and make the blog easy to search, but it has a learning curve, so don’t be surprised if we don’t manage right away (or ever)

Do you have a tag list? We could try?

How often do you update? Depends on how much love and attention we get. If we get a lot of requests, we’ll be doing a lot of writing, Real Life™ allowing.

Can I reblog? If you make sure our names are still on it, you do what you like, my guy.

Can I tag you in things? Can I give you an internet hug? Ofc. Remember what I said about attention?

Can I message you? If it is for requests, we’d prefer you keep it in the asks, but if you wanna say something, then sure. Keep it PG for Serpentine’s virgin eyes tho. (Serpentine can deal with it, don’t be a wuss - Midnight) (You’re a wanker - Serpentine)

What don’t you write? Incest, non-con, A/B/O (bc Midnight will die), m-preg, underage anything ever, etc. Just keep it level guys. Don’t make it weird.

What happens with any original fiction that you post? I won’t post much of it, and it won’t be anything that I ever have intentions on making into A Thing™ so it’s basically just like our fanfics, go ahead and reblog if you feel just keep our names attached. Also, try not to write anything based off of it or anything like that, but if it sparks something, you do you. We’re reasonably chill until you’re a dick. (Then we’re chillier than a frost giant’s cold shoulder - Midnight)

What happens if I want to be a prick about your writing while on anon? Come at me, bro.

What types of requests do you take? We’re going to try to have a prompts list, or borrow some from fellow writing accounts that are okay with others using their lists, but prompts that you come up with are definitely great! Imagines, multi-chap fics, one-shots, drabbles, headcanons, it’s all fair game.

Serpentine

Name/Nickname: Serpentine, Holly, Andy

Age: 18

Pronouns: she/her/My Lady

How would you describe yourself: I would not

Are requests open: Yes

What do you like writing most: Fluff. I love it when everyone is peaceful.

What do you like writing least: Character bashing. Sometimes I have to for the sake of the plot, but it hurts.

Who do you write for: Marvel - Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Tony Stark, Loki, Thor, Dr. Strange, Clint Barton, Pietro Maximoff (he didn’t die hmmm nope), Frank Castle (Jon Bernthal only), Brock Rumlow (don’t say anything Midnight, I know he’s a dick, leave me alone), Anatoly Ranskahov, Vladimir Ranskahov. Harry Potter - Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Charlie Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Draco Malfoy, Antonin Dolohov, Thorfinn Rowle, Rodolphus Lestrange (although I characterize him as fatherly more than anything), Rabastan Lestrange (although don’t expect mental stability), Fenrir Greyback, Corban Yaxley, Evan Rosier, Lucius Malfoy (if we go AU), Lucissa (Narcissa Black nee Malfoy + Lucius Malfoy), Theodore Nott, Blaise Zabini, Regulus Black, Jily (James + Lily), Sily (which is my take on Sirius + Lily, though mostly they are platonic sometimes I think hmm). I have a lot of my own personal headcanons for nearly all of these characters because I have spent many years of my life ‘living’ in the Wizarding World when I should have been doing my homework, so if something doesn’t vibe for you, I apologise, but I am very specific about my Harry Potter. 

POV & Other Characters: These can be OC or reader, platonic and romantic or unpaired accepted. For Harry Potter, I can also write them as Hermione Granger (like most HP fics are tbh). As for other characters, it’s all negotiable, but with Harry Potter fandom Slytherin characters are much more likely to get the OK bc I’m House biased (Go Snakes). The ones marked as couples are only written as couples, so don’t try to make me pair dear James Potter with anyone other than his Lily.

How long does it take to write a request: If I’m inspired, maybe an hour or two. Now when I post it...

Open to ask memes: Absolutely the hell yes. I love talking about myself.

Special Rules: I do not write smut (yet, bc I am innocent in the ways of the flesh), but I will yeet those to Midnight and I’ll do my best to take any other requests and if y’all wanna drop nasty imagines into the ask box or something, we’re all ears (eyes?). I will write poly ships, though again I reserve the right to decide how (e.g. M/M or nah) and there will be no sin.

Midnight

1. Name/Nickname: Midnight, Kai, (Barnes)

2. Age: 19

3. Pronouns: she/her/Soldat

4. How would you describe yourself: I... am basically a less intimidating Winter Soldier (memory problems, depression, anxiety) and an MCU genderbent Loki because I can be a sneaky little shit

5. Are requests open: YEET

6. What do you like writing most: Fluff. Any time I get to make scary assassins do domestic things... I am there for that

7. What do you like writing least: Death. Why y’all gotta do me dirty like that? There’s more than enough in the MCU alone guys. Can’t we just pretend we live in the Everybody Lives AU?

