#shit the vampyr cast never said

[tyrantwache]

"Opposites attract"

Reference idea comes from @shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said

[sombrashe]

Laurie: Do you think Susie likes me?

Cheryl: Likes you as a friend?

Cheryl: Or likes you as in this is going to be the longest conversation of my life?

[curlymantis]

aaaa pls tell me stuff abt your ocs they're all so cool!! 🥺💚

Omg I finally finished answering this!!!!! 👀👀

Farcry 5: Zoë Seed!!

Omg that’s me 😏 she was an entomologist checking out the cool insects of Hope county and unfortunately for her she doesn’t believe in private property when it comes to discovering nature. One day chosen find her trespassing on John seeds property. They think she’s a spy for the resistance as she has a camera, binoculars etc. They take her to the main church (conveniently was a Sunday) once service is over shes handed over to the father and himself and John go through her camera. They only find insect pictures and omg wow she’s not a spy. She’s indoctrinated into the cult and ends up eventually becoming John’s right hand of god 😌🙏 sinners who happen to be an extra annoyance go to her where she makes them confess in whatever way possible. Or they die in the process, whoops 💅🏻 She’s polyamorous with all of the seed siblings including Faith cos like come on now let’s be real they all crave and need loving. However she’s married to John Seed because that baby boy is everything 😤❤️ She also likes to do cult posters and help write songs and sing them cos it’s fun as hell. She is closest with John and Faith Seed specifically out of the 4 Seeds. Other cultists are scared of her, or is it respect? Hmm who knows 😌 She also tortures sinners for fun and chases them around the forest making them as shit scared as possible. Oops 😏

The Magnus Archives: is my oc who is an Avatar of the eye and Rayn Porter is my oc who a avatar of the corruption. They both have the same last name as they are both the same person just if they had gone down different entity routes in their life. I’ll talk about Rose first! (I also have an avatar of the flesh and the vast but I haven’t worked on them yet or got them ‘fully fleshed out’ 😏

Rose Porter: avatar of the Eye, marked by the stranger, the spiral and the vast.

From an early age Rose always felt the need to watch people, to know, to understand. As she got older these feelings only became stronger and she begins to stalk people, not because she finds that person special for any particular reason they just happened to look to long at her and she saw them doing so. That just sets something off In her so now they must be followed, acknowledged, understood and scrutinised (me self projecting right into my ocs 😌). She found the Magnus institute one day as she started stalking Rosie. when she had seen the woman walking into a large glorious building she knew something was off, like the itching feeling you get, the feeling in your gut, the sensation of something important. She did not know what had over come her to walk in the building so quickly as that would ruin her chances of learning further about this person who dared make her feel so uncomfortable. But there she was. She was hired immediately of course as a librarian, then moving on the be an archival assistant, shocking to her. But obviously not to Elias Bouchard who knew just how useful her alignment to his almighty beholder. To say she had a crush on him would be an understatement. She can’t explain it. Some would call infatuation, some would call it chemistry, but smart ones say it’s because they are both devotees to the eye and she is in so much deeper than she has ever anticipated or even realises 👀

Rayn Porter: avatar of the corruption, marked by the flesh, the lonely and the stranger.

Rayn despises people (same queen 🙄) they put animals on a higher level of respect than humans. The corruption took ahold of them as a young child, they would always follow and play with cockroaches as a child. However their mother was to say the least an unempathetic, transphobic and cruel woman to say the least. Rayn was raised in a household full of scrutiny, hate and fear. Because of this had very little friends as the only social interaction they knew was their bitch ass mother they turned to the ‘pests’ of their home. Whether these were the slugs and snails in the basement of their home, or they were the cockroaches, house centipedes and rats that dwelled in their attic. They loved and appreciated them all, but their was still something deeper to it. A deep rot had started to form in Rayn and they hated their mother and family. They hated them for how they had cast them aside for not being female, they hated them for all the mistreatment they had faced as a child. The rot started small, a odd old smell that started to lurk around Rayn. Eventually others would notice the smell but would shrug it off as the smell would soon be covered by the smell of Rayns chain smoking. Then one day Rayn was staring in mirror poking at their face and squeezing. They found a sore on her face and squeezed it, pus comes out but something moves underneath. They squeeze harder and something wriggles forth, it’s a very small, juvenile cockroach, streaked slightly in something slimey. As you can imagine that fucked them up a bit, but they learnt to embrace it. Learnt to love that crawling away just underneath their skin are thousands of little legs connected to cockroach’s of many sizes. Sometimes if not managed roaches will find themselves sneaking out of nostrils, mouth and ears. Sometimes even out from behind her eyes. One way they feed the corruption is they set forth the filth at a selected location. All it takes is for them to place a cockroach down in a building and within a week there will be a infestation so strong causing the people in said building to be taken down with it. The Cockroaches will feed on those that they can over power and The Corruption always needs feeding... (Also just want to add cockroaches themselves aren’t actually dirty, they’re actually obsessive cleaners. the locations they live in are dirty)

Telltale Batman- Roz Traegers:

first encounter with John Doe (the eventually to be known Joker) was at the bar he frequented. They had never once seen him drink a drop of alcohol. He would order beer constantly for his alcoholic sure but never consume it himself. Aside from his alabaster white skin nothing about him seemed out of the ordinary to them. Well except the fact he liked to stare, a lot. You would constantly worry it’s because he was just judging you based on your appearance (a lot of people do) however John just likes to stare at people and found you interesting for some reason (cliches I know, but me and John Doe are basically the same person and I like to think he’d think I’m interesting). Roz has a great dislike towards the people John works with, they don’t appreciate how badly they treat him. Especially Harley. John is so obsessed with Harley and she treats him like absolute shit. Roz had a plan to get Harley arrested, however John found out and threatened to never speak to Roz again. Roz has a soft spot for Mr Freeze specifically from the gang also.

Vampyr: Rose Pine

works as an assistant to Camellia at the florist. Rose isn’t a very chatty person and has had quite a traumatic up bringing. Her mother, sister and father are all unfortunately deceased. Her father killed her mother, then sister, then Rose, then turned the knife on himself. Rose survived her injuries (hence the scar on her throat) and was put out into the adoption system. Roses father believed he had been doing his family a service by taking their lives before they could be claimed by Ekons. Roses father had been a vampire believer long before they had even breeched the city. Rose always waves hello to Jonathan Reid when she sees him galavanting around. He always waves back and occasionally they will exchange a conversation. One evening they exchange more than just brief chit chat when Jonathan is required to save her from a group of feral Skals. Rose is very badly injured from her encounter and Jonathan ends up having to change the sweet little florist he sees most evenings into a Ekon. Rose is also good friends with Charlotte Ashbury and Charlottes mother Elisabeth. I haven’t played Vampyr in a wee while, I want to get back into it soon so plan on adding more to her story.

Outlast: Rosie Porter

Rosie worked as a live in psychiatrist for those at mount massive asylum. She lives on the premises that way patient can be attended to at any time. Her experiences throughout life gives her empathy for those that are locked up, that the other guards and majority of other staff just don’t have. Rosie has always been able to empathise with those who would be considered ‘evil’ whether she empathised out of her own sick fascination or because of her heart hurting too much is another question. Rosies favourite patients are Eddie Gluskin and Chris Walker. She was hired after Jeremy Blaire forcibly admitted Chris Walker. Rosie is enamoured with Eddie and he knows it. Knows he has his little psychologist wrapped around his finger. However Eddie would be a hypocrite if he said he also wasn’t wrapped around her finger. Rosie is forcibly committed to the asylum by Jeremy Blaire they start Project Walrider on the patients. Rosie was against it and threatened to blow the whistle on the whole thing (dumb idea) and Jeremy uses her as the first female Walrider test subject. Rosie has engaged in an affair with her boss Jeremy Blaire when she first started working there. Due to their past ‘hands on’ relationship, Rosie is allowed more time with her patients and allowed to be alone with her patients. This has allowed for her to further her work with her patients, as they’re quite open when the know they aren’t being openly judged by the security staff.

Hannibal: Jessi Trees

is a forensic entomologist who works alongside Beverly, Jimmy and Brian analysing dead people n shit. Jessi first met Will Graham on the scene of a crime when they had both been called out. It was the mushroom killer from memory as the soil was packed with invertebrates filled with evidence. Will has just finished doing his whole ‘this is my design’ when Jessi walks up to him and stands quietly beside him, where they say: “These fuckers are filled with worms and I don’t know shit about worms” Will Graham turns and looks at them like what the fuck? Those are dead people. Jessi merely shrugs, smirks and walks off. Jessi can be described by a lot of people as ‘a cold person’ or ‘indifferent’ but passionate. They dehumanise the corpses they’re working with at that’s the only way they can get justice for them. If they get too caught up in all the sadness of it, they can’t move forward from it. Jessi has a crush on Will Graham and Beverly Katz. Jessi questions Will and Hannibals relationship quietly from the background but never really comments.

