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poetryfoundation-potd · 2 years

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Autobiography of Thud

By Omotara James

After Donika Kelly

You live in Elmont, New York,

in a small house with a big yard

and gate that doesn’t lock.

Have a best friend

with shiny black hair

called Clarissa, who shares everything

and might be the only person

to smile when she sees you.

You play at her house after school.

She is not as brown or round,

but that doesn’t make her more or less

beautiful than you, just likable.

You take the bus to school Mondays–Fridays,

where you almost always share a seat twice

the width of your womanly hips, unless

someone is sick and no one wants the seat

next to you, where you practice how to leave

your body. You daydream

that your mum doesn’t have to work

and sometimes you’re sure you see her

powder blue car trailing the bus, just out the window.

You don’t wear glasses, but think they look smart.

Can still look people in the eye

when you speak and are spoken to.

Unsupervised adults, busy boys and girls

have things to say about your figure, which

is the word men are most likely to use

when addressing a growing girl. Trauma

isn’t a word you’ve heard anywhere, including

the playground or the tele. Instead, you pick

up pretty junk, like muddy flower barrettes and strange coins.

Your pockets jangle on the bus home with your private

collection. You strew your loves with abandon

across the kitchen counter. Clarissa shines them,

placing them next to the repurposed tin can

on her dresser. Neither one of you knows the word altar

or wears the fancy barrettes to school.

Your mother works overnight. Your father too.

But his Aramis follows her Opium parfum

like the sun does the moon. In the morning,

the near miss of his body seems easier.

You roam like a buffalo through his possessions.

Spritz his cologne. Finger his ties. You could be anyone.

Mom shouts the warning for the bus. Reality

returns to the tongue like dry cud. You trot

through the kitchen to graze in peace, where

you find a different, familiar island gyal.

Every six months, maybe, dad brings one in need

of work before she travels back home. They

watch you and your brother. Closely. Discern that

Trinidad is not your home. You awake to girls

in the shape of women towering over you.

They are as mean as square-cut glass. Get up

for school. They remind you how you are American,

which you learn is a slur for fat. They leave.

They return six months later with mangos,

black rum cake and small parcels. They teach you

fatty-fatty boom-boom is the sound you make

when you walk, when you smile or enter

a room: fatty-fatty boom-boom.

You don’t know how to fight,

but have instincts to protect your brother

against people he won’t remember.

You love him now. Your secret is

that you have usurped his real mother. You play

Candy Land and Monopoly. Your brother

loves money so much that you trade him

pink and blue bills for Halloween candy.

You are aware you like food more

than you’re supposed to. You unwrap the candy

beneath your pillow so the sound doesn’t carry.

It’s summer, finally! You’re officially a second grader.

The first day at camp, your training bra is discovered

by Jessica Rose in the locker room.

Who accuses you of weighing 100 pounds.

Who washes her hair every day,

and smells like flowers before they die.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/159235/autobiography-of-thud

Audio Included

#poetry #poetry foundation #english #african american #Caribbean #fatphobia

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uzumaki-rebellion · 3 years

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“Black Boys Bloom Thorns First: Volume 4, Chapter 10″

youtube

"Are you hearing What He's saying? Are you feeling What you're praying? Are you hearing, praying, feeling What you say inside?

You'd better tell Your story fast And if you lie, yeah It will come to pass"

Stevie Wonder – "Jesus Children of America"

The children wanted to sleep together in one room.

Yani sent for her personal umkhonzi that was at her beck and call to bring up a new bed and place it in the sizeable bedroom that Sydette and Riki shared. Disa did the same thing in her section of the suite by requesting two extra beds. Assuring the other mother that the children were at last asleep after their lunch, Yani checked her kimoyo for Twyla.

Her cousin hadn't returned after the family lunch with the numerous Udaku clan after the ceremony. She was getting worried. Soon enough, her cousin's image floated above her arm.

"I will be back in your quarters soon. I have some news to share with you… in private," Twyla said before winking out.

Yani waited out on her balcony where she had a view of a spectacular mountain. It was the second-largest mountain in Wakanda. An hour passed and Yani began to fret. There was going to be a grand ball that evening to continue the celebration of the children's coronation. She wanted time to nap before dressing up again in another fancy outfit.

Twyla swept into the room.

"Where have you been?" Yani asked.