8. Who do you write for: Marvel - Loki Odinson, Thor Odinson, Tony Stark, Doctor Stephen Strange, Bucky Barnes, Peter Quill, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov, T’Challa, Peter Parker (aged up), Pietro Maximoff, Wade Wilson (Deadpool), Gamora DC - Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Diana Prince, Clark Kent, Connor Kent, Dick Grayson, Steve Trevor, Tim Drake, Wally West, Barry Allen, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, Catwoman, Damian Wayne (aged up), Kaldur’ahm, Jaime Reyes, Bart Allen (aged up), Roy Harper (if you want YJ’s Red Arrow, please specify, otherwise my default is Arsenal), Hal Jordan Assassin’s Creed - Altair, Ezio

9. POV & other characters: I prefer reader inserts, however, if you would like an OC I would recommend naming the OC with a nickname so it makes it nicer for other readers to enjoy it. I will do specific ships if I ship them or I know enough about the ship. (eg WonderTrevor, SuperWonder, Stony, Stucky, IronStrange etc) I am also pretty okay with writing smut, but I may not be able to for specific characters/ships due to lack of experience in writing the sin, lol. (and yes, I will take your smut requests for Serpentine’s characters, and work with her to achieve the correct characterization, so long as time permits us to work on it in a timely fashion)

10. How long does it take to write a request: Depends on how busy I am, the alignment of the stars, the weather… jk, in truth, I can be very busy and also have to manage my own health so it can be from a half hour (if I’m really inspired) to up to a week or two. (I will try my best to turn out work in a decent time though, and if I have to ask Serpentine for help I will)

11. Special Rules: Already covered, I guess? Just bear with me on getting things out on time.

Please note; most of this was written by Serpentine at 3 am, I (Midnight), only wrote my own FAQs, also at 3 am. If none of this makes sense, that would be why. Serpentine rarely makes sense without supervision, so feel free to ask for clarification if the wording is awkward.

[issa-me-addy]

I don’t follow you but I saw your post on being open to people telling you things so here I am lol. been crying for the last hour or so bc I feel lonely. I don’t have a gf, my past friendships are just not the same so I feel like I can’t go to them, my mom and dad are emotionally unavailable, and I miss my coworkers. they were like my best friends/family. I haven’t seen or talked to them in forever and I don’t even know what to do with myself. ffs this feels worse than depression crying does

hi anon!!

i'm glad you got this off your chest n i know that you said i didnt have to respond BUT this felt like a great time for me to OVER SHARE ON THE INTERNET which is like kind of my thing B). long story short tumblr has never really been my jam so a lot of my oversharing was done on twitter and priv ig acc but i realized that those platforms are super overwhelming and honestly heavily centered by “fame”, how liked you are, popularity bULLSHIT and so i came on here to get away and really focus on and immerse myself in the things i enjoy and it just so happens that at the same time i finally share my blog with two of my very best friends and i thats a very nice segway (?) to the real reason i wanted to reply! i'm currently 20 and i grew up a super social kid and i always had a lot of friends id get teased when i threw birthday parties cos of the amount of ppl id want to invite, my aunts and uncles would always poke fun at how popular i was but truth be told is by 14 y/o i started losing friends because i starting figuring out who i was and standing up for the things i believe in, ive been progressively losing friends for the last 6 years because of differing opinions and morals, between Dec 2018 and Aug 2019 i lost three of my all time best friends because they did things that hurt me and i just had to suck it up and remove them from my life because i was sick and tired of holding onto friendships solely because of history and being scared of loneliness (one of these best friends was LITERALLY my hs bestie who became my college roommate and i had to live with her for like 3-4 months where we lived in a tiny room but barely talked) and truth be told it was HARD losing friends is hard especially for a person like me and being alone has always been a huuUuuUuuUUUge fear of mine. I always had so many friends because i felt like i had to 1) be liked in general and 2) compensate for the lack of romance in my life 

BUT ANYWAYS my point is that the people i consider to be my very best friends are literally people from middle school (people who i'm actually on ft with as im typing this despite the fact that i wasnt all that close to them in high school at all and didnt truly reconnect until college/quarantine) and i don't say this to rub it in or make you feel more lonely but to just emphasize that it happens, people come and go and relationships fail and some are even reborn, but at the end of the day there are people that love you (I LOVE YOU!!) there are times where it feels like you're completely and utterly alone and its going to hurt but i managed to find a way to use it as a reminder to hold on and put in the extra effort to cherish the people i do have in my life. 