Bonus character!! Stardew Valley: Zoë

This bad ass came all the way from Zuzu city in need of a better and different life. They inherit their grandfathers old farm and get it up and running. The town is filled with wonderful, amazing people. But of course Zoë has to want to become close friends with the person who hates me everyone: Shane (they’re kindred spirits, Shane isn’t aware of this however because he seems to think he’s the only person who can suffer from substance abuse and sever depression haha.) Shane hates them of course until they keep harassing him and he reasilizes she’s a lot more screwed up than he was aware. Zoë is close friends with Shane (ends up marrying him one day), Linus (I would fucking die for him and anyone who’s cruel to him gets my foot in the butthole), Leah (they hang out frequently and like to paint in the forest together), Emily (I have a massive crush on Emily haha, she’s so similar to me it’s great), is also friends with Sam’s dad and Jodis husband Kent (Kent suffers from PTSD and I’ve developed a lot of my own techniques to help with my own PTSD so we help each other out. Also Jodi I’m stealing your husband, just kidding, unless). Zoë’s favourite animals on her farm are her blue chickens (raised by Shane) and her horse Aaron. Zoë’s favourite yearly event is the moonlight jellies festival!

[blooddrinkingbartender]

get to know the writer behind the blog~

Nickname: Flower (But I also got by Rae)

Star sign: Sagittarius. 

Height: 5′2″

Favorite music artist: I don’t really have a favourite to be honest. I like too many. 

Last TV show you watched: Judge Rinder. Basically Judge Judy’s British counterpart. It’s very funny sometimes. 

What kind of stuff do you post: Roleplaying, photographs, and aesthetics. 

Do you have any other blogs: @pushspacetocontinue (my main blog and a roleplaying one as well) and @shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said (an incorrect quotes blog for Dontnod’s game Vampyr)

Why did you choose your URL?: He’s a bartender and he’s a vampire. Vampires drink blood. So it’s exactly what it says on the tin. Also, alliteration. 

Hogwarts House: As much as I’ve fallen out of the HP fandom, I’m a Hufflepuff.

Pokemon team: Now, do you mean a team of Pokemon, or a team like Rocket? Because if we’re going for a crime team, it’s going to be Yell or Skull. As for a team of Pokemon, I’m not exactly certain. I like too many of them to pick just six.

Favorite color: I personally really like green. 

How many blankets do you sleep with: Depends on the time of year. I have a weighed blanket for hotter nights though. 

Following: Not exactly certain, due to some blogs being inactive now, and the fact I follow via my main. 

Followers: 145 on this blog. 

Tagged by: @lost-and-found-in-the-forest ((Thank you.))

Tagging: Steal it. Do it, fools!

[barzombi-shitpost]

A Plague Tale : Innocence is bad...

... For my heart, because it was such a good and emotional game, and the ending left me destroyed inside, SIKE !

No kidding, it might be one of my favorite games now, and I WILL replay the shit out of it.

Now, with that said, of course it’s not a perfect game. 

Its problems are (in my eyes), from least annoying to worst annoying :

- It’s a short game. 10 to 12 hours are enough to finish it, but since it’s because the developpers wanted to avoid padding the game time with useless shit, I don’t really mind (but maybe you do).

- Some equipment upgrades are actually useless, and only here to “put more potential decisions to make”. 

- The slingshot can be hard to manoeuver sometimes.

- The game isn’t always clear on what you’re supposed to do in some scenes. Most of the time, the characters will say lines that’ll help you understand, but not always, and in tense moments it might get irritating.

- And finally, save points. They are automatic, and they are BULLSHIT. Sometimes you get killed within a scene and have to do it aaaaall over again, even when another save point could have easily been placed before.

Now, for the GOOD points :

- The artistic direction. Be it the tone, the light, the colors, the music, it’s all very, very good.

- Most of the gameplay. While not revolutionnary, it’s still a good mix between puzzles, infiltration and fights, with some bosses sprinkled here and there. I would sometimes pause after being stuck on a segment, and suddenly realize that I had some very obvious option all along, and simply didn’t think.

- The rythm of the game. Again, the alternance of the types of gameplay during the game is very good, with new elements added regularly to never bore the player. As I said, the game doesn’t add more stuff to do in the game than necessary (aside from the upgrades, but that’s a very small part), and it keeps entire “quiet” segments to allow the player to release the tension and breathe in the atmosphere.

- The story. All characters of the main cast are very well-written, and their relationships are all interesting. I can’t say exactly why without getting into spoiler territory, but the story is full of mysteries, adventure, horror and dark conspiracies.

- You CAN pet the dog. And the horses. Yes, that’s important.

- The main protagonist is a young woman, the Bechdel test is passed, and while there’s a lot more characters that are men, most aren’t as interesting and developped as the women.

- The voice acting is very good, and you should play it in French for maximum immersion (since the studio is a french studio and the story takes place in France).

- The price. It’s a double A game, so it’s cheaper than big titles (like Hellblade : Senua’s sacrifice or Vampyr).

In conclusion ? This game is basically The Last of Us à la française. 

So yeah, the production value isn’t as high as TLoU, but the theme, tone and story really reminded me of it, but different enough to have its very own identity.

It’s fucking good, guys. 

I hope they make a sequel.

[dndfuckhouse]

session 10 - old and new twisted faces

> 🎵  Darkening Developments / Kevin Macleod 

Picking up right again after a harrowing scream echoes throughout the alleys of the withered bone, Psalm and Rokka look to one another to decide their next course of action. 

Psalm: it's not really our problem, is what i'd like to say but i get the feeling that you want to go help them anyways Rokka: you are correct my dear roommate. lets go! Psalm: wait wait wait

Psalm advises Rokka to go wake the others to go check it out, him staying and watching over ‘greenie’ in the meantime. Rokka runs over to the room with Keva, Han, Ezra and Plum inside and kicks up a big fuss that Plum and Ezra aggressively sleep through as the others each rouse tired and groggy. Keva throws a pillow at Ezra to rouse him out of nowhere and the four make their way over to the room where Psalm is to ask him why the hell he woke them up.

Han: psalm, why can we not sleep in peace :) Psalm: why are you asking me? you think i'm responsible for this? Han: i do not consider rokka responsible yes, i do consider u responsible Psalm: seems a bit unfair, we're both on watch here..... not really appreciating the bias

He explains the flash of light and the scream he heard to he group, everyone but Rokka decide they definitely are not getting involved even if a dude is dying but will accompany him to check it out on his insistence. The four heard downstairs while Psalm keeps watch over ‘greenie’ like a hawk. 

Psalm: AN OCELOT NEVER LETS HIS PREY ESCAPE Plum: psalm meow like ocelot or no balls psalm by himself with greenie: MEWOOOOOWW ghester:

The four make their way outside the bar’s sturdy front door and listen about and hear sounds of someone moving a body, Rokka tries to pinpoint it but cant tell where its coming from. Han and Keva manage to figure it out while pulling on his ears, they creep around a corner and see a cloaked figure laying on the ground, someone standing over them.

Psalm: Ghester im thinking of a number between 1 and 2 decimals are allowed Ghester: 1.6 Psalm: Oh u got me...

The three recognise the figure over the body to be that of Vorde’s bodyguard from the ball. However Keva recognises him as her old friend Orin, seemingly appearing here from out of nowhere.

Psalm: and can you believe she thinks it's my fault ghester? after all i try to do to keep these idiots alive and she thinks it's my fault i was doing my job on watch duty properly Ghester: honestly it can be a little frustrating at times but you must make with what you have Psalm: i'm not about this bonds shit big boss has me doing but who am  i to disobey

Orin looks to be staring intently at something in his hand, in his other he holds a bloodied sword, Keva stands frozen stock still watching him. Han makes to leave waving it off but Rokka shouts out into the quiet a YOU THERE immediately alerting him to their presence down the alley. Han quickly moves around the other side of the building in an attempt to flank him while Rokka continues to yell at him. Keva soon broken out of her shock pulls down her facemask and calls Orin’s name out. In the meantime Plum finally wakes and makes their way over to where Psalm is on guard, asking where everyone suddenly went.