Twyla grabbed her hand and ushered Yani out onto the balcony. Her face was sweaty, and she was out of breath. She had been down in the crowd during the earlier coronation because she wanted to get a feel for the people up close.

"I think we should leave as soon as possible," Twyla said.

Yani stared deep into her cousin's eyes. She was nervous.

"What did you see?" Yani asked.

"Something's not right. A lot of the Wakandans I was around seemed genuinely happy about Riki and Joba coming into the family… but… Yani… there were some grumblings about T'Challa still. After lunch, I went to a plaza just to hang out and…"

Twyla sucked her teeth.

"Mi no like the vibes I'm gettin'. For reals. It feel like somethin' is bubbling under the surface of this place. We should leave."

Twyla's forehead held deep creases. Yani paced on the balcony.

"They said we could leave whenever we wanted. I think we should go at the end of the week. We have a few more functionary duties to do with the children—"

"The sooner the better, gyal."

"We need to tell Disa this."

Yani tapped her kimoyo. Disa answered quickly and her image popped into view.

"Could you please come to my quarters? The children are still asleep. I need to talk to you about something with Twyla," Yani said.

"On my way," Disa said.

Yani and Twyla walked back into the open floor plan of the living area, and it took only a few minutes for Disa to arrive. Her face was filled with concern.

"Twyla was out in the streets today. She thinks we should leave Wakanda soon—"

"Like yesterday," Twyla said.

Disa's face became neutral.

"What happened? Tell me exactly."

They all sat on the sprawling, smoky gray couch that faced the balcony.

"The energy of the people here, it don't feel right. Mi get this tightness in mi chest while I was out there. I worry that the babies could get caught in some Wakanda bullshit because of King T'Challa. I don't trust him, his mother, and honestly, I don't even know if I trust Shuri. They are offering you two all of this royal stuff, and I admit, it's intoxicating. But in mi gut, sttthh… mi know bullshit when mi see it. Our Auntie Leona taught us that ah eyeful ain' ah bellyful. Things look shiny and pretty 'round here, but there's broken glass underneath."

"We're leaving after the royal obligations. You might want to go back to your home too," Yani said.

Disa closed her eyes.

"I've been thinking about returning to Cambridge next month. T'Challa has offered me a chance to design some housing right on that mountain over there."

She pointed toward the balcony, then clasped her hands in her lap.

It was a little easier to be around her. Yani gazed at Disa's serene face. There was maturity there and a type of grace that Yani wanted for herself one day. Disa always seemed so calm and unfazed by what was happening to them when they were around the Udakus. She was beautiful, too. So smart. Sophisticated. Yani could see why Killmonger wanted her. She probably kept him in check with just a tilt of her head and a flick of her wrist.

"I'm worried," Yani said.

"Are you worried too, Twyla?" Disa asked.

Twyla wrung her own hands in her lap and her eyes darted about.

"I'm cautious. We're safe inside this fortress, but I don't think the two of you should ignore what I felt out there. The people show favor toward Riki and Joba, but what if they demand that we stay if they try to remove T'Challa anyway? It would be better to be gone from this place and let these people work out their own issues. Your work here is done. The children have their titles and they can come back here when they are twenty-one on their own if either of them wants the throne. If this country implodes, at least you two will be away from the fallout. Seen?"

Disa stood up and walked to the balcony. Her eyes were fixed on the mountain.

"Did he offer you a chance to finish your medical education here?"

"Yes," Yani said.

She stood up and walked over to Disa.

"During the pre-lunch mixer. He wants to show me the medical school tomorrow before the royal photographs are taken."

"He offers us both what we want most. Will you go see the school?"

"I want to. It's a chance to see doctors in my field way more advanced than any school on earth."

"It's so fucking tempting," Disa said.

She brushed back a long strand of hair behind her ear.

"Dante wants to stay the entire summer. He wants to be close to Erik's remains. This trip has been hard for him. Processing his grandson's death. His only joy has been meeting you and the children. He'd be heartbroken if you left, Yani. He wants to spend as much time with Sydette and Riki as he can."

"He could come with us to St. Thomas. We have plenty of room for him, and you, if you'd like to come too. Finish out the summer there."

Disa looked at her with surprised eyes.

"You'd want me there?"

Yani sighed.

"We are all connected as a complicated family now. Mr. Dante… Grandpop, has a giant heart. My children love him now as if they'd known him they whole lives. He accepts Sydette as his own blood. I can't change what has happened. We're stuck in this together."