i know you don't follow me and i don't know if my blog is really your jam LOL its a real shit show BUT if you ever need to talk more, know that i'm here!! you’re free to follow and mute just so we can msg or you can keep dropping anons or you can leave our interaction here where it is. i know i didnt really give advice but i hope you find reassurance and comfort in knowing YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! YOU ARE LOVED!!! THIS DUMBASS BITCH CALLED ME THINKS YOU’RE ONE OF THE WONDERS OF THE WORLD AND I CARE SO DEEPLY ABOUT YOU!!! 

take care of yourself and more than anything love yourself through it all! you have just as much to offer the people around you as they give to you. you are valuable and amazing and i hope you treat yourself as such!!! (also eat and drink water if you havent already!) 

[princess-of-embarrassment]

Some 3 am realizations about life, relationships and maybe more?? idk whatever have fun.

Ok before i start on this shit I am going to say it is 3 am and i am just dumping some thoughts like i usually do. Sorry for the shit grammar, disorganized thoughts and all that jazz... In a sense i feel like this is a letter to myself and what i have been trying so damn hard to understand so yeah i am talking to myself and to this website. I think. Idk. i will probably delete this in the morning when i am back on bad bitch mode and go back to posting memes pero por ahora vamos a ver como nos va. Mayb ei will leave it up bc i forget or because i dont care who sees it. sorry for the shitshow of a post you are about to read but you probably already kinda know me so yay! I debated posting this shit because the internet is a wildin place but oh well!!1!!11

ok tumblr it is 3 in the morning and i have 100% regressed into being a 15 years old on this damn website shitposting and reblogging some corny ass posts but it feels right, so here i am attempting to process it through the only form i know how to actually know how to cope with things. I mean memes are cool and all but lets be real, they don’t address the problems. this is the one place i can brain dump all of my thoughts and not really care about where they go because they will eventually disappear in the tumblr algorithm.

My old blog was often the only separation I had between my reality and the life i really wished i had, but now I have that life that I always wanted so why the hell am i back at square one? To be fair, the life that i have right now may not be envied by many but its a pretty darn good life to me. Im safe 99.9% of the time. The other .1% is a story for another day. I have been trying to figure out for months as to why i’m back to being so active on here and now that it’s 3:00am I realize it’s because of self isolation (thanks corona!). 

Let me start off by saying this; my reality is not something I am going to be able to escape. Ever. It has brought me to where i am today, allowed me to meet some really incredible people and i am so so grateful. I have learned so much in the past few years. i am grateful what happened happened. Wild, i know. I escaped it physically but i cannot escape it mentally, at least for now. School, work, writing, dealing with my freshmen’s problems was what kept my brain occupied and away from having to face the part of my life that I really just want to forget. To be fait my trauma response has taken pretty good care of fucking up my memory and all of those fun things but ironically the things i want to forget about so badly are the things i think about every single day without skipping a beat. brains are weird like that.

I am ok now but sometimes i forget and fall back into my new reality. That is ok. People that know my story ask me why i don’t write about it on a public platform because it’s inspiring?? or hopeful?? or whatever cliche people want to use when addressing a topic that makes them uncomfortable and they want to feel better about the life they live. 21 year old latina girl faces adversity and lives the american dream (barely)..i mean, i did run a whole ass magazine and wrote a piece for graduation including some details of my story but that was like the rated g version with only the little sad parts that people are able to handle without feeling like their comfort zone is being violated. MEdia is a wonderful place isnt it???  so i get where they are coming from, but what they dont understand is that an international platform is not where i can share any of these thoughts... Listen, I know this is cryptic and confusing and you are probably really curious about what the hell happened to me but i don’t feel safe to type it out on international platforms with public access. I don’t know if i ever will... Yeah i can talk to people i trust about it because i am in control of the space and the situation and who is obtaining that information but you never really know with the internet. 

maybe in the future i’ll write a book on it. even then i will probably use my alias make it a YA fiction with an added love story that ends in a happy ending. Maybe one day one of the school girl crushes I have will turn into that YA story and i dont have to make any of it up.

If i am honest...this blog is the only safe place i will probably ever have where he wont find me. He can find my school and my address and phone number and work and everything in between because that is just the way things work. Yeah yeah i get it stop posting shit on social media that is how he finds you whatever. What people dont understand is that I cant stop living my life again. I already started so i cant go back to giving him that power. It makes no sense. Also, his family is too confused by all of the ups and downs of the last year that they dont really know where i am going or what i am doing. So anyways, long story short - That’s why i am back on here, because it has become the same written safe haven I had when i was 15 and tried to escape my physical reality. Only difference is that i am trying to manage the mental reality of it all...