> 🎵  What We Could Have Become / Vampyr OST 

Keva: “don't hurt him" i say like out of breath Ezra: ezra looks at you out of the corner of his eye as you say that keva

Keva: i take down my hood and take a step towards him "orin...?" Rokka: orin? you know them? Keva: i don't respond to rokka and tap another step towards orin

His eyes seem to scan you for a moment before he seems to relax slightly. He mumbles something under his breath before throwing up a quick mock salute with a lazy smile and turning, running off down the opposite end of the alley flicking something onto the corpse

Han in her attempt to sneak around ends up walking into a wall in the dark and licking a wet cave wall for a moment. Keva and Ezra give chase after Orin but seem to lose him quickly in the dark and twisting turns of the alleys. Han eventually finds her way back to the group where they stand about frustrated and empty handed. Plum upon hearing the commotion outside decides to head outside to check it out while Psalm continues watching.

Rokka: i follow behind keva and check up on her "what just happened--are you crying? oh my go-are you ok?" Keva: when i hear someone coming i try to force my breathing to calm and pull my hood up,  @ rokka i just mumble "shut up" Rokka: < : (

Han: did all 3 of u lose him. i tried to go around and cut him off but u guys did a bang up job of that Ezra: you sure cut him off alright coming in about a minute later

Plum make their way outside to where the rest of the group is and ask about whats happened, the group then decide to go check the body that has been left in the alley in Orin’s wake. Keva is informed by the rest of the party that they saw Orin earlier during the ball and says he looked like Vorde’s servant, she seems utterly confused.

Plum: wow this is such a small fuckin town Han: you tellin me!!!! Plum: he seemed like a complete wimp when i saw him at the party, no offense Han: he did look like a wimp

The body appears to have been stabbed twice through the chest, blood staining he front of what looks to be somewhat fancy clothing. His pockets appear picked clean aside from a knife in its sheath Han pockets, the only other thing on him being the symbol Orin flipped onto his front, the group recognise it as the same one greenie had, a symbol of the Red Letterheads.

Han:  ... why would the servant of a man who owns land be here Plum: ...owns land? Han: doesnt he? he said he owned a village Psalm: yknow ghester i feel like that vorde guy is definitely responsible for all that shit that happened at the ball Ghester: jumping to conclusions can make you blind to other things Han: SHUT UP GHESTER ME AND PSALM WE GOT THIS BITCH

Rokka:  im just behind everyone watching them loot a dead body

Ezra inquires into how Keva knows Orin, she says she does but she didnt know he was still alive. She explains that Orin stole something back for a paladin that helped him before, but he got chased and hurt in the process. He gave the sword to her and told her to run and so she did and now she is here and so is he “i guess!”.

Han: well, congrats i guess, u didnt check the corpse well enough Rokka: so you........ran with a sword some dying dude gave you? Keva: he’s, an old friend

Plum: plums head working a mile a minute they are so confused

She explains she doesn't know what happened after she ran but swears he’d never do or hurt anyone like this for no reason. Rokka questions this but she doubles down on her statement. The group begin questioning if Vorde has some stake in this or is planning some kind of coup as they decide to head back upstairs, upstairs Psalm notices ‘greenie’ finally waking up again. Keva asks the group to try and not hurt Orin the next they see him and Han singles herself out as the only one who doesn't go ‘eh sure i guess’ but shrugs eventually. She also states she has a plan and picks up the body from the alley to take upstairs.

Han: smiles at keva with a corpse dripping all over me Ezra: renny is gonna be pissed if you track blood inside Han: ;asdflkwefd

Psalm and greenie have a impromptu staring contest while Han rips off her fancy shirt to wrap around the body and a bedroll to keep it from dripping all oer the floorboards. As they shuffle their way back upstairs Psalm hears them come and Cimmorro finally seems to hear them and wake up. He moves to check on Vinny before heading out to see what the group is up too.

Cimmorro: aight i go scout with everyone else and be like wuss poppin cimmorro shuffles through the door and sees han holding a dead guy in a bedroll and everyone standing around the small room  Rokka: i point at dead body "thats poppin" Cimmorro: jesus, what did you guys do

Han attempts to interrogate greenie using the corpse by dropping it on the ground next to her which causes her to twitch slightly. She asks her if she knows a man named Vorde to confused response. While this goes on Ezra moves over and explains the current situation in Cimmorro’s ear to catch him up.  

Rokka:  

Cimmorro moves to say a prayer over the corpse while the rest of the group feel like they're getting nowhere with the questioning, leading to Psalm to get fed up and cast a suggestion spell on her.

you ask her what her connection is to a man named vorde, her face shifts back to that of a neutral one "i dont know anyone by this name"

Han: what is the goal of the red letterheads Greenie: kill the prideful, to kill the deceitful, to topple those in power, for him Han: and who might him be? Greenie: our leader, his grace Theyord Han: what does your grace look like? Greenie: he is holy, wise and aged, unmatched in his serenity and his anger, he wears it all upon himself for us to see Han: more physical features this time, greenie? Greenie: grey, old, standing tall

Psalm: kinda vampirish? red eyes? pointy ears Han: maybe a dilf? Rokka: hes got a nephew about ye high

Han: where might your boss be, greenie? you got a hideout? Greenie: he only shows up when he summons us for communion, i dont see him otherwise it is against the rules. I only meet where he asks me too Han: where does he ask you to meet? Greenie: across the city, all manner of places, but its rarely, he merely speaks to me at times, it is lonely Han: how does he communicate with you? Greenie: he speaks to me in my mind

Han: cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool Psalm: what's that like? ^__^?

Han: whats the talking like greenie? Greenie: its soothing, angelic, he tells me what to do Han: what were your plans after you murdered your target? any meet up spot? Greenie: we were supposed to run and then he'd tell us what do do, but i haven't heard anything, maybe because we messed up, he must be angry at us

> 🎵  Controlled Chaos / Kevin Macleod 

Partway through their questioning as he says his prayers over the corpse off to the side Cimmorro sees one of its fingers twitch slightly underneath the fabrics. As he inspects it further he feels an air of unease begin to radiate from it as the rest of the body begins to twitch slightly. He informs the group of whats happening and they all watch as the body begins moving unatelry on the floor of the room.

Cimmorro: i hate this bc i was abt to like bother the whole interrogation by making a prayer dialogue going like "can i sing for you 😏 " at the corpse but ok Han: hey now is ur partner supposed to come back from the dead? 😬 Rokka: is this............a zombie attack

The group debate on whether they should just stab it again or tie it up or what as the body continues shifting until its moved to fully standing in the room, its head shaking at a inhuman erratic pace, arms twitching. Rokka moves to bodyslam the body soon after it stands, attempting to pin it to the ground but the corpse seems to push him off slamming him against an opposite wall. Han soon moves after to grab it into some kinda chokehold as it stands on twitching legs. 

Keva: oh fuck yall what of the red letterheads symbol Orin left wasn’t a calling card or smth but smth that turns people into zombies Han: PLEASE KILL ME NOW

Han: greenie WHAT is happening to your friend holy fuck Greenie: he’s returning, he's coming back, he's been chosen

Ghester: hmm....kind of unpleasant Psalm: what is? if you know what's happening i'd love some insight Ghester: the corpse, i thought that was obvious that who sees Psalm: i hate you so much Ghester: appreciate it Psalm: anytime

Han & Keva: how does someone get chosen? Greenie: its blissfull, he decides who to choose himself Keva: WAIT IF VINNY WAS STABBED WAS HE ALSO CHOSEN Han: OH goD PLEASE DONT SAY THAT Psalm: oh, hmmm. we've been keeping an eye on him though right?

As they speak Han holds the twitching body down and asks the others to tie it up, Ezra suggests sitting on it as well to keep it down which Han does. The body starts making groaning noises out of its mouth that sounds like a weird guttural gurgling. Han continues frantically questioning greenie as the group are all utterly creeped out and on edge.

Han: what are you chosen for? Greenie: for a great purpose, to stand by him and do his work Han: what does that BLOODY mean!!!!!!! Rokka: i cover my ears "make it stop make it stop make it stop make it sto"

Cimmorro moves to inspect the body as Han sits on it to discern what in the hell is going on. He figures something is binding the soul to this corpse in some unnatural way, the twitching being especially unnerving. Psalm begins asking the group if they should chop its head off to stop the sounds. 