"You mean that?"

Yani nodded.

"You stand up for me. You ask about my welfare whenever you talk to the king. I don't want to fight with you about the past, Disa. Erik did this to us. I want to believe that deep in his heart, he wanted the best for me. He gave me so much to make sure I was taken care of. Bruises are still in my heart, but I want my children happy and safe. That's it. Come with us."

Disa turned to stare at the mountain again.

"I will think about it for me and Joba. But please, when the time is right, talk to Dante."

"I will."

"Twyla, thank you for sharing what you discovered and keeping me in the loop. I'm going to go rest now and then I'll come gather Joba to get ready—"

"Don't worry about that. She can get ready with Sydette here. I had the staff bring her evening attire to me. Sweet Pea likes being the big sister and looking after Joba. You can sleep longer if you want. We'll come to get you when the summons comes."

"Thank you, Yani. I appreciate that."

"See you later."

Disa reached out and patted Yani's arm before she moved out of the house with a lot on her mind.

"What?" Yani said as Twyla stared at her.

"That was nice."

"Well, she did look after the children while I was talking to T'Challa and you were flirting with the king's cousin."

"I was not flirting, I was fishing for information about this family."

"Sure, cuz."

Twyla threw an arm over Yani's shoulder.

"I know it's hard to look at her and think about the life she had with him. She struggles as you do. Disa may seem all cool and easy-going, but I've watched her from the sidelines. She is just as worried about her place in this new life as you. Big nigga was a complex man. But something about him has got the Wakandans that adored his father on edge, hear mi? N'Jobu must've been something else to have this nation ready to scrap for Killmonger the moment he arrived."

Twyla curled her lip.

"I'm surprised you invited her home. That's your special place with Killmonger."

"I don't want Dante to feel like he has to come alone. It would feel weird for him to travel so far by himself. I want him to feel comfortable and I want him to be with his grandchildren longer, too. He's close to her. Loves her…"

Yani glanced behind Twyla.

Joba wandered in, rubbing her eyes. Her hair had been let down, and it fell down to her waist in a big fluffy puff of thick, dark waves.

"Miss Yani, may I have some juice, please?"

The little girl stood in bare feet and wore one of Sydette's nightgowns.

"Yes, you may. Come with me," Yani said.

She took the girl's hand and led her to a tiny kitchenette near a large dumbwaiter that the family could use at night if they wanted more elaborate foods to eat after normal meals. A sophisticated fridge with a dial-up component allowed Yani to type in any kind of beverage she desired and the fridge would pipe in that drink hot or cold.

"What kind of juice would you like, Sunshine?"

Yani paused.

Glancing at Joba's face, the nickname she tossed out reminded Yani of a little one from her past. Star. Sydette's sister died too young.

Joba touched her lip and tilted her chin down.

"Apple."

Yani typed in the words and the fridge dispensed the juice in a cup Yani held under it. She gave it to Joba, and she held it with both hands.

"Is Riki up too?"

"No. He's sleep. Tired."

"Yeah? Been a busy day, huh?"

Joba nodded and finished sipping on her juice.

"Do yuh need the restroom too?"

Joba shook her head and handed the cup back.

"Thank you."

"You are so welcome. Let me know if you want more. I'll be in the living room."

"kay."

Yani walked her back into the children's room and helped her get into her new bed. Riki and Sydette were knocked out like lights. Riki's right arm was tossed over his face, and it reminded her of Erik. She grinned.

"Daddy looks like him," Joba said, watching Yani's face.

Startled, Yani looked at Joba. Her small, sweet face had the biggest brown eyes.

"Yes, he does look like your father."

"He was nice to you, huh?"

Yani grinned and stroked Joba's hair.

"He was very nice to me."

"I'm glad. I get to have a brother and a sister now."

"I'm glad that Riki and Sydette get to have you, too."

Joba smiled widely then.

"Get some sleep. We have a busy night tonight."

"Can I sleep here again?"

"If your mother says yes."

"She will," Joba answered.

"May I give you a kiss?"

"Yes."

Yani leaned down and kissed Joba's forehead.

"Sleep well, Sunshine."

She pressed a button on the wall to darken the glass windows from the bright sun and shuffled out of the room quietly. The ache in her heart pulsed but quieted down faster than it had before. Children were innocent. They didn't ask to come into the world as far as she knew. Yani took comfort in knowing that no matter what, Erik knew how to create wonderful children. Riki and Sydette were blessed to have a little sister like Joba. Maybe healing really could come sooner than later.