I also have so many questions about what to do next. Like i mentioned in another post, i didnt think i would make it to 21 but i did. I didnt think this far ahead so i guess i will just figure it out along the way but hear me out. How do i face a new reality that no one can relate to. At least not the people around me. How do i make friends and know when the “right time” is to tell them hey btw if this happens lmk lol. Even more importantly (because it relates to my future as world famous YA novelist.. lol sure grace...) How do I even date someone??? many questions are tied to that. like... I know theyre going to ask. “what happened?” “who is it?” “how can i help?” “Isnt there something we can do?”. i am more than willing to answer these questions because fuck, if im dating someone i would be curious too.. but do i even answer those questions. How do i know they are ready to handle that kind of information? how can i guarantee theyre not going to leave. How can i know that they arent going to be frightened by what has happened. how do i know they are not going to think differently of me. How do i explain to this person “yeah i have stress nightmares about what happened and when i wake up i think i am back in that situation and not where i live and i have to remind myself i am in a whole different area code but then its fine lol so if we share a bed at any point in time dont be alarmed if i wake up in a panic.” or how do i explain to them when something triggers me and all i can do is freeze because maybe it is him. Maybe he finally found me. but then i am back to reality and move on with my day because that is the only thing left to do. I cant throw myself a shitty pity party thats generic as fuck and i dont have time for it but whatever. moving on. next question. How do i know theyre not gonna walk away because they have the misconception so many people have?? Just because i went through some shit doesnt mean i am unstable or unloveable or whatever bs people think. This isnt going to go away. This shit is a aprt of me but it doesn not define me. it is not who i am.I dont have the option to make it go away but people have the option to pick up their things and go. seems unfair to me sometimes. It seems unfair to generalize people like that. I am always open to a new relationship but people expect me to be sitting at home scared to go out into the world and live my life. I have a life to live and i am so ready to explore it by myself or with someone by my side but quarantine has brought me back on here to deal with the fact that i am back to being stuck inside. Mentally and physically. One sucks less than the other. 

I have so many other questions but i am feeling tired again and its almost 4am so maybe i should go to bed. Y’all dont know how happy i am to have this trash site to vent to in the middle of the night. theres some relly judgy people on here but at least i know my feed wont judge me or try to fix what has happened. it will just listen.

Anyways, i doubt anyone will read this because this post got long as fuck but if you did i give you a high five and a virtual hug for getting through the clusterfuck of sentences. Thanks tumblr. If i ever go viral again on this shitshow of a website i may have to bring back my studyblr and go underground lmfao jk maybe. I cant wait to hug my friends and the people i have met that have become a part of my daily routine (yes even during social isolation, get off my ass I am still socially isolating). All i can do for now is wait for someone who cares about me for me and isn’t scared of my past or the pieces of it that linger in my present. I deserve nothing less. if they cant do that they are not worth my time and i hope they drop their keys every single time they go to open their front door. oh... they also better be ready for the hours i spend typing away my thoughts on my computer. Maybe one day they will be allowed to read them too... lol maybe not. whatever who knows. Peace out kiddos stay healthy xoxo.

[tiredhungryhorny]

y'all i just gotta rant real quick on here bc i hate bothering people so just scroll on past pal i'm really exhausted in regards to the whole being an adult thing. today is my day off work and i'm trying to get some shit done and it's just one thing after another in this dumb old house i moved into. i should've asked more questions when house hunting i should've had someone else with me ive rented like four places but i still don't know what i'm doing and i think i made a mistake here. it's been a week and i'm still trying to figure everything out what the hell. first the wifi is a whole fucking thing to try and set up bc this old house doesn't have the right outlets for it so i have to do the whole powerline adapter garbage i don't even know the diff between a router and a modem like what the hell is ethernet what's a coaxial cable what the fuck is all this and i still gotta call the company to set up my internet shit which is gonna be another $30 a month and then the fucking gas guy comes to turn on my gas for the stove and he says the whole oven/stove is in bad shape and that i gotta put in the work oder to the landlord to get a whole new one and that means i still can't cook for another week or two or however long AND ANOTHER THING feel nervous about my job bc i'm starting training for a new position and i just got the hang of the old position and some of these ppl who've worked here for a year or two are younger than me and just make me feel so fucking dumb and i don't even socialize well with them AND ALSO i'm realizing that i have like a year of school left before i graduate i've started stressing about what i'm going to do!! like what kind of job will i get what kind of job do i even want what can i fucking offer the world i should get an internship this year but how do i balance an internship with work and with classes maybe i should do an internship over summer or take less classes next spring and do it then and when i graduate am i gonna be stuck in some old fucking broken house for another year trying to make money and save money in order to move i def won't be able to just move away immediately after i graduate i probably won't even find a job in my field i'm so fucking stressed i think about the fact that i would be done with school by now if i just stayed at ucf and stuck with business school even though i was miserable have i told you guys that i still get phone calls from recruiters in orlando that want to offer me marketing and sales and management jobs and internships bc they think i still live there and that i graduated business school and it's so heartbreaking to feel like a giant adult baby that's behind on everything in her life and can't make decisions on shit or commit to anything i literally feel like such trash AND IM USING MY DATA TO TYPE THIS TUMBLR GARBAGE BC I STILL DONT HAVE FUCKING WIFI IN THIS DUMB OLD HOUSE. i just wanna go back to bed but i fucking can't bc i'm waiting on a call from my landlord i wanna cry nothing makes me laugh anymore i keep doing that bullshit "that's so funny" when talking to someone bc i just don't laugh i don't enjoy anything i feel like a fuckign ugly slug ive seen like two friends in the past week im not even getting the hours i want at work and i wanna crawl into a cave and hide for 7 years g o o d b y e