Han: was the man you stabbed  at the party also chosen?? Greenie: i dont know i can only hope if i am killed i will come back, at least then i can stand with him, i dont know what it takes only that it happens, Frello....i am glad he was given this purpose

Plum: i'm really hoping we don't trap this guy in some kind of painful existence by doing that Psalm: why would you say that now i'm faltering

Han: what is this purpose?? is your lord gonna pop up and talk thru him?  why was vinny stabbed at the party Greenie: i told you already, "kill the prideful, to kill the deceitful, to topple those in power, for him. Sometimes he speaks through others, he is a symbol of pride, he was chosen for that reason

Han asks what would happen if they hacked this dudes head off and greenie responds that her grace would become very angry. Han birefly asks if greenie recognises the name ‘Ullr’ but gets confusion back similar to when she asked Vorde’s name. Cimmorro moves to inspect the body closer and the unnatural rolling of the eyes and gurgling almost make the body look conscious, through the back of the shirt though he spots something. a faint orange light shining through. The group move to quickly rip off part of the shirt and see an old brand on his back of the red letterheads symbol, glowing a faint orange. As they do this head’s next almost twists a full 180 to watch them.

Psalm: heres what i think. that vorde motherfucker is reviving people and had his little servant, keva's friend, revive this guy for that purpose. Whether or not he's affiliated with greenie is unknown to her but it seems incredibly likely, and we should probably kill this guy before he becomes more of an issue

While the group debate Cimmorro notices that the corpses gurgling is beginning to form small words and actual sounds as if he were learning how to speak.

Psalm: WOW GOOD THING I HAVEN'T CUT HIS HEAD OFF

Cimmorro makes out the words “hello” “you” and “see” he moves to tell the group that the corpse seems like its trying to communicate with them, han keeps it pinned by its forehead on the floor. Cimmorro says hello back and gets the words ‘greetings” ‘thank you” and “accomplice”. 

Cimmorro: oh okay, you're welcome i guess.. who's the accomplice ??:  cimmy you hear a "yourselves" and a garbled sounding noise as the corpse lifts up the edges of his cheeks in a smile

Plum attempts to identify the symbol while they speak and understands that an animate dead spell is affecting it, as they do this the eyes of the corpse swivel over in their direction. Han asks if this is Theyord and gets a ‘your grace is i’ back from the body, she asks what the fuck hes planning to do and gets "much work" and a "will see" and a "take yourselves" and a "watching". After that final communication the body seems to twitch erratically and convulse in upon itself. the glow of the mark fading leaving the corpse unmoving and silent once again.

The group debate with one another on whether or not he knows if they're here or not or if they're being kept alive for some purpose or not. Cimmorro getting somewhat paranoid from the experience leaves the room to check on Vinny and Cole, seeing them fine and asleep in their beds. He waits in their room as they others continue to discuss the state of things, watching over them for the time being. The group decide the plan hasn't changed, gather information and move afterwards, find the letterheads first and if they cant find anything they decide they’ll head to Vargonia.

Psalm: who is orin anyways? friend? family? Keva: i'm quiet for a bit "what i have left of a family" Psalm: i see

The group minus Cimmorro think on what to do with greenie now and come to the decision its better if they kill her and burn her body along with the other corpses so they dont come back again somehow. They try and figure out how to off her in the most painless way possible, Plum giving Han the petals of a plant to feed her after she knocks her unconscious. Keva goes to join Cimmorro in the room watching Vinny and Cole as the rest take the two downstairs and burn them, the smell its pretty putrid.

Han: i was doing so good on my no killing streak until this job came up Psalm: yknow i'm realising kind of belatedly we could also just bring her to the authorities Han: ............

Cimmorro: this is gonna be a long day huh kev... what are they doign out there Keva: i'm like face down on the extra bed and i say, muffled "fuck if i know"

The two discuss if Vinny will be okay to which Cimmorro says he seems to be getting better but he defintely wants to keep a close eye on him. 

Keva: i turn my face to the side "...can you teach me some time? to idk, help fix people i guess, since it looks like we're stuck together" Cimmorro: oh??? well, i could. since i'm also learning and looks like that will be the case huh" i shrug "you're gonna owe me though >:) Keva: i shrug "i already owe you for the time in the basement so whatever i guess" Cimmorro: i lift my brow and start doing a thinking for a while before i go "ohhhhhhhhh yeah wow you remembered that? i didn't even think about it, it's sort of just habit to me so...it's fine but i'll be keepin tabs now hakhak" Keva: i do that like kinda laugh where you just expel some air out your nose before turning back to facedown in my pillow Cimmorro: i sigh and say "you're not so bad kevster. get some rest... you're gonna need a lot lol" Han: t poses into the room

The rest of the group make their way back up to the room post burning and rouse cole from her slumber bleary eyed telling Cimmorro what they did. Han goes to shake Vinny awake to Cimmorro’s huffing over rousing his patient as he slaps her arm away. Vinny grumbles awake and upon seeing Cimmorro sits up ramrod straight in bed grabbing him with a shout.

Vinny: YOU!! Cimmorro: HELLO? SIR? Vinny: his hair is also a mess, he grabs your shoulders for a moment before moving a little closer "...I THINK..." Cimmorro: whoahhh personal space

Plum: plum is going to go have a stress ulcer in the corner of this room Cimmorro: pet rokka to feel better Plum: why must we remove rokka's humanity Rokka: he would not mind tbh pls rokka needs comfort too

The group catch him up on the events post him getting stabbed up till now along with Cole as the two get ready to head out with the rest of them. The group decide on different groups again since they no longer need a group to stay and watch ‘greenie”. A group to go above ground and sneak into Vinny’s store and another to ask around down in the cove. Vinny decides to join the above ground group listing the laundry list of things left unattended up there, Cim follows wherever Vinny is going for the time being. While they discuss this Rokka briefly asks Vinny if he recognises the Theyord to which he thinks on and says maybe.

The group split becomes  -> Han / Keva / Cole / Vinny / Cimmorro to head aboveground  -> Psalm / Rokka / Plum / Ezra to stay belowground

The aboveground group tell Plum they will also retrieve some of their items for them if they can. They begin discussing and managing their disguises, as they do Cole hands Vinny her hat to replace the one he lost when he was stabbed. 

The group decide to meet back at this point in 24 hours. If they dont see anyone by the meeting time then escape as you are now. Ezra notes if his group wont make it he may have a way to contact them if so but not vice versa. the group also decide to use a special code with one another to make sure they dont get duped by any future clones. 

Rokka: i vote for obama take the wheel Ezra: who is obama Rokka: my great great great grandfather

Psalm: A code is a good idea Ezra: im gonna have to agree with psalms suggestion on this one

Psalm: How about Q: "where were you up to the night of the ball" "A: "i was having a grand old time"

As the group break to head their separate ways Cole moves to give the downstairs team a hug before she leaves but it soon evolves into giving everyone a hug as they leave. The hugging is spread all around. 

Psalm: Ill give you a hug han (: Han: glares at psalm but opens her arms Psalm:  ..........it was a joke Cimmorro: shakes my head towards psalm

They group splits off for the time being after the hug parade pulls into town, they head out to attend to their tasks, mission and goal on the mind. Theories are swarming in their heads and questions left unanswered, starting their day by pushing through the darkness ahead.

---

Notes

🔮 Psalm rolled a 25 on their disguise check

🏹 Han takes the ring and disguises herself as - a half-orcish man as short as she can manage, she also obtains a 「 Poison Dagger✨」 from the 🔪Assassin

🍺 Plum asks for - their large pot of pink potion / the rest of their ingredients in their small bags

🐺 Rokka tears his shirt off when everyone began talking about clothes ( #freethenipple ) and covers himself in a cloak

🗡 Keva and 💎 Cimmorro wear their cloaks over their outfits and 💎 Cimmorro removes most of his jewellery and rolls a 14 on disguise

[preserving-ferretbrain]

Markedly Worse Than Expected

by Dan H

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Dan really disliked Marked~

As Ferretbrain enters its fifth year (have we really been doing this for that long?) I sometimes fear that our articles in general – and my articles in particular – have become too self-referential. This is especially true given that recently most of what I have been reading has been books that were voted off from our recent

TeXt Factor Special

.

Six months or so on, I'm still rather pleased with the way the original TeXt Factor turned out – while the whole premise is clearly stupid, every time I've actually tried to finish one of the books we voted out (at least, one of the books we voted out before the point where everything got quite good) I've felt that the experience thoroughly vindicated our original decision to just stop reading the damned thing.

This was certainly true of Marked.