She hoped so.

Right now, getting out of the country with Twyla, Erik's children, his ex, and Grandpop were top priorities.

Chapter 11 HERE.

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#Black Boys Bloom Thorns First Volume 4 #Wet Sugar 2 #Killmonger Fanfiction #Killmongerfanfic #Black Panther Fanfiction #Avengers #Captain America #Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #Pantherverse #Uzumaki Rebellion

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pastellyricswallpapers · 7 years

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mysteriouscitiesofgold · 5 years

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MCOG #52 8/18/19

New Release ***

Hour 1

The Comes - Panic - No Side - La Vida Es Un Mus Discos ***

Ill Globo - Streamlined Success - Check The Odds - Aarght ***

UV-TV - Hide - Happy - Deranged ***

Vivian Girls - Sick - Single - Polyvinyl ***

Durul Gence - Black Cat - Single - Finders Keepers ***

Leikeli47 - Bad Gyal Flex - A COLORS SHOW - Single - Hardcover ***

Marie Davidson - Work It (Soulwax Remix) - Single - Ninja Tune ***

Blanck Mass - House vs. House - Animated Violence Mild - Sacred Bones ***

Uniform / The Body - Not Good Enough - Sacred Bones ***

Elyse - Mortuary Bound - S/T - Orange Twin

Omni - Sincerely Yours - Single - Sub Pop ***

The Fabulous Poodles - Mirror Star - Mirror Stars *REQUEST*

Miriam Makeba - Pata Pata - Pata Pata - Strut

Death Valley Girls - Dream Cleaver - Single - Suicide Squeeze ***

Rob - Boogie On - S/T - Analog Africa ***

Mike Epps / Sleepy Brown / Big Boi - We Goin’ Out - Single - Naptown ***

Jonathan Richman - To Hide A Little Thought - You Must Ask The Heart - Rounder

Hour 2

Mano De Obra - Era Un Hombre - Estallar Cassette - Tobi ***

Sleep Eaters - Don’t Sell Your Soul - Holy Days EP ***

Cat Scan - Dirty Movie - In Nature - Volar ***

Skip It Commercial

The Ruts - In A Rut - Single - People Unite *REQUEST*

Dan Friel - Fanfare - Single - Thrill Jockey ***

bootlegbby - Don’t Mind - Polygonic - Aloe City ***

Thigh Master - Mould Lines - Single - Goner ***

BODEGA - Shiny New Model - Single - What’s Your Rupture ***

Grey Poupon / Bustin Loose *REQUEST*

Rachel Dadd - Cut My Roots - Flux - Memphis Industries ***

Joomanji - Bustin Loose - Manj - Request *REQUEST*

Lightning Bolt - Air Conditioning - Single - Thrill Jockey ***

Charlie - Johnny Hold Back - No Second Chance - Polydor *REQUEST*

Enon - Nightmare of Atomic Men - Lost Marbles and Exploded *REQUEST*

Underdog Theme

Ramones - I Can’t Make It On Time - End of the Century - Sire

The Fall - New Face In Hell (Peel Session) - Complete Peel Sessions - Sanctuary

Hour 3

Thee Oh Sees - Face Stabber - Face Stabber - Castle Face ***

Redd Kross - When Do I Get To Sing “My Way” - Single - Merge ***

Carla & The Carkettes - Grooving - YIA Talent Hunt Winners - Big Crown ***

Jim Sullivan - Sandman - If The Evening Were Dawn - Light in the Attic ***

Hammered Hulls - Self Inflicted - S/T - Dischord ***

Gökçen Kaynatan - Cehennem - Cehennem - Finders Keepers ***

Thee Oh Sees - The Experimenter - Face Stabber - Castle Face ***

Garcia Peoples - One Step Beyond (Single Edit) - Single - Beyond Beyond is Beyond ***

Richard Hell - Time - Spurts - Rhino

Nancy Sinatra - Sorry ‘Bout That - How Does That Grab You? - Boots Enterprises

Dorothy Ellis - Drill, Daddy, Drill - Risque Blues Vol 2 - Gusto

NOFX - Fish In A Gun Barrel - Single - Fat Wreck Chords ***

Guillermo Klein - Nos Mirarán Pasar - Los Guachos Cristal - Sunnyside ***

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