[thestoryweneededtowrite]

(( you should write more of that ghost hunting au if u ever have time bc it's like my fave au series tbh ))

Race and Spot do a liveshow. When will they ever learn.

Part of this series

Race scanned through the comments in the column at the sideof the screen, trying to catch one he could answer in the flurry. This was oneof the reasons they didn’t do liveshows too often – it was great to connectwith their audience but there were an awful lot of them to connect with atonce. Meet and greets were far easier, but not everyone could get to them sothey had to settle for this every now and then.

“‘Where’s Spot?’”Race read out, catching a comment before it disappeared. “Spot is making tea inthe kitchen, stalling, because he hates liveshows,” he laughed.

“Spot can hear you!” came a yell from the next room.

Race just grinned and flipped his boyfriend off through thewall, not that he could see. He was lying on their lounge floor, his chestpropped up on a pillow so he was higher up in the camera’s frame. It probablydidn’t look particularly comfortable but the rug was fluffy and it was a goodangle with decent lighting. There were worse places to sit still for half anhour – the promised duration of the livestream.

The comments all turned to a combination of ‘Hi Spot!’ and ‘??? Why does he hatethem?’ and since Spot had to finish making the tea sooner rather than laterso he could come say hi to people himself, Race chose to answer the secondquestion.

“He hates them because they’re not edited,” he explained,not sure how detailed Spot would want him to get. That was at least the crux ofit, but he knew it would only lead to more questions.

“Are you really going to tell them that?” came anothershout.

“Am I not allowed?” Race winced. It wasn’t a subject hisboyfriend liked to talk about.

There was a beat of silence, then a disgruntled sigh.

“…No, I guess you can,” Spot allowed.

Race turned back to the laptop. There was an argument to bemade that liveshows shouldn’t be scary for Spot, since they weren’t permanentlike their videos. Anything he’d rather not be seen, a slip of the tongue or animpromptu kiss, would be gone as quickly as it happened. Except they knew for afact that some of their fans recorded the entire show to gif parts of it later.And those gifs would be of exactly the things Spot didn’t want to share.

“Spot is a private person and he’s not keen on broadcastingour entire relationship to the internet, which is something I respect,” Racestarted, shifting to get more comfortable. “We get a lot of messages sayingthat I care more about him than he does for me, which is bullshit by the way,”he added a glare for good measure.

Spot cared about him so much, the internet just didn’t getto see the way he stroked Race’s hair when he didn’t feel well; the way he hadsat at Race’s bedside when he’d been in hospital until he’d been practicallyforcibly removed from the room; the way he reached for him in his sleep. It wasall private, but that didn’t mean it didn’t happen.

“But all you’re seeing is what we edit,” Race continued. “Whenhe kisses me and holds my hand, I edit it out because he doesn’t want you tosee it and I don’t want him to be uncomfortable. And it isn’t because he’sashamed or because we’re hiding things from you or because he doesn’t love me.It’s just because, in the nicest way possible, we don’t owe you our personalmoments. But that doesn’t mean we don’t have them and Spot is worried ourliveshow will become way too much like our unedited footage which is…” Hewasn’t sure how to explain it without using the word ‘intimate’, which justmade it sound like they were filming porn on the side. A comment flashed up andRace couldn’t help but laugh and nod. “Yes, it’s exactly like the Oops Video. Which better not be doing the roundsagain, so help me god.”