We voted off Marked in

the first round of the Halloween Special

for a variety of reasons, mostly that its protagonist was a horrible, horrible person and that all the stuff about the heroine's “Cherokee ancestry” felt like a big pit of terrible fail waiting to happen.

We were basically right.

Faint Praise

A friend of mine used to have a saying which he used to employ in order to acknowledge the fact that something which he felt was utterly without merit presumably had some value to other people. He would say: “For people who like that sort of thing, that is the sort of thing that they like.”

This is about the limit of my ability to praise the (apparently very popular) Marked. I can see how it would appeal to certain types of person in certain types of ways. Unfortunately the type of person is “horrible people” and the method of appeal is “by playing on their worst and most selfish instincts.”

Okay, this is an overstatement, but basically Marked is written in the voice (and presumably for a target audience) of a teenage girl who is unbelievably selfish, utterly judgemental, hates everybody who is not part of her immediate social circle, and who believes (it seems quite justifiably) that she is the centre of the entire universe. This is not necessarily a problem in itself – it is perfectly reasonable for books to have unsympathetic protagonists, and as an evocation of a particular kind of thoroughly horrible teenager Marked succeeds admirably – the problem is that the protagonist's repugnant qualities are routinely vindicated by the world in which she lives, and frequently lauded as virtues (particularly her harsh and incessant condemnation of girls she considers “sluts”).

Identity and Appropriation

An area of American race politics about which I know absolutely nothing, and which I would not under ideal circumstances touch with a barge pole, is the question of who is and is not entitled to legitimately identify as Native American.

To present a broad, oversimplistic view of a complicated situation, there are a lot of white people in America who unreasonably appropriate Native American culture and identity, often on the basis of a spurious blood connection (“I'm one-seventeenth Cherokee!”), people also often use this sort of iffy cultural appropriation to excuse other sorts of crappy behaviour (“I'm one-seventeenth Cherokee therefore nothing I say can ever be construed as racist”).

Where it gets more complicated (and I am aware that it gets vastly more complicated, and that this is still an oversimplification of the complexity of the whole thing) is that there are plenty of people who genuinely are “one sixteenth Cherokee” and whose claim to a Native American cultural heritage is never the less completely sound. Not all Native Americans live on reservations or run casinos. It is very tempting for people like me to assume that if somebody lives a life which is more or less the same as my own, that said person cannot be a “real” Native American – this of course is actually a form of subconscious racism, it is easy for me to assume that all Native Americans live picturebook lives of harmony with nature and genteel poverty, when in fact they're twenty-first century people just like me.

Now the thing is, I do think that the way in which “Zoey Redbird” identifies with the Cherokee people in Marked actually does fall into the category of skeevy cultural appropriation but I am very very conscious that I am in danger of dismissing somebody's real and genuine cultural identity just because they don't fit my personal stereotype of a member of their race.

So to start off with, here are some things which I don't think cause a problem, even though they might seem to.

I do not think it is a problem that Zoey passes as white. A lot of Native Americans do.

I do not think it is a problem that Zoey is essentially a normal American teenager. It is extraordinarily important to remember that Native Americans are not some kind of fantasy race, they're real people. I am absolutely certain that there are sixteen year old Cherokee girls who read Gossip Girl and had crushes on Leonardo di Caprio.

I do not think it is a problem that Zoey moves freely between two cultures, taking the elements she likes from both. A person of mixed cultural and racial heritage has a complete right to all of the elements that make up their identity, not just the minority part.

Finally, I do not think that it is a problem that, looking at the photograph in the back of the book, P.C. and Kristin Cast don't “look” Native American. This is true for two reasons. Firstly, pursuant to my first point above, it's possible that they're actually genuinely from a Native American cultural background, and just happen to have relatively pale skin. Secondly, as ever authorial intent is not a major concern. Even if P.C. And Kristin Cast are presenting a cultural identity to which they have a legitimate claim, they might still be doing it in a way which feels like or encourages appropriation of that culture.

Here are the things that do make me think that the Native American elements in Marked can be read as skeevy cultural appropriation:

Firstly, Zoey's Native American heritage is exclusively associated with magic, mysticism and the supernatural. Her one link to that part of her heritage is her Grandmother, who runs a lavender farm and is part of a long line of Cherokee wise women. Zoey is, of course, the natural heir to that power. Her Grandmother is also, for some reason, entirely au fait with and accepted at the House of Night, which is otherwise extremely dismissive of humans. Zoey's Cherokee heritage is routinely cast as part of the same world as the vampires. Although in this world the vampires are clearly the cool, sexy, interesting people and we are supposed to sympathise with them they are still ultimately not human. Although the series (being very much a teen-angst Family Romance) takes a very dim view of humans in general, that does not really make it okay to put “humans” in one box and “Native Americans” in another

On a second, related note, the spiritual beliefs of the Cherokee people (to which Zoey is heir, and for which she feels a strong affinity) are presented as compatible (and at times interchangeable) with the clearly Wiccan-derived beliefs of the House of Night. The vampyre rituals which involve drawing pentagrams, calling the corners, and raising the four elements are presented as blending seamlessly with Zoey's grandmother's traditional cultural practices, despite the fact that pentagrams and a four-element cosmology are strictly European cultural artefacts. It even declares that the Greek Goddess Nyx is one and the same as Grandmother Spider which, well I don't actually know enough about either figure to tell you the differences or similarities, but we're dealing with figures from completely different mythologies – I strongly suspect that saying “Nyx is also Grandmother Spider” on the basis of their both being female deities with an association with night is sort of like saying “Jesus is also Eros” on the basis of their being male deities who have an association with love. It all combines to create the strong impression that Marked uses Cherokee culture as a source of cool special effects and exciting mystical sounding ideas, rather than as something that real people really believe in.

The third thing that pushes my skeeve buttons regarding Zoey's Native American identification is that her “Cherokee features” are always exaggerated by her vampirism. Zoey is always at her most Cherokee when she is at her most inhuman, her most exotic, her most unnatural.

To put it another way, there is never any sense that Zoey's Cherokee heritage is just a part of her, it is never something she just takes for granted as part of her cultural background. It is always presented as something alien, exotic, and mystical. Now I recognise that this could be seen as a realistic portrayal of a sixteen year old girl. It's possible that if you were sixteen and felt like an outsider as many do, that you would fixate on a part of your background that you perceived as mysterious and exotic and would exaggerate the mystery and exoticism of it. On the other hand the rest of the world reinforces this creepy Othering of Cherokee culture – Zoey's heritage really does give her magic powers, her Grandmother obviously feels Zoey really gets it, and of course no amount of subjectivity on the part of the narrator can explain why Cherokee spiritual beliefs are suddenly so compatible with Wicca.

I've spent a really long time talking about this, which is ironic because it's not actually the thing I found the most annoying.

Ain't Shit But Ho's and Tricks

I spend a lot of time on FB dissing people for being sexist. Usually I'm on (comparatively) safe ground because the people I'm dissing are men, and usually what I'm saying is something like “I think this author is being sexist in this way, and I think I can recognise it because I think they are indulging in a sexist impulse which I sometimes recognise in myself.”

I find myself in a difficult position with Marked in that I find its portrayal of women and girls extremely troubling, but am naturally a bit leery of saying “hey, you women are writing about women wrong! Let my penis explain why!” On the other hand, the whole book is full of creepy gender-essentialism and slut-shaming and it's important to recognise that women can be sexists too.

In the first episode of the TeXt Factor Halloween Special, Kyra observed that the thing about Marked was that it really did feel like it was written by a Mom-and-Daughter team, in that it often used very teenage language to express very adult concepts. To put it another way, Zoey reads like a teenage girl who has totally internalised the preconceptions and prejudices of her slightly creepy, more-conservative-than-she-thinks-she-is, sex-negative mother.

So we keep getting lines like:

Did you know that your oldest daughter has turned into a sneaky, spoiled slut who's screwed half the football team? Kinda like those girls who have sex with everyone and think they're not going to get pregnant or a really nasty STD that eats your brains and stuff. Well, we'll see in ten years, won't we? Of course there are girls who think it's 'cool' to give guys head. Uh, they're wrong, those of us with functioning brains know it is not cool to be used like that. Tucked into her countrified jeans was a black, long-sleeved cotton blouse that had the expensive look of something you'd find at Saks or Neiman Marcus versus the cheaper see-through shirts that overpriced Abercrombie tries to make us believe aren't slutty.

And that's from the first ninety pages.