The Oops Video was what the video of Spot’s uneditedvoiceover had become known as, thanks to Spot’s tweet afterwards that had onlyread ‘oops’, with a link to thetumblr post they’d written explaining everything. Race had deleted the videopretty quickly, but a few people had downloaded copies and they popped up everynow and then, despite their requests for circulation of it to stop. Still, evenif people hadn’t seen it they all knew what it was referencing.

Another comment cause Race’s eye: So Spot doesn’t like liveshows because he’s worried he won’t be able tonot kiss you?

“Yeah, that’s it,” he snorted. “I’m irresistible and hewon’t be able to keep his hands off me.”

Spot had been hovering just outside the doorway, listening toRace’s little monologue. He didn’t want to walk in mid-speech and, besides, ithad been nice to hear Race talk so freely about supporting his need to keep publicaffection minimal. But he couldn’t loiter forever and when the opportunity fora dramatic entrance presented itself, he took it.

“In your dreams,” he laughed, sitting down beside Race andhanding him a cup of tea. “Miss me?”

He was thankful when Race held back the kiss he’d usuallyhave been given as a thank you. Instead his boyfriend just rolled his eyes and pokedhim in the shoulder.“Yes, the astronomical distance between the lounge and the kitchen was too muchto bear. Never leave me again,” Race said, completely deadpan and insincere.Slipping out of the monotone with a grin, he elbowed Spot playfully andgestured to the screen. “Talk to the people.”

“Hello, people,” Spot said, waving lamely before regrettinghow stupid it looked. Looking at the number people watching, he did a doubletake. “Shit, there’s a lot of you.” Searching for some interesting comments toanswer that weren’t just ‘Hi!!!!’ or‘awww you make Race tea, that’s so cute’,Spot took a sip from his own cup. He groaned when a particularly insistent one,lots of exclamation marks and capitalisation, caught his eye. “No, I will notkiss my boyfriend for your amusement, Gracie003, because I’m not a whore.”

Race spluttered, just about managing not to spit teaeverywhere. Even after what he’d just told them all, they were still going toask things like that? It was a constant surprise to him that some of these peoplecalled themselves their fans.

“Guys, stop,” he whined. He just wanted people to treat hisboyfriend with respect, was that so much to ask.

Calling attention to the first comment had been a mistake.Now that was all that was in the chat feed and Spot just sighed. He should haveknown better.

“Jesus Christ, is that all you lot are going to talk about?You’re just going to gif it and put it on tumblr,” he complained. But he lookedover at Race and met his eyes. There was so much concern in them that it feltnatural to reach out and pull him into a brief, sweet kiss. Race kissed back happily,just for a moment, before gently pushing Spot away.

Spot was right, it would be all over tumblr within half anhour, but there was never any malice behind the posts. People loved them as acouple and supported them. It would make him uncomfortable when he saw it beingused as part of a ‘imagine Spot kissing you like this in front of your friends’post, but on the whole he wouldn’t regret it.

“Never again,” he said, staring straight into the cameramainly so he could avoid looking at the comments.“Never?” Race teased, well aware that they were probably going to end up makingout after the livestream was finished. It was what they did after they’d beenfilming a video or doing a liveshow or a meet and greet. Spot didn’t likepublic affection but they were both very fond of private affection and after anextended length of time not touching they always had something to make up for.

“Shut up, you,” Spot said, jostling Race with his arm andnearly spilling his tea.

When they settled back in to pay attention to more of thecomments, Spot let his fingers find Race’s, tucking their hands together justout of sight of the webcam. Whether the internet believed it or not, he wascompletely in love with the short, cocky boy at his side and he’d never have itany other way.

[thefangirlingbarista]

what's your list of fav bellarke fan fiction????

im currently bitter bc i basically had this finished but tumblr decided to have a glitch and delete it all. anyway, here’s round 2 

cause i got you, and now that’s all that matters by @marauders-groupie

lana is beautiful and so is this fic. i think my tag for it was just a bunch of exclamation points which basically means that i’ll be in love with it forever and never be able to properly use words when talking about it. 

Clarke gets dirt stuck under her nails, Bellamy always keeps books at hand, they are both a mess but somewhere between throwing tomatoes at each other and hiding, they fall in love.

Or: Bellarke in the countryside.

Prompt: Imagine Bellarke in Modern AU. With Sunday brunches on the back porch and whispered I love yous when no one else is listening.

aphelion by @kindclaws

with the possibility of coming across as too much, let me just say that there are few people who have stolen my heart in the degree that Sara has. That being said, even if I didn’t love her to the moon and back, I would still be able to see beautiful talent, and that is definitely something that my dear friend has. So here’s the short summary of my latest obsession of hers: 

It’s been two years since the spaceship Aphelion mysteriously disappeared, its crew branded by the ARK as traitors to be shot on sight. Jake Griffin was on that ship, and with him, a dangerous secret that could change civilized space forever.

Now, Clarke wants some answers - and revenge, if she can get it. Bellamy wants a bigger ship - specifically, Clarke’s. Wells wants to fix the system his father broke. Octavia wants a little fun. Miller wants everyone to stop making poor life choices. Harper wants to kiss the new girl. And Raven? Well, Raven just wants to blow shit up.

The universe won’t know what’s hit it. (Space pirates AU!)

Sent and Delivered by @clarkescrusade

Listen. I love social media aus, nerdy!Bellamy and thirsty!Clarke. Thankfully this fic has a little of all that. It also has adorable fanboy Jas and that’s also a plus for me. This one has stayed with me since the night i read it, so it’s def up there on my faves list. 

Clarke is pretty sure Bellamy is the hottest lyft driver she’s ever had, and it certainly doesn’t hurt that he’s a pretty great conversationalist, too. When she finds out him and Raven used to work together, it feels natural to become friends. She just never thought they’d get along quite so well, or that their lives would come together so easily, or that she’d fall madly in love with him. But that’s life.

aka: a social media au incorporating text messages, snapchats, tweets, and instagrams that definitely no one asked for.

You’re Cool On The Internet, At Least by @prosciuttoe

Once again, SOCIAL MEDIA AU. They meet on facebook and yeah. this is hella cute. I love it. Also, anything Em writes is magic, so please read this and give her the love and adoration she deserves. 

Look, Clarke will not dwell on this. She will not get flustered just because a possibly cute guy on Facebook apparently shares her views on what constitutes a terrible person.

Ten minutes later, her phone gives a short, irritated buzz; startling her enough that she jumps.

Biting at the inside of her cheek, she allows herself a quick peek.

Friend request from Bellamy Blake.

Clarke has no idea how she manages to develop a crush on a guy who won’t stop fighting everyone on Facebook, but here they are.

(Or: Clarke meets Bellamy on Facebook. They hit it off.)

neither lost nor found by awildthing 

other than social media au, my weakness is modern magic users au. AND THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. 

Bellamy Blake arrives on campus and Clarke’s magic suddenly starts going haywire.

Or, Clarke meets another magic user and teaches him to control his gift–and learns some things along the way.

I Don’t Want To Be Your Friend (i wanna kiss your neck) by @spacexualkids

i love tierney more than i love most people on this god forsaken site. her writing is always like coming home which is way too cheesy even for me. so here. read this summary so i dont become a blubbering mess. 

She finds Bellamy back on that floral couch. They’d moved it into the screened room for the winter, and then back out again once the days grew long and warm. It was becoming another tradition, apparently.

And so was this; him smoking on the sofa, her head on his shoulder, voices low in the early morning while everyone else was asleep and the world felt like it belonged to them, just for the moment.

“Someone had fun,” he teases, flicking at a spot on her neck. Clarke reaches up to feel the tender skin; Glass must have given her a hickey while they were getting carried away.

She flushes, but he’s looking back at the sunrise. “I always have fun,” she reminds him, and he groans.

“Yeah, I remember.”

“This is my favorite part, though,” Clarke says, curling up a little more against him so he’ll put his arm around her for warmth. She’s still kind of drunk, so she’s not sure if she’s making sense, but she trusts that he’ll get it. Bellamy always seems to understand what she means. “Just–us. It’s my favorite.”

Bellamy stubs out his cigarette and leans back against her. “Mine too.”

That’s all I have time for tonight, but I do have a longer one in my drafts that I plan on finishing and publishing soon. 