Now I don't want to get too far up on my Minority Warrior horse here, I don't want to say “this book is harmful to young women” or “this book is actively immoral” or anything but as the book progresses it does seem to send profoundly unhelpful and contradictory messages to its primary audience.

The vampyres of the House of Night have a matriarchal society (although it seems to be grounded in some distinctly patriarchal ideas), and the vast majority of the adult vampyres we encounter in the book are female, and every single one of them is drop-dead gorgeous and incredibly sexually alluring, and their sexual allure is held up as something to aspire to.

For example, here is the description of the Vampire High Priestess Neferet:

She was movie-star beautiful, Barbie beautiful. I'd never seen anyone up close who was so perfect. She had huge, almond-shaped eyes that were a deep, mossy green. Her face was an almost perfect heart and her skin was that kind of flawless creaminess that you see on TV. Her hair was a deep red – not that horrid carrot-top orange red or the washed-out blond-red but a dark, glossy auburn that fell in heavy waves well past her shoulders.

I'm breaking this up here mostly to draw attention to the next line, but while I'm adding filler text, I'll just quickly ask: what the hell is up with “almond-shaped eyes”, it's used everywhere but seriously what the hell other shape are eyes supposed to be?

Anyway, the description continues thus:

Her body was, well, perfect. She wasn't thin like the freak girls who puked and starved themselves into whatever they thought was Paris Hilton chic … This woman's body was perfect because she was strong, but curvy. And she had great boobs.

So having just spent half a page describing this woman who fits exactly into an unrealistic, unattainable beauty standard and how amazingly wonderful and gorgeous this makes her and how girls can and should aspire to look like her, she then takes a random sideswipe at girls who aspire to a slightly different beauty standard.

Now just to be clear, I am not complaining that Zoey is not in favour of anorexia. Eating disorders are bad and people who have them need help, not condemnation (I'm not going to get into the whole pro-ana thing here). But Zoey doesn't say “this woman was beautiful because she was confident in her own body, unlike those girls who feel so much pressure to conform to other people's ideas that they puke and starve themselves.” No she says as an objective statement: This Woman's Body Was Perfect. I know we don't get much detail about Neferet's figure, but we aretold that she's “Barbie beautiful” which combined with “strong but curvy” implies fairly strongly that she looks more like Christina Hendricks than Amber Riley.

When Zoey talks about “those freak girls who puked and starved themselves” it sounds a lot like as if she is criticising aims rather than methods. Certainly she is extremely critical of the (one or two) fat people she meets in the book so her issue is clearly not with people trying to lose weight. The problem with “those freak girls” is not that they're trying to make themselves thinner (that's only sensible) it's that they're doing it in order to look like Paris Hilton, instead of like a “real” woman.

I should probably take a step back here and say a couple of things (the second being, in part, a counterpoint to the first). The first thing I should say is that it is possible that the House of Night series is actually being extraordinarily subtle and sophisticated, and that all of these examples of Zoey being judgemental about other girls are going to be shown to be false and hypocritical in future volumes, but I sincerely doubt it.

This brings me to my second point, which is that I can absolutely see where a lot of the problems with this book come from. If I was a mother, trying to write a Young Adult book with the help of my teenage daughter, I would almost certainly wind up putting these kinds of messages into the book in the honest belief that I was setting a positive example for young girls. A lot of Zoey's most hateful pronouncements feel like the kinds of half-truths that a well-meaning parent would tell their daughter in order to help her more-or-less get by in the complicated world of adolescence. If you're trying to explain to your fifteen year old about oral sex, I suspect most parents given the choice between:

“It has lower risk than vaginal or anal sex, but you can still contract most sexually transmitted diseases, if you try it and find you don't like it then stop and don't let anybody make you feel you have to, on the other hand if you find you get pleasure out of it then as long as you're aware of the risks then it's alright, and doing it won't make you a bad person. And remember that just because you give a guy a blowjob it doesn't mean you have to have sex with him, but also remember that guys might not see things the same way, most importantly remember that nobody has the right to control what happens to your body except you”

and

“Girls who do that are stupid and have no self-respect.”

most would choose the latter. Most mothers, I suspect, would far rather tell their daughters that oral sex was something only bad girls did than have to have a conversation about what spunk tastes like. Then there's the risk analysis element: from a perfectly understandable perspective, if you tell your kid that it's okay to enjoy giving head, then the worst case scenario is that she dies of a sex-disease. If you tell her it's not okay to enjoy giving head, then the worst case scenario is that she misses out on something she might have found sexually fulfilling. I can absolutely see why, if you were a parent, you would want your little girl to grow up thinking like Zoey.

The problem, of course, is that it just doesn't work that way. Teaching your children to be frightened or ashamed of sex doesn't, in practice, stop them from having it (the waters are muddied here by the fact that actually a lot of teenagers – by accident or design – avoid sex anyway) what it does is make the sex they do have less safe, both physically and psychologically.

But I digress.

In the latter half of the book, most of Zoey's ire is directed at Aphrodite. To be fair, Aphrodite is a horrible person (although she's kind of made of straw – like most school-story rivals her role is to be a threat to the heroine even though the heroine is superior to her in every way). When we first meet Aphrodite, she is trying to give a guy a blowjob. This is evidence that she is a terrible person. Pretty much the whole of the rest of the book is devoted to the systematic observation that Aphrodite is evil, and therefore a whore, and therefore more evil. She pretty much never appears on the page without Zoey having some criticism of her sexual conduct: her boobs are too big, her lips are too red, she moves her hips too much when she dances.

It is worth remembering that all of this is set against the background of a supposedly matriarchal society. The book makes a great play of the fact that it is women who rule the world of the vampyres, but their matriarchal culture seems grounded in patriarchal assumptions about gender roles. So yes, the priestesses are in charge, but all of the warriors are males, because Male Vampires Are The Protectors (this is stated very explicitly, at least three times) and while the book is very big on Goddess Worship and feminine imagery and The Almighty Power of Womanhood, it does this by presenting a very specific, very conservative, and very contradictory idea of what it means to be a woman.

So all of the adult vampires are presented as beautiful and sexy and confident and powerful, but Aphrodite is condemned for being the wrong sort of beautiful and the wrong sort of sexy and the wrong sort of confident and the wrong sort of powerful. The whole book is a study in the fucked up, contradictory rules that young people, particularly young women are brought up with. You mustn't be fat, but you have to have curves. You have to be sexy, but you can't want sex. Boys have to want you, but can't think they can have you. You have to be strong and clever, but not too strong and too clever, and not too ambitious. You can be beautiful and terrible and powerful and unbeatable, but your role will always be to serve others, and no matter how much power you have, you must leave your protection in the hands of the males, because they have their role just as you have yours.

Cultural appropriation and horrible gender-fail aside, the book is also just shoddily paced. Like a depressing number of these books, the heroine is such a complete Mary Sue that the only real tension is exactly when she will employ her effectively unlimited power to solve whatever the current problem is. Marked sets up quite an interesting plotline involving students dying and coming back as evil spirits, but it only kicks off in the last third and is clearly intended as the metaplot of the entire series. So the climax of Marked is just Zoey's showdown with Aphrodite, except that Zoey has near-unlimited supernatural power, and has the actual high Priestess of Nyx on her side, so in the end you wind up feeling kind of sorry for Aphrodite who, in a certain sense, just gets bullied mercilessly by the asshole protagonist and half the teaching staff.

Indeed you can sort of see the final confrontation as a microcosm for everything that is wrong with the book. In theory, Zoey is supposed to be the plucky underdog going up against the socially and supernaturally superior Aphrodite. In fact the reverse is true. Everybody hates Aphrodite (because she's an evil bitch whore slut whore bitch hag slut whore), the entire teaching faculty and the Goddess Nyx Herself have outright stated that Zoey is all that and a bag of chips. So what casts itself as an inspiring tale of triumph over adversity is really the story of somebody with every conceivable advantage stomping over somebody who does not have those advantages. In much the same way, the book casts itself as being this subversive, anti-authoritarian text (it spends a lot of time condemning the People of the Faith for their hypocritical, controlling natures and there's a particularly galling bit where Zoey “I Hate Sluts” Redbird goes on about how much she hates closed-minded people) when it actually just reinforces a lot of deeply conservative, borderline harmful ideas.

So yeah. One to avoid maybe.Themes:

Books

,

Sci-fi / Fantasy

,

Young Adult / Children

,

Judging Books By Their Covers

~

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Melissa G.

at 17:59 on 2011-02-27Thanks for slogging through this for me, Dan! I almost want to read it for how bad I know it will be, but I can't quite manage to put my brain through such torture.

My only knowledge of the House of Night series comes from the few chapters of the fifth book that I read with my student. At this point, Zoey's special snowflake-ness is of epic proportions. She has all these tattoos now, which no one has ever had before OMGWTFBBQ!? She's so special it hurts, and not just that, it seems like she knows she's special and Better than You and thus goes around with this air of superiority.

And, dude, poor Aphrodite. It's like her character is constantly getting shat on by the author despite the fact that she is no threat at all anymore and that at this point she and Zoey are FRIENDS. She's been completely de-powered at this point (she is human now, what?), and it just seems like the author keeps taking potshots at her as she's trying desperately to crawl out of range. It's just painful to watch.

Moving on, the fifth book has a lot more sex/sexual situations in it between Zoey and Erik, and I actually found it almost too sexual for a teen book. But perhaps that's me being prude. Shrug. Might also be noteworthy to mention that Zoey lost her virginity to not-her-boyfriend because he magically seduced her or something, which is all kinds of annoying to me, because it's not HER fault she lost her virginity to another guy. I mean, god forbid she just make an actual mistake and have to take real responsibility for it. But no, we'll just make it someone else's fault.

Also from the fifth book on the subject of race fail, a character named Kramisha gets introduced. Kramisha is the very epitome of the sassy black girl stereotype. She talks with poor grammar and outdated black slang, and she's all sassy and confrontational. And you can argue that these kinds of black people do exist in real life and there's nothing inherently wrong with it, but from what I can tell, Kramisha is the only black character around so it's a little unsettling that she's so cartoonishly stereotypical.

We also have token gays!! And they spend all their time talking about being gay, and how being gay means they know how to cook, and how they watch Project Runway (because, you see, they're gay), and how they know about interior design because they're gay, and gay gay gay gay gay gay gay gay. I think you get my point. It's just a bit much. Let them have another character trait. Really, it'll be fine. Also, one of them was described as walking in the room "[screaming] like a girl" and fainting. Fantastic. This is one of those "get off my side" things, as far as I'm concerned.

Anyway, that was my rant. And granted, I haven't read much of the book (not to mention it was the fifth one) so my complaints may not be entirely grounded, but these were my impressions. And I really can't bring myself to read another word of it because it's just garbage. For so many reasons.

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Dan H

at 19:49 on 2011-02-27

At this point, Zoey's special snowflake-ness is of epic proportions. She has all these tattoos now, which no one has ever had before OMGWTFBBQ!?

Yeah, she gets a lot of those at the end of book one (tattoos seem to magically appear on Vampyres as a consequence of their utter awesomeness, although I'm not really sure it counts as a tattoo if it occurs naturally, isn't that just your skin?)

The super-specialness starts out pretty unbelievably insane in the first book and sounds like it only gets worse. In book one we discover that Zoey not only has powers of a variety which are normally only developed by adult vampires, but that her powers are also stronger and greater in number. Basically all adult vampires get a supernatural power called an "affinity", and very rarely they might get an "affinity" for one of the five elements, even more rarely they might have an "affinity" for two or more elements. Zoey of course has an affinity for all five elements (Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Spirit) already and this has NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE IN HISTORY EVER.

Moving on, the fifth book has a lot more sex/sexual situations in it between Zoey and Erik, and I actually found it almost too sexual for a teen book. But perhaps that's me being prude.

I suspect that's one of those YMMV things. I'm personally okay with sex in teen books: I mean they're already saturated in sexual imagery, and I'd kind of rather they were honest about it. Does she at least stop being so judgmental about other girls' sexual behaviour?

Might also be noteworthy to mention that Zoey lost her virginity to not-her-boyfriend because he magically seduced her or something, which is all kinds of annoying to me, because it's not HER fault she lost her virginity to another guy.

I think what would annoy me more in this situation would be if she lost her virginity to another guy because of being magically seduced, and the book didn't flag up that this was, y'know, date rape. Annoying as "I cheated on my boyfriend but it is okay because it was MAGIC" is, it's somewhat less annoying than "I was magically coerced into having sex with a guy, and the only thing that matters about this fact is that it was unfair to my boyfriend because he didn't get to take my virginity."

Also from the fifth book on the subject of race fail, a character named Kramisha gets introduced. Kramisha is the very epitome of the sassy black girl stereotype ... from what I can tell, Kramisha is the only black character around so it's a little unsettling that she's so cartoonishly stereotypical.

I believe that Shaunee (if she's still in it) is black as well, as is one of Aphrodite's minions (although I believe the text describes her as "obviously mixed" - because you can totally tell whether somebody is mixed-race just by looking at them).

We also have token gays!!

Ah, Token Gay is also in the first book (Damien, yeah). To be fair they get some points for allowing the guy to have an actual relationship, although they lose them again for taking the "gays = women (= gender-essentialist stereotypes of feminine behaviour)" angle.

I suspect that a lot of the tokenism actually comes about as a result of everybody except Zoey being an entirely one-dimensional character who exists solely to tell her how awesome she is (or to tell her that she isn't awesome and be proven TOTALLY WRONG).

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Melissa G.

at 20:57 on 2011-02-27

The super-specialness starts out pretty unbelievably insane in the first book and sounds like it only gets worse.

Yeah, I forgot to mention the bit where her dream with Kalona (which is not really a dream) tells us that she's the reincarnated form of Kalona's lover/person who sealed him away. The Mary Sue-ness is mind-boggling.

Does she at least stop being so judgmental about other girls' sexual behaviour?

I didn't notice anything blatant, but I wasn't really looking for it. And I don't feel like going back and checking. :-)

I think what would annoy me more in this situation would be if she lost her virginity to another guy because of being magically seduced, and the book didn't flag up that this was, y'know, date rape.

I'm not sure how it was handled exactly because it happened in the book previous to the one I was reading. But I think it was considered to be sort of date rapey. All I know is that's why she and her boyfriend broke up, and it's made her feel sort of hesitant about having sex again.

I think the sex aspect might have bothered me more because it sounds like an adult writing a sex scene in an adult way that just happens to have teenagers in it. If that makes sense. It felt much like romance novel writing, which there isn't anything wrong with but it turns the sexual situations into fantasies rather than what I would feel is a realistic description of a teenage relationship. But as you said, YMMV.

I believe that Shaunee (if she's still in it) is black as well,

Oh, right, I forgot about her! Fair point. The fifth book kind of just kept lumping new characters and old characters on me from the second chapter on so it was hard to keep them all straight.

I suspect that a lot of the tokenism actually comes about as a result of everybody except Zoey being an entirely one-dimensional character who exists solely to tell her how awesome she is (or to tell her that she isn't awesome and be proven TOTALLY WRONG).

Yes. This. So much.

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Dan H

at 21:59 on 2011-02-27

Yeah, I forgot to mention the bit where her dream with Kalona (which is not really a dream) tells us that she's the reincarnated form of Kalona's lover/person who sealed him away. The Mary Sue-ness is mind-boggling.

I don't think Kalona's shown up yet.

I think the sex aspect might have bothered me more because it sounds like an adult writing a sex scene in an adult way that just happens to have teenagers in it.

I think I see what you're saying, although I doubt I'll read further to see for myself.

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Melissa G.

at 22:05 on 2011-02-27

I don't think Kalona's shown up yet

Kalona is a scary powerful God-like dude that got released in the fourth book. He's the big bad for the rest of the series, I think, and of course he's obsessed with Zoey.

Apologies for spoilers, but I don't think anyone cares?

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Wardog

at 11:24 on 2011-03-01If anything this review just validates our joint decision NOT TO READ THE DAMN THING.

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Robinson L

at 21:06 on 2011-03-25

If I was a mother, trying to write a Young Adult book with the help of my teenage daughter, I would almost certainly wind up putting these kinds of messages into the book in the honest belief that I was setting a positive example for young girls.

You know, the more I grow up, the more I fortunate my sisters and I are to have such freaking amazing parents.