I will also use this to shamelessly self promo - I’m taking requests for the next two weeks bc HOLIDAYS! no more teaching for me for two weeks and that is glorious. 

so pls send in any and all prompts you want filled by yours truly

[okakebi]

sorry if this is weird but i ??? love your blog ??? a long time ago i had a moro blog and honestly it was the most fun i had on this website. i also used to write lily rammsteiner but quit bc when i had my blog the dogs fandom was dead af but it makes me happy to see that you have a heine blog too ! pls don't ever leave tumblr, you're amazing

this is weird in that … i would never have expected anything like this ?? i deeply appreciate your concern , and i feel like i’ve spent a whole week (if not longer) thinking about just how i wanted to respond to this and how i feel . 

i just want to start off by saying that this message means a LOT to me . i haven’t had many meaningful connections with people on this platform in a while and it’s nice to see that there may be someone around that does care about my writing and the material i’ve been working on . i had a lot of close friends on my lelouch blog YEARS ago that i could just meme the fuck out of and honestly that was the most fun i think i’ve ever had on this site . there are lots of amazing people here that i’m sure i’d click well with , but i don’t really want to try and make friends at this stage in my life where i’ve just graduated college and went through a major breakup . i’m doing my best to keep in touch with the friends i’ve had for years and perhaps neglected in real life because of my relationship and the amount of time i put into this site . 

this will just go stream of consciousness , i guess . i like to have everything as concise and as organized as possible , but i don’t really feel like doing that now . i guess i can say for sure that i’m tired of the hyper sensitivity that has come up over the past few years . i am so scared of making ANY kinds of jokes or making ANY kinds of statements that might be risky because i’m so worried about these kinds of things popping up in callouts on me . i don’t think it’s unrealistic to fear getting called out , considering it happened to me before on a different platform when i confronted and got into a fight with a popular roleplayer over his TERRIBLE behavior . i am ALL for awareness , and for the fight towards a future of equality and freedom of expression , but it’s fucking hard for me to manage every little thing i say and post . i don’t consider myself racist or homophobic or anything AT ALL , but i recognize that i am flawed and may make mistakes and i want people to come to me personally when i fuck up , not create drama . 

i know that callouts aren’t on everyone’s minds at all time , and that a lot of the time they are a necessary evil . but i feel like sometimes callout culture brings out an abuse of power , as i’m sure people are a lot more likely to bandwagon on a callout rather than consider the other side and the possibility that this is an overreaction to personal discourse . 

there is also just such a strong need to be on top of all the roleplaying trends , be it pop up links or fancy sub text that i can barely read , or detailed icons that i just don’t have the time to learn to make . but someone did point out to me that this is all personal preference , and i do recognize that while i would probably greatly diminish the pool of people that would be interested in me and my content , i can more or less do whatever i want in this aspect . what i’m referring to more is just the constant waves of rules that come up and you have to admit that sometimes it just gets way out of hand . i fuck up , you fuck up , i read all the rules of the people i follow , but how the fuck am i supposed to remember the rules of 300-400+ people on every blog i have whenever i post anything ?? i feel so much pressure to be good , be in this box of expectations , and if i step out of line just a little bit then all of a sudden i’m satan and i deserve to be banished . does this sound like the real world , which a lot of us are trying to get away from by being on here ? maybe this is the anxiety talking , who fucking knows but i know i am not alone in feeling this way . obviously i’m not referring to the desire of freedom of expression in terms of morally corrupt topics like some of the sick shit people come up with . 

speaking of gray morality on tumblr , i still don’t understand why people condone mindless serial killer characters when r*pists aren’t okay . i understand having interest in murderers with motives and grand plans , but why are people that take the lives of others all good and encouraged when other types of criminals are not allowed ???? i don’t have answers for this , i don’t think anyone does , in fact . i have written my fair share of characters that intentionally take the lives of others (lelouch , makishima shougo , takasugi , zero two , fuck even san has killed people) , and why is this seen as cool when murder is a fucking terrible thing to do ? 

and then there are just a lot of things with race on tumblr i just don’t even want to get into ESPECIALLY as a korean woman who grew up in the states . a lot of the arguments i see over minorities that come up just don’t even make sense to me . like no one can tell me why real life korean fc’s on japanese characters are banned when we’re allowed to use japanese anime characters as fc’s for korean characters . also if it isn’t okay to mix up asian ethnicities like this , i don’t think it should be okay to mix up white or black or ANY type of broader ethnic group . if anything i feel like this rule of not using korean fc’s for japanese characters was created because asians are practically fetishized on this site and people are like !!! gotta look out for our precious asians !!! seeing this weird rule applied only on asians make me feel like we’re a lesser group of people compared to others because we need the special help or something . idk . 

i recognize i’m just going off at this point . i’m asking questions no one has the answers to , and it’s okay that no one can really come up with proper responses when i bring these things up . what i have a problem with is the discomfort i find myself in when i think about these things , and how i’m scared to mention these things  even though they’re often on my mind . i want people to challenge me , to TALK to me about these topics . what i don’t want are witch hunts , or drama , or a lot of the behavior i’ve been seeing . i’m sorry to say that i’m probably done with tumblr for good , and if i do continue writing somewhere on the internet it definitely won’t be here .