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[tyrantwache]

"Don't play with your food"

Quotes by @shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said

[my-wretched-mind-blog]

Stranger Amongst the Strange

Walking down the busy city streets I could hear the pulse of human life all around me. I needed a break from the bustling cars and conversations of passerby’s; it was as if my prayers were answered by some merciful force of an unknown deity. I raised my head from the dirty sidewalk and saw the warm neon glow of a bar sign. The sign read in purple gothic lettering “Blood Bath” I let out a small chuckle; I was never one for themed bars around town but I was in desperate need of a stiff drink so I decided to take a chance with this curious place and stepped inside. Closing the door behind me I could smell the heavy stench of tobacco that hung in the air like a putrid phantom writhing in agony. I scanned the atmosphere of the bar and just like the sign outside it was rather dark and decrypt I felt as though I had walked into the mansion of some long dead tyrant. Dark wood floor boards were complemented nicely by the dark purple glow of the bar lights; I walked towards the bar counter as some of the other patrons shifted their gaze towards me. However, I merely received a disinterested sideways glance before they resumed their drinking. Taking a seat on a black barstool I awaited a bartender who came around surprisingly fast, “Aven’t seen you round here before stranger, you new in town?” the bartender was a pale, well built, tall bald man with a long greasy moustache. There was something about his eyes that sent chills down my spine; they seemed to practically glow and it felt as though they were peering into my vey soul. Like how a predator eyes it’s prey before the kill, “No I’ve lived in this place most of my life, never came in here before though I don’t drink much. You guys got vodka?” he chuckled and then reached under the bar counter; he pulled out an unusual bottle that looked like it belonged in a magic shop rather than a bar. There was also a shot glass which had been the only seemingly normal object I’d seen in the bar so far, “You’re gonna love this shit mate. Just trust me, I aven’t had a disappointed customer in well… a very long time let’s say.” I felt as though the barkeep could sense how unnerved I was by him, perhaps his act was to aid in the bar’s disturbing aesthetic. After taking down the shot I could feel the liquor burn as it flowed down my throat; that familiar burn was always my favorite part about vodka. It reminded me that the best things in this disgusting existence always brought you pain one way or another. “Mmm what do we have here, could it be my royal knight in armour come to sweep me away from this dull establishment?” I shifted myself on my chair to see who was talking to me, as I turned around I was absolutely stunned. Sitting across from me was a young woman in her early twenties, she was wearing black ripped jean shorts with fish net leggings. Along with a low-cut leather jacket with a shirt for some alternative metal band I wasn’t familiar with. Clasped around her neck was a choker with a small steel skull in the middle with longer than average canine teeth. Her small face was only partly visible due to her short cut midnight coloured hair obscuring one half of it, black lipstick along with gothic make-up made this woman look like something out of a horror movie. It was at this moment I realized something; her eyes were similar to the barkeep’s except there was one difference. When I stared into her eyes I felt a pulsing desire to get closer, there was something about her that just seemed so tantalizing. Looking me up and down she then said, “although your armour is extravagant. I’m much more curious about your sword, would you care to take me back to your estate so that I may receive a demonstration?” “Buy you a drink, before we go to my um… estate?” “Not only a knight but a gentleman as well? I certainly came to the Blood Bath at a good hour to find such a rare prize, that would be lovely darling.” After we finished our drinks I exited the bar with this stranger in hand, “So you wanted to head back to my place yea? Should be a shortcut through this alleyway.” She cast me a devilish smile while simply nodding in acknowledgement. As we travelled down the alleyway I could feel a knot forming in my stomach; typically I didn’t like venturing into the alleyways of the city as crime was rather high this year. To distract myself I attempted to initiate a conversation with this curious woman. “So miss, I don’t believe I actually got a name from you mine’s Carter” “You may call me Elianor.” “Never heard of an Elianor before where’s that name originate from?” “it’s very old, the name has belonged to my family for generations.” I opened my mouth to ask her something else but, before I could even begin to form my sentence I was slammed into the graffiti filled brick wall of the alley. My heart was racing Elianor and I were now inches away from each other. Her pierced gaze pierced my own as she held me up against the wall with her arm against my neck. Gently Elianor pushed her arm forward closing off my airway I gasped for oxygen however, instead of feeling the air returning to my lungs I was met with Elianor’s lips. She tasted sweeter far sweeter than any candy I could imagine as she shoved her tongue down my throat, a minute passed and she pulled away releasing me. “I didn’t come with you to answer questions now did? Oh how boring that would be, what I had in mind would have been much more enticing.” I knew this woman was dangerous now, yet I had not even the slightest instinct to run. Every nerve in my body wished to only get closer and closer to her, like a fly about to be caught in a spider’s web I was victim to her trap. She took my hand once more motioning for me to guide the way, within another few minutes we had found the back entrance to my apartment building. Stepping inside we took the stairs up to the second floor and walked up to the third floor, I approached my door and searched for my key in my jacket pocket. The cold metal against my fingers was nothing compared to the feeling of Elianor’s hand, it felt as though she had been standing in a freezer for hours. Inside my apartment I pressed my lips against hers as she pushed me past the entryway, kicking the door closed behind her. None of the lights had been turned on but I knew we had to be in the living room, she pushed me off her and I landed on the nearby couch. I thought that this was strange as there was no conceivable way she could’ve known my couch was in front of her it was almost as though she could see through the darkness. Seconds after I had been forced onto the couch I felt Elianor on top of me; she lightly kissed my neck and brought her lips up to my ear before whispering. “you have no idea how much pain I could put you through. Perhaps I should show you the danger your facing.” Before I had a chance to reply I felt her nails at my back, she dragged them down my skin causing it to bleed. The marks stung with an intensity I was unknown to, although I found myself enjoying the thought of being her mercy rather than fearing it. “You’re completely under my control at this point you foolish man, you don’t even realize it.” There was a sharp pain at my neck which seemed to only last for a moment before being replaced with a new feeling; I had begun to feel light headed and cold I could feel hot blood trickling down my neck. It wasn’t long after that when I had lost consciousness completely, when I awoke it was still late at night but I knew I was alone in my apartment. Carefully I stumbled to the bathroom; I fumbled for the light switch until I saw them flicker on. I was shocked to see my reflection in the mirror, dried blood and bite marks surrounded my neck what I found after I washed the blood off was much more disturbing. In the place of where I had felt the sharp pain were two small circular scars; my eyes were different now as well. They had the same look as Elianor’s, my skin was also much paler than it had been the night before. “what in the hell?” Just as I spoke these words I once again noticed a change in my body; I opened my mouth to see that my canines were far sharper and longer than my other teeth. ‘This has to be the work of some kind of drug Elianor put me under.’ I thought to myself. Leaving the bathroom and returning to the living room I saw a note on the coffee table visible due to the crease of light coming from the bathroom. On the note it read:

Carter,

I could’ve killed you if had so chose to however; I feel as though I want to have so more fun with you in the future so I decided to extend your life instead. Although I wouldn’t call you new state of being necessarily alive. You’re just like one of us now, you’ll feel the hunger just like we all do and sooner or later the hunter in you will feed. I wouldn’t suggest starving yourself either, the longer you decide to try and fight the more feral you’ll become. And after I gave you such a nice gift I would rather you not spoil it so early; another wise idea would be not to take more than you need. Most of our kind is ancient, wise, and cunning, but you’re new to this way you won’t survive if you attract attention to yourself. Best of luck to you in your new undeath as a vampyre.

-Elianor

That was how I became one of those devilish creatures of the night. As time passed I learned how to take advantage of the gift Elianor had bestowed upon me. I couldn’t turn myself into a bat or move at super human speed like in all those bullshit films but; I found that I possessed more strength than before I had turned. Not only this but if I focused hard enough while talking I could actually convince people into doing simple tasks such as following me home where I was able to feed. I heeded Elianor’s advice and never took more than what I required to stay sane. When I was finished with my victim; I’d load them into the back of my car and drive them out into the woods where I’d dump them with a map to the nearest gas station. This was my new reality as one of the thousands of stalkers of the living. Everyday I awaited Elianor’s return so that I could ask her what her true reasoning was for turning me that day unfortunately, has yet to come. It doesn’t bother me though thanks to her gift I now have all the time in the world to wait for my lady’s fateful return it was like she said, I’m her knight in armour awaiting her command. -MWM

[tyrantwache]

Based on Completely Incorrect Vampyr Quotes

[tyrantwache]

Based on Completely Incorrect Vampyr Quotes

[tyrantwache]

It’s an accident

Based on Completely incorrect Vampyr quotes

[tyrantwache]

Based on this post

What the hell I’m drawing....?

[tyrantwache]

Based on https://shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said.tumblr.com/post/620186262138142720/geoffrey-im-in-love-with-you-jonathan-youre

by @shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said

[tyrantwache]

“Pleasantly Stormy Weather “ prompt

Modern AU with Geoffrey and Sean?

Update: Forgot to mention from who I get these quotes^^; @shit-the-vampyr-cast-never-said